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NOW WE BOTH SOME WHEEL CHAIR N*GGAS · Blind But Now I See

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Look, all right, we're back for another episode of.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Lads can not at the yachta in her like. Yess,
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: she ain't getting no dung. Gosh, you might as well dude,
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: shut your ring.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Girl.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: Yes, god, she is a wife.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Now, I am a married woman.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Now, y'all can't sit and say, y'all do this, y'all
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: do that, y'all flip upside dad, she gots a man now, Oh.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: God, the comments be so atrocious. But no, y'all also
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: can't say I can't give advice because I'm a married
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: woman and married. Let's clap that married.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: Yes, and me and my mother married some so and
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: we're not married together.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: No, we got we got everybody spouses.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: Look, she joined the podcast and we just getting married.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Next we were wishing on Wolf nex Wolf.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: Next we gotta throw some of the blessings over there.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: Yes, this is he's two months after us, so when.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: He gonna be married July, about July, he might get expired.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: Lady stop, but it's another episode of the black Podcasts.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: I am the fishery blind stuff. But see now that's
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: another woman with a ringing in the wheel chair.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: That's the fuck up. I'm not this bitch. On wheels,
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: you know what the fuck are going. But no, today,
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: this week is Mother's Day, guys, So when you guys
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: see it, it would be after Mother's Day, but it's
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: still Mother's Day, tom. And we just want to give
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: a big shout out to not only our mothers, but
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: all the mothers the world. Yes, all the mothers in
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: the world that's doing any things. Not the bitches that's
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: mothers when it's time to go on a gi but
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: the mothers that really break their backs and do their
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: thing for their kids and they still know how to
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: be a bad bitch at the end.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: Hello, we're gonna.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: Stop mom shaming women too, just because the women know
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: how to have a good time and she got a kid,
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: don't meet them kids they't taken care of because one
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: thing about it. I'm a mother first and a bad
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: bitch directly after my kid be right in bad. Hello,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: let's talk about it.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: Shout out to all the mother's out there, able body,
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: disabled everything. I've seen two women no arms, like really
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: taking care of eight kids, Like I take off my
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: hat to y'all, Like she picking that kid up with
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: her feet, putting in the crib and the stroller. I'm
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: like that's.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: No, there's I've seen that. And she literally raised her
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: baby with no.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: Arms, take the kid to school and all that. Like
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: that's real right there.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: And these are the mothers that be doing better than
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: half of you. But today we're going to talk about
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: our mamas, because our mamas is the most I brand
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: mamas in our life. So I'll start it off. So
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: the type of relationship I was saying, me and my
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: mother had before disability, because we're gonna call it b
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: D a D before disability, Me and my mom always
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: was very close. My mother is only seventeen years older
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: than me. She had me young, but she still graduated
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: high school. I still went to college when my MoMA
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: I was in old them day kids. My mama said
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: her things, she became a teacher, she was doing her
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: shit stop. So at the end of the day, I
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: know what it's like first inforehand to just see a
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: woman grow and involve with a child and see that
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: it's possible because a lot of people down teen mothers.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: But my mother had so much to just prove that.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: She got even more done. And I'm so thankful for
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: everything that she did for us in our lives because
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: without her, I don't know where I would be, and
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: she made sure that I knew, like I could talk
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: to her about everything. Like when I lost my virginity,
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: I felt safe talking to my mother. When I thought
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: I was gay, I didn't feel safe talking to my
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: mother because my mother didn't play that shit, but she still,
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: you know, fake accepted it and just everything. Like I
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: felt like I could talk to my mother about everything,
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: and she allowed me to express myself creativity wise, I
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: was able to do things that other kids wasn't doing.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: But on top of that, I was on an honor roll.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: I made sure I had nineties and all that. My
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: mother showed up for every school performance, parents teachers conference
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: and she never missed anything. My best friend, that's my heart.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: But she makes my assage shoe though you know, she
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: made mass. Nobody can get under my skin like my
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: mama sometimes because when it's war, it's war. I'm not
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: gonna lie. It's hell. But I know how to bring
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: her back being her first child, because I don't know
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: you're the you're the first child as well. Okay, so
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: you understand being the first child is hard because we
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: carry that.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: The first child went through the struggles exactly.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: We had to see everything that our parents go through,
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: and then you see the younger siblings, It's like I
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: didn't get that, you know what.
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: I mean, Like I feel like being the first child,
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: we really taught our mothers to how to be.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: Mothers mm hm, and I grew we grew up with them.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: Because being now that I'm a mother, I see like,
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: damn all the times. So I was bombing my mother
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: for things that I was momba for. It's like it's
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: your first time having a child. You ain't never been
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: a moment before, no matter if you've seen a thousands,
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: it's no handbook with this ship and a lot of
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: the mothers even if my mother was married. My mother's
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: married to my dad, but she's still Even when you're
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: a married woman, sometimes the burden of the child still
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: goes on to you more, you know what I'm saying.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: So my mother and my dad was just able to
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: work and provide and shit. But my mother had to
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: dinner food, like I said, showing up for every parent's conference,
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: cleaning all that shit. She was doing all that. So
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: that's what I leaned through more. And that's why sometimes
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: the dads they get the pad on the back because
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: they don't have to do all the shit. Your mom's
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: fucking exhausted. So this weekend, this week, let your mom relax.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: The only thing that we want to do for Mother's
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: Day is relaxed. I don't want to go out. I
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: don't want to say that nobody brunch. I don't want
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: to be in line. I want to sleep in. I
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: want to go to sleep. Okay, that's what I want.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: So it was your relationship like with your son.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: Me and my mother. My mother had me when I
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: was sixteen. When what when y'all she was sixteen?
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: Just a couple of disabilities, A couple of them here today.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: Memory loss. But yeah, my mother had me when she
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: was sixteen. So it's like me and my mother grew up.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: It was like we was mothers and brothers and sisters too.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: We had to love hate relationship cause it's like everything
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: being learned, everything that she learned how to be a mother.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: It was like it was tested on me. I was
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: I was the opposite. I was running around and not
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: going to school. Well I was going to school but
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: getting messed up grades and all that. But my mother's
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: over she with my ass. But I'm glad that she
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: did it because it really made me who I am today.
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: So my mother had a lot of tough love. Like
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: she she told us shit. And you were like, damn,
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: your mother talking to you like that. But she always
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: told you, I talked to you like this, so when
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: somebody else on the street talk to you, it's gonna
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: roll over for you. I'm making you tough. I'm preparing
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: you for the world, like we done have been through
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: the shelters, when my mother stayed up and stood in
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: front of the door to make sure we was comfortable.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: I made sure nobody broke in me, her and my sister,
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: Like we went through the struggle. My father wasn't around,
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: so my sister went with her father. My mother played
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: that role too. Get you, I'm gonna get your Easter clothes.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: You're gonna go to Coney Isla. We're gonna do this.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: She made sure I was. I was not missed out
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: of having a father. It's times when he was playing basketball.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: My mother couldn't play basketball. She's outside with us, pushing
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: us and all that, making us tough and all that.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: But it didn't make me. It made me even more
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: appreciated of her that to the fact that she's out
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: there balling with us. I don't know what she's doing.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: But some guys they take that out on their mother,
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: and not even just guys. Because I'm a girl. And
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: when my dad, like when my mother and my father
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: sput up, I was angry with my mother at first.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna be so real. I was angry because I'm like, well,
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: if you didn't act like this, you didn't do this,
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: he would have never did that, you know what I mean.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: See, there's a different when I was going into the world,
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: I didn't know. I didn't know.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: You didn't know your daddy was.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: My father used to walk past me.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: You've seen so you seen him?
