Latest / Deep Thoughts / Why do you keep sabotaging your own growth?

Transcript

Why do you keep sabotaging your own growth? · Deep Thoughts

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Welcome back everyone. Today we're diving into something maybe a
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: bit less talked about than its counterpart. We spend a
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: lot of time exploring the fear of failure, but what
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: about the fear of success? It sounds whoa paradoxical, doesn't
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: it fearing the very thing we say we.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: Want it really does.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: So the big question for our deep dive today is this,
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: what if holding back what feels like maybe laziness or
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: lack of motivation, what if it's actually rooted in a deep,
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: perhaps unconscious fear of what happens if we achieve our goals.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: That's a powerful question. And I think this fear it
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: tends to fly under the radar. It disguises itself. How
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: so well, think about procrastination. We usually label it poor
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: time management, maybe a lack of discipline, but sometimes it's
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: acting like a subconscious.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Break, a break to stop us from succeeding exactly.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: Or consider extreme perfectionism. On the surface, it looks like
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: high standards, but if nothing is ever perfect enough to release,
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: you never actually complete the task the potential success ah, so.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: It guarantees you stay in the trying phase, not the
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: achieved phase.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: Precisely, and then there's that nagging imposter syndrome, feeling like
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: a fraud, even when you have objective evidence of your
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: competence or creative blocks. These can all be symptoms. Weighs.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: This underlying anxiety about success manifests itself.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: It's like a hidden narrative telling you don't go there.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: It's safer not to fully try.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: That's a good way to put it. Yeah, because success, fundamentally,
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: it demands change, personal growth.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: And change can be uncomfortable.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: Very success might mean letting go of parts of your
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: life that are familiar, even comfortable routines, or sometimes relationships
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: that don't fit the new reality.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: Your brains tend to like familiar, don't they even a
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: familiar discomfort.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: Absolutely the comfort zone, even if it's not particularly satisfying.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: It's known stepping out, even towards something better, can feel
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: genuinely unsettling, almost threatening on a subconscious level.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: And you see this reflected in behavior.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: Oh, Definitely, things like waiting until the last minute so
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: you have an excuse if the outcome isn't great, or
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: filling your time with busy work tasks that feel productive
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: but don't move the needle on the big goals.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: That sounds very familiar, almost like self sabotage.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: You can certainly look like that, or getting stuck in analysis, paralysis,
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: overthinking everything so you never actually have to act. You
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: might talk about the goal, but there isn't that full
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: one hundred percent commitment behind it, So it's.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: Less about organizing your calendar and more about understanding your
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: mindset fundamentally.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: Yes, it's often an internal resistance to the potential shift's
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: success might bring.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: It's interesting because so much personal development focuses on bouncing
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: back from failure, building resilience.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: Right, we talk a lot about picking yourself up after a.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: Fall, but we don't talk nearly as much about the
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: emotional weight, the responsibility. Maybe that comes with actually succeeding.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: That's a crucial distinction. Success isn't just sunshine and rainbows.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: It can bring challenges. Suddenly, there are higher expectations, perhaps
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: from yourself, perhaps from others. More pressure, definitely more pressure.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: You might lose some privacy. Success can unfortunately attract envy
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: or misunderstanding from people who don't quite get your journey.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: It could even lead to feeling isolated.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: Maybe it can't, and there's a new fear that arises
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: the fear of losing what you've gained. Once you have success,
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: you have something tangible to potentially lose.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: So in a strange way, failure can almost feel safer.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: Psychologically counterintuitive, but yes, failure might confirm existing negative beliefs
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: you hold about yourself. See I knew I couldn't do it. It's painful,
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: but if it's a known narrative. Whereas success, success disrupts
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: that narrative. It challenges those old beliefs. It forces you
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: to update your self concept to become someone capable of
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: handling this new reality, these new achievements. It demands a
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: kind of psychological adjustment.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: There's another layer here too. Isn't there something about success
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: intersecting with guilt even survival instincts.
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: Yes, particularly for individuals perhaps in back grounds with significant hardship,
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: or maybe marginalized communities, achieving a level of success that
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: significantly separates you from your origins can trigger really complex feelings.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: Guilt is a big.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: One, Guilt over leaving people behind or being different.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: Both potentially subconscious questions bubble up. Do I still belong here?
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: And by betraying my roots by becoming this successful person?
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: Can I handle feeling like an outsider in my own
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: community or even my family.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: Wow, that's heavy stuff, it is.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: And these feelings can be so powerful that people might
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: unconsciously sabotage themselves. They might downplay their abilities, minimize their wins,
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: essentially keep themselves small to maintain that sense of connection
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: and belonging.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: So the goal shifts subconsciously from achieving the outward success
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: to maintaining the inward sense of belonging exactly.
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: It becomes less about the achievement itself and more about
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: this primal need for social safety, for connection. The internal
