Latest / Terri Messenger's Genius Zone / The Language of Healing

Transcript

The Language of Healing · Terri Messenger's Genius Zone

0:00
Hey, hey, hey, and welcome. Welcome to Terry Messenger's
0:08
Genius Zone. And you know, this is the place
0:13
in the space where you are going to get your own free master
0:19
class absolutely free. This is attached to Michelle as
0:26
well. It's be kind to yourself.
0:30
Now I'm going to let Lisa sort of open this up a little bit
0:34
more. Don't set tasks that are too
0:38
huge, that are overwhelming. Make them doable.
0:42
Be kind to yourself. Over to you, Lisa.
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You're the Queen on this one. So we're going to be kind to
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ourselves because the way we treat ourselves is how we teach
0:53
other people to treat us. That's the first thing and we
0:58
need it. If we need to take baby steps
1:00
because our nervous system will not allow us to do the whole big
1:04
project, that's OK because we're talking progress instead of a
1:07
perfection because we're working our way towards the end goal.
1:12
Have you been working behind the scenes on at Edge?
1:16
Because we actually have a show called Progress Over Perfection.
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Oh. There you go, I was.
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Just thinking that she just, yeah, that's.
1:23
That Lisa, do you need a side gig 'cause you know we need our.
1:26
Yeah, yeah. Absolutely I'm.
1:27
Available anytime, you know I do.
1:29
Think your listeners do like a little bit of NLP and hypnosis.
1:32
Oh, no doubt about it. Yeah, for sure.
1:34
Yeah. So it could be helpful.
1:36
Yeah. So let's now talk about, you
1:39
know, the the big conversation of the healing.
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How much can we heal of our self through the power of our words?
1:50
We can do a lot of healing through that, through our words
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and somebody you might need a little help in the beginning
1:58
because I needed help in the beginning when I started this
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healing journey because I didn't understand how it all worked.
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So I needed a guide to help me and then to talk to me about my
2:07
language. And they would say, is there a
2:10
better way you can say that or is this something you'd like to
2:13
say instead? And I had my coach help me with
2:16
that. And then I had realized after
2:18
I'd gotten further down the road, I can do it myself.
2:21
But in the beginning, my nervous system was so frayed that I, I
2:26
needed, I needed somebody to walk with me and hold my hand
2:30
through it in order to help me heal.
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And now that I'm this far further down the road, I can do
2:35
it myself and I know what to do because I've had so much
2:39
practice at it. And I, I live, eat and breathe
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language. It's I'm so passionate about it
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and about making sure that the right words come out of my
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mouth. And when I do 'cause I'm human,
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make a mistake and something that doesn't serve me comes out
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of my mouth, I reframe it immediately.
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That's a great skill. Many years ago I had a
3:03
girlfriend who, you know, kept sort of saying language is so
3:06
important, language is so important, and I thought, look,
3:08
I talk for a living. I'm pretty well on top of this,
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I think, right? But I, but I wasn't, I really
3:14
wasn't because sometimes I was framing things in not a negative
3:18
way as such, but just in, I don't know, from one very firm
3:24
direction. Whereas when you think about
3:27
your language, you kind of go, OK, how does this affect me?
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How does this affect you? How does it affect you?
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You look at a bigger picture. It's, it's more like you're
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actually like a lot of times in conversation we answer or
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actually while someone's speaking, we're actually
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processing and putting an answer together and we don't actually
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listen. Yeah.
3:44
Oh yeah. Yes.
3:45
And when I sort of changed that in myself to A, to a degree, I
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mean, you know, like, like I think it's always a work in
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progress. But when you're actually
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listening, because you're listening and you want to
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actually get the information out of there and you're not
3:56
preparing the answer, you tend to come back with an answer, in
4:00
my opinion anyway, that comes from more angles.
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You're considering more people. You're not just coming from the
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eye eye point of view. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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There's actually, yeah, that there's a word for it, what
4:11
you're describing, and it's called active listening.
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OK, So when a person is actively listening, that means that
4:19
they're not racing forward to think about what they're gonna.
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But this comes back to the power of words and influence now.
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So by listening to what you just said and then reiterating it and
4:32
confirming it, we even suggest that that is a great way to
4:36
start your own conversation as long as you've given
4:39
acknowledgement to that person for the.
5:14
Welcome to the Genius Zone Hearing Age Radio Australia.
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Absolute pleasure to have this wonderful lady next to me.
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Of course, our resident genius. Well, you know, you encourage
5:23
all of genius and others. It's great to see the the
5:26
messenger herself that I won't shoot.
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OK, it's Terry Messenger, ladies and gentlemen.
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Give her a big round of applause.
5:32
Thank you, thank you, thank you. And I believe the pleasure is
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all mine. Great to be here with you today.
5:38
And and it's a different time. It's not the happy hour, no.
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No, we're on the coffee right now.
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We're being very responsible. We're on the hard stuff.
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So, so there we are. So we are actually honouring our
5:50
US people that come in from the US.
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And I'm going to introduce this lady, OK?
5:56
She's actually one of my kind. So this lady is a master NLP
6:02
practitioner, quite a title. And you know, she's probably 1
6:06
of I was one of the earlier ones.
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So she's done a lot of the latest work, which is really
6:11
good. So we're going to be talking all
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things language, how your words impact your life.
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And you know, this lady is incredible.
6:22
She also is a matrix coach. Oh OK.
6:26
Can she make me bend like that? I know.
6:28
That from the Matrix. You know, when he bends, he gets
6:30
shot out of me. Yeah.
6:32
Come on, work with me here, OK? I'm a child.
6:34
Yeah. So which pill?
6:35
Which pill or the blue? Do you have to ask when it comes
6:39
to me? Really.
6:40
I know, right? I think I may be a little bit
6:41
red pill just. So OK, because it goes faster.
6:44
So anyway, with no further ado, this lady, she does matrix
6:47
coaching, she does all things EFT.
