Latest / I Choose Me with Jennie Garth / Giada De Laurentiis Reveals the Shocking Thing that Happened to Her While Dancing

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Giada De Laurentiis Reveals the Shocking Thing that Happened to Her While Dancing · I Choose Me with Jennie Garth

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Welcome
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: to I Choose Me. Emmy-winning Food Network star, best-selling cookbook author,
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: and restaurant owner Giada De Laurentiis can now add Dancing
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: with the Stars alum to her resume. I'm so excited
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: that Giada is sitting next to me. I'm excited that
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: you are here because I watched you on Dancing with
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: the Stars and.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: I've been a fan of yours for ages. Well, that's
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: funny because I grew up with you. So there you go.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: We've known each other a long time.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: I feel like, you know, we've grown up together.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: Yes, we have, of course, on 90210. Who didn't watch
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: that show?
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: That's like from my era.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: And you always make things that I could never make,
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: like cooking-wise. I always looked up to you like, wow,
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: she's good. Do you not cook?
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: I do cook. Okay, well then.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: I can probably, if I really put my mind to it,
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: but you just make it look so easy.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: That's my job. You make acting look so easy. It's
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: our job. Thank goodness. We can do our job.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Yay! Oh, thank goodness.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: Yay us.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: We're good at something. You, really though, I've talked about
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: this before. This is my first season back with Dancing
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: with the Stars as a viewer.
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: I haven't watched it since I was on it.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: Because... It was scarring or something? Yeah. Because I heard
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: Zendaya say that.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: PTSD.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that one.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: PTSD.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: Sorry. That click, click, click. Oh, man.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: So I was like, no, turn that off for years.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: And then I watched your season. And I was so
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: excited to see you.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: I wonder.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: It was just like an auto reaction. Like, I don't
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: want to revisit that stress level that I was under.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: So I know all the things that you... have experienced
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: firsthand because I've been in your dance shoes.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: Literally. Yeah.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: It is quite the undertaking. Did you have any idea
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: when you started?
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: I knew that it would be taxing. I had spoken
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: to other people that I know that had done the
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: show and they all told me, listen, it's tough on
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: the body. At any age, it's tough on the body,
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: but it'll be even more tough because- You're older and,
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: you know, if you get hurt, you don't balance back
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: the same way and you need a lot of stamina.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: But I don't think, I thought, well, I'm pretty fit.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: I think it'll be okay. And I think you don't
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: realize until you do something like this in your mid-50s
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: that it actually is harder than you thought it was.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: I hate to say that, but it was harder than
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: I thought it was. And on many different levels, I
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: actually think Physically, yeah, I broke my toe and yeah,
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: stuff happened. But actually mentally, it was hard. Like I
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: had a hard time grasping, learning.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: Just the steps, remembering the steps alone. The steps, yes.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: It's really, really difficult.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: Yes, I found that very difficult. But I also had
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: zero dance background. Like I did not take ballet when
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: I was a kid. I mean, that used to be
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: what the show was about. Right.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: People that aren't professional dancers coming in and learning how
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: to dance ballroom kind of change now. And every season,
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: it seems like there's some sort of professional dancer that's
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: slipped into the lineup, which hardly seems fair, I've got
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: to say. But it is just the way it is.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: You know, I personally didn't know who else was going
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: to be on the show until we were all on
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: the show. So I... I didn't know there were going
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: to be several professional dancers. I don't know that I
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: would have, I may have thought about it and maybe
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: not done it if I'd known. But at the same time,
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: you know, I feel like it brought me even closer
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: to my daughter and I didn't think that was possible.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: And I think it taught me some things about myself,
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: things that I probably should work on. Right. And things
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: that I didn't think I could do that I did.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: So I feel like in a way, you know, all
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: things happen for a reason. Was it difficult? Yeah, it
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: was hard because I had a hard time not allowing
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: myself to not be a perfectionist, which is something that
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: I obviously have to work on with myself.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: In cooking, that works.
