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Transcript

DILEMMAS: ARCHIVES · Relatables

0:00
Speaker 1: Coming up on Relatables.
0:02
Speaker 2: So I messaged her on Snapchat and I apologize, sent
0:04
Speaker 2: her a really long message and she never responded. Wait,
0:07
Speaker 2: she changed her Instagram bio to part of my apology Relatable.
0:23
Speaker 3: The Relatables podcast by Myself. Jake Craig AKAA Daddy.
0:26
Speaker 2: I am a partner in crime audit like Okaya mummy
0:28
Speaker 2: and what he is Mummy because he's the one you
0:33
Speaker 2: go to when you don't know whether or not you've
0:35
Speaker 2: been the asshole?
0:36
Speaker 1: Ooh the asshole. Mummies always tell you the truth? Do
0:41
Speaker 1: they do you reckon?
0:43
Speaker 3: No?
0:43
Speaker 1: And Jake is Daddy because he's the one you go
0:45
Speaker 1: to when I don't know, just a little bit of mullah,
0:50
Speaker 1: maybe a nice hug.
0:52
Speaker 3: I'm fucking I'm telling you.
0:53
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna I feel like my kids they're gonna
0:56
Speaker 2: come up to me when they're older and they're gonna
0:57
Speaker 2: be like, Dad, can I have this? And I'm just
0:59
Speaker 2: gonna tell myself, I'm not going to spoil them, but
1:01
Speaker 2: I'm going to spoil them.
1:02
Speaker 1: I want to be that dad. How like kids always
1:04
Speaker 1: go like can I have twenty bucks? And then you're
1:06
Speaker 1: like you're meant to say no, But I'm just be
1:08
Speaker 1: like sure.
1:09
Speaker 2: See, that's the thing is I think I'm also just
1:11
Speaker 2: going to be like I remember my parents, she isn't
1:13
Speaker 2: a thing. But now like my parents always had cash
1:15
Speaker 2: on them my name, they don't now and I never will.
1:18
Speaker 1: I remember thinking back about it though, Like I used
1:20
Speaker 1: to ask my parents for like two dollars for a lollibag,
1:22
Speaker 1: even a dollar maybe fifty cents, and they'd be like
1:25
Speaker 1: nobody were saving or something. Yeah, like they I'm in
1:27
Speaker 1: af fuck off I'm and they now I'm an adult,
1:30
Speaker 1: and I realized how much two dollars is.
1:32
Speaker 3: Yeah, mate, that's nothing like.
1:37
Speaker 1: They try to teach you.
1:38
Speaker 2: Yeah, like a silver spoon. They make it seem like
1:47
Speaker 2: that gold coin is a lot.
1:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, they do.
1:50
Speaker 3: They're trying to teach you the principal parenting. Yeah, it's parenting,
1:53
Speaker 3: not for me. What am I?
1:55
Speaker 2: But here's the thing is, like they didn't so they
1:56
Speaker 2: did it for They didn't do it like heavily for me,
2:02
Speaker 2: but they did do it for me, like not much,
2:06
Speaker 2: but I remember them doing it.
2:07
Speaker 3: And then my younger brother and.
2:08
Speaker 2: Sister they wouldn't know, Yeah, they wouldn't know a thing.
2:15
Speaker 1: Completely different position your parents are in. I guess they're
2:18
Speaker 1: probably like they probably made the conscious choice to be like, look,
2:21
Speaker 1: we did two this way, let's try two this way.
2:24
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think you might be right. I think you
2:27
Speaker 3: might be right.
2:28
Speaker 1: And then when we were like on our deathbed, we'll
2:30
Speaker 1: see which way was better.
2:31
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll see like when we're
2:34
Speaker 2: older and we're watching them all move out and stuff,
2:36
Speaker 2: we'll see like who's done the best.
2:38
Speaker 1: Yeah, we write a book about it.
2:41
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah yeah yeah.
2:42
Speaker 1: And today, guys is a dilemmas episode, which is a
2:45
Speaker 1: little bit kind of like parenting. Jake and I Mommy
2:47
Speaker 1: and Daddy being the parents, will give some unfiltered advice
2:50
Speaker 1: and try and help. The prompt for today is archives.
2:56
Speaker 2: We have a big document with like over three thousand dilemmas,
3:03
Speaker 2: so we thought we better go back, like we missed
3:06
Speaker 2: they Obviously we can't do it one at a time, like, yeah,
3:08
Speaker 2: well we don't. We can't pick random. We just like
3:11
Speaker 2: picked new ones every week, so a lot get missed. Unfortunately,
3:15
Speaker 2: our system is probably a bit flawed. Let's be real,
3:17
Speaker 2: but a lot get missed. But if you like this,
3:19
Speaker 2: we can do it more often.
3:20
Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll go back. There's so many to help you, guys,
3:23
Speaker 1: more like on limited episodes of dilemmas. So if you
3:25
Speaker 1: do have a dilemma, there'll be a link in the
3:26
Speaker 1: description to submit them, and we will do our bests.
3:29
Speaker 1: Me to go first, emphasis on best to help.
3:31
Speaker 3: I know, you go first, you go first.
3:32
Speaker 1: You okay, okay, okay, all right. My dilemma comes down
3:38
Speaker 1: to one very important question. Is he actually a green flag?
3:43
Speaker 1: Or am I just straight up color blind?
3:45
Speaker 3: Okay?
3:46
Speaker 1: So I met this guy on Tinder, because of course
3:49
Speaker 1: I did. We had a cute little conversation before he
3:51
Speaker 1: slid into my Instagram dms like a man with confidence
3:54
Speaker 1: and zero hesitation. We talked all week, like real conversations,
3:59
Speaker 1: not the painful what you do in every six hours kind.
