Latest / White Coat Black Sheep / The DJ Giving Local Artists Radio Play: Pearl Diver on Purpose, Healing & Going All In

Transcript

The DJ Giving Local Artists Radio Play: Pearl Diver on Purpose, Healing & Going All In · White Coat Black Sheep

• 0:00
  Welcome to White Coat, Black Sheep. I'm your host, Dr. Sevelli.
• 0:04
  Today in the studio, Pearl Diver joins me for a
• 0:08
  really great chat. We talked about a lot of different topics.
• 0:12
  She's a DJ. She's a singer-songwriter.
• 0:15
  We really get into some fun and interesting things.
• 0:18
  If you're a local singer-songwriter, she is somebody who would
• 0:22
  showcase you. Otherwise, she's an artist as well, so
• 0:26
  check it out. Dr. Sevelli and Pearl Diver.
• 0:36
  Welcome to White Coat, Black Sheep. I'm your host, Dr.
• 0:38
  Sevelli, and today in the studio I have with me Pearl Diver.
• 0:42
  Hi.
• 0:42
  Thank you so much for joining me today.
• 0:44
  Thank you for having me.
• 0:45
  I know it's-
• 0:46
  I'm really excited.
• 0:46
  Yeah. Do you live or work in the area?
• 0:50
  Yeah, so I basically work from home, everything I'm doing right now.
• 0:53
  I live on the east side of Bakersfield.
• 0:55
  Okay.
• 0:56
  So maybe a 10-minute drive in.
• 0:58
  Yeah, maybe 10 to 15, depending on traffic.
• 1:01
  Okay. Yeah, which traffic has been nuts.
• 1:03
  Yeah, really crazy. All the trains too-
• 1:04
  In Bakersfield
• 1:05
  ... just passing through.
• 1:07
  Yeah. So thank you for joining me. I know
• 1:11
  you have a lot of other things you could be doing, but instead you are here with me
• 1:14
  today.
• 1:14
  Thank you.
• 1:15
  I enjoy talking about anything health and fitness
• 1:19
  and just anything that requires you and your job to have mental
• 1:23
  clarity, and what does it look like with your daily
• 1:27
  life? I don't get out much.
• 1:29
  Yeah.
• 1:29
  This is my fun.
• 1:31
  Well, thank you for having me. I'm excited to talk.
• 1:34
  Yeah, so share with me, what is a regular day for you?
• 1:37
  Well, I usually wake up in the morning, and I try to not look at my phone for the
• 1:41
  first hour.
• 1:42
  Love that habit.
• 1:43
  Yeah, it's really hard sometimes.
• 1:44
  Super hard.
• 1:45
  Especially when I'm busy. But
• 1:48
  I try to read a little bit every morning, whether it's one of my books or if I'm
• 1:52
  just reading the news. I get a newspaper every month-
• 1:55
  Old school
• 1:56
  ... every week, sorry. Yeah. I
• 1:58
  actually signed up in Fresno. I was protesting, and these people had these
• 2:02
  newspapers, and I was like, "Oh my God, I have to sign up." So I like to read that
• 2:05
  sometimes. I'm not a breakfast person. I don't eat breakfast.
• 2:09
  And then I just decide, what am I going to do today?
• 2:13
  Am I going to work on my radio show? Am I going to work on music?
• 2:16
  Am I going to do streaming? Just any of those options. Yeah.
• 2:20
  Yeah.
• 2:21
  How do you decide, and which one pulls you?
• 2:24
  I
• 2:26
  prioritize. So my radio show is my number one priority right now.
• 2:29
  Okay.
• 2:30
  I have to get that done, and then my music is second.
• 2:33
  So if I'm working on music at the moment, then I'll definitely
• 2:38
  make sure I put time aside for that.
• 2:40
  And then the streaming and stuff is all for fun.
• 2:42
  So it's like that's basically when I have nothing else to do, and I just want some
• 2:46
  extra money.
• 2:47
  Okay.
• 2:47
  Yeah.
• 2:47
  Love it.
• 2:48
  Thank you.
• 2:48
  What is the radio show?
• 2:50
  So a totally normal afternoon show on 103.5 FM, Savage
• 2:54
  Radio. It's a show that-
• 2:56
  Love the name.
• 2:56
  Thank you.
• 2:58
  It's a show that I'm dedicating to basically platforming artists that are
• 3:02
  local to any community they're local to.
• 3:04
  So at first, it just started off just Kern County, but then I promoted the show on
• 3:08
  TikTok, and I had artists from New York and
• 3:12
  New Jersey reach out, and different countries even.
• 3:14
  So I turned it into something where any local artist from anywhere can be
• 3:18
  platformed. I think it's important to give these artists radio play
• 3:22
  because, as a local artist myself, it's hard.
• 3:25
  It's really hard to just p-
• 3:28
  Sorry.
• 3:28
  Yeah.
• 3:29
  Pour all your heart into what you're doing and-
• 3:31
  Yeah
• 3:31
  ...
• 3:32
  basically hope people listen to it. Promoting is really hard.
• 3:35
  We're working twice as hard as people-
• 3:37
  It's so hard
• 3:37
  ... that are going viral. It's not easy to go viral these days because
• 3:41
  everyone-
• 3:41
  Yeah
• 3:41
  ... goes viral.
• 3:42
  Yeah.
• 3:42
  Which is a weird thing to say.
• 3:44
  Isn't it?
• 3:45
  Yeah, it's like everyone's doing it, but why is it so hard?
• 3:47
  Yeah.
• 3:50
  So I wanted to give basically a stage for them because I remember
• 3:54
  when I first got played on the radio, and I feel like it really fell into my lap.
• 3:58
  I did a couple open mics, and I was already performing in town.
• 4:01
  So I got all my success pretty
• 4:05
  fast. So I was like, "Oh, maybe I could use this."
• 4:07
  Sure.
• 4:07
  Yeah. Thank you.
• 4:09
  I just think that I'm willing to let myself struggle for it.
• 4:13
  Same.
• 4:14
  You know?
• 4:14
  Ooh, I love that-
• 4:15
  Thank you
• 4:15
  ... so much.
• 4:17
  I don't really want to work, and I don't let myself work because I don't want to
• 4:20
  anymore.
• 4:21
  Yeah.
• 4:21
  And I'm doing fine.
• 4:22
  Yeah.
• 4:23
  I'm literally living my dream.
• 4:24
  This is cool.
• 4:24
  Yeah. Thank you.
• 4:25
  You can say that, and you're so young.
• 4:27
  Thank you.
• 4:29
  I just feel like if I'm able to use...
• 4:32
  Because I was going to get the radio show either way.
• 4:34
  I got to make it about whatever I wanted.
• 4:36
  I
• 4:37
  just wanted to use it as a way to basically celebrate the voices in our community.
• 4:40
  Yeah. That's beautiful.
• 4:42
  Thank you.
• 4:43
  So you're using this platform to really connect people-
• 4:47
  Mm-hmm
• 4:47
  ... is what I'm hearing. I think that is just, to me, that's longevity.
• 4:50
  That's your health. That's wealth. That's real success.
• 4:54
  Thank you so much.
• 4:55
  Yeah. Being able to reach people and to
• 4:59
  connect them with a shared something that
• 5:03
  matters,
• 5:04
  that's hard to find.
• 5:06
  Mm-hmm.
• 5:07
  So here locally, do you have any favorite artists that you've
• 5:11
  had recently that you-
• 5:13
  Yeah, actually a ton. So one of the first episodes I ever played,
• 5:17
  I played a really cool alternative band called Twin BBQ. Such a cool name.
• 5:21
  It's very cool.
• 5:22
  I love them. I actually did a show with them, and that's how I discovered them.
• 5:26
  I looked them up, listened to their EP they have, and it's really good.
• 5:29
  There's a song on there called "TV Martyr" that I love so much, that's the
• 5:33
  song I played.
• 5:33
  Uh-huh.
• 5:34
  I also love their song "Milk."
• 5:35
  Okay.
• 5:36
  Definitely check out Twin BBQ.
• 5:38
  Okay.
• 5:39
  A person who I really look up to in the scene right now is Hunnie.
• 5:42
  Her name's Hunnie.
• 5:43
  Cute name.
• 5:44
  Super cute name, and it's spelled H-U-N-N-I-E.
• 5:47
  Oh, yeah.
• 5:48
  I know.
• 5:50
  She's not only doing music, but she's been performing for a while.
• 5:52
  She has a cover band, but she's also in school doing all of that.
• 5:56
  So it's really cool to see her speaking up, and I just interviewed her for my radio
• 6:00
  show, and one of the things that she mentioned was just encouraging people
• 6:04
  to
• 6:05
  And pursue their education, which I think is such a beautiful thing.
• 6:08
  Interesting. Like a formal education?
• 6:11
  She was basically saying,
• 6:15
  get your education because it's important.
• 6:16
  It's possible to get your education and still do what you
• 6:20
  want to do.
• 6:21
  Yeah.
• 6:21
  It's for the people that choose to go to school.
• 6:24
  And I think that's important to hear because a lot of people say, "Oh, I don't have
• 6:27
  time for school," or-
• 6:27
  Yeah
• 6:28
  ... "I don't have time to do what I love because I'm doing school."
• 6:31
  Yeah.
• 6:31
  And she's kind of proof that you can do both because she's busy and she's booked
• 6:35
  and busy.
• 6:35
  Oh.
• 6:36
  Yeah.
• 6:36
  We need to hear that. Because I feel like I spent, obviously, my whole
• 6:40
  life in school, and so coming out, I feel like I'm making
• 6:43
  up for lost time.
• 6:45
  Mm.
• 6:45
  I didn't really get
• 6:47
  to have, in my opinion, life experiences like I had hoped.
• 6:52
  Now I'm like, "Let's travel." I'm looking for constant ways to just
• 6:56
  go and do and live and make up for that time.
• 7:00
  But
• 7:01
  at the same time, okay, I don't regret school.
• 7:03
  I like what I've gained from it.
• 7:05
  Mm-hmm.
• 7:05
  It was very painfully earned information that you put into your
• 7:09
  brain, that you
• 7:11
  pay, you suffer to get that. So
• 7:16
  I wouldn't take it back, but still, I
• 7:20
  fast-forward to here, I'm always wondering to myself, do I
• 7:24
  regret it?
• 7:24
  Mm.
• 7:24
  I don't regret it,
• 7:26
  but I just think, is that the only pathway to success? It's not.
• 7:30
  Yeah.
• 7:31
  Would I have enjoyed life more if I
• 7:35
  didn't spend all of those years and all of that money into one
• 7:39
  thing?
• 7:40
  It's always like, was that grass greener on the other side?
• 7:45
  No, yeah.
• 7:46
  I tried going to school for a little bit.
• 7:48
  I actually studied psychology, but COVID happened right after that,
• 7:51
  because I was the last class to walk the stage.
• 7:54
  I graduated in December of 2019, and then
• 7:58
  everything shut down.
• 7:59
  Yep.
• 7:59
  And so I was doing college online. I can't do online college.
• 8:04
  I'm surprised I can produce this radio show. I'm not tech-savvy.
• 8:09
  I'm not either.
• 8:10
  Yeah, it's hard.
• 8:10
  So many buttons-
• 8:11
  It's so confusing
• 8:11
  ... or features.
• 8:15
  There's certain things I have to do when it comes to normalization and
• 8:18
  compressing with vocals that I had to learn from the morning
• 8:22
  show guy that helped me get my show and-
• 8:24
  Yeah
• 8:25
  ...
• 8:26
  even he was surprised. He was like, "Pearl, I'm surprised you picked up that so
• 8:29
  fast." And I was like, "Yeah, me too." It's really surprising to
• 8:33
  me that I can do that. But yeah, no, college back then was just too hard online,
• 8:37
  and I just couldn't focus, and-
• 8:38
  Yeah
• 8:39
  ... so I was like, "I'm just going to drop out," and then I became a singer. Yeah.
• 8:43
  Good thing you had a voice.
• 8:44
  Thank you. Yeah. I actually originally wanted to be a songwriter.
• 8:47
  I wasn't going to sing, and then someone complimented my singing, so that's why I
• 8:51
  wanted to be a singer.
• 8:52
  Oh my gosh.
• 8:54
  I just believe everything people say, so.
• 8:56
  No, me too, and I think it's very good for different industries, but it's very
• 9:00
  bad for business.
• 9:01
  Oh, yeah.
• 9:02
  I hate that fact.
• 9:04
  The things that make me connect with people and really
• 9:08
  understand their health and fix certain things as a doctor make
• 9:12
  me very not great at business.
• 9:15
  Mm.
• 9:15
  So.
• 9:15
  Yeah.
• 9:16
  Yeah.
• 9:17
  I feel like, too,
• 9:20
  when people, because you talk about business, and making decisions,
• 9:24
  I don't want to say no to anybody because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
• 9:27
  We're people pleasers.
• 9:28
  Yeah. And it really sucks-
• 9:30
  Hate it
• 9:30
  ... because sometimes I hear something and I'm like, "Wait, this doesn't really
• 9:33
  sound... But let me give them a chance.
• 9:34
  They're saying it's fine."
• 9:36
  I know.
• 9:36
  And it's like, what if it was fine? And I overthink a lot. It's weird.
• 9:40
  But is that overthinking, or is it just putting thoughtfulness
• 9:43
  into-
• 9:45
  Yeah, maybe it's society tricking us to think it's overthinking, but maybe these
• 9:49
  kind of thought processes are kind of
• 9:51
  important.
• 9:52
  You're a considerate person, is what I hear from that.
• 9:55
  Oh, thank you.
• 9:55
  Yeah.
• 9:56
  Thank you for saying that.
• 9:57
  Yeah.
• 9:57
  Yeah.
• 9:57
  Because it means I care enough to really be thoughtful about this and
• 10:01
  intentional, but if somebody else is just a straight-up
• 10:05
  wolf-
• 10:05
  Oh, yeah
• 10:06
  ... and they're dressed up like something else, what do you do?
• 10:10
  Right. Yeah.
• 10:12
  Oh.
• 10:13
  I know. I feel like my method to at least
• 10:17
  manage those situations, rather than saying what's wrong
• 10:21
  with me for overthinking it, or for being too transparent, or
• 10:25
  just not being as good at business as I want to be, is
• 10:29
  it's more of just
• 10:32
  there's bad and good that exists everywhere.
• 10:34
  Yeah.
• 10:34
  So I'm just not going to change, and I just need to be
• 10:39
  more intentional for longer periods of time, and time really will give
• 10:43
  me the
• 10:44
  answer.
• 10:45
  I
• 10:47
  like that you said that. I like that a lot.
• 10:49
  I feel like what helps me is asking other
• 10:52
  people for their input, people who've been doing things longer than I have.
• 10:56
  And I know that's such a simple thing, simple solution, but I feel like
• 11:00
  it's just easiest for me because I am a gullible person.
• 11:03
  I do believe everything people tell me.
• 11:05
  Me too.
• 11:06
  If someone's like, "Yo, this is going to work out for you," I believe them.
• 11:09
  I'm like, "Cool,
• 11:10
  what do I have to lose?" And so,
• 11:13
  hearing it from someone else and them being like, "Okay," it does open my eyes a
• 11:16
  lot, and then I start to really notice things.
• 11:19
  Mm-hmm.
• 11:20
  But I wish I could do that on my own, and maybe one day I will be able to.
• 11:22
  You will.
• 11:24
  I feel like that judgment or intuition,
• 11:28
  it's a skill that we develop over time.
• 11:31
  Yeah.
• 11:31
  Whether it's being burned over and over
• 11:35
  by the same personality trait, which is me. I've experienced that.
• 11:39
  I realized I had a type that I kept falling for,
• 11:42
  definitely in relationships, but truly in friendships. That's a thing.
• 11:46
  So in business and
• 11:49
  just the people that you choose to be around, it could feel like support, but it's
• 11:53
  not really.
• 11:53
  Mm.
• 11:54
  It could feel like encouragement, but it's
• 11:56
  false
• 11:58
  reality, false hope, for things where
• 12:01
  now I wouldn't fall for those same things or the same people. It's an algorithm.
• 12:05
  Yeah. I've gone through that before, too, especially with
• 12:10
  people in the scene. I feel like I was surrounding myself with when
• 12:14
  I first started.
• 12:14
  Oh, I bet.
• 12:15
  Yeah. Because I was just like, "Oh, let me just jump into where I feel like I
• 12:18
  belong."
• 12:19
  Yeah.
• 12:20
  And
• 12:22
  I don't truly think any of these people are bad.
• 12:24
  I just think that subconsciously,
• 12:27
  even if people don't mean things, they'll say things, and not to make the other
• 12:30
  person feel good, because I think it makes them feel good.
• 12:33
  So true.
• 12:33
  And I think that when-
• 12:34
  Yes
• 12:35
  ... they don't feel like they're appreciated enough the way that they want to be
• 12:39
  received, that's when things change and they're like, "Okay, wait, I actually don't
• 12:42
  mean it. I'm lying for no reason." It's like they want the
• 12:46
  validation.
• 12:47
  Yes.
• 12:49
  And I think about that a lot. I
• 12:50
  always think about that, and I'm always like, "Oh, I wonder why they're doing
• 12:53
  that."
• 12:54
  Me too.
• 12:54
  "What's going on? What do they need?"
• 12:57
  Because I know that I used to be that way, too.
• 12:59
  I
• 13:00
  did not have a great childhood at all, and so I was not a good friend to
• 13:04
  people when I was 18, 19 years old. Even at 20, I was just not
• 13:07
  doing what I thought was best. I was just doing what I thought was best for
• 13:11
  me.
• 13:12
  Yeah.
• 13:12
  And I didn't really care about other people.
• 13:15
  And
• 13:16
  I only did things nice when I wanted to feel good.
• 13:19
  It's very honest.
• 13:21
  Yeah.
• 13:22
  I would rather that. I would be a good friend with you then.
• 13:25
  Like now, the me now-
• 13:27
  Oh, yeah
• 13:27
  ... if you don't think that you like something, or if you didn't want to go,
• 13:31
  I'd be like, "Sure."
• 13:33
  Be so honest, though.
• 13:35
  Yeah.
• 13:40
  I feel bad for the things that I've done before and the kind of friend I was
• 13:43
  before.
• 13:45
  But I do think it's just I was a product of my environment.
• 13:48
  Yeah.
• 13:49
  And
• 13:49
  I think that might be the case for other people.
• 13:51
  They don't know how to be anything else.