6:50
She is about language, really empowering your life and being
6:56
kind to yourself. So with no further ado, let's
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bring on the beautiful all the way from Las Vegas, Lisa Manzo.
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Hey Lisa, how you going? Hi, thanks for having me.
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Absolutely. Our pleasure.
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I'm looking forward to today because it is not often that I
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sit down with somebody and have a conversation who's got the
7:17
same sort of qualifications, and I'll invert those commas as our
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lovely Terry here. So I love to see when people do
7:24
similar kind of things, but from, from, I don't know,
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different directions, I guess, you know, So it's nice to sort
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of compare styles and yeah, because there's always someone
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right for you, I guess is what I'm getting at.
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So interesting. Yes, yes.
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So on that note, Aaron's absolutely right.
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And I, I think too that people that are very fanatical about
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what they do, and I'm definitely in that category, you do tend to
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go out and seek a lot of teachers and mentors as well.
7:53
Agreed. Just to see you, you know what
7:56
works and you know, if there's anything that's even better.
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So let's kick it off with the art of communication and why
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language is so vitally important, especially to us.
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And when we're saying things about other people, you know how
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we you, sometimes you talk about other people, you know, whether
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it's in a good way or a bad way, it doesn't necessarily have to
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be in a bad way, but why the subconscious mind thinks you're
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talking about yourself. OK.
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So that's an interesting 1. So over to you, Lisa.
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Let's talk about why it's so important and you know just what
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your teaching is around it and what you suggest to the
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audience, especially when it comes to what you say about
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others, what you say to yourself.
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Well, the first thing I do is I make sure I'm talking to myself
8:54
in the way I want others to talk to me.
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And language is so important. Anytime we use the words I am,
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we are programming our unconscious mind, whether you're
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aware of it or not. And when I program my mind, I
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want it to be something that's serving me instead of something
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that's not serving me. And in languages, language is
9:18
just so important and for you an instance.
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So instead of saying I am tired because I don't want to put that
9:27
in my brain, in my body, I'm experiencing symptoms of feeling
9:31
tired because then I'm not owning it.
9:35
OK, OK, so it's just a bit of a, a change in words, in
9:39
vocabulary, 'cause I was gonna say there's no point us lying to
9:42
ourself at the same time. Because if you you say you know
9:45
I'm feeling great, but you're actually not.
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How do? You fully.
9:50
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I remember my teacher, one
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of my teachers used to teach me this up until now, little
9:58
verbal, which was, you know, if somebody was really struggling
10:02
with something. Look, I realized that up until
10:06
now you've had that real big problem on your back and you
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know, but I wonder what that's coming up.
10:16
But see, it's a suggestion. So you're saying that if we are,
10:22
if we're tired, let's just say we're exhausted, we're tired or
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we're not feeling great, instead of saying I feel exhausted and
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all of that. So what would be the language
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around that? I just say what I'm experiencing
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it because like you said, you can't lie to yourself because
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you know. So while I am experiencing those
10:43
symptoms, I'm not owning them. Yeah, so it's a part of us, not
10:49
us in essence, like the I am. I know that.
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Did you ever follow Wayne Dyer? Do you heard of Wayne?
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Dyer. Oh, Wayne Dyer, absolutely
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incredible. He has passed on.
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Do you know who I'm talking about, Lisa?
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Yes. He is a great teacher and
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philosophy person and people came from near and far, but he
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always talked about the I am. So if you're going to use the
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words I am, it's almost a biblical principle.
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I am that I am, so I am. And he used to talk about
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oneness with everything, like oneness and unity with
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everybody. And whatever you say after I am
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is very, very powerful. But what I'm hearing you say,
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Lisa, is instead of saying I am tired, I'm experiencing a bit of
11:42
tiredness at the moment. Is that kind of like what what
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you mean? It's exactly what I mean because
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I don't want my body to own that feeling and then have it all the
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time. Yeah.
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OK. So is it positive to use the IMS
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when you're talking about something positive or something
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that you want to build in yourself and then the things you
12:04
want to get rid of, you just go, someone else can own those
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things. Well, the things that you want
12:11
to keep I am statements are fabulous and the ones that you
12:15
want to learn, you can add that word yet to the end.
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I haven't learned that yet or that hasn't happened yet because
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that's still a program to your brain to look out for it and to
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make it happen. Yes, and you know, it's
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interesting, but we learnt and I just said the word just then, a
12:33
three letter word that there is one word in the vocabulary that
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literally negates every single thing.
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So for example, if I was talking to someone and I said I really
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like you, I think you are fabulous.
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And then I say, but explain to Aaron what that than does when I
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use that three letter word? So when you you use that three
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letter word, everything you said before, it means nothing.
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It's like, it's like, why did you even say that for?
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You love me but oh, I did something wrong.
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Yeah. OK, that's all that is.
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I prefer however anyway, but there you go.
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How is the school it's? A fancy but.
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I know, I'm just teasing. You've made a great point
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though. But but you have you've negated
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what you've just said. Yes, it's just that it is
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literally that plausible deniability.
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You may as well be a politician. Oh, absolutely.
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You know, and don't politicians, I don't know whether you've
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observed this with politicians, but they'll talk about one party
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and they'll they'll actually put it out on one side and they'll
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they'll go like this and then they'll talk about another
13:50
party. And it might be the negative
13:53
party that they're really trying to, you know, absolutely throw
13:57
under the bus. And what they do is they build
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on the framework of everything they put because it's called
14:04
spatial anchoring. So it's almost with and without,
14:08
you know, communication. So it could be this is
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happening, all the good things, you know, we're helping people
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survive, we're creating more jobs, we're doing this, we're
14:20
eliminating the high taxes. I don't know.
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I mean, in America it's all different, you know, really
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putting all the positives. And then over the other side,
14:29
they put all the negatives all. But you know, there's GST and
14:33
all, there's homeless and all, or there's, you know, the prices
14:37
of rent going up. Sorry to drop, but I've got a
14:39
question. Does it make a difference which
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hand I use? No, as long as you stay true to
14:45
the one you use. So I always, when I was teaching
14:49
people this framework, I always said, well, I'm going to use the
14:53
left hand as to put the negative side because if you mix them up,
14:57
it loses that that effect. Yeah.
