Latest / Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha / Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just- Arrogance: The Illusion of Persona 7.10.25

Transcript

Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just- Arrogance: The Illusion of Persona 7.10.25 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

• 0:00
  280 That to me at first seems very surprising.
• 0:05
  You started yesterday and hopefully we'll figure it out,
• 0:10
  he says. For example, when comes the
• 0:11
  person being Paroush not being so involved and not indulging so
• 0:17
  much. He says clothing and jewelry is
• 0:19
  an example where Toronto does not say anywhere you can't wear
• 0:23
  fine clothing and everyone does it say don't have luxuries.
• 0:26
  You all told you is make sure not to have Chinese and make
• 0:29
  sure to have CC and your garments.
• 0:32
  And yet everyone knows. Everyone knows that wearing fine
• 0:36
  jewelry start wearing fine clothing leads to arrogance and
• 0:40
  leads to immorality, leads to other problems as well.
• 0:44
  And then he says the following line once he is realizes and
• 0:52
  it's got the person Zeishuli once he has sees that the person
• 1:01
  is busy with himself. He's he's walking around with
• 1:04
  Gava and he's, you know, making sure his clothing look nice.
• 1:08
  This is just weak. And he's wearing his hair even
• 1:11
  Shabbat that make a difference. Even overly grooming his hair.
• 1:13
  He's very busy himself. The guy licking himself in the
• 1:15
  mirror 10 times. So it's the thing about
• 1:17
  yourself. No, this is exactly this is a
• 1:19
  child yourself exact or man Zeishuli.
• 1:22
  The answer says I have in my I my clothes.
• 1:26
  I got him. He's in my grasp.
• 1:27
  I haven't. How when you dress nice, do you
• 1:30
  feel better? Oh, that's true.
• 1:32
  So how can it be so bad? How does one lead to be to lead
• 1:36
  to social degree that the Ed Saddaq can say I have the person
• 1:39
  because he's busy with how he looks.
• 1:41
  So I think what it means like this, yes, when you when you
• 1:44
  dress nice, you feel better and when you dress slumpy, you feel
• 1:47
  a little bit like slumpy as the word literally that's true.
• 1:51
  You got to dress nice. You have to look good.
• 1:53
  Always did they reiterate, they come out and says that Tamir
• 1:55
  Khan that has a steam in his garment.
• 1:58
  But I have been offshore, that's how bad it is.
• 2:01
  So you can't look like a mess, you can't look sloppy.
• 2:05
  So what is this thing that being overly involved in luxuries and
• 2:07
  how you dress creates it gives you a sausage of power.
• 2:11
  So the concept I think is this, people like to live according to
• 2:15
  their persona and like to develop a bigger persona than
• 2:19
  themselves is how it works. People, let's say, you know the
• 2:22
  guys size, dressing very nice, extremely nice.
• 2:25
  He's also believed that other people see him that way.
• 2:29
  And now he's also imagining himself as something special.
• 2:31
  He walks into the room, he's expecting, turning heads that
• 2:35
  he's expecting, and now he believes in himself as such a
• 2:38
  person. And now he has to live life
• 2:42
  according to that mindset as if he is something special.
• 2:44
  Now, clothing is not the biggest deal in the world, but there are
• 2:47
  different areas, whatever it is that a person carries himself
• 2:49
  with. Everything like putting a name
• 2:52
  on a building and you all could and you feel like you're the
• 2:54
  guy. You can say it with anything.
• 2:56
  When a person builds up their own persona to themselves, what
• 2:59
  happens is they reflect what they think others see of them.
• 3:03
  So if all goes like this, we tried to make ourselves a little
• 3:06
  bit public. We tried to give ourselves a
• 3:08
  famous name, nature of the beast.
• 3:11
  Then others see us that way, and now we try to live up to that,
• 3:15
  and we start to imagine ourselves according to that
• 3:18
  picture. I think this is all fake, and
• 3:21
  this is how arrogance develops, and this is how a person starts
• 3:24
  to believe in himself the way others are looking at him.
• 3:27
  Well, how'd it come from? It came from the fact that he
• 3:29
  started to carry himself a certain way.
• 3:32
  Others saw him that way, and then he wants to live up to that
• 3:35
  and it's all made-up and it's all fake and it's a regular guy.
