Latest / FBC Boerne Youth / DNow 2025 // Breakout: Minding Your Mind - Tim & Elaine Russo

Transcript

DNow 2025 // Breakout: Minding Your Mind - Tim & Elaine Russo · FBC Boerne Youth

• 0:31
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Minding your Mind.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: I'm Tim.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: This is my wife, elaine.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Elaine and I met.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: I was 15, she was 13.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: So we have been knowing each other and friends for a very long time.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: We have next month, in fact just in about a week, we're going to celebrate 45 years of marriage.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: So we've been together 48 years Do the math.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: How old is Darcy?
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: Celebrate 45 years of marriage, so we've been together 48 years.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: So anyway, what happens?
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: See, you just keep sleeping and eating.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: You get older, and so we met at 15, 13,.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: We got married at 20 and 19 because in the community we were brought up in, that's just what you did.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: You got out of high school, you got married.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: We then had four daughters back to back.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: They were all within a five-year period.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: We had four teenagers in our house at one time.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: Teenage girls tend to talk a lot.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys talk a lot, but they're always talking.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: In fact, at the dinner table.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: A lot of times I had to raise my hands to say something and by the time I said something or asked a question, they had already passed.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: That subject had already passed.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: They said Dad, listen, we already talked about that, and so it was just hard to keep up one man in the house with five girls.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: But we did, sorry for it, we did get.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: We raised those girls.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: We were in youth ministry for a long time as youth pastors, and so we understand what it's like to be a young Christian.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: So that's kind of what we want to talk to you about.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: But here's the thing about the Christian life it doesn't matter how old you get.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: We still tend to deal with the same problems.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: We still deal with the same mental processes, attacks, temptations All of that is common, regardless of really how old you are.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: You might think well, we've been walking with the Lord for almost 50 years.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: Think about that.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: I remember sitting in a chair, like you, and thinking.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: Somebody said I've been a Christian for 20 years.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: I'm thinking, wow, this guy must be perfect Walking with the Lord for 20 years.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: No, that's not how it works, but I was.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: We were both raised in the Catholic Church, so we didn't really know Jesus at all, and I started playing rock and roll music at 13, and I was not a very good teenager.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: I didn't obey all the rules, had a lot of darkness in my life.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: And then, when I met Jesus one night, we were on high school break for Christmas break and I was about to turn 17 and I met Jesus that one night and he totally changed my life.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: I actually came back to school with a pocket Bible in my shirt and my friends thought it was a prank which it probably would have been a prank, but it was real and it took them a while to realize, wow, jesus has really made a difference in his life.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: So and Tim and I were like dating.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: We never really went on dates because I was so young I couldn't date, but we were like boyfriend and girlfriend at that time and I thought I was raised very differently than Tim.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: I was raised in a very moral home.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: My dad was military.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: I had to keep the rules and so I was very religious and I went to church and I kept the rules.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: And then Tim tells me you need to become a Christian.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: And I said I am a Christian, I know God.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: And he just told me no, you don't.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: And I had to stop and think about that.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: And what was happening with me was I was putting my faith in my good works and when I heard the gospel I realized there was nothing good I could do to earn favor with God, that his gift to me was by grace, that it was his work on the cross that brought me salvation and there was no rule I could keep, no good work I could do that would make me acceptable to him.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: It was all by grace.
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: So that's how our story began.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: So we grew up together and we have been continuing to grow together, and so today, that's what we want to talk to you about.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: So we thought you get, you become a Christian, all your problems kind of go away right, because I mean, god is big, he can do anything.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: But that's not how it works.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: In fact, what we didn't know is that by being a Christian, we were in for a lot of change.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: We had to learn a lot of things, and the biggest thing for me is I have always been plagued with fear, like constant fear, fear, fear, fear.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: And I remember watching the Wizard of Oz one time.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: How many of you know what movie I'm from?
