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Captain, That Is Illogical · Armstrong & Getty One More Thing

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Captain. That is illogical. It's one more thing.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: One more thing.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: That was a reference to the TV show Star Track
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: that doesn't really have any Star Trek Trek that they
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: tracked that doesn't really have anything to do with this.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Although this is William Shatner, who became famous playing Captain
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Kirk in Star Trek and has since then become a
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: national beloved hero. For some reason, he's just the most
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: likable people on earth. Is but he told this disgusting
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: story the other day.
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: Now, I'm.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: One man shot and all of a sudden, I have
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: to go. In fact, I'm going to use.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: So I said, I've been a technical typically and I'll
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: be right back, and I lost it. Ident finished the
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: show and it was very successful.
• 1:03
  Speaker 4: He crapped his pants apparently on stage the opening night
• 1:06
  Speaker 4: of his Broadway show.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: He's been in multiple Broadway show is this recently as
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: a ninety year older.
• 1:12
  Speaker 4: And furthermore, Oh, he's secretly friends with mister spock Off
• 1:18
  Speaker 4: the set all but Sulu was a pain in the ass.
• 1:24
  Speaker 5: God, that sounded like something when you ride public transit
• 1:27
  Speaker 5: and they tell.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: You the next stop. Should never understand that. Yeah, So
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: his story is he was on stage for the opening
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: night and he actually defecated his pants.
• 1:39
  Speaker 5: You get it.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: That's a good one, Katie. How long did you have
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: that one in the holster? That's a good one. Thirty seconds? Yeah,
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: I was waiting. Anyways, we were going to go with
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: embarrassing things you've done, like on stage or in public.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: I've never done that, thank god. But I have two
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: that stand out in my mind. The first f one
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: is like not on stage. It was in a big
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: college class and I had to do a presentation and
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: for some reason, and this was a great lesson in life.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: I'm glad. I hate to think about it because it
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: makes me feel pain when I think about it. It
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: was a great lesson in life. For some reason, I
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: thought I could wing this presentation without much prep and
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: it was horrible. And I was well aware, like two
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: minutes into this half hour talk that I was not ready.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: I hadn't prepared. I should have prepared. I wasn't doing well.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: People were you know, you can just tell by the audience.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: If you've ever been on stage, you can tell by
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: the audience when they're not paying attention or digging it,
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: or they smell the fear. Yeah, and you get this
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: that's such a terrible feeling. It is, but it was
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: a good thing. I'm glad I did it when I
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: was twenty eight three years old. You can't always wing it.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: You can't always wing it, even if you're pretty good
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: at winging it, like I am, you can't always wing it.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: That would wing it, bring it. We had a T
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: shirt that said that at one point we did. Yes,
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: it's got an eagle flying around the boy.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: I didn't that day. It's funny, funny how things like
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: that stick out of your mind. I can picture it
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: was my It was actually my professor's wife, who I
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: really liked because I was dating their daughter. Uh. I
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: liked mom and dad, and then he was my my adviser.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: And his wife was in the class and she could
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: tell I hadn't prepared, and it was just oh, it
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: was just devastating to me. The girlfriend's parents witnessed this, Yeah,
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: that was tough. She lost her virginity. To me, they
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: can't have me, Beven, the guy that just up there rambling.
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: On God, this is a sordid tale.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Well, my one other this is a radio event. I
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: was the MC for this fashion show and whoever he
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: put the cards together that I was supposed to read.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: You get a stack of cards, and one girl would
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: go up there at the time at a time in
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: the different outfits, and the cards were out of order
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: and I and I didn't have a good view of
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: the stage or whatever, so I'd be reading the obviously
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: wrong outfit. And in one in particular, this chick goes
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: up in her bikini, who ended up being my girlfriend
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: later that summer. But she goes up in her bikini,
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: I'd saying, winter weear is the best way to combat snow.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: As you can see here, these boots will get you.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: And she's just standing there, and the crowd was like booing,
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: and it got worse than went along. People were booing
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: and laughing, throwing back their heads and laughter, pointing at me, Oh,
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: it's horrible. Look at this again, exactly Shackass on stage.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: Oh god, that was horrible. Well that rends so mad
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: when I walked up there, the f I can imagine.
• 4:45
  Speaker 4: Oh oh yeah, what was that event that we were
• 4:49
  Speaker 4: forced to don bicycle riding gear?
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: Was it like the first year the tour to California.
• 4:55
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: We must have been lower in our career to have
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: done that, though, Oh yeah. Early, they sent us into
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: a room to get changed. We had to wear bike
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: shorts and bike shirts skin to bake like.
• 5:05
  Speaker 4: I'm a Tour de France guy style, and they're totally
• 5:09
  Speaker 4: the wrong size.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: And we had to walk out in front of a
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: big group of people. We were like modeling them.
• 5:13
  Speaker 4: Yeah, oh how a terrible look like a sausage speaking
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: for myself in an ill fitting casing.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: Oh, I hated that a lot. I'm glad there are
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: no pictures or videos. If that had happened now, there'd
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: be twenty different YouTube videos that people put the like
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: us to music.
