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Rabbi Moshe Haber Perashat Ki Tese - Slowing Down the Heat of the Moment 9.5.25 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  It's a seller Mahama. Our bash also opens up a key to
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  sell in Mahama. And then one in the middle of
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  our Pasha, you have another mention of that same wording.
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  And this I think is really something that we can use to
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  bring back to the beginning. And then as a Bashar, says
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  Nakita, seller Mahama. Rather, when you leave the camp
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  against your enemy, when you leave with the camp against any
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  of the Nish, Marta, Miko, Davara, be careful.
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  Anything bad happening when she tries hinting with that quit
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  that, say when you go out and when a person goes out there,
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  he's at a greater risk of something happening to him, both
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  physically and more importantly, if I was like spiritually, quit
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  that say when you go out, be careful.
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  There's my time and quote Devara.
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  Now bring that back, that Basuk back.
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  The beginning of our Basha. Basha opens up with the story,
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  the story of a fator. What does it say?
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  And the guy goes out to war and he sees a woman, he goes up to
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  war against his enemy. And God gives us, you know, we
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  win the war. We go against our enemy and God
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  gives us our single enemy and our in our hands, we win the
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  war. If you all would take captives
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  right away. The opening question that
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  pasukas, it starts with the words you go up against your
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  enemies, plural. And then it says, and you beat
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  your enemy singular, and you take captive as a switch.
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  How do you explain that switch? And the Basu continues, says
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  Verita Besheva. And you see among your captives
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  A Shetty Fatouar, a beautiful woman, the Khashogtaba.
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  And the man wants her, and it takes her to become his wife.
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  This is the Basu. You know, it's interesting,
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  guys. No, the Torah doesn't care if
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  she's married or not. And she says she's actually a
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  married woman. Eshet means she's a married
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  woman. So we're dealing with the
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  situation. I go, yeah, fine.
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  And she's a eshet. I feel a dish.
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  So we're dealing with a situation which is a very great,
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  very serious situation. Kai's out of war.
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  He sees a beautiful woman she's taking captive and he wants her.
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  He's a tractor and he wants it. This is about soaks opening up
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  with none of. The war is over.
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  The war is already over, but he's sore during the war.
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  Correct. The war is over, she's captive,
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  but it sort of don't worry, he's very attracted.
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  And this is the issue when this is the law.
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  So we have a whole process that we do with this woman.
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  Now I've had this question. That's what I actually allows us
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  if we go through the process properly, that allows us to keep
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  this woman. So the question I've always had
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  is if a guy in a random day in middle of New York City sees a
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  Goya, can he go through the process and marry the woman?
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  No, of course not. Absolutely not.
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  Yes, to be it requires it requires the heat of war.
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  And then the Torah says he can do this process with the woman
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  says where she card. Is questions of the war's over
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  or not this? Is all a question, Yeah.
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  So I I thought it was quite the heat of that.
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  It is. Can that be done in in.
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  I thought now, could that be done technique, speaking
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  according to Salah? I could, if you consider it.
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  Yeah. Hey, you want to apply this
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  Alihad to practicality, but you're really thinking speaking.
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  Yes. Now, one second, play this out a
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  little further. That's what I was telling you,
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  Kita Tella Mahama. When a person goes out, as we
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  say, from the other pasuk, that means he's in a, you know, a
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  precarious situation and he sees a woman he's allowed to take.
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  This is what I was telling you now, Right.
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  She writes that, you know, this law is very unique.
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  This is a law where the Torah is allowing a person to basically
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  go after this fantasy. How can this be allowed?
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  Especially don't we have limits on your boundaries?
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  So she de bra to Rocky la Shan bana Adam de bra Connecticut set
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  up. The Tora speaks to al yitzara
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  and knows that we have yitzara and the Tora therefore allows us
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  to this woman so long as we go and gives us the kosher way to
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  do it. So long as we go to the
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  koshering process, Tora allows us to this woman, we'll get to
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  it in a second. There are laws and why he said,
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  well, she because that's our Yitzharov.
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  So here's what you need to know from this person.
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  You need to know number one, this is a scenario that God, so
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  to speak, would rather not exist.
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  God rather this situation didn't exist because this situation is
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  a Yitzhar caving situation. Open up with that.
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  So let me get back to a question in this other hours in broad
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  daylight and middle of New York City, would it be allowed?
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  The answer is absolutely not. It's specifically coming from
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  the heat of battle. War.
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  It's not recommended. What if you're or with the G's
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  husband? Doesn't matter.
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  Still same thing In the heat of battle, this law is allowed.
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  And why is this law allowed in the heat of battle?
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  And this is the theme that a person has to take away our
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  lives. This law is not really practical
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  to us. We don't go to war.