• 13:53
  Yeah.
• 13:53
  When you feel like someone is always fight or
• 13:57
  flight, when they're a person who reacts to things really fastly,
• 14:01
  that has to be because of a certain reason. They're not just like that.
• 14:04
  Oh, totally.
• 14:05
  And I think that people don't understand that sometimes, and I think that
• 14:08
  people are so quick to label people as mean or bad or just
• 14:11
  selfish when you don't know what their childhood was like.
• 14:14
  Yeah.
• 14:14
  You don't know the kind of relationship they're in.
• 14:15
  And that's why I try not to judge people who are not so nice to me,
• 14:19
  because I'm like, "Okay. I wonder why, though.
• 14:22
  I wonder what's going on with you." And
• 14:24
  I could totally be mean to them back, because I like to analyze people.
• 14:27
  Me
• 14:28
  too.
• 14:28
  I have a lot to say, but I just don't do it because I'm like, "Okay, this person's
• 14:31
  obviously having a hard time. I'm just the punching bag right now.
• 14:34
  I'm just going to not respond to it.
• 14:36
  I'm just going to ignore it."
• 14:37
  Because you need this. That's still considerate of you.
• 14:40
  Thank you.
• 14:42
  If I wasn't this public figure that I am, I probably would respond to a lot of it.
• 14:45
  Yeah.
• 14:46
  But I do care about how I look on camera and online, and-
• 14:48
  Yeah
• 14:49
  ... it's not just because of that. But a big part of it is because
• 14:53
  when I leave this world, I want to leave behind a legacy of my
• 14:57
  music and what I did for the community, and not that I was beefing with people or
• 15:00
  that I had good comebacks to the things that were said to me.
• 15:03
  That would be a distraction point-
• 15:04
  Yeah
• 15:05
  ... to who you are.
• 15:06
  Yeah, and I don't want to be that person.
• 15:08
  As snappy as I can be, I don't want to be that way, and I'm trying to grow out of
• 15:12
  it. So,
• 15:14
  to anyone that thinks it's not being true to myself, I am being true to myself.
• 15:17
  I'm just trying to grow.
• 15:19
  I love that.
• 15:20
  Thank you.
• 15:21
  Yeah. And you can always grow.
• 15:23
  Mm-hmm.
• 15:23
  I don't care how old you are, you can always get better at something.
• 15:25
  You just have to care.
• 15:27
  Yeah.
• 15:27
  If you care enough to want to do better.
• 15:29
  I think that's true, yeah.
• 15:30
  Yeah.
• 15:30
  Caring is the first thing, because you're not going to start if you don't care.
• 15:34
  Yeah. Why would you?
• 15:36
  Yeah.
• 15:36
  I'm great. I'm fine.
• 15:39
  Yeah.
• 15:40
  So,
• 15:41
  do
• 15:42
  you do singing publicly? People can hire you for that?
• 15:45
  Yeah, definitely.
• 15:46
  Okay.
• 15:46
  I don't usually
• 15:48
  expect to be paid all the time. So, I've done performances before.
• 15:52
  So you love it.
• 15:53
  I love doing it, yeah.
• 15:53
  Don't tell people this.
• 15:55
  No, I really will do it. If you want to tip me, I'll take it.
• 15:58
  But
• 15:59
  I love to sing.
• 16:01
  Being on stage for me is a little nerve-wracking.
• 16:05
  I'm not super fun to watch. I think I just stand there. My music's very slow.
• 16:08
  It's very similar to Lana Del Rey and Mitski.
• 16:12
  They're pretty popular, so I think you're fine.
• 16:14
  Pretty popular artists, yeah.
• 16:15
  I think I'm for the girls who are going through things,
• 16:19
  that want to just stay in bed and listen to some music they can relate to.
• 16:21
  That's my target demographic. But I
• 16:24
  have done festivals before. I've done performances before, and I love to do that.
• 16:29
  I haven't done any in a while. I think the last one I did was early this year.
• 16:34
  But yeah, no, right now I'm just mostly focusing on the radio.
• 16:37
  That's great.
• 16:38
  Thank you.
• 16:38
  Do you feel kind of sweaty, nervous,
• 16:43
  fidgety prior to live events?
• 16:46
  Oh, yeah. I refuse to eat-
• 16:48
  Yeah
• 16:48
  ... because I get really nauseous when I perform.
• 16:51
  And
• 16:52
  I think that once I'm up there,
• 16:55
  I do really feel it. It's like, "Why is everyone looking at me?
• 16:57
  I wish everyone would just look at the floor."
• 17:00
  Because I almost feel like a dancing monkey sometimes.
• 17:03
  It's like, "Oh, these people, they want me to do something.
• 17:05
  I'm performing for these people. What if they're hoping I mess up?" I just think of
• 17:09
  every single possibility.
• 17:09
  They kind of are.
• 17:10
  Yeah.
• 17:12
  They want to perform me.
• 17:12
  People love to watch a train wreck.
• 17:14
  They do. And
• 17:16
  once I sing that first song, it's usually fine.
• 17:18
  I'm usually like, "Okay, I got this."
• 17:20
  Yeah.
• 17:20
  I'm not
• 17:22
  insecure about my abilities. I'm just more insecure about
• 17:26
  the reception of it.
• 17:29
  Yeah.
• 17:29
  Because a lot of the shows that I have done, I've been booked for shows that
• 17:33
  were really weird for me to be booked for as an artist.
• 17:36
  I was booked for a rap show. And I was like, "What am I doing?" It's like
• 17:40
  imagine if you get Tupac and Ice Cube, and then you have Adele.
• 17:43
  Yeah.
• 17:44
  You know what I mean?
• 17:44
  Yeah.
• 17:44
  It's just so random. And it was a really good time, and it was great, but
• 17:48
  I was
• 17:49
  really nervous for that one. And
• 17:52
  I feel more confident in a coffee shop, so I used to do Dagnees a lot.
• 17:55
  That seems like a harder crowd, to be honest.
• 17:58
  You think so?
• 17:59
  I think so.
• 18:00
  I feel like-
• 18:02
  They're not as drunk.
• 18:03
  Huh?
• 18:03
  There's not as much alcohol.
• 18:05
  Oh.
• 18:06
  Lighting's different
• 18:07
  Yeah, you're right. Well, I think that I just feel like, because I've gotten a lot
• 18:10
  of compliments from especially people of an older generation about my songs.
• 18:15
  I just feel like maybe they're just more...
• 18:17
  Because
• 18:18
  my music's pretty serious, I think.
• 18:20
  I
• 18:21
  talk a lot about serious subjects and things that aren't super fun all the time.
• 18:25
  I'm not just shaking it on the microphone.
• 18:27
  I'm really crying and-
• 18:29
  Yeah
• 18:29
  ... telling stories. So I feel like that's why a lot of older people like my music
• 18:33
  better. And on Spotify, you can check your stats and who's listening.
• 18:37
  And my main fan base is between 35 and 55.
• 18:42
  Oh, okay.
• 18:42
  Which is so weird to me.
• 18:43
  Yeah.
• 18:43
  Because,
• 18:44
  I guess it's not weird, but when I first started making music, I really thought
• 18:48
  that I was going to relate to a lot of girls that are my age, women that were my
• 18:52
  age, or women that were around my age.
• 18:54
  What is your age? I can't quite tell.
• 18:56
  I'm 37. I'm just kidding.
• 18:57
  Okay.
• 18:58
  No, I'm 24.
• 19:00
  Okay.
• 19:02
  Yeah. But I feel like...
• 19:05
  Oh gosh, I just lost my train of thought.
• 19:06
  Sorry.
• 19:07
  No, that's okay. No, it's my fault.
• 19:08
  I get really-
• 19:09
  Well, the Spotify demographic.
• 19:11
  Oh, yeah. So basically, and then
• 19:14
  maybe six months ago, before I released some of my newer music,
• 19:18
  most of my audience was men.
• 19:21
  Interesting.
• 19:21
  And I was like, "Yeah, it's weird." And I was like, I don't know if they're really
• 19:24
  listening for the music or if they're just looking at me.
• 19:26
  Yeah.
• 19:27
  Because on camera I look a little different. I use a filter, whatever.
• 19:30
  And so I feel like I get a lot of people online, especially on TikTok, hitting me
• 19:34
  up and being like, "You're so beautiful.
• 19:36
  You're so pretty."
• 19:37
  And I think maybe those people are listening to my music, which is not what I
• 19:41
  necessarily-
• 19:42
  Yeah
• 19:42
  ... want. I'm happy they are, but I guess I would rather have people relate
• 19:46
  to it rather than just-
• 19:47
  Yeah
• 19:47
  ... objectify me.
• 19:49
  But I'm really glad it's changing now.
• 19:50
  So now I'm noticing it's more women, and the age group is
• 19:54
  35 to 55 and-
• 19:56
  Yeah
• 19:56
  ... hopefully I start to reach people around my age, because-
• 19:59
  Yeah
• 19:59
  ... that's really the goal.
• 20:01
  Yeah.
• 20:02
  Maybe at,
• 20:04
  I'm just guessing here, but in your 20s or earlier 20s
• 20:08
  versus 35 to 55,
• 20:12
  statistically you haven't gone through as much.
• 20:14
  Yeah.
• 20:14
  You haven't had as much life or as much pain.
• 20:18
  If there is realness to the music and the things that you sing about, maybe you've
• 20:22
  had more life experience in some sense- ...
• 20:25
  to reach a depth that's-
• 20:26
  Oh, yeah
• 20:26
  ... more mature.
• 20:27
  I had to grow up fast. My parents aren't around,
• 20:31
  and so
• 20:33
  basically my whole life has been survival mode.
• 20:36
  I
• 20:38
  think I was part of the bar scene maybe for a few months, and I decided, like-
• 20:41
  Ooh, that's good
• 20:41
  ... I can't do this.
• 20:42
  That's-
• 20:42
  Yeah, I'm really grateful.
• 20:44
  I'm proud of you.
• 20:45
  Thank you. I'm not a big drinker. Yeah, I'm just not really-
• 20:48
  You'll live longer, have better skin.
• 20:50
  I hope so.
• 20:51
  Yeah.
• 20:53
  I actually feel quite overwhelmed in a crowded room like that.
• 20:57
  I do, too.
• 20:57
  Yeah. Drunk people, predominantly men in a bar.
• 21:01
  Yeah.
• 21:01
  Just not... I don't feel safe all the time, and so-
• 21:03
  Or if it's too loud.
• 21:04
  Yeah, and I don't drive either, so
• 21:08
  me hanging out at bars, it's really hard sometimes because it's like I have to ask
• 21:12
  someone not to drink so they can take me home, or I have to spend money on an Uber-
• 21:15
  Yeah
• 21:16
  ... which is really expensive at nighttime sometimes, and-
• 21:18
  Yeah
• 21:19
  ...
• 21:20
  I just don't. So I don't really go to the bars anymore.
• 21:24
  I think I turned 21, I went to the bars for a few months and was like, "Okay."
• 21:27
  You tried it on.
• 21:27
  I tried it, and-
• 21:28
  You know
• 21:28
  ... I'm glad I did. It was fun for the most part.
• 21:32
  But I guess the feelings of not feeling comfortable were
• 21:36
  bigger than that. So I was like-
• 21:37
  Yes.
• 21:39
  But yeah, so I mostly just...
• 21:41
  I was in a relationship for two years, and I almost got married,
• 21:46
  and then that didn't work out, thank God.
• 21:47
  Ooh, that's young, yeah.
• 21:48
  Yeah. Thank God.
• 21:50
  I'm so grateful for that. And I wish them all the best, but I
• 21:55
  felt like that was what really pushed me to be like, "Okay, I'm going to be a
• 21:58
  singer. I'm going to do this."
• 21:59
  Good.
• 21:59
  I can sing, I can write.
• 22:02
  And now I basically just dedicate my whole life to create.
• 22:04
  I was working for a little bit,
• 22:07
  and then I quit my job
• 22:09
  after,
• 22:11
  oh, gosh. I quit it recently, actually.
• 22:13
  I've been doing music for three years.
• 22:15
  And so I quit it this year and was like, "I'm just not working anymore." Now it's
• 22:18
  all music, all radio, and-
• 22:20
  That's how you do it
• 22:20
  ... so far it's been working out. Thank you. Yeah.
• 22:23
  I'm having a good time.
• 22:25
  What?
• 22:25
  It's been really fun. Yeah.
• 22:26
  Who gets to say that and earn money?
• 22:28
  Thank you.
• 22:29
  That's
• 22:30
  the goal.
• 22:31
  It really is, and I
• 22:33
  think that
• 22:34
  a lot of people are afraid to take that step.
• 22:37
  Yeah.
• 22:39
  But it's working out for me-
• 22:40
  Yes
• 22:40
  ... so maybe it'll work out for you.
• 22:41
  Yeah.
• 22:42
  I'm not really stressing all the time.
• 22:45
  I ate this morning. Or not this morning, but I ate today.
• 22:48
  Yeah.
• 22:50
  I ate
• 22:51
  a bowl of ramen.
• 22:52
  Yeah.
• 22:53
  But it's nice to be able to do what
• 22:57
  I love to do and still make a living.
• 22:59
  I'm not making millions of dollars, obviously.
• 23:01
  Yeah.
• 23:02
  Not even really thousands of dollars, but I'm making enough to survive.
• 23:05
  And you're happy.
• 23:06
  And I'm happy.
• 23:07
  Yeah.
• 23:07
  That's all I need right now. Obviously, I'm working on-
• 23:09
  Everything.
• 23:09
  Thank you. Yeah.
• 23:10
  Yeah.
• 23:11
  I'm working on things to make it bigger and to make my income flow more.
• 23:15
  Yeah.
• 23:16
  And
• 23:18
  part of the success story is struggling to do that, because-
• 23:21
  Whew. It's so worth it
• 23:21
  ... I feel like when you're working all the time, I know that's the productive
• 23:24
  thing to do,
• 23:26
  but if you truly want to start something big like this, you have
• 23:30
  to really dedicate yourself to it.
• 23:32
  Yeah.
• 23:32
  You have to discipline yourself to prioritize it over anything.
• 23:35
  And
• 23:36
  when you have a job, you can't do that.
• 23:38
  You can't. You're still half in, half out.
• 23:40
  Yeah.
• 23:41
  You need to be all in.
• 23:42
  And it's all circumstantial. I know some people are really not able to quit their
• 23:45
  jobs.
• 23:47
  But my rent isn't that high, and I'm able to, and I'm grateful for that, so I'm
• 23:50
  using that opportunity.
• 23:51
  Yeah.
• 23:51
  And so I encourage everyone who is able to, to try it-
• 23:55
  Yeah
• 23:55
  ... especially if it's like this, because
• 23:59
  when I first started this radio show, the first thing people would tell me is,
• 24:02
  "You're not going to find that many local artists.
• 24:04
  There's no way there's that many." And I still have a long list of
• 24:08
  local artists that I have for future episodes. So it's going to work out.
• 24:12
  It can work out-
• 24:13
  That's so cool
• 24:13
  ... I think.
• 24:13
  No, it will.
• 24:15
  No, yeah.
• 24:15
  Yeah, and especially if you completely believe it and you're just putting all of
• 24:19
  your energy in that direction-
• 24:20
  Mm
• 24:21
  ... there's no way it won't.
• 24:23
  So I think that's awesome.
• 24:25
  Well, thank you.
• 24:26
  Yeah.
• 24:26
  Sorry, am I like yapping for too long?
• 24:28
  No. This is what we're here to do.
• 24:30
  You're right.
• 24:31
  Yeah. This is like me just hanging out with girl.
• 24:34
  This is it. This is me going out.
• 24:36
  I guess sometimes I feel really anxious and I start going on
• 24:40
  tangents that I feel like I'm not really knowing what I'm saying, and I get
• 24:43
  insecure, and I'm like, "Wait, what did I say?
• 24:44
  I don't remember what I said."
• 24:45
  No, you're doing good.
• 24:47
  Oh, thank you.
• 24:47
  This is exactly the space for it.
• 24:51
  Learning about other people and what they do and what their life is like and
• 24:55
  going into art.
• 24:58
  So I'm in medicine, but I really think more of an
• 25:01
  artsy type brain, especially lately, such as
• 25:05
  I'm designing my protocols and they really are curated.
• 25:10
  I'm carefully choosing them per person or
• 25:14
  how my space looks.
• 25:16
  Mm.
• 25:16
  It's very small, but I want it to be perfectly
• 25:20
  small.
• 25:20
  Yeah.
• 25:20
  I want it to feel right. And how do you get the energy right in a room?
• 25:24
  Well, the colors, the textures, the,
• 25:28
  I don't know, the spatial awareness of the room, and where do people sit, and how
• 25:31
  do they feel whenever they're in it.
• 25:32
  Mm-hmm.
• 25:33
  All those things I'm really thinking about, which is just so the other side of my
• 25:36
  brain, but it brings me joy.
• 25:38
  Yeah.
• 25:39
  I love it.
• 25:40
  I think that creating things in general is just so amazing, and I think that,
• 25:46
  so I consider all of my songs like an extension of myself, basically.
• 25:50
  Yeah.
• 25:50
  This is how I feel about something, and most of my songs are about my own
• 25:53
  experiences, but I do like to write about what I see.
• 25:56
  I've written a song about John Lennon and Yoko
• 26:00
  before.
• 26:01
  So it's just random things that I see, and I'm like, "Oh, this is interesting to
• 26:04
  me." And,
• 26:06
  nothing gives me a greater feeling
• 26:09
  than creating.
• 26:10
  Yeah.
• 26:11
  Every time I release a radio show or if I send it...
• 26:14
  Because I pre-record it and I email it
• 26:17
  to the guy who owns the station. Shout out to Jake.
• 26:21
  Yeah. But
• 26:22
  basically, every time I do that, I just feel so accomplished, and it just makes me-
• 26:25
  Yeah
• 26:25
  ... feel so good. It's
• 26:28
  like this is something that I made.
• 26:30
  Yes.
• 26:30
  I wonder if it's the same feeling that mothers get when they have children.
• 26:36
  Because I really truly do love all of my...
• 26:38
  I get nervous about some of them, but I truly do love all of my art, with all my
• 26:42
  heart.
• 26:42
  I get it completely. Because you've created it.
• 26:45
  So this is your baby.
• 26:47
  Yeah.
• 26:47
  This is-
• 26:47
  It's my baby.
• 26:48
  Yeah.
