Latest / Good Morning From The Chicken Coop! / Season 3 - Episode 33 - Moving away from toxic people

Transcript

Season 3 - Episode 33 - Moving away from toxic people · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

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  Welcome to the Good Morning From the Chicken Coop Podcast with
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  Kim Johnson, your creative strategist and mastermind set
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  coach. Filled with inspiration,
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  distinctions, perspectives, and possibilities, we help you to
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  cultivate a mindset that leads you to create the best version
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  of yourself you could ever imagine.
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  Join Kim every morning from one of her favorite happy places,
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  her chicken coop along with all her chickens.
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  Hey, everybody, good morning from the chicken coop.
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  So let's talk about toxic people and their toxic talk and their
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  toxic text and their toxic interactions with you.
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  So often, so often, so often we get lost in defending ourselves
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  against toxic people and feeling that we have to kind of push
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  against it and make it different.
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  Let them understand. I need you to understand XYZ.
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  And if you're really in a situation where there are toxic
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  people around you, it is very hard to get them to understand
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  that they are toxic. Can we all agree on that?
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  That it's very hard to get toxic people to, you know, realize
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  that they are toxic and they will do just about anything to
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  prove that they are not toxic? They will spin their yarns.
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  They will tell you how wrong you are.
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  They will make you think you're insane for the way you think.
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  They will push, push, push, as one of the favorite terms of the
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  day seems to be gaslighting. They will gaslight you, they
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  will tell you things and they will try to manipulate you, but
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  that's just good old fashioned manipulation, my friends.
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  And that's what they're doing. And they will try anything and
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  everything that they can to make you believe that they're not
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  toxic because that's their job and they still have to go out
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  there and be toxic because they haven't decided to be any
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  different at this point in time. So how does one handle a
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  situation when you are surrounded or involved with a
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  toxic person? You know, often I I have things
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  come up in in sessions and we have to work through stuff with
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  people and talk about toxicity and how that person's just
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  consistently showing up a certain way and you get to
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  decide who you want to be in the process of engagement.
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  So how does one engage with someone that's toxic?
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  Well, really the truth is you don't you, you just can't you
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  there's nothing that you are going to be able to say or do or
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  be that it's going to influence that person one way or another.
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  It's the hardest lesson to learn, but there's nothing that
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  you can do that's going to make them understand your point of
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  view. There is nothing that you're
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  going to be able to put out there that's going to say hey,
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  it. Like if you say your your text
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  messages are so frustrating because you want to gossip about
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  people all the time and it really bothers me, then all of a
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  sudden you're the villain because they are looking for
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  that. If you try to tell someone, hey,
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  this makes me feel a certain way, when you do this, guess
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  what, that doesn't make a hill of beans difference because
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  they're just going to be like, well that's your point of view
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  and they will always spin it around and they will never take
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  ownership of it. That's the crazy part about
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  toxic people. They don't know how or want to
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  take ownership of it because they are deep in the dysfunction
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  that they are projecting. So we have to ask ourselves, am
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  I the crazy one for trying to actually, you know, break that
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  pattern for them? You're not crazy, but you're
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  putting yourself in a position where you have a successful
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  strategy for failure. It is highly unlikely, highly
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  unlikely that that person is going to turn around in that
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  moment, especially when their emotions are up.
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  We know when emotions go up, intelligence goes down.
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  So they are not going to turn around and all of a sudden say,
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  you know what Kim? You're right.
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  I feel like you are correct. I did this and this and this and
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  this. And as soon as they, even if
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  they did acknowledge some of that stuff, all of a sudden
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  there's going to be the yes. But here's why I did it, and I
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  did it because of you or I did it because of this, and they
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  will justify it and they will never just stop and they will
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  never say I will work on it because that's not where they
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  are. Does this mean they're bad
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  people? No.
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  It just means that's where they are.
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  That doesn't mean you have to stay.
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  All that means is this is where they are.
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  So you have decisions to make. You have things that you can
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  actually start to contemplate and work on and say, hey, do I
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  really want that in my life? Do I want that level of
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  conversation connectedness with someone who makes me feel that
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  way? Like if you're with a person and
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  when you're done, you walk away and feel like I need to take a
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  shower. That was so gross and
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  unappealing. That's a sign, my friends.
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  That's a sign. But your job is to break the
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  pattern that you you're engaging with them in.
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  So for instance, if you get a text message from somebody,
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  let's just use the most benign thing we can here with a text
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  message. And let's just say they're
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  gossiping about people, because that seems to be such a huge
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  toxicity. They're gossiping about people.
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  So all of a sudden it's like and they're not trying to be like
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  this is a one off thing or they're, hey, did you happen to
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  see this? I'm talking about it's a
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  consistent pattern. It's something that, you know,
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  shows up repeatedly with this person.
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  If they text you something and you see that toxic stuff and
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  they're like, hey, Oh my gosh, did you see this or oh, here we
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  go again, blah, blah, blah. And they bring up a subject that
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  you were not talking about not engaging in.
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  Don't answer the text. Just because somebody throws out
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  a hook with a worm on it does not mean you have to be the fish
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  that hits it. You can swim right on by.
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  In fact, there's power in swimming on by those hooks, my
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  friends. OK, think about that one.
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  Don't be the fish. All right, I'll see you guys
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  tomorrow. Have a blessed day.
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  Bye.