Latest / Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive / August 9, 2025 | Expresso - Linda Devine

Transcript

August 9, 2025 | Expresso - Linda Devine · Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive

0:00
SPEAKER_00: Thank you all for coming and I just hope that uh I can get through this and I appreciate all your prayers.
0:07
SPEAKER_00: Everybody's been praying, and I appreciate them because I feel them, okay.
0:11
SPEAKER_00: Um Andrea, was you was you the oldest in your family?
0:18
SPEAKER_00: She's second to youngest.
0:20
SPEAKER_00: You're the youngest?
0:22
SPEAKER_00: Second.
0:22
SPEAKER_00: Second to the youngest?
0:23
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
0:24
SPEAKER_00: Well, I was the oldest of five.
0:28
SPEAKER_00: And um I have two brothers and two sisters.
0:31
SPEAKER_00: And being the oldest, uh, I had the responsibilities of the oldest.
0:37
SPEAKER_00: And if you're the oldest, you know what I'm talking about.
0:40
SPEAKER_00: I had the responsibility to take care of everything and everyone, and I thought that was my mission in life.
0:49
SPEAKER_00: Um, I grew up in a small town in Osage County.
0:53
SPEAKER_00: I was raised in the Assembly of God Church.
0:56
SPEAKER_00: Um, in later years, I took my kids to the Covenant Church.
1:01
SPEAKER_00: Um, that's where their friends were, and I felt like that was important for them to be with their friends, and um so I took them there.
1:09
SPEAKER_00: And it's small town life.
1:12
SPEAKER_00: Everybody knows your business.
1:16
SPEAKER_00: And we but we could ride our bikes all over town, you know, you didn't lock the doors, and um, if if I went somewhere that I was not supposed to be there, or did something I was not supposed to do, by the time I got home, I'll guarantee you mom knew it.
1:39
SPEAKER_00: And I would ask her, Mom, how did you know?
1:43
SPEAKER_00: A little birdie told me.
1:44
SPEAKER_00: I was certain that bird was God.
1:48
SPEAKER_00: Um I came to know the Lord in youth camp at the in junior high, and being in from a church that you could lose your salvation, and a mother who put the fear of God in you, um, I backslid so many times, and I recommitted my life so many times, so I should be good.
2:10
SPEAKER_00: However, I am just thankful now that I understand and know that he always loves me, regardless of my failures, and I have them.
2:20
SPEAKER_00: And he doesn't remember my past.
2:23
SPEAKER_00: Praise God.
2:25
SPEAKER_00: Out of high school, um, I started work at Hallmark Cards and I retired there after 44 years.
2:33
SPEAKER_00: Um, I knew this this job was gonna be important for me and be part of my fruit future and something I was gonna need.
2:41
SPEAKER_00: And I was gonna have this dream life.
2:44
SPEAKER_00: You know, I had all these dreams and I was gonna have this dream life.
2:49
SPEAKER_00: And uh one day I was looking for a job at Hallmark, and I went to I went to Hallmark every week.
2:56
SPEAKER_00: And this uh HR lady, she told me that uh what I was wearing was not appropriate to wear for applying for jobs.
3:07
SPEAKER_00: Well, you know what?
3:08
SPEAKER_00: It was the 70s, and the little shirt didn't show much of my stomach, just a little bit, and the bell bottoms, I look cute.
3:16
SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm telling you.
3:17
SPEAKER_00: I and I was not going back there.
3:19
SPEAKER_00: You know, I mean she she offended me, and I was not going back there.
3:22
SPEAKER_00: Well, I was out going job searching again, and God says, go back to Hallmark Cards.
3:28
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, no, I am not going there.
3:32
SPEAKER_00: I don't like her, and I'm not going back there.
3:36
SPEAKER_00: But somehow my car ended up at Hallmark cards.
3:41
SPEAKER_00: So, um, but I got a job, and I started work that next week, and um it was a good job, and um God knew I was gonna need that job.
3:56
SPEAKER_00: I worked out on manufacturing lines and I did some stock work and uh I ran machinery and I got interested in a job that was kind of new, uh a new technology.
4:08
SPEAKER_00: And so when I would get done with my job on the floor, I would go in and learn these jobs, this job in the office.
4:16
SPEAKER_00: And the guy that was in there left that job and they decided to shut it was the wedding department, and they decided to shut that department down.