4:02
Speaker 1: It's giving potential. But this man's instagram is basically a
4:08
Speaker 1: museum exhibit titled ex girlfriends I have loved before. He's
4:14
Speaker 1: got picks, with his most recent ex posted in June,
4:18
Speaker 1: as in the June that's just happened five months ago,
4:20
Speaker 1: and then obviously was submitted then, and then a whole
4:23
Speaker 1: bonus X from a couple of years ago. But I
4:26
Speaker 1: don't really care about that one because they were both
4:28
Speaker 1: practically fetuses yep. But the reason one she's sitting there
4:33
Speaker 1: on his profile like a ghost that never left. I
4:36
Speaker 1: asked him about it and he said doesn't post often,
4:39
Speaker 1: which is fair but also sounds like something a man
4:41
Speaker 1: who still cries to a sad playlist every night would say.
4:45
Speaker 1: He honestly seems like so sweet and genuine, but I'm
4:48
Speaker 1: stuck between a protecting my piece and dipping before my
4:51
Speaker 1: feelings start to cut wheel or be carrying on and
4:55
Speaker 1: seeing where this situation ship goes. Please help per staking
5:00
Speaker 1: on of you guys are absolute legends. Cassie and Beth
5:02
Speaker 1: are too very lucky Gales keep killing it. Yes they are,
5:08
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you.
5:12
Speaker 2: Okay, what are your thoughts on keeping so he's kept
5:19
Speaker 2: photos posted to Instagram?
5:22
Speaker 1: Delete them?
5:24
Speaker 3: I'm I'm a delete out.
5:26
Speaker 1: Of respect for yourself.
5:27
Speaker 2: Firstly, I I you know, like the shittiest thing about
5:35
Speaker 2: this is the fact that people will say things like,
5:41
Speaker 2: you know, like they make you feel crazy for saying
5:46
Speaker 2: like bringing it up and let me think about this,
5:53
Speaker 2: I think photos with X posted to Instagram.
5:59
Speaker 3: God, I would probably look past it for a while, but.
6:08
Speaker 2: Once we started to get to a point where we
6:11
Speaker 2: were exclusive, if the photos weren't taken down, I think
6:18
Speaker 2: it would play on my mind a lot.
6:21
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a bit of a tricky one, I think
6:24
Speaker 1: the feittest one. Like you said, we can wipe that out,
6:26
Speaker 1: especially if it's a long way down and he was
6:28
Speaker 1: like eighteen or sixteen or something like who cares. But like,
6:32
Speaker 1: also like his mindset, I think it does tell a lot,
6:35
Speaker 1: Like if he doesn't post much, he obviously doesn't have
6:37
Speaker 1: an Instagram game in a sense of like he's trying to,
6:39
Speaker 1: I don't know, grow his page, So just delete the
6:42
Speaker 1: fucking thing.
6:43
Speaker 3: I see, so sad, I think as well.
6:45
Speaker 1: And also I don't know, I don't like the whole
6:48
Speaker 1: I don't post very often. I hate that. I hate
6:51
Speaker 1: that as well, Like that's just a shitty little excuse,
6:53
Speaker 1: like if he was caught out and be like, oh, sorry,
6:56
Speaker 1: completely forgot that was there. I don't really go on Instagram.
6:59
Speaker 1: I'll go delete it because I actually want to talk
7:01
Speaker 1: to you or some shit like that.
7:02
Speaker 2: Also, like if a guy has a photo of his
7:06
Speaker 2: girlfriend on his Instagram and you ask a question about it,
7:10
Speaker 2: like I can guarantee no guy, so him giving you
7:15
Speaker 2: an excuse like oh, I don't post often or something
7:19
Speaker 2: is obviously just an excuse just because he wants to
7:21
Speaker 2: keep the photo up. No guy's ever just going to
7:25
Speaker 2: say I want it to stay there because that is weird.
7:28
Speaker 1: That's a good point, a like, just tell me you
7:30
Speaker 1: want it to stay there. It's kind of giving. Like
7:33
Speaker 1: if he had the chance to be back with his
7:35
Speaker 1: ex and she sees it, he's still got that photo there,
7:38
Speaker 1: he would take that chance in a heartbeat.
7:40
Speaker 3: It's an interesting one.
7:41
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like the same thing with when when guys
7:45
Speaker 2: don't post, or could go vice versa, like people don't
7:48
Speaker 2: want to post their couple. Like I remember at the
7:51
Speaker 2: start of bethanized relationship, I spoke to her about it
7:53
Speaker 2: and I and I was like, I think there was
7:56
Speaker 2: a time where I was a bit against it. But
7:58
Speaker 2: I spoke to best at the start and I was like,
8:00
Speaker 2: I think she was a little bit. She was also
8:02
Speaker 2: happy to like not for initially, but my main thing
8:05
Speaker 2: was we had just started getting a following, and I was.
8:09
Speaker 3: Like, I don't know.
8:10
Speaker 2: I was talking to her, I was like, I don't know,
8:11
Speaker 2: what are your thoughts on like posting, you know, like
8:15
Speaker 2: I don't know what it's like to have followers like
8:17
Speaker 2: this is very new, Like do I just like post
8:20
Speaker 2: you straight away?
8:21
Speaker 3: Do we post each other straight away? Like you know?
8:24
Speaker 2: And initially she was like yeah, like fuck, it's like wait,
8:27
Speaker 2: you know, let's just like see how it goes or whatever.
8:30
Speaker 2: And then I just thought, like, you know, if you
8:35
Speaker 2: to me, it's it actually is like quite.
8:38
Speaker 3: A small thing.
8:40
Speaker 2: So you're with someone, let's say they say I see
8:45
Speaker 2: a future with you, but then they're like, oh, I
8:49
Speaker 2: don't want to post on Instagram, Like that's so I
8:53
Speaker 2: find that so weird, And like I also see the
8:56
Speaker 2: argument of like it's on the Instagram, Like why is
8:58
Speaker 2: that like the fucking define defining terms of our relationship?
