Latest / Becoming Irresistible / Season 2, Episode 9. The 5 paths to Influence even if you have no Titles or Authority.

Transcript

Season 2, Episode 9. The 5 paths to Influence even if you have no Titles or Authority. · Becoming Irresistible

0:14
SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to Becoming Irresistible.
0:17
SPEAKER_01: I'm so glad you're joining us today.
0:19
SPEAKER_01: I want to start today with a question.
0:22
SPEAKER_01: Have you ever walked into a room and immediately felt like you were the least important person there?
0:30
SPEAKER_01: Maybe it was your first day at a new job, maybe you were an intern sitting at the end of the conference table.
0:36
SPEAKER_01: Perhaps you were the youngest person in the room or the new employee, the newest junior associate.
0:45
SPEAKER_01: Or maybe you're the person who just hasn't earned the title that everyone else has.
0:50
SPEAKER_01: You might have looked around and seen people there with decades of experience, managers, executives, experts, people who already know everyone else and whom everyone else already respects.
1:05
SPEAKER_01: Now, almost instinctively, your mind will start to tell you a story.
1:09
SPEAKER_01: Who am I to speak?
1:12
SPEAKER_01: Maybe I should just sit here and listen.
1:16
SPEAKER_01: I'll wait until I have more experience to say what I'm really thinking.
1:20
SPEAKER_01: I'll wait until someone asks me.
1:24
SPEAKER_01: One day, when I've earned a title, then maybe people will listen.
1:30
SPEAKER_01: Most of us have believed some version of this story.
1:35
SPEAKER_01: We're taught from a young age that influence follows authority.
1:40
SPEAKER_01: And it's also something we've learned from our life experience that authority figures have more experience, wisdom, knowledge, and power than us.
1:53
SPEAKER_01: First, you have to become a CEO for people to follow your ideas.
1:57
SPEAKER_01: These assumptions are simple.
1:59
SPEAKER_01: And that makes perfect sense because that's a tried and true statement.
2:05
SPEAKER_01: Influence comes after authority.
2:08
SPEAKER_01: But what if you didn't always have to follow that rule?
2:12
SPEAKER_01: What if the people who eventually become great leaders aren't necessarily influential because they were given authority?
2:20
SPEAKER_01: What if they were given authority because they had already become influential?
2:25
SPEAKER_01: That's a completely different way of looking at success.
2:29
SPEAKER_01: That doesn't mean ignore authority figures.
2:32
SPEAKER_01: Authority is designed to keep you conforming to a certain set of rules designed to keep you safe.
2:42
SPEAKER_01: But if you think of people that you've admired throughout your life, they're not always people who have the biggest titles.
2:51
SPEAKER_01: Oftentimes, these are people who may have a quiet gravity about them.
2:55
SPEAKER_01: When they speak, other people listen to them.
3:00
SPEAKER_01: And if they ever ask a question, the room becomes curious.
3:04
SPEAKER_01: When they offer an idea, people consider it.
3:07
SPEAKER_01: When conflict erupts, people look towards them, even if they aren't necessarily the established leader.
3:14
SPEAKER_01: Why?
3:15
SPEAKER_01: Because influence and authority are not the same thing, even though they're closely linked and related.
3:23
SPEAKER_01: Authority can be assigned, and it usually is, but influence has to be earned.
3:30
SPEAKER_01: And that's incredibly good news if you're willing to understand this principle.
3:36
SPEAKER_01: Most of us spend far more of our lives without authority than with it.
3:43
SPEAKER_01: Usually we're interns before we ever become managers, we're students before we become a teacher, we're junior employees before we become higher level executives.
3:54
SPEAKER_01: We are first-time entrepreneurs before anyone has ever heard of our business.
4:00
SPEAKER_01: If influence depended entirely on a title, then we'd have to spend years simply waiting, waiting for someone else to decide when we were finally important enough to matter.
4:12
SPEAKER_01: But life doesn't actually work that way.
4:15
SPEAKER_01: Some people begin shaping conversations long before they're ever in charge.
4:19
SPEAKER_01: Some people become the trusted advisors that top leaders listen to years before they ever have an impressive resume.
4:28
SPEAKER_01: And some people build credibility almost effortlessly while others spend decades collecting titles to try to prove that they should earn respect.
4:39
SPEAKER_01: But they never actually earn the respect of the people around them.
4:44
SPEAKER_01: Why?
4:44
SPEAKER_01: And that's what I want to investigate today because I don't think influence is this huge mystery.
4:51
SPEAKER_01: I think it's a skill that no one teaches.
4:56
SPEAKER_01: And only the people curious enough and hungry enough to learn it are the ones who will master it and be able to use it for good in their life.
5:05
SPEAKER_01: Like most skills, once you begin to see patterns, you start to notice them everywhere.
5:13
SPEAKER_01: Recently, I was listening to an interview with Lewis Howes and Tony Robbins when he shared a story from when he was just 14 years old.
5:21
SPEAKER_01: He was 14.
5:22
SPEAKER_01: Think about that for a moment.
5:24
SPEAKER_01: Most 14-year-olds are just worried about fitting in at school or wondering if they'll make their sports team or playing video games.
5:35
SPEAKER_01: But Tony did something that almost nobody around him was willing to do.
5:38
SPEAKER_01: He wanted to interview elite athletes and well-known sports figures.
5:43
SPEAKER_01: Now imagine hearing that idea.
5:46
SPEAKER_01: That if a 14-year-old walked up to you and said, I want to interview the biggest names in sports, your first thought would be, sure, that's nice, kid.
5:55
SPEAKER_01: And inside you'd be thinking, that's not realistic.
5:59
SPEAKER_01: Not because it's a bad dream, but because of the age, because they're too young, they don't have connections, they don't have credentials, they don't have authority.
6:10
SPEAKER_01: Except that's not what the story is that he told.
6:14
SPEAKER_01: Instead of just accepting this role that everyone expected for him, he took action.
6:20
SPEAKER_01: He approached people, he created opportunities, and eventually he found himself interviewing individuals who most adults would have been intimidated to approach.
6:32
SPEAKER_01: He changed the conversation.
6:34
SPEAKER_01: People stopped seeing him as a 14-year-old.
6:37
SPEAKER_01: They started seeing someone who was able to create value.
6:42
SPEAKER_01: In fact, seeing him as someone who is able to access value where they couldn't.
6:48
SPEAKER_01: People don't necessarily only respond to a title, although the title signifies that you have shown your value.
6:58
SPEAKER_01: But you don't have to have a title in order to be valuable.
7:04
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes extraordinary value is so unexpected that it changes how people see you.
7:10
SPEAKER_01: This would be the intern who solves a problem that no one else could solve, or the new employee who notices an opportunity that everyone else has overlooked.
7:21
SPEAKER_01: It could even be the quiet person who asks the one important question that changes the outcome of a meeting.
7:30
SPEAKER_01: Those moments do remarkable things.
7:33
SPEAKER_01: They interrupt the story that people already have written about you.
7:38
SPEAKER_01: Without realizing it, we all assign roles instantly.
7:45
SPEAKER_01: And we do that based on our past experiences.
7:49
SPEAKER_01: We decide who's experienced, who's new, who's confident, who's quiet.
7:54
SPEAKER_01: We decide who's the one probably leading, who's probably following, and we do it automatically based on cues we've learned throughout our life.
8:04
SPEAKER_01: And most of the time we're right, because most of the time people follow those scripts.
8:10
SPEAKER_01: But sometimes we're completely wrong.
8:15
SPEAKER_01: Once people assign you to a role, they are expecting you to behave according to that role.
8:22
SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is about what happens when you understand those expectations and learn how to rise above them when you need to, not by pretending to be someone you're not, but becoming so valuable that people begin to rewrite that story that they were telling themselves about you.
