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Sober Talk SA - Emi · Sober Talk SA

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  Welcome to celibate sock. I'm Dennis and I have lived
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  experience of alcohol. If you or anyone, you know is
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  struggling with alcohol, please call Alcoholics Anonymous on
• 0:10
  1,300 CC of double to double to, or check out their website on
• 0:15
  are DOT org, dot, are you I'll just run through the Preamble of
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  Alcoholics Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous is a
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  fellowship of men and women who share their experience strength
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  and hope with each other. They must Soldier.
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  Arkham problems and help others to recover from alcoholism.
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  The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop
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  drinking. There are no Jews are face /.
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  A membership. We are self-supporting through
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  our own contributions is not allied with any sector
• 0:45
  nomination, politics, organization, or institution
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  does not wish to engage in any controversy.
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  Neither endorses are opposed any causes our primary purpose is
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  still so many help other alcoholics achieve sobriety.
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  Hi, my name's Amy and I'm an alcoholic.
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  Hopefully, my story my experience, my strength, and my
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  hope both before. And after recovery, can help
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  somebody with some identification into my story.
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  And hopefully, you can find some parallels between my drinking
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  story in Jaws. So, I first started drinking
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  when I was very young about nine years old.
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  Old. My mom was having a party and
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  she asked me and my siblings to be the like the wine people in
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  the hosts and my brother and sister were quite fine.
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  But I decided to finish off all the dregs of everyone else's
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  drinks and I got quite drunk. Remember a lot of it but I do
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  remember that. It gave me a really good feeling
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  not so much the physical side of it, but emotionally like I just
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  I kind of felt Happy and, you know, like Eddie's, yeah.
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  That idea of eight being at ease and comfort.
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  That was me because I always felt really uncomfortable, had a
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  really dysfunctional, family, and abusive childhood.
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  So being able to do something, which took that away
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  momentarily, was really, really good.
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  So I continue drinking not regularly at that age but by 12
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  you know I was writing the my dad's.
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  I'm cooking Brandy and Masala and he like had a shelf of
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  alcohol out in the open and I just used to drink that, he knew
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  what he knew. I did he didn't really do
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  anything but yeah I would get quite drunk and by the time I
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  was 14, I'd left school and I just started a job and that job
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  was really yeah, really unpleasant.
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  The boss was also abused. Even just horrible and I guess I
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  kind of I'd left school to be able to get free of my family
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  situation because I thought if I could leave school and get
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  independent, you know, I could kind of get get out of that
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  situation. But yeah, my situation just went
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  went from bad to worse and then I started drinking pretty
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  heavily. So I hooked up with another
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  chick who wrote there at the same place and we just both
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  drank a lot. So that age, I could have had
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  two types of drinking one was with this girl at my work.
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  I'm where we just Frank really really badly and heavily really
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  destructively was kind of very Bleak and horrible.
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  And you know, we get into trouble, we get thrown out of
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  pubs, we get barred, you know, all the stupid stuff and then I
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  used to go out for my sister who was older than me, I was the
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  youngest and we go to pubs and clubs and we get people to bars
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  drinking. Just be stupid and look around
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  and it was kind of funny. But yeah, it kind of stopped
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  being funny because by the time I was in my 20s, I was just
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  drinking all the time and there's so much of my Twenties
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  that I just don't remember, I'd had a breakdown.
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  When I was 16, I had been in and out of Institutions, Yan life
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  was just really, really messy. I just didn't know how to
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  navigate life. I knew I wanted something
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  different and I wanted to get out of where I was which was you
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  know living with my family who were really dysfunctional.
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  I was just unhappy and so I tried to get a job in the
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  country is to get the country land newspaper and look for
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  jewelry and jchiarie jobs and I got one but then that didn't
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  work out. So I came back home then I
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  started our school and that was good but And, you know, I just
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  had this right down there were straight down.
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  And, yeah, that was five years in and out of Institutions, that
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  would kind of go in into a hospital.
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  Obviously, I couldn't drink while I was in there, I'd kind
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  of get myself together a little bit.
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  I'd come out and just go into met him again.
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  I was on a lot of medication. I actually have PTSD, but no one
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  knew it back. Then this is a long time ago.
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  No one knew what PTSD was really unless you were a vet.
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  Turan and even then it was not that known.