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: I watched it only once and that witch scared me to death.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: Like I closed my eyes at night to go to sleep and I see that green witch.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: I'm like no.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: So I have never liked horror movies or anything like that.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: Fear, fear, anxiety was a big part of my life as a teenager Depression, so it was a big thing.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: So what we're talking about today is near and dear to our heart, because we're talking about what you do with your thoughts and managing or minding your mind.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to tell you a story.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: So this guy's driving down a country road in his pickup truck probably a Ford and he's got a gas can in the back of his pickup he runs out of gas and so he's glad he has that gas.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: Can he gets it out of the back.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: He sees a little farmhouse way in the distance, starts walking in that direction, thinking, wow, you know, farmers are friendly people, I'll just get over there, get some gas from this farmer and get back and I'll be on my way.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: And then he begins to think I'm sure they'd be happy to help me out here, because I'm stranded and I have no other way of getting any gas.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: So he began to think but what if, like what if they won't help me?
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: What if they don't want to help me?
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: What if they're rude and they say go get your own gas?
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: And so that bothered him for a while.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: But he just kept walking.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: And the closer he got to this house, the more he began to think wow, that's bad, they're not going to help me, like I'm out here stranded and they don't want to help me.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: And so by the time he gets to the house he knocks on the door and this little old lady opens the door and he says hey, if that's the way you feel you can keep your gas, and he turned around and left.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: You can keep your gas and he turned around and left.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: So that little story is an example of how we can get in our heads and we can start coming up with scenarios and outcomes and we start thinking of what people are thinking and we start trying to write a story.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: And we might trying to write a story and we might be wrong, because the little old lady probably would have been happy to help this man with his gas, but because he had this story going on in his head and his thoughts were just running out of control, he made a really bad decision.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: And so that's usually how it works when we are not managing our mind, our thoughts can get out of control.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: We'll talk a little bit more about that.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: And the Bible actually has a lot to say about minding your mind and all the thoughts that we have.
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: The book of Proverbs is a book that teaches a lot of concepts.
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: It teaches about discernment, it teaches about wisdom.
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: It gives us instruction for life.
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: Also, the book of Colossians, chapter three and verses one through two, and you guys are probably familiar with this.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: If, then, you are raised with Christ, seek things that are above where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: Set your minds on things that are above where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: Can you think of something that would be a thought that is an earthly thought?
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: Who can think of a thought that would be qualified as an earthly thought?
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: Anybody awake today?
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: So an earthly thought would be something like worried about what people think instead of what God thinks.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: So when we're setting our mind on the Lord, we're worried about what he thinks, because the fear of man brings a snare to us.
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: And then there's the passage in Philippians 4, verses 6 through 8.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: And I'm guessing that you guys have probably heard this a lot Do not be anxious about anything.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: But in every situation, everybody say every situation, everybody say every situation they are awake, they're not zombies.
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: I knew they were out there.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: So, by prayer and petition, with Thanksgiving, present your requests to God, and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent and praiseworthy, think about such things.
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: So there's a lot of instruction for us to be able to know how we need to position our minds where our minds need to go, and later we'll give you a card with those passages on the back of it so you can carry it in your backpacks and have it handy when you forget.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: And have it handy when you forget.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: So nobody really tells us stop thinking about that.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: Like I mean, do you have anybody in your life that comes up to you and says stop thinking about what you're thinking about, because that's not healthy?
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: You're thinking negatively, you're thinking about the worst thing that could possibly happen.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: But the Holy Spirit is really the only person who can say hey, tim, think about what you're thinking about.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: It's not taking you to a good place.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: And so the beauty of Scripture is that what Elaine just read, and then a passage I'm about to refer to, is where the Bible actually tells us what to think about, and there's good reasons for that.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: So the Apostle Paul.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: How many of you know who that is?
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: Apostle Paul writes to Titus.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: How many of you know who?
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: That is Okay.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: Titus is a pastor, and Paul is telling Titus what he should be teaching different segments of his congregation.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: So first thing he says is I want you to teach the older men.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: How many of you know any old men?
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: What age is old, by the way?
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: 50?
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: 50?
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: 80?
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: What do you think is that?
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: Wow, that person is old 65.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: 50 and up.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: He said Titus, I need you to teach the older men.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: And he lists six things Be sober, reverent, sound in faith, etc.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: Six things.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: Then he says teach the older women.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: Now see, we don't ever ask about the women's age.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: So just so you know, we don't want to know what you think an old woman is.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: Teach the older women now.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: See, we don't ever ask about the women's age.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: So just so you know, we don't want to know what you think an old woman is.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: Teach the old women five things, four things I'm sorry to be reverent to their husbands, not giving the wine, not gossips, things like that.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: That they teach the younger women, now that would be you guys, that they should the younger women.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: That would be you guys that they should love their children, love their husband.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: That's a little premature for you.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: However, it's always interesting to me that women have to be taught to love their children.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: That seems strange to me, right?
