Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Help Burned-Out Team Members
Transcript
- Lucas: If you manage people, you've probably seen it by now. A team member who was sharp and energetic six months ago is now showing up late, missing deadlines, snapping in meetings. And you're thinking — is this a performance problem or is this burnout? Luna: And the answer matters, because how you respond is completely different depending on which one it is. Lucas: Exactly. And that's what I want to drill into today. Because a lot of new managers — especially those of us who got promoted from within — our instinct is to treat burnout the same way we treat underperformance. More feedback, tighter deadlines, clearer expectations. But that can actually make burnout worse. Luna: So what's the right move? I imagine it starts with actually knowing what burnout looks like versus someone just coasting. Lucas: Right. And there's good data here. The Workforce Institute at UKG published a study in 2025 that looked at the manager's role in employee burnout. One number that jumped out at me: 43 percent of employees said their manager had a significant impact on their burnout level. But only 23 percent felt comfortable raising it with that manager. Luna: Wow. So most people are suffering in silence. They're not going to walk into your office and say, 'Hey, I'm burning out.' You have to spot it yourself. Lucas: And that's the hard part. Especially for a new manager who's still learning how to read their team. So I want to borrow a framework from organizational psychologist Dr. Christina Maslach. She's the researcher who basically defined burnout in the 1970s. She says it has three dimensions: exhaustion, cynicism, and reduced professional efficacy. Luna: Exhaustion is the obvious one. Cynicism — that's the 'I don't care anymore' attitude. And reduced efficacy is when someone feels like their work doesn't matter. Lucas: Right. And all three are important, but I think the one managers miss most is that middle one — cynicism. Because it looks like a bad attitude. It looks like the employee has checked out or become difficult. But really it's a defense mechanism. When you're exhausted, you detach emotionally to protect yourself. Luna: That reframes it completely. So if you see someone who used to be engaged and now they're sarcastic or dismissive, that's a red flag for burnout, not laziness. Lucas: Exactly. And the danger is that a new manager — especially one who's anxious about proving themselves — might respond by tightening the screws. More oversight, more structure. But that adds more drain on an already depleted person. Luna: So what should you do instead? Let's say you've identified the signs. What's the first step? Lucas: The first step is to ask the right question in a one-on-one. But not the blunt 'Are you burned out?' version. Most people won't say yes to that — it feels like admitting weakness. Instead, I like a framing I heard from a leadership coach named Michael Bungay Stanier. He says ask: 'What part of your week drains you the most?' Luna: That's smart. It's specific. It's about the work, not the person. And it invites them to point to a process or a task rather than themselves. Lucas: Right. And once they tell you, the next step is to adjust — but not by adding more structure. By subtracting something. The instinct is to add controls. The better instinct is to remove a low-value meeting, push back a non-critical deadline, or take a task off their plate entirely. Luna: So it's about triage. You're not fixing everything. You're finding the one thing that's causing the most friction and removing it. Lucas: Exactly. And that's where the new manager has to be willing to use their own authority. Because sometimes the thing draining the employee is coming from above — a request from your boss or another department. You have to be the shield. Luna: Which is hard when you're new and you don't want to push back against your own manager. Lucas: It is hard. But there's a way to do it without sounding like you're refusing. You can say, 'My team is at capacity right now. Which of these two priorities would you like us to delay?' It frames it as a trade-off, not a no. Luna: That's a good script. Okay, so you've asked the question, you've adjusted the load. What comes next? Lucas: The third step is the one most managers skip: you rebuild psychological safety. Because burnout often comes with shame. The employee feels like they failed. So you have to create space for them to be honest without judgment. Luna: How do you do that concretely? I feel like 'create space' sounds nice but it's vague. Lucas: Fair. Concretely: you share your own struggle first. You say something like, 'I've had periods where I felt completely drained and I didn't know how to talk about it. I don't want you to go through that alone.' That lowers the guard. Luna: Vulnerability from the manager. That's powerful, especially for a new manager who might feel they have to appear perfect. Lucas: Right. And then you follow up. You check in two weeks later. Not 'are you better?' but 'how's that change we made working for you?' That shows you're invested in the long term, not just