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: Well, because I've had 20 some, almost 25 years of experience.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: Like that didn't happen overnight. No. It didn't. And I
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: had I think when we're younger, we give ourselves a
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: little bit more grace than maybe when we get older.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: When we get older, we expect to be perfect.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: And we put so much pressure on ourselves.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: Yes. And more pressure as we get older, I think.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: Especially us ladies. Yeah. We just do.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: And then you have the weight of the world basically
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: on your shoulders. Everyone in the world is watching. And
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: it's live. You have to know every single step. If
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: you mess up, everybody knows. If you, you know, yeah,
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: you can ignore your mess up and keep going. But
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: those judges, they'll definitely see it. Yes. Yes.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: And I think that my biggest note was always that
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: I was sort of fragile in my steps. Like I
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: wasn't letting go and feeling it. And maybe that was
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: maybe true. Maybe that was because my mind couldn't let
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: go because I knew where I was. And my mind
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: and my body were on different pages.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Have you ever worked so hard at anything in
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: your life?
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: Over a period of time, I've, yes, on my craft
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: for sure, but not so intensively. Right. Like I think
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: I had almost four weeks to do the first dance
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: and four days to do the second. I mean, so
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: you see, that's maybe where I... No, but in your
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: second dance, I will say I could see your focus. Really?
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: You were so focused. I just could feel it. Like
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: you were really connected with your partner. What was his name?
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: Alan. Alan. And I could just feel how, and you
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: didn't make any mistakes that I saw. I don't know
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: that I made mistakes. I think that I, I was stiff.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: I think that's probably what most people would say is that, yes,
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: I was doing the steps, but I wasn't fluid. Like
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: the salsa is a very sexual, sensual dance. And I
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: wasn't as, you know, letting go as if, Like I
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: should have had, and Guillermo and I would talk about this,
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: we should have had a couple shots of tequila because
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: maybe our bodies would just let go. That's what Alan's
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: note was. Let go and just go with it because
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: your body will do it. But your mind is like
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: holding you back. You got to throw your mind away.
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: I thought it meant more like get in the zone
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: like an athlete. Get in the zone.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: You were in the zone.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: I was in the zone, but I wasn't like. relaxed
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: in the zone. I was more, I'm in the zone.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: Like grinding my teeth in the zone.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean? No, but I have to
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: say when, you know, I know Carrie Ann only had
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: one word. She was, that was her one word turn
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: and her one word was shaky and I was screaming
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: at the TV.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: Because I could see how that affected you. I've stood
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: in that spot where they're critiquing you and your mouth
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: is dry and From dancing and you're like.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: So dry. I haven't had that kind of dry mouth
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: in probably 15 years. Yes. Yes. Yes.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: It's so embarrassing because you're trying to fix that and
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: listen and you're exhausted out of breath. And you're like,
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: oh my God, now they're going to annihilate me. But
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: I really felt for you in that moment because I
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: could see that it affected you.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: Well, first of all, my daughter was watching live.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: She was in the audience.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: She wasn't in the audience, but she was in New
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: York City. And she was live streaming on Instagram. Yeah,
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: because she couldn't be in the audience. She just started college.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: And I think we both felt like to go for
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: a week, to come back, it just seems... It just
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: uproots her. And I was like, this journey is about
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: you right now. And then I have my own journey.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: So I feel like... But then I did have family
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: in the audience as well. And it just... the thoughts
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: that go through your head are like, oh my God,
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  Speaker 2: they're annihilating me. I can't speak. I don't even know
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  Speaker 2: what to say. I don't even, you literally are, it's
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: a loss of words. And I usually don't get that.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: Nobody prepares you for like, but can they, what do you, what,
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: what's a good comeback line to something? But can they,
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: I mean, they could have given you some, I mean,
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: they've been doing it for 35 years. You think they
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: have some notes?
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  Speaker 2: But the question is, They don't know what the judges
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: might or might not say.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: So how do you know? Tell me worst case scenario
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: what they're going to say. Let me have something I'm.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: Coming back with. No, nobody preps you for that part.
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: They don't prep you for that. And I don't actually
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: know that they could prep you. Because you just put
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: it all out there. Yeah. It's a very raw moment,
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: I will say. You know, I tell people that I
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: sort of disassociate. Yeah.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: Do you do that?
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: In the dance, too, even the first time, I sort of, like,
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: some of my family was like, how did it feel?
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: Do the kicks? And I'm like, I don't know, because
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: I don't think I was present. Like, I think that
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: my body was there and it was doing it. But
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: I think that my mind was elsewhere, even though if
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: you ask me where, I don't know where. I think
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: I literally, for a snap second, like, exit and come back.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: It's like a blackout.
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. And then you come back immediately when it stops.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: Like when you know it's over, it's almost like you reenter.
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: It's a really strange like feeling. I don't know that
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: I felt it.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: Like that ever.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: No. In any of my other live appearances.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: Right. It's very different. Did you know I had to
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: get hypnotized?
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: To do what?
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: I had extreme stage fright.
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: Before the first or the first, second, third? You have
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: to get hypnotized before each time you went out?
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: Cause I was so terrified.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: How old were you?
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: Oh, I just had a baby. I was 35, maybe 36.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: Oh my God.
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And you got hypnotized before each one.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: I don't even know if it worked. How long did
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: you last? I didn't feel any better ever, but I
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: told myself, oh, this will help. I was there until
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: the right, the last one before the, I don't even know.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: Oh, so you went to the semifinals.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: Third or fourth or something.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: That's amazing.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: I can't remember.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: That's amazing. Yeah.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: It was really hard. I know. I mean, but I
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: really was more curious about you talking about like the
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: peeling back of the layers.
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. So I think, well, I think also those
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: pros or their side hustle is therapy. Like there are therapists,
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: I think, through it all. Because Alan would send me
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: all sorts of affirmation texts like, you're great. You're going
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: to make it. All of these uplifting, making me feel
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: better type of texts after long sessions of dance where
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: my brain was just like mush. I literally would leave thinking,
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: can I drive home now? I feel like I have
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: been through some really deep brain fog. That I can't
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: get out of. Like, can I even, is it safe
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: for me to get in the car right now?
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: It's all consuming.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it is. And you can't think, which is kind
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: of cool in a way because you're all in. And
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: you're in the freaking present, which, you know, we all
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: talk about to live in the present.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: You can't live it.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: And that really makes you live in the present. It
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: really like forces you that you cannot think about anything else.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: I thought that was pretty cool.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: It was cool. I was in a different time because
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: you're in this magical space in your life, this era.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, I'm what, 25 years older?
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: You're an empty nester.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: This is all new for you.
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: Right. You had a baby at home. It's a totally
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: different time of life. And your body's in a different spot.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: Like I'm in menopause and you were in the prime
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: of your life pretty much.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: I was post, what's that called? I just had a
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: baby six months earlier. So my hormones were all over
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: the place still and it was a lot better. back
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: to your experience, because I also noticed that you said
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: you tend to go faster in the dance.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: Yes. Yes. He was always saying, Alan was always like,
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: why are you going so fast? You're adding steps that
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: don't exist and you're going faster than the music. And
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: I kept thinking, do I just want it to be over?
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: Is that what's happening? Do I just want to get
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: to the end? So be like, I did it. Okay.
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: I'm done. Bye.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: And he was like, no, I think that You try
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: to complicate things. I think you make things more complicated.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: And how did that resonate with you?
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: I was like, at first I thought, I do? I
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: actually complicate things? And then I thought about it and
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: I day in and day out and I was like,
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: oh my God, I really am. Because by the time
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: I learned the first dance, the tango, I realized I
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: did overcomplicate this. This isn't as difficult now that I've
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: got it, now that I have the aha moment, than
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: I thought it was leading up to it. So... I
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: started thinking, oh my God, he's pointing out things about
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: myself that maybe other people have pointed out. I just
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: haven't been able to see them. But in this specific space,
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: I could see it.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you're so raw in there and so vulnerable.
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: I think so. And I think I don't allow myself
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: to be that raw, vulnerable. And I think as we
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: get older, we try not to do that so much anymore.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: We allow it when we're younger. It's almost expected society's
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: okay with it. As we get older, we start to
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: shut off, right? Because we've been hurt probably and we
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: don't want to re-experience or reopen those wounds. And it's
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: pretty comfy in our little space. Yeah.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: We've also heard a lot of messaging about being too
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: emotional or reactionary or having too much, you know, spirit.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: Correct. Exactly. Exactly.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: And so we kind of bottle it up.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: To protect ourselves or.
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: Yes. But I think that happens to a lot of
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: people as they age. Yeah.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: I found that was interesting because then I thought, I
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: wonder if she realizes that she's doing that in other
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: areas of her life.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: For sure.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: Like racing through stuff and not really experiencing the moment.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: A hundred percent.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: And I've had many people tell me that. Just like
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: slow down. In life? In life in general. Oh, for sure. Absolutely.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: Where do you think that comes from?
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I think that I feel like my
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: mind works in a forward motion. Like I'm always thinking
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: about the next step. Okay, what's the next step? Yeah.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: And trying to stay ahead of the game. And I
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: don't know if that's just a product of... Because you've
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: worked your ass off your whole life. Like you've, you're self,
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: you're independent. You're, you know, you've done this on your own,
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: created this business, this professional life for yourself. Yeah. Different
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: than my family's business, for sure. Right. My family's in
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: the movie business, so completely separate. And I have built
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: something completely separate. And I think it's harder for women
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: to do that separate from, you know, from what their
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: family does. But I also think that I've always been
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: that person of like, if I can be one step ahead,
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: then I'll get the next job or I will do
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: better or I will... be able to function at a
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: higher level. Right? Like, and also I think, to be honest,
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: it's also, I think for women, we have to think
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: one step ahead. Like even in regular life. Yeah. You
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: go out at night or whatever, you're thinking ahead of like,
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: where am I going to park? Is it safe for
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: me to park over here? Or should I really just
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: spend the money in valet? Cause I'll be safer. Because
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: walking to my car at night by myself, who knows?
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: I may not be able to see what's behind the car.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: We think it all through.
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: We try to think of all scenarios as a protective
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: mechanism because we are more vulnerable.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: And also as moms, running someone out and raising a
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: baby from when you have to feed them or they
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: don't eat. And you have to plan for it. You
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: have to plan.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: And I think I've been planning. I've had a career
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: and I've had a child to raise and I've had
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: to plan everything. Okay, who's going to pick up my
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: daughter if I can't pick her up because I'm working? Right.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: How are we going to get from point A to
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: point B? What's for dinner? Because obviously it's my job
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: to make sure that the food is on the table.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: Am I going to have, like, I have to have foresight,
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: I think. And I felt like in doing that, I've
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: been able to have success. So what happens when I
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: don't do that anymore?
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: What do you think? Are you going to not do that?
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: Are you going to slow yourself down?
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to not. I've been, since I got eliminated,
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: I've been trying to think of ways to stop doing that.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: Even down to prepping a grocery list in advance. Like thinking, oh,
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: we're out of eggs. I might eat eggs in two
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: days to make something or bake something or whatever to
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: try to like hold myself from doing that and just
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: waiting till the moment comes.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: Oh my God, that's so hard.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay. So now I'm out of eggs. So what
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: do I do now? Do I go get them? Do
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: I wait? Do I postpone? I'm trying to do that.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: I can tell you that this week has been very
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: difficult in doing that exercise.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: Do you ever meditate? No.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: No. I have tried to meditate.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: Meditating is hard for me. Very hard when you are
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: a busy-minded person.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: I will tell you that my meditation, or at least
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: this is what I tell myself, is cooking without having
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: to explain what I'm doing to anyone in the room. Okay.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: So just mindlessly going through my own sort of routine
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: or ballet or whatever in the kitchen without having to
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: explain anything to anybody. No cameras, just me. Having said that,
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: I have been told that I probably should try to meditate,
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: to ground myself more. And Alan used to say this too,
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: like feel your feet on the ground. And I was like,
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: what the hell is he talking about?
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: My feet are on the ground.
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: Clearly they're on the ground.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: I'm dancing.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: And he's like, no, when you feel them on the ground,
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: the ground will help you elevate your feet. So it's
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: like this beautiful rhythmic sort of thing that happens that
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: you use it to lift you. Instead of always feeling
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: like you have to use your muscle to do it,
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: the ground will lift you. But you need to have
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: a relationship with the ground. And I was like, what
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: in the hell? But I did. By the end, by
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: the salsa, I did because I had to dance all
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: on my toes. And I was like, this is going
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: to be impossible in heels. But I did. And I
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: started to feel like I could feel my toes have
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: like this relationship with the ground. And it was helping
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: it to kind of bounce off. It was kind of crazy.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: I go out every morning. I've learned so many things
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: by doing this podcast and other people's things that they
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: do to help themselves and the choices they make in
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: their lives. And one of the things I learned was
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: I go outside every morning with my bare feet and
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: stand in the grass and I look into the sun.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: For what? 10 minutes?
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: As long as I have. Which is usually like a minute.
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: Okay. Does it work? It grounds you.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: Really? And so what do you feel? Peaceful.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: You feel in your body less rushed.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: Just present. Yeah. And you do this first thing when
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: you get up before you do anything else. Yeah.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: Because I usually have to take the dogs out to
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: go to the bathroom. I have four dogs. So they
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: do their thing and I just stand there and like
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: have my moment.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: Maybe I try that.
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: I have three dogs and a cat. So I do
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: have to let them out first thing in the morning.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm talking about then. Okay.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: Okay. I'll try it. Yeah.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: I was so curious about that. If you were able
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: to really reap something deeply from just the experience. I
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: think it's still happening.
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's been less than a week. And I
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: think it's still happening, but yes. And I go through
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: weirdly dips, ups and downs. Like my body, the next
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: day I was like, wait, we're not, we're not dancing.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: We're not doing this. This routine that I've been on
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: for a while now, it's gone. And so the body
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: and the mind and, and like the mind being sad
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: about it, but yet the body's in pain.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: And this like, disassociation between the two and trying to
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: get them both back on the same page. And there's a, it's,
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: it's very emotional. It's very emotional. I didn't, I knew
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: that it would be difficult. Like anybody who's had a job,
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: a really intense job for a certain amount of time,
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: and then they're done. Actors talk about this all the time.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: You're on a set, you go, go, go. And then
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: all of a sudden it's over. That family is over.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: Like you don't see those people. It can be really disjointing.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: It's like a grieving process.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: It's a grieving process. And, Believe it or not, even
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: though my time on the show was short, there is
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: a grieving process. I think that's news to a lot
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: of people. But I think if you think about it,
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: everybody's had this in their life, whether they planned a
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: wedding or anything like that, right? Or a big trip
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: or college for your child. And then all of a sudden,
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: it's done.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: It's the post-party blues. Exactly.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: And it can be really an intense, intense ride. So
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: I've been trying to keep my schedule really... quiet and
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: trying to quiet myself as much as possible and keep
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: the noise out to try to go through the grieving
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: process of what this is. And I know it sounds
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: like people might listen to me. That is the most
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: ridiculous thing.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: You got voted out and now you're grieving.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: Correct.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: I can understand.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: And I totally understand what they're thinking. Because probably I
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: would be thinking the same thing if I was listening
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: to myself.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: But it's real.
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: But it's real. And I think it's real on many levels.
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: And I think actually Everyone has experienced a version of this. Everyone. Yep. Absolutely.
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: And I think that's the feeling. And what do we
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: gain from feeling that feeling? Because the option is to
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: just go straight into something else. Yeah. And just avoid
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: it altogether and just be like, that's stupid. I'm done.
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: Moving on. Right.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: And I'm sure that's what you would normally do.
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: I would love to do that. And I'm forcing myself
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: to not do that.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: That's so smart.
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: Because that is what I have done. For most of
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: my life.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: So this has made a profound effect on you. It's
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: had a profound effect on you.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think it's because I'm 56 years old.
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: And so I'm starting to think about things a little
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: bit differently. In the past, I was like, okay, that's done.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: That job's done. Moving on. What's the next thing? Again.
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: But those lessons were never brought to my attention in
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: the same way. Right.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: And you were never that vulnerable. You were never that
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: just like open.
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: I think it's so smart that you're allowing yourself the grace.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: And it's really a big I choose me moment that
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: you're experiencing is like, I'm going to honor myself and
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: what I've just experienced and how difficult that was and
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: how amazing I felt doing it and how proud of
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: myself I was.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: And you know what, Jenny?
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: That's also really hard to say to myself.
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: It's really weird.
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: Yes, to all of those things you just said, but...
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: It's also really hard to say to yourself, hey, you
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: did a good job. I mean, people have said to me, oh,
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: you did such a good job or whatever. And I'm like, yeah,
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: but did I? Because I was shaky and I was
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: this and I was fragile. Yes, no, I did. Okay.
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: But do you see how like that's what I'm trying
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: to show you is that there's this.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: Automatic pattern in our brains.
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: That I'm trying to like speak to. Like, hey. I
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: know you're there. I see you.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: I hear you.
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: And I know you've been here for so many years
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: that it's really hard to shut you down. Right. And
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: I'm going to listen to you. But I'm also going
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: to listen to this other voice as well that I
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: maybe haven't listened to in a really, really, really long time. Yeah.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: I do that too. I say to my inner voice,
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: my inner critic, the one that's so hard to get
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: rid of, that actually you can't get rid of.
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: It's always going to live inside you. I was just
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: going to say, I think we think that we're going
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: to get rid of things.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: It's not.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah. We're not.
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: You just learn how to manage it differently.
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: Correct.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: And I say to myself, no, thank you. I know
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: you're talking to me right now, but I'm actually going
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: to focus on something else, something else that is going
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: to make me feel good instead of make me feel bad.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: Correct. And that is the journey of this last five days. Wow.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: What a whirlwind. And it's exhausting. I'm not going to lie.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: It is exhausting.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: The choosing of yourself is exhausting.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: I would choose anybody else at this point but myself.
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: I mean, really and truly. It is just like, give
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: me stupid menial tasks to do because I'd rather do
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: that and pay attention to that.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: I'd rather vacuum all day long.
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: I will do anything. I will pick up dog poop.
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: I don't care. Just let me do something that's just
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: brainless so that I don't have to listen to these voices.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: But you will probably bring some thought to the brainless
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: activity no matter what.
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: For sure.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: Because I know you have a similar brain as me.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: I'm finding out.
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: Yes. Yes.
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: You also said you had to face some demons. And
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: I know that's along the line of what we're talking about.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: Were you able to really identify some of your demons
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: or were you just getting.
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: I think I was getting started into identifying them. I
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: think that I get very frustrated as people saw. Some
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: of the packages showed me getting really frustrated, but not
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: I think people were saying that I was frustrated with Alan,
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: but I wasn't. And Alan wasn't frustrated with me. I
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: think we are both perfectionists and we're both trying to be,
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: we cared so much that we were doing, we're going
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: to do it really well that we were getting frustrated
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: when it wasn't coming out the way we had hoped.
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: And I think for me, I was very, getting very
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: frustrated with my ability. Yeah. I think I thought this
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: should come easier. I know I have no experience in this,
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: but still, come on. Is it really that hard? Is
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: it really what was going on in my head? Clearly
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: it was really that hard for me. I think too,
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: you get skewed a little because you're rehearsing in a
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: building where you watch like other people do it, that
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: it comes like this quick, right? Like I watched Jenna,
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: I watched so many people who are brilliant.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: When did you, you were rehearsing in the same space
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: as the other contestants?
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: Well, we're all in the same building. And sometimes we
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: do this thing where we dance for each other.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: Oh, no. I don't like that.
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: Oh, well, I thought, you know, I kind of liked
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: it because it got you. Because you're.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: You're performing.
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: You're performing in a silo, just the two of you
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: the whole time. So to kind of give you the
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: next step before you get to the ballroom, you perform
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: for other couples. So you can also see how they're
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: doing and they can see you. So you start to
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: feel like somebody's. I think it helps get you more
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: comfortable for going into the ballroom, right? So that there's levels.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: And I could see that some of them were just phenomenal.
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: And I think probably that caused a lot of panic
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: within me.
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: Of course.
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: I thought, I'm going to go up against these people? Right.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: Have I lost my mind? I can't lift my leg
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: that high.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: Can I run the other direction? Yeah. Can I go away?
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: Can I just say, I don't want to do this anymore? Like,
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: is that possible? Because I don't want to do this anymore.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: I'm feeling your panic.
