Latest / Brain Stories / Episode 17 - Brain Stories Connections: Aidan Park, What’s So Funny About Mental Health?

Transcript

Episode 17 - Brain Stories Connections: Aidan Park, What’s So Funny About Mental Health? · Brain Stories

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I went through some crazy stuff, okay?
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: I was brought to this country undocumented from Korea at age nine.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I was dropped off at grandma's government housing in San Francisco before it was pretty.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a young widow.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm HIV positive, okay?
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: And look, I'm literally one domestic abuser away from being a lifetime TV movie.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Some of you look nervous.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Don't get nervous.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: I know I just told you I'm HIV positive.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Look, listen, relax.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: You can't get HIV from jokes.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Very happy, healthy guy.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: You can be happy, healthy with HIV.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: I've had HIV now for 17 years, okay?
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: My HIV is almost old enough to buy cigarettes and lots more.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: He's starting college next year.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: We're very proud of him.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's community college, but still, we gotta start somewhere.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: That's Aidan Park, and this is Brain Stories Connections.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: Uncommon conversation about how we can do so much better around mental health and serious mental illness.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: Aiden is a stand-up comedian and author, no surprise, but he's also the founder of an organization that harnesses humor and arts for better mental health.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: Years ago, I was pitching Brain Stories to podcast production companies, and I tell them this show will tell intimate inside stories about mental health and serious mental illness.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: I got a lot of oh, that sounds depressing.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Well, there are a lot of ups and downs, as there are in all great stories, but there are also a lot of funny things that happen in this world, just like every world.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: But you know when you're in a conversation and someone says something critical about Buzz Killing and all you want is that great comeback zinger, and it's not until the next day or week that it actually pops into your head.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it's three years later, but now I have my zinger, and his name is Aiden Park.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: Enjoy this interview with him, and maybe it will inspire you to consider working on your own stand-up routine.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: Because as you're about to hear, you can get so much more out of it than laughs.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Brainstories Aiden.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: I want to dive right in.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: Why did you start doing stand-up comedy in 2012?
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so um I've done musical theater for uh a long time, you know, since high school.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: And um, as I started entering the professional world of musical theater, uh, I ended up only being cast in productions of Miss Saigon.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, there's gotta be more to life than Miss Saigon.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: And so um I decided to do stand-up comedy because people said it was funny.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I was like, okay, I'll let me try.
• 2:48
  unknown: Yeah.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: And what is your so when you were first started out, what did your routines consist of?
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: What was your material for that?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I think when I first started out, it was like uh, you know, general joke, like so, so I was very different.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm I'm a gay and I'm Asian.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm sure people can hear.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: They can't hear the Asian, but they can hear the gay.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so um surprise, you know.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and so uh I I was just talking about, you know, the the differences and I was just talking about my experience and stuff like that.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: Uh but I kept it pretty general.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't keep it, I didn't go into anything real vulnerable.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: I just kept it like like, you know, funny, general topics.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you know, yeah, I would say.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Did you have a favorite bit that you did?
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot, a lot of people asked me, you know, oh, hey, like, where were you?
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um when I say uh I'm Korean, people are like uh north or south, and uh, you know, I'm South Korean.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: And uh there was actually a girl, this actually happened.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: There was a girl who I was at a museum and I was looking at a world map, and she was standing in front of me, and she pointed to Korea and said to her friend, Korea, isn't that where that crazy guy's from?
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then she turned around, she saw me, and she literally went, Ah! And I looked at her and I was like, What did you say about my brother?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I pulled out my phone, I was like, you know, I look very scary.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: And um, but actually, I didn't do that.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just kidding.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, I was like, you know, girl, I actually I'm from Korea, but we're you know, I'm from South Korea.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: And we followed each other on Instagram.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: This actually happened, and I ended up at our wedding, and she's lovely.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: So we were kidding me.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, and uh, that was an old town in San Diego, so uh that's my um that was that that actually happened.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: So you started standing up in 2012 and you're doing your you're doing your routines.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um something else really important happened in 2012.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: You met someone um named Michael.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: Who was that?
