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Raise the Standards You Accept From Yourself (S5) S33:E4 Tuesday · Inspirations for Your Life

0:24
Well there, hello everyone, and welcome to the
0:26
ever-popular Inspirations for Your Life show.
0:29
I'm glad you decided to pop in.
0:31
If this is your very first time here,
0:32
I'd like to take the opportunity to say
0:34
welcome and I'd like to say thank you.
0:36
If you've been here one time, five times,
0:38
10 times, 100, or maybe even more, I'd
0:41
like to say thank you, but I'd also
0:43
like to say the words, welcome back, yes,
0:48
welcome back.
0:50
Thank you very, very much.
0:52
I really do appreciate it, and it's great
0:55
to have you here with me.
0:56
It really is.
0:59
So I want to let you know that
1:02
it's important for us to understand where we
1:08
are and to become aware of different things.
1:09
I think that's a really important thing, but
1:12
sometimes people, they miss the boat on that,
1:14
right?
1:14
I think that's probably the best thing I
1:16
can say to you.
1:17
All right, guys.
1:18
If you're thirsty, if you're hungry, feel free
1:20
to go grab something.
1:21
I have an RO water here with some
1:24
fresh lemon.
1:27
We're going to end the show in just
1:28
a second.
1:29
Don't forget to check out BelieveMeAchieved.com.
1:32
Of course, for more of my amazing, inspiring
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creations, which you can do, incidentally, 24 hours
1:39
a day, that is after the show is
1:42
over, all right?
1:45
Yes.
1:46
So I hope you guys will enjoy the
1:48
show tonight.
1:49
I think you'll gain a lot of wisdom
1:52
out of it, and it'll be great.
1:56
All right, so let's kick this show off,
1:58
everyone.
1:58
Are you ready?
1:58
I know I sure am.
2:00
All right, ladies and gentlemen, so the topic
2:05
that we're working on for the master topic
2:08
this week is stop waiting for your life
2:09
to change, okay?
2:11
Series five, show 33.
2:15
That's the master topic.
2:17
And today's granular topic is raise the standards
2:20
you accept from yourself.
2:22
Series five, show 33, episode number four.
2:25
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Tuesday, in case
2:27
you didn't know.
2:28
Yes, it is Tuesday all day.
2:32
Welcome everyone to the ever-popular inspirations for
2:35
your life show.
2:36
I am, in case you did not know,
2:38
John C.
2:39
Morley, serial entrepreneur, engineer, marketing specialist, video producer,
2:45
podcast host, coach, keynote speaker, graduate student at
2:50
Montclair State University, a passionate lifelong learner, and
2:55
now so grateful to be a published author.
2:59
Yes.
3:00
All right, guys.
3:01
So what standards do you accept from yourself
3:06
when nobody else is watching?
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That's the question I have for you now.
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It is easy to talk about excellence, right?
3:13
When everything is going well, the real test
3:17
comes when you're tired, you're distracted, you're frustrated,
3:20
or even tempted to say, that's good enough
3:24
right now.
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Today isn't about perfection.
3:28
Perfection can become another impossible standard that prevents
3:33
progress.
3:35
This is about deciding what you expect from
3:38
yourself, raising the quality of how you operate
3:42
and becoming someone you know you can depend
3:45
on.
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When we depend on ourselves, that's a really
3:50
remarkable thing that I think a lot of
3:52
people, I think they miss.
3:54
So I want to say to you, it
3:57
is very, very important to understand what this
4:02
is about.
4:04
And I'll tell you that sometimes people just
4:09
don't get it.
4:11
They don't understand where things are or why
4:13
things are going a certain way.
4:15
So let's get into our 30 points for
4:19
today.
4:19
Number one, our standards shape our behavior, whether
4:23
we like it or not.
4:25
Your standards quietly influence what you tolerate and
4:30
what you correct.
4:31
Raise what you expect from yourself and your
4:37
everyday behavior begins changing with it.
4:41
That's no secret, but that's how it works.
4:44
Number two, stop accepting your own excuses.
4:47
You know, you have to realize that excuses
4:51
are not going to get you to your
4:53
goals.
4:54
They're just going to get you further away
4:55
and they're going to get you, yes, they're
4:57
going to get you frustrated.
4:59
I think that's a very important thing to,
5:03
you know, to understand about that.
5:07
So an explanation can be legitimate, but an
5:11
excuse becomes dangerous when you repeatedly use it
5:15
to avoid responsibility.
5:18
Be willing to challenge your own reasoning.
5:21
That's important.
5:23
Number three, decide what is no longer acceptable.
5:27
Change becomes powerful when you draw a line.
