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Boyhood - Leo Tolstory · Educational Library

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Speaker 1: Chapter one, A slow journey. Again, two carriages stood at
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Speaker 1: the front door of the house at Petrovsky. In one
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Speaker 1: of them sat Mimi, the two girls and their maid,
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Speaker 1: with the bailiff Yakov on the box, while in the
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Speaker 1: other Abrtchka sat Woloda, myself and our servant Wassili. Papa,
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Speaker 1: who was to follow us to Moscow in a few days,
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Speaker 1: was standing bareheaded on the entrance steps. He made the
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Speaker 1: sign of the Cross at the windows of the carriages
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Speaker 1: and said, Christ go with you. Goodbye. Yakov and our coachman,
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Speaker 1: for we had our own horses, lifted their caps in answer,
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Speaker 1: and also made the sign of the cross. Amen, God
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Speaker 1: go with us. The carriages began to roll away, and
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Speaker 1: the birch trees of the great avenue filed out of sight.
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Speaker 1: I was not in the least depressed on this occasion,
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Speaker 1: for my mind was not so much turned upon what
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Speaker 1: I had left as upon what was awaiting me. In proportion,
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Speaker 1: as the various objects connected with the sad recollections which
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Speaker 1: had recently filled my imagination receded behind me, those recollections
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Speaker 1: lost their power and gave place to a consolatory feeling
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Speaker 1: of life youthful, vigor, freshness, and hope. Seldom have I
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Speaker 1: spent four days more well. I will not say gaily,
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Speaker 1: since I should have shrunk from appearing gay, but more
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Speaker 1: agreeably and pleasantly than those occupied by our journey. No
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Speaker 1: longer were my eyes confronted with the closed door of
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Speaker 1: Mama's room, which I had never been able to pass
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Speaker 1: without a pang, Nor with the covered piano, which nobody
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Speaker 1: opened now and at which I could never look without trembling,
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Speaker 1: Nor with mourning dresses we had, each of us on
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Speaker 1: our ordinary traveling clothes, nor with all those other objects
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Speaker 1: which recalled to me so vividly our irreparable loss, and
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Speaker 1: forced me to abstain from any manifestation of merriment, lest
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Speaker 1: I should unwittingly offend against her memory. On the contrary,
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Speaker 1: a continual succession of new and exciting objects and places
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Speaker 1: now caught and held my attention, and the charms of
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Speaker 1: spring awakened in my soul a soothing sense of satisfaction
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Speaker 1: with the present and of blissful hope for the future.
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Speaker 1: Very early next morning, the Merciless Wasili, who had only
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Speaker 1: just entered our service, and was therefore, like most people
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Speaker 1: in such a position. Zealous to a fault, came and
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Speaker 1: stripped off my counterpane, affirming that it was time for
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Speaker 1: me to get up, since everything was in readiness for
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Speaker 1: us to continue our journey. Though I felt inclined to
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Speaker 1: stretch myself and rebel, though I would gladly have spent
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Speaker 1: another quarter of an hour in sweet enjoyment of my
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Speaker 1: morning slumber, Wassily's inexorable face showed that he would grant
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Speaker 1: me no respite, but that he was ready to tear
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Speaker 1: away the counterpane twenty times more if necessary. Accordingly, I
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Speaker 1: submitted myself to the inevitable and ran down into the
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Speaker 1: courtyard to wash myself at the fountain. In the coffee room,
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Speaker 1: a tea kettle was already surmounting the fire, which milk
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Speaker 1: of the ostler, as red in the face as a crab,
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Speaker 1: was blowing with a pair of bellows. All was gray
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Speaker 1: and misty in the courtyard, like steam from a smoking dunghill.
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Speaker 1: But in the eastern sky the sun was diffusing a clear,
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Speaker 1: cheerful radiance and making the straw roofs of the sheds
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Speaker 1: around the courtyard sparkle with the night dew beneath them.
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Speaker 1: Stood our horses tied to mangers, and I could hear
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Speaker 1: the ceaseless sound of their chewing. A curly haired dog,
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Speaker 1: which had been spending the night on a dry dunghill,
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Speaker 1: now rose in lazy fashion, and, wagging its tail, walked
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Speaker 1: slowly across the courtyard. The bustling landlady opened the creaking gates,
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Speaker 1: turned her meditative cows into the street, whence came the
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Speaker 1: lowing and bellowing of other cattle, and exchanged a word
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Speaker 1: or two with a sleepy neighbor. Philip, with his shirt
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Speaker 1: sleeves rolled up, was working the windlass of a draw
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Speaker 1: well and sending sparkling fresh water coursing into an oaken troth,
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Speaker 1: while in the pool beneath it, some early rising ducks
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Speaker 1: were taking a bath. It gave me pleasure to watch
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Speaker 1: his strongly marked bearded face and the veins and muscles
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Speaker 1: as they stood out upon his great, powerful hands, whenever
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Speaker 1: he made an extra effort. In the room behind the
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Speaker 1: partition wall, where Mimi and the girls had slept, yet
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Speaker 1: so near to ourselves that we had exchanged confidences, overnight
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Speaker 1: movements now became audible. Their maid kept passing in and
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Speaker 1: out with clothes, and at last the door opened and
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Speaker 1: we were summoned to breakfast. Walloda, however, remained in a
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Speaker 1: state of bustle throughout, as he ran to fetch first
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Speaker 1: one article and then another, and urged the maid to
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Speaker 1: hasten her preparations. The horses were put to and showed
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Speaker 1: their impatience by tinkling their bells. Parcels, trunks, dressing cases,
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Speaker 1: and boxes were replaced, and we set about taking our seats.
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Speaker 1: Yet every time that we got in the mountain of
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Speaker 1: luggage in the Britchka seemed to have grown larger than before,
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Speaker 1: and we had much ado to understand how things had
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Speaker 1: been arranged yesterday and how we should sit now. A
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Speaker 1: tea chest in particular greatly inconvenienced me, But wassily declared
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Speaker 1: that things will soon right themselves, and I had no
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Speaker 1: choice but to believe him. The sun was just rising,
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Speaker 1: covered with dense white clouds, and every object around us
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Speaker 1: was standing out in a cheerful, calm sort of radiance.
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Speaker 1: The whole was beautiful to look at, and I felt
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Speaker 1: comfortable and light of heart. Before us, the road ran
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Speaker 1: like a broad, sinuous ribbon through cornfields, glittering with dew,
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Speaker 1: here and there a dark bush or young birch tree
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Speaker 1: cast a long shadow over the ruts and scattered grass
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Speaker 1: tufts of the track. Yet even the monotonous din of
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Speaker 1: our carriage wheels and collar bells could not drown the
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Speaker 1: joyous song of soaring larks, nor the combined odor of
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Speaker 1: moth eaten cloth, dust and sourness peculiar to our brich
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Speaker 1: cut overpower the fresh scents of the morning. I felt
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Speaker 1: in my heart that delightful impulse to be up and doing,
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Speaker 1: which is a sign of sincere enjoyment. As I had
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Speaker 1: not been able to say my prayers in the courtyard
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Speaker 1: of the Inn, but had nevertheless been assured once that
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Speaker 1: on the very first day, when I omitted to perform
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Speaker 1: that ceremony, some misfortune would overtake me. I now hastened
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Speaker 1: to rectify the omission, taking off my cap and stooping
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Speaker 1: down in a corner of the britchka, I duly recited
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Speaker 1: my orisons and unobtrusively signed the sign of the Cross
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Speaker 1: beneath my coat. Yet all the while a thousand different
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Speaker 1: objects were distracting my attention, and more than once I
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Speaker 1: inadvertently repeated a prayer twice over. Soon, on the little
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Speaker 1: footpath beside the road became visible some slowly moving figures.
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Speaker 1: They were pilgrims. On their heads, they had dirty handkerchiefs,
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Speaker 1: on their backs, wallets of birch bark, and on their
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Speaker 1: feet bundles of soiled rags and heavy bast shoes. Moving
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Speaker 1: their staffs in regular rhythm, and scarcely throwing us a glance,
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Speaker 1: they pressed onwards with heavy tread and in single foot.
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Speaker 1: Where have they come from? I wondered to myself, And
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Speaker 1: whither are they bound? Is it a long pilgrimage they
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Speaker 1: are making? But soon the shadows they cast on the
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Speaker 1: road became indistinguishable from the shadows of the bushes which
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Speaker 1: they passed. Next, a carriage and four could be seen
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Speaker 1: approaching us. In two seconds, the faces which looked out
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Speaker 1: at us from it with smiling curiosity had vanished. How
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Speaker 1: strange it seemed that those faces should have nothing in
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Speaker 1: common with me, and that, in all probability they would
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Speaker 1: never meet my eyes again. Next came a pair of
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Speaker 1: post horses with the traces looped up to their collars.
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Speaker 1: On one of them a young postilion, his lamb's wool
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Speaker 1: cap cocked to one side, was negligently kicking his booted
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Speaker 1: legs against the flanks of his steed as he sang
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Speaker 1: a melancholy ditty. Yet his face and attitude seemed to
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Speaker 1: me to express such perfect carelessness and indolent ease, that
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Speaker 1: I imagined it to be the height of happiness to be
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Speaker 1: a postilion and to sing melancholy songs. Far off through
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Speaker 1: a cutting in the road, there soon stood out against
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Speaker 1: the light blue sky, the green roof of a village church. Presently,
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Speaker 1: the village itself became visible, together with the roof of
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Speaker 1: the manor house and the garden attached to it. Who
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Speaker 1: lived in that house? Children? Parents, teachers? Why should we
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Speaker 1: not call there and make the acquaintance of its inmates?
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Speaker 1: Next we overtook a file of loaded wagons, a procession
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Speaker 1: to which our vehicles had to yield the road. What
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Speaker 1: have you got in there? Asked wassily of one wagoner,
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Speaker 1: who was dangling his legs lazily over the splashboard of
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Speaker 1: his conveyance and flicking his whip about as he gazed
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Speaker 1: at us with a stolid, vacant look. But he only
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Speaker 1: made answer when we were too far off to catch
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Speaker 1: what he said, And what have you got, asked wassily
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Speaker 1: of a second wagoner, who was lying at full length
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Speaker 1: under a new rug on the driving seat of his vehicle.
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Speaker 1: The red pole and the red face beneath it lifted
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Speaker 1: themselves up for a second from the folds of the rug,
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Speaker 1: measured our BRIDGEHKA with a cold contemptuous look, and lay
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Speaker 1: down again. Whereupon I concluded that the driver was wondering
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Speaker 1: to himself who we were, whence we had come, and
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Speaker 1: whither we were going. These various objects of interest had
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Speaker 1: absorbed so much of my time that as yet I
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Speaker 1: had paid no attention to the crooked figures on the
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Speaker 1: verst posts as we passed them in rapid succession. But
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Speaker 1: in time the sun began to burn my head and back,
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Speaker 1: the road to become increasingly dusty, the impedimenta on the
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Speaker 1: carriage to grow more and more uncomfortable, and myself to
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Speaker 1: feel more and more cramped. Consequently, I relapsed into devoting
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Speaker 1: my whole faculties to the distance posts and their numerals,
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Speaker 1: and to solving difficult mathematical problems for reckoning the time
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Speaker 1: when we should arrive at the next posting house. Twelve
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Speaker 1: versts are third of thirty six, and in all there
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Speaker 1: are forty one two lipets. We have done a third,
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Speaker 1: and how much then, and so forth and so forth,
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Speaker 1: Wassily was my next remark, on observing that he was
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Speaker 1: beginning to nod on the box seat. Suppose we change seats,
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Speaker 1: will you? Wassily agreed, and had no sooner stretched himself
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Speaker 1: out in the body of the vehicle than he began
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Speaker 1: to snore to me on my new perch. However, a
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Speaker 1: most interesting spectacle now became visible, namely our horses, all
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Speaker 1: of which were familiar to me down to the smallest detail.
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Speaker 1: Why is d'yachik on the right to day Philip not
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Speaker 1: on the left, I asked knowingly, And Nourachenka is not
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Speaker 1: doing her proper share of the pulling. One could not
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Speaker 1: put Dyachik on the left, replied Philip, altogether, ignoring my
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Speaker 1: last remark. He is not the kind of horse to
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Speaker 1: put there at all. A horse like the one on
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Speaker 1: the left now is the right kind of one for
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Speaker 1: the job. After this fragment of eloquence, Philip turned towards
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Speaker 1: Dyachik and began to do his best to worry the
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Speaker 1: poor animal by jogging at the reins in spite of
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Speaker 1: the fact that Dyachuk was doing well and dragging the
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Speaker 1: vehicle almost unaided. This Philip can continued to do until
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Speaker 1: he found it convenient to breathe and rest himself awhile,
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Speaker 1: and to settle his cap askew. Though it had looked
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Speaker 1: well enough before, I profited by the opportunity to ask
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Speaker 1: him to let me have the reins to hold until
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Speaker 1: the whole six in my hand, as well as the
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Speaker 1: whip I had attained complete happiness. Several times I asked
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Speaker 1: whether I was doing things right, but as usual, Philip
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Speaker 1: was never satisfied, and soon destroyed my felicity. The heat
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Speaker 1: increased until a hand showed itself at the carriage window
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Speaker 1: and waved a bottle and a parcel of eatables, whereupon
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Speaker 1: Wassily leapt briskly from the britchkah and ran forward to
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Speaker 1: get us something to eat and drink. When we arrived
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Speaker 1: at a steep descent, we all got out and ran
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Speaker 1: down it to a little bridge, while Wassily and Yakov followed,
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Speaker 1: supporting the carriage on either side, as though to hold
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Speaker 1: it up in the event of its threatening to upset.
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Speaker 1: After that, Mimi gave permission for a change of seats,
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Speaker 1: and sometimes Wolloda or myself would ride in the carriage
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Speaker 1: and Lubotshka or Katenka in the britchka. This arrangement greatly
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Speaker 1: pleased the girls, since much more fun went on in
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Speaker 1: the britchka. Just when the day was at its hottest,
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Speaker 1: we got out at a wood, and, breaking off a
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Speaker 1: quantity of branches, transformed our vehicle into a bower. This
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Speaker 1: traveling arbor then bustled on to catch the carriage up
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Speaker 1: and had the effect of exciting Lubotshka to one of
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Speaker 1: those piercing shrieks of delight which she was in the
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Speaker 1: habit of occasionally emitting. At last, we drew near the
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Speaker 1: village where we were to halt and dine. Already we
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Speaker 1: could perceive the smell of the place, the smell of
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Speaker 1: smoke and tar and sheep, and distinguished the sound of voices,
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Speaker 1: footsteps and carts. The bells on our horses began to
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Speaker 1: ring less clearly than they had done in the open country,
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Speaker 1: and on both sides the road became lined with huts,
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Speaker 1: dwellings with straw roofs, carved porches, and small red or
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Speaker 1: green painted shutters. To the windows through which here and
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Speaker 1: there was a way woman's face looking inquisitively out. Peasant
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Speaker 1: children clad in smocks only stood staring, open eyed, or
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Speaker 1: stretching out their arms to us, ran barefooted through the
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Speaker 1: dust to climb onto the luggage behind, despite Philip's menacing gestures. Likewise,
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Speaker 1: red haired waiters came darting around the carriages to invite
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Speaker 1: us with words and signs to select their several hostelries
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Speaker 1: as our halting place. Presently, a gate creaked, and we
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Speaker 1: entered a courtyard. Four hours of rest and liberty now
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Speaker 1: awaited us. Chapter two, The thunder storm. The sun was
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Speaker 1: sinking towards the west, and his long hot rays were
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Speaker 1: burning my neck and cheeks beyond endurance, while thick clouds
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Speaker 1: of dust were rising from the road and filling the
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Speaker 1: whole air. Not the slightest wind was there to carry
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Speaker 1: it away. I could not think what to do. Neither
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Speaker 1: the dust blackened face of Woloda dozing in a corner,
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Speaker 1: nor the motion of Philip's back, or the long shadow
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Speaker 1: of our Abrtchka as it came bowling along behind us,
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Speaker 1: brought me any relief. I concentrated my whole attention upon
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Speaker 1: the distance posts ahead, and the clouds, which hitherto dispersed
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Speaker 1: over the sky were now assuming a menacing blackness and
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Speaker 1: beginning to form themselves into a single solid mass. From
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Speaker 1: time to time, distant thunder could be heard, a circumstance
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Speaker 1: which greatly increased my impatience to arrive at the inn
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Speaker 1: where we were to spend the night. A thunder storm
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Speaker 1: always communicated to me an inexpressibly oppressive feeling of fear
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Speaker 1: and gloom. Yet we were still ten versts from the
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Speaker 1: next village, and in the meanwhile, the large purple cloud bank,
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Speaker 1: arisen from no one knows where, was advancing steadily towards us.
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Speaker 1: The sun, not yet obscured, was picking out its fuscus
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Speaker 1: shape with dazzling light and marking its front with gray
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Speaker 1: stripes running right down to the horizon. At intervals, vivid
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Speaker 1: lightning could be seen in the distance, followed by low rum,
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Speaker 1: which increased steadily in volume, until they merged into a
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Speaker 1: prolonged roll which seemed to embrace the entire heavens. At length,
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Speaker 1: Wassili got up and covered over the britchkah. The coachman
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Speaker 1: wrapped himself up in his cloak and lifted his cap
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Speaker 1: to make the sign of the cross at each successive thunderclap,
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Speaker 1: and the horses pricked up their ears and snorted, as
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Speaker 1: though to drink in the fresh air which the flying
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Speaker 1: clouds were out distancing. The britchka began to roll more
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Speaker 1: swiftly along the dusty road, and I felt uneasy, and
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Speaker 1: as though the blood were coursing more quickly through my veins.
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Speaker 1: Soon the clouds had veiled the face of the sun,
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Speaker 1: and though he threw a last gleam of light to
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Speaker 1: the dark and terrifying horizon, he had no choice but
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Speaker 1: to disappear behind them. Suddenly everything around us seemed changed
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Speaker 1: and assumed a gloomy aspect. A wood of aspen trees
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Speaker 1: which we were passing, seemed to be all in a tremble,
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Speaker 1: with its leaves showing white against the dark lilac background
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Speaker 1: of the clouds. Murmuring together in an agitated manner. The
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Speaker 1: tops of the larger trees began to bend to and
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Speaker 1: fro and dried leaves and grass to whirl about in
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Speaker 1: eddies over the road. Swallows and white breasted swifts came
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Speaker 1: darting around the Britchkah, and even passing in front of
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Speaker 1: the forelegs of the horses, while rooks, despite their outstretched wings,
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Speaker 1: were laid, as it were, on their keels by the wind. Finally,
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Speaker 1: the leather apron which covered us began to flutter about
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Speaker 1: and to beat against the sides of the conveyance. The
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Speaker 1: lightning flashed right into the britchkah as, cleaving the obscurity
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Speaker 1: for a second. It lit up the gray cloth and
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Speaker 1: silk galloon of the lining, and Wolloda's figure pressed back
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Speaker 1: into a corner. Next came a terrible sound, which, rising
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Speaker 1: higher and higher, and spreading further and further, increased until
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Speaker 1: it reached its climax in a deafening thunderclap, which made
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Speaker 1: us tremble and hold our breaths the wrath of God.
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Speaker 1: What poetry there is in that simple popular conception. The
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Speaker 1: pace of the vehicle was continually increasing, and from Philip's
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Speaker 1: when Vasili's backs, the former was tugging furiously at the reins,
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Speaker 1: I could see that they too were alarmed. Bowling rapidly
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Speaker 1: down an incline, the britchka cannoned violently against a wooden
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Speaker 1: bridge at the bottom. I dared not stir and expected destruction.
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Speaker 1: Every moment crack a trace had given way, and in
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Speaker 1: spite of the ceaseless, deafening thunderclaps, we had to pull
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Speaker 1: up on the bridge, leaning my head despairingly against the
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Speaker 1: side of the britchka. I followed with a beating heart
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Speaker 1: the movements of Philip's great black fingers as he tied
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Speaker 1: up the broken trace, and with hands in the butt
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Speaker 1: hand of the whip, pushed the harness vigorously back into
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Speaker 1: its place. My sense of terror was increasing with the
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Speaker 1: violence of the thunder. Indeed, at the moment of supreme silence,
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Speaker 1: which generally precedes the greatest intensity of a storm, it
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Speaker 1: mounted to such a height that I felt as though
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Speaker 1: another quarter of an hour of this emotion would kill me.
17:56
Speaker 1: Just then there appeared from beneath the bridge a human
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Speaker 1: being who clad in a torn, filthy smock and sported
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Speaker 1: on a pair of thin shanks, bair of muscles, thrust
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Speaker 1: an idiotic face, a tremulous bare shaven head, and a
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Speaker 1: pair of red shining stumps in place of hands into
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Speaker 1: the Britchkah, My lord, a kopeck, for for God's sake,
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Speaker 1: groaned a feeble voice, as at each word the wretched
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Speaker 1: being made the sign of the cross and bowed himself
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Speaker 1: to the ground. I cannot describe the chill feeling of
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Speaker 1: horror which penetrated my heart at that moment. A shudder
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Speaker 1: crept through all my hair, and my eyes stared in
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Speaker 1: vacant terror at the outcast. Wassily, who was charged with
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Speaker 1: the apportioning of alms during the journey, was busy helping Philip,
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Speaker 1: and only when everything had been put straight and Philip
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Speaker 1: had resumed the reins again had he time to look
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Speaker 1: for his purse. Hardly had the Britchka begun to move,
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Speaker 1: when a blinding flash filled the welcome with a blaze
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Speaker 1: of light, which brought the horses to their haunches. Then
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Speaker 1: the flash was followed by such an ear splitting roar
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Speaker 1: that the very vault of heaven seemed to be descending
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Speaker 1: upon our heads. The wind blew harder than ever, and
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Speaker 1: Wassily's cloak, the manes and tails of the horses, and
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Speaker 1: the carriage apron were all slanted in one direction as
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Speaker 1: they waved furiously in the violent blast. Presently upon the
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Speaker 1: breech kest top there fell some large drops of rain one, two, three.
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Speaker 1: Then suddenly, as though a roll of drums were being
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Speaker 1: beaten over our heads. The whole countryside resounded with the
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Speaker 1: clatter of the deluge. From Wassily's movements. I could see
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Speaker 1: that he had now got his purse open, and that
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Speaker 1: the poor outcast was still bowing and making the sign
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Speaker 1: of the cross as he ran beside the wheels of
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Speaker 1: the vehicle at the imminent risk of being run over,
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Speaker 1: and reiterated from time to time his plea for for
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Speaker 1: God's sake. At last, a kopik rolled upon the ground,
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Speaker 1: and the miserable creature, his mutilated arms, with their sleeves
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Speaker 1: wet through and through, held out before him, stopped, perplexed
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Speaker 1: in the roadway, and vanished from my sight. The heavy
20:02
Speaker 1: rain driven before the tempestuous wind, poured down in pailfuls,
20:06
Speaker 1: and dripping from Wassily's thick cloak, formed a series of
20:10
Speaker 1: pools on the apron. The dust became changed to a
20:14
Speaker 1: paste which clung to the wheels, and the ruts became
20:17
Speaker 1: transformed into muddy rivulets. At last, however, the lightning grew
20:22
Speaker 1: paler and more diffuse, and the thunderclaps lost some of
20:25
Speaker 1: their terror. Amid the monotonous rattling of the downpour. Then
20:29
Speaker 1: the rain also abated, and the clouds began to disperse.
20:32
Speaker 1: In the region of the sun, a lightness appeared, and
20:36
Speaker 1: between the white gray clouds could be caught glimpses of
20:39
Speaker 1: an azure sky. Finally, a dazzling ray shot across the
20:43
Speaker 1: pools on the road, shot through the threads of rain,
20:47
Speaker 1: now falling thin and straight as from a sieve, and
20:50
Speaker 1: fell upon the fresh leaves and blades of grass. The
20:53
Speaker 1: great cloud was still lowering, black and threatening on the
20:57
Speaker 1: far horizon, but I no longer felt afraid of it.
21:00
Speaker 1: I felt only an inexpressibly pleasant hopefulness in proportion as
21:05
Speaker 1: trust in life replaced the late burden of fear. Indeed,
21:09
Speaker 1: my heart was smiling like that of refreshed, revivified nature herself.
21:14
Speaker 1: Wassily took off his cloak and wrung the water from it.
21:18
Speaker 1: Willoda flung back the apron, and I stood up in
21:21
Speaker 1: the britchka to drink in the new, fresh, balm laden air.
21:25
Speaker 1: In front of us was the carriage, rolling along and
21:27
Speaker 1: looking as wet and resplendent in the sunlight as though
21:31
Speaker 1: it had just been polished. On one side of the road,
21:34
Speaker 1: boundless oatfields, intersected in places by small ravines, which now
21:38
Speaker 1: showed bright with their moist earth and greenery, stretched to
21:42
Speaker 1: the far horizon like a checkered carpet, while on the
21:45
Speaker 1: other side of us, an aspen wood intermingled with hazel
21:48
Speaker 1: bushes and parquaded with wild thyme in joyous profusion, no
21:53
Speaker 1: longer rustled and trembled, but slowly dropped rich, sparkling diamonds
21:57
Speaker 1: from its newly bathed branches on to the leaves of
22:00
Speaker 1: last year. From above us, from every side, came the
22:04
Speaker 1: happy songs of little birds calling to one another among
22:07
Speaker 1: the dripping brushwood, while clear from the inmost depths of
22:10
Speaker 1: the wood sounded the voice of the cuckoo. So delicious
22:14
Speaker 1: was the wondrous scent of the wood, the scent which
22:17
Speaker 1: follows a thunder storm in spring, the scent of birch trees, violets, mushrooms,
22:21
Speaker 1: and time, that I could no longer remain in the Britshka.
22:25
Speaker 1: Jumping out, I ran to some bushes, and, regardless of
22:28
Speaker 1: the showers of drops discharged upon me, tore off a
22:31
Speaker 1: few sprigs of time and buried my face in them
22:34
Speaker 1: to smell their glorious scent. Then, despite the mud which
22:38
Speaker 1: had got into my boots, as also the fact that
22:40
Speaker 1: my stockings were soaked, I went skipping through the puddles
22:43
Speaker 1: to the window of the carriage. Lubatchhka, Katenka, I shouted
22:48
Speaker 1: as I handed them some of the time, just look
22:50
Speaker 1: how delicious this is. The girl smelted and cried. Ah,
22:55
Speaker 1: but Mimi shrieked to me to go away, for fear
22:57
Speaker 1: I should be run over by the wheels. Oh, but
23:00
Speaker 1: smell how delicious it is, I persisted. Chapter three a
23:07
Speaker 1: new point of view. Katenka was with me in the Britchka,
23:10
Speaker 1: her lovely head inclined as she gazed pensively at the roadway.
23:14
Speaker 1: I looked at her in silence and wondered what had
23:16
Speaker 1: brought the unchildlike expression of sadness to her face, which
23:20
Speaker 1: I now observed for the first time. There we shall
23:24
Speaker 1: soon be in Moscow, I said, at last, How large
23:27
Speaker 1: do you suppose it is? I don't know. She replied, well,
23:31
Speaker 1: but how large do you imagine? As large as Serpakov?
23:37
Speaker 1: What do you say? Nothing yet, the instinctive feeling which
23:42
Speaker 1: enables one person to guess the thoughts of another and
23:44
Speaker 1: serves as a guiding threat in conversation. Soon made Kitenka
23:48
Speaker 1: feel that her indifference was disagreeable to me. Wherefore, she
23:51
Speaker 1: raised her head presently, and turning round, said, did your
23:55
Speaker 1: Papa tell you that we girls too were going to
23:57
Speaker 1: live at your grandmamma's. Yes, he said that we should
24:01
Speaker 1: all live there, all live there. Yes, of course, we
24:06
Speaker 1: shall have one half of the upper floor, and you
24:08
Speaker 1: the other half, and Papa the wing. But we shall
24:11
Speaker 1: all of us dine together with Grandmamma downstairs. But Mama
24:16
Speaker 1: says that your Grandmamma is so very grave and easily
24:19
Speaker 1: made angry. No, she only seems like that at first.
24:23
Speaker 1: She is grave, but not bad tempered. On the contrary,
24:27
Speaker 1: she is both kind and cheerful. If you could only
24:29
Speaker 1: have seen the ball at her house. All the same,
24:33
Speaker 1: I am afraid of her. Besides, who knows whether we?
24:37
Speaker 1: Katenka stopped short and once again became thoughtful. What I asked,
24:42
Speaker 1: with some anxiety. Nothing, I only said that No, you said,
24:47
Speaker 1: who knows whether we? And you said didn't you that
24:51
Speaker 1: once there was ever such a ball at Grandmama's? Yes,
24:56
Speaker 1: it is a pity you were not there. There were
24:58
Speaker 1: heaps of guests, about a thousand people, and all of
25:01
Speaker 1: them princes are generals. And there was music, and I danced,
25:05
Speaker 1: But Ktenka, I broke off. You are not listening to me.
25:10
Speaker 1: Oh yes, I am listening. You said that you danced.
25:13
Speaker 1: Why are you so serious? Well, one cannot always be gay,
25:19
Speaker 1: but you have changed tremendously since Walloda and I first
25:22
Speaker 1: went to Moscow. Tell me the truth, now, why are
25:26
Speaker 1: so odd? My tone was resolute. Am I so odd?
25:30
Speaker 1: Said Katenka, with an animation which showed me that my
25:33
Speaker 1: question had interested her. I don't see that I am
25:36
Speaker 1: so at all. Well, you are not the same as
25:40
Speaker 1: you were before, I continued. Once upon a time anyone
25:43
Speaker 1: could see that you were our equal in everything, and
25:47
Speaker 1: that you loved us like relations, just as we did you.
25:50
Speaker 1: But now you are always serious and keep yourself apart
25:53
Speaker 1: from us. Oh not at all. But let me finish, please,
25:57
Speaker 1: I interrupted, already conscious of a slight tickling in my nose,
26:02
Speaker 1: the precursor of the tears which usually came to my
26:04
Speaker 1: eyes whenever I had to vent any long pent up feeling.
26:09
Speaker 1: You avoid us and talk to no one but Mimi,
26:12
Speaker 1: as though you had no wish for our further acquaintance.
26:16
Speaker 1: But one cannot always remain the same. One must change
26:19
Speaker 1: a little, sometimes, replied Kateenka, who had an inveterate habit
26:23
Speaker 1: of pleading some such fatalistic necessity whenever she did not
26:27
Speaker 1: know what else to say. I recollect that once, when
26:31
Speaker 1: having a quarrel with Lubotshka, who had called her a
26:34
Speaker 1: stupid girl, she Kateka retorted that everybody could not be wise,
26:39
Speaker 1: seeing that a certain number of stupid people was a
26:42
Speaker 1: necessity in the world. However, on the present occasion, I
26:45
Speaker 1: was not satisfied that any such inevitable necessity for changing
26:49
Speaker 1: sometimes existed, and asked further, why is it necessary? Well,
26:56
Speaker 1: you see, we may not always go on living together
26:59
Speaker 1: as we are doing now, said Kateenka, coloring slightly and
27:03
Speaker 1: regarding Philip's back, with a grave expression on her face.
27:07
Speaker 1: My mamma was able to live with your mother because
27:09
Speaker 1: she was her friend. But will a similar arrangement always
27:13
Speaker 1: suit the Countess, who they say, is so easily offended. Besides,
27:17
Speaker 1: in any case, we shall have to separate some day.
27:21
Speaker 1: You are rich, you have Petrovsky, while we are poor.
27:26
Speaker 1: Mamma has nothing. You are rich, we are poor. Both
27:31
Speaker 1: the words and the ideas which they connoted seemed to
27:33
Speaker 1: me extremely strange. Hitherto, I had conceived that only beggars
27:37
Speaker 1: and peasants were poor, and could not reconcile in my
27:40
Speaker 1: mind the idea of poverty and the graceful, charming Katenka.
27:44
Speaker 1: I felt that Mimi and her daughter ought to live
27:47
Speaker 1: with us always and to share everything that we possessed.
27:51
Speaker 1: Things ought never to be otherwise. Yet at this moment
27:55
Speaker 1: a thousand new thoughts with regard to their lonely position
27:58
Speaker 1: came crowding into my head, and I felt so remorseful
28:02
Speaker 1: at the notion that we were rich and they poor
28:04
Speaker 1: that I colored up and could not look Katenka in
28:07
Speaker 1: the face. Yet, what does it matter? I thought, that
28:11
Speaker 1: we are well off and they are not. Why should
28:14
Speaker 1: that necessitate a separation? Why should we not share in
28:17
Speaker 1: common what we possess? Yet I had a feeling that
28:21
Speaker 1: I could not talk to Katenka on the subject, since
28:24
Speaker 1: a certain practical instinct, opposed to all logical reasoning, warned
28:28
Speaker 1: me that right though she possibly was, I should do
28:31
Speaker 1: wrong to tell her. So it is impossible that you
28:36
Speaker 1: should leave us. How could we ever live apart? Yet,
28:40
Speaker 1: what else is there to be done? Certainly I do
28:42
Speaker 1: not want to do it, Yet if it has to
28:45
Speaker 1: be done, I know what my plan in life will be. Yes,
28:48
Speaker 1: to become an actress. How absurd, I exclaimed, for I
28:52
Speaker 1: knew that to enter that profession had always been her
28:54
Speaker 1: favorite dream. Oh no, I only used to say that
28:58
Speaker 1: when I was a little girl. Well, then what to
29:02
Speaker 1: go into a convent and live there? Then I could
29:05
Speaker 1: walk out in a black dress and velvet cap, cried Katenka.
29:10
Speaker 1: Has it ever befallen you, my readers, to become suddenly
29:13
Speaker 1: aware that your conception of things has altered, as though
29:17
Speaker 1: every object in life had unexpectedly turned aside towards you,
29:21
Speaker 1: of which you had hitherto remained unaware. Such a species
29:25
Speaker 1: of moral change occurred as regards myself during this journey,
29:29
Speaker 1: and therefore from it I date the beginning of my
29:31
Speaker 1: boyhood for the first time in my life. I then
29:34
Speaker 1: envisaged the idea that we, in other words, our family,
29:38
Speaker 1: were not the only persons in the world, that not
29:41
Speaker 1: every conceivable interest was centered in ourselves, and that there
29:46
Speaker 1: existed numbers of people who had nothing in common with us,
29:49
Speaker 1: cared nothing for us, and even knew nothing of our existence.
29:53
Speaker 1: No doubt I had known all this before, only I
29:56
Speaker 1: had not known it then as I knew it now,
29:59
Speaker 1: I had never properly felt or understood it. Thought merges
30:03
Speaker 1: into conviction through paths of its own, as well as
30:06
Speaker 1: sometimes with great suddenness, and by methods wholly different from
30:09
Speaker 1: those which have brought other intellects to the same conclusion.
30:13
Speaker 1: For me, the conversation with Kateankas, striking deeply as it
30:17
Speaker 1: did and forcing me to reflect on her future position,
30:20
Speaker 1: constituted such a path. As I gazed at the towns
30:24
Speaker 1: and villages through which we passed, and in each house
30:27
Speaker 1: of which lived at least one family like our own,
30:30
Speaker 1: as well as at the women and children who stared
30:32
Speaker 1: with curiosity at our carriages and then became lost to
30:36
Speaker 1: sight forever, and the peasants and workmen who did not
30:39
Speaker 1: even look at us, much less make us any obeisance.
30:43
Speaker 1: The question arose for the first time in my thoughts,
30:46
Speaker 1: whom else do they care for if not for us?
30:49
Speaker 1: And this question was followed by others, such as to
30:52
Speaker 1: what end do they live? How do they educate their children?
30:56
Speaker 1: Do they teach their children and let them play What
30:59
Speaker 1: are their Nemes? And so forth Chapter four In Moscow.
31:08
Speaker 1: From the time of our arrival in Moscow, the change
31:12
Speaker 1: in my conception of objects, of persons and of my
31:14
Speaker 1: connection with them became increasingly perceptible. When at my first
31:19
Speaker 1: meeting with Grandmamma I saw her thin, wrinkled face and
31:22
Speaker 1: faded eyes. The mingled respect and fear with which she
31:25
Speaker 1: had hitherto inspired me gave place to compassion, and when
31:29
Speaker 1: laying her cheek against Lubotchka's head, she sobbed as though
31:33
Speaker 1: she saw before her the corpse of her beloved daughter.
31:36
Speaker 1: My compassion grew to love. I felt deeply sorry to
31:40
Speaker 1: see her grief at our meeting, even though I knew
31:43
Speaker 1: that in ourselves we represented nothing in her eyes, but
31:46
Speaker 1: were dear to her only as reminders of our mother.
31:50
Speaker 1: That every kiss which she imprinted upon my cheeks expressed
31:53
Speaker 1: the one thought she is no more. She is dead
31:57
Speaker 1: and I shall never see her again. Papa, who took
32:01
Speaker 1: little notice of us here in Moscow, and whose face
32:05
Speaker 1: was perpetually preoccupied on the rare occasions when he came
32:08
Speaker 1: in his black dress coat to take formal dinner with
32:11
Speaker 1: us lost much in my eyes at this period, In
32:14
Speaker 1: spite of his turned up ruffles, robes to chambre, overseers, bailiffs,
32:19
Speaker 1: expeditions to the estate and hunting exploits. Karl Ivanitch, whom
32:25
Speaker 1: Grandmamma always called uncle and who heaven knows why, had
32:29
Speaker 1: taken it into his head to adorn the bald pate
32:32
Speaker 1: of my childhood's days with a red wig parted in
32:35
Speaker 1: the middle, now looked to me so strange and ridiculous
32:39
Speaker 1: that I wondered how I could ever have failed to
32:42
Speaker 1: observe the fact before. Even between the girls and ourselves,
32:46
Speaker 1: there seemed to have sprung up an invisible barrier. They too,
32:49
Speaker 1: began to have secrets among themselves, as well as to
32:53
Speaker 1: evince a desire to show off their ever lengthening skirts,
32:56
Speaker 1: even as we boys did our trousers and ankle straps.
33:00
Speaker 1: As for Mimi, she appeared at luncheon the first Sunday
33:04
Speaker 1: in such a gorgeous dress and with so many ribbons
33:07
Speaker 1: in her cap that it was clear that we were
33:09
Speaker 1: no longer on Campagna, and that everything was now going
33:13
Speaker 1: to be different. End of Section one, Chapter five. My
33:21
Speaker 1: elder brother I was only a year and some odd
33:26
Speaker 1: months younger than Woloda, and from the first we had
33:28
Speaker 1: grown up and studied and played together. Hitherto, the difference
33:32
Speaker 1: between elder and younger brother had never been felt between us.
33:36
Speaker 1: But at the period of which I am speaking, I
33:38
Speaker 1: began to have a notion that I was not Wloda's equal,
33:41
Speaker 1: either in years, in tastes, or in capabilities. I even
33:45
Speaker 1: began to fancy that Woloda himself was aware of his superiority,
33:50
Speaker 1: and that he was proud of it. And though perhaps
33:53
Speaker 1: I was wrong, the idea wounded my conceit already suffering
33:57
Speaker 1: from frequent comparison with him, he was my superior in everything,
34:03
Speaker 1: in games, in studies, in quarrels, and in deportment. All
34:08
Speaker 1: this brought about an estrangement between us and occasioned me
34:11
Speaker 1: moral sufferings which I had never hitherto experienced. When for
34:17
Speaker 1: the first time Woloda wore Dutch pleated shirts, I at
34:21
Speaker 1: once said that I was greatly put out at not
34:23
Speaker 1: being given similar ones, And each time that he arranged
34:27
Speaker 1: his collar, I felt that he was doing so on
34:30
Speaker 1: purpose to offend me. But what tormented me most of
34:34
Speaker 1: all was the idea that Woloda could see through me,
34:37
Speaker 1: yet did not choose to show it. Who has not
34:41
Speaker 1: known those secret wordless communications which spring from some barely
34:45
Speaker 1: perceptible smile or movement, from a casual glance between two
34:49
Speaker 1: persons who live as constantly together as do brothers, friends,
34:53
Speaker 1: man and wife, or master and servant, particularly if those
34:57
Speaker 1: two persons do not, in all things cultivate mutual frankness.
35:02
Speaker 1: How many half expressed wishes, thoughts, and meanings which one
35:06
Speaker 1: shrinks from revealing, are made plain by a single accidental
35:09
Speaker 1: glance which timidly and irresolutely meets the eye. However, in
35:16
Speaker 1: my own case, I may have been deceived by my
35:18
Speaker 1: excessive capacity for and love of analysis. Possibly Wolloda did
35:23
Speaker 1: not feel at all as I did, passionate and frank
35:27
Speaker 1: but unstable in his likings. He was attracted by the
35:30
Speaker 1: most diverse things, and always surrendered himself wholly to such attraction.
35:36
Speaker 1: For instance, he suddenly conceived a passion for pictures, spent
35:41
Speaker 1: all his money on their purchase, begged Papa, Grandmamma and
35:45
Speaker 1: his drawing master to add to their number, and applied
35:48
Speaker 1: himself with enthusiasm to art. Next came a sudden rage
35:53
Speaker 1: for curios, with which he covered his table, and for
35:57
Speaker 1: which he ransacked the whole house. Following upon that, he
36:01
Speaker 1: took to violent novel reading, procuring such works by stealth
36:05
Speaker 1: and devouring them day and night. Involuntarily. I was influenced
36:10
Speaker 1: by his whims, for though too proud to imitate him,
36:14
Speaker 1: I was also too young and too lacking in independence
36:17
Speaker 1: to choose my own way. Above all, I envied Woloda
36:21
Speaker 1: his happy, nobly, frank character, which showed itself most strikingly
36:26
Speaker 1: when we quarreled. I always felt that he was in
36:29
Speaker 1: the right, yet could not imitate him. For instance, on
36:33
Speaker 1: one occasion, when his passion for curios was at its height,
36:37
Speaker 1: I went to his table and accidentally broke an empty,
36:40
Speaker 1: many colored, smelling bottle. Who gave you leave to touch
36:43
Speaker 1: my things? Asked Woloda, chancing to enter the room at
36:47
Speaker 1: that moment, and at once perceiving the disorder which I
36:50
Speaker 1: had occasioned in the orderly arrangement of the treasures on
36:53
Speaker 1: his table. And where is that smelling bottle? Perhaps you
36:58
Speaker 1: I let it fall at its smell to pieces, But
37:01
Speaker 1: what does that matter? Well, please do me the favor
37:05
Speaker 1: never to dare to touch my things again, he said,
37:09
Speaker 1: as he gathered up the broken fragments and looked at
37:11
Speaker 1: them vexedly. And will you please do me the favor?
37:15
Speaker 1: Never to order me to do anything whatever, I retorted.
37:19
Speaker 1: When a thing's broken, it's broken, and there is no
37:22
Speaker 1: more to be said. Then I smiled, though I hardly
37:25
Speaker 1: felt like smiling. Oh it may mean nothing to you,
37:29
Speaker 1: but to me it means a good deal, said Woloda,
37:32
Speaker 1: shrugging his shoulders, a habit he had caught from Papa.
37:37
Speaker 1: First of all, you go and break my things, and
37:39
Speaker 1: then you laugh. What a nuisance a little boy can be.
37:43
Speaker 1: Little boy? Indeed, then you, I suppose, are a man,
37:47
Speaker 1: And ever so wise, I do not intend to quarrel
37:51
Speaker 1: with you, said Woloda, giving me a slight push. Go away.
37:55
Speaker 1: Don't you push me? Go away? I say again again,
38:00
Speaker 1: don't you push me? Wiloda took me by the hand
38:05
Speaker 1: and tried to drag me away from the table. But
38:08
Speaker 1: I was excited to the last degree, and gave the
38:10
Speaker 1: table such a push with my foot that I upset
38:13
Speaker 1: the whole concern and brought china and crystal ornaments and
38:17
Speaker 1: everything else with a crash to the floor. You disgusting
38:22
Speaker 1: little brute, exclaimed Woloda, trying to save some of his
38:25
Speaker 1: falling treasures. At last, all is over between us, I
38:29
Speaker 1: thought to myself, as I strode from the room. We
38:32
Speaker 1: are separated now forever. It was not until evening that
38:37
Speaker 1: we again exchanged a word. Yet I felt guilty and
38:40
Speaker 1: was afraid to look at him, and remained at a
38:42
Speaker 1: loose end all day. Woloda, on the contrary, did his
38:47
Speaker 1: lessons as diligently as ever and passed the time after
38:50
Speaker 1: luncheon in talking and laughing with the girls. As soon
38:53
Speaker 1: again as afternoon lessons were over, I left the room,
38:57
Speaker 1: for it would have been terribly embarrassing for me to
38:59
Speaker 1: be alone with my brother. When too, the evening class
39:03
Speaker 1: in history was ended, I took my note book and
39:06
Speaker 1: moved towards the door. Just as I passed Woloda, I
39:10
Speaker 1: pouted and pulled an angry face, though in reality I
39:13
Speaker 1: should have liked to make my peace with him. At
39:16
Speaker 1: the same moment, he lifted his head and, with a
39:18
Speaker 1: barely perceptible and good humoredly satirical smile, looked me full
39:23
Speaker 1: in the face. Our eyes met, and I saw that
39:26
Speaker 1: he understood me. While He, for his part, saw that
39:29
Speaker 1: I knew that he understood me. Yet a feeling stronger
39:33
Speaker 1: than myself obliged me to turn away from him. Nikolinka,
39:38
Speaker 1: he said, in a perfectly simple and anything but mocking
39:41
Speaker 1: pathetic way, you have been angry with me long enough.
39:45
Speaker 1: I am sorry if I offended you, And he tendered
39:47
Speaker 1: me his hand. It was as though something welled up
39:51
Speaker 1: from my heart and nearly choked me. Presently it passed away.
39:55
Speaker 1: The tears rushed to my eyes, and I felt immensely relieved.
40:01
Speaker 1: I too, am sorry, Loda, I said, taking his hand.
40:06
Speaker 1: Yet he only looked at me with an expression as
40:09
Speaker 1: though he could not understand why there should be tears
40:12
Speaker 1: in my eyes. Chapter six, Masha, none of the changes
40:20
Speaker 1: produced in my conception of things were so striking as
40:23
Speaker 1: the one which led me to cease to see in
40:25
Speaker 1: one of our chambermaids a mere servant of the female sex, but,
40:29
Speaker 1: on the contrary, a woman upon whom depended, to a
40:33
Speaker 1: certain extent my peace of mind and happiness. From the
40:38
Speaker 1: time of my earliest recollection, I can remember Masha an
40:41
Speaker 1: inmate of our house. Yet never until the occurrence of
40:45
Speaker 1: which I am going to speak, an occurrence which entirely
40:48
Speaker 1: altered my impression of her. Had I bestowed the smallest
40:52
Speaker 1: attention upon her. She was twenty five years old while
40:56
Speaker 1: I was but fourteen. Also, she was very beautiful. But
41:01
Speaker 1: I hesitate to give a further description of her, lest
41:04
Speaker 1: my imagination should once more picture the bewitching though deceptive
41:08
Speaker 1: conception of her which filled my mind during the period
41:11
Speaker 1: of my passion to be frank. I will only say
41:14
Speaker 1: that she was extraordinarily handsome, magnificently developed, and a woman,
41:20
Speaker 1: as also that I was but fourteen. At one of
41:24
Speaker 1: those moments, when lessen book in hand, I would pace
41:27
Speaker 1: the room and try to keep strictly to one particular
41:30
Speaker 1: crack in the floor as I hummed up fragment of
41:33
Speaker 1: some tune or repeated some vague formula. In short, at
41:37
Speaker 1: one of those moments when the mind leaves off thinking
41:39
Speaker 1: and the imagination gains the upper hand and yearns for
41:42
Speaker 1: new impressions, I left the schoolroom and turned, with no
41:46
Speaker 1: definite purpose in view towards the head of the staircase.
41:51
Speaker 1: Somebody in slippers was ascending the second flight of stairs.
41:54
Speaker 1: Of course, I felt curious to see who it was,
41:57
Speaker 1: but the footsteps ceased abruptly when I heard Masha's voice say,
42:02
Speaker 1: go away, what nonsense? What would Maria Ivanovna think if
42:07
Speaker 1: she were to come now? Oh but she will not come,
42:11
Speaker 1: answered Woloda's voice in a whisper, well, go away, you
42:15
Speaker 1: silly boy, and Masha came running up and fled past me.
42:19
Speaker 1: I cannot describe the way in which this discovery confounded me. Nevertheless,
42:24
Speaker 1: the feeling of amazement soon gave place to a kind
42:26
Speaker 1: of sympathy with Wilodo's conduct. I found myself wondering less
42:30
Speaker 1: at the conduct itself than at his ability to behave
42:33
Speaker 1: so agreeably. Also, I found myself involuntarily desiring to imitate him.
42:40
Speaker 1: Sometimes I would pace the landing for an hour at
42:42
Speaker 1: a time, with no other thought in my head than
42:44
Speaker 1: to watch for movements from above. Yet, although I longed
42:48
Speaker 1: beyond all things to do as Woloda had done, I
42:51
Speaker 1: could not bring myself to the point. At other times,
42:55
Speaker 1: filled with a sense of envious jealousy, I would conceal
42:58
Speaker 1: myself behind a door and listened to the sounds which
43:01
Speaker 1: came from the maid servant's room until the thought would
43:04
Speaker 1: occur to my mind, how if I were to go
43:07
Speaker 1: in now, and like Woloda kiss Masha. What should I say?
43:11
Speaker 1: When she asked me, me with the huge nose and
43:14
Speaker 1: the tuft on the top of my head, what I wanted? Sometimes, too,
43:19
Speaker 1: I could hear her saying to Wiloda, that serves you right,
43:23
Speaker 1: Go away, Nicholas Petrovitch never comes in here with such nonsense.
43:28
Speaker 1: Alas she did not know that Nicholas Petrovitch was sitting
43:32
Speaker 1: on the staircase just below, and feeling that he would
43:35
Speaker 1: give all he possessed to be in that bold fellow
43:38
Speaker 1: Woloda's place. I was shy by nature, and rendered worse
43:43
Speaker 1: in that respect by a consciousness of my own ugliness.
43:46
Speaker 1: I am certain that nothing so much influence is the
43:49
Speaker 1: development of a man as his exterior, though the exterior
43:53
Speaker 1: itself less than his belief in its plainness or beauty.
43:58
Speaker 1: Yet I was too conceited it altogether to resign myself
44:01
Speaker 1: to my fate. I tried to comfort myself much as
44:04
Speaker 1: the fox did when he declared that the grapes were sour.
44:08
Speaker 1: That is to say, I tried to make light of
44:10
Speaker 1: the satisfaction to be gained from making such use of
44:13
Speaker 1: a pleasing exterior as I believed Wolloda to employ satisfaction,
44:18
Speaker 1: which I nevertheless envied him from my heart, and endeavored
44:23
Speaker 1: with every faculty of my intellect and imagination to console
44:27
Speaker 1: myself with a pride in my isolation. Chapter seven, Small shot, good,
44:37
Speaker 1: gracious powder, exclaimed Mimi, in a voice trembling with alarm.
44:42
Speaker 1: Whatever are you doing? You will set the house on
44:45
Speaker 1: fire in a moment and be the death of us all.
44:48
Speaker 1: Upon that, with an indescribable expression of firmness, Mimi ordered
44:52
Speaker 1: everyone to stand aside, and regardless of all possible danger
44:56
Speaker 1: from a premature explosion, strode with long and resolute steps
45:01
Speaker 1: to where some small shot was scattered about the floor,
45:04
Speaker 1: and began to trample upon it. When, in her opinion,
45:07
Speaker 1: the pairl was at least lessened, she called for Michael
45:10
Speaker 1: and commanded him to throw the powder away into some
45:13
Speaker 1: remote spot, or, better still, to immerse it in water,
45:17
Speaker 1: after which she adjusted her cap and returned proudly to
45:20
Speaker 1: the drawing room, murmuring as she went. At least I
45:24
Speaker 1: can say that they are well looked after. When Papa
45:28
Speaker 1: issued from his room and took us to see Grandmamma,
45:31
Speaker 1: we found Mimi sitting by the window and glancing with
45:33
Speaker 1: a grave, mysterious official expression towards the door. In her
45:39
Speaker 1: hand she was holding something carefully wrapped in paper. I
45:42
Speaker 1: guessed that that something was the small shot, and that
45:46
Speaker 1: Grandmamma had been informed of the occurrence. In the room
45:50
Speaker 1: also where the maid servant Gasha, who, to judge by
45:53
Speaker 1: her angry flushed face, was in a state of great irritation,
45:57
Speaker 1: and Doctor Blumenthal, the latter a little man pitted with smallpox,
46:01
Speaker 1: who was endeavoring by tacit pacificatory signs with his head
46:05
Speaker 1: and eyes to reassure the perturbed Gasha. Grandmamma was sitting
46:09
Speaker 1: a little askew and playing that variety of patience which
46:12
Speaker 1: is called the Traveler, two unmistakable signs of her displeasure.