• 26:48
  It's literally me. And
• 26:51
  I'm just-
• 26:51
  It's like, "Here's my soul on a platter, here it is."
• 26:53
  Yeah.
• 26:53
  "Careful."
• 26:54
  Yeah. I'm just so grateful too. I
• 26:56
  could never imagine 10 years ago when I was starting to dream
• 27:00
  about this, like, "Oh, people are really going to listen to my music, or they're
• 27:04
  going to listen to a show that I'm going to be on, and they're going to like it."
• 27:07
  Yeah.
• 27:07
  It's really weird, but it's a really good weird.
• 27:10
  Yeah. And I think it wouldn't work if you weren't truly you.
• 27:14
  Mm.
• 27:14
  Don't you think? Isn't that crazy?
• 27:16
  It's really crazy.
• 27:16
  The more you are just you, the more people actually like it.
• 27:20
  Yeah.
• 27:20
  That blows my mind.
• 27:23
  I think that's true, and
• 27:26
  so what I notice about radio these days in general, it's really different than it
• 27:29
  was years ago.
• 27:30
  Yeah.
• 27:30
  I used to listen to the radio in high school.
• 27:32
  I remember
• 27:34
  the Real Bruce Wayne and Romeo in the Morning. I remember them.
• 27:37
  He's still on.
• 27:38
  Yeah. He is still on.
• 27:41
  And I
• 27:44
  feel like now when I listen to the radio, I hear people talking,
• 27:48
  and it's just not the same.
• 27:50
  No offense, but I don't really get what people are
• 27:54
  really tuning in for.
• 27:56
  They're more actors. They're more just personifications.
• 28:00
  Yeah.
• 28:01
  It's not genuine. It's not live.
• 28:04
  And not
• 28:04
  necessarily
• 28:08
  just them too. It's also the music.
• 28:10
  It's like,
• 28:11
  oh, you played the same exact song the same day at the same hour.
• 28:14
  I
• 28:16
  think that radio-
• 28:17
  It's AI.
• 28:18
  Yeah. AI music is a big problem too, because it's like you don't even know
• 28:22
  what's a real song anymore.
• 28:24
  Yeah.
• 28:24
  I always have to look up an artist now if they're new to me.
• 28:26
  I'm making sure they're real, like, do you have a birth certificate?
• 28:30
  Oh, wow.
• 28:31
  Are you a human being? It's like, why are you a robot?
• 28:35
  Yeah.
• 28:36
  Because I've heard some AI songs that I just heard innocently and thought, "Oh,
• 28:40
  this is just a song."
• 28:41
  Yeah.
• 28:41
  Not that I necessarily was going to add it to my playlist or anything, but it
• 28:44
  sounded like a real song.
• 28:46
  Yes.
• 28:47
  But I think that radio isn't as popular as it was before because streaming has
• 28:51
  taken over.
• 28:51
  Yeah.
• 28:52
  And I think the reason why is because radio DJs aren't really as exciting
• 28:56
  as they were before, and they're playing the same songs again.
• 28:59
  Yeah.
• 28:59
  Why don't more radio DJs reach out to local artists in the community and
• 29:03
  try to play them on the radio?
• 29:05
  Yeah. They
• 29:06
  really make you pay to be on their show.
• 29:10
  And it's really weird, especially because they're corporate, a lot of
• 29:14
  them are corporate, and-
• 29:15
  Yeah
• 29:15
  ... corporate is all about getting views, getting money, and that's literally one
• 29:18
  of the smartest things they can do to make money.
• 29:20
  Yeah. Connect with the people.
• 29:22
  The community, because-
• 29:23
  Yeah
• 29:23
  ... not only are the artists going to listen to it, but their friends, their
• 29:26
  family.
• 29:27
  Yeah. They'll post about it.
• 29:28
  They'll post about it, and then they'll probably, the artists that I've played on
• 29:32
  my show, they still tune in to other episodes.
• 29:34
  So they're not just going to watch one episode and leave.
• 29:36
  You're so right.
• 29:37
  You know?
• 29:37
  Yeah.
• 29:37
  And I just think that just from a marketing standpoint, from a selling standpoint-
• 29:41
  Yeah
• 29:41
  ... I think that radio DJs should really consider putting local
• 29:45
  artists on the radio.
• 29:46
  I love that. Yeah. And anybody else's show that I've gone on to, I
• 29:50
  follow them now.
• 29:51
  Oh, yeah.
• 29:52
  I'm going to follow you.
• 29:53
  Oh, cool. Yeah. I think I already follow you.
• 29:55
  Oh, amazing. So,
• 29:58
  I think that is very smart.
• 30:01
  Just knowing the algorithm and how things work and thinking outside of
• 30:05
  computers,
• 30:06
  this is just what people like.
• 30:08
  Mm-hmm.
• 30:09
  So yeah.
• 30:11
  Was there ever a health situation that you've encountered with yourself
• 30:15
  or your family that maybe you had to overcome
• 30:19
  that would be a great learning point for our listeners?
• 30:23
  Maybe not physical, but I think mental.
• 30:25
  Yeah.
• 30:26
  You know?
• 30:26
  Totally counts. That's your nervous system.
• 30:28
  Yeah. I
• 30:29
  have a lot of issues with my mental health.
• 30:32
  I can go days where I shut down completely and just not ...
• 30:36
  want to be here anymore. It's really hard sometimes, and I think
• 30:40
  that a lot of that does have to do with my past and the things that I went
• 30:43
  through.
• 30:46
  But I think that finding something that's just yours,
• 30:50
  that you don't have to share with anyone else-
• 30:52
  Yes
• 30:52
  ... that you can really just make your own, and just
• 30:56
  making it your life to
• 30:58
  make it something bigger-
• 30:59
  Mm-hmm
• 30:59
  ... is what really pushes me to continue to be here, to continue to
• 31:04
  do what I do. Because I don't think anyone else is doing this either.
• 31:06
  Yeah.
• 31:07
  What I'm doing with the radio show, at least.
• 31:09
  And
• 31:11
  at first it was music, but I had a little point where
• 31:15
  that wasn't really going anywhere, and I had went through some things where I had
• 31:19
  to fire some people, and it was really hard, and-
• 31:21
  Ugh
• 31:22
  ... it really discouraged me a lot.
• 31:25
  But I truly think this radio show did save me, because I was in a really bad
• 31:28
  place. And
• 31:31
  I'm a person who
• 31:33
  I feel like love is really big with me. I'm a big lover.
• 31:36
  Yeah.
• 31:37
  Even when I'm not in love, love is what I am.
• 31:39
  Yeah.
• 31:39
  And I think that me not having family really affects me during the
• 31:43
  holidays and my birthday and-
• 31:45
  Yeah
• 31:45
  ... you know?
• 31:46
  I get that.
• 31:47
  It's like,
• 31:48
  now, I guess this holiday season, I'm not really so
• 31:52
  anxious because I know that I'm going to be able to do this show, and I'm going to
• 31:56
  be able to work on music again, people love me, and-
• 31:59
  Yeah
• 31:59
  ... I just think about that. So,
• 32:02
  just make something, find something that's yours, make it your own.
• 32:05
  And if it's something that happens to be something that you can share,
• 32:09
  just watch how it makes other people feel, and watch that feeling that it gives to
• 32:13
  people because, that's literally... I said that twice, sorry.
• 32:16
  No, it's okay.
• 32:17
  But it literally gives you a feeling like no other.
• 32:21
  So some of the artists that I play on the radio, they have girlfriends, and
• 32:25
  they'll follow me too, and I can just see their posts like, "Oh, my boyfriend's on
• 32:28
  the radio." That's so cool, and that makes me so happy to see.
• 32:31
  Yeah.
• 32:32
  And it's like-
• 32:32
  To be celebrated
• 32:33
  ... and I don't think that would happen,
• 32:35
  and this is not me saying anything about the artists, this is me saying just how
• 32:39
  radio is. I don't think that they would be played on the radio if it wasn't for me.
• 32:43
  Yeah.
• 32:44
  But that would be the same case if it was anyone doing this.
• 32:46
  Yes.
• 32:47
  No one's putting local music on the radio.
• 32:49
  Yes.
• 32:49
  I'm not trying to put myself on a platform or on a stage or
• 32:53
  anything for that, or give myself a medal, but I think it's important.
• 32:56
  It is.
• 32:57
  It's important what I'm doing, and it's enough to make me feel like my
• 33:01
  life has purpose.
• 33:02
  Yes, and that is so important. No matter what
• 33:06
  age that you're at-
• 33:07
  Mm
• 33:07
  ...
• 33:08
  feeling like you have purpose. Just a few other
• 33:11
  podcasts ago, we were discussing when people retire,
• 33:16
  a
• 33:18
  lot of people die-
• 33:19
  Mm
• 33:19
  ... shortly after they retire. And really the
• 33:23
  thing that was found to be true with that is that there was a lack
• 33:27
  of purpose. If you do something your whole life that you love so much,
• 33:31
  and then now you are like him, hanging that hat up, now what
• 33:35
  is the point of me?
• 33:36
  Yeah. And self-love is really important too, because I used to be a
• 33:40
  person who... So growing up, basically, I was taught that I had to
• 33:44
  earn love, that I had to be a certain way or else I wasn't going to get
• 33:47
  anything. And so I carried that with me as an adult, and
• 33:51
  I'm not surrounded by people who make me feel that way
• 33:56
  anymore, but that feeling doesn't go away.
• 33:58
  Yeah.
• 33:58
  So having to find that
• 34:02
  way to love yourself the way you are and to allow it, because you're not going to
• 34:05
  let anyone else love you if you
• 34:07
  don't think. That's what I learned, and-
• 34:09
  It's impossible
• 34:09
  ... I thought that it was the other person's fault for the longest time, because I
• 34:13
  was in a relationship recently,
• 34:15
  that didn't last very long, and I think it was because I was constantly needing
• 34:19
  reassurance-
• 34:20
  Mm-hmm
• 34:21
  ... that I didn't really trust anything that he said.
• 34:23
  And I'm so sorry to him because-
• 34:25
  Oh, I get it
• 34:26
  ... he was honestly probably the best guy I've ever dated, and I ruined it because
• 34:30
  I
• 34:31
  decided that I was unlovable. I decided that
• 34:34
  I thought that he thought these things about me that he never thought at all and-
• 34:37
  Or ever said or gave any evidence of.
• 34:39
  Yeah. It's me, and
• 34:42
  I know that sometimes your brain can play tricks on you.
• 34:44
  Oh, sure does.
• 34:45
  He might have subconsciously did something that triggered me,
• 34:49
  that reminded me of something when I was a kid, and he didn't do it on purpose,
• 34:53
  obviously.
• 34:53
  Yeah.
• 34:54
  He was just being a person.
• 34:55
  Mm-hmm.
• 34:55
  And he was great.
• 34:57
  Yeah.
• 34:58
  I feel like right now I'm also learning that
• 35:01
  don't reduce yourself to the way you look.
• 35:03
  I know society has standards, and they're-
• 35:05
  Yeah
• 35:05
  ... impossible to keep up with.
• 35:08
  Reduce yourself to your mind.
• 35:09
  Yes.
• 35:10
  And that's what I'm trying to do right now.
• 35:11
  That's my mission right now is to-
• 35:12
  That's so good
• 35:13
  ... basically try to teach myself that
• 35:15
  your mind is a very powerful thing, and if you tell yourself something enough
• 35:18
  times, you'll believe it. If you can believe-
• 35:19
  Yeah
• 35:20
  ... the negative things-
• 35:20
  Yes
• 35:21
  ... then you can believe the positive things.
• 35:22
  Yes.
• 35:23
  So I am trying to look at myself sometimes and be like, "Oh, look at you.
• 35:27
  You're so pretty. You're so smart.
• 35:28
  You're so funny."
• 35:30
  Yeah.
• 35:30
  And it's hard because I don't always feel that way.
• 35:32
  I don't think anyone-
• 35:33
  Right
• 35:33
  ... always feels that way.
• 35:34
  Nobody does. We all pick ourselves apart.
• 35:36
  Yeah.
• 35:37
  For no reason.
• 35:38
  And it's like
• 35:40
  maybe subconsciously, we want to be liked by
• 35:44
  everybody. Maybe we're trying to satisfy one person. Maybe we just want validation.
• 35:49
  But either way, it makes us look really bad.
• 35:51
  Yeah.
• 35:52
  It really does.
• 35:53
  So the more we're just like, "Yep, here I am," and then
• 35:57
  just using your flaws in a sense, or anything that you might beat yourself
• 36:01
  up about, using that as your superpower.
• 36:03
  So whatever that looks like.
• 36:06
  Yeah.
• 36:07
  Yeah. For me, public speaking was
• 36:10
  terrifying to me. So I relate to you, going on a stage,
• 36:14
  you sweat a little bit, a lot a bit.
• 36:17
  Mm-hmm.
• 36:18
  But really if you play out the
• 36:22
  scenario, what's the worst that can happen?
• 36:25
  Would this actually happen?
• 36:27
  Mm-hmm.
• 36:27
  Well, it can, and in certain cases,
• 36:31
  I did play out
• 36:32
  my worst fear in a public speaking situation did happen.
• 36:37
  Oh.
• 36:37
  So it's like the worst that could happen is you would be publicly embarrassed.
• 36:41
  Okay, well, now what? So what?
• 36:43
  Okay. Yeah.
• 36:44
  Yeah. I got hugs.
• 36:46
  Oh, good.
• 36:47
  So it's like-
• 36:47
  I'm glad
• 36:48
  ... so it's like if you really play the scenario
• 36:52
  out, you didn't die.
• 36:54
  Mm.
• 36:54
  You
• 36:55
  lived, and maybe you gave somebody something to talk about, otherwise they were
• 36:59
  bored.
• 37:00
  Well, it's funny because a lot of people, I think I've heard say this too,
• 37:04
  when you do something embarrassing, when something embarrassing happens to you, or
• 37:07
  you think you did something embarrassing, it's all you can think about, and you
• 37:10
  think that that's all the other person can think about.
• 37:13
  I promise you they're not thinking about it.
• 37:14
  They're not.
• 37:14
  They're not. Because I'm like-
• 37:16
  That's also true
• 37:17
  ... and the confirmation of that is, do you remember all the embarrassing things
• 37:21
  your friends have ever done?
• 37:22
  Yeah.
• 37:23
  Do you? Yeah.
• 37:23
  We can point lots of things out.
• 37:24
  There's a lot of ways to figure out that these people really aren't...
• 37:27
  They don't care.
• 37:28
  No.
• 37:29
  And I don't know why.
• 37:31
  Because I'm the same way, I'm always like,
• 37:33
  I still hang out with the person that I used to be with, and we're just good
• 37:37
  friends now, and
• 37:39
  I always have to ask him, I'm like, "Oh, is there lipstick on my chin?" Because
• 37:43
  we'll go out to eat sometimes or-
• 37:44
  Yeah
• 37:44
  ... do you think I look bad? He always goes-
• 37:47
  Yeah
• 37:47
  ... "No one cares. You look great. No one cares."
• 37:49
  Yeah.
• 37:50
  I think that really, it's true. That he's-
• 37:53
  Yeah
• 37:53
  ... the one that taught me that. Yeah.
• 37:55
  So.
• 37:55
  Yeah, or if you're doing content, social media, which is just, it's
• 37:59
  necessary these days. You have to.
• 38:00
  Yeah.
• 38:01
  So it is embarrassing initially to whip out your
• 38:05
  phone and do what I talk to your phone in public, right?
• 38:08
  Oh, yeah.
• 38:09
  I had to just get over it, because nobody cares.
• 38:12
  Mm-hmm.
• 38:12
  Nobody cares. They're so self-absorbed, which is a good thing-
• 38:15
  Yeah
• 38:16
  ... because it's like, "Look over there, don't look at me."
• 38:18
  Most people are honestly just thinking about themselves and what they're doing.
• 38:21
  Yeah.
• 38:22
  You might be in a room full of people, and you think, "Oh, my God, do I look okay?"
• 38:25
  The person next to you is probably thinking the same thing.
• 38:27
  They're not looking at you.
• 38:28
  They're looking at their own face and their own phone.
• 38:31
  Right, and it's like we're all the center of our own universe, and we all
• 38:35
  think that for some reason, we just think we're the main character everywhere
• 38:39
  we go.
• 38:39
  Yes.
• 38:39
  And
• 38:40
  we might be to our
• 38:43
  own lives, but there's a whole other story going on with everyone else, and we're
• 38:46
  like side characters.
• 38:47
  Side characters.
• 38:48
  I'm pretty sure I've been in so many rooms where there have been people who don't
• 38:52
  even know who I am.
• 38:53
  Yeah.
• 38:53
  And that's fine. That's normal.
• 38:54
  Yeah.
• 38:57
  Just remind yourself that people, we don't have to be embarrassed all the time.
• 38:59
  We're all human beings.
• 39:01
  Yep.
• 39:01
  I didn't realize this dress had pockets.
• 39:03
  Oh, I love that.
• 39:04
  Yeah. It's weird.
• 39:05
  That's winning.
• 39:07
  Oh, gosh, yeah. And then one step beyond that, as I am
• 39:12
  pushing myself to do things like this or
• 39:16
  do social media, talk to your phone and whatever, get the
• 39:20
  message out. I'm also just reminding myself that this
• 39:24
  is just for one person.
• 39:25
  Mm-hmm.
• 39:25
  This is not about me. I'm the piece that is
• 39:30
  the message running through me, but it's not about me.
• 39:33
  If somebody learned something or has changed in some profound way,
• 39:38
  or
• 39:39
  something good comes of it, worth it.
• 39:42
  Yeah.
• 39:42
  Because yeah, I'm just like the information conduit.
• 39:46
  Yeah. That's how I feel like when I do my radio show, a lot of people
• 39:50
  thank me for putting them on the radio, and I always try to say, like, "You did all
• 39:54
  the work. I'm just sharing the music.
• 39:55
  You-
• 39:56
  Yeah
• 39:56
  ... you were in the studio. You wrote the song. You worked so hard.
• 39:59
  You deserve this, and it's a big accomplishment."
• 40:01
  Yes.
• 40:02
  Thank yourself for that. Obviously, it's nice to be thanked
• 40:06
  because I have my radio show, and I do this,
• 40:09
  so I am grateful for the thanks, but I promise you guys, it's mostly you guys.
• 40:13
  I'm literally just a person who shares music with you guys and hope you guys like
• 40:16
  it.