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  But why is it? What's the theme?
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  What's the theme as relatable to us?
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  The theme that's relatable to us is, is that one of the greatest
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  tricks hits and has is the heat of the moment.
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  Yes, I was greatest trick is the heat of the moment.
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  Whether it be a common someone says to you an attraction like
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  this one, an addiction someone wants to get involved in all
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  those situations that people cave to are all heat of the
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  moment situation. Which means if you took that
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  same person and gave him time, gave him his rational mind, made
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  him well rested, well fed, come and he was a regular thinking
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  man. Most situations that we face
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  that we fall in, it would not fall.
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  The issue is the heat of the moment.
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  Kita Tsila Muhammad, the situation is specifically when
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  the guy is, he's in a crazy, not so much a favorite life.
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  He's in a crazy situation about it.
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  So whilst soldiers are by far the most crazy normal people.
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  Exactly. And the Torah is saying in that
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  moment is when the yetzerah, he's happy, his, his, the
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  friends get killed, he's crazy, the.
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  The bullets are whizzing by his head is a whole different
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  emotion. And that is when that is in the
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  yetzerah has you in his hands. And that's when the Torah says,
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  Kita, tell a milkhammer when you're going out to war and you
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  find yourself in this crazy situation, like we said from the
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  other pasuk, that's we have to be careful from craziness
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  because that's when danger happens in crazy situations.
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  All right, you tell Luke, don't put down the basin, put it
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  outside that no, the tank. I don't want to be the least put
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  it outside. Says the all right, says it's
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  around this situation, says it's around this situation.
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  You know, we have to do get ready for the inside.
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  Exactly. We are talking to you, it said.
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  Ah, you know, we're we have to please the inside.
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  We have to be careful in the itself.
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  We have to deal with it. And these four of us are telling
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  us he doesn't want anyone. To steal it.
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  It's better of that than being in the base.
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  I think it's ancient base, you know.
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  OK, better tell you know what? Tell we one is the inside out,
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  its greatest weapon. The answer that has.
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  I was thinking about this other day, you know, we're doing the
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  month of Elul. OK, And during the month of
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  Elul, you try to say, OK, I, OK, I want to be different, I want
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  to be better. And you stop and think to
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  yourself, what do I want to change?
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  OK, there's some people have a used list.
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  Other people, same level of people cannot really call for
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  the realist. Why can't they call me a
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  realist? Not because they're nothing
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  honest. They think they're perfect, but
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  it's because there's no one character trait that I'm really
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  flawed out in this situation. I get angry in that situation, I
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  get frustrated in the other situation, I get a little turned
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  off. The other one I get burnt out.
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  The other one I say the wrong comment.
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  It's not I see the wrong thing. It's not so much that I have a
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  bad character tree, it's rather than I have bad situations.
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  So what does a person do? Understand that the Torah is
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  talking to you and talks in the beginning of Alpha Asha.
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  It gives you a moment. This halacha will not exist.
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  But it weren't for a moment. It's only just in the moment.
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  What do you do to deal with the end of the moment?
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  You know what you do? You do what they tell you in
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  sports. What do you do when things are
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  getting crazy? You know in sports what they
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  tell you, slow it down. Slow it down means take a
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  minute. Any comment that you said you
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  wish you would have back from normal people, normal people,
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  all they needed was to slow it down.
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  Normal, same person. I never would have said that,
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  that we're just a little cooler, a little calmer, a little more
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  to my, a little more with myself and my senses.
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  Slow it down. When it comes to something you
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  look that you don't want to see or listen, you don't want to
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  hear or statement. You said you don't want to do
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  all these different types of things.
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  If you just had your full senses and that would have happened all
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  right. Alcoholics Anonymous said
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  there's three triggers. Hunger.
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  Tired, I think, and angry or something perfect that that.
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  You know exactly if someone is tired, if someone is hungry,
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  someone was frustrated. Someone's in the heat of the
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  moment. You got to be really careful.
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  He made a decision. There was a time that I had a
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  schedule that was crazy crazy. It was, I was sleeping a few
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  hours a night and it was insane. I don't know why exactly I
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  started this. It was an unbelievable schedule.
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  It was the time in my life was the early quadelius and I was a
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  crazy schedule and I was getting very frustrated very often.
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  I kept wondering I'm not such a frustrated I why am I getting so
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  frustrated and I said it's because I'm too tired.
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  I'm trying to keep myself sleeping 4 hours a night, I'm
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  too tired, I'm not functioning, I'm getting angry all the time.
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  We're getting frustrated. Had to check these triggers.
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  So what did the try to say? This is the following process.
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  He takes the woman into the house to shave her head and she
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  needs to basically ruin her nails.