9:02
Speaker 2: And shit, I see that. But then I'm also like,
9:07
Speaker 2: why are you arguing this so much? Why is it
9:09
Speaker 2: such a big thing to you to not post your
9:13
Speaker 2: fucking partner?
9:14
Speaker 1: Yeah? And also if you or your followers value you
9:19
Speaker 1: being so single, sorry, value you being single is the
9:23
Speaker 1: pure reason they're following you. I wouldn't want that, like
9:27
Speaker 1: they just think they have a chance or just the
9:29
Speaker 1: check me out. Yeah, like I want a bit of substance,
9:31
Speaker 1: follow me because I'm cool or funny.
9:33
Speaker 3: It's interesting yeah, I don't know.
9:34
Speaker 1: I find like my vibe or fashion or some shit.
9:37
Speaker 1: Not because you think I don't know, you want a
9:38
Speaker 1: piece of me.
9:39
Speaker 3: Yeah.
9:40
Speaker 2: My thoughts with this particular situation are like, I just
9:45
Speaker 2: can't see any valid reason as to why you would
9:48
Speaker 2: keep a photo of an X on your Instagram.
9:51
Speaker 3: Right.
9:52
Speaker 2: I understand you can have the argument of it's just Instagram,
9:55
Speaker 2: it's not a big deal, but that's my question right
9:58
Speaker 2: back at you, is like, if it's not a big deal,
10:00
Speaker 2: why is it there?
10:02
Speaker 1: So, circling back to A or B, I think Mummy
10:05
Speaker 1: and Daddy are locking in B, which is oh no, sorry,
10:11
Speaker 1: we're looking in a A, protecting my piece and dipping
10:14
Speaker 1: before my feelings start to cut wheel.
10:17
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I'm with you on that. I agree.
10:19
Speaker 1: I reckon he's not ready and he's not over his ex.
10:22
Speaker 2: Yep, okay, I've got an m I the asshole. Okay, okay, okay,
10:27
Speaker 2: am I the asshole? Sorry in advance for the long message,
10:30
Speaker 2: but this has been on my mind basically daily for
10:32
Speaker 2: two years and I haven't got closure. Oh. I'm two
10:36
Speaker 2: years out of high school and in year twelve, one
10:38
Speaker 2: of my good friends was talking to this guy on
10:40
Speaker 2: and off or throughout year twelve. They never actually dated.
10:44
Speaker 2: During one of the times they were off in quotes,
10:48
Speaker 2: I hooked up with him at his house. I always
10:50
Speaker 2: found him kind of attractive, but it was quite out
10:53
Speaker 2: of the blue and meaningless. He told me that she
10:55
Speaker 2: would never find out and it would just be kept
10:57
Speaker 2: between us. Looking back, I shouldn't have done it, but
11:00
Speaker 2: no regrets, right question mark, I don't know why you're
11:02
Speaker 2: asking us anyway. Fast forward five ish months, once we
11:06
Speaker 2: had finished school and my friend and him started talking again.
11:09
Speaker 2: One day, I randomly see her private story saying when
11:13
Speaker 2: she chooses guys over her friends. I was like, holy shit,
11:17
Speaker 2: she found out. So I messaged the guy and I'm
11:21
Speaker 2: like yeah, And I'm like, did she find out? How
11:24
Speaker 2: did she find out? And he said that he told
11:27
Speaker 2: her because she deserved to know. After she after he
11:31
Speaker 2: said she would never find out. At this point, it's
11:34
Speaker 2: five months later and we haven't spoken about the hookup.
11:37
Speaker 2: So I messaged her on Snapchat and I apologize, sent
11:39
Speaker 2: her a really long message and she never responded. Wait,
11:43
Speaker 2: she changed her Instagram bio to part of my apology.
11:47
Speaker 1: Kind of funny without.
11:49
Speaker 2: Ever talking to me. She has since changed her bio
11:53
Speaker 2: four different times, two different scenarios about me.
11:57
Speaker 1: That is petty.
11:58
Speaker 2: We haven't talked since, I haven't tried reaching out again.
12:01
Speaker 2: I've removed her off social media. It's been two years,
12:04
Speaker 2: and her bio is still something about me.
12:08
Speaker 3: I don't know.
12:08
Speaker 2: At first, I felt so bad because I broke girl code.
12:11
Speaker 2: But now I think I'm better off without her as
12:13
Speaker 2: a friend because she handled it very immaturely. Should I
12:16
Speaker 2: have worked harder for her forgiveness? So am I the asshole?
12:19
Speaker 2: Is she the asshole? Or is the guy the asshole?
12:24
Speaker 1: I think all three of you are asshole? Yeah, I
12:29
Speaker 1: was just gonna say.
12:30
Speaker 2: I was like, I hope he doesn't just choose one.
12:32
Speaker 1: Uh sorry, girl. I think it showed that you don't
12:36
Speaker 1: want to be friends with this girl. She was very petty,
12:38
Speaker 1: Like Jake said, yeah, carried on like honestly, you did
12:42
Speaker 1: very bad by her, and you said, like the spirit
12:45
Speaker 1: of the moment, but like you went to his house
12:46
Speaker 1: like you obviously were tuning him or talking to him,
12:48
Speaker 1: So it wasn't like a one night like you were
12:50
Speaker 1: drunk or something hooked up with him.
12:52
Speaker 2: I hooked up with him at his house, his house,
12:54
Speaker 2: that's weird. It was out of the blue and meaningless,
12:57
Speaker 2: like decisions go into this.
