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Dennis LaRue: The Power of Asking Questions and Being Curious · More Than Before

0:06
This is more than before with Nathan Cook.
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Hey everyone, welcome to the show today.
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I'm really excited for our guest.
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He is an award-winning coach, amazing storyteller.
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He is the founder of LDR. Leaders Develop Relationships.
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He's an adjunct faculty coach at the University of Denver.
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He's a pastor, military veteran, father, grandfather.
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The list keeps going on. But most of all, he is a really
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good friend of mine. Dennis LaRue.
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Welcome to the show, brother. How are you doing today?
0:34
Oh, Nathan, thanks for having me, man.
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Just listening to that list of titles, I I felt like Apollo
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Creed in the Rocky movies as they were going through all the
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little nicknames that he had. It's because there's a certain
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point when you when you kind of like, hey, stop reading like
0:53
you're making me sound too good. It's only going to go down from
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here. Oh.
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No, you have been a really great friend, but we have, we have
1:01
worked together quite often actually in the past.
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You know we we were doing Facebook lives when that was a
1:06
thing. I don't know if you remember
1:07
that we called that DNA today, Dennis and Nathan today, and we
1:14
actually have my daughter on at one point, which became RNA
1:16
today, which? Don't go searching for that.
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It was not good. It was not good.
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You're never good the first time, right?
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No kidding. Oh my gosh.
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But it it really has been a really cool journey.
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You know, when I first met you, you were still serving in the
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military. By the way, thank you for your
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service. You know, you were still serving
1:38
in the military. You've had a very extensive
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career from military to being an adjunct faculty coach to.
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You've had such a broad range of of titles and positions.
1:51
You know, you work with business leaders in your community,
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helping them develop their businesses.
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You've traveled around the world and actually helped different
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companies with transformational leadership and transformational
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principles putting those into practice.
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I'm curious because someone that would look at your pedigree
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would say, Oh my gosh, like, he's just kind of always been
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like. Doing all this stuff, is that
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true? Like, ever since you were a kid,
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were you kind of the guy that kind of did everything, that you
2:19
just got your hands involved and like, let's let's get to work as
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a kid, and I wouldn't say that at all about me as a kid.
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There were aspects of leadership.
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If it was involved sports, then yes, that answer is correct.
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I was always that person on the sports team that was showing up,
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putting, putting the best on the field, doing the extra work,
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always about winning, encouraging my team mates, a
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good team player, setting the example.
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All of that on the on the sports field is true.
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Outside of that, no, I would. I didn't want to be involved in
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a lot of things like, you know, I relied on my talent when it
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came to school and grades for the longest time and I started
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forgetting my homework. Well, then Mom and Dad got
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involved, and then I I didn't forget my stuff because I was
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getting in trouble. Were you always kind of the the
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high achiever, high performer in life?
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Yes. At least in my mind, I was.
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I was always, you know, my identity of my identity as a kid
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was winning like the teams I was on was winning.
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Winning championships, winning trophies, first place, winning
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the game. That was huge for being the
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best, being the fastest runner in class in elementary school,
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winning ribbons on on a field day, being told that I'm the
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best at something. That was everything to me.
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And my dad said this to me the other day when I I was up at his
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house, he said. He said I have never seen a
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poorer sport and a poorer winner in all my life than you, yeah,
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he said. He said.
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I've never met anybody who was a sore loser and even sore winner.
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Oh my gosh, that's so funny. What?
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What kind of catapulted you into going into the military, 'cause,
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you know, it's interesting nowadays, 'cause I don't, I
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don't hear too many kids who are talking about wanting to go into
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the military. You know it's.
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It's a different view that we have on military, which I think
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is unfortunate because I love our military members, whether
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active or who are reserves or who are retired, there's such a
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great need for service members. I'm curious for you, what was
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the calling for you? What?
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What made you go into the military?
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In high school, I was like some of the folks here today.
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I had an Army recruiter that wouldn't leave me alone in high
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school, so I I didn't know anything about sales.
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But here's what I knew. I'm going to ask mom and Dad if
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I can invite him to the house and I knew that they would agree
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got him to the house. He gave me his pitch.
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I don't remember anything he said other than maybe GI Bill in
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in a dollar amount. At the end I said I'm not
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interested and I knew that when I said that in front of my
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parents. One, they were probably a little
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disappointed. But two, I knew that that that
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recruiter would leave me alone. And he did.
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He bothered my sister for a little while after that.
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But now Fast forward a few years ahead.
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I've got a I've got a year of college under my belt.
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I'm at a junior college for a year and a half.
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The year of college is another story.
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I met my wife. We're married daughter on the
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way. I'm working at a grocery store,
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full time, night shift, stock and shelves.
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At this point. I'm also thinking through things
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I'm at that point. I'd have a huge transformation
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in my life and in my faith where I discovered it.
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So all this is going on and and one day my wife and I were
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driving home from. I'm not sure where we're driving
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home from, but we were driving by our favorite dating place,
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the Dollar Theater. That's about all we can afford.
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You know Dollar Theater and in in the same area right next door
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to the dollar theater where the was the recruiting station.
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All four offices there at the time Army, Navy, Air Force and
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Marines. And she said we should go check
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that out. What about the military?
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I'm like, I don't know, but my. But my instant shift was well,
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hold on. Wait a minute.
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What about the possibility? OK.
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I got my pregnant wife. Let's do this.
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Let's check this out tomorrow because our schedule, my our
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schedule's better. But you're coming with me.
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I would not be a good poker player because I'm going to show
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you all my cards up front. I'm going to let you know you're
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you're going to lose the end or win the end.
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In this case, I was bringing her in as a, hey, look, I'm not
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signing any paperwork today and she's my backup to help me
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because if she does agree with this, I'm signing nothing.
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And so the next day comes and it's the Air Force recruiter and
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the and the Marine recruiter, the only ones open that day.
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Army Navy weren't there and I said to her before that I'm only
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going to consider the two offices open that day.
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I don't know why I said that but that's just what happened.
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So spent an hour and a half of the Air Force recruiter.
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He told us everything that we needed to know based off of the
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questions we asked. He didn't volunteer any
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additional information. And the Marine recruiter we went
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to church with and you know what?
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He pushed me and and he pushed me out the door in less than 5
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minutes saying I don't have anything for you.
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I could have been a hot candidate all ready to go.
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He didn't. He said I ain't got nothing for.
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He pushed me out the door. So at that point it was the Air
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Force and after talking to family members who've been in
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the military talking to parents, praying over it together.
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The decision was OK, Air Force is it.
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If we're going in, it's the Air Force and that that led into,
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OK, here we go, basic training. And the the hardest part of that
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was going to basic training. And before my daughter was born,
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she wasn't born until two weeks into basic training.
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So you factor in the toughest, you know, all the stress of
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going in the first two weeks of basic training were stressful
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because I'm adjusting to a whole new way of life.
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Yelled at all the time, new things, you know, it was just,
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you know, John tells us. It doesn't matter how deep it
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is, if the water's over your head, right?
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Well, the water was over my head and I'm sinking.
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And on top of that, I'm, I'm stressed out because I've got a
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wife at home who hasn't delivered our baby yet and I'm
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just. And we didn't know at that time
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if it was a boy, if she was a boy or a girl or who it was
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going to be. And so I'm stressed.
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I literally lost my voice in those two weeks.
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I prayed every day. Lord, just give me enough vocal
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that they hear me, and on top of that they hear me in such a way
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that they don't pick me out to pick on me, so I don't stand out
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the wrong way. What do you think from your past
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helped you the most through basic training, right?
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You know, there's there's kind of a mental piece that is really
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required to go through that. You know, there's some
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physicality obviously, but for you, what helped you in your
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life up until that point before going into the recruiter, before
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enlisting? What up until that point in your
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life helped you to be able to meet the challenge of going
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through basic of actually enlisting?
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That's a good question. You know the two things jump out
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right away. The first thing is, is I played
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sports year round. So I was very I mean I made
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practices. I made games.
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I didn't miss practices or games unless I either I was sick or my
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parents have vacation and I couldn't and I had to go and I
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couldn't stay home. So I'm.
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I was very disciplined and constantly physically ready.
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So Phys. And being an athlete, even as a
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kid, there's a there's a mental aspect to it.
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And so I knew from a military standpoint physically that I was
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not going to have any problems. I mean I was a runner.
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I was running 10 miles for fun. I was running 10 miles to go to
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the mall to go see my wife while she was working and come home
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with hardly breaking a sweat. That's just I loved running.
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I used to run everywhere. I was like Forrest Gump before
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there was a Forrest Gump when it comes to running.
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But literally that's that's how I was.
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So that helped me a ton. And but what really helped me
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going into basic training was actually having the conversation
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with my father-in-law. He passed away a couple years
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ago, a Marine, and I asked him, tell me about your basic
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training when you were in Vietnam, going to Vietnam.
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He told me everything. Here's what I know.
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The Marines are the baddest of the bad.
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They let you know that all the other branches of the service,
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whether we like it or not, we always say that we always look
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up to those guys because of their camaraderie and who they
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are. So when he told me all about his
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basic training, I mentally prepared myself for Marine Corps
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basic training. I knew physically I was ready
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for, but any basic training and so going in, I knew that
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anything below that it I should be OK Was it still stressful?
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Yes. But it wasn't near as stressful
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as trying to go through Marine boot camp.
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So those two things really helped me.
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And also just my, my knowing that from praying through this
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and having that confidence that this is the direction I'm
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supposed to go, It's not going to be easy.
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But you know what? This is where you're supposed to
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be. Learn the lessons, be present.
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Just do that little bit that's in front of you today.
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Practice, practice, practice. So just the the discipline that
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I picked up from being a athlete, the mental training I
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got briefly from my father-in-law and also that this
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was to take care of my family first and foremost.
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That was my number one reason for joining was, you know, I
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got, I got a family to provide for and this has got educational
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benefits, it's got health care for them and I'm getting skills.
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I'm serving my country. I'm I'm kind of getting the
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whole bag here, so let's make the best of it and then let's
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see what happens from there. My intention wasn't even to stay
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and retire. My intention was four, eight
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years tops. Wow, that's crazy.
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You know, I've always admired your discernment.
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Within different circumstances, in different situations, you
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always have a very good clear. Way forward.
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And even when you don't, you're really good about asking
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questions. And I think it kind of comes
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from that you're you've always been, as I've known you, a very
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quizzical person. You you're always seeking
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information. You're always asking other
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people who are around you. You know that that statement of
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if you're the smartest person in the class, then you're in the
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wrong class. Well, you are definitely on the
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smarter side of the class, I would say, but that's because
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you ask so many questions and you have for a long time.
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Was that? Trait of being quizzical, of
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asking questions, of being curious.
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Was that always something that you had growing up, or was that
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something that you developed later on in life?
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I I think it's always been there.
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And here's why I've always loved reading.
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I can't remember a time that I didn't love to read and mom and
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dad always had books for us. We had all kinds of books,
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dictionaries, encyclopedias. For those of you that are
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watching this, it was Wikipedia in a book format.
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OK? It's Google in AI in book format
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that I had to read. So I had those and I had books
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and I've always bought books and so I just, I was always
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devouring books. I can remember in first grade
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going into the 6th grade section of the library and checking out
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books and taking them home and reading them and and looking at
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them. And I was always wanting to to
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grow in that way and I just loved reading.
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So I think a lot of my questions were here, developed from the
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books that I read, and I would ask mom and dad from time to
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time. But mom and dad, you know, I
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grew up in the 80s, late 70s and 80s.
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And so moms and dads were normally working and so there
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wasn't a lot of opportunity to ask them questions on things.
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And that that's not a knock on my parents.
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I love my parents and they worked hard.
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But it was a different time. I was always reading books, and
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if I had homeworker and asked questions, I would ask them and
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they would help me with it as as much as they could.
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But a lot of it was learning it on my own and finding the ways
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to do that and then just just doing it now.
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I I was a one that would raise my hand in Class A lot, but I
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got to the point where I was reading and learning.
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I didn't ask a lot of questions because I'd already read the
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books and I kind of had some of the answers already.
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So I got bored in class and when I got bored, I got lazy.
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When I got lazy, I started goofing off and started becoming
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the class clown. Interesting.
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I love that questions and that curiosity and that love and
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desire for learning. Reading books has always been
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something that's been there for you because I think it truly has
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opened up doors for you. What are some of those larger
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doors that have been opened up just by you being willing to ask
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the question or by seeking out information?
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What doors have been opened up to you by merely asking
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questions? A couple of doors have opened up
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by asking questions. The first door that came to mind
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when you asked that question was in my military career.
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Now I was enlisted. There's an officer.
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Enlisted officers are like your generals and your colonels.
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I was enlisted, and I was involved in a process that
16:37
involved the presidential budget cycle for the Air Force.
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And we had a new Colonel in our organization.
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I came to his office to brief him because on the next day he
16:49
was going to be a part of that process where they were
16:53
prioritizing mission and getting the strategic budget submission
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together. So I came in to do the pre brief
17:00
for him for the for the next day and he said he said hold on a
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second as he's listening to me talk, he's like hold on.
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He gets on the phone, he calls the the the person running point
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for that session tomorrow who happened to be a friend of mine.
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And he said, hey, can I send Sergeant LaRue in my place
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tomorrow? They're like Sergeant LaRue.
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Are you sure? Yeah.
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He goes, yeah, you can send Sergeant LaRue on in your place
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tomorrow like, OK. So the next day I'm in this
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room. One I got a briefing initiative
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from another base I was in to defend why it should be in the
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list. But, and that was from years
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before. Now I'm sitting at the table
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with generals and colonels and high-ranking civilians equal to
17:48
them, prioritizing mission that goes into the presidential
17:53
budget. I should have been setting up
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the room, clicking next slide, and getting the coffee based off
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of my rank in that room, the information, and being able to
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present it to my my leadership. It opened the door for me to be
18:08
in a room that I shouldn't have been in based off of my rank.
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So that's one from good questions.
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Another one that opened up, wow, there's a couple.
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I've got to meet some really cool, amazing people over the
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last few years. I got to meet the San Antonio
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Spurs head coach Gregg Popovich, just recently elected to the NBA
18:31
Hall of Fame. And I got to be in that room
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because I built a relationship with an individual who gave me
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an opportunity to come to a very special event in in the Spurs
18:44
Stadium. It's been renamed.
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At the time, it was the AT&T Center.
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Well, Coach Popovich was an Air Force Academy graduate and
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served in the Air Force for a short time.
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And I know that a lot of people do.
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Being here in San Antonio well, knowing that I had the chance to
19:00
ask him a question. Everybody else, this was an
19:03
opportunity. It was a private Q&A with Greg
19:05
Popovich. Now, most people know Coach
19:09
Popovich as being kind of grumpy with having to answer questions
19:14
during basketball games, which is true, And they explain why in
19:17
this event. But, you know, here are these
19:20
people, this private one-on-one opportunity.
19:23
There were literally only 20 people and they got a chance to
19:27
ask a Hall of Fame head coach one of the greatest of all time
19:30
questions. And some of the questions that
19:33
were asked were you could tell by his response it was a waste
19:38
of his time. And so as I listen to him talk,
19:41
I got to ask him this question. I said, Coach, you've been
19:44
talking this whole time about how you develop the players and
19:47
create opportunities and help them to grow.
19:50
What do you do to grow yourself in the offseason?
19:54
How do you develop you how did who coaches you coach, man.
19:58
He gave me a 10 minute answer. He gave me all kinds of things
20:03
that he does and how he does it and what he does.
20:06
And it was just a such a great I got my notes from it and I still
20:10
have it. And then as we were, as he was
20:13
walking off when he finished, I mean no one, he didn't give
20:16
anybody else that long of an answer.
20:18
And so when we finished, he's walking off.
20:20
And I just said. Coach I'm, I'm retired Air
20:22
Force. He said really.
20:23
And so we, we, we played the what was your what was your job
20:28
in the Air Force and all that. And then he, I got a picture
20:31
with him and that was so awesome and so that was one.
20:35
And then another question was I got to spend time with Notre
20:39
Dame head football coach, retired coach Lou Holtz and that
20:45
was a question of asking John Maxwell.
20:48
Hey, I really love Coach Lou. His books have followed him
20:53
since I was a kid and I love the way coaches.
20:56
And how you know, John has mentioned how important Coach
21:02
Wooden is to him, and I mentioned that's how Coach Lou
21:06
Holtz is to me. I said, how do I connect with
21:10
him? John, I know he's a friend of
21:11
yours. I'm not asking for any special
21:13
help. How do I connect with him?
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And he told me he gave me one short answer, and that one short
21:18
answer gave me the opportunity to to send Coach Lou a little
21:22
note. And I just asked him for the
21:25
opportunity to to speak with him if ever I found his address and
21:29
I just asked if the opportunity ever presents itself.
21:31
I would love to have 10 minutes and a cup of coffee with you and
21:34
ask you a few questions. And I got that opportunity.
21:38
I got to have some. I got to have a private one hour
21:40
session with Coach Lou and it was just amazing.
21:43
Wow, Just got so much out of that event.
21:46
And if I'm not mistaken. You didn't get the meeting right
21:51
away. It was rescheduled, if I
21:53
remember, because there were a bunch of things that were
21:56
happening around the time. And there was a moment where you
22:00
were like, man, I maybe this is actually isn't going to happen.
22:02
Maybe I'm not going to get an opportunity to actually get to
22:06
interview this, you know, childhood hero of yours.
22:09
How important is it to have the patience for situations to
22:14
evolve, for them to grow because?
22:16
We live in such a fast-paced world right now where people
22:19
saying go do push things to move faster even when you're not
22:24
ready. There are times where maybe you
22:26
need to move forward, but there are also other times where you
22:30
need to learn to pause and you need to wait for things to
22:32
develop. And if I'm not mistaken, this
22:35
was one of those moments. Can you elaborate a little bit
22:37
more on that of the importance of waiting and the importance of
22:41
being patient through circumstances for them to fully
22:44
develop. So in that specific situation,
22:46
you know coach Lou Holt is of is a public speaker, he speaks all
22:52
over the US at least he's got a heavy schedule.
22:58
On top of that he's, you know he's a, he's a grandfather and
23:01
has kids and family and everything else.
23:03
So he he's very disciplined and meticulous with his time.
23:08
The time frame I was going to be there just didn't work out for
23:11
him and he said so and that that's OK And being patient with
23:16
that was the for me. Just the fact that he said if we
23:21
can do it, let's do it was enough for me.
23:24
I'd wait for as long as it took for that to happen because I
23:28
really wanted to see him. How badly do you want this
23:31
thing? Well, then you're going to be
23:33
patient if patients required. If you don't want it, well then
23:37
you're going to be impatient and try to force it and you're going
23:40
to lose it. You're going to lose it and the
23:44
opportunity and it may not come around again.
23:47
And so I was willing to be patient.
23:48
Just say you know what in this case it's it's it's a timing,
23:51
it's not me, it's not him. It's just a timing situation.
23:55
So when it did happen, I was, it was it was better than expected.
24:01
It was it was just incredible. Some of us, you know, we're in
24:04
this personal growth and we're told to get out of our comfort
24:07
zone if we're push, if we are impatient pushing on something
24:12
you're no longer, it's not your you're out of your comfort zone.
24:17
But I think you're also out of your you're you're trying to
24:21
push it, your will to make it done.
24:24
And sometimes that doesn't happen.
24:27
For those of you that are maybe new to growth or maybe you've
24:29
been growing for a long time, we we always talk about how growth
24:33
is important that we should all be growing, we should all be
24:35
developing ourselves and. What do we What do we hear?
24:38
You know the only time that you're ever growing is when
24:41
you're outside of your comfort zone.
24:44
You're in the uncomfortable zone, right?
24:47
But you can't just be pushing and pushing and pushing so far
24:52
out that you leave the uncomfortable zone, the
24:56
discomfort, and you go straight into the pain zone, the danger
25:01
zone. Right highway to the danger
25:06
zone. That's what comes to mind to me,
25:08
because so many people are wanting to grow.
25:11
They want to, they want to become better, they want to
25:14
develop themselves, they want to develop the skills and they want
25:16
to hone some of the skills that they have.
25:18
But sometimes we bite off way too much.
25:22
We jump way too fast. We start barely towards a corner
25:26
where we're going to have to make a sharp turn and we're not
25:28
going to be able to make that sharp turn because we're.
25:31
Out of control. We're no longer in the control
25:35
of being in the uncomfortable situations, that stretching
25:38
zone. You know, we we know about the
25:41
rubber band, right? You know, if you if you stretch
25:44
a rubber band, it becomes useful.
25:46
But if you continue to stretch that rubber band, all of a
25:49
sudden it breaks. And once it breaks, you can't
25:51
put it back together. And I think a lot of people are
25:54
finding that nowadays. We, you know, we have so many
25:56
people that are experiencing burnout.
25:58
They're having depression. They're having all kinds of.
26:01
Problems in life and it And we're not even just talking
26:04
about people who are on the later years of their life.
26:07
We're talking about kids in school that are so overwhelmed
26:11
with everything going on because we keep putting things on their
26:14
plate that rubber bands are snapping left and right.
26:18
And so I like what you say about that.
26:20
It's, yeah, you do have to be in that growth zone, but you don't
26:26
want to push it so far out. You don't want to push it to the
26:29
part where you're actually in the danger zone of your life.
26:34
You are in an interesting stage of life where not only are you.
26:41
Working your own coaching and speaking career and job.
26:44
You're also working at the University of Denver and you
26:47
also have your grandkids now that are in your life.
26:51
And I know that they mean so much, might hear them in the
26:53
background too. Might hear them in the
26:56
background, but I'm I'm curious, how important is it for you to
27:00
show up consistently as the same person in each one of these
27:05
different aspects of your life? Because growing up.
27:09
At least I was taught and what I what and when I say taught, I
27:12
don't think my parents taught me this, but it was something that
27:14
I learned from culture that you have to change who you are in
27:19
every single circumstance if you want to be successful.
27:23
And I think it's actually the opposite, is that you need to
27:26
stand out in every single circumstance because of who you
27:30
are and who you're created to be.
27:32
How is that alignment important to you today as you're juggling
27:37
these three different roles as the same man?
27:42
You know it it. It is difficult in some cases,
27:46
like right now, but my granddaughter has big feelings
27:51
and when she doesn't get her way in something, she's 5 but she
27:54
just, she gets fired up. The struggle with showing up in
27:59
all of those areas, it happened today.
28:02
I was in a meeting, my 3 year old granddaughter came home.
28:06
She came home from pre-K She couldn't wait.
28:09
She runs up the stairs, she tells her granny, hey, I want to
28:13
go see pop. So Pop says it to me and she
28:14
said, oh, that's OK, he'll let me in because I do.
28:18
She knocks. She knocks on the door, she
28:20
comes in, she comes to the chair.
28:22
Hi, Pop. So good to see you.
28:23
I give her a big hug, kiss on the forehead, and I'll say I'm
28:26
on a meeting right now and she'll go right out the door.
28:29
But I want to let let her know I may have not done that with my
28:33
kids and I realize I need to be. So there's growth for me.
28:39
I'm going to do that for my grandkids, Let them know they're
28:43
so important. As much as I love the people I'm
28:46
serving and business and the the people I'm teaching my students.
28:49
Because when when she they, they sometimes come in during that
28:53
class too. And I let my students know that.
28:57
And a lot of them are working parents too.
28:59
So I want to let them know from a consistency that I I value my
29:03
family and they're very important to me.
29:06
And without them, all of this stuff doesn't even happen
29:09
anyway. If I if I'm not doing well here,
29:12
then it messes up everything else elsewhere anyway.
29:15
So I want my grandkids to know that they're valued no matter
29:18
what. And that shows up in my work.
29:21
It shows up in in school and serving in that capacity.
29:27
And so that's one way I try to stay consistent there.
29:31
And and it's tough because that one part of you is like you're
29:37
interrupting. I'm in the middle of a lesson
29:39
and it's a you're a distraction. But I don't ever want them to
29:42
feel like they're a distraction. I I heard, I heard this from a
29:46
guy, from a guy by the name of Colin Sewell.
29:49
He said people are not an interruption to your day.
29:53
They're the reason for it. And so I want my.
29:58
Medicine to go. Isn't that a great quote?
30:00
I heard that and I'm and I know him and I said to him, Colin,
30:03
this is so good. I'm keeping this.
30:05
I use it all the time because that's how we can be consistent
30:10
rather than get frustrated at work at at what's going on at
30:14
work or frustrated over here with this person or hey even
30:18
even road rage. If I understand that the reason
30:22
for my day, that that the people that are I come across each day,
30:26
they're the reason for my day. It helps me be consistent, show
30:31
up consistently at at every part of my day.
30:35
And it gives you opportunities. We see the small little setbacks
30:39
of life. We don't want to ever convey
30:40
that, you know, our, our children or our grandchildren
30:43
are coming in and their setbacks.
30:44
But those small unexpected things that happen in our day
30:47
are actually opportunities for us to grow and for us to really
30:52
reveal what's in our heart, what's going on.
30:54
Because I I think. So quickly we kind of had that
30:57
knee jerk reaction. Oh, you know I'm on a call like
31:01
you got to get out of here or be quiet like don't you know what's
31:03
going on. It's so easy for us to knee jerk
31:07
and have a reaction that if we were to stop and pause long
31:11
enough to say oh, what, what is that?
31:14
What is most important in this moment?
31:17
And I love that for as long as I've known you, you are such a
31:21
big proponent a a big person when it comes to.
31:25
Reflection. Reflection is a huge part of
31:27
your life. You talk about reflection a lot.
31:29
Whenever I've met with you, there's a lot of importance when
31:33
it comes to reflection. A lot of people don't understand
31:36
why reflection is so important. How has reflection come across
31:41
in your life? And in the way of how does that
31:44
benefit you from having those reflective moments?
31:46
Because we are moving so quickly, right?
31:49
It's hard to slow down and. While we feel like I need to
31:53
keep going, I need to have that one more meeting.
31:56
I need to watch that last little bit of that show that I've been
31:59
trying to finish for a long time.
32:01
I need to finish that book. I need to call that person.
32:03
I need to write that e-mail. How important is the reflective
32:06
piece in your day? What does that do for someone
32:10
who's kind of like, man, I don't think I should spend that time
32:13
reflecting. I don't think it's really going
32:15
to be a beneficial thing. It it feels like one of those.
32:17
Soft woo woo things. What would you say to that
32:20
person that doesn't spend time reflecting?
32:24
The first thing I would tell them is look at your device.
32:29
What's that battery up at the top look like?
32:31
When it goes red, what happens? It goes dead pretty quick.
32:36
We plug it in immediately. When we see the red reflection
32:39
is the charger that charges up that that that phone that
32:44
charges the is the equivalent of the charger, but it's for you.
32:50
And that pause in in the day. It could be the start of the
32:54
day, it could be the middle of the day.
32:55
I do it throughout the day in different patches.
32:58
Now I've gotten to where I need to take moments to recharge my
33:03
battery throughout the day, but just before I got on here with
33:06
you, I'm charged up to be with you.
33:09
So it doesn't take much to to get me to get us together and
33:13
charged up, right I still. Go do run laps outside and, you
33:18
know, throw cold water on himself and you know, he
33:20
probably, you know, had a bunch of hot sauce so he could be
33:23
fired up and ready, right? You know, I got my, I got my
33:26
coffee with me. That's part of it.
33:28
But I don't. Know, I don't know if you can
33:29
call that a cup of coffee. That's like a bath of coffee.
33:32
It is. It is.
33:33
It is. But over here in my chair, I sat
33:36
in my chair for a couple of minutes and just reflected.
33:40
Reflected on the questions. Reflected on what?
33:44
Being present, being prepared. Just thinking through the day
33:48
and and being present. To let everything that happened
33:52
up to this point of the day, just to let that go on the
33:55
wayside so I could be present. And that's what reflection does.
33:58
Reflection helps you be present in the moment.
34:04
Reflection helps you learn the lessons from the past so you
34:07
don't repeat them in the future. Reflection helps you to ask the
34:13
questions you need to ask to get the answers you need.
34:17
And for me, I, I started reflecting when I when I started
34:21
growing my faith. That's when I started really the
34:24
process of reflection. That's when I started asking the
34:26
questions, OK, how do I grow? How do I grow in character?
34:31
Because you know this, we talk about personal growth.
34:35
Character growth is not optional.
34:38
Personal growth is optional. It's your choice.
34:40
Character growth is not optional.
34:42
You will not be successful in this life with horrible
34:45
character. You may have a lot of money, but
34:48
there's a lot of people with a lot of money that wish they had
34:51
good character. Everybody's looking for
34:53
happiness. Happiness is a choice and
34:56
happiness goes back to character.
34:58
So going through and growing character and asking those
35:02
questions, well, what does this look like?
35:04
How does this show up? Where is the opportunity to
35:07
practice this and being open to those things and then when I
35:12
mess up, reflect on it. What what happened?
35:15
What did I do wrong? Did I do anything wrong?
35:18
Did was it just not enough experience working through that
35:23
process in in different areas that if I never reflected then
35:29
we, you know, we keep getting what we always got because we
35:32
keep doing what we've always done and reflection breaks that
35:36
cycle and helps us to see, OK, let's be the I love sports and I
35:43
love sports broadcasters, but be the own sports broadcaster in
35:47
your life and just look at what's going on in the field.
35:50
But it's your field and it's your life and tell the story of
35:54
what you're seeing. I love it because it I like how
35:57
you were. We were talking about this
35:59
because I think so many people think about reflection as a
36:03
reactive tool. You have something happen in
36:05
your life. And reflection is almost kind of
36:09
like the, you know, we used to make fun of.
36:12
Maybe you didn't. I I remember making fun of, you
36:15
know, sisters and girls. Oh, you have your diary.
36:18
You have your little journal. You're going to go and write in
36:21
your journal what happened today?
36:24
But you know what's interesting about that?
36:26
That mentality doesn't serve you.
36:28
If if I would have realized back then what I know now that
36:33
reflection actually doesn't help you to.
