Latest / I Do, Part 2 / Should I Stay or Should I Go with Alexia Nepola

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Should I Stay or Should I Go with Alexia Nepola · I Do, Part 2

• 0:11
  Speaker 1: You're listening to ID Part two, an innovative, one of
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: a kind experiment in podcasting and love. This is a
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: chance for people who are unlucky in love the first
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: time around to have another shot at love. I'm one
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: of your hosts, Janna Kramer, and I am living proof
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: that you can get love right the next chance around,
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: or the next chance around after that. Today we're going
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  Speaker 1: to be joined by one of our celebrity mentors. You
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: know her as the Cuban Barbie from Real Housewives of Miami,
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: and she's the co host of the podcast I Poor Fevore.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Please welcome Alexia Napola to the podcast. Alexia, I'd have
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: to be honest with you, I haven't had the pleasure
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: of watching the Miami Honestly, I feel like I've been
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: kind of in a bubble. I'm ten months postpartum, and
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: i feel like I'm snow out of the getting out
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: of it. But I'm like, I need to catch up
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: on all the shows, all the things, because I'm just
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  Speaker 1: I feel so out of the loop. But what I
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: love about this is connecting with you on a human level,
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: because you know, this show is about connecting people and
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  Speaker 1: finding love, and you have been on such a journey,
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: and there's so many pieces of your story that I
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: relate to so much, so I'm so excited to just
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  Speaker 1: kind of get into the weeds of all of it.
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  Speaker 1: But right now, though, are you Are you currently filming
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: not filming, like, what's what's going on?
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: So we are.
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: We are filming our season seven of the Real Hosts
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: of Miami, and I guess you'll get to see my
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: love journey on there this season, because I feel like
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: I've had different love journeys throughout all my seasons, unfortunately,
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: because all I wanted to do is be married all
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: my life, by the.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: Way, well, and so that is so interesting that you
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  Speaker 1: say that, because I feel like that piece I relate
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  Speaker 1: to too, because all I've wanted is to just have
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  Speaker 1: one wedding, one marriage, and just be with the love
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: of my life. But it's been, it's been. It's been
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  Speaker 1: a hell of a ride to get to that point,
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  Speaker 1: because I've you know, just picked the wrong man, gotten
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: into wrong relationships, unhealed versions of myself, and you know, finally,
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  Speaker 1: you know, on my I'm not even going to tell
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  Speaker 1: you what number it is, but you know.
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  Speaker 2: I know myself.
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  Speaker 1: But it's like, it's one of those things where I'm like,
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  Speaker 1: I didn't want it to be that many That's not
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  Speaker 1: that's I didn't go into things being like, oh I
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: want to be divorced this many times. And so I'm
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: curious with your first relationship with your with your first
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  Speaker 1: husband that you have your two sons with, when how
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: old were you when that marriage took place.
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: I was twenty three when I started my relationship with them,
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: twenty two twenty three. So I feel like we have
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: we love different, you know at that age, or we
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: look for different things, you know at that age. By
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: the way I mean, I feel like we look for
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: different things at doesn't really matter the age, but it
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: depends what you're going through your life. And that's where
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: you're talking about how we pick which is so important.
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  Speaker 3: So that's what I needed at that time in my life.
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  Speaker 3: You know, my father had passed away and my mother
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: had moved to Spain, and I was it was the
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  Speaker 3: first time you know that I really felt like alone,
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: you know, in my life. And then I met this
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  Speaker 3: guy there was you know, my age. He brought me
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  Speaker 3: so much happiness. I was at a very like vulnerable place,
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  Speaker 3: very you know, sad time in my life and he
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: was like my prince Charming.
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  Speaker 2: He came, he sent me off my feet, you know.
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  Speaker 3: He it's like what I needed, and that's what, you know,
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  Speaker 3: what I went for, you know, and I had my
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  Speaker 3: two beautiful kids. But you know that wasn't again he
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  Speaker 3: I at that moment, I thought he was a love
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  Speaker 3: of my life. But then I realized, you know, soon enough,
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: that love isn't enough sometimes no matter how much he
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: loved the person, you know, because he was going through
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  Speaker 3: other things that I was like not okay with and
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: kind of like kept at a secret, which I know
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  Speaker 3: it's like, what's something that we're going to talk about
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  Speaker 3: in relationships? You know that how you know these secrets
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  Speaker 3: do affect you know us and affect our relationships.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, for sure. How long were you in that marriage?
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  Speaker 2: For about ten years?
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  Speaker 3: You know we've we've got legally you know, divorced, not
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  Speaker 3: because we wanted to, but because of the circumstances. And
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  Speaker 3: I had you know, two children with him, and I
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: still have, you know, a friendship and a relationship with
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  Speaker 3: him because of my kids. My kids adore him, and
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  Speaker 3: you know, I always tell my kids to love their father,
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  Speaker 3: you know, I wasn't one of these moms that you know,
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  Speaker 3: talked like ugly things about their dad.
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  Speaker 2: You know, I always wanted my.
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  Speaker 3: Kids to have a good relationship with their father, you know,
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  Speaker 3: regardless what the circumstances were. And their father does love
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  Speaker 3: them a lot, and you know, I think the kids
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  Speaker 3: grow up healthier that way. And you know, we don't
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  Speaker 3: choose our parents, you know, and this is this is
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  Speaker 3: their dad, and he's a good man and he's you know,
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  Speaker 3: been there for them as much as you can, and
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  Speaker 3: they today have.
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  Speaker 2: A good relationship.
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  Speaker 3: But what I love about you and I is that
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  Speaker 3: despite all these painful past relationships, we're never giving up
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  Speaker 3: on love. And like that's kind of like what I did,
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: you know, Like that was that chapter in my life.
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  Speaker 3: But then I moved on to my second husband at
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  Speaker 3: a different stage of my life where I had two children,
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  Speaker 3: and you know, that makes it so much more difficult,
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  Speaker 3: and you look for different things, you know, when you
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: have children. You know, I feel like your first husband
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  Speaker 3: is who you want to have a family with. And
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  Speaker 3: it's like that fairy tale story that you want the
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: beautiful wedding, you want to have the kids, the house,
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: the family and all that and I unfortunately got little
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: bits and pieces of it, but not the whole thing
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  Speaker 3: that I wanted. And you know, ten years later we
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: separated and I quickly pretty much met my second husband.
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  Speaker 3: And you see, that's what I've learned today, that we
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: need to take some time between relationships because we need
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: to heal, we need to learn from them, we need
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  Speaker 3: to grow.
