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Transcript

Stop Mothering Your Man: How to Reclaim Your Feminine Energy and Attract Healthy Masculine Leadership · Mindful Success Path

• 0:32
  Ladies, I have a question for you.
• 0:34
  Are you in a relationship with a grown man, or are you managing him like he's one of your employees, or worse, one of your kids?
• 0:41
  Because I see this all the time.
• 0:44
  Women tell me that they want a masculine man who takes initiative, makes decisions, provides, protects, and then she's constantly telling him what to do She's reminding him of his responsibilities, managing his schedule, making decisions for him, and trying to make sure that he did what he said he was going to do.
• 1:02
  And then many of these women wonder why they feel so exhausted, and they wonder why their marriages and their relationships feel more like a second job rather than a romantic partnership.
• 1:14
  Meanwhile, they notice that the men start becoming increasingly more passive.
• 1:20
  So here's something I want you to consider You cannot simultaneously treat a man like a child and then expect to experience him as a masculine partner.
• 1:30
  Now before anybody gets upset, I'm not saying women are responsible for making men behave like adults, quite the opposite.
• 1:37
  I actually think one of the biggest mistakes women make is assuming responsibility for a man's behavior in the first place.
• 1:44
  Because when you're constantly managing him, you're taking on responsibilities that were never yours, and in many cases, you're doing it because you believe that if you don't, then everything will fall apart.
• 1:56
  But what if I told you that the solution isn't to get better at managing him?
• 2:00
  What if the solution is to stop managing him altogether?
• 2:04
  Today, we're talking about the mindset shift that can completely change the way that you experience relationships, and it starts by understanding the difference between supporting a man and taking responsibility for his life.
• 2:16
  So let's get into it.
• 2:18
  Hi, my name is Amanda.
• 2:19
  Welcome to this channel where we talk about how to manifest what you want in life without all the extra stress, chaos, and drama that most people are accustomed to.
• 2:26
  Lately, we've been talking a lot about relationship dynamics.
• 2:28
  It's based on my 15 years of experience coaching women in different areas of their lives, and my own personal transformation where I went from a hyper-independent, over-masculine, survival mode, trying to protect myself, attracting passive men woman, to attracting my protector provider husband in just four months after I started applying a lot of the things that I talk about on this YouTube channel.
• 2:52
  So if that's something that you're interested in, make sure to subscribe and hit the notification bell so you don't miss a single video, and if you would like access to our live streams where I engage with you live in the chat and answer your questions, then consider becoming a member.
• 3:06
  I also have a free gift for anyone who comes across this video.
• 3:10
  It's my free Divine Feminine Archetypes quiz.
• 3:13
  In this quiz, it will let you know which archetype is most dominant for you out of the four that I teach, and it'll show you how those patterns are playing out in your dating life, for better or for worse.
• 3:24
  So for example, let's say that you get the Awakening Warrior archetype.
• 3:28
  Well, then I can already tell you that you're a control freak and that you're probably attracting more passive men, and then the quiz will tell you how that's showing up in your relationship dynamics and what to do to change it.
• 3:39
  So all you have to do is go to mindfulsuccesspath.com/quiz.
• 3:43
  It's free, it's three minutes, and it's life-changing.
• 3:46
  So first I wanna talk about how women end up in this situation, why women start managing men in the first place, because I don't believe that most women wake up one morning and decide that they want to become their husband's mother.
• 3:57
  Usually, it happens gradually.
• 4:00
  Maybe in the beginning of the relationship, you noticed that he wasn't particularly organized, so you started helping him remember things.
• 4:07
  Then you noticed he wasn't great at planning, so you started making the plans.
• 4:11
  Then you noticed he wasn't managing his money particularly well, so you started managing that, too.
• 4:17
  And before you know it, you are responsible for everything.
• 4:20
  You're responsible for his appointments, his family obligations, his finances, his emotional wellbeing, and his career decisions Not to mention every other little thing that comes up.
• 4:31
  Now, here's what's interesting.
• 4:32
  At first, this might actually make you feel valuable.
• 4:35
  You feel needed, you feel appreciated, you feel like you're making his life better, and maybe he even tells you how lucky he is to have you.
• 4:43
  But eventually, something changes.
