Latest / Untraditionally Lala / My Mane Man Chris Appleton
Transcript
- 0:00Speaker 1: Hello, gorgeous, it's Lala Kent. Welcome to untraditionally, Lala. Hello, gorgeous,
- 0:05Speaker 1: it is La La Kent. Welcome back to Untraditionally, Lala.
- 0:08Speaker 1: We have been graced with an.
- 0:11Speaker 2: Amazing presence today.
- 0:12Speaker 3: I'm looking at you, baby, Where are you looking to
- 0:18Speaker 3: look at there?
- 0:19Speaker 2: My eyes are kind of wandering. Okay, my hot pants
- 0:24Speaker 2: that I wore for you I want to.
- 0:25Speaker 4: Give you will Yes, when I.
- 0:30Speaker 2: Walk, I made sure, but when I move, yes, it's
- 0:33Speaker 2: just the hot pants.
- 0:34Speaker 4: You guys.
- 0:35Speaker 2: I have Chris Appleton.
- 0:36Speaker 3: Obviously, you guys know him, because none of us.
- 0:39Speaker 2: Live under a rock anymore.
- 0:41Speaker 3: A world renowned hairstylist gives being showcased on covers of
- 0:45Speaker 3: major feature publications, including Vogue, Harper's Bizarre, Vanity Fair, and
- 0:49Speaker 3: That's just to name a few. Celebrity clients include Jennifer Lopez,
- 0:53Speaker 3: Kim Kardashian, Sophia Viagara, Ariana Grande, Katie Perry, you have
- 0:57Speaker 3: two babies that are not so much babies any more.
- 1:00Speaker 3: They're kind of always your babies, right yeah, Billy and
- 1:03Speaker 3: Kitty Blue. I love that name with your former partner, Katie, welcome,
- 1:08Speaker 3: my love, thank you, and you have a book coming out.
- 1:12Speaker 4: It's out, We're here, there, it is.
- 1:14Speaker 2: There, it is. Do you ever have a bad day
- 1:17Speaker 2: as far as like your looks go?
- 1:19Speaker 4: Yeah, really, I'm literally yesterday I was doing a podcast.
- 1:22Speaker 4: I was like, I don't know why I look like
- 1:24Speaker 4: all of them. It's my head gingja. Like we all
- 1:26Speaker 4: have those moments where you pull yourself apart. But now
- 1:29Speaker 4: I just come back to myself, Well, I'm doing that
- 1:32Speaker 4: thing I do. We will do it.
- 1:34Speaker 2: We all do it.
- 1:35Speaker 3: And I I love that when I was reading your book,
- 1:39Speaker 3: I love that you pointed out because most people would
- 1:41Speaker 3: look at you and be like, you have everything going on,
- 1:44Speaker 3: like your sexy as hell, you're touching you know, the
- 1:47Speaker 3: hair of these mega mega superstars.
- 1:49Speaker 2: What insecurity or problem could you ever have?
- 1:53Speaker 4: Yeah? And I have them all right, And.
- 1:56Speaker 3: I'm I'm so excited about your book and for people
- 2:00Speaker 3: to fall even harder for you. I want to know, like,
- 2:03Speaker 3: when did you know it was time to write a book.
- 2:06Speaker 4: I think maybe the idea of Chris Appleton as a brand,
- 2:10Speaker 4: Like people perceive me from what they see on social media,
- 2:14Speaker 4: which is obviously what most people do. We have a
- 2:16Speaker 4: perception of someone from the small amount of information we see.
- 2:19Speaker 4: So people probably know our work with celebrities. You know,
- 2:21Speaker 4: life looks good, it's a then red carpets or this
- 2:24Speaker 4: and that. But that's just like a really small part
- 2:27Speaker 4: of my life, right and it's a really small part
- 2:29Speaker 4: of what I do. And I felt like it was
- 2:31Speaker 4: time to bring a book out for people that say, well,
- 2:37Speaker 4: I can't have that. I don't look like Jo Lo
- 2:39Speaker 4: or I can't have that I'm not like I don't
- 2:40Speaker 4: look like Kim Gardishian. And I was like, well, it's
- 2:42Speaker 4: actually really easy when you break it down of how
- 2:45Speaker 4: to like look and fill your absolute best. There's like
- 2:47Speaker 4: a formula to it. Because I've worked with celebrities what
- 2:49Speaker 4: people know me as now, but I've also worked in
- 2:51Speaker 4: a salon doing you know, regular clients nine toil five.
- 2:56Speaker 4: I've also done models on a runway. I've also done
- 2:59Speaker 4: cancer patients lost their hair, and you know, I see,
- 3:02Speaker 4: I saw a formula that worked with everyone on how
- 3:07Speaker 4: to make people look and feel their best, depending on
- 3:09Speaker 4: what they were going through and what they wanted. But
- 3:11Speaker 4: a lot of it was about alignment. It was like,
- 3:13Speaker 4: when you're fully aligned on the inside is when the
- 3:15Speaker 4: outside really kind of happens, and that's the superpower. And
- 3:19Speaker 4: I think that's the bit that a lot of people
- 3:21Speaker 4: don't know. So what the reader will find is basically
- 3:24Speaker 4: tools in how to you know, look and feel their best.
- 3:26Speaker 4: And it's like, all right, well you don't look like
- 3:28Speaker 4: Jennifer Lopez, but this.
- 3:29Speaker 3: Is how And I love that because even Jennifer Lopez,
- 3:35Speaker 3: I'm sure has her moments of going, we just ain't
- 3:37Speaker 3: hitting today and like the little insecurities.
- 3:40Speaker 2: And I noticed when I started talking.
- 3:42Speaker 3: About like how I felt postpartum, which you have you
- 3:49Speaker 3: have two kids. I'm sure who you were with at
- 3:52Speaker 3: the time, their mother. You know, things are just different
- 3:54Speaker 3: after two babies. Your hair is falling out and you
- 3:57Speaker 3: really don't feel like you've so like your identity is
- 4:01Speaker 3: gone totally.
- 4:02Speaker 2: And it's hard to.
- 4:04Speaker 3: Like go out and explain things to certain people because
- 4:07Speaker 3: they're still fixated on like, well, you know, you're bounced back.
- 4:10Speaker 2: Imagine if you had you know it the way I
- 4:13Speaker 2: had it.
- 4:13Speaker 3: But there are moments where I'm looking at myself in
- 4:15Speaker 3: the mirror going like I just what is going on?
- 4:19Speaker 2: And it always for me goes back to what can
- 4:21Speaker 2: we do with this hair?
- 4:23Speaker 4: Yeah, hair is so powerful, right. I mean, if you
- 4:26Speaker 4: think about a lot of it's interesting to me. Some
- 4:28Speaker 4: people will be like, I don't care about my hair,
- 4:30Speaker 4: Like it's the last thing I care about. I just
- 4:32Speaker 4: I can't be bothered. And I'm like, that also says
- 4:34Speaker 4: something about you. That also says about that. That also
- 4:36Speaker 4: says what you're putting out to the world, you know,
- 4:38Speaker 4: And if you don't truly feel like that on the inside, yeah,
- 4:41Speaker 4: and the outside is saying that, then you need you know,
- 4:43Speaker 4: you're not aligned. You need to kind of get aligned
- 4:45Speaker 4: with how you want to come across people, what your
- 4:47Speaker 4: goals are, and work towards those things. And I think
- 4:49Speaker 4: if you think about any celebrity, like hair is so fundamental,
- 4:53Speaker 4: Like if I say j Lo, like you probably think
- 4:55Speaker 4: like honey colored hair with a pop su blonde. Yeah,
- 4:58Speaker 4: obviously the Kardashian like dark rich brunettes, Lady Garga like
- 5:03Speaker 4: platinum ice blonde, like Chapel with the red head. It's
- 5:08Speaker 4: so significant. I don't think about Marilyn Monroe without the
- 5:11Speaker 4: platinum hair. I don't know. It's just it's such a
- 5:13Speaker 4: part of identity, and I think a lot of people
- 5:18Speaker 4: don't always kind of necessarily know they have a choice,
- 5:21Speaker 4: because a lot of people have what they've always had
- 5:24Speaker 4: because no one's really given the option to ever explore.
