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Transcript

The Little Extra Hug (And Other Things My Brain Needs) · You're Not Too Much

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So I know that I say that I only watch shows about murder.
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My children walk into my office all the time 'cause I have
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YouTube TV usually playing on my computer screen
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on the far left side of my
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snowplow. I have a giant curved computer
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monitor, and when you're installing it, it has to be like
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flat, like upright and flat instead of,
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upright and up. That doesn't make sense. But when you do that, it looks like
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a snowplow. And so we call it the snowplow. Anyway,
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my children will walk in and say,
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Mom, can I color in here? And I'll say, yeah, but let me
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pause my show. And they'll be like, are you watching murder shows
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again? I'll be like, yes, obviously I'm watching murder shows, but I don't wanna watch
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murder shows around them because they are a little young for murder shows.
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And so because I love my children so much, I will pause
0:55
my murder shows. That is a sign of true devotion.
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I don't care what you say. Anyway, sometimes
1:02
contrary to popular belief and probably the persona that I
1:06
effuse on the regular, I, I don't watch murder shows. And
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lately I have been watching, uh, HBO Max has some,
1:14
some kind of features on on
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older, mostly deceased stars. And so I
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watched one on— I think it's relatively new— I watched one on— or maybe not—
1:25
on Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. I watched one on,
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uh, I'm totally blanking on a number of them. I watched one
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on,
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uh, Elizabeth Taylor. I probably watched 6 or 7 of them. 7 of
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them. One of them was on George Carlin. My dad
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loves George Carlin, and there is no planet where I should
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have grown up on George Carlin, and I very much grew up on
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George Carlin. Um, I knew
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way more about George Carlin than any 8-year-old ever should have
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known about George Carlin. But my, uh, my dad
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was a huge— my dad was a huge George Carlin fan and
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one of his, I just, one of his greatest
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moments of sadness. I don't know if it was actually a moment of sadness, but
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it was maybe a moment of disbelief. Uh, you know,
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mind you, he was an addiction psychiatrist, but like part of George
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Carlin's whole persona is that he was blown away on cocaine all
2:29
the time. Like it was like his deal. Uh, and I guess he got,
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he got sober toward the end of his life. And, and
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my dad, I think it was like confirmation for my dad that the '70s were
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over. It was heartbreaking to him. Like his youth was gone.
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If George Carlin is sober, that means that we are all
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old people now. George Carlin was the one who was never, like, it was never
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gonna happen for, and he did get sober. Good for him. But also heartbreaking to
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my dad for whatever reason. Anyway,
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um, so the documentary itself is fascinating and, and watching his career
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progression and watching him go from the suit and tie to the
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counterculture guy, his plays on words, the way that he would
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twist, the ways he would twist language, the ways that
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he would question language, all of it fascinating, especially if you're somebody like me who
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kind of does some of that naturally in my brain. And
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somebody, you know, when you write a lot, which
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I do, I hear
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I hear sentences with the same
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kind of,
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with the same kind of cadence or
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meter that I think a lot of musicians hear their music with.
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And so like, I'll read a sentence back and
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I can tell whether it's right or not based on how it feels, not
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necessarily what's actually on the page. And
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certain things just like, it either, it either
4:00
works or it doesn't. Um, and I tend to hear,
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I don't hear them as music, but I hear them as,
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as kind of melodic in my head as far as like whether it works or
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whether it doesn't. If the, if the things sound like they're in the right order,
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if there's a better word, if, if I'm missing the point, if it's
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making the right, you know, if it's hitting the right chord, if it's hitting the
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right emotion. And so, you know, words are really important to me,
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but there was a part, and I very
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much remember this show. George Carlin had a sitcom in,
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uh, the early, early-ish '90s. He called it a
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standup sitcom, which I still, I still, I don't remember
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much, but I still remember the commercial for
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his sitcom. Where he explains that it's a
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standup sitcom. And to this day, like that's imprinted on my brain.
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But he only, I think he only did the show for 1 or 2 seasons.