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: logic might be, if success means I'll be all or
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: cast out, maybe it's not worth it.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: That really highlights how deep this can run. But is
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: there another way to look at success? Can it be reframed?
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: I believe so. Instead of seeing success purely as an
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: individual climb, potentially isolating you at the top, what if
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: we see it as an opportunity for collective uplift.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: Collective uplift meaning.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: Meaning your personal growth, your achievements. They don't have to
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: separate you. They can actually serve as inspiration. They can
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: show others what's possible, perhaps encourage them to pursue their
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: own growth.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: So shifting the fear of being different into maybe recognizing
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: the power in collective advancement, Like, if I can do this,
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: maybe it opens doors for others too.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: Exactly, it becomes less about standing out and more about
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: lighting the way or expanding the realm of possibility for
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: the group. Success seen this way can have a positive
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: ripple effect. It extends beyond you.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: That's a much more empowering frame. Let's talk brain science
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: for a moment. How does something like neural plasticity fit
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: into the sphere.
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: Ah, neuroplasticity the brainane's ability to rewire itself. It's key here.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: When we consistently visualize a desired future and critically take
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: actions aligned with that vision, we strengthen the neural pathways
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: associated with it. We literally build a brain for that future.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: Okay, so visualization and action rewire the brain towards the goal.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: Yes, But here's the flip side related to fear of success.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: If your subconscious mind has linked success with negative outcomes,
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: maybe danger learned from past experiences, maybe the threat of abandonment,
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: maybe overwhelming.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: Pressure, then the brain resists building those pathways.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: Precisely, it will actively try to avoid strengthening those neural
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: connections because they lead towards something perceived deep down as
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: unsafe or undesirable. The brain prioritizes perceive safety, even if
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: that safety means staying stuck.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: That makes me wonder, could this fear of success actually
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: be like an old program running a survival mechanism from
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: a past version of ourselves, maybe childhood That just isn't
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: relevant anymore.
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: That's a profound question to ask oneself. Is this fear
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: protecting me from a current danger? Or is it an
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: echo of the past? Is it outdated internal software?
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: And if it is outdated software, how do we consciously
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: update it? How do we overcome this?
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: Well? There are strategies. One powerful exercise is journaling, but
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: maybe not just about the fear of success. Journal about
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: the real, tangible, negative consequences of not achieving your potential
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: over time. What's the cost of holding back five ten
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: years down the line?
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: Focusing on the pain of staying the same rather than
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: the fear of changing.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: Exactly, it can flip the motivation. Another key is combining
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: visualization of success, not just with the achievement itself, but
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: with feelings of safety and imagining strong support systems around
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: you In that success.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: So rewiring the association success, safe and supported yes, and.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: Creating what you might call success rituals, small consistent actions
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: that replace old self sabotaging patterns with habits that reinforce
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: well being in case ability, especially when you do achieve milestones,
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: acknowledge the win integrated healthily.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: That sounds practical.
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: What about the environment crucial? Surrounding yourself with people who
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: genuinely celebrate growth, yours and their own, and who encourage authenticity,
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: not playing small, people who aren't threatened by your light, and.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Maybe changing the internal questions.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: We ask ourselves absolutely, instead of constantly running the what
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: if I fail scenario, consciously practice asking, Okay, what if
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: this actually works out spectacularly, what's the best case scenario?
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: And how can I prepare myself to handle that reality.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: Shifting focus from preventing failure to preparing for success.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: It changes the entire mental landscape.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: So wrapping this up, it seems the core idea is
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: that when we find ourselves holding back, not giving our all,
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: it might not be a character flaw, not laziness or
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: lack of discipline.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: It might actually be a form of self protection. Deeply
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: rooted in this fear of what success might bring or
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: what it might.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: Cost, and recognizing that the world actually benefits from the full,
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: authoruthentic version of ourselves, not the version playing small.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, we're arguably meant to push boundaries, to redefine what's possible,
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: not just for ourselves, but maybe as an example an
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: inspiration for others too.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: So a final thought for everyone listening, The next time
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: you feel that hesitation, that resistance to really putting yourself
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: out there, take a moment ask yourself, is this genuine
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: tiredness or is it perhaps a subtle fear of what
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: might happen if you truly succeed. Thank you for tuning
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: in to this episode of the Deep Thoughts podcast. I
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: hope you found insights and inspiration to take with you
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: on your journey of self growth. If you enjoy the show,
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: be sure to hit the subscribe button so you never
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: miss an episode, and don't forget to follow us on
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: social media to stay updated on new releases and exclusive content.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: See you next time, where we'll continue to help you
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: grow and explore your full potential