5:31
Identify the behaviors, habits, or shortcuts you no
5:34
longer want representing who you are.
5:37
I think that's something we have to embrace
5:39
like immediately, not like tomorrow, not next week,
5:44
but we have to embrace it like, well,
5:46
now, right?
5:48
So number four, expect more from yourself.
5:52
Expecting more doesn't mean attacking yourself when something
5:57
goes wrong.
5:59
It means recognizing that you're capable of producing
6:02
something better and choosing to pursue it.
6:06
Number five, don't confuse standards with perfection.
6:12
High standards allow mistakes.
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Perfection demands impossibilities.
6:19
Make room for learning while refusing to use
6:22
imperfection as an excuse for careless effort.
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I think that's something we all need to
6:27
embrace.
6:27
And I think we're all guilty of that
6:29
at one point in time.
6:30
So we need to be aware of how
6:33
that works in our life.
6:34
Number six, raise the quality of your effort.
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Sometimes the result is outside your control, but
6:41
the quality of your effort usually isn't.
6:44
Ask yourself whether you genuinely gave the task
6:47
what it really deserved.
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And I think when we do that, we're
6:50
going to say, wait a minute, maybe I
6:54
wasn't honest to myself about that.
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Maybe I didn't do what I was supposed
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to do.
6:57
Maybe I didn't give it my all.
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Number seven, become dependable to yourself.
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We talk constantly about being dependable for others.
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But can you trust yourself to follow through
7:09
on the commitments you make privately?
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Number eight, finish what deserves finishing.
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Starting is exciting.
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Finishing requires something different.
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Learn to recognize what deserves completion and give
7:27
it the attention necessary to complete it.
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To cross the finish line.
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Sometimes people come close to the finish line,
7:34
but then they don't get to the finish
7:35
line because they feel, well, maybe it's my
7:40
fault.
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But they don't take accountability to try to
7:45
fix it.
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I think that's a really big problem.
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I don't say this to bring you down.
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I say this to be truthful and say,
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look, you can do these things.
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You really can do them.
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If you try.
8:01
But you've got to try, guys.
8:02
You can't just be like, well, you know,
8:04
this didn't work.
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So I'm just going to stop.
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I think that's a very important thing for
8:12
us to realize.
8:13
Number nine, stop tolerating careless work.
8:18
Mistakes happen, guys.
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But carelessness is different.
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Slow down when necessary.
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Check your work.
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And care about the details carrying your name.
8:31
Number 10, respect your own commitments.
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If you continually break promises to yourself, eventually
8:38
those promises stop meaning anything to you or
8:42
anyone.
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Treat your own commitments with greater respect.
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Number 11, create non-negotiable personal standards.
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Some things shouldn't depend on your mood.
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Decide which behaviors represent you, regardless of whether
9:01
today feels convenient or not.
9:06
Number 12, make excellence normal.
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Excellence doesn't have to mean extraordinary performance every
9:15
minute.
9:16
It can mean consistently caring about the quality
9:19
of ordinary things.
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Number 13, stop rewarding avoidance.
9:24
Every time you avoid something difficult and immediately
9:28
give yourself relief, avoidance becomes easier.
9:32
Stop teaching yourself that postponement is the answer.
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And it's OK to do that.
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It's not.
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You have to realize that discomfort happens.
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And when it does, we learn something, OK?
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We learn something every time they were honest
9:58
enough to share that moment.
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I think that's important, OK?
10:05
I think it's very important to know that,
10:08
all right?
10:09
Very, very important to be aware of that.
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Number 14, guys, demand honesty from yourself.
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When you set a bar that you want
10:21
honesty only, I can tell you that the
10:24
world will change.
10:26
Now, I'm not going to tell you that
10:27
it's going to change overnight, because it definitely
10:29
will not change overnight.
10:30
But it will change.
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I think that's something that a lot of
10:35
people like, they just don't get the fact
10:38
that if they're honest to themselves, even when
10:41
no one else is basically watching, that's when
10:47
the key happens, OK?
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Self-honesty can be uncomfortable.
10:55
Ask whether you're truly doing your best or
10:59
simply producing the explanation that makes you feel
11:03
better.
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Number 15, correct problems sooner.
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Why do we have to wait to solve
11:12
them later?
11:12
We don't need to solve them later.
11:14
We could solve them literally right now, OK?
11:20
Small problems usually become harder when they're ignored.
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That's a fact.
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Address mistakes, misunderstandings, unfinished responsibilities, and a weak
11:35
habit set before they grow.
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Because when they fester, it becomes harder for
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us to address them, harder for us to
11:44
do anything.