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It probably was 1 season before it got canceled, even though it did fairly well.
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And it was because he hated it. I mean, I think there was also just
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general issues with the network and, and he could be pretty difficult to work with,
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but he didn't like doing it. And so they were discussing
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why he walked away from it, even though technically he got fired,
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but they're discussing why it didn't work. And
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somebody described it as
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he, he needed to be on the road. He needed to be talking
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to large groups of people because
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those interactions give you the
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little extra hug that you can only get from strangers.
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And it was like, I don't
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even, I literally like hit pause and I just went,
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oh shit. I think that's what I've
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always been unable to describe. Why am I
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willing to get on this microphone
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and say whatever pops into my brain
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in front of last year, 100,000
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downloads worth of people.
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But if I run into you on the street and you're like,
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hey, I listened to your podcast yesterday, or you, or I know you
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personally and you tell me that you engage with my content, I'm like,
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what? Why?
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Why would you do that? That does not seem correct. Don't do that. Don't do
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that. That's not for you. That is for 100,000. Of my closest friends.
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That is not for you. And I
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didn't know that any, I mean, I, I've talked to other people who feel that
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way and who kind of feel that embarrassment when somebody they actually know in real
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life engages with something that they do for the internet
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people. I have talked to other people who are like that, but I didn't know
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that anybody had ever described it in a way that
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finally made it make sense. And that's exactly what
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it is. It's that little extra hug that you
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can only get from strangers. Do I
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need validation from strangers? No. Am I
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fine without it? Yeah. But is it nice to
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kind of know that somebody who only
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knows you from the mouth runnings that you do on
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the internet is actually getting something from it? And get the feedback
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from them that you would literally rebuff if it came from
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somebody you knew. Yeah, it is kind of nice.
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So thank you for my little extra hug
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that you guys give me by listening.
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If, if you're out there, hello. Yes.
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Okay. Um, because that's what it's
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about and is, should it be about that? I don't know. But if
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that's what George Carlin was after, then I think I'm okay with it. 'Cause he
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is one, he's one of the few people in the world who had a
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microphone who was more foul-mouthed than I am.
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Like, like I can, I can go
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toe to toe with the best of them. You guys don't even see the worst
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of it. And if it's okay for him and if it's what motivates
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him, then I'm gonna, I'm gonna be okay with it motivating me too. I've always
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kind of liked makeup. I, I like,
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I like playing with makeup. I like wearing makeup. Usually it
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very much goes against my soft pants,
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shoeless vibe. Like, it, it is
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counter, counterintuitive to like 90% of,
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of this persona that I, that I
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espouse, I guess. But I like makeup. In the last
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Probably 3 to 4 months. So
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one of, one of my cozy habits
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when I need, when I wanna turn my brain off and just like do nothing
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else is I like to lay in my bed
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and scroll my phone and open the Macy's app
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and look at what, whatever makeup is on
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sale. And I don't know why it's always the Macy's app. I don't, it just
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is. I don't know. But I, like, if I,
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if, if 80-year-old women could doom scroll, that
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would, that's like, that's my vibe. Like, like
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Edna, Edna, your, your
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mom's neighbor who crochets
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potholders and goes to Macy's to get her
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moisturizer. Like that's, that's the vibe I'm going for. And so that's just
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been like that. That's been my wind down on Friday nights
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for forever is you can usually find me scrolling my phone being like, ooh,
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moisturizer's on sale. I don't usually buy much. I
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very rarely buy much, but I like to look. In the last couple of
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months, I don't exactly know why, except for the fact that I think my
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brain just needs little pockets of joy, just like
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desperately needs little pockets of joy. I, it has gone from
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like a passing interest to like a full hyperfixation.
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And I can tell you all the things about all the stuff. And there's
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lists. Of course we've made lists. It's me. There's so many lists.