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: But anyway, paul says teach them six or seven things to the younger women.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: Then he gets to the young men Raise your hand, dear young man.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: And he only says one thing he tells the old men six things.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: Old ladies four things, the young women seven things.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: The young men one thing.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: This is what he says Teach the young men to be sober-minded.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: Sober-minded what's the opposite of sober?
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: Anybody know?
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: If you're not sober, what are you Drunk, yeah.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: So what do you think he means when he says sober minded versus any other kind of minded?
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: Back in the back, what do you think?
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: Alcohol and sleep Do not like any dirty thoughts.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: Keep it out of your system.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's a good example.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: So if you're sober, you can think correctly.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: You can drive, probably make good decisions.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: If you're drunk, probably can't do those things.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: well, you had your hand up.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: What do you think?
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, good, so being sound.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: Another translation of that term, sober-ness, is sound mindedness or mentally disciplined, to be mentally disciplined in your thought life.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: So Paul is saying of all the problems young men could have and I was a young man so I know there's a whole long list of problems we could have the main thing you need to teach young men is to be sober minded.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: Now, that doesn't mean women don't need it or young girls don't need to learn that as well.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: But that same concept of sober mindedness is found when Paul writes to Timothy another pastor, younger pastor, in 2 Timothy 1.7, and he says God has not given us a spirit of fear.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: How many of you know what this verse says?
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: Anybody All right, he said, for God has not given us a spirit of fear.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: We're going to put fear on this side.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: But he's given us the spirit of love, power and a sound mind.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: All right, so we have contrasting ideas.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: We have fear on this side.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: God hasn't given us, god has not given us that.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: But on this side God has given us spirit of love, power and a sound mind, and a sound mind.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: So if I am in my sound mind, in my right mind, thinking correctly, I'm probably in a good place, I'm probably more accessible to what God is wanting to do in my life and I can think the way he thinks.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: Have the mind of Christ.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: If I'm over here on the side of fear, I'm not likely to have a sound mind, not likely to be able to love anybody, and probably won't have much power, because fear kind of dominates you, makes you feel weak, can paralyze you, and so we're talking about these general concepts that God wants us to be loving, have some power and control and have a sound mind, a good mind.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: So when you think about minding your mind or managing your mind, someone said you cannot stop a bird from flying over your head, but you can stop a bird from making a nest in your hair.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: Of course I would have a problem with that, but think about it, you cannot stop thoughts from coming across your mind, you can't not have a negative thought, you can't not be tempted.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: All those things are likely to happen, but what we're told in the New Testament is that we have a choice about what we do with those thoughts when they come.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: Because either when these thoughts come, they come as suggestions.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: We either say, yeah, I want to know more about that, let me think about that, let me focus on that, let me give my attention to that.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: Or we could say, yeah, that's not probably what I need to be thinking about right now.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna choose not to think about that, but to think about this, something else.
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: There's some common mistakes that we make when we're trying to have a sound mind or manage our mind and keep it thinking on the things we've talked about lovely, pure, right, good.
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: So one of those common mistakes is we give in to anxiety.
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: Anybody familiar with that word?
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: It's kind of a hot word right now, right, lots of anxiety going around.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: We just read Philippians 4.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: That said very clearly don't be anxious.
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: And so it gave us a formula.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: Instead of being anxious, what can we do?
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: Let's go back and think about that for just a minute.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: We can pray and petition God, thanksgiving with thanksgiving, present our request to him and then the God of peace, which transcends our understanding, will give us, guard, our, help us to guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus.
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: I recently read a scientific study that says the part of your brain that is anxious is the same part of your brain that is thankful, and that when you're anxious in that area of your brain, you can't be thankful.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: And if you're thankful in that area of your brain, you can't be anxious.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: That's a layman's, simple way of stating a scientific study.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: So, in other words, science has figured out that what God's Word said was true.
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: So when you're anxious.