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: Want to hear my father like I grew up on
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: a black my phone, but he never acknowledged you, never
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: acknowledged me.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: Like ever now he acknowledges you, Like we gotta get
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: that for father's.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: We I mean like we they was young. So it's
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: like I give him that grace. But my mother, like
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: I praise her a lot of stuff. She sacrificed for me.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: And it's like you didn't have to because you was
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: already being a mother already.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: But why is it that men are allowed more grace
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: than women when it comes to parenthood, because if a
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: mother is a deadbeat, it's twenty times worse than if.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: A father is a dead beat. I don't look at
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: it like that. I give him mother grace too, because
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: you never know what that person was going through. Sometimes
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: leaving I feel like sometimes leaving a kid to somebody
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: that you know that's going to take care of the kid.
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: It's more better than you being there sucking up that kid.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: Like, oh, I totally agree with that. As a kid,
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: you don't understand that. As a kids, sometimes they translate
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: it translates into anger a lot of the times because
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: it's like you see father showing up at other things
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: for other kids. And like I said, I didn't go
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: through that experience because I still, even though my parents separated,
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: I still have my dad in my life, you know
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: what I mean. And I had to acknowledge that my
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: parents separating wasn't my dad leaving us. It was him
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: and my mother no longer being together, you know what
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: I mean. So I had to take out the anger
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: that I had for both of them because I was
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: angry with my dad for not fighting harder. But I
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: was also angry with my mom for feeling like I
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: felt like she pushed me away. But as I got older,
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: I realized, like, you know, these are adult problems. That
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: shit had nothing to do with me, and I kind
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: of placed myself in it being the first child, the
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: oldest child, and then as a lot of times as
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: the oldest child, you become your parents' therapist.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, my mother called me for everything when she signed
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: going with work, sign going wrong with one of my siblings,
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: Like she just call and she vented me even when
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: she's out of it, like my mother, she calls me,
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: like my mother liked even put out in line. She
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: got her un RESK taken out. History was cancer cells
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: on it. But just talking to her and all that,
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: it's like she felt depressed cause like that's a part
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: of her. She's losing. Yeah you don't, but all in
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: the group chat and I'm like, yo, you got four
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: dope kids like that thing worked, like you don't need
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: it no more.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: But that it's not even about it not working for kids.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: It comes. It does a lot to your body. Not
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: saying that if she wasn't menopausal or anything like that
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: that can bring only on.
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: It definitely comes. We see it we see it happening
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: for they start glitting out that happened in real time,
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: but just to show like be going through to be
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: going through that pain, me going through the store. Like
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: my mother did stuff that I didn't understand. But now
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: being an adult, I'm like, I get it. Like it's
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: time my mother sacrifice for us to eat. I'm gonna
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: go to work hungry, but I'm gonna ma sure y'a
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: got school money to go to school. I'm gonna make
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: sure your uniform is clean. Even if she had to
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: wash it out on her hands in the sink, it
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: got done that. So it's like, that's that's a real mother.
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: Make it. We me my sister, we eat two different
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: types of serreo. I cereals on the top of that frigerator.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: She like jello. I like jello. She like putting it's
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: a thefrigerator. She made sure she broke her back to
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: make sure we didn't go without, you know, our own rooms.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: We had clean clothes, we had haircuts, my haircut my
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: sister had done. Like we never went without real shit.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: And then when you really think about it, it's like
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: behind closed doors, I don't know what my mother was
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: really going through to make sure this happened. She was
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: young raising us like we was. We grew up as friends.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: So it's like I take my head off to all
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: the mothers that sacrifice for their kids, Like because me
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: becoming a parent, I see the things I have to do,
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: the sacrifice just for myns. I sing with my child
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: mother like shout off to her, what was she do
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: the sacrifice for my kid? So I'm like, back then
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: it was even harder.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: You think like did you always see with your child's mother.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: Did you always acknowledge your sacrifice that she was making
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: or is it something that you.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: Had to I feel like over time, over time, if
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: we first know over time, I really start to say
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: it like a lot of things she did out didn't understand.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: But then when I sit back and I really examine
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: how she moved, Like it's times I seen my mother,
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: my child mother, blow money on my son and be broken.
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: I'm like, now you gotta wait two weeks to eat,
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: but she don't care because it's okay. And then I go
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: in my pocket. I'm like, here, this allows you until
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: you get paid. So I'm like I see the distance
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: even when I feel like he don't need it. She's
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: gonna go to extramount to make sure you have it.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: And I think part of it comes in from the
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: way they they was raised.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: They grew up without, They grew up without.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: So it's like, I don't want my kids that not have.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: I feel the same way.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: My child is designer and I ain't.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: Never my son got Gucci distance.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: I don't even believe in designer like that. But for
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: my baby, he gonna have that ship on.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: Bow Takers Graduation Balencayas, And I'm like, I don't want
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: none of that, but we go the distance. Five kids,
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: So just knowing, like my mother standing in front of
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: that door in the shelter while me and my sister sleep.
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: Mind you, she putting her coat on the bed so
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: we could sleep, so no bugs could crawl on him.