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  But yeah, I had PTSD PTSD, but none of the doctors needed.
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  So they just diagnose me with everything.
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  They could think of and put me on a whole chunk of medication
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  walking zombie. And I used to read the back of
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  the medications and it was say, don't consume alcohol when
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  you're on this medication and I think, well, that's ridiculous.
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  How can you not consume alcohol? It actually perplexes me.
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  I thought that that. How can you ask someone not to
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  do that? I just thought it was like, my
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  right to consume alcohol. It like how couldn't imagine
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  anything else? And I think, well, great.
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  I'll get more messed up if I'm drinking while I'm also on these
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  medications. Well, I just yeah, I didn't get
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  better. That's for sure.
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  Eventually, I met someone in one of the hospitals that are
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  staining and we both did a geographical right up duct North
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  Queensland and that it was when some parts of my life started to
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  improve. I got away from my family and
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  even though we drank a lot, I was kind of out of that.
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  Toxic environment of going in hospital, getting medicated
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  coming home being in back of my family, doing stupid staff
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  drinking, you know, being out of sorts.
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  And then back again, it was just such a such Merry-Go-Round was
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  really, really horrible. So yeah, I was able to kind of
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  get out of that and I always manage to find other people who
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  drank heavily like like I did. And this person was very much
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  like that and we just we just spent a lot of time just
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  drinking drinking so much, I life was just so looking back.
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  Was so Bleak was just nothing in it, just drinking away.
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  Waking up. It was had a cleaning job, going
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  clean, come back and do it all again.
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  We went from Ken's to Melbourne and back then it was really easy
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  to rent. I was on the pension.
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  So, you know, money wasn't a huge issue.
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  Rentals were really cheap in Melbourne, and so we just rented
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  this really beautiful house, but all we did, every day was just
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  drink, drink drink drink, it's just I'm looking back as like I
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  just spent so much time. Just drinking.
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  Where's all the things? I could have done, man was just
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  so so Bleak and horrible. I used to go into the bottle
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  shop because I never thought I was an alcoholic.
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  I'd grown up with alcoholics. So you know, they're alcoholics
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  in my life were all the really horrible kind, you know, just
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  smashed all the time, you know, doing stupid things on drugs as
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  well. So, in my mind, I knew I knew
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  what an alcoholic was and I wasn't one.
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  So I used to think, well, you know, this is just what you do,
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  you just drink, you drink it, you know, drink whenever you
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  can, you smoke, I was a chain smoker and then you do other
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  stuff in between, but the main part was, you know what Boozer,
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  were you going to get tonight? But yeah, I used to go into a
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  bottle shop and pretend that I didn't know about alcohol.
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  It was just so stupid because I Embarrassed I get embarrassed
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  that I was going into the same bottle shops all the time, and
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  buying booze and bind so much of it.
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  And I think we'll this person's got to see me and think I got a
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  problem and I don't want them to do that.
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  I lived in, you know, and kind of Melbourne close to the city.
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  So there were a lot of Arc, a lot of bottle shops around so
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  you know we were able to kind of go to different bottle shops but
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  even so I felt like I was going too much to you know, do one
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  particular Bottle Shop, you know, or another one.
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  Or another one. I think they're going to know
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  that I've got a problem. Even though I didn't want to
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  think that I had a problem. I wouldn't have said it said so
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  myself. So I used to go into the bottle
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  shop and I'd say I'm just, I'm looking for like a cooking wine,
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  you know, something not too expensive.
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  I don't really know much about alcohol.
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  Can you show me something? And I just, I just strung up
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  this ridiculous things like that.
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  It's just, I don't know. It's laughable, really?
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  Because I just couldn't I couldn't I just lived in so much
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  denial. I lived in like denial that my
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  life was so Bleak and empty, I lived in denial that I was
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  shortly. My Life by Chain smoking and
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  drinking so much. I lived in denial that I had no
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  hope. I just kind of lived day to day
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  but each day was so full of nothing.
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  I had plans but I couldn't continue.
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  I could have followed them through one stage.
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  And I was really interested in religion, so I researched a lot
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  of religion and at one stage, I thought I was going to become a
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  Buddhist and so I called up the the local Monastery and talk to
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  them about Buddhism, but about Buddhism and it turned out, that
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  one of the things I asked you to do was to refrain from alcohol.