46:17
Speaker 1: How are you to day, Mamma, said Papa, as he
46:20
Speaker 1: kissed her hand respectfully. Have you had a good night? Yes,
46:24
Speaker 1: very good, my dear. You know that I always enjoy
46:27
Speaker 1: sound health, replied Grandmamma, in a tone implying that Papa's
46:31
Speaker 1: inquiries were out of place and highly offensive. Please give
46:35
Speaker 1: me a clean pocket handkerchief, she added to Gasha. I
46:39
Speaker 1: have given you one, Madam, answered Gusha, pointing to the
46:43
Speaker 1: snow white cambric handkerchief which she had just laid on
46:46
Speaker 1: the arm of Grandmamma's chair. No, it's a nasty, dirty thing.
46:50
Speaker 1: Take it away and bring me a clean one, my dear.
46:54
Speaker 1: Gasha went to a cupboard and slammed the door of
46:57
Speaker 1: it back so violently that every window rattled. Grandmamma glared
47:01
Speaker 1: angrily at each of us, and then turned her attention
47:04
Speaker 1: to following the movements of the servant. After the latter
47:07
Speaker 1: had presented her with what I suspected to be the
47:10
Speaker 1: same handkerchief as before, Grandmamma continued, And when do you
47:15
Speaker 1: mean to cut me some snuff? My dear, when I
47:19
Speaker 1: have time? What do you say to day? If you
47:24
Speaker 1: don't want to continue in my service, you had better
47:27
Speaker 1: say so at once. I would have sent you away
47:29
Speaker 1: long ago had I known that you wished it. It
47:33
Speaker 1: wouldn't have broken my heart if you had muttered the
47:36
Speaker 1: woman in an undertone. Here the doctor winked at her again,
47:40
Speaker 1: but she returned his gaze so firmly and wrathfully that
47:44
Speaker 1: he soon lowered it and went on playing with his
47:46
Speaker 1: watch key. You see, my dear, how people speak to
47:50
Speaker 1: me in my own house, said Grandmamma to Papa, when
47:53
Speaker 1: Gasha had left the room, grumbling. Well, Mamma, I will
47:57
Speaker 1: cut you some snuff myself, replied Papa, though evidently at
48:01
Speaker 1: a loss how to proceed now that he had made
48:04
Speaker 1: this rash promise. No, no, I thank you. Probably she
48:08
Speaker 1: is cross because she knows that no one except herself
48:11
Speaker 1: can cut the snuff just as I like it. Do
48:14
Speaker 1: you know, my dear, She went on, after a pause,
48:16
Speaker 1: that your children very nearly set the house on fire
48:19
Speaker 1: this morning. Papa gazed at Grandmamma with respectful astonishment. Yes,
48:26
Speaker 1: they were playing with something or another. Tell him the story,
48:29
Speaker 1: she added to Mimi. Papa could not help smiling as
48:33
Speaker 1: he took the shot in his hand. This is only
48:37
Speaker 1: small shot, mamma, he remarked, and could never be dangerous.
48:42
Speaker 1: I thank you, my dear, for your instruction, but I
48:44
Speaker 1: am rather too old for that sort of thing. Nerves nerves,
48:50
Speaker 1: whispered the doctor. Papa turned to us and asked us
48:54
Speaker 1: where we had got the stuff and how we could
48:57
Speaker 1: dare to play with it. Don't ask them, ask that
49:01
Speaker 1: useless uncle, Rather, put in Grandmamma, laying a peculiar stress
49:05
Speaker 1: upon the word uncle. What else is he for? Wilotas
49:10
Speaker 1: says that Karl Ivanitch gave him the powder himself, declared Mimi,
49:14
Speaker 1: then you can see for yourself what use he is,
49:17
Speaker 1: continued Grandmamma. And where is he, this precious uncle? How
49:21
Speaker 1: is one to get hold of him? Send him here?
49:26
Speaker 1: He is gone on an errand for me, said Papa.
49:29
Speaker 1: That is not at all right, rejoined Grandmamma. He ought
49:32
Speaker 1: to always be here. True, the children are yours, not mine,
49:36
Speaker 1: and I have nothing to do with them, seeing that
49:38
Speaker 1: you are so much cleverer than I am. Yet all
49:42
Speaker 1: the same, I think it is time we had a
49:43
Speaker 1: regular tutor for them, and not this uncle of a German,
49:47
Speaker 1: a stupid fellow, who knows only how to teach them
49:49
Speaker 1: rude manners and Tyrolean songs. Is it necessary? I ask
49:55
Speaker 1: you that they should learn Tyrolean songs? However, there is
49:59
Speaker 1: no one for me to consult about it, and you
50:01
Speaker 1: must do just as you like. The word now meant
50:07
Speaker 1: now that they have no mother, And suddenly awakened sad
50:11
Speaker 1: recollections in Grandmamma's heart, she threw a glance at the
50:14
Speaker 1: snuff box bearing Mamma's portrait and sighed, I thought of
50:19
Speaker 1: all this long ago, said Papa eagerly, as well as
50:22
Speaker 1: taking your advice on the subject. How would you like
50:24
Speaker 1: Saint Jerome to superintend their lessons? Oh? I think he
50:28
Speaker 1: would do excellently, my friend, said Grandmamma in a mollified tone.
50:32
Speaker 1: He is at least a tutor comiefo, and knows how
50:36
Speaker 1: to instruct des enfant de bon Meszon. He is not
50:39
Speaker 1: a mere uncle who is good only for taking them
50:42
Speaker 1: out walking. Very well, I will talk to him tomorrow,
50:46
Speaker 1: said Papa, and sure enough, two days later saw Karl
50:50
Speaker 1: Ivanitch forced to retire in favor of the young Frenchman
50:54
Speaker 1: referred to chapter eight Karl Ivanitch's History. The evening before
51:02
Speaker 1: the day when Karl was to leave us forever, he
51:04
Speaker 1: was standing clad as usual in his wadded dressing gown
51:08
Speaker 1: and red cap, near the bed in his room, and
51:11
Speaker 1: bending down over a trunk as he carefully packed his belongings.
51:15
Speaker 1: His behavior towards us had been very cool of light,
51:18
Speaker 1: and he had seemed to shrink from all contact with us. Consequently,
51:22
Speaker 1: when I entered his room on the present occasion, he
51:25
Speaker 1: only glanced at me for a second, and then went
51:27
Speaker 1: on with his occupation, even though I proceeded to jump
51:31
Speaker 1: on to his bed, a thing hitherto always forbidden me
51:33
Speaker 1: to do. He said not a word, and the idea
51:36
Speaker 1: that he would soon be scolding or forgiving us, no longer,
51:40
Speaker 1: no longer having anything to do with us, reminded me
51:43
Speaker 1: vividly of the impending separation. I felt grieved to think
51:47
Speaker 1: that he had ceased to love us, and wanted to
51:50
Speaker 1: show him my grief. Will you let me help you,
51:54
Speaker 1: I said, approaching him. He looked at me for a
51:57
Speaker 1: moment and turned away again. Yet the expression of pain
52:00
Speaker 1: in his eyes showed that his coldness was not the
52:03
Speaker 1: result of indifference, but rather of sincere and concentrated sorrow.
52:09
Speaker 1: God sees and knows everything, he said at length, raising
52:12
Speaker 1: himself to his full height and drawing a deep sigh. Yes, Nikolinka,
52:17
Speaker 1: he went on, observing the expression of sincere pity on
52:20
Speaker 1: my face. My fate has been an unhappy one from
52:24
Speaker 1: the cradle, and will continue so to the grave. The
52:27
Speaker 1: good that I have done to people has always been
52:29
Speaker 1: repaid with evil. Yet though I shall receive no reward here,
52:33
Speaker 1: I shall find one there. He pointed upwards. Ah if
52:38
Speaker 1: only you knew my whole story and all that I
52:41
Speaker 1: have endured in this life. I who have been a bootmaker,
52:44
Speaker 1: a soldier, a deserter, a factory hand, and a teacher.
52:49
Speaker 1: Yet now now I am nothing, and, like the son
52:52
Speaker 1: of man, have nowhere to lay my head. Sitting down
52:56
Speaker 1: upon a chair, he covered his eyes with his hand,
52:59
Speaker 1: seeing that he was in the introspective mood in which
53:02
Speaker 1: a man pays no attention to his listener as he
53:04
Speaker 1: cons over his secret thoughts. I remained silent, and, seating
53:09
Speaker 1: myself upon the bed, continued to watch his kind face.
53:14
Speaker 1: You are no longer a child. You can understand things now,
53:17
Speaker 1: and I will tell you my whole story and all
53:20
Speaker 1: that I have undergone. Some day, my children, you may
53:23
Speaker 1: remember the old friend who loved you so much. He
53:27
Speaker 1: leant his elbow upon the table by his side, took
53:29
Speaker 1: a pinch of snuff, and, in the peculiarly measured guttural
53:33
Speaker 1: tone in which he used to dictate us our lessons,
53:36
Speaker 1: began the story of his career. Since he many times
53:40
Speaker 1: in later years repeated the whole to me again, always
53:43
Speaker 1: in the same order and with the same expressions and
53:46
Speaker 1: the same unvarying intonation. I will try to render it
53:50
Speaker 1: literally and without omitting the innumerable grammatical errors into which
53:55
Speaker 1: he always strayed when speaking in Russian. Whether it was
53:58
Speaker 1: really the history of his life, for whether it was
54:00
Speaker 1: the mere product of his imagination, that is to say,
54:04
Speaker 1: some narrative which he had conceived during his lonely residence
54:07
Speaker 1: in our house and had at last, from endless repetition,
54:11
Speaker 1: come to believe in himself, or whether he was adorning
54:15
Speaker 1: with imaginary facts the true record of his career. I
54:18
Speaker 1: have never quite been able to make out. On the
54:21
Speaker 1: one hand, there was too much depth of feeling and
54:24
Speaker 1: practical consistency in its recital for it to be wholly incredible,
54:29
Speaker 1: while on the other hand, the abundance of poetical beauty
54:32
Speaker 1: which it contained tended to raise doubts in the mind
54:35
Speaker 1: of the listener. Me Ver very unhappy from the time
54:40
Speaker 1: of my birth. He began with a profound sigh. Z
54:45
Speaker 1: Nobelblut of the Countess of Zummerblat flows in my veins.
54:51
Speaker 1: Me Ver born six weeks after zivetting Ze, man of
54:56
Speaker 1: my mutter, I called him Papa ver Farmer to Zi,
55:00
Speaker 1: Count van Zumerblad. He could not forget my mother's shame
55:06
Speaker 1: and loved me not. I had a youngster brother, Johann,
55:11
Speaker 1: and two sister pot me very strange between my own family.
55:18
Speaker 1: Then Johann made several silly tricks. Papa said, with this child, Karl,
55:24
Speaker 1: I am never to have one moment frank will And
55:28
Speaker 1: then he scolded and punished me. When the sister quarreled
55:33
Speaker 1: among themselves, Papa said, karlvill never be one obedient boy,
55:39
Speaker 1: and still scolded and punished me. My good Mamma alone
55:45
Speaker 1: loved and tenterate me often. She said to me, Carl,
55:50
Speaker 1: come in my room, and there she kissed me secretly, poorly, poorly, Karl,
55:58
Speaker 1: she said, nobody love you, but I will not exchange
56:02
Speaker 1: you for somebody in the world. One sing your mother
56:07
Speaker 1: pegged you to remember. She said to me, learn well
56:12
Speaker 1: and be ever one honest man, then God will not
56:17
Speaker 1: forsake you. And I tried so to become. When my
56:22
Speaker 1: fourteen year had expired and me could partake of the
56:27
Speaker 1: Holy Supper, my mother said to my father Karl is
56:31
Speaker 1: one pig boy. Now, Gustaf, what shall we do with him?
56:37
Speaker 1: Aunt Papa said me don't know. Then Mamma said, let
56:43
Speaker 1: us give him to town at mister Schulton's and he
56:46
Speaker 1: may be shoemaker. And my father said, good. Six year
56:52
Speaker 1: and seven months lived I in town with the mister shoemaker,
56:57
Speaker 1: and he loved me. He said, Karl are one good
57:02
Speaker 1: workman and shall soon become my jaselle. But man makes
57:07
Speaker 1: the proposition, Aunt God the deposition. In the year seventeen
57:12
Speaker 1: ninety six one conscription took place. Aunt. Each which was
57:18
Speaker 1: serviceable from the eighteenths to the twenty first year had
57:22
Speaker 1: to go to town. My father and my brother Johann
57:27
Speaker 1: come to town and we go together to throw the
57:31
Speaker 1: lot for which should be Soljat. Johann drew the fatal
57:36
Speaker 1: number and leave us not necessary to be soljat. Aunt.
57:42
Speaker 1: Papa said, I have only one son, and with him
57:46
Speaker 1: I must now separate. Then I take his hand and says,
57:52
Speaker 1: why you say so? Papa, come with me and I
57:56
Speaker 1: will say you something. And Papa come and we seat
58:01
Speaker 1: together at the public's house, and me said, waiter, give
58:06
Speaker 1: us one beer cug and he gives us one. We
58:11
Speaker 1: drink all together, and brother Johann also drink. Papa said me,
58:18
Speaker 1: don't say that you have only one son? And wisit
58:22
Speaker 1: you must separate. My heart was breaking when you says this, brother,
58:28
Speaker 1: Johann must not serve me. Shall be soljat Karl is
58:33
Speaker 1: for nobody necessary, and Karl shall be sojat You is
58:39
Speaker 1: one honest man, Karl said Papa, and kissed me, and
58:43
Speaker 1: me was sojat. End of section two, chapter nine, continuation
58:51
Speaker 1: of Karl's narrative. That was a terrible time, Nicolinka continued,
58:57
Speaker 1: Karl Ivanitch the time of Napoleonian. He wanted to conquer Germany,
59:02
Speaker 1: and we protected our vaterland to the last trap of
59:06
Speaker 1: plot mever at um mever at austerlitz me we at Wagram?
59:15
Speaker 1: Did you really fight? I asked, with a gaze of astonishment.
59:18
Speaker 1: Did you really kill anybody? Karl instantly reassured me on
59:22
Speaker 1: this point. Once one French grenadier was left behind and
59:28
Speaker 1: fell to the ground, I sprang forwards with my gun
59:33
Speaker 1: and were about to kill him aber Der franzose vortzein
59:38
Speaker 1: gevir hin unrif pardon, and I let him loose. At Wagram,
59:46
Speaker 1: Napoleon cut us open and surrounded us in such a
59:49
Speaker 1: way as Zervas no helping. Three days had we no provisions,
59:55
Speaker 1: An stood in zavater up to the knees. See even
59:59
Speaker 1: Napoleon neither let us go loose nor catched us. On
1:00:05
Speaker 1: the fourth day they took us prisoners, thank God, and
1:00:11
Speaker 1: sent us to one fortress. Upon me vas one blue trousers, uniforms,
1:00:17
Speaker 1: a very good close fifteen of tollers, and one silver clock,
1:00:23
Speaker 1: which my vater hath given me. Sir Franz Soldatin took
1:00:29
Speaker 1: from me everything for my happiness. Serve us three ducats
1:00:34
Speaker 1: on me, which my mamma had sown in my shirt
1:00:37
Speaker 1: of flannel. Nobody found them. I liked not long to
1:00:42
Speaker 1: stay in the fortresses, and resoluted to run away one day.
1:00:47
Speaker 1: One pig holiday, says I to the sergeant which had
1:00:51
Speaker 1: to look after us. Mister sergeant, to day is a
1:00:56
Speaker 1: pig holiday, and me wants to celebrate it. Bring here,
1:01:00
Speaker 1: if you please, two bottle mateira, and we shall drink
1:01:04
Speaker 1: them with each other. And the sergeant says, goot venzi, sergeant,
1:01:10
Speaker 1: bring the mateira and we drink it out to the
1:01:14
Speaker 1: last drop. I taked his hand. Aunt, says, mister sergeant.
1:01:19
Speaker 1: Perhaps you have still one vater and one mutter. He says,
1:01:24
Speaker 1: so I have, mister mayor, my voter and mutter not
1:01:30
Speaker 1: seeing me eight year I goes on to him aunt
1:01:34
Speaker 1: say no, not if I am yet alive, or if
1:01:37
Speaker 1: my bones be reposing in the grave. O, mister sergeant,
1:01:41
Speaker 1: I have two tuckets which is in my shirt of flannel.
1:01:44
Speaker 1: Take them and let me loose. You will be my benefactor,
1:01:49
Speaker 1: and my mutter will be praying for you all her
1:01:52
Speaker 1: life to the almighty God. The sergeant emptied his glass
1:01:58
Speaker 1: of mateira and said, says, mister Mayor, I love and
1:02:03
Speaker 1: pity you very much, but you is one prisoner and
1:02:06
Speaker 1: I one soljiat. So I take his hunt, and says
1:02:11
Speaker 1: mister sergeant. And the sergeant says, you is one poor man,
1:02:17
Speaker 1: and I will not take your money, but I will
1:02:19
Speaker 1: help you. Then I go to sleep. Buy one pail
1:02:23
Speaker 1: of prante for desoldaten, and they will sleep. Me will
1:02:29
Speaker 1: not look after you. This was one good man. I
1:02:33
Speaker 1: put it the pail of prante, and then the soultatin
1:02:38
Speaker 1: was drunken. Me dressed in one old coat and gang
1:02:42
Speaker 1: in silence out of the doon. I go to the
1:02:45
Speaker 1: wall and will leaped down. But there is water below
1:02:49
Speaker 1: and I will not spoil my last dressing. So I
1:02:53
Speaker 1: go to the gate. The sentry go up and down
1:02:56
Speaker 1: with one gun, and look at me, who goes there?
1:03:01
Speaker 1: And I was silent? Who goes there? The second time?
1:03:05
Speaker 1: And I was silent? Who go there the third time?
1:03:08
Speaker 1: And I run away? I sprang in the water, climb
1:03:11
Speaker 1: up to the other side, and walk on the entire night.
1:03:16
Speaker 1: I run on the vey. But when daylight came, I
1:03:21
Speaker 1: was afraid that they would catch me, and I hit
1:03:24
Speaker 1: myself in the high corn. There I kneeled down, sank
1:03:29
Speaker 1: at the water in heaven for my safety, and fall
1:03:32
Speaker 1: asleep with a tranquil feeling. I wakened up in the
1:03:37
Speaker 1: evening and gang firstir At once one large German carriage
1:03:43
Speaker 1: with two raven black horse came alongside me. In the
1:03:46
Speaker 1: carriage sit one well dressed man smoking pipe, and look
1:03:50
Speaker 1: at me. I go slowly, so that the carriage shall
1:03:54
Speaker 1: have time to pass me. But I go slowly, and
1:03:57
Speaker 1: the carriage goes slowly, and the man look at me.
1:04:00
Speaker 1: I go quick, and the carriage go quick, and the
1:04:02
Speaker 1: man stop its two horses and look at me. Young
1:04:06
Speaker 1: man says he, where go you so late? I says,
1:04:11
Speaker 1: I go to Frankfort. Sit in the carriage. There is
1:04:14
Speaker 1: room enough and I will track you, he says, but
1:04:18
Speaker 1: why have you nosing about you? Your boots is dirty
1:04:21
Speaker 1: and your beard not shaven. I seated with him and says,
1:04:26
Speaker 1: I been one poor man and I would like to
1:04:29
Speaker 1: pussy myself with something in a manufactory. My dressing is
1:04:34
Speaker 1: dirty because I fell in zemadanzi rote. You tell me, untruce,
1:04:38
Speaker 1: young man, says he. The roat is quite dry. Now
1:04:43
Speaker 1: I was silent. Tell me the whole truth, goes Onzie
1:04:47
Speaker 1: good Man. Who you are and where you go to?
1:04:51
Speaker 1: I like your face and venue is one honest man,
1:04:54
Speaker 1: so I will help you. And I tell all. Good
1:04:59
Speaker 1: young man, he says, come to my manufactory of rope,
1:05:03
Speaker 1: and I will give you work and dress and money,
1:05:06
Speaker 1: and you can live with us. I says, goot. I
1:05:10
Speaker 1: go to the manufactory of rope, and say, good man
1:05:13
Speaker 1: says to his woman. Here is one young man who
1:05:17
Speaker 1: defended his batterland and run away from prisons. He has
1:05:21
Speaker 1: not house, nor tresses nor prete. He will live with us,
1:05:26
Speaker 1: Give him clean linen and nourish him. I lived one
1:05:31
Speaker 1: and a half year in the manufactory of rope, and
1:05:34
Speaker 1: my landlord loved me so much that he would not
1:05:37
Speaker 1: let me loose, and I felt very good. I was
1:05:41
Speaker 1: then handsome man, young of pig stature, with blue eyes
1:05:45
Speaker 1: and romish nose. And missus l I like not to
1:05:49
Speaker 1: say her name. She was a woman of my landlord,
1:05:53
Speaker 1: was young and handsome lady, and she fell in love
1:05:56
Speaker 1: with me. Here Karl Ivanitch made a law long pause,
1:06:01
Speaker 1: lowered his kindly blue eyes, shook his head quietly, and
1:06:04
Speaker 1: smiled as people always do under the influence of a
1:06:07
Speaker 1: pleasing recollection. Yes, he resumed as he leant back in
1:06:12
Speaker 1: his arm chair and adjusted his dressing gown. I have
1:06:16
Speaker 1: experienced many things in my life, but there is my
1:06:19
Speaker 1: witness here, he pointed to an image of the Savior
1:06:22
Speaker 1: embroidered on wool which was hanging over his bed. That
1:06:26
Speaker 1: nobody in the world can say that Karl Ivanitch has
1:06:30
Speaker 1: been one dishonest man. I would not repay black ingratitude
1:06:34
Speaker 1: for zigut, which mister l did me, and I resoluted
1:06:39
Speaker 1: to run away. So in the evening then all were asleep,
1:06:43
Speaker 1: I write it one letter to my landlord and laid
1:06:46
Speaker 1: it on the table in his room. Then I taked
1:06:49
Speaker 1: my tresses, tree taler of money, and go mysteriously into
1:06:54
Speaker 1: the street. Nobody have seen me, and I go on.
1:06:58
Speaker 1: Zi wrote chapter ten, conclusion of Karl's narrative. I had
1:07:07
Speaker 1: not seen my mamma for nine years, and I know
1:07:09
Speaker 1: not whether she lived or whether her bones had long
1:07:12
Speaker 1: since lain in the dark grave. Then I come to
1:07:15
Speaker 1: my own country and go to ze town. I ask
1:07:18
Speaker 1: where live Gustaf Mayer, who was farmer to the Count
1:07:22
Speaker 1: van Zomerblatt. Ansey answer me, Graf Sohmerblatt is dead. Aunt
1:07:28
Speaker 1: Gustaf Mayer live now in the pig street and keep
1:07:32
Speaker 1: a public house. So I tress in my new waistcoat
1:07:36
Speaker 1: and one noble coat which the manufacturist presented me, arranged
1:07:41
Speaker 1: my hairs nice, and go to the public house of
1:07:44
Speaker 1: my papa. Sister Merrison was sitting on a pench, and
1:07:48
Speaker 1: she asked me what I want. I says, might I
1:07:51
Speaker 1: drink one glass of branty? And she says, batter, here
1:07:56
Speaker 1: is a young man who wished to drink one glass
1:07:58
Speaker 1: of Branti, and Papa says, give him the glass. I
1:08:04
Speaker 1: set to the table, drink my glass at branty, smoke
1:08:07
Speaker 1: my pipe and look at Papa, Marishan and Johann, who
1:08:11
Speaker 1: also come into the shop. In the conversation, Papa says,
1:08:16
Speaker 1: you know, perhaps, young man, where stants our army, And
1:08:20
Speaker 1: I say, I myself am come from the army, and
1:08:23
Speaker 1: it stands now at ruienn our son says, Papa is
1:08:28
Speaker 1: a soldat. And now is it nine years since he wrote?
1:08:31
Speaker 1: Never one word, and we know not whether he is
1:08:34
Speaker 1: alive or dead. My woman cry continually for him. I
1:08:39
Speaker 1: still fumigate the pipe and say, what was your son's name?
1:08:44
Speaker 1: And horse served tea? Perhaps I may know him. His
1:08:48
Speaker 1: name was Karl Mayer, and he served in the Austrian Jaggers.
1:08:54
Speaker 1: He wore a pig stature and a handsome man like yourself,
1:08:57
Speaker 1: puts in Marishan. I say, I know your Karl, Amalia
1:09:02
Speaker 1: exclaimed Mavater. Come here, here is young man which knows
1:09:06
Speaker 1: our Karl, And my dear mutter comes out from a
1:09:09
Speaker 1: back door. I knew her directly. You know our Karl,
1:09:14
Speaker 1: says she, and looks at me and white all over trembles. Yes,
1:09:18
Speaker 1: I have seen him, I says, without the courage to
1:09:21
Speaker 1: look at her, for my heart did almost burst. My
1:09:25
Speaker 1: Karl is alive, she cried, Zin, thank God, very is
1:09:29
Speaker 1: he my Karl. I would die in peace if I
1:09:32
Speaker 1: could see him once more, my darling son. But God
1:09:35
Speaker 1: will not have it. So then she cried, and I
1:09:38
Speaker 1: could no longer stant it. Darling Mamma, I say, I
1:09:42
Speaker 1: am your son, I am your karl, and she fell
1:09:45
Speaker 1: into my arms. Karl Ivanitch covered his eyes and his
1:09:49
Speaker 1: lips were quivering. Mutter sakti ich ik bin er son
1:09:54
Speaker 1: ik bin ere karl UNSI stirtzty mere in the army.
1:09:59
Speaker 1: He RepA, recovering a little and wiping the tears from
1:10:02
Speaker 1: his eyes. But God did not wish me to finish
1:10:06
Speaker 1: my days in my own town. I were pursued by fate.
1:10:10
Speaker 1: I lived in my own town only three months. One sante.