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: And she just sent in front of the door, somebody
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: won't break into that shelter. Every day, were traveling to
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: the Bronx just to check in. Never forget the id's
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: what I pitchure on it that says help. So like
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: my mother did she I feel like me and my
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: sister we really been through the mother with my mother
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: to get with so my little sister and little brother
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: can have what they got now because we told her
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: how to be the parent. We went through the mistakes
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: so not so she could get it right with them.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: I had to grow with her. And I acknowledge that too,
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: because for me, I'm ten plus years older than all
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: of my siblings, so my mother has three of us.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: It's me, my brother, and then my younger sister. I'm
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: ten years older than my brother, twelve years older than
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: my little sister. And I'm not even mad at the
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: lifestyle that they live. They have an amazing lifestyle. I'm not.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: I used to be fake, you know, a little resentful
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: about it because it's like, well damn, I didn't get
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: that life and stuff like that. But I also look
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: at it like I was choosing the streets.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: I used to be like, I want to stay on
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: the block. My mother used to be taking My mother
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: was the mother, Oh we're going here, we going here.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: I didne did a thousand days, but I want to
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: stay on the block with my friends. I want to
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: do this. I was literally choosing the streets, so I
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: couldn't even be mad at my mom. I remember when
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: my situation when I got shot, everybody was blaming my
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: Mom like, well, you let her go to that party.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: Da da da, And she had a lot of guilt
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: for it, and I'm like, it's not your fault. I
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: did what I wanted to do, And if you would
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: have told me no, I could have climbed out my
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: fucking window and been at that party regardless. At least
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: you knew where I was at, you know what I'm saying.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: She thought it was going to be a different type
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: of party, and she thought a lot about it. But
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: I'm like, Mammy, I don't lie to you. It was
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: supposed to be a different type of party. I told her,
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: supposed to be a lesbian party, but it just wasn't.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: So when she found out about to be lesbian party,
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: it was supposed to be all girls party, I was.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: I thought I was gad at the time. I told you,
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: don't fucking laugh at mean my fucking sister. Sister. Yeah,
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: So I thought it was gonna be that type of party.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: So when she found out, like my mother found thought,
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: I got shot from my old friend's mother. She came
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: banging on my mom's door and I got shot probably
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: like eleven thirty, you know what I mean. They banging
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: on the door I don't remember the exact time, but
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: my mother just in her sleep because she works older,
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So she's knocked the fuck out.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: They banging on the door. They're like, oh, friend, she
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: got shot. Friend, she got shot, And she like, huh,
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean? When she got shot? Friend,
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: she got shot. So she just jumped out of bed,
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: didn't even have no clothes on for real, And yeah,
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: I was fifteen, just turned fifteen, and she caught my cousin,
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: my cousin that I was closest that I'm closest to
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: at that point, my older cousin. Then they just got
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: in the car, my mother almost lying to a car accident,
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: just trying to drive to where I got shot at,
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And by the time I
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: seen my mother, my first time seeing my mother after
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: getting shot, was in the hospital while they pushing me
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: through on the stretcher. So my mother just like I
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: seen her face and it just looked there like empty,
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And I knew I had
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: to fight harder to stay because my mother would she
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: wouldn't be the same without me, you know what I'm saying.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: Like even when I was laying on the ground as
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: I was shot, I kept telling everybody, like, my mother
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: gonna kill me if I die. Like it sounds crazy,
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: but I was thinking about my mom. I'm like, my
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: mom's gonna kill me if I die me And it
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: sounds stupid when you think about it, but that's really
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: what I was thinking, like in my fifteen year old
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: drunk ass bring And when I seen her face, I
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: just was so sorry, like you know what I'm saying,
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: for everything that I put her through for all the
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: nights I was outside and she had to you know
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: what I mean, wondering stuff like that. And that was
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: the first night because like I said, we had a
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: trust relationship, you know what I mean. Our relationship was
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: built off for trust. So that was the first night
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: I really seen her just look broken, you know what
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like, and she's been through a lot of
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: shit in her life, but that was the first time
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: I seen my mom actually look broken, and I'm like, damn,
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: like I can't go. She was the first person who
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: faced I seen when I woke up from out theakoma,
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And she never left my
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: side the whole time in the hospital, and she had
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: two other kids at own babies, because like I said,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: I'm if I'm fifteen, there's five father. So she's just
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: sitting at the hospital with me every day. And she
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: had to quit her drop because she got fired because
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: she was always at the hospital.
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: Ye you breathe so exactly.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: It was. It was a lot, you know. And I
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: commend her because I used to be like, I'm the
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: one that got shot. But now that I'm a mother,
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: I can't imagine something happened to my child.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: I understand that I cannot.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: I cannot imagine, like I don't want to imagine that,
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: So I have to give.
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: Her probably still got trauma and son.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: Oh, she definitely has pta. She has never been the same.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: Me and my mother did everything together. I'm talking my
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: hour hair. He was at the hair salon every two
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: weeks now salon every two weeks together, you know what
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: I'm saying. And a lot changed because the place where
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: we used to get our hairs done is not will accessible,
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. Even our house not will accessible.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: So my mother literally carrying me with her, even though
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: she's not that she was carrying me hurt in her back.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying upstairs and ship like that,
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: just to make sure I'm good. Putting me in the shower,
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: my mother doesn't fucking My mother had to fucking near
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: my kuchi because I couldn't shave. You know what I'm saying.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: Putting cathters in me like changing my diaper as an adult,
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: like it never come. She never complained about it. She
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: never She never blamed.
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: Me and Clo. I used to drop off at work
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: and pick up, so we always had that I'm the bond.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: When I'm dropping off, be talking when I'm picking up,
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: be talking a man about her day. So we always
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: had that bond. So when I got shot, it was
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: different because the day I got shot, me and my
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: mother we had an argument about me. This point in time,
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: I felt like I passed the empt test. They was
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: taking too long. I'm getting frustrated. I don't want to
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: turn to the streets for money. I'm trying to do
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: the right thing. She's telling me to go to Marshoes
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: and TJ Max to work. I'm not. I'm like, I've
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: been here there and caught me back. Well go again.
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm just gonna sign up for the army.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: The navy. She didn't want me to do that. Me
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: and her going back and forth with whatever be arguing.
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: That same night, my son, know me, didn't want to
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: go with my mother. He went with my mother that night.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: As soon as I left my mother, two hours later,
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: I got shot. So in her mind is like, I
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: just I just argue with my child. Now he's fighting
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: for his life. So the way my mother found out
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: was my wife, my wife. Now's the time she was
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: your girlfriend. He wasn't even a girlfriend, a person in
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: your life. Yeah, my best friend. He was best friends,
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: but just doing a little extra my best friends, you know.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: But she called my mother and told my mother I
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: was shot. So the cops reported me getting shot five times,
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: when really I just got shot three times.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: So you and your mother thought you got shot five times?
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And they said I got shot in the head.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: So my mother bonde is my son is gone. So
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: when they were my stepfather found me, he was like yo,
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: he's he's talking, he's breathing, And she was like.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: Wait, so what do you mean your stepfather found her?
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: Did he find you?
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: Now? They found what hospital I was in. So when
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: he found me in the hospital, they were like, yo,
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: he talking, he's breathing, and she like, I think you're lying.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: You just wanted to identified my child. So it was
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: hard for her, like my sisters and I'm told when
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: they called, my mother fell out on the floor because
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: now it's like I got to bury my first bone.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: Get to the hospital. They was like, they don't know
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: from to make it through the night. She was like
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: the only thing you know, walking to the door and
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: she's just singing. Me hooked up to the tubes and
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: and she's like, I just got to get ready for
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: a funeral.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: She thought, was like I gott get ready for The
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: doctor said they didn't know if I wasn't gonna make
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: it through the night because you had got shots because
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: for people that know, you got shot.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: Shot twice in my head and once to the shoulder,
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: but I lost so much blood. So they were sent
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: up there saying that if I had a seizure or
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: a heart attack, it's my body cutting.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: Stand it and your blood pressure.