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  Speaker 2: And at that point, I was thirty four years old.
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  Speaker 3: And you know, I wanted again, you know, that marriage,
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: that family that I hadn't that I hadn't have with
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  Speaker 3: my other husband.
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  Speaker 2: So you know, with him, he was older than me.
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  Speaker 3: He like right away came in also, like at a
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  Speaker 3: time in my life where I was kind of down.
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  Speaker 2: Also, you know, I had two small kids. I was
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  Speaker 2: a single mom.
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  Speaker 3: You know, I was working as a school teacher and
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  Speaker 3: and I was just doing everything by myself. And this
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: came this amazing man that was very charismatic, very kind,
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  Speaker 3: very loving, and you know, successful, smart. He was like
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  Speaker 3: a problem solver. So he just came into my life
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  Speaker 3: like like what do you need? What can I do
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  Speaker 3: for you? You know, like that kind of thing. And
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  Speaker 3: it was different, like I feel like my first husband
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  Speaker 3: was like love at first sight and like the butterflies
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  Speaker 3: in the stomach, and you know, I was young and
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  Speaker 3: and it was it was completely different, like from my
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: thirties when I met you know, my second husband, and
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  Speaker 3: you know, I kind of like grew to love him
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  Speaker 3: and understand, you know, and I thought, with him, you know,
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  Speaker 3: I can have that not that perfect marriage, because perfect
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  Speaker 3: marriages do not exist, and we're all imperfect. But it's
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  Speaker 3: kind of more like what I wanted, the security, the
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  Speaker 3: stability that I didn't have in my first marriage.
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  Speaker 1: I think there is something where what you said about
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  Speaker 1: not jumping in right away is not such a huge
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  Speaker 1: piece because you know, a lot of times, if I
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: reflect back on my history, I'm like I was always
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: jumping from relationship to relationship, and especially this, you know
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  Speaker 1: this my last divorce, I was like, I cannot keep
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: putting my happiness in a relationship and with another man,
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  Speaker 1: because that's where I always said, if I'm happy, that
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  Speaker 1: that means that I'm in a happy, loving relationship, and
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  Speaker 1: like that should not be what my happiness and how
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  Speaker 1: my happiness exists. And so and I've even talked to
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  Speaker 1: a few of my divorced girlfriends or like, oh, I
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: just wish I could just meet someone, and I'm like,
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  Speaker 1: that is not going to make you happy. I think
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  Speaker 1: I guarantee you, like you'll have a dopamine hit within
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  Speaker 1: the first few weeks, but like you will go right
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  Speaker 1: back to feeling why do I feel not happy? Why
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  Speaker 1: do I feel you know, X, Y and Z. And
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: then I had another girlfriend, you know, she was just
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: like she was still married to her hausband. She's like,
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  Speaker 1: I want to divorce him, but I think it'd be
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  Speaker 1: easier if I found someone first. And I'm like no,
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: like no, no, no, no, like I literally no, because
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  Speaker 1: I'm like, again, I know how that would be easier.
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  Speaker 1: And there was pieces of me too where in my
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: last marriage, I mean like I was I was so
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  Speaker 1: out that I was like, you know what, I hope
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  Speaker 1: I meet someone, But it was I'm so glad that
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  Speaker 1: that wasn't the catalyst for my last ending of my marriage,
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  Speaker 1: because A I got to walk out clean in that marriage,
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  Speaker 1: you know, not do the same thing that I've won. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I just was like like if anything is gonna like
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  Speaker 1: leave this, like it's you're just going to be the
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: only cheater in this, Like I will not give you
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  Speaker 1: that satisfaction of cheating on you too, but with you know,
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  Speaker 1: I was like, but also like having that piece, actually
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: leaving someone when you don't have someone else was the
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: It was grueling and it was so hard, but I
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: found myself through that process and then I took I
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: did dates soon ish after, and again I was solved
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: that I was repeating the same mistake. And I'm like, Okay,
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  Speaker 1: I'm literally attracting the same dude, the same cast, just
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: a different name, you know what I mean?
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: Same might all been different, name might have all been different,
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: so I can't Yeah, yeah, they've all been way different, right,
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  Speaker 3: They've had different problems that I had my first, but
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: I have done the same thing kind of, you know.
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  Speaker 3: And then it's funny, like you said about your friends,
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  Speaker 3: because when you're in a situation like that, I feel
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: like you have to at.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: One point just like shut off all the noise because you.
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: Know all your friends are going to give you different
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: advice and you know, oh you need this, you need
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: to do that.
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  Speaker 2: You know how you forget about this when you move
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: on to the next one.
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  Speaker 3: And in reality, we know you and I know that
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: because you've gone through it, that that doesn't work. You
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: need time for yourself. Your happiness does not depend on
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: any man. You need to find that happiness within yourself,
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: whatever it may be. You need to self reflect, you
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: need to like search for that. And I think that
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: that comes with age and wisdom too, because you know,
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  Speaker 3: at twenty something, I didn't know that. You know, I
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: thought the same thing. I mean, I didn't think so much.
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: I said, you know what I need like a man
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  Speaker 3: that's like older, more mature, that's already like settled. He's
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: going to give me stability. And it's not it wasn't
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: even about the finance. It's just like the way they
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: make you feel. And he gave me that like support
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: and that security that I needed, you know that I
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: didn't have in my first relationship. So my son, Frankie,
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: while I was married to my second husband, he was
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: involved in a horrific car accident and he almost passed away.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: But he's a miracle. He's alive and he's very much
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: healthy and with us today. He suffers from a brain injury.
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: But you see, there's where my husband, with my husband
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: at the time, was really there for me. So my
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: second husband passed away in twenty sixteen. We were separated,
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: but not divorce, but we still had a great relationship.
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: We worked together, he visited the house. He was a
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: stepfather to my kids, and he was a great you
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: know step father to them, and we had a great relationship.
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: It was just like I felt like, with a tragic
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: like you know, Frankie's accident, your family gets together for
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: many ways, but you also become distant, you know, as
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: a couple, you know, and I felt that, you know,
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: my main focus obviously wasn't saving Frankie's life, and that
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: affected our entire family dynamics, That affected my older son,
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: That affected my relationship with herman in the way that
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: you know, I wasn't really there for him, you know.
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  Speaker 2: So a few years later, that was in.