12:59
Speaker 1: Yeah, like you went to a house like it wasn't
13:01
Speaker 1: like you were drunk on a nine out and hooked
13:03
Speaker 1: up for thirty seconds. I'm not saying that's justified, but
13:05
Speaker 1: it's a little bit different to go into his house
13:07
Speaker 1: and like hooked up, kissed, or fucked.
13:10
Speaker 3: I assume hooked up means fucked. Yeah, if it does.
13:12
Speaker 1: And then also like you can't rely on the dude
13:16
Speaker 1: saying like I'll never tell her, Well.
13:19
Speaker 2: What should have happened is like, Firstly, it shouldn't have happened. Secondly,
13:23
Speaker 2: when he said she's never gonna find out, you should
13:25
Speaker 2: have said, well, I'm gonna tell her. Thirdly, like once
13:30
Speaker 2: the first two were ignored, then thirdly there's no thirdly,
13:33
Speaker 2: like what's gonna happen is gonna happen. I think, like, Okay,
13:38
Speaker 2: I feel bad for you kind of. I don't know
13:40
Speaker 2: you did it. Let's be real, like you did it. Yeah,
13:42
Speaker 2: you know you gotta fucking sleep in the bed you made.
13:45
Speaker 2: So I think it's so funny that this girl made
13:49
Speaker 2: her Instagram fire a part of the apology.
13:51
Speaker 1: I'm going to take notes for that.
13:53
Speaker 2: Eh, so like I and like she puts on a
13:57
Speaker 2: private story, like when she chooses guys over your friendship,
14:00
Speaker 2: and shit, I don't know, Like I just think you're
14:04
Speaker 2: better off without her, let's be real. Sounds like a
14:08
Speaker 2: pretty petty person. But also she just like straight ups like,
14:11
Speaker 2: fuck it, I'm not friends with her. I'm just gonna
14:12
Speaker 2: fuck around.
14:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, so sorry to the batter you sent this.
14:16
Speaker 2: For sure, you leave rent free in her head. True,
14:21
Speaker 2: she is hella jealous of you.
14:23
Speaker 1: Yeah.
14:24
Speaker 2: And also the fact that and and what proves that
14:27
Speaker 2: is the fact that her bio is still something about you.
14:31
Speaker 3: Yeah.
14:31
Speaker 1: So you're all assholes, but in the end, you actually win.
14:35
Speaker 1: You've got to hook up, and you've moved on, like
14:39
Speaker 1: you found him kind of oh then you hooked up.
14:42
Speaker 3: It is what it is, is what it is.
14:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like fuck, and you kind of realize that she
14:48
Speaker 1: wasn't a girl you want to be friends with in
14:50
Speaker 1: a harsh way, but that's the reality of it.
14:53
Speaker 3: Yeah.
14:53
Speaker 2: And him, here's the thing, Like, look, I think he's
14:58
Speaker 2: an asshole, right, but I am torn about whether or
15:02
Speaker 2: not he's an asshole for telling the girl because like,
15:09
Speaker 2: isn't technically even though he lied to this baddie. Technically
15:16
Speaker 2: he ended up doing the right thing.
15:18
Speaker 1: Yeah, but he also hooked up with a girl he
15:22
Speaker 1: was seeing's friend friend, knowing that it was her friend.
15:26
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, No, like he's fucked, Like he's a bad dude,
15:29
Speaker 2: he's an asshole. Yeah, but like I don't think he's
15:31
Speaker 2: an asshole for telling the girl.
15:34
Speaker 1: No, I don't think so. I think that's probably better
15:36
Speaker 1: than not teller. Yeah, but also in his head, he's
15:38
Speaker 1: probably like I'm winning. I just hooked off two girls.
15:41
Speaker 3: Yeah.
15:42
Speaker 2: Yeah, look, honestly, kind of like a funny situation. I
15:45
Speaker 2: feel bad that it's been in your head day of
15:47
Speaker 2: two years, like two years. Yeah, I think that it's
15:49
Speaker 2: just like the easiest thing to accept is like you're
15:52
Speaker 2: all assholes if you even though it's like maybe you're
15:55
Speaker 2: looking for closure in the sense of like fuck them
15:57
Speaker 2: their assholes, you're not type of thing. I think all
16:00
Speaker 2: closure is good closure if you can just accept her
16:02
Speaker 2: an asshole and like just don't do it again.
16:06
Speaker 1: And also we all do dumb shit when we're young age. Yeah,
16:09
Speaker 1: like honestly, like it happens, like you wish it didn't,
16:12
Speaker 1: but you don't have a frontal lobe. You do dumb
16:14
Speaker 1: shit like this all the time.
16:15
Speaker 3: I mean, well, you have a frontal lobe which is
16:17
Speaker 3: fully developed.
16:18
Speaker 2: Yeah, wait, you know, because you know how they say
16:20
Speaker 2: it twenty five, your frontal lobes fully developed?
16:22
Speaker 1: Like eighteen, it's not there.
16:24
Speaker 3: I was gonna say that.
16:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, what is there an age where it just it
16:26
Speaker 2: doesn't exist yet and it grows out of nothing?
16:29
Speaker 3: Or do you always have a frontal lobe?
16:30
Speaker 1: I think you always have one. Yeah, I think it's
16:33
Speaker 1: just the same.
16:33
Speaker 2: And like, whoever said the frontal lobe is fully developed
16:37
Speaker 2: at twenty five has just like given everyone under the
16:41
Speaker 2: age of twenty five just a great reason.
16:43
Speaker 3: To be immature.
16:46
Speaker 2: Legit, like a great reason to pretend that they don't
16:48
Speaker 2: know right from wrong.
16:49
Speaker 1: Like, okay, next dilemma. This one is tough, is it
16:56
Speaker 1: for real?
16:57
Speaker 3: Yeah?
16:57
Speaker 1: It's actually really hard. It's got a title cut family off.
