Latest / Stuff Mom Never Told You / Happy Hour #241: The Burnt Haystack Theory

Transcript

Happy Hour #241: The Burnt Haystack Theory · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: And Samantha.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: And welcome to Stuff Never Told You, a production of iHeartRadio.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: And welcome to another edition of Happy Hour. And just
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: to take a quick glimpse behind the curtain, we are
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: recording this very early. It is September 22nd, 2026. And
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: we are just coming back from a voyage. Recording-ish, I
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: don't know. We've been back. Cross your fingers. Annie, stop
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: saying that.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: I didn't say anything, but I did cross my fingers
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: over the video.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: She keeps adding, like, if we come back. I'm like, ma'am.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: I've been watching a lot of horror lately. I can't.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: It's too much. I can't help it. You've been prone
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: to too many things. We don't need this energy. Anyway,
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: bringing it all back. Yes, it is another edition of
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: Happy Hour. If you're doing anything Happy Hour-ish, do so responsibly.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: We are currently not being sponsored by any of the
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: things that we're talking about. Things can change.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Who knows?
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: But for now, we're not. Yes, Annie, are you still
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: being on anything while we're doing this happy hour mini
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: episode recordings? Yes, I am on.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: I'm still from the last happy hour drinking my light beer.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: But I do want to mention I have a koozie
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Samantha gave to me for my birthday. And it's gold
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: and it's bedazzled and it's beautiful. And it matches my
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: Disco Luke outfit, and that is why she got it
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: for me for Dragon Con.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: And it was a hit.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: Everybody was like, matches, looks good.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: I had to get you something matchy-matchy for you to
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: be stylish as you're sipping your beverage while observing all
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: the chaos of Dragon Con, which was apparently pretty chaotic
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: this year.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: So glad you enjoyed it. It looks good. I was like,
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: I hope she understands why I'm buying this, not just
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: some random koozie. Shout out to the small shop that
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: I bought it from. I'm so sorry. I can't remember.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: I'll try to remember later on. Texas. Based in Texas. Cool, though.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: She got it done. She sent it fast. Thank you.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: I am sipping on a diet soda because I needed
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: some caffeine as we are trucking through in prep of
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: our many things that are happening in this season. But today,
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: for today, we are talking about something that I knew
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: nothing about, Annie, and you, I don't think, know anything
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: about until recently. And that's thanks to a friend of mine, Michelle,
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: who is still in the world of dating and navigating
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: online dating. And with that, all of the troubles that
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: come with it. But there is a new theory in dating, new-ish.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: I think it's been around for a few years, several years,
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: and I'm just very behind. We don't. you and I
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: as a Stuff Mom Never Told You Collective are obviously behind,
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: which is called the Burnt Haystack Theory. And I already
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: have a feeling we have some listeners out there who
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: are going to be like, oh my God, let me
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: tell you about it. So if you do, you know,
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: we want to hear all about it. But I was
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: kind of intrigued and I was told by my friend Michelle,
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: who was like, I am a part of this forum,
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: which is on Facebook, which is apparently how this kind
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: of started. Author and creator of this theory, Jenny Young,
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: was coming back into the dating pool, I guess, at
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: the age of 50 and realizing, oh my God, what
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: has happened? And started to do some idealizing and thought
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: processing about how the dating world was and how to
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: come up with this. And we're going to go specifically
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: to an article she wrote for the Huffington Post or HuffPost,
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: as the site says, HuffPost.com. She wrote this article in
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: 2023 saying, And it's titled Online Dating with Hill. Then
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: I tried one thing that turned out to be a
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: total game changer. So Jenny Young is a professor, I
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: believe an English professor from what I gather. And she
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: really went down this new rabbit hole. And I'm gonna
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: read a little bit to you real quick at the beginning.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: She talks about dating and she talks about realizing, oh
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: my God, what is happening in the world and trying
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: to figure out how to find dating. And she said,
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: Then late one night, bleary-eyed from scrolling and swiping, I googled,
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: how do you find a needle in a haystack? I
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: was really just fooling around, but when I saw the answer,
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: I got chills. The answer, the way you find an
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: actual needle in a haystack is to burn the haystack
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: to the ground. What you'll be left with is the
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: needle because metal doesn't burn. So this title is very
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: much on brand with that. So I believe in 2026,
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: she just released a book called Um, there's a lot.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: This is me trying to discover who this is, what
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: this was, um, and not doing like, I haven't read
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: the book. I haven't been in the dating world, but
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: obviously we talk about dating because it's a whole show
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: out there. And my friend Michelle was talking about this theory.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: She is a part of the forum. She's like, you
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: need to go on it. You need to see what
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: this is about. You need, you need to connect with
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: your listeners. What she said. She's right. It's true. So
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: she went into that. So I joined this forum. You
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: can't comment on this, but you can get a lot
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: of like different posts. Jenny specifically posts a lot and
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: does a lot of stuff on there. And then there's
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: also a forum where you can comment. So this allows
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: for other women to help each other. That's the intent.