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: We need to give thanks.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: That's how we combat anxiety and that's in Philippians 4.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: And we'll have that passage on your card that we're going to give you here in a minute.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: But we need to allow the peace of God to guard us.
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: So there are thoughts that fuel anxiety.
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: We call these thoughts what-if thoughts.
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: What-if fill in the blank.
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: So I'm going to ask you to participate a little bit.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: I want to hear some thoughts, some what-ifs.
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: I'll give you an example.
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: When I was a young mom and I had four little girls, I was so afraid.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: I felt so responsible.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: I was afraid something would happen to them, and so I would have all these what if thoughts.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: What if I'm in the grocery store with my four little girls and I pass out?
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: Who's going to take care of my little girls?
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: What if someone?
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: breaks into our house.
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: How are we going to protect our little girls so?
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: those are examples of what if thoughts.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: Can some of you guys participate and tell me some what-if thoughts you might have?
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: Good, good, good.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: He says the thoughts of what if there's a new kid and I go talk to them and they reject me?
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: What if, by the way, some of I go talk to them and they reject me?
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: What if, by doing something, my friends won't like me?
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: Good one, what if, by doing something, my friends won't like me?
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: I think we've probably all felt that, even at my age.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: What if I say something to that new person and they're like, wow, she's pretty forward.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: Lots of what ifs.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: So one way that I've learned to deal with what if questions in my mind is I have this little formula.
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: I say even though, fill in the blank, god, fill in the blank.
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: This means fill in the blank.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: So I will fill in the blank.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: So I will fill in the blank.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: So I'm going to give you an example.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: So, even though someone rejects me, god accepts me.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: Therefore, this means I'm never fully rejected.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: He's always with me.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: So I will do whatever.
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: I'll go talk to that person and even if they reject me, I'm okay because God doesn't reject me.
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: So we have to begin to use the Lord's word to help us to process those things.
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: So the wrong what if thoughts, the what if thoughts fuel anxiety.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: So anxiety is increased by uncertainty and not knowing what will happen.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: Like you said, what will they think?
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: What if I fail?
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: What if I make a fool of myself and embarrass myself?
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: And all of those what ifs are rooted in not trusting the Lord.
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: And he says don't be anxious, but in everything give thanks.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: So, as Elaine said, uncertainty fuels fear or anxiety, Because you don't know the answer.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: I mean, you have no way of knowing what's going to happen, so you're having to guess.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: It's like the guy with the gas can.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: You're approaching a situation and you're thinking I wonder what's going to happen.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: Will this new person like me, or will they reject me?
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: It's a risk, and so anxiety may cause you to shrink back and not take that risk and say, well, I'm just not going to go talk to that person because I don't want to take the risk of being rejected.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: What if I am rejected?
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: So one of the ways we can deal with uncertainty is we face off with it.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: So here's, here's the thing about fear.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: Fear is, let's say that this is fear and this is me.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: If fear is chasing me, I'm running away Like nothing in me is saying hang on, turn around and chase it Like no fear causes us to run right.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: It is counterintuitive for us to turn around and ask what is that Like?
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: What am I running from?
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: Exactly?
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: All right?
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: So this is, this is a tool.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: Getting back to what Elaine was saying, this is what we're encouraging you to do is face off when you're in uncertainties and begin to just look at them for what they are, Because a lot of times fear functions like a big bully lots of noise, lots of ooh.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: What if this happens?
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: Then once you call its bluff, so to speak, and say, well, like, bring your worst.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: And so one of the things we recommend in dealing with uncertainty is just to ask that very question what is the worst thing that could happen?
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: Now, something in your mind doesn't want to focus on that question because it can increase your fear, Because you don't want to think about it, you want to run away from it.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: But if you'll turn and discipline your mind long enough to say no, no, what is the worst thing that could happen?
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: If I walk up to this new guy, new student, and I say, hey, my name's Tim, how are you Glad you're here?
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: What's the worst thing that could happen?
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: Well, they could think I'm weird, I could get rejected.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: My other friends might say, well, that was dumb, Why'd you do that?
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: I mean, there's so many what ifs attached to that, risk, risk.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: But then think it through what if the worst possible thing actually happened?
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: What if the worst thing that would happen?
