Latest / The Christian Homemaking Podcast: Simply Convivial with Mystie Winckler / Finding Peace in Your Imperfect Home: Marci Farrell on Homemaking Matters

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Finding Peace in Your Imperfect Home: Marci Farrell on Homemaking Matters · The Christian Homemaking Podcast: Simply Convivial with Mystie Winckler

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Speaker 2: Welcome to the Christian homemaking podcast, Simply Convivial.
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I'm Misty Winkler, homemaker, homeschooling mom of five, grandma
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of two so far, author of Simplified Organization: Learn to Love What Must be
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Done, and host here at Simply Convivial.
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Convivial means enjoying life together, and that's the kind of
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homes that we want to be building.
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My mission is to see as many women as possible become engaged, competent,
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cheerful Christian homemakers.
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And today I'm joined by another longtime homemaker, blogger,
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and podcaster, Marci Farrell.
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Marci is a follower of Jesus who shares gospel-driven encouragement
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for homemakers through her blog and podcast at thankfulhomemaker.com.
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Her debut book is just now out.
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It's called Homemaking Matters: Living for God's Glory in the Ordinary.
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She's been married to her husband, Doug, since 1986, and they have two
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grown children and three grandchildren.
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Marci enjoys caring for her home, studying God's Word, reading, and
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helping women embrace the eternal purpose in their everyday homemaking.
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So thank you so much for c- coming today, Marci.
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Speaker 3: It's so good to be here with you, Misty.
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Thank you for having me.
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Yeah.
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It's an honor for me to be here with you.
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Speaker 2: So I would love to just start with you sharing- Your, your testimony
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about- Mm-hmm â¦ coming to the Lord, but also then in the context of the home.
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Speaker 3: Yeah.
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I'm gonna, I'm gonna come and come in the middle of it a little bit
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maybe- Yeah â¦ and bring that in.
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But, um, because Iâ¦
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Homemaking was something thatâ¦
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I come from thisâ¦
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I always laugh.
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I come from this line of full-time homemakers, like it was my mom and
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my grandmother and my aunts, and then even my mother-in-law were
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just, they were full-time homemakers.
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And of all of them, I always say my grandmother probably had the
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biggest influence on me, and then later in life, my husband's mom
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because she was, she was a believer.
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So, but my grandma was the big one because my mom and I lived
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with her for quite a few years.
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My, my parents were divorced, and my mom and I moved in with my grandma.
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And sheâ¦
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My mom went to work, and Grandma took care of me.
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So I just got to hang with her in the kitchen, and she loved to cook
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and clean and s- feed people, and just, um, she was just a delight.
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Sheâ¦
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I just neverâ¦
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One thing about my grandma that has always stuck with me, especially as a believer,
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because as far as I know, my grandma was, was not a believer, which always makes my
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heart sad, but I always have hope there.
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I don't know what happened in her final moments of life.
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But she was so cheerful, soâ¦
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And so content, and never complained about anything.
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Mm-hmm.
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So when I was a little girl, I always looked forward to having my
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own home, and I always thought of living like my grandma, just caring
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for my home and loving my family.
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And so when I married my husband, Doug, I was 20 years old, and I just
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really felt like I was stepping into that dream of Grandma's life, right?
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I loved tidying the house before he came home and planning our meals
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and caring just for all the little details of our life together.
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So, but as our family grew and became fuller, I learned that all that enthusiasm
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was really not enough to sustain me.
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So, um, my Doug traveled a lot for work, and I would find myself
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just in this panic of getting things ready before he came home.
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Um, meal planning and cleaning, it just started to become really stressful.
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And my grandmother, as a married woman, was super practical for me.
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Sheâ¦
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I could call herâ¦
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I think I did call her almost every day, Misty, like just- Yeah
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for those early years because w- weâ¦
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I always laugh and say we had no internet then, so it was- Right.
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Speaker 2: Yes.
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Speaker 3: You know, that's, you called family.
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So I did become better at managing my home and my tasks.
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Um- But it took me a lot longer to understand that homemaking
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wasn't just about my productivity and everything looking good.
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It was about the posture of my heart.
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And this is where for the first 15 years of my marriage, I was not a believer.
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So my home was void of Christ.
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I lived without Jesus.
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And I, I probably would have said before that, that about homemaking, I guess,
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that it would be, um, it would have been about me and how my home looked and
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what that looked like to others outside.