17:01
Speaker 3: That's hard.
17:02
Speaker 1: My family is kind of complicated and can be very draining. Backstory.
17:07
Speaker 1: I have five sisters, one older, too younger and to
17:10
Speaker 1: the same age. Were triplets.
17:12
Speaker 3: Fuck.
17:13
Speaker 1: One of my sisters is engaged and has started planning
17:15
Speaker 1: the wedding, and that has caused a lot of tension
17:19
Speaker 1: and drama. We got into a disagreement about how she
17:22
Speaker 1: told me and one of our other sisters that we
17:24
Speaker 1: weren't in the wedding.
17:26
Speaker 3: Can I ask you to do something quickly?
17:27
Speaker 2: Can you please reread the siblings in order? Okay, So
17:30
Speaker 2: it's one older something.
17:31
Speaker 1: I have five sisters, one older, too younger and to
17:35
Speaker 1: the same age wear triplets.
17:37
Speaker 2: So your parents had triplets and then had two more children.
17:42
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's fucking insane, dude.
17:46
Speaker 1: It sounds like they really wanted a son.
17:48
Speaker 2: Clearly that's some strong, strong woman like female gene.
17:54
Speaker 1: Yeah. Okay, So we got into a disagreement about how
17:59
Speaker 1: she told me one of our other sisters that we
18:01
Speaker 1: weren't in the wedding. When I asked her why, she
18:04
Speaker 1: said it was because we aren't close. I asked her
18:06
Speaker 1: again why she felt we weren't close, and she brought
18:09
Speaker 1: up something that happened between us three to four years ago,
18:12
Speaker 1: and she said she could never forgive me for it.
18:15
Speaker 1: More backstory. About four years ago, my mental health went downhill,
18:18
Speaker 1: and I started using drugs to cope with my life
18:20
Speaker 1: and ended up hurting people because I was hurting. Since then,
18:23
Speaker 1: I've done a lot to work on myself. I got clean,
18:26
Speaker 1: went to therapy, and rebuilt my life. I'm even starting
18:28
Speaker 1: an apprenticeship next year. I'm completely different to who I
18:31
Speaker 1: used to be. My sister said she doesn't see that
18:35
Speaker 1: I've changed, and she said, are heaps of really hurtful things.
18:39
Speaker 1: We stopped talking a few months ago. Then she messaged
18:41
Speaker 1: me last week and started gaslighting me, saying she doesn't
18:44
Speaker 1: remember saying any of that, and basically that the conversation
18:47
Speaker 1: is that she never hurt me and that never happened.
18:51
Speaker 1: How do I stop caring about people who hurt me?
18:53
Speaker 1: And how do I move on from this when it's family?
18:55
Speaker 1: It's hard because family events are going to happen, But
18:58
Speaker 1: I don't know if I can move on from the
19:00
Speaker 1: hurt she's caused, especially when I put my heart and
19:02
Speaker 1: soul into changing my life, getting therapy and overcoming everything
19:05
Speaker 1: I have and she threw it back in my face.
19:08
Speaker 3: Yeah.
19:09
Speaker 2: Shit, Family stuffs hard because it's difficult to just be
19:12
Speaker 2: like fuck that I won't have them in my life anymore.
19:16
Speaker 2: But also it's like, you know, what is it about
19:20
Speaker 2: family that makes us give them more chances?
19:25
Speaker 3: You know?
19:26
Speaker 1: Yeah, why do we give them more leniency?
19:28
Speaker 2: Like that, why is it? Yeah, a lot easier, It's
19:36
Speaker 2: that's the question we should be asking yourselves, Like, look
19:39
Speaker 2: at your sister. Obviously you have like unconditional love for her.
19:44
Speaker 2: That might be what makes it harder. And that unconditional
19:48
Speaker 2: love doesn't have to go anywhere. You can still have that.
19:52
Speaker 2: But why would you want to be close friends or
19:59
Speaker 2: even just close to someone that makes you feel like
20:02
Speaker 2: shit for your past which you are have recovered from
20:08
Speaker 2: and are currently still recovering from.
20:10
Speaker 1: Yeah, and as a family member throwing that type of
20:12
Speaker 1: shit into your face after she should know how much
20:16
Speaker 1: effort you've put in and how much you've grown and
20:19
Speaker 1: then be there to support you. But she's done the
20:22
Speaker 1: opposite in a sense, Yeah, why would you give her
20:26
Speaker 1: the time of day? And I know it's just a
20:28
Speaker 1: little thing, it's not that little, but like you're not
20:31
Speaker 1: a part of the wedding, just a bit hurtful, like
20:33
Speaker 1: the cherry on top, Like, yeah, am I your sister?
20:37
Speaker 3: Like you?
20:38
Speaker 1: What are you saying here?
20:39
Speaker 2: But the thing it's a bit hard though, because I
20:42
Speaker 2: would understand being upset not being part of the wedding
20:44
Speaker 2: if you were, if you had a good relationship, right,
20:48
Speaker 2: But like.
20:51
Speaker 3: Fucking being part of.
20:53
Speaker 2: The wedding is like being one of the bridesmaids or
20:57
Speaker 2: groomsmen or something like that.
20:58
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're like part of the wedding.
21:01
Speaker 2: I'm thinking about it, Like, I can't speak for Beth,
21:05
Speaker 2: but I know for a fact there's she has two sisters.
21:08
Speaker 2: One of them isn't going to be part of the wedding.
21:10
Speaker 2: She also probably doesn't expect to be part of the wedding.
21:13
Speaker 2: It may hurt her at the time, but like death
21:15
Speaker 2: also has does not expect to be part of her wedding.