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And I think that's a very important thing.
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But most people say, oh, I'll just handle
11:51
it later.
11:51
And if I handle it later, then maybe
11:53
I'll be able to do it.
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But the truth of the matter is, you've
11:58
got to expect more from yourself.
12:03
You've got to accept more from yourself.
12:05
And if you can accept more from yourself,
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that's when your life will become amazing.
12:12
That's when miracles start to happen in your
12:14
life.
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But it doesn't happen because you decided to
12:17
do it for one day.
12:18
You've got to keep up with the practice.
12:21
Remember the train story I've told you many
12:23
times?
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Got to keep on keeping on, the little
12:26
engine that could.
12:28
Number 16, take pride in unseen work.
12:33
A lot of people I know say, oh,
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John, I don't want to do that.
12:35
Nobody's going to see.
12:37
Wouldn't that be good if no one sees?
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Wouldn't it be good that you did something
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well?
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That's not to be there so you can
12:45
get a pat on the back.
12:47
But it should give you some reinforcement to
12:51
build your own confidence.
12:53
Even if nobody says nothing to you, the
12:57
fact that you're doing it, that's a key,
13:00
guys.
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That is a very, very big key to
13:03
life, all right?
13:06
A very, very big key to life.
13:09
And hopefully, you'll understand that the more that
13:14
you try.
13:15
But I think if you don't try, then
13:18
it's like, how do you move forward?
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I think the way you move forward is
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you say, look, you have to understand where
13:29
we're going.
13:30
And you have to do things the way
13:33
you do them, basically, in public as well
13:36
as in private.
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Because what you do in your private life
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will basically, let's say, spill over into your
13:47
public life, right?
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Somebody once said, you know, you know a
13:54
person by his or her true character when
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they're under stress or in a difficult situation.
14:00
That's when their true colors come shining through,
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not when they're having it easy.
14:05
Character is often built through things nobody applauds,
14:09
care about the work that happens when there
14:12
is no audience, any recognition or reward.
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That's when we start to become exemplary people,
14:28
exemplary people.
14:29
And that alone is a big thing.
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That alone is a very big thing.
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And I think the big thing is that
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when you start getting confidence in yourself, and
14:44
confidence is like the subtle, small epiphany that
14:50
you get.
14:51
It doesn't scream loudly and say, hey, I'm
14:54
here for you.
14:54
No, it doesn't.
14:56
It's just there.
14:59
And that's something that I think a lot
15:01
of people, for whatever reason, they're expecting this
15:04
big, grand gesture.
15:07
But that's not how we learn.
15:12
We have these subtle moments in our life.
15:14
And it's these subtle moments that take us
15:17
from point A to point B.
15:21
I think that's something, again, that a lot
15:23
of people say to me, John, I'm doing
15:25
it now because somebody is paying attention.
15:27
But is that really the reason you should
15:29
be doing it now?
15:31
No, you shouldn't.
15:33
You should be doing this now because you
15:35
care about the quality of your work, not
15:38
because of any other reason.
15:40
No.
15:41
And if you're saying, John, I'm only going
15:44
to do this because somebody is watching, or
15:46
I'm only going to do this because I
15:48
know that I'm going to get praise from
15:50
it, I feel sorry for you if that's
15:55
what you're doing.
15:57
I feel very sorry for you.
16:01
And I know that whatever you're doing is
16:05
something many people will be like, oh, you're
16:09
wasting your time.
16:10
But you're not.
16:12
You're actually becoming somebody that understands character.
16:18
You're becoming somebody that does things for the
16:21
right reason.
16:25
And again, I know you may not get
16:28
a standing ovation.
16:30
But what you will get is a sense
16:32
of clarity, a sense of clarity.
16:37
That's a pretty big thing, guys, a sense
16:42
of clarity.
16:42
I mean, you know that when you're clear
16:46
about something, life changes for you.
16:51
But the first time we look at something,
16:52
it's like, wait a minute.
16:53
This didn't go where I wanted to go
16:55
because I wasn't open to a different kind
17:00
of change.
17:02
I wasn't open to that different kind of
17:04
change.
17:05
Number 17, don't lower the bar when you're
17:08
tired.
17:09
Being tired is real, and rest matters.
17:11
But tiredness shouldn't automatically become permission for careless
17:16
work.
17:17
Know when you need rest and when you
17:19
need discipline.
17:20
And I'm not saying to not take a
17:22
break.
17:23
That's not what I'm saying.
17:24
It's important that we recognize when we need
17:29
to take a break.
17:30
And when we take a break, I think
17:32
that's an important thing.
17:35
OK?