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: So it would have been over for me, like pretty
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: much been a vegetable.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: Did they get the bullet out?
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: What bullet went in then out?
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: Both of them in and out, all of.
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: Them everything in and out shot me up close right,
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: So I still got bullet frags. Yeah, I got bullet
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: fragments behind my eyes, like pieces of metal behind my eyes.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: They don't want to take it out because they're afraid.
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: They want to take it out. But I just don't
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: want them to keep cutting on me because like you
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: cut on me, you take it out, it's not gonna
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: help me to see.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: So why are you sure about that? They?
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the courses clip, the course to the brain and
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: the odes is clipped, so it's like you're just taking
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: it out. They even wanted me to donate mynds to science.
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: I'm not doing none of that.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: Donate your eyes, so how you was going to see?
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: I mean.
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: They give me all the ficial.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: Eyes, it's gonna give you some bubble like the glass
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: eyes like a fish. Yeah, still work.
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: I got fragments in my arm and all that. So yeah. So,
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: I mean she was up there every day with me,
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: Like it's painful to listen to the.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: Mother with your mom when you when you came to
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: like after the come.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: When I when I first woke up, my wife was there.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: She called my mother told her that they take me
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: up the respira. They feel like built en up strength,
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: and my mother just come in and I just remember
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: she just laying on my stomach, hands on me, laying
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: on my stomach, and then she was just like my baby.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: And I'm sitting out there and it's like I'm still
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: not understanding, like what actually happened to me and my
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: mom and is like, I feel like they got the
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: best of me. I gotta go back.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: But you couldn't see her.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: You just my eyes was wrapped up because you just.
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: Thought it was You thought it was just cousin's wrapped up.
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: I just thought it like they gave me a good
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: ass whipping antil point they closed my eyes up.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: You feel me took that blacky.
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: I thought they whipped my ass bad. So because I remember,
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: I ain't really think I got shot either, So when
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: I'm like, where's my pants on my phone? And she
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: was like you got shot twice? And you talk about
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: the pants and the phone, and it's like reality kicked
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: in from there. Then it was like I'm just sitting
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: up there. She's just like, yo, you want to you
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: want some camp? I mean you want some fruit sudden
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: to drink? Yeah, like everything was walking on egg shells now,
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: Like she just up and running and go get it
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: up and running and go get it. But even before
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: my sister was like, she went to my like I was.
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: I stayed with my grandmother. She went to the house,
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: and my grandmother tried to clean up my room and
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: she just like, leave his room the way it is.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: He coming home and people looking like you feel me like,
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: but we can still clean it. No, leave it like
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: it is. My stepfather couldn't sleep in my bag with
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: my mother. They said she wrapped herself up in one
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: of my one of my sweaters and went to sleep
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: just to smell me. So it was like it was hard.
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: Just somebody that you gave life to twenty one years ago,
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: and now you're telling me like I gave him life
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: now somebody took his life.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: And she's assuming because at this point, when she was
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: leading in bed, she assumed you was Dad. Yeah, because
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: he was still hooked.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: Up to that at that point, you didn't know if
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: I was gonna make it off the respirator or not.
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: So it was like pretty much it was all on me.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: Like they the doctors did they part. Now it's up
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: to him to pull through. Three days on the respirator.
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: I got off that ship. And I'll never figet. I
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: called and I'm like, ma, they releasing me. She said,
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: you're not coming home. They're not releasing you, like stop
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: trying to rest to get home this Then and the
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: third the doctor said, miss Felder, we letting him go, and.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: They released on their own accord or.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: You're they released me on the okay. And when they
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: told her that, she's like, I'm coming, I'm coming, and
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: she just grabbed my stuff and came up there and
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: I'm like, well, I ain't went away this and i
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: ain't want so, boy, just put the sh it on
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: and come home. I'm just like, ah man. But just
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: the drive home. And then the hardest moment was like
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: they watching me walk up the stairs. It's different now
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: I'm holding onto the walls. They watched me walk through
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: the house. I'm holding on like they was crying in
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: silence so I won't hear it. Then I'm in the
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: tub and she came to the bathroom and she's just like,
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: what's wrong And I'm like nothing, and she like, boy,
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: tell me what's I'm like, I can't wash because my
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: right arm is.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: Dad at the time, because you got shot.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: And she like a right let me wash you. And
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: I just looked at her and she like, boy, I'm
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: your mother. I've seen it, and I'm just like, nah,
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: it's different. That was twenty one years ago.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: It don't matter that your mama.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: But then she threw me a towe with her hair,
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: cover yourself, and she just washed me. And I'm just
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: crying because it's like, I feel like that same little
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: kid in the tub and my mother washing me.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: That's you think that that was that My mother literally
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: had to Like when I first got shot, I couldn't
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: shit or peel on my own. You don't see what
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: I'm saying. So my mother literally have to put her
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: a cather in my vagina, you know what I'm saying,
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: to help me peeing. She had to do it on
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: the schedule. So every morning she's waking me up, taking
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: change in my pamping to make sure I don't get
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: a bread story, you know what I'm saying, putting the
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: catherin inside of me. It's a schedule. She's getting up early,
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: and she still got two other kids to raise. You
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: don't say what I'm saying. So she's just and everybody's
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: asking her questions. My mother was fucking traumatized. Like, but
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: she was just so happy for me to be alive.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: She just couldn't. She didn't say anything like I remember
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: every morning because I had to do homeschool surdy morning,
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: I have to eat watch She made me my wile foods,
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: my sausage. You know what I'm saying. That's all I
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: wanted to eat. And then she was like, all right,
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: time to wash that. My mother's washing me. You know
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying, she told. But that pushed me to
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: just get more independent because I'm like, you know what,
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: I can't get jigged. I can't get jiggy with this shit,
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: I like to.