- 5:27Speaker 4: But that is also like personal things as well, Like
- 5:30Speaker 4: you were told once as a kid you were the
- 5:33Speaker 4: quiet one, or you are the you know your sister's
- 5:36Speaker 4: the bobby one. You're the quiet one, or you know
- 5:38Speaker 4: you're the chubby one, she's the hot one. I don't know,
- 5:40Speaker 4: Like I noticed that people carry these things with them
- 5:45Speaker 4: their whole life, like they're put in a box. Yeah.
- 5:48Speaker 4: They literally like, oh, well, I know I can't. I
- 5:50Speaker 4: would sit down in the salon or in the chair
- 5:52Speaker 4: and I'd be like, you know, well, have you ever
- 5:54Speaker 4: thought about I don't know, you showed me a picture
- 5:56Speaker 4: of blonde hair, have you ever thought about Yeah, I
- 5:58Speaker 4: know I love the blonde, but I know I can't
- 6:00Speaker 4: do that. And I'd be like all right, why And
- 6:03Speaker 4: they're like, well, I just know that that I can't.
- 6:05Speaker 4: And I'd be like, well, who told you that? I'm like, well,
- 6:08Speaker 4: I don't know. And they trace it back and it's
- 6:10Speaker 4: usually like once someone said to them like this is
- 6:12Speaker 4: what suits you, and they kind of get it broken
- 6:14Speaker 4: up into the head is this is who I am.
- 6:17Speaker 4: And the idea of the book is that you stop
- 6:18Speaker 4: and like actually truly look in the mirror and find
- 6:21Speaker 4: out who you are, who you want to be, and
- 6:23Speaker 4: know that it's possible to change, and it's like never
- 6:26Speaker 4: too late to meet you come back. It's a lot
- 6:27Speaker 4: of people also have a thing about age, like well
- 6:29Speaker 4: over the age of twenty, I'm too old, Like it's
- 6:32Speaker 4: who I am, who I am now, And it's like
- 6:34Speaker 4: you can create, you come back at any age. It's
- 6:36Speaker 4: never too late. And it might be as simple as
- 6:38Speaker 4: like changing your hair color or your haircut, or it
- 6:40Speaker 4: might be leaving a marriage, it might be changing your job,
- 6:43Speaker 4: it might be getting out of the friend group that
- 6:45Speaker 4: makes you miserable. But the whole thing is about coming
- 6:49Speaker 4: back to yourself and you know, fully feeling comfortable. And
- 6:53Speaker 4: the book was actually really different, like I wrote a
- 6:55Speaker 4: very different book initially. Really Yeah, it was way more
- 6:58Speaker 4: kind of like what people would probably expect, like a polish,
- 7:01Speaker 4: like cute book. And I just was like, it's not
- 7:03Speaker 4: really real, it's not who I am, Like I've gone
- 7:06Speaker 4: through a real journey of getting to where I'm at. Yeah,
- 7:09Speaker 4: where the first time in my life I'm fully comfortable
- 7:11Speaker 4: with who I am, and I just wanted to share that.
- 7:13Speaker 4: So I actually started and talked about a lot of
- 7:16Speaker 4: the dark times in my life because I've hoped in
- 7:19Speaker 4: opening up to that, it would encourage other people to
- 7:22Speaker 4: feel freely to talk about theirs. Yeah, it's not about
- 7:25Speaker 4: deleting it and pretending it didn't happen. It's just about
- 7:28Speaker 4: making it part of your story.
- 7:29Speaker 2: And moving on from it.
- 7:31Speaker 4: So, yeah, that goes it's completely different.
- 7:34Speaker 3: Did you have the same title your Roots Don't Define You?
- 7:37Speaker 4: No, that came after the book, and I think your
- 7:39Speaker 4: roots don't define you? Obviously it's you know, visually, you know, yeah,
- 7:45Speaker 4: a nod towards hair, But it really is the fact
- 7:48Speaker 4: that most people roots do define them. Their childhood really
- 7:51Speaker 4: defined who they are, what someone once said to them,
- 7:53Speaker 4: really like to find who they were, and they carried
- 7:56Speaker 4: it their whole lives without even realizing. And it hopefully
- 7:59Speaker 4: gives people the opportun you see, to stop look in
- 8:01Speaker 4: the mirror and actually decide what their story is, decide
- 8:05Speaker 4: what their image is, how they want to be perceived
- 8:08Speaker 4: by the world, and you know, have the power to
- 8:10Speaker 4: change it. Because it is as simple as that, and
- 8:12Speaker 4: it's like really fun like techniques broken down which are
- 8:15Speaker 4: easy to follow. They just make you stop and kind
- 8:17Speaker 4: of for anyone that said before, is this it? Like?
- 8:20Speaker 4: Is this enough? All that way and read the book?
- 8:23Speaker 2: Yeah, this is as good as it gets. Like what
- 8:25Speaker 2: am I doing?
- 8:27Speaker 1: Wow?
- 8:28Speaker 3: I have to ask you a question? Yeah, and I
- 8:31Speaker 3: don't even know if I want to hear the answer.
- 8:33Speaker 3: What does what does my hair say to you right now?
- 8:37Speaker 4: What?
- 8:37Speaker 2: Like when you look at it, you go, she's in
- 8:39Speaker 2: what era?
- 8:40Speaker 4: I just thinkure, I never your has really pray. I
- 8:42Speaker 4: think it's great. I think the color is really nice.
- 8:44Speaker 4: It's like a nice combination. No, it suits your skin tone.
- 8:47Speaker 4: It works with your eye color. It's not too dark
- 8:49Speaker 4: and harsh, but it's not like platinum blonde and you
- 8:53Speaker 4: know out there like that. It kind of it works
- 8:55Speaker 4: with your skin tone.
- 8:56Speaker 2: What would you do?
- 8:58Speaker 4: Maybe give it? Maybe pop it more like more of
- 9:00Speaker 4: what you got, Give it a little bit more.
- 9:02Speaker 2: Like I'm oh, more sexy?
- 9:05Speaker 4: Yeah, like just pop out, like tip out some of
- 9:07Speaker 4: the ends a bit more and give it a bit.
- 9:09Speaker 4: But it looked great, you look you look amazing. But
- 9:11Speaker 4: you know, if you were like I'm going to this
- 9:13Speaker 4: event or I've got something going on. I want to
- 9:15Speaker 4: feel my absolute best, Like what you've got isn't wrong,
- 9:18Speaker 4: but you know, you could just spice it up, and.
- 9:21Speaker 2: I don't spice it up. Can I tell you?
- 9:23Speaker 3: I have gone from jet black to like super super blonde,
- 9:29Speaker 3: and so I'm in this phase of like, let's get
- 9:31Speaker 3: the hair healthy, let's like try to grow out.
- 9:34Speaker 4: And what was your best era? Did you like the
- 9:36Speaker 4: black or the blonde or not.
- 9:38Speaker 2: The black was too harsh?
- 9:39Speaker 3: Honestly, I think that I'm in my best era right now,
- 9:43Speaker 3: definitely where we're we're getting we're getting our sexy back.
- 9:46Speaker 2: I'm sixteen months postpartum.
- 9:48Speaker 4: And you look amazing.
- 9:49Speaker 2: Well, thank you.
- 9:51Speaker 3: And it's you know, I always know the moment my
- 9:54Speaker 3: extensions are clipped into my head, I become a different persons.
- 9:58Speaker 2: I am like vavoon, right, I come alive.
- 10:01Speaker 3: But I want to be able to like feel that
- 10:04Speaker 3: way without the extensions. So I'm like in this phase
- 10:08Speaker 3: of like, if I'm just kicking it, we have a
- 10:10Speaker 3: hair mask in we are oiled up. You could fry
- 10:13Speaker 3: an egg on my face because there's oil all over
- 10:16Speaker 3: that as well.