17:38
That is a good way to help us
17:40
recharge our batteries.
17:42
We have to recharge.
17:43
When we recharge, it's like, oh, now I
17:46
get it.
17:46
And now maybe I could see the epiphany
17:47
that I didn't see before.
17:50
Maybe I can.
17:52
But if you don't see it, don't knock
17:53
yourself out because maybe the epiphany is going
17:55
to come a little later.
17:57
Maybe you just need to get a sharper
18:01
perspective on something.
18:05
And I say that to you because I
18:07
honestly believe that you can make a huge
18:10
difference in your life and other people's life.
18:13
But what do you have to do?
18:14
You have to be the same you are
18:17
in public and in your private life.
18:24
That's a very important thing, guys.
18:28
But I'm telling you, you can do it.
18:31
Number 18, make preparation part of your standard.
18:36
Preparation isn't glamorous.
18:38
I know.
18:39
But it changes performance.
18:41
Arrive ready.
18:42
Check the details.
18:44
Understand what is expected before the moment arrives.
18:50
Before the moment arrives.
18:52
If you could just do that, you'll start
18:56
to see that this happens.
18:58
And it gets easier over time.
19:00
It gets easier over time.
19:02
I think that's probably the biggest thing I
19:04
could say to you is because it gets
19:07
easier over time, you start to get a
19:09
little bit of confidence back.
19:11
And that grows.
19:12
And that helps you become what, guys?
19:15
A better version of yourself.
19:19
A better version of yourself.
19:22
I think that's something that a lot of
19:24
people want to strive for.
19:25
But sometimes they just feel like they can't.
19:29
Number 19, protect the quality of your name.
19:33
Your name becomes associated with how you operate.
19:36
Your character.
19:38
Your demeanor.
19:40
Every promise, project, conversation, and commitment contributes to
19:44
what people expect when they hear it.
19:47
Number 20, let your behavior represent you.
19:51
Not somebody else.
19:52
You shouldn't need to constantly tell people what
19:56
your values are.
19:57
Your behavior should provide the evidence through the
20:01
reflection that you give off.
20:03
Number 21, stop settling for almost.
20:08
A lot of people I know say, all
20:09
right, we're almost.
20:10
Almost what?
20:11
Almost finished.
20:13
Almost prepared.
20:15
Almost on time.
20:16
Almost followed through.
20:18
Sometimes almost is understandable, but don't allow it
20:22
to become your permanent standard.
20:25
Number 22, make reliability part of your identity.
20:31
Reliability is powerful because it creates confidence.
20:35
When you consistently do what you say, people
20:38
learn that your words have weight.
20:43
They learn that they have weight.
20:45
Number 23, hold yourself accountable privately.
20:50
That's number 23.
20:52
Real accountability isn't only what happens when someone
20:55
checks on you.
20:58
It's what happens when nobody would know whether
21:02
you followed through except you.
21:07
And when you're a person that follows through,
21:09
guess what happens?
21:10
Your mind's like, okay, you're doing the right
21:12
thing.
21:12
I'm gonna support you.
21:13
I'm gonna do what I need to do
21:15
to help you.
21:15
But this doesn't happen like overnight, okay?
21:20
I gotta be honest with that.
21:22
It doesn't happen overnight, and you've gotta have
21:25
some patience, guys, all right?
21:29
You gotta have some patience.
21:30
That's probably the biggest thing I can say
21:31
to you.
21:32
Number 24, raise your expectations gradually.
21:35
Don't go from one to 100 or 1
21:38
,000.
21:39
You don't need to transform every standard overnight.
21:44
Raise one expectation, practice it consistently and diligently,
21:49
and allow that improvement to become normal.
21:53
When I'm teaching somebody to live in a
21:55
different life and to have another life that
21:57
they'd want, I say to them, don't see
22:02
that life or that world or what you
22:04
have in it as something grand.
22:07
See it as just your everyday life.
22:10
And then your body's like, wait a minute.
22:13
Yes, I do deserve this, okay?
22:16
Number 25, standards simply, well, help us simplify
22:24
difficult choices.
22:26
Clear standards reduce negotiation.
22:28
When you already know what you will and
22:30
won't accept from yourself, many decisions become easier
22:35
to what you said you'd do.
22:39
Number 26, this sounds simple, but it's one
22:42
of the strongest standards you can build in
22:44
life.
22:45
If circumstances change, communicate.
22:48
Otherwise, just follow your gut.
22:49
Follow through.
22:51
Number 27, become someone you can count on.
22:55
Imagine knowing that when you make yourself a
22:59
commitment, you'll take it seriously.
