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I Thought I Was Doing Great:  A Marine Scout Sniper's Hidden Battle · Veteran Wellness Podcast

• Geovanny Bautista: I never acknowledged anything was wrong with me. And it progressively got worse, progressively got worse to the point where I was like, seriously drinking a lot. it wasn't in my head, it wasn't n had nothing to do with the Marine Corps in my head. I was just like, in my head, this is just what guys do. It's like you you know, you do your house of have a blue collar job, so, you know, get off, have a have a few beers, go home, do it as do whatever it is that I was doing, drink more beers. And I was justifying it because I was still showing up to work every day. in my mind, I was like, I'm doing fucking great, you know, when in all reality I was two different people, you know, completely two different people. ERIK: Geo. Good morning, Geo. Geovanny Bautista: Good morning, Eric. ERIK: How's the Marines treating you today? Geovanny Bautista: you know, here and there. A little little coloring ERIK: Yeah, right. Geovanny Bautista: here, a little drawing there. ERIK: Yeah, well, I wish you would have brought your coloring book, I got you. I mean, I thought it was a very thoughtful gift. And you would get Geovanny Bautista: It's about twenty five percent done. ERIK: That's awesome though. So what are we gonna get into? We're getting your your background a little bit, and I want to hear about your Dame Bramage. You're probably too young to remember that Saturday Night Live skit where the football player had dame Brammage. But that's that's how I always remember it now. Geovanny Bautista: Too young, man. ERIK: Jacks me up. and then we'll go into some of the modalities, you know, we met down in Mexico, that Ibigaine deal. But I'll Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. ERIK: let you just get started on who you are and where you're from. Geovanny Bautista: Sure. So I was born in Ecuador in 1990. My parents immigrated to the United States. I came to Queens, New York in 1995. grew up in Elmhurst area, kind of like the the melting pot of of the city, you know. So there was all sorts of different cultures and environments around me. Once I think it was right before nine eleven. I can't remember exact month, but we had moved down to Florida. Then nine eleven happened and we saw it on TV. My dad was still, you know, back and forth. So he was in this I believe he was in the city when it happened and you know that was like a whole impact on my childhood. went to high school in plantation, Florida, graduated at 17 and immediately joined the Marine Corps. So the way it happened was it was like, I don't know if you remember this, well you probably do remember this, but the in 2008, like the market crashed and there was like ERIK: yeah. Geovanny Bautista: this big scare. And I was actually starting college and then you know my dad lost everything. He lost his business, lost everything. He was like, hey, listen, I could still put you to school, but you know, try try to figure out how we're gonna do this. And out of nowhere I was like, man, I should join the Marine Corps, because they'll pay for school. It'll be awesome. You know? So and I wasn't like I didn't really watch any like war movies or anything like that. The the the really one war movie that stuck out to me was Rambo, you know? And that's like what I had in ERIK: He wasn't a Marine. Geovanny Bautista: my head. Yeah, he he so and and sniper. the the movie sniper but they're old like Vietnam you know what I mean there was no GWAT at the time it was all like Vietnam type movies so I was like or GWAT was just like in the beginning stages you know I went to the recruiter and I was like hey listen I wanna go in the infantry I want to be a sniper and he was like Alright, we'll send you in like September or October, whatever the date was. And I was like, no, no, listen, man, like if you don't send me within the next couple weeks, I'm not joining. So he within a week, man, I had everything signed off. My parents signed off because I was underage at the time and I wasn't a citizen. I was a permanent resident. So there was like a whole different aspect. And I joined, man. I got to boot camp 2008, got to the fleet two thousand. nine, I believe, and you know, I was in I was in a regular infantry unit, regular dude, doing regular shit, you know. And the opportunity came up to do the selection to be in the Scout Sniper Platoon. And I remember it was a huge selection. There was like, you know, maybe a hundred guys there and and I remember I was the youngest guy. I had no previous experience. No, no Like like nothing that would draw me in that they would be like, we need that guy, you know? Just a regular ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: guy. So I did the selection. I think six or seven of us made it. They selected five of us and then you know, we did the workup. next thing you know, man, 2010, so a couple months later, I was in Afghan, January. We deployed January 2010. And I was in an eight man team, youngest guy in the team. And we started, you know, running operations, you know, from now my perspective was completely changed from, you know, going to the a regular infantry unit now. You know, you're you're in a different environment, different guys. It was to and and actually during the first couple of weeks of that deployment is when I really got to meet and kind of know the guys in my team. Because before that we had we were all scattered, you know, everybody was at a different school, everybody was doing something different. So, you know. got to see the push through Marja from a different perspective, you know. And one thing that stuck out to me was, you know, once we started running missions and we started integrating with the unit that we were supporting, it was crazy to me to see how different the environment was from like regular infantry guys to just a sniper platoon, you know, or sniper team. And just the level the it ERIK: Explain that. Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: to me It wa like it was more big picture. Like we were there, you know, running missions to complete an objective, right? Like we knew kind of like what how we had to guide this war. But to a regular infantry unit, that didn't matter. It was all that mattered to them was making it through the day, making it through that patrol. You know what I mean? They weren't thinking big picture. They were thinking, I need to clear this house and then I have to go clear that house. You know what I mean? ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: Like the perspective was a lot different. And I remember that was a big biggest difference I saw. I was like, shit. And you know, to their credit, they were doing some of the shit blind sometimes. Like they they didn't really get the intel that that we got, you know, or they didn't re it was like they were almost blindsided by a lot of the pushing forward, pushing forward, like, hey, you guys have to get to this grid line, you guys gotta do this and do that. And it was a really kinetic deployment. Like we ran I th I think it was like a little A little under or a little over a hundred missions in a sniper team. And that also incorporate we, you know, if Mars is a different animal. Half of it is like the jungle. ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: Like you wouldn't expect, like we we thought, you know, we were going to Afghans, all gonna be mountain warfare. Nah, man, it was like you're in the bush for the majority of the time in the city. And then it opened up. There was like urban areas, there were city areas. It was very diverse, you know. So our tactics kind of ERIK: Well that was the time we we pretty much told we were coming in a month and don't be there. How'd that work out? Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. man, it was I remember when we got there, we had the guy that was in charge of our platoon was a gunny at the time, you know, and every information bit of information that he got, he came to us and kind of like told us, Hey, you know, this is what's going on. And we were like, When we heard that, we were like, wait a second, they're doing what? He was ERIK: Huh. Geovanny Bautista: like, Yeah, man, they're dropping letters off. He was like telling the Taliban to be there and be there on this date, that's when we're going to invade. I remember thinking like, that's a terrible idea. Yeah. ERIK: Yeah. What could go wrong, huh? Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. Yeah. But I mean I it I guess it worked out. You know, we cleared it, but it was a pretty kinetic environment. ERIK: Yeah, but they had so much so many ambushes and IEDs set up, it was criminal. 'Cause I had some friends Geovanny Bautista: yeah. Yeah, so that ERIK: on on the marine infantry side and they got hammered hard. And Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. ERIK: they're limping and they're missing appendages and they have new eyeballs. Yeah. It was moronic. Geovanny Bautista: yeah. You know, as a as and which was crazy. We were the so we were the main reconnaissance element for Third Battalion, Six Marines. So at the time we had three teams of eight. So three eight man teams. And that's what we were rolling with. There was one six and I believe three eight. So there was three units total that did the push through Marja. And you know, so That's you're talking nine sniper teams, nine real reconnaissance elements for the regular infantry. And it's like you're taxing those guys. So the op tempo was ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: crazy. There was no replacement. There was no like, okay, I'm gonna take you know, we we ran this mission. We're meeting up at a patrol base or or even just a an open area with the trucks getting batteries, getting food, getting water, and then just stepping off that night. You know what I mean? There was no like no breaks, right? which at the beginning was it was, you know, for me being a new guy, it was awesome because I got to experience a lot, you know, I got to learn a lot. But you give it a couple weeks, man, that your your brain is fried, man. I remember being like, fuck, like, like I gotta do something to stay awake, you know. ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: smoke checked, man. So once we started getting closer to the city around February, we had just came back from a mission. There were still no patrol bases. So it was all like vehicles. Like vehicles were set up in a in a circle. And inside of the circle were the squads that were resting, refueling, whatever it is that they were doing. So we and it was cold, man. It was fucking real cold. So me and a teammate were like, hey, let's let's let's get some sleep in one of the vehicles. So we, you know, knocked on one of the vehicles. there was a lieutenant in there, Lieutenant Jeff Cote. He had a driver, a turret gunner, and we're like, hey man, can we sleep in the back? And he was like, Yeah. He was like, Let me crank the heat up. No problem. So me and my team leader go to, you know, we're sleeping in the back of this fucking vehicle, you know, really safe, no gear, no nothing. You know, we were just resting. And the turret gunner, I guess, needed to get eyes on something, you know. So he woke everybody up in the vehicle and they were like, Hey, listen, we're moving up two feet. just to get eyes on whatever it is that they were doing. We were like, all right, no problem. And I I remember I just like laid my head down and then boom hit a 40 pounder right then and there, man. ERIK: Mm. Geovanny Bautista: No warning, no not like it was just your body just gets fucked up, you know? Hit my head, you know. Everything was like it's like in the movies. Like it was just like like a high pitched sound, couldn't see, couldn't Couldn't really think and I don't really remember most of it. I do remember the vehicle being at such an angle that we just couldn't get the back doors open. And so we were stuck in that thing for for a while. And finally, you know, they got us out. they did the Medavax, some of the guys left, my my team teammate and I, we were like it was like, All right, if we leave now, there goes the deployment. Do you know what I mean? Like there goes your sniper team, there goes your reconnaissance element for Lima Company and your pretty much screwed for you know for you're screwing the guys there, you know, the the 300 guys that are really depending on you to do the reconnaissance for this. And then So we I was like, all right, listen, I'm banged up. You know, let's just rest a little bit and we'll go on the mission. He was like, yeah, no problem. And and that was it, man. We we kept ERIK: Wow. Geovanny Bautista: we kept going, we kept running missions. And I remember just having like these really, really debilitating headaches. And like of course, like ERIK: Really? Where'd that come from? Geovanny Bautista: like you know, you're in this environment where you remove your sense of self, you know, you're you're ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: you're you're really doing it for everybody else, you know. So a lot of a lot of my motivation to just keep going through the day was like, all right, well, it's not about me, it's about everybody else. So I kind of talked my way out of like even just showing the the little the slightest bit. of of of pain, you know what I mean? So you you hold all this shit in, you keep going. You know, we kept running missions, kept running missions, and there was a lot of other symptoms like sensitivity to light, like irregularity and sleep. You know, there were so many signs that you just completely ignore, you know, and I'm sure I wasn't the only one. You know what I mean? I'm sure there's a lot of guys doing the same shit. And and you know we we get we get through the the push phase, you know. And and then I really started seeing the effects of combat on the units, you know, and even within my own team. dur once we we got to a stage where we were cleared most of the city. So we were going back from our ORP or our base that we little patrol base that we were running out of and going to a big main base to do like I forget what what we were doing, but maybe resupply or whatever it is that we were doing. we get through like towards the end of that patrol, and our sawgunners he he's just like he just quit right then and there. He looked at everybody and was like, Listen, I can't do this anymore. I'm a non-combatant. And we were all like, dude, you can't that's not how it works, you know. You can't be a non-combatant in this type of environment. And and he was like, All right, you I'll push through this, but I'm I'm done after this. So and and we you know, we were in firefights through that patrol getting back to the base. Finally get to the base. It's like nighttime, and and we have to call in a Medevac for for a mental health, you know. And ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: it went just about as good as you thought it would. You know, my team leader was pissed, everybody was pissed, and like you know, it's it's a that was the first time that I saw mental health like really affect somebody and and to his Credit man, we were running a crack crazy amount of missions. It was crazy. And he just couldn't do it anymore. So we went from an eight-man team to a seven-man team. And we kept going. And then you know, after that, I really kind of made it a point in my head to like not ask for help. I'm like, after seeing that, you know, you're like, all right, well, I guess ERIK: yeah. Geovanny Bautista: I'm never asking for help again, you know. And you kind of make that. your truth, you know. And it's a typical Marine Corps, like macho man type thing. Like you're you're an independent operator, you're you're this badass dude, you know, you gotta be a certain way and think a certain thing and show zero vulnerability. And that kind of stuck with me from there, you know. we get back to the states, you know. I didn't really get seen for anything. You know, they you do the questionnaires, and I I was just like, yeah, whatever, I'm good. I'm just gonna keep rolling. So now I go to sniper school. I go to sniper