21:18
Speaker 2: And so what I'm trying to say is like if
21:20
Speaker 2: it was pretty obvious, then maybe what is actually hurting
21:27
Speaker 2: about situation? Are you hurt that she didn't make you
21:30
Speaker 2: part of the wedding or are you hurt that neither
21:33
Speaker 2: one of you has put much effort into the relationship
21:35
Speaker 2: so therefore you.
21:36
Speaker 3: Aren't part of the wedding. Great questions, you know, don't know?
21:41
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's almost like she said at the end,
21:43
Speaker 1: like do I cut tires with my family member? Like
21:48
Speaker 1: is the relationship there at all? Or is it now
21:50
Speaker 1: that there's this situation where there's a wedding and you
21:53
Speaker 1: haven't been invited to be a part of it. You've
21:55
Speaker 1: realized that it's not there, and it's a bit confronting.
21:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, my older sister, I mean to be fair, I'm
22:02
Speaker 2: not really probably gonna be part of her wedding because
22:04
Speaker 2: that would mean that I have to be like her
22:06
Speaker 2: fucking Beyonce's groomsman or some shit. But say, like my
22:09
Speaker 2: younger brother are two younger brothers. I have a good
22:13
Speaker 2: relationship with both of them. I actually don't expect to
22:15
Speaker 2: be part of either one of their weddings because honestly,
22:17
Speaker 2: they both one of them lives in Canada. We're similar
22:21
Speaker 2: enough age to be good friends, but I don't fucking
22:23
Speaker 2: see him, so our relationship is like when I see
22:28
Speaker 2: him once every two years, my younger brother here, which
22:33
Speaker 2: is so different in age and personality, Like, I love him,
22:38
Speaker 2: but he's not going to be part of my wedding
22:40
Speaker 2: and I'm not gonna be part of his. Sorry, I'm like,
22:43
Speaker 2: I think I might look at it a bit more
22:45
Speaker 2: logically without an emotional like view.
22:48
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I reckon. My piece of advice would be
22:53
Speaker 1: like everything we just went through the wedding in a sense,
22:57
Speaker 1: isn't the problem. I think you should talk to her
22:59
Speaker 1: and talk about the hurtful things she said. And see,
23:03
Speaker 1: I really I was going to say, yeah, and then
23:05
Speaker 1: that will give you an because I think what's happened
23:07
Speaker 1: here is the person who's getting married has been caught
23:10
Speaker 1: off guard why she hasn't invited hers to be part
23:13
Speaker 1: of a wedding, and she said all these things off
23:14
Speaker 1: the cusp, And I want to see if she doubles
23:16
Speaker 1: down or if she apologizes because she didn't have an
23:19
Speaker 1: excuse to not have you in the wedding.
23:21
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like it's not a bad way to go about it,
23:23
Speaker 2: I suppose, like if you want to, if you want to,
23:25
Speaker 2: just say to her like that really hurt me.
23:26
Speaker 1: And see what she says. Yeah, Because also I'm not
23:30
Speaker 1: giving her justification for her actions. Weddings are very stressful. Sure,
23:34
Speaker 1: just when if my sister just came to me and
23:36
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about a hundred other things and like why
23:38
Speaker 1: not in the wedding? And so well you know that
23:40
Speaker 1: time you did all this shit like it.
23:42
Speaker 3: Just like why you ask me this now?
23:43
Speaker 1: Yeah?
23:43
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, and I'm organizing a wedding.
23:45
Speaker 1: I don't want to justify her actions by any mean,
23:47
Speaker 1: but I guess I'm saying get clarification that that's how
23:49
Speaker 1: she feels, and if that is how she feels, fuck
23:51
Speaker 1: her off. If she apologizes and bees like, look, I'm
23:54
Speaker 1: super stressed. Everything's going on. I can see you've changed.
23:58
Speaker 1: We're just not that close and that's it.
24:01
Speaker 3: Shit.
24:01
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm glad, I like this been to therapy and
24:04
Speaker 2: stuff like that. Now that I've like done a couple aessions,
24:07
Speaker 2: I feel like I can relate to it, like talk
24:09
Speaker 2: about therapy and be like, yes, one for the therapist,
24:11
Speaker 2: do you reckon?
24:11
Speaker 1: We used to not be able to say, or we
24:13
Speaker 1: didn't like saying, like we didn't want to say, like
24:15
Speaker 1: as a scapegoat to all things, you know, you should
24:17
Speaker 1: talk to a therapist about this.
24:18
Speaker 2: I wanted to actually just give our advice after having well,
24:23
Speaker 2: you did a couple of therapy sessions. Yeah, after having
24:25
Speaker 2: I've only done two of another one on Friday morning.
24:28
Speaker 2: After the ones I've done, Oh my god, I think
24:31
Speaker 2: everyone should fucking go. I'm not even kidding, Like, I
24:34
Speaker 2: think you should go for the most minuscule problems ever.
24:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I did like five maybe in total. Yeah,
24:40
Speaker 1: I liked them, it was I just couldn't justify the money.
24:45
Speaker 3: Yeah, I will say this, that.
24:46
Speaker 1: Was what I'm struggling to justify the money. My conclusion was,
24:50
Speaker 1: it's expedive if I can. I'm going I literally third session.
24:54
Speaker 1: They'll only be third session there, right, I'm literally going
24:56
Speaker 1: to say to her at the start, like I don't
24:57
Speaker 1: know if it's against any rules with better help or not,
24:59
Speaker 1: but like I want to keep doing therapy, but I
25:02
Speaker 1: want to do it once a month.
25:05
Speaker 3: Do you do that privately?
25:06
Speaker 2: Because I can't keep spending one hundred bucks a week
25:08
Speaker 2: and pay rent and fuel and fucking electricity.
25:11
Speaker 3: I can't do all that.
25:12
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, which is fair. Yeah, I reckon that's what
25:15
Speaker 1: she's there for.
25:15
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, this is my question.