• 4:46
  You start feeling resentful.
• 4:48
  You start feeling exhausted.
• 4:50
  You start wondering why he can't just handle things himself, and suddenly, the very things that you volunteered to manage are the things you're complaining about.
• 4:59
  Now, let me be clear.
• 5:00
  Sometimes men genuinely refuse to take responsibility, and their partners end up picking up the slack out of necessity.
• 5:06
  That is a real problem.
• 5:08
  But other times, women step in before a man has even demonstrated that he needs help, and that's the pattern that I want us to examine today Because there's a huge difference between helping someone who asks for support and automatically assuming that they're incapable of handling their own life, and a lot of women don't realize that they are actually doing the second one.
• 5:27
  Now let's go deeper, because the behavior itself is only part of the issue.
• 5:32
  Underneath that, there's usually a belief, and the belief sounds something like this: If I don't do it, it won't get done.
• 5:40
  Or maybe the belief sounds like, if I don't stay on top of everything, something bad is going to happen.
• 5:47
  And this is where the nervous system comes into play.
• 5:49
  Because for many women, control has become a form of emotional safety.
• 5:54
  Maybe you grew up in a household where you couldn't depend on the adults.
• 5:57
  Maybe you had to become responsible at a very young age.
• 6:01
  Maybe you've been in relationships where you were let down repeatedly.
• 6:04
  Or maybe you've simply spent so many years being the person everybody relies on that you have forgotten what it feels like to actually receive support.
• 6:12
  And now, when someone says that they're going to handle something, you don't actually relax.
• 6:17
  Instead, you become anxious, you start thinking about everything that could go wrong, you start creating backup plans, you start asking questions, you start checking in on everyone, you start following up, all because you don't trust that another person can get it done And then eventually you inevitably take over.
• 6:33
  Not necessarily because the other person is incapable, but because not being in control makes you feel very uncomfortable.
• 6:41
  And here's the part that I really want you to understand.
• 6:43
  Sometimes you're not managing a man because he needs managing.
• 6:46
  You're managing him because you haven't learned how to feel safe when you're not in control.
• 6:50
  And girl, I know this.
• 6:52
  I know this well.
• 6:53
  I lived here for a very long time during my awakening warrior era.
• 6:57
  And again, if you wanna know which archetype that I teach is most dominant in your life, please make sure to take that quiz.
• 7:03
  I promise you, it's enlightening.
• 7:05
  Mindfulsuccesspath.com/quiz So managing him because you haven't learned how to feel safe when you're not in control is a very different problem than a man needing managing.
• 7:16
  Oftentimes, he doesn't, and if you don't recognize it, you can repeat this dynamic with multiple partners.
• 7:21
  You can repeat it with your kids.
• 7:23
  You can repeat it at work.
• 7:24
  You can repeat it everywhere, and you're going to end up exhausted.
• 7:27
  The other thing that you might notice is you might leave one relationship because you felt like you had to do everything.
• 7:32
  Then you meet a perfectly capable man, but because you're so accustomed to managing everything, you start doing it all over again, and eventually you find yourself right back in the same dynamic.
• 7:43
  Now, I do wanna make an important distinction here.
• 7:45
  If your partner has repeatedly demonstrated that he's unreliable, your anxiety may be responding to a very real problem, and that's not something that you should ignore.
• 7:56
  But if you're with someone who is capable, willing, and generally dependable, learning to release unnecessary control can completely change the relationship and your life Now this is where I wanna give you a little tough love, because I see women trying to manage men into becoming the kind of partners that they want.
• 8:13
  They want a man who takes initiative.
• 8:14
  But they tell him exactly what to do.
• 8:16
  They want a man who plans the dates, but then they're the ones sending him restaurant suggestions, available times, and reservation links.
• 8:22
  They say they want a man who provides, but then she creates a budget for him, offers to pay half, reaches for her wallet, helps him find better jobs, and sometimes even finances his business ventures.
• 8:34
  I have gotten women in my DMs and emails who have bought businesses for men, only for those men to leave those women when the business started going south.
• 8:44
  A lot of these women want a man who leads, but then they give him a list of detailed instructions on how to lead.
• 8:49
  Girl, if you have to direct every single action, are you really experiencing the kind of leadership that you say you want?
