Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / How to Stop Overfunctioning for Your Boss
Transcript
- Lucas: Luna, I want to start with a scenario. You've got a boss who is perpetually behind. They miss deadlines, they forget to loop in stakeholders, they show up to meetings unprepared. And you — you're the one who quietly fills the gaps. You send the reminder emails, you prep the agenda, you stay late to make sure the presentation is done. You're not asked to do this. You just do it because otherwise things fall apart. Luna: Right — and at first it feels like being a team player. But over time, you realize you're doing your boss's job on top of your own. Lucas: Exactly. And that dynamic has a name. It's called overfunctioning. It comes from family systems theory, but it shows up constantly in the workplace. One person takes on more than their share of emotional labor, executive function, or actual task work — and the other person underfunctions as a result. The overfunctioner gets exhausted; the underfunctioner never has to step up. Luna: And the scary part is, the overfunctioner often doesn't realize they're enabling the problem. They think they're being helpful. Lucas: Right. And look, this show is listener-supported and ad-free. If today's episode helps you think about a situation you're in, and you want to support the show, you can find us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. That link helps us keep doing episodes like this. Now, let's get into the mechanics. Luna: So what does overfunctioning actually look like in practice? Give me a concrete example. Lucas: Sure. Let's say your boss is supposed to send a weekly status report to their boss. But they forget, or they do it poorly, so you start drafting it for them. Then you start sending it out yourself. Then you're the one fielding follow-up questions. Now you've absorbed a recurring task that isn't yours, and your boss has ceded ownership of their own communication. Luna: And your boss's boss probably doesn't even realize you're doing it. They think your boss is on top of things. Lucas: Which is exactly why overfunctioning is dangerous. You're making your boss look competent at your own expense. And the more you do it, the more it becomes expected. Eventually, it's not extra — it's your job. But it was never supposed to be. Luna: So how do you pull back without looking like you're slacking or being difficult? Lucas: That's the key question. The first thing is to get clear on what's actually your job. Not what you've taken on, but what your role description says, what your boss's role says. Write it down. If you can, look at your company's RACI charts or role definitions. You need objective clarity. Luna: Because when you've been overfunctioning for a while, you lose sight of where your responsibilities end and theirs begin. Lucas: Exactly. Step two is to start pulling back incrementally. Don't quit cold turkey. That will cause a crisis. Instead, let one small thing slide. For example, the next time your boss forgets to send that status report, don't do it for them. Wait. If they ask you about it, say something like, 'I assumed you were handling it since it's in your role. Do you want me to take that over?' That reframes the conversation. Luna: It forces them to explicitly delegate it rather than you silently absorbing it. And if they say no, you're off the hook. Lucas: Right. Another technique is what I call the 'gentle deadline.' When your boss asks you to do something that's really their task, you say, 'I can fit that in by Friday afternoon. Will that work?' That puts a boundary on your availability. You're not refusing; you're just deferring. Luna: I like that. It's polite but firm. And it makes the cost of the request visible. Lucas: Exactly. Overfunctioners often hide the cost. They make everything look effortless. So part of the solution is to make your workload visible. If you're doing your boss's job, your boss's boss should know that. Not through complaining, but through transparent communication. Luna: How do you do that without sounding like you're throwing your boss under the bus? Lucas: You frame it around process improvement. You can say something to your skip-level like, 'I've been helping with the weekly report to make sure it goes out on time. I think we could streamline this if we clarified ownership. What do you think?' That's not blaming — it's problem-solving. Luna: It also positions you as someone who's thinking about the system, not just the task. Lucas: Yes. And that's the kind of visibility that actually helps your career. Overfunctioning in the shadows doesn't get you promoted. It just keeps you busy. Strategic visibility does. Luna: What about the emotional side? Because a lot of overfunctioners are people-pleasers, or they're anxious about conflict. Lucas: Huge piece. Overfunctioning often comes from a fear that if you stop, things will fall apart. And they might — temporarily. But that's actually healthy. Your boss needs to feel the consequences of their underfunctioning. That's how they learn. If you always rescue them, they never have to change. Luna: So you have to tolerate some short-term chaos for long-term improvement. Lucas: Exactly. And that's uncomfortable. But you can prepare for it. For example, if you know a deadline is coming up and your boss hasn't done their part, you can send a brief email to them and cc their boss: 'Just a reminder that the draft is due by Friday. Let me know if you need any support from me.' That's not overfunctioning — that's covering yourself. Luna: It documents that you offered help but didn't take over. Very smart. Lucas: One more thing: don't overfunction for a boss who doesn't appreciate it. Some bosses will take advantage, and some will actually resent you for making them look bad. If you've tried pulling back and they still expect you to do their work, that's a different conversation — one about whether this job is sustainable. Luna: So the ultimate test is: when you stop overfunctioning, does your boss step up or let things collapse? If they step up, you've fixed the dynamic. If they let it collapse, you've learned something important about the organization. Lucas: That's the takeaway. Overfunctioning is a trap that feels virtuous. But the healthiest thing you can do for yourself and your boss is to stop. Let them own their job. You own yours. Luna: And if they can't do their job, that's not yours to fix. Lucas: Exactly. Thanks for listening — and if this episode helped you think about your situation, consider supporting the show at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo.