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My Straight Sister Married a Woman | Rachel Williams | Stand Up Comedy 🤣🤣🤣😁 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm nervous about becoming a Karen.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: I look at it like cancer.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: I really do.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's one day it's just gonna spread to my brain.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna snap and be like, I'm recording in a Starbucks.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: Snow looking back.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'm from Long Island, New York, so it's my destiny.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: Hey Trash, how you doing?
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: And it's good to have you here.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: I was just uh I was just there visiting my sister and her wife and their baby.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I love that my sister married a woman because she dated men her whole life.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: So it was really fun to watch my parents malfunction.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: It was the best.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: It was so funny because they were always like, we love the gays.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: And then my sister brought home a woman and they were like, I don't know, I don't know.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: They were so surprised.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: I wasn't surprised.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: I thought about the men she dated before this girl, and I was like, I too would try something new for sure.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: It is so funny to watch liberal parents get challenged.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: I wish it on everyone.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: Let me tell you something because we always thought we had the most liberal parents in the world, especially my mom.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: My mom used to raise us saying things like, no matter what man you'll bring home, whether he's black, Asian, Muslim, we will love you and him no matter what.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: And then my sister was like, I'm in love with a woman.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I swear to God, my mom was like, I said, black, Asian Muslim.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, listen, I have empathy for my mom.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's pretty easy to be a liberal and be like, do whatever you want to do, just be happy.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: But when that thing comes at you, you're like, wait, hold on.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't, I didn't know.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I just looked up today.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: There's so many different types of relationships out there, right?
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like 17.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: There's like open, and I don't know, that's all I can think.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like, uh you know what I'm saying, right?
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I I would never judge anyone in one.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like if you said you were in an open relationship, I'd be like, good for you.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I don't know if you're together, but I would probably pull you aside and be like, are you okay?
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um but like if my husband woke up tomorrow and was like, I think I'm polyamorous.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: Think the fuck again.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: I love him though.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: He's a white guy from Vermont, so he's exotic.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: And yes, yes.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: He loves to go hiking.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: That's his big thing.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: I mess with him.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, hiking to me is like giving you a blowjob.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's a lot of work.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: I don't really love the view.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: And you're in front of me saying things like, oh, just a little bit longer.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, okay.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: And then we get to the end, and you're like, how do you feel?
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, dirty.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: So dirty.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: There are always the same characters hiking.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: There's always one middle-aged woman that passes you on the way down, and it's like, totally worth it.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: That view up there, totally worth it.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's always one lunatic man that's running up behind you, like, on your right! And it's like I uh I always bring our English bulldog with us on hikes.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: I do, because he's an athlete.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I bring that dog everywhere we go.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um, there's always one person that fat shames him.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: That's just like, I damn.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: And there's always one girl that's like, is that a rescue?
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Did you get your dog from a there's a lot of dogs on the army?
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Are you a piece of shit or did you rescue your dog?
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, look at him.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, ha, huck.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I rescue him every morning with a CPAP machine.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: I promise you.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm doing the Lord's work here.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: But I met my guy really young.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: I was 20 years old, which I thought was right on time.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: Because I was a millennial girl that was like, you gotta meet a man in your 20s and then get married and then be miserable and then cry at a Taylor Swift concert.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: But that's why I like Gen Z girls, because they don't really fall under a timeline.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: They don't hold men in such high regard.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like millennial girls, we kind of messed up when it came to dating, and then Gen Z girls will leave a guy for an ick, like, as soon as they get it, which is so entertaining because the ick that you it's always something intangible that the guy can't control.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's amazing.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: You'll just ghost a guy and be like, I don't know.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: I just like saw him run with a backpack on.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I get him in, I I got the ick on the first day.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: I'm happy, I'm glad I suck it out, but I just didn't have a word for it.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: On the first day with the man I'm with now, I watched him spray cologne in the air and walk through it.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: I was in the corner, like, huh?
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: No, he's a nice guy.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: Huh?
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: I uh I like uh I have a lot of Gen Z friends.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: I do, they they I like the pronouns that they brought to, you know, whatever.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: I do, I like pronouns, I like how it makes people feel like they they are who they are, they identify, they feel good.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um I uh you know, but when someone introduces themselves to me with multiple pronouns, I short circuit, I panic.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: My brain starts doing like math equations, I'm not gonna lie.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: Some guy introduces himself to me and is like, hi, my name's James, I go by he, him, they, them.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: My brain is like, okay.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: If he's driving a car at 90 miles an hour, and they pass mile marker a nine at 2 p.m.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: At what point do I panic and just say, like, hey, you?
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: I like I I love how long I've been with this guy.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: He's 15 years, and I I love it because we we do so many cliche things as a married couple.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: One of them being like, I always want a vent and he always wants a problem solved.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: You guys know what I'm talking about here?
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, one person definitely feels an in his soul.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: In that moment, when that happens, I just I just wish he would be a little femme.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: Just for like a second.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: Just whenever just one time I want to complain to him and him be like, oh my god, no way.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: Let's have two martinis and talk about it.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: But instead, every time I talk to him, I feel like I'm talking to Siri.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like no matter what I say, he'll be like, I didn't get that.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: Here's a list of things I found online that I think might help you.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: And the list is always just motivational sports stories.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: That's all we got, man.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like I came home the other night, I was it was a bad day, easy to have in New York, and I walked through the dorm in tears, and I'm like, this anything's so overwhelming.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like I saw a man poop in a shoe and just like and there was my Siri husband.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: Babe.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: Anxiety is a choice.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: Major League Baseball player Jim Abbott was born without a right hand.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: That didn't stop him from pitching a no-hitter in 1993.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: What?
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't ask for that.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that's it, man.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: That's men versus women.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like girls, when we're having a bad day.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: We have to write about it, vent about it, phone a friend, exercise, eat something that's comforting that won't bloat us.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: Men, you guys have a bad day.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: You get home, you just need to take a shit.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: And watch one sports-related motivational TikTok.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: And after that, you're like, yeah, let's get the fuck back out there.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's not fair.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: I tried watching David Goggins.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: I did.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: I did.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: First video I saw, he's like, I run a hundred miles a day with no knees.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, that makes no fucking sense.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: Overall, it's been a pretty good year for me.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: I I've I've gotten a lot of work, which just has made me miss Adderall so much.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I stopped taking Adderall a long time ago just because I was putting on it at a really young age.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: I was seven years old.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, it's okay.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: I judge my mom too.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, you might drug me up.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, that's all right.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: And my mom was like, uh, you were seven years old and you couldn't read, and you bit your teacher.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: Drug that kid up.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'm glad you guys are laughing.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's just so funny.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: The I don't remember it, but the idea that I bit my teacher and they were like, don't bring her back.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: Until she's on meth, okay?
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: And then or or you can homeschool her, and my mom was like, Well, I don't want to get bit.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: Man, I don't know.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: I it's funny when I get why parents put their kids on Adderall when they're learning disabled, but when you're learning disabled, it's a rough moment when you're put on drugs.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because Adderall doesn't teach you how to read, right?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: Just makes you focus long enough to realize you can't fucking read.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: So then one day you're just sitting in class on amphetamines, like, should I have a helmet on?
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: What's going on?
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: All right, guys, I gotta get out of here.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: Y'all were a lot of fun.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you guys so much.