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  Either grows in very long and ugly way or cuts in very short
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  and ugly way. Regardless, it's not not very
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  attractive. I'm bond assessor.
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  Where he's designed. There's sirats that I'm Bond
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  doesn't like the idea of going this is after.
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  He was with her. This is he's with.
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  Her one time, one time and then according to one shot and then
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  he takes it according to somebody, he wasn't with her all
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  There's Sira. It's made sense to me.
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  Wow, he's with. Her one time.
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  The whole thing is the urge of the moment.
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  If I'm going to wait six weeks and she and she was horrible,
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  who's going to want to end? That's what I was telling you
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  really. Give a buck so that I was
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  telling you. Techie is finger.
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  She's a suit. We're going to make her move
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  hard. Is he tell the etcetera.
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  Whatever I want to do, tell the etcetera, it's OK, I could do
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  it. Just pause.
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  Don't tell the etcetera. This is the big thing.
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  When people feel contained, it's when they're not willing to
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  control themselves. If you tell the guy never get
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  angry, he's going to get angry. According to the others, she
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  taught, but how does it work? Which is running.
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  If she's he's with her one time, yeah, then where's the whole
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  yet? Said Har Ali Mugo.
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  No question, no question. All right, that point because
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  it's saying give, give in once and then you can give.
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  It once and now. You're good.
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  It's the second time I thought Amish.
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  I know, I know. You allow her to go very ugly.
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  She changes her clothing. She was wearing very attractive
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  clothing in war. That was not the Lord, the
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  Jewish Menon. He changes her clothing to be
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  very ugly. You have her cry for 40 days for
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  Bhagtad Aviabetima Yeda Kamim. It's actually a month Yeda Kamim
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  that Zoa writes, you know this Yeda has referred to Yedak means
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  a month. You know which month it tended
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  to Zoe Yeda Elu. This is heading to the month
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  Elu, which is going to playback into our concert in a second
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  Valhaka. And then if he wants, he can
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  keep her a merrier. Otherwise let her go free.
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  This is the basuk. What's the message for all of
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  us? The message for all of us is
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  slow it down for starters. And when you slow it down,
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  here's what's going to happen. That comment that you wanted to
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  say, it's going to be in your eyes disgusting.
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  Who would want to say that anger comments and get into a long
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  winded fight? All right, that move that you
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  wanted to make it to me and your eyes embarrassing.
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  That's the idea. That's the message for this.
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  But so this is the concept that a person just slow it down and
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  then everything that was a a beautiful, attractive, desirable
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  and basically I could not control myself.
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  All those things will be slowing down to a point they turn from
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  crazy strong urge to no interest at all.
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  That's the play of the Torah because that's how it works out
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  etcetera. Now why the etcetera use the
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  Basu gives the words multiple enemies and then say conquer
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  that single enemy, because you need to notice about the answer.
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  Whatever it's getting you to do. It's all the same guy.
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  All it is is your greatest enemy that's trying to take you down.
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  He's trying to make you this guy who's a regular good Jew.
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  You know, we're dealing with we're dealing with a good Jew.
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  Let us express a shot. We we needed out all the we
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  needed out all the weak guys. Only people went to war that
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  said the Kim. This is talking to the said the
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  Kim and the it's that I was trying to take us down and it's
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  telling us. Here's how you deal with him.
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  Recognize who he is. Look at this.
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  Wow, Good morning. We miss you Recognize who he is.
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  Yeah, what a Buffalo. He's envy.
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  Recognize who he is. Know who he's dealing with and
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  slow it down and you could control it.
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  You can overcome it and you can look at it and say that guy.
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  I'm never going to be that angry guy.
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  One time I got fresh or angry. I look to myself, I saw another
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  angry person flip out. Remember this scene in my mind I
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  said who flips out? It's a goy move to flip out.
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  And he ever been in the wood like in a Marshalls and you see
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  the woman's yelling at his son junior fiddling, you know, and
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  she's like mad at him. I always look at that saying I
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  say that's a goy move. We don't see that by us.
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  You never see a community woman mother yelling at her son and
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  talking. It happens.
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  Yanking the on exactly. But sometimes you can get boil
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  on crows clothes and there's any issue with any it's that I move.
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  We have to look at that move and say that is ugly, It's
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  disgusting. It is a me, it's an out of body
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  experience. How do you do that?
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  By slowing it down. You recognize how ugly it really
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  is. And then you say to yourself,
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  next time, I'm not going to fault.
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  I'm not going to fault for it as the minds and that's the opening
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  of our Basha Kita telenochama. You have an attraction.
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  I don't you slow it down, you can overcome Pakaya back to.
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  The two she talked, yes. Left with the ones he did, yes.