Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Some narcissists try to live vicariously through the golden child

Transcript

Some narcissists try to live vicariously through the golden child · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  What is going on? Beautiful people.
• 0:02
  I am Lee hammock. The diagnosed a self-aware
• 0:05
  Norris is known as mental illness, and welcome to another
• 0:07
  episode of The Narcissist code. This your first time seeing my
• 0:10
  face and hear my voice. I use my platform on social
• 0:12
  media to raise awareness for MPD.
• 0:14
  Get more people in the therapy like myself and also validate
• 0:16
  the victims survivors and thrivers of said disorder, say
• 0:19
  talk to people, say talk to traits.
• 0:20
  Today's episode is going to be about how some narcissist and
• 0:24
  toxic people live vicariously through specific children
• 0:28
  Through The Golden Child. And whatnot.
• 0:30
  So for before we happened in today's episode, y'all hop over
• 0:33
  to Amazon, check out myself. Love Journal, Lee and Mike, I
• 0:36
  love me. A self-love Journal is designed
• 0:38
  to help you rebuild this rebuilt.
• 0:40
  That self-love that self-worth and identity doing before during
• 0:43
  or, after a toxic relationship Dynamic.
• 0:46
  So, narcissistic people, living vicariously through their kids,
• 0:50
  happens all the time. Y'all not through, they don't
• 0:53
  live vicariously through every kid but through the Golden
• 0:56
  Child, the child, they lavish the preys on their child and
• 0:59
  they probably We see the child that reflects back, the best
• 1:02
  qualities in that narcissistic person, the narcissistic person,
• 1:07
  The Narcissist, the toxic parent, or whatever could very
• 1:09
  well live vicariously through that child, you know, trying to
• 1:15
  get that child to complete the goals and tasks that they never
• 1:17
  could complete themselves trying to get that child to do this,
• 1:20
  the to do certain things that they wanted for themselves.
• 1:23
  It's just like a little literal, literally little little it
• 1:26
  literally like a little version of themselves.
• 1:29
  And it happens all the time. Yeah, literally happens all the
• 1:32
  time in this Dynamic and in this space what a narcissistic person
• 1:37
  will just pour all their resources into specific
• 1:39
  children. Typically The Golden Child and
• 1:43
  just try to force them to do things that they want them to
• 1:46
  do. Not the kid, might not even want
• 1:49
  to do it but sometimes the kids do it to make the parent happy.
• 1:52
  You know, any of the kids do it, to make the keep the parent
• 1:55
  happy, the kids do it to keep the parent, you know?
• 1:59
  You know, it just stay in that parents.
• 2:00
  Good graces, good graces. Especially if the parent is it,
• 2:04
  they realize that that parent is toxic and always on edge of
• 2:07
  possibly discarding them or if they have a brother or sister,
• 2:11
  that is the scapegoat child. That gives you get the gets the
• 2:14
  brunt against the bad side of the narcissistic person
• 2:16
  typically you know, if they see that happen and they don't want
• 2:19
  to do that, so they will allow sometimes they will allow
• 2:22
  passage for the narcissistic person to live vicariously
• 2:25
  through them because they fear getting discarded, they fear
• 2:29
  getting Eating badly like their brother or sister, or their
• 2:31
  siblings and whatnot. You don't mean today, it happens
• 2:33
  quite a bit in, you know, when you are dealing with a
• 2:36
  narcissistic parent, you know, especially say especially The
• 2:39
  Golden Child, the scapegoat typically doesn't, yeah, they
• 2:42
  don't. Sometimes the scapegoat out
• 2:45
  doesn't get discarded and treat it terribly, they just don't get
• 2:49
  treated as good as The Golden Child, The Golden Child is like
• 2:53
  you know, gets a big. You know, it's kind of like the
• 2:55
  golden child gets a bigger helping if you were serving.
• 2:58
  You know, if you had a big turkey or big chicken rotisserie
• 3:01
  chicken, right? The Golden Child will get, you
• 3:03
  will get his get served first and then the scapegoat out still
• 3:07
  gets to eat, but he is to eat with the golden child.
• 3:10
  Has the golden children has left over like they They didn't eat
• 3:14
  there. So here you, here you go.
• 3:15
  Here eat up. Forget you, make sure you get
• 3:16
  full scapegoat child, you know, me and that can right there.
• 3:20
  And when they do that, they can create a weird that man.
• 3:23
  I'm not saying it brothers and sisters, our sisters, the
• 3:24
  siblings hate each other but sometimes they can create a
• 3:27
  weird dynamic between between siblings their end up competing
• 3:31
  for that parents love and affection of whatnot.
• 3:33
  Well the scapegoat Rao will try their hardest to live
• 3:37
  vicariously to allow the parent to live.
• 3:39
  Vicariously through them you know they see the other child
• 3:42
  getting all the attention. All the praise, getting all the,
• 3:45
  the love and adore, your getting a door and stuff like that.
• 3:47
  So they start trying to do stuff that they might not even want to
• 3:50
  do. Let's just say, the easiest
• 3:51
  thing is sports show. The easiest thing for me to talk
• 3:53
  about the sports. So let's say the toxic parent
• 3:58
  was good at basketball, but didn't make it that far but they
• 4:03
  have a golden child. They see that, you just like me.
• 4:05
  You have the talent but IMA push you.
• 4:07
  I had nobody to push me so they pushed it, they pushed that
• 4:11
  talk. They push that Golden Child to
• 4:12
  the Limit given to go. The Golden Child might like
• 4:14
  football, my, like baseball might like some other sport, but
• 4:17
  they don't want to do the other sports because the parent wants
• 4:19
  to look play basketball. They'll do you have the other
• 4:22
  catch other children to scapegoat children?
• 4:24
  That might not even like basketball either or they might
• 4:26
  actually love basketball and want to get the attention of
• 4:29
  the, of their parents. So they don't play mask on a
• 4:32
  really good at sometimes, they might be even better than the
• 4:34
  golden child. But hey, they doesn't somebody
• 4:36
  doesn't look that way. I'm just telling you, it works
• 4:38
  out. It works out very, very
• 4:40
  differently and toxic relationships with narcissistic
• 4:42
  people, especially Lee. When is your parent, you know,
• 4:45
  because you want to make your parents happy.
• 4:47
  I know a lot of kids out there who grow up, you know, wanting
• 4:50
  to make their parents proud, it wouldn't he want to make your
• 4:52
  parents proud and all those other good stuff.
• 4:54
  So we want to make them proud. You work hard.
• 4:57
  You know, you do what they want you to do.
• 4:58
  You try to listen to them and what not even sometimes, if they
• 5:01
  give you bad advice, even sometimes if they're pushing you
• 5:04
  past your limit, even sometimes if they're forcing you, maybe
• 5:07
  not physically forcing you, but you know, emotionally mentally
• 5:09
  forcing you to do things that you don't want to do.
• 5:12
  Just to kind of keep their Attention, you know.
• 5:15
  So that that happens quite a bit.
• 5:16
  Yeah. In an amount of a narcissistic
• 5:17
  person. They are, you know, they are
• 5:20
  happy when, you know, their Golden Child ordered, the kids,
• 5:25
  they're pouring the attention to the kids, and their living
• 5:27
  vicariously through their happy when they're doing.
• 5:29
  Well, you know, because they can take credit for that, they can
• 5:33
  get supply from their kids doing.
• 5:35
  Well, if you think about it in that space right there in that
• 5:37
  Dynamic, you can take credit for that, you know, for the kids
• 5:40
  doing well, you absolutely can you mean, You can take credit
• 5:44
  for the kit light. If my kid is doing well, and I'm
• 5:46
  going to go and I'm the parent and I'm pouring all this time,
• 5:49
  ever energy and money to him. Yeah, I can take credit for it.
• 5:52
  I can get supply. Whose kid is that out there
• 5:53
  whose number whose number six is Dad or Mom or whatever you like,
• 5:56
  it's neat as - sometimes you don't even say it out loud.
• 5:59
  You're just like, yeah, everybody look at my kid,
• 6:01
  everybody looking to my kid, but if the golden child, who is
• 6:05
  getting live vicariously through does not, is not performing well
• 6:09
  or not doing well, or is not reflecting back the qualities
• 6:13
  that The narcissistic parent wants them to reflect back days.
• 6:16
  Cans they do stand-up Sandy, the risk of you getting getting
• 6:20
  discarded as well. Do ya, you can I think you can
• 6:23
  be downgraded in the life of a narcissistic parent will.
• 6:26
  You can go from Golden Child to scapegoat in the scapegoat my
• 6:30
  can get you might get a promotion in the you know the
• 6:33
  hierarchy of the narcissistic parents life, you know, your do
• 6:36
  actually doing pretty good whereas your brother or sister
• 6:39
  is not very good. This you know they missed the
• 6:41
  first spelling word like a spelling bee.
• 6:43
  Like that your Euro, the apparent was a grand master
• 6:47
  spelling bee champion and you you met you misspelled
• 6:51
  onomatopoeia on the first try. So, you know, you'd no longer to
• 6:54
  go the chili, you brought great shame to their narcissistic
• 6:57
  person because when they were narcissistic parents or living
• 7:00
  vicariously through you, when you experience shame or you
• 7:03
  experience failure, they experiencing more.
• 7:06
  Use them saying they explode. Just the same way.
• 7:08
  They get good Supply from you performing.
• 7:10
  Well they experience shame and get negative feedback.
• 7:13
  Back, you know, in criticism and feel like it's they get
• 7:16
  personally attack when you don't do well because it's if I
• 7:19
  especially I've been pulling time ever energy money until you
• 7:22
  you're not doing well, that annoys me your name that's super
• 7:26
  annoying to me that you just bought instead of giving me the
• 7:29
  supply that I need. You bought me Shane instead.