1:10:15
Speaker 1: I sit in a coffee house and drink it one
1:10:17
Speaker 1: pint a pier, and fumigated my pipe, and speak it
1:10:21
Speaker 1: with some friends of politic, of the Emperor, Franz, of Napoleon,
1:10:26
Speaker 1: of the war, and anybody might say his opinion. But
1:10:30
Speaker 1: next to us sits a strange gentleman in a gray uberak,
1:10:34
Speaker 1: who drink coffee, fumigate the pipe and says nothing. When
1:10:39
Speaker 1: the night watchman shouted ten o'clock, I taked my hat,
1:10:43
Speaker 1: paid the money and go home. At the middle of
1:10:46
Speaker 1: the night, some one knock at the door. I rise
1:10:49
Speaker 1: and says, who is there? Open, says some one. I
1:10:53
Speaker 1: shout again. First, say who is there? And I will
1:10:56
Speaker 1: open open in the name of the law, say some
1:11:00
Speaker 1: one behind the door. I now do so. Two soldatin
1:11:04
Speaker 1: with guns stand at the door, and into the room
1:11:07
Speaker 1: steps the man in the gray uberak, who had sat
1:11:11
Speaker 1: with us in the coffee house he were spying. Come
1:11:15
Speaker 1: with me, says the spyan. Very good, I say. I
1:11:20
Speaker 1: dressed myself in boots, trousers and coat and go through
1:11:24
Speaker 1: the room. Then I come to the wall where my
1:11:26
Speaker 1: gun hangs. I take it and says you are a spy.
1:11:30
Speaker 1: In so defend you. I give one stroke left, one right,
1:11:34
Speaker 1: and one on the head. The spian lay precipitated on
1:11:37
Speaker 1: the floor. Then I taked my cloak, bag and money
1:11:41
Speaker 1: and jumped out of zivinto I went to Ems, where
1:11:45
Speaker 1: I was acquainted with one General Sassin, who loved me,
1:11:49
Speaker 1: gived me a passport from the embassy and take me
1:11:53
Speaker 1: to Rustland to learn his children. Then General Sasin tied
1:11:58
Speaker 1: your mamma called for me and says Karl Ivanitch, I
1:12:01
Speaker 1: give you my children, love them and I will never
1:12:05
Speaker 1: leave you and will take care of your old age.
1:12:08
Speaker 1: Now she is dead and all is forgotten for my
1:12:12
Speaker 1: twenty year full of service, I must now go into
1:12:14
Speaker 1: this street and seek for a try crust of bread
1:12:18
Speaker 1: for my old age. God sees all this and knows
1:12:22
Speaker 1: all this. His holy will be done. Only only I
1:12:27
Speaker 1: yearn for you, my children, and Karl drew me to
1:12:30
Speaker 1: him and kissed me on the forehead. Chapter eleven one
1:12:36
Speaker 1: mark only the year of morning over. Grandmamma recovered a
1:12:41
Speaker 1: little from her grief and once more took to receiving
1:12:43
Speaker 1: occasional guests, especially children of the same age as ourselves.
1:12:48
Speaker 1: On the thirteenth of December Lubotshka's birthday, the Princess Kornikov
1:12:53
Speaker 1: and her daughters with Madame Valakin, Stonetchka, Ilinka, grap and
1:13:00
Speaker 1: the two younger twins arrived at our house before luncheon.
1:13:04
Speaker 1: Though we could hear the sounds of talking, laughter and
1:13:06
Speaker 1: movements going on in the drawing room, we could not
1:13:09
Speaker 1: join the party until our morning lessons were finished. The
1:13:12
Speaker 1: table of studies in the schoolroom, said Lundi de diu
1:13:17
Speaker 1: artois maitre d'estoir e de geography, and this infernal maitre
1:13:24
Speaker 1: d'estoir we must await, listen to, and see the back
1:13:28
Speaker 1: of before we could gain our liberty. Already it was
1:13:31
Speaker 1: twenty minutes past two, and nothing was to be heard
1:13:34
Speaker 1: of the tutor, nor yet anything to be seen of
1:13:36
Speaker 1: him in the street, although I kept looking up and
1:13:39
Speaker 1: down it with the greatest impatience and with an emphatic
1:13:42
Speaker 1: longing never to see the matre again. I believe he
1:13:46
Speaker 1: is not coming to day, said Wiloda, looking up for
1:13:48
Speaker 1: a moment from his lesson book. I hope he has
1:13:51
Speaker 1: not pleased the Lord, I answered, but in a despondent tone.
1:13:55
Speaker 1: Yet there he does come, I believe all the same,
1:13:58
Speaker 1: not he, Why that is a gentleman, said Woloda, likewise,
1:14:02
Speaker 1: looking out of the window. Let us wait till half
1:14:05
Speaker 1: past two, and then ask Saint Jerome if we may
1:14:07
Speaker 1: put away our books. Yes, and wish them au revoir,
1:14:12
Speaker 1: I added, stretching my arms with the book clasped in
1:14:14
Speaker 1: my hands over my head. Having hitherto idled away my time,
1:14:18
Speaker 1: I now opened the book at the place where the
1:14:20
Speaker 1: lesson was to begin, and started to learn it. It
1:14:23
Speaker 1: was long and difficult, and moreover I was in the
1:14:25
Speaker 1: mood when one's thoughts refused to be arrested by anything
1:14:28
Speaker 1: at all. Consequently, I made no progress after our last
1:14:33
Speaker 1: lesson in history, which always seemed to me a peculiarly
1:14:36
Speaker 1: arduous and wearisome subject. The history master had complained to
1:14:41
Speaker 1: Saint Jerome of me because only two good marks stood
1:14:44
Speaker 1: to my credit in the register, a very small total.
1:14:47
Speaker 1: Saint Jerome had then told me that if I failed
1:14:50
Speaker 1: to gain less than three marks at the next lesson,
1:14:53
Speaker 1: I should be severely punished. The next lesson was now imminent,
1:14:57
Speaker 1: and I confess that I felt a little nervous. So absorbed, however,
1:15:01
Speaker 1: did I become in my reading that the sound of
1:15:04
Speaker 1: galoshes being taken off in the ante room came upon
1:15:07
Speaker 1: me almost as a shock. I had just time to
1:15:10
Speaker 1: look up when there appeared in the doorway the servile
1:15:13
Speaker 1: and to me very disgusting face and form of the Master,
1:15:17
Speaker 1: clad in a blue frock coat with brass buttons. Slowly
1:15:21
Speaker 1: he set down his hat and books, and adjusted the
1:15:23
Speaker 1: folds of his coat, as though such a thing were necessary,
1:15:27
Speaker 1: and seated himself in his place. Well, gentlemen, he said,
1:15:31
Speaker 1: rubbing his hands. Let us first of all, repeat the
1:15:34
Speaker 1: general contents of the last lesson, after which I will
1:15:37
Speaker 1: proceed to narrate the succeeding events of the Middle Ages.
1:15:41
Speaker 1: This meant, say, over the last lesson, while Woloda was
1:15:45
Speaker 1: answering the master with the entire ease and confidence which
1:15:48
Speaker 1: come of knowing a subject well, I went aimlessly out
1:15:51
Speaker 1: on to the landing. And since I was not allowed
1:15:53
Speaker 1: to go downstairs, what more natural than that I should
1:15:56
Speaker 1: involuntarily turn towards the alcove on the landing. Yet before
1:16:01
Speaker 1: I had time to establish myself in my usual coign
1:16:04
Speaker 1: of vantage behind the door, I found myself pounced upon
1:16:08
Speaker 1: by Mimi, always the cause of my misfortunes. You here,
1:16:12
Speaker 1: she said, looking severely, first at myself, and then at
1:16:16
Speaker 1: the maid servant's door, and then at myself again. I
1:16:19
Speaker 1: felt thoroughly guilty, firstly because I was not in the
1:16:22
Speaker 1: school room, and secondly because I was in a forbidden place.
1:16:26
Speaker 1: So I remained silent, and, dropping my head, assumed a
1:16:29
Speaker 1: touching expression of contrition. Indeed, this is too bad, Mimi
1:16:34
Speaker 1: went on, What are you doing here? Still? I said nothing. Well,
1:16:39
Speaker 1: it shall not rest where it is, she added, tapping
1:16:41
Speaker 1: the banister with her yellow fingers. I shall inform the Countess.
1:16:46
Speaker 1: It was five minutes to three when I re entered
1:16:48
Speaker 1: the schoolroom. The master, as though oblivious of my presence
1:16:51
Speaker 1: or absence, was explaining the new lesson to Wiloda. When
1:16:55
Speaker 1: he had finished doing this and had put his books together,
1:16:58
Speaker 1: while Woloda went into the other room to fetch his ticket,
1:17:01
Speaker 1: the comforting idea occurred to me that perhaps the whole
1:17:04
Speaker 1: thing was over now, and that the master had forgotten me.
1:17:07
Speaker 1: But suddenly he turned in my direction with a malicious
1:17:10
Speaker 1: smile and said, as he rubbed his hands, anew, I
1:17:13
Speaker 1: hope you have learnt your lesson? Yes, I replied, Would
1:17:19
Speaker 1: you be so kind then as to tell me something
1:17:21
Speaker 1: about Saint Louis's crusade? He went on, balancing himself on
1:17:25
Speaker 1: his chair and looking gravely at his feet. Firstly, tell
1:17:29
Speaker 1: me something about the reasons which induced the French king
1:17:32
Speaker 1: to assume the cross. Here he raised his eyebrows and
1:17:35
Speaker 1: pointed to the inkstand. Then explain to me the general
1:17:39
Speaker 1: characteristics of the crusade. Here he made a sweeping gesture
1:17:42
Speaker 1: with his hand, as though to seize hold of something
1:17:45
Speaker 1: with it, And lastly expound to me the influence of
1:17:49
Speaker 1: this crusade upon the European states in general, drawing the
1:17:53
Speaker 1: copy books to the left side of the table, and
1:17:56
Speaker 1: upon the French state in particular, drawing one of them
1:17:59
Speaker 1: to the right, and inclining his head in the same direction.
1:18:03
Speaker 1: I swallowed a few times, coughed, bent forward, and was silent. Then,
1:18:08
Speaker 1: taking a pen from the table, I began to pick
1:18:10
Speaker 1: it to pieces, yet still said nothing. Allow me the pen,
1:18:15
Speaker 1: I shall want it, said the Master. Well, Louis, the
1:18:20
Speaker 1: er Saint was, was a very good and wise king.
1:18:25
Speaker 1: What king? He took it into his head to go
1:18:29
Speaker 1: to Jerusalem and hand it over the reins of government
1:18:32
Speaker 1: to his mother? What was her name? But but but Lanka?
1:18:37
Speaker 1: What Belanka? I laughed, in a rather forced smile. Well
1:18:43
Speaker 1: is that all you know? He asked, again, smiling. I
1:18:46
Speaker 1: had nothing to lose now, so I began chattering the
1:18:48
Speaker 1: first thing that came into my head. The Master remained
1:18:51
Speaker 1: silent as he gathered together the remains of the pen
1:18:54
Speaker 1: which I had left strewn about the table, looked gravely
1:18:57
Speaker 1: past my ear at the wall, and repeated for time
1:19:00
Speaker 1: to time, very well, very well. Though I was conscious
1:19:04
Speaker 1: that I knew nothing whatever, and was expressing myself all wrong.
1:19:07
Speaker 1: I felt much hurt at the fact that he never
1:19:10
Speaker 1: either corrected or interrupted me. What made him think of
1:19:14
Speaker 1: going to Jerusalem? He asked, at last, repeating some words
1:19:17
Speaker 1: of my own, because because that is to say, My
1:19:23
Speaker 1: confusion was complete, and I relapsed into silence. I felt
1:19:27
Speaker 1: that even if this disgusting history master were to go
1:19:30
Speaker 1: on putting questions to me and gazing inquiringly into my
1:19:34
Speaker 1: face for a year, I should never be able to
1:19:36
Speaker 1: enunciate another syllable. After staring at me for some three minutes,
1:19:40
Speaker 1: he suddenly assumed a mournful cast of countenance and said,
1:19:44
Speaker 1: in an agitated voice to Woloda, who was just re
1:19:48
Speaker 1: entering the room, allow me the register. I will write
1:19:51
Speaker 1: my remarks. He opened the book thoughtfully, and in his
1:19:55
Speaker 1: fine calligraphy, marked five for Woloda for diligence and the
1:20:00
Speaker 1: aim for good behavior. Then, resting his pen on the
1:20:03
Speaker 1: line where my report was to go, he looked at
1:20:06
Speaker 1: me and reflected. Suddenly his hand made a decisive movement,
1:20:09
Speaker 1: and behold against my name stood a clearly marked one
1:20:13
Speaker 1: with a full stop after it. Another movement, and in
1:20:16
Speaker 1: the behavior column there stood another one and another full stop,
1:20:21
Speaker 1: quietly closing the book. The Master then rose and moved
1:20:24
Speaker 1: towards the door, as though unconscious of my look of entreaty,
1:20:27
Speaker 1: despair and reproach. Michael levyanitch I said no, He replied,
1:20:35
Speaker 1: as though knowing beforehand what I was about to say.
1:20:38
Speaker 1: It is impossible for you to learn in that way.
1:20:41
Speaker 1: I am not going to earn my money for nothing.
1:20:44
Speaker 1: He put on his goloshes and cloak, and then slowly
1:20:47
Speaker 1: tied a scarf about his neck. To think that he
1:20:49
Speaker 1: could care about such trifles after what had just happened
1:20:52
Speaker 1: to me. To him, it was all a mere stroke
1:20:55
Speaker 1: of the pen, But to me it meant the direst
1:20:57
Speaker 1: misfortune is the lesson over, asked Saint Jerome, entering yes,
1:21:04
Speaker 1: And was the Master pleased with you? Yes? How many
1:21:07
Speaker 1: marks did he give you? Five? And to Nicholas I
1:21:12
Speaker 1: was silent, I think four, said Wiloda. His idea was
1:21:15
Speaker 1: to save me for at least to day. If punishment
1:21:18
Speaker 1: there must be, it need not be awarded while we
1:21:20
Speaker 1: had guests. Boyon, monsieur. Saint Jerome was forever saying, boyon
1:21:27
Speaker 1: fet votre toilette. A descendant chapter twelve the key. We
1:21:34
Speaker 1: had hardly descended and greeted our guests. When luncheon was announced,
1:21:38
Speaker 1: Papa was in the highest of spirits, since for some
1:21:41
Speaker 1: time past he had been winning. He had presented Lubotchka
1:21:44
Speaker 1: with a silver tea service, and suddenly remembered after luncheon
1:21:47
Speaker 1: that he had forgotten a box of bonbons, which he
1:21:50
Speaker 1: was to have too. Why send a servant for it?
1:21:53
Speaker 1: You had better go Kco, he said to me jestingly.
1:21:57
Speaker 1: The keys are in the tray on the table, you know.
1:22:00
Speaker 1: Take them, and with the largest one opened the second
1:22:02
Speaker 1: drawer on the right. There you will find the box
1:22:05
Speaker 1: of bonbons. Bring it here. Shall I get you some
1:22:08
Speaker 1: cigars as well? I said, knowing that he always smoked.
1:22:10
Speaker 1: After luncheon, Yes, do, but don't touch anything else. I
1:22:15
Speaker 1: found the keys and was about to carry out my
1:22:17
Speaker 1: orders when I was seized with a desire to know
1:22:20
Speaker 1: what the smallest of the keys on the bunch belonged to.
1:22:24
Speaker 1: On the table, I saw, among many other things, a
1:22:27
Speaker 1: padlocked portfolio, and at once felt curious to see if
1:22:30
Speaker 1: that was what the key fitted. My experiment was crowned
1:22:34
Speaker 1: with success. The portfolio opened and disclosed a number of papers.
1:22:38
Speaker 1: Curiosity so strongly urged me also to ascertain what those
1:22:42
Speaker 1: papers contained, that the voice of conscience was stilled, and
1:22:46
Speaker 1: I began to read their contents. My childish feeling of
1:22:50
Speaker 1: unlimited respect for my elders, especially for Papa, was so
1:22:53
Speaker 1: strong within me that my intellect involuntarily refused to draw
1:22:58
Speaker 1: any conclusions from what I had seen. I felt that
1:23:00
Speaker 1: Papa was living in a sphere completely apart from, incomprehensible
1:23:05
Speaker 1: by and unattainable for me, as well as one that
1:23:08
Speaker 1: was in every way excellent, and that any attempt on
1:23:11
Speaker 1: my part to criticize the secrets of his life would
1:23:14
Speaker 1: constitute something like sacrilege. For this reason, the discovery which
1:23:19
Speaker 1: I made from Papa's portfolio left no clear impression upon
1:23:23
Speaker 1: my mind, but only a dim consciousness that I had
1:23:26
Speaker 1: done wrong. I felt ashamed and confused. The feeling made
1:23:30
Speaker 1: me eager to shut the portfolio again as quickly as possible,
1:23:33
Speaker 1: But it seemed as though on this unlucky day I
1:23:35
Speaker 1: was destined to experience every possible kind of adversity. I
1:23:39
Speaker 1: put the key back into the padlock and turned it round,
1:23:42
Speaker 1: but not in the right direction, thinking that the portfolio
1:23:45
Speaker 1: was now locked. I pulled at the key, and oh horror,
1:23:48
Speaker 1: found my hand come away with only the top half
1:23:51
Speaker 1: of the key in it. In vain did I try
1:23:53
Speaker 1: to put the two halves together and to extract the
1:23:55
Speaker 1: portion that was sticking in the padlock. At last, I
1:23:58
Speaker 1: had to resign myself to the dreadful thought that I
1:24:01
Speaker 1: had committed a new crime, one which would be discovered
1:24:04
Speaker 1: to day, as soon as ever Papa returned to his study.
1:24:07
Speaker 1: First of all Mimi's accusation on the staircase, and then
1:24:11
Speaker 1: that one mark, and then this key. Nothing worse could
1:24:15
Speaker 1: happen now this very evening I should be assailed successively
1:24:18
Speaker 1: by Grandmamma because of Mimi's denunciation, by Saint Jerome because
1:24:23
Speaker 1: of the solitary mark, and by Papa because of the
1:24:26
Speaker 1: matter of this key. Yes, all in one evening. What
1:24:31
Speaker 1: on earth is to become of me? What have I done?
1:24:33
Speaker 1: I exclaimed, as I paced the soft carpet. Well, I
1:24:37
Speaker 1: went on with sudden determination. What must come must that's all,
1:24:41
Speaker 1: And taking up the bonbonds and the cigars, I ran
1:24:44
Speaker 1: back to the other part of the house. The fatalistic
1:24:46
Speaker 1: formula with which I had concluded and which was one
1:24:49
Speaker 1: that I often heard Nicola utter during my childhood, always
1:24:52
Speaker 1: produced in me at the more difficult crises of my life,
1:24:55
Speaker 1: a momentarily soothing, beneficial effect. Consequently, when I re entered
1:25:00
Speaker 1: the drawing room, I was in a rather excited, unnatural mood,
1:25:04
Speaker 1: yet one that was perfectly cheerful. End of Section three,
1:25:10
Speaker 1: Chapter thirteen, The Traitress. After luncheon, we began to play
1:25:15
Speaker 1: at round games, in which I took a lively part.
1:25:18
Speaker 1: While indulging in cat and mouse, I happened to canon
1:25:22
Speaker 1: rather awkwardly against Kernikov's governess, who was playing with us,
1:25:26
Speaker 1: and stepping on her dress tore a large hole in it.
1:25:30
Speaker 1: Seeing that the girls, particularly Sonechka, were anything but displeased
1:25:34
Speaker 1: at the spectacle of the governess angrily departing to the
1:25:37
Speaker 1: maidservant's room to have her dress mended, I resolved to
1:25:41
Speaker 1: procure them the satisfaction of a second time. Accordingly, in
1:25:45
Speaker 1: pursuance of this amiable resolution, I waited until my victim returned,
1:25:50
Speaker 1: and then began to gallop madly round her until a
1:25:53
Speaker 1: favorable moment occurred, for once more, planting my heel upon
1:25:56
Speaker 1: her dress and reopening the rent, Senechka and the young
1:26:00
Speaker 1: princesses had much ado to restrain their laughter, which excited
1:26:04
Speaker 1: my conceit the more. But Saint Jerome, who had probably
1:26:07
Speaker 1: divined my tricks, came up to me with the frown
1:26:10
Speaker 1: which I could never abide in him, and said that
1:26:13
Speaker 1: since I seemed disposed to mischief, he would have to
1:26:16
Speaker 1: send me away if I did not moderate my behavior. However,
1:26:20
Speaker 1: I was in the desperate position of a person who,
1:26:22
Speaker 1: having staked more than he has in his pocket, and
1:26:25
Speaker 1: feeling that he can never make up his account, continues
1:26:28
Speaker 1: to plunge on unlucky cards, not because he hopes to
1:26:31
Speaker 1: regain his losses, but because it will not do for
1:26:34
Speaker 1: him to stop and consider. So I merely laughed in
1:26:38
Speaker 1: an impudent fashion and flung away from my monitor. After
1:26:42
Speaker 1: cat and Mouse, another game followed, in which the gentlemen
1:26:45
Speaker 1: sit on one row of chairs and the ladies on another,
1:26:49
Speaker 1: and choose each other for partners. The youngest princess always
1:26:53
Speaker 1: chose the younger iwin Katenka either Willoda or Ilinka, and
1:26:58
Speaker 1: Senechka Siriyosha. Nor to my extreme astonishment, did Sonechka seem
1:27:03
Speaker 1: at all embarrassed when her cavalier went and sat down
1:27:07
Speaker 1: beside her. On the contrary, she only laughed her sweet
1:27:11
Speaker 1: musical laugh and made a sign with her head that
1:27:13
Speaker 1: he had chosen right. Since nobody chose me, I always
1:27:17
Speaker 1: had the mortification of finding myself left over, and of
1:27:20
Speaker 1: hearing them say who has been left out? Oh, Nikolinka,
1:27:24
Speaker 1: well do take him somebody. Consequently, whenever it came to
1:27:29
Speaker 1: my turn to guess who had chosen me, I had
1:27:31
Speaker 1: to go either to my sister or to one of
1:27:33
Speaker 1: the ugly elder princesses. Snatchka seemed so absorbed in Seraosha
1:27:39
Speaker 1: that in her eyes I clearly existed no longer. I
1:27:42
Speaker 1: do not quite know why I called her the traitress
1:27:44
Speaker 1: in my thoughts, since she had never promised to choose
1:27:47
Speaker 1: me instead of Seraosha. But for all that I felt
1:27:51
Speaker 1: convinced that she was treating me in a very abominable fashion.
1:27:55
Speaker 1: After the game was finished, I actually saw the traitress,
1:27:59
Speaker 1: from whom I never thought less could not withdraw my eyes,
1:28:02
Speaker 1: go with Seraosha and Kateenka into a corner and engage
1:28:05
Speaker 1: in secret confabulation, stealing softly round the piano which masked
1:28:11
Speaker 1: the conclave. I beheld the following Kateenka was holding up
1:28:15
Speaker 1: a pocket handkerchief by two of its corners so as
1:28:18
Speaker 1: to form a screen for the heads of her two companions. No,
1:28:22
Speaker 1: you have lost. You must pay the forfeit, cried Siriosha
1:28:25
Speaker 1: at that moment, and Sonechka, who was standing in front
1:28:29
Speaker 1: of him, blushed like a criminal as she replied, No,
1:28:32
Speaker 1: I have not lost, have I, Mademoiselle Catherine Well, I
1:28:36
Speaker 1: must speak the truth, answered Kateenka, and say that you
1:28:40
Speaker 1: have lost, my dear Scarcely had she spoken the words
1:28:43
Speaker 1: when Seraosha embraced Senechka and kissed her right on her
1:28:47
Speaker 1: rosy lips, and Sonuchka smiled as though it were nothing
1:28:52
Speaker 1: but merely something very pleasant. Horrors The Artful Traitress, Chapter fourteen,
1:29:01
Speaker 1: The Retribution. Instantly I began to feel a strong contempt
1:29:06
Speaker 1: for the female sex in general, and Senechka in particular.
1:29:10
Speaker 1: I began to think that it was nothing at all
1:29:12
Speaker 1: amusing in these games, that they were only fit for girls,
1:29:15
Speaker 1: and felt as though I should like to make a
1:29:17
Speaker 1: great noise, or to do something of such extraordinary boldness
1:29:21
Speaker 1: that every one would be forced to admire it. The
1:29:25
Speaker 1: opportunity soon arrived. Saint Jerome said something to Mimi and
1:29:29
Speaker 1: then left the room. I could hear his footsteps ascending
1:29:32
Speaker 1: the staircase and then passing across the school room, and
1:29:35
Speaker 1: the idea occurred to me that Mimi must have told
1:29:38
Speaker 1: him her story about my being found on the landing,
1:29:41
Speaker 1: and thereupon he had gone to look at the register.
1:29:44
Speaker 1: In those days, it must be remembered, I believed that
1:29:47
Speaker 1: Saint Jerome's whole aim in life was to annoy me. Somewhere,
1:29:51
Speaker 1: I have read that not infrequently children of from twelve
1:29:54
Speaker 1: to fourteen years of age, that is to say, children
1:29:58
Speaker 1: just passing from childhood to adolescence, are addicted to incendiarism
1:30:03
Speaker 1: or even to murder. As I look back on my childhood,
1:30:07
Speaker 1: and particularly upon the mood in which I was on
1:30:10
Speaker 1: that particular for myself most unlucky day, I can quite
1:30:14
Speaker 1: understand the possibility of such terrible crimes being committed by
1:30:18
Speaker 1: children without any real aim in view, without any wish
1:30:21
Speaker 1: to do wrong, but merely out of curiosity or under
1:30:24
Speaker 1: the influence of an unconscious necessity for action. There are
1:30:29
Speaker 1: moments when the human being sees the future in such
1:30:32
Speaker 1: lurid colors that he shrinks from fixing his mental eye
1:30:35
Speaker 1: upon it, puts a check upon all his intellectual activity,
1:30:39
Speaker 1: and tries to feel convinced that the future will never
1:30:42
Speaker 1: be and that the past has never been. At such moments,
1:30:46
Speaker 1: moments when thought does not shrink from manifestations of will,
1:30:50
Speaker 1: and the carnal instincts alone constitute the springs of life.