14:59
OK, yeah, What if you're Italian?
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Then you're in trouble. Well, you know, you're not
15:04
doing. You're not actually using the
15:06
power of influence. So you know what they're, what
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they're doing is if they're throwing the other party under
15:12
the bus and they're, they're basically saying all the native
15:16
stuff. And so they're, what they're
15:19
doing is they're associating with their audience, all the
15:23
negative with that side, with the person or the the leader
15:28
that they're wanting to squash. And then on the other side, it's
15:31
all about rainbows and butterflies and all this
15:34
fabulous stuff. Do you do you understand about
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the spatial anchoring, Lisa? Oh, absolutely.
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And then sometimes what they do is when they're linking
15:44
themselves to it, they'll be, they'll be pointing at
15:47
themselves while they're saying all the positive things.
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And then when they go to the negative, they start pointing
15:52
someplace else. So that's.
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I'm not saying I'm a genius, Aaron.
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I'm not. No, not at all.
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Absolutely. Fabulous.
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Not at all, but the but the power of language is far more
16:05
than just the words that come out of your mouth, obviously.
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So, so much of of language, so much of communication is non
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verbal. So it's a great point like using
16:14
those anchoring techniques, using those techniques in
16:16
conversation and and manipulation in a lot of cases.
16:20
It can be, look, it can definitely be used for that.
16:24
Traditionally, as a therapist, like I was dealing with, we went
16:28
to a healing festival a few weeks ago and I've kind of been
16:31
bombarded with a lot of new clients, right?
16:34
And So what? A terrible problem.
16:36
You've got oh, terrible. I see you struggle.
16:38
Yeah, I know. So, you know, we're doing the
16:40
quit smoking. So I do the hypnosis and we go
16:44
through all of that. Now, the kind of hypnosis that I
16:48
use, and I'm not sure about yours, but maybe we could find
16:51
that out, is the one like Milton Ericsson.
16:54
So Milton Ericsson, you didn't have to go to sleep.
16:57
It was very client focused, right?
16:59
It was very much about what they want.
17:01
So it was very non manipulative. And then when you're putting it
17:06
together with the therapy of spatial anchoring, where you're
17:09
putting the the good on one side and the bad on the other.
17:12
So once I finished my session, for example, last night, I said,
17:17
OK. So if there was something that
17:19
was gonna really hold you back and cause you to backslide from
17:23
this, what would it be? And of course, she went, you
17:25
know, smokers, you know, or people with addictions, they're
17:28
gonna have their list. Oh, you know, I could get
17:31
triggered when I'm with my friends.
17:32
Stress could happen, but The thing is that I've got her and
17:36
This is why I want to kind of just reframe this a little bit.
17:40
So as a therapist, and I'm sure Lisa agrees with this, we will
17:45
then get that person to see the negative on one side and to see
17:49
the positive on the other and actually bring it together.
17:53
And that's what it was actually designed for.
17:55
But we understand that politicians, speakers, leaders
17:59
and influencers use it and even pick up artists.
18:03
And, you know, people like that they use it in their advantage.
18:08
So what what's what's your thoughts?
18:09
How do you do the you use like hypnosis?
18:13
What style and? Come on, let's let's hear your
18:15
techniques of being a pickup artist.
18:16
That's. Great.
18:19
I've never mastered that one yet, yet, yet yet mastered being
18:24
a pickup artist. So I like to I like to also what
18:28
Terry said was bring it together because the smoker, they have
18:34
their best interest at heart, the heart.
18:36
And you know, the non-smoker has their best interests at heart.
18:39
So you have this two sides of the person.
18:41
One, they want to stop smoking, but yet they still want to smoke
18:44
because they want to smoke because it made them part of a
18:47
group. It made them connected, it made
18:50
them part of the tribe. So you have the fear of losing
18:53
that. You know, when I stop smoking,
18:56
I'm not going to have my tribe anymore.
18:58
I've got to go find a new one. And there's real.
19:02
Yeah, yeah. With the NLPI mean, are there
19:05
are there techniques to stop people from wanting to be one of
19:08
the Joneses? Are there techniques that will
19:10
stop people from falling for peer pressure?
19:12
Because we've often talked about this, this is not something
19:15
because I, I don't know, I. You know, we do have some
19:17
Joneses in in the building. We do have some Joneses, some
19:19
residents. Yep.
19:20
So it's a. Good point.
19:21
There we go. And I like them very.
19:23
Keeping up with the Joneses. They're they're good.
19:25
They're good people. They're great, you know, but I
19:27
want them to have their stuff. I want to have my life, you
19:29
know, I, I don't understand peer pressure.
19:32
I really, really don't. I mean, and when people talk
19:34
about smoking for argument's sake, I, I, you know, grew up
19:37
around smokers, I never ever had a desire to smoke, right?
19:41
Your mother had the art of communication, she said.
19:44
And she knew how to wire you. Yeah.
19:47
Because she knew I was a car guy.
19:49
As a car guy, she made it possible for me to get my first
19:52
car and all of that right. And she linked smoking to it.
19:55
Very. Smart woman, Very.
19:56
Smart so. That's a technique in itself.
19:59
There you go. Well, you've got to know
20:01
somebody's there. Their then which would you also
20:03
didn't know their currency, right, And that was my currency.
20:06
So there you go. So I I'm forgetting your
20:09
question now. Did you have a question too?
20:11
No, I yeah, no, I mean, I want to, I wonder if there's some
20:14
really, I don't know, hard bait NLP techniques that can stop
20:20
people who fall for peer pressure.
20:22
That's the one, Yeah. I'll let you answer first, Lisa,
20:25
so. There are techniques.
20:30
I feel my personal experience is that the some the person really
20:35
has to want the change because if they're not invested in
20:39
wanting it, it doesn't matter what you do or say.