4:26
SPEAKER_00: So they asked me, since I was in there, you know, to finish out that, you know, that job until they shut the department down.
4:34
SPEAKER_00: Who knew?
4:35
SPEAKER_00: You know, God sometimes he opens a, you know, he closes a door, but he opens a window and puts you right where you needed to be.
4:43
SPEAKER_00: And it it was a perfect job and it made opportunities for me.
4:49
SPEAKER_00: I married at a young age of 18, and I was blessed with, I better do this, two beautiful children, uh, Rodney, my oldest, and Jenny.
5:05
SPEAKER_00: Uh Rodney lives in Wichita, and he gave me five, five beautiful young grandchildren.
5:13
SPEAKER_00: And Jenny lives far away in Washington State, and she gave me two great-granddaughters.
5:21
SPEAKER_00: My husband, he was the fun dad.
5:26
SPEAKER_00: Um they could get by with anything with him, and I got to be the disciplinarian, but I didn't care that if they thought I was the bad parent, because I knew, you know, in their eyes, but I knew it was good, you know, for them, and they needed the discipline, and one day that they would appreciate the discipline.
5:51
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I told my husband, I said, you're gonna regret it someday, that you know, you're you're the fun person.
6:00
SPEAKER_00: And he is, I think he regrets it.
6:04
SPEAKER_00: He's he's a very lonely man today.
6:08
SPEAKER_00: My husband, Dill, he came from a bad home.
6:12
SPEAKER_00: He had an alcoholic dad and a stepdad.
6:16
SPEAKER_00: Um, early in our marriage, um he had a brother, Greg, who killed his other brother and then later committed suicide afterwards.
6:30
SPEAKER_00: Um he'd shot his brother, Tracy.
6:34
SPEAKER_00: His oldest brother drank himself to death, and his stepdad died of cancer.
6:39
SPEAKER_00: Um, so I felt, you know, I felt compassion.
6:44
SPEAKER_00: I felt bad, you know.
6:45
SPEAKER_00: He's had a horrible, horrible life, and um I was determined to make it feel better, you know.
6:54
SPEAKER_00: Dale However was a narcissist, and it was, if you know a narcissist, it's all about them.
7:00
SPEAKER_00: He had a split personality dis split personality disorder, um, bipolar, and not understanding what that meant at the time, I did not realize what I was getting into at that age.
7:17
SPEAKER_00: After all, I was, you know, in love and I had all these dreams.
7:23
SPEAKER_00: Upon reflection, I can now identify the warning signs that was present at the time.
7:30
SPEAKER_00: At that stage, I lacked the experience, and I was eager to leave home.
7:35
SPEAKER_00: You know, I just wanted to get out of the home.
7:38
SPEAKER_00: So I was ready to move on and live my life and dreams.
7:42
SPEAKER_00: And I was going to make Dill's life so much better, after all.
7:46
SPEAKER_00: I'd introduce him to Christ, it'd all be perfect, right?
7:50
SPEAKER_00: We'd have a good little family and go to church every Sunday and live the life my dream come true.
7:58
SPEAKER_00: However, the marriage wasn't good.
8:04
SPEAKER_00: It was an abusive one.
8:09
SPEAKER_00: I feared for my life daily.
8:14
SPEAKER_00: I thought I was going to die at these this man's hands.
8:18
SPEAKER_00: I would hide around the house or I'd stay close to a door where I could escape.
8:26
SPEAKER_00: I got real good at walking on eggshells.
8:29
SPEAKER_00: I could um, you know, I'd always say the wrong things.
8:34
SPEAKER_00: And I could predict, almost predict the next blow up that was coming.
8:39
SPEAKER_00: And it would always be over nothing.
8:41
SPEAKER_00: And at the snap of his finger, you know, Dell would go in an outrage.
8:47
SPEAKER_00: He had these grandiose ideas.
8:50
SPEAKER_00: He enjoyed spending money and going into debt, never keeping a job.
8:56
SPEAKER_00: Occasionally I would find marijuana or drug paraphernalia around the house.
9:02
SPEAKER_00: He always had an excuse or just didn't know where it came from.
9:07
SPEAKER_00: So many, so many lies over the years.
9:12
SPEAKER_00: I found opioids not prescribed to him.
9:18
SPEAKER_00: He convinced the doctor he needed them.
9:21
SPEAKER_00: One night I was feeling like something was wrong, and I was praying that evening when a highway patrol officer called me and told me what had happened.