• 3:39
  So this is how clothing is the most physical example of this,
• 3:43
  but this is how your public appearance because thought they
• 3:46
  create and give you an imagination of who you are.
• 3:48
  It's leadership, though. Oh, so I'll give you I'll give
• 3:51
  you an exact example that I believe is I'm watching.
• 3:53
  I'm going to sing it right now as you speak.
• 3:56
  So the way it works is as a cool guy wall isn't cool is a
• 4:02
  slipper. OK, You see everything with
• 4:04
  their kids and they're pushing carriages and they even change
• 4:08
  the baby. This is how it works.
• 4:09
  They pick up the kids from a play group and all the stuff.
• 4:12
  Well, the cool guy Nature is a slipper.
• 4:14
  He babysits and he does all these things that you shouldn't
• 4:17
  be doing as someone who's Hashouf.
• 4:20
  What happens when the guy gets a job, a teaching job?
• 4:23
  All of a sudden I notice they just stopped doing this.
• 4:27
  You don't see them doing anymore.
• 4:28
  You don't see them as much picking up the kids.
• 4:30
  You don't see as much change in the diapers, and you don't see
• 4:33
  them doing the regular things that they were doing originally.
• 4:35
  How does it happen? Because I think what happens is
• 4:39
  is in their mind, they're thinking to themselves.
• 4:41
  I'm teaching other people. If I'm teaching other people,
• 4:44
  then there's a certain persona there, there's a certain title
• 4:46
  that I have certain status that I have and no longer in their
• 4:49
  mind can they rationalize or can they imagine themselves being
• 4:53
  that simple guy because they're doing they have official
• 4:56
  position value. This is I think it's a 10.
• 4:59
  Yes, I think they would agree. Yes, I'll tell you reality.
• 5:03
  The reality is that for a long time I wasn't willing to wear a
• 5:07
  tie. I told you my father personally
• 5:09
  wear a tie in zoo and part of the reason I wasn't willing to
• 5:12
  really tie is because I didn't want to ever adopt this mindset
• 5:17
  that I'm this highly Teddy guy. So I'm gonna give you this
• 5:20
  example that I'm watching. There is AI when I go to
• 5:24
  Lakewood now I learn in a woman section in the shoe happens to
• 5:29
  be there's a man who sits there and he prepares his morning
• 5:33
  class, his morning shoot. Who is this guy?
• 5:36
  That's not relevant. His name.
• 5:37
  It's not kind of his name. I'll never hate this ever, but
• 5:40
  this person is one of the top. I'd say 5 or shades.
• 5:45
  She was in America today. He was defined as well known as.
• 5:49
  If you ask anyone who's the best guy to ever come out of liquid,
• 5:53
  it's this guy. Probably the best learning guy
• 5:55
  in liquid and he got a job, he said or Shiva.
• 5:58
  Very big deal. The reason I'm impressed by him
• 6:01
  is because I watch him still doing the colel guy.
• 6:07
  Guess which means his kids come and they go.
• 6:10
  His wife calls him, he's doing all dealing with his kids, all
• 6:13
  the regular goods. I said to myself, I know from
• 6:17
  the, the the, the outside world of him.
• 6:20
  I know what kind of name he has. In fact, he was talking about
• 6:25
  changing jobs this year and it was a worldwide yeshiva talk.
• 6:30
  Did you hear so and so might leave.
• 6:31
  Is she even open up a new place? Here's the biggest deal.
• 6:34
  And he called me, this guy's a regular guy and he's super
• 6:37
  impressed. He's acting like a regular
• 6:38
  person. And what is that?
• 6:40
  That's literally a person who never got the memo.
• 6:42
  And that is he never started to look at himself the way others
• 6:46
  look at him. And that's how we have to be.
• 6:48
  Don't build up yourself to make up this hollow, you know,
• 6:52
  imagination, some crazy persona to think you're bigger than
• 6:56
  life. You are who you are.
• 6:57
  You're a regular person. We all regular people, which
• 7:00
  means a great people. We're humble people.
• 7:03
  We are, we are. And some if someone starts to
• 7:05
  imagine themselves, that's something bigger.
• 7:08
  The answer to that says I got this guy because now he's going
• 7:11
  to spend the rest of his life trying to be that person.