20:42
Any technique used will not work unless they really want it.
20:46
Exactly. And also there's two sides of
20:49
the story here because like I said to my dear beloved client
20:53
last night, believe it or not, logically, you know, you want to
20:58
quit that addiction. So there's that logical side
21:02
that knows that's best. But then there's the other side
21:05
which you were just talking about, Lisa, which just to kind
21:08
of sum that up, it's the higher purpose of why we do what we do.
21:13
So even when we're when we acknowledge the subconscious, so
21:18
the subconscious is like a child, you've got to treat it
21:21
with kiddie gloves. So if you're going to be making
21:24
big change, it's not about persuading the logic, It's
21:27
about, OK, logically, I don't want to keep up.
21:30
I don't want to have that competitive attitude anymore.
21:33
I don't want to be in this situation where I'm always
21:36
trying to keep up with The Smiths, you know, or whatever it
21:41
is. But there is a reason and
21:45
everything that we do in NLP, and I'm sure you would agree
21:48
with this is about the subconscious reason behind it.
21:51
So say for example, if someone is very focused on what the
21:56
other person is doing and keeping up with that, and then
22:00
there's even a little bit of that competition happening.
22:03
What you've got to do is you've got to get to the bottom of what
22:05
are they feeling not about the fact that the behaviour is the
22:09
behaviour, but the behaviour is only as a result, isn't it Lisa?
22:13
But it's, it's about finding where did it come from?
22:17
What is it that you feel like there's an it could be an
22:19
inferiority, it could be a deep insecurity.
22:24
It could be a like an incident. So like, I don't think my sister
22:27
will mind this. I'll just quickly say it.
22:29
But you know, when we were growing up, my father played US
22:32
against each other. He did.
22:35
He was a bit wicked. Like, well, you're gonna have
22:36
two girls like he, you know, you gotta race them.
22:38
I get. Him, you know, that's what he
22:39
was doing. And I don't know, I somehow with
22:42
Dad, I just don't get offended by him.
22:45
It's like, I just know Jennifer got very offended by him, so he
22:50
created this thing between us where we thought we had to keep
22:54
up with each other, but it was actually something that stemmed
22:58
from something that probably really needed that fire needed
23:01
to be put out. But got any thoughts around that
23:05
communication, Lisa? The, the communication is, it's
23:10
so important. And for me, I will give you my
23:13
own personal experience in regard to smoking.
23:18
I wanted to smoke like all my friends were smoking and I'm so
23:22
grateful. I coughed for 20 minutes the
23:24
first time I inhaled and that was the end of that.
23:26
And that was the end of my thought.
23:28
Well, you know, I was really lonely and I, I've had a lot of
23:30
time to think about this. I was lonely at home.
23:34
I had a couple of friends. It was 7th grade.
23:37
It was the worst year of my, of my schooling.
23:40
I had no friends in my class. All my friends were in the other
23:43
class. I was miserable and I just
23:45
wanted to be a part of something and and you know, and that's
23:50
where that stuff comes from. And those some I was lucky
23:53
enough not to not to end up being a smoker and I was lucky
23:58
enough to figure that out at that.
24:02
I figured it out in 8th grade that I didn't want to be part of
24:06
something of people that weren't going to value me for who I was.
24:09
And I was able to walk away from that.
24:12
Good on you. That's so and that that thing of
24:15
being loved, valued and accepted is so vitally important.
24:21
But let's talk about the language of healing now.
24:24
And I believe that it kind of summarizes a lot about the work
24:29
you do with the metrics coaching.
24:31
And, you know, I'm a believer that if somebody has an ailment
24:37
and people know that, you know, I'm definitely very close to
24:40
that situation at the moment. So when someone is sick or I'll
24:46
or has disease, there is actually a pay off.
24:51
There is a. Tough to see when you're in the
24:53
middle of it. That's I know.
24:54
And some people don't like hearing it, but believe it or
24:57
not, even a, a, you know, like you might trip in and hurt your
25:02
knee. There is a payoff.
25:05
Really. Yeah.
25:06
I was working, walking around that festival a few weeks ago.
25:09
My, there's nothing wrong with my knee whatsoever.
25:12
And it collapsed. And it collapsed at a certain
25:16
time when I was just about to turn the corner and go and see
25:20
the acupuncturist. And the acupuncturist said that
25:27
there is a symbolic reason behind it.
25:29
So for starters, it's on the left side of the body.
25:32
So the left side of the body represents the right side.
25:34
Did she really just have a trip wire to get some business?
25:37
I mean, maybe that's. What you look, maybe, maybe
25:39
that's what you never know, you're like in the big city.
25:42
But, you know, getting back to the reality of it, do you
25:45
believe that, Lisa? Like my belief is that
25:48
everything happens for us, not to us.
25:51
Oh, it absolutely is. And yeah, we could talk about
25:56
the the the getting hurt in the falling because I was a master
26:00
at that. And it serves a purpose.
26:03
It absolutely serves a purpose. So what's the best way can you,
26:08
I'd love to hear it from your perspective of a person comes to
26:13
you, they're dealing with, you know, perhaps something that
26:18
needs to be healed, so something in their body.
26:21
So I know meta consciousness, which is the symbolic reason of
26:26
why everything happens to us. What can?
26:30
Can you give us an example around it and perhaps some
26:32
healing and words and language around that?
26:36
So I had a client that would fall all the time, always fell
26:41
all the time. Like tripped over things,
26:44
knocked things over. And finally, I just asked her,
26:48
I'm like, how long has this been going on?
26:52
And she's like, oh, my whole life.
26:55
And I'm like, is that the way you got attention?
27:01
And I just, I asked and I said, is that the way you got
27:04
attention? She goes, Oh my God, yes.
27:07
That was one of the only ways I got an attention.
