Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Better Than Ever | a conversation with Sheila Qualls

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Better Than Ever | a conversation with Sheila Qualls · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Hi friends, welcome back to the Simply Wholehearted Podcast.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are new around here, I'm so glad you've joined us.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Here at Simply Wholehearted, we are sharing our journey as we discover how to better love the Lord with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: And even though you might be surrounded by a world of half-heartedness, we hope to inspire you to living wholeheartedly as our friends share their stories and simple ideas of how they practice reach over perfection in their everyday.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Besides getting to hear from today's guests, I'm gonna answer some more of your Aneagram questions and share some meaningful minute inspiration, so make sure you keep listening after our conversation.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: Also, today's PSA is about midterm elections.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's already that time of year.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: This next Tuesday, November 6th, we all need to get out and use our freedom to express our thoughts with our vote.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: There is much to say on this topic, but if you'd like a quick overview, I think you should listen to our podcast with Katie Roselli.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's episode number 59, which gives you several good reasons to get involved this election season.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Today, Sheila is back with us to share what men are really wanting from their wives.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: You might remember Sheila from way back on episode number six, where we talked about shame and how to find victory over the lies in our lives.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: I so appreciate her no-nonsense approach and godly counsel.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Whether you are married or not, I think you'll gain some great insight from this conversation.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: Now, did you take another kid off to school this year?
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Are you guys just checking it out?
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, actually, we took another one to school.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_02: Um actually, he graduated um from a junior college and then he transferred to Texas State.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_02: So he is now he went from New Mexico to Texas.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, so a little bit closer.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_02: Kinda, not really.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_02: Closer to our families.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_02: Definitely closer to our families.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Gotcha.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Gotcha.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: No, I was thinking you were down in Texas because that's kind of where you're from, but you actually are up in Minnesota.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Minnesota.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Are you guys enjoying the seasonal change?
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Are you guys in the thick of the height of fall or is it kind of passed?
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know what?
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_02: It's really weird because normally this time it's really cold.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_02: We've only been here, I think the last time I spoke with you, we had just moved, yeah.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like the day you moved in.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, literally.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_02: It's crazy.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_02: Um we um and it was it's normally been cold when we've been up here like the two past years, but this year for some reason it is really warm.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_02: It is absolutely beautiful outside.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_02: It's like in the 60s, and like the leaves have turned, but they're not all off the trees.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_02: It hasn't snowed yet.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_02: We had a little bit of snow, but it didn't stick, it was just kind of like a flurry kind of thing.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, okay.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_02: And then it warmed right back up.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_02: So um we're enjoying the weather while we can.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I actually think Minnesota is beautiful.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it it really is.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_02: It is a beautiful place.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_02: So is Ashley not working with you anymore?
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know, she is occasionally, she has had to kind of step into a new season for her, and um, so she is gonna be able to join me for the podcast right after with you.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: And she wanted me to tell you hi, and she was sad to miss.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: But this season's been a lot of just me.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, she was able to join me for Mo Isams podcast.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And um, have you read her book?
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's Sex Jesus and the Conversation the Church um I haven't meets out.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: I think you'd really, really appreciate, especially age of your kids and all the things that you talk about.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because now you're speaking.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: We we when we had you last time, we were talking about shame and redirecting the inner voice, and um, especially from the mom perspective.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: And you've gotten to have fun exploring what you want to talk about, and I think it's so great we need more voices on this.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: So tell us, tell us kind of what caused you to turn direction a little bit and kind of what your heart and your message is right now.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_02: Um, well, actually, um, you may remember the last time we spoke, I was actually in the process of co-authoring a book with a friend.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_02: And I just decided that, you know what, that really God was not really speaking to me on that subject.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_02: Gotcha.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_02: At least not in that way.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't really feel that.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_02: So um I really wrestled with it for a little while.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and just decided that, you know what, I really I had I feel like God had been speaking to me about marriage for many, many years.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_02: And I didn't want to talk about marriage.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I was like, God, um, you've got the wrong girl.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I'm I'm not that girl.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_02: And it's not even marriage specific, it's wives.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_02: It's being um being the kind of wife that God wants you to be.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I just literally I just felt like he had been speaking to me about that for years.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_02: And I had just been saying, No, God, no, you've got the wrong girl.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_02: It's not me.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I actually um found a journal entry from literally 10 years ago.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, wow.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_02: When um we were at a church when we lived in Michigan, and um one of our small group um studies was on what do you think God wants you to be doing with your life and why aren't you doing it?