- 10:17Speaker 4: Yeah, that's great. You've got to be able to like replenish.
- 10:19Speaker 4: You got to put it all back together.
- 10:20Speaker 2: Can I ask you how old you are?
- 10:22Speaker 4: Forty two?
- 10:23Speaker 2: Damn me? You look good?
- 10:24Speaker 4: Really? Yeah, thank you.
- 10:25Speaker 2: I'll be thirty six this year and I'm tweaking out
- 10:27Speaker 2: over it.
- 10:28Speaker 4: I love me. I don't know. When I was turning forty,
- 10:31Speaker 4: I was a little freaked out. I was like, God,
- 10:33Speaker 4: I used to I was like, oh, thought, they're really old,
- 10:37Speaker 4: you know. And obviously that was just a younger version
- 10:39Speaker 4: of myself. But I think I'm at a place in
- 10:41Speaker 4: my life I've learned so much and I have done
- 10:43Speaker 4: the work. It's not like I just like, oh, I'm
- 10:45Speaker 4: in a great place, like because I've had success in
- 10:48Speaker 4: my life and been really miserable. So it might look
- 10:50Speaker 4: great on the outside, but on the inside, I was
- 10:52Speaker 4: miserable and insecure and just afraid, you know. I had
- 10:58Speaker 4: a lot of shame, a lot of fear, heard that
- 11:00Speaker 4: a lot of my life. But I think truly find
- 11:02Speaker 4: in alignment. And the book was really helpful in that
- 11:04Speaker 4: of like bringing all of my past into one place
- 11:07Speaker 4: and then when it's just all part of me. Whereas
- 11:08Speaker 4: I think for a long time I used to try
- 11:10Speaker 4: and delete my past and kind of pretend it didn't happen.
- 11:14Speaker 2: Yeah, forget about it, because it felt.
- 11:16Speaker 4: So much shame and fear, especially like coming out later
- 11:19Speaker 4: on in life at twenty six having two kids. There
- 11:21Speaker 4: was some shame around that. And I think in writing
- 11:25Speaker 4: the book and making it all kind of one space,
- 11:28Speaker 4: it was really healing and for the first time in
- 11:30Speaker 4: my life, I think I was comfortable like being on
- 11:32Speaker 4: my own, having my own space. I think before I've
- 11:36Speaker 4: always gone into things, had someone around, had relationships, gone
- 11:40Speaker 4: into situations.
- 11:41Speaker 2: Like a codependent situation.
- 11:43Speaker 4: But if it was codependent, I think it was more
- 11:45Speaker 4: it was it was better to have someone around them
- 11:47Speaker 4: to be on your own, because when you're on your own,
- 11:48Speaker 4: you have to That's when you're looking in the mirror.
- 11:50Speaker 4: And that's what I mean, it's that thing. Write about
- 11:52Speaker 4: it in the book. We'll look in the mirror maybe
- 11:54Speaker 4: ten or fifteen times a day. You're brushing your teeth,
- 11:56Speaker 4: You're like glancing. You see that thing. You know, you
- 11:58Speaker 4: see your reflection. You just know it. But not many
- 12:01Speaker 4: people really stop and look. And I realized I made
- 12:03Speaker 4: a career out of doing that, making people stop and look,
- 12:05Speaker 4: seeing the best version of themselves. I felt like a
- 12:08Speaker 4: superpower to me making people look and feel their best.
- 12:11Speaker 4: But I realized that I'd never really stopped and not
- 12:13Speaker 4: to myself. That's hard to do, you know. And I
- 12:16Speaker 4: think in doing that and really seeing like where you're
- 12:18Speaker 4: out in your life, the changes you want to make,
- 12:21Speaker 4: you know, and like I say, getting aligned internally externally
- 12:25Speaker 4: was just that's like your superpower, because that's then it's
- 12:29Speaker 4: you have piece. You have like an inner piece absolutely,
- 12:31Speaker 4: you know, which I've never had before, and I think
- 12:33Speaker 4: I have ADHD. I've always been on the move, are
- 12:36Speaker 4: you know, And I've always like strived for, like to
- 12:40Speaker 4: become successful because my background, like we were really poor
- 12:43Speaker 4: as kids and we didn't have a lot. And I
- 12:46Speaker 4: was like, well when I if I get successful, if
- 12:47Speaker 4: I get financially secure, that will be you know, that
- 12:51Speaker 4: looks like the goal. But I realized, oh, you get
- 12:54Speaker 4: those things, and it's like yeah, but you still have
- 12:56Speaker 4: to come home to you.
- 12:57Speaker 2: I still have to.
- 12:58Speaker 4: Be on you know. It doesn't matter how rich or
- 13:00Speaker 4: families you are, it doesn't matter who you are, Like
- 13:03Speaker 4: you're still human, Like we say, we'll have heartbreak. We
- 13:06Speaker 4: still have good times, bad times, and you know, it's
- 13:08Speaker 4: been able to like be okay with that and be
- 13:10Speaker 4: present and you know, not be in a situation where
- 13:14Speaker 4: you're trying to you know, feel the void. So right, Yeah,
- 13:17Speaker 4: the book was really helpful for me to get to
- 13:19Speaker 4: that point.
- 13:19Speaker 3: Well, it was probably a lot of shedding and like
- 13:21Speaker 3: an elephant was off of your chest. I don't know
- 13:23Speaker 3: about you, but there have been so many moments. I'm
- 13:27Speaker 3: a recovering addict. I've been sober for over seven years,
- 13:30Speaker 3: and there were so many times and even now being sober,
- 13:34Speaker 3: I will still think back on moments in my life
- 13:37Speaker 3: and feel so much guilt and shame, and I feel like,
- 13:43Speaker 3: once I acknowledge that that's just a part of my
- 13:45Speaker 3: journey and where I am today, and without those moments,
- 13:50Speaker 3: I don't exist the way that I am exactly.
- 13:52Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a power.
- 13:54Speaker 4: Will make you a better parent, you know, because you
- 13:56Speaker 4: can speak for my experience. You know, you can help
- 14:00Speaker 4: guide in a way that you know, maybe the things
- 14:02Speaker 4: that you didn't have that made you lead to get
- 14:05Speaker 4: into that place, you can help make sure that doesn't
- 14:07Speaker 4: because you know that what you needed at that age.
- 14:10Speaker 4: I don't know, you know, that's like, I mean, it's deeper,
- 14:12Speaker 4: but like you're in a child work of like looking
- 14:14Speaker 4: back at a younger age of you. And have you
- 14:16Speaker 4: ever done that?
- 14:17Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, yes, it's very intending a lot of
- 14:20Speaker 3: tears when I do that by nature, But I'm.
- 14:23Speaker 4: Not really like, I'm not like an energy. I mean,
- 14:26Speaker 4: I just I don't know. I was in I was
- 14:28Speaker 4: in this verypy session of my praipise was like, you know,
- 14:30Speaker 4: I want you to remember when you were a kid. Yeah,
- 14:34Speaker 4: we go and I was really like not feeling it.
- 14:38Speaker 4: And I was like okay, and he's like, and I
- 14:40Speaker 4: remember this. I was like six years old. I was
- 14:42Speaker 4: standing at the window and and he's like, well, how
- 14:44Speaker 4: do you how did you feel? I think I felt
- 14:48Speaker 4: kind of like alone, like I wasn't really like my
- 14:49Speaker 4: brothers or my sisters, and I was dyslexic. I kind
- 14:53Speaker 4: of wasn't academic. I don't know, I felt different. And
- 14:56Speaker 4: he's like, well, you know, if you could go back
- 14:58Speaker 4: to that little cook kid, now, what do you think
- 15:01Speaker 4: you needed to hear? And I was like oh, and
- 15:05Speaker 4: then my shoulders kind of went down. I was thinking, well,
- 15:07Speaker 4: I think you just wanted to know what's going to
- 15:08Speaker 4: be okay, like and you know, I think he's just
- 15:10Speaker 4: wanted to know that, like, how although I'm different, that
- 15:13Speaker 4: will be like your superpower one day when you're older.
