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Transcript

Do I Have Depleted Mother Syndrome? · Arise Women of God

• 0:00
  Have you asked the question, do I have depleted mother syndrome?
• 0:05
  This is an awesome question to have.
• 0:07
  Are you feeling so very exhausted, Mama?
• 0:10
  Please know you're not alone.
• 0:12
  In our last episode, we defined depleted mother syndrome.
• 0:17
  That state where your physical, emotional and mental withdrawals have far exceeded the deposits you're giving your body, leaving your nervous system trapped in chronic over overwhelm.
• 0:31
  Today we are asking this courageous clarifying question, do I have depleted mother syndrome?
• 0:39
  And to answer that, we're going to go through a five point depletion audit separating depletion from laziness and postpartum depression.
• 0:49
  So stay tuned.
• 0:50
  Ordinary women Extraordinary Faith Walking with Christ we arise, God strong.
• 1:00
  Hello and welcome back to the Arise Women of God podcast.
• 1:04
  I'm your host, Tamara K.
• 1:06
  Andersen, and I'm so thankful to be joined today by the wonderful Wendy Christensen, who happens to be a wonderful wife, mom and a licensed clinical social worker with over 30 years of experience.
• 1:19
  As we answer this important question, do I have depleted mother syndrome?
• 1:25
  Before we look at the checklist, we kind of have to dismantle the single biggest barrier that keeps Christian mothers trapped in misery.
• 1:34
  It's often that voice in our head that whispers, you're not depleted, you're just lazy.
• 1:40
  If you were a more spiritual woman, your house would be spotless, your children would be angelic, and you wouldn't feel so overwhelmed.
• 1:51
  Oh, that is a lie.
• 1:54
  And Wendy Christensen is going to call this out directly as a psychological trap.
• 2:00
  Listen to what she calls the Gaslighting dilemma.
• 2:04
  Another one that we see is called the Gaslighting dilemma.
• 2:07
  It's when Christian moms gaslight themselves into believing that burnout isn't real and just dismissing those symptoms as laziness.
• 2:17
  I'm just being lazy, I'm selfish, or it's just my own personal character defect.
• 2:23
  It's just the way I am and nothing can change.
• 2:26
  Well, you're telling yourself that there isn't anything there and that there isn't a problem and you're trying to completely dismiss it.
• 2:32
  That's just going to elevate it and escalate the problem and it's going to make it worse.
• 2:37
  So I think it's important to just stop and pause and realize, hey, I'm not doing okay here and I need to see that and recognize it and what do I need to do to change it or to shift
• 2:47
  it or to get some help.
• 2:49
  Just step back for a minute and just try to reevaluate and realize again that there is help and there are people that are there and cheering you.
• 2:57
  On my friend, stop gaslighting yourself.
• 3:00
  You are not lazy.
• 3:03
  Now let's get to this honest self inventory.
• 3:06
  As I walk through these five areas, count how many resonate with your reality over the last 30 days.
• 3:13
  If you say yes three or more times, your body is in clinical depletion.
• 3:19
  Sign number one, the sensory alarm.
• 3:22
  In your physical body, do you feel touched out by, say 4 or 5pm does physical touch, even a sweet hug from your child or your spouse, resting a hand on your shoulder, make you internally flinch or tense up?
• 3:39
  Does everyday household noise feel like physical pain to your ears and you just need to get away?
• 3:47
  Sign number two, the cognitive brownout in your mind, do minor decisions cause mental paralysis?
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  When somebody asks you, what are we having for dinner?
• 3:58
  Do you feel like crying or screaming?
• 4:02
  Are you misplacing simple items, losing words mid sentence or avoiding opening your mail?
• 4:09
  Because sometimes processing information feels like lifting a boulder?
• 4:16
  Sign number three, the emotional numbness in your mood.
• 4:22
  Have you lost happiness in your motherhood?
• 4:26
  You know in your head that you love your children, but you just don't feel the joy.
• 4:31
  You find yourself watching your family as if you're behind maybe a sheet of thick glass, detached, going through the motions and just waiting for bedtime.
• 4:44
  Sign number four, the isolation instinct in your relationships.
• 4:50
  Do you find yourself hiding in the bathroom, sitting in your parked car in the driveway, or praying that social gatherings get canceled because interacting with one other human being feels like it will take more energy than you have
• 5:06
  to give?
• 5:08
  Sign number five, Disrupted devotion in your spiritual connection.
• 5:13
  Has your spiritual life become another item on an overwhelming to do list?
• 5:18
  Do you feel guilt when you're trying to pray because you can't focus, feeling empty, distant, or convinced that God is disappointed in your exhaustion?
• 5:30
  Oh my friend, please listen to how Wende connects these emotional symptoms directly to what our physical bodies are experiencing.
• 5:40
  Maybe some chronic body tension.
• 5:43
  My shoulders are constantly tight.
• 5:46
  My neck is really tight.
• 5:48
  Maybe you feel you're clenching your teeth all the time.