1:30:54
Speaker 1: I can understand that want of experience, which is a
1:30:57
Speaker 1: particularly predisposing factor in this case, might very possibly lead
1:31:02
Speaker 1: a child eye without fear or hesitation, but rather with
1:31:05
Speaker 1: a smile of curiosity on its face, to set fire
1:31:09
Speaker 1: to the house in which its parents and brothers and sisters,
1:31:12
Speaker 1: being whom it tenderly loves, are lying asleep. It would
1:31:15
Speaker 1: be under the same influence of momentary absence of thought,
1:31:18
Speaker 1: almost absence of mind, that a peasant boy of seventeen
1:31:22
Speaker 1: might catch sight of the edge of a newly sharpened
1:31:24
Speaker 1: axe reposing near the bench on which his aged father
1:31:28
Speaker 1: was lying asleep, face downwards, and suddenly raised the implement
1:31:32
Speaker 1: in order to observe with unconscious curiosity, how the blood
1:31:36
Speaker 1: would come spurting out upon the floor. If he made
1:31:38
Speaker 1: a wound in the sleeper's neck. It is under the
1:31:41
Speaker 1: same influence, the same absence of thought, the same instinctive
1:31:45
Speaker 1: curiosity that a man finds delight in standing on the
1:31:49
Speaker 1: brink of an abyss and thinking to himself, how if
1:31:52
Speaker 1: I were to throw myself down, or in holding to
1:31:55
Speaker 1: his brow a loaded pistol and wondering what if I
1:31:57
Speaker 1: were to pull the trigger, feeling when he catches sight
1:32:01
Speaker 1: of some universally respected personage, that he would like to
1:32:04
Speaker 1: go up to him, pull his nose hard and say,
1:32:07
Speaker 1: how do you do, old boy? Under the spell. Then
1:32:11
Speaker 1: of this instinctive agitation and lack of reflection, I was
1:32:14
Speaker 1: moved to put out my tongue and to say that
1:32:16
Speaker 1: I would not move when Saint Jerome came down and
1:32:19
Speaker 1: told me that I had behaved so badly that day,
1:32:22
Speaker 1: as well as done my lessons so ill that I
1:32:25
Speaker 1: had no right to be where I was and must
1:32:26
Speaker 1: go upstairs directly. At first, from astonishment and anger, he
1:32:31
Speaker 1: could not utter a word. Sepiene, he exclaimed eventually, as
1:32:36
Speaker 1: he darted towards me. Several times have I promised to
1:32:40
Speaker 1: punish you, and you have been saved from it by
1:32:42
Speaker 1: your grandmamma. But now I see that nothing but the
1:32:45
Speaker 1: cane will teach you obedience, and you shall therefore taste it.
1:32:51
Speaker 1: This was said loud enough for everyone to hear. The
1:32:54
Speaker 1: blood rushed to my heart with such vehemence that I
1:32:56
Speaker 1: could feel that organ beating violently, could feel the color
1:33:00
Speaker 1: rising to my cheeks and my lips trembling. Probably I
1:33:04
Speaker 1: looked horrible at that moment, for avoiding my eye, Saint
1:33:07
Speaker 1: Jerome stepped forward and caught me by the hand. Hardly
1:33:11
Speaker 1: feeling his touch, I pulled away my hand in blind fury,
1:33:15
Speaker 1: and with all my childish might struck him. What are
1:33:19
Speaker 1: you doing, said Wiloda, who had seen my behavior and
1:33:22
Speaker 1: now approached me in alarm at astonishment, Let me alone,
1:33:27
Speaker 1: I exclaimed, the tears flowing fast. Not a single one
1:33:30
Speaker 1: of you loves me or understands how miserable I am.
1:33:34
Speaker 1: You are, all of you odious and disgusting, I added, bluntly,
1:33:38
Speaker 1: turning to the company at large. At this moment, Saint Jerome,
1:33:42
Speaker 1: his face pale but determined, approached me again, and, with
1:33:47
Speaker 1: a movement too quick to admit of any defense, seized
1:33:50
Speaker 1: my hands as with a pair of tongs and dragged
1:33:52
Speaker 1: me away. My head swam with excitement, and I can
1:33:56
Speaker 1: only remember that, so long as I had strength to
1:33:58
Speaker 1: do it, I fought with head and lefts that my
1:34:01
Speaker 1: nose several times collided with a pair of knees, that
1:34:04
Speaker 1: my teeth tore some one's coat, that all around me
1:34:07
Speaker 1: I could hear the shuffling of feet, and that I
1:34:10
Speaker 1: could smell dust and the scent of violets with which
1:34:12
Speaker 1: Saint Jerome used to perfume himself. Five minutes later, the
1:34:18
Speaker 1: door of the storeroom closed behind me. Basil said, a
1:34:22
Speaker 1: triumphant but detestable voice, Bring me the cane, Chapter fifteen Dreams.
1:34:32
Speaker 1: Could I, at that moment have supposed that I should
1:34:35
Speaker 1: ever live to survive the misfortunes of that day, or
1:34:37
Speaker 1: that there would ever come a time when I should
1:34:39
Speaker 1: be able to look back upon those misfortunes Composedly, As
1:34:44
Speaker 1: I sat there thinking over what I had done, I
1:34:46
Speaker 1: could not imagine what the matter had been with me.
1:34:49
Speaker 1: I only felt with despair that I was forever lost.
1:34:53
Speaker 1: At first, the most profound stillness reigned around me, at
1:34:58
Speaker 1: least so it appeared to me as compared with the
1:35:00
Speaker 1: violent internal emotion which I had been experiencing. But by
1:35:04
Speaker 1: and by I began to distinguish various sounds. Basil brought
1:35:09
Speaker 1: something downstairs, which he laid upon a chest. Outside, it
1:35:12
Speaker 1: sounded like a broomstick. Below me, I could hear Saint
1:35:16
Speaker 1: Jerome's grumbling voice, probably he was speaking of me, And
1:35:20
Speaker 1: then children's voices, and laughter and footsteps, until in a
1:35:24
Speaker 1: few moments everything seemed to have regained its normal course
1:35:26
Speaker 1: in the house, as though nobody knew or cared to
1:35:30
Speaker 1: know that here I was sitting alone in the dark storeroom.
1:35:34
Speaker 1: I did not cry, but something lay heavy like a
1:35:37
Speaker 1: stone upon my heart. Ideas and pictures passed with extraordinary
1:35:42
Speaker 1: rapidity before my troubled imagination. Yet through their fantastic sequence,
1:35:48
Speaker 1: broke continually the remembrance of the misfortune which had befallen me.
1:35:52
Speaker 1: As I once again plunged into an interminable labyrinth of
1:35:56
Speaker 1: conjectures as to the punishment, the fate, and the despair
1:36:00
Speaker 1: that were awaiting me, the thought occurred to me that
1:36:03
Speaker 1: there must be some reason for the general dislike, even contempt,
1:36:08
Speaker 1: which I fancied to be felt for me by others.
1:36:12
Speaker 1: I was firmly convinced that everyone from Grandmamma down to
1:36:16
Speaker 1: the coachman. Philip despised me and found pleasure in my sufferings. Next,
1:36:22
Speaker 1: an idea struck me that perhaps I was not the
1:36:24
Speaker 1: son of my father and mother at all, nor will
1:36:27
Speaker 1: Loda's brother, but only some unfortunate orphan who had been
1:36:31
Speaker 1: adopted by them out of compassion. And this absurd notion
1:36:35
Speaker 1: not only afforded me a certain melancholy consolation, but seemed
1:36:39
Speaker 1: to me quite probable. I found it comforting to think
1:36:42
Speaker 1: that I was unhappy, not through my own fault, but
1:36:46
Speaker 1: because I was fated to be so from my birth,
1:36:49
Speaker 1: and conceived that my destiny was very much like poor
1:36:52
Speaker 1: Karl ivanitches Why conceal the secret any longer? Now that
1:36:57
Speaker 1: I have discovered it, I reflected to my Darrow. I
1:37:00
Speaker 1: will go to Papa and say to him it is
1:37:03
Speaker 1: in vain for you to try and conceal from me
1:37:05
Speaker 1: the mystery of my birth. I know it already, and
1:37:09
Speaker 1: he will answer me. What else could I do, My
1:37:11
Speaker 1: good fellow, Sooner or later you would have had to
1:37:13
Speaker 1: know that you are not my son, but were adopted
1:37:16
Speaker 1: as such. Nevertheless, so long as you remain worthy of
1:37:20
Speaker 1: my love, I will never cast you out. Then I
1:37:22
Speaker 1: shall say, Papa, though I have no right to call
1:37:25
Speaker 1: you by that name, and am now doing so for
1:37:28
Speaker 1: the last time, I have always loved you, and shall
1:37:31
Speaker 1: always retain that love. At the same time, while I
1:37:34
Speaker 1: can never forget that you have been my benefactor, I
1:37:37
Speaker 1: cannot remain longer in your house. Nobody here loves me,
1:37:41
Speaker 1: and Saint Jerome has wrought my ruin. Either he or
1:37:44
Speaker 1: I must go forth, since I cannot answer for myself.
1:37:48
Speaker 1: I hate the man so that I could do anything,
1:37:50
Speaker 1: I could even kill him. Papa will begin to entreat me,
1:37:55
Speaker 1: but I shall make a gesture and say no, No,
1:37:57
Speaker 1: my friend and benefactor, we cannot together let me go,
1:38:02
Speaker 1: And for the last time, I shall embrace him and
1:38:04
Speaker 1: say in French, O mompeerre o mont ben fetiur don
1:38:10
Speaker 1: nois pour la derniere foi tabenedixion eh calav volonte de
1:38:16
Speaker 1: dieux si fete. I sobbed bitterly at these thoughts as
1:38:21
Speaker 1: I sat on a trunk in that dark storeroom. Then, suddenly,
1:38:25
Speaker 1: recollecting the shameful punishment which was awaiting me, I would
1:38:28
Speaker 1: find myself back again in actuality, and the dreams had
1:38:32
Speaker 1: fled soon again, I began to fancy myself far away
1:38:35
Speaker 1: from the house and alone in the world. I enter
1:38:39
Speaker 1: a Hussar regiment and go to war. Surrounded by the
1:38:42
Speaker 1: foe on every side. I waved my sword and kill
1:38:45
Speaker 1: one of them, and wound another, then a third, then
1:38:47
Speaker 1: a fourth. At last, exhausted with loss of blood and fatigue,
1:38:52
Speaker 1: I fall to the ground and cry victory. The general
1:38:56
Speaker 1: comes to look for me, asking where is our savior,
1:38:59
Speaker 1: where I am pointed out to him. He embraces me,
1:39:02
Speaker 1: and in his turn, exclaimed with tears of joy victory.
1:39:07
Speaker 1: I recover, and, with my arm in a black sling,
1:39:10
Speaker 1: go to walk on the boulevards. I am a general.
1:39:13
Speaker 1: Now I meet the Emperor, who asks who is this
1:39:16
Speaker 1: young man who has been wounded. He is told that
1:39:19
Speaker 1: it is the famous hero Nicholas, whereupon he approaches me
1:39:22
Speaker 1: and says, my thanks to you. Whatsoever you may ask for,
1:39:26
Speaker 1: I will grant it to this. I bow respectfully, and
1:39:30
Speaker 1: leaning on my sword, reply, I am happy, most August Emperor,
1:39:35
Speaker 1: that I have been able to shed my blood for
1:39:37
Speaker 1: my country. I would gladly have died for it. Yet,
1:39:40
Speaker 1: since you are so generous as to grant any wish
1:39:43
Speaker 1: of mine. I venture to ask of you permission to
1:39:46
Speaker 1: annihilate my enemy, the foreigner, Saint Jerome. And then I
1:39:50
Speaker 1: step fiercely before Saint Jerome and say you were the
1:39:53
Speaker 1: cause of all my fortunes. Down now on your knees. Unfortunately,
1:39:59
Speaker 1: this recalled to me my mind the fact that at
1:40:01
Speaker 1: any moment the real Saint Jerome might be entering with
1:40:04
Speaker 1: the cane, so that once more I saw myself not
1:40:08
Speaker 1: a general in the savior of my country, but an unhappy,
1:40:11
Speaker 1: pitiful creature. Then the idea of God occurred to me,
1:40:15
Speaker 1: and I asked him boldly why he had punished me, thus,
1:40:18
Speaker 1: seeing that I had never forgotten to say my prayers,
1:40:21
Speaker 1: either morning or evening. Indeed, I can positively declare that
1:40:26
Speaker 1: it was during that hour in the store room that
1:40:28
Speaker 1: I took the first step towards the religious doubt which
1:40:31
Speaker 1: afterwards assailed me during my youth. Not that mere misfortune
1:40:35
Speaker 1: could arouse me to infidelity and murmuring, but that at
1:40:39
Speaker 1: moments of utter contrition and solitude, the idea of the
1:40:42
Speaker 1: injustice of providence took root in me as readily as
1:40:46
Speaker 1: bad seed takes root in land well soaked with rain. Also,
1:40:51
Speaker 1: I imagined that I was going to die there and then,
1:40:54
Speaker 1: and drew vivid pictures of Saint Jerome's astonishment when he
1:40:58
Speaker 1: entered the storeroom and found a corpse instead of myself. Likewise,
1:41:03
Speaker 1: recollecting what Natalia Savishna had told me of the forty
1:41:07
Speaker 1: days during which the souls of the departed must hover
1:41:10
Speaker 1: around their earthly home, I imagined myself flying through the
1:41:14
Speaker 1: rooms of Grandmamma's house and seeing Lubotchka's bitter tears, and
1:41:19
Speaker 1: hearing Grandmamma's lamentations, and listening to Papa and Saint Jerome
1:41:24
Speaker 1: talking together. He was a fine boy, Papa would say,
1:41:28
Speaker 1: with tears in his eyes. Yes, Saint Jerome would reply,
1:41:33
Speaker 1: but a sad scapegrace and good for nothing. But you
1:41:36
Speaker 1: should respect the dead, would expostulate, Papa. You were the
1:41:40
Speaker 1: cause of his death. You frightened him until he could
1:41:43
Speaker 1: no longer bear the thought of humiliation which you were
1:41:46
Speaker 1: about to inflict upon him. Away from me. Criminal upon
1:41:51
Speaker 1: that Saint Jerome would fall upon his knees and implore forgiveness.
1:41:55
Speaker 1: And when the forty days were ended, my soul would
1:41:57
Speaker 1: fly to heaven and see there something wonderfully beautiful, white
1:42:02
Speaker 1: and transparent, and know that it was mamma, and that
1:42:06
Speaker 1: something would embrace me and caress me. Yet all at
1:42:09
Speaker 1: once I should feel troubled and not know her. If
1:42:12
Speaker 1: it be you, I should say to her, show yourself
1:42:14
Speaker 1: more distinctly, so that it may embrace you in return.
1:42:18
Speaker 1: And her voice would answer me, do you not feel
1:42:21
Speaker 1: happy thus? And I should reply, yes, I do, but
1:42:24
Speaker 1: you cannot really caress me, and I cannot really kiss
1:42:28
Speaker 1: your hand like this. But it is not necessary, She
1:42:31
Speaker 1: would say, there can be happiness here without that, and
1:42:36
Speaker 1: I should feel that it was so, and we should
1:42:38
Speaker 1: ascend together ever higher and higher, until suddenly I feel
1:42:43
Speaker 1: as though I am being thrown down again, and find
1:42:45
Speaker 1: myself sitting on the trunk in the dark storeroom, my
1:42:48
Speaker 1: cheeks wet with tears and my thoughts in a mist,
1:42:51
Speaker 1: yet still repeating the words, let us ascend together, higher
1:42:55
Speaker 1: and higher. Indeed, it was a long, long while before
1:42:59
Speaker 1: I could remember where I was, for at that moment
1:43:02
Speaker 1: my mind's eyes saw only a dark, dreadful, illimitable void.
1:43:06
Speaker 1: I tried to renew the happy, consoling dream which had
1:43:10
Speaker 1: been thus interrupted by the return to reality, but to
1:43:13
Speaker 1: my surprise, I found that as soon as ever I
1:43:16
Speaker 1: attempted to re enter former dreams, their continuation became impossible.
1:43:21
Speaker 1: While which astonished me even more, they no longer gave
1:43:25
Speaker 1: me pleasure. Chapter sixteen, Keep on Grinding and You'll have Flower.
1:43:32
Speaker 1: I passed the night in the store room, and nothing
1:43:34
Speaker 1: further happened, except that on the following morning, a Sunday,
1:43:38
Speaker 1: I was removed to a small chamber adjoining the schoolroom,
1:43:41
Speaker 1: and once more shut up. I began to hope that
1:43:45
Speaker 1: my punishment was going to be limited to confinement, and
1:43:48
Speaker 1: found my thoughts growing calmer under the influence of a
1:43:51
Speaker 1: sound soft sleep, the clear sunlight playing upon the frost
1:43:55
Speaker 1: crystals of the window panes, and the familiar noises in
1:43:59
Speaker 1: the street. Nevertheless, solitude gradually became intolerable. I wanted to
1:44:04
Speaker 1: move about and to communicate to some one all that
1:44:08
Speaker 1: was lying upon my heart, but not a living creature
1:44:11
Speaker 1: was near me. The position was the more unpleasant because
1:44:15
Speaker 1: Willy Nilly I could hear Saint Jerome walking about in
1:44:18
Speaker 1: his room and softly whistling some hackneyed tune. Somehow I
1:44:23
Speaker 1: felt convinced that he was whistling, not because he wanted to,
1:44:26
Speaker 1: but because he knew it annoyed me. At two o'clock,
1:44:30
Speaker 1: he and Wiloda departed down stairs, and Niccola brought me
1:44:34
Speaker 1: up some luncheon. When I told him what I had
1:44:36
Speaker 1: done and what was awaiting me, he said, pshaw, sir,
1:44:40
Speaker 1: don't be alarmed. Keep on grinding and you'll have flower.
1:44:45
Speaker 1: Although this expression, which also in later days has more
1:44:48
Speaker 1: than once helped me to preserve my firmness of mind,
1:44:51
Speaker 1: brought me a little comfort, the fact that I received
1:44:55
Speaker 1: not bread and water only, but a whole luncheon and
1:44:58
Speaker 1: even dessert, gave me much to think about. If they
1:45:01
Speaker 1: had sent me no dessert, it would have meant that
1:45:03
Speaker 1: my punishment was to be limited to confinement, whereas it
1:45:08
Speaker 1: was now evident that I was looked upon as not
1:45:10
Speaker 1: yet punished, that I was only being kept away from
1:45:13
Speaker 1: the others, as an evil doer until the due time
1:45:16
Speaker 1: of punishment. While I was still debating the question, the
1:45:19
Speaker 1: key of my prison turned and Saint Jerome entered with
1:45:23
Speaker 1: a severe official air. Come down and see your grandmamma,
1:45:27
Speaker 1: he said, without looking at me. I should have liked
1:45:31
Speaker 1: first to have brushed my jacket, since it was covered
1:45:34
Speaker 1: with dust, but Saint Jerome said that was quite unnecessary,
1:45:37
Speaker 1: since I was in such a deplorable moral condition that
1:45:39
Speaker 1: my exterior was not worth considering. As he led me
1:45:43
Speaker 1: through the salon, Katenka, Lubatchka and Woloda looked at me
1:45:47
Speaker 1: with much the same expression as we were wont to
1:45:49
Speaker 1: look at the convicts who on a certain days file
1:45:52
Speaker 1: passed my grandmother's house. Likewise, when I approached Grandmamma's arm
1:45:57
Speaker 1: chair to kiss her hand, she withdrew it and thrust
1:46:00
Speaker 1: it under her mantilla. Well, my dear, she began, after
1:46:04
Speaker 1: a long pause, during which she regarded me from head
1:46:07
Speaker 1: to foot with the kind of expression which makes one
1:46:09
Speaker 1: uncertain where to look or what to do. I must
1:46:13
Speaker 1: say that you seem to value my love very highly
1:46:16
Speaker 1: and afford me great consolation. Then she went on, with
1:46:20
Speaker 1: an emphasis on each word. Monsieur Saint Jerome, who at
1:46:24
Speaker 1: my request undertook your education, says that he can no
1:46:27
Speaker 1: longer remain in the house, and why simply because of you.
1:46:32
Speaker 1: Another pause ensued. Presently she continued in a tone which
1:46:36
Speaker 1: clearly showed that her speech had been prepared beforehand. I
1:46:40
Speaker 1: had hoped that you would be grateful for all his
1:46:43
Speaker 1: care and for all the trouble that he has taken
1:46:45
Speaker 1: with you, that you would have appreciated his services. But you,
1:46:49
Speaker 1: you baby, you silly boy, you actually dare to raise
1:46:53
Speaker 1: your hand against him. Very well, very good. I am
1:46:57
Speaker 1: beginning to think that you cannot understand kind trees, but
1:47:01
Speaker 1: require to be treated in a very different and humiliating fashion.
1:47:05
Speaker 1: Go now directly and beg his pardon, she added in
1:47:08
Speaker 1: a stern and peremptory tone, as she pointed to Saint Jerome.
1:47:12
Speaker 1: Do you hear me? I followed the direction of her
1:47:15
Speaker 1: finger with my eye, but on that member, alighting upon
1:47:18
Speaker 1: Saint Jerome's coat, I turned my head away and felt
1:47:21
Speaker 1: once more my heart beating violently as I remained where
1:47:24
Speaker 1: I was. What did you not hear me when I
1:47:28
Speaker 1: told you what to do? I was trembling all over,
1:47:31
Speaker 1: but I would not stir Ko, Ko, went on my grandmother,
1:47:35
Speaker 1: probably divining my inward sufferings. Koko, she repeated, in a
1:47:38
Speaker 1: voice tender rather than harsh. Is this you, grandmamma? I
1:47:43
Speaker 1: cannot beg his pardon for? And I stopped suddenly, for
1:47:47
Speaker 1: I felt the next word refused to come for the
1:47:50
Speaker 1: tears that were choking me. But I ordered you, I
1:47:53
Speaker 1: begged of you to do so. What is the matter
1:47:56
Speaker 1: with you? I? I, I will not, I cannot. I gasped,
1:48:01
Speaker 1: and the tears, long pent up and accumulated in my
1:48:04
Speaker 1: breast burst forth like a stream which breaks its dikes
1:48:08
Speaker 1: and goes flowing madly over the country. Seteen sie caevu,
1:48:13
Speaker 1: O bey say a voter seconde mer seten sie cavu
1:48:18
Speaker 1: raconesse se bonce, remarked Saint Jerome quietly, a genoux. Good God.
1:48:27
Speaker 1: If she had seen this, exclaimed Grandmamma, turning from me
1:48:30
Speaker 1: and wiping away her tears. If she had seen this,
1:48:34
Speaker 1: it may be all for the best. Yet she could
1:48:36
Speaker 1: never have survived such grief never and Grandmamma wept more
1:48:41
Speaker 1: and more. I too wept, but it never occurred to
1:48:44
Speaker 1: me to ask for pardon. Tranquillis se vu ah nome
1:48:49
Speaker 1: deuciel madame la comtesse, said Saint Jerome. But Grandmamma heard
1:48:54
Speaker 1: him not. She covered her face with her hands, and
1:48:57
Speaker 1: her sobs soon passed to hiccups and hysteria. Mimi and
1:49:01
Speaker 1: Gasha came running in with frightened faces, sults and spirits
1:49:05
Speaker 1: were applied, and the whole house was soon in a ferment.
1:49:09
Speaker 1: You may feel pleased at your work, says Saint Jerome
1:49:12
Speaker 1: to me as he led me from the room. Good God,
1:49:15
Speaker 1: what have I done? I thought to myself, What a
1:49:18
Speaker 1: terribly bad boy I am. As soon as Saint Jerome,
1:49:23
Speaker 1: bidding me to go into his room, had returned to Grandmamma,
1:49:26
Speaker 1: I all unconscious of what I was doing, ran down
1:49:29
Speaker 1: the grand staircase leading to the front door. Whether I
1:49:32
Speaker 1: intended to drown myself or whether merely to run away
1:49:35
Speaker 1: from home, I do not remember. I only know that
1:49:38
Speaker 1: I went blindly, on my face covered with my hands
1:49:42
Speaker 1: that I might see nothing. Where are you going to,
1:49:45
Speaker 1: asked a well known voice. I want you, my boy.
1:49:48
Speaker 1: I would have passed on, but Papa caught hold of
1:49:50
Speaker 1: me and said sternly, come hear you, impudent rascal. How
1:49:54
Speaker 1: could you dare to do such a thing as to
1:49:56
Speaker 1: touch the portfolio in my study? He went on as
1:49:59
Speaker 1: he dragged me in to his room. Oh you are silent, eh,
1:50:02
Speaker 1: and he pulled my ear. Yes, I was naughty, I said,
1:50:06
Speaker 1: I don't know myself what came over me? Then? So
1:50:09
Speaker 1: you don't know what came over you. You don't know,
1:50:12
Speaker 1: you don't know, he repeated, as he pulled my ear
1:50:15
Speaker 1: harder and harder. Will you go and put your nose
1:50:18
Speaker 1: where you ought not to? Again? Will you? Will you?
1:50:22
Speaker 1: Although my ear was in great pain, I did not cry,
1:50:25
Speaker 1: but on the contrary, felt a sort of morally pleasing sensation.
1:50:29
Speaker 1: No sooner did he let go of my ear than
1:50:31
Speaker 1: I seized his hand and covered it with tears and kisses.
1:50:35
Speaker 1: Please whip me, I cried, sobbing. Please hurt me the
1:50:38
Speaker 1: more and more, for I am a wretched, bad, miserable boy.
1:50:42
Speaker 1: Why what on earth is the matter with you? He said,
1:50:44
Speaker 1: giving me a slight push from him. No, I will
1:50:47
Speaker 1: not go away, I continued, seizing his coat. Everyone else
1:50:51
Speaker 1: hates me. I know that. But do you listen to
1:50:53
Speaker 1: me and protect me, or else send me away? Altogether?
1:50:57
Speaker 1: I cannot live with him. He tries to you humiliate me.
1:51:01
Speaker 1: He tells me to kneel before him and wants to
1:51:03
Speaker 1: strike me. I can't stand it. I'm not a baby.
1:51:07
Speaker 1: I can't stand it. I shall die. I shall kill myself.
1:51:10
Speaker 1: He told Grandmamma that I was naughty, and now she
1:51:13
Speaker 1: is ill. She will die through me. It is all
1:51:16
Speaker 1: his fault. Please let me. Why should he torment me?
1:51:21
Speaker 1: The tears choked my further speech. I sat down on
1:51:24
Speaker 1: the sofa, and, with my head buried on Papa's knees,
1:51:27
Speaker 1: sobbed until I thought I should die of grief. Come, Come,
1:51:31
Speaker 1: Why are you such a water pump? Said Papa compassionately,
1:51:35
Speaker 1: as he stooped over me. He is such a bully.
1:51:38
Speaker 1: He is murdering me. I shall die. Nobody loves me
1:51:41
Speaker 1: at all. I gasped, almost inaudibly, and went into convulsions.
1:51:46
Speaker 1: Papa lifted me up and carried me to my bedroom,
1:51:49
Speaker 1: where I fell asleep. When I awoke, it was late.