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  I thought white, there's no way I can do that and and so I let
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  that go. So just things like that.
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  Anyway, my mom who lived in New South Wales she'd had cancer and
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  she came out of her Mission. So I felt that I should go home
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  and be with her because she heard counselor become terminal
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  so that process of moving, back to my family I think that was
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  really really bad for me. And I kind of I started to on
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  the surface have all the things that you know, showed like a
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  normal kind of life. Life, you know like I dressed
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  nicely. I went to study.
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  I talked hopley, all that kind of stuff.
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  I drove a car but inside it was an absolute mess and I got
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  pregnant. I celebrated my pregnancy with
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  cocktails. I met a friend at the pub and
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  were talking about my pregnancy and she said well I was talking
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  while I was having a beer and a smoke and she said, well what
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  are you going to do? At those like drinking is
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  making. I said, well, I don't know and I
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  genuinely didn't know what I could do because I couldn't
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  stop. But I guess that was my first
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  miracle in that. I actually did stop, but only
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  while I was pregnant. So I had four children and every
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  time while I was pregnant, I wouldn't drink and generally
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  wouldn't smoke. But then after I had my baby at
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  all, start up again. And by the time I had my last
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  one, the period of me not drinking or smoking.
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  Making had was just getting shorter and shorter.
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  So you know, towards the start of the, my pregnancy and towards
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  the end of my pregnancy and sometimes he between not be
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  drinking when I was breastfeeding, I wouldn't care
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  really about because I was soon as I had the baby, that's it.
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  You know, I'll be drinking heavily and so you know I'd know
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  that I'd be breastfed in and kind of giving the baby alcohol
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  but I wasn't able to really do much about it.
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  So being, you know, in the shower See my milk but I'd be so
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  drunk. I got into a properly and then
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  my baby want to feed and it was just terrible.
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  Really, really terrible way to live.
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  But what happened was I got married and that was a disaster
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  and then became homeless because my marriage is quite abusive and
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  I think that process of becoming homeless and experiencing some
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  really bad. Violence was something that was
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  mine. I kind of my Breaking Point up
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  until then I knew my life was really really bad and messy and
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  unpleasant I knew I couldn't hold onto things.
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  I knew I wasn't healthy. I knew I was drinking too much.
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  I didn't think I was an alcoholic, but I knew I was
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  drinking too much. I didn't like it, but I couldn't
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  do anything about it. But when I became homeless and
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  when I was really broken, that was my first experience of
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  handing over. And that was to the services
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  that were involved in mine and mine.
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  Laurens case. And I think I really needed to
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  be kind of pushed into that experience of handing over, so
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  that I could actually experience the process of letting go of my
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  life or letting go control of my life.
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  And that then, in turn allow me when later when I was introduced
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  into the fellowship properly, to, then the experience or two,
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  then know a little bit of what that process of handing over.
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  It is and that I could do it and, you know, everything wasn't
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  going to fall apart in that things were going to get better.
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  So, I'd gone into a detox program.
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  Detox program before I became hot become homeless and that
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  program was a 12-step program and so that introduced me to the
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  fellowship and even though I didn't get it and it just seemed
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  like it was a bunch of weirdos and you know, I thought this is
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  it for me. It's never going to work.
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  I thought I was different and special.
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  And, you know, to broken into this.
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  And to that, what it did do was it showed me that there was
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  something that worked for some people?
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  Even if I didn't think it could work for me when nothing else I
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  saw had worked for anyone around me in my circles and so by the
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  time I'd ended up in another homeless shelter with my kids in
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  this tiny little country town. I decided to go down to my local
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  meeting and Even though I'd have gone down there in the hope of
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  finding someone who has so many drugs, because I was in the tiny
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  country town. And I didn't know anyone.
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  What actually happened was, I went there and I had my first
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  experience of identification where I listen to Somebody
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  sharing something and I recognize what they were sharing
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  in myself and in my own history and it was just a little
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  snippet, but it was just enough for something to click with him,
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  me and something changed. Changed.
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  And like I think that everyone is different like that point
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  when something Clicks in something ships but for me, it
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  was that moment of identification and really from
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  that point on my life, really, genuinely started to shift and
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  turn and so, once I was able to identify at my local meeting
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  that meant that I could suddenly have a glimmer of hope that
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  maybe Be this program which I could see generally worked for
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  other people. Maybe it could work for me
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  because maybe I wasn't completely different.