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: Twenty eleven, in twenty fifteen, you know, we decide to
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: have that uncomfortable conversation which a lot of couples have
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: to have, kind of like you're not happy, I'm not happy,
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: and you know, Frankie and Peter already well, and it's
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: kind of like I had a moment to think for
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: myself and I said, wow, what has happened? Like I
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: lost myself, Like I didn't know who I was. And
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: so I had the conversation with him, and he said, listen,
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: you've gone through a lot. I'm always going to love you,
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: but you know, I think it's just better we take
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: some time off and you deserve to be happy. You know,
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: I deserve to be happy. And at that point I
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: wanted to go to counsel i because my mom's a psychiatrist.
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: She was very therapeutic and even though she got divorced
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: five times, she was really good at giving couples therapy.
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: Not that that was a specialty, but she was always
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: very like adamant about couples staying together, you know, unless
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: it was like physical abuse or even some kind of
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: emotional abuse, which is just as bad as physical abuse.
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: But you know, she always encouraged it. You had a
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: good man, and there were a lot of things you
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: can work on to like work on that. So with
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: that being said, you know, we had a friendly, nice
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: conversation and I said, well, okay, I mean I really
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: didn't know what to do with what to do with
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: that conversation. I said, but you know, let's just have fun,
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: you know, goes He told me, like, you can start
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: going on with your friends. You can you know kind
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: of like do what you want to do for now,
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: because you know, I'm older than you and I want
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: to live my life.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: At that point, he was like going out a lot,
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: and I didn't want to go out obviously because I
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: wanted to stay home with my kids.
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: So we started growing apart.
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: And I feel like as a woman, you always feel it,
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: you know, like sometimes you say, oh my god, like
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: I never you know, I never imagined he would do
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: something like that, or like everything was perfect. It's like
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: the signs are there, we don't want to see them.
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: In this case, everything happened appeared to be fine. But
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: when I had a moment to breathe and to realize,
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: you know, what was going on in my life, I said,
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: I am so disconnected, you know, from this person. And
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: when I had the conversation with him, I didn't have
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: like the same I didn't have the response that I
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: wanted to have, which was like, you know, let's work
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: on this and let's go to therapy.
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: It was kind of like, you know, you've gone through
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: a lot, so you know, maybe just like start having
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: some fun.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: Was his own alternative motive for him to be doing
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: those other other relationship that he was in, Like do
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: you do you kind of go, await a minute.
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: No, No, I don't blame myself. I think at this point.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: You I'm saying, do you think back and go? Was
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: he putting that on you to so that he could
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: have his other extramarital.
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: I yes, now that's a really good question, and I
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: have thought about that, because you know, I feel like
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: sometimes when the men are keeping secrets, it's like to
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: protect themselves also to protect me, and I always the
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: good thing about me is that I've in my first
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: two marriages, I've always thought the men have kept secrets,
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: but not to hurt me.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: Obviously.
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: The first reason is to protect themselves because they're afraid
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: that they share this kind of information, whether it's you know,
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: you know, legal things that they've done in their past,
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: or whether it's you know, sexual things or infidelity. Obviously
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: they know that we're not going to be okay with that,
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: We're going to judge them, chain them, get into a fight, whatever.
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: So I felt like he was having this conversation with
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: me because he didn't want to be selfish, like he
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: loved me so much, and I really do believe that
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: that he just wanted me. He couldn't have that conversation
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: where he was actually gonna come out and say, listen,
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: you know, I am having an occur with somebody and
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: it happens to me a man. He didn't want to
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: hurt me, So this man would have never told me that. So,
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: but at that point I think that he was already
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: involved with that person. Yes, so it was easier, like
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: you said to put it on me and said, you
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: know what, go have fun. And by the way, I did. Yeah,
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: I said, well, you've left me know the toy, said
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: you know what? And I needed it, Jana, like I
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: really needed it, you know. So so that's.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: What I did.
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: I started going out with my friends. We would work together.
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: It was weird, like all my things have always been weird. Honestly,
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: my relationships, it's kind of like we're afraid to talk
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: about uncomfortable things, you know, that are going to hurt
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: us because you know, we we love each other, you know.
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: I don't know if other couples have you know that
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: problem too.
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: It's like it's a communication problem pretty much because we're
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: afraid just say things to each other that are going
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: to hurt us.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: Well, I think also too, it brings up things where
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: it's like sometimes when I say something to my husband,
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: he hears something totally different, like he hears me questioning him,
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: Like that's not I wasn't questioning. I was just asking
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: a question because I'm just curious. But like because they
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: have their own past things from their relationships where the
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: woman might have been questioning his reasoning for things, and like, no,
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: that's not at all. I was just more like curious
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: and so but how they react, and so it's it's learning,
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: you know, the other people's traumas and past relationships and
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: what they had to and how they reacted to things,
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: and it's it's all I mean, like you said in
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: the very beginning, there's no perfect relationship. It's really figuring
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: out how to communicate with each other. And you know,
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of times when you know, I've
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: had people reach out to me a lot because my
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: last husband had multiple affairs, and you know, when I
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: first found everything out, it was everything felt like a lie,
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: every like from the wedding to you know, the birth
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: of our daughter, to ourselves and like everything you know,
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: was meant nothing and it was all a lie. And
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: I've been able to figure out now that there are
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: truths and there's lies within things, but that it wasn't
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: all a lie for me, it was real and you know,
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: for not for him to not allow to take away
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: those memories. And you know, learning that your one ex
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: husband was I would would say he was he was gay.
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: Or he was bisexual.
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: I feel like he was bisexual, like towards the end,
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: you know, while we were separated, you know, while I
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: was married to him, I had no idea.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: But how do you how do you deal with that
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: that lie of Okay, our marriage was a lie? Like
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: what do you.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: Don't you know? I don't. I never know.
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: So that's I never felt like our marriage was a lie.
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: I felt that he did have the ability to love
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: me and fall in love with me, and he did
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: and that's why we got married. And you know, we
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: had you know, thirteen beautiful years and I just think
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: that it was like towards you know, the end of
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: our marriage, I said, I really do believe that. You know,
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: when you go through a traumatic experience in your family,
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: your family falls apart, and there's you know, different things
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: that fall apart. And again I'm not blaming myself because
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: I'm a mother before anything, and I had to focus
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: on my children, and he supported that. But with that
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: being said, you know, he also like you know, started
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: going out and you know, finding his outlets. You know,
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: like everybody deals with pain differently, and that affected him
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: a lot. Frankie's accident, and you know, he was also older,
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: you know, and I feel like sometimes you know, men
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: go through different mid life crisis and they deal with
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: things differently. And I guess it's just something that he had,
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: you know, within him, that he wanted to experience and
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: it happened. I wish she would have told me, because
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: you know, I would have been so open to this.