checking a box. Luna: So the pattern is: spot the signs, ask the draining question, subtract something, then rebuild trust. I can see how that sequence works. Lucas: And it works because it treats burnout as a systems problem, not a personal failing. That's the core insight from Maslach's research. Burnout isn't about the person being weak. It's about a mismatch between the person and their environment — too much demand, not enough resources, not enough control. Luna: That's a really helpful reframe. I think a lot of managers — myself included — tend to think 'this person needs to toughen up.' But if the environment is the problem, then the manager has to change the environment. Lucas: Exactly. And that's actually good news, because you can't change someone's personality, but you can change a deadline or a meeting cadence. Luna: Let me play out a scenario. Say I'm a new manager, and I have a direct report who was a high performer, but for the last three weeks they've been missing deadlines and their attitude has shifted. I've asked the draining question, and they said the weekly status report is killing them because it takes four hours to compile. What do I do? Lucas: First, you stop requiring the status report. Or you simplify it to a bullet-point email. Or you have them send it to you draft, and you edit it before it goes to the wider team. You absorb some of that friction. Luna: That's a concrete subtraction. And I can do that without asking permission. Lucas: Exactly. And you'll probably find that the employee's energy comes back within a couple of weeks. Not fully, but enough to start rebuilding. Luna: What about the opposite scenario? What if you ask the draining question and they say 'everything is fine' — but you clearly see the signs? Lucas: That's tough. And it happens a lot. The key is not to push. You say, 'I appreciate that. I want you to know that my door is open if anything changes. And I'm going to check in again in two weeks, just to see how things are going.' Then you follow through. You don't drop it. Luna: So you're patient, but persistent. That's a delicate balance. Lucas: It is. And it requires trust, which takes time to build. Especially for new managers who are still earning that trust. Luna: You know, talking about trust and support — it reminds me why we do this show the way we do. We keep it ad-free because we want these conversations to be genuinely useful, not interrupted by commercials for project management software. Lucas: That's right. And if you find value in that — if we've helped you think through a career move or a tough conversation — the best way to keep it going is to support us directly. The link is buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's a simple way to say this matters to you. Luna: Yeah. No pressure, ever. But every little bit helps us stay independent and focused on the stuff that actually helps new managers. Lucas: Alright. Back to the trenches. Let's talk about one more scenario — because I think there's a subtle distinction between burnout and disengagement that new managers often confuse. Luna: What's the difference? I've used those terms interchangeably. Lucas: A lot of people do. But disengagement is usually about a lack of connection to the work or the company. Burnout is depletion. A disengaged employee might say, 'I don't care about this project.' A burned-out employee might say, 'I care too much and I have nothing left.' Luna: So burnout is actually a sign of over-investment, not under-investment. That's a crucial distinction. Lucas: Exactly. And that means the solution for disengagement might be different — more autonomy, a new role, a clearer sense of purpose. For burnout, the solution is rest and reduced load. Luna: So if you misdiagnose burnout as disengagement, you might give them a stretch assignment when what they need is a break. Lucas: That's a recipe for losing a good employee. And the data backs this up. A Gallup study from 2024 found that burned-out employees are 63 percent more likely to take a sick day and 2.6 times more likely to be actively looking for a new job. Luna: So there's a retention cost to getting this wrong. Especially for a new manager who's trying to build a stable team. Lucas: Right. And I think the best thing any manager can do is proactively check the temperature of their team before someone crashes. Not just in one-on-ones, but in team settings. Ask the team: 'What's one thing we could stop doing that would free up time for the important work?' Luna: That's a great question for a team retro or a Friday check-in. It normalizes the idea that we can drop things. Lucas: Exactly. And when you do that as a new manager, you signal that you value people over process. That goes a long way in building the kind of team where someone will actually tell you they're burning out before they hit the wall. Luna: I think that's the takeaway: burnout is a systems issue, not a character flaw. And the manager's job is to adjust the system, not judge the person. Lucas: Well said. And if you're a new manager listening, I'd encourage you to try that draining question in your next one-on-one. It might open a door you didn't even know was closed.