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: And and tell me about how that got started.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so okay, so I'm a real quirky guy, right?
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like I you you can already tell I'm a real quirky guy.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: If you're seeing this on video, my fingers are all over the place.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I have magic hands, I have jazz hands that bend backwards.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: They've got a lot of energy.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, you know, I always grew up feeling like there was something wrong with me.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: I had a pretty tough uh start.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I was brought here undocumented by a single mother.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I was raised by my grandmother in um government housing in San Francisco and uh in a senior center kind of thing.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, and I had a lot of difficulty.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I was 19, I was homeless, um, and uh I got HIV when I was 19 years old, right?
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I had a lot of um shame, internalized shame around uh my experience as a person.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: So this man comes along and he's like, he the way he asked me out, he was like, hey, I really like you, but uh, I don't have a lot of money, so can I ask you out with a coupon?
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, how charming.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: This is good, that's so cute.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh, great.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: And he was like, oh, you like that?
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and I was like, yeah, of course I like that.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's adorable.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so we went, and then he was he and then he like doubled down on being cheap.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: So he took me to Hometown Buffet on our first date, and we both got in for$5 because he doubled up on the coupons.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: And so we walked in, and there was a the cashier, her name was Gloria, and I'm, you know, I'm I'm Aiden, so I see Gloria, the cashier, and is, you know, at 345 in Compton in Hometown Buffet.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, I start singing to her, and I'm like, Gloria, I think I got your number.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, Oh my god, you are crazy.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: And what is this?
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I love this.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, I'm gonna marry you.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: So we had the best time, and you know, he was.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: The relationship really took off from there.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: He was really important.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: He made me feel loved for all the things that I was ashamed about, like my big energy, um, my quirky outlook on life.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, he was also HIV positive.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, he really made me feel loved for um the person that I was, and okay to be not the picture of what I felt like I should be in order to be an acceptable person or whatever, you know?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: Plus you had the caterer for your wedding.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, hometown buffet.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: How are you gonna get any better than that?
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: I will I will I would have done that actually.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think I think it's so funny that that that was our spot.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: So you had that sounds that sounds lovely.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: You had a great a great bunch of years, and then Michael grew ill in 2017 or so.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: What happened then?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so in 2018, um, in March, uh one day we were driving, um, and uh he had these lymph nodes that got huge all of a sudden.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: And um, yeah, he he had he was diagnosed with cancer, and uh within three months he was gone.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um I took care of him to his last days.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: And uh Yeah, and like even to the end, he really loved me.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: He he um I remember like when I was in the hospital, he was like, hey, like, I'm I'm I'm really sorry that you have to spend your you know birthday in the hospital with me, so I'm gonna give you two birthdays and two Christmases, you know.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, oh great.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then typical man, you know, he lied.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: I never saw any of it.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: And um he was he was right up until the end.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: He lied, he kept his character, he loved me.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: He was like, hey, I don't want you to spend any money on taking care of my body, okay?
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because uh, look, you already spent enough money.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I just found out that at USC, um, if you don't claim the body, they'll cremate the body for you.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: So all you need to do is just not answer their call when they say, you know, to claim the body.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: So um I want you to save some money on cremation.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Just pick me up afterwards.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I I I was like, this is true to character.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: You know, so he was looking out for me.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I I, you know, I I I loved that man and um, yeah, he made me feel loved in a way that I I never thought was possible, you know, for all the good and the bad and all that.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: So that was really special.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: And how did you do after you lost him?
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: It must have been a huge loss.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I lost, I lost my my mind.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: So um, you know, I told you all of those um traumas that I had growing up.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um I, you know, I when I was 19 years old, um, you know, as a homeless HIV-positive uh young man um with a lot of shame, right?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um I fell into the empowerment world and I was just kind of told to kind of push ahead, right?
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: And get things done.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I never dealt with the emotional end of things.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so all of those emotional wounds that I had came rushing back, and now I had nobody to tell me that I was okay or that I was lovable, and I I didn't know what to do.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: And um I thought, okay, like I don't even want to be alive, really.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't I didn't want to be here.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: So you went through uh you went through this this really serious downstage um where you it got so serious you even, as I as you said, considered taking your life.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: How did you find a way to get through that?