8:44
SPEAKER_01: You see, what I believe is that people who become truly irresistible in life, they aren't the loudest people.
8:50
SPEAKER_01: They aren't the ones with the highest titles, even.
8:53
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes they're not the smartest, but they're the ones who make the room better.
8:59
SPEAKER_01: And when that happens, their influence begins, even if they don't have the authority or the titles.
9:08
SPEAKER_01: Let's learn today how you can begin earning influence, even if you're the least experienced or least recognized person in the room.
9:16
SPEAKER_01: I don't want you to misunderstand me.
9:18
SPEAKER_01: Credentials do matter, education matters, experience matters, and titles matter.
9:23
SPEAKER_01: Why?
9:24
SPEAKER_01: Because we know in general that the best predictor of future performance is past behavior.
9:31
SPEAKER_01: And that's why credentials matter, why education matters and why experience matter.
9:36
SPEAKER_01: Because they are a way to indicate that you have the experience to help make the best decisions and to avoid mistakes.
9:48
SPEAKER_01: And people with those things are the ones who gain titles, and they can certainly open doors.
9:54
SPEAKER_01: But once you're through that door, there's something else that matters much more.
10:00
SPEAKER_00: It's the value you bring.
10:03
SPEAKER_00: Think about it.
10:04
SPEAKER_01: Why do certain specialists become the ones that everyone recommends while other specialists with identical credentials may even struggle to build their business or practice?
10:17
SPEAKER_01: It's because people gravitate and hold on to value.
10:21
SPEAKER_01: And that's true in almost every part of life.
10:25
SPEAKER_01: If you build something that genuinely improves people's lives, they will pay for it.
10:31
SPEAKER_01: So financially, it's true.
10:34
SPEAKER_01: If you solve a problem that no one else can solve, people begin seeking your advice.
10:40
SPEAKER_01: So when it comes to wisdom, this is true.
10:44
SPEAKER_01: If you can consistently make other people's jobs easier, people want you on their team.
10:50
SPEAKER_01: And so in the careerscape, this is true.
10:55
SPEAKER_01: If you create opportunities for other people, they remember your name.
10:59
SPEAKER_01: And so socially, this is true.
11:01
SPEAKER_01: You see, influence isn't magic, although it can feel like that.
11:06
SPEAKER_01: It's the byproduct of becoming extremely valuable.
11:11
SPEAKER_00: And this is where a lot of people don't understand how it works.
11:18
SPEAKER_01: We believe that it's the influence you have that creates value, but reality, what it is, is your value creates influence.
11:27
SPEAKER_01: Money works that same way.
11:29
SPEAKER_01: People ask, how do I become wealthy?
11:31
SPEAKER_01: But the the true question is, how do I become extraordinarily valuable?
11:36
SPEAKER_01: The marketplace never rewards your effort, it rewards the value you bring and the problems you solve.
11:44
SPEAKER_01: Now imagine two people who work the same amount, who work equally hard.
11:50
SPEAKER_01: One person spends eight hours doing something that almost anyone can do.
11:54
SPEAKER_01: You've all seen day laborers, construction workers, people who lift heavy items in the hot sun all day long, and yet they don't get paid the same amount as a CEO sitting in his office.
12:09
SPEAKER_01: Because a CEO might spend eight hours solving a problem that saves a company millions of dollars.
12:17
SPEAKER_01: They both have worked hard, but the value they create is completely different.
12:25
SPEAKER_01: And that's what compensation is tied to.
12:29
SPEAKER_01: It's to the perceived value of the problem that you're solving.
12:34
SPEAKER_01: Now let's take that into relationships.
12:37
SPEAKER_01: Who do you enjoy spending time with?
12:39
SPEAKER_01: Is it someone who constantly needs attention?
12:42
SPEAKER_01: Or someone who leaves you feeling encouraged, energized, understood, and even inspired?
12:48
SPEAKER_01: Again, value.
12:50
SPEAKER_01: Think about friendships.
12:52
SPEAKER_01: Who are the people you call first when your life falls apart?
12:55
SPEAKER_01: They're not necessarily the funniest people or the richest or the most successful.
12:59
SPEAKER_01: They're the people whose presence creates something valuable for you.
13:03
SPEAKER_01: They might bring you wisdom or calm and peace, or they may tell you the truth when no one else will.
13:11
SPEAKER_01: Or they're people that make you feel safe.
13:14
SPEAKER_01: But whatever it is they bring to you that no one else can bring to you, they're bringing a value to you.
13:22
SPEAKER_01: And every meaningful relationship is built on a value, not transactional value, but human value.
13:30
SPEAKER_01: And that's the value of trust, honesty, reliability, the value of making someone's life better by being in it.
13:40
SPEAKER_01: So suddenly this idea is much bigger than just careers or the authorities in your workplace.
13:49
SPEAKER_01: This is an idea that can help you in every area of your life.
13:53
SPEAKER_01: It's about becoming a person whose presence improves whatever room you enter.
13:59
SPEAKER_01: Let's talk about two interns.
14:00
SPEAKER_01: Maybe they both come on the same day and have similar grades and both are intelligent.
14:05
SPEAKER_01: The first intern might spend the day wondering, I hope they notice me.
14:10
SPEAKER_01: I hope they'll think I'm smart.
14:12
SPEAKER_01: I hope I can make a good impression on them.
14:16
SPEAKER_01: The second intern asks a different question.
14:19
SPEAKER_01: What can I do today that makes everyone else's job just a little easier?
14:25
SPEAKER_01: Do you see the difference?
14:27
SPEAKER_01: These are radically different mindsets.
14:30
SPEAKER_01: One is solely focused on receiving value of what they're getting, the other is focused on creating value.
14:39
SPEAKER_01: Guess which one will eventually become indispensable.
14:43
SPEAKER_01: Now, one of my favorite questions to pose is this.
14:47
SPEAKER_01: If you disappeared tomorrow, what problem would people suddenly have?
14:54
SPEAKER_01: Think about it.
14:55
SPEAKER_01: Would your coworkers say, We need someone to cover her shifts?
15:00
SPEAKER_01: Or would they say, we don't know who's going to keep this project organized?
15:05
SPEAKER_01: Who's going to notice the mistakes before they happen?
15:08
SPEAKER_01: Who's going to calm everyone down in the stressful situation?
15:12
SPEAKER_00: Who's going to connect all these different departments?
15:16
SPEAKER_00: Those are value statements.
15:19
SPEAKER_00: Notice something.
15:20
SPEAKER_00: None of them mention a title.
15:23
SPEAKER_00: None of them mention anyone's status.
15:27
SPEAKER_01: None of them mention the level of authority someone had.
15:33
SPEAKER_01: What they do mention is contribution.
15:36
SPEAKER_01: And contribution is one of the fastest ways towards gaining influence.
15:41
SPEAKER_01: And I think this is why some people become incredibly influential despite having little formal authority.
15:48
SPEAKER_01: Think of Muhammad Ali.
15:51
SPEAKER_00: He was a fighter.
15:53
SPEAKER_01: Why was he so influential?
15:56
SPEAKER_01: Because along with fighting, along with providing entertainment, he provided wisdom.
16:05
SPEAKER_01: He gave people a sense of hope, of encouragement, of positivity that made him valuable.
16:12
SPEAKER_01: And that is why people will simply begin trusting figures like that.
16:17
SPEAKER_01: Why people will seek them out, why they will depend on them, even recommend them for things.
16:23
SPEAKER_01: Not because someone said, Oh, you're important now.
16:26
SPEAKER_01: It's because they've repeatedly demonstrated that they were.
