Latest / The Priestess Temple Podcast / Ep 19: Breaking Free From Situationships
Transcript
- Embodied By Jenna: Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Priestess Temple Podcast. I am your host and dark feminine embodiment guide, Priestess Paradise Rain. This is your space to come home to yourself as the goddess through learning about womb wisdom, somatics, and identity work. So that you can heal from heartbreak and have more intimate and fulfilling relationships. I am so grateful that you are here. Hey goddess! Today I wanted to talk about the dreaded situationship and how to never wind up in one ever again. I know that so many women have been burned after getting into entanglements with men that lack clarity. And as the relationship goes on over time, They find themselves getting very attached and emotionally invested in romantic partners that have no intention of having a long-term relationship with them. And this can be very exhausting, especially if you had believed that this person could be a potential long-term partner when the relationship first started out. I know I have found myself in several different situationships over the years, and all of them left me feeling really exhausted and unfulfilled. eventually causing me to leave the relationship after months of investing my time, my beauty, and my feminine energy with a partner who didn't reciprocate the same feelings that I had. And so today, what I really wanted to talk about is a story from my own personal life about a situationship that I was in and what I learned from it. And then I am going to give you specific tips that you can implement in your life today so that you never wind up in a situationship ever again. And then if you're looking for more support, maybe you've just gone through a breakup or you've exited a situationship. Well, then I have a new audio course entitled The Post Breakup Goddess Glow Up that helps you set sexy standards that stick so you can call in devoted love. And there is so much juicy information there that is only going to expand what you have learned in this podcast episode. So without further ado, Let's get started. Now, I went through a string of different situationships after I moved back to the United States from Puerto Rico in 2023. And these entanglements with men left me feeling very heartbroken and drained and a little bit hesitant to even interact with the opposite sex. I'm not gonna lie to you. I was at a music festival. in 2024, shortly after I had ended a situationship, and I went to the music festival not really feeling too open. I was kind of closed off and I was keeping my energy to myself because I felt really hurt and tired after being in these romantic entanglements that were unfulfilling to me. And as I was walking around the festival, there was a man who locked eyes with me in the crowd. And I could tell that this man was staring me down. He had a really interesting energy. where I knew that he was like very fixated on me. Well, he ended up coming up to me and asking for my phone number. And so I gave him my phone number. And after leaving the festival, he ended up texting me. I had no real intention or plan or clarity about how I wanted my interactions with men to go. And I ended up getting on a phone call with this guy. And we talked for hours. It was like a very connective conversation. We kept texting and flirting. And you know, he kind of grew on me. We had a lot in common because he was Puerto Rican. And after I moved home from Puerto Rico, like I was just missing that energy. I was missing the island. And I thought he was very physically attractive. So we end up meeting up in Brooklyn. A couple of months later to see my favorite band, the Disco Biscuits, and he goes all out for me, y'all. Right. He books this hotel that has a pool and a sauna and a hot tub and you know, pays for all of my dinners and takes me to the concert, introduces me to his friends. Like we just have the funnest weekend ever. And of course, we had sex like the whole weekend in the hotel, just partying and just having fun, right? It was nothing serious. And after we left that weekend, we kept talking and ended up meeting back in Brooklyn a month later. But this time things had really changed. So he wasn't as like gung ho about meeting up with me as he was the first time. And we ended up going 50 50 on the hotel room. We had sex in the hotel room and it was good, but it wasn't the same as it had been that first time. And when we left, things were a little bit distant Well, his birthday was in February. And we were talking about going to Puerto Rico because he had never been there. And I loved the island. I missed it so much. And I just wanted to be back. I wanted to show him a good Time in his home country that he had never really visited, especially because it was his birthday. And so he's not really treating me the best. I'm not gonna lie to you. Like he was kind of being inconsistent with his communication and the way that he had started off the relationship, where he was super gung-ho and making all the plans and being. very attached to me was not the same. And it left me feeling very confused because he still wanted to go on this trip with me. And so we planned the trip. We went to Puerto Rico. And when we get there, he says that he doesn't want to sleep with me. And I was like, what? Like, okay. And he was like, yeah, I feel like I just, you know, don't really like you that much. And I don't want you to get the wrong impression. And so I would prefer if we didn't have sex this trip. Meanwhile, we had planned to sleep in the same bed. We rented a camper van that we were driving around together. It was like a very intimate trip that we had planned. And I even made like a reservation for us to get massages and do a boat tour on his birthday, y'all. Okay. And, you know, we