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um well I didn't at first.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: I I uh um at first I started smoking meth, uh which's one way to get through, not the healthiest.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: And then also I decided I was like, okay, well, you know, if that's not gonna work, then um I'm gonna go ahead and um I'm gonna work.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna work.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna work so hard that I'm I'm not I'm not gonna feel this.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so I started taking every road gig I possibly could.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that led to a panic attack.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and that was that was really terrible.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: And um I really um I I reached a point of mental health breakdown when, you know, my mom called me.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: She saw how horribly I was doing.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: She said, Hey, I I um I want you to stay alive for me.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because, you know, when your grandmother passed, I I there were moments where I really wanted to go, and I stayed alive for you.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I told her at that time, I said, Well then, mother, we should both kill ourselves because I don't want to do this.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: And um, you just you're if you're just here for me, you don't have to do that.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: You can just go too.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: We can just both go.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to do that.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: I wish I I I don't want to do this.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And she was so scared, and I was so scared, actually, because I mean, I did I ever imagine that I would say something like that to my mother?
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Can you imagine?
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so I was like, oh my gosh, if I don't figure out how to be happier, I'm going to die.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um And what did you do to figure out how to be happier?
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: I started researching happiness.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, okay, well, what is happiness?
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I started looking at what is happy.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Well, what is happy?
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know, what what can we say about that?
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: What is, you know.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um and luckily, you know, because of my world, uh my studies in the empowerment world, I knew how to like kind of structure things and kind of quantify things in a way that for me, it's really important for concepts to hold water.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: And just really briefly, one sentence.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, what is the empowerment world?
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: We're talking Tony Robbins, we're talking neurolinguistic programming, we're talking landmark forum, we're talking Est, we're talking those kinds of like empowerment business training.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I I How you take control of your own life.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um it was very helpful at the time, you know.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: It just never dealt with my emotion, right?
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: And like I remember one time I was like crying in the serial aisle.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh my God, Michael.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember when Michael was there, we would argue in the serial aisle because I would always pick up, I don't know, Cheerios for health, and he'd be like, oh, lucky charm is for fun.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, dude, like I'm trying to lose weight.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, you don't need to lose weight.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: You're perfect, you're beautiful, you gotta leave yourself alone.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: And there I was with my Cheerios, with no one to tell me to leave myself alone, to tell me I'm beautiful, to tell me to take it easy.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: One of the real um uh feelings that I was feeling was loneliness.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I actually started studying loneliness.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: And loneliness is interesting because it's this concept, like where if you have a lot of shame inside, that's loneliness.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: And shame will make it so that, like, okay, so I'm let me use an example.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm HIV positive, but I don't feel comfortable sharing that with you.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to hide the fact that I'm HIV positive from you, and I'm gonna present Aiden without HIV.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: But that HIV that's back there, that's loneliness.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: It is the feeling that I will not be accepted for who I authentically am, only the image that I put.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: So the more shame pockets you have, the worse it is, right?
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I was like, okay, so I guess what I need to do is try to integrate this because I don't want to feel lonely.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: And so I started working all of those shame pockets into my stand-up comedy and doing it on stage.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: I was like doing HIV jokes, I was doing like suicidal ideation jokes, um, I was doing depression jokes like intentionally.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: And at first I didn't, I don't, I don't want to get into, you know, I was doing I was the Hollywood improv, I would make the front row cry, and I didn't mean to.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: I just the jokes were new, they were raw, and I I just but it made me feel better because always there would be people who would come up to me afterwards and they'd be like, hey Aiden, like I'm going through this too.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: Or people with HIV was like, you know, I actually also have HIV and I don't talk about this, you know, with anyone, but but um so and it was so scary.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: I I was like, because at first one of my big reasons why I was lonely was because I was telling everybody I was fine.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't fine, right?