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And I can tell you who has sales when. I can tell you, especially
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during Christmas, I was like, oh no, don't buy that now. You need to buy
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that next week because it was like, it was like a whole thing. Uh, it
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still is a whole thing. I have a, I have an entire drawer,
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like I had to get a second set of drawers in my office. To hold
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all of my makeup because I, if I see new stuff and I'm like, must
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try. And then it, and then it usually gets delivered. I don't ever leave the
10:42
house to go get it, which is hilarious because like putting on makeup to be
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in my house is not super useful, but I do it anyway. But
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then, and I get like, I get like the 10 minutes of dopamine that I
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need to go back and do whatever I have to do for the rest of
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the day. So it's become like a thing and,
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uh, My entire Christmas list for my husband was
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makeup. And one day he walks into my office and he is like, can you
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pick something that isn't stupid makeup? And I was like, but that's what I want.
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And he was like, yeah, but it's like, it's like 2 entire
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shopping carts full of makeup. And I was like, do you want it to be
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3? And he was like, well, okay, no, but like, he was like, is there
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anything that you want that isn't makeup? And I'm like, no, not really. That's That's
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what I want. And so I,
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uh, I went into, I, I
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went into, he, he, my husband organizes all the presents before they
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need to be wrapped. And he handed me this thing and he was like, can
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you wrap this for my mom? It's some makeup that she wanted. And I swear
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to God, it was like, it was like a light went off and I was
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like, your mom wants makeup? Tell me more about your mom wanting makeup. What kind
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of makeup does she want? And he hands it to me and I was like,
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where did you buy this? And he goes, I don't know. I just bought it
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from the link that she sent me. And I'm like, no, but what store? No,
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no, no. That's not where you get this. We need to return this and go
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get this somewhere else. And he's like, why? And I was like, well, 'cause it's
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on sale and this is, you can get. And he was like, oh, he's like,
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okay, that's fine. And then he hands me another thing of this like serum,
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serum stuff from Lancôme that she wanted. It
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was super expensive. And he was like, he was like, all right, I bought this,
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but it's not here yet. And I was like, wait, you already bought this? And
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he goes, yeah. And I was like, where'd you buy it from?
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Uh, and he told me, and I was like, you need to return that and
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buy this one instead. And I like pull up my phone and he's like, that's
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not what she asked for. And I was like, no, but it's a set. So
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you bought just the thing and it was $101. I, this
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was not anything that he showed me. Like you just bought this. That's
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1.7 ounces and it was $101. If you buy this, it's the exact same size,
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but it comes in a kit and it's only $89. And then you can use
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this coupon and it'll take another $15 off of it if you buy it from
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here. I was like, I think we can still get it in time. And
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this is not anything we had talked about before. This is not—
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he did not know that I knew anything about this item at all.
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And he looks at me and he's like, I have a question for you. And
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I said, what? And he goes, what did you have for lunch?
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I was like, I don't know. I've, I don't,
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I have no idea. He was like, okay, just making
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sure. What did I pay for this item that you have never seen? And I
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was like, that was $54. He's like, that's not normal. He's like,
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that, that's not normal. That's not normal at all.
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And I was like, can you just leave me alone? I just—
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fine. So then he did very nicely get me a bunch of the things that
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I wanted that I would never buy for myself because they're too expensive and I
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would never spend the money on them myself. And his mom also was very lovely
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and bought me several of them and I'm it was very, very nice. And
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shortly thereafter it was my birthday. And on my birthday
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I was scrolling Sephora, which I do
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multiple times a day. Shut up, leave me alone. And
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they had, I, I realized they had a bunch of the stuff that I got
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on sale and there was another discount on it. And so I put a bunch
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of them in my cart and set it for pickup. And we, we were headed
14:07
out that night anyway to go pick some stuff up.
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And so I figured we would just run past there and,
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uh, and then I took the ones that I hadn't opened and I put them
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back in the bag, uh, that we still had and got the
14:20
receipt and I was like, we'll just take these back and I'll go pick up
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the ones that I ordered. And so I said to my
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husband that we need to stop by Sephora cuz I need to return these. And
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he was like, but I bought them for you and you want them. And I
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said, yeah, but they went on sale. And so I just, I want to return
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these because the other one, and I got more and I'll just swap them out.
