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Love Your Journey On Your Terms · The D Shift

• 0:05
  Mardi Winder-Adams: Welcome to the D ship podcast, where we provide inspiration, motivation and education to help you transition from the challenges of divorce to discover the freedom and ability to live life on your own terms. Are you ready? Let's get the shift started. Hey, me, and welcome to another episode of the D Shift podcast. And today we are going to have fun because I have somebody that I have encountered many times and I absolutely love what she does. Jackie cote is on with us. Jackie is a freedom mentor, speaker and RV adventurous and I mean, this girl is going everywhere. Every time I see Facebook, she's in a different location. So Jackie, welcome to the show.
• 0:50
  Jackie Cote: Oh my gosh, Marty, I am so excited to be here with you. I've loved you since the day I met you. And thank you for your audience for showing up and hanging out with us. So thank you for having me. I'm really grateful. Yeah,
• 1:00
  Mardi Winder-Adams: and I think like I say, we were talking a little bit before. And I said it's funny how the universe like that like that book, The Alchemist how the how the universe conspires to keep bringing people together, Jackie, and I don't know how we met. But all of a sudden, it seemed like everything I went to we were there together for the whole internet, we keep running into the same people. So Jackie, tell us a little bit about yourself, because you have made some amazing changes in your life. And you really are the queen of reinventing yourself. So tell us a little bit about that if you wouldn't mind.
• 1:33
  Jackie Cote: Definitely. So my background, I went to college for teaching. And I did that for a year. And I discovered I did not want to do that after one year. I was like God bless the teachers, man. Because you guys are angels. I just didn't want to go there. And but the restaurant business like kind of scooped me up at that point, and I fell in love. Ever since I was got my first job in an Italian bakery in Jersey. I love that aspect of running to end Yes. And they gave me the key that took 15 years old to run the place which is so illegal now. But it's hilarious back in the you know that that many years ago. But I loved the piece of leading people helping them grow to new levels think doing more than they thought they could do. And I did that for 30 years. So I was in leadership management, the restaurant industry for 30 years. And I had this I have this gift of being able to hold the gift of belief up for people and helping them see what they can't see and then get there so many people have helped create more freedom in their lives through getting promoted through the system. 300 plus people and industries like Starbucks and potbelly and kava and Outback and those kinds of restaurants. And I just, I just loved it. But the biggest piece that was missing was this lack of time, you know, you can only take two weeks a year off or lack of money, you can only make this much money, location, you're tied to a building, you know, you're no I was I was blessed. In many ways, I was able to create more freedom within those walls. Because you're like, after you go through this personal development journey, you ever look back and go, I've always been this person realizing like you think you're creating something new. But then you see like patterns of I was the freedom person, I was the freedom kid, I was the only one to live jersey and like all these freedom pieces kept filtering. And I was like, Oh, I get it now. And one of those things in that industry was I was able to, I made myself put in positions where I traveled more, I put myself in positions where I was able to get promoted into other positions and stuff like that. So fast forward being that I'm the freedom mentor, I call myself a freedom mentor. Now, it was a last year of what I was doing. And I was unhappy, like I could feel all of the boxes closing in on me and stuff. And then I found this world called coaching. And I don't know about you, but I didn't know anything but football coach soccer coach, like we were talking earlier. I didn't like the stuff I'm learning now. Like if you told me four years ago, I'd be doing the things that I do know everything from meditation to tapping to the woowoo stuff. I'd be like you're crazy. But I got I got into it. I started learning about it. And two months after that universe. God really stepped in and I got fired from my job, which catapulted me and and that gave me this aha moment of like, wait a second, this is a moment where I would have never quit. And that didn't fire me. And now I get to choose to bet on me and reinvent myself, or just do what I know and do the same thing. But I did both I applied for jobs. And then I was still pursuing. And then every job I got offered yes to almost every job I applied. And I was like, No, I don't want that. You know, I would get offered. Right? Because I knew at that point it was time for me to reinvent myself. It's hard for me to get out of the safety of what I've known for 30 years and step into something that is what I truly desired. I've always desired to control my time to control the amount of money I make, to be able to determine my like I get to choose how high I go or what level I make what time I might take off. And that was the beginning of the journey.
