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Diva Mia: Rediscovering Love, Healing and Self-Connection · The Diva Details

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Welcome to the Diva Details, where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
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From love and sex to wellness and reinvention, we keep it raw, real, and powerful.
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No filters, no limits, just fearless conversations to help you thrive.
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Let's dive in with Diva Mia and Diva Cat.
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Well, hello, this is Diva Mia. Today I wanted to talk to you a little bit about finding love.
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After you go through a breakup or a divorce or you've been on your own for a
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while or something happens and you want to get back kind of in the game to look for someone again,
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and it's a challenge these days.
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I will say a lot of people go on dating apps, and what we're finding is that
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less people are really connecting with people, there's like a disconnect because
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of technology, not more of a connection.
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One of the things to think about is when you're ready to date again,
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first you go through what's called like an emotional void, where I think a lot
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of people don't want to connect, they don't want to be vulnerable,
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they don't want to open themselves up to another person after a breakup or divorce.
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And there's a reason for that. You need to protect yourself.
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You need to figure out what your boundaries are and what you're allowing in
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your life in the future and what type of person you want to have in the future.
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There really is a difference between being alone and loneliness.
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I think that loneliness is when you're craving another person so much that it's
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kind of a sign that there's something in you that still needs to be healed.
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When you're alone and you're happy and you're joyful in your aloneness.
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That's when I think it's time that you're able to go and find another partner.
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But if you're miserable in your loneliness, there's some work you need to do
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on yourself because you're an amazing
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person and you need to find your own self-love and your own self-joy.
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Sometimes people want to fill the void, if you will, with a distraction.
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They go out on lots of dates as a distraction because they don't want to do
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the repair work on their own healing. They're in their own emotional damage.
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Everyone has it. Everyone goes through the need to repair, but most people don't.
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Instead, they just replace the last person in their relationship.
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And then what they find out is they throw up or all over the other person.
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And a lot of times people don't realize it. They'll just blame the other person
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for all of their issues and they weren't ready to date in the first place.
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So I think that replacing is not a good thing.
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And a lot of times people say, go find a rebound. Well, rebounds usually fail.
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They're called a rebound for a reason. And it's a rebound relationship because
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you're not really ready to date.
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And until you're ready to date, it's not fair to you. And it's not fair to the other person either.
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You can't connect deeply with someone else until you're reconnected truly with
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yourself. You're truly loving yourself.
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You truly love experiencing all that you have to offer and all that you bring
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to the table. It's an amazing time to be single.
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Being single is all about rediscovering yourself and loving yourself.
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Now, I'm not saying you can't sample date, but really, what is the point?
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If you're not ready to date, there's really no reason to date.
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I think the biggest part that you need to realize is you really need to focus on healing.
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And I can tell you, I've been on the dating apps and I have met so many different men.
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A lot of times I just go on one date or I don't even get to the date level after
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talking to them for a little bit because I realize they're not healed and they
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will use you as the healing tool.
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I've had men complain about women to me nonstop and how terrible women are.
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And that's not a guy that's healed because he's grouping all women into the
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three women or four women that have hurt him in the past.
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And there's more than three or four women in the world. There's billions of women.
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So for people to behave that way, it shows a sign of emotional immaturity and
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a sign that they're not really healed.
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And you have to realize that there are some
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amazing people out there some really good-hearted true
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loving people and you just need to be able to open up and be vulnerable because
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there's a lot of women that won't cheat on you there's a lot of women that love
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fully and completely and emotionally so it just depends on what you're looking
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for just because you've had three people or five people,
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even 10 people, doesn't mean that all women are bad.
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And the same thing goes with men. I know a lot of women have been cheated on
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or their spouses have done things that have not been good or they've treated them terribly.
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Don't loop all men into that category. There's a lot of good, solid men out there.
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Now, I am going to say you have to filter through a lot.
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And the faster you can filter through them, the better.