27:10
Only if I got hurt. I always felt invisible, like my
27:13
parents didn't want to see me. They didn't want to talk to me
27:17
and I got hurt and because I would get attention that way and
27:21
I'm OK. Are you ready to give that up
27:24
now? You're an adult, you're an
27:27
adult. Would you like to give that up?
27:29
And we did a whole session, a hypnosis session on on it.
27:34
And. We stopped because she was ready
27:36
because she saw the connection and it wasn't serving her
27:39
anymore. She was just getting hurt
27:41
herself and there was nobody around to give her any
27:44
attention. It it.
27:45
It was so rewarding to see how let go of that.
27:50
At least you've just said several things that have really
27:52
hit home with me and and the conversation like things that
27:55
don't serve you anymore. It's so true.
27:58
We carry this this luggage, you know, baggage more to the point,
28:01
I mean, I've got more baggage than Heathrow airport, right?
28:04
And, and I take it everywhere with me and it does not serve
28:07
me. I need to drop it and and and
28:10
through life, Don't get me wrong, I'm working on myself as
28:12
everybody I think should be right because we're all a work
28:15
in progress. Yeah, I just I just drop a
28:17
little luggage here, a little bit more baggage here, you know,
28:19
and we we saw this sort of work through it.
28:21
But it is so important to to realize these things are not
28:25
serving you anymore, whether it be, you know, like, you know,
28:28
bad memories or bad things happen to you or a fall or being
28:32
ignored by your parents. In the case of that that woman
28:34
there, there are there's a lot to it.
28:37
And also the other thing you said was things don't happen to
28:40
you. They happen for you.
28:41
Now a gentleman came into my life and announced a here age
28:45
that drew, who brought that to gelded, who had an look, I won't
28:49
go into it. A horrendous, horrendous
28:51
upbringing, right, But one of the most, you know, genuine,
28:55
wonderful human beings I've ever met.
28:57
Yeah. And he introduced that to me,
28:59
right. And I thought to myself, how
29:00
could you have lived that life and gone through those
29:02
experiences and be so bloody positive about the fact that
29:06
it's happened for you? Probably why.
29:08
Well, that's exactly why and from my point of view.
29:11
Character it has carved. His character exactly right.
29:14
But for me, when the first time he said it doesn't happen to
29:16
you, it happens for you, I thought what a lot of rupture.
29:19
I said it to him. I mean, I think it's rubbish.
29:21
And over time, guess what? I opened my mind up a little bit
29:26
and I went, oh damn, damn, he's right.
29:28
Yeah. And I think it's brilliant
29:30
advice. It really these these are the
29:32
character defining moments in your.
29:34
Life. Exactly.
29:35
And I think we're going to have to do a bit of a reframe here,
29:38
Lisa with Aaron. I don't know about you, but I'm
29:41
going to go with the the baggage from Heathrow airport.
29:44
Yes. You see, what we believe is that
29:48
your words are your want. Yep.
29:50
So look, I'm famous for it. So don't get me wrong, you know
29:53
we all do do this. But you know, it's funny what
29:57
you say. But let me tell you, someone
29:59
very close to me said a lot of jokes and they all came true.
30:02
I'm watching them come true as I speak.
30:04
And you know, you saying that you've got more baggage than
30:10
Heathrow Airport. Now, I'm going to go back to
30:14
what my mentor used to say to me.
30:18
And I'm also going to bring some conscious competency around it.
30:22
And while I'm doing that, Lisa, I'm going to get you to reframe
30:25
it. So are we, am I able to have a
30:27
go at that? Aaron, your permission.
30:29
OK, so all right, so let's just say you were coming to see me
30:34
and you were telling me that you got more baggage and Heathrow
30:37
Airport, right? Yep.
30:38
I would then actually confirm that, I would say.
30:42
So you've got more and you've had more baggage than Heathrow
30:48
Airport. Did you now?
30:51
What happened? I saw what you.
30:53
Just OK, so this this is the hypnotic part that doesn't make
30:56
sense. So the words start to get a bit
30:58
jumbling. I.
30:59
Just thought you had poor grandma.
31:00
Yeah, poor grandma. Yeah, but this is where hypnosis
31:03
is very forgiving, because what did I just do?
31:06
I put it into the past. You certainly did.
31:08
So, you know, up until now, then what I said before.
31:12
So up until now you've been feeling like you're carrying
31:15
more baggage than Heathrow Airport, didn't you?
31:20
And I wonder what it's going to be like now and then just
31:23
dropping in a little suggestion that's going to be, you know,
31:26
perhaps befitting and in the person's best interest.
31:30
So I wonder what that's going to be like now for you to be able
31:33
to walk free without that baggage and, and whether that's
31:37
going to feel light and what that's going to mean for your
31:40
life. So that's the kind of Milton
31:42
Ericsson style that I learned. But let's go over to you for a
31:47
reframe on that. So for me, you know, because
31:50
everybody has their own take, I'd be like you, you have so
31:54
much baggage, just like Heathrow Apple as much as Heathrow Apple
31:59
is. Is that really possible or is
32:01
that slight exaggeration come? In the media, what do you think?
32:05
Yes, CBTCBT, absolutely, because it's a generalization, right?
32:10
Right. And is that, is that the, is
32:13
that an exaggeration? And of course you're going to
32:15
say yes. And I'm like, well, let's look
32:17
at what kind of baggage you really have.
32:19
And because we're inflating what we have and we're inflating
32:23
everything else. So let's bring it to back to
32:26
what we're actually looking at. Yeah.
32:30
There's a questions come up from Michelle, which I would love to
32:34
sort of ask. Very thank you so much, Michelle
32:35
for the question. And we love, love being
32:37
interacted. Michelle's coming on the show in
32:39
two weeks. Very cool, I'll ask her again.
32:41
There we go. Now Michelle asks.
32:43
Are there any ways to ask yourself what's wrong?
32:46
Come on, Lisa, let's go over here on this one.