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: So it was very hard at first.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: But what I realized is like the more I shared, the more positive reception I received, especially through comedy.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: Though there was like um, there's laughter, and then there's like, oh, I get you, I feel you laughter that I was hearing, like, huh, I know what that feels like.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I realized, wow, so many people, so many people.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so by systematically attacking these things, the emotions and the negative emotions and the loneliness, um my business mentor, um, Inette Morton, who I I deeply love and respect, she said, you should write a book about this, actually.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, oh, okay.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I I was using stand-up comedy to trial and error jokes that I would put in the book.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's called The Art of Being, I wanted to call it the Art of Being Gay, because I thought gay, happy, gay, gay, ha ha.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: But my editor was like, you can't call it that.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody's gonna think you're trying to turn the world homosexual.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, please, I stopped trying to do that a long time ago.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody just cries after.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's a funny joke.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, um, so I w I called it the art of being yay.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's about being happy.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I released it, and uh Margaret Cho wrote the foreword for me on that, and it took off and it became a thing.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: Then that led to like National Alliance on Mental Illness or American Foundation for Suicide Prevention or um, you know, mental health orgs wanting me to share my stories through humor and uh the emotional concepts I learned, right?
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I would do like Widows Camp.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um there's a there's a place called Widows Camp.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um because it's a very unique experience losing a loved one.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um it's not something that everybody understands.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I would go there every year and yeah, do do this um yeah, do do this uh widows camp.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I was a presenter and yeah.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_01: So you're going around and you're doing all kinds of things as a result of this book and uh having a lot of success at it, and that's great.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: And then 2020 comes along and COVID hits.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah um not the best thing for um stand-up, the stand-up comedy business.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um you have this you have this this fourth wish from your fourth grade to go to Montana.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's on your bucket list.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: And so you go to Montana, what happens there?
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I'm not dying without seeing Montana.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I I drove to Montana, and I'm actually right now, this is Montana, I'm in Missoula.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: I I came here to host a prevention specialist conference for a University of Montana.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's very interesting.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, um, so I drive myself to Missoula and I end up in Kalispell, right?
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: And Kalispell, I through a set of circumstances, I meet this kid named Vincent Carr.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: And Vincent Carr is his dream is to perform at the Laugh Factory.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um and he is a local comedian that's trying to develop a comedy scene.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, cool.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I meet his fiance, I meet his best friend, um, I meet so many people who I'm like so so close with, right?
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: And uh we keep talking, and um but he had a bit of an alcohol issue, and um he also struggled with suicidal ideation.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: And one day I get a phone call, and they're like Aiden sit down, and I'm like, I just knew, I knew so we lose Vince, and uh yeah, and I'm like, oh my god.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: So um, so we're like, what do we do to as a as a celebration of life?
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: And and we know Vince Vince is has a really dark, kind of twisted sense of humor.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and Vince is just so we decide to do a memorial show, right?
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: And so we we do a stand-up comedy to honor him.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so we decide to make the show a yearly event.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so I come to Montana every year.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: And this is why I'm so encouraged about the world, because you know, people are like, oh, you know, you're going to Montana, ooh, right?
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh, you're a gay Asian guy going to Montana.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I go there.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: I come here and I talk about how it was undocumented.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: I talk about how I lost my partner, I talk about my suicidal ideation, I talk about HIV.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: And people, I love rural people because rural people have this attitude.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: They're more interested in relational.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: They are the it they they have they might have an idea of what a gay, once undocumented HIV potter person is like.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: But once they feel a sense of relational uh, you know, with you, they often will choose that over what they thought because they're so uh because of the the community is so important to to these you know small towns, right?
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: And so when I would do this, 90% of the audience do not shut off.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: You can see it.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um they're still engaged, they still want to know about you.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: And um, so I I was very moved by that.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: And one year I decided to do that, I was doing a show, I did my HIV bit, and there was a veteran in the audience, right?
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: And he's this tall guy, scary guy.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: He's like he comes up to me afterwards, he's like, hey, you have HIV, and I'm like, oh my god, I'm gonna die, or walk out with a boyfriend.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what's gonna happen.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: And um, he goes, uh Yeah.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: I am a veteran and I have PTSD.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: I have a really hard time leaving the house.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: But I left the house today, I wanted to see your comedy show, and I've always wanted to do comedy.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, man, it's harder to leave the house.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: I know what it's like to handle a daily condition.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, wow.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, So you've always wanted to do comedy?