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: So somebody answer this question what is really bad about being rejected by a friend.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: What's the worst about that?
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: You feel embarrassed.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: Okay, what else?
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: Discarded, like you're not important, Somebody else Back row Just scratching your head over there.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: Okay, the worst thing that could happen, what would it be?
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: Now we're talking about talking to a friend, but let's talk about going to a birthday party, Maybe a classmate's birthday party.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: You're not best of friends, but the whole class is invited and your mom or dad said well, you're going because you're part of the class and you're like I don't really want to go because I don't think I know anybody and I don't think anybody really wants me there.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: So if that's your belief, nobody really wants me there.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: You're taking a risk by going because you're thinking what if I go and expose myself and then they're playing a game I don't want to play or I'm put in a position where I'm embarrassed?
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: I mean so many what ifs attached to something like that.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: So we're encouraging you to ask these questions what if the worst thing that could happen actually happens?
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: Where would God be in that moment?
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: Would he be present?
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: Would I be alone?
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: And if God allows me to be rejected or embarrassed, there must be a good reason for that, because he's my shepherd.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: Like if I'm put in a position that I don't want to be in, I have to trust number one.
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: I'm not alone in this situation.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: God is with me and he must be wanting to do something in me to grow me.
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: So you want to pass through that, wanting to do something in me to grow me.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: So Elaine's going to pass out these cards.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: And here's the thing about fear being on this side and love, power and sound mind being on this side.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: As Elaine said, you can't be on both sides at one time.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: You're going to have to choose one or the other, and most of the time we choose the path of least resistance.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: So if you do a trade-off, well, yeah, I might not meet that new friend, or I might not go to that party and I might miss out on something, but at least I'm not go to that party and I might miss out on something, but at least I'm not going to get rejected.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: So you choose to be safe rather than to have a sense of power, love and a sound mind.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: So Elaine quoted, or read these passages that are on the back this card is for you to take with you, but I want to walk through these circles with you.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: Briefly, it's just a simple tool.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: Hopefully it will be a mental image that you can remember, so I want to walk with me as you look at this card, I think this is the way this works, the way God wired us, the way we interact with other people.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: There is number one something happens.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: We call that a triggered event.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: There's something happens or something is said, All right, and then the next thing that happens is we interpret that whatever happened through our beliefs, and then we draw a conclusion which leads to the bottom circle, which is our feelings, our emotions, and then we usually tend to react out of our emotions.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to give you a couple of examples.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: Let's say that you're home alone, you're reading, it's quiet outside, it's dark and so silent and you hear a very loud rattle at the window.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: Okay, so that's your trigger.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: Something has happened, For whatever reason you believe, someone is breaking into your house, All right so that's what you believe is happening.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: You're in the middle of this.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: The next thing that happens is you have these feelings of fear, maybe panic, and then you're going to react out of that emotion.
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: Now, we don't know what your reaction might be.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: It might be different from ours or yours, mine, right.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: So somebody may call 911.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: That might be your reaction.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: You might scream, you might freeze.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: You know, we don't know what you're going to do, but you will react out of that emotion, because it's a powerful emotion.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: So that's the first example.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: Second example, same scenario.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: You're at home alone, it's quiet, it's dark.
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: Outside, you hear this very loud rattle at your window.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: Right, that's your trigger.
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: But in this second example, you interpret that noise as your neighbor's cat.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: That's what you believe it is.
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: Because you believe it's a cat, you don't panic, believe it's a cat, you don't panic, you don't call 911.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: You don't scream or freeze, because there's nothing to be threatened by.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: It's a cat.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: But here's the thing you don't know what it is.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: And in both of these scenarios, these examples, what I was experiencing emotionally was directly connected to what I believed was happening right then.
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: In that moment.
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: I believed it was a burglar, so I responded with fear and panic In the second example.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: I believed it was a cat.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: I was fine, I didn't have any kind of fear or anything like that, all right.
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: So the point of this little illustration is that what you believe is happening right now is going to impact you emotionally and chances are you're going to respond or react out of those emotions.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: So let me give you an example.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: Let's go back to the birthday party.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: Let's say the birthday party is in somebody's house and you have to go to the front door to get in.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: You can't, just it's not in the backyard.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: So you don't want to go to this party.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: You told your parents you didn't want to go, but you're in the class, you're going.