32:49
Let's go for you first. This one I love because when I
32:53
want to know what's wrong, I wait until I'm really, really
32:57
tired and I sit down with my journal and I sit there and I
33:01
ask and I write out the question and I won't get up until I get
33:05
the answer. And because I'm so tired, my
33:07
unconscious mind, I'll give it up pretty quickly because it
33:10
wants to go to sleep. Yeah, and that's the best way
33:14
to, that's the best time to get in, isn't it?
33:17
Is what's that again? Is that beta Theta?
33:20
Theta. I think it's Theta Theta.
33:23
Theta. Because you're connecting,
33:26
you're connecting to your higher self because you're tired and
33:28
you're opening the door. The gatekeeper has opened the
33:31
door because you are tired and it will give you the information
33:35
so much quicker. So you would suggest to Michelle
33:40
to wait until she's going off to sleep and then actually ask
33:45
herself the question. So I would also ask like, what
33:51
is it that you require? Can you just bring that question
33:54
up again, if that is, if that is OK, just because I'm so visual
33:58
as well. So Michelle, when you are now,
34:03
Michelle has had a massive experience with a illness that I
34:10
won't you know, I won't go into it now, but in two weeks, I'm
34:15
telling you this lady for what happened to her is, is going to
34:21
be phenomenal to sort of unpack. So are there any ways to ask
34:25
yourself what's wrong? So what's wrong with what?
34:29
So here we go again with the CBT and, and Lisa just practice that
34:33
a little on you where you generalize something and she
34:37
opened it up like, is that really the case?
34:39
And, and you even make fun of them a little bit.
34:42
That's the other part, isn't it? So you sort of go and you're
34:45
visualizing a big airport and all this baggage where, where do
34:48
you keep it anyway? You know, that kind of jazz.
34:51
So what, what, what exactly is it?
34:56
And you don't have to answer this now, but you can perhaps
34:58
bring it on the show. What is it that is wrong that
35:02
you want to address? So you do need to be a little
35:05
bit more specific. So it could be, you know, what's
35:10
wrong with the way that I'm feeling in my health, what's
35:13
wrong with my body, what's wrong with my relationships right now.
35:18
I want you to think about that more specifically.
35:22
And then, as Lisa has said, when you go to bed at night, ask
35:27
yourself with that specification, what is it that
35:32
is wrong with me in this, this, this, and this?
35:36
And what is the higher purpose? So with you taking that question
35:42
to bed, you'll probably wake up with a solution in hand.
35:45
Oh my gosh, Ian used to tell a joke about that.
35:47
Sorry, moving on. No, I want to interrupt on this
35:50
one. OK, Now asking yourself these
35:53
questions and talking to yourself about these issues when
35:55
you're about to go to bed, now, for me, that is never going to
35:59
work. Well, hang on.
35:59
There you go. Look at me, Mr. Negative.
36:01
But OK, at the time when people should be sensible and trying to
36:04
be going to sleep, my mind goes, hey, here's a great time to
36:08
reinvent the wheel, right? Here's the time to think about
36:11
every possible thing that I can, even things that don't touch my
36:14
life. No.
36:15
Well, that's. Why so, you know, like, I don't.
36:18
I just think, think, think, think, think, think, think,
36:20
think. That's why.
36:21
Right, there's got to be a better way.
36:23
There is a better way, Aaron, because your ideas are all
36:26
coming out and your creativity and it really means, look, I
36:30
used to get frustrated when I was younger.
36:33
I, I reckon I never slept right. I just was a, a chronic
36:37
insomniac. And you know, then you get
36:39
frustrated because you can't sleep and then you get angry
36:42
with yourself. But you've got to look at it as
36:45
what is it that I need to get off my chest here?
36:49
So it sounds like you get a lot of downloads at night when
36:52
you're going to bed big. Time.
36:53
Yeah, yeah. So you know what you got to do
36:55
with that? What's that, Lisa?
36:56
You answer it. What does he do with all these
36:59
downloads that he's getting so that they can come out of his
37:03
head and he can go to sleep? You had two options here.
37:07
You can either write them down or or voice record them so you
37:10
can let them go and they'll be there in the morning so you can
37:12
sleep. That's it.
37:15
Bam, everything. And if you want to write it in
37:18
in absolute Ghibli group your own, just boom, boom, boom,
37:21
boom. But you're saying to the hand
37:23
that's you're just writing all these things down.
37:26
You're taking it from here instead of stewing on it and
37:31
trying to find all the answers while you're trying to go to
37:33
sleep. So yeah, get it.
37:40
Let us know how that works. Let us know how that works
37:43
tonight when you try it. Well, I've done things in the
37:47
past which have worked so well. Not I did the one thing at one
37:51
point, I put the office in my room so that when I wake up or
37:54
at 3:00 in the morning or not even when I wake up at 3:00 in
37:57
the morning, when I have these creative ideas and then I go
38:00
straight to my office and actually start working and start
38:03
working on it. That's.
38:04
Geez, that works so well. Yeah.
38:06
So healthy. Yeah.
38:09
Or now what I do often is I actually pick up the phone and I
38:13
type it in in the dire section and put put something in there.
38:16
Yeah, but you know, well. Speak it in into the phone even.
38:19
But here's another thing, and this is attached to Michelle as
38:22
well. It's be kind to yourself.
38:26
Now, I'm going to let Lisa sort of open this up a little bit
38:30
more. Don't set tasks that are too
38:34
huge, that are overwhelming. Make them doable.
38:39
Be kind to yourself. Over to you, Lisa.
38:43
You're the Queen on this one. So we're gonna be kind to
38:46
ourselves because the way we treat ourselves is how we teach
38:49
other people to treat us. That's the first thing, and we
38:55
need it. If we need to take baby steps
38:57
because our nervous system will not allow us to do the whole big
39:00
project, that's OK 'cause we're talking progress instead of a
39:03
perfection because we're working our way towards the end goal.
39:09
Have you been working behind the scenes on at Edge?
39:12
Because we actually have a show called Progress over Perfection
39:16
there. You guys just.
39:17
Thinking that she just yeah, that's.