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: You know, I am such an open person, and you know,
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: I don't even and it might find funny, but like
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: I rather a guie tee with a guy than with
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: a girl.
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: You know, that's just me.
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: I may be different, I may be crazy, but for me,
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: it's kind of like, Okay, well, I can't give them
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: what a man can give him, you know, physically, you know,
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: maybe emotionally yes, but you know, for me, it's just like,
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: you know, love is love, like it could be with
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: a man, it could be with a woman. But you know,
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: it was really hard for me because I found out
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: after he passed away like the day after we bury him,
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: so that what was it was like a betrayal obviously,
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: but then you kind of like try to justify it, right,
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: like saying, you know, how can somebody like this like
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: sit down the wife. You know, how can a husband
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: sit down a wife and say, you know, by the way,
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: you know, I'm in love with another man. It's hard,
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: especially like a Latino man you know that has you know,
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: somebody that's like well known in the community. You know,
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: there were so many prejudices like he could have never
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: done it. So I actually felt that, you know, I
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: still do. You know, I'm happy that he got to live.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: The right If you could ask him one question, what
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: would it be if he.
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: Was happy if he found Yeah, if he was happy,
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: And I really believed that he was because I got
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: to speak to that person and he told me like
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: the whole story. And by the way he told the
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: man also like this is my wife. He showed him
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: a picture, this is my wife, and I love her
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: and I don't ever want her to find out, so
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: you know, and I know that, like I So that's
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: why I'm okay with it, because I know how much
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: he loved me. Like his intentions. For me, it's all
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: about intentions, and people could see it the other way around. Well,
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: if he loved you so much, then he wouldn't have
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: done that to you, Right, it's a struggle.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: I get that.
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: I also understand that it's true if they love you,
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: what didn't want to hurt you. In his case, he
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: was keeping it a secret because he didn't want to
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: hurt me. And I know those were his intentions, and
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: I'll know that forever.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: Do you believe in monogamous relationships? Do you do believe
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: a man can be monogamous in a relationship?
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: I do, Yeah, I do.
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: I really do believe that, and I always want to
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: believe that, just like I believe in love. I want
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: to believe that anogmist because I feel like when you
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: have that love and connection and you just can't be
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: with another person, you know, for me, it's not for me,
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: it's like the whole mind body, so like I need
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: to be connected with the person. So I feel like
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: the time you find that disconnection with your with your
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: husband or with your partner, you have to go because
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: that means you're going to start being unfaithful and you
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: can't have like you know, the lack of trust and
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: dishonesty in a relationship.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: So then how long? So when he passes you, guys,
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: how does that work? Does it? Do you have to
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: like do divorce papers or how like?
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: No, No, I was his wife. I was his wife.
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: I mean I had a preen up. You girls have
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: talked about So I did have a preen up. But
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: I was, you know, legally his wife. We as a
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: matter of fact, we never even filed. We never even
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: went to see an attorney. It was kind of like,
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: if that's what I'm saying, all of my circumstances honestly
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: have been full strained because with him, we had that conversation.
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: And then maybe a few months later he moved out
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: of the house because he was going out at night
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: and getting home super late, and I was like, you
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: know what, this is not going to end okay. And
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: then by the way, I was going out too, and
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: if I would be home like before him, he would
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: call me like when are you coming home? I'm like, well, wait,
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: I mean we're husband and wife, but you know we're
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: you know, technically like really not together.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: We're taking a break. It was weird.
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: That's something I will not recommend to anybody. I know
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: some people, you know.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: Breaks things work for there's different Like I could never
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: personally have anyone come in a relationship man, woman, anything
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: Like I'm like, I I know what that does for me,
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: having the years of affairs and stuff. But you know,
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: some people are cool with swinging or this or that
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: or no never.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: No, I am so jealous and possess them.
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: I'm like, cuman, there's no way, I know for me,
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: it was never about that, and he knew that. So
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: that's why he had to, you know, take his own way.
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: So that's why he decided, you know, to move to
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: an apartment. So he had just gone an apartment a
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: few months, you know, prior before he passed away and
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: unfortunately had a heart attack and he passed away, and it.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: Was sorry after that. How long was it until you
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: met your next husband? How many years?
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: So I already knew my I already knew my husband
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: today while Hermann was still alive, and I had dated him.
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: You know, we were like dating for a while, okay,
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: for a few months whatever, we're just dating, and but
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: you know I wasn't ready. This is like there I knew,
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: you know, I was in my forties and I have
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: gone had gone through so much, you know, in both
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: of my relationships, and not only in my relationships, but
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: really what changed my life was my son, Jackson.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: I can't even imagine. I'm so sorry, Like it's second
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: he said. Son. I'm like, oh, it's like it's like
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: when a dog dies in a movie. It's even worse,
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like your kids, I can't like,
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: I love my husband, my children, anything happens like I'm
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: so sorry, Like I can't even imagine, Like.
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: The way you're a mom that was that's undescribable. Only
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: a mom that's been there knows that pain. So I
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: was like, you know what, when when herman and I
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: just decided to take a break, like we said, there's
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: time some time off, I was like, you know what, Alexael, like,
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: you cannot be in a relationship with a man. You
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: need to just have fun. You need to you know,
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: do things for yourself, and you know, and that's what
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: I did. And I did meet my third husband, and
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: but like I said, I was not ready. I knew
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: I couldn't be in a relationship like that at that
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: moment because I feel like timing was so important as
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: well for and you know, the listeners out there, the
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: girls should be thinking about that because I always had
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: like with my friends, like, oh, it's all about time.
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: It's all about timing.
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: Sometimes the right man comes into your life at the
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: wrong time in your life, and sometimes when you're ready,
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: the wrong guy comes into your life.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: So like, timing is really important.
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: So I was very aware at that moment that I
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: did not want to have a serious relationship, but you know,
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: I did like him.
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: And I did datum.
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: And then it was six months after Hermann passed away
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: that we started seeing each other again, you know, so.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: And even married for how long with him.
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: Legally married two years together? Eight years together. We've been
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: living together for eight years, legally married for two years.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: So I read that he filed for divorce, and do
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: we know.
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: Why he did?