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  You know I wasn't like an alien sitting in sitting on Earth
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  maybe I was just another Earthling sitting in a meeting
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  and maybe something that these people were talking about good
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  work for me and that was my little bit of Hope and that
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  really wasn't enough for me to build on and I Certainly didn't
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  get a straight away, I had Tom's where I picked up again, it took
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  me probably about another two or three years to really come into
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  sobriety properly and more homelessness and more trouble.
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  But what happened was when ever I decided to drink or drug
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  because by then I'd picked up a nasty drug habit.
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  I couldn't do it in a certain way anymore because I knew what
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  I was doing and I knew that there was an answer to what I
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  was doing. I couldn't say any more.
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  Well, I just can't do, I can't stop, because I knew I could.
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  And that really took away in a way, the innocence and the
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  ability to drink and Drug in the same way.
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  Thank goodness. So eventually, when I came to a
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  point where, you know, the kids and I have become homeless again
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  and I'd picked up again. Um, we'd moved to South
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  Australia, and throughout all our time of being homeless, in
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  South Australia. I hadn't drank and I hadn't
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  drugged, but I hadn't gone to meetings when we got to our
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  place where we are now, my kids said, mom, why don't you go to a
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  meeting? Because they had seen enough of
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  me in the fellowship and in sobriety, even though they are
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  young, they could know that. That's what that's what was
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  needed in order. Order for us to have some
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  stability because we managed to land a rental and I think they
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  wanted to keep it. They would have been sick of
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  being homeless. It wasn't fun.
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  I lost our last homelessness was really rough.
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  We were living in a tender was horrible.
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  And so, yeah. They said, mom, why don't you go
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  to a meeting and, you know, I do believe that my higher power
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  speaks through people, when I need to hear things and I needed
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  to hear that and I did go to my local meeting.
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  And yeah, I've been clean and sober seven years now over seven
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  years. And yeah, I think when I, when I
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  went to my local meeting that became my home group and that's
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  when things things really fell into place.
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  I started to really, to really love myself to allow people to
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  love me and care for me. I started to learn to trust
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  people again. And I started to do the things
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  that the program asks, me to do, which is to get a sponsor to be
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  open and honest, just with that one person.
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  I'd that's all I needed to do just that one person, which was
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  my sponsor. I ended up being open and honest
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  with other people, but that was Central to go through the steps
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  to, you know, practice living in the day, each day to practice,
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  connecting with my higher power, All these things were Central to
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  my recovery and yeah, the program for me it's not just one
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  thing. It's a whole lot of things.
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  Alcohol is so isolating. So having a fellowship where you
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  can connect with other people, that's so important.
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  For me was so important. So going to meetings is really
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  Central to my recovery. Connecting with my higher power
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  is really essential Meditating even though I'm crap at, I can
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  only do a couple of minutes, that's really Central to my my
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  recovery because that's when I kind of connect my higher power
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  and meditate. That's my daddy process of
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  handing over because handing over is crucial to my recovery.
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  Because if I, if I take back control of my life, I do it
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  badly. And it's important that I don't
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  and I'll always be like that, but that's okay.
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  And yeah. Connecting with other people is
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  really important. Well, I think that's probably
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  that's me in a nutshell. I hope it's been helpful and
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  yeah, good luck in your own recovery.
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  It's a really beautiful amazing thing.
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  I wouldn't want to change it for anything.
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  Thanks. We have local meetings for the
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  full week in the local area. Monday is Golem meeting at 8:00
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  Tuesday is Athiests turd. 8:00, Wednesday is Elizabeth East at
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  8:00? Thursday is two Wells at 8:00
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  and Fridays Salisbury at 8:00. There's a meeting at Avalon Park
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  at 12:00 and on Sunday, there's a maintenance Salisbury at 7:00.
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  And many of the mains in the area, For details of your local
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  maintenance, plays Fawn 1300 double.
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  So double to double to. And once again, if anyone, you
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  know is struggling with alcohol issues, police call Alcoholics
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  Anonymous on 1300 double to double to double.
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  So the website is in South Australia, dot org dot, are you