16:30
SPEAKER_01: And that's exactly what happened in that story we talked about earlier with Tony Robbins.
16:34
SPEAKER_01: People weren't impressed because he was 14.
16:38
SPEAKER_01: If anything, his age made people more skeptical.
16:42
SPEAKER_01: But what captured their attention was that he was creating something unusual and wasn't waiting for permission.
16:49
SPEAKER_01: He wasn't waiting for someone to hand him a title.
16:51
SPEAKER_01: He had asked a question that changed his future.
16:54
SPEAKER_01: What value can I create today with what I have and exactly where I am?
16:59
SPEAKER_01: And that question is available to every one of us, whether you're an intern student, whether you're the youngest employee in your company, whether you're the parent at home, or the businessman with no customers yet.
17:12
SPEAKER_01: Here's the beautiful thing about value: you don't need permission to create it.
17:17
SPEAKER_01: No one has to give you a promotion before you can solve a problem.
17:21
SPEAKER_01: No one has to give you a better title before you make someone else's life easier.
17:26
SPEAKER_01: No one has to recognize your potential before you begin becoming indispensable.
17:33
SPEAKER_01: And I hope today, if you take anything from this, that the biggest mindset shift you can make is to stop asking when will people finally recognize me and start asking, what can I do today that people will genuinely miss if I stop doing it tomorrow?
17:51
SPEAKER_01: Because once you begin answering that question consistently, something fascinating, I'm sure, is going to start happening.
17:59
SPEAKER_01: People will begin giving you something that no job title can ever give you.
18:05
SPEAKER_01: That's their trust, their respect, and their attention.
18:09
SPEAKER_01: And eventually that influence will begin to flow towards you, not because you demanded it, but because you've earned it.
18:16
SPEAKER_01: In the next part of this episode, I want to explore the first principle that makes all of this possible.
18:23
SPEAKER_01: Why people who truly become influential always choose to become useful before they become important.
18:29
SPEAKER_01: And that's where the journey will really start.
18:34
SPEAKER_01: Most people spend years waiting to be noticed.
18:38
SPEAKER_01: If your goal is to become important, your attention turns inward towards yourself.
18:44
SPEAKER_01: You begin asking questions like, how do people see me?
18:48
SPEAKER_01: Did they notice what I said?
18:49
SPEAKER_01: Do they respect me?
18:50
SPEAKER_01: Am I getting enough credit?
18:52
SPEAKER_01: And those are all understandable questions, but they also make us the center of attention.
18:58
SPEAKER_01: Now let's look at a different set of questions.
19:01
SPEAKER_01: What problem can I solve?
19:03
SPEAKER_01: Whose burden can I lighten?
19:05
SPEAKER_01: What does this room need that no one else is providing?
19:08
SPEAKER_01: How can I leave this situation better than I found it?
19:11
SPEAKER_01: Do you see the difference?
19:13
SPEAKER_01: Now the focus is away from yourself and towards others, towards contribution.
19:18
SPEAKER_01: And that's often when people begin to notice you, ironically.
19:24
SPEAKER_01: There's an old saying that if you want to become interesting, become interested.
19:30
SPEAKER_01: And I think something similar is true about influence.
19:33
SPEAKER_01: If you want to become influential, become useful.
19:38
SPEAKER_01: Imagine you're in a situation and there's a complicated issue which is getting worse, and everyone is busy.
19:46
SPEAKER_01: Everyone is overwhelmed.
19:48
SPEAKER_01: People are juggling multiple tasks.
19:51
SPEAKER_01: Now imagine two employees, and the first one says, someone should really figure this out, not me, because I'm new here.
20:00
SPEAKER_01: The second one quietly begins organizing information, calls whoever needs to be called, anticipates the next step, communicates between the teams, and helps everyone move forward, even if they don't have any title, authority, or assignments.
20:15
SPEAKER_01: Now who becomes influential?
20:17
SPEAKER_01: Because in that moment they were contributing and became indispensable.
20:23
SPEAKER_01: This happens in all situations.
20:26
SPEAKER_01: Think about families.
20:28
SPEAKER_01: Every family seems to have one person who quietly keeps everything together.
20:32
SPEAKER_01: The one who remembers the birthdays, organizes holidays, the one that makes sure everyone feels included, the one who checks on people who are sick, injured, or ailing.
20:43
SPEAKER_01: Did anyone vote them into that role?
20:46
SPEAKER_01: Usually not.
20:47
SPEAKER_01: They earned influence because it consistently created value for the family.
20:52
SPEAKER_01: Or think about a sports team.
20:54
SPEAKER_01: Every team has one player who isn't necessarily the biggest scorer, but they're the ones who communicate, encourage, and make everyone else better.
21:02
SPEAKER_01: They hold people accountable, and sometimes they aren't even the captain.
21:06
SPEAKER_01: Yet when they're absent, everyone feels it.
21:09
SPEAKER_01: Again, value.
21:11
SPEAKER_01: What I find fascinating is that our brains are constantly asking one unconscious question about the people around us.
21:19
SPEAKER_01: Does this person make my life better?
21:22
SPEAKER_01: Not in a selfish sense, but in a practical sense.
21:25
SPEAKER_01: Can I trust them?
21:26
SPEAKER_01: Can I rely on them?
21:27
SPEAKER_01: Do they improve the quality of our decisions, our business, our family, our relationships?
21:33
SPEAKER_01: Do they reduce chaos?
21:34
SPEAKER_01: Do they increase clarity?
21:36
SPEAKER_01: Do they elevate the people around them?
21:38
SPEAKER_01: If the answer is yes, people naturally begin inviting that person into more conversations, more opportunities, more responsibility.
21:46
SPEAKER_01: The influence begins to accumulate, not all at once, perhaps, but steadily, almost quietly.
21:52
SPEAKER_01: And here's where I think many ambitious people accidentally sabotage themselves.
21:56
SPEAKER_01: They confuse visibility with value.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: We live in a culture that constantly tells us to build a personal brand.
22:03
SPEAKER_01: And I believe in personal branding, but I don't mean by that just to promote yourself, just to stand out and just to be seen.
22:13
SPEAKER_01: There's nothing inherently wrong with those things, but visibility without value doesn't really last.
22:20
SPEAKER_01: Think about social media.
22:22
SPEAKER_01: Someone can attract your attention for a day, maybe even for a month, but sustained influence comes from repeatedly delivering something people genuinely benefit from.
22:32
SPEAKER_01: Influence isn't measured by how often you speak, it's measured by what changes because you spoke.
22:39
SPEAKER_01: That has stayed with me because it's such a different goal.
22:43
SPEAKER_01: Instead of trying to win that conversation, try to improve the conversation.
22:49
SPEAKER_01: Instead of trying to impress people, help people.
22:52
SPEAKER_01: Instead of trying to be remembered, become useful.
22:56
SPEAKER_01: And then something remarkable happens.
22:58
SPEAKER_01: That pressure begins to disappear.
23:02
SPEAKER_01: You stop wondering whether you're saying enough or comparing yourself to everyone else or proving your own worth.
23:08
SPEAKER_01: And the attention shifts towards the problem that's actually in front of you.
23:14
SPEAKER_01: And that's actually when your worth becomes obvious to everyone else.
23:19
SPEAKER_01: They remember that you made a difficult situation easier, that you found a solution when everyone else was stuck, or that you made the entire team better just by your encouragement, positivity.
23:34
SPEAKER_01: These are people who become influential long before they ever receive a title.
23:40
SPEAKER_01: So instead of asking yourself, how can I get people to notice me?
23:45
SPEAKER_01: Ask yourself, if I were the most useful person in this room today, what would I be doing?
23:52
SPEAKER_01: Because that single question has a power to transform not only how others see you, but ultimately who you become.