- 15:15Speaker 4: It's good to be different, you know, whereas I so
- 15:18Speaker 4: I just wanted to blend in and then I'm like
- 15:21Speaker 4: crying hysterically and I was like, oh my god, ugly crying,
- 15:24Speaker 4: and I'm like, what did you do to me? But
- 15:26Speaker 4: it changed me. I felt like I couldn't not see myself.
- 15:30Speaker 4: And I talk about this in the book and that
- 15:32Speaker 4: the reader will obviously hear about it, about the hater,
- 15:36Speaker 4: how we speak so poorly to ourselves. But it changes
- 15:39Speaker 4: it because like, now I recognize that little boy, and
- 15:43Speaker 4: I would never speak to anyone else like that. So
- 15:45Speaker 4: I'm like, why would I speak to myself like that?
- 15:46Speaker 2: Oh my god.
- 15:47Speaker 4: So now I was still spiral. I still had triggers
- 15:49Speaker 4: where you're like, oh I look older, I feel fat,
- 15:52Speaker 4: or you know, I'm not fit enough, or I'm not
- 15:55Speaker 4: doing well. You know, we all have these human things,
- 15:58Speaker 4: whatever it is we're triggered by. But now the volume
- 16:01Speaker 4: used to be at ten. Now it's at like a two,
- 16:03Speaker 4: and I can actually just come back to myself and
- 16:04Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm just doing that thing. I do. You
- 16:06Speaker 4: know it says that boys that hater, I call it
- 16:08Speaker 4: the hater, And you can kind of turn it down
- 16:10Speaker 4: and come back to your adult self because really all
- 16:11Speaker 4: you're doing is resulting back to that. I was resorting
- 16:13Speaker 4: back to that like little kid. Yeah. So like that's
- 16:17Speaker 4: very powerful and like I like sharing it. I mean
- 16:19Speaker 4: for some people it might be a bit heavy, but
- 16:21Speaker 4: it actually is really powerful to know.
- 16:24Speaker 2: I don't think it's heavy at all.
- 16:25Speaker 3: I mean I think that in those moments where you
- 16:28Speaker 3: can sit with yourself and acknowledge, you know, go back
- 16:31Speaker 3: to your inner child, that's where like the real work
- 16:34Speaker 3: takes place totally.
- 16:35Speaker 4: It is brutal.
- 16:36Speaker 2: It is brutal, but there's peace at the end of
- 16:38Speaker 2: the time.
- 16:38Speaker 4: What did you say to your younger self? Did you
- 16:40Speaker 4: did you do this child thing? Like yes, what did
- 16:43Speaker 4: you think you wanted to do as a kid?
- 16:44Speaker 2: And I and I sobbed as well.
- 16:47Speaker 3: And you know, I was a very strange child in
- 16:52Speaker 3: the sense where like I would be watching like the
- 16:54Speaker 3: Disney Channel, and instead of just like watching the Disney Channel,
- 16:57Speaker 3: I would beat myself up over the fact that they
- 17:00Speaker 3: were all actors and making money and I was just
- 17:03Speaker 3: sitting watching and like I wasn't good enough and I
- 17:07Speaker 3: was lazy and I'm a young child. So now I'm
- 17:11Speaker 3: thirty five and I still talk to myself that way,
- 17:15Speaker 3: and we've accomplished way more than I ever thought that
- 17:19Speaker 3: we would totally.
- 17:20Speaker 2: And when I did this.
- 17:22Speaker 3: You know, inner child work, it was like to go
- 17:25Speaker 3: back and and you just want to like cradle that
- 17:31Speaker 3: person and like you said, let let that inner child
- 17:36Speaker 3: know like.
- 17:37Speaker 2: You are gonna be okay, You're good.
- 17:39Speaker 4: Enough, good enough. Yeah, I think we all want to
- 17:41Speaker 4: know that, or needed to hear it more. Yeah, you know,
- 17:44Speaker 4: And I think now we're so much more aware of
- 17:46Speaker 4: these things. And I'm sure your parenting will be different
- 17:48Speaker 4: to what you had. It's not that anyone did a
- 17:51Speaker 4: bad job. It's just it's just what we knew, you
- 17:53Speaker 4: know what I mean, everyone just kind of knew it
- 17:54Speaker 4: used to be. Remember like these to say kids should
- 17:56Speaker 4: be seen and not heard. It's like things.
- 17:58Speaker 2: Changed, everything has change, and thank god.
- 18:01Speaker 4: Yes, but you know, some of us are still dealing
- 18:03Speaker 4: with what we didn't get. And it's just great to
- 18:07Speaker 4: know some quick and easy techniques of being able to
- 18:09Speaker 4: a not feel alone. B You know, if you do
- 18:12Speaker 4: you can feel like you can relate to others and
- 18:14Speaker 4: see just be able to come back to yourself even
- 18:16Speaker 4: when you do have those moments.
- 18:18Speaker 3: Yeah, you said that you came out later on in
- 18:32Speaker 3: life and in your book. I mean, I'm not laughing,
- 18:37Speaker 3: but it is just wild because your mom said to you,
- 18:41Speaker 3: and you remember this, being gay is when two men
- 18:43Speaker 3: get together and there's this thing called age which makes
- 18:47Speaker 3: you sick and die. How old were you when your
- 18:49Speaker 3: mom said that to you.
- 18:51Speaker 4: I think I was like a maybe eleven. It was
- 18:54Speaker 4: like one of those conversations where let you sit down
- 18:58Speaker 4: and you talk about sex all called conversations, okay, whatever,
- 19:03Speaker 4: and they it was a conversation around like gay men
- 19:07Speaker 4: and you know, they have sex together, but there's this
- 19:10Speaker 4: thing called HIV which at the time, because I was
- 19:12Speaker 4: born in eighty three, like at that age there was
- 19:15Speaker 4: people didn't really know about gay I remember being from
- 19:19Speaker 4: a small town in England and back then, I remember
- 19:22Speaker 4: there was like a pub that there was like on
- 19:25Speaker 4: the outskirts that the gay people went to. But it
- 19:29Speaker 4: was like it was like society said that was like
- 19:32Speaker 4: the weird, like you know, it was the gay area.
- 19:34Speaker 4: And I remember at the time around the time I
- 19:38Speaker 4: don't know, or it was still just relevant. The Princess
- 19:41Speaker 4: Diana like took her glove off to shake the hand
- 19:44Speaker 4: of a man with HIV and it made worldwide news
- 19:47Speaker 4: because people thought you could catch it like that. People
- 19:49Speaker 4: thought you could catch it from the toilet or like
- 19:51Speaker 4: the previously didn't know. So it wasn't that like my
- 19:55Speaker 4: mum was, you know, saying anything. She didn't know. It
- 19:58Speaker 4: was just as a society, that's all we at the time.
- 20:00Speaker 4: It was gay men and the gay JV. It wasn't
- 20:02Speaker 4: spoken about. It wasn't TikTok. There wasn't Instagram, it wasn't
- 20:05Speaker 4: We weren't as knowledge. Sorry, we didn't have as much
- 20:08Speaker 4: knowledge as we do now. So it was just like
- 20:11Speaker 4: passing thro away information like oh, you know, gay men HIV.
- 20:14Speaker 4: And I just remember from my age thinking, oh my god,
- 20:16Speaker 4: I don't want that.
- 20:17Speaker 2: You know, did you did you? Did you know that
- 20:21Speaker 2: age that you were attracted to boys?
- 20:24Speaker 4: No? I didn't know. So from a young age I
- 20:27Speaker 4: started doing hair. So I did my mom's hair from
- 20:29Speaker 4: the age of like nine, and I remember being like, wow,
- 20:32Speaker 4: I'm good at this. Because I was dyslexic at school,
- 20:34Speaker 4: so I was felt a little well, I was just
- 20:36Speaker 4: told I was stupid, you know, the teachers. If you
- 20:38Speaker 4: didn't learn the way everyone else did, you were stupid
- 20:40Speaker 4: or lazy. So I got put in the special needs class.