• 5:31
  Speaker 4: And oh yeah, barnyard sounds.
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: What'd you say, Michael, Oh, using ai with those? Yeah,
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: that'd be awesome.
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, go ahead if you want. Uh, you know
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: it's funny. That was right, well, because that was early
• 5:44
  Speaker 4: in our careers where we would like say yes to
• 5:46
  Speaker 4: everything and be super nice and cooperative because it is
• 5:48
  Speaker 4: such an incredible slog to get anywhere in the radio business,
• 5:52
  Speaker 4: podcasting business now both. But I think it was I
• 5:57
  Speaker 4: got home that night and I thought, no, I'm gonna
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: start telling people laugh off or at least just saying no,
• 6:04
  Speaker 4: this is ridiculous. No, people don't have our best interests
• 6:06
  Speaker 4: at heart. They're just using us.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: So no, not a dancing monkey, no exactly.
• 6:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah, not a good look.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: Luckily, Katie has never embarrassed herself in public, so we
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: don't have to. No, I wish that was true.
• 6:21
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it was a mistake, but a stupid mistake. I
• 6:25
  Speaker 5: used to be on a TV show and I was
• 6:28
  Speaker 5: sick as a dog the taping day and we would
• 6:31
  Speaker 5: do three episodes in a row. So I would do
• 6:34
  Speaker 5: an episode, go change, then we you know, would shoot
• 6:36
  Speaker 5: for the next week. And so in order to suppress
• 6:40
  Speaker 5: my cough, I had a bottle of robitussin underneath down
• 6:44
  Speaker 5: by my feet that I would just like take a
• 6:46
  Speaker 5: swig out of.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 6:48
  Speaker 5: Well I didn't.
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: What was the show Housewives of Marine County? That was it?
• 6:52
  Speaker 5: That was it?
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 6:53
  Speaker 5: And so halfway through, like the third episode, I'm like,
• 6:57
  Speaker 5: I don't I feel off, you know.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: Whatever, And my producer comes up to me.
• 7:02
  Speaker 5: He's like, are you hammered, Like what are you And
• 7:06
  Speaker 5: I was like, no, I've just been I mean I've
• 7:09
  Speaker 5: been taking swigs of rope. But he's like, you idiot,
• 7:12
  Speaker 5: you can absolutely get drunk on cop I had no
• 7:14
  Speaker 5: idea you get drunk on cops are at all?
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you're sucking down to purple dry. I was,
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: so you were noticeably hammered. I was noticeable.
• 7:24
  Speaker 5: Well yeah, I mean, I I mean I was probably
• 7:28
  Speaker 5: I was. I had a fever and like I was
• 7:30
  Speaker 5: just not okay. I was telling veryble to just stay
• 7:32
  Speaker 5: away from me, and so I couldn't tell if it
• 7:34
  Speaker 5: was like the fever or what. But he was like, dude,
• 7:36
  Speaker 5: you are You're messed up.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: And I was like, oh boy.
• 7:39
  Speaker 5: I have never I that was probably the lowest most
• 7:42
  Speaker 5: mortified I'd been because there was a studio full of
• 7:45
  Speaker 5: people and I'm just DJ.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: For some reason. When Joe yelled piss on a lantern
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: from that Joe Crown.
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: Oh my god.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: Oh that was that was really really there in our
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: We were all fired up at some rally for it
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: was a giant New Year's Eve celebration. It was like
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: a their version of a ball drop for New Year's Eve.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: And you were saying we were in Charlotte, and you
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: were saying, they say, Charlotte's gonna be the next Aleta. Well,
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: pits on at Ladda. I must have been fealed by
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: the grape and we were in a c station. I mean,
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: you didn't talk like that. There are kids in the
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: minivan station.
• 8:24
  Speaker 4: Oh that did not go overwhelmed.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: It did not hilarious.
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: Everybody acting like that was oh no, oh no, this
• 8:32
  Speaker 4: is bad.
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: You know, we talked about Katie's talking about getting drunkn
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: cough medicine. I also did that as a child in preschool.
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: I was about five years old, and I got a
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: hold of the stuff because it tasted like grape, and
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: so I guess I was drinking it as a kid.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: And that scissor Michael bo Yeah, all doing the scissor.
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: So the teacher calls my mom and says, we don't
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: know what's wrong with your son. He keeps laughing and
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: laughing and laughing, and it turns.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: Out I got a buzz on. There's nothing.
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: They take me to the doctor. Doctor says, your child
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: is drunk.
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: And then.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, yeah that is so unlike your child
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: is drunk.
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he really lectured my mom. According to my mom,
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: about you know the danger of medicine and alcohol in it.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: Did you take it to school? Yes, I took it
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: to school.
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: So he's just hitting it through.
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: I thought it was delicious, you know.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: And there's only way, on one way I can put
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: up with this boring ship. That's another hit of the
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: Scissor special juice by one. And you, here's what my
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: problem is with you. Here, a crayon pack in your
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: lives turns aggressive drunk.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: At least that was a happy drunk.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: He got mucus coming out of your nose. What's the
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: matter with you? Well, I guess that's it.