• 8:55
  Think about it.
• 8:56
  You want him to surprise you with flowers, so you remind him that you like flowers.
• 9:01
  You send him links to flower arrangements.
• 9:03
  You tell him when the florist is having a sale, then you're disappointed because the flowers didn't feel romantic.
• 9:09
  Well, of course they didn't because you became the project manager of your own romantic gesture.
• 9:14
  Now, there's nothing wrong with communicating your preferences.
• 9:17
  In fact, healthy relationships require communication.
• 9:21
  A man is not a mind reader.
• 9:23
  But there is a huge difference between saying,"I love receiving flowers, and that makes me feel so special," and having to repeatedly instruct someone to demonstrate basic consideration after you've clearly expressed what matters to you.
• 9:35
  One communication is a desire, the other becomes an ongoing management responsibility And that's the distinction.
• 9:42
  You cannot communicate what you want without assuming responsibility for making another person do it because genuine initiative has to come from the person actually taking the initiative.
• 9:51
  You cannot manufacture that through constant reminders, and trying to do so is often what creates so much of the frustration that women are feeling in their relationships Now here's another reason why women end up in relationships where they feel like they're managing men, and this one is especially important.
• 10:07
  They're not relating to the man in front of them.
• 10:09
  They're relating to the man they believe he could become.
• 10:13
  Maybe he's ambitious, but he doesn't actually follow through.
• 10:16
  Maybe he talks about starting a business but never does it.
• 10:19
  Or maybe asks you to buy one.
• 10:21
  Maybe he says he wants marriage but hasn't demonstrated any willingness to build toward commitment.
• 10:27
  Maybe he tells you that he's going to get his finances together, but his behavior never changes, and all you see is potential.
• 10:34
  You think,"Oh, if he could just get organized, if he could just become more disciplined, if he could just get that business off the ground, if he could just heal his childhood wounds, then he'd be such an amazing partner," and suddenly you've taken on a new project, him You're researching courses for him, you're helping him write his resume, you're connecting him with people, you're lending him money, you're trying to motivate him, you're constantly reminding him of the man he could become.
• 10:59
  But here's the question: does he actually want to become that man, or do you want him to become that man?
• 11:05
  Because those two are very different things, and I think women need to be extremely careful about this, especially women who are successful, nurturing, and naturally good at seeing opportunities.
• 11:16
  You may be excellent at helping people grow.
• 11:18
  You may be fantastic at building businesses.
• 11:21
  You may have a natural gift for recognizing potential and talent in people, but your romantic relationship is not supposed to become another business development project.
• 11:30
  You can love someone, you can encourage them, you can believe in them, but you cannot want their growth more than they do.
• 11:36
  And if you find yourself constantly investing more energy into a man's future than he is investing in himself, that's something that you need to examine.
• 11:45
  Because sometimes the most feminine thing you can do is stop trying to turn somebody into your ideal partner and simply observe whether the person they are already aligns with what you want Now, if you're already married, then we just have to be extra mindful of this, especially us former awakening warriors and over-functioners.
• 12:04
  So for example, something recently happened in my husband's business where things started growing really quickly, and it became kinda obvious that he needed help.
• 12:12
  Now, awakening warrior Amanda would've, like, jumped in to help and started fixing the problems and managing the stuff, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba.
• 12:19
  Magnetic empress Amanda, and again, if you have no idea what I'm talking about with these archetypes, please take the quiz, mindfulsuccesspath.com/quiz.
• 12:27
  Magnetic empress Amanda is like, Have you thought about hiring an assistant?
• 12:30
  What do you think about that?" And then he hired an assistant, and it's been great.
• 12:34
  So there's a lot of load off my back.
• 12:36
  I get to maintain the position of wife and lover rather than manager or assistant, and then I also have more time to pursue my projects, have my own life, which then makes me more attractive to my husband.
• 12:48
  You have to be mindful of this, those of you who are married, because especially if we've had that tendency of being in survival mode for a long time, it can just be a hard habit to break.
• 12:57
  So we just have to be extra mindful.
• 12:59
  We have to learn how to deal with the anxiety that comes up for us when we're letting other people take the reins or when we're not coming in to rescue people, and we have to rewire the belief that love needs to be earned.
• 13:11
  That's where a lot of the nervous system regulation practices that I talk about on this channel come in really handy, so make sure to subscribe if you haven't done so already.
• 13:19
  And if you want exclusive livestreams where I'm coaching you live, then make sure to join as a member.
• 13:25
  So now let's talk about the kind of dynamic that many women are actually looking for, because when I talk about masculine leadership, I'm not talking about a man who controls everything.
• 13:36
  I'm talking about a man who makes unilateral decisions, and I'm certainly not talking about a man who expects a woman to be submissive while he avoids responsibility, because that's not healthy leadership.
• 13:47
  To me, healthy masculine leadership is about a man who takes ownership of his life and genuinely enjoys contributing to the relationship.
• 14:56
  He's dependable.
• 14:57
  He follows through.
• 14:57
  He makes decisions.
• 14:59
  He takes initiatives.
• 15:00
  He considers how his choices affect his partner, and when something goes wrong, he's willing to take responsibility instead of immediately looking for someone else to blame.
• 15:09
  Now, that doesn't mean he's perfect.
• 15:10
  Of course not.
• 15:11
  Nobody is.
• 15:12
  My husband isn't perfect.
• 15:13
  I'm not perfect.
• 15:14
  We're two human beings figuring things out together, and yes, sometimes we disagree.
• 15:18
  Sometimes things need to be discussed.
• 15:20
  Sometimes one of us has more experience or expertise in a particular area than the other one.
• 15:25
  But the important thing is that we're both adults who are responsible for our own behavior, and this is where feminine receptivity becomes so freaking powerful because when you're with someone who genuinely wants to contribute, you can allow yourself to receive the contribution.
• 15:40
  Case in point, I start this YouTube channel, and, um, I had this massive fear of burning out like I did, uh, before in my previous businesses before I met my husband, and my husband says,"Don't worry, I'm never gonna let that happen again." Now, my husband is kind of a genius when it comes to business structures and operations and systems and technology.
• 16:01
  He has, like, an engineering-type brain.
• 16:03
  I do not.
• 16:04
  So he's the one who set up the entire back end of the system.
• 16:08
  He's the one who set up the membership site.
• 16:10
  He's the one who creates a lot of the structure.
• 16:13
  He's the one who deals with a lot of the operations.
• 16:15
  By the way, he does, does this on the side of his own busy businesses just to give to me, and then I am able to receive that contribution from him.
• 16:25
  So I don't have to micromanage everything.
• 16:27
  I don't have to correct every little detail.
• 16:30
  I don't have to insist that things always be done my way.
• 16:32
  I can actually allow another capable adult to handle something that I don't wanna handle, and ladies, that can feel incredibly freeing But here's what I really wanna emphasize.
• 16:44
  You should not have to become a man's mother in order to experience him as a partner.
• 16:48
  In fact, it will kill attraction.
• 16:49
  So any romantic attraction that you have will die over time.
• 16:53
  Same thing when you go, like, 50/50 on bills.
• 16:55
  Eventually, a woman becomes pretty freaking resentful with that dynamic, and then the, the spark kinda goes away.
• 17:02
  And you should also not have to abandon your judgment or boundaries in order to experience healthy masculine leadership.
• 17:07
  These things are not mutually exclusive.
• 17:09
  So what's the mindset shift here?
• 17:12
  How do we get to a space where we can have all of these things?
• 17:16
  It's this: stop asking,"How do I get him to do what I want?" And start asking,"Is this the kind of man I actually wanna be with?" This is particularly for those of you who are dating.
• 17:26
  A lot of you ask me about your boyfriends, a man that you are dating, and you're trying to change a boyfriend.
• 17:32
  And I'm like,"Girl, he is just a boyfriend." That doesn't really mean anything at all in society.
• 17:38
  So do you really wanna waste your time with a man who is not actually the man that you wanna be with?
• 17:43
  'Cause if you're just boyfriend, you got an easy out, okay?
• 17:46
  Now, those of you who are married, you can do work to change the dynamic of the relationship.
• 17:51
  Most of you who've reached out well, reached out more personally, not just comments where I have no context.
• 17:57
  But those of you who've reached out personally, I believe most of you are married to good men, but not all of you are, right?
• 18:02
  And that's a reckoning that you are going to have to come to terms with.