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: I because it eased her mind. Yeah, she felt like
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: she's doing it for me.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: The more it did help, it did she felt more
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: like mothers like to feel needed, and my mother gets off.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: My mother gets off on film when I call her
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: for the littlest saying, She's just happy to do it
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: because it's like, Okay, my baby needs me. And at
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: that point, my mother didn't trust anybody, so when I
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: was in the hospital, she trusted she trusted certain people.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: So when I was in the hospital, to make her
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: feel good, she took in this boy that saved my
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: life at the party because his name is you know,
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: I don't want to give out his name because but
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: shout out to him. He pulled me to the floor.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: So at the time, he was homeless, he didn't have
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: a family and stuff like that. So my mother just
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: took to him because it's like, my child isn't here,
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: so you get to be here, you know what I'm saying.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: And she took him in. I remember she gave him
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: this fire ass like old school, like vintage Tommy Hill
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: figure jack and I'm like, bit y'all wanted that jacket,
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: fire ass jacket. And he pulled up to the hospital
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, nah, you look fly, bro, because you know,
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: everybody used to try to like, you know, when people
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: go through shit, people try to make funey. So now
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: he got this shit on. He looking like that. You know,
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: he lived with my mom. You could tell he lived
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: with my mom. Was like he looking good and taking
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: care of and I just remember older people that checked
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: on my mother, you know what I'm saying. That's what
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: was important to me. My best friend got killed. God
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: rest his soul. Not the guy that was staying at
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: my house. Gianmani is still alive. Shout out to you.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: But my best friend had got killed. But before he died,
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: I was in the hospital, and he never came in
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: to the hos because you know, there's so much beef
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: going on. He had a lot going on. So he
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: was just always check on my mother. And my mother
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: always reflected that because like, even though he wasn't able
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: to come into the hospital, check you need something, ma,
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: you okay. So anybody that checked on my mother, they
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: checked on me. You know what I'm saying, because that's
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: that's my lifeline up to that moment. And she literally
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: when I first came home, she didn't want me to
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: go outside of my myself. She didn't even want me
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: to go outside. And I'm in a whelchow in front
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: of the yard. Man. I came home. I was smoking
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: the bog. Yeah, I was so stressed out. You go nowhere, Yo,
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: got a lot going on. My grandma busted me down. Listen,
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: my grandma bust me down. I'm sitting there. I can't
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: do nothing. You can't walk, nigga. I had a and
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: they got a back brace on. Got yeah, so you
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: gotta wear a back brace. So it looked like I'm
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: outside with a bulletproof vessel. And I'm feeling like fifty
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: cent and many men, nigga, I'm ready to wild out.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: So I'm just sitting there. I'm like, Mommy, I'm going
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: to I said, you know what, I'm going to the
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: store today. So she's like, what, like, Grandma, go, I'll go.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, no, I'm going to the store to day.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: And I went. I rolled into the store. I go
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: with my friends while she sent my grandma. I see
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: my grandmother a few blacks. I see her like behind
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: she know, not right behind me. She like trying to
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: hide behind cars and shit. I said, Grandma, fucking see you.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: But she just my mother protect she was so trying.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: Like I said, everybody blames her and shame on you people,
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: because at the end of the day, you can. You
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: can raise your child as good as you want, you
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. Like I said, And she wasn't.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: She was away, like she knew where I was. So
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: I didn't have to hide from my mom like parents
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: had are strict breed sneaky children, you know what I'm saying.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: So you could be on top. It's a balance that
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: you have to have. You could be on top of
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: your child as much as you want, but they still, Yeah,
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: in the hood, you got to grow up a little bit.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: Faster and didn't half the sh I was doing it.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: Man, My mother didn't my mother. My mother did not
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: know ship about this. Mother is like my.
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: Mom found out about tattoos that I had when I
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: got shot.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: Oh boy, please don't even get me started on tattoos. Man,
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: My mama. Mama knew about. My mama knew about some
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: of them. But imagine I was fifteen years She's just
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: like the.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: Women I were dealing with when I got shot.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh see, like I said, I didn't have
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: my mother have to find because I told my mother everything.
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: And that was like my I was rolling star was
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: twenty one. But then at that time, it was like
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: it was so much love coming into the hospital that
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: my mother cut it off.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: But my mother cut that hospital.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: I don't know who to trust, You don't know what
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: the story is, so therefore I got to cut it off.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: A news reporter snuck in and interviewed me while I
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: was off a fucking morphine. Do you notice it? I
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: was saying, on that ship, man, they had my name,
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: they had my last name of first name. Wrong. I
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: gave them like my real first my real I gave
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: them my real name, my last name. No, shut the fuck,
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: I'm off the whiskey. This is last night's whisky.
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: I feel like my mother hardest. The hardest thing for
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: my mother was when I was going through my mentor
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: my mental health, mental health, like getting shot was one thing,
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: but really saying the breaking down, like the how I
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: was breaking down, how the didn't want to be here,
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: the things I was talking about, the movements, me taking pills,
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: me drinking, And it's like you watching your son, like
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: you seeing your son fight from coming back from a
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: gunshot to you. Now you're saying your son trying to
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: kill herself. That's a different state. I feel like that
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: hurt her more because like broken, I'm mentally broken. It's like,
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: I'm doing this for y'all. I'm a live for y'all.
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: I kept saying that I'm a live for y'all. I'm
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: not a lie for I'm here for y'all. This makes
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: y'all happy. I'm making y'all happy just by being here out.
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: But I'm not happy. I can't see y'all or I'm
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: under seeing Like my mother, she make my plate and
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: she put it in front of me and she like,
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: this is this and this is this, and she put
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: my hand on what is what? And she'd just sit
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: there and she just quiet and I'm just eating. I
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: just feel her staring at me. But I'm like, I
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: don't say nothing, but I feel it. It's times I
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: be sleeping, I just feel my mother staring at me,
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: and it's like, oh, I walk and she just be
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: sent to quiet and she quick the grandma plate and
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: my sister like, nah, let him. He not a handicap.
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: That nigga know what he's doing. Sometimes Mom staring at you, Yeah,
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: could I could be slate, Like since I got shot,
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: I don't sleep heavy, so like the littlest stay, I
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: could feel some somebody something just off. So when somebody
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: just looking at me and I'm move and she's like okay,
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: I'm like I'm okay, but it's just like I don't
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: know what it is like, yeah, everything else staring and
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: looking at me. I moved and then she was like
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: what's wrong. I'm like nothing, but I'm like, I know
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: you was looking at me.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: You felt her looking at you with sadness?
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I seen it. And then it's like my mother
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: did a great job raising her k like all four
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: of us that when I got hurt, which I was
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: like the headlon whenever anything happened to anybody in the
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: streets or anything, I'm the first person that they ran to.
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: I seen the Headlon go down, and I seen the
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: cubs like crowd around me to protect me. I felt
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: I was like when I was vulnerable. Now it's like
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: everybody had to grow up quicker than what they did.
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: That's really like my little brother when I got shot,
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: he was eleven years old. My little brother on my Instagram,
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: he like, I had this thing Jungle divers magazine. I
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: wanted to start a laundry magazine because when you when
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: you down, you just wanna do anything just to feel
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: something like you doing something.
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: YEA.
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: My brother looking at ass shaking video doing it.
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: All like he growing up, yo, Jesus.