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: So I didn't know myself at the moment, why you
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: know he would do this?
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: So you had no idea. He just filed and you
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: had no idea, Like there wasn't like, hey, we should
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: get a divorce conversation.
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: No, no, So there wasn't.
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: And he first left the house on a Saturday, and
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: then he filed for divorce on Thursday. And I wasn't
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: expecting him to leave, like to move out of the
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: apartment like that either. So basically it's you know a
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: lot of things, you know, it's just not like one thing.
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: And by the way, with my second husband, it wasn't
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: really about his sexuality either, you know, it wasn't like
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: we had that conversation. And that's why, you know, we
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: just kind of like drifted apart, like I said, as
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: a couple because of the circumstances. And then you know,
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: eventually I found out after he passed, await what had happened.
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: And with the father of my kids, it was a
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: lot of things. You know, he had gone to prison,
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: he had come back home.
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: You know, you lose.
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: Respect and you know, that respect and admiration that I
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: had for him, you know, I saw him like as weak.
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: You know, it's so hard, you know, to come back
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: into society again, back into your family and to just
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: you know, keep on living a normal life. Like that
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: affected us a lot. I was a single mom for
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: five years. I had two kids. It was just crazy stuff.
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: And I didn't have the tools. I didn't have the maturity.
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: I you know, I didn't have to support and that's
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: why we just, you know, we're arguing all the time,
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: we were fighting.
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: You know, it's never really been more than that, you know.
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: I just think it was like two young people that
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: had those horrible circumstances. We didn't know how to deal
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: with it, and we just you know, grew apart and
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: just kind of broke off. Yeah.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm just thinking like if my husband
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: just was like filed for divorce, I mean, a feeling
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: super blindsided, but also I'd be like, Okay, here's here's
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: maybe why, like he was unhappy with X Y and Z.
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: Oh oh, okay, well yes, well obviously, I mean, I
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: don't think anybody's faults for divorces. They're happy in the relationship,
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: but was expecting and no, so he's yes saying that
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: he was unhappy because first of all, I'm a public person,
• 27:42
  Speaker 3: which you already knew about, right, and.
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: Like you know.
• 27:46
  Speaker 3: That when you're a public person, and especially the kind
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: of show that I'm on, everybody knows my story, everybody
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: knows my life. But when he did start dating me,
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: he had already done three seasons of this show. He
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: already knew who I was, and this is the person
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: that he fell in love with He fell in love
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: with me and my world. He knew my baggage, which
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: I don't even like to call it baggage because my
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: children are not my baggage. They're an extension of me
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: and they go with me everywhere, and if you love me,
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: you have to love my kids and the accepting of them.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: So he knew all the circumstances. Like with this relationship,
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: I can tell you with my third relationship, my last one,
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: there was no secrets at all, at least well, there's
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: never been secrets with any of my husbands on my part,
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: and I want to believe that he didn't have any
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: secrets either, like the last one. But what I'm trying
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: to say is that he knew who I was. He
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: knew my entire life, and I was so honest, and
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: you know, I had done so much growth, you know,
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: and dealing because once I started dating him again, I
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: was still grieving Herman's loss because even though I wasn't
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: physically with him for the last year and a half,
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: I was very emotionally connected to Herman. He was a
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: very good person who was a very kind man. We
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: spent many years together and I have a lot of
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: love for him, and so once again I get into
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: a relationship six months later, and again I felt like
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: all my relationships I've gone into when I've been down,
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: you know, they haven't seen the best of Alexia. It's
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: not Alexi's best. They've gotten me when I've been like
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: down and vulnerable and like you said, looking for happiness,
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: because I haven't been happy myself because a lot of things.
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: Obviously I was grieving Hermon's death, right and all this
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: new information that I was finding out, and I had
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: all these questions, and I had legal problems with like
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: Carman's children.
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: So I was going through a lot, is what I'm
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: trying to tell you.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: Right, But I also I just want to say this
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: because I feel like a lot of times we take
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: the hit for going through a lot, Like when I
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: when I started dating someone post divorce. You know, the
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: guy was very much like call me when you heal,
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, you know, it made me feel bad
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: for crying when I didn't have my kids, you know,
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: for Christmas, And it was like the first of all
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: the many first I was having and it's like, listen,
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: you made me feel bad for feeling like I had
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: a lot to heal and work on. Like, I know
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: I have a lot to heal and work on, but
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: I don't need someone to remind me that I'm like,
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: I'm not a bad person for having feelings or for
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: for having for feeling grief or sadness because of a situation.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: And like, you know, hearing you say like you had stuff, well,
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: of course you did. You were. You're dealing with traumas
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: and grief and loss and you know, separation. Those are
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: things that you know, the man shouldn't make you feel
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: like like, yes, did you get did they get the
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: perfect versions of both of us? Know, but also they
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: don't need to shed like they don't need to make
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: us feel bad about that.
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: Right, make it worse?
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: Right, No, And a good partner, why you're right, you're
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: absolutely right, And a good partner will be there to
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: listen to you, lift you up your feet and help
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: you get through it right and navigate through that. And
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: that's what it happened. That's actually what happened, and that's
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: why we did get married. But you know, he has
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: two daughters. You know, I have my children. His daughters
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: came to live with us. You know, we never you know,
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: blended as a family. You know, it's really hard for him,
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: you know, like being you know, for a father full time,
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: living with us full time.
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: We had a lot of pressure. You know.
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: We went from being like boyfriend and girlfriend you know,
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: kind of like on our own and you know, traveling
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: and just like that honeymoon state that we had like
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: the first two or three years. So of course our
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: relationship was beautiful. Once again, he came in, he sought
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: me off my feet. I started feeling happy again, which
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: is like what you're saying. When you're like in a
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: bad place and we meet a guy and they bring
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: all this joy into our life, We're like, this is it.
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: He's the guy. Oh my god, I haven't felt happy
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: like this in years. And it's kind of like you
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: confuse it and then it's easy for you to, you know,
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: to pick that guy, just like not the first one
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: that comes along. But it's kind of like, Okay, you
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: really feel inside like this is the man that's going
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: to make me happy. And I mean initially, we all,
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: I mean we all want to be happy, but like
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: you said, we have to be happy ourselves so we
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: can make others happy. Like now I know that I
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: just want them to add happiness to my life, you know,
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: just don't come take it away.
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and in this marriage, now that he's divorced, I've
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: heard that you guys have kind of hooked up post
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: the filings. Is that the thing you can well, of
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: course it is you love this person, he loves you.