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If you can filter through them in one or two weeks to determine whether or not
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they're a good fit, then wonderful.
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And here's the thing, it doesn't take a lot of work because most men will filter themselves off.
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If you're a high value woman who's confident in themselves and loving yourself
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and ready for a real relationship, the ones that aren't right for you,
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they kind of just go by the wayside on their own.
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Now you will have to filter through some manipulators and some narcissists and
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some people that are all into their ego, but the faster you can do that, the better.
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If people are getting triggered and jealous or they overthink,
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or if it's giving you a bad vibe, I think it's not the right person for you.
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And if you're getting triggered or jealous or overthinking, you're not healed
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and you're not ready to date yet.
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If you're avoiding the other person, you're not ready to date yet.
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If you can't give consistent communication, you're not ready to date yet.
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Healing means that you're not just healed mentally, but you're also healed emotionally,
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which a lot of people aren't.
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A lot of people will come to you and they're just an emotional wreck.
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They think they're okay, but they don't, they're not. And you can tell it because
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what happens is when you do try to date them, they,
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throw up roadblocks, or they start to ghost you, or they complain nonstop about the other people.
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So if that's the type of person that you're dating, they're just not emotionally
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healed yet, and they need some more time.
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And it could be a month. I mean, some people, if they really focus,
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can heal a lot in a month. It could be a year. You just don't know.
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And then spiritually, I mean, I think when you have a soul connection,
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when you're in a relationship, you create a soul connection with another individual.
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And when you're broken up or you get divorced or they cheat on you or something
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happens, it damages your spirit.
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And that is where I think,
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our vulnerability is, our trust is, our lovingness is.
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And until that is healed, you're not going to be able to trust anyone else.
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You're not going to be able to love anyone else fully. And why are you dating
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if that's not what you want?
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Now, there are people that just want to do hookups and just make that clear
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to the other person, but don't try to get them involved emotionally if that's
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not what you're looking for because you're just looking for a hookup.
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And then there's the physical recovery. A lot of times people in marriages and
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in long-term relationships, they sacrifice their physical health and their appearance
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and their livelihood for the other person.
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And I don't think that's the way to go, but I've been guilty of it as well in the past.
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So physically, you may have to recover. You may have to get back in shape.
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You may have to take better care of yourself.
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And then maybe in the future, find someone that works out as much as you.
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Find someone that is into their health as much as you.
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But you're going to have to physically recover.
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But you do need to get back in shape. And now some people think they still look
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like they did in high school 30 years later.
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And I'm going to have to tell you, I don't look like I did in high school.
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Most people have aged. So you are going to have to realize that and adjust accordingly
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and take care of yourself.
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Journaling, I always talk about journaling, is one of my big go-tos.
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When I am struggling with something, I write it down.
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It helps me to get it out of my brain. As soon as I get it out of my brain,
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I'm able to function better. And then go to therapy. Therapy is a big one.
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You need to go to therapy in order to work on your mind and work on your mental
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and psychological state so that you know why you treat men the same way or women
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the same way every time and why you don't trust them.
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Therapy will help you work through those issues. And then maybe you'll attract
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a higher value person. If a high-value person comes into your life and you're not healed—.
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You're not going to be able to hold on to them. Because a high-value man is
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not going to put up with someone that is not healed, and a high-value woman
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won't put up with a man that's not healed. And we see the red flags.
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The red flags are pretty obvious, and it's best just to move on.
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If you're open and honest and vulnerable with a man, and he can't be back with
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you, it's a red flag. I'm just saying.
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And some people take a little longer than others. I get that.
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But they show so many other signs that there's no reason to waste your time until they're ready.
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You should also do energy work. Now, we had on here a couple days ago an energy healer.
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And energy work helps you recover quickly.
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And it's one of the added things that people are really discovering to supplement their therapy with.
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It's crucial to heal your pain and to let go of that pain and anxiety and anger.
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There's anger there, too.
