Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Find a Mentor When You're a Rising Star
Transcript
- Lucas: So there's this moment that happens to a lot of high performers about two years into a role. The work is going well, you're hitting your numbers, and suddenly everyone around you starts nodding a lot. Your ideas get praised in meetings, your manager checks in less, and feedback, real feedback, just kind of dries up. Luna: Right, because people assume you don't need it anymore. You're the one who's got it figured out. Lucas: And that's the trap. The more you succeed, the harder it becomes to find someone who will actually tell you what's not working. Today we're going to talk about how to find a mentor when you're the rising star in the room, and why that’s a completely different problem than finding a mentor when you're struggling. Luna: Before we dive in, a quick thought for anyone listening on their commute or with a coffee in hand. This show is ad-free, and that's only because of listeners who support us. If today's episode helps you think about your career, that's the link: buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. No pressure, just a small way to keep these conversations going. Lucas: And we mean it, it genuinely helps. Okay, so let's talk about that honeymoon bias, because that's what I call it when a high performer stops getting feedback. It's not that people are being malicious, it's that they assume your success speaks for itself. Luna: So what does that look like in practice? Like, a concrete example? Lucas: There was a case a few years ago at a large financial services firm, a rising star in their investment division. She was a managing director, had beaten her targets for three straight years, and every 360 review came back glowing. But in her one-on-ones with her boss, the agenda had become just status updates. No one was asking her, 'What's your biggest risk?' or 'Where are you vulnerable?' Luna: And that's dangerous, because the higher you go, the more the stakes are about what you don't see coming. Lucas: Exactly. So the first step, if you're in that spot, is to recognize that you need to actively seek out mentors who have no stake in your success. Not someone from your own team, not your boss, but someone who can be genuinely objective. Lucas: One strategy is to look outside your department, maybe even outside your company. You want someone who doesn't rely on you for anything, so they can be honest without worrying about the relationship. Luna: So like a mentor who's a few levels above you in a different function, or even a former colleague who moved to another firm. Lucas: Right. And the key is to ask for specific feedback, not general advice. Instead of 'How am I doing?' ask 'What's one thing you've seen me do that could derail me in the next five years?' That kind of question is harder to dodge. Luna: That's a good framing. Because if you ask an open-ended question, people will just say, 'You're doing great, keep it up.' Lucas: Exactly. And there's also the kitchen cabinet approach. You don't need just one mentor, you need a small group of trusted advisors, like a kitchen cabinet of people who bring different perspectives. One person for technical skills, one for politics, one for work-life balance. Lucas: I remember talking to a chief technology officer who said she had five mentors at any given time, each for a different part of her job. And she would rotate them as her career changed. That's a smart way to make sure you're not stuck with one person's blind spots. Luna: So build a team of mentors. But what if you're in a situation where you're the top person in your organization, like you're the CEO or the head of a division? Who do you turn to? Lucas: That's the hardest scenario, and it's where outside boards or executive coaches come in. But even before that, you can look for peers at other companies who are in similar roles. A friendly competitor, someone who understands your world but doesn't have a stake in your internal politics. Lucas: I've seen this work in the tech industry, where CEOs of different startups form these informal peer groups. They meet once a month and just talk about the stuff they can't talk to their own teams about. That's mentorship at the highest level. Luna: And it's probably easier to be vulnerable with someone who isn't in your industry, too. Like a mentor from a completely different field can ask the dumb questions that reveal blind spots. Lucas: For sure. That's the classic cross-industry mentor. So let's talk about how to actually approach a potential mentor when you're a rising star. Because sometimes people are intimidated by you, or they assume you don't need help. Lucas: A simple way is to be upfront about your specific need. Say something like, 'I'm at a point where I'm getting promoted faster than I can learn, and I'd love your perspective on how to handle the transition.' That's disarming, because it shows humility. Luna: Yeah, it's not 'I'm great, teach me,' it's 'I'm in over my head and I need help.' And that's actually true, even if you look like you have it together. Lucas: Exactly. And be specific about the time commitment. Don't ask for a monthly mentorship for a year. Ask for a one-time conversation, then see if it becomes more. Lucas: One of the best mentors I ever had was a woman I only met with twice, but she gave me a framework that I used for a decade. That's all it took, just two conversations. Luna: So it's not about quantity, it's about the quality of the questions you bring. Lucas: Right. So bring a specific question, like 'I'm about to negotiate a salary for a new role, what's your advice?' or 'I'm managing a team for the first time, how do I handle a conflict between two of my direct reports?' Luna: That also shows you value their time, which makes them more willing to say yes. Lucas: And once you have that conversation, follow up. Send a note saying what you learned and what you plan to do. That reinforces the relationship and shows you're serious. Lucas: I think the underlying principle here is that everyone, no matter how senior, needs someone who can say, 'That idea has a flaw you're not seeing.' And as you rise, that becomes harder to find. Luna: So true. There's that saying, 'It's lonely at the top,' and part of that loneliness is the absence of honest feedback. Lucas: So if you're listening and you're a rising star, the takeaway is this: don't wait for feedback to find you. Go out and find someone who will give it to you straight. Lucas: And if you're in a position to be a mentor, consider offering that to someone who seems like they don't need it. They're often the ones who need it the most. Luna: That's a great point. I think as a mentor, it's easy to focus on people who are struggling, but sometimes the high performers are flying under the radar and could crash. Lucas: Exactly. So that's our angle today. You don't have to be in crisis to need a mentor. Sometimes the stronger you are, the more you need that voice of reason. Luna: Thanks for that, Lucas. And for our listeners, if you have a story about finding a mentor as a high performer, we'd love to hear it. Drop us a note or just share it with a friend. Lucas: Until next time, keep climbing, but don't forget to look around for someone who can help you see the view from the top.