- 20:42Speaker 4: Like the special I mean the fact I called it
- 20:44Speaker 4: special needs. I mean like I carried that, you know,
- 20:47Speaker 4: a special need. I felt different. I didn't feel like
- 20:49Speaker 4: everyone else. But I knew I wasn't stupid because I
- 20:52Speaker 4: was very articular, but that wasn't really recognized then, and
- 20:55Speaker 4: I was very good at being creative, drawing, painting, but.
- 20:57Speaker 2: Again, intelligence was measured differently.
- 21:02Speaker 4: Of course. Yeah, it was like you learn from the board,
- 21:04Speaker 4: and if you don't, then you're stupid or lazy or
- 21:07Speaker 4: you know, just annoying. So I felt all those things.
- 21:10Speaker 4: So when I started doing hair, I was like wow.
- 21:13Speaker 4: I saw my mom and she stood up taller when
- 21:15Speaker 4: I did her hair because I tried to make a
- 21:16Speaker 4: look more glamorous because it was far from the life
- 21:18Speaker 4: we lived. And I remember being like, wow, it's just
- 21:21Speaker 4: like a superpower you get to make people feel really good.
- 21:23Speaker 4: I saw a stand up taller. I was like, I'm
- 21:25Speaker 4: going to do this, and I'm going to do it
- 21:26Speaker 4: to the best of my ability. So then I got
- 21:28Speaker 4: a job at the age of like twelve thirteen, and
- 21:30Speaker 4: I remember the kids found out at school. I had
- 21:34Speaker 4: a job, like a Saturday job, and I did hair.
- 21:37Speaker 4: But again, if you did hair, then as a man,
- 21:40Speaker 4: you were gay. So all the kids were like, oh,
- 21:43Speaker 4: you're gay. You're gay, you know. So that that started,
- 21:44Speaker 4: and they weren't saying in a nice way. They were like,
- 21:47Speaker 4: you're gay. Like again, it was like a bad thing.
- 21:49Speaker 4: So I just remember thinking, no, I'm not. I hadn't
- 21:51Speaker 4: even thought about sexuality. I didn't even you know, I
- 21:53Speaker 4: was like young and just sort of I was just
- 21:55Speaker 4: happy playing with my friends and didn't It wasn't really
- 21:58Speaker 4: it was premature. So before I even kind of explored
- 22:01Speaker 4: that was like, well, I'm not that for sure, not that.
- 22:04Speaker 4: And I think I just got so focused on like
- 22:06Speaker 4: showing everyone that I wasn't stupid and I'm not gay,
- 22:09Speaker 4: and I'm not weird and I'm not special needs, like
- 22:12Speaker 4: I'm gonna show up one and I just really just
- 22:14Speaker 4: put my head forward. And I think, you know, your
- 22:16Speaker 4: brain's really powerful. You know, you can convince yourself at
- 22:21Speaker 4: things that are not actually true. And I guess Like
- 22:23Speaker 4: I said, I went through most of my adult life
- 22:26Speaker 4: teenage life sure, not looking in the mirror and never
- 22:29Speaker 4: seeing myself. I got really good at making up with people,
- 22:31Speaker 4: look doing the best for them, and making it always
- 22:33Speaker 4: about everyone else. But it wasn't until like you know,
- 22:36Speaker 4: I was like twenty six, twenty seven, That's when I
- 22:37Speaker 4: actually stopped and looked. Because circumstances sometimes made you two.
- 22:42Speaker 4: And once I saw myself, I couldn't see it. I
- 22:44Speaker 4: couldn't stop it, and I couldn't understand why I couldn't
- 22:46Speaker 4: get back to be. I was like, what, I wasn't
- 22:48Speaker 4: hooking up with guys. I wasn't watching Gayborne, I wasn't
- 22:51Speaker 4: thinking of men like I was fine until I wasn't.
- 22:54Speaker 4: And it was like once I'd stepped into it, I
- 22:57Speaker 4: kind of couldn't get back, and that was really hard
- 22:59Speaker 4: because I was like, well, I was normal, I had
- 23:01Speaker 4: a life and I loved it well, but get back
- 23:04Speaker 4: to it.
- 23:05Speaker 2: Because you had your you were very young when you
- 23:08Speaker 2: became a down nineteen nineteen.
- 23:11Speaker 3: So what was that conversation because I know in your
- 23:14Speaker 3: book you said that you had like down a bottle
- 23:16Speaker 3: of gin. Oh yeah, that moment of having to not
- 23:21Speaker 3: having to, but being being ready and being feeling brave
- 23:25Speaker 3: enough to say like, this is who I am, this
- 23:27Speaker 3: is what I like, and then going to your wife.
- 23:29Speaker 2: At the time, you guys were married.
- 23:31Speaker 4: Right, I never married. Okay, we were together for ten
- 23:34Speaker 4: years and we're best friends. We're still best friends now.
- 23:36Speaker 4: But our relationship broken around, had broken down, and I think,
- 23:40Speaker 4: like as a couple with you know, separated, yeah, still
- 23:43Speaker 4: kind of just figure out what that meant. And yeah,
- 23:46Speaker 4: it was really hot. I mean telling other people was
- 23:49Speaker 4: one thing. I was also telling people, and people then go, well,
- 23:51Speaker 4: you must have always known, and I was like, I
- 23:53Speaker 4: didn't know, idea, I didn't, It's not as I was
- 23:56Speaker 4: thinking about it, and I've always been hiding it. I
- 23:58Speaker 4: was happy and selahlationship broke down, and it's like, you know,
- 24:01Speaker 4: when your relationship breaks down, sometimes you do things that
- 24:03Speaker 4: you don't normally do, like the revenge haircut, chop all
- 24:06Speaker 4: your hair off because you just don't want to see
- 24:08Speaker 4: that person anymore. Yeah, you want to cut away the pain.
- 24:11Speaker 4: So I kind of just was. I remember I was out,
- 24:12Speaker 4: I was in Barcelona. My job was kind of taking
- 24:15Speaker 4: me away a lot more. And one night some guy
- 24:18Speaker 4: tried to kiss me. It was like at the end
- 24:20Speaker 4: of the night we'd all been drinking. It was always
- 24:22Speaker 4: around gay guy, so I didn't really think a lot
- 24:24Speaker 4: of it, and I just remember thinking, like I remember
- 24:27Speaker 4: going back to my hotel and I was like brushing
- 24:28Speaker 4: my teeth and brushing my tongue. I was like, oh,
- 24:31Speaker 4: I was just drunk. I was just drunk. I was
- 24:32Speaker 4: just like, you know, it, just drunk. Whatever. But we
- 24:35Speaker 4: became friends, and he didn't live in the country, but
- 24:37Speaker 4: we had like communication. We spoke on the phone a lot,
- 24:40Speaker 4: and it was the first time i'd already had a
- 24:42Speaker 4: gay friend, and I think I kind of like started
- 24:45Speaker 4: to open up and relax and feel comfortable and like, oh,
- 24:48Speaker 4: he's not weird, he's not this, he's not that. But
- 24:52Speaker 4: one step forward, it was two steps back because then
- 24:54Speaker 4: I was like no, no, no, no, this is wrong. So
- 24:55Speaker 4: I go back to that younger self, like gays wrong,
- 24:59Speaker 4: like you know, all these things, like I got really
- 25:02Speaker 4: afraid of that, and I kind of try and know
- 25:05Speaker 4: I'm I can be normal. I can be normal. I've
- 25:07Speaker 4: always been one way, So I don't know why this started.
- 25:10Speaker 4: But then once you kind of open up truly who
- 25:12Speaker 4: you are once you like look at yourself and see
- 25:14Speaker 4: yourself in the mirror. You can't unsee yourself, you know.
- 25:16Speaker 4: But it's just the process. It doesn't just go like,
- 25:19Speaker 4: oh okay, I see myself here. It takes time, and
- 25:23Speaker 4: it takes time to understand how you got to that point,
- 25:26Speaker 4: like why you were never actually allowed to explore that,
- 25:30Speaker 4: you know, why you felt so much shame of fear,
- 25:32Speaker 4: And that's like all the inner work you have to do.