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: But I'm curious, like, is there is there reconciliation within
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: that where you're like, Okay, I'm going to go work
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: on this and then can we work on this together?
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: And can this work? Because I'm a big believer in
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: reconciliation with two people are willing to show up to
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: their be their best versions and no, you.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: Have to show up.
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's where we're at exactly because you know, and
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: just like therapy that we tried therapy, I feel like
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: for this to work, both of us have to want it.
• 32:47
  Speaker 3: It takes so much work and effort, and I think
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: that today, you know, couples just want to give up
• 32:53
  Speaker 3: because it's easier. They don't want to put in the work,
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: they don't want to go to therapy, they don't want
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: to take time for themselves and say I'm the problem
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: or you're the problem.
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: And it's not even about who's the problem.
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: Is that how are we going to make this better
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: and fix it and own accountability and validate each other's feelings?
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: So it's it's hard. I feel like it's so much
• 33:12
  Speaker 3: easier today then back in the day to just walk away,
• 33:15
  Speaker 3: and then there's so many options for the other people,
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: you know, like saying like you're saying your friends like,
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: isn't it easier like just to like give up on
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: it and like to find another guy, like look.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: At you because your problems are still going to exist
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: and they're going to have problems. So now you're going
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: to have a whole new out the problems that you
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: have to then deal with.
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like, I.
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: Don't even want to see a man, Like honestly, I'm like,
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: right now I am not. So, you know, it's so
• 33:38
  Speaker 3: this is what's made it so hard this time around,
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: because we were in love with each other. We were like,
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: I think it's like an obsession. Honestly, I don't even
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: know if it's love anymore. It's an obsession and addiction.
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: I don't know what we want to call it. But
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: and you know, we do have problems, you know, communicating,
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: But I feel like, you know, a lot of couples do, right,
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: it's just learning how to talk to each other. So
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: we'll have like the highs and the low some good days,
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: some bad days. But then on top of it, you know,
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: I'm filming the show. So that makes it like a
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: lot easier, I mean, sorry, it makes it a lot
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: harder on my relationship because he never liked the show.
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: That is the truth.
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: And I've always said it, and I've always said I've
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: said it publicly, I've said it to him. I will
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: always pick you, you know, meaning my husband and taught
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: in this case, and my children and my family over
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: the show. But you know, sometimes I feel like he's
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: using it as an skateboard because he doesn't like it.
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: And honestly, you know, I feel like whatever partner you
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: have in your life needs to support you, and I
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: haven't had that support from him.
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: You know, I get it. He doesn't align with the show.
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: He doesn't like it.
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: And by the way, it's really not immense show, like
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: I honestly don't recommend for any other husbands to be involved,
• 34:52
  Speaker 3: but it is what it is. But we never really
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: had that conversation about, you know, pick me or the show, right,
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: So because it would always it would always be him.
• 35:03
  Speaker 3: It would always be him, and I gave him that option.
• 35:05
  Speaker 3: I wanted to do it, but he's like, oh no,
• 35:07
  Speaker 3: Like I can't. You know, you can't do that because
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: then you're going to resent me. So, you know, it's
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: been like an emotional rollercoaster. I feel like I'm in
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: an emotional limbo because you know, I don't know what
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: to do.
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: It's been six months.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: Does he want to try to make it work?
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: I feel like.
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: We're both trying to make it work. But why isn't
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: it working after six months? Right? It's like how much
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: time do you give yourself? Like how much time do
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: you think?
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's that's just a question because it's like
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: you got to address the main issue, is what is
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: the issue, and then work on that because if it
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: doesn't change, then it's just the same thing's going to
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: keep happening again and again. Then how long do you
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: continue to try?
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: But I mean, if you guys are dating again, I
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: mean I feel like and there's hope for potential reconciliation.
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: I mean, I again, I'm always the one that's like,
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: if you guys can get to the root of it,
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: and then you know, plan a new seed with it,
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: it grows, right.
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: I mean, I feel like whatever problems we had before,
• 36:10
  Speaker 3: we don't have anymore. But just because you know, his
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: daughters went to college and you know, and so you know,
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: I think that added a lot.
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: Of stress on the marriage. And the show.
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: A reality show adds a lot of stress on your
• 36:23
  Speaker 3: marriage as well. You have to have a very very
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: typeon you have to be a team and even so,
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: you know, I mean, obviously there's editing takes into place.
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: So sometimes you see yourself, you know, on the show
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: and you're like, my god, like I'm not that person.
• 36:40
  Speaker 3: You know why or you know why am I looking
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: that way? So you know, I respect all of that,
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: you know, when I get it. These guys don't show
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: up to do these kind of shows. They don't sign
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: up for it.
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: We do. But I feel like there's more there, you know.
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: I think that that's just easier friend to say, like, well,
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: you know, I don't like the show, I don't like
• 36:58
  Speaker 3: your life, I don't like your world, so I'm just
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: gonna like exit it.
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: Well, but here's the deal, Like you're saying that you'll
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: choose him. So that's my that's my piece and like,
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: what is he Why is he trying to push you away?
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: When you're saying I will choose you right.
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: Well, I've said that right and I'll keep on saying
• 37:13
  Speaker 3: it because you know, I that is the real story.
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: Are you guys living together apart?
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: We're not living together, which is it's good and it's
• 37:32
  Speaker 3: bad because you know, I've had a lot of time,
• 37:34
  Speaker 3: you know, for myself to do things for me to heal,
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: to understand things, to read books, to listen to podcasts, to.
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: Go on walks, and so it's fun.
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: You know, it's hot and sexy to like date and
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: see each other again because you still have that chemistry
• 37:47
  Speaker 3: and we like each other. But it's when we start
• 37:50
  Speaker 3: talking about deeper things that we you know, start you know,
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: not with the fighting, but with like good disagreements.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: Will you will you guys do therapy together? Like do
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: you believe in that together?
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: So we tried that and it really didn't work for
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: us because well, in my case, I wanted to continue
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: it because I can take it, like I can take
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: talking about the past, crying about it and moving forward.
• 38:17
  Speaker 3: But I felt like in his case, he was he
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: just couldn't take it. You know, it's hard. Even the therapy,
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: you have to relive you know, all those all those
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: horrible moments that you did fight about and were triggers,
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: you have to relive them again. And so it was
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: it was really really tough for him, but you know,
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: at least he tried. And then we've had of agreed
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: that it wasn't great for us. I don't know if
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: it was a therapist or it was just us ourselves,
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: and you know, we're both like reading books and talking
• 38:46
  Speaker 3: to each other.