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Resentment and grief. Because when you lose relationship, a lot of times there's
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a lot of grief there. And you need to let it go.
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I also really like the idea of traveling by myself.
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So a lot of times I'll go out to a restaurant by myself.
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I'll go on trips by myself. but I was doing that when I was married,
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but now it's even funner because I get to experience things from a whole different perspective.
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And when you travel alone, it's kind of empowering. Now, I don't recommend going
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to hot spots where it's not safe to travel, but travel where it's safe and you
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can feel comfortable and you can experience life in a totally different way.
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And then also do your breath work. Breath work is essential in healing.
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There's so many books out there right now on breathwork that you can find,
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how it actually does just release anxiety and brings in positive energy and
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positive vibes into your life. So breathwork is nice.
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I recommend doing it in the morning and doing it at night both.
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Doing it in the morning to kind of energize yourself and at night just relax
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into a nice sleep, blissful sleep, and get great sleep.
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I will say sleeping does help and you're going to be more tired when you come
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out of a deep or a long-term relationship that lasted for a while,
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it takes a lot of mind energy and emotional energy to heal.
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So you may need to give yourself a little bit of grace and do a couple naps
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here and there and just heal because a lot of times you'll be up late at night
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thinking, just sleep more. It will help the healing process as well.
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There's differences between healing for yourself and,
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Versus healing to attract someone else. And I think the first step is to heal yourself.
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Some people try to heal to attract other people, meaning they hit the gym real
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hard and they get in shape, but they're still emotionally a wreck.
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They may be looking good, but their emotions are terrible. So when you try to
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date them, they just, they throw up roadblocks.
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I actually had one person that
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I almost dated, but it felt like they were trying to find problems in me.
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They'd been through a lot of different challenges in the past with relationships,
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been married multiple times, gotten divorced.
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And so I had to end that because I wasn't wanting to deal with a person that
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was constantly trying to make me the bad person before I even started the relationship.
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So one of the things you also need to think about is forgiveness.
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Now, forgiveness of past relationships is huge.
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And when you can forgive and not be so bitter to the past relationship,
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and I kind of frame it as what lessons did it teach you?
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What did you learn from that relationship? Because there was good times,
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I guarantee it, or you wouldn't have stayed.
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But what did you learn from the bad times as well? And take those lessons,
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write them down, and make it a learning lesson.
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And then the bitterness kind of goes away because if you look at it as this
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was a lesson, something in my life I needed to learn, then there's no bitterness left.
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Now, I think betrayal with when people cheat will always have some level of
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animosity towards the other person.
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You're not going to be best friends with a person that cheated on you. It just doesn't work.
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Unless you don't care about the cheating, to me, I'm not going to be best friends
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again with the person that cheats on me.
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But many people can create a level of co-parenting or a level of relationship
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where your acquaintance is not necessarily best friends.
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And then don't forget about forgiving you. I think forgiving yourself for staying
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longer than you should, because you know how they say hindsight is 20-20.
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That's completely true. Hindsight is 20-20.
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And if you don't forgive yourself
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you're not going to be able to move forward in the next relationship i
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think we all have wounds i'm still carrying
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a few and i just look at it as that wound
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just has scars over it and i know now better how to behave in my next relationship
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and and not to allow things to go on for as long as they do i am looking for
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my forever person like i think a lot I think most people, if they're deep down honest,
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would be happy finding their person that they could spend the rest of their life with.
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That would bring them joy and happiness because they bring them joy and happiness.
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So I think through that loss, you have to learn from it, but you also have to
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know what you're looking for.
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I learned a lot through my loss, and now I've decided what I'm looking for for my forever person.
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And then there's this energetic shift, I think, that happens.
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When you are healed, you change from a person that's thinking about their ex.
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In fact, I don't ever think about my ex anymore unless he has to pick up my children.