- 25:35Speaker 4: It doesn't it doesn't just come overnight. But I felt
- 25:39Speaker 4: like I needed to share some of my moments in
- 25:41Speaker 4: the book so that people reading it can maybe relate.
- 25:43Speaker 4: You know, that was sexuality, but it might be, like
- 25:45Speaker 4: I say, a relationship. It might be this is a
- 25:47Speaker 4: job you're in and you hate. But maybe as a
- 25:49Speaker 4: kid you were told you should be a doctor, or
- 25:51Speaker 4: you should be a dentist, or you should work here
- 25:53Speaker 4: or you know, for anyone that's ever just thought is
- 25:56Speaker 4: this it, it isn't, And there is more. You just
- 26:00Speaker 4: have to start, you know, change a lot of people
- 26:02Speaker 4: are afraid of. They're like, how do you change? I
- 26:04Speaker 4: don't even I don't know how to change. Well, change
- 26:07Speaker 4: starts with just knowing that you need to change something.
- 26:10Speaker 4: There's something is unhappy, something is not right, and you
- 26:14Speaker 4: kind of got to figure out what that is.
- 26:15Speaker 2: And admitting the problem is the first step.
- 26:17Speaker 4: Totally.
- 26:18Speaker 3: So I hate putting people in boxes. You can totally
- 26:22Speaker 3: shut me down if this question is out of bounce. Yeah,
- 26:25Speaker 3: do you identify as gay or by? Do you still
- 26:28Speaker 3: look at chicks? Or is it just about the person?
- 26:32Speaker 3: Am I allowed to ask that?
- 26:33Speaker 4: Yeah, you can ask what you want. I'm I'm gay.
- 26:37Speaker 4: I think you know if you'd have asked me when
- 26:39Speaker 4: I was that age and I'm by or I don't
- 26:43Speaker 4: want to be labeled. I just didn't want to see it.
- 26:46Speaker 4: I wasn't ready, you know. I had to go through
- 26:49Speaker 4: the process of knowing what I like because I'd spent
- 26:51Speaker 4: twenty six years in my life, you know, programmed to
- 26:54Speaker 4: do what society told me to do and how to
- 26:57Speaker 4: be and like what was normal. So I had to
- 27:00Speaker 4: figure out what that was. It was rewired, catching up,
- 27:03Speaker 4: you know what I mean. Like, So, no, yeah, that
- 27:07Speaker 4: I think I feel fully I'm with that confidence.
- 27:10Speaker 2: Because you should baby.
- 27:12Speaker 4: Yeah, No, totally. I think you know a lot of
- 27:14Speaker 4: people still have questions like is he by? Because I
- 27:16Speaker 4: always will.
- 27:17Speaker 3: But I think that's all of us that are wishful
- 27:19Speaker 3: thinking there ladies over here, we're like, are you sure?
- 27:24Speaker 4: I mean, I'm sure I couldn't. I'll try it.
- 27:27Speaker 2: Who knows, can I tell you? Give me a few podcasts.
- 27:30Speaker 3: And we don't know what will happen, you know, really
- 27:33Speaker 3: hoping for their baby.
- 27:36Speaker 4: No.
- 27:36Speaker 2: When I when I was a drinker, no one was safe.
- 27:40Speaker 4: We call it, oh yeah, really, oh yeah.
- 27:42Speaker 2: We had a heyday baby really? Oh yeah?
- 27:45Speaker 4: What age though? How did you get?
- 27:48Speaker 3: I got silver when it was twenty eighteen October so
- 27:53Speaker 3: I had just turned twenty eight?
- 27:54Speaker 4: Wow? Yeah cool? What was their final thing where you
- 27:58Speaker 4: were like, I've got to stop, Like.
- 28:00Speaker 3: I just I got wasted at disney World, and I
- 28:06Speaker 3: remember being on a jet home and letting the kids
- 28:10Speaker 3: color on my legs and do my makeup, and I
- 28:12Speaker 3: got we landed, and I looked at myself and I
- 28:15Speaker 3: was like trying to scrub everything off of me so
- 28:17Speaker 3: that the next morning there was no remnants of like,
- 28:20Speaker 3: what a horrendous nightmare the entire because everyone was having
- 28:24Speaker 3: the greatest time, and I was just consumed with, like
- 28:26Speaker 3: how many roadies are there in the car for me?
- 28:28Speaker 3: Is there a bar when we get to Disney World.
- 28:30Speaker 3: I was just inebriated and I woke up the next
- 28:34Speaker 3: morning after that and I just identified as an alcoholic
- 28:37Speaker 3: and said, like, we're done. I will never go back
- 28:40Speaker 3: to this.
- 28:40Speaker 4: Yeah, but it's interesting, like that's probably your looking in
- 28:43Speaker 4: the mirror moment where you see yourself and you're like,
- 28:45Speaker 4: I got to change something, like absolutely not where I
- 28:48Speaker 4: want to be in my life. You know. Yeah, sometimes
- 28:51Speaker 4: you look, and you can use tools in the book
- 28:53Speaker 4: to look, but sometimes life just makes you look anyway.
- 28:56Speaker 4: You know. I think you always end up coming back
- 28:59Speaker 4: to yourself, but sometimes we're forced to, and sometimes you
- 29:02Speaker 4: choose to make a change.
- 29:03Speaker 2: Yeah. And I love.
- 29:08Speaker 3: Since getting sober, and there are obviously moments that I've
- 29:11Speaker 3: had that I'm not proud of, where there is guilt
- 29:14Speaker 3: and shame and I've lost myself. And I love that
- 29:18Speaker 3: you added that into your book about looking in the mirror,
- 29:21Speaker 3: but like not just not just for like what's here, Yeah,
- 29:24Speaker 3: because there are many times that I look in the
- 29:27Speaker 3: mirror and I go, are we happy with what we see?
- 29:29Speaker 2: Like beyond all of this? Yeah, do we know what
- 29:31Speaker 2: we stand for?
- 29:32Speaker 3: Do we stand behind what we say, and it's a
- 29:35Speaker 3: powerful thing totally.
- 29:37Speaker 4: It really is. It makes such a big difference to
- 29:40Speaker 4: your everyday life, the decisions you make, the way you
- 29:43Speaker 4: allow people to treat you, the way you treat others,
- 29:47Speaker 4: like your goals and aspirations in life. It's such a
- 29:51Speaker 4: small thing, but like once you see it, you can't
- 29:53Speaker 4: see it, or it just stays with you, and when
- 29:55Speaker 4: you become allergic to the bullshit that doesn't work for
- 29:58Speaker 4: you or it's wonderful. Once you were attracted to and
- 30:01Speaker 4: you know, want to see, sometimes you like can still
- 30:03Speaker 4: get attracted to those things. Sometimes you can still be like, oh,
- 30:06Speaker 4: I'm drawn towards I don't know if you like a drink,
- 30:09Speaker 4: like oh, that looks fun. But then you very quickly
- 30:11Speaker 4: can be like, yeah, but I know where that leads.
- 30:13Speaker 2: Where's that lead that goes?
- 30:14Speaker 4: And I'm just good. You come back to yourself. It's
- 30:17Speaker 4: just fixed and everything's like kungy dor. You still get triggered,
- 30:21Speaker 4: but you can come back to yourself.
- 30:22Speaker 3: Life still happens. Yeah, do your kids live in a
- 30:25Speaker 3: way yeah, I.
- 30:25Speaker 4: Mean they have their own plays now, they've their own
- 30:27Speaker 4: partners and doing their own thing. But you know, like
- 30:29Speaker 4: me and Kitty are going to an event tonight. It
- 30:31Speaker 4: is so fun. I'm like, oh, come to this thing
- 30:33Speaker 4: and like the best day ever. It's so fun to.
- 30:36Speaker 2: That is the best date ever.