• 7:15
  He's spent his whole life trying to live up to that image which
• 7:18
  he made-up. Why do you make it up?
• 7:21
  Because for a moment people saw him that way.
• 7:24
  So that's the challenge with addressing Super Sharp as an
• 7:27
  example to other areas as well, when people tried to display
• 7:30
  themselves with a title and the status, other things others do
• 7:34
  see him that way. And then he continues to try to
• 7:37
  live to that imagination and to that image and the process.
• 7:42
  He raises his ability to be a regular guy.
• 7:45
  And what happens when a person, not a regular guy, when a person
• 7:47
  has that sort of extreme arrogance or that sort of
• 7:51
  persona that he's living to. How do you think his house looks
• 7:55
  when his wife tells him to take out the garbage?
• 7:57
  Or how do you think his house looks when his wife has a
• 8:00
  comment to him about, I don't know, not being around enough?
• 8:02
  Here he is. He's got a status out there.
• 8:05
  Here he is. He's a big deal.
• 8:07
  No longer does he care about the basics and no longer is he
• 8:11
  really acting a regular, regular person to his wife, to his kids,
• 8:14
  to his friends. And this is where problems
• 8:16
  start. So the headset has got control
• 8:19
  of such a person because this person over built up his
• 8:23
  persona. And that's where he's telling
• 8:25
  his clothing not just a big deal, but it's a big deal, which
• 8:27
  means becoming arrogant is a huge problem.
• 8:30
  It gives you this fake, fake image of yourself.
• 8:33
  That's what he's telling you. All right, sense of Xaria, of
• 8:38
  indulging. There's nothing wrong with
• 8:39
  indulging, but you got to know the outcome.
• 8:41
  That's one which means creating great and hollow arrogance.
• 8:44
  And by the way, as you and I both know, all arrogance is
• 8:47
  hollow. We all know that we're really
• 8:50
  made-up by Hashem and he powers, gifts, talents that we have all
• 8:54
  God-given. And therefore being arrogant is
• 8:58
  being dumb. That's reality.
• 8:59
  And he gets anything to say is telling you and you're literally
• 9:03
  giving the answer at all a clear path to control you when you're
• 9:06
  arrogant. I saw a lot of arrogance is the
• 9:08
  lack of confidence. Yes, the most important thing to
• 9:11
  know from Hovat level, to your point, Hovat level writes.
• 9:15
  I always figure where it is. But he writes and you follow
• 9:18
  this in life. That's incredible.
• 9:19
  I told you this before. That's my favorite thing.
• 9:21
  Look around. Arrogance and insecurity have
• 9:25
  the exact same indications, the exact same character traits.
• 9:32
  An arrogant guy talks about himself a lot, and a secure
• 9:35
  person talks about himself a lot.
• 9:37
  An arrogant guy gets insulted all the time, and a secure
• 9:40
  person gets insulted. An arrogant person is always
• 9:43
  conscious what people have to say, and a secure person is
• 9:46
  always conscious what people have to say.
• 9:47
  They carry themselves the exact same way because they really are
• 9:52
  the exact same person. An arrogant person is a hollow
• 9:55
  person who really ultimately deep down knows that he's nobody
• 10:01
  and that's why he makes his fake arrogance.
• 10:03
  That's how it works, that's how it's point.
• 10:06
  So when a person starts to carry himself in a super bravado way,
• 10:10
  he should know what he's revealing about himself is
• 10:13
  actually very not confident and he's very insecure and he's
• 10:17
  actually, he's not really feeling good about himself.
• 10:19
  When someone has a very genuine approach to life, which means
• 10:24
  they don't need to be noticed, they don't need to be spoken
• 10:26
  about, they don't get insulted so fast, they don't talk about
• 10:30
  themselves so much, they don't say I all the time.
• 10:33
  Such people, they really are displaying.
• 10:37
  It seems like they're displaying humility or they are displaying
• 10:40
  there's a great degree of confidence.
• 10:43
  Because if I'm good and I'm happy in my position in life, a
• 10:48
  regular guy doing a regular thing and all needs to know my
• 10:51
  name and hear what I have to say and and be busy with me.