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: So the panic set in. Yeah. And I think... that
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: was really hard to manage. And I think I probably
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: have some work to do in the panic zone of
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: my own self, you know? And I think, I just
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: think like I got frustrated because I wasn't picking it
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: up fast enough. And the, and I cared so much
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: about doing it well that the time constraint made it
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: like mind boggling and you get tired. There's no days off.
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: There's no days off.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: No.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: You get so tired.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: You want to do every minute that you can of practice.
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah. People are like, oh, but- Especially when you're panicked.
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: Don't you want to take a break? I'm like, no.
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: Because I just feel like if I can do it
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: enough times- I'll get it. I'll get it. Yeah. And
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: then the day will come and I won't be so panicked.
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: But we don't realize is that I was still just
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: as panicked.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: Do you think that because of the industry that you've
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: basically come up in, this chef world- Is that a
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: competitive environment in general or in specifically as you were
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: treated as a woman in that environment?
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: Well, I think it's competitive in general.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: As a woman, yeah, probably, yes. It's competitive, but it's
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: competitive across the board. I think for men and women,
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: especially on television. You know, I think in the beginning,
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: there weren't that many spots available. And a lot of
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: us fell into it. And in the chef world, a
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: lot of us, when we become chefs, we don't want
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: to be in front of the camera. We're not personalities.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: We're showing your artistry through our food. That's because we're shy.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: We want to be behind the camera, right? Like we
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: don't want to be in front. we wanted to be
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: in front, we'd be doing something totally different. Yeah. That
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: is not how we express ourselves. Our expression is through
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: our food.
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: How did you get past that? Because you always looked
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: very comfortable in front of the camera.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: I had a very difficult time for my first three
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: or four years. I mean, the only reason I ever
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: got the opportunity to stay on is because in those days,
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: You just were allowed more time, more time to get better. Nowadays, no.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: You're off the air. You're off the air.
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: If you can't hit the certain ratings after a couple
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: of episodes, you're done. That wasn't the case when I started.
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: When I started, it was the Wild West. Nobody knew anything.
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: We were all learning together. And so I had the
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: opportunity to be on, to do more episodes and get better.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: But my first few, my first like whole season, I
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: was like, they kept saying, John, you need to open
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: to the camera.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: You cannot cook.
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: With like half your back showing. Like people want to
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: see you. They don't want to talk to your shoulder
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: or your back. It's a whole different art. It's a
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: whole different skill set. But I have to finish this.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: I have to make this dish look amazing.
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: And I got to focus.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: And like, yeah.
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: And you're going to tell us how you're doing it.
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: And you're going to look like you're going to have
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: a great time. And you're going to go through all
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: the steps. And you're going to tell us stories while
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: you're doing it, while you're, you know, while you're measuring
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: the whole thing. And yeah, that was, I mean, I'm
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: little and I lost 10 pounds from the stress of
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: doing my first season. I hated it. And I came
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: from a movie family. So if I wanted to be
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: in front of the camera, I could have been. I
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: did not like that world. So that was the first
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: time I had to crack open. And I haven't really
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: opened myself up in that kind of vulnerability since then.
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: And I will tell you, Jenny, that I think part
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: of it is choosing to do Dancing with the Stars.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: I think I wanted to tap into that young girl
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: in her early 30s who allowed that kind of vulnerability
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: because I grew so much from doing that. I mean,
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: my whole career is based on it. And I hadn't
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: felt that again. And it's been what, 25 years? And
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: I think I wanted a taste of it again. And
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: then when I got a taste of it, I was like,
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: oh shit, I do not like this. I do not
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: like what I'm feeling right now.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: And you're in survival mode. So it's not like you
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: can sit and reflect and think, oh, I remember experiencing
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: this feeling 35 years ago. When I first started on
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: camera and how can I apply what I learned then
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: to this? No, you're just like going. Because you're go, go, go.
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: And you know that you have X amount of days,
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: four days to get back on that stage and do
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: a whole new dance. Yeah. That is completely the opposite
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: of what you've just learned.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: It's really crazy the way they give you four weeks
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: to learn the first dance and four days to learn
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: the second one.
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: And this season we lost a day because it was
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: a two-day premiere. And usually it's not. So again, oh man.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: Well, it was good TV. I know that. And I
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: was rooting for you. There's more of this great conversation.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: Part two is coming soon.