Latest / Nightmare Success In and Out / Ghost Dope and the girl next door - Sabrena Morgan

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Ghost Dope and the girl next door - Sabrena Morgan · Nightmare Success In and Out

• 0:01
  What happens when your worst fear becomes your reality?
• 0:04
  Hi, I'm Brent Cassidy. Welcome to the Nightmare Success
• 0:07
  In and Out podcast, where we explore how to overcome your
• 0:10
  fears and nightmares to set yourself free.
• 0:13
  We're going to be exploring this topic with guys that was in
• 0:15
  Leavenworth with and others who survived their own nightmare.
• 0:20
  These stories can be inspiring, sometimes.
• 0:22
  Sad. There's some humor, but
• 0:25
  hopefully you can come away with a nugget of something that'll
• 0:27
  help you knock down some of the prisons you built up in your own
• 0:30
  mind. All right, Welcome back,
• 0:35
  nightmares, listeners. In and out.
• 0:38
  We're here. It's Friday.
• 0:40
  I don't know when we're going to release this, but it's Friday.
• 0:43
  Right now I I am so excited about the guest I have.
• 0:48
  We come and we listen to these stories because what happens
• 0:51
  when your worst fear becomes your reality.
• 0:53
  How do you adapt, survive. Overcome, set yourself free.
• 0:57
  Well, Sabrina Morgan, I have been deep in reading her blogs
• 1:03
  and and if you want to read Sabrina morgan.com, she wrote
• 1:08
  these blogs mostly from prison and it's just she's such a great
• 1:14
  writer and I just told her before we got on the greatest
• 1:17
  thing about her her writing is is that you really truly feel
• 1:21
  like you're right there with her.
• 1:22
  You feel what she's saying. You you you can actually.
• 1:28
  It's like you're walking beside her as she's writing and it's
• 1:31
  just it's fascinating. She has an unbelievable story.
• 1:36
  You know, it's it's kind of like she was a she was a kid, you
• 1:39
  know, talks about, you know, we'll we'll get into this.
• 1:42
  You know that she had a a great family growing up and she had a
• 1:45
  high school, You know, she ran cross country and volleyball and
• 1:48
  she got honors and academics and then you know, she she got into
• 1:54
  her life and things that had bothered her or had been a part
• 2:00
  of her. She started living a double
• 2:01
  life. She got addicted to drugs.
• 2:04
  She even got shot in the back of the head, which we're going to
• 2:07
  talk about, which is just she was a passenger in a car and
• 2:12
  shot by a police officer in the back of the head and survived.
• 2:17
  She eventually got nine years of sentence and she just got out a
• 2:22
  couple of years ago. And I just, there's so much that
• 2:26
  I want to talk to her about and I can't wait to unpack all this.
• 2:29
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• 3:07
  Tell them, Brent from nightmare success, since you welcome
• 3:11
  Sabrina Morgan. Thank you.
• 3:14
  Thank you for having me. Well, I am so excited to have
• 3:17
  you. And by the way, I forgot to say,
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  I, I we were talking about all the other things that you've
• 3:22
  been doing in a short amount of time.
• 3:26
  This crazy thing called TikTok. You have like 40 some odd 1000
• 3:32
  followers and you are so good on it.
• 3:36
  You know, now that I'm following you, every time you pop up, I'm
• 3:39
  like, what's Sabrina got to say? What is she saying today?
• 3:41
  And it's always so good, Sabrina, you and the funny.
• 3:46
  And you do funny things too. Like you were going to some
• 3:49
  fancy place and I can't remember what the gala.
• 3:52
  You were going to some gala gala and you had an ankle monitor on
• 3:57
  and you were wearing a long skirt and you're like, I'm going
• 3:59
  no big deal. This is a new fashion, new
• 4:01
  fashion piece here. Sabrina let's let's let's unpack
• 4:08
  all this because you have lived and you say this in your in your
• 4:14
  writing it has been a roller coaster for you and and you say
• 4:18
  so many different things and I wrote some of them down, but
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  they're like you know, the the fear and danger are not you know
• 4:25
  they're two separate things and you just, you go into all these
• 4:27
  different things that you know how people get because this,
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  this you know this show is about, you know, dealing with
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  your worst fear becoming your reality.
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  How do you get unstuck? How do you step forward into the
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  unknown. And a lot of people get, they
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  get confused with the unknown being danger.
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  And a lot of times it's just the fear of the unknown, whether
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  it's good or bad. But going back into your world,
• 4:52
  growing up as a kid, there didn't seem like there was a lot
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  of fear in your world. I mean, it sounded like it was,
• 4:59
  you know, your dad was an attorney and you had horses.
• 5:01
  And let me know what what all was going on with little Sabrina
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  back then. Little Sabrina Oh man, she was
• 5:09
  something I did. I didn't have any fear back
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  then. I didn't have any fear at all.
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  And I I didn't see anything as dangerous.
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  Unfortunately, I wasn't afraid of nothing.
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  And you know, I I traveled and did all the horse shows and
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  everything like that, but deep down I had terrible body
• 5:32
  dysmorphia and I was just convinced that I was so fat.
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  And I. Wasn't at all.
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  I had a six. I went back on pictures, but I
• 5:41
  remember the day that I was like, crying.
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  Oh my gosh, I'm so fat. And I had abs.
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  It's a mental thing I would love, huh.
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  It's a mental thing. It is absolutely mental.
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  So, so yeah, so I got into the diet pills early and then I got
• 6:00
  into math. I was just self, you know.
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  I'm so sorry. My dog is making weird noises.
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  I don't hear your dog. I've.
• 6:10
  I was just telling you, Wayne and Stanley, you know they they
• 6:13
  Stanley actually makes funny noises and he's a black lab and
• 6:16
  he he talks. I've never had a dog talk to me
• 6:19
  before, but it really freaks out our our guests when they come
• 6:23
  over to our house because. Yeah, yeah, these dogs are
• 6:27
  something else I a massive and then a pit massive mix.
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  So they're they're both. Something else but but yeah, but
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  before you got into the diet pills and that, you know you, I
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  mean, were you, did that happen to you when you were in high
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  school? Yeah.
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  So I I was a fat child early like second grade Ish.
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  I was like, I got pretty heavy and then I got into the horses
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  and when I got in, it wasn't for like a long period of time, but
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  you know, you get picked on. And so I was.
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  It was just heavy. I was just scarred by it.
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  And so I got into the horses. Well, right before I got into
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  the horses I started. I lost a lot of weight that
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  summer. And then and then my dad got me
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  my first horse. And the next thing I know, I go
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  from just having a horse to go into horse shows.
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  And when you start going to horse shows, then you need
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  another horse for this and another horse for that.
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  And so, I mean, I pretty much lived my life at the barn at my
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  horse trainer's house. And then you go into shows and
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  stuff. But you know I I remember like
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  we used to use this stuff for like stallions neck to like it
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  was this burning stuff that it was like it was a like a salve
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  and you put it on there and then you put like a wrap on there and
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  then you go work them and they would lose all the Cellulite and
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  the fat. And I remember putting that on
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  my stomach and wrapping myself up and going in 100 degree horse
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  trailer and thinking that was a great idea.
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  So, you know, and I was young, that was like.
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  I was really young when I was doing stuff like that.
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  So I was, if I think back along those lines, I'm like, I was not
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  right for a long time, you know, But I didn't have fear.
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  I didn't have it. There was no part of me that was
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  like, oh, I'm afraid to try drugs.
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  I'm like, cool, let's, let's give this a shot.
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  Let's see what this what this does and you and you, you talk
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  about that it wasn't anywhere around as part of your family or
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  anything like that and that you more or less Sabrina and you
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  talk about living, you know, two lives.
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  Like what age were you when you were living 2 lives?
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  You know, I I've gone back and forth on this.
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  I at first I was like, did I start when I was 12?
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  I think it was closer to 13 or 14 and I had a boyfriend that
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  had a car and he would drive me out to get it, so.
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  And that's where it really started.
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  He was the one that was like, hey, you want to try this?
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  And I'm like, sure, let's give it, let's let's try it.
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  So that's how that started. But I Did you feel like,
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  Sabrina, did you feel like that that was some type of escape for
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  you from these things that you had going on in your head, that
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  you were like demons that you were dealing with but you didn't
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  talk to anybody about? Is that what was going on?
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  Yes, that and you know. I have been ADHD back in my day,
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  but when the dinosaurs were still here, they didn't diagnose
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  for a right, Right. You're just hyper.
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  And you're hyper and hyper like you weren't catching, you were
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  distracted. Yeah, I was distracted and so
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  when I did it. Methamphetamines, just a
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  molecule or so off from Adderall and all the ADHD meds.
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  And so when I would do it, I could focus.
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  And I I mean, I did all my schoolwork, I let it in
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  academics and then I would go run 10 miles and do 1000 stuff.
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  And so it it really seemed to work for me well for a long time
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  and I could pull it off for a long period of time.
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  Like it? At first, I had a great
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  relationship with this drug. And then, you know, as
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  everything does, you know, it takes its toll.
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  And then you want more and more and more and you find yourself
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  in bad situations. I didn't go to parties and stuff
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  like that. Like people didn't know that I
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  was getting high. It wasn't a social situation for
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  me. Did your parents know?
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  No, absolutely not. They did not know.
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  No, no, I remember. One of the one of the guys that
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  did know, he told his dad. And I remember one of my horses
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  had colic and I've been at the barn all morning walking this
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  horse and walking this horse and walking this horse and it looked
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  like we were in the clear. If horses this thing can't, they
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  can't throw up so they can't poop.
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  You're in trouble. So this is the this horse was
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  the love of my life. I'm there walking this thing,
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  walking in and walking and walking and the day goes on and.
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  So that was like, I think we're okay, you know, take a break for
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  a little bit. And so my friend had called me
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  and he's like, hey, come over, you know, just stop by.
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  And I was like, I'll stop by just for a little bit.
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  So I stopped by and his, his family basically had like an
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  intervention with me. And they're like, we know what
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  you're doing. And so anyway, my dad called
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  right after all this was going on.
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  And was like, hey, you got to you got to meet me on Front St.
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  because we got to go to Columbia to get an emergency colic
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  surgery on the source. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, OK.
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  So my friend's dad who was a cop, actually, he drove me to
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  take me to my dad and he dropped me off.
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  And when I got in the truck, he leaned in and he said don't let
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  her out of this truck until she tells you everything.
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  And I was like, so we're cruising along, you know, my
• 12:03
  dad's super laid back, like, he's just like.
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  He's like the perfect dad. He's just laid back and, you
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  know, not a judgmental person. And so, you know, we're cruising
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  along and he's like, OK, so it's like, what do you have to tell
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  me? And I'm like, I do a lot of
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  drugs. And then I was like, I've
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  basically done every drug, every way that you can do it.
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  And I said I prefer meth. And he's like, oh, OK, how old?
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  How how old? Sabrina, do you think you were
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  then? 2021 ish it was.
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  It was before I I hit law school and I had made it into college.
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  You know I I I was successful with my grades with with all
• 12:52
  that stuff and then but I was I was losing it mentally I was
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  really starting to suffer mentally and and it was it was
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  showing you know you can't hide that forever and so.
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  He was like, I just thought maybe you were crazy.
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  I was like, oh, OK And so we drive to Columbia, which is
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  about 3 hours from where we were horses in the trailer.
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  And you know when you go to a college surgery with a horse,
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  you you got one shot you can you get them nice and feeling good.
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  And then you make that journey and if something happens on the
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  road, if they go down, you're in trouble.
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  So, you know, it's a pretty intense.
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  It's always a an intense journey anyway.
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  So then this didn't help at all. But he was like, OK, So what do
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  you want to do? I was like, well, I guess I'll
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  go to rehab. And he's like, OK, do you have
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  one that you want to go to? And I was like, well, my friend
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  Brian goes to this one and he said their ice cream was really
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  good. He said, OK, is that where you
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  want to go? I was like, well, yeah, they've
• 13:57
  got really good ice cream like that, you know?
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  Young and just dumb and just, you know, there's an emotional
• 14:02
  train wreck going on in your life or like, what?
• 14:04
  I'm ever just getting some ice. Just give me, take me where the
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  ice cream's good. So we went, we got to Columbia
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  and the horse. We went to the horse, went
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  through surgery and we stayed until about, I don't know, I
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  think it's 5:00 in the morning by the time they were done.
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  And so went and back up, and we watched the whole thing.
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  And then we left. And we drove back to Kansas
• 14:31
  City. The horse had to stay there for
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  a month. And so anyway, I I want to say
• 14:37
  that was like a Thursday. I don't know why I think it's a
• 14:40
  Thursday, but I think it was a Thursday because Friday we.
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  So it was Friday when we're driving back.
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  So we drive back and we get back to Kansas City and he's like
• 14:52
  Okay, we'll call. We'll start calling on Monday to
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  get, you know, something going with rehab.
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  And I'm like, okay. And so I didn't really think
• 15:03
  much of it. I I was like, you know, I'll be
• 15:08
  fine. I didn't even think about the
• 15:10
  withdrawal or the come down or anything like that.
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  And so I want to say it was like probably Sunday night.
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  I was hallucinating so bad and I felt like a truck could hit me
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  and. I felt like all my bones were
• 15:27
  like, I I had to go to the bathroom and to get out of my
• 15:32
  bed. I had the army crawl to the
• 15:33
  bathroom and I'm like, what is happening?