9:32
SPEAKER_00: Dell was drugged up and drove to Colorado.
9:35
SPEAKER_00: He rolled the car and he was thrown from it.
9:38
SPEAKER_00: He had no idea where he was, how he got there.
9:45
SPEAKER_00: He was going to be okay, but he was busted up a little bit.
9:48
SPEAKER_00: And after a few days, I brought him back from Colorado and brought him home for rehab.
9:55
SPEAKER_00: Dale had this horrible habit of lying.
9:59
SPEAKER_00: And I think he believed his own stories, and I couldn't trust him.
10:04
SPEAKER_00: Once there was a phone call on the answering machine that I heard that said, um, Dale, just call me back.
10:14
SPEAKER_00: And I asked him who it was.
10:16
SPEAKER_00: He says, Oh, I don't know.
10:17
SPEAKER_00: It's probably the wrong number.
10:19
SPEAKER_00: You know, he's is you know, nothing.
10:22
SPEAKER_00: But it bugged me, and I thought, why?
10:24
SPEAKER_00: Why would he call him by Dill?
10:26
SPEAKER_00: You know, why?
10:28
SPEAKER_00: And after a couple of days and praying about it, I thought, I need to call that number back.
10:35
SPEAKER_00: So I did.
10:40
SPEAKER_00: It was the guy that was on the line that accused Dill of having an affair with his wife.
10:47
SPEAKER_00: I asked Dill about it and to explain.
10:50
SPEAKER_00: At first he said, Oh, the guy's just crazy.
10:53
SPEAKER_00: He's just making it up.
10:55
SPEAKER_00: He made up wild stories.
10:58
SPEAKER_00: And it was just pathetic.
11:00
SPEAKER_00: And but finally he couldn't deny the truth.
11:04
SPEAKER_00: Um, but then he told me some story about what happened.
11:11
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, he always said, you know what, it'll never happen again, the abuse, the affair.
11:18
SPEAKER_00: And I so, so, so wanted to believe him.
11:23
SPEAKER_00: And I believed the Lord would change him.
11:25
SPEAKER_00: I just had to pray harder.
11:28
SPEAKER_00: I just had to pray hard enough, and I had to be a good wife.
11:34
SPEAKER_00: And God would, God would change his heart.
11:38
SPEAKER_00: I stayed in the marriage for 26 years, hoping, praying, believing.
11:45
SPEAKER_00: Even though the abuse was bad, and the drugs and the affair, it was really the lying that I couldn't handle anymore.
11:56
SPEAKER_00: I there was no trust.
11:59
SPEAKER_00: It had damaged any love that was there.
12:03
SPEAKER_00: It was destroyed, it just wasn't there.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: A couple of years ago, a movie came out, and you probably all have seen it.
12:15
SPEAKER_00: It was called The War Room.
12:20
SPEAKER_00: But I have to admit, when I saw it, it made me a little upset.
12:25
SPEAKER_00: I do, I do still believe in the power of prayer.
12:32
SPEAKER_00: But I come out of there and I'm like, Lord, you didn't answer my prayer.
12:38
SPEAKER_00: You know, that lady prayed hard, just as hard as I prayed.
12:44
SPEAKER_00: But I didn't it didn't happen.
12:49
SPEAKER_00: I had a prayer closet too.
12:54
SPEAKER_00: I felt God like God wasn't listening to me.
12:58
SPEAKER_00: But I knew that wasn't true.
13:00
SPEAKER_00: I didn't know it at the time, but Rodney, who um is a my son, is an ordained minister, he shared a sermon one day about he was he never told me about it, but he was looking for me one day in the house, and he heard me in my prayer closet, asking God please to put a hedge of protection around him and his sister.
13:32
SPEAKER_00: It had a huge impact on him, that his mama was praying for him.
13:42
SPEAKER_00: My deepest regret and pain is that Rodney and Jenny had to go through that too.
13:49
SPEAKER_00: It wasn't just me.
13:51
SPEAKER_00: I felt like it was my fault that they were hurt.
13:57
SPEAKER_00: I thought I was doing what was best for them, and I thought really I was protecting them, and I don't know that I was.
14:07
SPEAKER_00: One of the scriptures that I love is Jeremiah 29, 11.
14:15
SPEAKER_00: For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.
14:19
SPEAKER_00: Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.