24:00
SPEAKER_01: So we just talked about the first path to influence, becoming useful even before you become important.
24:07
SPEAKER_01: Let's go on to the second path of influence.
24:10
SPEAKER_01: Observe before you act.
24:14
SPEAKER_01: Have you ever noticed that there's some people who walk into a room and immediately seem to know what's going on?
24:20
SPEAKER_01: Within just a few minutes, they know who to address and who's making the decisions.
24:25
SPEAKER_01: It's almost as if they know a language that everyone else has missed.
24:30
SPEAKER_01: That's the power of observation.
24:33
SPEAKER_01: And it's become one of the rarest skills in modern life because we're so busy thinking about what we're going to say that we stop paying attention to what everyone else is communicating.
24:43
SPEAKER_01: We're busy rehearsing our own answers while someone else is giving us the information we actually need.
24:50
SPEAKER_01: Think about an interview, and we talked about this in a whole other podcast, but most candidates walk in asking themselves, how do I convince them to hire me?
25:00
SPEAKER_01: However, the strongest candidates actually ask something completely different.
25:06
SPEAKER_01: What problem are they trying to solve?
25:10
SPEAKER_01: Those are not the same question.
25:12
SPEAKER_01: The first question is about you, and the second question is about them.
25:16
SPEAKER_01: And influence almost always begins when your attention shifts from yourself to the other person.
25:23
SPEAKER_01: It's true in sales, in leadership, in friendship, in parenting, in dating.
25:29
SPEAKER_01: But before you can provide the value that makes you so influential, you have to understand what value is actually needed.
25:39
SPEAKER_01: Imagine if you walked in a hospital when someone was dying or crashing.
25:43
SPEAKER_01: Nobody needs a motivational speech in that moment.
25:46
SPEAKER_01: They don't need a strategic plan.
25:48
SPEAKER_01: They need someone who recognizes that situation and reacts.
25:52
SPEAKER_01: Calm, speed, clear communication and action.
25:56
SPEAKER_01: But now imagine that same approach at a celebration.
25:59
SPEAKER_01: If someone just rushed in, barking orders and taking command, that would feel completely out of place.
26:06
SPEAKER_01: And that same exact behavior that would be so valuable during a crisis could damage a relationship during a celebration.
26:15
SPEAKER_01: So that's why influence is never just about personality or a set of strict rules.
26:22
SPEAKER_01: It's about situational awareness.
26:25
SPEAKER_01: One of the most important questions you can ask yourself when you enter a room is what does this situation need?
26:32
SPEAKER_01: Not what do I want, not how can I impress people, but what is missing?
26:37
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes what's missing is organization.
26:41
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it's optimism.
26:43
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it's someone willing to make the difficult decision.
26:46
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it's someone willing to slow everyone down before they make a mistake.
26:51
SPEAKER_01: And sometimes it's simply one person who's willing to listen.
26:57
SPEAKER_01: And this is where I want to revisit our episode about reading the room.
27:02
SPEAKER_01: Every room develops its own personality.
27:04
SPEAKER_01: Some rooms can be highly competitive.
27:07
SPEAKER_01: Everyone's trying to prove themselves.
27:10
SPEAKER_01: While some rooms are deeply collaborative and people naturally build on each other's ideas, some rooms are anxious, some rooms are relaxed, and some are driven by relationships, while others are driven almost entirely by results.
27:25
SPEAKER_01: If you fail to recognize the personality of the room, you may offer the wrong thing.
27:31
SPEAKER_01: Imagine trying to energize a room that's already chaotic or trying to slow down a room that's losing a race against time.
27:38
SPEAKER_01: Value is always contextual.
27:41
SPEAKER_01: So the same action can be brilliant in one situation, but disastrous in another.
27:47
SPEAKER_01: So before you speak, I want you to learn to watch.
27:51
SPEAKER_01: Before you lead, learn to listen.
27:53
SPEAKER_01: Before you offer a solution, understand the problem.
27:58
SPEAKER_01: The best architects don't begin construction before understanding the land.
28:03
SPEAKER_01: The best leaders don't begin changing people before understanding the system they're walking into.
28:07
SPEAKER_01: And yet that's exactly what many of us do.
28:10
SPEAKER_01: We walk into a room and think we're going to make ourselves be important without understanding what the room needs.
28:17
SPEAKER_01: And there's another mistake I see people making all the time.
28:20
SPEAKER_01: They assume influence belongs to the loudest person.
28:23
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it does, but many times it doesn't.
28:26
SPEAKER_01: Titles will tell you who's supposed to lead, but behavior is what will tell you who people actually trust.
28:33
SPEAKER_01: And that is important.
28:36
SPEAKER_01: Because if you want to become influential, you first have to understand the invisible currents that are flowing through the room you're in.
28:45
SPEAKER_01: You can think of it like entering a river.
28:48
SPEAKER_01: If you immediately begin swimming without understanding the current, you'll waste enormous amounts of energy fighting the water.
28:55
SPEAKER_01: But if you first understand which direction the current is moving, you can move with it.
29:00
SPEAKER_01: Or when necessary, deliberately choose where to push against it.
29:04
SPEAKER_01: And people are much the same way.
29:05
SPEAKER_01: Every group has expectations.
29:07
SPEAKER_01: Every organization has its own unwritten rules as well as cultures.
29:12
SPEAKER_01: Every family has established patterns.
29:14
SPEAKER_01: Every workplace has their hierarchy.
29:18
SPEAKER_01: The people who become influential aren't just charismatic.
29:22
SPEAKER_01: They're perceptive.
29:23
SPEAKER_01: They notice what other people overlook.
29:25
SPEAKER_01: They notice who's not been speaking.
29:28
SPEAKER_01: They notice the ideas that are consistently ignored.
29:30
SPEAKER_01: They notice tension before it becomes a conflict.
29:33
SPEAKER_01: And they notice opportunities before they become obvious.
29:36
SPEAKER_01: And because they notice more, they can contribute more effectively.
29:41
SPEAKER_01: Remember that question I asked earlier?
29:44
SPEAKER_01: What can you do today that people would genuinely miss if you stopped doing it tomorrow?
29:50
SPEAKER_01: Observation will help you answer that question.
29:54
SPEAKER_01: Because you can't solve the problems you haven't noticed yet.
29:59
SPEAKER_01: You can't meet needs that you haven't recognized.
30:02
SPEAKER_01: And you can't create value until you understand what people actually value.
30:06
SPEAKER_01: In one culture, people value certain things.
30:09
SPEAKER_01: In a different culture, they may find those same things very disrespectful.
30:14
SPEAKER_01: So the next time you walk into a meeting, don't make your first goal to speak.
30:19
SPEAKER_01: Make your first goal to understand.
30:22
SPEAKER_01: Now this doesn't mean it has to take long.
30:24
SPEAKER_01: Like I said, in that crisis situation, walking into a room and understanding the situation may take seconds.
30:32
SPEAKER_01: But make an assessment before you react.
30:36
SPEAKER_01: Become a student of the room.
30:38
SPEAKER_01: What is this group trying to accomplish?
30:40
SPEAKER_01: What obstacle is appearing?
30:42
SPEAKER_01: What emotion is driving this current conversation?
30:46
SPEAKER_01: Who is currently influencing the outcome?
30:49
SPEAKER_01: And what's the missing thing that no one has addressed yet?
30:52
SPEAKER_01: Those five questions will often teach you more than speaking for 30 minutes.
30:59
SPEAKER_01: Observation isn't passive or weak.
31:02
SPEAKER_01: It's preparation for strength.
31:04
SPEAKER_01: It's a foundation that allows your contribution to land at exactly the right moment.
