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Either/Or Thinking for Each Enneagram Type · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Simply Wholehearted Podcast with Amy Wicks, your wholehearted life and business coach.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: You should know this podcast will inspire you to grow in self-awareness, be passionate about your faith, and get clear on your calling.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: If you are new here, then welcome to the community of multi-passionate women who love to go deep on topics like faith, Enneagram, relationships, leadership, and community.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: This conversation might provide the step you need to make the change you desire.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: So let's get started.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Friend, are you ready to nerd out with me today?
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you are in the right place.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Today, in this episode, I'm going to explore the either-or thinking of each Enneagram type.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: This is also known as dichotomist thinking.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: I know, big word, we'll talk about a little bit more.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: But ultimately, one of my joys is to help my clients find their way to a healthier place of thinking and a different way to approach their struggles and relationships.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, a lot of coaching, it's about identifying the ways that we think, the narratives we believe, and sometimes the lies that are controlling our life.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: So when my clients or when you are able to identify their either-or point of view and then exchange it for a new perspective, with the help of the Lord, of course, they can or you can find greater connection in your relationships, more joy in the present, and even freedom to celebrate.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that, my friend, is the way I want to live.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it's the way I want my friends to live.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I told you I was gonna define this weird word, dichotomy or dichotomous thinking.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's not something we use in the everyday, so I'm gonna define it.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Dichotomy, also referred to as black and white thinking, or all or nothing thinking, is the tendency to evaluate situations and experiences as mutually exclusive, as in binary categories or opposite categories rather than as a continuum, totally separate instead of ever flowing and somewhat overlapping.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: I found an article on BetterHelp's website which mentions that human brains are wired to simplify information for quick decision making, right?
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because we oftentimes have to do this in nanoseconds.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: But that natural instinct for the quick decision making can lead to dichotomous thinking as a way to process complex situations more easily, even if it doesn't accurately represent reality.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes that was just happening because our bodies were trained for survival.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: Now, for many people, dichotomous thinking occurs because they have no other frame or reference, right?
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Their experiences, their family culture.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: And for some, because of their life and growing up experiences, it removes other opinions.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: Or you might have even grown up thinking that there are only two sides of the story or two opposite opinions or options.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: And that may have just been how your family navigated choices and situations, or people that you know that's how their family navigated those kind of situations.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the deal: no matter your type, no matter your upbringing, you can naturally tend to fall back on black or white thinking or that either or thinking pattern because it's kind of a natural instinct.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: So how do you get out of a thinking loop that is keeping you stuck or isn't benefiting you, right?
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: And is polarizing relationships, decisions, and maybe all sorts of things in your life.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: The first step is to note that you are likely not aware that you are having these thoughts.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's often a subconscious process.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's just happening behind the scenes.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I like to invite my clients, and I'm inviting you in this conversation to take time to name what either or thinking might be for you personally, or what might be going on in the background of your thoughts as you make decisions and work on your relationships.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: I have found that in time, my clients, myself, my friends, they've been able to identify that they're thinking in this too opposing thought process.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: And as they continue to acknowledge that, they are able to find themselves.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm able to find myself in a place between them and realize that, you know, it had doesn't have to be either or.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: There's something in the middle.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is a pretty deep topic.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: I I told you before, we were going to nerd out today.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: So this episode isn't gonna thoroughly cover everything, though.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's a really deep conversation, it's an ongoing coaching topic, it's an ongoing growth process.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: But for now, I thought in this conversation, I would just give you three ways that each Enneagram type tends to frame situations subconsciously.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna talk about their either-or thinking, and then I'm gonna offer an invitation for growth and even a scripture to consider as you're processing through this.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: All of this is helpful.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Again, this won't be an extensive exploration of this one topic, but I hope to offer a place to begin so your starting point doesn't become your stuff.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: In this conversation, I'm gonna start with Enneagram ones.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are a one, you may find yourself thinking at times, if it's not ideal, then it's inferior.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: If it's not precise, it's haphazard.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: If it's not a hundred percent correct, then it is wrong.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: Your invitation for growth is other people have things they do, say, or think that are different than you, and there is enough room for them to be correct too.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Your ideas or you can still be excellent and good, even if it's not your ideal.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, the flip of that is true.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Their ideas can be good too, and maybe you can adjust.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Here's a verse to consider.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Second Corinthians 12 19.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: Each time he said, My grace is all you need, my power works best in weakness.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so the power of Christ can work through me.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: If you are an Enneagram 2, you might be thinking at times that if you aren't needed, then you're unwanted.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: If you weren't affirmed, then you're rejected.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: If it isn't meaningful or wasn't meaningful, then it's worthless.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: The invitation for the type 2 for growth is that even if you aren't needed 100% of the time, you're still wanted.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: Every contribution you make is meaningful, even if it isn't praised, seen, or affirmed.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: Matthew 5, 15 and 16 says, No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand or gives light to everyone in the house.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly father.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you're a type three, you might find yourself thinking, if you aren't wildly successful, then you are a failure.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't win, you're a loser.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: If it wasn't excellent, it was a disaster.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: The imitation for the type three's growth is that just because you didn't knock it out of the park doesn't mean it wasn't a home run.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: You still got a home run.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: Celebrate the good enough.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: The verse that I'm going to share in a minute reminds you that you can make mistakes and be less than excellent or even fail, but there is always grand redemption in Christ.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: John 21, 17.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: A third time he asked him, Simon, son of John, do you love me?