14:23
SPEAKER_00: But people leave the most important part out.
14:29
SPEAKER_00: You will seek me, and you will find me.
14:33
SPEAKER_00: When you seek me with all of your heart, I will be found by you.
14:39
SPEAKER_00: I needed to seek God, and I needed him to find me in my distress.
14:44
SPEAKER_00: I needed him to give me comfort in that peace, like he did the Israelites.
14:50
SPEAKER_00: I spent a lot of years begging, pleading, pouring my heart out to God.
14:55
SPEAKER_00: God answered, but not in the way that I had hoped for.
14:59
SPEAKER_00: He was there.
15:00
SPEAKER_00: He did take care of me, he protected me and the kids.
15:04
SPEAKER_00: I watched another movie, Soul Surfer, about a gal who lost her leg to a shark.
15:12
SPEAKER_00: And she quoted something that really made me think.
15:16
SPEAKER_00: And she said, Sometimes you have to step back to see the situation a little bit better.
15:22
SPEAKER_00: I needed to see and understand my situation better.
15:27
SPEAKER_00: So much I did not understand, and so many whys, whys, Lord.
15:34
SPEAKER_00: Many verses gave me comfort and peace.
15:37
SPEAKER_00: Isaiah told the Israelites in 43, 2, When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and the rivers will not overwhelm you.
15:47
SPEAKER_00: When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, and the flame will not burn you.
15:53
SPEAKER_00: I felt like this, I was drowning, I was suffocating, and I was in a prison, and I had no escape, and I had no way out.
16:03
SPEAKER_00: Excuse me, I gotta have a drink.
16:12
SPEAKER_00: I came to realize that I wasn't God.
16:17
SPEAKER_00: You know, I thought I could change him, I could make his life better, but Dill had to want that make that change.
16:24
SPEAKER_00: He had to make that commitment with Christ.
16:27
SPEAKER_00: Just going to church wasn't gonna make it.
16:31
SPEAKER_00: I couldn't make him change his ways or his heart.
16:34
SPEAKER_00: He had that free will.
16:36
SPEAKER_00: I could only pray for him, which I did a lot.
16:40
SPEAKER_00: I drew closer to God as I knew no other way to survive and only to rely on him.
16:50
SPEAKER_00: But one day I had enough.
16:53
SPEAKER_00: As the out the anger and outrages and threats had worsened, and with much time in prayer and counseling, I decided to fall file for divorce.
17:05
SPEAKER_00: Those dreams I had were shattered.
17:08
SPEAKER_00: I was broken.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: I threw some clothes in my car and I ran.
17:14
SPEAKER_00: I hid at my sisters and some friends' houses.
17:18
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
17:22
SPEAKER_00: Now don't get me wrong, I do not condone divorce.
17:27
SPEAKER_00: But I felt at this time I had no chance, no other choice.
17:31
SPEAKER_00: I took several months in filing for the divorce.
17:34
SPEAKER_00: I had a continuance for quite a while.
17:39
SPEAKER_00: I had to be sure this is what I was supposed to do.
17:43
SPEAKER_00: Even at the lawyer's urging, I was like, okay, Linda, you got to get this over with.
17:48
SPEAKER_00: But I just I just needed to know.
17:50
SPEAKER_00: I was given Dale every opportunity to change.
17:58
SPEAKER_00: I had heard the promises over and over so many times and saw no change.
18:04
SPEAKER_00: But I had to still be sure.
18:08
SPEAKER_00: Once when I was at the house picking some things up, and Dill wasn't there, I again found drugs.
18:19
SPEAKER_00: When I asked him about it, he started into some story again.
18:25
SPEAKER_00: Lying.
18:27
SPEAKER_00: And of course he didn't have anything to do with it.
18:30
SPEAKER_00: I just happened to be there.
18:32
SPEAKER_00: You know, come on.
18:36
SPEAKER_00: I just said, stop.
18:39
SPEAKER_00: Enough.
18:41
SPEAKER_00: And told him, you wonder why I am walking away from you.
18:45
SPEAKER_00: You just told me your last lie in this divorce, in this marriage, it's over.
18:52
SPEAKER_00: I felt with a saddened and broken heart that God confirmed it was okay.
18:59
SPEAKER_00: When I walked away that day, I felt this strange peace.
19:05
SPEAKER_00: It was okay.
19:06
SPEAKER_00: I was gonna be okay.