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: We're bored.
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: Like I can tell you for sure that I'm a
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: lot more self aware and educated, and I think that
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: that really changes things because sometimes when you're in it,
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: you know, you don't realize it. But now that we
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: have time apart and we have time for ourselves, you
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: kind of like when we start a conversation, I'm like, Okay,
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: I know where this is going. I know what you're
• 39:06
  Speaker 3: doing and you know whatnot. But but yeah, I still
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: don't know what we're doing.
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: You know. I know we're liking going out and kind.
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: Of like the dating, but I'm like, am I going
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: to go from being your wife to be like your girlfriend?
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: Like it doesn't make any sense. I mean, I still
• 39:21
  Speaker 3: feel like his wife.
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: I think if there's love still there and you know,
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: two people are willing to try, I'm always like such
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: an advocate for that. And my therapist one time said,
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: don't make any big decisions. He's she's like, do a
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: year essentially, So you know, you have to trust your
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: heart with that. But I always say to people again, like,
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: it's not it's not greener stepping out, it's it's you
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: can have a stronger marriage if you know, if you
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: and like you said, you're like you want to put
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: in the work and you're trying to do it, and
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: so you know, I think, you know, for our listeners,
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: what would be your biggest tip to them that you
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: would tell them if they were in the situation, Because
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: that's sometimes a lot of times I shadow that because
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: I'm like, what would I tell my friend because that's
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: the advice and that I would want to take.
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: That's true.
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: Well, apparently it gives really good advice to everyone else
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: into my friends, But then I don't I don't apply
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: it to myself. You know, I've always been the kind
• 40:18
  Speaker 3: of person that has followed her heart, and even if
• 40:21
  Speaker 3: I had all the obstacles and challenges and the entire
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: world telling me don't do it. A let's you don't
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: do it, and you know your friend will obviously love
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: and want to protect you and want to protect your heart.
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: So everybody has a different opinion. But I've always really
• 40:35
  Speaker 3: followed my heart. So whatever my heart, my heart's telling
• 40:39
  Speaker 3: me right now to continue to fight for this, you know,
• 40:42
  Speaker 3: and and to try to fix it and make it better.
• 40:45
  Speaker 3: That's another thing about me that I'm like a fixer,
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: like I need to fix everything, and sometimes you have.
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: To know when.
• 40:54
  Speaker 3: There's no more you can do, right, It's kind of
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: like you have to know when to walk away.
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: Well, and you're an insane smart business woman too, Like
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: you're very smart with all of that. So I think
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: you know for our listeners too, you're you know when
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: it comes to finances, like you are very savvy. What
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: has been your biggest mistake you've made in that department
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: in relationships? And then what do you think has saved
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: you the most.
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: So I feel that the worst thing that I've done
• 41:23
  Speaker 3: is that I've never really been involved in the finances
• 41:27
  Speaker 3: with the men. The men have taken care of everything
• 41:31
  Speaker 3: because they've had those personalities and they've usually had more money,
• 41:37
  Speaker 3: so they've taken it upon themselves to pay for everything
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: and to kind of like just share what they've wanted
• 41:43
  Speaker 3: to share. And you know, I believe like your first
• 41:46
  Speaker 3: husband is different from like your second and third husband.
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 41:49
  Speaker 3: I feel like when you get married together and you know,
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: for the first time, and you know you're both starting off,
• 41:55
  Speaker 3: I believe that it's usually more like you share more
• 41:58
  Speaker 3: about the finances, and you know, you kind of like
• 42:00
  Speaker 3: are growing your life and building your life and growing,
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: so you're more involved. But I found with like my
• 42:06
  Speaker 3: second husband, it was kind of like you never really shared,
• 42:09
  Speaker 3: you know, how much he had or how much he
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: didn't have. You know, I kind of like found out
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: after he passed away, and I was but he always
• 42:16
  Speaker 3: made me feel secure, so it's not like I had
• 42:18
  Speaker 3: to like question, you know, his finances. But you know,
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: I advise every woman that they really need to be
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: involved and they need to know what's going on, and
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: you know, take that initiative because things happen like divorce
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: or death and then you know they don't know what's
• 42:32
  Speaker 3: going on, which is practiced. Really what happened to me
• 42:35
  Speaker 3: after herman's death?
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, sure, what do you think is the one thing
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: that you need to work on the most for like
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: in the relationship, and then also just you personally, like
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: you're one thing that you're like, this is what I
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: keep hitting up against.
• 42:51
  Speaker 3: So I mean, I feel like I need to work
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: more on just being a little bit more guarded with
• 42:59
  Speaker 3: my heart. You know, I feel like I'm such an
• 43:01
  Speaker 3: EmPATH now I'm an educated EmPATH. So it's like I
• 43:05
  Speaker 3: you know, you need to protect your heart sometimes because
• 43:08
  Speaker 3: you can't give it away just to anyone or to anybody.
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: And I just need to take my time, you know,
• 43:16
  Speaker 3: to just feel good about myself. And like I said,
• 43:20
  Speaker 3: I do like so much in my life and now
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: to the point like I used to be ashamed about
• 43:24
  Speaker 3: a lot of things in my life, not about me
• 43:26
  Speaker 3: and me as a person, but around what was around me.
• 43:29
  Speaker 3: And so I've done good with that as far as
• 43:33
  Speaker 3: like being seeing the good about it, seeing my life lessons,
• 43:36
  Speaker 3: learning from it, and actually being proud that I am
• 43:39
  Speaker 3: the woman that I am today because of what I've
• 43:41
  Speaker 3: gone through and learned from. And as far as the
• 43:44
  Speaker 3: finances is like you have to have your own money,
• 43:48
  Speaker 3: you have to be independent, and if the guy has
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: money more power to you. But I feel like a
• 43:55
  Speaker 3: man respects a woman a lot more in a marriage
• 43:58
  Speaker 3: when she comes with her own education, with her own money,
• 44:02
  Speaker 3: with her own with her own skills, and like it's
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: not like she has to contribute to the household and
• 44:08
  Speaker 3: she has suit. I'm sure she will, but I feel
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: like the whole thing changes. You know, they have a
• 44:14
  Speaker 3: different perspective of who you are.