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: Here's your gift, have fun, okay.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: And you're just wondering man, this is just so hard, I don't want to go, but I know I have to go.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: So you get to the front door, you knock on the door and nobody opens the door.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: So you just open it and you walk in and there's like 20 people in the room and nobody notices you.
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: You're just standing there.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: This is your trigger and you're interpreting what you're seeing right now.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: You're interpreting this experience and you're believing what you were believing, before you ever got to that house, that nobody really wants you there, and the fact that they haven't recognized you or acknowledged you is proof that what you believed was true.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: So you get ashamed and embarrassed and you turn around, close the door, get back in the car and go home, or get on your bike or whatever your vehicle is.
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: So, that's an example of how we walked into a moment.
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: There was a trigger, I interpreted my circumstances, I had emotions of shame and I reacted by getting away from the situation.
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: Does that make sense?
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: So we make choices like that hundreds of times every day.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: You've been doing this since you've been in this room.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: Things are happening.
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: Things are happening, you're being triggered, you're interpreting something, you're having an emotion and you're reacting.
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: Maybe your reaction is just to sit and be still, but we're doing this constantly and this is part of minding our mind.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: This is part of the management of our thoughts To be able to slow it down, because what happens, this happens so fast you can't track it.
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's just rapid firing.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: So what we recommend is that you slow this down and you ask a couple questions.
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: So here's the thing Whenever someone says something, what's your name?
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: Green crop with the cross, michael.
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: So if I said to you Michael, would you come up here and sing the Star Spangled Banner for us?
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: Right, quick, okay, what?
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: How do you interpret what I just asked you to do?
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: I would not want to do that, okay, and then, why wouldn't you want to do it?
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: Do you know the song?
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but you can start it right, jose, can you see?
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: Okay, so you don't want to stand up here.
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: Why wouldn't you want to sing that?
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: You'd be embarrassed, but you don't think you would do a good job.
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: You think somebody would smirk at it and say what's he doing up there?
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: Why did he ask him to sing that song, stuff like that.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: So these are just examples of how we're doing this constantly.
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: We're constantly navigating comments, what people are doing, and we're interpreting through our belief about what's happening.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: So if I believe something that's not true, does that make it true?
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: let me say it again, if something is false and I believe it's true does that make it true?
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: Okay, so we have, as Christians, we have to believe that what makes a thing true is that God says it's true, it's real.
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: And so when?
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: It comes to Elaine's talking about our identity in Christ, who God says we are, then we have to be able to acknowledge okay, no matter what I feel, because what I feel, because what I'm feeling is attached to something I'm believing what I'm feeling may not be telling me the truth.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: I have to find out what the truth is Right.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: And so, in good relationships, we sometimes have to ask our friends hey, would you laugh at me if I went up there and sang the Star Spangled Banner?
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: How many of you would laugh at Michael if he came up here and sang, okay, we've got two.
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: How many of you would not laugh?
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: Okay, so more people would not laugh.
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: So if you had to choose which to take the risk on, would you take the risk on the people who would not laugh at you, or act on the people who would laugh at you, the people who would?
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: So thank you for being honest, because that's what we all tend to do.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: You could have a hundred people who say, yeah, you can do it if you've got two people saying that's stupid.
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't do that if my life depended on it.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: You might listen to the two people and not the other 98.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: Because we are susceptible to fear, and this is the whole point.
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: We have to become aware that we are vulnerable to fear, and this is the whole point.
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: We have to become aware that we are vulnerable to fear but that God has given us the equipment, the tools, the truth, the resources to combat that fear.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: Through minding our minds, and one of the ways we do that is to pay attention to our self-talk.
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: You guys know what self-talk is.
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: It's that talk that goes on inside your head when you're talking to yourself.
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: No one talks to you as much as you do.
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: No one gives input to you as much as you do.
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: So what Tim?
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: is talking about is our belief system, and we all have one.
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: We all have things we believe that we've chosen to believe.
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: And so we have to ask ourselves why do I believe this?
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: Do I believe it because it's true, or do I believe it because it's popular?
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: Or do I believe it for what reason?
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: And when we begin to do that and pay attention to our self-talk, we realize that we're telling ourselves some things that may not be true.