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: My sister Tati, like she making sure Spanish restaurant was
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: there for every lunch for me. My sister Brianda, we
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: grew up close with each other, so it's like it
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: was hard for her to be around me at times
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: cause it's like I'm not used to my brother being
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: like this. She stopped playing basketball cause I got shot,
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: So it was different. So it was a time when
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: the headline went down. Now the Cubs couldn't be Cubs
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: no more.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: You know, it's funny you say that because, like I said,
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: my brother was ten years younger than me. So I
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: remember the first time, like we went to uh a
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: doctor's appointment. He went to my EyePoint. We all had
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: the same eye doctors, so he went with me and whatever,
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: and then the doctor's off, they had like an empty wheelchair,
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: so he got in a wheelchair and he was like
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: push me, and I was like, he's like, yeah, now
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: we both some wheelchair niggas. Like that shit just made
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: it made me like cause when I say, you know,
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: I just looked at it a little bit, because you
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: could when you're in something, you don't really see yourself
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: in it. You just but then you see the chair
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: and it was like it was just a reminder. Like
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: it was like that commercial that always pop up on
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: TV and then they have the injured. So when I
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: seen that, it was just like a mind boggle. And
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: it was like maybe a month or two after I
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: came home from the hospital, so then he's seen me
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: looking at it, and it just it shows how self
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: aware he was because of my situation. He was like
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: he's like he got in, he's like, now we both
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: some wheelchair niggas, and he just laughed in a way
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: he's smart. It just made me feel even more comfortable.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: And because my family were the way that they were
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: towards me, Like my mom, she's not into the I'm
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: not gonna she's not into the wheelchair jokes, and she's
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: like that like she my mother don't play like that.
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: But my dad he'll cut my eyes real quick. He'd
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: be like, he'd be like, oh, how are you wheeling?
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: Like he'd be like, oh, I'm sorry feeling. But my
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: mom she's way more sensitive. And I remember our first
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: time because before you leave the hospital for wheelchair people,
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: obviously they let motherfuckers out, like without no guidance, say
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: you niggas had three days, so days you was in
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: seven days. Okay, I'm at to say you out in
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: three days. That's crazy, mother forget all right, but still
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: a week is still that's still past.
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: They wanted me in there for two months. But my
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: progress of.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: Just you did fat so for me, And that's the difference.
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: You had a child at the time, I didn't, so
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: for me, it was like we had to go. They
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: did it out in the hospital for everybody that was intered,
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: and it was a movie theaters. Yo, while my mom
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: has they trying to you know, she had to push
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: me or whatever. Yo, what the fuck I fell? She
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: fucking dropped me. I forgot how it happened, but it
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: was a crack on the sidewalk. Cracks and wheelchairs did
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: not go together. They hate each other real bad. Okay,
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: my mother fucking dropped me. And she's just panic and
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: she's like, oh my god, because she's just trying to
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: hurry up and scoop She's just trying to hurry up
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: and scoop me up like a baby. But mind you,
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: I just got shot. My back is not fully healed,
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: so you just picking me up any type of ways.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: So now I'm hurting, you know what I'm saying. And
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: then other people she just out, she just stopped like
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: for a second, and she just broke down. She just
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: started crying, and I'm just like, Mommy, it's okay, you
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. Like, but she just was like
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: she was scared to push me after that, Like she
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: was literally traumatized to fucking push me because she just thought,
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm gonna hurt her more like it
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: was the fragility of it, like you raise, I'm now
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: back in infancy stage because now you're changing my diaper,
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: you're feeding me. You know what I'm saying, older shit
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: all over again, and you have to be more fragile
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: with me. So the way she felt was like she
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: dropped her infant out the stroller and everybody seeing it,
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So she just literally broke
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: down and she wasn't the same after that again. So
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: I'm just like, damn, I've seen the ways that this
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: ship broke down my mother. Like physically I went through it,
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: but mentally my mother still goes to shit because of it,
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: even even just with like her me and going to
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: me going certain places. She's like, no, I remember somebody
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: got shot. She said, you never going to the projects again? Yo,
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: She's like, none of them, You're not going. That's why
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: you gotta stay out the project. And I'm just like, Yo,
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: what the fuck, Mommy, I want to go to.
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: I'm okay, Like, I'm all right, I will never put
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: myself in the predicament to get shot again. It's okay, But.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: That's the thing is no what you have to understand this.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: She would never your mother would never think you was
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: going to a party and then you're gonna get robbed
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: and shot. And my mother would never think I was
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: going to a party. And then now I'm you know
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying, paralyzing stuff like that. And then right
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: after I got shot, a bunch of other people just
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: started getting shot that we knew. My little cousin de Asia,
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: she got killed on the bus and my mom was
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: talking her mom and she was like, oh, you know,
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: I understand because my daughter got She's like, you don't
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: understand your daughter's still here. You know what I'm saying,
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: Like I'll take my daughter. I'll take my daughter in
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: a wheelchair and the grave. You what I'm saying. My
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: mother said that shit really ate her, you know what
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: I mean. She had to understand.
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna look for this picture. It's a picture like
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: after I got shot. I'm laying in the middle sleep.
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: I got my sister and my two sisters on the
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: east side of me, and my brother laying at the
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: foot of the bed. And my mother took a picture
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: and she put it up and she said they protected
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: they king like they protected a kingdom, because like I'm
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: banished up, I'm perked out, I'm gone, and each one
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: of my sisters laying on the side of me and
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: my brother at the head of my feet man and
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: she was like, you can't they guard him now? But
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: I felt that because I felt their energy when it
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: all happens, and.
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: Like they was scared.
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: They don't want to lose you. Like my mother, like,
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: what's one of the moments that one moment you had
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: with your mother that you could you would never forget a.
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: Moment that I had with my mom that I would
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: never forget.
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: Me before the chill, after the chair.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: It's like it's hard as it's so many, but I
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: remember when I was pregnant because I went through a
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: lot with you know, the person that I got pregnant by.
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: It a couple of moments you could do two or three.
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: And my mom like when I turned when I got pregnant,
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: I was in school at the time, I was in
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: beauty school. She would make me pork chops every day,
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like Jerke pork chops every
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: day and make sure what you go. And I just
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: remember one night I just did not want to sleep alone,
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: and her and my sister, they came and laid in
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: my bad with me, you know what I'm saying, and
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: they just she just helped me. Then when I cried,
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And I remember just feeling
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: like I could, I know I could always be vulnerable
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: with my mom, you know what I'm saying. And the
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: way she was when my son was born, you know
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying, She was probably like more excited than me,
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like she just was rubbing
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: my head and telling me You're gonna be good, you
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like I just feel so safe
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: with my mom, you know what I'm saying. Like my
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: mom is my safety net, you know what I'm saying.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: And I know that regardless of what I can always
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: go back home if anything was to go wrong, if
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: I was to ever feel safe. I know my mother's
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: couches right there, and I know my mother when oh,
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: this is the moment. I remember when I got pregnant,
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: like I said, going through the things what I'm going
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: through with the child's person that nigga, and when I
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: came in because it was only a three bedroom. I
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: wasn't on their least. It was just for my sister
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: and my brother and my mother, you know, and her
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: my stepfather. They gave me their whole room when I
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: got pregnant, because me and my brother was sharing it
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: with my first When I got pregnant, I came back
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: home because we went through a little argument and I
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: stayed with sperm Dona, and then she had When I
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: came back, I'm like, what's this? All my stuff was
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: not in the room nomore. She's like, oh, because it's
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: your room now. She repainted everything, you know what I'm saying,
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: made sure that my whole room was fit for a baby,
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: and all of that.
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: Shout out to mama. Log yeah me, I never forget.