• 5:03
  Mardi Winder-Adams: And don't you tell it? What did it take? For you to say no. To those those people who wanted to hire you because it's interesting, I was just talking to just did a podcast with Katrina Sawa. I don't know if you know her and know her very well. Yeah. No, see, that's weird. And her big thing was stop staying Stop settling, right? So I'm just thinking, I have to be in a corporate America job or corporate Canada or corporate UK or wherever you are living. And say, you know, this is I've trained for this. This is what I'm going to like you I have a background in teaching. I've got a master's degree in education. And people say, Why don't you use your master's degree in education? I was like, because the system drives me insane. I know, I can't do this. So tell me tell me a little bit about what? What did it feel like? And how did you? How did you evaluate that? Like, what was kind of going on in your head when you were doing those kinds of things?
• 6:02
  Jackie Cote: That's a great question. And after I got fired, you know, they, they they gave you some unemployment, you know, to live off of for a while. And because it wasn't like a it was it was a, they were merging, and they didn't have enough spaces, and yada yadi. And so, I took off for the first time since I was 14 years old, I took six months off. And I because I had some savings, and I had some credit cards, and I had things to support me during it. And I was like, You know what, I've never taken more than a week off at a time, never more than two weeks in a year. So I took time off. And I vacationed Mardi like seven times, like even if it was like three days here, two days there. Like I went away. And I'm telling you, once you taste something or see something like that, you can never unsee it. You can never unfill The feeling of freedom that I felt. And so during that process, I was like, I kept the reason why I kept saying no, I was like, Well, I'm not going to get this kind of freedom. I'm not going to get this kind of choice and control of my choices and my decisions if I go back. But the funny part, the third one that I the third one I interviewed with was a guy that used to work with me at another company. And as soon as he got on the phone, he didn't realize it was me. He was like, Oh, I don't need to interview you. Let's just say the time he goes, I'll give you the job in a heartbeat because we like he loved me and I loved him. But he asked me one question. He said, What do you really want to do? And I was like, What do you mean? He's like, Well, no, seriously, like, like, what's what's been going on in life. And I told him, I was like, Oh, my gosh, I found this coaching thing. I'm super excited. And I see all this possibility. And I say that because we live a predictable life. And possibility is the only thing that gets us out of the predictable life if we can step into that. And so I was telling them all about the possibility of what I could do and what I could create. And he goes, Great. He goes, How much money do you have? I'm like, what do you need? How much money do I have? This is the weirdest interview ever, right? And he's like, how much you have saved up? How much? How long? Could you live on it and cover your bills? I was like, Oh, that's a great question. And I was like, Well, I calculated and I was like, probably about a year. Like because I had just sold my home, I cut my expenses in half. And I did all these plans. Because I knew I was going forward with my own business. But I was still doing what I should be doing by applying and looking for the job with benefits. And he goes great, he goes, I'm not gonna hire you. This is the one guy I probably would have said yes to. And I was like, What do you mean, you're not gonna hire me, he's like, you're gonna try this for a year. And if it doesn't work out, come back to me. And I'll give you the job. And what he gave me in that moment was absolute trust and permission. He gave me the ability to give myself for how many times do we not give ourselves permission to do what we really love, do what we want to do go for our desires. We don't, and I wasn't going to and if he didn't say that, to me, I probably wouldn't be here today. So he gave me permission. And I was like, Okay, I have a guaranteed job a year from now. So let's go for it. And that the fire in my fire was bigger than my fear, like the flame of me like wanting to have my freedom and control my time and build something on my own. And all of that kept me from through all those fearful moments of like, who, okay, the money's going this way. The opposite direction, right? Yeah. And I just kept tapping back into like, no, like I and and the second piece to the answer to your questions, the vision, the vision, I tied myself to that vision. So fiercely and the vision kept getting bigger as time because it was kind of small like I can do this I can make a couple $1,000 a month. And and I visioning with people is harder in the beginning because we like we're so stuck in the predictable life, that we got to have someone help us see what what's possible, right? We got to surround ourselves with people to see what's possible. So those are all things that I did. I got permission. I said, I stood fast to the vision. And I surrounded myself with people who were in the possibility realm for me to keep my vision, getting bigger and stay there. And isn't
• 9:50
  Mardi Winder-Adams: that so important? Because sometimes the people that we think are our biggest supporters in life are our people who don't really want to see Yes, change or succeed. And I'm not, I'm not saying they're doing it on purpose. But I work with, you know, people going through divorce, and they have sort of, but I'm just I've only been a housewife, I've only been a mom, I haven't had a job for the last eight years, because I've been home raising my kids. And I've said this many times on the podcast, if you can raise your kids and run a home, guess what, you can run a business, it's probably got skills coming out the wazoo this year, you've got more than a CEO of a Forbes 500 or fortune 500 company? I mean, let's face it. So what do you what do you how do you determine? Or how do you hold to that vision? What what are some of the strategies maybe that if people are feeling that sense of, I can see this little glimmer, then I might be able to do this. But you're you're right. They're stuck in the in the in their actual predictable life right now? How do you start? How do they start giving themselves permission? because not everybody's going to have an employer, potential employer that's going to say, Yeah, you got this job, try your stuff, and come back in a year. Right? You're gonna have that. So how do you see that happening?