• 18:06
  Because when you're constantly trying to get someone to change, you're placing yourself in a position of managing another adult.
• 18:12
  So you're trying to control the outcome, you're trying to shape his behavior, you're trying to create the relationship that you want through effort, not ease.
• 18:21
  And when you shift into observation and discernment, well, then everything changes So instead of trying to get him to plan dates, you notice whether or not he naturally takes initiative.
• 18:29
  Instead of trying to get him to manage his finances, you observe how he handles financial responsibility.
• 18:34
  I have a story about this because, um, although my husband was a provider, he wasn't always great at managing money.
• 18:40
  He was great at, like, making money, but not always great at managing the money.
• 18:45
  I happen to have more experience in this area because I was a financial expert, it was my first business, for, like, eight years.
• 18:52
  So I expressed to my husband,"You know what, my love?
• 18:54
  Thank you so much for everything you do to provide for us.
• 18:56
  It feels really good to me when you take the full financial responsibility.
• 19:00
  Um, you know, it's just really on my heart that I would really like to get better at, you know, savings and investments for our future.
• 19:07
  That would feel really good to me.
• 19:08
  What do you think?" That's what I did, right?
• 19:11
  I didn't manage him.
• 19:12
  I didn't micromanage him.
• 19:14
  Maybe I've had some moments where I got triggered, but that, that's where I tried to go with it at some point, and then he agreed.
• 19:20
  And then after that, right, he started getting a lot better at managing his finances to the point where now he's got more savings and investments that he's ever had, and he's making more money than he's ever made.
• 19:32
  I didn't try to get my husband to follow through.
• 19:35
  I just expressed a desire and paid attention to whether or not his actions matched his words.
• 19:40
  Now, by this point, I knew my husband was a man of his word, I know that my husband values growth, and I know my husband values responsibility, so I knew that I didn't have to micromanage him or make him look at the finances.
• 19:52
  I just had to express a desire and he was gonna do it.
• 19:54
  'Cause the first thing I realized about my husband when we were dating was how reliable he was, and he always did what he said he was going to do, and he valued integrity and he valued growth For those of you who are dating and wanna get commitment from a man, instead of trying to get him to commit, you have a conversation about what you both want and observe whether the relationship is progressing in that direction, and if it is, great, and if it's not, walk away or go date other men.
• 20:17
  You move from managing to evaluating, from convincing to discerning, from controlling to choosing.
• 20:23
  And this is an incredibly powerful place to be because at that point you are no longer responsible for another person's behavior.
• 20:31
  You're just responsible for your own choices, and you get to decide what kind of a relationship you want.
• 20:37
  You get to communicate your desires.
• 20:38
  You get to establish your standards, and you get to recognize whether the person you're with shares those values and standards.
• 20:45
  And that is a completely different way of approaching relationships and dating.
• 20:50
  Modern dating is a hot, stinking mess, and part of the reason why modern dating is a hot, stinking mess is because no one does it with intention anymore, Most people don't even know what their values are.
• 21:01
  I will be in coaching calls with women or in courses and in classes, and most of y'all can't even tell me what it is that you actually want in a man other than you want him to pay your bills.
• 21:09
  Okay, you gotta go a little bit deeper than that'cause that's basic.
• 21:12
  You gotta figure out what your values and what your desired lifestyle is.
• 21:16
  And once you determine what those things are, then dating gets a lot easier, girl.
• 21:21
  It gets so much easier because somebody's either a match or they're not, and there's not all this emotional turmoil, and dating just becomes a lot more pleasurable.
• 21:30
  Because my husband and I had already done this work as individuals before we met each other, then it was just obvious that we were going to get married.
• 21:38
  From the beginning, it was pretty obvious that it was just a good match, and that's exactly what happened.
• 21:44
  There was no drama.
• 21:45
  There was no inconsistency.
• 21:47
  There was no, uh, you know, trying to figure out what the other person is thinking.
• 21:51
  There was none of that stuff, right?
• 21:53
  Because we were both very clear on our values and made the decision based on that.
• 21:57
  And for women who have spent years over-functioning and managing m- men, this can actually feel like an enormous relief once you finally understand it.
