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F-It...I Shouldn't Eat This Thing Anyway! · Armstrong & Getty One More Thing

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: God, I shouldn't eat this thing anyway. It's one more thing.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: I'm whoa, Oh easy on the sailor talk there, you've
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: lost your mind, Yeah, Katie's four ears.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: As I've pointed out, I hate self checkout. I love it.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: I know everybody loves about me. I hate it well.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: And you're a missingthrope. I don't get that.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: I like you because I don't have to make weird
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: forced conversation about what I might be doing this week.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: It's a battle between my missingthrope and my hatred of technology,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: my being a luddite, and the luddite wins out over
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: my missing Everybody gets say I'd have missed that freaking
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: hate trying to make that thing work. And so I
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: was at Costco five fifteen on a Friday. Costco is
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: just bananas. I mean, it's just crazed everybody coming home
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: from work getting ready for the weekend. Line gazillion miles long.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: And uh it's funny. I got two standing in line
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: stories I have to do. But I'm in line. Oh,
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: so why do I go to Costco? I will go
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: to Costco to pick up my son's meds, and because
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: I get him from their pharmacy, super super love the
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Costco's pharmacy. And while I'm in there, I'm kind of hungry, thinking,
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: you know, what's the last time I had a Costco pie?
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: I love Costco pie. So I walk clear to the
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: back of the store and they got the great, big,
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: giant size of a car tire apple pie. It's like
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: eleven ninety nine and it's really good too. It's among
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: the best store about pies you can get as a
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: Costco pie.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you can ee for a giant pie. I
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: forget what it is, but it's not much man that.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: It's good.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: Though it's really good, you're hard of tasting it. You're
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: not allowed to come in on food.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: It's enormous.
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there's stuff's good.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, everything at Costco is good. But so I'm grabbing
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: this big giant apple pie and I'm walking up there
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: and I'm hoping I can do the self checkout because
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to stand in the line with the
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: people that got the giant home depot carts with five
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: hundred items and all that sort of stuff. Even the
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: self checkout a line is long, which plays into the story.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Because I'm under a lot of pressure. There's people behind me.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: Everybody's in a hurry. I get up to the and
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: this happens to me all the time. Place the item
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: in the whatever tray? Okay, I haven't. Please scan your item,
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: scan item, place your item, and then I set it down.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Please place your item in the I have place it
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: in the tray. Please scan your next I don't have
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: any more items. Please remove your item from the what tray?
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Are you?
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: Fuck it?
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: I don't want this pie anymore? And I left. I
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: couldn't figure out what I was supposed to do. And
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: there are people behind in me and they're like looking
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: their watches and tapping their feet. I says, I never
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: can figure out how to freaking do it, So screw it.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: I left, and you know, as I got to my car,
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: while I was still quite hungry, I thought I didn't
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: need a pie anyway. But what tray? What fucking tray
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: am I supposed to put this goddamn pie in? Wow?
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: Wow, he's eating from the the fruit of bitterness.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: God stacking it? Wow?
• 3:03
  Speaker 4: I mean, yeah, it's not that intense.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Well where are you supposed to put it? And the
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: lady kept yelling at me, take your kid along. You'll
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: explain that computer lady. The lady is annoying. She does
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: not need to, you know, start talking to her. Her tone.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: She could change your tone. Watch your tone, that's what
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: I showed just said, door, watch your tone right right.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: There needs to be a start again button, clearly though,
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: because I think we've all gotten caught.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Up in the.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: Please remove that item vortex. Yeah, like, all right, what
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: am I supposed to do now? Right?
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: Exactly? There needs there does need to be a start
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: over button because if you make a mistake and it
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: thinks you're you know, the weight doesn't match the whatever, Yeah,
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: you're screwed. You're screwed. At that point, you need to
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: start over.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: Hey, there's a guy with a big plastic bag just
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: cleared your shelf and he's walking right, Fred, I want
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: you to lighting the hell up on me.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: Right. Let me buy my pie which I was going
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: to eat trying to pay, which I was going to
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: eat in my car sitting in the parking lot. I
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: was gonna eat a whole bunch of pie. It was
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: gonna be glorious. It was gonna be glorious, glorious pocket
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: and it did not happen, So it just washed the
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: pocket fork. It's right here. Yeah, but has it ever
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: been washed?
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: No?
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: Nice? No, I wipe it hard with my shirt. My
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: other waiting line story, which I've actually thought had a
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: lesson for my son. You tell me whether you think
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: I'm right or not about this. So I was at
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: a grocery store. I won't mention the name of it,
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: but is the safe Way to shop? And it was
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: also on a different day, around five o'clock, and it's
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: packed in there, and they had one register open, one
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: and the line was, honest to god, all the way
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: back the entire length of the grocery store. People were
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: up against the milk in the back. That's how long
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: the line was. That's crazy, I know. So I tweeted
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: out you might have seen in our twitter. I said, hey,
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: safe way, it's five o'clock, the line is back to
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: the milk section. You've got one register open. Do you
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: stay in business?