• 11:09
  Jackie Cote: Well, first of all, let me just say, I mapped out one day for one of my moms who was just a mom at home, and I like priced out what it what it would be, what kind of value that is. And we did like personal chef show her like, we priced out actual Googled, like, and it came out to like, $575,000 a year is what like, that's like, that was like the low end of what, just so so for the parents listening that are just a parent, you are beyond. Beyond way beyond that. Okay. So for when it comes to just staying connected to that vision or building that vision first in the place? It comes. I kind of lost the question for a second. I apologize. I was like, that was those other questions? Yeah,
• 11:54
  Mardi Winder-Adams: yeah. Just how do they go from it? Like, if they do have a vision, but they're really stuck in what they're doing right now? Yes, what little things that they can start doing to make that make that vision live inside them?
• 12:08
  Jackie Cote: Well, what helped me big time in the beginning was actually having some kind of mentor to help me walk through it asked me the right questions. Get me to, like, think beyond what I was thinking. Because the question, so one of the questions in the future, and if you don't have somebody in your life that you can do that with? There's a ton of videos from YouTube, search all that stuff. But just asking yourself, like, what if, okay, so I'm here, and it will, and you're going to start to think of something we have two sides of our brain, the brain wants to keep us safe, right? The, you're gonna think, oh, I want to go into business for myself. I bet I've never done that. And then the safe brain goes, you've never done that that's really unsafe, like it can be very, very dangerous. But all that is trying to keep you safe, then you can go okay, so I do have fears and truth. I used to do a fears and truce exercise with myself all the time. Here's what the fears that come up whenever I talk about what it is I desire. Well, what's the truth? Well, the truth is that there's, I've seen this person, do it this person, do it this person do it. The truth is I've managed a household of five kids and did it today. The truth like you can take every fear you have and flip it. And what's the thought that is a forward focused and vision, driving thoughts that helps you stay focused, and really having some kind of consistent, like day to day where you are connected with yourself in that vision. I learned, I learned how to meditate. And I say that because I fought meditation like no other in the beginning. I was like, I can't do it. Right. I'm not thinking properly, you know, and I was like the fighting of it. I forced myself to do 40 days. But there's like medic visual meditations. And I just, I would just search on YouTube. And then I would write it out, like write it out and write it out. And each of my first ones were like three sentences. And then I would like journal about like, oh, what would it be like? Like, what if what if I did this and like, I started like in coaching, I started out with like, just one on one coaching. And I don't say just because that was like my mic. Just my favorite one. But then I was like, Well, what if I did group like, what does that look like? What if I can retreat Three years later, a retreat popped out like so everything that I thought on the vision three years ago, has all starting to come to fruition over the years. But one of the biggest things Marnie is like, like giving yourself like letting yourself have fun with it. Like step into it and have fun with it. And like really just feel it. Like, what is it like if you wanted to go to the beach, and the mountains and you want to vacation these places like what's possible for that we can get an Airbnb, we could rent an RV, we could just drive down for two days, like putting yourself into it and feeling it and then going. Okay, that's possible. So what else is possible?