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: So going back to what this was and who she
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: is specifically, I did find a Medium article who kind
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: of doesn't love this theory. So we're going to go
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: back and forth with this a little bit. But she
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: did write a descriptor about what this was. So she writes,
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: the writer being Ellie Klein, who she puts in her
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: Medium profile, your dating bestie. So she has opinions about dating.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: And she says this about the burnt haystack dating method.
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: It says, So she Googled in the question. And then
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: it says, in a nutshell, the burned haystack dating method
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: is about having a bitchy, as Jenny calls it, dating
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: profile that appeals to far fewer men in an effort
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: to repel the Mr. Wrongs and reveal the Mr.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: Rights.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: And it is about gaming the dating apps by blocking
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: instead of swiping left on every man who's a no
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: for you. Jenny considers blocking to be the online dating
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: equivalent of burning the haystack. She uses her education in
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: linguistics to decode men's dating profiles and immediately block the duds.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: So it's kind of like that type of level. Obviously,
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: if this article, Ellie is criticizing the method, she's having
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: a little more negative take on what she sees. But
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: in that Huffington Post article, Jenny writes this. I started
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: a Facebook group that I called Burned Haystack Dating Method.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: with a small group of friends and colleagues that now
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: grown to over 850 women across the globe, the vast
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: majority of us over age 40. We begin with my
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: burned haystack method and how I used it previously, and
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: we collectively hammered it into 10 clear rules for using
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: the dating apps to burn the haystack. Some of these
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: rules include, she says, we refuse to be pen pals.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: We refuse to fight with men or to waste any
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: of our time and energy putting them in their place,
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: even if they deserve it. Women still take a lot
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: of abuse online and aggression on dating apps. Instead, we
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: just block them. If a conversation is decent, but not
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: moving toward a meeting in real life within a week
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: or two, we block without further interaction. Block to burn
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: or B2B has become a mantra in the burned haystack
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: group because blocking is the only way to prevent the
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: apps from recycling matches. If you block rather than just
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: swipe left, you're assured of not seeing that guy again,
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: which means the app has no choice but to show
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: you new matches that might be much better. Some of
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: these rules are very clear-cut. No, we're just going to
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: block them. We're just going to block them. Which, you
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: know what? Actually, that makes sense because I was seeing
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: the same men when I was doing this. And this
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: was like eight years ago. Same men, repeatedly. And I'm like,
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: oh my God, constantly, why can't I find new matches?
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: And then my assumption was because I went through them all, So, like,
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: maybe this would have been a better method. I have
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: no idea. She kind of makes jokes about the fact
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: about blocking a lot of men. And in these conversations,
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: she's very clear. Like, don't play games, although this is
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: kind of a game, with the men. As in, like,
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: just going back and forth and back and forth. Just
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: let it be. So, when I was reading in the
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: forums with the advice columns, it was interesting to see
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: because there was a lot of arguments within them. Not
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: so surprisingly, one of the biggest questions that I saw
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: was about politics and a woman specifically asking about what
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: are other women's opinions when a man says they're apolitical
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: or not political or middle. And the argument back and forth,
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: I really think has brought into a whole different level.
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: And that is a sticky subject. We have talked about
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: this repeatedly. We even talked about the fact that men
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: are lying outright because they know this question is very sticky.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: And that answer is not suitable anymore. But this is
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: kind of one of those things that burned B2B. Like,
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: it's not, they don't like that profile. Move on. Moving on,
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: moving on, moving on quickly.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: So she....
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: Also wrote an article not too long ago. So as
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: of like April 2026, kind of expounding. And she talks about,
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: she being Jenny, talks about the five online dating red flags.