• 22:07
  At first, especially if you're dating and you're, there's a guy that you're interested in and he's not stepping up the way that you want him to, at first it's gonna give you a hell of a lot of anxiety because you have the anxiety because you wanna control the situation, because you feel like you're safe when you have control of the situation.
• 22:24
  And he might step up, and he might not step up, and you have to be okay with that.
• 22:28
  When you get to the place where you're okay with wherever the chips may fall, it is liberating.
• 22:34
  That is the place that I got to when I decided that I was ready to get married, and I let go of people that were there.
• 22:40
  I just stopped managing.
• 22:42
  I stopped over-functioning.
• 22:43
  I stopped paying attention.
• 22:45
  They fell away, and it made room for my husband.
• 22:47
  And it was freeing to do that when you finally get it.
• 22:52
  So now let's make this practical, and we're gonna talk about what to do when you realize that you've been managing your men because some of you are probably watching this and you're thinking,"Okay, Amanda, I get it.
• 23:01
  I've been managing my man.
• 23:02
  I'm already married to this guy.
• 23:04
  He's my husband.
• 23:05
  What, what do I actually do about it?" So first, I want you to stop automatically jumping in to solve every problem.
• 23:12
  If your man says that he's gonna handle something, allow him the opportunity to handle it.
• 23:16
  You don't have to immediately offer suggestions, you don't have to ask for constant updates, and you don't have to assume that he's going to fail.
• 23:23
  Now, if it's something that affects your safety, your finances, your shared responsibilities, then you absolutely have a right to be involved.
• 23:30
  Obviously, it's a team effort here.
• 23:32
  We're not talking about ignoring serious consequences.
• 23:35
  We're talking about releasing unnecessary control.
• 23:38
  And this is a good reminder for myself because, again, I spent a long time in that awakening warrior, so sometimes it's a habit that I just have to be extra mindful of so that I don't fall back into old bad habits.
• 23:50
  Next, you wanna learn how to communicate your desires without turning them into assignments or criticism.
• 23:55
  So instead of saying,"You never plan anything.
• 23:57
  I always have to do everything," you might instead say,"I really love when you take initiative and plan something for us.
• 24:03
  It makes me feel really cared for," and then allow him to respond, and pay attention to what he does over time.
• 24:10
  And by the way, if you're married and you're married to a good man, which many of you are, but the polarity is off, you're just...
• 24:17
  You- It- it's gonna require repetition, okay?
• 24:19
  And it's gonna get kinda awkward, and you need to give it enough time to get past the awkward stage to know whether or not this man is really gonna step up.
• 24:26
  'Cause, you know, you're switching up the dynamic on him.
• 24:28
  It's gonna take him a minute to even realize what the hell is going on, right?
• 24:32
  So third, you wanna stop rescuing people from the natural consequences of their choices.
• 24:38
  This is huge.
• 24:40
  So if a grown man continually fails to manage his personal responsibilities, it isn't automatically your job to fix everything.
• 24:48
  You can be compassionate without becoming responsible for his entire life.
• 24:52
  Now, if you're married and you're sharing significant responsibilities, you need to approach those situations thoughtfully because his decisions may affect you, too.
• 24:59
  But let me give you an example that I saw from a friend of mine on Instagram the other day.
• 25:03
  So I guess her husband had, like, a tax bill that he had to pay from, like, one of his businesses, and old her would've, like, jumped in and tried to resolve it and manage the money.
• 25:15
  And then she was like,"No, you know what?
• 25:16
  I'm not gonna be doing that anymore.
• 25:18
  I'm done," right?
• 25:19
  So she just left it alone, right?
• 25:21
  She left it alone, and then he had a little bit of a tax situation that he had to deal with because he didn't take the responsibility for it, so he dealt with the consequences of it, and then he's never done it again, okay?
• 25:32
  So sometimes you just need to allow people to deal with the natural consequences, um, of their decisions.
• 25:40
  So that's a perfect example of what that might look like.
• 25:43
  And again, if you're married and there's sharing of significant responsibilities or something does affect you and your responsibilities, then you know, appro- there's nuance to this, right?
• 25:53
  But that doesn't mean that your only option is to keep compensating a man indefinitely, right?