• 7:32
  So sometimes, yeah, if you do that, maybe sometimes it's a one
• 7:35
  strike you're out rule, but sometimes if you do that, too
• 7:38
  many times to a narcissistic person, they will, they will
• 7:40
  discard you. You know, some of them actually
• 7:43
  do something with them. You get you get one strike and
• 7:45
  you're out but some of them you know it goes on and on and on
• 7:50
  yeah. It's a very unique space to be
• 7:52
  in a very unique Dynamic to be in which is why I tell people
• 7:54
  just like you're doing with a narcissistic co-parent, toxic
• 7:57
  parent, whatever you have to like say it just be very wary of
• 8:01
  how they're treated your children, you know, and always,
• 8:03
  you have to talk to your kids. You have to, you have to
• 8:05
  maintain a good strong, emotional connection with your
• 8:08
  kids because they can easily be swayed from I see you got a
• 8:12
  narcissistic experiment or if you apparently with minutes if
• 8:16
  you still married to him or y'all co-parent or whatever is
• 8:18
  if they have resources. Yeah.
• 8:21
  And they're in your child could gravitate towards want you to be
• 8:25
  with that parent more, you know, because they want to make their
• 8:27
  kids. They want to make that prayer,
• 8:28
  parent, proud and whatnot. So they might gravitate to want
• 8:31
  to be around that parent a little bit more than they want
• 8:34
  to be around you. And I'm just telling you, I know
• 8:36
  from experience that they can suck, you know, me they can suck
• 8:40
  for you as a parent. And when you're when you're you
• 8:43
  know you're doing what you have a narcissistic co-parent or
• 8:46
  partner or spouse and your child is attached to them.
• 8:50
  It can suck for you. It really can sub for you in
• 8:52
  this space and it's Dynamic. So I just tell people, I tell a
• 8:55
  lot of people just be very, very careful in these situations.
• 8:58
  You don't like saying if you're a narcissistic person in a
• 9:00
  living vicariously through your kids, you gotta chill out there
• 9:03
  y'all because kids deserve, you know, you're our children
• 9:06
  deserve to grow better than us, first of all, but y'all they
• 9:09
  also deserve the chance to have their own identity.
• 9:11
  Dale, if they like basketball and you were great at basketball
• 9:14
  and so be it. But if they don't want to do
• 9:17
  basketball and you're forcing her to do it, that is kind of
• 9:19
  abusive. Yeah, it's some toxic of
• 9:22
  possibly abusive behaviors in that scenario right there.
• 9:25
  So, you have to be at, yo, you have to take a ha, you had kind
• 9:28
  of have to take it with a grain of salt.
• 9:29
  You sometimes, you know because sometimes some of these
• 9:31
  narcissistic parents will absolutely set you back and try
• 9:34
  to set you off, you know but that's the way it goes.
• 9:37
  Sometimes out any type of relationship Dynamics any time
• 9:38
  so let's just spaces like narcissistic parents.
• 9:41
  Yeah. Some of them will absolutely
• 9:42
  treat their kids, good, as long as their kids are doing good,
• 9:44
  you know, but like I said, if you bring shame to your parent
• 9:48
  they're going to bring shame. They're going to take it out on
• 9:50
  you, they're going to let you know that you bought shame to
• 9:53
  them and they're going to make you feel it.
• 9:54
  You don't mean, you have to be very, very weird when you're
• 9:57
  dealing with toxic narcissistic, parents off your kid being
• 10:00
  raised by a toxic parent and their living vicariously
• 10:02
  through. You just be careful.
• 10:03
  Just all like said don't be afraid, right?
• 10:05
  It's off me. Don't be.
• 10:06
  It's hard for me to say, don't be afraid to be yourself because
• 10:09
  they might take it out on you. They might, if you're College
• 10:12
  doneness that is if they are a doctor and they want you to be a
• 10:14
  doctor but you really want to be a lawyer or something like that
• 10:17
  or astronaut or something like that.
• 10:18
  If you drop out there, if you change Majors, they'll threaten
• 10:21
  to cut out to make that off your finances.
• 10:22
  You say, I'm saying if you're old enough to watch this video
• 10:26
  and thank your parents living vicariously through you.
• 10:28
  You know, you might be holding up to set some boundaries on
• 10:30
  them but also, you know, just take this.
• 10:32
  Take carefully, make a plan. I'm not telling you to cut your
• 10:34
  parent off y'all. I'm just saying, make a plan, if
• 10:36
  you are doing something that you really don't want to do, just
• 10:39
  understand you get One Life to Live and you don't necessarily
• 10:41
  Really want to live it. It's been it living somebody
• 10:43
  else's life. You mean, don't let your life be
• 10:46
  a do-over for your apparent. He's always saying, don't let
• 10:49
  it, don't let that happen. Yeah, but uh, I'll take out what
• 10:51
  tuning into another episode. Like, say, if you haven't have
• 10:54
  no Amazon, go over there and grab this self-love Journal.
• 10:57
  I love me. Self-love Journal a hammock link
• 11:00
  is in the description. You'll if you listen to this on
• 11:02
  the podcast feed that fire, I saw some.
• 11:03
  Yeah. Anyways, y'all like And
• 11:05
  subscribe for more. Mental illness is out.
• 11:07
  Peace.