36:36
Just recall the past. It helps you to prepare for the
36:38
future. Reflection isn't just reactive,
36:42
it's proactive. In fact, even even when you were
36:46
talking about sitting in your chair before you were coming on
36:49
here that. That moment of actually having
36:53
reflection prepared you for the end game, the end result of what
36:58
you want to what you wanted to accomplish when you you came on
37:01
the podcast. And I think that's really
37:03
important for people to understand, because reflection
37:06
isn't just a reactive tool. Reflection is a tool that helps
37:12
you to be proactive. It helps you move forward.
37:15
It helps you gain clarity. It helps you to stop making the
37:18
same stupid mistakes over and over and over again.
37:21
I'm guilty of forgetting to do reflections.
37:24
You know, it's really easy to put it off.
37:25
Well, you know, it's really not going to make that much of a
37:28
difference. But I will tell you that when
37:30
you put in the effort, when you actually have a consistent,
37:32
scheduled, reflective time in your day, and I know that you
37:35
have this, Dennis, but if you put that time in every single
37:39
day to have reflection, it really does change the way that
37:42
you show up in your life. And when we change the way that
37:45
we show up in life, we change the results of the people around
37:50
us. In our life, Dennis, you've
37:52
you've served on that Maxwell leadership team for a really
37:57
long time. You've invested a lot into being
38:01
on presence Advisory Council for a number of years.
38:03
You've gone on transformational country trips where you you've
38:08
paid to go to countries to teach leadership principles to
38:13
transform entire countries. And I think what's interesting
38:17
about this? Is that at the core, most people
38:21
who know John Maxwell? And if you don't know who John
38:23
Maxwell is, John Maxwell is one of the foremost authorities on
38:25
leadership. And what are the things that's
38:28
so amazing about John Maxwell's John Maxwell?
38:31
Deep down at his core, has character, and his values have
38:37
just been unshakable. Like, he is a he is a guy that
38:41
you can count on to show up that he's not going to have something
38:44
pop out of his closet and go, Oh my gosh, we can't, we can't have
38:47
him on the stage, right? Character and values are so
38:51
important, and I think it really comes to him understanding who
38:55
he is. How has that been for you in
38:59
your life? What is a characteristic of who
39:03
you are? That has helped guide you to
39:06
this point in your life, something that has kept you from
39:09
going off the beaten path. What is one of those core values
39:11
that you really live by? And you have lived by it for a
39:14
long time, not because you say, you know what, Curiosity is one
39:19
of my core values and I'm just going to be curious all the
39:21
time. That's not, it's not how it
39:23
works, right? You have to, you have to
39:25
identify. You have to understand, you're
39:27
born. There's a characteristic that
39:29
naturally comes out throughout childhood.
39:31
You see it throughout high school, you see it throughout
39:34
your younger years. And for most people, they don't
39:37
even understand or realize it until their later years, right?
39:41
But it's cool in those later years that you can look back and
39:45
go, wow, this is actually a core value.
39:48
This shows up. Even when I'm not trying to have
39:51
it show up, it still shows up. What's one of those core values
39:54
for you that you operate your life by?
39:56
Wow, that's a, that is a fantastic question.
40:03
Gosh, the one that shows up the the most for me.
40:07
There's a couple that come to mind, but the first one that
40:09
comes to mind for me is excellence.
40:11
Everything that I do, I want to do with excellence.
40:15
Now do I know. But my motive is to do that.
40:19
One thing that comes to mind right away is my handwriting.
40:24
I can remember in second grade. I remember this to this day
40:28
we're practicing our letters or writing words, and this is when
40:31
they taught cursive, probably now hieroglyphics to some
40:35
people, but writing in cursive, and I'll never forget the
40:39
teacher's name was Dorothy Winder.
40:42
And she said to me, Denny LaRue, you have excellent penmanship
40:48
and I've always remembered that, and I've always tried to write
40:52
that way all the time. Still to this day, I've always
40:56
valued excellence there and in sports, teams that I watch,
41:01
excellence, I'm it's not that I'm critiquing everybody else,
41:06
but I just value, I value mastery.
41:10
And so there's there's certain things in my life when I make
41:13
decisions, when I some of my decision making comes down to
41:17
are they masters at what they do?
41:21
If they're not, I tend to not follow them or I tend to not
41:25
purchase certain things because I I just value it.
41:31
I can't explain it other than that that I people will call
41:36
that in sports bandwagon fans, No, I'm not a bandwagon fan.
41:40
My team, my team that I follow was an excellent team for years,
41:46
and they are known for excellence.
41:48
They are known for being number one in other things.
41:49
But I love watching other teams. They'll say, how can you like
41:52
this team because they're your rival?
41:56
Well, because they're, they're masters the master, like Gregg
42:01
Popovich coaches Spurs. Boy, you're not a Spurs fan.
42:05
I like the Spurs and I value excellence and mastery.
42:08
These guys do that. Tom Brady's another one.
42:11
So mastery is so important. You know when I see things like
42:16
the Samurais or Bruce Lee, they were masters of their craft and
42:21
it just that resonates with me to the point where like people
42:26
right now in football, everybody's all excited.
42:28
It's football, It's pre season, it's training camp.
42:30
I hate training camp and I hate pre season.
42:34
Why? Because it doesn't count in the
42:37
standings. I I want the players on the
42:40
field that make the team and move the team forward towards
42:44
the play offs. To me, this is I like practice
42:47
and these guys and pros are masters of what they do, but I
42:50
don't like to watch it. It frustrates me.
42:54
High school football, I won't watch it.
42:56
It frustrates me. Why?
42:58
Well, they're high schoolers. They're not masters of their
43:00
craft. They're becoming that way.
43:03
But there's something about that mastery that just that's always
43:07
stuck out to me. Excellence of mastery.
43:09
I really love that the excellence in Masterypiece,
43:11
because it really is a rarity that we find it nowadays.
43:15
There's so many people that are jumping from one thing to the
43:17
next. You know that.
43:18
You know everyone is quitting things nowadays.
43:21
No one sticks around for anything.
43:23
You've got people who leave their marriages left and right
43:26
like it's it's really difficult to find people that are
43:29
persistent enough to want excellent to.