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: He goes, Yeah.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like, alright.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: So the next time I'm up here, I put together a workshop for him, his wife, and a couple veterans.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: And uh they opened for me.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: A workshop of what?
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_01: Of stand-up comedy.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: So you said to him, I will help teach you how to do stand-up comedy?
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_01: This is a guy who hardly ever left his house.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: His name is Brian Knutson.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and he's like, Okay, he's not silent.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, okay.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: And his wife, Beth Knutson, who is also amazing, right?
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: So, um, so they take my workshop, and uh at this point, one of my best friends has.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Become Vince's best friend, Nick Kynette, who is a professional comedian now.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: And we all do the show together and it lands really well.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: And Brian goes on stage and his jokes are so fun.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, you know, I never thought I'd be learning comedy from a gage, and here I am.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, look, listen, I uh I, you know, uh Aiden and I, we have a lot in common.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we're friends, you know.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: We both get screamed at by aggressive men before getting screwed.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, which is great.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: You know, A plus.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: And uh that gets an applause break, and he's so happy, and then Kara, Vince's ex-girlfriend, uh ex-fiance, excuse me, sees this and goes, you know, we really should like start something.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: This is great.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so she and Nick kind of figure out like how much it would cost to start an org.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: And so Montana raises the funds to start the Yay Foundation to start a not-for-profit org.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: And what is what is the Yay Foundation?
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_01: Tell us what that is, and like the the elevator pitch of that, if you can.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: We uh so it started with we use comedy and humor as a tool for mental health advocacy, but um, we've expanded kind of beyond that now.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we drive positive shifts through um culture.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: Uh well cult through culture, through arts, humor, and heart.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: Heart, wait, is it is it humor, arts, and heart.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's what we're kind of going for, right?
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: So um Yeah.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: So that's that's where we are.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: We start that in 2022.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's kind of it's blown up.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: So now we have like 25, 30 projects a year.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um I'm flying around everywhere doing this.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: Uh we have 60 volunteers, we have um a hundred partnering orgs nationwide.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we serve 11 states, we go to Europe.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um, what are some of the kind of communities that you've you've done this with?
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so uh one of the key communities is uh Libby, Montana.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: So when Kara did this, I was like, Kara, Kara's the uh Vince's fiancé.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, Kara, how can I help you?
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what should we do?
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: And she goes, Can you help my hometown Libby?
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: Great.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I drive myself to Libby, and it's the home of asbestos.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: And uh they were a logging town, but the environmentalists came in, and then now they are not allowed to log.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: And it's 90 miles from the nearest city, and it has a lot of poverty and depression, and it needs a lot of help.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I team up with the Lincoln County Health Department, and we run a program for high schoolers there.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I go back uh twice a year now to Libby.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um and they uh introduce me to um the Montana mental health field.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: And uh that's why I'm working.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: So we're some of the communities that we have coming up, uh Deer Lodge, Montana.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um I'm going to a place called Haver, Montana.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um we're Butte, Montana.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_01: None of these is a big city.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you really have gone to lots of tough small places, but it's it's is it about the the healing as much as it is about the actual comedy?
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: My passion actually is connection, actually.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: I I like connection.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: So when I grew to like a small town like Libby, the the stigma is so high, right?
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: So someone who's struggling with depression, someone who's struggling with loss, they don't talk about it.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: So stand-up comedy is a way for these people to be able to tell their story and be positively received for something they're really vulnerable, right?
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: Through an art form.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so um I'll run a workshop and people are talking about these, you know, surviving domestic violence, PTSD, um, you know, medications, uh recovery, all of those experiences that have a high stigma.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: But through comedy and a very scientific set of punchline format, which I'm very confident in, um, I think I've trained maybe like 400 people um in my career.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um so if we go to like Libby, Montana, right?