• 15:36
  Like, this is insane. And that same night this friend
• 15:42
  of mine called and was like, I need to tell you something and
• 15:46
  I'm like, okay. Well, what else?
• 15:48
  What else do you have to say? You know.
• 15:51
  Randomly out of the blue. And he was like, I just want you
• 15:53
  to know that this guy's been putting heroin in the mess that
• 15:56
  you've been doing. And so it wasn't that I was.
• 15:59
  I wasn't really coming off this mess.
• 16:01
  I was coming off heroin, too. And so I will never forget that
• 16:05
  feeling for as long as I live. Like that was unbelievable.
• 16:09
  So I think it was like Tuesday, by the time we made it, to get
• 16:13
  into the rehab. And, you know, I went, I went
• 16:17
  through the whole thing. I was real honest with them.
• 16:18
  I was. Kind of into it at this point.
• 16:21
  I was like, okay, You know what? I can do this.
• 16:23
  That's fine. I had become so good at hiding
• 16:27
  for so long that when I had that opportunity to, like be honest
• 16:31
  about it, it did feel good. But I went and they were like,
• 16:36
  so you need talk. So I I explained everything to
• 16:39
  them. I I told them that, you know
• 16:41
  what I would withdrawals that I'd gone through the
• 16:44
  hallucinations and all that stuff.
• 16:46
  And when I got done, they were like.
• 16:49
  You have managed to detox yourself for almost 5 days now.
• 16:54
  So I don't think you're a candidate for inpatient.
• 16:58
  You can do outpatient. And I'm like okay, you know, and
• 17:03
  So what does that mean? So I had to go there.
• 17:06
  No ice cream. There was ice cream, I know, but
• 17:10
  you weren't going to get ice cream if you didn't stay.
• 17:14
  Well, I mean, during the day, they still had ice cream.
• 17:16
  Okay. All right.
• 17:18
  There was a whole freezer full of it.
• 17:20
  It was, I don't think it was special ice cream.
• 17:23
  I think it just tasted really good because of coming off all
• 17:25
  the drugs and then you're like, so which that leads me to, you
• 17:33
  know, I I didn't, I I didn't do well without, you know, because
• 17:40
  I was gaining weight. And so I think I'm not a fan of
• 17:44
  having sugar at at. Rehabs, but that's not my,
• 17:47
  that's not my circus or my monkeys, you know, whatever.
• 17:49
  But they actually put me into another group with eating
• 17:55
  disorder people. And it was interesting to go
• 18:00
  between the two because like the eating disorder portion of it,
• 18:04
  you know, they don't have ice cream hanging from the ceilings
• 18:07
  and they're everything you talk about isn't isn't your bad
• 18:10
  eating and stuff. You know you you try to work
• 18:13
  through like their body issues and stuff and then you go to the
• 18:16
  the drug rehab portion of it and all they want to talk about is
• 18:19
  drugs the entire time like so that portion of the day was just
• 18:24
  spent talking about drugs, talking about drugs, talking
• 18:26
  about drugs. I'm sorry that was not helpful
• 18:32
  and and it was not long until I was using again because you know
• 18:37
  everybody's telling their they. They didn't have a really good
• 18:40
  facilitator. They didn't have people that
• 18:43
  were there to like kind of guide you through it.
• 18:45
  People were just basically in there telling war stories.
• 18:47
  And so that that's not how doesn't work.
• 18:52
  And so it wasn't long. I was back into doing drugs and
• 18:56
  I I did, I I went to one year in law school and during that year
• 19:04
  I quit again. I quit everything.
• 19:06
  I was like I'm done, done with it.
• 19:09
  But my idea back then of being sober, I was doing, still doing
• 19:13
  cocaine, you know what I mean? Like, I was still doing cocaine
• 19:16
  at parties. I was still drinking heavily.
• 19:19
  I wasn't sober wasn't clean. I was not.
• 19:22
  I was still in a terrible state of mind.
• 19:24
  And and then I developed panic attack.
• 19:26
  I found out my first panic attack was and I was like this
• 19:30
  this is not for me. You know this this this is
• 19:32
  nothing. This is not going right.
• 19:34
  This is not how I how I saw it and.
• 19:37
  I had worked for. I clerked for a guy who's on
• 19:40
  what they call the death squad. And so he only represented
• 19:44
  capital murder cases. And so there was a little girl
• 19:49
  that, you know, going through some of these cases didn't
• 19:51
  bother me, You know, dudes killing dudes.
• 19:53
  Who cares? I don't care.
• 19:54
  It doesn't bother me. I could look through pictures
• 19:56
  and eat a sandwich. That doesn't not bother me.
• 19:58
  But there was a little girl that I remember.
• 20:00
  There was a manhunt that is like the first real public manhunt
• 20:04
  that. They, you know, it was all over
• 20:08
  the news. Little Pamela Butler was
• 20:11
  kidnapped and Keith Nelson was the guy that, you know, he he's
• 20:15
  kidnapped her and raped her and killed her.
• 20:17
  And so I went into work and there was, we're representing
• 20:22
  him. And I got into that and I
• 20:25
  remember sitting on the floor looking up at my boss and I was
• 20:29
  like, how do you represent this guy?
• 20:31
  Like, how do you do this? And he was like, everyone has a
• 20:35
  right to a constitutional right to a fair trial, which, you
• 20:40
  know, obviously going to the federal system later on.
• 20:42
  That that statement kept ringing through my ears.
• 20:45
  And I'm like, Are you sure about that?
• 20:47
  Because I don't know. But so I, I decided law school
• 20:50
  was not for me. And I decided I needed to get,
• 20:53
  you know, try to get some things figured out.
• 20:58
  And then I got into I I sold like a DT security door to door.
• 21:04
  And I did like wrap jobs for like, Winston and marble for
• 21:08
  cigarettes, going to bars once then and then and then I got
• 21:14
  into real estate one day. I remember I got up and I went
• 21:17
  upstairs and my mom was like, what are you going to do today,
• 21:20
  honey? And I was like, I'm going to go
• 21:21
  be a realtor. And she's like, you're going to
• 21:24
  be the best realtor. Ever.
• 21:27
  You know what I mean? Like.
• 21:28
  Yeah, you're a big cheerleader, right?
• 21:32
  That's the type of family. Well, you're gonna do the best.
• 21:34
  You're gonna be the best one ever.
• 21:37
  And so I did, and I did pretty well with that.
• 21:42
  And then I met my ex-husband and in a whiskey filled six months
• 21:49
  of my life and I say I know I'm married and bought a house, you
• 21:55
  know, did all that stuff. And then I, you know, year and a
• 21:59
  half into it, I was completely sober.
• 22:01
  Like I was like okay, this is my time.
• 22:03
  Like this is my opportunity. I'ma change my life.
• 22:05
  This, this will be because he didn't do any drugs.
• 22:08
  He drank but he didn't do any drugs.
• 22:09
  So I'm like, this is it. Like this is going to be the
• 22:12
  thing and and I did fine with that, I didn't.
• 22:17
  Have Did he know, Sabrina? Did he know about your past and
• 22:22
  that you were trying to get sober and all that kind of good
• 22:25
  stuff? You know, I'm a weird creature,
• 22:28
  and I don't necessarily tell anybody what's going.
• 22:31
  I'm really bad about that. I'm terrible about being like,
• 22:34
  OK, this is what's going on with me right now.
• 22:36
  Like, you'll hear about it later, but nobody around me,
• 22:39
  like, knows really what's going on.
• 22:41
  I can talk about nothing for hours, and you can feel like
• 22:45
  we've had, like, deep conversations and I've said
• 22:47
  nothing. I'm bad about that.
• 22:49
  Like, it's one of my things that people are like, oh, yeah, I
• 22:51
  know her really well. And they're like, what do you
• 22:53
  know about her? Nothing.
• 22:56
  She just talks to you about nothing.
• 22:57
  She just talked. Yeah.
• 23:00
  Bit saddened. Yeah.
• 23:02
  And so I had been cleaning a year and a half.
• 23:05
  I had my daughter. I adored her.
• 23:10
  I did not adore him. And that was, you know, starting
• 23:14
  to go downhill. And then when she was four, we
• 23:16
  got divorced. And it wasn't the divorce that
• 23:20
  bothered me. It was sharing custody to
• 23:22
  somebody that was never there to be around her, you know what I
• 23:25
  mean? And that's when I started.
• 23:28
  That was my slippery slope straight off the edge.
• 23:32
  And I got, I actually went to doctor, I got some Adderall,
• 23:35
  some Xanax. You know, they love to prescribe
• 23:38
  that. And the next thing you know,
• 23:41
  you're back off into it again on a much worse scale than I've
• 23:45
  ever been on, you know what I mean?
• 23:47
  Like, it was bad. So I had my daughter week, week
• 23:50
  on, week off. The weeks that I had her,
• 23:52
  nothing was going on the minute she exchanged hands with my
• 23:56
  exhusband. It was a wild, Wild West around
• 23:59
  here. And you know, and here I am,
• 24:01
  double life in it. And it can't live that way.
• 24:05
  You can't survive that way. You're just surviving that way.
• 24:07
  You're not. You're never gonna thrive that
• 24:09
  way. So.
• 24:12
  Were you still selling real estate at that time?
• 24:15
  Yeah, I was. And pulled it off for a while
• 24:19
  until I wasn't, until I just started.
• 24:23
  Yeah, it was just too much gone over the edge and I was just, I
• 24:27
  was losing it. Like mentally, I was so angry.
• 24:30
  I was just so angry and angry. It is a funny thing for me
• 24:35
  because I. Well, you write about that.
• 24:37
  I do, yeah. I mean, that's one of your
• 24:39
  points is to figure out what to do with anger, because you can
• 24:43
  kind of change gears and put that anger like in a workout or
• 24:46
  whatever else that your passion is.
• 24:48
  You find another obsession and get away from the anger.
• 24:52
  I have to be so careful with angry.
• 24:54
  I have to be really careful with it, cuz I'm really good at it.
• 24:57
  You know what I mean? Like, yeah, that's the one
• 25:00
  emotion I feel confident with. I'm like, I'm good with it, but
• 25:04
  it's dangerous for me. So you start sliding off this
• 25:07
  slippery slope and you know that you are, yeah.
• 25:12
  Where does it end up, Sabrina? So you know when you're involved
• 25:19
  with people and you are selling large quantities of drugs, you
• 25:24
  don't have just being like, well, I think I'm going to stop
• 25:27
  now. That's a rough deal.
• 25:29
  Especially a female. You know people are like going
• 25:32
  to come over and try to hey you need to go get this.
• 25:35
  You know that's that's not that's a hard 1 to get out of.
• 25:39
  And so I I was in a car with the guy that was wanted and he was
• 25:47
  driving. We're about a mile from my house
• 25:50
  and it was late. He had done something I can't
• 25:54
  remember. I think he worked on my he come
• 25:56
  over, was working on my 4 wheel drive on my truck and so we took
• 26:00
  him for a test drive and we were turning around.
• 26:02
  We're getting ready to come back and you know, I'm in.
• 26:06
  I'm rural area, so there there's not a lot of cops out here.
• 26:09
  But it was, it was late and I it was after midnight and a cop
• 26:13
  rolled up and turned the lights on and he's like, I'm wanted and
• 26:19
  I'm running and I and you know, honestly, I didn't care.
• 26:24
  I didn't. I wasn't like, Oh no, don't do
• 26:27
  that. I'm like, cool, all right.
• 26:29
  I just put my seat belt on. Whatever, You know, I think
• 26:32
  that. The No Fear Girl?
• 26:35
  What the No Fear girl? Yeah.
• 26:38
  Yeah, so we went he he takes off, but the cop didn't chase
• 26:44
  us. And we get up over the hill.
• 26:46
  There's another cop that puts like throws out stop sticks that
• 26:50
  he was clearly not trained on because they didn't make it more
• 26:52
  than a foot past his foot. And so this guy just took a
• 26:55
  right turn. And we're going.
• 26:58
  And I was like, you know, nobody's really chasing us.
• 27:01
  Like, what's happening? Something's real weird.
• 27:03
  And so we took another turn. And I was like, I think this is
• 27:06
  the dead end. Like, I don't think he should
• 27:07
  have turned here. So he turned back around, and
• 27:10
  we're coming up over the hill. And here's this cop that's
• 27:15
  pulled over quite. He's got his lights off.
• 27:17
  He's sitting in the ditch, and he's got a gun pulled out.
• 27:20
  And I can see this. And I'm like oh and he shot into
• 27:25
  the front of the vehicle. But then he and he had a
• 27:29
  flashlight that he shined into the car and saw where I was at.
• 27:33
  And as as we went by he shot five times at the back of my
• 27:37
  head in a very tight pattern. And so there was two in my
• 27:42
  headrest, there was one in my head and there was two in the
• 27:46
  dash. And so, yeah, So when that
• 27:55
  happened, the guy driving said, Oh my God, they're shooting at
• 27:59
  us. And I said, yeah, I know.
• 28:01
  I just, I was like, I had to put my hand up.
• 28:02
  I was like, yeah, I just got shot.
• 28:05
  And when in those crazy situations, I'm the calmest.
• 28:08
  So I'm like, Yep, I just got shot.