23:02
See, that kind of self-trust changes how
23:05
confidently you approach bigger challenges.
23:08
And I've learned that when we become more
23:12
proficient at harder challenges, the next seems a
23:17
lot easier for us.
23:18
It just kind of unfolds for us.
23:20
And I think that's something, again, that a
23:22
lot of people say, well, I didn't know
23:24
how that came.
23:24
I didn't know where that came from.
23:26
It came from you building resilience.
23:30
That's where it came from, all right?
23:32
Number 28, your standards are here to teach
23:37
people, to teach yourself how you operate.
23:43
People learn what to expect from your repeated
23:47
behavior.
23:49
Your standards become visible through your consistency, preparation,
23:55
communication, and follow through.
23:58
Today, I was having a one-on-one
23:59
with a nice gentleman.
24:00
And one of the things I've always learned
24:02
with Dale Carnegie and other sales methods is
24:06
that we have to strive to become genuinely
24:08
interested in the other person.
24:11
That's it.
24:13
And when you do that, the person opens
24:17
up and then they're ready and they get
24:21
curious about you.
24:24
And I finished my meeting this morning and
24:28
I wasn't even trying, I was just being
24:29
myself.
24:30
And he said something, he said, John, he
24:32
says, your intelligence and wisdom really show.
24:37
And I didn't do a lot of talking.
24:39
I was quiet.
24:41
I was listening.
24:42
I think, number 29, higher standards create different
24:49
outcomes.
24:52
So I have a question.
24:54
If that's true, why is it people settle
24:56
for low bars?
24:57
I'm not saying to take the bar here
24:59
and put it way up to the ceiling,
25:00
but I am saying if the bar's down
25:03
there, don't keep lifting the same weight, like
25:05
move it up after a while, right?
25:07
You can lift that bar.
25:08
If you repeatedly accept the same behavior, you
25:12
should expect similar results.
25:15
Einstein said it before, doing the same thing
25:18
over and over again, expecting different results.
25:20
What is that?
25:21
It's insanity.
25:22
Different outcomes often begin when you stop accepting
25:27
the standard that produced the old ones.
25:33
See, when we get on a track and
25:35
we accept the standard, it's like, for some
25:38
reason, we believe that it's just the way
25:43
it is, okay?
25:46
I think that's an important thing.
25:52
And I want you to respect the fact
25:55
that you can learn in your life every
25:58
single day, but if you never just change
26:02
a little bit, you don't have to change
26:03
a lot.
26:04
If you don't change a little bit, that's
26:08
when we have to ask ourself this question,
26:10
where are we going?
26:13
What are we doing?
26:15
If we can't answer that question, then how
26:20
are we gonna move forward to a place
26:24
that's better than we are right now?
26:26
I mean, how are we gonna do it?
26:27
That's just what I wanna, how are we
26:28
gonna do it?
26:29
And you might say, well, John, I don't
26:31
know.
26:31
I'm just gonna keep doing what I do.
26:33
And although that sounds like pretty admirable, I
26:36
can tell you that it's gonna get you
26:39
so very frustrated in life.
26:40
Unfortunately, it's gonna get you so frustrated.
26:42
And the reason it's gonna get you frustrated
26:44
is this.
26:44
You know why?
26:45
It's gonna get you frustrated because everything I
26:48
try doesn't work out.
26:51
Everything I try doesn't work out.
26:52
I don't say that to dishearten you.
26:55
I say that to be a mentor, to
27:00
be someone that encourages you to take that
27:03
step, all right?
27:04
I think that's a very, very important thing.
27:07
Number 30, become unwilling to betray your own
27:10
standards.
27:11
This is where everything comes together.
27:15
Your standards shouldn't disappear whenever they're inconvenient.
27:20
Decide who you wanna be and protect that
27:23
standard through your choices.
27:26
In closing, ladies and gentlemen, raising your standards
27:29
isn't about becoming, well, impossible to satisfy or
27:35
beating yourself up of different ways.
27:38
It's not about those things, guys.
27:40
It's about a difference in your life.
27:43
And that difference, guys, can make things so,
27:47
so much better for you.
27:48
But I can tell you this, ladies and
27:50
gentlemen, you will never get to where you
27:52
wanna be if you keep doing that, okay?
27:55
I'm John C.
27:56
Morley, serial entrepreneur.
27:58
Don't chase perfection.
28:00
Chase consistency, reliability, honesty, quality, and growth in
28:03
your life.
28:04
Have yourself a great one, everyone, and check
28:07
out BelieveMeAchieve.com for more of my amazing,
28:09
inspiring creations.
28:32
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
28:35
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