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And he's like, okay. So we go into Sephora and
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I'm standing in the line and I hand everything to the lady and she says,
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was there anything wrong with these? And I said, no, they just went on sale
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today. And I, I bought other ones already. So, and she goes, and my
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husband's standing behind me, he goes, yeah, I got schooled on paying too much.
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He goes, apparently I, I ran afoul of the makeup
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encyclopedia. I am sorry. So anyway, if you need to know
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anything about makeup, including what products to use or how much
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they cost or how to get it for less expensive or whether to buy it
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directly from the manufacturer or from a reseller, apparently
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I didn't even realize that I have become a walking receptacle for this information.
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And I can tell you exactly how much this stuff costs down to the,
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basically the penny, but ask me what my kids'
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names are and I'm like, Oh,
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there's that bigger one. And then there's that slightly smaller
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one. Their names are kind of, I don't know. I'll get back
15:39
to you on that. That is what it's like in hyperfixation town
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and encyclopedic knowledge town. They live like right next to each other.
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It's, or they, they like on the map, they're right next to each other. And
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I didn't realize how, how deeply I had been
15:55
immersed in this, but also when a new
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box of things that I definitely didn't need shows up on my porch. And I
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guarantee you, if I bought it for myself, it was on like super mondo
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mega sale, 100% on mega sale. I do not
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buy anything for myself that is anywhere— not that I need to justify
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this to any of you because I know all of you love me and would
16:16
allow me to purchase whatever I want for however many dollars I want. But
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if I bought it for myself, it was cheap, which makes it
16:23
better, which makes it even better because getting
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something you love on sale is like the
16:31
biggest win of your whole life. And in case you were
16:35
wondering how Jewish I am, it's that Jewish. But
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I got this big box of stuff that I had purchased.
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I'm just going to go ahead and say it. Get your— if you like makeup,
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get yourself an Ipsy subscription. The monthly box is Okay,
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it's, you get fun stuff, but the sales where you get
16:53
like really, really expensive stuff and it's like 80% off and stuff
16:57
that you would never be able to get on that sale, it's the way to
16:59
go. That's my recommendation. Get a Nipsey subscription. Anyway,
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uh, I got this big box in the middle of like a really shitty day
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and I opened it and it had all these
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L2 toys. That's just basically what they are. It's all toys. That's what I'm buying
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it for. In the same way that my husband buys vintage video games and fills
17:21
up my entire front room with them, I do the same thing with makeup. And
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I was like giddy, like,
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hehehe, hehehe, ooh, I never thought I would get this and I have it now.
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And then I got to play with all of them and I get to play
17:34
with them every day. And odds are, if you come into my office
17:38
at any point in the several hours before I have a phone call
17:41
where I need to be on camera, I will be here with like half of
17:44
my makeup on because I've been fidgeting and fumbling
17:48
while I'm doing other stuff. And it takes me like 2 or 3 hours to
17:52
put on a full face of makeup cuz I'm not focused on it the whole
17:54
time. But it is so fun. So anyway, if I can
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help you with your beauty purchases, I would be happy to do that. But you
18:01
might wanna get on it now before I, before the hyperfixation runs out
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and I end up with a whole cabinet full of makeup that I'm like, what
18:08
am I supposed to do with this? What am I supposed to do with this?
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That's probably not true. I've loved makeup for a long time, but Uh, it's on
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hyper speed and I, and I believe that is because
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if my brain did not find some way to experience
18:22
joy on the regular, it was just going to
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explode. And so that is how we have mined the
18:29
dopamine and it comes in the form of cream
18:32
blush and 17 different kinds of
18:36
setting spray, all of which sit in this IKEA Alex
18:42
dresser that is right next to me. Give it a shot.
18:45
Alicia from St. Louis, Missouri has a question.
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I'm great in a crisis and useless with boring everyday
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stuff like bills, emails, and forms.