• 25:57
  Like, you can have honest conversations, you can establish boundaries, you can learn to communicate, you can make agreements about shared responsibilities, and you can decide what you're willing to participate in So I'll bring up the example of my husband recently in his business again when he started getting overloaded and it was obvious that he needed help.
• 26:14
  Old Amanda would have tried to jump in, okay?
• 26:16
  Magnetic Empress Amanda, who wants to stay the wife and lover in his eyes and doesn't want to over-function and has other things going on and is a high-value woman, was like,"Maybe you should hire someone.
• 26:27
  Have you thought about hiring someone?" And then he did, and it's been great.
• 26:31
  So fourth, get comfortable with the possibility that someone might not step up, because I think this is what scares women the most.
• 26:39
  They think,"If I stop managing everything, what, what if he doesn't do anything?
• 26:44
  What if he doesn't step up?
• 26:45
  What if I'm disappointed?" Okay, well then you have in, some very important information, and I know that that can be incredibly uncomfortable and scary and confronting, especially if you've invested years into a relationship.
• 26:58
  Some of you have invested years not into a marriage, into relationships that are not working.
• 27:05
  But continuing to manage someone indefinitely doesn't actually solve the underlying problem.
• 27:11
  It just makes it easier to avoid confronting it.
• 27:14
  So what that might look like, right, is it's like I said, you have to be okay with wherever the chips are gonna fall.
• 27:20
  And as terrifying as it is at first, it's also really liberating when you finally allow yourself that space, and then you can get the data that you need and make your decisions accordingly.
• 27:31
  And the reason why most people don't get the life that they want is because they don't want to confront these moments.
• 27:36
  I'm just gonna leave that right there.
• 27:38
  So finally, you want to start exploring your relationship with control.
• 27:42
  Oh, girl, I've had to do a lot of work on this.
• 27:44
  So you want to start asking yourself,"Why do I feel responsible for everything?
• 27:48
  What am I afraid will happen if I stop?
• 27:51
  Do I trust myself to handle disappointment without trying to prevent it?
• 27:55
  Am I confusing being needed with being loved because I have a belief that love needs to be earned?" Because sometimes the biggest transformation doesn't happen when the man changes.
• 28:06
  It happens when you stop believing that you're responsible for making him change So let's start putting a bow on this, right?
• 28:12
  I wanna end with something that I think is incredibly important because there's a lot of feminine energy advice that essentially tells women,"If you're feminine enough, then he'll become more masculine.
• 28:22
  If you surrender enough, he'll start leading.
• 28:24
  If you're soft enough, he'll become the provider." And while your behavior can absolutely influence relationship dynamics, there is something very important missing from that conversation.
• 28:35
  A man's character is his responsibility, not yours.
• 28:39
  So your feminine energy is not a rehabilitation program for emotionally immature men.
• 28:43
  I have said this before, a lot of women use their feminine energy on the wrong man.
• 28:50
  So rather than getting with a man who has already shown that he is responsible, and then her, um, watering that garden and nurturing that garden and being supportive of him and learning to inspire him more and receive from him instead, and her, magnetism and her, her multiplication powers, let's put it that way,'cause the feminine is about the multiplication.
• 29:13
  And that's why when couples figure this out, they usually end up making more money when they figure out a healthy dynamic.
• 29:18
  Well, women don't typically do that.
• 29:20
  Women will typically take that feminine energy, that multiplication energy, and use it on a man who's a project because some women just love a damn project.
• 29:31
  And then what happens is they get left later.
• 29:33
  So I don't want you to end up in a situation where you're being a rehabilitation center for a man,'cause girl, you are not a rehab, and I probably need to put that on some merch.
• 29:42
  Your softness is also not supposed to compensate for somebody else's lack of accountability, and your willingness to receive does not mean that you should tolerate behavior that doesn't meet your standards.
• 29:55
  I've said this over and over and over again.
• 29:57
  The reason why men are behaving the way that they're behaving right now in modern dating is because women have let them.
• 30:02
  It's because women have let them get away with it and there's no consequences for their behavior because women just keep opening their legs for them, keep tolerating them, don't have standards, don't have boundaries, keep giving up the kitty cat too soon, stick around.
• 30:15
  Like, women do this stuff all the time, and that's why men have, devolved right into what we're seeing in the modern dating world.
• 30:23
  It's because women have let them do it.