19:13
SPEAKER_00: Going through the divorce, I only wanted to speak with my counselor and be in the word.
19:22
SPEAKER_00: I didn't want to hear from anyone else.
19:25
SPEAKER_00: Um I wanted to hear from God.
19:32
SPEAKER_00: It had to come from God, and I had to feel that from God.
19:36
SPEAKER_00: I would hold my Bible close to my heart at night when I'd go to bed.
19:43
SPEAKER_00: When I went through the counseling, she would pray for me.
19:46
SPEAKER_00: It's important.
19:47
SPEAKER_00: You go to count, it's important to go to a Christian counselor.
19:52
SPEAKER_00: She would pray with me each session.
19:55
SPEAKER_00: During one session, I'll never forget.
20:00
SPEAKER_00: She prayed my heart when I didn't know what to pray anymore.
20:08
SPEAKER_00: The words wouldn't come anymore.
20:10
SPEAKER_00: I was just all prayed out.
20:14
SPEAKER_00: In Romans 8, 26.
20:16
SPEAKER_00: In the same way, the Spirit also helps us in our weakness because when we do not know what to pray for, as we should, the Spirit intercedes for us.
20:28
SPEAKER_00: I believe that the Holy Spirit used her to pray my heart.
20:34
SPEAKER_00: And that day I felt those words and a weight lifted off of my shoulder because of that prayer.
20:48
SPEAKER_00: And it was, it just felt so good.
20:52
SPEAKER_00: I had many friends and family praying with me and the kids and supporting me.
21:00
SPEAKER_00: Funny, I thought I had all the drama and things hidden.
21:04
SPEAKER_00: I didn't think anybody knew.
21:06
SPEAKER_00: I didn't share much during the time of marriage.
21:10
SPEAKER_00: Because if I did, I would reveal how stupid I was to be in that situation.
21:17
SPEAKER_00: And I didn't want no people to know how bad he was, and I didn't want them to judge him.
21:25
SPEAKER_00: But the worst part was how Dale had hurt the kids.
21:31
SPEAKER_00: How they suffered through those years of abuse and trauma.
21:37
SPEAKER_00: And I felt like it was my fault.
21:40
SPEAKER_00: Honestly, my thinking at that time was weird and it was all mixed up.
21:49
SPEAKER_00: One night, Jenny called 911.
21:55
SPEAKER_00: She was worried that Dill in his He was going to kill her brother.
22:02
SPEAKER_00: It just wasn't fair to them.
22:06
SPEAKER_00: But you know, God helped them grow through those trials, just as me.
22:11
SPEAKER_00: I prayed for their safety and God to lead them.
22:16
SPEAKER_00: Put a hedge of protection around them, and I have some great, wonderful kids who love the Lord.
22:24
SPEAKER_00: God has carried us through.
22:28
SPEAKER_00: We all have some things in our lives that we could use and grow from and share with others.
22:39
SPEAKER_00: God uses the bad.
22:45
SPEAKER_00: So our past hurts from a lot of past hurts is usually from somebody that inflicts them on us.
22:58
SPEAKER_00: You know, sometimes we do it to ourselves, but um whether it be a parent, a spouse, family, somebody you're supposed to trust.
23:13
SPEAKER_00: I had to take that hurt and that pain and turn it around.
23:17
SPEAKER_00: You can't let your past define you.
23:20
SPEAKER_00: You can't let the trauma and the pain define you.
23:29
SPEAKER_00: Um you just can't.
23:34
SPEAKER_00: For many, for a long time, I would have nightmares.
23:39
SPEAKER_00: And I was being chased, and I was running, and I was hiding, and I was scared.
23:47
SPEAKER_00: In these nightmares, I it just I would wake up and my heart would be racing, and I'd be breathing hard.
23:57
SPEAKER_00: Dill had threatened to kill me if I left, and I am sure he meant it.
24:02
SPEAKER_00: He even told Ginny he was gonna have me killed.
24:08
SPEAKER_00: I knew the nightmares were a form of PTSD, and Satan was tormenting me.
24:16
SPEAKER_00: One night, though, I was running in my nightmare, and I just stopped.
24:24
SPEAKER_00: I turned around.
24:26
SPEAKER_00: And I said, Satan, no more.
24:30
SPEAKER_00: You're not gonna do this to me no more.
24:34
SPEAKER_00: You're not gonna, I'm not gonna allow you to chase me or torment me no more.