• 40:17
  Yeah.
• 40:17
  And
• 40:19
  yeah,
• 40:20
  I'm really grateful that I get to do that.
• 40:22
  I feel
• 40:23
  like I just lost where I was going with that, so I'm just going to end it there.
• 40:26
  Well, I loved all of it.
• 40:27
  Thank you.
• 40:28
  When I am, say, training
• 40:32
  somebody in medicine, say it's a nurse or
• 40:36
  a colleague, I feel very proud to share
• 40:40
  things or support them-
• 40:42
  Mm-hmm
• 40:42
  ... and I feel like their success is my success.
• 40:45
  So if I'm passing on another skill or if I'm helping them to
• 40:49
  spread their wings and fly in some direction, I feel so
• 40:53
  much joy from that.
• 40:55
  Yeah.
• 40:55
  So I would imagine you probably feel very similar,
• 40:59
  when you see a person who is flying.
• 41:02
  They've launched. Whether you're the launch pad or you were the start
• 41:06
  to different venues, I think that's just, it feels very
• 41:10
  powerful and rewarding.
• 41:11
  It's a beautiful feeling. It really is.
• 41:13
  And
• 41:14
  a lot of people just think, "Oh, they're just being played on the radio," but you
• 41:17
  don't realize the confidence you get from-
• 41:20
  Ugh, yeah
• 41:20
  ... the confidence boost I got. I was literally like, "Oh, my God, I'm on the
• 41:23
  radio." And not only that. I
• 41:27
  know that my Instagram page for my show only has about 400
• 41:31
  followers, which I think is a lot.
• 41:34
  But people don't realize, a lot of people that listen to the radio these days, they
• 41:38
  don't even use Instagram. They're on Facebook.
• 41:40
  It's so true.
• 41:40
  I don't have Facebook.
• 41:42
  Yeah.
• 41:43
  And a lot of people literally just listen to the radio in their car.
• 41:45
  They don't even follow the pages. So we get about-
• 41:48
  I listen to the radio.
• 41:49
  Yeah. See? And do you follow all the shows that you listen to?
• 41:52
  I don't. I never thought about it-
• 41:55
  Yeah
• 41:55
  ... but I know that I didn't want to pay Spotify or whatever is the satellite
• 41:59
  radio-
• 41:59
  Oh, yeah
• 42:00
  ... and Pandora. So I just have straight radio.
• 42:03
  And see, that's the same story for a lot of people.
• 42:06
  I'm not expecting ever to have a huge
• 42:10
  following on Instagram.
• 42:11
  It's not the goal.
• 42:12
  It's not the goal.
• 42:13
  It's going to happen, though.
• 42:14
  But our station, 103.5 FM,
• 42:17
  KSVG,
• 42:20
  from what I understand, we get about 1,200 to 2,000 streams at a time throughout
• 42:24
  the day.
• 42:24
  That's great.
• 42:24
  That's great. That's great for a nonprofit radio station.
• 42:27
  Oh, yeah.
• 42:28
  And so I
• 42:29
  think that
• 42:31
  we
• 42:34
  don't know who's listening to that.
• 42:35
  Yeah.
• 42:36
  It literally could be a person who's a booker for shows.
• 42:40
  It could be a
• 42:42
  person who's a producer-
• 42:43
  Yes
• 42:43
  ... or another artist.
• 42:44
  Yeah.
• 42:45
  So it isn't only
• 42:48
  open doors for them to be played on the radio, but it opens doors for opportunities
• 42:52
  such as all those things I mentioned.
• 42:53
  Oh, yeah.
• 42:55
  I think it's really important
• 42:58
  for people to realize that.
• 42:59
  Yeah.
• 43:00
  Because a lot of the people are like, "Oh, I don't really care about being played
• 43:03
  on the radio."
• 43:03
  Who says that?
• 43:04
  And it's just like, okay-
• 43:06
  Like, artists say that?
• 43:07
  It's actually really common for artists not to care about it so much.
• 43:11
  That's why a lot of artists don't-
• 43:13
  Huh
• 43:13
  ... really necessarily create cleaner music these days, because radio just
• 43:17
  isn't the main thing right now. It's streaming. That's where the money's at.
• 43:20
  Interesting.
• 43:20
  And even if,
• 43:22
  artists actually don't get paid very much for music on streaming services.
• 43:25
  But,
• 43:26
  I think that everyone's looking for that viral TikTok moment because they think
• 43:30
  that's what's going to skyrocket them.
• 43:31
  Yeah.
• 43:32
  And it's true for some artists. There are artists that have literally
• 43:36
  posted a video on TikTok, and now they have a huge following.
• 43:39
  Yeah.
• 43:39
  It's great. TikTok is a great way to promote your music.
• 43:45
  But the reason why radio's not so popular anymore is because of streaming, and
• 43:49
  I think that artists, when they make music, they're
• 43:53
  trying to make music that's going to be streamable, that could also go viral.
• 43:57
  Yeah.
• 43:58
  And also Spotify and Apple Music, I don't know if a lot of people know this, but
• 44:02
  they kind of change the quality of your song as well.
• 44:05
  In a bad way?
• 44:06
  No, no. Sometimes it enhances it.
• 44:09
  Oh.
• 44:09
  It's really cool.
• 44:11
  Like a sharper sound?
• 44:13
  Yeah, basically trying to match...
• 44:16
  I don't know specifically, but I'm just assuming it just has to do with
• 44:20
  matching the rest of the way the songs sound on-
• 44:22
  Ah, yeah
• 44:22
  ... Spotify.
• 44:23
  So the volume isn't-
• 44:24
  Yeah
• 44:24
  ... super low.
• 44:25
  And then I think it just makes everything kind of just more enhanced.
• 44:28
  Crisp.
• 44:28
  Yeah, crisp and like-
• 44:29
  Yes
• 44:29
  ...
• 44:32
  I don't know why I mentioned that, but I did.
• 44:34
  Well, no, the sound quality-
• 44:36
  Oh, yeah
• 44:36
  ... these mics are very expensive, for example.
• 44:38
  Mm-hmm.
• 44:38
  And so it's funny, whenever I started this podcast with Justin,
• 44:42
  Beacon Studios, I was like, "I don't care about our mic.
• 44:46
  I don't know anything about mics."
• 44:48
  Oh, yeah.
• 44:48
  So of course, I don't have an opinion about it.
• 44:50
  But now that we're here, I get a lot of compliments on the sound quality,
• 44:55
  and
• 44:56
  how clear it is. And so I really notice that other people
• 45:00
  notice.
• 45:00
  Oh, yeah.
• 45:01
  Just because it's not on my radar, because it's not my niche,
• 45:04
  but a lot of people value that.
• 45:06
  Mm-hmm.
• 45:07
  So now I pay attention to it.
• 45:09
  Oh, yeah. It is really good, by the way.
• 45:12
  Yeah, no.
• 45:14
  Oh yeah, so basically streaming and stuff is the goal for
• 45:18
  artists these days, and I feel like the artists that do care about being played on
• 45:21
  the radio,
• 45:24
  I guess it's not so important for local artists all the time.
• 45:26
  That's not the first thing they think of.
• 45:28
  Yeah.
• 45:28
  Because I realize, I just kind of thought of this right now.
• 45:32
  It makes sense because no one's playing local music on the radio.
• 45:34
  Yeah.
• 45:35
  So obviously a mainstream artist-
• 45:37
  Yeah
• 45:38
  ... would want to market their music-
• 45:39
  That's a good point
• 45:41
  ... to be radio-friendly, like an artist that's Taylor Swift or-
• 45:44
  Yeah
• 45:44
  ... Olivia Rodrigo.
• 45:46
  Yeah.
• 45:47
  But an artist like me, if this show didn't exist, if "Savage Radio"
• 45:51
  didn't exist, because they do play local music too, all the other DJs on the show,
• 45:55
  they'll play locals.
• 45:57
  If they didn't exist, I honestly wouldn't care so much.
• 46:00
  Yeah.
• 46:00
  I stopped cussing in my songs so much so they can play more of my music.
• 46:04
  You know? And-
• 46:05
  Take it for the team.
• 46:06
  Yeah.
• 46:06
  A little sacrifice.
• 46:08
  I thought it was going to be hard because I used to really like to say the F-bomb-
• 46:12
  Yeah
• 46:12
  ... in my songs, for fun. But anyways, no, I guess I feel
• 46:16
  like
• 46:19
  if more shows like this existed, maybe local artists would
• 46:23
  honestly just try to make a song specifically for the radio or
• 46:27
  think about that when they're making music.
• 46:29
  As a launch, a great launch.
• 46:31
  Yeah. And it's such a good one.
• 46:32
  And then make it filthy later.
• 46:34
  Yeah.
• 46:34
  Start clean.
• 46:35
  Do a clean version, then an adult version.
• 46:37
  Yeah.
• 46:38
  And, I think I've noticed that-
• 46:40
  Say freak instead of f**k.
• 46:41
  Yeah, say freak, yeah. I feel like I've noticed that a lot of artists have reached
• 46:45
  out to me, and they're like, "Hey, I'll send you a clean version of this song," or,
• 46:48
  "Let me clean this up for you. Let me make-"
• 46:50
  So they know.
• 46:50
  "... a clean song." They know now.
• 46:51
  Oh.
• 46:52
  And it's like,
• 46:53
  I feel like if more people did this
• 46:57
  whole play local artists on the radio thing in different states or different
• 47:00
  cities, I think that it would be more popular to try to make radio-friendly
• 47:04
  music.
• 47:04
  Yeah. No, it's a great idea.
• 47:08
  I prefer to buy local, so-
• 47:10
  Yeah
• 47:10
  ... I would also rather listen local if that were an
• 47:14
  option.
• 47:14
  And the funny thing is, if I were to play a playlist full of
• 47:18
  random songs, local and not local, I doubt people would know the
• 47:22
  difference. And that's how talented these people are.
• 47:24
  Yeah.
• 47:25
  A lot of people hear local music, and they think of SoundCloud rappers or- ...
• 47:28
  And not that they're untalented either. I think that they're great too.
• 47:32
  I just think that
• 47:34
  people don't realize the artists that you listen to that
• 47:38
  are famous, they used to be local artists.
• 47:40
  Yeah.
• 47:41
  They used to be what we are.
• 47:43
  Some of us are going to be big.
• 47:45
  Yeah.
• 47:45
  Some of us aren't.
• 47:46
  Yes.
• 47:46
  Some of us are literally just going to be local, which is still big.
• 47:49
  Yes.
• 47:49
  Being able to have a long career as a local artist is really,
• 47:53
  really good.
• 47:54
  That's awesome.
• 47:54
  It's awesome.
• 47:55
  Yeah.
• 47:56
  I think that we're all going to take different paths, and
• 48:00
  some of the people that, okay, like Stevie Nicks, Amy Winehouse,
• 48:04
  all these super famous people that people love so much-
• 48:07
  Yeah
• 48:07
  ... they started off trying to book at the local bars, the local coffee shops.
• 48:10
  Yeah.
• 48:11
  Trying to get people to buy their CDs,
• 48:13
  handing out stickers for free.
• 48:18
  So basically, artists that become famous nowadays,
• 48:21
  a lot of it I feel like is nepotism.
• 48:23
  Yeah.
• 48:23
  And so they're not doing that.
• 48:25
  Yeah.
• 48:25
  It's very uncommon.
• 48:26
  I think about the same thing in medicine.
• 48:28
  Yeah.
• 48:30
  Same game.
• 48:31
  Exactly. It's super unfortunate because it all comes from money.
• 48:34
  It all comes from who you know and who your family is.
• 48:37
  And so like-
• 48:37
  It's not really skill, talent.
• 48:40
  Yeah. And so the people becoming famous nowadays, newer artists,
• 48:45
  I
• 48:46
  look at artists like Gracie Abrams, who's her father? J.J. Abrams.
• 48:50
  You know, who's Addison Rae's mother and father?
• 48:52
  I'm bad at famous people.
• 48:54
  Oh. They're just newer artists or newer-
• 48:55
  Yeah
• 48:55
  ... singers who are popular these days.
• 48:56
  I've probably heard their songs.
• 48:57
  Oh, probably.
• 48:58
  Yeah.
• 48:59
  Addison Rae, I can't sing a Gracie Abrams song.
• 49:01
  I don't listen to her, but
• 49:03
  Addison Rae has that song, "Diet Pepsi" that's like...
• 49:06
  Oh, God, I want to sing, but I'm so nervous.
• 49:08
  No, go for it.
• 49:10
  It goes,
• 49:11
  gosh, I forgot the lyrics. "When we drive in your
• 49:15
  car, I'm your baby.
• 49:17
  I'm taking all my innocence in the backseat."
• 49:21
  It's that song. It's super-
• 49:22
  Okay
• 49:22
  ... popular on TikTok.
• 49:23
  Okay.
• 49:23
  It's called "Diet Pepsi."
• 49:24
  I'm going to look it up.
• 49:25
  It's good. I like it. I actually like her music. I enjoy her music very much.
• 49:28
  But like-
• 49:28
  So it's like fun-loving, cute.
• 49:30
  Yeah.
• 49:32
  Very just girly, like it's summertime and I want to have fun kind of music.
• 49:35
  Okay. Yeah.
• 49:36
  Really good. I like it.
• 49:37
  It's a good vibe.
• 49:38
  And a lot of people judge her because she was a TikToker, but you have to get big
• 49:42
  somewhere.
• 49:43
  Yeah. I think try it all.
• 49:45
  Try it all.
• 49:46
  Try it all.
• 49:47
  You know-
• 49:47
  Something will hit.
• 49:48
  And you know, I'm not saying that these nepotism babies are not talented.
• 49:52
  They obviously are because-
• 49:54
  Yeah
• 49:54
  ... people like them.
• 49:56
  But I don't think they'll ever really know the struggle of what a local artist has
• 49:59
  to go through to just get people to listen-
• 50:01
  Yeah
• 50:01
  ... just in general.
• 50:02
  Yeah.
• 50:03
  To get someone to listen to our music for the one cent, less than a
• 50:07
  penny that we get for each stream. It's like,
• 50:10
  we're literally walking up to people and like-
• 50:12
  Oh
• 50:12
  ... "Hey." And it's embarrassing. A lot of people shame us for it.
• 50:15
  They're like, "Why are you begging people to stream your music?
• 50:17
  Why are you doing that?"
• 50:18
  Because I am poor.
• 50:20
  Exactly.
• 50:20
  Hello.
• 50:21
  Well, it's that and it's like, we made this song because this is our
• 50:25
  dream. Help us live our dream. If you don't like it-
• 50:28
  Yeah
• 50:28
  ... you don't like it. It's not for everybody.
• 50:30
  Keep it moving. Yeah.
• 50:30
  But I guarantee a lot of the songs that I've played on the show, and
• 50:34
  there's also a playlist that's local, by the "Bakersfield Underground"
• 50:38
  podcast.
• 50:38
  Yes.
• 50:39
  I love them so much.
• 50:40
  Which they're so fun.
• 50:40
  They're so funny. Yeah.
• 50:41
  I laughed so much and I overshared.
• 50:43
  I was just like, "How did you get all this info from me?"
• 50:47
  I was just-
• 50:47
  They research. They really do.
• 50:49
  They were so good.
• 50:51
  They were really good.
• 50:51
  My face hurt.
• 50:52
  I think my first interview, they said they streamed every song that I
• 50:56
  released, and I think at that point, I already had over 100 songs.
• 51:00
  I was like, "Wow." They're really great.
• 51:02
  Yeah. Yeah. Henry and,
• 51:07
  oh, I forgot everyone's name.
• 51:08
  There's Cadillac.
• 51:10
  Yeah.
• 51:10
  Yeah. He's funny, too.
• 51:12
  I don't know if-
• 51:13
  They're all so fun.
• 51:15
  And Andy still does it with them, but he was there one of the time, or
• 51:19
  a couple of the times that I was there. The most recent time he wasn't, though.
• 51:22
  But I recently actually just did an episode of the radio
• 51:26
  show with Henry.
• 51:27
  Oh.
• 51:27
  It was really fun. Yeah.
• 51:29
  He joined me. We did an all local artist playlist, and it was really fun. Yeah.
• 51:33
  Yeah. His film schedule was heavy.
• 51:35
  I was just like, "Man,"
• 51:37
  it sounds like he cut back a little bit, but this is hard-
• 51:40
  Yeah
• 51:41
  ... to do as much as he's doing in one day or one week.
• 51:44
  I was just like, "Whew. Sir."
• 51:47
  Yeah.
• 51:49
  Gosh. Yeah.
• 51:52
  Have you heard this kid on Instagram?
• 51:55
  He's probably also on different platforms,
• 51:59
  but there's this kid, and his parents run his
• 52:03
  account, but he has this gift where
• 52:07
  he mixes music, but he's never heard the
• 52:11
  song before. So he's given maybe a
• 52:15
  little clip or a little bit of vocal, and then that's it.
• 52:19
  And then it's his job to put the rest of it together.
• 52:23
  I
• 52:24
  don't know if we're thinking of the same person, but I actually just watched a
• 52:27
  video, and it was a little boy, and they played the whole acapella version
• 52:31
  of a song for him, and he basically, they told him, "Produce an
• 52:35
  instrumental around it."
• 52:36
  It's probably the same kid.
• 52:37
  It's probably the same thing.
• 52:37
  Because he's given different missions.
• 52:40
  Yeah.
• 52:40
  And sometimes it's just the voice, the vocals, or sometimes it's just
• 52:44
  the sounds, or they'll say, they
• 52:47
  give him
• 52:48
  a job, and he just goes above and beyond.
• 52:52
  Yeah. The video that I saw, he did a Taylor Swift
• 52:56
  song, and he-
• 52:57
  I watched that one
• 52:57
  ... he turned it into an EDM song.
• 52:59
  Yes. It was so cool.
• 52:59
  It was the same one, right? Okay. Yeah.
• 53:01
  Yeah.
• 53:01
  It was really cool. That's really talented.
• 53:03
  Yeah, and just to watch him work was art in itself.
• 53:06
  His brain, the way it puts different things together, and he's like, "Oh,
• 53:10
  I've got it."
• 53:11
  Yeah, and I was watching, too, and he was saying things that I was like, "What does
• 53:14
  that even mean?"
• 53:15
  Yes.
• 53:15
  I have to look that up. Maybe this is a tool I could use, you know?
• 53:18
  Yeah.