• 28:10
  And he's like, what? I mean that blood was just
• 28:12
  pouring everywhere. And I was like, he was like, I
• 28:15
  gotta get to the hospital. I was like, you're not getting
• 28:17
  me anywhere. It's like I'm hopping out at the
• 28:19
  stop sign. So I jump out, I'm, I just
• 28:21
  slammed the door and then and I'm like, just go.
• 28:24
  And so anyway, I'm standing there and I'm like, what in the
• 28:28
  hell am I going to do? You know what I mean?
• 28:31
  Like, I'm bleeding out. Like, this is not good.
• 28:35
  And I remember, like, looking like all the cops, like,
• 28:37
  surrounded me. And I remember looking down, I
• 28:40
  could see the blood running into my boots.
• 28:41
  And I was like, oh, this, this is not good.
• 28:45
  This is not good at all. And so anyway, I started testing
• 28:49
  them out. I'm like, what I was like, is
• 28:51
  that your policy to shoot the passenger of the vehicle?
• 28:54
  Like you didn't even try to stop the driver like, so you just
• 28:58
  shoot the passengers. We were unarmed.
• 29:00
  There was no drugs in the car. There was no nothing.
• 29:02
  There was no good reason for any of it.
• 29:05
  So and I know, I know that this county was angry with me and
• 29:08
  they couldn't figure out what was going on.
• 29:10
  They pulled me over. They could never find anything
• 29:12
  And so they you know, I don't I don't know I I need to do the
• 29:19
  FOIA on that that police report. But I again, I'm, I'm just, I'm
• 29:25
  concerned about my anger. Yeah, but I know it's gonna
• 29:28
  bring some things back and I'm gonna be really pissed off about
• 29:31
  it. But.
• 29:32
  So did Sabrina. Did they?
• 29:35
  I know they they surrounded you, but did they immediately take
• 29:38
  you to the hospital? I mean, you actually got shot in
• 29:40
  the head and it was locked in your head.
• 29:44
  So I'm standing there and the one cop was like, can you just
• 29:48
  put your hands on the front of the car so that I can pat you
• 29:51
  down? I'm like, yeah, sure.
• 29:53
  So like, I'm finger painting in my own blood on the top of this
• 29:56
  cop car. And I'm like, they just kind of
• 30:00
  looked at me like I was a circus animal.
• 30:02
  I was like I had. A I mean, it had to be like an
• 30:05
  adrenaline thing that you were on, because I can't imagine that
• 30:08
  you were just acting normal after getting shot in the head.
• 30:12
  No, I mean, but I was this calm. Yeah, I mean, telling everybody
• 30:17
  about themselves, But I was this calm and it was very strange.
• 30:20
  But like, I remember the ambulance came well, there was
• 30:24
  one cop that kept trying to put like a maxi pad on my head and
• 30:27
  I'm like, dude, just stop, just just just go away and nobody.
• 30:32
  And one cop pulled up and I was like, he's just staring at me.
• 30:35
  And I was like, because I mean by this time, Blood's
• 30:37
  everywhere. I was like, I'm not a circus
• 30:40
  animal, you need to go. And he's like, OK, but getting
• 30:44
  that ambulance, and I remember the ambulance driver was like,
• 30:50
  he, I had a, I have a lot of hair and I had it up in like a
• 30:53
  bun. And he was like, did your hair
• 30:56
  stop it? Did your hair stop the bullet?
• 30:58
  And I was like, what he was like, it's not all the way
• 31:02
  through, like, it's in your head, but it's not all the way
• 31:05
  through. And I was like, what?
• 31:08
  That's a weird thing to say, which I'll come back to that
• 31:11
  that that it's an interesting thing.
• 31:13
  But anyway, so when I got to the hospital, the feds showed up and
• 31:18
  I knew what time it was because they were never, they could
• 31:21
  never catch, they never caught me with anything.
• 31:23
  And I was doing wrong. And you know, the feds don't
• 31:27
  need much of anything that it just goes, So then that's all
• 31:30
  they need. But when they set up to the
• 31:33
  hospital, I was like, yeah, I'm hit.
• 31:35
  This is not going to be good, but the guy was still on the run
• 31:39
  supposedly. And so they searched my house.
• 31:42
  And when they searched my house, they didn't find any drugs, They
• 31:44
  didn't find any paraphernalia, but they did find my 12 gauge,
• 31:48
  which was, I mean it was legal for me to have.
• 31:52
  It was not a felon they took, they took a picture of that gun
• 31:56
  and then they hit the drug trafficking with the furthance
• 31:59
  of a weapon. And that's that's how I got
• 32:01
  that. Yeah.
• 32:03
  So how long were you in the hospital?
• 32:09
  I was on the hospital not very long.
• 32:12
  They oh, that was the other thing too.
• 32:14
  They kept trying to tell me it was just glass in my head.
• 32:16
  And I was like, I can smell my flesh and my hair burning from
• 32:22
  the bullet which is smells like my body is on fire.
• 32:26
  That is not glass. It's bullet.
• 32:28
  So they they ended up. It was.
• 32:30
  It had not. It had not gone it.
• 32:32
  It pierced my skull, but it had not through.
• 32:37
  I'd be dead and I don't know how.
• 32:40
  It's a God thing. I currently believe it like I'm
• 32:43
  here for I better do some things because I think I'm here for a
• 32:46
  reason. So.
• 32:50
  So yeah, I was. I I remember.
• 32:52
  I remember all that because they kept trying.
• 32:54
  They kept giving me drugs and I was like, you can hit me with
• 32:57
  all that you've got in this hospital.
• 32:59
  I'm not going to sleep till you pull this thing out because I'm
• 33:01
  going to sue them. You know, I'm going on and on
• 33:04
  and I never did. Do that.
• 33:07
  But they didn't. But, Sabrina, they didn't arrest
• 33:10
  you there, did they? No.
• 33:12
  So what? How long did it?
• 33:14
  How long did it go that these feds show up then that they come
• 33:19
  and get you. The feds showed up that night.
• 33:23
  The night that I got shot. They were there that night.
• 33:25
  I remember talking to them with a bullet in my head okay and and
• 33:30
  they and some of this almost sounds like far fat.
• 33:33
  You're like what you're just sitting there.
• 33:34
  Yes. I I mean like it was so weird
• 33:37
  and so surreal. I've never heard anything like
• 33:40
  that. And I talked no, no.
• 33:43
  And it was adrenaline because when I after they took that
• 33:48
  bullet out all I remember from there on was flashes.
• 33:51
  Like, I remember I I can see flashes of me in a shower with
• 33:56
  nurses trying to hold me up and I'm just, like collapsing.
• 34:00
  And I I have flashes of me in a hospital bed with a pink
• 34:06
  handcuff on because I remember talking shit and I was like,
• 34:10
  yeah, give me bring me some pink handcuffs.
• 34:12
  Anyway, I remember a flash waking up and there was a pink
• 34:15
  handcuff and I'm just kind of looked over at the officer that
• 34:18
  was sitting there and that, and I don't remember what happened
• 34:21
  after that. And the next thing I know, my
• 34:23
  dad was getting me from the hospital.
• 34:26
  And that's an interesting thing because you know your your
• 34:29
  family loves you and they want to support you.
• 34:32
  But at the same time like what do you do with this like?
• 34:35
  Well, they had to have been scared to death.
• 34:37
  I mean, you were in a car, you got shot in the head, and your
• 34:39
  dad picks you up to take you home.
• 34:41
  I mean, I can't imagine. I mean, I'm a girl, Dad.
• 34:43
  I just. I cannot imagine what your dad
• 34:47
  was thinking and how scared he was.
• 34:50
  Yeah. So you get home.
• 34:51
  What happens after that? I mean what what?
• 34:53
  How does your world, your world has to be like in a in a spin
• 34:57
  cycle. You know you would think after
• 35:00
  all that that I wouldn't want to do drugs and they they sent me
• 35:04
  home with like 20 parking sets and I was like this is it after
• 35:09
  staples. So I had just, I had the bullet,
• 35:12
  but then I had a bunch of glass in the back of my head, so I
• 35:14
  had, I had 19 staples total in your head and so.
• 35:19
  In your head. You had 19 stables in your head,
• 35:21
  right? Yeah.
• 35:23
  Yeah. And so they sent me home with
• 35:26
  like 20 Percocet. And it wasn't, you know, it
• 35:30
  wasn't too long after that that I, you know, somebody would
• 35:35
  bring me stuff over. I I didn't.
• 35:37
  I didn't. I wasn't interested in stopping.
• 35:39
  How? How are you not interested in
• 35:40
  stopping after that? I don't know.
• 35:44
  You know, I don't know what part of my brain was, was like, Oh
• 35:47
  yeah, let's keep going. Why not?
• 35:49
  Why? Why stop here.
• 35:51
  But it was that was in February and by by June, the end of, no,
• 36:00
  I'm sorry, July is when I was indicted.
• 36:04
  Okay. So how how did that occur?
• 36:06
  Like did they did they, did they ever talk to you again, Sabrina,
• 36:10
  or did they just show up and and this many months later, you
• 36:15
  there, you? What happened?
• 36:17
  Did you get that They break down your door?
• 36:19
  Did they tell you to come down and talk to them?
• 36:21
  Did they just serve you an indictment, like what happened?
• 36:26
  Yes, yes. They talked to me multiple
• 36:30
  times. They had me confused with
• 36:35
  another girl. Well, I wanna talk about this
• 36:38
  because this is something that I think is very interesting about
• 36:42
  your case. I think it's a lot of what some
• 36:45
  people don't know because in prison it's it's a very common
• 36:50
  thing. The ghost dope is talked about a
• 36:53
  lot when you get out or you you're around people that don't
• 36:57
  want anything, they don't have never really heard of it.
• 37:01
  Ghost Dope, Can you walk us through how that happens in the
• 37:05
  federal system? Sure I can.
• 37:08
  So ghost dope is, it's this simple.
• 37:14
  Say somebody gets pulled over in an area and the cop was like,
• 37:19
  hey, do you know such and such? And they're like, yeah, I know
• 37:23
  her. And they're like, OK, we'd like
• 37:26
  for you to come in and make a statement and they're like, OK,
• 37:28
  cool. So they go in and they make
• 37:29
  their statement. You know, the the bigger, the
• 37:33
  more weight they can give them the better, the better it is for
• 37:37
  them because you know they the way to drugs and so ghost stuff
• 37:42
  is not actual drugs. It's actually just statement by
• 37:48
  people. It's there's no physical there's
• 37:51
  there's no need for physical evidence.
• 37:53
  And so you know people were happy to tell on me, I I didn't,
• 37:59
  I didn't. You know, I deal with a lot of
• 38:01
  people, not very many people at all, which was interesting when
• 38:04
  I, you know, when I sat down and read my whole discovery, I was
• 38:08
  like I some people I knew exactly who they were.
• 38:11
  Some of it you could tell it was just completely made-up.
• 38:14
  And so that's just what goes up is it's statements by people
• 38:17
  that are generally trying to get out of trouble.
• 38:20
  They're generally drug addicts, and they're typically people
• 38:25
  that you would never give any credibility to, yet they will
• 38:28
  take their, their statement like it's a gospel.
• 38:30
  So if I said, hey, I suffer it with a kilo of methamphetamines,
• 38:36
  they'd be like, okay. Sounds good.
• 38:38
  Thank you. Did you see him do anything
• 38:40
  else? Did you see any guns with him?
• 38:41
  And they're like, oh, yeah, I saw saw him with a 12 gauge and
• 38:44
  they'd be like, great, thank you.
• 38:47
  And that's that. And you can't, you can't fight a
• 38:51
  goat because, you know, if if I was to take that to trial, all
• 38:59
  of those same people would line up and be like, Yep, that's what
• 39:02
  I said, yeah, I just, yeah, I said that And then but there's
• 39:06
  no physical evidence to back it up.
• 39:08
  There's no credibility. Like they don't care who these
• 39:11
  people are. And there was, there was some
• 39:15
  people that made statements that then apparently they they tried
• 39:20
  to black blackmail my family and I guess had reached out to my
• 39:23
  attorney and was like, yeah, we'll recant our statement.
• 39:26
  We really don't know who she is. But they had put a lot of weight
• 39:30
  on me and they were they were willing to to recant their
• 39:34
  statements was too late. Like, feds don't care about
• 39:37
  that. And there was a girl that was
• 39:40
  living in a hotel that was close by that I literally had been to
• 39:43
  that place one time. That's it.
• 39:45
  And they were like, they believe that I was her.
• 39:49
  They're like, yeah, you've been living in that motel for all
• 39:51
  this time. I'm like, I I live in a house.
• 39:54
  I live in a house in the country.
• 39:55
  Like, I don't go to hotels. I was like, wait a second, can't
• 39:59
  you guys check the records like? It was an intern situation.
• 40:04
  Like check the records, You'll know who rented that room for a
• 40:07
  whole year. But they didn't really care to
• 40:10
  do that. They were more interested in
• 40:12
  just getting me. It seemed like so.
• 40:14
  Which was a big shock to you because you thought with you
• 40:17
  looking through this discovery they had on you and all these
• 40:22
  statements that you could just go back to him with your
• 40:24
  attorney and say, by the way, that actually isn't me.