1:51:53
Speaker 1: Only a solitary candle burned in the room, while beside
1:51:56
Speaker 1: the bed there were seated Mimi, Lubotshka, and our door.
1:52:01
Speaker 1: In their faces I could discern anxiety for my health.
1:52:04
Speaker 1: So although I felt so well after my twelve hours
1:52:06
Speaker 1: sleep that I could have got up directly, I thought
1:52:09
Speaker 1: it best to let them continue, thinking that I was unwell.
1:52:14
Speaker 1: End of Section four, Chapter seventeen. Hatred. Yes, it was
1:52:21
Speaker 1: the real feeling of hatred that was mine now, not
1:52:24
Speaker 1: the hatred of which one reads in novels, and in
1:52:27
Speaker 1: the existence of which I do not believe the hatred
1:52:30
Speaker 1: which finds satisfaction in doing harm to a fellow creature,
1:52:35
Speaker 1: but the hatred which consists of an unconquerable aversion to
1:52:38
Speaker 1: a person who may be wholly deserving of your esteem,
1:52:42
Speaker 1: yet whose very hair, neck, walk, voice, limbs, movements, and
1:52:46
Speaker 1: everything else are disgusting to you, while all the while,
1:52:50
Speaker 1: and incomprehensible force attracts you towards him and compels you
1:52:54
Speaker 1: to follow his slightest acts with anxious attention. This was
1:52:59
Speaker 1: the feeling which I cherished for Saint Jerome, who had
1:53:02
Speaker 1: lived with us now for a year and a half.
1:53:06
Speaker 1: Judging coolly of the man at this time of day,
1:53:08
Speaker 1: I find that he was a true Frenchman, but a
1:53:11
Speaker 1: Frenchman in the better acceptation of the term. He was
1:53:15
Speaker 1: fairly well educated and fulfilled his duties to us conscientiously.
1:53:19
Speaker 1: But he had the peculiar features of fickle egotism, boastfulness, impertinence,
1:53:25
Speaker 1: and ignorant self assurance, which are common to all his countrymen,
1:53:29
Speaker 1: as well as entirely opposed to the Russian character. All
1:53:34
Speaker 1: this set me against him. Grandmamma had signified to him
1:53:38
Speaker 1: her dislike for corporal punishment, and therefore he dared not
1:53:41
Speaker 1: beat us. But he frequently threatened us, particularly myself, with
1:53:46
Speaker 1: the cane, and would utter the word fuetee as though
1:53:50
Speaker 1: it were fuate, in an expressive and detestable way, which
1:53:55
Speaker 1: always gave me the idea that to whip me would
1:53:57
Speaker 1: afford him the greatest possible satisfaction. I was not in
1:54:02
Speaker 1: the least afraid of the bodily pain, for I had
1:54:05
Speaker 1: never experienced it. It was the mere idea that he
1:54:08
Speaker 1: could beat me that threw me into such paroxysms of
1:54:11
Speaker 1: wrath and despair. True Karl Avanitch, sometimes in moments of exasperation,
1:54:18
Speaker 1: had recourse to a ruler or to his braces, But
1:54:21
Speaker 1: that I can look back upon without anger. Even if
1:54:24
Speaker 1: he had struck me at the time of which I
1:54:26
Speaker 1: am now speaking, namely, when I was fourteen years old,
1:54:29
Speaker 1: I should have submitted quietly to the correction, for I
1:54:32
Speaker 1: loved him, and had known him all my life, and
1:54:35
Speaker 1: looked upon him as a member of our family. But
1:54:38
Speaker 1: Saint Jerome was a conceited, opinionated fellow for whom I
1:54:41
Speaker 1: felt merely the unwilling respect which I entertained for all
1:54:45
Speaker 1: persons older than myself. Karl Ivanitch was a comical old
1:54:49
Speaker 1: uncle whom I loved with my whole heart, but who,
1:54:52
Speaker 1: according to my childish conception of social distinctions, ranked below us,
1:54:57
Speaker 1: whereas Saint Jerome was a well educated, hands some young
1:55:00
Speaker 1: dandy who was for showing himself the equal of any one.
1:55:05
Speaker 1: Karl Ivanitch had always scolded and punished us coolly, as
1:55:09
Speaker 1: though he thought it unnecessary but extremely disagreeable duty. Saint Jerome,
1:55:13
Speaker 1: on the contrary, always liked to emphasize his part as
1:55:17
Speaker 1: judge when correcting us, and clearly did it as much
1:55:20
Speaker 1: for his own satisfaction as for our good. He loved authority. Nevertheless,
1:55:26
Speaker 1: I always found his grandiloquent French phrases, which he pronounced
1:55:30
Speaker 1: with a strong emphasis on all the final syllables inexpressibly disgusting.
1:55:35
Speaker 1: Whereas Karl, when angry, had never said anything beyond what
1:55:38
Speaker 1: a foolish puppet comedy it is, or you boys are
1:55:43
Speaker 1: as irritating as Spanish fly, which he always called Spaniard fly.
1:55:49
Speaker 1: Saint Jerome, however, had names for us like mouve, Suget,
1:55:53
Speaker 1: villain Ganement, and so forth. Epithets, which greatly offended my
1:55:59
Speaker 1: life self respect. When Karl Ivanitch ordered us to kneel
1:56:04
Speaker 1: in the corner with our faces to the wall, the
1:56:06
Speaker 1: punishment consisted merely in the bodily discomfort of the position,
1:56:10
Speaker 1: whereas Saint Jerome in such cases always assumed a haughty air,
1:56:14
Speaker 1: made a grandiose gesture with his hand and exclaiming in
1:56:17
Speaker 1: a pseudo tragic tone a genoux mauva suge ordered us
1:56:22
Speaker 1: to kneel with our faces towards him and to crave
1:56:25
Speaker 1: his pardon. His punishment consisted in humiliation. However, on the
1:56:32
Speaker 1: present occasion, the punishment never came, nor was the matter
1:56:36
Speaker 1: ever referred to again. Yet I could not forget all
1:56:39
Speaker 1: that I had gone through, the shame, the fear, and
1:56:42
Speaker 1: the hatred of those two days. From that time forth,
1:56:46
Speaker 1: Saint Jerome appeared to give me up in despair and
1:56:49
Speaker 1: took no further trouble with me. Yet I could not
1:56:51
Speaker 1: bring myself to treat him with indifference. Every time that
1:56:55
Speaker 1: our eyes met, I felt that my look expressed only
1:56:58
Speaker 1: too plainly my dislike, And though I tried hard to
1:57:02
Speaker 1: assume a careless air, he seemed to divine my hypocrisy,
1:57:05
Speaker 1: until I was forced to blush and turn away. In short,
1:57:09
Speaker 1: it was a terrible trial to me to have anything
1:57:12
Speaker 1: to do with him. Chapter eighteen, The maid Servant's Room.
1:57:19
Speaker 1: I began to feel more and more lonely, until my
1:57:21
Speaker 1: chief solace lay in solitary reflection and observation of the
1:57:27
Speaker 1: favorite subject of my reflections I shall speak in the
1:57:30
Speaker 1: next chapter. The scene where I indulged in them was,
1:57:33
Speaker 1: for preference, the maid servant's room, where a plot suitable
1:57:36
Speaker 1: for a novel was in progress, a plot which touched
1:57:39
Speaker 1: and engrossed me to the highest degree. The heroine of
1:57:43
Speaker 1: the romance was, of course Masha. She was in love
1:57:47
Speaker 1: with Basil, who had known her before she had become
1:57:49
Speaker 1: a servant in our house, and who had promised to
1:57:52
Speaker 1: marry her some day. Unfortunately, fate, which had separated them
1:57:57
Speaker 1: five years ago and afterwards reunited them Grandmamma's abode, next
1:58:02
Speaker 1: proceeded to interpose an obstacle between them in the shape
1:58:04
Speaker 1: of Masha's uncle, our man Nikola, who would not hear
1:58:09
Speaker 1: of his niece marrying that uneducated and unbearable fellow, as
1:58:12
Speaker 1: he called Basil. One effect of the obstacle had been
1:58:16
Speaker 1: to make the otherwise slightly cool and indifferent Basil fall
1:58:20
Speaker 1: as passionately in love with Masha as it is possible
1:58:23
Speaker 1: for a man to be who is only a servant
1:58:26
Speaker 1: and a tailor, wears a red shirt and has his
1:58:29
Speaker 1: hair palmaded. Although his methods of expressing his affection were odd.
1:58:34
Speaker 1: For instance, whenever he met Masha, he always endeavored to
1:58:37
Speaker 1: inflict upon her some bodily pain, either by pinching her,
1:58:41
Speaker 1: giving her a slap with his open hand, or squeezing
1:58:43
Speaker 1: her so hard that she could scarcely breathe. That affection
1:58:48
Speaker 1: was sincere enough, and he proved it by the fact that,
1:58:51
Speaker 1: from the moment when Nicolov refused him his niece's hand,
1:58:55
Speaker 1: his grief led him to drinking and to frequenting taverns,
1:58:58
Speaker 1: until he proved so un truly that more than once
1:59:01
Speaker 1: he had to be sent to undergo a humiliating chastisement
1:59:04
Speaker 1: at the police station. Nevertheless, these faults of his and
1:59:08
Speaker 1: their consequences only served to elevate him in Masha's eyes
1:59:11
Speaker 1: and to increase her love for him. Whenever he was
1:59:15
Speaker 1: in the hands of the police, she would sit crying
1:59:17
Speaker 1: the whole day and complain to Gasha of her hard fate.
1:59:21
Speaker 1: Gasha played an active part in the affairs of these
1:59:23
Speaker 1: unfortunate lovers. Then, regardless of her uncle's anger and blows,
1:59:28
Speaker 1: she would stealthily make her way to the police station
1:59:31
Speaker 1: there to visit and console her swain. Excuse me, reader,
1:59:36
Speaker 1: for introducing you to such company. Nevertheless, if the cords
1:59:40
Speaker 1: of love and compassion have not wholly snapped your soul,
1:59:43
Speaker 1: you will find, even in that maid servant's room, something
1:59:46
Speaker 1: which may cause them to vibrate again. So, whether you
1:59:50
Speaker 1: please to follow me or not, I will return to
1:59:53
Speaker 1: the alcove on the staircase. Whence I was able to
1:59:55
Speaker 1: observe all that passed in that room. From my post
1:59:59
Speaker 1: I could see the a stove, couch with a ponnet,
2:00:02
Speaker 1: an iron, an old cap stand with its peg bent crooked,
2:00:06
Speaker 1: a wash tub, and a basin. There too was the window,
2:00:10
Speaker 1: with in fine disorder before it a piece of black wax,
2:00:13
Speaker 1: some fragments of silk, a half eaten cucumber, a box
2:00:17
Speaker 1: of sweets, and so on. There too was the large
2:00:20
Speaker 1: table at which she used to sit in, the pink
2:00:23
Speaker 1: cotton dress which I admired so much, and the blue handkerchief,
2:00:26
Speaker 1: which always caught my attention. So she would be sewing,
2:00:30
Speaker 1: though interrupting her work at intervals to scratch her head
2:00:33
Speaker 1: a little, to bite the end of her thread, or
2:00:36
Speaker 1: to snuff the candle, and I would think to myself,
2:00:39
Speaker 1: why was she not born a lady? She, with her
2:00:41
Speaker 1: blue eyes, beautiful fair hair, and magnificent bust. How splendid
2:00:45
Speaker 1: she would look if she were sitting in a drawing
2:00:47
Speaker 1: room and dressed in a cap with pink ribbons and
2:00:50
Speaker 1: a silk gown, not one like Mimi's, but one like
2:00:53
Speaker 1: the gown which I saw the other day at the
2:00:55
Speaker 1: Trevsky Boulevard. Yes, she would work at the embroidery frame,
2:01:00
Speaker 1: and I would sit and look at her in the mirror,
2:01:02
Speaker 1: and be ready to do whatsoever she wanted, to help
2:01:06
Speaker 1: her arm with her mantle, or to hand her food.
2:01:09
Speaker 1: As for Basil's drunken face and horrid figure in the
2:01:12
Speaker 1: scanty coat with the red shirt showing beneath it, well
2:01:16
Speaker 1: in his every gesture, in his every movement of his back,
2:01:19
Speaker 1: I seemed always to see signs of the humiliating chastisements
2:01:23
Speaker 1: which he had undergone. Ah Basil again cried Masha on
2:01:28
Speaker 1: one occasion, as she stuck her needle into the pincushion,
2:01:31
Speaker 1: but without looking up at the person who was entering.
2:01:35
Speaker 1: What is the good of a man like him? Was
2:01:37
Speaker 1: Basil's first remark. Yes, if only he would say something decisive.
2:01:43
Speaker 1: But I am powerless in the matter. I am at
2:01:45
Speaker 1: odds and ends, and through his fault too. Will you
2:01:49
Speaker 1: have some tea? Put in Madesha another servant, No, thank you.
2:01:54
Speaker 1: But why does he hate me so, that old thief
2:01:57
Speaker 1: of an uncle of yours? Why is it because of
2:02:00
Speaker 1: the clothes I wear, or of my height, or of
2:02:03
Speaker 1: my walk? Or what will damn and confound him? Finished Basil,
2:02:07
Speaker 1: snapping his fingers. We must be patient, said Masha, threading
2:02:11
Speaker 1: her needle. You are so. It is my nerves that
2:02:14
Speaker 1: won't stand it, that's all. At this moment, the door
2:02:19
Speaker 1: of Grandmamma's room banged, and Gasha's angry voice could be
2:02:23
Speaker 1: heard as she came up the stairs. There, she muttered,
2:02:27
Speaker 1: with a gesture of her hands, try to please people
2:02:30
Speaker 1: when even they themselves do not know what they want.
2:02:32
Speaker 1: And it is a cursed life. Sheer, hard labor and
2:02:35
Speaker 1: nothing else. If only a certain thing would happen, Though God,
2:02:39
Speaker 1: forgive me for thinking it good evening, Agatha Mikhaylovna, said Basil,
2:02:45
Speaker 1: rising to greet her. You here, she answered, brusquely as
2:02:48
Speaker 1: she stared at him, that is not very much to
2:02:50
Speaker 1: your credit. What do you come here for? Is the
2:02:53
Speaker 1: maid's room a proper place for men? I wanted to
2:02:57
Speaker 1: see how you were, said Basil soothingly. I shall soon
2:03:01
Speaker 1: be breathing my lass. That's how I am, cried Gusha,
2:03:03
Speaker 1: still greatly incensed, Basil laughed, Oh, there's nothing to laugh
2:03:08
Speaker 1: at when I say that I shall soon be dead.
2:03:11
Speaker 1: But that's how it will be all the same. Just
2:03:13
Speaker 1: look at the drunkard marry her? Would he the fool?
2:03:17
Speaker 1: Come get out of here? And with a stamp of
2:03:19
Speaker 1: her foot on the floor, Gusha it retreated to her
2:03:21
Speaker 1: own room and banged the door behind her until the
2:03:24
Speaker 1: window rattled again. For a while she could be heard
2:03:27
Speaker 1: scolding at everything, flinging dresses and other things about, and
2:03:31
Speaker 1: pulling the ears of her favorite cat. Then the door
2:03:34
Speaker 1: opened again, and Puss, mewing pitifully, was flung forth by
2:03:39
Speaker 1: the tail. I had better come another time for tea,
2:03:45
Speaker 1: said Basil in a whisper. At some better time, for
2:03:48
Speaker 1: our meeting. No, no, put in Medesha. I'll go and
2:03:54
Speaker 1: fetch the urn at once. I mean to put an
2:03:57
Speaker 1: end to things, soon went on Basil, seating himself beside Masha.
2:04:00
Speaker 1: As soon as ever Madesha had left the room, I
2:04:03
Speaker 1: had much better go straight to the countess and say
2:04:06
Speaker 1: so and so, or I will throw up my situation
2:04:08
Speaker 1: and go off into the world. Oh dear, Oh dear,
2:04:12
Speaker 1: and am I to remain here? Ah, there's the difficulty.
2:04:17
Speaker 1: That's what I feel so badly about. You have been
2:04:20
Speaker 1: my sweetheart so long, you see. Ah, dear me, why
2:04:25
Speaker 1: don't you bring me your shirts to wash? Basil asked Masha,
2:04:28
Speaker 1: after a pause during which she had been inspecting his wristbands.
2:04:32
Speaker 1: At this moment, Grandmamma's bell rang and Gasha issued from
2:04:36
Speaker 1: her room. Again. What do you want with her, you
2:04:39
Speaker 1: impudent fellow, she cried, as she pushed Basil, who had
2:04:42
Speaker 1: risen at her entrance before her, towards the door. First
2:04:45
Speaker 1: you lead a girl on, and then you want to
2:04:47
Speaker 1: lead her further still, I suppose it amuses you to
2:04:50
Speaker 1: see her tears. There's the door, Now off you go.
2:04:53
Speaker 1: We want your room, not your company. And what good
2:04:56
Speaker 1: can you see in him? She went on, turning to Masha.
2:04:59
Speaker 1: Has not you your uncle been walking into you to
2:05:01
Speaker 1: day already? No, she must stick to her promise forsooth.
2:05:05
Speaker 1: I will have no one but Basil, fool that you are. Yes,
2:05:10
Speaker 1: I will have no one but him. I'll never love
2:05:12
Speaker 1: any one else. I could kill myself for him. Poor
2:05:15
Speaker 1: Masha burst out, the tears, suddenly gushing forth. For a
2:05:20
Speaker 1: while I stood watching her as she wiped away those tears.
2:05:24
Speaker 1: Then I fell to contemplating Basil attentively, in the hope
2:05:28
Speaker 1: of finding out what there was in him that she
2:05:30
Speaker 1: found so attractive. Yet, though I sympathized with her sincerely
2:05:34
Speaker 1: in her grief, I could not, for the life of
2:05:36
Speaker 1: me understand how such a charming creature, as I considered
2:05:39
Speaker 1: her to be, could love a man like him. When
2:05:44
Speaker 1: I become a man, I thought to myself as I
2:05:46
Speaker 1: returned to my room, Petrovsky shall be mine, and Basil
2:05:50
Speaker 1: and Masha my servants. Some day, when I am sitting
2:05:53
Speaker 1: in my study and smoking a pipe, Masha will chance
2:05:56
Speaker 1: to pass the door in her way to the kitchen
2:05:58
Speaker 1: with an iron, and I shall say, Masha, come here,
2:06:01
Speaker 1: and she will enter and there will be no one
2:06:04
Speaker 1: else in the room. Then suddenly Basil too will enter,
2:06:07
Speaker 1: and on seeing her, will cry, my sweetheart is lost
2:06:10
Speaker 1: to me, and Masha will begin to weep. Then I
2:06:14
Speaker 1: shall say, Basil, I know that you love her and
2:06:17
Speaker 1: that she loves you. Here are a thousand roubles for you.
2:06:20
Speaker 1: Marry her, and may God grant you both happiness. Then
2:06:24
Speaker 1: I shall leave them together. Among the countless thoughts and
2:06:28
Speaker 1: fancies which pass without logic or sequence through the mind
2:06:32
Speaker 1: and the imagination, there are always some which leave behind
2:06:35
Speaker 1: them a mark so profound that, without remembering their exact subject,
2:06:40
Speaker 1: we can at least recall that something good has passed
2:06:42
Speaker 1: through our brain and try to retain and reproduce its effect.
2:06:46
Speaker 1: Such was the mark left upon my consciousness by the
2:06:49
Speaker 1: idea of sacrificing my feelings to Masha's happiness, seeing that
2:06:54
Speaker 1: she believed that she could attain it only through a
2:06:56
Speaker 1: union with Basil. Chapter nine, Boyhood. Perhaps people will scarcely
2:07:04
Speaker 1: believe me when I tell them what were the dearest,
2:07:07
Speaker 1: most constant objects of my reflections during my boyhood? So
2:07:11
Speaker 1: little did those objects consort with my age and position. Yet,
2:07:15
Speaker 1: in my opinion, contrast between a man's actual position and
2:07:19
Speaker 1: his moral activity constitutes the most reliable sign of his genuineness.
2:07:25
Speaker 1: During the period when I was leading a solitary and
2:07:27
Speaker 1: self centered moral life, I was much taken up with
2:07:30
Speaker 1: abstract thoughts on man's destiny, on a future life, and
2:07:34
Speaker 1: on the immortality of the soul, and with all the
2:07:37
Speaker 1: ardor of inexperience, strove to make my youthful intellect solve
2:07:41
Speaker 1: those questions, the questions which constitute the highest level of
2:07:45
Speaker 1: thought to which the human intellect can tend, but a
2:07:49
Speaker 1: final decision of which the human intellect can never succeed
2:07:52
Speaker 1: in attaining. I believe the intellect to take the same
2:07:56
Speaker 1: course of development in the individual as in the mass.
2:08:00
Speaker 1: As also that the thoughts which serve as a basis
2:08:02
Speaker 1: for philosophical theories are an inseparable part of that intellect,
2:08:06
Speaker 1: and that every man must be more or less conscious
2:08:09
Speaker 1: of those thoughts before he can know anything of the
2:08:11
Speaker 1: existence of philosophical theories. To my own mind, those thoughts
2:08:16
Speaker 1: presented themselves with such clarity and force that I tried
2:08:19
Speaker 1: to apply them to life in the fond belief that
2:08:22
Speaker 1: I was the first to have discovered such splendid and
2:08:25
Speaker 1: invaluable truths. Sometimes I would suppose that happiness depends not
2:08:30
Speaker 1: upon external causes themselves, but only upon our relation to them,
2:08:36
Speaker 1: and that provided a man can accustom himself to bearing suffering,
2:08:40
Speaker 1: he need never be unhappy. To prove the latter hypothesis,
2:08:44
Speaker 1: I would, despite the horrible pain, hold out a tatus
2:08:47
Speaker 1: chef's dictionary at arm's length for five minutes at a time,
2:08:52
Speaker 1: or else go into the store room and scourge my
2:08:54
Speaker 1: back with chords until the tears involuntarily came to my eyes.
2:09:00
Speaker 1: On other time. Suddenly bethinking me that death might find
2:09:02
Speaker 1: me at any hour or any minute, I came to
2:09:05
Speaker 1: the conclusion that man could only be happy by using
2:09:08
Speaker 1: the present to the full and taking no thought for
2:09:10
Speaker 1: the future. Indeed, I wondered how people had never found
2:09:14
Speaker 1: that out. Before acting under the influence of the new idea,
2:09:17
Speaker 1: I laid my lesson books aside for two or three days, and,
2:09:21
Speaker 1: reposing on my bed, gave myself up to novel reading
2:09:24
Speaker 1: and the eating of gingerbread and honey, which I had
2:09:27
Speaker 1: bought with my last remaining coins. Again, standing one day
2:09:31
Speaker 1: before the blackboard and smearing figures on it with honey,
2:09:35
Speaker 1: I was struck with the thought, why is symmetry so
2:09:38
Speaker 1: agreeable to the eye? What is symmetry? Of course, it
2:09:42
Speaker 1: is an innate sense, I continued, Yet what is its basis?
2:09:47
Speaker 1: Perhaps everything in life is symmetry. But no, on the contrary,
2:09:51
Speaker 1: this is life. And I drew an oblong figure on
2:09:55
Speaker 1: the board, and after life the soul passes to eternity.
2:09:59
Speaker 1: Here I drew a lot line from one end of
2:10:01
Speaker 1: the oblong figure to the edge of the board. Why
2:10:03
Speaker 1: should there not be a corresponding line on the other side.
2:10:07
Speaker 1: If there can be an eternity on one side, there
2:10:09
Speaker 1: must surely be a corresponding one on the other. That
2:10:13
Speaker 1: means that we have existed in a previous life, but
2:10:16
Speaker 1: have lost the recollection of it. This conclusion, which seemed
2:10:20
Speaker 1: to me at the time both clear and novel. But
2:10:23
Speaker 1: the arguments for which it would be difficult for me
2:10:25
Speaker 1: at this distance of time to piece together, pleased me extremely.
2:10:30
Speaker 1: So I took a piece of paper and tried to
2:10:32
Speaker 1: write it down. But at the first attempt such a
2:10:34
Speaker 1: rush of other thoughts came whirling through my brain that
2:10:38
Speaker 1: I was obliged to jump up and pace the room
2:10:41
Speaker 1: at the window. My attention was arrested by a driver
2:10:44
Speaker 1: harnessing a horse to a water cart, and at once
2:10:47
Speaker 1: my mind concentrated itself upon the decision of the question
2:10:51
Speaker 1: into what animal or human being will the spirit of
2:10:54
Speaker 1: that horse pass at death. Just at that moment, Wallada
2:10:58
Speaker 1: passed through the room and smile to see me absorbed
2:11:01
Speaker 1: in speculative thoughts. His smile at once made me feel
2:11:05
Speaker 1: that all that I had been thinking about was utter nonsense.
2:11:09
Speaker 1: I have related all this as I recollect it, in
2:11:11
Speaker 1: order to show the reader the nature of my cogitations.