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: So we have to ask the Lord to help us recognize when our minds are running out of control and we're believing things that aren't true, what things are non-productive.
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: So in the beginning of this story I told we told you about our story.
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: We told you about meeting when we were young and getting married young and having a family coming to the Lord.
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: Well, we just thought life was going to be wonderful after that.
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: But we realized pretty quickly that we had a lot of work to do.
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: We had to untrain our minds, we had to retrain our minds to believe things that were true, that we had been believing our life, our entire life.
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: So we had to work together on that because we started believing things about one another.
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: That wasn't true.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: And we had to learn how to be vulnerable.
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: Be vulnerable with your friends and ask questions and try to get clarification.
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: The more we saturate ourselves with truth, with God's word, the more equipped we are to combat lies.
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: So we become what we behold.
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: So if we're beholding criticism, lies, negative talk, we begin to act on those things.
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: But if we're beholding, if we're saturating ourselves with truth, god's word, we begin to think more positively.
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: We go back to the passage on the back of your car in Philippians Think on these things what is true, what is noble, what is right, what is pure, what is lovely and admirable.
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: Think about just those few words and what it would be like to live a life that's thinking that way all the time.
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: So I want to ask you to be a little vulnerable right now.
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: And how many of you would say I think I think more negatively than positively?
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: Most of us, most of us do.
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: So what do you think would help you to begin to think more positively rather than negatively?
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: Do you think any?
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: of the tools we gave you today.
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: It's just a personal thing, a lot of times with sports or school, allowing myself to feel.
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: Because that's just kind of like a fear in life, but I always have to be able to have that expectation of myself.
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, just relaxing and letting yourself, giving yourself grace.
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: Giving yourself, grace, not being so driven so the tools that we've given you.
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: You know this cycle that Tim shared.
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: Can you see how that would work in any area of your life?
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: Can anybody share?
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: Would anybody be willing to share of an area that you're thinking about that it might work in?
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: I liked what you shared, because if you're thinking I have to be the best at sports and you fail, then you could get right here to the feelings part.
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: You go to the game and you fail and you interpret it it that I failed, so that makes me a failure, and then you start feeling like a loser, like I'll never, succeed.
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: And then you react.
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: And what's usually the reaction to that?
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: Fail more Fail more.
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: That is a really good observation that is insightful.
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: Because what happens?
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: you start feeling depressed and sad and guess what that does?
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: It spirals you downward into more sadness, more depression.
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: So we have to guard our minds to not go to those places, because that is not where God asks us to go.
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: See, because he knew.
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: He knew that you would be in this position, that you would have to exercise these mental muscles to be able to withstand what this world does to people.
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: Think about him and when he was going to the cross, think about the persecution that he endured.
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: I know you all know the story.
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: You've been around church long enough.
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: You know that Jesus endured a lot for us to be free.
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: And when you think about what he endured it kind of gives you a little oomph to be willing to endure a little bit just to be able to shine his light to those around you.
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: So I think this is a good tool that we can use and I think I hope you guys will take it and use it.
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: And I want to share this passage with you in james, chapter one, verses 2 through 4.
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: James said we need to count it all joy when we face various trials, knowing that the trying of our faith produces patience.
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: Let patience have its perfect work so that you may be complete or mature, lacking nothing, and I think let it have its yeah lacking nothing.
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: So these trials that you're going through, they're there for a reason they're there to strengthen you and help you to be more patient and more mature now, one thing you may not guess about Elaine, because she's kind of short is she was a basketball coach.
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: And how many of you have played sports?
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: Are you playing sports now?
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: Does your coach ever say shake it off?
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: What does that mean?
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: Don't forget that.
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like, who plays basketball, let me see your hand.
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: Who plays football, let me see your hand.
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: Baseball, okay.
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: So it doesn't matter what you play.
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: Your coach is probably going to tell you the same thing.
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: If you make a mistake in the first quarter of the game, let's say if you don't shake it off, then you're going to do poorly in the second quarter and then the rest of the game right, because that's on your brain, it's on your mind.
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: It takes mental discipline to shake it off, to say, okay, it happened, but I'm going to move on and I'm going to focus on what I need to do next.