go through the whole trip and things. Things were just awful because he said he didn't want to have sex with me, but then was trying to have sex with me. And it got really confusing and unclear and uncomfortable for both of us. I felt really underappreciated when I had done all of this stuff for his birthday. And he felt really underappreciated when he was paying for everything else on the trip. And so after that trip, we went home and we parted ways. And I told him, look. I need to call this off with you because I feel undervalued in this relationship. I feel like I have given so much and that this isn't really working out for either one of us. And he ended up crying on the phone call. And I was really sad too, but I was happy for myself that I walked away because I felt so confused. Confused as to how things started off that strong between us with me getting goddess treatment and then at the end of the trip, him just not wanting to sleep with me and me paying all this money to plan shit for his birthday, and him like feeling uncomfortable about buying me dinner. Yikes. And I learned a lot after going through this situation because me and this person really genuinely liked each other. I think that he's a very good person. He's kind-hearted and he's caring. But there was just such a lack of clarity and discernment about our intentions with one another that things turned really bad really quick. And so I want to teach you what I have learned after going through this experience and things that I have implemented in my life to ensure that both you and I never wind up in a situationship ever again. So the first tip here is that when I was in that place, when I first met him at a music festival, I was really closed off. I was fearful of men because of my previous experiences and entanglements that lacked clarity. And I wasn't really practicing any pleasure in my life. In fact, I was totally closed off to pleasure and I was depriving myself of a lot of joy and And sensual experience within my day-to-day life because of my previous relationship and sexual trauma. And I found that both him and I were using each other to fulfill our own desires and to outsource our pleasure to one another. Hence us getting very quickly attached, having things start on this really high high, being super enmeshed, and then having a ton of sex. On our very first interaction. And so, what I would say to you is that if you do not ever want to wind up in a situationship again, the first thing you need to do is you need to reclaim your pleasure. You need to be fulfilling your needs to make sure that you feel good every single motherfucking day. Because when a relationship is started from a space of lack, That is when things do not wind up well in the long term. And I'm telling you this because I have made this mistake and I have no shame over it. I think that our mistakes are our greatest teachers in life. And truly, to have a fulfilling relationship with a partner for the long term, you need to be meeting your own needs. It is completely impossible for your romantic partner to meet all of your needs. And especially as women, we need to feel pleasure on a daily basis because it helps to regulate our nervous system. our regulatory hormone as women is oxytocin. And oxytocin is released from the body when we have sensual, pleasurable experiences. typically oxytocin is made when we are breastfeeding during the childbirth process and when we are having snuggles and kisses and cuddles with our kids and with our partners. And so you need to give yourself that kind of sensory touch on a daily basis. Because when we are in a state of pleasure, we are regulating our nervous system to go from a state of feeling unsafe and fearful to being in a state of pleasure and safety. And so you need to start fulfilling your own needs today through practicing daily pleasure. What could that look like? Well, it's gonna be different for every single person. For me, I love doing my hair. I love doing my makeup. I love putting on a cute outfit. I love walking outside and feeling the sun on my skin. Whatever makes feel good. Is what you need to implement as your pleasure practice, especially in this patriarchal society where we are taught that pleasure is something that must be earned, that we must do something first, and then the pleasurable experience comes afterwards. I'm telling you, babe, that is ass backwards. And when you put your pleasure first as a woman, then you signal to your body that it is safe, which leads us into the next tip. You need to keep yourself safe at all costs when it comes to your relationship with yourself, and when it comes to your relationships with other people. Now, what creates safety besides pleasure? Clarity. Okay. Because situationships typically start on a foundation that is very shaky and on a set of boundaries and standards that are incredibly un. Clear. And that is totally what happened to me because I was just in this place where I wasn't even looking for anything specific. And so I had no idea what I wanted. I allowed this man to just walk up into my life. I had no boundaries or standards to compare him to or to enforce. And so the relationship dynamic. Was really unclear and really murky. Things started off so strong where we got incredibly enmeshed. And then we ended up having sex right away when I barely even knew this person. And I pretty much completely abandoned myself and put myself in a really unsafe situation. Because once I had sex with him, things completely changed because men do not bond through having sex. They actually bond through the hormone vasopressin. If you would like to learn more about this, I have created another podcast episode called The Dark Truth About Hookup Culture. So make sure you listen to that after you finish this. But what I am telling you is that once I