• 40:27
  That's somebody else. And here's the proof that it's
• 40:30
  not me. But what you found was, is
• 40:32
  that's like an Ant talking to an elephant.
• 40:36
  Yeah, it is. It's irrelevant at that point.
• 40:40
  I mean, the people that were trying to extort money and
• 40:44
  stuff, they did end up taking that off.
• 40:46
  And it didn't come down until sentencing where they were like,
• 40:50
  hey, we did make some mistakes. Yeah.
• 40:52
  But all of that time. So yeah, like going through
• 40:55
  statements and going through all this stuff.
• 40:57
  And they were just convinced that I was this girl in this
• 40:59
  hotel. And I'm like, I've never been to
• 41:00
  that house. Like I was at the hotel one
• 41:03
  night for just 5 minutes and that's it.
• 41:07
  And then I passed. I was like, that is not me.
• 41:09
  This is, this is simple. Like all you have to do is check
• 41:12
  the records, check the cameras. You know what I mean?
• 41:15
  Like, yeah. There's cameras everywhere
• 41:18
  anymore, I mean, right? With your dad being an attorney,
• 41:24
  obviously he wasn't a criminal defense attorney was did that
• 41:27
  help you being able to talk to him and and work through
• 41:31
  different things with your attorney or was it was how did
• 41:34
  that whole thing work for you and what was going on in your
• 41:37
  mind with all this? Like, what were you thinking?
• 41:40
  Well, so when I got arrested, I got arrested.
• 41:45
  I I remember coming up over the hill and seeing my whole entire
• 41:50
  driveway full of very official vehicles.
• 41:53
  There was like, Rangers out in my pasture and like, they
• 41:57
  swarmed me with like giant guns and I'm like, whoa, I'm like,
• 42:02
  can I go pee before we do this? And they're like, no.
• 42:06
  And so that was that. They took me to Clay County
• 42:12
  first. Just here, just for a small,
• 42:14
  just amount of time. And then we went on to the
• 42:16
  federal courthouse. And my dad, let's see, it seems
• 42:25
  like I was able to make one phone call to my dad just very
• 42:28
  quickly. And I was like, hey, they're
• 42:31
  they're they're picking me up right now.
• 42:33
  And so they took me to when I got to the federal courthouse,
• 42:39
  you know, you go into those little holding rooms and you're
• 42:42
  kept on ice, you know, And then they brought me out to the
• 42:47
  courtroom, which wasn't that something?
• 42:50
  I mean, what an intimidating moment to be handcapped,
• 42:54
  shackled. You know, never, never.
• 42:57
  I've never been in prison or anything before.
• 42:58
  So being handcapped and shackled and coming in and sitting at
• 43:01
  that table and then having that plop down in front of me and I
• 43:05
  was like, oh, you know, United States versus Sabrina Morgan.
• 43:08
  That's. Maybe the most intimidating
• 43:11
  thing you'll ever see in your life is the United States of
• 43:14
  America versus your name. Yeah, absolutely.
• 43:18
  I have a really, I have. I've had a my attorney's great.
• 43:21
  He's actually one of my friends, one of a good friend of mine
• 43:24
  now. And I really, you know, he
• 43:27
  fought really hard for me. You know, things are starting to
• 43:30
  change and people, it seems like, you know, people are
• 43:32
  getting less time and they're able to negotiate some more
• 43:35
  stuff just in the people that I've talked to.
• 43:37
  But you know, when I went, when I was going through all this,
• 43:40
  there was not much room for negotiations.
• 43:42
  There wasn't much room for you could have the greatest attorney
• 43:45
  ever and you're not going to take it to trial.
• 43:49
  You'd be an idiot. Take it to trial.
• 43:50
  Especially something with Goat Stoke.
• 43:52
  Because like I said, you cannot fight a goat, You can't do it.
• 43:58
  So yeah. So when you get, when you get
• 44:01
  down to this Sabrina, first of all were you able to bond out or
• 44:05
  that that was that it was that they kept you?
• 44:08
  Flocked up from the time they got you till the time that you
• 44:11
  ended up doing your plea bargain.
• 44:15
  So they I stayed whatever. When I got picked up, I traveled
• 44:21
  to Osceola to like a little federal holding down there.
• 44:26
  And I was there I think two nights.
• 44:29
  And then they let me out. They let me bond out and my dad
• 44:33
  was at me. I went back to court and they
• 44:37
  were. I was able to leave with my dad
• 44:39
  and that was one thing and my dad.
• 44:44
  One of the things that we talked about, I think it was last week
• 44:46
  when we were talking on the phone, is that you had the same
• 44:50
  amount of time on pretrial that I did.
• 44:51
  Was that three years? And yes, that is a weird world
• 44:58
  to live in, to be indicted and being on pretrial.
• 45:04
  And having that amount of time to have these thoughts in your
• 45:08
  mind of all the things that go on from morning till night,
• 45:13
  right? Oh, no, it's crazy.
• 45:15
  I mean, pretrial is more prison. More of a prison than prison.
• 45:19
  Yeah. By far, yeah, it was the
• 45:21
  hardest. It was by far the hardest of the
• 45:24
  whole. My whole journey was pretrial.
• 45:26
  How did you handle it? What did you do during your
• 45:28
  three years of free trial? You know, it was a very
• 45:32
  interesting situation. I had a really great pretrial
• 45:36
  officer who came out and saw me. He was, I don't know, it's just
• 45:43
  he we clicked like, I I trusted him.
• 45:45
  And he was a good guy. And he was like, listen, he's
• 45:49
  like we, why don't we get you into rehab?
• 45:52
  You know, we'll pay for it. I would like to get you in this
• 45:55
  program and I'm like, okay, you know, you went through the whole
• 45:58
  codaphone thing. You're going to be doing all
• 45:59
  these U A's. But he's like, I'd like to get
• 46:01
  you into this rehab program. And I'm like, OK, OK, I'll do
• 46:05
  it. And so I had done the rehab once
• 46:09
  before. And I was like, OK, well, here
• 46:11
  we go. But this one was not like that
• 46:14
  one and that it wasn't. You weren't allowed to talk
• 46:18
  about your horror stories, and you weren't.
• 46:20
  You didn't just sit there and talk about drugs the whole time.
• 46:24
  It was different. And it was an outpatient rehab.
• 46:27
  And I actually went there for about 9 months.
• 46:31
  At first I was going every day and then I got, you know, went
• 46:34
  down to four days a week, then three days and two.
• 46:37
  But yeah, I was there for nine months.
• 46:40
  And I met a lot of great people, a couple of them I still talk to
• 46:45
  actually. But I mean, I got into it this
• 46:50
  time. You know what I mean?
• 46:52
  Like, I don't know. It was because I felt like I was
• 46:54
  fighting for my life in so many ways, but I was fighting for my
• 46:58
  life like this was it. This.
• 47:00
  This had to be the end because like, this life wasn't working
• 47:03
  anymore, obviously. And that whole thing, you know,
• 47:07
  I hate the embarrassment that I caused my family, but I needed
• 47:12
  all of that to happen so bad, you know what I mean?
• 47:15
  Like, I needed that drama to pull me.
• 47:19
  It was the only thing that was going to bring me out of my life
• 47:21
  that I was in. Yeah.
• 47:24
  It was the only thing that was ever going to Get Me Out of that
• 47:28
  dark, the darkness that I was in.
• 47:30
  So but yes, pretrial is absolutely the most horrendous
• 47:34
  thing. And they superseded my case
• 47:37
  twice and that's what took so long to to do it.
• 47:42
  But I I remember, you know, you you're out and people like, ohh,
• 47:47
  you're doing so good. You went to rehab.
• 47:49
  You know, there's no way they're going to give you prison time.
• 47:53
  And I had one friend, one friend, he he was my, he was my
• 47:58
  life coach basically. He had been through the federal
• 48:01
  system and we worked out and stuff together.
• 48:03
  And he he was like, I would come to him.
• 48:06
  Like I I think I started working out with him about midway
• 48:10
  through my pretrial. So I I, you know, worked out
• 48:14
  with him for about a year and a half before I went in.
• 48:17
  And I was like, what do you think?
• 48:18
  Like, you know, these people are saying I won't get any time.
• 48:20
  And he's like, I want you to listen to me.
• 48:22
  You're going to get some time. You're going to get time.
• 48:25
  You are going to. And I want you to wrap your head
• 48:28
  around that. You're going to prison.
• 48:30
  You're going to go away for a while, and then you're going to
• 48:33
  come back. And he's like, your parents are
• 48:35
  going to be older, your daughter's going to be older,
• 48:37
  You're going to miss a whole bunch of things.
• 48:39
  But you're going to be fun and you're going to get out and
• 48:43
  you're going to go on with your life and you're still going to
• 48:45
  have plenty of life to live. And I was like you don't think
• 48:50
  for a second he had to tell me that one time.
• 48:52
  He had to tell me that about 45 million times like every single
• 48:56
  day. Like I mean I would break down.
• 49:00
  I I'm fairly strong person. I broke down.
• 49:03
  I cried more on pre trial than I've ever cried in my entire
• 49:06
  life. The emotional and then looking
• 49:09
  at my daughter and knowing that I was going to be leaving her
• 49:12
  behind, I. Had to be, just had to be like
• 49:15
  and then what? Sabrina, what were you thinking
• 49:18
  like? Like, how was she going to be
• 49:19
  taken care of? Was it going to be your parents?
• 49:22
  Was it the sharing of that with your exhusband?
• 49:24
  Like what? What happened with your
• 49:25
  daughter? So my exhusband up until the
• 49:31
  time I was sentenced, he, you know, I I still had my visit for
• 49:35
  my my time with her. And then even when I was on in
• 49:39
  federal holding he she was able to come see me once a week and
• 49:43
  we talked on the phone everything say.
• 49:45
  And once I was sent in he took off to Florida with her and cut
• 49:49
  ties with my whole family which she she's very close to and let
• 49:54
  anybody talk to her. She would she would hide it was
• 49:59
  horrible. But she would hide when I was in
• 50:02
  prison she would find a way to get a hold of my dad and you
• 50:05
  know we got to do some video visits and stuff like that.
• 50:08
  But that was horrible, horrible. Let's talk about when you got
• 50:13
  sentence too, because that you didn't get a light sentence.
• 50:17
  I mean, were you thinking, you know, when you was get down to
• 50:20
  sentencing your plea? Because I know some of the
• 50:22
  things I read was, is that there was even a longer sentence than
• 50:27
  the nine years. When you got that nine years,
• 50:30
  how did you swallow that? You know, I don't know.
• 50:36
  I I that day is just a bunch of flashes.
• 50:39
  You know how you compartmentalize and you just
• 50:42
  kind of, I felt you're in headlights.
• 50:45
  What I remember that day, I remember walking in my the whole
• 50:49
  courtroom was full of my family. My friends and all my loved ones
• 50:53
  were there. I mean, it was packed and I had
• 50:56
  to read my statement and go through all that stuff.
• 50:59
  And, you know, a lot of stuff came out that there was mistakes
• 51:01
  made. Some things happened because I
• 51:04
  was looking at a lot more time and the judge took it easy on
• 51:08
  me. I mean he could have very easily
• 51:12
  just given you know give me 15 years but my PS:.
• 51:15
  I you know the original 1 red light on on the first go of it
• 51:20
  and some of that stuff did get taken off.
• 51:23
  It was, it was just it was crazy to me It it was it was such a
• 51:29
  hard time but. Did they take you that day,
• 51:33
  Sabrina, or did did you get an opportunity to have those two or
• 51:36
  three months of more weird time before you went in?
• 51:40
  No. So I was when I took my plea in
• 51:44
  Missouri. If you are, if you have a
• 51:47
  federal, you know, indictment, you, when you take your plea,
• 51:51
  that's when you turn yourself into the marshals.
• 51:54
  So I had been, so I was on free trial for three years.
• 51:57
  I took my plea. I turned.
• 51:59
  I turned myself into the marshals that day and I was on.
• 52:03
  I was in federal holdings for one year before my sentencing.
• 52:07
  Wow, yeah. Wow.
• 52:11
  So it was. That sounds like a lot.
• 52:16
  So we tell me about that. Well, you know, Federal
• 52:22
  Holdings, you're in there with everybody.
• 52:29
  Every custody level, right, Every custody level and
• 52:32
  everybody's treated like they're you're in Mac security.
• 52:39
  I got really comfortable there. Really.
• 52:42
  You got like a good routine. You mean, I got a great routine.
• 52:47
  I remember I was doing something and the warden came through and
• 52:51
  I was like, hey, we have a DVD player, cuz it's very we can get
• 52:55
  some workout videos. And she was like, yeah, yeah,
• 52:58
  I'll bring some down. And I was like, that's the art
• 53:00
  of pacification. I'm like, you know, that's a
• 53:02
  lie. No, we had opportunity videos
• 53:05
  like 2 days later. So I was like cool.
• 53:08
  So I had a good routine there. I I was very dark before prison.
• 53:14
  I got saved in federal holding. I had, you know, that was my
• 53:18
  first time with real incarceration.
• 53:20
  You know, I so I I had a well when I first got there I you
• 53:25
  were an intake for a couple days and the only thing that we had
• 53:30
  to read was the Bible. And I was like it was like an
• 53:32
  old King James, you know, I was like I'm sorry I start reading
• 53:35
  from the beginning and then the lady that was in there was like
• 53:39
  why do you read this? She's like, oh, it brings me
• 53:41
  comfort. I'm like just this brings you
• 53:44
  comfort. You know what I mean?