25:18
Speaker 2: Like it's either you go months and month with me
25:21
Speaker 2: for now until I don't know, forever, or I'll be
25:24
Speaker 2: back in a few months. Yea, all right, let Christmas
25:27
Speaker 2: go by, let's just yeah, but I'd be happy with it.
25:31
Speaker 1: Yeah.
25:31
Speaker 2: But so it's hard as well, Like I feel like
25:34
Speaker 2: we're being like I think I'm being slightly pessimistic about
25:36
Speaker 2: it in saying like what's hurt you her doing that
25:42
Speaker 2: and saying those things, or the fact that it's gotten
25:46
Speaker 2: to a point where it's like someone's going through a
25:49
Speaker 2: time a wedding where it's like relationships that are strong
25:54
Speaker 2: will show and yours isn't.
25:56
Speaker 3: So is it like that's what you're upset about.
25:57
Speaker 2: I think it's more of like you need to start
25:58
Speaker 2: asking yourselves these questions and also don't be afraid to
26:01
Speaker 2: cut a family member off for a while. I think
26:03
Speaker 2: that it's healthy.
26:04
Speaker 3: Yeah.
26:04
Speaker 1: I think it's just brought to the surface. The wedding
26:07
Speaker 1: is brought to the surface all these problems. Yeah, yeah,
26:09
Speaker 1: that's what's happened.
26:10
Speaker 2: I'm maybe wait till the wedding's over, yeah, and then
26:14
Speaker 2: do it like you still wouldn't go as surely.
26:17
Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't have to. I haven't blamed you,
26:26
Speaker 3: all right.
26:26
Speaker 1: My got a dilemma. Hey, boys, love the pod. My
26:29
Speaker 1: dilemma is who should I take to the formal who.
26:32
Speaker 1: I'm a seventeen year old in year twelve. Currently I
26:35
Speaker 1: have three options.
26:36
Speaker 3: Three.
26:37
Speaker 2: We have Nick, he doesn't go to my school, and
26:39
Speaker 2: I met him at a party two weeks ago. We
26:41
Speaker 2: had good vibes and to kiss at the party and
26:44
Speaker 2: have snapchatted since. But it's been two weeks and he
26:47
Speaker 2: hasn't asked me out, which which shits me. And he
26:50
Speaker 2: doesn't really know him at my school, so I don't
26:52
Speaker 2: want a babysit. Number two we have Leo met him
26:56
Speaker 2: at a club. You're seventeen, How are you going to
26:58
Speaker 2: a club?
26:59
Speaker 3: Fake idea? Let's a girl about it.
27:01
Speaker 1: We do not condone no school disco. Yeah.
27:07
Speaker 2: I met him at a club and honestly spent no
27:10
Speaker 2: time with him that night. Only added him on Snap
27:13
Speaker 2: because I feel I was feeling lonely in the uber home.
27:16
Speaker 1: He's not He's twenty seven.
27:19
Speaker 2: He's hot, but sleazy as fuck, and I'm pretty sure
27:21
Speaker 2: he only wants to fuck me.
27:23
Speaker 3: Also doesn't go to my.
27:24
Speaker 2: School, so I would have to babysit Option number three
27:28
Speaker 2: one of my male friends at school. I have a
27:31
Speaker 2: few male friends who I could go with. It would
27:33
Speaker 2: make the night fun and easier, but I kind of
27:35
Speaker 2: want to go with someone that has romantic interest formerly
27:39
Speaker 2: than two months. To help me out, thank you so much,
27:41
Speaker 2: and again, love the pob. My favorite listen for my hotgirl.
27:44
Speaker 1: Runs, Oh oh runs? Oh wait wait wait? So she
27:47
Speaker 1: could take one of these friends from school, but she
27:49
Speaker 1: doesn't want to get with.
27:50
Speaker 2: Them, so she could take her from from school. Where
27:52
Speaker 2: it was like she'd probably have a better time because
27:54
Speaker 2: there's going to be no babysitting.
27:55
Speaker 3: There's just botonic. But it's like fully platonic like that. Yeah. Yeah,
27:59
Speaker 3: so she said, like, I can't want to go with
28:00
Speaker 3: like a romantic.
28:01
Speaker 1: My advice is if she's eighteen now all right, yeah,
28:04
Speaker 1: because she's seventeen. I didn't give that advice first one, Nick, Yeah,
28:09
Speaker 1: two weeks of rapport seems like a nice dude.
28:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like that, But he hasn't asked you out yet,
28:14
Speaker 2: which shud say, I kind of like.
28:16
Speaker 3: That is a bit shy.
28:17
Speaker 2: Yeah, I reckon you should to be fair, like, I
28:20
Speaker 2: don't think he should ask you to your formal.
28:22
Speaker 1: It's a bit weird.
28:23
Speaker 3: I don't think so much.
28:24
Speaker 1: She said, just ask her out, which he hasn't done.
28:28
Speaker 1: But I'm saying just I don't know, take a bit
28:31
Speaker 1: of initiative and be like, look forms coming up. I
28:33
Speaker 1: reckon you and me would make a great couple. Let's
28:36
Speaker 1: go together.
28:37
Speaker 2: Yeah, Or you could fucking actually you could get him
28:39
Speaker 2: to ask you to your own formal by being like, ah,
28:42
Speaker 2: you know, I got this formal in two months.
28:44
Speaker 3: No one's asked me.
28:47
Speaker 2: You know, it's supposed to be fine after party.
28:50
Speaker 3: My parents aren't home that week.
28:52
Speaker 2: Yeah, just kidding, as long as you're eighteen.
28:56
Speaker 3: But I don't know. I think Nick too. If I'm
28:59
Speaker 3: being honest with you, I think Nick as well. You could. Yeah,
29:04
Speaker 3: unless can't be choosing.