• 14:50
  Mardi Winder-Adams: Yeah. And I think that's the difference of getting up, getting dressed in your business suit and going off to your corporate job and hating every single minute from the time you wake up until You leave at six o'clock and then take a 45 minute drive home to traffic that should take you five minutes to do. You know, and waking up in the morning and going, this is what I really want to do. Yeah, there's gonna be some days that are kind of shitty, and you're not going to get done what you want to get done. And you're gonna have to do if you're a business owner, you got to do some of this stuff or hire somebody to do it for you. But it's opening yourself up and not letting that one day a month that you got to do something you don't do, you don't particularly care for override the 30 other days of the month where you are going to be living your best life, right?
• 15:35
  Jackie Cote: Yeah, and you know, we, what I didn't really fully realize, even though I've been a very, I had to make decisions really young. Because mom died when I was five dad ran a business of 80 hours a week. So there was I was very much even I had a big family motor six of us, I was solo because they're all older. And so I had to learn how to make decisions quickly, quickly. And I know decisions or like making decisions, whether it's the right one or wrong one, we stop ourselves because of whatever we've learned over our experiences and our stories from the past. But just knowing that you have the power to make a different decision than what you currently are doing. Like we have the power of choice on what we decide. So I just had somebody message me and like, Okay, I'm having really negative thoughts today or my job, right? And it's like, okay, and then she explained what those were. And I'm like, well, that's a thought. And in the thought model our thoughts and our feelings, create our actions and our results. So whatever your thought is, if you want a different action and result, change the thought, that creates a feeling which create, you know, and so it can be it can be as simple as that, initially, but it takes it's not it's like going to the gym, you don't go to the gym, lift weights once in your buff, right? It takes time, this this muscle here and this brain changing the thoughts to what it is that your new beliefs you want your new beliefs and your new vision to be take some time. So you have to give yourself grace, and patience and trust that all the little things like the instant thought right now like okay, if I feel like this isn't serving me, what do I What thought do I want that serves the future vision. So once you've got the vision, which I am so passionate about and excited for the freebie that I'm giving, because it's just like, it's all about that. And when I the vision helps the brain work on the known, right, so the brain knows, everything is experienced up to this point, the only way the brain can function on what it is you desires. You've got to build the vision of that. So the brain can go, oh, this is true. Jackie believes this, right? Because we want to live on go past that we can't change in the future worries we can't control. Yeah, and those are no fun.
• 17:38
  Mardi Winder-Adams: I love that. And I've heard this at several different things. I actually looked it up it is a legitimate thing. There was a study done at Harvard about the plant piano playing Have you heard this one, where they actually they actually took people and had them play piano for a period of time and they measured their brainwaves. Okay, and they saw which side which parts of the brain lit up when they were actually physically learning music and playing the piano. Then they took another group of people that did not have a piano, they just had the the music. And they had them imagine playing the piano didn't didn't move their fingers were like we're just sitting in their chair. And guess what the same parts of the brain lit up as the people that were actually playing the piano. So your brain does not know if you're thinking it or it's really happening. So that's tested. So if you see yourself as a successful entrepreneur, if you see yourself as an RV, adventurous going around the country, and follow Jackie on Facebook, because her pictures are amazing. I've seen parts of the country I didn't even know exists. And some places I thought like, wow, I've been there. But you can you can do this with your brain. And I love what you're saying because I actually started doing these affirmation things. So this is my affirmations. I don't know if I supposed to share these with people. But I leave the old limitations behind me and I give myself permission to express myself in a free and creative manner. And I am the power and authority in my life. I am free to be nice. Yes. So every time I get those negative thoughts, I grabbed this card and I read them. Oops, yes, that excites my dogs as well.