• 53:46
  Like it's. Hard to read, I'm sorry.
• 53:48
  It's the King James Version, Yeah, yeah.
• 53:51
  So anyway, I'm like, okay, you know, whatever.
• 53:55
  And so it was like before the last episode or the last season
• 54:00
  of Game of Thrones. And I was, I started reading and
• 54:02
  I was like, well, it's kind of resembles the Game of Thrones.
• 54:05
  So, you know, whatever, We'll just keep going.
• 54:07
  But I I made friends with a girl, It was in there for, like,
• 54:11
  similar charges. And she was funny.
• 54:16
  So you would try to talk to me about different stuff.
• 54:18
  And I just wasn't having it. And then she's like, OK, I'm
• 54:21
  going to tell you a Bible bedtime story.
• 54:23
  I'm like, OK, whatever. So she starts telling the story,
• 54:27
  like, after, but she's doing it in a gangster version.
• 54:30
  And it was the funniest thing I've ever seen.
• 54:34
  And I laughed so hard, like, I couldn't even try to do it
• 54:37
  justice to do this. So I don't, I'll never forget.
• 54:41
  And I was like, OK, where is that at?
• 54:44
  And she's like, this is where you're going to read.
• 54:46
  So anyway it went on like that. So I ended up getting saved and
• 54:51
  I I became really close to the chaplain who was an amazing man.
• 54:55
  Like he was just very kind very non judgmental.
• 55:00
  And you know I was like I got on through a lot of stuff and I I
• 55:03
  really, I want to work through this.
• 55:06
  Like I think this is where I what I'm supposed to be doing.
• 55:09
  And so I worked through some books that it was a lot.
• 55:15
  It was a lot, a lot. But it did change me quite a
• 55:19
  bit. It it did not the King James
• 55:22
  Version but it you know it have in my face.
• 55:26
  It did bring me a lot of peace and so that's what I I've held
• 55:30
  on to that and and it's it's prison was a blessing for me.
• 55:37
  Let's let's talk about it, cuz I mean you spent a whole year in
• 55:40
  there and then you you get transferred to Pekin in Illinois
• 55:45
  for all those down in the Cayman Islands listing.
• 55:47
  That's just not too far from Kansas City and St.
• 55:49
  Louis. But you you you went to Pekin
• 55:55
  IL. How big, How big a camp was
• 55:56
  that? It was less than 300 people.
• 56:01
  Okay, that's about where I was at.
• 56:03
  We had we had 400 people. So what was after spending a
• 56:07
  year in in this strange kind of detention lock up?
• 56:11
  Did did it feel different for you to get to a camp?
• 56:15
  Well, yeah, it was wonderful. Yeah, it was the most glorious.
• 56:20
  But I do have to back up just a second though, because I I had
• 56:24
  to do 2 two trips on Conair too. Oh boy.
• 56:27
  So when I when I left federal holding.
• 56:31
  You ended up in Oklahoma. Is that where you've.
• 56:33
  I did. Yeah.
• 56:34
  Wow. Yeah.
• 56:35
  Wow. Yeah.
• 56:36
  And it's funny, I I did the full tour.
• 56:40
  So yeah, I, you know you fly all day long because you go pick up
• 56:44
  people all over the place and then you know you they they fly
• 56:47
  to the to the ramp or whatever and then you you know shuffle
• 56:52
  your way up to the these weird little steps that you have to
• 56:55
  stand on for them to unshackle you.
• 56:58
  But, you know, after all that, that's when you find out where
• 57:01
  you're designated. Because up into that time,
• 57:03
  nobody's told you where you're designated.
• 57:05
  And I remember that guy was like, yeah, you're going to
• 57:09
  Pekin Satellite Camp. And I was like, I don't think
• 57:13
  you're right. Like, I don't think I'm going to
• 57:16
  because I guess in my head I was such a criminal because of my
• 57:20
  points and because. But I had no criminal history.
• 57:23
  So it did make sense. But for some reason I wrapped my
• 57:25
  brain. What do you mean?
• 57:28
  So I just kept messing with the officers and I'm like, hey, can
• 57:30
  you look that up and make sure that's still there?
• 57:32
  And he's like the last guy was like, listen to me, you're going
• 57:35
  here. Like what is wrong with you?
• 57:37
  I was like, I don't know, dude, I don't know.
• 57:40
  So we did our I was, I think I was in Oklahoma City for like 5
• 57:45
  days and then we flew out of there and ended up in Pekin and
• 57:54
  the flight. So we landed in Rockford and
• 57:57
  Pekin's about 3 hours away. And it's so weird that Con Air
• 58:02
  is something else cuz you know, they circle the plane with all
• 58:04
  these giant guns. I mean, the airplane itself is a
• 58:07
  little spooky, cuz it's not that grave an airplane.
• 58:10
  Well, I'll tell you something funny, Sabrina is like, I mean
• 58:13
  strange or odd funny. So I I voluntarily surrendered.
• 58:18
  And so that's kind of weird too, because you just stand at the
• 58:20
  gate, you know, you stand at this, you know, Leavenworth 1879
• 58:24
  built. It says it looks like Shawshank
• 58:26
  Redemption. You just stand there.
• 58:27
  And it was like really cold day, but it was like nobody was like
• 58:32
  that. Nobody's there but me.
• 58:33
  And I'm just standing at this gate.
• 58:34
  So I'm in prison for a year and a half and I have to go back to
• 58:37
  our civil trial. So that means I have to travel
• 58:41
  from Leavenworth to Saint Louis. And the guys were like, oh, no,
• 58:45
  it'll be good. You know, the marshals are cool
• 58:46
  and, you know, you'll, you'll even eat Taco Bell or McDonald's
• 58:49
  in the way. So I think, OK, well, I go up
• 58:53
  and they call me. They never tell you what's going
• 58:55
  to happen. That just happens.
• 58:56
  So you know, they don't want you to know anything.
• 58:58
  So I get locked up in the, in the, you know, the big place for
• 59:02
  about four or five hours. And I'm thinking obviously
• 59:05
  there's been some kind of mistake or something.
• 59:06
  What's going on? They finally come get me and
• 59:11
  they shackle me. And it's this Warren County
• 59:15
  sheriff with another sheriff and we thrown into van.
• 59:19
  And it's the first time I've been handcuffed the whole time.
• 59:21
  I mean, I I get shackled like, you know, I had just murdered
• 59:24
  somebody. But when I came back, remember I
• 59:28
  could voluntarily surrendered at this gate.
• 59:30
  You know, I said, hey, I'm here. And you know, they opened up the
• 59:32
  gate and take me in when I come back in that van.
• 59:36
  I'm shackled. They pull out rifles.
• 59:39
  They surround the van with four rifles, with guards to walk me
• 59:44
  back into the prison I voluntarily surrendered to.
• 59:46
  It was crazy. It's crazy.
• 59:51
  And I walked past that place all the time to my job.
• 59:55
  You know, on the outside of the fence and I come back to, you
• 59:58
  know, after, you know, four or five, six days.
• 1:00:01
  I've been up in this county jail and you would have thought that
• 1:00:03
  I'd, you know, murdered a whole family.
• 1:00:06
  It was crazy. Right.
• 1:00:09
  Your your county jail experience was probably similar to my
• 1:00:12
  federal holding. Yeah, it's.
• 1:00:13
  Horrible maximum. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:00:18
  I was glad to be back at Leavenworth, and that's a really
• 1:00:21
  weird thing to say, but I was. Well, I wanted, I want to dive
• 1:00:26
  into because I think where you're you kind of found
• 1:00:29
  yourself in prison which some people you know there's two ways
• 1:00:33
  to go in prison. One just you kind of curl up in
• 1:00:36
  a fetal position for just totally give up.
• 1:00:38
  And the other people are figuring it out.
• 1:00:40
  They adapt. They they find things.
• 1:00:44
  Sabrina, what happened to you like when you got there?
• 1:00:46
  Because I know you start writing you start doing, you start.
• 1:00:48
  What happened to you? So I I've been working out like
• 1:00:54
  a psychopath in Federal Holding And so as soon as I got there,
• 1:00:59
  people would be like, are you a personal trainer?
• 1:01:01
  And I'm like, yeah, no. You'd be anything you want,
• 1:01:07
  President. Yeah, you can.
• 1:01:10
  That's The funny thing, too. Anything you want in prison.
• 1:01:13
  And people, I mean, they're. I mean I'm at the richest people
• 1:01:16
  the the I don't know how many people were said they were pro
• 1:01:18
  athletes and I mean it was crazy what everybody thought they
• 1:01:21
  could be in prison. Yeah.
• 1:01:23
  So anyway, you you you didn't say that you were the trainer,
• 1:01:28
  but you could have been. I could have been.
• 1:01:30
  So I I started. I they were like, hey, can you
• 1:01:35
  teach a stepper row in class? And I'm like, I don't think you
• 1:01:38
  know me. I don't have any rhythm at all.
• 1:01:40
  Like, what are you talking about?
• 1:01:42
  And it was so funny because, like, because the separomic lady
• 1:01:46
  had left and I tried to do a couple classes.
• 1:01:48
  I mean, I couldn't hit the beat. I couldn't do anything.
• 1:01:51
  And I was like, and whatever, I never would have ever signed up
• 1:01:56
  for this. I was if I was out in the real
• 1:01:57
  world. No, wait.
• 1:01:59
  But this girl and I, I, we got out these old DVD's.
• 1:02:05
  And there I was like, OK, we're going to learn some moves, put
• 1:02:08
  this DVD and this lady is like, going crazy all over the thing.
• 1:02:11
  And I'm like, I'm not doing that.
• 1:02:13
  So I was like that step. Basically I'm just like teaching
• 1:02:18
  aerobics class, jumping on this board and stuff.
• 1:02:20
  But it turned out pretty good. I mean, I really enjoyed it and
• 1:02:25
  I taught a lot of, I took, had a lot of fitness classes, but I
• 1:02:28
  worked, I was a food service, warehouse, inventory person and
• 1:02:33
  so. I was too.
• 1:02:36
  That's, that's where that's that's where my job, my first
• 1:02:39
  job was in the food warehouse. Yeah.
• 1:02:41
  I even got forklift certified, which for the friends that have
• 1:02:44
  known me forever find that fascinating, I am forklift
• 1:02:49
  certified as well. Yeah, I did the whole thing.
• 1:02:51
  And I mean, it was interesting. Well, so our warehouse house,
• 1:02:56
  the food for the camp and for the men's next door, the prison
• 1:03:00
  next door. And so it was a decent size
• 1:03:03
  warehouse but it was a good job. I I originally when I first got
• 1:03:09
  there, I started mowing. I was like, here, I'll drive
• 1:03:10
  because I can drive a tractor. So they're like, you can drive
• 1:03:13
  to the big tractor. I'm like, yes I can.
• 1:03:15
  So I'm driving this 6100 with a batwing on it the cruising
• 1:03:18
  around the past. And I was like this is the best
• 1:03:21
  life ever. I can't you know this is
• 1:03:22
  wonderful. I don't care if it's 100
• 1:03:24
  degrees. I don't care.
• 1:03:25
  It's just perfect. I'm so happy.
• 1:03:28
  And the warehouse boss, I kept being like, hey, I know you guys
• 1:03:32
  got food in there. I'm hungry.
• 1:03:33
  What's up anyway? So his lead person was was going
• 1:03:37
  to be getting out of prison. And so he was sent for me and
• 1:03:40
  was like, what's up do you want to do to inventory?
• 1:03:42
  And I'm like, yeah, I can do that.
• 1:03:44
  So that's what I did the rest of my time, I I did.
• 1:03:47
  That was my job the entire time. And I really liked it.
• 1:03:52
  I ate well. I mean, I got to eat like fresh
• 1:03:54
  stuff more than anything, you know.
• 1:03:58
  So that was good. But the I I would work all day
• 1:04:03
  during that during the during the week.
• 1:04:05
  And then I would work out in the gym at night and there there
• 1:04:10
  was, there was just such a different energy there.
• 1:04:12
  Like, it's just raw, you know what I mean?
• 1:04:14
  Like, everybody's wearing the same thing.
• 1:04:17
  Everybody's at Ground Zero, like nobody's better than anybody
• 1:04:21
  else. And that was incredibly for some
• 1:04:24
  reason, like, you just didn't have to care.
• 1:04:27
  Like you're not going to have like everybody's got the same
• 1:04:31
  clothes, you get the you get different shoes.
• 1:04:34
  Boy, I'll tell you what they're going to be like, what are
• 1:04:37
  those? But but there's there's
• 1:04:40
  something, so there's something healing about it.
• 1:04:43
  At least it was for me. I read a lot of self help books.
• 1:04:46
  I read a lot of books on habit and I kind of fell in love with
• 1:04:50
  that because I'm kind of an obsessive person.
• 1:04:53
  So I'm reading these books about habits and now I'm hyper focused
• 1:04:58
  on my habits and so I'm like, okay, this is my time.
• 1:05:01
  It's my time to train myself up for the rest of my life.
• 1:05:04
  I can create these habits right now and that's what they can
• 1:05:09
  take out with. Well Sabrina, the big deal about
• 1:05:12
  that, cuz I think you just dropped a big nugget of wisdom
• 1:05:14
  there is that you can have motivation but.
