Latest / Pastor John Piper's answers / Mom’s Role in Raising Boys

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Mom’s Role in Raising Boys · Pastor John Piper's answers

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  Well, Happy day after Mother's Day to all the moms listening in. Thanks
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  for listening to the podcast. You know we're often asked parenting questions. You
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  know that, Pastor John, and it's not uncommon to hear from moms who
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  want advice on how to raise young boys into men. This applies to single
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  moms and their special challenges in parenting, which we got into back in APGA
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  ten seventy five in the archive, but share with us, Pastor John,
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  just broad counsel that would apply to Christian mothers, whether they're single moms,
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  or moms married to non Christian men, or moms married to Christian men.
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  In these various situations, what's a mom's role in raising boys? The first
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  thing I would say to mom is teach your son. Teach him especially the
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  Word of God and how to see the world through that lens. If you're
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  married to a believer, you and your husband together teach the whole counsel of
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  God to your son. Hear my son, your father's instruction and forsake,
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  not your mother's teaching, Proverbs one eight. Or my son, keep your
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  father's commandment and forsake, not your mother's teaching, Proverbs six twenty. Remember
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  there's that wonderful story of Lois and Eunus in two Timothy where Paul says to
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  this young man, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed,
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  knowing from whom you learned it at two Timothy three fourteen. And who's that,
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  Well, that's his mother, Eunice and his grandmother Lois from chapter one.
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  We know that, and we know from acts that his father was not
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  a Christian. I think that should be encouraging to mother that Paul chose for
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  his missionary band a young man who was largely formed in his faith by his
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  mother and his grandmother. The next thing I would say is expect obedience from
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  your son. Children. Obey your parents, not just your father, but
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  your parents. Mother. Get your son to obey you may he obey in
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  the Lord if he's in six' to one. It's dismaying to me to
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  watch one year old, two three four year old kids make their parents miserable
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  because the parents have not required obedience at home, so in public they have
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  no control over them, so they don't get any kind of respect. In
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  public. The kids just do what they want to do. They wrap their
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  parents around their finger mom, you can require and receive obedience from your son.
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  Teach this little one from the earliest times with words and with spankings if
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  necessary, that you have God given authority in his life. He does not
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  decide what is acceptable behavior. You do all the time. Reward him joyfully,
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  make him happy in the boundaries that you set for him, do all
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  the good possible for him, and punish him appropriately for the bad that he
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  does. That's so crucial. If you want to have a happy home and
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  a happy public life with your children, and to be just plain obedient to
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  the scriptures, then I would say model strong womanhood. Peter says, and
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  you are her children. Speaking to the women in the church, you are
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  Sarah's children if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening love
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  everbs first Peter three six. The godly woman in the Bible is fearless because
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  she hopes in God. That's what it says. She puts her hope in
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  God or Proverbs thirty one. Strength and dignity are her clothing. She laughs
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  at the time to come, Oh, how needed in our day? Is
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  that right? I mean, everybody's trembling and wringing their hands about the time
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  to come, and the Proverbs thirty one woman is laughing at the time to
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  come. A son should look to his mother not as a weak woman who
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  is always anxious about tomorrow, but as a stable oak of righteousness who laughs
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  at the time to come because she trusts in a sovereign God. Then I
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  would say, honor the leadership and protective instincts of your husband. Let your
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  son see this now as the church submits to Christ this Ephesians five twenty four.
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  So also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. A son should
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  see a strong woman joyfully deferring to the initiatives and leadership and protection and provision
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  of her husband, the spiritual leadership of a strong man. Of course,
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  a Christian wife does not follow a husband into sin. That should be obviously.
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  She makes clear there is one supreme lord in my life, Jesus Christ.
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  But under that lordship she delights to honor her husband's leadership. And I
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  can't help it be a little bit autobiographical here, because I think some of
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  my thinking about competence in complementarianism was shaped by my home. I grew up
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  in a home where my father was away two thirds of the year, weeks
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  gone week at home, weeks gone week at home. He was an evangelist.