39:20
Lisa, do you need a side gig? Because, you know, we need.
39:22
Help. Yeah, yeah, I'm.
39:24
Available anytime. We'll talk later.
39:29
And yes, that would be very, very good.
39:31
And I I do think your listeners do like a little bit of NLP and
39:34
hypnosis. Oh, no doubt about it.
39:35
Yeah, for sure. Yeah.
39:37
So it could be helpful. Yeah.
39:39
So let's now talk about, you know, the the big conversation
39:44
of the healing. How much can we heal of our self
39:49
through the power of our words? We can do a lot of healing
39:53
through that, through our words and somebody you might need a
39:59
little help in the beginning because I needed help in the
40:01
beginning when I started this healing journey because I didn't
40:04
understand how it all worked. So I needed a guide to help me
40:08
and then to talk to me about my language and.
40:11
They would say, is there a better way you can say that, or
40:14
is this something you'd like to say instead?
40:16
And I had my coach help me with that.
40:18
And then I had realized after I'd gotten further down the
40:21
road, I can do it myself. But in the beginning, my nervous
40:25
system was so frayed that I could, I needed, I needed
40:29
somebody to walk with me and hold my hand through it in order
40:33
to help me heal. And now that I'm this far
40:36
further down the road, I can do it myself.
40:39
And I know what to do because I've had so much practice at it.
40:42
And I, I live, eat and breathe language.
40:45
It's I'm so passionate about it and about making sure that the
40:50
right words come out of my mouth.
40:52
And when I do, because I'm human, make a mistake and
40:56
something that doesn't serve me comes out of my mouth, I reframe
40:59
it immediately. That's a great skill.
41:04
Many years ago I had a girlfriend who kept sort of
41:07
saying language is so important, language is so important, and I
41:10
thought, look, I talk for a living.
41:11
I'm pretty well on top of this, I think, right?
41:14
But I wasn't, I really wasn't because sometimes I was framing
41:18
things in not a negative way as such, but just in, I don't know,
41:23
from one very firm direction. Whereas when you think about
41:29
your language, you kind of go, OK, how does this affect me?
41:32
How does this affect you? How does it affect you?
41:34
You look at a bigger picture. It's, it's more like you're
41:36
actually like a lot of times in conversation we answer or
41:40
actually while someone's speaking, we're actually
41:42
processing and putting an answer together and we don't actually
41:45
listen. Yeah, Oh.
41:46
Yeah, yes. And when I sort of changed that
41:49
in myself to A, to a degree, I mean, you know, like, like I
41:51
think it's always a work in progress.
41:53
But when you're actually listening, because you're
41:55
listening and you want to actually get the information out
41:57
of there and you're not preparing the answer, you tend
42:00
to come back with an answer, in my opinion anyway, that comes
42:03
from more angles. You're considering more people.
42:06
You're not just coming from the eye eye point of view.
42:08
Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's actually, yeah, that
42:11
there's a word for it, what you're describing, and it's
42:15
called active listening. So when a person is actively
42:19
listening, that means that they're not racing forward to
42:22
think about what they're going to say.
42:24
But this comes back to the power of words and influence now.
42:28
So by listening to what you just said and then reiterating it and
42:34
confirming it, we even suggest that that is a great way to
42:38
start your own conversation. As long as you've given
42:41
acknowledgement to that person for the words that they've just
42:45
spoken and not just disregarded them because then they feel well
42:49
rated or they feel steamrolled, I agree.
42:51
So they've got to feel like they were hurt.
42:54
So, Lisa, do you feel that the person's acknowledgement of
42:57
actually what you've said is a vital part of the conversation?
43:01
It's a very yes. It's definitely a vital part of
43:03
the conversation. And you can there's a couple of
43:07
tricks. My favorite trick is when
43:09
somebody's telling me that something's hard, I'd like to
43:12
say to him, oh, I understand that's not easy.
43:15
So in the NLP world, our unconscious mind does not
43:18
process the word not. So I just program their mind to
43:21
know that it's easy while still keeping my rapport with them by
43:26
acknowledging their feelings. I like that.
43:30
It's a funny thing and I'm going to go left to center on this
43:33
conversation It's like when something is $9.99 OK, guess
43:38
what? You hear you hear $9 and you you
43:40
know, you go that way. Whereas if it's $10, you hear
43:43
$10, right? But at 999, so by by framing it
43:47
in the more positive way, your mind will go that way rather
43:50
than take it to yeah, in everyday language.
43:54
I'm using the dollar and cents reason because this, this
43:57
technique is used on us every single day, everywhere we go,
44:01
everything we purchase, that technique is used.
44:04
So why not take those, those, I don't know, those styles of
44:10
psychology and language and turn into a positive in your everyday
44:14
language, I guess. Absolutely, yes.
44:16
And what we call it too is when, you know, you asked Lisa the
44:21
question before about how important is it to be able to
44:26
reiterate we call that rapport. Yes, So it's actually the first,
44:31
I don't know about you Lisa, because I'm talking about 2006
44:35
when I learnt NLP. But the first framework we
44:38
learnt was, you know, active listening, building rapport.
44:42
Remember we talked about, you know, mirroring a little bit
44:46
without being too much, but you know, that's kind of rapport as
44:49
well. And also being able to look at
44:54
people and see how their language does impact their life.
44:59
And like you said before, Lisa, unpacking that and just getting
45:04
them to think about it. So it's in a different way.
45:07
But I don't know. How much time have we got left?
45:09
I was going to say, do you have like, do you want to share
45:13
something with us, Lisa, and the audience for radio that you
45:18
think is going to be really powerful for our listeners?
45:22
And you know, it's around, obviously your genius zone.
45:26
I like to share when I became emotionally intelligent and I've
45:32
created a course around it and it's so interesting because the
45:37
language is important and yet being able to look at our
45:42
emotions and see where they're coming from is as important as
45:45
the language. And so in in emotional
45:48
intelligence, we have self-awareness.
45:51
So that's becoming aware of what your emotions and where they're
45:54
coming from. Then we have self regulation.