31:10
SPEAKER_01: So when the timing is right, when you've understood the people, the problem, and the opportunity, your words will carry far more weight because you were speaking with insight.
31:20
SPEAKER_01: And that's one of the fastest ways to become impossible to be overlooked.
31:26
SPEAKER_01: Now we've talked about becoming useful and we've talked about observing before acting.
31:33
SPEAKER_01: But there's another level that separates truly influential people from everyone else.
31:38
SPEAKER_01: They don't just solve ordinary problems, they create value in ways that other people never even thought to attempt.
31:45
SPEAKER_01: That's when your influence will start accelerating.
31:47
SPEAKER_01: And that's exactly what 14-year-old Tony Robbins understood long before he had any title or authority, which is where we're headed to next.
31:56
SPEAKER_01: The third path to influence is to create disproportionate value.
32:02
SPEAKER_01: There's a question I wish that every young person asked themselves before they started chasing any promotion, degrees, or recognition.
32:09
SPEAKER_01: I most certainly wish I had asked myself the same.
32:12
SPEAKER_01: And it's not because those things, the promotion degrees or recognition isn't important, they are, but there's a question that's even more powerful.
32:21
SPEAKER_01: What can I do that very few other people are willing or able to do?
32:26
SPEAKER_01: Think about that for a moment.
32:28
SPEAKER_01: Not what job do I want, not how can I make more money, but where can I create extraordinary value?
32:36
SPEAKER_01: Because that's where influence begins to accelerate.
32:40
SPEAKER_01: Most people compete where everyone else is already competing.
32:42
SPEAKER_01: They do what's expected and they follow the standard path.
32:46
SPEAKER_01: And there's nothing wrong with it.
32:47
SPEAKER_01: But if your goal is to become indispensable, your goal is to become impossible to be overlooked, you have to start to ask different questions.
32:54
SPEAKER_01: In the same story by Tony Robbins, let's think about it.
32:58
SPEAKER_01: Most teenagers are just waiting for an opportunity to come to them.
33:02
SPEAKER_01: But he didn't.
33:04
SPEAKER_01: He decided he would create his own.
33:05
SPEAKER_01: He didn't have a famous name, he didn't have any connections, he certainly didn't have any authority, yet he managed to interview prominent sports figures.
33:13
SPEAKER_01: Why?
33:14
SPEAKER_01: Because he wasn't thinking about limitations.
33:16
SPEAKER_01: He was thinking about the value he could create.
33:18
SPEAKER_01: He wasn't asking who will give me permission.
33:21
SPEAKER_01: He was asking, how can I make this happen?
33:23
SPEAKER_01: And that changes lives.
33:26
SPEAKER_01: Most of us look at the resources we don't have.
33:29
SPEAKER_01: We don't have enough money or experience or education or followers or confidence or connections.
33:35
SPEAKER_01: Meanwhile, highly influential people often ask a different question.
33:39
SPEAKER_01: What can I create with the resources I already have?
33:43
SPEAKER_01: And that's an incredibly empowering way to think.
33:47
SPEAKER_01: History is filled with people who didn't begin with advantages, but they did have initiative.
33:53
SPEAKER_01: And that's often more valuable than permission.
33:56
SPEAKER_01: There's another lesson inside this story from Tony Robbins.
34:01
SPEAKER_01: He wasn't trying to impress people.
34:02
SPEAKER_01: He was creating something that people actually wanted, and that's a huge distinction.
34:07
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we think influence comes from looking impressive, but lasting influence comes from solving meaningful problems.
34:14
SPEAKER_01: Imagine two businessmen.
34:17
SPEAKER_01: The first one spends months designing the perfect logo, the perfect business cards, the perfect website, everything looks impressive.
34:24
SPEAKER_01: The second one spends some time talking to customers, learning what frustrates them, building a solution, testing it, improving it.
34:31
SPEAKER_01: Now, which entrepreneur do you believe is creating more value?
34:34
SPEAKER_01: Businesses don't survive on appearances, they survive on usefulness.
34:39
SPEAKER_01: We've all seen businesses where the name isn't anything spectacular, and they may not even have a logo that you can remember, but you know that they get the job done and provide the value that you're looking for.
34:52
SPEAKER_01: These businesses survive on being useful.
34:56
SPEAKER_01: And the marketplace is remarkably honest because it asks only one question have you made someone's life better?
35:03
SPEAKER_01: And if the answer is yes, people will buy and people will return, people will recommend and they'll tell their friends.
35:09
SPEAKER_01: And if the answer is no, nothing you market will sustain it.
35:15
SPEAKER_01: And the same principle applies inside organizations.
35:18
SPEAKER_01: Who gets promoted?
35:20
SPEAKER_01: It's not the person who works the longest hours.
35:23
SPEAKER_01: It's the person who solves the problem that everyone else is avoiding, the person who gets rid of the inefficiencies, the person who builds systems that work.
35:33
SPEAKER_01: It's the person who connects people that should have met long before, and the person who volunteers for the difficult projects that no one else is willing to do.
35:44
SPEAKER_01: In other words, that person is creating disproportionate value.
35:50
SPEAKER_01: And I love that because it reminds us that not all effort is going to produce the same results.
35:56
SPEAKER_01: One small improvement can sometimes save hundreds of hours.
36:00
SPEAKER_01: One conversation can change a company's direction.
36:04
SPEAKER_01: And one thoughtful question can prevent an expensive mistake.
36:08
SPEAKER_01: So influence isn't always built through grand gestures or hard work and effort.
36:12
SPEAKER_01: It's often built through being remarkably useful.
36:16
SPEAKER_01: Now let me ask you another thing.
36:18
SPEAKER_01: Now think about your own workplace or school.
36:22
SPEAKER_00: Who are the people everyone seems to depend on?
36:25
SPEAKER_00: It isn't always the highest ranking people.
36:29
SPEAKER_01: It's the people who know how to fix problems, who seem to make complicated things simple, and who have connections that allow them to solve problems because no one else knows who to talk to.
36:44
SPEAKER_01: These are the people who become incredibly influential because they're the ones who are difficult to replace.
36:50
SPEAKER_01: Notice I didn't say impossible to replace.
36:52
SPEAKER_01: Everyone is replaceable eventually.
36:54
SPEAKER_01: But some people create so much value that replacing them becomes incredibly costly and difficult.
37:00
SPEAKER_01: That's influence.
37:00
SPEAKER_01: Now let's come back to something a little more personal.
37:03
SPEAKER_01: We've already established that many people think when I become successful, that's when I'll be considered valuable.
37:09
SPEAKER_01: But the sequence is exactly backwards.
37:11
SPEAKER_01: You create the value first and the success follows.
37:15
SPEAKER_01: You create the value first, the influence follows.
37:17
SPEAKER_01: You create the value first and the opportunity follows.
37:20
SPEAKER_01: The world rewards those who solve meaningful problems.
37:25
SPEAKER_01: Which doesn't mean life is fair.
37:27
SPEAKER_01: It isn't.
37:29
SPEAKER_01: And we certainly know that talent isn't always recognized right away.
37:33
SPEAKER_01: It definitely isn't.
37:35
SPEAKER_01: But over the long run, consistently creating value has a way of attracting opportunities that status and titles alone cannot.
37:45
SPEAKER_01: So here's something I want you to think about this week.
37:48
SPEAKER_01: I want you to ask yourself, what problem can I solve that everyone else keeps walking past?
37:54
SPEAKER_01: It'll help you to stop competing with people and start serving people.
37:58
SPEAKER_01: It'll help you to stop chasing recognition and start creating impact.
38:03
SPEAKER_01: And guess what?
38:05
SPEAKER_01: That recognition you were after, it usually will arrive anyway.