• 19:16
  Jackie Cote: My dogs always get excited when I get on calls with anyone in this business because I get so amped up. No, you're right, because science another science piece is that the only thing that changes a neural pathway in our brain is repetition and an elevated emotion. So we we have the choice of repetition of an elevated emotion, negatively or facing towards the positive future. Right. And so, but we're pro our society is very programmed and driven to keep safe in that we're addicted to the challenge. We're the the problems were addicted to the to the hardware addicted to that that side of things. And and that's, you know, it's no one's fault, but that's part of the predictable like I talk about predictable life because we have predictability, possibility and potentiality. The predictable life is everything that is known that we've experienced. And we've we've encountered experienced, whatever. That's how we, that's how we live our life in the predictable place. Possibility is the predictability but adding in the fact that there's possibility that other people have done things. So it's all evidence based, predictability and possibility are evidence based. And we can see that okay, well, Marty has done this, or she's done that. So can I, we've experienced this, so did it. So can I. And so then we get this step into the vision of the possibility. And then there's this third place of potentiality, that has no evidence. And what I've learned more recently, in the last, like about six months that I've stepped up leveling, stepping into higher levels from my visioning and my, is what you were saying earlier, like, I don't have Jackie keeps landing in my life, right? It's the there's this place that we can't even there's no evidence and explanation why things are happening in our life. Based on the fact that we've, we've we've let our brain we've built the vision, and our brain feels it and sees it understands that the University of ask God universe, whatever you believe in, and great. And some of those things go beyond that. And you're like, how did that happen? Yeah, because the potentiality of operating without evidence, evidence, evidence can keep us like waiting, just only if I have evidence Can I can I move now, in the in the in the entrepreneur world, we've got to believe before we're going to achieve anything, the belief has to come first, in the predictable world of like, and there's enough, I have a lot of employees, by the way that are my clients, and we've increased like, all the money, the freedom, all that stuff, within, but they're all building, they're all building businesses on the side to exit their jobs. And when we step into that place of potentiality, we're learning how we can build this vision of things that we have not seen in our life, million dollar months, let's just, you know, say something really astronomical that like, we're like, what I know, I'm at like, you know, whatever amount per month. Well, but that's the potentiality. And if we can just trust that there's a path because it's my desire, there's a path. And there and that's, that's, that's out there, it's already done. That's where trust comes into play, and surrendering to whatever we think it's how it's supposed to be done when it's supposed to happen. We like remove all that. And we just trust in the fact that we stay in joy, love fun in the present connected with it is our desires. Crazy stuff starts landing in our life. And we're like,
• 22:40
  Mardi Winder-Adams: what, and so you know, and we're almost at the end of our time, and I could go on for another two hours talking with you. But if the you know whether people talk about kind of a universal flow of energy that you can tap into, or whether people believe in the power of prayer, or whether people believe in just coincidences or possibilities, when I think when you have a vision, any and all of those things start lining up for you. I mean, in EEG, you don't have to want to be an entrepreneur, maybe you want to be maybe you want to retire early, maybe just want to be able to go to the beach permanently. So it doesn't we're not suggesting that everybody has to go to an entrepreneurial role to fulfill yourself, whatever, whatever that vision is, what I'm hearing you say Jackie is created, believe it and see the potentiality of it, and really moving into that big vision space and just just being like, wow, this is going to be me not, I hope someday this is going to be me, or I'm going to try to make this be me that this really is me.
• 23:47
  Jackie Cote: Yeah. And that's the beginning of like, the the pillars that I walk people through is awakening and the very first one the awakening, empowering and owning who you are. Because ultimately everything leads back to you truly loving and owning who you are. And that's what makes the vision more possible and more attainable, like more and more creatable I guess in the mind. And so I mean, we could talk for hours, man, we can just keep going and going.
• 24:16
  Mardi Winder-Adams: But before we get too far off, I do want to definitely ask you can you share I know you very kindly provided a freebie for people because we've just barely touched on the tip of the iceberg of the work that Jackie does with people so Could you could you tell us a little bit about your your freebie and all the information for it will be in the show notes so people will have access to that link that you've provided?