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And if my, my identity would have been tied up to being a homemaker and a
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wife and a mom and how well I did that.
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That's what I would have looked at.
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But when God, in His mercy, when He saved me, He simply didn't help me to
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just become a better homemaker or just give me that positive enthusiasticness
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about the work necessarily, because the work didn't change.
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But He, but He rescued me from my sin, and He gave me a new heart, and then He
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began to renew my mind through His Word.
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And I, as I read Scripture and I grew in my walk, I really began to understand
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that all of my life belonged to Christ, that homemaking w- wasn't something
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separate from my Christian life, but things like the meals and the laundry
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and those relationships and those lovely interruptions that we have were
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just some of the very places where I was learning to live out my faith.
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So again, the, the outward work, it's not like that became easier,
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but the Lord began changing my heart and the way that I saw it.
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And so He showed me how often frustration was rooted from me wanting my own
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way or when work went unnoticed, which we all know as wives and moms,
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most of our work does go unnoticed.
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People don't see what we're doing.
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But I could see my selfishness, like how much I wanted appreciation or
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that pat on the back or great job, so.
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Or even things like when my day didn't go as planned, that I could see
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how tightly I wanted to control it.
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So, and again, this, I'm st- I say it's not an overnight change.
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It's, it's still not a change.
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The Lord's still patiently working in my heart and showing me within
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every season of homemaking now, even, even this empty nest season
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I'm in, um, I think about that.
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Just after 40 years of marriage, He's still, He's still using my home
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to show me where I'm holding too tightly to my comfort, um, or having
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things a certain way or my plans.
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But, but what I love is that God, He doesn't leave us there, right?
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And that He graciously brings you back to Christ, and I'm so grateful.
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I, I always say like one of the things as wives and moms is that
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we need good, sound theology.
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I always love that in Titus 2 where Timothy talks about sound
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doctrine before he gets to Titus 2, because that really grounds us.
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And I know that when I've failed, I can come back to Christ, I can confess my sin,
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I can receive forgiveness, and I can ask Him to keep making me more like Christ.
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So Through the Lord saving me, one of the aspects is that was my homemaking
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became more than just, just a checklist, it, or, or a way to express myself.
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But it was now a way to serve my family and love the people God had given me,
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and to bring Him glory in and through it.
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And I know in, in the midst of that, He was making me more like Christ.
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So I know that was probably longer than you wanted there.
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No, that- But that just, it justâ¦
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Yeah, I'm just kinda grateful that, um, just the reminder He's not just working
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in our homes, He's working in us too.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
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It's so easy to compartmentalize our life.
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And it's like, "Okay, well, you know, I did my 30 minutes of
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devotions, and then I have to do my 30-minute checklist, and then we're
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gonna go do these other things."
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And sometimes they don't tie together in the way that we live things
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out or the way we even think about them, but they do all tie together.
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We, we are the same person in all of those different areas of life.
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And Christ is Lord of them all, and working through- Mm-hmm â¦ all those
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different responsibilities in our lives.
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Um-
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Speaker 3: I love that
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â¦ Speaker 2: so to just let that all touch and flow.
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Speaker 3: It's so good because He does.
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There's purpose in everything that we're doing, and sometimes we, we miss it.
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You know, we take our eyes off of Him.
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And it was, um, Jerry Bridges had such a good quote where he talked
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about that even as believers, we're all, we're all guilty of ungodliness.
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And really, what all that is is that I'm just going about my day and I'm,
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I'm not thinking about the Lord, that I'm not focused on Him at all.
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And weâ¦
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You know, I fall into that really often, especially on busy days when you're just
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going from task to task or thing to thing, and I'm not taking a moment to really even
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just stop and love the person in front of me sometimes- Mm-hmm â¦ well, you
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know, to give them my undivided attention.
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I can get very task-focused, and I know that's an area of mine
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that I have to be cautious of, so.
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Yeah.
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I'm sure there's other people out there like me.
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Speaker 2: Yes.
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So y- in your book, you talk about the home being more a place for
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ministry and sanctification, and not just personal expression.
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And you also just said s- the work still stays the same.
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So what is that perspective shift, and what does change even
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with, you know, still scrubbing toilets, still making dinner?
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What is that real shift in seeing it as a ministry rather than personal expression?
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Speaker 3: Yeah.
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Iâ¦
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Like, when I think of that, I think there's nothing wrong with
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we want beauty in our homes, right?