• 1:05:18
  Your motivation wears out. So you you have to have
• 1:05:21
  discipline and habits that keep you going through that because
• 1:05:24
  that becomes what you do as a routine because you're people
• 1:05:27
  think, well, I just need to get motivated.
• 1:05:29
  Well, that actually is not the case.
• 1:05:31
  You have to have the habits that keep the discipline, that keep
• 1:05:35
  you going into the steps you want to go to.
• 1:05:37
  That's a big, big deal. Yeah, yeah, it it was, it was a
• 1:05:42
  big deal. It was it was something that I
• 1:05:47
  just, you know it. I'm an obsessive person.
• 1:05:49
  If I'm going to do something, I'm going all in.
• 1:05:51
  Go bigger, go home. I mean bored, help me.
• 1:05:53
  But yes, I so I really started paying attention to like
• 1:05:58
  everything that I did and like from the morning when I start
• 1:06:02
  brushing my I get up and brush my teeth and I would start
• 1:06:06
  setting my intentions for the day.
• 1:06:09
  And I was hyper focused on like throughout the day.
• 1:06:12
  Like, is what I'm about to do. Like is this gonna help me with
• 1:06:15
  the trajectory in my life? That's where I wanna go, cuz
• 1:06:18
  like people would be like, no, don't worry about working out,
• 1:06:20
  let's go watch this TV show. And I'm like that's not what I'm
• 1:06:24
  trying to do. Yeah.
• 1:06:25
  You weren't wanting to waste your time.
• 1:06:27
  Yeah, I didn't wanna waste a second of it because I was very
• 1:06:33
  much into. You were preparing to better
• 1:06:36
  yourself to whenever you got home.
• 1:06:39
  You talked about your brother and.
• 1:06:42
  Your brother really telling you to blog and you were like, what?
• 1:06:47
  What's a blog? And then you like, started
• 1:06:49
  writing and you started writing from prison and these great
• 1:06:54
  blogs that went out into the world.
• 1:06:58
  Yeah. So he came to me and was like,
• 1:07:00
  you have a really interesting story and I think you should
• 1:07:03
  blog about it. And I was like he'd, he'd come
• 1:07:06
  to visit me and he was like, I really think you need to do
• 1:07:09
  this. And I'm like, with a blog and he
• 1:07:11
  was like, I'll send you some examples.
• 1:07:15
  Well, so he sent me some examples.
• 1:07:17
  So what I would do is I would pick a topic and I would start
• 1:07:19
  writing about. I would write about it all week
• 1:07:21
  long, sometimes when I'm at work, sometimes like after my
• 1:07:24
  workouts. But I would always make sure to
• 1:07:25
  write like 250 words, minimum, minimum, just that's it.
• 1:07:30
  And you, you're a writer. So, you know, like normally 250
• 1:07:34
  words turns into like a page or two or three or four, you know,
• 1:07:37
  just depending on food, whatever you're doing.
• 1:07:40
  And so I would, I would write that all week long.
• 1:07:43
  And then Friday night when everybody else was watching the
• 1:07:46
  Friday night movies, I was landing my plane and I put my
• 1:07:51
  story together, putting my blog together and getting it ready to
• 1:07:55
  go. And so then Saturday morning, I
• 1:07:58
  would get up and the computers would come on at 6:00 AM and I
• 1:08:00
  would start typing and I would type for 30 minutes.
• 1:08:04
  And then of course you kicked off the computer for 30 minutes
• 1:08:07
  and so I would do that throughout the day in between
• 1:08:09
  workouts and everything else and so.
• 1:08:12
  And we were saying, Sabrina, that you've got to learn to type
• 1:08:14
  fast in prison because it charges five cents a minute
• 1:08:17
  while you're typing. So you got to really get that
• 1:08:19
  down. You get really.
• 1:08:21
  You become the fastest. I mean, I can whip stuff out so
• 1:08:26
  fast. Boy.
• 1:08:28
  Yeah, I mean, it is. Funny, but the other thing about
• 1:08:32
  that though, Sabrina, It had to be for you.
• 1:08:36
  Going through all the stuff that you've gone through and a lot of
• 1:08:38
  the things you said, you were living a double life, and so you
• 1:08:40
  were kind of keeping a lot of things in the things you write
• 1:08:42
  about now and in these blogs, you're letting it all out.
• 1:08:46
  That had to be a huge release from you, almost like a freeing
• 1:08:48
  of the mind to you're in prison, but you were freeing your mind
• 1:08:52
  out of your own prison of the mind.
• 1:08:55
  Yeah. About federal indictments, as
• 1:08:58
  you know is, you know, you can't hide that necessarily.
• 1:09:01
  I mean, I guess you really could if you really worked at it.
• 1:09:04
  But I mean, for the most part, like, you know, my whole
• 1:09:06
  community knew about it and and there there was no hiding.
• 1:09:11
  Like, once I was indicted and once I was sentenced, there was
• 1:09:14
  no hiding that, like, you know, all these articles and all these
• 1:09:18
  terrible things that were, you know, if you Google my name and
• 1:09:21
  it comes up and there it is, that's that's all you can't hide
• 1:09:25
  from that. And I decided when I was in
• 1:09:28
  prison that I wasn't gonna hide from that anymore.
• 1:09:30
  Like that was there was no more double lives.
• 1:09:33
  There was complete 100% transparency.
• 1:09:36
  From now on, like, that's how it's going to be.
• 1:09:38
  Like, yes, I did these things and now I'm going to do better
• 1:09:42
  because of it. And I'm going to help other
• 1:09:43
  people because that's what you have to do.
• 1:09:47
  Like, that's not me anymore. And I truly believe, like my
• 1:09:50
  transition through prison and out, like I'm such a different
• 1:09:53
  person now than I was before. I yeah, just night and day
• 1:09:57
  different. What?
• 1:09:58
  What did you do, Sabrina with like?
• 1:10:02
  Because you were in for, what, four years?
• 1:10:04
  Like, what did you do with hard days in prison?
• 1:10:07
  How did you get through hard days in prison?
• 1:10:10
  I did a whole bunch of burpees. I did a lot of.
• 1:10:15
  Yeah. I mean, there was, you know,
• 1:10:17
  towards the end when I was in quarantine waiting to come out
• 1:10:20
  for the CARES Act, I was, you know, in this little room losing
• 1:10:22
  my mind. And I I had a friend that would
• 1:10:26
  so in quarantine for the COVID situation, they put you back in
• 1:10:31
  the swing and they have these like meat slap locker or these
• 1:10:36
  plastic things that are like you know what you would see in a
• 1:10:39
  meat locker and that was what kept from the other portion of
• 1:10:43
  the prison. And so I would have a friend
• 1:10:44
  that would come to that portion of it and we would do burpee
• 1:10:48
  challenges through the plastic. And there was there was many
• 1:10:53
  days that we did 1000 burpees. Let's talk about that whole
• 1:10:56
  thing with COVID, cuz that is something that, yeah.
• 1:11:00
  You know, I was talking to some people that I'd I'd been with at
• 1:11:04
  Leavenworth, and we were talking about how weird it had to have
• 1:11:07
  been to go be in prison during COVID because people got a
• 1:11:12
  little bit of taste of what it's like to lose your freedom on the
• 1:11:15
  outside. Because when COVID hit, you
• 1:11:17
  know, everybody they you know, had to stay in their house.
• 1:11:19
  You know, you contain all those things that happened during the
• 1:11:22
  COVID mandates. Still, nothing like prison, but
• 1:11:25
  a little taste of it. I can't imagine what it was like
• 1:11:29
  actually in prison, because there's those little pieces of
• 1:11:32
  things I want. I'm going for a walk or I'm
• 1:11:35
  going to do this. And those feel like little
• 1:11:37
  freedoms to yourself. But if they take those away, or
• 1:11:40
  your visits away from your family or whatever, how did you
• 1:11:43
  work through all that? Or how did it feel like what?
• 1:11:46
  What? How did the world change in
• 1:11:48
  there? It was insane.
• 1:11:52
  I, you know, and I'll never forget when they made the
• 1:11:56
  announcement for everybody to go to their cubes.
• 1:11:59
  I was on a video visit with my brother and his wife and it was
• 1:12:02
  like 730. And I was sitting by a window
• 1:12:04
  and I kept looking out and I was like, I don't see a tornado or
• 1:12:06
  anything because I was like, we'll just talk until they come.
• 1:12:08
  I was like, I don't see any. Like, I don't think we're having
• 1:12:11
  bad weather. And like there was a, it was a
• 1:12:12
  TV room where the computers were and I was like, hey, is there
• 1:12:16
  something like, is there something going on?
• 1:12:17
  And they're like everyone's like, I don't know.
• 1:12:19
  And they were like just stay on there until the till the cops
• 1:12:22
  come, you know, we'll we'll watch for you.
• 1:12:24
  So I stayed on there as long as they could.
• 1:12:26
  And then when they came, I went to my cube and they were like,
• 1:12:29
  yeah, you guys are locked down until further notice.
• 1:12:32
  But I was on, you know, working in the food warehouse.
• 1:12:37
  You know, you're kind of an important employee because those
• 1:12:40
  officers don't know where anything is.
• 1:12:42
  And so, you know, I was able to get out for a lot of COVID
• 1:12:47
  lockdown. I was able to work through that
• 1:12:49
  and so I had my, but you know a lot of it I kind of flashed back
• 1:12:55
  to Federal Holdings and I honestly think that doing that
• 1:12:58
  one year in Federal Holdings kind of set the tone for the
• 1:13:01
  rest of it because there was nothing I couldn't handle.
• 1:13:05
  You know there was little surrendered that they were not
• 1:13:08
  handling it well. They were not doing well.
• 1:13:10
  But I just basically went back to federal holding days and and
• 1:13:15
  but but with writing this time. So instead of you know, being
• 1:13:20
  locked down, I was able to write and they they would let me work
• 1:13:24
  out in the hallways. And I had, I had a couple
• 1:13:28
  friends on my alley that would work out with me.
• 1:13:31
  You know even when we got sick and like we had we had one
• 1:13:34
  person get sick and we were like, hey, you guys need to get
• 1:13:38
  her out of here like she's sick. Like we're she's not well and
• 1:13:42
  they left her there for another 48 hours.
• 1:13:44
  So we all got it. But even when we were on the
• 1:13:47
  sick alley, I was still working out and doing hit.
• 1:13:50
  I was doing hit classes in the middle of the sick alley.
• 1:13:52
  And the officers are like, what are you doing?
• 1:13:54
  I was like, dude, I'm working out for this whole thing.
• 1:13:56
  Like, I don't care. Like, this is how I survived.
• 1:13:59
  So I I wrote. I made notes of every single
• 1:14:02
  thing that happened during COVID.
• 1:14:05
  I'd watched officers out the windows and make notes on
• 1:14:07
  everything, like I got creepy. Well, I I want to talk about
• 1:14:13
  because you weren't in for a short amount of time.
• 1:14:16
  You weren't like a year and a day person.
• 1:14:18
  And you know, I, I, I, I felt like and I want to know what how
• 1:14:23
  you felt when you got close to the door.
• 1:14:26
  You it's almost like you you you think about being on the
• 1:14:30
  outside, but you don't think about it a lot because you have
• 1:14:33
  this, this real primitive world that you're in.
• 1:14:36
  And then when you start getting close to the door, you start
• 1:14:38
  thinking, whoa, I'm coming back out, like, what was what went
• 1:14:43
  through your mind like? Knowing that I'm, I'm heading
• 1:14:46
  out now, I'm going to start a different world and I'm leaving
• 1:14:50
  this world. Well, like the common theme of
• 1:14:54
  my whole prison sentence then. So let me back up for just a
• 1:14:57
  moment. So when I had to turn myself in,
• 1:15:00
  when I took my plea originally, they had told me, oh, no, we're
• 1:15:03
  going to, we're going to continue this out for six months
• 1:15:06
  and you won't be taking your plea for a while.
• 1:15:09
  And so I was like, okay, cool. And then like, I think it was
• 1:15:11
  just a couple days later that they're like, no, you have to
• 1:15:13
  take your plea, you know, in three weeks.
• 1:15:15
  And then I think it was about two hours later.
• 1:15:17
  They're like, no, it's next week.
• 1:15:18
  And I'm like, what? So it was, I had that Band-Aid
• 1:15:21
  ripped off and so and and that was a good thing.
• 1:15:26
  Looking back like that was a blessing because if I knew that
• 1:15:30
  was coming, I think that would have been even harder.
• 1:15:32
  So I basically had a Band-Aid ripped off and I just had to go
• 1:15:35
  for it. Same thing with getting out.
• 1:15:37
  And it was weird because, you know, I was up for the CARES
• 1:15:41
  Act, but I didn't qualify for the first Step act.
• 1:15:44
  So I really didn't think that I was going to get out on the
• 1:15:47
  CARES Act either. I didn't know why they would
• 1:15:49
  approve me for that, but not the first Step act.
• 1:15:52
  So I I really didn't get my hopes up.
• 1:15:54
  And then they called me up to, you know, put my paperwork in
• 1:15:59
  and I was like, okay, You know, whatever.