• 24:38
  Jackie Cote: Yes, yes definitely. It's called intentional goal setting with Coach Jackie and what I discovered back in corporate America or corporate wherever is that smart goals was the standards specific measurable achievable rate realistic, time sensitive, but I always fought it I did it because I had to but there was this like something's missing. And what I discovered now the missing pieces, building out your your tangible goals, the tangible goals are always something we go for that doesn't fulfill the internal need, feeling excitement. So let's create intentions along the way and the journey along the way to the goal. And in this video I talk about how do you set like, like, what is it going to feel like what is it going to smell like tastes like experience? Like all what are you going to hear? And I do it fun here, actually, it's so funny. I have my November ones. Actually, like I encourage coloring. I encourage drawing, I encourage things of that my a type personality clients like freaked out at first, but now they do it every month. But it really it puts it puts feeling and fun in the journey so that no matter when you hit the goal, sooner or later, whichever way you do, because we don't have control over that. You have fun. You experienced everything you want to experience from that. And you're feeling the internal internal love safety and belonging by before it because sometimes you'll get to a weight goal, you'll get to a money goal and you get there in you're like that didn't do it. Whoa, yeah. Right, you're like, Okay, that was a second. Okay, what's next? Yeah, but if I have fun along the journey, and I'm intentional, and I feel it, and I'm excited, and my clients are enjoying their journey, and all of a sudden I look at my income, and I'm like, Oh my gosh, I've crossed higher income than I ever made in corporate America and 10 months versus 12 months. And I didn't even realize it because that wasn't what my focus was. It was fun, having fun, and feeling it and enjoying it along the way. And that's what the video talks about. And after you go to the video, if you're like, I still don't get it, I need more there's a connect call link below the video that if you want to go deeper, you can book a call with me.
• 26:35
  Mardi Winder-Adams: Okay, so we've covered a lot of information, big topics, huge topics, what what would be one takeaway thought you want people to remember when they get off the podcast and go on about their lives today.
• 26:48
  Jackie Cote: My biggest one is just stop waiting to turn that that freedom vision that we're talking about into reality, because it's just that you get to I like to call this my retirement life making money doing it. And by no means am I like done doing what I do, which I don't know if we'll ever be done because I just love it so much. Now I'm really in my passions. But I'm living out the life along the way of making money and success and stuff like that we were taught opposite we were taught create the money and success and then live the life like later than in and create the life now and you fit what it is that you desire to do. So how amazing is if you are a mom who is now thinking of moving into your next phase of what's next. And you don't have to worry about like changing what you're doing. You get to create from a clean slate right? And fit the like create it based on the life you desire. And then the money and the money comes easier when you do that girls. Yeah, and guys, I mean the money comes easier when you tap it back in, you know, fit it into the life you desire.
• 27:48
  Mardi Winder-Adams: Absolutely. And that's a great message for everybody to remember. Jackie what's the best way for people to reach out to you and again, this is going to be in the notes but how do they how would you like people to find out more about you? I know you've got your freebie but is there any any other contact information?
• 28:03
  Jackie Cote: Yes, um, I do have my website which has my name with coaching on the end. And that's great and I have a blog on there and stuff like that and get to know me but I'm going to be honest my facebook if you're a Facebook person, if not go to the website but if you're a Facebook person come friend me let me know you met me through Marty's you know, podcast so I can shout out Marty. But like, honestly, that's my digital diary and everything about me everything my energy. I literally had somebody in my last retreat who hadn't met me but virtual like you and met me in person and grabs my shoulders and goes, you're exactly who you are your Facebook like she observed me for a week. And she like grabbed I was like, What do you mean? She's like, No, no, I can take you and put you in Facebook. I can take you out and you're the same person. Yeah, and that meant the world to me, because I want to inspire people to live their life through everything that I go through in life. Yeah, and that's what I share on Facebook. And it's
• 28:53
  Mardi Winder-Adams: it's not all sunshine and roses, like when the RV stops working and a few other things. I
• 28:58
  Jackie Cote: know I just did one yesterday about duality. Like, like, you know, so yeah, I share everything. I'm not I don't I don't hide anything and you can ask me anything. So please
• 29:07
  Mardi Winder-Adams: do go follow Jackie travels on Facebook. It's phenomenal. But don't look at her post if you're hungry because she takes pictures of delicious and it's usually valued food. So anyhow, Thank you, Jackie so much. This has been a fantastic conversation. I really appreciate you coming on the DJ.
• 29:28
  Jackie Cote: Thank you for having me.
• 29:32
  Mardi Winder-Adams: Thanks for listening and supporting the GI Schiff podcast. If you would like to attend live trainings by our amazing guests and have a chance to ask questions and get answers from our experts. Join the D Shift crew. For more details and to sign up, head on over to www dot divorce coach for women and click on the podcast page.