38:09
SPEAKER_01: Not because you wanted attention, but because your contribution becomes too valuable to ignore.
38:16
SPEAKER_01: And this is one of the deepest lessons I've learned that people who leave the greatest mark in the world aren't usually the ones who are obsessed with becoming famous.
38:24
SPEAKER_01: They're obsessed with making something better, a better company, a better family, better community, product, experience, or solution.
38:33
SPEAKER_01: And that's why they get remembered because that value has a way of echoing long after the titles are gone.
38:41
SPEAKER_01: Someday another person will hold that position and have that same title or sit in your office.
38:48
SPEAKER_01: The titles are temporary, but think of the people who you actually remember or who people quote or people will bring up in conversation.
38:59
SPEAKER_01: It's because of the problems they solved, the lives they improved, the people who helped others become better.
39:06
SPEAKER_01: Those are things that endure past titles, past hierarchies.
39:13
SPEAKER_01: So before we move on, I want you to ask yourself, if I stopped trying to become important and instead spent the next year becoming extraordinarily valuable, what would I start doing tomorrow?
39:26
SPEAKER_01: I have a feeling that the answer to that question can change trajectory of your year, if not your entire career.
39:35
SPEAKER_01: But I want to emphasize one thing: creating value alone isn't enough.
39:39
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes people still are gonna see you through the lens of the role that they've assigned you.
39:44
SPEAKER_01: The intern, the new employee, the youngest person, the quiet one.
39:49
SPEAKER_01: So, how do you change that perception without becoming arrogant, disruptive, or pretending to be someone you're not?
39:56
SPEAKER_01: Well, that's what we're gonna explore in the second half of this podcast because some of the most influential people understand exactly when and how to break the script that people have written for them.
40:10
SPEAKER_01: Our fourth path to influence, break the script intentionally.
40:15
SPEAKER_01: I'd like you to think about the last time you met someone for the first time.
40:18
SPEAKER_01: How long did it take before your brain started making assumptions?
40:22
SPEAKER_01: Probably just a few seconds.
40:24
SPEAKER_01: We all do it, so don't feel bad.
40:27
SPEAKER_01: Without realizing it, we look at someone's age, the way they're dressed, their posture, their title, the confidence in their voice, the way they spend money, the way other people react to them, and almost instantly our brains begin writing a story.
40:40
SPEAKER_01: She's probably the leader.
40:42
SPEAKER_01: He's probably new.
40:44
SPEAKER_01: She's a quiet one, he's the expert.
40:46
SPEAKER_01: She's probably nervous.
40:48
SPEAKER_01: These stories help us to navigate the world, but they also create expectations.
40:52
SPEAKER_01: Every room has a script.
40:54
SPEAKER_01: The CEO is expected to lead, the intern is expected to observe, the senior is expected to answer questions, the student is expected to ask them, the youngest person is expected to listen, the experienced person is expected to speak, and most people spend their lives just acting out the role they've been assigned to because it's comfortable, it's expected, it feels safe.
41:16
SPEAKER_01: And that's something that we've had ingrained in us from centuries of understanding that you don't break roles within a group.
41:25
SPEAKER_01: It was there to preserve our safety.
41:28
SPEAKER_01: But every once in a while, someone changes that script.
41:32
SPEAKER_01: And you can all recall that person who did it.
41:35
SPEAKER_01: The person who spoke out of turn, who did something that was not okay, like sitting in the seat that was not their positional seating, or who came in dressed differently than they should have been.
41:48
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes that can work against you because, like I said, these rules are there for a reason, to provide safety, to provide a script of how things are supposed to operate for the best of the group.
42:00
SPEAKER_01: But that doesn't always mean that changing the script is bad.
42:05
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes if you change a script, it can work in your favor.
42:08
SPEAKER_01: When you break the script to create unexpected value, then suddenly people will rewrite the story they have written about you.
42:16
SPEAKER_01: If you're an intern and you were sitting through a meeting and everyone is expecting you to sit there and just take notes.
42:22
SPEAKER_01: But towards the end of the meeting, you raise your hand, not to show off or not to criticize, but simply to say, is it okay if I ask a question?
42:31
SPEAKER_01: We've talked about three different solutions, but they all seem to assume the same thing.
42:36
SPEAKER_01: What if that assumption isn't true?
42:40
SPEAKER_00: The room suddenly becomes quiet because the question was important, valid, and created value.
42:50
SPEAKER_01: And that changes the script.
42:52
SPEAKER_01: Then you're no longer just the intern, you're a person who sees something that other people don't see.
42:57
SPEAKER_01: Now, don't just do this just to speak, because if you don't provide the value there, that's when it can work against you.
43:04
SPEAKER_01: Here's another situation: a hospital may be getting really loud, voices are getting chaotic, people are rushing, everyone's reacting.
43:14
SPEAKER_01: In that moment, it's not the loudest person who becomes influential, it's a person who remains calm and acts with confidence.
43:24
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it's a person who might say, let's slow down for 30 seconds and make sure we're solving the right problem.
43:31
SPEAKER_01: That person has interrupted an emotional script that's going on, has brought calm to a room of chaos.
43:40
SPEAKER_01: The same thing can happen in a family argument.
43:43
SPEAKER_01: Everyone knows what's going to happen.
43:45
SPEAKER_01: People start escalating their voices.
43:47
SPEAKER_01: Someone becomes defensive, someone storms out.
43:49
SPEAKER_01: It's happened so many times before.
43:52
SPEAKER_01: But maybe if someone said, before we continue, I think everyone here has something that they deeply care about.
44:00
SPEAKER_01: About and are trying to protect.
44:02
SPEAKER_00: Can we take a moment and start there instead?
44:07
SPEAKER_00: Do you see how the script changes again?
44:11
SPEAKER_01: What I find fascinating is that influence often begins in that moment where people don't expect it.
44:19
SPEAKER_01: We've all met people who tried to be shocking, who came in dressing inappropriately at a funeral or even at a wedding, and they did it to get the attention or to be shocking.
44:33
SPEAKER_01: That will definitely make you memorable, but it won't give you influence.
44:37
SPEAKER_01: And oftentimes you'll be shunned for that kind of interruption to the script.
44:42
SPEAKER_01: That's not the kind of attention we're after.
44:44
SPEAKER_01: The purpose of breaking the script should not be to surprise people, it should be to improve the outcome.
44:50
SPEAKER_01: And that's a question you should ask yourself before you decide to break a script.
44:55
SPEAKER_01: Am I about to interrupt this pattern because it's about me getting attention or because it truly serves the situation?
45:03
SPEAKER_01: If your answer is yes, I'm bringing something valuable to the situation, then interrupting the script can help you and everyone in the room.
45:12
SPEAKER_01: If you interrupt the script for your own ego for attention, that can create resistance.
45:17
SPEAKER_01: It can lead to you becoming an outcast and other people shunning you, even if they're smiling to your face.
45:23
SPEAKER_01: The other type of interruption, the one where you create value, usually will create respect.
45:30
SPEAKER_01: And it also explains why some people become influential very quickly when they join an organization.
45:35
SPEAKER_01: They don't have to spend months trying to impress everyone.
45:38
SPEAKER_01: They notice the patterns, they ask thoughtful questions, they solve overlooked problems.
45:44
SPEAKER_01: Each of these actions gently interrupts the assumptions that people had about them.
45:48
SPEAKER_01: They are contributing, and that contribution changes perception.
45:53
SPEAKER_01: Also, don't break the script too early.
45:57
SPEAKER_01: Earn the right first.
45:59
SPEAKER_01: This happens a lot.
46:00
SPEAKER_01: Someone joins a new company and within the first week they start explaining everything that's wrong.
46:05
SPEAKER_01: They criticize all the systems that exist.