43:33
Want mastery in their life. And I love that because that
43:36
truly is a quality about you, that when you show up, you truly
43:40
do your best in every single circumstance.
43:44
Now, your best may not be, you know, to the level that other
43:48
people might want it, but it is your best, right?
43:51
And there's a difference between perfection and excellence.
43:54
And so I really, I really, really love that about you.
43:59
So Dennis, in terms of relationships?
44:02
Because relationships are really important.
44:05
You know, I I love that you said earlier that you came to a
44:09
moment in your walk, your faith walk, that you really started to
44:13
own it, that it wasn't yours up until a certain point in your
44:17
life. I'm curious, what was like
44:19
growing up for you in terms of your relationship with God?
44:23
And what did that look like for you to come back to a place
44:27
where it became established in your life where it was no
44:31
longer? A practice and it became a
44:34
relationship. I remember as a kid going to
44:37
church a lot. Mom and Dad.
44:40
Mom took me to church. Dad doesn't didn't always go to
44:43
church, but mom took us to church.
44:46
And we went every weekend for as long as I can remember.
44:50
For several years we went. Now I went to church.
44:53
It was like going to school for me.
44:55
It was a social gathering. I want to see my friends, but
45:00
there was always a spiritual side to me.
45:02
It wasn't when I was there. I I didn't.
45:05
None of the story stuck with me. You know, the sermon.
45:09
I didn't. I wasn't paying attention to
45:11
the. I was just there.
45:13
And I remember at the age of about 10, I remember my mom
45:16
saying, OK, you know, if you don't want to go to church
45:18
anymore, you don't have to. And I'm for me being a sports
45:21
fan, I'm like, Sunday, I'm living in the Dallas Fort Worth
45:23
area. I got the Dallas Cowboys
45:26
football or go to church. Well, for a 10 year old, that's
45:30
an easy decision. I'm going to stay home and watch
45:32
football and so and that's what I did sports.
45:35
But there was still that spiritual side to me.
45:38
But my our next door neighbors, they're like second family to
45:42
me. Their mom said to me, you know,
45:46
she remembers one time we were playing in their little Fort.
45:49
We're playing church. Well, I got to be the preacher
45:51
and I'm preaching from a Bible. I don't know anything that I've
45:54
said. I don't know what I read or
45:56
said, but we were playing that. So that that's always been a
46:00
component of my life, and it wasn't until even in high school
46:06
I wrote. I wrote a paper one time in high
46:08
school based off of a magazine. It was a creative writing based
46:13
off of a New Yorker cover magazine, and it was all
46:16
spiritual. It's all about heaven and hell.
46:19
And I can tell you, I went to how many times I went to church
46:22
during high school and it was for weddings or funerals.
46:25
It wasn't necessarily going to church, but yet that was a theme
46:29
for me when I wrote this paper. So it's always showed up.
46:33
But it wasn't until I I met my wife and we were, we were dating
46:37
and and I started going to church with her and I started
46:40
listening and I heard sports from the pulpit.
46:42
That's when the first time it clicked.
46:44
I heard the preacher say something about football in the
46:46
pulpit and I said they talk about that here.
46:49
What, in church? No way.
46:53
Let me see if he'd talk about things outside of the Bible,
46:55
right? I couldn't believe it and I
46:57
started growing and listening. And then my wife shared with me
47:01
the gospel and I responded because I knew she was the one.
47:05
What my initial motive was. This is the person I'm supposed
47:08
to spend the rest of my life with.
47:09
If I'm not meeting up to what she needs, well then I need to
47:13
start asking some questions. And I remember going back to
47:16
questions and introspection. Pulled out my dusty 3rd grade
47:20
gift Bible. I'm 21.
47:23
I'm blowing the dust off of it and I get by the bed and I'm
47:25
like, all right, Lord, it's Dennis.
47:27
We haven't talked in a while, but this is this girl and I
47:29
really like her. And I think she's the one.
47:31
And she, I don't know what this, you know, being born again or
47:35
saved business is all about, but I want to know what it means.
47:39
And it was over the course of months that led to that, that
47:43
led to that moment where I realized, OK, you know what?
47:48
I get it, Lord. Now what's this relationship
47:51
stuff all about? I I I don't want to get out of
47:54
hell free card. It goes back to mastering
47:58
excellence. I'm not here just to because I,
48:01
I I'm in the cheap seats and the bleachers.
48:04
I got free tickets from somebody and now I get to sit in the
48:07
cheap seats. What do I got to do to get on
48:09
the front row? What do I got to do?
48:12
You want to get on the field. I want to get on the field.
48:14
I want to grow. What is this all about?
48:16
Thankfully I had mentors early that were spending time with me
48:20
and helping me understand the Bible, helping me to pray,
48:24
teaching me how how to listen and grow.
48:27
And and just it was consistency. I I couldn't wait to read.
48:32
I couldn't wait to study. And I knew that I was gifted to
48:36
communicate and and teach. And so I immediately was thrown
48:40
into you know, teaching Sunday school, the youth being a part
48:45
of the youth department. And a pastor said one time said
48:50
you ought to I want you to fill in the pulpit for me.
48:53
I'm going to be going away. I want you to fill in.
48:54
I'm 23 years old and I'm. And now I'm.
48:59
I'm giving my first sermon and so this whole process of of
49:03
daily reading and I love reading.
49:05
So it didn't take me long to start filling up on my library
49:07
with books about growing spiritually.
49:09
And so I just, it's been a learning process ever since.
49:13
Every day I'm learning something new.
49:15
Every day I'm growing every day. I'm also going back to
49:18
fundamentals like character development and and reviewing,
49:22
reviewing character areas and you know where have I gone off
49:26
the rails? And that's happened in my walk.
49:27
It hasn't been easy read the Bible.
49:30
David had his mistakes and and all of these others made.
49:33
When we read it, we're like Oh my gosh.
49:36
And yeah, I've had my Oh my gosh moments too.
49:40
But it it always just comes back to OK, but I'm I'm growing.
49:44
I'm pulling out the weeds everyday.
49:45
I'm pulling out the rocks out of the garden.
49:48
I'm I'm learning now to shift from constant introspection to
49:53
how do I give this away. How do I walk this out?