abandoned myself and had sex with this man with a total lack of clarity, I got bonded to him through the secretion of oxytocin. So as he retreated, I got more invested and I just put myself in a situation that was incredibly unsafe. And so what you need to do is you need to get very clear about your boundaries and standards and what the fuck you even want. In a relationship dynamic with a man. Okay. You should not be fucking around with a man if you do not know what you want, just getting in an entanglement and quote unquote seeing where things go. girl, you are gonna be in a world of hurt. And that's where these situationships really start. And so you need to be firm about your boundaries and your standards. as a means of keeping yourself safe so that you don't wind up in a dynamic that's not right for you. Because when you practice daily pleasure, you start to feel safe. And then when things feel unsafe, well, then it is so much easier to feel that in your body. And it is so much easier to walk away earlier when you understand that the person isn't living up to the boundaries and the standards that you set before you decided to entertain the relationship dynamic in the first place. And the final tip here, last but not least, if you're really looking for intimacy within a relationship dynamic, it doesn't come from having sexual intercourse. It doesn't come from having long chats on the telephone or going out to eat and having a nice meal together. These things are all nice, but they don't create true intimacy. What actually creates intimacy is transparency and vulnerability. And so once you're practicing daily pleasure and you feel safe in your body, once you have your boundaries and standards for the relationship, you need to be able to communicate those boundaries and standards to the other person, even though it might make you uncomfortable and even though it might shift the relationship dynamic, because If you really want to have a relationship that is fulfilling for you, you can't just be fawning and people pleasing and abandoning your desires. A true, genuine, intimate connection comes when you are able to speak your truth and be seen and be met by the other person. And this only happens when we are vulnerable and get a little bit uncomfy together. You see, when you hide the truth about what you want or how you're feeling from a person that you are in a relationship dynamic with, what you're really doing is lying to them and you're manipulating the dynamic because if you don't tell the person how you actually feel, well, then how can they consent to being in a relationship with you? They really can't. And so I know this is so hard. Hard because we all want to have connection in our lives. But when you're not being transparent or vulnerable with people, well, then the connection that you've formed is one of inauthenticity. And it's not going to be viable for the long term. And that's what I found after being in different situationships, because I knew. That the dynamic wasn't working for me, but I abandoned my own desires and I was not effectively communicating to my partners about how their actions were making me feel. And it ended up leaving the relationship really damaged and caused it to end in a way that was unfulfilling for both partners in the long term. And so I know that this can be hard, but I am telling you firsthand, transparency and vulnerability in your communication leads to true authentic connection. And when you can be honest and be witnessed by the other person and have them meet you there, well, then that is a connection that is worth fostering for the long term. And so I hope these tips help you to never wind up in a situationship ever again. My post breakup goddess glow up audio course that just came out is a continuation of this episode because it's here to help you set sexy standards that stick so you can call in devoted love. If you are a woman who Writes the list of boundaries and standards in her manifestation journal, but then abandons them the second she enters a relationship dynamic with a man. Well, then this course is for you because we can't just intellectually think about the boundaries and standards. We have to really be able to feel them energetically. And so this course is a deep dive into my signature unbothered energetics framework. That talks about womb energetics and dark male dating psychology. So you can understand the unconscious energetics that silently rule all of our relationship dynamics. And this can really help you understand why your male partners are acting the way they are and help you honor your desire for the long term by being able to implement. The transparency and vulnerability that we talked about in this episode with them, which will lead to more fulfilling and intimate relationships. So the link for that course is going to be in the description of this podcast episode. And I just want you to remember that through practicing daily pleasure, you can begin to cultivate safety within your nervous system. And when you start feeling safe within yourself, well, then it is so much easier to begin to set boundaries and standards with other people. You need to be transparent and you need to be vulnerable to cultivate true intimacy in your relationships by telling your partners how you feel, and by maintaining clarity within the relationship dynamic from the start. And so if you are looking for more support, my post breakup goddess glow-up audio course can help you do just that. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the Priestess Temple Podcast. If you enjoyed this conversation, please share with members of your community. Comment, rate, and subscribe to the podcast so we can continue having these amazing conversations every week. I will see you next Thursday. And until then, remember, you are the goddess.