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: They respect you more as long as they're secure. Because
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: my problem is my past relationships. The guys always said
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: that was like their favorite quality about me that I
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: you know, provided that I was the quote unquote breadwinner,
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: But then that became the thing they used against me too, sure,
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: and I feel like that came from their own insecurities
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: of things. But then I'm like, well, but I remember
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: when I got divorced. My husband was like, we'll have
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: fun making money. I'm like, is that a bad thing? Like,
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: I guess I'm supporting you and paying child support. I
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: wouldn't complain about like.
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: Why, like what he should want you to make more money?
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm like, huh, But speaking of that co parenting
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: side of things, what is your And I so agree
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: with you because there's nothing like I could you know,
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: I could say the meanest things about him to you know,
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: one day my kids and now I could just treat
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: him terribly, but I'm like, for what what what is
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: that going to help or do? And like for me,
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, they think their dad is the
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: most amazing human on the planet. Amazing. I'm doing my
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: job then as a mom, you know, so they always
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: believe that, you know, and if they want to ask
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: questions later on, they can go to him or us
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: later to find But you know, and we we do
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: kind of high five ourselves at times, being like, hey,
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: this is hasn't been an easy journey to get here,
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: but you know, thanks for being a good you know,
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: because I've been kind to him, He's been kind back
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: to me. So it's like it's been good. But I
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: know a lot of people struggle on that co parenting
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: and since this is I do part two, most people
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: are probably going to come with kids. So what is
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: your biggest tip for co parenting for the listeners when
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: they start to find love.
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: You know, I mean, it's not the kid's fault that
• 46:01
  Speaker 3: their parents are no longer together, and our children are
• 46:03
  Speaker 3: always going to want us with obviously their.
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: Dad, but the couple.
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: You know, the moms and dads really don't realize and
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: understand how much they hurt their kids by speaking badly
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: about their mothers and fathers, because at the end of
• 46:20
  Speaker 3: the day, they know it already inside. Like sometimes obviously
• 46:24
  Speaker 3: they grow up and then they'll they'll they'll find their
• 46:26
  Speaker 3: own assumptions. They know everything that's going on. I mean,
• 46:30
  Speaker 3: years later, my older son said, with both of my marriages,
• 46:33
  Speaker 3: my older sons has said, you know what, Mom, I
• 46:36
  Speaker 3: know you tried. You're an amazing mom, and I love you.
• 46:39
  Speaker 3: I know how much you tried. And I understand why
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: you divorce my dad, and I understand why you and
• 46:44
  Speaker 3: herman are separated. Like there's an understanding there. It's uncomfortable
• 46:49
  Speaker 3: to talk to them, but you need to protect them.
• 46:51
  Speaker 3: And I'm always about protecting, you know, my kids and
• 46:53
  Speaker 3: their hearts. Like they're they're you know, they're not blinds,
• 46:56
  Speaker 3: they're not deaf like they're they're listening. They're seeing so
• 46:59
  Speaker 3: deep inside they so why put more on them. It's
• 47:02
  Speaker 3: already hard enough. You know, the parents really have to
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: learn how to get along. And I get it in
• 47:07
  Speaker 3: the beginning. It's hard, especially under circumstances like that of
• 47:10
  Speaker 3: like cheating or betrayal or whatnot.
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: But you need to move past past that.
• 47:15
  Speaker 3: And be there for their children because no matter what,
• 47:17
  Speaker 3: no matter how bad you talk about the dad or
• 47:19
  Speaker 3: the mom, they're still going to love their parents. I mean,
• 47:22
  Speaker 3: or you know, once they grow up and once they're eighteen,
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: they're gonna they're going to have the right, you know,
• 47:27
  Speaker 3: to go live with whatever parent they want to spend
• 47:29
  Speaker 3: more time. So just why do that to them?
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: On dred percent? And then what do you hope to
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: teach the listeners through this experience?
• 47:37
  Speaker 3: Well, I first want to say, don't give up on love,
• 47:40
  Speaker 3: because you know, love is there and you just have
• 47:44
  Speaker 3: to want it. You have to be open to it,
• 47:46
  Speaker 3: have an open mind, have an open heart. Manifest it,
• 47:49
  Speaker 3: you know, manifest the kind of man, the kind of
• 47:52
  Speaker 3: relationship you want, you know what you're looking for. Don't
• 47:55
  Speaker 3: be obsessed because you know there's a lot of women
• 47:57
  Speaker 3: that are like, oh my god every time they go
• 47:59
  Speaker 3: od it's like to for a guy, Like I have
• 48:01
  Speaker 3: to find a guy, you know, I find that you
• 48:03
  Speaker 3: find that person when you're least looking for it, and
• 48:06
  Speaker 3: that's how it's happened. To me like I have not
• 48:09
  Speaker 3: been looking for any of the of my men, you know,
• 48:12
  Speaker 3: and any of these relationships. I just wanted to be out,
• 48:16
  Speaker 3: have fun, talk to people, have a drink, and I've
• 48:19
  Speaker 3: you know, and that's how I've met like my three husbands.
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: I haven't done the dating online ding. I don't think
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: I'm very much like I like to like see the guy,
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: like see the person, yeah, and interact. I don't know
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: how much online day.
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: I know you're going to be You're going to be
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: such an amazing guest mentor so thank you so much
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: for coming on this journey alongside with us. We appreciate
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: you so much. And I just I love a girl
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: that loves to love like you know, just we all
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: got a little j low in us.
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: So yes, that is for sure.
• 48:49
  Speaker 3: Never give up. You know, love is everything. I mean,
• 48:51
  Speaker 3: this is why you fight for everything because of love.
• 48:54
  Speaker 3: Love for your children, love for your husband, different kinds
• 48:56
  Speaker 3: of love, but that feeling of love is just every
• 49:00
  Speaker 3: and that's what keeps me going.
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: And we're going to love ourselves first and then everyone
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: else around us. It's same to Amenda that Alexia, you're
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: the best. Thank you so much for coming on.
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: Thank you Jana so much. Fit Bye, honey bye.
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: We are so thrilled to have Alexia be a part
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: of our celebrity mentor team on I Do Part two.
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: So if you are struggling on if you should stay
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: in a relationship or leave it, or how to reconcile
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: a relationship, we want to hear from you, or if
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: you're single and ready to find love again, call us
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: one eight four four four I Do Pod. That's eight
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: four four four four three six seven six three or
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: email us at I dopodt iHeartRadio dot com. Follow us
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: on Instagram at I Do Part two pod. I Do
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: Part two. That's the number two pod. I Do Part
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: two an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: main objective