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And ourâ¦
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We can show, like, our different personalities.
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Um, they can show in our homes how we do things, andâ¦
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'Cause I enjoy those things.
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I love a tidy home, and I love flowers, and I think of how beauty is such
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a gift from God, and to even create that pleasant atmosphere for people.
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But Iâ¦
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Sometimes the problem can come when that personal expression, um,
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becomes the main purpose for my home.
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And if I become too focused on having everything look the way I want it to, then
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I can begin treating the people in my home as if they're kinda getting in the way.
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Um , they are the very people I'm supposed to be loving and serving.
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So I have to come back and just, um- Probably asks whether the way that I'm
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caring for my home is helping me love the people God has entrusted to me, or whether
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this order and appearance have become more important than the people themselves.
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And I can see this in my life now because I'm an empty nester now.
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So with just Doug and I at home, um, it is really easier to keep things picked up and
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to have this fairly predictable pattern of life right now, and I, I enjoy that.
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I, I, I get used to having things a certain way.
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But then our grandchildren come over, or this summer we had a, a missionary
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family stay with us for a couple weeks with little kids, and suddenly there's,
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like, shoes by the door and games in the living room and, and you know what?
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Fingerprints all over the patio door glass Yes.
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More dishes, right?
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And those are lovely things.
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They mean my home is being lived in, and it's used to love on and
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welcome people, and I adoreâ¦
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I love that.
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I love having my grandchildren over.
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But I can still notice that little resistance in my heart sometimes, Misty,
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like when, when my, the order that I'm used to is disturbed a little bit.
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So God begins to use those moments in me to show me how easily that I
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can value comforts or the condition of my home more than the people.
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And, um, again, it's not wrong to desire a peaceful, orderly home, by all means.
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I am so grateful for that.
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But th- that good desire can quietly become a demand to have things my way.
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And I think of, um, Philippians 2 so often.
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Just it reminds us not to look to our own interests but to the interests of others.
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And, and then it points us to the humility of Christ there.
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So that applies really in our homes.
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And, um, sometimes love means welcoming the shoes and the games and the crumbs
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and the fingerprints and all the other things that come with loving on people
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because they belong to the people thatâ¦
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Actually, I think about we get the joy of loving them.
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Like, it's an honor to get to love them.
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So m- my peace can't be in the condition of my home, right?
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It has to be found in Christ.
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And because I belong to Him, then I can hold that home He's given me with an
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open hand, and I'm, I'm just learning that more and more in my life with time.
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So, um, the home is meant to serve people, right?
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And the people are there not to maintain my vision of the home.
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So I just, I want people at the end, even though I can have my personal expression
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and do that, I want people to remember they were loved in my home and not
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how carefully they had to live in it.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, right.
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Speaker 3: I don't know that I answered that fully, so let me-
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Speaker 2: No â¦ yeah Yeah.
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No, that's great, and I, I love how you said that when you are using your
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home for other people and loving other people- Mm-hmm â¦ that that's actually
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enjoyable You know, it's not just s- our home being used for service isn't just,
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isn't only giving things up in a way that always subtracts or, um, makes it all a
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drudgery for o- because we're, we're doing it for other people and not ourselves.
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But when we give ourselves in that way- You know, we are also encouraged
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and given the joy of the Lord in that service and ministry too.
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Speaker 3: I love that when you say that, 'cause I think when people, no different
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when we're showing hospitality, usually we're the ones that are more blessed- Yeah
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â¦ by the end of those evenings, you know?
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Um, and the work, it, it be- it becomes nothing.
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You know, I get it.
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It is work and it does take time to plan and put things together,
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but in the end, we probably gain the most from it in those times.
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So it's so good.
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Mm-hmm.
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It is so good.
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Yeah.
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Speaker 2: So does that approach to homemaking as a ministry then
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change anything practically in how we go about it in serving others and
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not just, you know, that control of others or control of the situation?
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How do we make that shift?
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Or what does that look like practically?
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Speaker 3: Yeah.
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I'm working through, think processing that.
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So really when we hear, I think of ministry because when we think of
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ministry, we think of aspects outside our home, but- Mm-hmm â¦ the homemaking,
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the practical, and, and just stop me if I'm not going the right way here.