school and I have this big like ego in me. And I'm like been there, done that, like there's nothing that they could teach me that I haven't seen or done, you know, and I'm going through the motions and and we were doing we were right at the end of. KD or UKD, I can't remember what it was, but it was something to where it was a graded event, a graded shooting event. And everybody was gonna pass this event anyway. So I marked a hit instead of a miss for one of the guys that was shooting. I don't know who was shooting, you know, you don't know. And I get caught dude. I'll never forget it. He was like, What the fuck are you doing? And I got I got kind of caught. I immediately I was like, all right, listen, I just that's my bad. I just I marked a hit instead of a miss. This guy's gonna pass anyway. And he was like, Well, that's an integrity violation. You're getting dropped immediately. That day I got dropped. And I remember thinking, like, dude, this doesn't even matter. Like, you know, we're I had such a hubris about me that that it didn't even phase me. You know what I mean? I made it a point to not like i in my mind they were in the wrong, you know, for not letting me go through or at least finishing out the course. Of course, you know, as a stupid kid, I made a mistake, get back to the unit. And luckily he went to bat for me, went to the schoolhouse, and I got a recommendation to come back. And at the time that was like unheard of, ERIK: Mm-hmm. Geovanny Bautista: you know, guys were getting dropped left and right for other little petty reasons. Nobody was getting the chance to go back for something like that. So I I took that as my second chance, you know what I mean? And really, really humbled me to to the core, you know. had to earn my trust, earn earn my way back into the not just the team but the platoon and then everybody else. And and you know, after that, it's like, okay, now I really can't do anything wrong here. Boom. I held my help my held myself to a an extreme standard, right? Almost you know, any little bit of failure that I went through, it to me it was like life or death. So ERIK: No. Geovanny Bautista: the negative self talk pretty much started right then and there, you know. You're not worthy, you're not ready to do this, you know, you you have to, you know, every little thing that I did wrong, I just like really negative self-talk towards myself. And at the time I didn't really like, I wasn't really thinking about it like that way, you know. I was just kind of going through. So do one more deployment. And sure enough, we end up right back in Marsh. And the second time, so this was only six months in between, right? So we get there, we rip out with the unit. immediately the first rip mission that we did, there was like a firefight and one of the Marines got shot in the in the cheek, I believe, s somewhere on along the face area. And right then and there, you know, we started running missions and started getting into trying to figure out who this guy was, where they you know, where where can we find this guy? And we were hunting him down. We go on a mission. It like I it was one of the very first missions of that deployment. we were in the second story. You know, we were sh we were looking through these little murder holes, these little like three inch holes on the side of the building. And out of nowhere, this is like the second or third day. and boom, we take fire. Building gets shot at. We were like, shit. And it was the wall right behind me. So I'm the wall that I'm my back is against got Fucking hit like three or four times. I can't remember what what it was. And everybody kind of froze. We looked at each other. I kind of turned around. Now I'm trying to look through this murder hole with my with my gun. And I got the shit cannoned. You know what I mean? It's like a hole, it's like really unstable. And I I was just trying to see. I was trying to figure out what the fuck was out there, you know. As I'm scanning left and right, I see this fucking dog. And I was like, shit. And it was a big Afghan dog, but it had a collar. Like it was really strange. I was like, shit, I've never really seen that before, you know? So and I keep panning. And my team leader was behind me now because I'm, you know, I'm facing the other way. And boom, he shoots the dog. Dog goes down behind this little mound. as soon as the dog goes down, now mind you, I'm candid. I can't I can't really like make out faces or nothing. But there was like this little old ruined wall on the other side of the canal, maybe like 50 yards, if that. And on the other side of it, ERIK: Wow. Geovanny Bautista: guy pops up with an AK pointed right at us. He he takes the the the burst and I take six rounds as fast as I can. He drops the gun and takes off. I turn around, I tell my team leader, I'm like, yo, I fucking I missed him, dude. I missed him, I missed him, and I we run downstairs. He to his credit, he grabbed me and he was like, yo, we gotta stay here, call for QRF because he could be baiting us, you know. I ERIK: Mm-hmm. Geovanny Bautista: was like, okay. We go now, a unit comes in, we do like a BDA, they do their like investigation and stuff. I go, we go to the body and I grab the wallet. And as as I'm going through it, I see an ID that says ISC police or like A ALP police, like local police guy. And and my heart fucking drops. I'm like, holy fuck. I'm like, dude, I killed the wrong fucking guy. And now immediately that was like the first time I ever had a panic attack in my life. It was just like immediate. And you know, my team leader was like, Yo, you're gonna ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: be all right, don't worry about it. We'll get back. You know, we get back, they do their investigation, then And it turns out that this guy had gotten well what was told to me was this guy was part of a program that took former Taliban members and made them local police officers in order to pretty much dissolve all of their war crimes, you know, and to kind of put them back ERIK: wow. Geovanny Bautista: into like the society in in a in a sense. So, you know, there is that yeah, he he was he ultimately he was a Taliban dude, you know. But still, man, like when when something like that happens to you and you you think that you killed the wrong guy, that shit stays with you forever. And that ERIK: Yeah, but you thought you missed him, but you still got him or what? Geovanny Bautista: Yeah, yeah. So because I I was shooting five five six, you know, he he he ERIK: Okay. Geovanny Bautista: he was still breathing as he as he ran and he had died like not not really much farther down the down that compound. But dude, that that fucked me up for a long time, man. And I once again I get back from that deployment, everything's all good. I'm like, all right, let's let's go back. You know, l I want to keep keep rolling, keep going in a team. we do a third deployment to it was a it was a Japan, it was I forget what they call it, UDP. And it was about the worst timing that the Marine Corps could have had. He just took a group of dudes that went to back to back combat deployments and you put them in the middle of Japan with unlimited booze, you know? What could go wrong? dude. ERIK: yeah. Japanese love the marine corps. Geovanny Bautista: So that was that turned into like a booze fest. you know, drinking every day, working out every day. It was like to us, that was like, man, this is the vacation that we needed. But we didn't really see how bad it was affecting us, you know. So we come back from that. And now at this point, my hearing is shot. I can't hear a fucking thing. You know what I mean? And it really started after first appointment, but I kind of waited a long as long as I could. To finally go get seen. I go to the doctor, and they're like, Hey, you're gonna need hearing aids. And the audiologist was like, Well, let's just do an MRI just in case anything is pressing on the nerve, you know what I mean? And she kind of like asked me the history, you know, and I was like, Yeah, it had TBI, you know, I've been blown up. And it's it and we'll talk about TBI in a in a little bit further, but it really doesn't take that, you know. It doesn't take you to be unconscious to get it. It could be out of, you know, just shooting 50 cal rounds all day, you know. ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: So at the time I told her, you know, what I was doing, what my job was, and how it was affecting me physically. And she was like, Yeah, let's let the MRI's a good idea. Let's do it. I was like, All right. So I do the MRI and I go to get my results and the guy's like, Hey, listen, don't pick up anything. bigger than five pounds, try not to do anything for the next couple of weeks, you're gonna need to go into brain surgery. I was like, what? And ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: they were like they were like, yeah, we found an AVM in the back of your head. It's an arterial ERIK: What's that? Geovanny Bautista: venous malformation. They were like, you were probably born with it, but because of your TBI and the situation that you've been in, you've act definitely aggravated. Aggravated it, and there's a potential that it could rupture, and then it's really bad. You're basically ERIK: Mm. Geovanny Bautista: your life is done. And I was like, and this is at the naval hospital in North Carolina, and I was like, okay, I'll I'll think I'll get a second opinion, you know. I'm not having brain ERIK: Yeah, no kidding. Geovanny Bautista: surgery at the naval hospital, you know. So actually that day, you've met Eddie before. Eddie was with me. So I I get in the truck and I'm like, you know, I'm driving in. He's Googling, I'm like, Google who the best neurosurgeon is on the East Coast. He Googles it, we get the number, you know, I call her, I get an appointment, I you know, I get seen, and sure enough, she said the same thing. She was like, Hey, listen, you you're the the risk for rupture is extremely high. She was like, honestly, it's surprising that it hasn't happened already with everything that has happened to your brain, you know, all the blows and everything. And she was like, We're gonna go into surgery within the next couple weeks. You know, and and that was that. I was there was really no choice to be made, right? And at that point I was like, okay. You know, she was very optimistic. So she was like, You're gonna be fine, you you're gonna go right back to the fleet, it's gonna be, you know, you're in and out, basically. This is invasive brain surgery. She was ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: she was real trying to be really nice about it as as it could be, right? So of course the day comes, my wife was there, my mom was there, it was like a twenty I wanna say all all in, it was like a twenty hour surgery. I come out and I I don't remember any of this. I c I come out of the you know, in and out of the brain ICU out of out of UNC, North Carolina, and they're excellent. They flew in a German dude to like do a part of the procedure. Like they they did everything they could to make sure that this went right. And it did, you know. And I was very lucky and I got done with the surgery and and And you know the recovery, I was like, what's the recovery like? And what am I gonna be like what am I looking at? Like what what what are gonna be my debilitating effects and what what can I do from now on? And she was like, Well, honestly, she's like, You're gonna have no restrictions, you could still do your job and everything. She was like, but you gotta take it slow and you gotta do it the right way. Of course I was like, all right, no problem. I get back to the house and and man, after brain surgery, dude, that that is The lowest point of my life, like 100%. Because it is like the only way I can describe it is like, you know how you get like blackout drunk and you have like these moments of clarity? It's like that, but ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: 24-7 for weeks at a time. So you have like these moments ERIK: wow. Geovanny Bautista: of clarity where you're like, shit, I'm in my living room, I'm with my family, and then boom, black. And then boom, you come back, and then boom, black. For weeks, man. And I remember I would like or my wife is telling me, you know, and everybody that was with me, they're like, sometimes you would just stand up to go to the bathroom, forget what you were doing, and sit back down. You know, it was like that that type of like impact ERIK: Wow. Geovanny Bautista: that it creates on your on your on your body, you know. So after a while, you know, I I was able to finally walk. to my neighbor's house, which he lived across the street. He was another sniper with us in in our team actually. And I would go to his house and then walk back and he would kind of take care of me, you know what I mean? Like make sure that I wasn't just walking right into traffic. So my main thing was just to try to stay walking. As long as I could walk and as long as I could move, I'm gonna be all right, you know. But it took months, like two months I would say, just for me to get back to being able to walk around the block. hold a conversation without really going off on a tangent or completely forgetting what the conversation was about. You know, it was it was very, very ERIK: Wow. Geovanny Bautista: hard. And at that point, they were getting ready to medically separate me. And rightfully so. ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: And I remember at that point I had read this book called Fearless about Adam Brown. And he was a Navy SEAL and he had one eye, you know, going through sniper school. He had all of these adversities. He was a drug addict. He had everything gone wrong to him in his life. And he still did the best that he could. You know, I read that and I was like, I'm not done yet. You know what I mean? This ERIK: Mm. Geovanny Bautista: I I can't be done in the Marine Corps. I can't, I gotta I gotta keep going, you know, I gotta go back. And sure enough, man, within like a couple of months later, I was right back at it, got back to the unit. you know, I had to go through a whole thing to even just be operational again. I mean, you know how it is, like you like there's ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: certain things that you have to do. So I got back at it, but I was bottom of the totem pole. Like you're you're no longer this like competing against all the best dudes there. Now you're like barely making it. And ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: So that was new to me. And I was like, all right, I could live with this, you know. I could be bottom of the totem pool and just and still be in this in a sniper team, you know. Like what that's ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: that was the best for me, you know. At least I made it there, yeah, in in hindsight with all the shit that I went through. so I go back and I go. This is my third time at sniper school now. If and and sniper school If you don't know how a sniper team runs, like some guys are school trained and some guys aren't. The guys that aren't are called pigs, they're professionally instructed gunmen. The guys that are school trained are called hogs, hunters of gunmen. So at the time it was like for me, it was more of bragging rights because I'd already operated in a team, you know, I I was a team leader. I I knew how all these things went. And I was like, you know what? I'm gonna go back to sniper school. And got the opportunity to go back and actually me and Eddie were were sch the teammates and we went to school and we passed. It was like at the time it was 80% attrition rate school. And I was I graduated high stalker, high shooter, and at the time my brain was still fusing together. The fusion process hadn't ended. Yeah. You know? So yeah, I got done with that and did one more deployment. And during that deployment that Mew It was a Middle Eastern deployment. So I I I really was not the best dude in in the platoon and I recognized that and I was like, fuck. I'm like, you know, if we go to war for real, like I'm probably gonna be a liability. I couldn't fucking hear out of my left ear, my back was going out, I could b