• 30:25
  And that's why I'm like, well, as soon as women start to change, they'll start to change too, and I think we are starting to see a little bit of that based on just what I'm seeing happening around not just in the United States, but also other countries as well, where you de- do see more women trying to learn about these things and taking more responsibility for their choices and not becoming so easily accessible to men who don't deserve it.
• 30:49
  Now, the purpose of embracing your feminine energy is not to manipulate a man into becoming someone else.
• 30:54
  Please, can we stop the manipulation thing?
• 30:56
  It is so exhausting.
• 30:58
  It is so performative.
• 30:59
  You're gonna be in masculine energy for the rest of your life, and you're gonna have to perform for the rest of your life.
• 31:04
  I don't want that for you.
• 31:06
  It's about becoming more connected to yourself.
• 31:09
  It's about stopping operating from constant fear and control.
• 31:13
  It's about becoming more comfortable receiving support and to develop the discernment to recognize relationships that genuinely align with you and what you desire because the goal is not to manage a man into becoming masculine or being masculine.
• 31:29
  The goal is to choose a partner whose values, behaviors, and desires complement your own, and then allow both people to contribute to the relationship in the ways that feel fulfilling and authentic.
• 31:41
  That is where real partnership begins.
• 31:45
  So if there's one thing that I want you to take away from today's video, it's this: stop trying to manage a grown man into becoming the partner that you want.
• 31:51
  You can communicate, you can encourage, you can support.
• 31:54
  You can inspire, but you cannot take responsibility for another adult's willingness to show up for themselves.
• 32:00
  And the sooner you release that responsibility, the sooner you can begin experiencing relationships differently.
• 32:06
  You can stop feeling like everything depends on you.
• 32:09
  You can stop carrying responsibilities that were never yours to carry.
• 32:12
  You can stop trying to convince someone to meet your needs, and you can start making decisions based on what people actually demonstrate.
• 32:19
  Because you don't need another project.
• 32:21
  You want a partner, and there's a big difference So now I wanna hear from you.
• 32:25
  Have you ever realized that you were managing a man instead of actually being in relationship with him?
• 32:30
  And what happened when you stopped?
• 32:32
  Let me know in the comments, because I know this is going to spark some interesting conversations'cause it always does.
• 32:39
  And if you're ready to go deeper into feminine energy, healing the patterns that keep you over-functioning, and becoming more comfortable receiving healthy masculine support, then I've got two resources for you.
• 32:48
  The first is my introductory program called Feminine Magnetism Mastery.
• 32:52
  It's only$27, in that content, what you're learning is relationship psychology 101.
• 32:58
  You're gonna learn masculine psychology 101, so what makes men attracted to women, and in addition to that, you're gonna learn about all the innocent mistakes that women make in relationships that either attract passive men or make your man passive over time.
• 33:13
  And the second resource that I have for you is I would like to cordially invite you to my 2027 Magnetic Manifestation Portal.
• 33:21
  It's gonna be a two-day event the weekend of December 5th and 6th.
• 33:24
  On December 5th, we'll be working on releasing the patterns that are keeping you stuck and over-functioning, as in getting rid of them, and on December 6th, we're gonna start talking about, what it is that you want to manifest and how to become the woman who has the capacity to receive the love that she says she desires in 2027.
• 33:44
  It's currently at an early bird price, I think, through the first week of November.
• 33:49
  And when you join today, you are also gonna get immediate access to the bonus, and the bonus is the Magnetic Woman Transformation Training.
• 33:57
  Many of you have been asking about nervous system regulation, recovering from burnout, dealing with your anxiety in the moment when you're changing dynamics in the relationship.
• 34:07
  Well, darling, this is the best nervous system regulation training I have ever done, and you get it as a free bonus when you enroll in the Magnetic Manifestation Portal.
• 34:19
  And you don't have to wait until December to do it.
• 34:21
  You get access to it right away.
• 34:24
  You'll find the details for both of these in the description below and also in the first comment Links in description and first comment.
• 34:30
  And of course, make sure to subscribe if you enjoy these conversations about feminine energy, relationships, money, and creating a life rooted in alignment rather than constant effort.
• 34:40
  Thank you so much for giving me your time today, and I'll catch you on the next one.