• 53:20
  Wow. I wonder
• 53:24
  if that came to him naturally or if that's just something-
• 53:26
  It looks natural.
• 53:27
  Yeah. Well, he's maybe a prodigy.
• 53:28
  How do you teach that?
• 53:29
  Right. Yeah.
• 53:30
  He seems like a prodigy. I don't think you can really learn that.
• 53:33
  I
• 53:34
  think some of the terms he's probably taught.
• 53:37
  Oh, yeah.
• 53:37
  Like, oh, I'm putting the choir in, or a high choir, or-
• 53:40
  But the gift of sound and being able to just be so good at that at such a
• 53:44
  young age is truly, that's a gift. That's not something you can teach.
• 53:47
  It is a gift.
• 53:48
  You can't really teach anyone to not be tone deaf.
• 53:51
  Yeah.
• 53:51
  You know?
• 53:52
  Yeah.
• 53:52
  They just are until they're not.
• 53:54
  Yeah.
• 53:54
  Maybe they can try, but I've never met a tone deaf person become
• 53:59
  non-tone deaf.
• 54:01
  Yeah.
• 54:01
  So maybe it's like-
• 54:02
  It's a part of your brain.
• 54:03
  Yeah.
• 54:04
  In their temporal lobe.
• 54:06
  So, wow. I
• 54:08
  feel like he might become something huge one day.
• 54:11
  Oh, I think he's definitely.
• 54:13
  Oh, yeah.
• 54:14
  He's definitely. He's just so good.
• 54:16
  And even just him thinking, "Okay, now this needs more of
• 54:20
  a raw sound," or, "This has a high, it needs a low." And that sounds like
• 54:26
  it would be easy to just
• 54:28
  throw in, but no.
• 54:30
  No.
• 54:30
  No. This is unusually good.
• 54:33
  I would've never thought to turn that song into an EDM song.
• 54:36
  Yeah.
• 54:36
  You know what I mean?
• 54:37
  Yeah.
• 54:37
  And
• 54:39
  it's just so crazy some of the things that people can just do naturally.
• 54:42
  And quick.
• 54:43
  And quick. And all it takes is one big artist
• 54:47
  to hear what they did to their song and then them be like, "Okay, let's make a real
• 54:51
  version of that that way."
• 54:52
  Yeah.
• 54:53
  Then he's just huge.
• 54:54
  Yes.
• 54:55
  He's going to be all over the world.
• 54:56
  Yes.
• 54:58
  But yeah, I can definitely see that kid producing for some big artists in the
• 55:01
  future.
• 55:01
  Huge.
• 55:02
  Huge artists, yeah.
• 55:03
  Yeah.
• 55:04
  I think it really also speaks to the gifts that we're given in
• 55:08
  life.
• 55:08
  Mm-hmm.
• 55:09
  You can't hide it.
• 55:13
  I feel like your
• 55:15
  job is to just show it, just do it. Because eventually people are going
• 55:19
  to just discover it.
• 55:20
  Yeah.
• 55:21
  If it's singing, if it's
• 55:24
  just sharing how real you are, or
• 55:27
  your
• 55:29
  math, any of that stuff, it just comes out.
• 55:32
  Yeah.
• 55:33
  Oh, gosh, that's what I love about being able to sing and make music too, because I
• 55:37
  know that once I'm gone, at least my voice will still be out there, the story that
• 55:41
  I lived will be out there. Because something that makes me sad a lot
• 55:45
  is I think about the fact that I don't have any family.
• 55:47
  So if I were to drop dead right now, who's going to give me a funeral?
• 55:51
  You know what I mean?
• 55:51
  You have your chosen family, like friends.
• 55:54
  Yeah.
• 55:56
  I guess I'm not really a having friends kind of person all the time.
• 56:00
  I do have friends,
• 56:02
  obviously-
• 56:02
  It takes one, really.
• 56:03
  Yeah, it does. I
• 56:05
  hang out with the person I mentioned before, he's a super close friend of mine.
• 56:09
  He's probably the most important person to me.
• 56:12
  And then there's my best friend, Savannah, who I've known for four
• 56:15
  years. And then I have a friend-
• 56:18
  Yay, Savannah
• 56:18
  ... Yeah. Yay, Savannah, I love you.
• 56:20
  And I also have my friend Elaine,
• 56:23
  who we have the same birthday, and so we hang out.
• 56:26
  And she's amazing, too. I love her so much.
• 56:29
  But yeah, no, I just feel like I love everybody, and I do.
• 56:33
  I truly do.
• 56:35
  But it's so hard for me to really just allow myself to have a connection that way.
• 56:39
  Yeah.
• 56:39
  Because I become so emotionally...
• 56:42
  I need to learn how to be a friend and not be emotionally dependent.
• 56:46
  Yeah.
• 56:46
  Or like, not-
• 56:47
  You default to codependent?
• 56:50
  I default to insecurity, I think. I start thinking, once someone
• 56:54
  becomes my friend, and
• 56:56
  thank God it didn't really happen with these people, because I feel like the people
• 56:59
  that I'm friends with are super good at
• 57:02
  just being reassuring naturally.
• 57:04
  They
• 57:05
  do things and they say things that really help me.
• 57:07
  But I just feel like whenever I start to become someone's friend,
• 57:11
  I automatically start thinking, "There's no way they really like me.
• 57:14
  There's no way they want to be my friend.
• 57:16
  What do they want from me?"
• 57:17
  Yeah.
• 57:18
  I just start getting really paranoid, because I've had friends that
• 57:23
  were really close to me who ended up
• 57:26
  doing things on purpose to try to-
• 57:27
  Yes
• 57:27
  ... maybe look bad later. I had one friend-
• 57:29
  I've had that
• 57:29
  ... I used to hang out with someone. I'm not going to say who they are.
• 57:32
  Wish you the best.
• 57:32
  You can if you still hate them. I'm just kidding.
• 57:35
  I do still hate them. Well, actually, I don't want to say that I hate them, but I
• 57:38
  do feel sorry for them. I feel sorry for you.
• 57:40
  Oh.
• 57:41
  You know who you are. You did this. But-
• 57:42
  You're better than me. I'm with you on the hate list, not going to lie.
• 57:46
  This person has done a lot of harm to me online.
• 57:49
  But basically, one of the worst things they did was they did a photo shoot
• 57:53
  mocking it
• 57:54
  as they were trying to promote me and help me, when they purposely made me
• 57:58
  pose in bad positions, so they took bad pictures of me.
• 58:01
  And then they used those pictures of me to body shame me.
• 58:05
  And they literally got a bunch of their friends to body shame me online,
• 58:09
  all because I found out that they did something that I didn't like, and I told them
• 58:12
  about it, and they didn't want people to know about it, and so they did
• 58:16
  that instead. And-
• 58:17
  That's straight evil
• 58:18
  ... it's really evil. And-
• 58:20
  Evil
• 58:20
  ... all those people that were her friend were like, "You deserve it." And
• 58:24
  the pictures were awful. I hate when there's a bad picture of me.
• 58:27
  So I was literally laying. She was like, "Lay down.
• 58:31
  Lay down like this, and then go like this." And basically, I didn't realize I
• 58:35
  looked like this, but in the picture, I literally look like I have five chins.
• 58:38
  And it's like, "Why are you putting me like this?" And I didn't realize it at
• 58:41
  first. I was like, "Whatever. She's a photographer.
• 58:44
  She knows what she's doing." But once I caught onto the pattern a few weeks later,
• 58:47
  I'm like, "You're not my friend. What is this?"
• 58:50
  Yeah.
• 58:50
  I didn't say anything about it.
• 58:54
  Why not?
• 58:54
  I wanted to see if I was wrong, because I know that I can play tricks on myself,
• 58:57
  and I-
• 58:58
  I know what you mean
• 58:58
  ... and I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt.
• 59:00
  You're like, "Surely this evil does not exist."
• 59:02
  But I was playing her game. She tried to test me in the car one time.
• 59:09
  One of the rumors that she spread about me was that I was jealous and that I hated
• 59:12
  when other people were doing better than me.
• 59:14
  So she was like, "Oh, I want to be a singer." So I bet you she expected me to be
• 59:18
  weird about it. So instead, I was like, "Oh my God, yes.
• 59:20
  Let's make a song together. That's so exciting."
• 59:22
  Because that's how she thinks.
• 59:23
  And I was being overly supportive-
• 59:25
  Ugh
• 59:25
  ... like overly supportive and overly nice so she doesn't have anything-
• 59:28
  But you knew that she was-
• 59:29
  I knew what she was doing
• 59:29
  ... you already knew she was a snake.
• 59:30
  Yeah, I already knew. You can just tell once you realize it about
• 59:34
  someone, listen to your gut, people, because I might not realize it at
• 59:38
  first, but what-
• 59:38
  Gives me chills. It's so true
• 59:40
  ... you could just tell by the way that they look at you, by the way that they
• 59:43
  react to the things that you say.
• 59:46
  Tell them something that you accomplished and see how they react.
• 59:48
  It's a real thing. I know that's kind of cliché, but it really is a real thing.
• 59:52
  It's true.
• 59:52
  It's so true.
• 59:53
  Because they can say all the right things, but tone and their facial
• 59:57
  expressions-
• 59:57
  Like, "Oh."
• 59:58
  Yeah.
• 59:58
  If it's too high pitch-
• 1:00:00
  Yeah
• 1:00:00
  ... that is not real.
• 1:00:01
  "Oh, that's cool. Oh, oh."
• 1:00:03
  But is it?
• 1:00:03
  "You made a song? Yeah, I'll listen to it."
• 1:00:06
  Yeah.
• 1:00:06
  It's like-
• 1:00:09
  Yeah, fake support
• 1:00:10
  ... fake support. And
• 1:00:12
  pay closer attention if it's someone who's doing something similar to what you're
• 1:00:16
  doing.
• 1:00:17
  Especially if you're in the exact same field.
• 1:00:23
  I got nominated for four Bakersfield Music Awards, and-
• 1:00:25
  That's great
• 1:00:26
  ... thank you. When I told some of my friends about it, my musician friends,
• 1:00:31
  they were like, "Oh, that's so cool.
• 1:00:33
  You totally deserve that." And it was just like, okay, you're not so happy for me
• 1:00:37
  than I thought. I didn't say anything about it.
• 1:00:39
  I didn't tell them that I noticed that.
• 1:00:40
  Because it was low energy, like, "Oh."
• 1:00:42
  Yeah. But then someone else would come and be like, "Oh my God, this just
• 1:00:46
  happened." And they're just
• 1:00:47
  super excited for them.
• 1:00:48
  Like a real excited.
• 1:00:49
  Yeah.
• 1:00:50
  Yeah.
• 1:00:50
  And
• 1:00:51
  whatever reason that may be, whether they think I don't deserve it
• 1:00:55
  or they... Because I do notice that
• 1:00:59
  some of the hatred I get are from people who've been doing this for years and
• 1:01:03
  haven't done a lot like I have.
• 1:01:05
  But I don't think that necessarily has to do with my talent.
• 1:01:07
  I just think it has to do with my work ethic.
• 1:01:09
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:01:10
  I think that talent and work ethic are probably almost equally as important.
• 1:01:14
  Yeah.
• 1:01:15
  You obviously have to be talented, you have to have a look, you have to have a
• 1:01:17
  personality. But if you're lazy, nothing's going to come of it.
• 1:01:21
  And it's not just about being lazy.
• 1:01:23
  If you're a busy person with other things, then unfortunately, your life
• 1:01:27
  isn't at a place where you can really focus on that.
• 1:01:29
  Yes.
• 1:01:30
  I was allowing myself to not afford things just so I can do this music thing.
• 1:01:34
  You sacrificed everything, right?
• 1:01:35
  I sacrificed it.
• 1:01:36
  This is what I'm doing.
• 1:01:37
  Yeah. And that doesn't necessarily mean I deserve it more or that I-
• 1:01:41
  I think it does
• 1:01:42
  ... Oh, thank you. I just think it just means that I was-
• 1:01:44
  You're a human
• 1:01:45
  ... willing to take that risk. If I became homeless, I became homeless because I
• 1:01:49
  love what I do.
• 1:01:50
  I felt the same way-
• 1:01:51
  You know?
• 1:01:51
  ... about medicine, yeah.
• 1:01:52
  Yeah. And I just-
• 1:01:53
  Do or die
• 1:01:54
  ... do or die. And not everyone has that mindset, and that's okay.
• 1:01:57
  You don't have to.
• 1:01:59
  It's-
• 1:01:59
  I didn't know another way. I didn't
• 1:02:01
  Me neither.
• 1:02:02
  I didn't want to do
• 1:02:04
  what my parents wanted me to do when they were around.
• 1:02:07
  Yeah.
• 1:02:08
  I didn't want them to-
• 1:02:09
  Same
• 1:02:09
  ... they called this a pipe dream.
• 1:02:11
  I love this for you extra.
• 1:02:13
  Thank you.
• 1:02:14
  Yeah.
• 1:02:14
  I'm like, "A pipe dream, okay."
• 1:02:16
  You're like, "It might be."
• 1:02:17
  Yeah. Maybe.
• 1:02:17
  We'll see.
• 1:02:18
  Yeah.
• 1:02:19
  I'll die first.
• 1:02:21
  I wish they were still here so they can tune in, because it's just like...
• 1:02:25
  And I just feel like
• 1:02:27
  if you are able to, do it. If you're not able to,
• 1:02:30
  I'm not ever going to judge you for that. But that's the reason.
• 1:02:34
  Yeah.
• 1:02:35
  Let's just be real.
• 1:02:36
  Yeah.
• 1:02:37
  There's people that are obviously talented, you've been booked before.
• 1:02:39
  I feel a little bit like I would judge somebody for... Because here's the thing.
• 1:02:43
  We all have a choice.
• 1:02:44
  Yeah.
• 1:02:45
  And I know what I had to sacrifice to be here,
• 1:02:48
  and it cost me everything.
• 1:02:52
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:02:52
  Everything. And so if I would have not
• 1:02:57
  given up certain things,
• 1:02:59
  I would've looked back, and if I didn't make it, I would have an excuse to say,
• 1:03:03
  "Okay, I didn't make it because..."
• 1:03:05
  Yeah.
• 1:03:05
  I couldn't look at myself and say that that was an adequate excuse, no matter
• 1:03:09
  what it was. Because it is an excuse.
• 1:03:12
  If it's money, there's people that you just never would think
• 1:03:16
  would have it or would offer, but they will.
• 1:03:20
  There's people that have come up in my life where I'm like, "I'm not even asking
• 1:03:22
  you to help me," but they do.
• 1:03:24
  Yeah.
• 1:03:24
  They have. And it's like the least expected person, and then
• 1:03:28
  it just doesn't matter what it is, right?
• 1:03:31
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:03:32
  There's not a real barrier that exists.
• 1:03:35
  Yeah. I think that people do two or three things, and they decide they've done
• 1:03:39
  everything they can.
• 1:03:40
  That.
• 1:03:41
  But that's not true.
• 1:03:41
  It's not true.
• 1:03:42
  You haven't done everything you can-
• 1:03:44
  Yeah
• 1:03:44
  ... until you're done.
• 1:03:46
  Until you're done.
• 1:03:46
  Until you're done.
• 1:03:47
  Yeah.
• 1:03:48
  There's people who've become famous at like 60 years old.
• 1:03:52
  Yeah. That's true.
• 1:03:53
  You know what I mean? And it's like it's never too late, especially for something
• 1:03:56
  like this.
• 1:03:57
  Yep.
• 1:03:57
  I
• 1:03:58
  think that music is so universal. Creating things in general, entertainment is
• 1:04:02
  so universal. There's so many different ways you can entertain people.
• 1:04:05
  Yeah.
• 1:04:07
  There's literally groups of people who,
• 1:04:10
  they have to watch something when they eat, they have to listen to something when
• 1:04:13
  they eat.
• 1:04:14
  Yeah.
• 1:04:14
  They have to listen to something at all times.
• 1:04:16
  So people doing ASMR and podcasts are good for that.
• 1:04:20
  I love ASMR.
• 1:04:21
  Me too. I think I could do that, but I want to try it so bad.
• 1:04:25
  I wish I did that more. I think I did it once before.
• 1:04:29
  It was really fun.
• 1:04:29
  We can slowly infiltrate that into your-
• 1:04:32
  Oh, yeah. It's just like whispering in your ear.
• 1:04:35
  Do you want to hear me drink my coffee or water?
• 1:04:40
  I love that so much.
• 1:04:41
  I know.
• 1:04:42
  Yeah, but okay, for me, I literally quit my job,
• 1:04:48
  I stopped shopping, and
• 1:04:51
  I basically just decided I'm going to create music full time,
• 1:04:55
  so I started writing. I like to plan out my albums, so I do
• 1:04:59
  three at a time. I'm working on three at a time, and at all times.
• 1:05:02
  And so,
• 1:05:04
  if I have music that's good and people are constantly playing it-
• 1:05:08
  Mm-hmm
• 1:05:08
  ... that's constant revenue.
• 1:05:11
  I have a podcast too that I post on YouTube, if people stream that.
• 1:05:14
  One day I'll have enough subscribers to monetize it.
• 1:05:17
  I don't want to put it on anything else because I want it accessible to everybody.
• 1:05:22
  And so I don't think I'm going to ever do Apple Podcasts or anything like that.
• 1:05:26
  Maybe, who knows.
• 1:05:28
  And then my radio show, I don't get paid for that. It's all nonprofit.
• 1:05:30
  So most of the money that I make is honestly
• 1:05:33
  me doing side hustles for money, which is my streaming and my-
• 1:05:36
  Yeah
• 1:05:37
  ... And,
• 1:05:39
  I feel like
• 1:05:41
  if I wasn't able to do that, what I would probably do, honestly,
• 1:05:45
  is get a sugar daddy or something. You know what I mean? There's always a way.
• 1:05:49
  There's always a way to do something.
• 1:05:51
  Oh my gosh. Zaddies are always a good backup.
• 1:05:53
  They are always, yeah.
• 1:05:57
  Oh.
• 1:05:57
  That's so cute.
• 1:06:00
  Hey, there's nothing wrong with it.
• 1:06:01
  No.
• 1:06:02
  There's not, because there's a lot of people who would be so
• 1:06:06
  happy to do that. They feel like they're put on this
• 1:06:10
  Earth to do that.
• 1:06:11
  Yeah.
• 1:06:11
  So let them.