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Peter was hurt that Jesus had asked the question a third time.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: He said, Lord, you know everything.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: You know that I love you.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: Jesus said, then feed my sheep.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: If you were an Enneagram 4, you might find yourself thinking that if you don't belong, you're an outcast.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: And if you aren't directly invited, then you have been left out.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: And if you aren't 100% unique, you are unoriginal.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: The invitation for growth for the Enneagram 4 is that you lead to feeling like you are an outcast or that you don't belong in the inner circle if you didn't get the invite directly.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: And you even start thinking that you weren't even really wanted or you were an afterthought.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: But what if you took people and the invite that you received at face value?
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: You got asked because you were wanted.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: They are your friend and because you belong.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: So even if it's not the deep kindred connection you long for, you still have a unique and one-of-a-kind spot in others' lives.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: Psalm 33, 13 through 15.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: The Lord looks down from heaven and sees the whole human race.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: From his throne, he observes all who live on the earth.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: So he understands everything they do.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: If you are in Enneagram 5, you may find yourself thinking that if you aren't 100% knowledgeable, you're ignorant.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: If it's not strategic, it feels aimless.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: If you aren't energized, you are worried you will be completely depleted.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: The imitation for growth for the type 5 is that even though you tend to think that you're ignorant or you need more answers or information, you need to believe the truth that you have enough information to begin, whether it's to share or create or to just offer the information to others.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: It may not be every ounce of knowledge out there to find on the topic, but you probably have more than enough knowledge to bring to the table.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: And here's another little tip.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: Even though you aren't fully charged, the Lord will sustain you to give what others need from you at that moment.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Luke 11, 3.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: Give us each day the food we need.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I like to pray that one a lot.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you're in Enneagram 6, you might find yourself thinking that if you aren't 100% safe, you're in danger.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: And if you aren't confident, then you are going to give in to fear.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: And if it's not positive, then it must be negative or bad.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram 6 invitation for growth is that when you are tempted to give in to fear, pause and consider if you are truly in danger.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, is this just what I think might happen, or am I really in danger?
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: So if something requires courage, it's okay to just acknowledge that you aren't confident, but then to say no to the fear and go ahead and to step into courageousness and boldness.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: If you are in Enneagram 7, you may find yourself thinking that if you aren't completely boundless, then you are being restricted.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: That if you aren't super excited about something, you feel bored.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: If you or your schedule isn't 100% filled, that you are lacking.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: The imitation for growth for the Enneagram 7 is even the seasons and the seas have boundaries.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Evaluate how your boundaries fall in pleasant places and how you can savor your experiences just a little longer.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now here's what I have learned as a seven.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: There is so much about life that beautifully limits me.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: I've learned that those limitations are reflecting the kindness of the Lord.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: In him alone I am boundless, but in everything else there's a healthy boundary.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: There are limitations, but the Lord is not crushing my freedom.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: Psalm 74, 17.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: You set the boundaries of the earth, you made both summer and winter.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you're in Enneagram 8, you might find yourself thinking that if I don't absolutely love it, I hate it.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm not the victor, I am the victim, or the people you love are victim.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm not in control, then I am being controlled.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the invitation for growth for the Enneagram 8.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: Just because you don't love it, it doesn't mean you have to hate it.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: You can have an emotion somewhere in the middle.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: You can just like it.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: You can be okay with it.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: And as great as you are at expressing passion, it's okay to be somewhere in the middle and just let it be.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: Colossians 3.12.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourself with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: Last step for today, it's the Enneagram Nines.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: And you might find yourself thinking that if it's not absolutely calm, it's chaos.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: If I don't feel valuable, I feel dismissed or maybe unseen.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: And if it isn't a hundred percent unity, then there is strife.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you look for it, there might be memories and laughter in the chaos, especially with kids.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: Luke 12, 6 through 8.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: What is the price of five sparrows?
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: Two copper coins?
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: God does not forget a single one of them.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: And the very hairs on your head are all numbered.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: So don't be afraid, you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you enjoy taking all of these ideas as food for thought, no matter what your Enneagram type is.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you listen to all of them and just consider how maybe these ideas apply to you.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, because that was a lot of information, I thought I'd summarize really quickly the either-or thinking of each Enneagram type.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram one tends to think it's wrong or right.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram two thinks about being not wanted versus needed.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram three thinks it's either a failure or a success.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram four either feels like an outcast or they belong.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: An Enneagram five tends to think that they're either ignorant or knowledgeable.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: An Enneagram six tends to think that they're either unsafe or safe.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: Enneagram seven tends to think that they're either limited or they have complete freedom.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: An Enneagram Nate tends to hate it or love it.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: And Enneagram Nine tends to think their presence doesn't matter at all or their presence is valuable.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now I hope that these words and this insight brings a little bit of freedom in how you approach decisions, conversations, relationships, especially in a political year like this one, right?
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's good for us to consider that middle area and not always go to these one extremes or another.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'd really love to hear what you think about this topic and the words that I use to describe your personality or maybe even the thinking that you have never considered before.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: So you can message me on Instagram and you can definitely be on the lookout for me to post a little bit more about this in social media because this one's a good one to share and kind of tuck away to consider.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, if you enjoyed this conversation, it truly would make my day for you to share this episode with others.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: Just use that handy share feature and pass it along to friends and family.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, friend, we are all broken, we are all blowing it, but the brave one does something about it.