49:56
How do I how do I spread? My two favorite terms are salt
50:00
and light? Because how do I give?
50:04
How do I radiate that image? That's in me, but how do I make
50:09
others want that image in to show up in them too?
50:14
And that's where the salt. Comes in.
50:15
Dennis, I have one more question here for you before we wrap up.
50:18
You know, first of all though, I I do want to make sure you know,
50:22
if you like what you're hearing today, make sure you follow
50:25
Dennis, find him on social media.
50:27
But you can also reach out to him.
50:29
Dennis, what's a what's a good way for people to find you?
50:32
A great way to find me is actually I want you to go to my
50:36
LinkedIn page, Dennis Lure Junior.
50:38
My page will pop up and on my page there is a calendar link
50:43
available to you and click on it.
50:46
It's a 45 minute conversation that we have complimentary.
50:51
It's just to get to know you. It's I call it a virtual coffee.
50:54
Let's have a virtual coffee together and get to know one
50:57
another that way because it's about relationship.
51:00
So you can follow me on LinkedIn you can follow me on Facebook
51:03
too. But to really, if you want to
51:05
spend time in a conversation, let's do that right there,
51:08
because that's how I would love to support and get to know you
51:12
relationally and and serve you in whatever capacity I can.
51:16
You are such a great coach because you are good at
51:19
listening. You are great at asking
51:20
questions, even more so. And you truly are a wealth of
51:24
knowledge and have so much wisdom.
51:27
I really appreciate you being on the show today.
51:29
You know, I want to finish off by asking you one more question.
51:32
This one goes a little bit more deep.
51:33
We talk about, I like to talk a lot about on the podcast about
51:38
how it's really important to understand that being is more
51:41
important than doing. We really focus a lot on being
51:44
in our life. You know, it's all about
51:45
achievement. It's all about war.
51:47
It's all about money. It's all about, there's a lot of
51:49
those things that are out there and it's good, right?
51:51
It's good to. Be excellent.
51:54
It's good to be a master of your skill.
51:55
It's good to make money. It's these are all good things,
51:59
but it's not worth losing a part of yourself to go after them
52:05
losing a part of your identity. You have a really long, great
52:11
career, and right now you have some grandbabies, some grandkids
52:16
that are around you consistently and often.
52:19
What is? That core value, that character
52:23
piece that's inside of you, that you would love to see instilled
52:28
in your grandkids that they would move forward with and that
52:31
they would pass that on to their kids.
52:33
What's what's a, what's a core value piece that you hope, by
52:37
the way, that you live your life, by the way that you show
52:39
up, that your grandkids will move forward in their life
52:42
carrying that same legacy that is so good.
52:45
What a great question of so many values that come to mind.
52:49
But I think the the value that comes the most with them is
52:56
being available. I've got a picture, it's one of
52:59
my favorite pictures of when they were, they were even
53:03
smaller. So they're five and three right
53:06
now. They were probably one in three
53:10
and they're on the floor like this and I'm on the floor like
53:16
this with them and they are staring at me as I'm like trying
53:20
telling them a story and they are engaged.
53:25
And the reason I love that so much is is not only my present
53:32
but I'm at their level and I'm getting down on the floor with
53:36
them and I'm play and I'm playing games with them and and
53:40
on the way to school now we we pretend we're in a pirate ship
53:44
and we're hiding lost treasure at the school and we're
53:48
constantly in this land of make believe so to speak because
53:51
that's where they are And so I I want to meet them where they
53:56
are. I wish I'd have done this more
53:58
with my kids. I don't know that I did this
54:00
enough with my kids but I'm grandkids are a way to kind of
54:05
break that, that the things you wish you'd have done.
54:09
And so the one thing I want them to do for their kids is I want
54:12
them to be available and present and invest quality time, quality
54:19
moments. Not time, but when they are
54:22
there, they're present in the moment and they're understood
54:25
because kids that's all they want that I've noticed.
54:29
Kids just want you to be available and present and and
54:34
and play with them for a little bit.
54:37
It could be 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 1/2 an hour.
54:39
Those are the moments in the memories that that last and
54:43
those are the things that they remember.
54:45
And then those are the things that they bring to the the
54:48
generation that they bring up. It's those positive memories and
54:52
moments with family or friends or whatever that they that they
54:55
carry on. And rather than all the negative
54:59
stuff, if I can, if if I can create enough positive memories
55:03
in their life, positive moments in their life as their
55:07
grandfather, as as their pops. That when when they grow up and
55:14
and have their families, they will be doing the exact same
55:18
thing that the granny and pops did with them, that were
55:21
positive and helpful in passing that along and have great
55:25
memories. And that's, I think that's where
55:28
we, as all generations, we focus so much on all the stuff that we
55:32
did wrong in the previous generation and we wonder why the
55:35
next generation is the way it is.
55:39
Well, we all we did was focus on the wrongs.
55:42
How about we focus on some of the rights and pass those along
55:46
and reinforce those. And let's catch people.
55:49
I tell this to my students all the time in my class.
55:52
Catch your employees doing something right, Catch them
55:56
doing something right, and tell them what they did was right.
56:00
And let them know they did it right.
56:02
And even let them know in front of a group of their peers that
56:06
you saw that and it was right and great.
56:09
And I promise you it will make a difference in the culture of
56:12
your team. It'll make a difference in that
56:14
person's life. And I promise you they'll never
56:16
forget it. Because we don't.
56:18
Do it enough, you could not end on a better note right there.
56:23
Brother, I want to thank you so much for being here today.
56:26
I know so many people that are listening to this, that are
56:28
watching this. They've been poured into today
56:32
because of what you've shared. They've been encouraged.
56:35
They've been pushed, ready to go to do some active reflection so
56:40
they can prepare for what's coming up next.
56:41
Make sure you listen to this again and again, share it with a
56:44
friend in your life that needs to hear what Dennis had to say.
56:47
And I also want to encourage you, make sure to subscribe to
56:49
the podcast, share like it. It really does actually help the
56:52
show. Thank you again, Dennis, for
56:54
being on the show. We'll see you guys next time.
56:56
And remember, be more, see more experience, more together.