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But I'm c- what's coming to my mind is thing like the meals and the laundry
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and the cleaning and just the everyday things we do so often that, you know,
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we can picture teaching a Bible study is ministry or- Right â¦ doing something
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outside our home, uh, within the church, where really our ministry is at home.
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And I, I know as a young wife and mother, especially when I became to be a new
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believer, I really â¦ You know, my kids were young then, so my days were filled
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with packing lunches and running errands and doing the normal things we do.
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And I felt like I was just trying to keep up, and then I go to church, and
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these women are doing all these things.
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Yeah.
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And I'm like, "What am I doing?
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I'm not-- I'm just taking care of my family."
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But that, those are the times that God is starting to show me that this family
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is part of that ministry He's given me to take care of, and it is very practical.
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Um, I didn't need to get the household basically work out of the way, m- the
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household work was the meaningful work, too, for Him, and caring for my family
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and giving me opportunities to even love my nearest neighbors and serve
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Christ right where He had placed me.
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And that was very freeing to come to a point to understand, and
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actually it was an older woman in my church who helped me with that.
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So I'm so grateful for her.
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Yeah.
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That was a good thing to, um, to be pointed out to me,
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and I was grateful for that.
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I needed some correcting on that as a young believer.
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Um, so I always tell, I always tell all of us we have to stay
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teachable because it's so good.
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We can have those logs in our eyes and, you know, we just miss it.
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So I'm grateful for that.
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We may not like it right away, but when we hear it and it's truth, it's good to
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come to submit to it and, um- And make those changes to line up with God's word.
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But I- Misty, like we forget preparing a meal is caring for someone, and- Yeah
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washing clothes, you know, that meets a need.
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Um, making a home where my husband can come home after a really long day and know
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that he's loved and taken care of, and he is looking forward to being there because
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it is, it is sort of a, a, a respite for him or a retreat that he can come to.
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And when I say that, it doesn't mean like there's not noise and
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there's not toys on the floor.
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All those things can still happen, but it's really the love that we have
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for one another and how to come home to a place where you know you are
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loved and cared for, and the people there are so happy to be with you.
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Um, and sometimes ministry can be as simple as setting aside your to-do
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list to just meet the needs of that person in front of you, and that's
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something that, um, God has really continued to grow me in a little better
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because as I shared earlier, I am very task-focused and I can miss that slowing
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down, and I t- I don't wanna do that 'cause I wanna love my people well.
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So- Mm-hmm â¦ um, yeah.
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I guess I would kind of land there with that, just-
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Speaker: Mm-hmm
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â¦ Speaker 3: how ministry begins really loving the people closest to me is
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a big- Yeah â¦ it's, that's huge.
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Speaker: Um.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I know I, I knew theoretically when, you know, all the
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kids were little and at home, and that's so busy and intense that well, you
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know, this is, this is my calling and this is my job and this is loving them.
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But it isâ¦
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Once they're grown and then they're off living their own lives, I think
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that's when it kind of hits you how much- You know, that pouring
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into them really was an investment.
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Like, you put in, um, you put in a lot of yourself, but then you
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see it, like it's what they're drawing on and making more of.
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Mm-hmm.
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And, um, you know, more people out in the world living, you know, for Christ
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and then raising their own families.
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And you're like, "Okay, wow . Like, all those little meals, all the little peanut
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butter sandwiches or whatever made a man.
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Like, whoa, that was actually really incredible."
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Speaker 3: Oh, it was so worth it how God used you in the life of your children,
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and I'm sure there's so much they took from you just watching and modeling.
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And none of us does it perfectly, like we know that.
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Mm-hmm.
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And that's r- I'm so grateful for God's grace, that He, He
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doesn't leave us where we're at.
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He continues to change us and- Yeah â¦ show us areas where we
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need growth, and that is so good.
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And those are good things for our kids to see as we're
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raising them, I think so often.
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Um, to see that Mommy needs Jesus as much as the next person does.
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Mm-hmm.
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That Mommy doesn't have it all together.
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So.
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Yes.
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Speaker 2: Because the same is true for them as well throughout their life.
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Speaker 3: Yeah.
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Yep.
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I did, you kinda touched on the sanctifying.
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Can we come back to that a little bit?
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Yeah, yeah.
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Just how the homeâ¦
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I, because the, just talking through that about Mommy needs Jesus was just-
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Mm-hmm â¦ but I, uh, for me, my home and my family, I mean, this is one of the most
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sanctifying places of my life, really.