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I mean, he doesn't even pop into my mind anymore. so that
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energetic shift happens and when that happens i
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think there's a time of a plateau of where you
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just need to spend some time just rediscovering you and loving you and then
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once you do you can attract what you're ready for and i think it will come to
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you i i'm not big on the dating apps anymore because what i found is they tend
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to be places where there's a lot of damaged people that are just going for hookups.
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I'm at the point where I think I can attract or manifest the person I'm looking for.
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I don't know who they are and I'm close, but I will attract them and they will
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come to me. I don't have to go running to them. It's just going to happen.
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And one of the things that, you know, you can realize once you're ready to attract
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someone is you're not looking anymore for validation or attention.
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You're looking for connection. You're looking for alignment.
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You should be able to enjoy your own company. If you have fun,
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I mean, I was honestly dancing in my car the other day and people thought I
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was crazy, but it's okay.
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Once you enjoy your own company and have fun with yourself and truly do,
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then you will attract what you're looking for.
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You should have boundaries and not feel guilty about these boundaries.
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I know that I still struggle with this because sometimes I feel like my boundaries
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are too tough, but what I found is that my boundaries are always right.
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When I reject someone because they're not a good fit, I tend to find that that was the right decision.
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I have real love and I feel safe with myself. I'm no longer chaotic in my love.
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And it's directed energy. Right now, the directed energy is just towards myself.
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And eventually, you will find that once you have real love for yourself and
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it's no longer chaotic, you can have real love for someone else.
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Healthy people are drawn to healed energy. So if you're still attracting people
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that are not at your level or not healed, I think it's a sign you still have work to do on yourself.
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Now, I will say if you're on dating apps, you're probably throwing too many
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people. That's not attraction. That's selection.
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So it's not an attraction thing when you're on dating apps and you're swiping left and right.
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But once you stop the dating apps, I think you will attract exactly what you're looking for.
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If you're still on dating apps, I get it. There is some practice that needs
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to happen if you've been out of the dating pool for a while to learn how to date again.
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But realize i think you might find a person that is near to you that that comes
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to you i think it's god's plan i truly do pain can be masked as passion some
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people come at you very strong,
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and they're very passionate but the reality is they're just trying to mask their
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pain with a distraction and that distraction is you you don't want that you
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want something that's not chaotic that's calm that's mature that's a relationship
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that you could actually find in love with,
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So one of the things you need to do, and I like this with journaling as well,
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is that you should be identifying your core values and non-negotiables.
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Core values to me have to match. They have to align with the other person.
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So if you are a spiritual person, they should be spiritual. Now,
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they may not be as religious, but at least they should be spiritual.
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If you are a athletic person that has to work out, you shouldn't be going with
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a couch potato because that doesn't align with you. That's a core value.
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If you're not a liar, don't go date a liar.
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Don't go date a person that's cheated in the past. It just doesn't align with
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your core values. Now, if you have, you can.
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But just realize that's what you may get again. Your core values need to be strong.
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They have to be non-negotiable. They have to be the things that you will not change at all, ever.
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And if you can come up with your core values and make sure you stick to them, that's a huge thing.
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Core values are not like, oh, they have to be six foot two and they have to
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be a certain age or a certain hair color.
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That's not a core value. A core value is your non-negotiables,
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who their character has to be, who their value has to be as a person.
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That's a core value. You need to work on exactly what you want as well.
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One of the things I've done is I list out my core values of what I want in a man.
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And then on the opposite side, I list out who I have to be as a person to attract that type of man.
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So if you want a person that is high quality, that doesn't cuss all the time,
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doesn't have a potty mouth, that doesn't reject other people or treat people
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badly when they go to, say, out for dinner,
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then why are you treating people bad when you go out for dinner?
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Why are you cussing every other word? Why are you not spiritual if you want them to be spiritual?
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If you want those things as core values, you need to be that person, too.
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You need to embody that. and that's work you need to do on your own.
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You don't want someone else to come in and change you.
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You need to do it on your own and make sure you're satisfied with it because
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sometimes people think a core value is negotiable for themselves.