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: My mother used to sit me and my sister down
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: and she'd get a book and we all had to
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: read a chapter out live to each other, like you
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: sat there another time, like and it was it was
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: books that it was I was interested in, Like true
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: to the game. Do that it? Yeah, like let me
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: let me meet him.
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: Where he at, try to make an education.
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: You read the page. I read the page. I hate reading.
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: But we all said that and went in the cycle
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: to read like she took the time out to do that.
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: And another one on Halloween instead of us going outside
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: trick or treat and all that, we go to a
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: couple of stores. But we come in the house. She'll
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: put blankets on the floor, We'll watch Freddy Krueger and
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: all that. She just buy a candy and just leave
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: it around the house for saying. We just sit there
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: and just watch different scary movies. Well then I had
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: his open school name was around that time, so I
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: always got.
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: Called up, got your ass what?
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: One time I'm said, get this stuff ready? The teacher
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: called the phone and said hello, I said, you got
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: the wrong No. But at this time, remember the call
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: oud D used to be the little box I don't
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: number off the call I D and all that. They
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: called my grandfather house. My cousin called your mother. I'm like,
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: hold on here she go she o the teacher to
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: call Chris said the wrong note more. I'm like, oh,
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: I'm in trouble with my snacks is going? Then she
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: just wron, I ain't have that.
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: My mother always told me tell me what you know.
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: My parents was like this one Parents' coms night, tell
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: me you know, so I could defend you if you
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: tell me the truth, I could defend your shit. One thing,
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: my mama, my dad cared about the truth. My mammy
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: ain't give it a fuck. Everybody was racist if they
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: played with me. You fucking racist. You fucking with my daughter.
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: My daughter don't cause no problems. And I knew, like
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: my grades was good, but I was bad as shit.
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: And my fucking cause she had the same teacher as me.
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: Cause in Queens, you know, it's something but so fucking big.
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: So she had the same teacher as me back in
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: the day. She ain't really like his ass neither. So
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I he ain't gonna you know, I could
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: control the phone at home. These nigga's always at work.
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: You know. That's why I missed house phone days. You
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: feel me, bang up the phone? Yeah, who you call? Yeah?
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: Not home right now? Bang it. So he's like, oh, yeah,
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: he told me. I'm the last time he told me.
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: He said, don't worry, let me speak to your mom. So
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: now we had a school play. I had wrote a
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: rap about this nigga and I left it in the
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: school desk. I forgot it. This is what I'm getting
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: in trouble for And I was like, missus, d pass
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: is a ass. He can't teach the class. He fucked
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: the teacher, you know, Miss Williams. I remember this shit
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: to this day cause I got in so much trouble
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: for it. So now I'm like, alright, we at the
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: school play. So I see this nigga walking up to
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: my mother. So I'm trying to be lying it. I'm
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: running down. That's when I'm walking. So I'm trying to
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: run down and he was like. She was like, oh,
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: he shud you wrote a poem. I said no. So
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: she came into the class and the older kids in
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: the class like, she didn't write that poem. It was
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: such and such that I wrote the poem. Da da
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: da da. So she was like, okay. She took it home,
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: showed my father. My father had my book out, had
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: the paper right there, it was comparing the handwritings. He said,
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: so you didn't write this, I said, Daddy, no, he said,
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: so the fuck this is your fucking hair. Right now.
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: My mother's just sitting there looking shaking her head because
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: she ain't she ain't never with my my daddy known
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: with my ass. But she ain't never with my ass.
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: So she's just looking and I was just looking at
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: my mama, like save me. She did not say that
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: was the only time she is I said, nigga, help me.
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: That's all. I was happy after that divorce for a
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: little bit. I'm like, now I could don't gotta don't
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: got to get in trouble for real ship though the mother,
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: yoa as my mother helped me. Damn.
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: Mama got four kids. All four of her kids got
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: their high school diploma, Miranda about they graduated be a doctor.
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: Tati went back to school. Shot is good. She's working
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: in the school right now to be a teacher. CJ's
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: on the bridge making that fetti wild amen, And I'm
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: my mother fucking blind stuff. But hell perfect, my mother
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: shout out, my grandmother.
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: Listen, my mother, fucking mother, My mother kids. My brother,
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: he's in school, he's about to be in account he's
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: about to graduate from Old Western. My sister just got
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: accepted to Penn State for international business. They both graduate.
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: My sister graduating with honors, my brother graduated with honors.
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: I graduated with honors. You know what I mean? So no,
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: I graduated high school with honest, nigga, that's but I'm
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: going back to college. I'm going back to college at college.
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: She go to college and she married out to you.
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I've been doing my driving lessons.
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, So.
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna give some flowers to me because I'm a
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: mother to yourself. Thank you so for there for me.
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: Just I'm a good mother because my mother was a
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: great mother. And my mother is a great mother, because
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: my grandma's an amazing mother. My grandma's an amazing mother,
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: because my great grandmother was a phenomenon. It's a village
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: that it takes a village to raise a child. And
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: I'm able to just be free because my mom every
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: weekend gets my child, She picks them uprom school every Friday,
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: drops them to me every Sunday. I don't have to
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: worry about I don't have to send clothes, I don't
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: have to worry about it. My son comes home with stuff,
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. He comes home, she'd be like, Oh,
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: don't worry about this. I did this, I did this.
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: Da d. She just goes out her way and she steps,
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And the fact that she
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: steps so hard I could go I don't even have to,
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: like I go hard with my son like I do
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: my ship because it's me, it's me and him.
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: They say you got a step said no, no, no, no,
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: you shut the fuck up.
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: Shut the fuck up. But no, I roll nigga real hard.
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: You feel like everybody doubted me, like how I would
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: be a mother because of my disability. You know what
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: I'm saying. You have your child, that's the bility. I
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: had my child a d you know what I mean.
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: So it was a lot of doubts. It was a
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: lot of looks, and I just want to say, fuck you.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: I'm doing my ship. My son loved me. You know
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: what he told me the other day. I said, baby.
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: When I I said, baby, when you get older you
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: don't love me no more, You're still gonna call me?
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: He said, what kind of question of that?
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: He said, you gave me life. I love you.
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: Like my baby. Do not play about me. He speaks
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: lifing to me all the time. He tells me how
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: much of an amazing mommy I am. Last night I
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: left him, got my mother because it was my grandma's birthday.
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: Sho it was my grandmam. So I left him. He's
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: like he's calling me twenty times. But I had to
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: get in begg like I gotta be up because and
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: on the weekend my mother let him. You know when
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: they go to grandma house and they want he did whatever,
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: Hell yeah we didn't. So now I'm just like, what
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: the fuck he called me for something? Pick up? He like, Mommy,
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: you didn't say body. You didn't say body, my baby,
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: I gave you twenty case he said, yeah, but I
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: still want you to say about when you left. And
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, I love you. I love you. So
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: he was, I want to come home and lay with you.