• 5:51
  Those are some, some signs of tension that your body is.
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  It's there to warn you.
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  It's your friend.
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  It does these things to help you recognize.
• 6:00
  Hey, something's not right.
• 6:02
  Maybe it's digestive distress.
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  We get a lot of digestion issues or gas or bloating.
• 6:08
  Sometimes we get that, yes, with that time of the month.
• 6:10
  But if you're under a lot of stress, your body is also going to carry that and sleep deprivation and that sensory overload.
• 6:18
  Those are all signs and symptoms that the body is trying to work through stress and it doesn't know how.
• 6:24
  So it's just warning you.
• 6:26
  So your tight neck, your clenched jaw, your upset stomach, that is your body acting as a faithful friend, flashing a dashboard warning light.
• 6:37
  This brings to mind Exodus, chapter 18.
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  Moses was leading the entire nation of Israel through the desert.
• 6:44
  From morning until night, Moses sat alone, listening to every dispute, every burden, every problem of all his people.
• 6:55
  His father in law, Jethro watched him and asked a piercing diagnostic question.
• 7:01
  What is this thing thou doest to the people?
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  Why sittest thou alone?
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  And then Jethro gave him this blunt, inspired warning in verse 18.
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  Thou wilt surely wear away both thou and this people that is with thee, for this thing is too heavy for thee.
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  Thou art not able to perform it thyself alone.
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  Notice what Jethro said.
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  You will wear away.
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  The Hebrew word used there refers to a leaf withering and falling from a branch.
• 7:36
  Moses was a prophet of God, but his human physical capacity was finite.
• 7:43
  When you as a mom try to carry the entire domestic, emotional and physical burden of your family alone, you don't just hurt yourself, you wear away the people around you.
• 7:57
  Admitting that the load is too heavy is not a sign of unfaithfulness, and it is spiritual wisdom.
• 8:04
  Now, there's also an important clinical distinction we need to make.
• 8:09
  Depleted mother syndrome can look very similar to clinical depression or postpartum depression.
• 8:16
  Let's listen to Wendy's guidance on when it's time to seek clinical help.
• 8:21
  And also set boundaries.
• 8:23
  Set boundaries for yourself to redistribute some of that mental load that you're experiencing, that overwhelm.
• 8:28
  And if you're starting to recognize, hey, I may be feeling burnout, I'm having a hard time concentrating, focusing, getting up, doing normal tasks.
• 8:38
  Something's going on.
• 8:40
  Maybe it's a doctor that you talk to and let them know they could test you for depression.
• 8:46
  They can test you for anxiety or even test you for postpartum depression.
• 8:51
  A lot of moms deal with postpartum depression, and that's nothing to take lightly.
• 8:56
  There's help.
• 8:57
  That's the most important thing, is that there's help for burnout.
• 9:01
  So don't stay in isolation and stay in that space of thinking you can always do it by yourself and that you're a failure if you can't.
• 9:09
  Oh, my friend, you are not a failure if you have to reach out for help.
• 9:15
  If you took our 5 depletion point audit today and realized that your vessel is running in chronic overload, the adversary is probably going to whisper that you're just being lazy or that you lack faith.
• 9:29
  To help you dismantle that lie, we put together a very specific tool inside our the Mom's Burnout Reset Guide.
• 9:38
  It's called Shift Number 4.
• 9:40
  Your exhaustion is real and inside that you'll find a three step diagnostic flowchart that helps you pause and ask the discernment question, Lord, is this heavy emotion truly mine or is my body simply depleted?
• 9:56
  And then it walks you through how to tell a physical crash from a spiritual attack along with giving an immediate physical triage checklist to support your adrenals and your body before you blame your soul.
• 10:09
  You can download the entire guide for free right now by clicking the link in the description.
• 10:15
  Grab it, run that diagnostic and let it remind you that your exhaustion is not a character flaw.
• 10:23
  As we wrap up, I wanted to share 2 Corinthians 12:9 where the Lord gave Paul that life changing promise.
• 10:31
  My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.
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  Oh my friend, God never asked you to be the all sufficient savior of your household.
• 10:44
  That role belongs to Jesus Christ.
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  Your weakness is not an embarrassment to God.
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  It is the very space where his grace meets your physical body.
• 10:57
  If your audit revealed that you are running in deep depletion, please take comfort.
• 11:03
  You have now named the problem and you are no longer in the dark.
• 11:07
  In our next episode, we're going to lay out the practical life giving roadmap how to deal with with Depleted Mother Syndrome and we're going to share four concrete recovery shifts that take things off your plate immediately.
• 11:23
  Be sure you're subscribed so you won't miss it.
• 11:26
  Until then, remember Jethro's counsel, you were never meant to carry this alone.
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  God bless you my dear mama friend.
• 11:36
  You can find rest and begin to change today with God's help.
• 11:44
  If today's episode helped you feel a little closer to God, please like and subscribe.
• 11:49
  It helps us grow and ensures Heaven's whispers stay at the top of your feed whenever you need them most.