• 1:16:02
  They're gonna, they're gonna get the Grand Prairie or somewhere
• 1:16:04
  and be like she's got some pretty ugly charges.
• 1:16:07
  Nothing violent. Well, pretty ugly.
• 1:16:09
  I mean it was ugly enough for the first step back not to want
• 1:16:11
  me, so I would assume. That for everybody listening,
• 1:16:14
  Grand Prairie is the place for whatever reason where it all
• 1:16:18
  goes to and it comes back on what happens to you.
• 1:16:21
  It's Grand Prairie, TX. I think it is.
• 1:16:26
  It is Texas. Yeah.
• 1:16:28
  So I, you know, that was in, that was in February when they
• 1:16:34
  originally called me in to do paperwork.
• 1:16:36
  And my 50% mark, I think was in April.
• 1:16:40
  So I was like, OK, you guys are really on top of things.
• 1:16:43
  Whatever, We'll see what happens.
• 1:16:45
  So April rolls around and I'm like, are they going to do
• 1:16:50
  anything like what's up, What's happening?
• 1:16:52
  Nothing. And it was like, I think it was
• 1:16:54
  May maybe it made this my counselor comes down to the
• 1:17:01
  warehouse and he was like, he shows up and walks in and I'm
• 1:17:04
  like, what are you doing? And he's like, heck, your shit,
• 1:17:07
  you're going to quarantine And I'm like, what are you serious?
• 1:17:13
  And so and at that time they were doing 30 day quarantine.
• 1:17:16
  So I was like, well, when's my out date?
• 1:17:19
  And he's like, I don't know yet. You'll find out when you get up
• 1:17:22
  there. And I was like, OK, so I packed
• 1:17:24
  my stuff and I mean I I gave some stuff away, but not much
• 1:17:30
  because honestly, I. Didn't believe it.
• 1:17:33
  I did. I still didn't.
• 1:17:35
  And there was a part of me that was like.
• 1:17:37
  You don't believe it until you walk out the door.
• 1:17:38
  Anyway, I don't think you're right.
• 1:17:41
  And that mentality, I'll tell you why, because it did happen
• 1:17:44
  at one point. But so I pack my stuff, I go
• 1:17:48
  into quarantine and it's just me and like maybe two other girls.
• 1:17:51
  And I'm like, OK, whatever. What?
• 1:17:53
  I just turned the TV room into a workout room, just like I would
• 1:17:56
  normally do. And I was sitting there and
• 1:17:57
  write and then I would work out and I would write and I'd work
• 1:18:00
  out and I'd make. I made these hip bracelets with
• 1:18:03
  these little knots. So like, my fingers were worn
• 1:18:05
  out. I was making hip bracelets for
• 1:18:07
  everybody on the whole compound. And so that was like, I think it
• 1:18:12
  was like the 5th. And so the next week they were
• 1:18:14
  like, okay your out dates on the 26th.
• 1:18:19
  And I'm like, that's not 30 days.
• 1:18:22
  Like, is that going to be all right?
• 1:18:23
  And so coming up to the time, you know, it's everything seemed
• 1:18:27
  to be going, everything was happening.
• 1:18:30
  My PO hadn't been to my house, which a lot of other girls were
• 1:18:34
  like, oh, you know, P O's already been out.
• 1:18:36
  Nothing. Nothing on that end was
• 1:18:37
  happening. And I was like, this is there's
• 1:18:39
  something wrong. And so they shut myself.
• 1:18:44
  My parents drove from Kansas City to Pekin to pick me up.
• 1:18:47
  It was, you know, they shut my phones off and everything the
• 1:18:50
  night before, just like, you know, they would.
• 1:18:52
  So I was like, OK, so I had passed out my stuff at about
• 1:18:56
  7:15 that morning. Here's my stuff.
• 1:18:58
  I guess it's happening at 7:30. Here comes the administration.
• 1:19:03
  He's like, Morgan, you got to come with me.
• 1:19:05
  And I was like, outside of quarantine.
• 1:19:07
  He's like, yeah, I was like, oh, my God.
• 1:19:10
  I mean, I the flood of emotion was I don't have words for it.
• 1:19:14
  It was terrible. And so I'm following him up to
• 1:19:16
  administration. I looked at him, I was like, I'm
• 1:19:19
  not going home, am I? He's like, we're going to work
• 1:19:22
  through this. And I'm like, I just, I took
• 1:19:24
  those little words and I just held on to him for dear life
• 1:19:27
  because I really wanted to throw up all over my boots.
• 1:19:29
  But so I go in and my case manager is there and she's like,
• 1:19:33
  OK, listen, she's like somebody from your case has separate key
• 1:19:37
  and they're in Leavenworth and so you're not going to be able
• 1:19:39
  to go there. We have to find you down at
• 1:19:41
  halfway house. Topeka said that they would take
• 1:19:44
  you. And I was like, Topeka, like,
• 1:19:46
  that's really far from my house. And he looks at me, he's like,
• 1:19:49
  you want out, right. And I'm like, Yep, Topeka's
• 1:19:52
  fine. Topeka will be just fine.
• 1:19:54
  That's fine. And so anyway, and I thought, my
• 1:19:58
  God, you know, they didn't get this stuff figured out.
• 1:19:59
  But they don't. They don't think.
• 1:20:01
  And I'm going to get to some of that in a little bit too.
• 1:20:03
  But so yeah, so they they didn't.
• 1:20:08
  She was like, just go back to quarantine.
• 1:20:10
  You know. They let me call my parents.
• 1:20:13
  And my dad was so sweet. He was like, well, I guess this
• 1:20:15
  is a practice run. So we'll be, we know where we're
• 1:20:18
  going the next time. And I'm like, bless you, bless
• 1:20:21
  you. You're so sweet.
• 1:20:23
  So it was the next Tuesday I got to leave.
• 1:20:26
  But it was. Well, it was June 1st is when I
• 1:20:29
  yeah, June 1st is when I got to walk out the door and it was
• 1:20:33
  like my boss from the warehouse. Like she made an announcement.
• 1:20:36
  My counselor came and got me and like personally walked me out
• 1:20:38
  the door and I was a wreck and I'm passing stuff out.
• 1:20:42
  I had a bunch of deodorants and stuff.
• 1:20:44
  Apparently. I thought we were going to, you
• 1:20:45
  know, run out of deodorant in the world.
• 1:20:47
  I'm passing stuff out as I'm going, but I'm still not
• 1:20:50
  believing it. And it was so weird because,
• 1:20:53
  like, during COVID, you know, you're watching TV and people
• 1:20:55
  have their masks on, and it's such a different world.
• 1:20:58
  And then when I walked out the prison because during prison you
• 1:21:00
  have to wear your mask all the time.
• 1:21:02
  I walked out the door and I was like, don't I need my mask?
• 1:21:05
  And they're like, no, I'm like, what?
• 1:21:09
  So, like, everything I saw on TV was so different from what the
• 1:21:12
  world really was. It was so weird to me.
• 1:21:15
  You know what I mean? Like I like, I feel like I've
• 1:21:17
  been lied to. So what what happened when you
• 1:21:21
  left? Like is your your parents there
• 1:21:24
  and then like what? How do you?
• 1:21:27
  Because you then you had the halfway house.
• 1:21:28
  It was quite a ways from where you were what what all happened.
• 1:21:33
  So when you leave prison and you're going to do home
• 1:21:36
  confinement, you have so much time allotted to where you leave
• 1:21:41
  and you've got to make it to that halfway house for that
• 1:21:43
  first second and. I tell you if you don't get
• 1:21:45
  there on time that they could send you back and it could be a
• 1:21:48
  violation. I know it's it's not a it's not
• 1:21:53
  a situation and it's a little it's a little intimidating.
• 1:21:56
  So my dad was like, do you want to stop for food?
• 1:22:00
  I'm like, absolutely not. Nope.
• 1:22:02
  Just go, let us go. So we we got to the halfway
• 1:22:05
  house and I did my check in. But the first thing that I did
• 1:22:09
  when I got in the car was try to get a hold of my ex-husband and
• 1:22:15
  he blocked my blocked my dad's number.
• 1:22:18
  And I I found my daughter on on like Instagram or something.
• 1:22:21
  I tried to send her messages. I sent messages to a couple of
• 1:22:24
  her friends and I was not getting anywhere.
• 1:22:27
  And so anyway, I that that was all I wanted with her.
• 1:22:32
  You know what I mean? Like that's literally all I
• 1:22:34
  wanted was just I wanted to talk to her.
• 1:22:36
  I wanted to see her. You know, I still have 5050
• 1:22:38
  custody at this point. I I still have my custody.
• 1:22:41
  So I'm like, all right, what's that?
• 1:22:43
  Because when I, you know, when I, I called him like, I still
• 1:22:45
  have custody. I would like to make
• 1:22:47
  arrangements to see her. And he just lost the number.
• 1:22:49
  So anyway, we get to the halfway house, do my check in and then I
• 1:22:54
  get home and it's so quiet. And I stay with my parents the
• 1:22:59
  first year that I was out because just because it was just
• 1:23:02
  easier, you know, on home confinement, you can't just
• 1:23:05
  leave to go to the store. You can't just do, you know, a
• 1:23:07
  lot of things. So in there for that first year
• 1:23:10
  was really helpful. But so during the COVID era for
• 1:23:16
  home confinement, we only had to check in, I think it was once a
• 1:23:20
  month at 1st. And then as they loosened
• 1:23:23
  restrictions a little bit, it went to like 2 * a month and
• 1:23:27
  then it was every week. So you know, it's it's the whole
• 1:23:34
  way through. I'm like why isn't there a
• 1:23:36
  Kansas City halfway house? Like why?
• 1:23:39
  Where is that at? Like why?
• 1:23:41
  Why don't we have that? And because I remember one of my
• 1:23:46
  friends coming to me when the Kansas City halfway house closed
• 1:23:48
  down and she was like, where are we going to go?
• 1:23:50
  And it was, it never registered to me what happened on the other
• 1:23:54
  side of prison. You know what I'm saying?
• 1:23:56
  Like, I never really fully grasped or made a plan of what
• 1:24:00
  was going to happen on the other side.
• 1:24:02
  And I remember standing there looking like dumbass thinking,
• 1:24:05
  well, I don't know how that affects me.
• 1:24:07
  Like, what do you mean? Yeah, you know, and so and I
• 1:24:10
  remember thinking, well, by the time I get out, surely there'll
• 1:24:13
  be one. And she's like they because of
• 1:24:15
  funding. And I was like, okay, whatever,
• 1:24:17
  you know, Okay. I mean, it's gonna be years
• 1:24:21
  until I have to deal with it. But it, you know, it wasn't that
• 1:24:24
  many years later. So yeah.
• 1:24:29
  So finally catching up with your daughter.
• 1:24:35
  What was that like? It was crazy because I actually
• 1:24:41
  sent a well check down there. Couldn't get a hold of him,
• 1:24:45
  couldn't get a hold of anybody. So I spent a Wellness a well
• 1:24:47
  check to see if she was okay. And that was when she found out
• 1:24:51
  that I was out. And then my exhusband had kicked
• 1:24:55
  her out, kicked her out of the house.
• 1:24:57
  He kicked her out a couple times.
• 1:25:00
  And then the last one, he kicked her out, like made her pack her
• 1:25:02
  bag. So I was like, I'll buy you a
• 1:25:03
  ticket. So I bought it and she got here
• 1:25:07
  and then he showed up and acted like I kidnapped her and took it
• 1:25:11
  to the court. And because I, you know, had
• 1:25:14
  been in prison, they immediately sided with him and it was a
• 1:25:18
  mess. It was terrible.
• 1:25:20
  Seeing her for the first time was the most amazing thing ever.
• 1:25:24
  You know, we stopped there and really, you know, bonded again.
• 1:25:27
  And then I had to send her back with him.
• 1:25:30
  And then. And now I was under a
• 1:25:32
  restriction and I had to do supervised visits, like
• 1:25:36
  supervised video visits. I'm like, come on, yeah.
• 1:25:41
  So where is it now? Like, where is it now?
• 1:25:43
  Like, what's going on now with you and your daughter?
• 1:25:46
  So she turns 18, and the two days before she turned 18, he
• 1:25:51
  kicked her out. And she was like, mom, I'm gonna
• 1:25:53
  stay at a friend's house because if we have a plane ticket on
• 1:25:55
  there, he's gonna say you kidnap me again.
• 1:25:57
  And I was like, you're right. So she stayed there.
• 1:25:59
  And then she flew back on her 18th birthday for the first
• 1:26:03
  flight out. And so now here she lives with
• 1:26:06
  me. She goes to college.
• 1:26:07
  She's got a full time. She got a job and we do house
• 1:26:11
  projects and it's amazing. And I remember back to the day
• 1:26:15
  before I took my plea, I was at my attorney's office and his
• 1:26:18
  paralegal was there. And I was like, I was looking
• 1:26:21
  through this, this window. And I was like, what?
• 1:26:23
  How am I going to do this? Like what?
• 1:26:25
  How? How do I do this?
• 1:26:26
  And she said, my daughter was 12.
• 1:26:28
  She said, you see that sweet little thing right there?
• 1:26:31
  She said that sweet little thing is about to hit puberty.
• 1:26:35
  And she's going to be a different person.