2:11:15
Speaker 1: No philosophical theory attracted me so much as skepticism, which
2:11:19
Speaker 1: at one period brought me to a state of mind
2:11:21
Speaker 1: verging upon insanity. I took the fancy into my head
2:11:25
Speaker 1: that no one nor anything really existed in the world
2:11:28
Speaker 1: except myself, that objects were not objects at all, but
2:11:32
Speaker 1: that images of them became manifest only so soon as
2:11:35
Speaker 1: I turned my attention upon them, and vanished again directly
2:11:39
Speaker 1: that I ceased to think about them. In short, this
2:11:42
Speaker 1: idea of mine that real objects do not exist, but
2:11:45
Speaker 1: only one's conception of them, brought me to Schelling's well
2:11:49
Speaker 1: known theory. There were moments when the influence of this
2:11:53
Speaker 1: idea led me to such vagaries, as, for instance, turning
2:11:56
Speaker 1: sharply round in the hope that, by the suddenness of
2:11:59
Speaker 1: the movement, I should come in contact with the void
2:12:02
Speaker 1: which I believed to be existing where I myself purported
2:12:05
Speaker 1: to be. What a pitiful spring of moral activity is
2:12:09
Speaker 1: the human intellect? My faulty reason could not define the impenetrable. Consequently,
2:12:16
Speaker 1: it shattered one fruitless conviction after another, convictions which, happily
2:12:20
Speaker 1: for my after life I never lacked the courage to
2:12:23
Speaker 1: abandon as soon as they proved inadequate. From all this
2:12:27
Speaker 1: weary mental struggle I derived only a certain pliancy of mind,
2:12:32
Speaker 1: a weakening of the will, a habit of perpetual moral analysis,
2:12:36
Speaker 1: and a diminution both of freshness of sentiment and of
2:12:39
Speaker 1: clearness of thought. Usually, abstract thinking develops man's capacity for
2:12:44
Speaker 1: apprehending the bent of his mind at certain moments and
2:12:48
Speaker 1: laying it to heart. But my inclination for abstract thought
2:12:51
Speaker 1: developed my consciousness in such a way that often, when
2:12:55
Speaker 1: I began to consider even the simplest matter, I would
2:12:58
Speaker 1: lose myself in a labyrinthine and analysis of my own
2:13:01
Speaker 1: thoughts concerning the matter. In question. That is to say,
2:13:05
Speaker 1: I no longer thought of the matter itself, but only
2:13:07
Speaker 1: of what I was thinking about it. If I had
2:13:10
Speaker 1: then asked myself of what am I thinking, the true
2:13:13
Speaker 1: answer would have been, I am thinking of what I
2:13:15
Speaker 1: am thinking. And if I had further asked myself, what
2:13:18
Speaker 1: then are the thoughts of which I am thinking, I
2:13:21
Speaker 1: should have had to reply they are attempts to think
2:13:24
Speaker 1: of what I am thinking concerning my own thoughts. And
2:13:27
Speaker 1: so on. Reason with me had to yield to excess
2:13:32
Speaker 1: of reason. Every philosophical discovery which I made so flattered
2:13:36
Speaker 1: my conceit that I often imagined to myself to be
2:13:39
Speaker 1: a great man, discovering new truths for the benefit of humanity. Consequently,
2:13:44
Speaker 1: I looked down with proud dignity upon my fellow mortals. Yet,
2:13:48
Speaker 1: strange to state, no sooner did I come in contact
2:13:50
Speaker 1: with those fellow mortals than I became filled with the
2:13:53
Speaker 1: stupid shyness of them. And the higher I happened to
2:13:56
Speaker 1: be standing in my own opinion, the less did I
2:13:59
Speaker 1: feel capable of making king others perceive my consciousness of
2:14:02
Speaker 1: my own dignity. Since I could not rid myself of
2:14:05
Speaker 1: a sense of diffidence concerning even the simplest of my
2:14:08
Speaker 1: words and acts, Chapter twenty Walloda. The further I advance
2:14:16
Speaker 1: in the recital of this period of my life, the
2:14:18
Speaker 1: more difficult and onerous does the task become. Too. Rarely
2:14:21
Speaker 1: do I find among the reminiscences of that time any
2:14:24
Speaker 1: moments full of the ardent feeling of sincerity which so
2:14:28
Speaker 1: often and so cheeringly illumined my childhood. Gladly would I
2:14:32
Speaker 1: pass in haste over my lonely boyhood, the sooner to
2:14:35
Speaker 1: arrive at the happy time when once again a tender,
2:14:38
Speaker 1: sincere and noble friendship marked with a gleam of light
2:14:41
Speaker 1: at once the termination of that period and the beginning
2:14:44
Speaker 1: of a phase of my youth which was full of
2:14:46
Speaker 1: the charm of poetry. Therefore, I will not pursue my
2:14:51
Speaker 1: recollections from hour to hour, but only throw a cursory
2:14:54
Speaker 1: glance at the most prominent of them, from the time
2:14:57
Speaker 1: to which I have now carried my tale, to the
2:14:59
Speaker 1: moment of my first contact with the exceptional personality that
2:15:03
Speaker 1: was fated to exercise such a decisive influence upon my
2:15:06
Speaker 1: character and ideas. Woloda was about to enter the university.
2:15:12
Speaker 1: Tutors came to give him lessons independently of myself, and
2:15:15
Speaker 1: I listened with envy and involuntary respect as he drew
2:15:19
Speaker 1: boldly on the blackboard with white chalk, and talked about functions, signs,
2:15:24
Speaker 1: and so forth, all of which seemed to me terms
2:15:27
Speaker 1: pertaining to unattainable wisdom. At length, one Sunday, before luncheon,
2:15:32
Speaker 1: all the tutors, and among them two professors, assembled in
2:15:36
Speaker 1: Grandmamma's room, and, in the presence of Papa and some friends,
2:15:40
Speaker 1: put Woloda through a rehearsal of his university examination, in which,
2:15:45
Speaker 1: to Grandmamma's delight, he gave evidence of no ordinary amount
2:15:48
Speaker 1: of knowledge. Questions on different subjects were also put to me,
2:15:53
Speaker 1: but on all of them I showed complete ignorance, while
2:15:56
Speaker 1: the fact that the professors manifestly endeavored to conceal that
2:15:59
Speaker 1: ignorance from Grandmamma only confused me the more. Yet, after all,
2:16:04
Speaker 1: I was only fifteen, and so had a year before
2:16:07
Speaker 1: me in which to prepare for the examinations. Woloda now
2:16:11
Speaker 1: came downstairs for luncheon only and spent whole days and
2:16:14
Speaker 1: evenings over his studies in his own room, to which
2:16:17
Speaker 1: he kept not from necessity, but because he preferred its seclusion.
2:16:21
Speaker 1: He was very ambitious and meant to pass the examinations
2:16:25
Speaker 1: not by halves, but with flying colors. The first day arrived,
2:16:30
Speaker 1: Woloda was wearing a new blue frock coat with brass buttons,
2:16:34
Speaker 1: a gold watch, and shiny boots. At the door stood
2:16:37
Speaker 1: Papa's phaeton, which Nicola duly opened, and presently when Wiloda
2:16:42
Speaker 1: and Saint Jerome set out for the university, the girls,
2:16:45
Speaker 1: particularly Katenka, would be seen gazing with beaming faces from
2:16:49
Speaker 1: the window at Wiloda's pleasing figure as it sat in
2:16:52
Speaker 1: the carriage. Papa said several times God go with him,
2:16:56
Speaker 1: and Grandmamma, who also had dragged herself to the window,
2:17:00
Speaker 1: continued to make the sign of the cross as long
2:17:02
Speaker 1: as the phaeton was visible, as well as to murmur
2:17:05
Speaker 1: something to herself. When Wiloda returned, everyone eagerly crowded round him.
2:17:11
Speaker 1: How many marks were they? Good ones? Yes, But his
2:17:15
Speaker 1: happy face was an answer in itself. He had received
2:17:18
Speaker 1: five marks, the maximum. The next day he sped on
2:17:21
Speaker 1: his way with the same good wishes and the same
2:17:24
Speaker 1: anxiety for his success, and was welcomed home with the
2:17:28
Speaker 1: same eagerness and joy. This lasted for nine days. On
2:17:32
Speaker 1: the tenth day there was to be the last and
2:17:34
Speaker 1: most difficult examination of all, the one in divinity. We
2:17:39
Speaker 1: all stood at the window and watched for him with
2:17:41
Speaker 1: greater impatience than ever Two o'clock. And yet no, Woloda,
2:17:46
Speaker 1: Here they come, Papa, here they come, suddenly, screamed Lubatchka
2:17:50
Speaker 1: as she peered through the window. Sure enough, the phaeton
2:17:53
Speaker 1: was driving up with Saint Jerome and Wiloda, the latter
2:17:56
Speaker 1: no longer in his gray cap and blue frackcoat, but
2:17:59
Speaker 1: in the uniform of a student of the university, with
2:18:01
Speaker 1: its embroidered blue collar, three cornered hat, and gilded sword.
2:18:07
Speaker 1: Ah if only she had been alive, now, exclaimed Grandmamma,
2:18:11
Speaker 1: on seeing Wiloda in this dress, and swooned away. Wiloda
2:18:15
Speaker 1: enters the ante room with a beaming face and embraces myself, Lubotshka,
2:18:19
Speaker 1: Mimi and Katenka, the latter blushing to her ears. He
2:18:24
Speaker 1: hardly knows himself for joy, And how smart he looks
2:18:27
Speaker 1: in that uniform, how well the blue collar suits his
2:18:30
Speaker 1: budding dark mustache. What a tall, elegant figure is his?
2:18:34
Speaker 1: And what a distinguished walk. On that memorable day, we
2:18:38
Speaker 1: all lunched together in Grandmamma's room, every face expressed delight,
2:18:43
Speaker 1: and with the dessert which followed the meal, the servants,
2:18:46
Speaker 1: with grave but gratified faces, brought in bottles of champagne. Grandmamma,
2:18:51
Speaker 1: for the first time since Mamma's death, drank a full
2:18:54
Speaker 1: glass of the wine to Woloda's health, and wept for
2:18:57
Speaker 1: joy as she looked at him. Henceforth, Woloda drove his
2:19:01
Speaker 1: own turn out, invited his own friends, smoked, and went
2:19:05
Speaker 1: to balls. On one occasion I even saw him sharing
2:19:08
Speaker 1: a couple of bottles of champagne with some guests in
2:19:11
Speaker 1: his room, and the whole company drinking a toast with
2:19:14
Speaker 1: each glass to some mysterious being, and then quarreling as
2:19:18
Speaker 1: to who should have the bottom of the bottle. Nevertheless,
2:19:23
Speaker 1: he always lunched at home, and after the meal would
2:19:26
Speaker 1: stretch himself on a sofa and talk confidentially to Katenka.
2:19:30
Speaker 1: Yet from what I overheard, while pretending of course to
2:19:32
Speaker 1: pay no attention, I gathered that they were only talking
2:19:36
Speaker 1: of the heroes and heroines of novels which they had read,
2:19:39
Speaker 1: or else of jealousy and love and so on. Never
2:19:42
Speaker 1: could I understand what they found so attractive in these conversations,
2:19:47
Speaker 1: nor why they smiled so happily and discussed things with
2:19:50
Speaker 1: such animation. Altogether, I could see that, in addition to
2:19:54
Speaker 1: the friendships natural to persons who had been companions from childhood,
2:19:58
Speaker 1: there existed between Woloda and Katenka a relation which differentiated
2:20:02
Speaker 1: them from us and united them mysteriously to one another.
2:20:10
Speaker 1: End of Section five, Chapter twenty one, Kateenka and Lubatchka.
2:20:15
Speaker 1: Katenka was now sixteen years old, quite a grown up girl,
2:20:19
Speaker 1: and although at that age the angular figures, the bashfulness
2:20:23
Speaker 1: and the gachiery peculiar to girls passing from childhood to
2:20:26
Speaker 1: youth usually replaced the comely freshness and graceful, half developed
2:20:30
Speaker 1: bloom of childhood, she had in no way altered. Still.
2:20:35
Speaker 1: The blue eyes, with their merry glance, were hers. The
2:20:37
Speaker 1: well shaped nose with firm nostrils and almost forming a
2:20:41
Speaker 1: line with the forehead, the little mouth with its charming smile,
2:20:45
Speaker 1: the dimples and the rosy cheeks, and the small white hands.
2:20:49
Speaker 1: To her, the epithet of girl pure and simple was
2:20:51
Speaker 1: pre eminently applicable. For in her the only new features
2:20:55
Speaker 1: were a new and young, ladylike arrangement of her thick,
2:20:58
Speaker 1: flaxen hair and a youthful bosom, the latter an addition
2:21:03
Speaker 1: which at once caused her great joy and made her
2:21:05
Speaker 1: very bashful. Although Lubotshka and she had grown up together
2:21:10
Speaker 1: and received the same education, they were totally unlike one another.
2:21:14
Speaker 1: Lubotshka was not tall, and the rickets from which she
2:21:16
Speaker 1: had suffered had shaped her feet in goose fashion and
2:21:20
Speaker 1: made her figure very bad. The only pretty feature in
2:21:23
Speaker 1: her face was her eyes, which were indeed wonderful, being
2:21:26
Speaker 1: large and black and instinct with such an extremely pleasing
2:21:30
Speaker 1: expression of mingled gravity and naivete, that she was bound
2:21:34
Speaker 1: to attract attention in everything. She was simple and natural,
2:21:38
Speaker 1: so that whereas Ktenka always looked as though she were
2:21:41
Speaker 1: trying to be like someone else, Lubotshka looked people straight
2:21:44
Speaker 1: in the face and sometimes fixed them so long with
2:21:47
Speaker 1: her splendid black eyes that she got blamed for doing
2:21:50
Speaker 1: what was thought to be improper. Ktenka, on the contrary,
2:21:54
Speaker 1: always cast her eyelids down, blinked, and pretended that she
2:21:58
Speaker 1: was short sighted, though I knew very well that her
2:22:01
Speaker 1: sight was excellent. Lubotshka hated being shown off before strangers,
2:22:06
Speaker 1: and when a visitor offered to kiss her, she invariably
2:22:08
Speaker 1: grew cross and said that she hated affection, Whereas when
2:22:13
Speaker 1: strangers were present, Katenka was always particularly endearing to Mimi
2:22:17
Speaker 1: and loved to walk about the room arm in arm
2:22:20
Speaker 1: with another girl. Likewise, though Lubotshka was a terrible giggler
2:22:24
Speaker 1: and sometimes ran about the room in convulsions of gesticulating laughter,
2:22:29
Speaker 1: Ktenka always covered her mouth with her hands or her
2:22:31
Speaker 1: pocket handkerchief when she wanted to laugh. Lubotshka again loved
2:22:36
Speaker 1: to have grown up men to talk to, and said
2:22:38
Speaker 1: that some day she meant to marry a hussar, but
2:22:41
Speaker 1: Kateenka always pretended that all men were horrid and that
2:22:44
Speaker 1: she never meant to marry any one of them, while
2:22:46
Speaker 1: as soon as a male visitor addressed her, she changed completely,
2:22:50
Speaker 1: as though she were nervous of something. Likewise, Lubotshka was
2:22:54
Speaker 1: continually at loggerheads with Mimi, because the latter wanted her
2:22:58
Speaker 1: to have her stays so tight that she could not breathe,
2:23:01
Speaker 1: or eat or drink. In comfort, while Katenka, on the contrary,
2:23:05
Speaker 1: would often insert her finger into her waistband to show
2:23:08
Speaker 1: how loose it was, and always ate very little. Lubotshka
2:23:12
Speaker 1: liked to draw heads, Katenka only flowers and butterflies. The
2:23:17
Speaker 1: former could play fields Concerto's and Beethoven's sonatas excellently, whereas
2:23:22
Speaker 1: the latter indulged in variations and waltzes, retarded the time
2:23:26
Speaker 1: and used the petals continuously, not to mention the fact
2:23:30
Speaker 1: that before she began she invariably struck three cords in arpeggio. Nevertheless,
2:23:36
Speaker 1: in those days, I thought Katenka much the grander person
2:23:38
Speaker 1: of the two, and liked her the best. Chapter twenty two. Papa.
2:23:45
Speaker 1: Papa had been in a particularly good humor ever since
2:23:48
Speaker 1: Walloda had passed into the university and came much oftener
2:23:52
Speaker 1: to dine with Grandmamma. However, I knew from Nikola that
2:23:55
Speaker 1: he had won a great deal Lately. Occasionally he would
2:23:58
Speaker 1: come and sit with us in the evening before going
2:24:00
Speaker 1: to the club. He used to sit down to the
2:24:02
Speaker 1: piano and bid us group ourselves around him, after which
2:24:05
Speaker 1: he would beat time with his thin boots. He detested
2:24:08
Speaker 1: heels and never wore them, and make us sing gipsy songs.
2:24:13
Speaker 1: At such times you should have seen the quaint enthusiasm
2:24:16
Speaker 1: of his beloved Lubotchka, who adored him. Sometimes again he
2:24:21
Speaker 1: would come to the schoolroom and listen with a grave
2:24:23
Speaker 1: face as I said my lessons. Yet by the few
2:24:26
Speaker 1: words which he would let drop on correcting me, I
2:24:28
Speaker 1: could see that he knew even less about the subject
2:24:30
Speaker 1: than I did. Not. Infrequently, too, he would wink at
2:24:33
Speaker 1: us and make secret signs when Grandmamma was beginning to
2:24:36
Speaker 1: scold us and find fault with us all round. So
2:24:40
Speaker 1: much for us children, he would say. On the whole. However,
2:24:44
Speaker 1: the impossible pinnacle upon which my childish imagination had placed
2:24:47
Speaker 1: him had undergone a certain abasement. I still kissed his
2:24:51
Speaker 1: large white hand with a certain feeling of love and respect.
2:24:54
Speaker 1: But I also allowed myself to think about him and
2:24:57
Speaker 1: to criticize his behavior, until involuntari thoughts occurred to me
2:25:01
Speaker 1: which alarmed me by their presence. Never shall I forget
2:25:04
Speaker 1: one incident in particular, which awakened thoughts of this kind
2:25:08
Speaker 1: and caused me intense astonishment. Late one evening, he entered
2:25:12
Speaker 1: the drawing room in his black dress coat and white
2:25:15
Speaker 1: waistcoat to take Waloda, who was still dressing in his bedroom,
2:25:19
Speaker 1: to a ball. Grandmamma was also in her bedroom, but
2:25:22
Speaker 1: had given orders that before setting out, Woloda was to
2:25:25
Speaker 1: come and say good bye to her. It was her
2:25:27
Speaker 1: invariable custom to inspect him before he went to a
2:25:30
Speaker 1: ball and to bless him and direct him as to
2:25:33
Speaker 1: his behavior. The room where we were was lighted by
2:25:37
Speaker 1: a solitary lamp. Mimi and Kateenka were walking up and down,
2:25:41
Speaker 1: and Lubotshka was playing fields second Concerto, Mamma's favorite piece
2:25:45
Speaker 1: at the piano. Never was there such a family likeness
2:25:49
Speaker 1: as between Mamma and my sister, Not so much in
2:25:52
Speaker 1: the face of the stature, as in the hands, the walk,
2:25:55
Speaker 1: the voice, the favorite expressions, and above all the way
2:25:59
Speaker 1: of playing the piano and the whole demeanor at the instrument.
2:26:02
Speaker 1: Lubotshka always arranged her dress when sitting down, just as
2:26:05
Speaker 1: Mamma had done, as well as turned the leaves like her,
2:26:09
Speaker 1: tapped her fingers angrily and said dear me whenever a
2:26:12
Speaker 1: difficult passage did not go smoothly, and in particular played
2:26:16
Speaker 1: with the delicacy and exquisite purity of touch, which in
2:26:19
Speaker 1: those days caused the execution of Field's music to be
2:26:22
Speaker 1: known characteristically as joeu pere and to lie beyond comparison
2:26:28
Speaker 1: with the humbug of our modern virtuosi. Papa entered the
2:26:33
Speaker 1: room with short, soft steps and approached Lubashka. On seeing him,
2:26:37
Speaker 1: she stopped playing. No go on, Luba, go on, he said,
2:26:42
Speaker 1: as he forced her to sit down again. She went
2:26:44
Speaker 1: on playing, while Papa, his head on his hand, sat
2:26:48
Speaker 1: near her for a while. Then suddenly he gave his
2:26:50
Speaker 1: shoulders a shrug, and rising began to pace the room.
2:26:54
Speaker 1: Every time that he approached the piano, he halted for
2:26:57
Speaker 1: a moment and looked fixedly at Lubatchka. By his walk
2:27:00
Speaker 1: and his every movement, I could see that he was
2:27:02
Speaker 1: greatly agitated. Once, when he stopped behind Lubachka, he kissed
2:27:07
Speaker 1: her black hair, and then, wheeling quickly round, resumed his pacing.
2:27:11
Speaker 1: The piece finished, Lubaschhka went up to him and said,
2:27:14
Speaker 1: was it well played? Whereupon, without answering, he took her
2:27:17
Speaker 1: head in his two hands and kissed her forehead and
2:27:20
Speaker 1: eyes with such tenderness as I had never before seen
2:27:23
Speaker 1: him display. Why you are crying, cried Lubachika suddenly, as
2:27:28
Speaker 1: she ceased to toy with his watch chain and stared
2:27:30
Speaker 1: at him with her great black eyes. Pardon me, darling, Papa,
2:27:34
Speaker 1: I had quite forgotten that it was dear Mamma's piece
2:27:36
Speaker 1: which I was playing. No, no, my love, play it often,
2:27:40
Speaker 1: he said, in a voice trembling with emotion. Ah, if
2:27:43
Speaker 1: only you knew how much good it does me to
2:27:45
Speaker 1: share your tears. He kissed her again, and then, mastering
2:27:49
Speaker 1: his feelings, and shrugging his shoulders, went to the door
2:27:52
Speaker 1: leading to the corridor which ran past Woloda's room. Waldemar,
2:27:57
Speaker 1: shall you be ready soon? He cried, halting in the
2:28:00
Speaker 1: middle of the passage. Just then Masha came along. Why
2:28:04
Speaker 1: you look prettier every day, he said to her. She
2:28:06
Speaker 1: blushed and passed on. Valdemar, shall you be ready soon?
2:28:10
Speaker 1: He cried again, with a cough and a shake of
2:28:13
Speaker 1: his shoulders, just as Masha slipped away and he first
2:28:16
Speaker 1: caught sight of me. I love, Papa, But the intellect
2:28:21
Speaker 1: is independent of the heart and often gives birth to
2:28:24
Speaker 1: thoughts which offend and are harsh and incomprehensible to the feelings.
2:28:28
Speaker 1: And it was thoughts of this kind that for all
2:28:31
Speaker 1: I strove to put them away, arose at that moment
2:28:33
Speaker 1: in my mind. Chapter twenty three. Grandmamma. Grandmamma was growing
2:28:43
Speaker 1: weaker every day. Her bell Gasha's grumbling voice, and the
2:28:47
Speaker 1: slamming of doors in her room were sounds of constant occurrence,
2:28:50
Speaker 1: and she no longer received us sitting in the voltairian
2:28:53
Speaker 1: arm chair in her boudoir, but lying on the bed
2:28:56
Speaker 1: in her bedroom, supported on lace trimmed cushions. One day,
2:29:00
Speaker 1: when she greeted us, I noticed a yellowish white swelling
2:29:03
Speaker 1: on her hand and smelt the same oppressive odor which
2:29:06
Speaker 1: I had smelt five years ago in Mamma's room. The
2:29:09
Speaker 1: doctor came three times a day, and there had been
2:29:12
Speaker 1: more than one consultation. Yet the character of her, haughty,
2:29:16
Speaker 1: ceremonious bearing towards all who lived with her, and particularly
2:29:20
Speaker 1: towards Papa, never changed in the least. She went on
2:29:23
Speaker 1: emphasizing certain words, raising her eyebrows and saying my dear,
2:29:28
Speaker 1: just as she had always done. Then for a few
2:29:31
Speaker 1: days we did not see her at all, and one
2:29:34
Speaker 1: morning Saint Jerome proposed to me that Wiloda and I
2:29:37
Speaker 1: should take Katenka and Lubotshka for our drive during the
2:29:39
Speaker 1: hours generally allotted to study. Although I observed that the
2:29:43
Speaker 1: street was lined with straw under the windows of Grandmamma's room,
2:29:46
Speaker 1: and that some men in blue stockings Undertaker's men were
2:29:50
Speaker 1: standing at our gate, the reason never dawned upon me
2:29:53
Speaker 1: why we were being sent out at that unusual hour.
2:29:56
Speaker 1: Throughout the drive, Lubotchka and I were in that particular
2:30:00
Speaker 1: cularly merry mood when the least trifle, the least word,
2:30:03
Speaker 1: or movement, sets one off laughing. A peddler went trotting
2:30:08
Speaker 1: across the road with a tray, and we laughed. Some
2:30:10
Speaker 1: ragged cabmen, brandishing their reins and driving at full speed,
2:30:14
Speaker 1: overtook our sledge and we laughed again. Next, Philip's whip
2:30:18
Speaker 1: got caught in the side of the vehicle, and the
2:30:20
Speaker 1: way in which he said bother the thing as he
2:30:22
Speaker 1: drove to disentangle it almost killed us with mirth. Mimi
2:30:26
Speaker 1: looked displeased and said that only silly people laughed for
2:30:29
Speaker 1: no reason at all, But Lubotshka her face purple with
2:30:33
Speaker 1: suppressed merriment needed but to give me a sly glance,
2:30:36
Speaker 1: and we again burst out into such homeric laughter. When
2:30:40
Speaker 1: our eyes met that, the tears rushed into them, and
2:30:42
Speaker 1: we could not stop our paroxysms, although they nearly choked us.
2:30:47
Speaker 1: Hardly again had we desisted a little when I looked
2:30:49
Speaker 1: at Lubotshka once more and gave vent to one of
2:30:53
Speaker 1: the slang words which we then affected among ourselves, words
2:30:56
Speaker 1: which always called forth hilarity, And in a moment we
2:30:59
Speaker 1: were laughing again. Just as we reached home. I was
2:31:02
Speaker 1: opening my mouth to make a splendid grimace at Lubatchhka,
2:31:05
Speaker 1: when my eye fell upon a black coffin cover which
2:31:08
Speaker 1: was leaning against the gate, and my mouth remained fixed
2:31:11
Speaker 1: in its gaping position. Your Grandmamma is dead, said Saint
2:31:16
Speaker 1: Jerome as he met us. His face was very pale.
2:31:21
Speaker 1: Throughout the whole time that Grandmamma's body was in the house,
2:31:24
Speaker 1: I was oppressed with the fear of death, for the
2:31:25
Speaker 1: corpse served as a forcible and disagreeable reminder that I
2:31:29
Speaker 1: too must die some day, a feeling which people often
2:31:32
Speaker 1: mistake for grief. I had no sincere regret for Grandmamma,
2:31:36
Speaker 1: nor I think had any one else, Since, although the
2:31:39
Speaker 1: house was full of sympathizing callers, nobody seemed to mourn
2:31:43
Speaker 1: for her from their hearts, except one mourner, whose genuine
2:31:47
Speaker 1: grief made a great impression upon me. Seeing that the
2:31:50
Speaker 1: mourner in question was Gosha. She shut herself up in
2:31:55
Speaker 1: the garret, tore her hair, and refused all consolation, saying
2:31:59
Speaker 1: that now the her mistress was dead, she only wished
2:32:02
Speaker 1: to die herself. I again assert that in matters of feeling,
2:32:07
Speaker 1: it is the unexpected effects that constitute the most reliable
2:32:11
Speaker 1: signs of sincerity. Though Grandmamma was no longer with us,
2:32:15
Speaker 1: reminiscences and gossip about her long went on in the house.
2:32:19
Speaker 1: Such gossip referred mostly to her will, which she had
2:32:22
Speaker 1: made shortly before her death, and of which as yet
2:32:25
Speaker 1: no one knew the contents except her bosom friend, Prince
2:32:28
Speaker 1: ivan Ivanovitch. I could hear the servants talking excitedly together
2:32:34
Speaker 1: and making innumerable conjectures as to the amount left in
2:32:37
Speaker 1: the probable beneficiaries. Nor can I deny that the idea
2:32:41
Speaker 1: that we ourselves were probably the latter greatly pleased me.