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: And she actually posts them up. So this is, I believe,
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: a little more in reference to Manosphere. Which, yes, yes,
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: I'm glad she's updated. The number one red flag, she says,
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: the test and apologize. So she says that this guy's
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: pattern is to text some sexual innuendo, then apologize before
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: you can even respond to test the waters. So she writes,
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: this is an innocent mistake. He's testing to see if
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: you're okay with being objectified. So she's like, that's a
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: red flag.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: Understood.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: Disciplinary directive. So she says, guys who employ this pattern
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: use their dating apps to, quote, lay down the law
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: with women. Telltale signs are phrases like, I'm a straight
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: shooter who isn't afraid to tell it like it is,
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: or please be fit, fun-loving, and open-minded. So I'm like, yeah,
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: you know what? That is true. If I saw you say,
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: tell me be fit, nah.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: Nah.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: Nah, you're gone. You're gone. Number three, red flag. I'm
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: the prize. Any man who kicks off an interaction by
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: issuing statements like, I'm really busy but will make the
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: time for the right woman is in this pattern. Um,
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: The fourth one, blue ribbon for bare minimum. Like, I
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: have never hit a woman. I don't think I've ever
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: seen that in a profile. Oh. That's horrible. That should automatically, yes.
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: You have to say that out loud. If you have
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: to even mention that. As if it's like a plus. Right.
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: This one kind of hit me with a huh, because
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: this is not something I've had to think about. The
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: number five is designing my AI girlfriend. So she explains,
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: these men seem to approach dating like online shopping. They
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: think they can filter for filled features, place an order,
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: and then sit back and wait for their product to
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: show up. Here's a recent example shared by a burned
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: Haystack follower. Quote, looking for a generous and enthusiastic petite woman,
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: must have natural hair color, no weird color streaks, long
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: curly and dark preferred, bonus points if you show up
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: in heels. So kind of that narrative of, like, this
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: is what I imagine I can have because I can
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: have it all, and this is what you better fit.
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: But that's, like, that level of, like, I'm going to
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: find that AI girlfriend I have in real life. Mm-hmm.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: Which is a whole different conversation I never really thought about.
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: So she has the book, burn the haystack, decode dating,
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: torch the dudes, and make room for men who matter,
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: which I think she's a doctor now, so I apologize.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: because she does have her PhD, but she never really
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: puts herself as doctor, but she has a doctor, so Dr. Young,
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: I apologize, because, you know, we love giving credit for
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: the things that you've been through, the education that you
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: went through. Yeah, accomplishments. Accomplishments, yeah, that's it. Interestingly, obviously,
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: other people are talking about it again. The Medium article,
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: which I think was written in 2024, so may have been, yeah, 2024,
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: so a year after this, like, a couple of years
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: after this big, like, oh, it's happening. This is what
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: she's saying. She really does not love this entirety because
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: she talks about her criticisms being that one, that block
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: to burn in itself. It doesn't allow for human error.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: It says for both you and her. So she says,
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: you might have been feeling particularly dismissive that day, or
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: you might have changed your mind about something over time
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: and decide it's no longer a deal breaker. And so
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: this might be like, oh, you shouldn't block them type
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: of conversation, which I don't know if I agree with that.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: There's some things about what I'm reading with the burnt haystack,
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: and especially what I'm reading in the arguments that are
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: happening within the forums that I'm like, oh, this is interesting.
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: But it's also interesting because when many of the women
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: who are like, I have gone through all this already.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: I'm ready for the burnt haystack theory, which I'm like,
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: or burnt haystack dating, which I'm like, you know what? Yeah, absolutely.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: I think I would be at that level as well
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: because one of the things that I've talked about in dating,
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: in my own understanding of dating and learning about relationships
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: is it's up to the individual about what they're willing
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: to compromise about and what's worth compromising about. And this
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: obviously goes to things like we both want to travel.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: If that's something like, maybe I don't want to travel
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: as much anymore. I'm fine with someone who's not. That's
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: a compromise. I'm not talking about, oh, he beats me.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: It's okay, though. He loves me. That's not the compromise
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: we're talking about here when I say compromise. But like
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: in understanding that if you get to the point after
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: doing all that, you're like, yeah, I have giant nose.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: And that's my reason for the burned hashtag dating method.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: And like, that's cool. You do you. That's absolutely fine.
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: But it's interesting because in these forums, we have women.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: And I wonder if they're bots. I wonder if they've
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: been infiltrated, even though they do all the questions. But,
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: you know, it's pretty easy to bypass those types of things.