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I taught these people how to do comedy, they're like, oh my gosh, like uh Frank, uh our our uh hardware store manager is is gonna do stand-up.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: So we frame it as stand-up.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: And if you frame something as stand-up, you'll get a hundred people.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: Whereas if you frame it as a workshop, you'll get like three people.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's nobody, it's just stigma's too high now, right?
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: Especially in small towns.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: So Frank, the hardware guy, is gonna go on stage and talk about the loss of his mother and how that impacted him in a funny way.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: And people are not, people relate, they go, oh, I I'm familiar with loss, they understand Frank better, and it brings the community together like in a real way.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and we partner with local orgs to have like a resource fair so that people can be connected to resources as needed in a non-stigmatized sort of way and frame it as like a celebration of stories.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a really um special thing.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I've gotten to meet so many great people, I'm just really happy that I get to do this.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like, who have thought?
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm like this kid from Korea, and now I'm now I'm I didn't even learn English till I was 10.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, now I'm teaching English.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: What is this?
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_01: See, it's it's really it's really impressive.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I think you know, combining comedy with the ability to tell really deep personal stuff that that we're vulnerable about is sounds so powerful.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_01: Is it do you think it's that the comedy disarms us?
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_01: Why does comedy allow us to do that?
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: Comedy is framed around fun, right?
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: When you think workshops I I'm a big believer, anything you do, it has to be fun.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: It has it's gotta be fun.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_00: I I just don't think it nobody, not nobody, I think unless you're in such a position of high need, you're unlikely to go to a mental health workshop, right?
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like people will go to comedy shows because it's fun.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so someone with a lower need that isn't past the threshold of needing help, right?
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: Someone who might be struggling a little bit with depression, but is still manageable, will go to a comedy show and they can see other people have this experience.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_00: They can connect with people who have a similar experience.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a great prevention tool, actually, I think.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_01: So comedy's prevention.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_00: I think so.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_01: If people, if our listeners want to find out more about the Yay Foundation and where to get your book, how do they do that?
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so you can go to the ye foundation.org.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_00: Y-A-Y, Yay, YeFoundation.org.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_00: Theyefoundation.org.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: The last question I have for you.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: How is your own mental health these days?
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's pretty good.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: It just never ends.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't end though.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: There's no ending point.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's not like, you know.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: But um, and it's interesting because as the or the organization, as it's growing, it's making me hit up against my my own, you know, weaknesses and and and, or not weaknesses, like my positions that maybe may not be serving me.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_00: I would say this though.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: I think back in 2018 when I lost Michael, I was in a state of emergency.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_00: There was a lot of triggers that was coming up, and um, it was very um volatile.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's like less about like managing emergencies and more about growing and like, oh, I see this is in the way of growth.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: Let's look at that.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a lot my um, I would say it's I have this position like there's there's not, I'm I don't have this urgency, like, oh my god, I gotta take care of this or that.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's more like I wanna go there and oh, look, I didn't know I had this belief that, oh, I oh, I need two people, please, to get over there.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know that I had that belief and I see the consequences there.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_00: Let's look at that, rather than this visceral uh triggered state.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I would say I'm a lot more even.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that took a lot of work.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_00: It took like a lot of many, many hours and months of just sitting with my emotions and just sitting and sitting.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: Sitting.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_01: So how is it how's it going to a grocery store these days?
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm fine.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's funny because um, you know what happens is um exposure therapy.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_00: So like I would do these, I would I'm kind of crazy.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_00: I I would say, let's say we have a deep sense of grief, and leaning into it is actually a way through it.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's like this pocket of emotion that if you focus on it, it kind of releases the tension around it.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm so proud.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_00: I've done enough of work on it that I don't feel really like, wow, you know.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_00: I still get those, but like not that often.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm I'm pretty I you know what?
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm doing pretty good.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: I would say I'm doing that's pretty good.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's pretty good.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_01: Aiden, thank you so much for coming on the show and telling your story and doing the work that you do.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_00: This was fun.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for coming out to our show.
• 31:29
  unknown: Yeah.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_01: It was a lot of fun.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_01: If you have a chance to catch Aiden Park anywhere doing a show, I highly recommend it.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_01: He's funny, and it turns out it's often a healing experience.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for coming on to Brain Stories.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.