18:57
It makes me feel like a fraud adult. How do you make peace with being
19:01
capable in some areas and completely useless in
19:05
others? Well, first you
19:08
go to a doctor and get your requisite diagnosis of ADHD. And I say that
19:12
as somebody who's not a clinician and has no right to diagnose you of that,
19:15
but I know, I know a fair number of ADHD people and that is
19:19
like classic. I'm gonna out my brother here. My brother
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is excellent,
19:26
excellent in a crisis.
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Incredible in a crisis. You, something bad
19:32
happens, something difficult happens, he will have a 7-part action
19:36
plan. He will manage all the people. He will make sure all the things get
19:40
done. He will, he will see it to,
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I don't even say to the end. He'll
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see it to the least interesting part or the less interesting
19:51
part. And then it's probably someone else's problem.
19:56
Uh, but that is like. Super, super,
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like that is a very well-defined personality type.
20:03
There are things you're gonna be bad at. I, I run 4
20:07
businesses and have a successful podcast. I am
20:10
busy every minute of every day. I am maybe the most
20:14
hyper-capable person I know in most things, and I don't say that to brag. I'm
20:18
saying it to make a point. I am super, I can build a
20:22
new business with an entire strategic design in 30 seconds
20:26
in my head. It is, I'm so good at it.
20:30
I cannot run a damn calendar to save my life.
20:34
If you want something to end up on the calendar and you ask me to
20:38
do it, it's either not going to happen or I'm going to do it
20:42
wrong. It doesn't matter what calendar
20:45
programs you give me. It doesn't matter what kind of booking links you create.
20:49
I'm bad at it. Part of it is that I
20:53
just hate making calendar invites. I don't know why. It
20:57
is like the most benign part of my day. But making
21:01
calendar invites just like causes rage deep
21:04
within my soul. I don't know why, but also like
21:08
figuring out all of the people, finding all the email addresses, making sure you've got
21:11
it in the right time zone, making sure you've coordinated the right time, make—
21:15
nope. I hate it. I can't do it. I
21:19
do it wrong. I forget to put the, the invite link on
21:23
there. I, I, I, I'm bad at it.
21:26
I literally pay, depending on the situation, I pay
21:30
multiple people to handle my calendar cuz I'm that
21:34
bad at it. I'm so bad at it. It's like, it's
21:38
not even a running joke. It's just like a, like a mutually understood thing among
21:41
the people I work with. Don't ask L2 to make a calendar
21:45
invite. She will either forget or screw it up, and the screw up
21:49
will be worse than the forgetting. I promise.
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At some point, I just stopped fighting that. Could I probably get better at
21:57
calendar management? Sure. But is that where my time and
22:01
energies are needed? No.
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I can tell you with certainty
22:09
that being reliable in a crisis is
22:13
one of the most valuable skills you can ever have.
22:18
By a margin of a ton. Knowing,
22:22
keeping calm in a crisis, knowing how to handle things in
22:25
a crisis, knowing how to
22:29
find resources, knowing how to stay
22:32
organized, that is an exceptional
22:36
skill. And maybe that's what you should be trading on.
22:40
Maybe you're doing the wrong things. Like
22:44
crisis management is a career. There,
22:48
maybe you're doing the wrong things. Maybe there's nothing wrong with you. You're just doing
22:50
the wrong things. So
22:54
like there's, there's lots of nuance to that. However,
22:58
I don't think, and if you want to get better at the day-to-day
23:03
kind of work-a-day stuff that is less interesting, there are tools available.
23:06
There's lots of actually really good apps for it that I've tested out recently. There's.
23:10
There's tons of different ways that you can get better at it, but also like,
23:14
I don't think you should be, you should beat yourself up for doing something
23:18
naturally that like 99% of people are terrible at. Most people
23:21
become completely useless in a crisis. If you're not that,
23:25
then maybe we're just leaning on the wrong
23:42
thing. Ipsy, I-P-S-Y.
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I'm literally just sticking my hand in this drawer into one of the many
23:50
dividers that are in here. That's one of probably
23:54
3 handfuls of eyeliner and mascara.