45:57
Not an easy thing to do, right? I, you heard me, I said not an
46:02
easy thing to do. So I programmed my mind to say,
46:06
well, but I'm still connecting with the audience because it is
46:09
not easy to do. And yet it's possible.
46:14
And then the social awareness on emotional intelligence that
46:17
that's you and I, right? We having great conversation.
46:21
Your body language is open. My body language is open.
46:25
You're not closed off and being aware of that because there's
46:28
always clues they'll always give you.
46:31
The person that you're talking to will always give you clues on
46:34
how they're receiving you, whether you're in rapport or not
46:37
with them. And then there's relationship
46:39
management, right? This is another aspect of it.
46:42
So you're going to manage your relationship by building rapport
46:45
with the people that are important to you and figuring
46:48
out ways because you are the emotionally intelligent person,
46:52
how to get get past their resistance because you can't.
46:56
So what do you mean? Can you give us an example about
46:59
getting past resistance? Because it definitely is where
47:03
we've got to, you know, definitely see their side of the
47:07
story before we can actually put our own side of the story
47:10
forward. So one of my biggest things that
47:14
that I get access that people will try to explain and I'm able
47:18
to reconnect with rapport pretty instantly is by saying, I'm
47:23
really confused, is this what you're saying right.
47:28
And I might intentionally get it wrong because people love to
47:32
explain. And then you'll.
47:35
Do you intentionally get it wrong just to open the
47:37
conversation? Not always, but sometimes it if
47:40
the person's really locked up in their viewpoint, I'll get it
47:43
wrong on purpose because I want them to explain their viewpoint
47:47
to me so that I can get more details and I can get more
47:50
information from them. But if they're mad and they're
47:53
angry, they're not going to do that.
47:55
But if I say I'm confused or if I get the information wrong,
47:58
then they want to correct me and they want to make sure I
48:01
understand their viewpoint and I'm going to get all the
48:04
information. And if they're mad and angry and
48:07
they're locked in, they do it in a certain style.
48:10
OK, so a person breathes a certain way when they're angry.
48:14
Did you know that they. I've been on the wrong side,
48:16
yeah. They, they hold their body in a
48:19
certain way too. So this was, this was funny.
48:22
I just just say this funny little story.
48:24
When I was first learning NLP, it was so much fun and I was
48:28
practicing it on everybody that was willing to be around me at
48:33
the time and annoying absolutely everyone.
48:36
And. You know, I, but I was, I was
48:39
playing with it. I was literally playing with it.
48:42
And I had to face up to a actually a not so joking meeting
48:48
where it was very, very serious. And I had all these ladies like,
48:53
you know, board members that wanted to come and have a very
48:56
serious meeting. And I knew how intense it was.
48:59
So guess what I did. So they walked into the house.
49:02
Now remember about the body language, the breath, and you'll
49:06
never believe what I did. All three of them walked in
49:10
together and I literally went up and I grabbed all three of them
49:14
at the same time and whizzed them around in a circle.
49:17
Because, Lisa, can you tell me what just happened right there?
49:21
You connected all of you in a positive manner and then you
49:25
just brought everybody together as a connection and a community
49:29
and you can. Move back.
49:29
I broke this date. I broke their state.
49:33
So what happens is by you shifting a person, even if
49:37
they're if they're stuck and they're having this, this, this
49:40
kind of confrontation by you getting them to move their body,
49:44
even if it's by a little bit of fun.
49:46
And that's what I did. You're literally shifting their
49:49
energy so they snap out of it and it's a, it's a, it's a
49:52
patent interruption. Little wing around the Rosie
49:55
doesn't normally work at business meetings.
49:56
Just saying but. You do you, but in executive
50:00
meetings, yeah, that was an executive meeting by the way,
50:03
but. Why am I not surprised?
50:05
There are so many great techniques and so many great
50:07
things. I'm actually really interested
50:09
in your course there. Lisa, can you just, I know we've
50:12
sort of touched on it, but can we get some contacts, you know
50:16
how we can actually find out some more as well?
50:18
That'd be great. So I have a link for for the
50:22
free course. I can give it to you and we can
50:26
and then people can sign up for it.
50:28
I can put it in the comments. I would need a second.
50:31
Put it in the comments. Just a little bit of a snapshot
50:34
framework around it so people know what they're getting.
50:37
Yeah, so it's a free certification on emotional
50:40
intelligence and there's five pillars.
50:42
And like I said, it goes into self-awareness, self regulation,
50:46
social awareness, relationship relationship management, and
50:51
then motivation. Motivation to keep going, to
50:53
keep on this, on this journey of becoming more emotionally aware,
50:58
using your language and just becoming the better version of
51:01
you. What you just said makes me
51:04
giggle a little bit because when we're talking to children, we
51:07
often say use your words right now.
51:12
We get bigger, we grow up, but guess what?
51:15
We still forget to use that words.
51:17
Oh. We get worse some, some of us
51:19
get worse, yeah. Yeah.
51:21
So it's just important to keep yourself in check, I guess.
51:24
Well, up until now, some of us, we're getting worse, but now
51:28
it's going to be different, isn't it?
51:29
Lisa, thank you so much for, you know, just instilling some of
51:34
these ideas of how important language is and to be kind to
51:39
ourself. And I think one of the biggest
51:41
takes that I've got is what we say is what we are.
51:46
Love that. Oh, I agree completely.
51:50
Lisa, thank you very much for being part of the show today.
51:52
It's been an absolute pleasure. Really enjoyed your insights and
51:55
and we'd love to have you back at sometime in the future.
51:58
Really. You're very, very welcome.
52:00
Thank you. I'd love to come back and thanks
52:02
for the opportunity. Thank you very much for being
52:05
part, of course, the Genius zone here on Age Radio Australia.
52:18
Show where we have explored through this various topic along
52:25
with all the exciting new topics that we bring every week to
52:31
enhance your personal mastery of excellence.
52:36
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