24:41
SPEAKER_00: A few net nights later though, guess what?
24:44
SPEAKER_00: The night where I was back, I was I ran, I stopped.
24:47
SPEAKER_00: This time I turned around and I laughed.
24:50
SPEAKER_00: Nope, not gonna do it.
24:53
SPEAKER_00: Praise the Lord, the nightmares became less and less.
24:57
SPEAKER_00: And occasionally I'll have a bad dream, but I have no fear.
25:01
SPEAKER_00: Isaiah 41, 10, fear not, for I am with you.
25:08
SPEAKER_00: Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
25:12
SPEAKER_00: I will strengthen you, and I'll uphold you with my righteous hand.
25:26
SPEAKER_00: Being distraught and coming from that circumstance, oftentimes I question God, how can a person that supposedly loves you can hurt you so badly?
25:41
SPEAKER_00: God, what is love supposed to be?
25:44
SPEAKER_00: And I cried and I shouted out to the Lord.
25:48
SPEAKER_00: Then God reminded me, I love you, and I sent my son, who is the example of love.
25:59
SPEAKER_00: That is true love.
26:00
SPEAKER_00: That's agape love.
26:02
SPEAKER_00: Second Corinthians 13 has become one of my favorite chapters in the Bible.
26:11
SPEAKER_00: That's my guide and my reminder of what love is.
26:15
SPEAKER_00: And John 3.16 is my promise.
26:20
SPEAKER_00: As horribly scary and abusive my life was, I am thankful as it did deepen my walk with the Lord and increase my faith journey.
26:35
SPEAKER_00: This is where that song comes in good.
26:38
SPEAKER_00: Lord, heal my wounds, but don't let me forget what the scars were, where they came from.
26:48
SPEAKER_00: It's my reminder.
26:50
SPEAKER_00: And I have been saying that long before that song came out.
26:54
SPEAKER_00: And my daughter was attending TBC.
27:00
SPEAKER_00: She's got several friends here.
27:02
SPEAKER_00: Um, some of you may even know her.
27:05
SPEAKER_00: Um and then I decided to come to divorce care here.
27:10
SPEAKER_00: It was perfect, it was fantastic.
27:13
SPEAKER_00: Um, that got me through a lot of those hard times.
27:17
SPEAKER_00: And I met some great and awesome women here.
27:20
SPEAKER_00: You're all just lovely women.
27:23
SPEAKER_00: I love you.
27:24
SPEAKER_00: And it seemed like every message that Pastor Jim preached, it was mine.
27:30
SPEAKER_00: It was just for me for 20 years.
27:35
SPEAKER_00: And then the rest of the story.
27:41
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's Jenny, and her husband and two girls.
27:45
SPEAKER_00: I I forgot to turn the page, and that's my son and daughter-in-law, and his five.
27:56
SPEAKER_00: We'll come to that.
27:58
SPEAKER_00: Then the rest of the story.
28:02
SPEAKER_00: God brought my sweetheart into my life, whom I married in 2023.
28:10
SPEAKER_00: I needed my sun visor fixed on my car, okay?
28:15
SPEAKER_00: And my brother, who, you know, I thought could help me, he was no help whatsoever.
28:21
SPEAKER_00: He was frustrated with it.
28:22
SPEAKER_00: And I said, Yeah, just forget it.
28:25
SPEAKER_00: I'll take it to Jerry.
28:26
SPEAKER_00: He'll fix it.
28:27
SPEAKER_00: So the next day I went into the shop.
28:30
SPEAKER_00: And a couple of days later, Jerry asked, Would you like to go have dinner with me?
28:35
SPEAKER_00: Of course I would.
28:39
SPEAKER_00: You know, you're one of the sweetest mans I ever met.
28:42
SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
28:45
SPEAKER_00: And and I love the romance of Hallmark movies, okay?
28:51
SPEAKER_00: And there was one night I was watching a movie, and I said, you know, Lord, it would be kind of nice to have somebody, you know, sitting here with me and watching movies and and stuff like that.
29:09
SPEAKER_00: You know, to cuddle and and everything, you know, and I know Hallmark movies are all the same, you know, they're all the same.
29:17
SPEAKER_00: But, you know, that was that was kind of looked appealing to me.
29:23
SPEAKER_00: But, you know, and for 19 years I was okay.
29:26
SPEAKER_00: You know, I really was okay being single.