barely you know, do the calculations to to put my dope on the gun just to shoot, you know. ERIK: Mm-hmm. Geovanny Bautista: And I got back from that deployment, I was like, All right. Time for me to do something else. This isn't, you know, it's not for me anymore. It's not in the cards anymore for me. And I've already accomplished what I wanted to accomplish, you know. So I get out 2016, a month before I get out, my son was born. So that really solidified the decision for me because I I wanted to be there, you know. I didn't want to be on a deployment. I didn't want to fucking, I don't want to be gone, you know. So ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: I had my son, got out, and I was able before I got out, I was able to do a veterans and piping program, which is a welding program. So it got me into the union here in New York City. And I got out, I think June 20th, July 1st, I was I was working. I was in my very first job. So it was a quick transition. There was no real time to dwell on anything. It was like that part of my life was over. And now I'm learning this whole new skill. And I was an apprentice. and immediately I s I I started to really control my life and put as much things that I could do as possible. So I was I also enrolled in college, I was doing college at night, working full-time, you know, I was trying to stay as busy as I could to be able to make that transition smooth and easy. In my head, I was like, well, the more I the more I can. Do now, it's almost like the eight years that I spent in the military now don't really affect me because I'm gaining it, I'm gaining that time back. In my mind, I was behind eight years in the civilian world. That's ERIK: Mm. Geovanny Bautista: what that's what I was thinking, yeah. ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: So I had to make that up somehow. so I immersed myself in work and school. and for for the first couple of years, you know, I was so sucked into school and work and and and my life and that. And it really it was a good transition. In my mind, I was like, fuck, I did it. You know, there was no remnants of the Marine Corps. There was it was like a a past life, like something that I did once that was cool, you know. ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: And then as things slowed down as as life is, you know, you start to dwell on shit, you know. And for me it was very subtle, like it the the beginning stages of my Post-traumatic stress was were real subtle. Like, I remember I was on the train, it was the very first time it happened. I was on a train and it was really fucking packed. And it and it just started getting more packed and more packed. And I'm in New York City. And now I'm like, holy fuck, I'm claustrophobic. I'm like, I gotta get the fuck out. I just got out. I didn't know what stop I was at. I got out and I fucking went right to the street, you know. And I was like, as ERIK: Mm. Geovanny Bautista: soon as I got to the street, I started breathing, you know. And it was like, all right, that was weird. You know, I guess that's the last time I'm taking the train. You know? And you start you there are very subtle things that happen, you know. I started getting these these night terrors, these dreams. ERIK: wow. Geovanny Bautista: and and like I said, it was like when they would happen, I would wake up and I wouldn't want to like wake up my wife, and I would just kind of like, shit, you know, kind of blow it off. Like, all right, like that was weird, but whatever, I'm just gonna keep going. You know what I mean? I did, I didn't. And I was not acknowledging it at all. I was trying to completely ignore these symptoms, you know. And they got progressively worse, progressively worse to the point where it felt like I was living two different lives, you know. There's this ERIK: Wow. Geovanny Bautista: picture of you that is like a success. You know what I mean? You're you're at a good job, you're you're making good money, you're you're doing all of the things that society tells you is a picture of success, you know. ERIK: Mm-hmm. Geovanny Bautista: And that's the that's the the face that we show everybody. That's the face that that I showed everybody, you know what I mean? And and even with with teammates, you know, they would call and ask and I'd be like, yeah, I'm doing great, you know, I'm got this going, I got that going, ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: you know, it's it's you know, it's all working out, you know. And and I never acknowledged anything was wrong with me. And it progressively got worse, progressively got worse to the point where I was like, seriously drinking a lot. Like every day I was drinking. And it wasn't in my head, it wasn't n had nothing to do with the Marine Corps in my head. I was just like, in my head, this is just what guys do. It's like you you know, you do your house of have a blue collar job, so, you know, get off, have a have a few beers, go home, do it as do whatever it is that I was doing, drink more beers. And I was justifying it because I was still showing up to work every day. And I was, ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: you know, still performing at at a good performance at work. So in my mind, I was like, I'm doing fucking great, you know, when in all reality I was two different people, you know, completely two different people. And eventually, eventually like the the thought of suicide came to mind. And it wasn't, like I said, it wasn't like it hits you in the face. It was very subtle. Like it came like I remember it came to mind once and I was like, shit. I was like, The first thing I did was like, I gotta get life insurance policies. Like, gotta do it. Like for some reason, in my mind, if I got life insurance policies on myself and any nothing, you know, worst case scenario, my my family would be okay, you know? And I started really distancing myself from my family in in an emotional way. You know, I mean, I was ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: still showing up, you know, to baseball games, soccer games for my kids. I was still Taking my w my family out to lunch, out to dinner. But in my in the back of my mind, I was fucking somewhere else, you know? And I was I didn't know there was no resources. It's not it's not that there was no resources, it's that I didn't want to acknowledge it and I didn't want to ask for help. That's what it was. You know what I mean? My ERIK: Yeah. Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: ego was just like, you better fucking fix this yourself. You know what I mean? There's there's nobody that could fist fix this except for you. And the fact that I was able to just recognize it. I think that was like the biggest thing for me, you know? And actually at that point I I called a friend of mine and and he was like, Well, go to the VA, get help from them, you know. He was like, try to start therapy there. He was like, and then go do the Ibegain. He's like, the Ibegain like a one and done type thing. He was like, You're there for a week, you come out and a different person. And I was like, Yeah, all right. At that point I was like, all right, I I gotta do something different. I re I really do. But I didn't want to commit to the everyday practices. I didn't want to commit to ERIK: Mm. Geovanny Bautista: doing the diets, doing the mindfulness, doing the meditation, doing, you know, all of the things that all of the resources tell you to do. I didn't want to do it. So I'm like, fuck it, I'll I'm gonna try this. I'm gonna try the I begin and see how it works out. And that's where I met you. And ERIK: Yeah. That was interesting. I just sat and watched all the youngsters be nervous and and talk like, you know, six year olds. Geovanny Bautista: yeah. It was intimidating, man. Like and you know, I I didn't at the time I was still hadn't acknowledged any trauma from the military. Still in my mind I was like, This is probably, you know, from my brain surgery. This is probably you know, I made every excuse in the book. I didn't I didn't want to admit that I had anything wrong with me. And sure enough when