• 1:06:13
  Let them do that. They have a savior complex-
• 1:06:15
  Yes. Save me
• 1:06:16
  ... and let them. Yeah.
• 1:06:17
  Hi, I'm not okay.
• 1:06:20
  I'm going to say something that might make me sound a little bad.
• 1:06:22
  So you must.
• 1:06:23
  I must say it. But if there's a man, this is
• 1:06:27
  specifically to all of my women out there, to all my ladies.
• 1:06:31
  If there's a man who's offering you money, and you only know him online, and
• 1:06:34
  he's willing to pay you money, it's okay to lie a little bit sometimes.
• 1:06:39
  Make your story sound worse than what it is, and then he'll send you more.
• 1:06:43
  Always ask for more than what you need, so he lowers it to what you need, even
• 1:06:47
  probably higher than what you need. Because I've done this before.
• 1:06:50
  Yeah.
• 1:06:51
  And so, just lie about your situation, because this guy is
• 1:06:55
  probably married.
• 1:06:56
  He probably is.
• 1:06:56
  He's probably married. He probably has kids.
• 1:07:00
  Which you're welcome to ask questions to this person.
• 1:07:03
  Yes. And I understand that you have a heart and you're empathetic. I am, too.
• 1:07:06
  But you have to realize that a lot of these guys, they're not good guys.
• 1:07:10
  They make us feel good because they give us things, but they're not good.
• 1:07:13
  Yeah.
• 1:07:15
  That's real life.
• 1:07:17
  Yeah.
• 1:07:17
  There's the survival that we're always
• 1:07:21
  dealing with, and then
• 1:07:23
  Matching the need, how do you do that, right?
• 1:07:25
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:07:25
  How do you monetize different things? Is it your skill? Is it your brain?
• 1:07:29
  Is it bringing somebody a company, joy?
• 1:07:32
  There's always that on the table.
• 1:07:34
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:07:35
  Well, yeah, there's options out there.
• 1:07:38
  So many options.
• 1:07:38
  Because Bitcoin is not it for me.
• 1:07:40
  No, I don't even know what that means.
• 1:07:43
  Every time someone sends crypto or Bitcoin, I'm just like, "Okay, leave."
• 1:07:47
  Maybe you have a ton of crypto and you don't even really know how much.
• 1:07:49
  Maybe I do. If I do, I don't know what to do with it.
• 1:07:53
  Maybe I'll just donate it to some guy who has a Tesla. Who knows?
• 1:07:58
  My cousin the other day, she was like, "Ugh, don't do
• 1:08:02
  crypto. I lost all of my money on
• 1:08:05
  crypto." And I was like, "Okay, I can't imagine,
• 1:08:10
  respectfully, I don't know how much you know about crypto."
• 1:08:13
  Mm-mm.
• 1:08:13
  "But I don't think you're quite the crypto-ready
• 1:08:16
  person.
• 1:08:18
  How much research did you do on your crypto?" And she's like, "Well, none.
• 1:08:22
  I just kind of went for it." I was like, "Okay. So you lost all your money.
• 1:08:26
  How much did you put in?" She's like, "$200."
• 1:08:29
  Oh my gosh.
• 1:08:30
  I was like, "Girl."
• 1:08:33
  That's crazy. I've been recommended crypto before and the person was like, "Oh,
• 1:08:36
  only do like 50 at first. Maybe even like 20, to see what
• 1:08:40
  happens." And
• 1:08:41
  I'm just not good at things like that. I'm sure it's great for some people.
• 1:08:44
  Because
• 1:08:46
  it's mostly men. You're the first woman to ever actually mention crypto to me.
• 1:08:50
  So the men that have mentioned it to me, they're always like, "Yeah, I just brought
• 1:08:54
  in $2,000." And it's like, "Cool.
• 1:08:57
  Nice. I'm really glad it's working out for you, but I don't know how you did that."
• 1:09:01
  And it reminds me of those people, I don't know if you've ever experienced this,
• 1:09:04
  but when I was in high school especially, I would have people
• 1:09:08
  message me on social media and they would be like, "Oh, if you send
• 1:09:12
  me $25, I'll flip it and give you 50." And it's like, do
• 1:09:16
  people really fall for that? Is that a real thing?
• 1:09:19
  And I looked it up and Google was like, "Yeah, it's real, but some people are
• 1:09:22
  fake." And I was like, "How do you know?
• 1:09:24
  Why would anyone trust that?" But people do.
• 1:09:27
  Yeah.
• 1:09:28
  And then, you know
• 1:09:30
  Reddit has everything.
• 1:09:31
  Yeah.
• 1:09:32
  And so I'll-
• 1:09:32
  Oh, I love Reddit
• 1:09:33
  ... I love Reddit.
• 1:09:34
  It's like that's another rabbit hole I just dive into.
• 1:09:37
  Yeah.
• 1:09:37
  The underworld.
• 1:09:39
  The things that people say on there is crazy.
• 1:09:40
  And they're not filtering.
• 1:09:43
  It's anonymous. So they're allowed to not filter.
• 1:09:46
  Yeah.
• 1:09:47
  But I feel like a lot of them are just like, "Oh yeah, I fell for it.
• 1:09:50
  I can't believe I fell for it. They took my money." Obviously, dude, like-
• 1:09:54
  Why did you send your bank account?
• 1:09:55
  Right.
• 1:09:56
  Or whatever. Why did you send random money to somebody?
• 1:09:59
  And thank God for like-
• 1:10:01
  Unless it's your zaddy.
• 1:10:02
  Yeah. Right. No, thank God for third-party money apps like
• 1:10:06
  Cash App and PayPal now. But I just feel like
• 1:10:10
  crypto was always a very confusing thing for me to understand.
• 1:10:13
  Yeah.
• 1:10:14
  My family on my dad's side is from Malta,
• 1:10:18
  and Malta is very crypto friendly.
• 1:10:20
  Oh.
• 1:10:21
  So there's, I don't know how many countries in the world are
• 1:10:25
  with similar
• 1:10:28
  laws, but if you do any
• 1:10:31
  crypto trades there, then it's tax-free.
• 1:10:35
  Oh.
• 1:10:35
  So say you put in 50 and it makes you like a few million, whatever, you can
• 1:10:39
  spend that directly and you can buy your yacht, you can buy your
• 1:10:43
  Lambo. You don't have to pay taxes on it.
• 1:10:47
  Whereas most other countries will not allow you to do that.
• 1:10:50
  You have to cash it out or something.
• 1:10:51
  So that really happens.
• 1:10:52
  Yeah.
• 1:10:52
  You can literally put in 50 and make like millions of dollars.
• 1:10:55
  Yes, it does. It does.
• 1:10:56
  And it's real money.
• 1:10:56
  It's real money. And the funny thing to me, just over the
• 1:11:01
  course of my life, different time periods I've gone
• 1:11:05
  with my family to see my family in Malta, and the first
• 1:11:09
  few trips that I went, like 2008, 2009,
• 1:11:12
  the
• 1:11:14
  harbors and the bays, there were rowboats.
• 1:11:18
  Oh.
• 1:11:19
  No yachts. There's no yachts there.
• 1:11:20
  Oh, wow.
• 1:11:21
  But this most recent trip, I was like, "Whoa, we have
• 1:11:25
  upgraded our harbors. What have we been doing?"
• 1:11:28
  That's crazy.
• 1:11:29
  Is there like a cocaine situation here? No, it was crypto.
• 1:11:32
  The crypto law change brought in just tremendous
• 1:11:36
  wealth.
• 1:11:37
  Wow. Thank you for teaching me that. It really does make me want to try it.
• 1:11:41
  I'm just scared.
• 1:11:43
  Because what I imagine doing is I wouldn't do it constantly, is I would just try to
• 1:11:46
  make one big amount and then just wait till I need more.
• 1:11:50
  Yeah.
• 1:11:50
  You know what I mean?
• 1:11:53
  It's very interesting to me and I'm very intrigued.
• 1:11:56
  Yeah, there's a term that somebody on, I don't know, one of
• 1:12:00
  these, maybe it was Instagram. There was somebody who mentioned
• 1:12:04
  kind of a YOLO term when you are
• 1:12:08
  just going to jump into something and just throw, see what sticks at the wall.
• 1:12:12
  I wish I remembered the term, but they're like,
• 1:12:14
  "Yeah, somebody YOLO Bitcoined or something." But it's just kind of
• 1:12:18
  like my cousin, you just throw cash at it and you're like, "Well, hope that's
• 1:12:22
  making the millions."
• 1:12:23
  Yeah. You know what? I'm going to try it. I'm going to learn more about it.
• 1:12:26
  I'm going to try. Because if I can make a million, if I can make millions of
• 1:12:28
  dollars... I don't ever want to be a millionaire, I don't think.
• 1:12:31
  But I at least like to have a couple thousand.
• 1:12:33
  Don't put a lid on yourself.
• 1:12:35
  I think that if I was a millionaire, I would probably use a lot of the
• 1:12:39
  money for other people, because I judge millionaires sometimes.
• 1:12:43
  I guess non-ethical ones, definitely.
• 1:12:46
  Yeah.
• 1:12:47
  I feel like, and I'm a person where when I have a lot of money, I'm like, "Oh my
• 1:12:50
  God, let's go to Ross. Let's go to the mall."
• 1:12:52
  Yeah.
• 1:12:53
  I
• 1:12:55
  have over 40 dresses in my closet. It's crazy. I have too many things.
• 1:12:58
  So definitely if I became a millionaire, guys, I promise I won't be bad.
• 1:13:01
  I'll be good.
• 1:13:02
  Make her rich.
• 1:13:03
  Make me rich.
• 1:13:05
  Yeah, no.
• 1:13:06
  Because you can help more if you have more.
• 1:13:09
  Oh, yeah.
• 1:13:09
  So I always try to circle back to that.
• 1:13:11
  Anytime you do feel any layers of guilt for making
• 1:13:15
  more, because you will, and it is a thing to feel
• 1:13:19
  guilt with it.
• 1:13:20
  Yeah.
• 1:13:22
  There's a lot of things I feel guilty about.
• 1:13:25
  Because I really do care about a lot of people.
• 1:13:28
  I
• 1:13:29
  really care about homeless people because I used to be homeless as well.
• 1:13:33
  I really care about basically all minority groups that
• 1:13:36
  this country basically oppresses.
• 1:13:38
  Underrepresented.
• 1:13:39
  Underrepresented.
• 1:13:40
  Yeah.
• 1:13:40
  And one of the things I think about the most is
• 1:13:45
  it really makes me upset when I want to give a homeless person money and the
• 1:13:48
  first thing they say is, "Oh, I don't know what they're going to do with it."
• 1:13:53
  And it's like, who cares? And they're like, "They're going to buy drugs." Who
• 1:13:56
  cares? Because that's the only thing that makes this feeling less than what it
• 1:14:00
  is.
• 1:14:01
  Yeah.
• 1:14:01
  I used to be homeless and I used to do hard drugs, I'll admit that.
• 1:14:05
  I'm not ashamed of that because-
• 1:14:06
  Yeah
• 1:14:06
  ... it's the same story. And did you guys know that 40% of homeless people are
• 1:14:10
  employed?
• 1:14:11
  Oh, wow.
• 1:14:12
  40% of homeless people are employed.
• 1:14:13
  I actually did not.
• 1:14:14
  Yeah. So living in their cars, living in motels, those people too,
• 1:14:19
  that's still homeless.
• 1:14:20
  Yeah.
• 1:14:22
  40% of homeless people are employed because we don't get paid a livable wage.
• 1:14:25
  Yeah.
• 1:14:25
  You have to have roommates these days, unless you have a really, really good job.
• 1:14:29
  Yeah.
• 1:14:29
  Which are inaccessible unless you can afford college.
• 1:14:32
  Yeah.
• 1:14:32
  Not everyone gets financial aid anymore.
• 1:14:33
  Yeah.
• 1:14:34
  So like-
• 1:14:35
  I didn't qualify for many years. My parents made too much and I was still under
• 1:14:39
  theirs, but they didn't make enough to cover.
• 1:14:41
  Right.
• 1:14:41
  So I was just like, "I guess I'm going to work two jobs."
• 1:14:44
  It's hard.
• 1:14:45
  Yeah.
• 1:14:46
  It's impossible almost.
• 1:14:48
  Yeah.
• 1:14:48
  So I feel like... What was I saying before that? I'm so sorry.
• 1:14:51
  Oh, the homelessness end.
• 1:14:52
  Oh, yeah.
• 1:14:53
  Yeah.
• 1:14:53
  So basically,
• 1:14:56
  I guess when people
• 1:14:58
  judge people for giving people money,
• 1:15:01
  and then when people have empty spare rooms they're not doing anything with.
• 1:15:04
  Yeah.
• 1:15:04
  Rent out your room.
• 1:15:05
  Yeah.
• 1:15:05
  More people-
• 1:15:06
  My parents do that.
• 1:15:07
  Yeah. It's so good to do that. I feel bad when I go to a person's
• 1:15:11
  house and they have a bunch of empty rooms and it's like,
• 1:15:13
  there's homeless people. I
• 1:15:17
  rent a room. The thing about renting a room is that it's much cheaper than an
• 1:15:20
  apartment. Most people can afford a rented room, unless you're overcharging.
• 1:15:24
  Yeah.
• 1:15:24
  There are some people out there, to those of you who are charging 1,200 per room,
• 1:15:28
  that's ridiculous.
• 1:15:29
  Who's renting these rooms for 1,200?
• 1:15:31
  People in Rosedale and bigger areas like that.
• 1:15:33
  God.
• 1:15:35
  I understand that you might have a big house.
• 1:15:36
  What kind of room is this?
• 1:15:36
  Exactly.
• 1:15:38
  Does it come with a pool?
• 1:15:40
  I'm sure these houses do. They're huge, but
• 1:15:43
  the reason why people rent rooms is because
• 1:15:47
  they can't afford an apartment.
• 1:15:48
  Yeah.
• 1:15:48
  It's because they can't afford...
• 1:15:49
  And a $1,200 room is how much an apartment would be.
• 1:15:52
  They could probably-
• 1:15:53
  Yeah
• 1:15:53
  ... get a studio for less.
• 1:15:54
  Yeah.
• 1:15:54
  You know what I mean?
• 1:15:55
  Depends on where they're located.
• 1:15:57
  Right. And I think a room should be between
• 1:16:01
  600 and 800. I think that's a pretty good price.
• 1:16:03
  Yeah.
• 1:16:04
  That's reasonable.
• 1:16:05
  People who just have empty rooms in their houses and they're like, "Oh, I don't
• 1:16:08
  want to do anything with the room. I'm just going to live here by myself." I get
• 1:16:11
  it. You want to live by yourself, but most of the time you just have to find
• 1:16:15
  someone compatible with you. There's people that literally work all the time-
• 1:16:19
  Yeah
• 1:16:19
  ... that are never home.
• 1:16:20
  Yeah.
• 1:16:21
  That will only literally sleep there.
• 1:16:23
  It's safer than sleeping in a car-
• 1:16:25
  Yeah
• 1:16:25
  ... or sleeping in a homeless shelter.
• 1:16:27
  Yeah.
• 1:16:28
  So rent out your rooms or just get a smaller house.
• 1:16:31
  Yeah.
• 1:16:31
  So someone else can live in the house who could actually use all the rooms.
• 1:16:34
  Yeah.
• 1:16:34
  Because why are we just wasting space?
• 1:16:37
  Yeah.
• 1:16:38
  If you're not even going to do anything to the room, you're not even going to have
• 1:16:41
  the decency to turn it into a gym or like a gaming room.
• 1:16:45
  Useless space.
• 1:16:46
  Useless space that we could be-
• 1:16:47
  Yeah
• 1:16:47
  ... sharing with other people who need it.
• 1:16:49
  And same thing with food and stuff like that.
• 1:16:53
  I used to hang out with these people that would just throw away food all the time,
• 1:16:57
  and it's like, "Oh, we buy a lot."
• 1:16:58
  I'm wasteful with food.
• 1:16:59
  Yeah.
• 1:16:59
  I hate it.
• 1:17:01
  It's hard not to be sometimes.
• 1:17:03
  Yeah.
• 1:17:03
  But I just think that we should stop buying so much food if we know.
• 1:17:07
  Yes.
• 1:17:08
  People that are like, "Oh, we never finish it, but I always get the..."
• 1:17:11
  They get a full gallon of milk they never finish.
• 1:17:13
  Yeah.
• 1:17:13
  They have half gallons now. Get the half gallon.
• 1:17:15
  Yeah.
• 1:17:16
  I never finish a full gallon, but I always finish a half gallon.
• 1:17:19
  Yeah.
• 1:17:19
  I'd rather have less than what I need than more than what I need.
• 1:17:23
  Yeah.
• 1:17:23
  I know that-
• 1:17:24
  It's very American.
• 1:17:25
  Yeah. A lot of people want to have more because it's comfortable.
• 1:17:28
  They want to have their extra money, their extra room, their extra space, their
• 1:17:32
  extra food.
• 1:17:34
  But then whenever people need it,
• 1:17:36
  they're just like, "Oh, the choices they made." But unfortunately,
• 1:17:40
  the truth is, it's like-
• 1:17:42
  That is the thing
• 1:17:42
  ... that's what they say.
• 1:17:43
  Yeah.
• 1:17:43
  They're just like, "Oh, they made those choices." We made similar choices before,
• 1:17:47
  too. I made those choices, but it didn't work out that way for me.
• 1:17:50
  It's circumstantial.
• 1:17:51
  You had a rescue. Yeah.
• 1:17:52
  I had a rescue.
• 1:17:53
  I had a rescue.
• 1:17:55
  There's people that used to be the same way.
• 1:17:56
  I'm sure the people judging the people used to be that same way, but they had
• 1:17:59
  family-
• 1:18:00
  Yeah
• 1:18:00
  ... they had friends that pulled them out of that. You can't do it by yourself.
• 1:18:03
  It's almost impossible.
• 1:18:05
  No one can.
• 1:18:05
  No one can.
• 1:18:06
  Yeah. Even school.
• 1:18:08
  Yeah.
• 1:18:08
  I had to do the studying part, but there were certain points where I had
• 1:18:12
  help.
• 1:18:13
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:18:13
  And without that,
• 1:18:16
  I would not be here. I wouldn't. I didn't do this by myself.
• 1:18:19
  Exactly, and so whenever I think about it, it's like, who would I be
• 1:18:23
  if I was in that position, if I was in a position where I can help anyone, and then
• 1:18:27
  I chose not to because I think they deserve to learn on their own just because I
• 1:18:30
  might have had to, or because of whatever circumstance that I think.