29:29
SPEAKER_00: It it I was okay.
29:31
SPEAKER_00: And then Jerry told me later that that's that night before I came into the shop, he got on his knees and prayed, Lord, send me somebody in my life that you'd have me be with.
29:48
SPEAKER_00: And after 19 years of being very independent, I still had that fear and anxiety about a relationship due to the past.
30:00
SPEAKER_00: And as I was talking to Patty about it, I was reminded of something that I often told others don't let Satan steal your joy.
30:11
SPEAKER_00: Don't let Satan steal your joy.
30:14
SPEAKER_00: I realized that God put Jerry in my life to love me with a Christ-like love, to show me what love was and what a godly, kind man.
30:27
SPEAKER_00: He was the love of my life.
30:29
SPEAKER_00: He is the love of my life.
30:32
SPEAKER_00: Shortly after we were engaged and I said yes in November of 2022.
30:39
SPEAKER_00: Then Jerry was diagnosed with stage three cancer in March.
30:46
SPEAKER_00: We had planned to get married in June, but at the last minute, and I mean the last week, we decided to get married earlier on Mother's Day, May 14th, which was perfect because I just added to my family.
31:02
SPEAKER_00: And we had a small wedding with just some close friends and reception following in June when Jenny could be here from Washington.
31:12
SPEAKER_00: You know, life is short.
31:15
SPEAKER_00: And we wanted to spend each day together.
31:18
SPEAKER_00: And besides, I was telling him, I was tired of telling him it's time to get your shoes on and go home.
31:24
SPEAKER_00: Because, you know, he'd come over and we'd watch a movie, and then he would just, you know, I'm like, okay, it's time to get your shoes on.
31:30
SPEAKER_00: Besides that, I wanted I was time for me to take my bra off and get comfortable, okay?
31:35
SPEAKER_00: To be honest.
31:36
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
31:38
SPEAKER_00: But there was, and some of you know my cat.
31:42
SPEAKER_00: I had a cat named Lily.
31:44
SPEAKER_00: She was with me that whole 19 years, and and she kept me company.
31:49
SPEAKER_00: And nobody, but nobody could touch that cat.
31:53
unknown: Amen.
31:55
SPEAKER_00: I mean, she would hiss and have a fit.
31:58
SPEAKER_00: Nobody could touch that cat.
32:00
SPEAKER_00: Nobody got near her.
32:02
SPEAKER_00: But Jerry was over one evening and he was sitting there on the couch, and I turned around and looked, and lo and behold, he's petting Lily.
32:11
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, oh gosh, I've got it, I've got to take a picture of this.
32:15
SPEAKER_00: Nobody's gonna re nobody's gonna believe me.
32:19
SPEAKER_00: And Jenny said, Mom, that was a sign.
32:23
SPEAKER_00: That's a sign.
32:27
SPEAKER_00: So now I'm blessed with love and the sweetest husband.
32:36
SPEAKER_00: And with him come the blessings of Nicole, Jeremiah, Amanda, and three awesome grandkids, Paisley, Presley, and Pierce.
32:49
SPEAKER_00: I'm so thankful that they accepted me so gracefully and so quick.
32:59
SPEAKER_00: And my son and daughter and grands, they absolutely love Jerry, and who couldn't?
33:05
SPEAKER_00: I think I need to change this.
33:08
SPEAKER_00: So this is the rest of my family.
33:16
SPEAKER_00: As I was sitting with Jerry at the Cancer Center one day, I was reading Proverbs 3, 5 and 6.
33:24
SPEAKER_00: It was a verse that Rodney had shared with me that day.
33:28
SPEAKER_00: But as I was reading on, I went, I read a little further down.
33:34
SPEAKER_00: And the verse says, Trust in the Lord with all your heart.
33:37
SPEAKER_00: Lean not on your own understanding.
33:39
SPEAKER_00: In all your ways, submit to him, and he will make your path straight.
33:42
SPEAKER_00: But I read a little further.
33:44
SPEAKER_00: I never noticed verse 8.
33:47
SPEAKER_00: This will be the healing of your body and strengthen your bones.
33:54
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
33:56
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
33:59
SPEAKER_00: I want to point out that if a person has mental conditions, such as bipolar, etc., it's a disease and it can be controlled.
34:14
SPEAKER_00: Counseling, proper medications, staying on it is key.
34:21
SPEAKER_00: It's an illness, no different than diabetes.