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No, it's something that's fixed that you don't change.
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It will help you develop your self-worth because if your core values are non-negotiable
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and you never change it, then you're actually trusting yourself.
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You're actually being truthful to yourself. You're actually loving yourself
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and doing exactly what you say.
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So if you say your core value is working out and you only work out once a week.
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That's not a core value. Working out is a lifestyle, and you need to make sure
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that you are living up to your own core values.
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And then practice receiving love. I know this was one of my challenges.
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I think this is kind of one of those steps in life that you have to evolve to.
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And once you can receive love, and that's kind of where I'm at now,
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if you can receive love, then you can actually go into a relationship and be
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vulnerable and be open to different types of people and maybe open to the right person as well.
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There are no timelines, guys. This is not a race.
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You get to run at your own pace. Think of it as it's just a journey,
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but the journey doesn't have a deadline.
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So you get to take as much time or as little time as you want.
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But don't be desperate and don't settle and take the first person that comes
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along because you think that this is a race.
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You have to set an intention that you're looking for the right person,
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the person that completes you, the person that makes you feel whole.
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And I think when you find that person, you'll just know it. Be open to it.
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Don't be fixated on an end date or a goal.
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That's what gets you into trouble. I think a lot of women get married younger
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in life because they have this whole biological clock, as they call it,
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ticking. and they may marry the wrong person because of it.
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And then when they do, they end up getting divorced or they're just unhappening
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a marriage that lasts too long and they realize maybe they should have made
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a different choice. Let's not do that again.
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So if that's where you're at, make sure you take your time, you look for real
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love, and you find that person that you connect with that makes you feel whole.
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And it's something so magical and special when it happens, you'll know it.
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And the healed version of you will show up and that person will be ready to receive love.
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That person will be open to love. That person will be vulnerable.
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Remember, say to yourself, I am worthy of love that honors my heart.
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I personally feel like I'm worthy of love that reciprocates in the way I do.
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People think I'm crazy. They're like, Maria, you can't change people. And I don't want to.
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But I do say, I want someone to love me the way that I love them.
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And if they don't that's okay it's not a fit for me maybe they're a fit for
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someone else and they'll find their perfect person i heal more every day and
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i trust that the right love will
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find me when i'm ready and until that time i'm just gonna keep working on me,
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And I get better every day. Every day I get better looking. That's what I say.
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Every day I get in better shape. Every day my heart heals more.
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So I'm not in a rush, but I am looking for the right one.
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I don't chase love. I attract it. You know, I'm not going to ever chase it,
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which is why as well I feel like the dating apps is chasing love.
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Now, there are people that have met their ones, and if that's your thing,
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that's fine. But I don't want to chase. I want to attract the right person into my life.
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Healing is a journey.
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Sometimes you use detours. Sometimes you're like, you think you're going on the right path.
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You think you're healing. And then, oops, you brought the wrong person into
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your life. And oh, you took a little detour.
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Now it's time to get back on that path and heal again.
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So just realize sometimes it's not a straight line. And sometimes we do take
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people in that we think will be the right ones, but they just don't work out.
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So don't be so hard on yourself. Just when you realize they're not the right
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one, don't linger with them. It's time to move on.
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If you want to share your healing struggles, do it on social media if you feel like it.
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If not, feel free to message us. We're open to listen and help.
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And I wanted to just thank you. I know your time is precious,
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but hopefully this helps you move on.
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It helps you move past where you've been struggling in the past and helps you
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grow into a way that you will find your forever person and they will bring you joy.
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And you'll realize that everything up to this point was just a life lesson.
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I hope this helps. This is Diva Mia signing off. Have a wonderful day.
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and should not be considered professional advice.
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The content provided does not constitute legal advice, but Diva Details and
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The opinions expressed in the podcast are solely those of the speakers and do
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All facts discussed in the podcast are researched and accurate to the best of
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influence their decision.
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be considered professional advice.