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: I'm going to stop focusing on what I did, the mistake I made.
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: However, I failed.
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: I'm going to start focusing on what to do next.
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: So it's very important.
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: So I want to give you two questions and then we'll call it a day when you get to this feelings area, especially if you're dealing with fear, because you could be dealing with anger or shame or something else, but if you're dealing with anxiety or fear, I want you to ask this two questions.
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: Number one what do I feel threatened by right now?
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: What do I feel threatened by right now?
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: What do I feel threatened by, because when you heard the noise at the window and you thought someone was breaking in the house, that is a threat.
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: It's a threat to your safety, a threat to your life.
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: Rejection and being made fun of is a threat to your reputation, to your ego, sense of person.
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: So think about, okay, what do I feel threatened by?
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: Or another question which is very similar is what am I afraid of right now?
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: Because usually what's happening is that fear is causing you to be paralyzed, to stop moving and then ask what do I need to do next?
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: What do I need to do next?
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: What do I need to do next?
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: All right, we want to give you an opportunity if you have any questions that you'd like to ask, if anybody has something on their mind that they're like this is really hard.
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: This is something I've been going through.
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: What would you guys say would be a good way to deal with it?
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: So it's kind of a question-answer thing.
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: I think it would be a good way to try to block negative thoughts.
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: I think God's Word like the passages we gave you when you meditate on them.
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: One of the things I recommend, it's called saturation.
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: So if you want to learn a new song, if you want to learn the lyrics of a new song, what do you do?
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: Over and over and over?
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: Just listen to it, and sometimes you'll even get the lyrics out on your phone and you'll read along while the song is going on.
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: Well, that's what we need to do with God's Word.
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: We can listen to it with the Bible app, or we can read it while we're listening, and so we're using all of our senses and we need to take these passages these would be good ones to just commit to your memory, because when those situations come up, you know when I go through a hard time, because I've memorized James 1, I just say count it all joy I tell myself that because
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: who's talking to me more than anybody else.
• 47:35
  Speaker 2: So I start saying to myself count it all, joy when you face various trials.
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: This is a trial.
• 47:42
  Speaker 2: Knowing that the trying of your faith is for God to work out patience in you, you start internalizing those truths to where, when you get in the pickle, you just immediately have a response.
• 47:59
  Speaker 2: In 2016, I trained for a full marathon marathon.
• 48:07
  Speaker 2: It was a lifelong bucket list goal and one of the things I had to do is what you guys probably are aware of.
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: It's called a mantra you know I had to get things in my head.
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: So on marathon day, when my body was saying one thing head so on marathon day, when my body was saying one thing, my mind had to say something else.
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: The reality was my body was wanting to quit, I was hitting the wall.
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: But that's when my mind would say you are strong, you are going to finish this.
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: You don't quit One foot in front of the other.
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: Because I wanted to lay down.
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: I was like well, not for the marathon, but then later I did a 50K and that's the one that's like 31 miles, and so I looked at the ground and there were clovers on the ground and I was like just one minute, one minute, just let me lay down.
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: And my coach said do not stop.
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: If you stop, you'll never cross the finish line.
• 49:09
  Speaker 2: And that's what we want to tell you, guys, today Don't quit, don't stop.
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: There's something good on the other side of the line.
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: Persevere, because God's going to use you and do great things through you and your friends that are sitting next to you.
• 49:26
  Speaker 2: They need you to persevere, they need you to grow, because we're all in this battle together.
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: So let us pray for you.
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: Did anybody else have a question?
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: All right, after we pray, you'll go to your small, small group leader or you can go to the student building.
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: All right, let's pray.
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: Well, thank you for your presence in this place.
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: Thank you that you know each one of us by name.
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: You have a purpose for our life and even the hard things we go through you use to teach us and to develop us.
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: Lord, lord, your love for us is unexplainable.
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: It is beyond what we can imagine.
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: I pray that each person in this room, lord, would be able to face their fears and trust you in the hard things and rejoice and, as Elaine said, to be thankful instead of anxious.
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: And Lord, may these words and the passages that we cover today Rejoice and, as Elaine said, to be thankful instead of anxious.
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: And Lord, may these words and the passages that we covered today.
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: May they stick with us and may they give us life.
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: In Jesus' name, amen.