34:26
SPEAKER_00: I had a friend whom I've known all my life who was also bipolar.
34:32
SPEAKER_00: He told me one time, he said he didn't want to be that angry person, that bipolar person anymore.
34:38
SPEAKER_00: So he chose to take his medications, took anger management, counseling, give it to God.
34:49
SPEAKER_00: I saw a huge change in his life.
34:53
SPEAKER_00: And I think God used him to show me that it can happen.
34:59
SPEAKER_00: And even during that time when I couldn't sleep and going through the divorce, I was put on medication reluctantly, but I was put on antidepressants.
35:10
SPEAKER_00: I had to get some sleep, and and so I went on antidepressants to do that.
35:15
SPEAKER_00: And it was it was good.
35:23
SPEAKER_00: The next chapter is yet to be written.
35:27
SPEAKER_00: God is good.
35:29
SPEAKER_00: I'm blessed beyond measure.
35:32
SPEAKER_00: My dreams and my goals are enjoy every day, make great memories.
35:38
SPEAKER_00: Life is short.
35:40
SPEAKER_00: God is good.
35:41
SPEAKER_00: I'm always reminding myself God is in control.
35:46
SPEAKER_00: He has it, not me.
35:49
SPEAKER_00: And I can't fix it, but I know who can.
35:54
SPEAKER_00: And be still and know that I am not God and just pray.
35:59
SPEAKER_00: That I'm God and just pray.
36:01
SPEAKER_00: Habakkuk 2, 3.
36:04
SPEAKER_00: Um, I was just reading through my chronological um Bible, and this appeared, and and it was good.
36:13
SPEAKER_00: There is a time when your tears will fall, not because of your troubles, but because God answered your prayers.
36:23
SPEAKER_00: God did hear my prayers.
36:25
SPEAKER_00: He does care, and he does love me.
36:30
SPEAKER_00: I often think about the dash.
36:35
SPEAKER_00: Um the dash connects the year you were born to the year you died.
36:44
SPEAKER_00: Dash is the important part.
36:48
SPEAKER_00: That's where you grow.
36:53
SPEAKER_00: And I ask, am I living that dash for God?
36:58
SPEAKER_00: Am I giving him the praise and glory?
37:01
SPEAKER_00: Am I being the fruits of the Spirit?
37:04
SPEAKER_00: Am I patient, kind, not self-seeking, not self-seeking, not easily angered?
37:13
SPEAKER_00: Do I rejoice in the truth?
37:14
SPEAKER_00: Do I trust?
37:16
SPEAKER_00: Do I protect?
37:19
SPEAKER_00: Don't get me wrong.
37:21
SPEAKER_00: I am definitely not perfect, by no means.
37:25
SPEAKER_00: I fail daily, fail daily, just as Paul spoke.
37:30
SPEAKER_00: Only Christ is perfect, and I strive to be like Christ.
37:36
SPEAKER_00: I can only strive, I can't make it.
37:39
SPEAKER_00: I hope and pray I show Christ's love, and I'm a beacon of light for Him.
37:45
SPEAKER_00: One year my New Year's resolution was to pray for family and friends that their birthday was in that month.
37:55
SPEAKER_00: And that they were born.
37:57
SPEAKER_00: And so I felt like, you know, I felt like God asked me, He says, Well, are you gonna pray for Dale in the month of June?
38:06
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh honestly, I didn't feel like the need to pray for him anymore.
38:13
SPEAKER_00: Why should I?
38:16
SPEAKER_00: I'll have to think about it.
38:20
SPEAKER_00: But I did.
38:21
SPEAKER_00: I did pray for him.
38:23
SPEAKER_00: He gave me forgiveness and the healing to my soul.
38:32
SPEAKER_00: There was another song along with the wounds that would come on the radio, just seems like every time I I needed it.
38:44
SPEAKER_00: And it's called You Raise Me Up.
38:47
SPEAKER_00: When I am down and oh so my soul so weary, when troubles come and my heart burden thee, then I'm still and wait here in the silence until you come and sit awhile with me.
39:02
SPEAKER_00: You raise me up so I can stand on mountains.
39:06
SPEAKER_00: You raise me up to walk on stormy seas.
39:09
SPEAKER_00: I am strong when I am on your shoulders.
39:13
SPEAKER_00: You raise me up to more than what I can be.
39:17
SPEAKER_00: Amen.