29:06
Speaker 1: Unless there's we don't like to conturn this advice. But
29:08
Speaker 1: if it's purely for sex and then no longer friends.
29:12
Speaker 1: If there's a romantic interest in school, who you think
29:14
Speaker 1: is hot, and there's potential that you could do that,
29:16
Speaker 1: But if you just think it's patonic, nap boring.
29:18
Speaker 3: It's a good point. Yeah, it's like that.
29:21
Speaker 1: I will actually also say, she said.
29:23
Speaker 3: Formally, yeah, so she's in Australia.
29:26
Speaker 1: What what ends up happening is you probably won't get
29:30
Speaker 1: with anyone romantically because there's so much shit going on.
29:33
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's more I think maybe the friend is the
29:35
Speaker 2: best bet. Then yeah, you said you have the best
29:37
Speaker 2: time maybe.
29:38
Speaker 1: Yeah. Also about my formal and there's a lot of distractions,
29:43
Speaker 1: like not sexually, there like a lot of school bullshit
29:47
Speaker 1: going on. Teachers like it's not.
29:49
Speaker 3: A very sexy place. No, no, no, no, you don't
29:51
Speaker 3: feel like you.
29:52
Speaker 1: Can Yeah yeah, yeah, maybe, Yeah, we've come to the conclusion.
29:57
Speaker 2: Yeah, thinking about it, more like I didn't go to
29:59
Speaker 2: the year twelve one because I wasn't at school.
30:00
Speaker 1: I actually I have a story a year twelve. Yeah,
30:07
Speaker 1: I was aideen. I was aden. Everyone was adeen.
30:10
Speaker 3: I think probably not everyone, but.
30:12
Speaker 1: All most people was in like November and twenty eighteen,
30:14
Speaker 1: so I was eighteen in August. I was allowed to drink.
30:16
Speaker 1: But we went down to like the it's called the Haven,
30:19
Speaker 1: which is like a nice little place near where you
30:22
Speaker 1: go to the formal, yep, to take photos, and everyone
30:24
Speaker 1: was getting drunk and we all had flasks and stuff,
30:29
Speaker 1: and then we had to go and a lot of
30:30
Speaker 1: us walk, but some people got lifts to where the
30:33
Speaker 1: formal was being held in like this big ball or
30:35
Speaker 1: whatever Interrogole, And prior to going in, they started patting
30:40
Speaker 1: everyone down because everyone had flasks and it was a
30:43
Speaker 1: school event. As a school event, you're not allowed to drink.
30:46
Speaker 1: And I was like the third last one to go
30:51
Speaker 1: into the the whole ball, and I'm like, what the
30:54
Speaker 1: fuck do I do? Ade a flask on me and
30:55
Speaker 1: I'm like what the fuck do I do? And I'm
30:57
Speaker 1: like I'm about to get padded down by one of
31:00
Speaker 1: the teachers, and I'm like, mom, Mom, are you all right?
31:04
Speaker 1: Are you right? And I just started and I walked
31:06
Speaker 1: downstairs like oh mom, no, no, it's all right, like
31:08
Speaker 1: and I was like pretending I was drunk. And then
31:12
Speaker 1: I walked all the way downstairs dished my flask because
31:14
Speaker 1: like otherwise would look completely sus Yeah, it probably looked
31:17
Speaker 1: sus anyway. And then it came back up and I
31:20
Speaker 1: got in and there's like ten fifteen boys who didn't
31:22
Speaker 1: get in weren't allowed into the formal, and I got
31:24
Speaker 1: to sit next to my girlfriend at the time. Tee
31:26
Speaker 1: teacher comes up to me and he goes, mate, I
31:29
Speaker 1: know you had a flask on you all right, but
31:31
Speaker 1: I'm gonna let slide. But also you're eighteen, yeah, And
31:36
Speaker 1: I was just like, I was like, thanks mate.
31:37
Speaker 2: And wait, so if you tried to sneak alcoholing, were
31:40
Speaker 2: you're allowed to come in at all?
31:41
Speaker 3: Now?
31:41
Speaker 1: They like heaps of people ended up going to the
31:43
Speaker 1: after party at like five o'clock where the after party
31:46
Speaker 1: was because they went't allowed into the formal and I
31:48
Speaker 1: was meant to finish like eight seven just went to
31:49
Speaker 1: the other party and did't.
31:50
Speaker 2: They just like confiscate the alcohol and what I mean,
31:52
Speaker 2: I don't know, so I don't understand why they don't.
31:54
Speaker 3: Maybe there's like strict rules or some shit.
31:56
Speaker 1: Maybe it's you're not allowed to be intoxicated and that
31:59
Speaker 1: meant that they were. I don't know, but that was
32:01
Speaker 1: my foremo.
32:02
Speaker 2: I'll tell you what. I was a teacher and I
32:04
Speaker 2: was working at school. I assume it wasn't the teacher's
32:07
Speaker 2: padding down, was it?
32:08
Speaker 1: Now? I think those people who worked at the venue.
32:10
Speaker 2: I'd still fucking be like, oh, can I do the
32:12
Speaker 2: padding down and just let everyone get the fucking there.
32:16
Speaker 1: I have one.
32:18
Speaker 3: Everyone's drunk, didn you've had any one? I can try
32:21
Speaker 3: and we're going to do touch their dick. Maybe they
32:24
Speaker 3: snuck one in, but sue me.
32:30
Speaker 1: All right, baddies, That is it for Spotify and for free.
32:35
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32:37
Speaker 1: three or four more dilemmas, it will be over on
32:39
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32:43
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32:45
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32:49
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32:52
Speaker 1: three years.
32:52
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32:53
Speaker 3: new studio soon.
32:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, we do so. As of twenty twenty six, the
32:58
Speaker 1: Patreon prices will be going up, but there's a silver lining.
33:01
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33:04
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