• 1:18:34
  Who gave me that authority?
• 1:18:36
  Yeah.
• 1:18:37
  Why am I allowed grace? Why am I allowed rescue, but this person isn't?
• 1:18:40
  Yeah.
• 1:18:40
  Why do we have veterans homeless?
• 1:18:43
  Ugh.
• 1:18:44
  You know?
• 1:18:44
  I feel like it's really high here.
• 1:18:47
  It really is.
• 1:18:48
  I don't know what the support is, but it doesn't feel
• 1:18:52
  adequate.
• 1:18:53
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:18:53
  I don't
• 1:18:54
  know enough about it, but it's not good.
• 1:18:57
  It doesn't seem like they want to help these people, because if they did, there's a
• 1:19:00
  bunch of empty buildings in town they can turn into places-
• 1:19:03
  Yeah
• 1:19:03
  ... of sanctuary for these people.
• 1:19:05
  Yeah.
• 1:19:06
  We could turn all these empty warehouses into homeless shelters because they're big
• 1:19:10
  enough, but they're not doing that.
• 1:19:12
  Yeah.
• 1:19:12
  And no one knows.
• 1:19:13
  It needs an
• 1:19:14
  advocate.
• 1:19:15
  Yeah.
• 1:19:15
  A political advocate.
• 1:19:16
  A political advocate.
• 1:19:17
  To push funding.
• 1:19:17
  A lot of people say it's fire hazards. Some people say it's a danger thing.
• 1:19:21
  It's the same as having a building anywhere else. Every building is a fire hazard.
• 1:19:25
  Yeah.
• 1:19:25
  It's inevitable.
• 1:19:28
  Yeah.
• 1:19:28
  And with a homeless shelter, you can literally control what people bring in and
• 1:19:32
  bring out for the most part.
• 1:19:34
  Yeah.
• 1:19:34
  You'll get people sneaking things in, but no one's just going to start a fire-
• 1:19:37
  Yeah
• 1:19:38
  ... and have it go unnoticed.
• 1:19:40
  Yeah.
• 1:19:42
  I know. I don't know the answer to that.
• 1:19:44
  It's interesting just speaking to different politicians, or
• 1:19:48
  I've been the doctor for the homeless and houseless here-
• 1:19:52
  Yeah
• 1:19:53
  ... locally for over two years.
• 1:19:56
  I learned a lot, and a lot of the things that I initially walked
• 1:20:00
  in believing to be true,
• 1:20:03
  it really changed my mind. Those people that are like, "Change my mind," and they
• 1:20:07
  like to debate,
• 1:20:08
  they changed my mind.
• 1:20:09
  Yeah.
• 1:20:10
  It was a very unique thing, whether it was
• 1:20:15
  providing Narcan or just meeting them and
• 1:20:19
  they...
• 1:20:21
  I don't know. You just imagine that somebody's homeless, they don't have goals and
• 1:20:24
  aspirations.
• 1:20:25
  Yeah.
• 1:20:26
  There's an assumption that they
• 1:20:28
  not essentially chose it, but that, yeah, there's not any
• 1:20:32
  more effort there. But there's tremendous effort, but there's also a need
• 1:20:36
  for nurturing of some sort, and there's a balance.
• 1:20:39
  I feel like that exists.
• 1:20:41
  I just think that society treats homelessness as rock bottom, and they don't
• 1:20:45
  realize how easy it is to become homeless.
• 1:20:47
  And I think
• 1:20:49
  a lot of homeless people truly believe, because I know I believed this when I was
• 1:20:52
  homeless, that this is all that's left for them, that this is all that they're
• 1:20:56
  able to become now. There's nothing-
• 1:20:58
  It's hopelessness.
• 1:20:58
  Yeah. It's hopelessness-
• 1:20:59
  Yeah
• 1:21:00
  ... and it's unfortunate.
• 1:21:02
  But when people realize how many people are actually homeless and
• 1:21:05
  the reason why, I think that
• 1:21:09
  maybe people can have a different perspective, and they would try to fight for
• 1:21:12
  these people more. Because I feel like homeless people get more judgment than
• 1:21:15
  anything, and I always just get kind of sad about that because it's like,
• 1:21:20
  just because this person is, even if it was their choice or not,
• 1:21:25
  they don't deserve to be out in this heat, in this coldness.
• 1:21:28
  It's extreme here.
• 1:21:29
  It's so hot. And not only that, it's just so-
• 1:21:31
  Bad
• 1:21:31
  ... dangerous. A lot of people have been dying lately, even at public places
• 1:21:35
  like Target-
• 1:21:36
  Yeah
• 1:21:36
  ... and the Bluffs, and it's like-
• 1:21:38
  Or train accidents.
• 1:21:39
  Train accidents are crazy.
• 1:21:41
  I have been shocked by the young people that had
• 1:21:44
  their legs cut off or-
• 1:21:46
  Jeez
• 1:21:46
  ... some appendage. They lived through a train accident.
• 1:21:50
  It's awful.
• 1:21:52
  And then on the doctor side, taking care
• 1:21:55
  of somebody who
• 1:21:57
  has this whole situation and no place to go.
• 1:22:02
  Now we're dealing with tremendous pain, and then I'm giving narcotics for the
• 1:22:06
  pain.
• 1:22:08
  Definitely, I get judged for that.
• 1:22:09
  I've had so many pharmacists call me, but it's like, well,
• 1:22:13
  of course, they're in tremendous pain.
• 1:22:15
  Right.
• 1:22:15
  Treat the pain. And if they, God forbid, they have a history
• 1:22:19
  of some sort of addiction, it's like the addiction you deal with,
• 1:22:23
  secondary. That's later's problem.
• 1:22:25
  But right now,
• 1:22:26
  you got hit by a train.
• 1:22:28
  Yeah.
• 1:22:28
  This is a real conversation that I've had.
• 1:22:30
  That's so crazy.
• 1:22:30
  Because I was giving a low-dose, long-acting morphine with a short-acting
• 1:22:35
  Norco.
• 1:22:36
  And that's proper, pain management.
• 1:22:38
  But it was just shocking to me that I'm having to say,
• 1:22:42
  "Dude's hit by a train."
• 1:22:44
  Yeah.
• 1:22:44
  Leg carried in separately from the body.
• 1:22:46
  So many people have these pre...
• 1:22:50
  I can't think of the word right now, but they basically just assume things about
• 1:22:54
  people because society makes it such a crime to be...
• 1:22:58
  Addiction is so easy to fall into.
• 1:23:00
  Yeah.
• 1:23:01
  And you can be addicted to anything.
• 1:23:03
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:23:03
  I hate when people say that you can't be addicted to weed or things like that.
• 1:23:06
  You can.
• 1:23:06
  Obviously, you can.
• 1:23:07
  Yeah.
• 1:23:09
  If you do something every single day and you feel weird without it, even
• 1:23:12
  slightly, you're addicted to it.
• 1:23:14
  Yeah.
• 1:23:15
  Unfortunately. You're addicted to coffee if you drink it every day.
• 1:23:18
  There are some addictions-
• 1:23:20
  Yeah
• 1:23:20
  ... that are better than others, but inevitably, it's all the same thing.
• 1:23:23
  It's just you doing something every single day because it's what's common for you.
• 1:23:27
  Yeah.
• 1:23:27
  It's what you're used to.
• 1:23:28
  Yeah.
• 1:23:29
  And I think that people judge people all the time for certain things they're
• 1:23:32
  addicted to because
• 1:23:34
  they don't really know. I feel like it's mostly people who have no idea that walk
• 1:23:38
  of life, what that walk of life is like.
• 1:23:39
  They've never been challenged before.
• 1:23:40
  They've never been challenged before.
• 1:23:41
  They've never had to worry about money or
• 1:23:45
  they've always just been told, "Drugs are bad.
• 1:23:48
  If you do drugs, you're bad."
• 1:23:49
  Yeah.
• 1:23:49
  "If you're addicted to drugs, you're a bad person."
• 1:23:52
  Yeah.
• 1:23:53
  There's people that do drugs that get treated worse than rapists.
• 1:23:57
  Yeah.
• 1:23:57
  That get treated worse than racists.
• 1:23:58
  Yeah.
• 1:23:58
  That get treated worse than so many more awful people.
• 1:24:01
  Especially by churches, who-
• 1:24:03
  Yeah
• 1:24:03
  ... should be the one showing kindness and support.
• 1:24:06
  Exactly. I know of churches who would not allow a drug addict but would
• 1:24:10
  allow a pedophile.
• 1:24:11
  Yeah. Ugh.
• 1:24:12
  And it's like, people can change. Why is it so different with addiction
• 1:24:16
  then?
• 1:24:18
  People can change from being... There's literally programs made for these things.
• 1:24:21
  Yeah.
• 1:24:22
  There's literally ways to help people not be addicted to things anymore.
• 1:24:25
  There's detox.
• 1:24:26
  Yeah.
• 1:24:28
  Being that way, like a church allowing someone who's
• 1:24:32
  obviously a predator-
• 1:24:33
  Yeah
• 1:24:33
  ... onto their, rather than a drug addict.
• 1:24:35
  Yeah.
• 1:24:36
  People who are predators are most likely either going to be predators forever or-
• 1:24:40
  It's a sickness
• 1:24:41
  ... it's a sickness.
• 1:24:42
  Yeah.
• 1:24:42
  And even if they do change later, they were still that at one point,
• 1:24:46
  and you'd rather forgive them than a person who just-
• 1:24:50
  Yeah
• 1:24:50
  ... happened to be addicted to something that you're just not really familiar with.
• 1:24:54
  It's so weird.
• 1:24:55
  Yeah. Society's definitely a strange thing if you-
• 1:24:58
  Mm-hmm
• 1:24:58
  ... really dissect it.
• 1:25:00
  Yeah.
• 1:25:01
  I just think that when people think you're worse, when people think you're bad
• 1:25:05
  already, they're going to treat you worse no matter what, so no matter what you do.
• 1:25:08
  So, people are always, unfortunately, unless we can
• 1:25:12
  change the future generations' mindset, people are always going to
• 1:25:15
  associate drug addiction with criminals and bad people.
• 1:25:19
  So the minute you tell someone you smoke weed, the minute you tell
• 1:25:23
  someone that you
• 1:25:25
  take shrooms, just drugs that are not really super horrible, but that person-
• 1:25:30
  Some people have done horrible things while under the influence.
• 1:25:33
  Yes.
• 1:25:34
  Which is,
• 1:25:35
  some people have done horrible things outside just being themselves.
• 1:25:38
  Outside of that, too.
• 1:25:39
  Yeah.
• 1:25:39
  Yeah.
• 1:25:39
  Exactly.
• 1:25:40
  I just think that like-
• 1:25:42
  They're always going to think when they hear that, "Oh, this person isn't as good
• 1:25:46
  as I am."
• 1:25:47
  Some superior-
• 1:25:49
  Some superiority thing.
• 1:25:50
  Yeah.
• 1:25:50
  Is that how you pronounce that word?
• 1:25:52
  It's like,
• 1:25:53
  but then there's people that are alcoholics, and they're just worshipped.
• 1:25:57
  Yeah.
• 1:25:57
  And, I think that everyone who's struggling with something like that
• 1:26:01
  deserves the help if they're struggling.
• 1:26:03
  I don't think we should be treating anyone worse or better than
• 1:26:07
  anybody.
• 1:26:08
  Yeah.
• 1:26:09
  So I'm not judging any alcoholics or anything. I'm not judging any drug addicts.
• 1:26:12
  I'm saying that we shouldn't treat alcoholics
• 1:26:16
  like they're a normal part of society when we're treating people who smoke weed
• 1:26:20
  every day, like stoners, or
• 1:26:22
  like they're dumb or stupid-
• 1:26:23
  Yeah
• 1:26:23
  ... or awful just because they do that when they essentially do very
• 1:26:27
  similar things-
• 1:26:28
  Yeah
• 1:26:28
  ... in different ways.
• 1:26:29
  Yeah.
• 1:26:30
  The younger generation these days, we're not big drinkers.
• 1:26:33
  Yeah.
• 1:26:33
  A lot of us are stoners.
• 1:26:35
  That's true. Yeah.
• 1:26:35
  You don't really-
• 1:26:36
  It's a more peaceful-
• 1:26:38
  Yeah.
• 1:26:38
  ... substance, honestly.
• 1:26:39
  Right. I'm not going to lie, I'm a stoner. I smoke weed every day.
• 1:26:44
  I consider-
• 1:26:44
  I haven't heard that word in a while.
• 1:26:46
  Really?
• 1:26:46
  Yeah.
• 1:26:47
  I consider myself an intelligent person.
• 1:26:50
  I think I'm pretty smart.
• 1:26:51
  Yeah.
• 1:26:52
  I think I'm put together. I'm not a criminal. I pirate movies sometimes.
• 1:26:56
  But-
• 1:26:57
  Delete that. I'm just kidding.
• 1:26:57
  I know, sorry. Yeah. Bleep that out, please.
• 1:26:59
  Yeah.
• 1:27:00
  But,
• 1:27:02
  people don't look at me and they think I'm a criminal or they think I'm dumb until
• 1:27:06
  I say, "Oh my gosh,
• 1:27:07
  yeah, I'm a stoner." And then I always get that look like, "Oh," unless that person
• 1:27:11
  also smokes weed or they just happen to not care.
• 1:27:13
  Yeah.
• 1:27:14
  But I feel like most people, for some reason, they care.
• 1:27:16
  Yeah.
• 1:27:17
  Yeah.
• 1:27:17
  I know.
• 1:27:18
  If we really zoom out and look at the human
• 1:27:22
  brain, the brain does search for categories
• 1:27:26
  to put people in. It does.
• 1:27:28
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:27:28
  We know that to be true. It likes to
• 1:27:31
  look at you and put you, like you would fit into A, B, and C,
• 1:27:35
  and that helps me to identify who you are.
• 1:27:39
  I do believe that my brain confuses people.
• 1:27:42
  Mm.
• 1:27:42
  I'm often put into different boxes like, "Oh, she's this, this, and that." And I'm
• 1:27:46
  like, "Eh, maybe." A little bit.
• 1:27:48
  Maybe not. Maybe.
• 1:27:49
  Yeah.
• 1:27:50
  Yeah.
• 1:27:50
  But leave them guessing. I'm fine with it.
• 1:27:54
  It brings shock value.
• 1:27:55
  Yeah.
• 1:27:56
  But people will always just try.
• 1:27:59
  They do.
• 1:28:00
  And it is our human nature, but it doesn't mean that we can't grow.
• 1:28:03
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:28:03
  And I think, again, the more we bring that into in front of us, then we can
• 1:28:07
  sort it out.
• 1:28:08
  I just wish that we were a society that instead of the judgment,
• 1:28:13
  because a lot of people, it's just so weird because it comes from one side of
• 1:28:17
  the world specifically, where they say that things are mental illnesses or
• 1:28:21
  that things are just, that we're criminals if we do this.
• 1:28:24
  But instead of... So I don't know, but when I hear someone
• 1:28:29
  having a mental illness, when I hear about that, my first instinct isn't what a
• 1:28:32
  horrible person they are.
• 1:28:33
  Yeah, that's not what it is.
• 1:28:34
  My first instinct is, oh, they probably just need help.
• 1:28:36
  Uh-huh.
• 1:28:37
  They need a doctor.
• 1:28:38
  Yeah.
• 1:28:40
  So I truly just think-
• 1:28:41
  Yeah
• 1:28:41
  ... some of these people don't care to want to learn about
• 1:28:45
  these people that are-
• 1:28:46
  No, they don't
• 1:28:46
  ... being judged because there's a ton of people in this
• 1:28:50
  world that once they decide something, that's true to them for the rest of their
• 1:28:54
  lives. It's so hard to convince people to change their mind sometimes.
• 1:28:56
  It's not intelligent.
• 1:28:57
  No. It's very close-minded. It's very like,
• 1:29:02
  that's the way that my parents were.
• 1:29:03
  They were like,
• 1:29:04
  they believed something about the world, and so everything else was wrong.
• 1:29:08
  Yeah.
• 1:29:08
  And so it really, I'm kind of grateful.
• 1:29:12
  Obviously, I wish that I had a mom and a dad, but I'm really grateful that I don't
• 1:29:16
  have them anymore because I was able to become my own person.
• 1:29:19
  Yeah.
• 1:29:19
  And I was exposed to what the world is rather than what they wanted me to think the
• 1:29:23
  world was.
• 1:29:23
  Yeah.
• 1:29:25
  I just think, unfortunately,
• 1:29:27
  we just don't think of that. We just don't look at, and subconsciously, maybe
• 1:29:32
  I do this too. Maybe you do this, too.
• 1:29:34
  It's when society kind of puts a label on something, it's hard to not
• 1:29:38
  think that way automatically.
• 1:29:42
  Like for instance, when I was a kid, I
• 1:29:45
  honestly did used to associate drug addiction with bad people.
• 1:29:48
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:29:48
  A lot of children do.
• 1:29:49
  Yeah.
• 1:29:49
  You hear someone say, "Oh,
• 1:29:53
  they do drugs. Don't talk to them." And,
• 1:29:56
  it gives you that weird feeling as a kid like, "Okay, I can't go over there."
• 1:29:58
  Yeah.
• 1:29:59
  And then you go home and you just see your parents or your brother or your sister
• 1:30:03
  just drinking up a storm, and that's completely normal.
• 1:30:06
  Yeah. You're like, "I'm sorry, what?"
• 1:30:08
  Yeah.
• 1:30:09
  It's just like-
• 1:30:10
  Hypocrite much?
• 1:30:11
  Yeah. Or even if not, even if that's not the case.
• 1:30:15
  Even if you do have a normal functional family and you-
• 1:30:19
  I don't think that exists.
• 1:30:21
  Yeah. Maybe not anymore.
• 1:30:23
  I think-
• 1:30:23
  Maybe it never did.
• 1:30:24
  Yeah. Even if people don't have any fighting in the home,
• 1:30:28
  there's still anger.
• 1:30:30
  Yeah.
• 1:30:30
  Even if there's all laughs, it doesn't mean...
• 1:30:34
  I mean, there's always something.
• 1:30:36
  Everyone's life is normal to them, so whenever they see
• 1:30:39
  something different, it's always going to make them feel weird.
• 1:30:42
  And I even noticed that too, like when I go to someone's house.