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: Calling women misandrous, saying this site has just become a
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: whole site of misandry because you just hate all men.
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't think so because obviously they're in
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: here to ask how to find the right men in
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: this conversation. So I don't know how, and this is
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: obviously very heterosexual because it is geared for women who
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: want to date men. So it is interesting to see
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: some of those lines. Some people talking about being too picky,
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: in which I'm like, why are you in there if
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: you're not trying to be picky? Like, that's the point
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: of this, the whole forum. Why are you in here
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: arguing with people? I'm not really sure what the point is.
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: But asking, I guess in that other level of like,
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: they were asking, am I being too picky? Some of
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: these women come in with like, is this, should this
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: be a red flag? Should I be concerned? Should we
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: do these things? And I found that stuff interesting because again,
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: any extremes can be dangerous, I think, or can be off-putting.
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: But at the same time, a lot of these women
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: are learning about strength from other women. And I do
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: appreciate that. In that Medium article where she goes on
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: talking about whether it's okay to do the burning. She
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: talks about her own relationship and how, you know, had
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: she not given him a chance, these things. And that
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: could be true. I've talked to him many times about
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: my own relationship that I am very much that person
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: of like, if something goes wrong, you're blocked. Oh, well,
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: maybe I was doing it on my own. I didn't realize. But,
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: you know, like if you're an ex, you don't exist.
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: You need to live in the island of exes where
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: I no longer have to Think about you. Any of
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: those conversations. But like the first sign of problems, I'm like, yeah,
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: I don't want to deal with this. I'm moving on.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: I'm good at being single. And then my partner and
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: I ended up living near each other. So that wasn't
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: so easy to do, to just like ignore him and
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: block him. And then we were able to grow and
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: have a good relationship. But as my friend who was
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: the one that talked about this dating theory talked about,
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: he's a rarity in a lot of the ways because
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: he is very much like-minded as me and we are
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: very much in like the same realm on when it
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: comes to like understanding human rights and understanding political rights
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: and understanding like so many other things and trying to
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: grow together there are small things that I have to
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: compromise there are small things that he has to compromise
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: and we both give each other the side eye every
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: now and again and it's not perfect and we're not
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: going to be like there's no such thing there's always
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: going to be a little bit of conflict and whether
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: it be like how you do your dishes Mm-hmm. But
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: all those things to say, like, I can see where
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: this writer does talk about that. But at the same time,
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: I can also understand online dating is a whole different beast.
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: And sometimes parameters like this are really, really important. So
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: this book was just published in April of this year.
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: So I am interested in if anybody has read this
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: or has picked it up. But she did just recently
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: release it, I believe... It's gotten pretty good reviews in general,
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: and people do really love this method. So the burned
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: haystack dating method has now 298,000 members, while the advice
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: group has 17,000 members. So I mean, it's definitely growing.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: 298,000 people on a Facebook group is pretty phenomenal. I
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: do wonder the age gap in this. I do see
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: a lot of the people who are asking advice are
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: my age, so in their 40s-ish. Of course, you don't
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: always know their age. Who knows? But I am interested
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: in seeing how many people have used this method or
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: really think that this method is a good thing or
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: even a bad thing because it's an interesting tactic. And
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: in the world of online dating, sometimes guidelines are nice. Yeah.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: Look, I've never done it, but it sounds exhausting.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: So I kind of get the whole you know, what
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: if this is not going anywhere?
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: I'm good. Moving on.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: I don't need to deal with this. It's a time
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: suck and I don't need it. Well, this is really interesting.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: I hadn't heard about this.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: I feel like we're going to probably come back and
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: have a deeper discussion on this. But for now, there's
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: the surface.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the basics. But listeners, if you have thoughts about this,
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: if this is your method, please let us know. You
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: can email us at hello at Stuff I've Never Told
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: You dot com. You can find us on Blue Sky
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: at MomStuffPodcast or on Instagram and TikTok at Stuff I've
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: Never Told You. We're also on YouTube. We have some
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: merchandise at Cotton Bureau. And we have a buck you
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: can get wherever you get your books. Thanks as always
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: to our super producer Rima and our executive producer Maya.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: And thanks to you for listening. Self and Never Told
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: You is produced by Heart Radio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: you can check out the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: wherever you listen to your favorite shows.