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, God, I'm gonna go get my baby
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: and go lay with him something. I'm so I just
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: miss him, and I'm just grateful that God gave me
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: the opportunity to be a mother and I'm gonna be
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: a mother with again. Because shoot the club up. He's
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: gonna shoot the club's over for that. He ain't gonna
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: be no best.
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: Shout out to Maddie, my grandmother, I love you. Shout
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: out to Desie, that's my aunt. She held it down.
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: Shout out to my second mother, Sheena. She didn't want that.
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: Took me to the doctor's appointment, seeing me crying white
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: test So I had a village of mothers around. Shout
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: out to my godmother Keisha. She whipped my ass and
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: made me like she really I got. I feel like
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: discipline came from home.
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: Grandma Viggy.
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: Shout out to for sure.
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: Shout out to my grandma Dolores. Shout out to my aunts,
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: everybody that played a pivotal role in my life. Shout
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: out to my mother in law because I love her
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: to death. Absolutely my mama, big, big Mama, you feel
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: me and just my godmother's and just yeah. Shout out
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: because her mother.
• 46:21
  Speaker 2: Love it mother too, she argued me down when they
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: come to them, damn kids.
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: Amen.
• 46:25
  Speaker 2: Shout out to her. Shout out to my little sister
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: man four kids, man, I love those my best friends
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: you big yeah man, like my sister Chris. Shout out
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: to Wolf mother man, because when I was with mother,
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: we went mother producer in the world.
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: Will give you your mama's shutom my best friend.
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: Yes, rest of peace, big Mama to Wolf, Grandma, rest
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: in peace.
• 46:58
  Speaker 3: Lost both my grand utiful women, great women. Never met
• 47:01
  Speaker 3: my grandfathers, so my grandmother's just what can I say about.
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: Yo?
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: What's the best what's the best memory you have with
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: your mother? Wolf?
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: You know, I don't have just one in particular.
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: Nobody has just one.
• 47:21
  Speaker 3: But what I'll say is this, Like when I was
• 47:23
  Speaker 3: growing up and I was in school, I was a
• 47:26
  Speaker 3: really bad student at school. You know, I've never been
• 47:28
  Speaker 3: good at school. I went to summer school every single
• 47:30
  Speaker 3: year of my life, you know what I mean. I
• 47:32
  Speaker 3: was always in special education class.
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: And stuff like that, and so well, you was fucked
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: up special education classes all the time, you know what
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: I mean.
• 47:41
  Speaker 3: So you know, I would be in these meetings with
• 47:44
  Speaker 3: my school teachers and they would put me through all
• 47:46
  Speaker 3: these tests and stuff because they were trying to let
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: my mom know, like your son is special needs, you
• 47:51
  Speaker 3: know what I mean, Like he needs medication like he
• 47:53
  Speaker 3: can with the rest of the class. He's a learning disability.
• 47:57
  Speaker 3: And my mom never was jacking that ship never, you
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: know what I mean. And these people wanted to give
• 48:01
  Speaker 3: me medication, bro, you know what I mean, because they
• 48:04
  Speaker 3: said there was something wrong with me, and she would
• 48:06
  Speaker 3: always let it and I felt like it was something
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: wrong with me.
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: I was like, I felt.
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: Stupid because of what other people were telling you.
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I felt dumb.
• 48:11
  Speaker 3: Majority of my life, Like if I was in school,
• 48:13
  Speaker 3: I never felt intelligent. That's a long time to not
• 48:16
  Speaker 3: feel smart, you know what I mean. In my mom,
• 48:19
  Speaker 3: she just would always let me know, like you are incredible,
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: Like you are a genius, you know what I mean,
• 48:25
  Speaker 3: Like you have a colleague on your life, like you're
• 48:26
  Speaker 3: gonna help thousands of people. Like she would tell me
• 48:29
  Speaker 3: shit like she went to a church one day and
• 48:33
  Speaker 3: before she could even sit down, she had never been
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: to the church before, and she's like trying to find
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: a spot because she late. And then the pastor, I
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: think his name was Pastor Kober, he stopped the whole sermon,
• 48:43
  Speaker 3: Man Simon. He was like, hold on, hold on, like
• 48:45
  Speaker 3: God just told me to let you know, like your
• 48:47
  Speaker 3: son's gonna beat.
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: Somebody, like he gonna beat somebody talking to us. She
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: would let me know shit like that while teacher's.
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: Trying to let me know that I'm stupid, you know, amen.
• 48:56
  Speaker 3: Even when I dropped out of college, like I never
• 48:59
  Speaker 3: wanted to go to college.
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: I dropped out and she wasn't happy about it, but
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: she didn't She still supported you.
• 49:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah, she allowed me to figure out my life. I
• 49:08
  Speaker 3: want to get money, my kind of way right. Let
• 49:10
  Speaker 3: me figure that out my own time. My dad to
• 49:15
  Speaker 3: the military. I don't want to do that.
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: You know that always the option. Shout out to your
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: mother for fighting for the rights, because at the end
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: of the day, they are trying to diagnose a lot
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: of black kids with things, and sometimes you just need
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: a lot of extra TLC. And what people don't realize
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: there's into there's creatives are also intellectuals, but we all
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: show things differently, you know what I'm saying. So you
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: have you see how creative you are and how passionate
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: you are about your work. Sometimes that translates into other things,
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: into people that don't understand it, especially when we have
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: mostly predominantly back in the day, at least it was
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: a lot of white teachers teaching us, you know what
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: I mean. So they're coming to the hood and they're
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: seeing us acting ways that their kids don't act, and
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: then now we're the problem, even though they have school orders.
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: Let's just talk about it. But yeah, that was.
• 49:59
  Speaker 2: Sw I mean her new baby baby threat. That's my
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: little homie baby threat, baby threat. Yeah, he be screaming
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: and all that. Shout out. Co parenting do exist?
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: Man, Yeah, that's a blessed queens.
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: Love on our queens.
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: Man. Shout out to the mothers that may not have
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: had a biological child, but you are out there raising children.
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: Shout out to the teachers that do it every day.
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: Shout out to the women that want kids. I pray
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: that you're able to have them. And shout out to
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: the mothers that adopt children that.
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: Are in wrong homes.
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: Shout out to the women that look after other people
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: kids that don't know how to look after their kids.
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: It's so many. There's so many women out there that
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: are mothers that may not have biological mothers, but you're
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: still a mother at the end of the day, so
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: you celebrate and enjoy yourself. Shout out to all the
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: aunties that play a big role in everybody.
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: Especially shout out to Barana. She definitely play a big
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: road tow like my son and all. I'm comfortable going
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: to her. She ain't got no kids, so shout out
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: to you. Definitely. Shout out to all our black queens
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: out there. Amen and happy mothers that all y'all, this
• 50:59
  Speaker 2: is your day.
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: Make sure you like, share, subscribe, comment. We love that
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: y'all sucking with us, and look we wasn't too ratchet today, No,
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: it was real Pea, Yeah, I had to finish that
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: and we out