• 1:30:46
  So when I'm at home, I like to use coasters.
• 1:30:49
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:30:49
  Whenever I go to my friend's house and she's like, "Oh, I don't have coasters," I'm
• 1:30:52
  always like, "Oh."
• 1:30:56
  I'm not good at coasters, and I'm the friend that you'd be like, "Oh, would you
• 1:31:00
  like a coaster?"
• 1:31:01
  Not that I'm judging.
• 1:31:02
  You'd be like-
• 1:31:02
  I just, I feel guilty because I'm just so used to people
• 1:31:06
  using coasters and me using coasters that whenever I don't use a coaster, I feel
• 1:31:09
  like I'm ruining their furniture.
• 1:31:13
  And so that's just the way that I think, and then, I'm always going to think that
• 1:31:16
  because that's just how I rewired my brain. You know what I mean?
• 1:31:20
  Yeah.
• 1:31:20
  And so,
• 1:31:22
  and that's such an innocent thing. You know what I mean?
• 1:31:23
  Yeah.
• 1:31:24
  But it's a normal thing.
• 1:31:27
  So it was normal when I was growing up for my family to all have dinner
• 1:31:30
  together.
• 1:31:31
  Yeah.
• 1:31:31
  A lot of families don't do that.
• 1:31:32
  No, you're right.
• 1:31:33
  And I think that's so weird.
• 1:31:34
  That was my norm.
• 1:31:34
  Yeah.
• 1:31:35
  It is so weird. It feels-
• 1:31:37
  Like, are we going to sit?
• 1:31:38
  Yeah.
• 1:31:39
  What are we all doing?
• 1:31:40
  And I'm always like...
• 1:31:43
  The person I was in a two-year relationship with, not my recent ex, but the one
• 1:31:46
  before him,
• 1:31:47
  they were like that. They never wanted to eat together unless everyone went out to
• 1:31:50
  a restaurant.
• 1:31:52
  That was always so weird to me.
• 1:31:53
  It's a bit stressful-
• 1:31:55
  Yeah
• 1:31:55
  ... to always, but I... Yeah.
• 1:31:57
  It's like, where do I sit?
• 1:31:59
  Yeah.
• 1:32:00
  Some people just ate in their rooms and, excuse me.
• 1:32:03
  And I just had to learn that it's...
• 1:32:07
  Sorry, I'm burping.
• 1:32:09
  It's reflux.
• 1:32:10
  Oh, yeah.
• 1:32:10
  Yeah.
• 1:32:12
  You just have to learn that there's people that just don't value that
• 1:32:16
  as much as other people do. It's not so important.
• 1:32:19
  Their family time is other things.
• 1:32:21
  Yeah.
• 1:32:22
  And so I just think that, obviously, these people are unfamiliar with
• 1:32:26
  people that are doing drugs, or they're unfamiliar with anything in that nature.
• 1:32:30
  And so the
• 1:32:32
  only thing they have to go,
• 1:32:35
  the evidence that they have about these people are all from the internet or just
• 1:32:38
  what their guiders told them.
• 1:32:40
  Yeah.
• 1:32:40
  Whoever was guiding them.
• 1:32:41
  Yeah.
• 1:32:42
  And it's just, until they meet someone like that, they're never really going
• 1:32:46
  to learn. And even when they meet someone like that, it's their decision whether to
• 1:32:49
  really decide if that person's worth it or not to them.
• 1:32:52
  Yeah.
• 1:32:53
  If that person is what they think or if they're a human being.
• 1:32:56
  Yeah. Well, it's very white coat, black sheep.
• 1:33:00
  Yeah.
• 1:33:00
  Because that is the point, I feel like, of what I want to
• 1:33:04
  do and expose and really bring up.
• 1:33:07
  Yeah.
• 1:33:08
  Because we don't have to just do things because we've always done it that way.
• 1:33:11
  We don't have to just stay within our box.
• 1:33:14
  We can break out of that and say, "Well, why are we in here?"
• 1:33:16
  Exactly. And think about it like this,
• 1:33:20
  if things are supposed to be the way they are, then why is it like this?
• 1:33:23
  Why is it so hard?
• 1:33:24
  Yeah.
• 1:33:25
  Why can't
• 1:33:26
  we all come together as a community, as a society?
• 1:33:30
  Obviously, there has to be a new way of doing things because this is not working
• 1:33:33
  anymore.
• 1:33:34
  Yeah.
• 1:33:35
  And I think that-
• 1:33:36
  It's not
• 1:33:37
  ... it's not. I look at, okay, so I don't know if you know anything
• 1:33:40
  about the Lindsay Clancy-
• 1:33:43
  I know enough to be shocked and to be torn.
• 1:33:46
  I'm also torn because I totally understand
• 1:33:50
  that she did a horrible thing, but postpartum is a
• 1:33:54
  real thing that-
• 1:33:54
  It is
• 1:33:55
  ... women go through. And if the doctors saw any signs
• 1:33:58
  of postpartum, they didn't do anything to stop that.
• 1:34:02
  So do I think that she's responsible for what she did? Obviously.
• 1:34:05
  But do I think she's completely responsible? In my opinion, I think not.
• 1:34:09
  Yeah.
• 1:34:09
  I think that she was not properly cared for.
• 1:34:13
  I think that if her husband knew she was having things going on,
• 1:34:17
  he shouldn't have left her like that.
• 1:34:19
  I
• 1:34:19
  just think that there's so many reasons that we need to look at it a different
• 1:34:23
  way. Not that she shouldn't be
• 1:34:26
  either put in jail or in the hospital.
• 1:34:27
  I personally think she needs to go to the hospital.
• 1:34:31
  But a lot of people are like, "Oh, she's a murderer." They compare her to
• 1:34:36
  murderers from years ago. They're like, "This person killed her children."
• 1:34:40
  Yeah.
• 1:34:40
  "She had more kids, killed them again." And again, we're judging her based off
• 1:34:44
  someone else's actions.
• 1:34:45
  Yeah.
• 1:34:46
  Everyone's their own individual person.
• 1:34:48
  If this was truly a case of postpartum, and
• 1:34:51
  if this was what really caused it, then she's obviously not going to do it again.
• 1:34:55
  Yeah.
• 1:34:55
  Unless she goes through postpartum again, which I don't think would happen unless
• 1:34:59
  she had another baby, correct?
• 1:35:01
  Well,
• 1:35:02
  if you have depression, then you have depression.
• 1:35:05
  Yeah.
• 1:35:05
  So
• 1:35:06
  whatever it takes to shift your hormones, whether it's having a child.
• 1:35:10
  So postpartum depression is related to an event, right?
• 1:35:14
  The event is you had the child, and now your hormones are depleted from your body.
• 1:35:18
  Yeah.
• 1:35:18
  So,
• 1:35:20
  yeah,
• 1:35:22
  she could definitely have it again.
• 1:35:23
  Oh, okay.
• 1:35:24
  Yeah, she definitely could. It just wouldn't be called postpartum.
• 1:35:29
  But I think an interesting thing, just to add perspective,
• 1:35:33
  a lot of patients, they don't share-
• 1:35:36
  Mm. Yeah
• 1:35:37
  ... a lot of things. A lot of them, especially if there's an underlying
• 1:35:41
  personality disorder, things that are not treatable.
• 1:35:45
  Say that's what she had, I don't know.
• 1:35:48
  Maybe it was just postpartum, but maybe it was also something that was just not
• 1:35:52
  diagnosed before that was exacerbated by her postpartum depression.
• 1:35:56
  Yeah.
• 1:35:56
  So it's complex, and I think when it
• 1:36:00
  comes to people that are in the healthcare, which she was a nurse,
• 1:36:05
  there's some manipulation that can exist.
• 1:36:07
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:36:08
  And they know the right things to say to the right people to get what they
• 1:36:11
  want. So that could also be true.
• 1:36:14
  Yeah.
• 1:36:15
  All of these things could be true.
• 1:36:15
  All of it could be true.
• 1:36:17
  Which is what really makes it so interesting.
• 1:36:20
  So was it a chemical situation? Was it temporary?
• 1:36:24
  Was it something, like who could've fixed it or done something
• 1:36:27
  different?
• 1:36:29
  Yeah.
• 1:36:29
  Or say a doctor prescribes meds, you can prescribe them all day.
• 1:36:33
  People will pretend to take them. There's
• 1:36:36
  just so many things.
• 1:36:39
  Yeah.
• 1:36:39
  It's scary. Every single patient, you
• 1:36:43
  just pray that you're diligent and that you do things
• 1:36:47
  right.
• 1:36:47
  Yeah.
• 1:36:48
  That's my core belief. For myself,
• 1:36:52
  every single person, I'm like, "Did I miss anything?
• 1:36:55
  Did I ask the right questions?"
• 1:36:56
  Oh, yeah.
• 1:36:57
  You're really navigating it per person and to
• 1:37:01
  the best of your ability. And then especially if you're dealing with a
• 1:37:04
  high volume, I don't know this doctor's patient load, but-
• 1:37:08
  Yeah
• 1:37:08
  ...
• 1:37:10
  man, you could spend all day with somebody and not learn a thing about them.
• 1:37:13
  They could tell you what they want you to know.
• 1:37:15
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:37:15
  Or you could spend two minutes with somebody, and you get exactly what you need,
• 1:37:18
  and you know them very well. So it
• 1:37:21
  very much depends. Am I asking the right questions, or are they-
• 1:37:24
  Yeah
• 1:37:24
  ... being truthful and honest?
• 1:37:27
  Some people are just still very good actors.
• 1:37:29
  Yeah. I
• 1:37:32
  wonder how this case is going to turn out, honestly, because it's just
• 1:37:36
  so-
• 1:37:36
  Yeah.
• 1:37:37
  There are so many different possibilities of what could've happened.
• 1:37:40
  I know.
• 1:37:40
  And everyone's jumping to just one conclusion when it's
• 1:37:44
  not even just, like you just said, it's not even just these two options.
• 1:37:48
  There's-
• 1:37:48
  Yeah
• 1:37:49
  ... so many things it literally could've been.
• 1:37:50
  And I just think that the issue with it all is just that
• 1:37:54
  everyone is just-
• 1:37:56
  When you see something like this, all of a sudden everyone's an expert on the
• 1:38:00
  situation.
• 1:38:01
  I know.
• 1:38:01
  They're just such a detective.
• 1:38:02
  Yeah.
• 1:38:03
  They're such a doctor. They're such a
• 1:38:05
  cop or something.
• 1:38:06
  Yeah.
• 1:38:07
  They're always like, "Oh, you know what?
• 1:38:08
  This is what I think and this is what's true."
• 1:38:11
  Yeah.
• 1:38:11
  And then there's people that are really arguing in the comments, cussing each other
• 1:38:15
  out about it, and it's like,
• 1:38:18
  for all we know, you both are wrong.
• 1:38:20
  Yeah.
• 1:38:20
  You know what I mean?
• 1:38:21
  Yeah. Definitely.
• 1:38:23
  I just
• 1:38:25
  think the takeaway from all of this is just do your research on
• 1:38:29
  people. Everyone's an individual.
• 1:38:32
  If we always categorize what one person does and...
• 1:38:36
  Okay, if you do something to me that's evil, I'm not going to just go around
• 1:38:39
  saying, "All blonde women are bad."
• 1:38:42
  Yeah.
• 1:38:42
  That's just-
• 1:38:43
  Some people do.
• 1:38:43
  They do, and it's-
• 1:38:44
  Putting people in the box
• 1:38:45
  ... it's so irrational.
• 1:38:46
  Yeah.
• 1:38:50
  People think that redheads are crazy, or that we have no souls.
• 1:38:53
  I'm not even a natural redhead. So it's like-
• 1:38:56
  I'm not a natural blonde.
• 1:38:57
  Yeah.
• 1:38:57
  But if you call me crazy, I want to earn it.
• 1:38:59
  Yeah, exactly.
• 1:39:01
  We need to stop just assuming that if one person does something, that
• 1:39:05
  the whole group is going to be that way.
• 1:39:07
  Yeah.
• 1:39:07
  Unless they specifically do something that is that way.
• 1:39:11
  And I think that's where discrimination really
• 1:39:14
  comes to life. It's when one person does something and everyone's like...
• 1:39:19
  It's not that person's fault for doing...
• 1:39:21
  I mean, it's their fault for doing it, but the reaction that they're getting isn't
• 1:39:24
  their fault. They're doing something. They just happen to be a minority.
• 1:39:28
  They just happen to be different.
• 1:39:29
  Right.
• 1:39:30
  The person who's like, "Oh, that's a Black person. That's a Mexican person.
• 1:39:34
  That's a gay person."
• 1:39:35
  Yeah.
• 1:39:36
  Those are the people at fault because they're just assuming that one person does
• 1:39:39
  it, so everyone's going to do it. And the thing that they're doing has nothing to
• 1:39:42
  do with who they are.
• 1:39:43
  Yeah.
• 1:39:44
  It's literally just something that they're doing.
• 1:39:46
  Yeah.
• 1:39:46
  Like if you rob a bank or
• 1:39:49
  if you murder someone or beat someone up-
• 1:39:51
  Yeah
• 1:39:51
  ... anyone can do that. I could go do that right now.
• 1:39:53
  Marlo robs a bank.
• 1:39:54
  Right.
• 1:39:54
  You don't see that often.
• 1:39:56
  You don't see that often.
• 1:39:57
  Yeah.
• 1:39:57
  I could literally go outside of this building and then just punch somebody in the
• 1:40:00
  face right now. Is everyone going to start saying that all women who wear green
• 1:40:03
  dresses are evil?
• 1:40:07
  That's just what people do.
• 1:40:07
  No, they'd probably go with the red hair.
• 1:40:08
  The red hair, yeah.
• 1:40:09
  For sure.
• 1:40:10
  And that's what people do, and they've done that for years.
• 1:40:13
  Yeah.
• 1:40:13
  And I don't see that changing in the future anytime soon.
• 1:40:17
  Yeah.
• 1:40:17
  Even the people that are on the other side, they
• 1:40:21
  even do it too.
• 1:40:23
  We see a person who's Christian, and then we
• 1:40:27
  automatically think they're going to be super judgy, and like the people
• 1:40:31
  that are Christian that aren't super Christian.
• 1:40:33
  Yeah.
• 1:40:33
  But I know plenty of Christian people who are wonderful.
• 1:40:37
  Yeah.
• 1:40:37
  They're accepting, they're wonderful, they don't ever judge people.
• 1:40:41
  Yeah.
• 1:40:43
  People are really mean to those people, unfortunately.
• 1:40:45
  Yeah.
• 1:40:45
  And it's like,
• 1:40:46
  if we're on this side saying we can't discriminate against people's religions,
• 1:40:50
  we cannot be discriminating against Christian people either.
• 1:40:53
  Because, yeah, sometimes Christian people can be
• 1:40:57
  mean-
• 1:40:58
  Yeah
• 1:40:58
  ... but so can we.
• 1:40:59
  Yeah.
• 1:41:00
  It's a full circle thing. It's not just one side.
• 1:41:03
  I
• 1:41:04
  think one side does it more than the other,
• 1:41:06
  but I definitely think that we're guilty of it, too.
• 1:41:08
  And even me before, I used to hear someone say they're Christian, and my first
• 1:41:12
  reaction was like, "Oh, God. I have to change.
• 1:41:14
  I have to cover my tattoos. I
• 1:41:17
  have to not say certain things."
• 1:41:20
  But actually, the reason why I changed my mind about that was because I met
• 1:41:24
  someone who was Christian, who invited me to church, and I went, and it was not
• 1:41:28
  what I was expecting.
• 1:41:29
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:41:30
  Definitely similar.
• 1:41:31
  Yeah.
• 1:41:33
  But when it came to the kindness that I was shown there, these were really nice
• 1:41:36
  people, and they didn't judge me. They didn't make me feel out of place or
• 1:41:39
  anything. So it truly opened my eyes to think, yeah...
• 1:41:42
  I'm not really a religious person, honestly. I just wanted to go.
• 1:41:45
  Yeah.
• 1:41:45
  But it's really cool to know that
• 1:41:49
  it was a good way to be wrong.
• 1:41:51
  Learning... Yeah. Oh, I love that.
• 1:41:52
  I was wrong, and I was happy to be wrong.
• 1:41:54
  Yeah.
• 1:41:54
  Because now she's a good friend of mine that I-
• 1:41:57
  Yeah
• 1:41:58
  ...We were coworkers, and now I don't work with her anymore, obviously.
• 1:42:01
  So, we talk now and then, and it's just nice to have a friend that way.
• 1:42:05
  That is great. So y'all keep an open mind.
• 1:42:07
  We definitely keep an open mind. People are not what you think.
• 1:42:11
  Yeah. Well, thank you so much-
• 1:42:13
  Thank you
• 1:42:14
  ... for joining me in the studio. I've totally enjoyed this conversation.
• 1:42:17
  Me too. I hope I didn't talk too much.
• 1:42:19
  No, that's what we're here for.
• 1:42:21
  Thank you.
• 1:42:22
  Let's do this again.
• 1:42:24
  Definitely.
• 1:42:24
  I can't wait to check out your social media and just listen to your
• 1:42:28
  songs.
• 1:42:29
  Thank you.
• 1:42:29
  If somebody would like to reach out to you or find you, what is the best way?
• 1:42:33
  Oh, well, you can find me at TNastyRadio on Instagram.
• 1:42:36
  That stands for Thank You... Sorry, that stands for Totally Normal Afternoon
• 1:42:40
  Show Thank You Radio.
• 1:42:43
  You could also stream my music on Spotify. I'm Pearl Diver.
• 1:42:46
  I'm actually releasing an EP this weekend called "Nothing At All,"
• 1:42:50
  so stream that. And listen to 103.5 FM Savage
• 1:42:54
  Radio, or go to ksvgfm.org
• 1:42:58
  to stream a local nonprofit music station where
• 1:43:02
  we platform local artists, especially on my show, which airs Fridays at
• 1:43:06
  1:00. And if you're an artist, definitely reach out to me on Instagram.
• 1:43:09
  I'd love to play your music.
• 1:43:12
  Don't be afraid. I'm going to listen to your music.
• 1:43:14
  I'm a busy woman, but I will get to it. And yeah. Thank you.
• 1:43:18
  I love it. Thank you for joining us, White Coat Black Sheep, Dr. Savelli.
• 1:43:22
  Thank you. Oh, wow. Thank you so much.