46:08
SPEAKER_01: They announce everything they would do differently.
46:10
SPEAKER_01: And technically, some of their ideas may even be correct.
46:14
SPEAKER_01: But socially, they haven't really earned the right yet.
46:17
SPEAKER_01: They haven't earned trust.
46:20
SPEAKER_01: People sometimes don't resist the actual ideas, they're resisting the timing.
46:26
SPEAKER_01: If you state a value proposition that maybe is true, but you haven't been there long enough to understand why the system works the way it does, then people will resist that proposition.
46:41
SPEAKER_00: This happens a lot in well-established organizations.
46:47
SPEAKER_01: Oftentimes people look from the outside and say, why do you do it that way?
46:50
SPEAKER_01: It seems so inefficient.
46:52
SPEAKER_01: But they may not understand government or regulatory hurdles that people have to face or scheduling issues that have existed because practically it cannot otherwise work.
47:07
SPEAKER_01: And so even though there may be a better system, the resources may not be there for it to actually be in place.
47:16
SPEAKER_01: So there's a lot of wisdom in observing first, in understanding first.
47:20
SPEAKER_01: Then when you've built enough credibility, interrupting the script will actually have impact instead of being seen as she hasn't taken the time to understand us, or he's just criticizing us to sound smart.
47:32
SPEAKER_01: And that's why I tell you to assess the situation, to observe and listen first.
47:38
SPEAKER_01: And that's why a lot of us don't break scripts in general, because you do have to understand the timing of when to break those scripts.
47:46
SPEAKER_01: It's not often that people can walk in the first day and break a script because they don't understand.
47:52
SPEAKER_01: And it's difficult to understand a problem within a day of being there.
47:56
SPEAKER_01: This applies everywhere.
47:57
SPEAKER_01: Understanding the situation that a room is in can come in seconds, but understanding a problem that an organization faces that they've been dealing with for years doesn't usually come within a few seconds.
48:10
SPEAKER_01: And sometimes the way to interrupt the script when you are brand new is not to introduce a new concept or solution, but to ask questions, to help build your understanding, to help you to learn more about how the system works or why a certain problem exists.
48:28
SPEAKER_01: Now, we've talked about becoming useful, we've talked about observing before acting.
48:33
SPEAKER_01: We've talked about creating extraordinary value and disproportionate value.
48:40
SPEAKER_00: And we've talked about knowing when to rewrite the expectations that people have of you and considering your timing.
48:51
SPEAKER_01: But there's one final ingredient to tie all of this together.
48:56
SPEAKER_01: You can have brilliant ideas, and you can even impress people, but you might still never become truly influential.
49:06
SPEAKER_01: Why?
49:06
SPEAKER_01: Because influence doesn't ultimately rest on admiration, it rests on something much deeper, and that's trust.
49:14
SPEAKER_01: And that is a thing that compounds over a lifetime.
49:17
SPEAKER_01: And this is the fifth path to influence.
49:20
SPEAKER_01: Build trust that compounds.
49:22
SPEAKER_01: Ask yourself another question.
49:24
SPEAKER_01: Why was that person so influential to you?
49:26
SPEAKER_01: I suspect there's something else at work.
49:29
SPEAKER_01: You trusted them implicitly.
49:32
SPEAKER_01: You trusted that they had your best interest at heart, or that they had the best interest of the group at heart.
49:40
SPEAKER_01: You believed that what they wanted was best for you and the other people around them.
49:46
SPEAKER_01: You believe that they would tell you the truth.
49:50
SPEAKER_01: And you believe they would keep their word.
49:52
SPEAKER_01: You believe that they were not there trying to manipulate you.
49:56
SPEAKER_01: And that's why their advice carried so much weight with you.
50:00
SPEAKER_01: I think this is one of the greatest pieces that people miss about influence.
50:06
SPEAKER_01: They believe that influence comes from their ability to get people to listen.
50:12
SPEAKER_01: But I think it also comes from becoming someone worth listening to.
50:19
SPEAKER_01: The person who instead of focusing on changing everyone else is focused on changing themselves.
50:27
SPEAKER_01: And and it's a really fascinating idea because it's something that's built so quietly over a lifetime.
50:35
SPEAKER_01: And rarely does someone wake up one morning and say, I trust this person completely.
50:41
SPEAKER_01: No, it's accumulated from a thousand tiny little actions, right?
50:46
SPEAKER_01: How you lent them a pencil and they returned it.
50:50
SPEAKER_01: How you asked them their opinion and they gave you their honest opinion, how they kept their word when they said they were going to be somewhere, or showing up at the time that they said they would be somewhere.
51:02
SPEAKER_01: But ironically, some of the fastest ways to build trust are things that we think will even make us look weaker by being late, but communicating that you're going to be late, by breaking something that someone lent you, but then replacing it with the same item, if possible, or paying them the value of what you broke, giving gratitude for a moment where you were vulnerable or needed help and appreciating the effort that they put in.
51:42
SPEAKER_00: Or by giving someone else the credit, even when you did all the work.
51:48
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes even by saying you were wrong, it might seem that those moments should reduce trust, but they often increase it.
52:00
SPEAKER_00: Because people see that you're a real person and that you're authentic and that you can be relied upon.
52:09
SPEAKER_00: So let's connect this back to everything we've discussed.
52:14
SPEAKER_00: Imagine someone who created extraordinary value, but then took credit for everyone else's work.
52:22
SPEAKER_00: Would you trust them?
52:23
SPEAKER_00: Would you want them around you?
52:28
SPEAKER_00: Probably not.
52:30
SPEAKER_00: Now imagine someone who's brilliant, but who disappears whenever things get hard.
52:35
SPEAKER_00: Would you rely on them?
52:38
SPEAKER_00: Probably not.
52:39
SPEAKER_01: Imagine someone who's charismatic, but who keeps changing their story depending on who's in the room.
52:46
SPEAKER_01: Again, your trust begins to erode.
52:50
SPEAKER_01: And that's because trust is consistency over time.
52:54
SPEAKER_01: People will begin predicting your character, not just your behavior.
52:59
SPEAKER_00: So think about that.
53:01
SPEAKER_00: The highest compliment someone can give you isn't that you're brilliant.
53:08
SPEAKER_01: It's I know exactly who she is when things get hard.
53:13
SPEAKER_01: And that's trust.
53:15
SPEAKER_01: And trust is a key component of influence.
53:20
SPEAKER_01: We've all worked for a manager who's brilliant, but who had little influence because the people around them did not trust them.
53:27
SPEAKER_01: And they were only there because they had no other choice.
53:32
SPEAKER_01: And then we've also met people who had almost no authority, no titles, but everyone listened to them or looked to them when critical decisions were about to be made.
53:45
SPEAKER_01: And people asked for their advice or opinions.
53:48
SPEAKER_01: And that is one of the clearest signs of earned influence.
53:51
SPEAKER_01: People choose those individuals.
53:54
SPEAKER_01: Why?
53:54
SPEAKER_01: Because there's a lot of trust.
53:58
SPEAKER_01: Trust is something that grows a lot more slowly than attention.
54:02
SPEAKER_01: Attention can happen overnight.
54:04
SPEAKER_01: You know, the viral video, the promotion, the major accomplishment.
54:08
SPEAKER_01: Suddenly everyone knows you, but trust doesn't work that way.
54:11
SPEAKER_01: Trust grows invisibly over time.
54:15
SPEAKER_01: You care for it, you have to nurture it.
54:18
SPEAKER_01: And some days it seems like you're not doing anything.
54:22
SPEAKER_01: But years later, people are resting in the shade of the tree that you've planted.
54:29
SPEAKER_01: And your reputation works the same way.