I get there and I had done Little fucking research, Eric. When I tell you little research, I mean my ERIK: Me too. Geovanny Bautista: I my buddy was just like, just go there, you'll be fine, and then you'll come out fine. Like I had no idea that it was a psychedelic. I had no idea of what the background was. I remember the first day we were there, we were watching that video of of how they do it in the tribes and in Africa, and then the the first thing I thought of was like, Fuck, did I fuck up right here? Like, am I going to hell for doing this? You know, I was born I was brought up very Catholic, you know. My ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: uncle's a priest, I was like, fuck, man, the whole time I'm thinking, damn, this is like I'm really fucking up my soul life here, you know. And but but whatever. And and then the the I don't know if you remember, but when we actually went to go do the I bagade, it hit everybody else except for me. And another kid. So ERIK: Yeah, I rem yeah, you mentioned that. I didn't notice that, but you said it later. Geovanny Bautista: I remember I was sitting next to you and I was like, I gotta sit next to Eric 'cause, you know, he's my safety net. If anything happens, ERIK: Mm-hmm. Geovanny Bautista: I'm gonna wake his ass up. So everybody lays down and it's me and the other kid. I f I forget the kid's name. so the lady comes by and she's like, Hey, do you want a booster? And I was like, Yeah, I'll take a booster. Sh she was like, 'cause it's been two hours, she's like, go down take a walk downstairs and back upstairs. ERIK: Two hours. Geovanny Bautista: And nothing has happened to me. So I'm Sitting in front of the mirror, I'm shaking the thing. I'm like, come on, I begin. And everybody else is are, you know, people are purging, guys are screaming, you know, it was and the fucking music was just like, God, you know, it was like, I was just like, what is going on? And dude, I'm looking in the mirror, you know, shaking the thing. And she's about to come with the with the booster or whatever, and I'm looking in the mirror, dude. And my face is just gone. Like, no face. And then immediately, like my it was like someone took my brain and threw it into an electromagnetic field. And that to me opened my eyes because it was such it was it was nothing new. It was something that brought me back to my brain surgery. Like immediately, like boom. And I was ERIK: Mm. Geovanny Bautista: like, shit, that's exactly how I felt when I had my brain surgery. The lady comes with the booster, I'm like, I don't need it. I don't need it. Put the blindfolds on and lay down, dude. And that experience, man, r was really deep for me. And it was, you know, it was scary, but it was beautiful. And I got done with it. And and you you know, everybody's like doing their the next day everybody's resting, but I couldn't go to sleep. I I I was just like still shaking, like my whole body. my motor skills were not there yet. I couldn't couldn't really move. And I forget the the lady's name, our host, she was with me the whole time. She was like, I couldn't even get up to Pierre. Like I I I w my body was shaking. And she was like, Wow, wow, this like medicine really is like affecting you. She's like trying to explain that everything's getting rewired. And I was like, I ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: I hope so because it, you know, I've been rewired before and ERIK: Ha ha ha ha. Geovanny Bautista: I hope this is the this is the end, you know. And dude, it it took me weeks after the IB gain. Like I would still get shakes like at work or like when I woke up. I c I ERIK: Yeah, you mentioned that. Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: it couldn't it didn't stop for weeks, you know. And I believe that that was the medicine really working and doing its thing to reorganize whatever it is in my brain that was fucked up, you know. One hundred percent. Like it like You know, these these little things that were happening before aren't happening now, you know? And so the the next day or maybe the following day we go to do the five MEO. And now once again, I was like, wait a second, so you die during this? You know, and because they were talk we were talking about it in that little circle, and they're like, Yeah, it's a de if it's a death experience. And I was like, What? Fuck, dude, now I'm freaking the fuck out. You know, I had just had this crazy IBG experience. I remember you you had to talk me up. It 'cause I was like, dude, I don't know if I want to do this. And you were like, you ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: gotta do it, man. It's good for you. And I'm so grateful that I did, you know. Cha changed me, you know, that was a cherry on top for me. after that, I got back and that's when The real work started, you know. And I realized that, you know, without the medicine, I could have done it 100%. You you could set up a schedule and do all of these little things every day to make your life a little bit better. 100% I could have done it. But it was the push that I needed, you know. I wouldn't have done that had I not hit that low, you know. And I you know. That year I was really working on getting myself better. And the first step was going to see a therapist. So I I was able to find a good therapist and and I started there and then I started doing these little practices and eventually it just became part of my life, you know. and you have to do the work because that's the work is really what makes it or breaks it for everybody. It's IBegain and and Five MEO, the the Ambio experience isn't a one and done thing, you know. It's it it's ERIK: no. Geovanny Bautista: it's very much the beginning, you know, for ERIK: Yeah, but Gio, a lot of people think it is, you know, and Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. ERIK: like, you know, you didn't know what Ibogaine was. I half assed knew what it was because I was I was writing the reference book and I didn't have it in there 'cause I didn't have any of the psychedelics in there 'cause I didn't know about I didn't understand I'd done ayahuasca previously. But then when I got into the Ibigain, I'm like, This is a brain repair, a neuro regenerative, you know, medicine. I because they're not all for everything. they they are they're Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. ERIK: specific to certain issues, you know. And I begin, as you said, you know it felt like you're an electromagnet. Yeah, I remember the the I thought they were tracers, but they were gold, like nails Geovanny Bautista: yeah. ERIK: coming down out of the sky and I felt hit my head. That's the first thing everybody experiences. You're like, how does everybody get this at the same time? And you could feel the buzzing in your brain of them the Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. ERIK: the buzzing of things being reconnected and you're like, holy Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. ERIK: hell, this is legit and that's like minute one. And then you're on the trip for hours, you know. Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. ERIK: but that's just crazy to even even think of. You know, and Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. ERIK: doing the daily stuff, you know, I I call it daily detox, you know, because you need to constantly be detoxing these things that cause negative issues. So it's not always a chemical thing or this, but it's like, you know, the things you have figured out that work for you that you have to be consistent with. Geovanny Bautista: Consistency is accuracy, man. ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: You know, that that was the biggest thing for me. Like it didn't matter how I felt anymore. Whether I had a good day or a mediocre day or a bad day, I had to hit these things that I needed to ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: do. You know, I had to hit the meditation, had stay hydrated, had had to take whatever vitamins it is that I was deficient in, you know. And and a lot of that stuff you're not really aware of because you're being masked, you know, by this ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: ego, this persona that's like, you don't need that, but Once you become vulnerable enough to, you know, accept it and really seek for that help, the all of these opportunities just start popping up. You know, it was it like I've told you before, it almost seemed like it ha like it had to happen that way and things have to take their course. Like once you're open to it and once you once you really display that vulnerability, man, these these opportunities pop up left and right for the for help, you know. ERIK: Correct. Yeah, but I think you're more open to it and you're you know, you're more confirmation biased 'cause you're kinda looking for it now because you're you're Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. Yeah. ERIK: not so egotistical that you're Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. ERIK: gonna, you know, fix the Taj Mahal by yourself and No, I I think that's and yeah, I've seen you develop since then, you know, I didn't know you prior to. But you've done better than a whole lot of people I've seen doing the work. You're really taking it serious, you know. Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: it's night and day, man. Yeah. Yeah, I have to, you know. the the biggest thing for me, like I said, I've I've always I recognize that I've always put myself last in every ERIK: Yep. Geovanny Bautista: situation possible. And now that I'm putting myself first, it's a no brainer. Like like you ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: I gotta do these things in order for not only for myself to feel better, but to really change my environment, change my family, you know. ERIK: Well, you have to put Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. ERIK: your own oxygen mask on first. Then you can help others. And this is in Geovanny Bautista: Yeah, yeah. And it ERIK: all these episodes, guys are going, I ev everything was service to other people, never to me. Yeah, and that's it is. Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. I and I bet that's gonna be real common with most guys. ERIK: It's almost everybody. Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. Well I had so after I went did the ambio experience, my dad went because you know, ERIK: Right. Geovanny Bautista: he he had his he had the probably the worst childhood I've ever heard of anybody having. You know, he was in at one point he was in an orphanage, you know, he's abused a lot. You know, hit to his credit, he always he brought me up the best that he could. You know, always ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: kept like I didn't find out any of that shit until I really told him about my vulnerabilities, about my situation. And he opened up and he ended up doing the the ambulance, dude, night and day for him, you know. yeah. ERIK: Really. Yeah, it's never too late. Geovanny Bautista: it's never too late, you know. He even now, you know, he was like, Man, I that really, you know, changed the course of his life, you know. And and and and I've tried to, you know Now, now that I'm helping myself, try to help, I'm trying to help my family first. So my my wife, as you know, she went and sought treatment as well. And she's changed completely, you know. All of these I guess all of these the little things that we worry about day to day are is just bullshit. It's it's a mask, you know. The societ ERIK: Yeah, it is. It's distraction. Geovanny Bautista: whole society, it's a distraction, you know. And it really, I think the medicine really makes you focus on what true meaning of life is, you know? And once I think you once you understand that, it it's a it's a beautiful thing, you know. Now now you're wanting to live and wanting to thrive, you know. ERIK: Correct. Well, i in as I've said, you know, once you see your consciousness and what it's all about, now you have to make the rest of the time in this meat suit as good as you can. F Geovanny Bautista: yeah. ERIK: but once again, it's for you and others. You know, we've helped other guys, Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. ERIK: you know, that have trepidation but we know they're having issues. Y you gotta guide along, you know, you can't force into the fucking trough, but Geovanny Bautista: Y yeah. ERIK: even though I'd like to, you know, we we have to pass on this knowledge, you know, and this experience. Because you wouldn't have believed it before you did it, nor I would have. There's no way. Geovanny Bautista: No. No. I mean the w like the the after I had my ambio experience, I really started researching it and I really try to figure out what what was it that I experienced, you know? And how how now how do you take that information and spr spread it to everybody else? And it's you can't, you know what I mean? I ERIK: We're doing it. Geovanny Bautista: I I I think that once everybody, the individual makes that decision and he just seeks the information, I think that's where we come in. If the information ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: is available and they make that decision, they're able to see, maybe maybe I could try that or maybe maybe this will work for me, you know? ERIK: Yeah, but Geo, people are gonna hear this. And and as I always say when you're instructing, you may have to say something ten different ways for the one crayon Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. ERIK: eater to go, that makes sense. And if we do enough of these episodes with different guys and girls, somebody's gonna go, that does apply to me. I can s you know, put the ego down for a little bit, go get the help and then go, shit, now I know what I have to do. Geovanny Bautista: yeah. Yeah. No, I'm glad we're doing this, yeah. ERIK: Yeah. Well we can we can keep going on different tangents forever, you know. As things develop as we help other people or or other instances that may, you know, pass something along to everybody else, you know. Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. ERIK: you know, you came out to Sedona for the the different you know, use of a shaman and and to get that whole experience and That was humorous for me to watch 'cause you guys were like cat shitting razor blades, you know. It's like, dude, it's you're gonna be okay, man. And it was it was different. Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. When you don't know what's gonna happen, that's the scariest part. Yep. ERIK: But that's the challenge. If you knew, why were you there? Geovanny Bautista: yeah, yeah, true that. ERIK: You know, and the different modalities fix and bring up different things. So Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. ERIK: you can't take an aspirin and call it a day. Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. You know. But yeah, man, I just I guess for anyone that's really struggling but they don't know where to begin, you know, the I would say teammates first, right? Talk to a teammate and I guarantee you there's some sort of information that they can put you on, you know. And just take that first step, you know. I I wouldn't have believed it. And to me, the mental health w like I said, I at the beginning it was very subtle. Like it's not like you're sad all day, every day. You know what I mean? For ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: me it was like little moments, little moments, little moments, and then all of a sudden these little moments start accumulating and then y you're like, fuck, now you're now you have to be two different people st you know? And when if you get to that point, that's that's when you should seek for help, you know. And ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: I don't I don't even if even if you get nothing out of it, you know, seek for help is really the the biggest step that you could take, you know. ERIK: Yeah, but also, you know, and and they're always harping, nobody's coming to help you. I call bullshit. Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. ERIK: If somebody sees you, I've stopped people I don't even know on the street and said, What the fuck's going on? And they're a new person now 'cause they got treatment, they got into programs, they got things worked out, and they're proponents and advocates for it. So don't You know, you have to be able to be smart enough and knowledge enough to assess somebody quickly and go, this needs done 'cause this is not just a veteran thing. Geovanny Bautista: Mm-hmm. ERIK: And you know, that's we're harping on that, but we have to do this with our family. You said your wife's working on stuff and it's you know, it's the family unit that we are supposed to lead, you know, with knowledge. And, you know, once you know that, anybody you run into, you might be able to go, Hey, might wanna try this or read this book or look at this website or you know, something. And and that spreads it, you know, you you don't wanna be preachy about it. But to Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. ERIK: a point, you know, you kind of feel bad if you don't say something and then something goes down. You know, Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. ERIK: that's that's not the right way to be, you know. we don't do that. I don't, you know, Geovanny Bautista: No. ERIK: it's not an SF thing. Maybe the Marines do, I don't know. But but I'll keep you supplied in crayons, buddy. So don't you worry about that. Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. They're getting they're getting low, man. ERIK: Well, you got a snack, man. I don't understand it, but they are edibles, so you're not at least they're not toxic. Probably used to be, but not anymore. But you know, what what's your salient point to to put out? You know, make the steps, identify somebody else. I mean you never thought you would be where you're at right now. Geovanny Bautista: No, not n not even the slightest bit. Like the like I'm sure most people have this idea of success, you know, the good job, the good good money, good house, you know, you have the fancy cars, all of that shit. but really to me now success is more internal and your family, you know, how great ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: of a relationship I could have. with my family and with everybody, you know. How can ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: I pass on this love and peace that I have with me to others, you know? ERIK: That that sounds like a marine sniper message. Geovanny Bautista: Ha ha ha. ERIK: But at seven six two, you know? Geovanny Bautista: How can you spread it, know? Reach out and touch somebody with love now. ERIK: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we've changed our beaten zone, you know, so yeah, we gotta make a t shirt of that. You you that's the marine sniper message, love and peace. Yeah, your teammates are gonna Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. yeah, it's just a different round now. Yeah. ERIK: go, Boy, he has changed a little bit, you know. Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. Yeah. Reach out and touch somebody with love, man. Yeah. ERIK: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Well, there's a time and a place, but you know, let's let's Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. ERIK: try to do it more gentle these days. Geovanny Bautista: Yeah, you know, the new newer generation they're it it seems like they won't acknowledge or even think that, you know, mental health is a thing, just like how we were, but I I think ERIK: we were the same way. Geovanny Bautista: I think yeah, they were the same way. You know, it's hard f hard for them to admit it, you know. ERIK: Yeah. Well that's part of the the learning, you know. I mean, if you don't you're gonna repeat it, you know, Geovanny Bautista: yeah. ERIK: and I I I I'm good. I d I don't wanna repeat a lot of this stuff, you know. It's painful enough to do it the first seventeen times that I didn't change the pattern. You know. Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. ERIK: So if I can catch somebody sooner and that's where I hope we catch guys younger and younger and younger. Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. ERIK: So they got more runway on the other end to be, you know, at peace. Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. Yeah, especially with the transition, you know, everybody some people make a big deal out of it, some people don't, but it it is scary to go from one life to another, you know. For ERIK: yeah. Well I mean, you know, we've s we've seen more than others have seen, so I'm more comfortable with it. But I my curse is I'm gonna be here quite a while. So I'm like Geovanny Bautista: Ha ha. ERIK: fuck, I better be productive and and try to try to pay it forward a little bit, you know, 'til people are tired of listening. Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. Yeah. No, you're doing a great job. I think, you know, doing the podcasts and getting the people involved and even just spreading the word. That that's huge, you know. ERIK: Yeah, there's there's some great dudes to talk to and some have already been and people will be like, I can't believe that guy said that, you know, 'cause these are s some of the who's who and the zoo of SOCOM, Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. ERIK: you know, and it's gonna open some eyes. And if it helps it you know, it obviously was for a purpose, but I don't wish this upon others to have to do, so we'll just do the best we can and Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. Yeah. Don't re ERIK: be as effective as we can. Geovanny Bautista: Yep. Don't repeat our mistakes, you know. ERIK: Yeah, I don't want to. Yeah. That's it's I've always tried to learn from other people's mistakes, but sometimes I I originate some. Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. we all do. ERIK: Yeah. Well I appreciate your time, Geo, today and Geovanny Bautista: Well ERIK: you know, think about what else we can talk about next time. We'll do this more often. Geovanny Bautista: yeah, I'll definitely you know what I want to get into is and I'll bring it up next time is more research on the the TBI, you know, what what my symptoms were. You know what I mean? It ERIK: Yeah. Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: was because I bet a lot of a lot of people have them like at the be you know for me it was embarrassing a lot, especially in the job that I was in, having a conversation and then just completely veering off or not being able to like land what I was getting at. You know what I mean? Like little things like ERIK: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's Geovanny Bautista: that throughout the day. I was like, man. You know, I was fucking running into walls at work. I was getting getting ERIK: Yeah. Geovanny Bautista: out of the trade and I'm like, where the fuck am I? Yeah. dude. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, maybe we can get into some of that and so some people could recognize what the symptoms are. ERIK: Yeah, I've had that. You're like, I'm driving, but where am I? Yeah. Yeah. yeah, yeah, but those will make some great stories, you know, 'cause Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. ERIK: I'm sure ever other people haven't, but my kids, you know, you're talking about night terrors. My kids w wouldn't wake me up. They would throw a shoe or they'd come in and wiggle a toe and then run. You know, it's just Geovanny Bautista: yeah. ERIK: And the other day Randy pulled in and he had a whole tra it was like nine o'clock at night, I'm already asleep. And the trailer's backed up and they're unloading this whole trailer, lights in my this and that, and I don't even wake up. My son's like, What? You didn't wake up? You know, if we walked outside, you would hear us and you'd wake up. I'm like, Yeah, well calm the nervous system down, you know, it must work. So, yeah. Geovanny Bautista: Yeah. ERIK: I do sleep better. Okay, Gio. Geovanny Bautista: All right, Eric. Well, thanks for having me, man. ERIK: Yeah, of course. Anytime, buddy boy. But Geovanny Bautista: I'll talk to you. ERIK: we'll talk on the back end. See ya.