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Yeah.
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Um, because even after being a homemaker for 40 years now, the,
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God is still using it to show me my heart and how much I need Christ.
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And I, I can be easy to think I'm really patient until someone
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interrupts the plans I had for the day.
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Well, that doesn't mean thatâ¦
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I always say that that's just showing what's already in
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my heart that's coming out.
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That, you know, that's not somebody coming to me and they're
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causing me to be impatient.
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It's like, no, that was already in there, and that came out,
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and I'm grateful because now I can do something with it, right?
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Yeah.
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I can repent of it and move forward and grow from that.
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Um, I, I think sometimes I may feel content with my home, and I don't do
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this as much as I used to, but when, when Pinterest came out, that was
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a big one for me as a younger mom.
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Um, I'm notâ¦
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I, I feel like as I've aged, I'm trying toâ¦
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I'm, I'm trying to get there.
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We're trying to get rid of things, so I don't really want- â¦ to
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add more to my home anymore.
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It's just I'm thinking about my poor children when I'm not here one day.
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So, but how easy people can scroll, and you start comparing
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your life to somebody else's.
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And, um, again, that, that is just revealing that there's something
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there in your heart already.
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And so as the Lord shows us those things, whether it's discontentment
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or our impatience or our desire for control, um- I know for me sometimes
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in, in those things, I can respond with frustration or irritation first.
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But as God brings me back to His Word, it just reminds me that He's
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doing something deeper in me than just showing me what's not right.
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He's showing me the right way.
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And so when He shows me my sin, He doesn't do it to drive me
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away or shame me by any means.
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I mean, that's when I need to draw close.
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So for those of us in Christ, again, we know Romans 8:1,
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there is no more condemnation.
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He, He is our Abba Father, and He's our perfect Father who loves us.
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And I, I love the doctrine of adoption because that is such a comforting
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one, along with His sovereignty.
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But He, He lovingly brings me into the light so I can confess those things,
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repent, ask His forgiveness, and then help â¦ Again, then the next time, ask
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Him to help me respond more like Christ.
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And that's part of sanctification.
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It's just Him making us more like Jesus.
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And the more we're like Jesus, the more we're gonna reflect Jesus
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to those within our own homes.
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And that's where our lives are lived for the most part.
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It's, it's in the dishes and the laundry and the raising our
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children and loving our husbands.
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So, um, that is just huge to just be mindful of that, that I can't
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measure my homemaking by did I finish the laundry, or did I make the
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meal, or did I get through the list.
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Those things do matter, but God is doing work in us that we don't see immediately.
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So He's teaching us to depend on Him, and I am grateful for that.
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And it may be slow at times, and that's okay.
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We don't â¦ I always say even, um, a lot of times when women compare, I, I
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always come back to the truth that God knows what's needed in my life to make
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me more like Jesus, just like He knows what's needed in your life, Misty.
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Right.
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And it's not the same thing.
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Mm-hmm.
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And I can trust Him in that.
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So He's gonna be faithful to complete the work that He began in me, basically.
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Yes.
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That's a great reminder to us.
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Yes.
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So, well, so good.
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I'm so grateful.
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I know.
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Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
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I, um, so these, you know, homemaking as sanctification is,
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uh, a key theme in your new book.
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So tell people who the book is for and then where they can find it.
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Speaker 3: Yeah.
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So Homemaking Matters is really for women in all different seasons because if we
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have a home, we're a homemaker Mm-hmm â¦ and we're opening our homes to others.
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So they can find it anywhere books are sold really.
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Amazon, um, Barnes & Noble, Walmart.
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Wherever you buy your books online they can find it.
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Or they can go to homemakingmatters.com
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and find it there too.
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So I appreciate that, that Misty.
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But it's really how God is working in us to use our ordinary days to
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bring him honor and glory, and in the midst of that how he's molding us
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more and more into Christ likeness.
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Speaker 2: Yes, and we need that encouragement- Mm â¦ over and over again
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as we- Yeah â¦ every stage of the journey because, yeah, God keeps revealing new
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things and teaching us new things- Mm
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all along the way.
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So thank you so much.
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So good.
23:07
And I'll have links for all of that in the episode description, so be sure to
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check those out and grab Marcy's new book.
23:14
So thank you so much Marcy for coming today.
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Speaker 3: Thank you so much, Misty, for having me.
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This was a treat to be here with you.
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Thank you.