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  My mother, in his absence, did everything. She was, in
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  my view, omnicompetent. She taught me just about everything practical that I know
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  to this day. And she made me a worker. She'd made me love
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  diligence. She never once gave me the impression she couldn't do anything. She
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  paid the bills, She ran the little laundromat. She tried her hand at
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  amway. She climbed a ladder and painted the eaves of the of the rotting
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  house. She pushed a wheelbarrow. I watched the sweat drip off the end
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  of her nose. As we were digging our own basement, she pulled the
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  bermuda grass out and taught me how to get it by the roots so they
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  wouldn't go back. She loved flower beds. She taught me how to cut
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  the grass so that you overlap and you don't get skippers when you do the
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  grass cutting. She said, Johnny, put the potato. Cut the potatoes
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  like this and wait until the oil is boiling, because if you put the
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  potatoes in before the oil is boiling, they get soggy and you won't get
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  good fries. And when you make pancakes, wait until the bubbles around the
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  edge are forming, because if you try to flip them too early, they'll
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  flop all over the place. I mean, she taught me everything that was
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  to know practically in our home growing up, which taught me this lesson that
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  the biblical roles of a wife's submission and a husband's headship in marriage are not
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  based on competence, like you do this because you're get it. You do
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  this because you're get it, That's not the point. They are based on
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  the deeper realities of how God designed male and female and how we flourish in
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  those kinds of relationships. But when my dad came home from being away for
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  weeks, my mother beamed with joy that now he could lead. He'd lead
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  in the discipline of the children. He'd lead in giving counsel, he'd lead
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  in prayer. He would lead by saying, let's go to church, Let's
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  get there on time. He'd lead by saying, let's go out to eat.
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  He could model the small courtesies that a man offers a woman and a
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  boy needs to learn in the dynamic between a mother and a father, pulling
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  out her chair, opening the car door, checking out strange noises in the
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  house, and so on and on and on. A man is a man,
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  and a woman is a one. And a boy watches this, he
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  absorbs it. So as a boy, I watched that dance, that choreography,
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  and I marveled at my mother. In his absence, she could do
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  everything. In his presence. She loved it. She flourished when he took
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  that kind of manly initiative. That's what we need to show our sons that
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  they are not belittling or demeaning when they take initiative to protect, to provide,
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  to lead a woman. I would also say, point your son to
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  strong manhood in scripture, in history, in fiction, in media, and
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  in your husband. I don't mean necessarily when I say strong manhood, I
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  don't mean necessarily physical brawn. What I mean is true masculine, responsible,
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  mature, sacrificial, protective initiative with courage and strength. You don't have to
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  be a football player to be that kind of man. Find ways. This
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  is a word to mom. Find ways if there's no husband, to be
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  the model for your single mom. Find ways to point your son to the
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  kind of men who embody mature manhood. I think my mother was very jealous
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  that that happened in my father's absence. One last thing, expect strong manhood
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  from your son. Give the boy responsibility early on. Require as much as
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  you can as he grows older his manly behavior. Insist on politeness toward his
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  sister or towards you other women of the girls. My mother taught me,
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  don't you go through a girl's purse ever. Walk on the street side when
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  you're walking beside a young lady. In case there's a splash or some danger,
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  offer to open the door, pay for the date, use respectful language,
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  take responsibility, be willing to sacrifice. You build into your son as
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  a woman, what the appropriate dynamics are between a man and a woman.
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  To be biblical in your understanding of headship and submission. Now I know there's
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  so much more that we could say. Oh my goodness, so seek God's
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  wisdom in creating a healthy Christ, exalting home. Seek his wisdom. He'll
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  help you. If Dad is there, that's just great. He is crucial
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  in raising daughters, just as you are crucial in raising sons. And if
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  he's not, if he's not there, and your single mom. Trust God
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  to make up the difference. He's done that for thousands. God is faithful
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  and he works for moms who wait for him. Yeah. Amen, Thank
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  you, Pastor John. And those texts on a godly woman's fearlessness of the
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  future and Proverbs thirty one twenty five and one Peter three sixteen. Those passages
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  frame everything you have said on this podcast about strong femininity. And you can
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  see for yourself how those texts work out into all sorts of practical areas in
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  a woman's life. As you'll see in the new APJ book on pages two
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  thirty nine to two forty six. Read that whole section and just watch how
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  often Proverbs thirty one twenty five and for Speeder three six emerge over and over
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  in the podcast when Pastor John's talking to women. They are absolutely critical texts
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  for a woman's daily life. Well, I'm your host, Tony Ranky,
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  Pastor John, and I will see you back here on Thursday. See then,