54:32
SPEAKER_01: Every interaction you have is a chance to build that trust.
54:37
SPEAKER_01: Every promise you keep is a chance to build that trust.
54:39
SPEAKER_01: Every deadline you meet is a chance to earn that trust.
54:44
SPEAKER_01: Treating people with respect when they have nothing to offer you back, that's an opportunity to earn that trust.
54:52
SPEAKER_01: When you choose to be honorable when no one's watching, it's a chance to earn that trust.
54:58
SPEAKER_01: These things become your character brand and your reputation.
55:03
SPEAKER_01: And eventually your reputation will walk in before you do.
55:08
SPEAKER_01: It's not because of your resume, it's because of your character.
55:12
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's one of the greatest forms of influence that anyone can build.
55:18
SPEAKER_01: Never sacrifice long-term trust for short-term recognition, even though it's incredibly tempting.
55:27
SPEAKER_01: Don't promise more than you can deliver.
55:29
SPEAKER_00: Don't take the shortcuts just to say what people want to hear.
55:36
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes you'll get a reward in that moment, but eventually reality will catch up.
55:41
SPEAKER_01: And trust is extremely difficult to build and extremely easy to lose.
55:47
SPEAKER_01: You can crack a glass and you can still drink out of it.
55:51
SPEAKER_01: But once you shatter a glass, it's hard to put it back together.
55:56
SPEAKER_01: And that's the same concept as trust.
56:00
SPEAKER_01: I believe trust is actually the foundation beneath all these other layers we've talked about.
56:06
SPEAKER_01: Your usefulness builds the trust.
56:09
SPEAKER_01: Your observation builds the trust.
56:12
SPEAKER_01: Your value creation builds the trust.
56:15
SPEAKER_01: And thoughtful script interruptions build trust.
56:19
SPEAKER_01: And that's when people start opening doors for you.
56:21
SPEAKER_01: Not because you asked them to, but because they believe in you.
56:25
SPEAKER_01: Think about the biggest opportunities you've ever received.
56:28
SPEAKER_01: Was it really because you blindly put in an application?
56:32
SPEAKER_01: Or was it most likely because someone referred you and trusted you enough to recommend you for something?
56:40
SPEAKER_01: Even today, in this world, your reputation and the trust you build around it is extremely important in getting opportunities in career and relationships in every field of life.
56:58
SPEAKER_01: Most careers aren't just transformed by a resume, they're transformed by a reputation.
57:04
SPEAKER_01: Someone says you should talk to them, or they're the kind of person you need.
57:08
SPEAKER_01: If anyone is the one to call, it's that person.
57:12
SPEAKER_01: Those are trust statements.
57:14
SPEAKER_01: Not about titles or salaries, but trust.
57:17
SPEAKER_01: And it compounds over decades.
57:21
SPEAKER_01: It's not one good decision that changes your financial future.
57:25
SPEAKER_01: It's thousands of good decisions.
57:26
SPEAKER_01: And trust works exactly the same way.
57:29
SPEAKER_01: One honest conversation won't define your reputation, but years of honesty will.
57:34
SPEAKER_01: One act of generosity won't make you influential, but years of generosity will.
58:13
SPEAKER_01: That came from thousands of hours of creating and building trust.
58:19
SPEAKER_01: The way you talk to people, the way you value them, the way you appreciate them, the way you remember their names or their kids' names or their birthdays, the words please and thank you, the way you treat the waiters or the valet, the way you respond when you're angry, and the way you behave if you think no one else is watching.
58:48
SPEAKER_00: One day, based on all those moments, people won't just trust what you're doing.
58:53
SPEAKER_00: They'll trust who you are.
58:57
SPEAKER_01: A trusted reputation like that can open doors for the rest of your life.
59:02
SPEAKER_01: So we've explored five paths today that allow someone to build influence long before they're ever handed authority.
59:09
SPEAKER_01: So let's bring everything together.
59:11
SPEAKER_01: When I first started thinking about this topic, I thought it was going to be a podcast about influence, how to gain respect, how to be heard, how to build authority before you have a title.
59:20
SPEAKER_01: But while I was creating it, I realized it's about something much deeper.
59:24
SPEAKER_01: It's about becoming a person of value.
59:26
SPEAKER_01: Because if influence is truly your goal, then it can become sometimes manipulative.
59:32
SPEAKER_01: How do I get people to like me?
59:33
SPEAKER_01: How do I get promoted?
59:34
SPEAKER_01: How do I make people listen to me?
59:36
SPEAKER_01: And everything becomes centered around yourself, about what you can get.
59:40
SPEAKER_01: But when value becomes a goal, the questions change.
59:44
SPEAKER_01: How can I solve this problem?
59:45
SPEAKER_01: How can I make another person's day easier?
59:48
SPEAKER_01: How can I improve where I am?
59:50
SPEAKER_01: I hope after today you'll start to think about how to become more useful before you ever consider trying to become more important.
59:58
SPEAKER_01: I hope you observe before you act.
1:00:02
SPEAKER_01: And I hope you start to think about how to create disproportionate value.
1:00:08
SPEAKER_01: And I hope you know, at least know that you can intentionally rewrite expectations by contributing in ways that people don't anticipate.
1:00:21
SPEAKER_01: And beneath it all, that trust compounds over a lifetime.
1:00:27
SPEAKER_01: And it will allow you the foundation that will help you to create that influence.
1:00:33
SPEAKER_01: None of these things that we've talked about today requires a title, permission, promotions.
1:00:40
SPEAKER_01: You can begin doing this even tomorrow morning.
1:00:44
SPEAKER_01: So the next time you walk into a room, whether it's a meeting, classroom, a networking event, a family gathering, ask yourself three short questions.
1:00:51
SPEAKER_01: What does the situation need?
1:00:53
SPEAKER_01: What value can I create?
1:00:55
SPEAKER_01: And how can I leave this room better than I found it?
1:00:59
SPEAKER_01: If you can start to ask yourself those things, you will transform the way you move through the world.
1:01:07
SPEAKER_01: Shift your attention away from yourself and towards others, towards service.
1:01:12
SPEAKER_01: Years ago, I used to think that success came from standing out.
1:01:16
SPEAKER_01: Now I think that's only partly true.
1:01:19
SPEAKER_01: Real success comes from standing for something, standing for excellence, standing for integrity, standing for generosity, standing for solving problems instead of complaining about them, and for making the people around you better.
1:01:37
SPEAKER_01: Over time, your reputation begins speaking for you.
1:01:40
SPEAKER_00: I think that's what we all really want, to know that our presence matters, that the people around us are better because we were there.
1:01:52
SPEAKER_00: That's influence and one of the deepest forms of irresistibility.
1:01:59
SPEAKER_01: So this week, wake up and ask yourself, what value can I create today?
1:02:02
SPEAKER_01: How can I build trust?
1:02:04
SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for spending this time with me today.
1:02:07
SPEAKER_01: I encourage you to share this with someone you feel it will benefit.
1:02:10
SPEAKER_01: Remember, you don't have to chase influence.
1:02:13
SPEAKER_01: Instead, create value, and the influence will often follow.
1:02:17
SPEAKER_01: I'll see you next time on Becoming Irresistible.
1:02:20
SPEAKER_01: We're going to do an a spotlight.
1:02:23
SPEAKER_01: I like to call them irresistible spotlights.
1:02:25
SPEAKER_01: That means looking at the people, places, things around us to see how we can learn lessons to help us become more irresistible in our own lives or create an irresistible life.
1:02:36
SPEAKER_01: And so next week we're going to do one of those.
1:02:38
SPEAKER_01: Until then, stay irresistible.
1:02:40
SPEAKER_01: And I'll see you back in the next podcast.