2:32:45
Speaker 1: Six weeks later, Nikola, who acted as regular newsagent to
2:32:49
Speaker 1: the house, informed me that Grandmamma had left the whole
2:32:52
Speaker 1: of her fortune to Lubatchka, with as her trustee until
2:32:56
Speaker 1: her majority. Not Papa but Prince Ivan Ivanevich Chapter twenty four.
2:33:04
Speaker 1: Myself only a few months remained before I was to
2:33:08
Speaker 1: matriculate for the university. Yet I was making such good
2:33:11
Speaker 1: progress that I felt no apprehensions and even took but
2:33:14
Speaker 1: pleasure in my studies. I kept in good heart and
2:33:17
Speaker 1: learnt my lessons fluently and intelligently. The faculty I had
2:33:21
Speaker 1: selected was the mathematical one, probably to tell the truth,
2:33:25
Speaker 1: because the terms tangent differentials, integrals, and so forth pleased
2:33:29
Speaker 1: my fancy. Though stout and broad shouldered, I was shorter
2:33:33
Speaker 1: than Muloda, while my ugliness of faith still remained and
2:33:36
Speaker 1: tormented me as much as ever. By way of compensation,
2:33:41
Speaker 1: I tried to appear original. Yet one thing comforted me,
2:33:43
Speaker 1: namely that Papa had said that I had an intelligent face.
2:33:47
Speaker 1: I quite believed him. Saint Jerome was not only satisfied
2:33:51
Speaker 1: with me, but actually had taken to praising me. Consequently,
2:33:54
Speaker 1: I had now ceased to hate him. In fact, when
2:33:58
Speaker 1: one day he said that with my capatit and my intellect,
2:34:01
Speaker 1: it would be shameful for me not to accomplish this,
2:34:04
Speaker 1: that or the other thing, I believe I almost liked him.
2:34:08
Speaker 1: I had long ago given up keeping observation on the
2:34:10
Speaker 1: maid servants room, for I was now ashamed to hide
2:34:13
Speaker 1: behind doors. Likewise, I confess that the knowledge of Masha's
2:34:17
Speaker 1: love for Basil had greatly cooled my ardor for her,
2:34:21
Speaker 1: and that my passion underwent a final cure by their marriage,
2:34:24
Speaker 1: a consummation to which I myself contributed by, at Basil's request,
2:34:29
Speaker 1: asking Papa's consent to the union. When the newly married
2:34:33
Speaker 1: couple brought trays of cakes and sweetmeats to Papa as
2:34:37
Speaker 1: a thank offering, and Masha, in a cap with blue ribbons,
2:34:40
Speaker 1: kissed each of us on the shoulder and betoken of
2:34:42
Speaker 1: her gratitude, I merely noticed the scent of the rose
2:34:45
Speaker 1: palmade on her hair, but felt no other sensation. In general,
2:34:51
Speaker 1: I was beginning to get the better of my youthful defects,
2:34:54
Speaker 1: with the exception of the principal one, the one of
2:34:56
Speaker 1: which I shall often again have to speak in relating
2:34:59
Speaker 1: my life's history, namely the tendency to abstract thought end
2:35:05
Speaker 1: of Section six, Chapter twenty five Wiloda's Friends. Although when
2:35:12
Speaker 1: in the society of Woloda's friends, I had to play
2:35:15
Speaker 1: a part that hurt my pride, I liked sitting in
2:35:17
Speaker 1: his room when he had visitors and silently watching all
2:35:20
Speaker 1: they did. The two who came most frequently to see
2:35:23
Speaker 1: him were a military adjutant called Dubkoff and a student
2:35:27
Speaker 1: named Prince Nekhludoff. Dubkov was a little, dark haired, highly
2:35:32
Speaker 1: strung man who, though short of stature and no longer
2:35:35
Speaker 1: in his first youth, had a pleasing and invariably cheerful air.
2:35:39
Speaker 1: His was one of those limited natures which are agreeable
2:35:42
Speaker 1: through their very limitations, natures which cannot regard matters from
2:35:46
Speaker 1: every point of view, but which are nevertheless attracted by everything.
2:35:51
Speaker 1: Usually the reasoning of such persons as false and one sided,
2:35:54
Speaker 1: yet always genuine and taking, wherefore their narrow egotism seems
2:35:59
Speaker 1: both in amiable and excusable. There were two other reasons
2:36:03
Speaker 1: why Dubkov had charms for Wiloda and myself, namely the
2:36:07
Speaker 1: fact that he was of military appearance, and secondly, and
2:36:10
Speaker 1: principally the fact that he was of a certain age,
2:36:13
Speaker 1: an age with which young people are apt to associate
2:36:16
Speaker 1: that quality of gentlemanliness which is so highly esteemed at
2:36:20
Speaker 1: their time of life. However, he was in very truth
2:36:24
Speaker 1: an owncomb illful. The only thing which I did not
2:36:28
Speaker 1: like about at all was that, in his presence Woloda
2:36:31
Speaker 1: always seemed ashamed of my innocent behavior, and still more
2:36:34
Speaker 1: so of my youthfulness. As for Prince Nekhludoff, he was
2:36:38
Speaker 1: in no way handsome, since neither his small gray eyes,
2:36:41
Speaker 1: his low projecting forehead, nor his disportionately long hands and
2:36:45
Speaker 1: feet could be called good features. The only good points
2:36:48
Speaker 1: about him were his unusually tall stature, his delicate coloring,
2:36:53
Speaker 1: and his splendid teeth. Nevertheless, his face was of such
2:36:57
Speaker 1: an original, energetic character, owing to his narrow, sparkling eyes
2:37:01
Speaker 1: and ever changing expression, now stern, now childlike, now smiling indeterminately,
2:37:07
Speaker 1: that it was impossible to help noticing it. As a rule,
2:37:11
Speaker 1: he was very shy and would blush to the ears
2:37:13
Speaker 1: at the smallest trifle, but it was a shyness altogether
2:37:17
Speaker 1: different from mine, seeing that the more he blushed, the
2:37:20
Speaker 1: more determined looking he grew as though he were vexed
2:37:23
Speaker 1: at his own weakness. Although he was on very good
2:37:26
Speaker 1: terms with Wiloda and Dubkov, it was clearly chance which
2:37:29
Speaker 1: had united them. Thus, since their tastes were entirely dissimilar,
2:37:33
Speaker 1: Wiloda and Dubkov seemed to be afraid of anything like
2:37:36
Speaker 1: serious consideration or emotion, whereas Nekhludoff was beyond all things
2:37:41
Speaker 1: an enthusiasts and would often, despite their sarcastic remarks, plunge
2:37:46
Speaker 1: into dissertations on philosophical matters or matters of feeling. Again,
2:37:51
Speaker 1: the two former liked talking about the fair objects of
2:37:53
Speaker 1: their adoration. These were always numerous and always shared by
2:37:57
Speaker 1: the friends in common, whereas Nekhludoff invariably grew annoyed when
2:38:01
Speaker 1: taxed with his love for a certain red haired lady. Again,
2:38:05
Speaker 1: Wiloda and Dubkov often permitted themselves to criticize their relatives
2:38:10
Speaker 1: and to find amusement in so doing, But Nekhludoff flew
2:38:13
Speaker 1: into a tremendous rage when, on one occasion they referred
2:38:16
Speaker 1: to some weak points in the character of an aunt
2:38:19
Speaker 1: of his whom he adored. Finally, after supper, Wiloda and
2:38:23
Speaker 1: Dubkov would usually go off to some place, whether Nekhludoff
2:38:27
Speaker 1: would not accompany them, wherefore they called him a dainty girl.
2:38:32
Speaker 1: The very first time that I ever saw Prince Nekhludoff,
2:38:35
Speaker 1: I was struck with his exterior and conversation. Yet, though
2:38:38
Speaker 1: I could discern a great similarity between his disposition and
2:38:42
Speaker 1: my own, or perhaps it was because I could so
2:38:44
Speaker 1: discern it, the impression which he produced upon me at
2:38:48
Speaker 1: first was anything but agreeable. I liked neither his quick glance,
2:38:52
Speaker 1: his hard voice, his proud bearing, nor least of all,
2:38:55
Speaker 1: the utter indifference with which he treated me often when conversing.
2:38:59
Speaker 1: I burned to untradict him, to punish his pride by
2:39:02
Speaker 1: confuting him, to show him that I was clever in
2:39:04
Speaker 1: spite of his disdainful neglect of my presence. But I
2:39:08
Speaker 1: was invariably prevented from doing so by my shyness. Chapter
2:39:13
Speaker 1: twenty six Discussions. Willoto was lying reading a French novel
2:39:18
Speaker 1: on the sofa when I paid my usual visit to
2:39:20
Speaker 1: his room after my evening lessons. He looked up at
2:39:23
Speaker 1: me for a moment from his book, and then went
2:39:25
Speaker 1: on reading this perfectly simple and natural movement, however, offended me.
2:39:30
Speaker 1: I conceived that the glance implied a question why I
2:39:33
Speaker 1: had come, and a wish to hide his thoughts from me.
2:39:36
Speaker 1: I may say that at that period a tendency to
2:39:38
Speaker 1: attach a meaning to the most insignificant of acts formed
2:39:41
Speaker 1: a prominent feature in my character. So I went to
2:39:45
Speaker 1: the table and also took up a book to read. Yet,
2:39:47
Speaker 1: even before I had actually begun reading, the idea struck
2:39:51
Speaker 1: me how ridiculous it was that although we had never
2:39:53
Speaker 1: seen one another all day, we should have not a
2:39:56
Speaker 1: word to exchange. Are you going to stay in tonight, Woloda?
2:40:02
Speaker 1: I don't know why. Oh, Because, seeing that the conversation
2:40:08
Speaker 1: did not promise to be a success, I took up
2:40:10
Speaker 1: my book again and began to read. Yet it was
2:40:13
Speaker 1: a strange thing that, though we sometimes passed whole hours
2:40:16
Speaker 1: together without speaking, when we were alone, the mere presence
2:40:19
Speaker 1: of a third, sometimes of a taciturn and a wholly
2:40:22
Speaker 1: uninteresting person, sufficed to plunge us into the most varied
2:40:26
Speaker 1: and engrossing of discussions. The truth was that we knew
2:40:29
Speaker 1: one another too well, and to know a person either
2:40:32
Speaker 1: too well or too little, acts as a bar to intimacy.
2:40:37
Speaker 1: Is Wiloda at home? Came in Dubkov's voice from the anteroom. Yes,
2:40:41
Speaker 1: shouted Wiloda, springing up and throwing aside his book. Dubkov
2:40:45
Speaker 1: and Nekhludoff entered, are you coming to the theater? Woloda? No,
2:40:50
Speaker 1: I have no time, he replied with a blush. Oh
2:40:52
Speaker 1: never mind that, Come along, but I haven't got a ticket.
2:40:56
Speaker 1: Tickets as many as you like at the entrance. Very well,
2:41:00
Speaker 1: then I'll be back in a minute, said Wiloda evasively,
2:41:03
Speaker 1: as he left the room. I knew very well that
2:41:05
Speaker 1: he wanted to go, but that he had declined because
2:41:07
Speaker 1: he had no money, and had now gone to borrow
2:41:10
Speaker 1: five roubles of one of the servants to be repaid
2:41:13
Speaker 1: when he got his next allowance. How do you do, diplomat,
2:41:17
Speaker 1: said Dupkov to me as he shook me by the hand.
2:41:20
Speaker 1: Wiloda's friends had called me by that nickname since the
2:41:22
Speaker 1: day when Grandmamma had said at luncheon that Wiloda must
2:41:26
Speaker 1: go into the army, but that she would like to
2:41:28
Speaker 1: see me in the diplomatic service, dressed in a black
2:41:31
Speaker 1: frock coat and with my hair arranged a la coq,
2:41:34
Speaker 1: the two essential requirements in her opinion of a diplomat.
2:41:38
Speaker 1: Where has Wiloda gone to, asked Nekhludoff. I don't know,
2:41:42
Speaker 1: I replied, blushing to think that. Nevertheless, they had probably
2:41:45
Speaker 1: guessed his Errand I suppose he has no money? Yes,
2:41:49
Speaker 1: I can see, I am right, o diplomatist, he added,
2:41:52
Speaker 1: taking my smile as an answer in the affirmative. Well,
2:41:56
Speaker 1: I have none either, have you any, Dupkov? I'll see,
2:42:00
Speaker 1: replied Dupkov, feeling for his pocket and rummaging gingerly about
2:42:03
Speaker 1: with his squat little fingers among his small change. Yes,
2:42:06
Speaker 1: here are five kopeks twenty, but that's all, he concluded,
2:42:10
Speaker 1: with a comic gesture of his hand. At this point,
2:42:13
Speaker 1: Wilodo re entered. Are we going? No? What an odd
2:42:17
Speaker 1: fellow you are, said Nekhludoff. Why don't you say that
2:42:20
Speaker 1: you have no money? Here? Take my ticket? But what
2:42:23
Speaker 1: are you going to do? He can go to his
2:42:25
Speaker 1: cousin's box, said Dupkov. No, I'm not going at all,
2:42:29
Speaker 1: replied Nekhludoff. Why because I hate sitting in a box,
2:42:33
Speaker 1: and for what reason I don't know. Somehow I feel
2:42:36
Speaker 1: uncomfortable there always the same. I can't understand a fellow
2:42:41
Speaker 1: feeling uncomfortable when he is sitting with people who are
2:42:44
Speaker 1: fond of him. It is unnatural, mon cher. But what
2:42:48
Speaker 1: else is there to be done? Seed your sweet tonk
2:42:51
Speaker 1: to Mete, you never blushed in your life, but I
2:42:53
Speaker 1: do it the least trifle, and he blushed at that moment.
2:42:57
Speaker 1: Do you know what that nervousness of yours proceeds from?
2:42:59
Speaker 1: Said Dupkoh in a protecting sort of tone. Don't excess
2:43:03
Speaker 1: d'a mourt propre moncher. What do you mean by excess
2:43:08
Speaker 1: d'mour propra, asked Nekhludoff, highly offended. On the contrary, I
2:43:13
Speaker 1: am shy just because I have too little amore proper.
2:43:16
Speaker 1: I always feel as though I were being tiresome and disagreeable,
2:43:19
Speaker 1: and therefore, well, get ready, Willoda, interrupted Dukov, tapping my
2:43:25
Speaker 1: brother on the shoulder and handing him his cloak. Ignace,
2:43:27
Speaker 1: get your master ready, therefore, continued Nekhludoff. It often happens
2:43:32
Speaker 1: with me that. But Dukekov was not listening. Try La
2:43:35
Speaker 1: la lah, and he hummed a popular air. Oh but
2:43:39
Speaker 1: I'm not going to let you off, went on Nekhludoff,
2:43:42
Speaker 1: I mean to prove to you that my shyness is
2:43:44
Speaker 1: not the result of conceit. You can prove it as
2:43:46
Speaker 1: we go along, But I have told you I am
2:43:49
Speaker 1: not going. Well, then stay here and prove it to
2:43:51
Speaker 1: the diplomat, and he can tell us all about it
2:43:53
Speaker 1: when we return. Yes, that's what I will do, said Nekhludoff,
2:43:57
Speaker 1: with boyish obstinacy. So hurry up with your return. Well
2:44:02
Speaker 1: do you think I am egotistic? He continued, seating himself
2:44:04
Speaker 1: beside me. True, I had a definite opinion on the subject,
2:44:08
Speaker 1: but I felt so taken aback by this unexpected question
2:44:11
Speaker 1: that at first I could make no reply. Yes, I
2:44:15
Speaker 1: do think so, I said at length, in a faltering voice,
2:44:17
Speaker 1: and coloring at the thought that at last the moment
2:44:20
Speaker 1: had come when I could show him that I was clever.
2:44:23
Speaker 1: I think that everybody is egotistic, and that everything we
2:44:26
Speaker 1: do is done out of egotism. But what do you
2:44:29
Speaker 1: call egotism, asked Nekhludoff, smiling as I thought a little contemptuously.
2:44:34
Speaker 1: Egotism is a conviction that we are better and cleverer
2:44:37
Speaker 1: than anyone else, I replied, But how can we all
2:44:40
Speaker 1: be filled with this conviction, he inquired. Well, I don't
2:44:44
Speaker 1: know if I am right or not. Certainly, no one
2:44:46
Speaker 1: but myself seems to hold the opinion. But I believe
2:44:49
Speaker 1: that I am wiser than anyone else in the world,
2:44:51
Speaker 1: and that all of you know it. At least I
2:44:54
Speaker 1: can say for myself, observed Nekhludoff, that I have met
2:44:58
Speaker 1: a few people whom I believe to excel me in wisdom.
2:45:01
Speaker 1: It is impossible, I replied, with conviction. Do you really
2:45:04
Speaker 1: think so, he said, looking at me gravely. Yes, really,
2:45:08
Speaker 1: I answered, and an idea crossed my mind, which I
2:45:11
Speaker 1: proceeded to expound further. Let me prove it to you.
2:45:15
Speaker 1: Why do we love ourselves better than anyone else? Because
2:45:18
Speaker 1: we think ourselves better than anyone else, more worthy of
2:45:22
Speaker 1: our own love. If we thought others better than ourselves,
2:45:25
Speaker 1: we should love them better than ourselves. But that is
2:45:28
Speaker 1: never the case, and even if it were so, I
2:45:31
Speaker 1: should still be right, I added, with an involuntary smile
2:45:34
Speaker 1: of complacency. For a few minutes, Nekhludoff was silent. I
2:45:39
Speaker 1: never thought you were so clever, he said, with a smile,
2:45:41
Speaker 1: so good humored and charming, that I at once felt happy.
2:45:46
Speaker 1: Praise exercises an all potent influence not only upon the feelings,
2:45:50
Speaker 1: but also upon the intellect, so that under the influence
2:45:53
Speaker 1: of that agreeable sensation, I straightway felt much cleverer than before,
2:45:58
Speaker 1: and thoughts began to rush with the extraordinary rapidity through
2:46:01
Speaker 1: my head. From egotism, we passed insensibly to the theme
2:46:05
Speaker 1: of love, which seemed inexhaustible. Although our reasonings might have
2:46:09
Speaker 1: sounded nonsensical to a listener, so vague and one sided
2:46:12
Speaker 1: were they, for ourselves, they had a profound significance. Our
2:46:16
Speaker 1: minds were so perfectly in harmony that not a chord
2:46:19
Speaker 1: was struck in the one without awakening an echo in
2:46:22
Speaker 1: the other. And in this harmonious striking of different chords
2:46:26
Speaker 1: we found the greatest delight. Indeed, we felt as though
2:46:29
Speaker 1: time and language were insufficient to express the thoughts which
2:46:32
Speaker 1: seethed within us. Chapter twenty seven, the beginning of our friendship.
2:46:40
Speaker 1: From that time forth, a strange but exceedingly pleasant relation
2:46:43
Speaker 1: subsisted between Dmitri Nikhludoff and myself. Before other people, he
2:46:48
Speaker 1: paid me scanty attention, but as soon as ever we
2:46:50
Speaker 1: were alone, we would sit down together in some comfortable corner,
2:46:54
Speaker 1: and forgetful both of time and of everything around us.
2:46:57
Speaker 1: Fall to reasoning, we talked of a future life of art, service, marriage,
2:47:02
Speaker 1: and education. Nor did the idea ever occur to us
2:47:06
Speaker 1: that very possibly always said was shocking nonsense. The reason
2:47:09
Speaker 1: why it never occurred to us was that the nonsense
2:47:11
Speaker 1: which we talked was good, sensible nonsense, and that so
2:47:15
Speaker 1: long as one is young, one can appreciate good nonsense
2:47:18
Speaker 1: and believe in it. In youth, the powers of the
2:47:21
Speaker 1: mind are directed wholly to the future, and that future
2:47:24
Speaker 1: assumes such various, vivid and alluring forms under the influence
2:47:28
Speaker 1: of hope, hope based not upon the experience of the past,
2:47:32
Speaker 1: but upon an assumed possibility of happiness to come. That
2:47:35
Speaker 1: such dreams of expected felicity constitute in themselves the true
2:47:40
Speaker 1: happiness of that period of our life. How I loved
2:47:43
Speaker 1: those moments in our metaphysical discussions, discussions which formed the
2:47:47
Speaker 1: major portion of our intercourse, when thoughts came thronging faster
2:47:51
Speaker 1: and faster, and succeeding one another at lightning speed, and
2:47:55
Speaker 1: growing more and more abstract at length attained such a
2:47:58
Speaker 1: pitch of elevation that one felt powerless to express them,
2:48:02
Speaker 1: and said something quite different from what one had intended
2:48:05
Speaker 1: at first to say, how I liked those moments too.
2:48:08
Speaker 1: When carried higher and higher into the realms of thought,
2:48:11
Speaker 1: we suddenly felt that we could grasp its substance no
2:48:13
Speaker 1: longer and go no further. At carnival time, Nekhludoff was
2:48:19
Speaker 1: so much taken up with one festivity and another that,
2:48:21
Speaker 1: though he came to see us several times a day,
2:48:24
Speaker 1: he never addressed a single word to me. This offended
2:48:26
Speaker 1: me so much that once again I found myself thinking
2:48:29
Speaker 1: him a haughty, disagreeable fellow, and only awaited an opportunity
2:48:33
Speaker 1: to show him that I no longer valued his company
2:48:36
Speaker 1: or felt any particular affection for him. Accordingly, the first
2:48:40
Speaker 1: time that he spoke to me after the carnival, I
2:48:42
Speaker 1: said that I had lessons to do and went upstairs.
2:48:45
Speaker 1: But a quarter of an hour later someone opened the
2:48:47
Speaker 1: schoolroom door, and Nekhludoff entered. Am I disturbing you? He asked, No,
2:48:54
Speaker 1: I replied, although I had at first intended to say
2:48:57
Speaker 1: that I had a great deal to do. Then why
2:48:59
Speaker 1: did you run away? Just now? It is a long
2:49:02
Speaker 1: while since we had a talk together, and I have
2:49:04
Speaker 1: grown so accustomed to these discussions that I feel as
2:49:07
Speaker 1: though something were wanting. My anger had quite gone now,
2:49:11
Speaker 1: and Dmitri stood before me, the same good and lovable
2:49:13
Speaker 1: being as before. You know perhaps why I ran away,
2:49:17
Speaker 1: I said, Perhaps I do, he answered, taking a seat
2:49:21
Speaker 1: near me. However, though it is possible, I know why,
2:49:24
Speaker 1: I cannot say it straight out whereas you can, then
2:49:28
Speaker 1: I will do so. I ran away because I was
2:49:31
Speaker 1: angry with you. Well, not angry, but grieved. I always
2:49:34
Speaker 1: have an idea that you despise me for being so young.
2:49:38
Speaker 1: Well do you know why I always feel so attracted
2:49:41
Speaker 1: towards you, he replied, meeting my confession with a look
2:49:43
Speaker 1: of kind understanding. And why I like you better than
2:49:46
Speaker 1: any of my other acquaintances, or than any of the
2:49:49
Speaker 1: people among whom I mostly have to live, It is
2:49:52
Speaker 1: because I found out at once that you have the
2:49:54
Speaker 1: rare and astonishing gift of sincerity. Yes, I always confess
2:49:59
Speaker 1: the thing things of which I am most ashamed, but
2:50:02
Speaker 1: only to people in whom I trust, I said, Ah,
2:50:06
Speaker 1: But to trust a man you must be his friend completely.
2:50:08
Speaker 1: And we are not friends yet, Nicholas, Remember how when
2:50:12
Speaker 1: we were speaking of friendship. We agreed that to be
2:50:14
Speaker 1: real friends, we ought to trust one another implicitly. I
2:50:18
Speaker 1: trust you in so far as that I feel convinced
2:50:20
Speaker 1: you would never repeat a word of what I might
2:50:23
Speaker 1: tell you. I said. Yet, perhaps the most interesting and
2:50:26
Speaker 1: important thoughts of all are just those which we never
2:50:29
Speaker 1: tell one another, while the mean thoughts, the thoughts which,
2:50:33
Speaker 1: if we only knew that we had to confess them
2:50:35
Speaker 1: to one another, would probably never have the hardihood to
2:50:37
Speaker 1: enter our minds. Well, do you know what I am
2:50:40
Speaker 1: thinking of, Nicholas, He broke off, rising and taking my
2:50:44
Speaker 1: hand with a smile. I propose, and I feel sure
2:50:46
Speaker 1: that it would benefit us mutually that we should pledge
2:50:49
Speaker 1: our word to one another to tell each other everything.
2:50:53
Speaker 1: We should then really know each other and never have
2:50:55
Speaker 1: anything on our consciences, and to guard against outsiders, let
2:50:59
Speaker 1: us also agree never to speak of one another to
2:51:02
Speaker 1: a third person. Suppose we do that, I agree, I replied,
2:51:08
Speaker 1: And we did it. What the result was shall be
2:51:10
Speaker 1: told hereafter. Kerr has said that every attachment has two sides.
2:51:17
Speaker 1: One loves and the other allows himself to be loved.
2:51:19
Speaker 1: One kisses and the other surrenders his cheek that is
2:51:23
Speaker 1: perfectly true. In the case of our own attachment. It
2:51:26
Speaker 1: was I who kissed and Dmitri who surrendered his cheek,
2:51:30
Speaker 1: though he, in his turn, was ready to pay me
2:51:32
Speaker 1: a similar salute. We loved equally because we knew and
2:51:35
Speaker 1: appreciated each other thoroughly. But this did not prevent him
2:51:38
Speaker 1: from exercising an influence over me, nor myself from rendering
2:51:42
Speaker 1: him adoration. It will be readily understood that Nekhludoff's influence
2:51:47
Speaker 1: caused me to adopt his bent of mind, the essence
2:51:50
Speaker 1: of which lay in an enthusiastic reverence for ideal virtue
2:51:54
Speaker 1: and a firm belief in man's vocation to perpetual perfection.
2:51:58
Speaker 1: To raise mankind to a abolished vice and misery seemed
2:52:01
Speaker 1: at that time a task offering no difficulties. To educate
2:52:05
Speaker 1: oneself to every virtue, and so to achieve happiness seemed
2:52:09
Speaker 1: a simple and easy matter. Only God himself knows whether
2:52:14
Speaker 1: those blessed dreams of youth were ridiculous or whose the
2:52:18
Speaker 1: fault was that they never became realized. End of Section seven.