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: And uh?
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: I mentioned the Safeway in Davis, California, And my son said,
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: nobody cares about that. And I said, I think you're
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: wrong about this. And this is where I wonder if
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: you agree with me or not. I said, somebody's gonna
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: see that. Somebody in management's gonna see that there's somebody
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: that keeps an eye on the Safeway twitter feed comments.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: They're gonna call the manager of this store and that
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: person's gonna get lit up for why was there only
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: one register open at five o'clock on a weekday and
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: the line was clear back to the milk guarantee you
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: by the way, Like, I don't know if it was
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: coincident or not, but with like two minutes after I
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: did that, they opened up three more registers. I would
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: not be the least bit shocked if somebody didn't get
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: on the phone. Who monitors that stuff, the complaint stuff.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: I know from people from other companies who have that
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: job monitoring the complaints online. Person around here actually, and uh,
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: do you think that does any good or not? In
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: the old days, you'd have never been able to get
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: a hold of anybody. But in the social media world,
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: they do not want that sort of comment out there.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true, that's good. It's accountability. I think you
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: can get down. It's only in the replies. I tweeted
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: it at Safeway, so it was a regular feed, and.
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: You have to wonder how many people are tweeting it Safeway.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: Not many, right, and I do know that those companies
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: the part of it, they have people that their job
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: is to make sure things do not negative things don't
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: blow up on social media. Yeah, I think you're right.
• 6:30
  Speaker 4: I could see I could see that trickling down back
• 6:32
  Speaker 4: to the store. I don't know that it happened to
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: the point where those other registers opened up.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: But I'd be shocked if the manager didn't at least
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: get an email from somebody saying, hey, we got a complaint.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: You had one richister open at five o'clock the other day,
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Well did you see the safe way to shop?
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: Responded to you. No, I did not, And I'm going
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: to trade carefully here because only one of us needs
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: to be fired over this, and it needs to be you.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: Uh.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: They said, thank you for bringing this to our attention.
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: We'd like to learn more about your experience. Please send
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: us a DM so we can assist you directly. Thank you.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: How quickly did they respond by the time? That was
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: it four p thirty eight.
• 7:13
  Speaker 4: The next day?
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: It was the next day? Okay, But yeah, so I
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: don't know if I got the other registers open, but
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: I guarantee you, the manager of that store I heard
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: from somebody in corporate. What are you doing here?
• 7:24
  Speaker 4: You should send them a DM and see if they
• 7:26
  Speaker 4: give you a gift certificate or something.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: Slide into their DMS.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: I don't know that I'd need safety just to be sick. Here,
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: send them a d here's a DP, here's my jick,
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: here's my junk. Is this help anything? Oh? Gosh?
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: What that'll do it?
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: That'll do it.
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: So did you go to the self checkout to avoid
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: the line or did you just stand there and tweet?
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: I stood there and tweeted until they finally got me
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: up there. Okay, I definite. I definitely can't run the
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: safe way self checkout thing. I just don't even try.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: You know, I don't like bulleturance because there's a lot
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: of belligerence in society. It is possible to register your
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: unhappiness in a way that is civilized. But I think
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: that it would have been perfectly appropriate for people to say, hey,
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: can you guys open another register?
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Please? Thank you? I've said that before, allow and not
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: in a mean way, but like, yeah, you got a
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: really long line here and one register opened, I mean,
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: and in this case by this young kid. He came
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: over and he like he was looking around, and he
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: ran over and opened one up and was like wheeling
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: people through there so fast and working so fast. I said,
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: I really appreciate your hustle, dude, that's really impressive. I
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: love it when people are conscientious like that, because that's
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: the kind of a boy I was when I was young.
• 8:41
  Speaker 4: He's probably getting paged over the PA and out and
• 8:43
  Speaker 4: back banging out a cigarette and came in.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my.
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: God, So I used to happen all the time when
• 8:48
  Speaker 4: I worked at a grocery store. We'd be we'd be going, hello,
• 8:50
  Speaker 4: can someone open a register? And then three people would
• 8:52
  Speaker 4: all come in from the back and they'd all react.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: Right, ah, that is exactly what happened, I'll bet. So
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: I'm giving him all this credit for working hard. He's
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: ape and back. They're scrolling through texts like oh crap,
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: stuck in a run TikTok rabbit hole. Meanwhile you're tweeting
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: the company, Yes, yes as well. At all works.
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: All's well that you know, next time you need a
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: new line opened up, just go to the other checkers
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: you know where that are empty, get on their loud
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: speaker and ask over the PA system, can we have
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: a new checker. Well, I guess that's it.