• 10:54
  If I'm good, that's this place is that I'm very good and I'm
• 10:58
  happy where I am. That's a confidence, That's a
• 11:00
  security. So basically arrogance,
• 11:03
  insecurity and humility is confidence.
• 11:07
  That's how it works. When you look around at people
• 11:09
  who are very busy with themselves and they seem to be
• 11:12
  demanding that respect because maybe they deserve it.
• 11:15
  Maybe they're a big deal. No, what they are normally very
• 11:19
  insecure. That's what he's telling you.
• 11:21
  So the answer has got control of this guy because you and I both
• 11:23
  know if someone is arrogant or insecure, the same thing.
• 11:27
  Their life is completely consumed by that persona.
• 11:33
  They're insulted all day long. They're getting upset all the
• 11:36
  time, right? They're very busy with people
• 11:38
  are going to have to say this is all controlling all the time.
• 11:42
  If you are an arrogant person, you go to a wedding, What's on
• 11:44
  your mind? One thing's on your mind.
• 11:46
  What are people thinking about how I look or what are people
• 11:49
  thinking about my name right now?
• 11:51
  That's the only thing on your mind.
• 11:52
  An arrogant and secret person, his wedding is 3 hours by.
• 11:55
  The wedding is only focused on that right in his office.
• 11:59
  A big part of his mindset is what are my employees told, how
• 12:03
  they talk to me, how they treat me so they give me the proper
• 12:05
  respect. When he's working on making
• 12:07
  money, the big mind says now how is he going to support his
• 12:10
  family? It's more like, how is it going
• 12:12
  to be a big deal? How is it going to, you know,
• 12:14
  keep up being a big deal? All these things are the world
• 12:17
  of an arrogant man and he's got no reality to life.
• 12:21
  A humble guy, a confident person who goes to a wedding.
• 12:25
  He really cares about making other people happy.
• 12:27
  He's there to make people feel good.
• 12:29
  He's going to see 1000 people tonight.
• 12:31
  That's pretty much a lot of opportunities to make other
• 12:34
  people feel good. That's his mindset and he's not
• 12:37
  busy with himself. You know what ends up happening?
• 12:40
  The ripple effect is his time there is so much more valuable.
• 12:44
  His life is so much more effective and it's saying he's
• 12:48
  true. In work.
• 12:48
  He's trying to make money for the sake of supporting his
• 12:51
  family. He's not doing anything wrong,
• 12:53
  not doing anything inappropriate.
• 12:54
  He's not being dishonest. He's actually working, he's
• 12:57
  actually trying to make money for the right reason.
• 12:59
  Everything is genuine and real and effective on your confident
• 13:05
  and humble and everything is fake.
• 13:07
  Chasing, upset, insulted, waste of time when a person is
• 13:13
  arrogant and secure. This is what Messiah Shame is
• 13:16
  saying. So indulging in developing A
• 13:19
  persona, there's nothing wrong. I want my need to be famous.
• 13:21
  I love everyone to know what I'm doing.
• 13:23
  I want people to say my beautiful house.
• 13:25
  Nothing really wrong. Now beware of what it is.
• 13:29
  Only if you want people to see you have to, right?
• 13:31
  You have to be for yourself, right?
• 13:33
  So developing and expanding your publicity out there, be aware
• 13:38
  what it might lead to. It might lead to an imagination
• 13:42
  of a persona that you need to live up to that gets you crazy
• 13:45
  all day long. This is the idea, this is
• 13:47
  concept, and it's nothing officially and no a A at all.
• 13:52
  But ultimately, it's really an empty life.
• 13:55
  That's what he's telling you. Whereas if a person is willing
• 13:58
  to just live life as is, enjoy what he has and do what he does
• 14:02
  and not be busy, what other have to say and all that stuff, he
• 14:05
  has to have the most happy life. It is to have the most effective
• 14:09
  life, the most confident. And actually, by the way, at the
• 14:14
  end of the door, he gets the most cover boy.
• 14:16
  Then he gets the best persona, just in a different way.
• 14:19
  Not where he's commanding it with demanding it, rather it
• 14:22
  just comes to him where I don't need it too much and when it
• 14:25
  goes up and down, he's good. That's the mindset of a healthy,
• 14:28
  happy person in contrast to the mindset of an insecure, upset
• 14:32
  person. We'll start with this.