- 30:37Speaker 4: She knows who everyone is. I'm like, who's who? She
- 30:39Speaker 4: like knows everyone.
- 30:40Speaker 2: Oh, I know. I love that for you.
- 30:42Speaker 4: But also how she's grown. They say the best thing
- 30:44Speaker 4: you can do for your kids is let them leave
- 30:46Speaker 4: the hometown that were brought up in, because you again,
- 30:50Speaker 4: like start to take on the values of what especially
- 30:52Speaker 4: if you're from a small town. You know that you
- 30:55Speaker 4: work nine till five, you get married at the age
- 30:57Speaker 4: of twenty one. You know, you have kids by the
- 30:58Speaker 4: age of twenty five if you think, or by the
- 31:00Speaker 4: age of thirty five forty, then you're like, oh, what's
- 31:02Speaker 4: going on? You know, like being able to like travel
- 31:05Speaker 4: and experience things. I remember my daughter when she first
- 31:07Speaker 4: moved to la at the age of seventeen, Like she
- 31:10Speaker 4: couldn't even make eye contact with the waiter and like
- 31:12Speaker 4: she wouldn't look down. You know, I could see how
- 31:14Speaker 4: she wasn't confident and she was and I say, hey,
- 31:17Speaker 4: talk to the way to look at the waiter. And
- 31:19Speaker 4: she's grown so much, like living in La Live. You know,
- 31:23Speaker 4: she's worked at Kim's place, at her office when she
- 31:26Speaker 4: had the skin line, and she's worked with different persons.
- 31:29Speaker 4: She can now walk in a room and you know,
- 31:31Speaker 4: greet people and say hi and have a conversation. And
- 31:34Speaker 4: you know, I think she's grown so much. It excelled
- 31:37Speaker 4: so much just being out of you know, her comfort
- 31:39Speaker 4: zone was when she you know, was in our hometown,
- 31:42Speaker 4: the thing to do for kids was go to the
- 31:43Speaker 4: park during smoke weed. You know it, there wasn't much
- 31:47Speaker 4: opportunity for her. And I think it was so good
- 31:50Speaker 4: to come out your comfort zone. And I think it's really
- 31:51Speaker 4: great to be able to do that and see how
- 31:54Speaker 4: different people do things then like, oh, well, as a kid,
- 31:56Speaker 4: I saw this dynamic, like especially with your parents, But
- 32:01Speaker 4: like I see these people have a different dynamic, and
- 32:03Speaker 4: they have a different dynamic. Can you realize that just
- 32:06Speaker 4: because you were told something as a kid doesn't necessarily
- 32:08Speaker 4: mean it was right. It just means that's what we knew,
- 32:11Speaker 4: you know. So to be able to leave and have
- 32:13Speaker 4: new experiences and opportunities, especially for someone younger, I think
- 32:16Speaker 4: he's great and it's really powerful.
- 32:17Speaker 3: When when did they move from the small town Telly.
- 32:22Speaker 4: When they were seventeen and eighteen.
- 32:25Speaker 2: So okay, so they spent quite a bit of time there.
- 32:28Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely, Yeah, I mean.
- 32:29Speaker 2: When did you move here?
- 32:31Speaker 4: Ten years ago? It changed me a lot, though, it
- 32:34Speaker 4: changed me a lot. I think, I think I'm still
- 32:36Speaker 4: who I am, but also coming to Hollywood at a
- 32:38Speaker 4: young age, I didn't realize that, like I think I
- 32:43Speaker 4: sort of started my gay relationships here, my gay experiences
- 32:46Speaker 4: as well. Here as like just me that didn't have
- 32:50Speaker 4: like a past, you know, because I could say I'm
- 32:52Speaker 4: Chris Appleton and oh, nice to meet you. That's say
- 32:54Speaker 4: I'm gay, Whereas I felt like in the UK it
- 32:56Speaker 4: was difficult because everyone was always like, oh, here we
- 32:58Speaker 4: had a girlfriend and now he's strengthened. It was always
- 33:00Speaker 4: like whispers. But then I didn't realize, like, you're in Hollywood,
- 33:05Speaker 4: you know, it's the land of dreams. A lot of
- 33:06Speaker 4: people come here to be someone or be something, and
- 33:08Speaker 4: I didn't. I kind of just thought everyone had the
- 33:10Speaker 4: same intentions I did, but they don't, you know, and
- 33:14Speaker 4: like you learn, you learn, you learn the pros and
- 33:16Speaker 4: cons about living everywhere.
- 33:18Speaker 2: Yes, of course, yeah.
- 33:19Speaker 4: But Hollywood's Hollywood. I mean I love it. I think
- 33:22Speaker 4: it's a magical way.
- 33:22Speaker 2: I love it too. And every time I'm here and
- 33:25Speaker 2: I'm like, I got to get the fuck out. Why
- 33:27Speaker 2: do we live here?
- 33:27Speaker 3: Yeah, and then I go somewhere else, I'm like, oh
- 33:30Speaker 3: it all makes sense.
- 33:31Speaker 2: Get me back there.
- 33:32Speaker 3: Yeah, what would you consider your big break?
- 33:45Speaker 4: My big break? Yeah, it's interesting. I get asked this
- 33:48Speaker 4: a lot. I don't know if there was one significant
- 33:50Speaker 4: moment in my life that was It's always been like
- 33:53Speaker 4: little little things, like the build that you keep building,
- 33:56Speaker 4: and like, I don't know. I remember whenning British Headress
- 34:00Speaker 4: of the Year. It was like a thing in the UK,
- 34:02Speaker 4: and then I, oh, I did a TV show which
- 34:06Speaker 4: was a bit like The Great British Bake Off, but
- 34:08Speaker 4: of hair, and I won that.
- 34:10Speaker 2: Oh sick.
- 34:11Speaker 4: Let me just tell everyone. There's plenty of times that
- 34:13Speaker 4: I didn't win, probably you know, twenty times before that
- 34:16Speaker 4: I sat there and applauded the winner. But I kept
- 34:19Speaker 4: going inuntil I got, you know, And I was fortunate
- 34:21Speaker 4: enough to have a couple of wins, and I just
- 34:23Speaker 4: used each opportunity to get to the next thing. And
- 34:26Speaker 4: then one day I was just sort of started posting
- 34:29Speaker 4: on social media because Instagram started. I remember saying like,
- 34:34Speaker 4: how does it work, and like, well, you just get
- 34:35Speaker 4: a picture and you post it, and I'm like, oh yeah,
- 34:38Speaker 4: And so I just started posting my work. I started
- 34:40Speaker 4: working with Rita Aura, and I was always doing something
- 34:43Speaker 4: different with a hand and I just started posting it
- 34:44Speaker 4: all the time. And then I had an email from
- 34:46Speaker 4: Jlo's team and they were like I was in like
- 34:50Speaker 4: England at the time, and they were like, oh, you know,
- 34:51Speaker 4: Jennifer Lopez would love to see if you're available to
- 34:54Speaker 4: do a hair for a Vega show. And I remember laughing.
- 34:58Speaker 4: I just deleted the emails because you thought it was
- 35:00Speaker 4: I thought it was bad. That was one of those
- 35:01Speaker 4: things where it's like you've won a million dollars, just
- 35:04Speaker 4: ring this number, you know what. I'm like, oh, oh cute.
- 35:07Speaker 4: Oh just deleted it. And then I got another email
- 35:09Speaker 4: and I remember being like, oh, maybe this is real.
- 35:12Speaker 4: But then I was like, how does jaloh know who
- 35:13Speaker 4: I am? Just Chris, you know, just Chris Appleton from Leicester,
- 35:18Speaker 4: Like what? But then I kind of thought, all, she's
- 35:21Speaker 4: obviously seen my work on social media. You know, people,
- 35:24Speaker 4: your Instagram is like your portfolio. You know people look,
- 35:27Speaker 4: you know. She obviously liked what I was doing, and
- 35:30Speaker 4: I was like, well, maybe I could make Maybe I
- 35:32Speaker 4: could go there, because my goal when I was a
- 35:35Speaker 4: kid was to make my mom like a Hollywood star.