• 1:26:37
  She's like, you're going to miss all the bad stuff, and then
• 1:26:41
  you're going to come back and you guys will be best friends
• 1:26:44
  and you're going to be a hero. And she called it, Boy, she
• 1:26:48
  called it. I didn't believe.
• 1:26:50
  Yeah, cuz we are. That is my best friend.
• 1:26:52
  What are you doing now, Sabrina? Like because you're reading and
• 1:26:57
  doing, and I hope that all takes you somewhere really cool,
• 1:27:02
  because and I know that you've got such an ability to connect
• 1:27:07
  what's in your head of what you want to accomplish now.
• 1:27:12
  So I have a fellowship with dreams.org and in this
• 1:27:17
  fellowship there are 15 other people and and we have several
• 1:27:22
  mentors. Dream is the one that pushed
• 1:27:24
  through the first step back. So they're they're kind of a big
• 1:27:27
  deal and I'm pretty, I'm so honored for this whole you know,
• 1:27:32
  situation and these people they're just unbelievable.
• 1:27:34
  But during my interview process I was on a soapbox about the
• 1:27:38
  federal halfway house in Kansas City.
• 1:27:40
  You know, there's not and I I feel like, you know there's a
• 1:27:42
  responsibility like you send these people to president you
• 1:27:45
  better have a plan to bring him back.
• 1:27:47
  And what's happening right now simply isn't working because on
• 1:27:50
  home confinement you have to like, for instance, I drive 88
• 1:27:54
  miles one way to do my checkins every single week, just a simple
• 1:27:57
  checkin. There has to be another way and
• 1:28:01
  there. And it's amazing to me because,
• 1:28:04
  like, I was at a gala last Friday and I just plopped down
• 1:28:09
  with some trial lawyers and we got to sit pat and about the
• 1:28:13
  federal system. And I was like, yeah, I'm
• 1:28:15
  really, you know, I have a project right now that I want to
• 1:28:18
  try to get a federal halfway house in Kansas City.
• 1:28:20
  And she looked at me really weird.
• 1:28:22
  And she's like, there's not a federal halfway house.
• 1:28:23
  I was like, no. So there's halfway houses.
• 1:28:26
  There's no federal halfway houses.
• 1:28:27
  So the closest one is in Leavenworth.
• 1:28:29
  So what that means is like for people east of here, for people,
• 1:28:33
  you know, beyond Kansas City, some of those people were denied
• 1:28:37
  to come out of prison because there wasn't a halfway.
• 1:28:39
  House. And that's not, that's not
• 1:28:43
  unusual there. In 2017, the Trump
• 1:28:47
  administration started cutting funding for for the Second
• 1:28:50
  Chance Act, which is what funds the halfway house.
• 1:28:53
  There was at least 16 halfway houses that closed down.
• 1:28:56
  And then, you know, the first step back passed and then the
• 1:28:59
  CARES act, and now you know you have all these people that are
• 1:29:02
  heavily relying on halfway houses and there's not enough.
• 1:29:08
  So dream.org, what I mean, I know what it is, but what what
• 1:29:12
  what do you what does it do? Well, they do, they do several
• 1:29:18
  different. They do a lot of things.
• 1:29:20
  They're amazing, but they have like a tech portion of it.
• 1:29:24
  They have a justice portion of it and then they have a green
• 1:29:27
  portion of it. So you know, they have different
• 1:29:29
  causes. Their tech community tries to
• 1:29:32
  get people, you know, put into jobs, tech type jobs and then
• 1:29:36
  green. Obviously they have a lot of
• 1:29:38
  campaigns going on right now on the justice portion of it.
• 1:29:41
  They're trying to push through the EQUAL act, which is, you
• 1:29:45
  know, the crack cocaine and cocaine only have baking soda as
• 1:29:49
  a difference. That's it.
• 1:29:51
  And so, but people are still being sentenced heavily for, you
• 1:29:55
  know, they can have one gram of crack and 1 gram of crack and 1
• 1:30:00
  gram of of cocaine is very different.
• 1:30:02
  Like if they had 18 grams of cocaine, they would get the same
• 1:30:05
  sentence. So it's just it's unfortunate
• 1:30:09
  the way that should have been gone a long time ago and it
• 1:30:13
  should have been brought to the floor, but getting bills passed.
• 1:30:17
  It's hard through. It's hard.
• 1:30:19
  It's hard. And there's so much that goes
• 1:30:21
  into it. And I think the more I look into
• 1:30:25
  this, the more I find, you know, I find out that the Second
• 1:30:28
  Chance Act, the funding for it was cut.
• 1:30:29
  And I'm like, ah, this is so much bigger than just a federal
• 1:30:32
  halfway house in Kansas City. Well, I mean, I think what it is
• 1:30:36
  too is that I never want anybody to get confused on the first
• 1:30:41
  step. Act was the first step and and
• 1:30:44
  there's so many things that have to be.
• 1:30:48
  Create momentum. And there's a lot of, there's a
• 1:30:50
  lot of people that are doing good things all around that.
• 1:30:52
  It's one of the things I love about what I do is I get to talk
• 1:30:54
  to a lot of people in different states.
• 1:30:55
  They're doing really incredible work.
• 1:30:58
  And it's so important that the people who have been affected,
• 1:31:01
  directly affected are at the seat at the table, because those
• 1:31:04
  are the people that really know what's important.
• 1:31:07
  Because there's a lot of people out there that have good
• 1:31:08
  feelings about that they want to help.
• 1:31:10
  But it really needs to be people who've been affected.
• 1:31:13
  That need the seat at the table so that they can stay on point
• 1:31:16
  so that there's like what you're talking about with a halfway
• 1:31:19
  house and how you saw that affected people to how they
• 1:31:21
  couldn't get out. All those things are really
• 1:31:24
  important. And I hope as as it goes along,
• 1:31:27
  Sabrina that the work that you do and the work that other
• 1:31:30
  people do, that we continue to connect the dots so that we
• 1:31:32
  become a stronger voice so that more change can happen.
• 1:31:35
  And that's, you know, that happens a little bit at a time,
• 1:31:38
  but I think the more people are out there.
• 1:31:41
  That have a brain. They didn't take our brain that
• 1:31:44
  we put that in in motion. I think one of the things that
• 1:31:47
  that reminds me, I thought the thing that you said here and it
• 1:31:50
  was in one of the one of the blogs that you wrote.
• 1:31:52
  But I just thought it was such a cool thing since the cool thing
• 1:31:54
  about life is that you get to keep trying until it until it's
• 1:31:58
  over. As long as you don't give up.
• 1:32:01
  I just think that's just like. Your your life is that.
• 1:32:05
  Your life story is that. And you put that so succinctly
• 1:32:08
  into that statement. As long as you don't give up, as
• 1:32:12
  if you just keep trying. The cool thing about life is
• 1:32:15
  until it's over, you can always try.
• 1:32:17
  And you're all about, you know, don't worry about the failures,
• 1:32:19
  don't worry about the mistakes. Keep going.
• 1:32:21
  Because those are the things you learn from.
• 1:32:23
  But I, Sabrina, I want to ask you because you.
• 1:32:27
  You've had so many different layers of your life that you've
• 1:32:31
  lived through and now it feels. I can feel it.
• 1:32:34
  It's it's like the feel good stuff.
• 1:32:36
  It's just feel good stuff with what you're doing at dream.org,
• 1:32:38
  feel good stuff with your daughter, you're you've got
• 1:32:41
  yourself, you know, out on a farm and doing things that you
• 1:32:43
  love. What do you think's your biggest
• 1:32:45
  take away through all of the you've been through?
• 1:32:50
  I just feel, you know, from a So about prison, what I take away
• 1:32:54
  from prison is that that's not the end.
• 1:32:55
  Like, it's never the end. Like no matter what you're going
• 1:32:58
  through, it's not the end, kind of like what you said before.
• 1:33:01
  But my biggest take away is it's not the end.
• 1:33:04
  It's not over. Your life's not over just
• 1:33:06
  because you have a prison sentence.
• 1:33:08
  Like life goes on and there's a good life on the other side of
• 1:33:11
  here, and there's so many people that do care.
• 1:33:15
  And there's a lot more people that will care when they realize
• 1:33:18
  that there's needs that are necessary, but it takes a voice
• 1:33:21
  to be able to bring that to their to their attention.
• 1:33:25
  And I just feel like, I feel like like life after prison is
• 1:33:31
  really amazing because you can become who you, whoever you want
• 1:33:37
  to become. You know what I mean?
• 1:33:39
  You can be like, you don't have to be, you know, down and
• 1:33:43
  depressed and, you know, like, Oh yeah, I was really bad and I
• 1:33:46
  was in prison. I made some big mistakes.
• 1:33:49
  And this is my comeback story. Like, this is me coming back and
• 1:33:52
  it's exciting. Like, it can be an exciting
• 1:33:55
  thing. Like, yes.
• 1:33:56
  Just like any part of life, you're gonna go through some
• 1:33:58
  stuff. But there's too much, there's
• 1:34:02
  too much positivity and joy that you can get on the other side of
• 1:34:05
  your prison sentence. It's not over.
• 1:34:08
  And I I back to TikTok, I feel like that has been such a giant
• 1:34:12
  platform for prison advocacy. Because you know, there's so
• 1:34:18
  many people watching right now and knowing that there's a need.
• 1:34:23
  You know, reentry is such a big thing.
• 1:34:25
  It's such a big deal. And and not just halfway houses
• 1:34:29
  but really reentry. Like I believe reentry needs to
• 1:34:31
  start from the beginning. It needs to start from the day
• 1:34:34
  that you are arrested and there needs to be like a conciere I
• 1:34:39
  sit on a board for that's prep for reentry, prep for release.
• 1:34:44
  I apologize, but and that's we're brand new.
• 1:34:47
  We're just kind of getting going.
• 1:34:48
  But that's kind of our motto is that, you know you start from
• 1:34:52
  the, it needs to start from the very beginning.
• 1:34:54
  And it's not just a person that's incarcerated, it's the
• 1:34:56
  family for the family. Family goes.
• 1:34:57
  To prison, right? Your whole family goes to
• 1:35:01
  prison, and not only that, but it's a community can be a
• 1:35:03
  community thing too. And all these people that are
• 1:35:07
  sharing their stories on TikTok was incredibly comforting to me.
• 1:35:12
  And maybe tell my story. It's been really healing.
• 1:35:17
  And you know, there's days where I'm like, OK, I mean, shut up,
• 1:35:21
  people don't want to hear you. But I've had so many people
• 1:35:24
  reach out because I'm, you know, I'm one of those people.
• 1:35:26
  I would give out my number. I'm like, just call me.
• 1:35:29
  They're like, I'm freaking out. I'm getting ready to go to
• 1:35:30
  prison. I'm like, just call me.
• 1:35:31
  I'll just talk you through it. You're fine.
• 1:35:33
  And I want to by the way Sabrina, I want to give a shout
• 1:35:36
  out to Gina Pentagraph because she's she connected me to you
• 1:35:39
  and and I and I love that I've that's what I love about and
• 1:35:44
  let's talk about too how to get a hold of you follow you on tech
• 1:35:47
  top which is just Sabrina Morgan go to your website.
• 1:35:51
  That's Sabrina morgan.com. And then how where I went to, I
• 1:35:55
  don't know how I got to medium. What How do I get over there?
• 1:35:57
  Because I I ended up there and I'm not even sure how I ended
• 1:36:00
  there. It's medium.com and I'm just
• 1:36:04
  Sabrina on medium.com. Like you can get on Medium and
• 1:36:08
  search that up, but you can also, I mean, I'll be happy to
• 1:36:12
  give my e-mail address as well, please.
• 1:36:15
  Yeah, absolutely. It's Sabrina and it's SABRENAI.
• 1:36:20
  Know that's spelled funny.morgan.missouri.allspelledout@gmail.com.
• 1:36:27
  And you're welcome to reach out to me like if somebody's going
• 1:36:30
  because you know I had that person that I could that coached
• 1:36:33
  me through my and and I want to bless somebody else with that
• 1:36:37
  too, because just having someone to talk you through it, it's
• 1:36:41
  priceless. It's huge.
• 1:36:42
  So yeah. That's a good way to end it
• 1:36:45
  right there, Sabrina, because that's why you're good at what
• 1:36:47
  you're doing. You're sharing your story and
• 1:36:49
  helping people for everybody who's out there.
• 1:36:55
  I know that you got a lot from this show from Sabrina, so.
• 1:36:59
  Go and follow the show. Hit the bell on Spotify.
• 1:37:02
  Hit the follow the show on on Apple.
• 1:37:05
  I know it's a pain, but but it's great to leave a review if you
• 1:37:09
  got something from today. I don't know what happens with
• 1:37:11
  the algorithm, but it really just puts it on steroids when
• 1:37:13
  people leave the reviews. If you want to know anymore
• 1:37:16
  about what I've got going on, it's brentcassidy.com with a Ty,
• 1:37:19
  not a DY, and I love all the feedback from you guys every
• 1:37:24
  week. Love staying in touch?
• 1:37:27
  As I used to say when I was writing my emails back and forth
• 1:37:30
  from President, stay strong. I'll do the same.
• 1:37:32
  Sabrina Morgan, thank you so much today, sharing your story.
• 1:37:36
  Thank. It's awesome.
• 1:37:37
  Thank you. Now I'm your success in and out.
• 1:37:40
  Thanks.