- 35:36Speaker 4: Like I was always kind of fascinated by Hollywood and
- 35:39Speaker 4: movies and the classics. And I was like, maybe I
- 35:42Speaker 4: could do it. Maybe I could go to La and
- 35:45Speaker 4: live that dream. So I moved to Hollywood. Literally, I
- 35:49Speaker 4: think it was like the twenty fourth of December. We
- 35:52Speaker 4: finished filming The X Factor. The last thing I did
- 35:54Speaker 4: with Rita was on the twenty third. I packed two suitcases,
- 35:56Speaker 4: I left my apartment, everything I just I just left
- 35:59Speaker 4: and I was like, I'm going to make this work.
- 36:03Speaker 4: And then they didn't do anything but like three or
- 36:04Speaker 4: four moms and I spent all my money and I
- 36:06Speaker 4: was like, oh, I'm going to go home. But then
- 36:07Speaker 4: I got the call from Christina Aguilera's team to do
- 36:10Speaker 4: a hair for a voice and I was like, Okay,
- 36:12Speaker 4: I'm going to do this. It's terrified, so like felt
- 36:16Speaker 4: so small, but like what am I doing here? Like
- 36:20Speaker 4: and way above like my head's I don't know. I
- 36:23Speaker 4: was just like syndrome to the Max and then I
- 36:27Speaker 4: remember kate them over my kids, like I say, we're
- 36:29Speaker 4: still best friends. I was on the phone to her
- 36:30Speaker 4: and I was on the way and I was like,
- 36:31Speaker 4: I'm so nervous, and she was like, Chris, if you
- 36:33Speaker 4: don't make this work, like you're going to have to
- 36:35Speaker 4: come home because I had two kids to provide for,
- 36:37Speaker 4: you know. And I was like, you're right. So I
- 36:38Speaker 4: got there and initially there was like three hours for
- 36:41Speaker 4: glam and for whatever reason, I didn't go in till
- 36:43Speaker 4: like the last twenty minutes before the live show to
- 36:46Speaker 4: do her hair because you know, they're busy doing interviews
- 36:49Speaker 4: and people are pulling them left ryan center. So anyway,
- 36:51Speaker 4: I went in and I was like, she's like, what
- 36:54Speaker 4: do you want to do? And I remember thinking like,
- 36:55Speaker 4: I've only got twenty minutes and then you know, she
- 36:57Speaker 4: needed to have a head on, so I prepped all
- 36:59Speaker 4: these I was so organized, and I was like, you know,
- 37:01Speaker 4: I think if we did this piece it would be
- 37:03Speaker 4: good and I could like add her hair into it.
- 37:05Speaker 4: And she's like, oh, I don't like wiggs and I
- 37:08Speaker 4: was like, oh, yeah, of course you don't like wigs.
- 37:11Speaker 4: And I was thinking, what wow would you like anything
- 37:13Speaker 4: I've got to do. And I was like, she sees me,
- 37:15Speaker 4: she sees Chris, she sees I'm just that little guy
- 37:17Speaker 4: from Leicester, Like what what am I doing here? And
- 37:20Speaker 4: I felt the fear, like in my stomach, I felt
- 37:23Speaker 4: like paralyzed me, Like I felt like I couldn't move,
- 37:26Speaker 4: and I was like, I'm a loser. I'm the biggest
- 37:29Speaker 4: fucking loser. I'm an idiot, like you know all the things,
- 37:33Speaker 4: the hater and the boys, and it was paralyzing me.
- 37:35Speaker 4: I felt like I couldn't move. And then it's the
- 37:37Speaker 4: only time that's ever happened in my career, but it
- 37:39Speaker 4: was a lot. It was. It was honestly the moment
- 37:41Speaker 4: that changed my whole life because I remember hearing Kate's voice.
- 37:44Speaker 4: I remember just her saying like, if you don't make
- 37:46Speaker 4: this work, you're going have to come home. Yeah, and
- 37:48Speaker 4: I thought about my kids and it kind of just
- 37:50Speaker 4: brought me back into my adult body. It kind of
- 37:52Speaker 4: brought me back to myself of being like, look, I've
- 37:54Speaker 4: been doing this for thirty years. I know what I'm doing,
- 37:56Speaker 4: learn every aspect of hair. I'm so prepared. I have
- 38:00Speaker 4: all these amazing pieces. I know I can do this.
- 38:02Speaker 4: So I just kind of grab one of the pieces
- 38:03Speaker 4: and I put it my head. I was like, you know,
- 38:05Speaker 4: you've never tried one of these, let's try it. And
- 38:06Speaker 4: she was like, oh, oh, I like it. And then
- 38:10Speaker 4: the girl like behind me, the stylist, was like, I
- 38:12Speaker 4: like it. So when I put it on and left
- 38:14Speaker 4: the hairline out, and she ran off to do the show.
- 38:17Speaker 4: So then it's live on the Voice and everyone has
- 38:19Speaker 4: an opinion on it on social media and stuff. I
- 38:21Speaker 4: was just terrified.
- 38:22Speaker 2: I was like, oh, good, bad comment.
- 38:24Speaker 4: And then I remember she came off and she was
- 38:27Speaker 4: talking to the contestants and she saw me in the
- 38:29Speaker 4: corner of her eye and she just looked over at
- 38:31Speaker 4: me and she was like, everyone likes your wig, and
- 38:34Speaker 4: then carried on talking to the oh my god contestant.
- 38:37Speaker 4: But in that moment, I knew I'd done it. And honestly,
- 38:40Speaker 4: if I had have not, if i'd have just let
- 38:42Speaker 4: fear takeover, I would have done some crappy hairstyle because
- 38:45Speaker 4: there was not enough time. She would have gone out.
- 38:46Speaker 4: I wouldn't have made a statement with it. I wouldn't
- 38:49Speaker 4: have she wouldn't booked me again. I wouldn't be here.
- 38:52Speaker 4: I would have gone home. I wouldn't have written the book.
- 38:54Speaker 4: I wouldn't be here now talking to you. And that
- 38:56Speaker 4: was one of the honestly, such a significant moment of
- 38:59Speaker 4: wow doubt, which we all have. We all have those moments,
- 39:02Speaker 4: and I've had it plenty of times since. But being
- 39:05Speaker 4: able to come back to yourself and like remember who
- 39:09Speaker 4: you are and what your intentions are and how you
- 39:11Speaker 4: got there, and put your feet back on the ground
- 39:14Speaker 4: and feel your hands but your present is like really powerful.
- 39:18Speaker 4: They changed my whole life.
- 39:19Speaker 2: I freaking love that story.
- 39:21Speaker 4: It was a second away from being a very very
- 39:23Speaker 4: different outcome. Yeah, and I'm telling you, I won'n't be here.
- 39:26Speaker 4: You won't know who Chris Alperton was. I want to
- 39:28Speaker 4: written a book and I'd probably still be I'd still
- 39:32Speaker 4: probably be living the life that people told me I
- 39:35Speaker 4: should have just been drowning in shame and fear. I'd
- 39:38Speaker 4: probably I don't know, I don't know what i'd be,
- 39:41Speaker 4: but it won't be this.
- 39:42Speaker 3: I love everything that you have said. I'm so excited
- 39:45Speaker 3: for people to read your book. I think that is
- 39:49Speaker 3: is amazing you guys. Your roots don't define you? Is
- 39:52Speaker 3: out right now you can.
- 39:53Speaker 2: Get it what you know wherever you get your books, baby.
- 39:57Speaker 4: And its rusted. This enough for you.
- 40:00Speaker 2: It's for you, Chris. Thank you so much for coming
- 40:02Speaker 2: on my podcast.
- 40:03Speaker 4: I appreciate it.
- 40:05Speaker 2: You guys, I love you so much.
- 40:06Speaker 3: Thank you for listening to another episode of Untraditionally Lala.
- 40:09Speaker 2: I'm gonna catch you next week.
- 40:10Speaker 4: Bye yay