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_02: And in that entry, I wrote, God wants me to be ministering to women in their marriages.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_02: And the next question was, Why aren't you?
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_02: And it was like, I just don't want to do that.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I just don't feel that I'm the girl for that.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_02: So it had just been a long time coming, and I I just said, Okay, Lord, if this is where you want me, this is where I'm gonna be.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_02: And so this is where I am.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_02: So I changed the ministry focus.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_02: My blog is now called The Not So Excellent Wife.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_02: Which is great.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_02: Because we're all not so excellent in so many ways.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we want to be, we just, you know, the perfection does not happen.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_02: You know, we all strive for that and we all think we're failing.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and we're not failing, you know, we're not failing.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_02: Um, that's the way that God designed it to be.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_02: You know, we all look at the Proverbs 31 woman and we think, oh my gosh, I could never be that.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_02: But that's not a woman at one point in time, that's over the course of the lifetime, you know, it's different seasons of your life.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, so many wives, I just think feel like they're failing, and we all feel that way.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_02: And, you know, we're not.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_02: So the not so excellent wife.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_02: Just to let you know that, you know what, you're not alone.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's so good.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: I know you've had a couple of, I mean, you've been writing a lot about it.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: What is most resonating with women out there when you talk about, you know, a specific topic?
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Is it sex?
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Is it communication?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Is it, you know, just even that core idea of I think I'm failing as a wife?
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's it's the idea of um women feeling like they are failing as a wife, but thinking that they're the only one who is going through this issue.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_02: Gotcha.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_02: You know, everybody else's marriage looks perfect, everybody else looks happy, um, their lives look great.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_02: But in actuality, it's finding out that I'm not alone.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_02: You know, um, there are many more people out there like me.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I had a comment from a woman on my Facebook page who said, um, you know, I used to feel like I was stupid, that I was a fool, actually, is what she said for staying in my marriage.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_02: But now I realize that I'm not because I realize I am not the only person who struggles with these issues.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_02: And I I now know that I'm not alone.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel like, you know, I am going to fight for my marriage.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_02: So it just gave her the desire to want to fight for her marriage.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, okay.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Well, talk to us.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: I know I have a lot of friends whose whose marriages are in crisis who have used that exact phrase to me, am I full a fool to be staying in this marriage?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: And while we can't, you know, we're not gonna be able to address every single situation, and there are genuine reasons to step out of a marriage because of abuse.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, what do you what kind of counsel do you give the woman to evaluate?
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Am I a fool to be staying in this marriage or not?
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: Or how do you encourage them then to fight for it?
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: How do they do some self-evaluation as they figure out the health of their marriage and and what they want versus the way it is?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you know, I I will just I'll start a little bit with my own story.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I've been married for uh 32 years.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, congrats.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_02: That's great.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and you know, in those 32 years, I have known what it is like to have a happy marriage, and I've known what it's like to have a hard one.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_02: And I think just so many women don't understand that there are, you know, marriage is on a spectrum.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you go through happy times, um, you go through hard times.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_02: Everything isn't always going to be happy.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_02: Um you know, right now, yeah, my marriage is solid.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but in the beginning, there were many, many years when um I just felt like, you know what, is this gonna work?
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_02: You know, is this really what God has for me?
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_02: Is this really what He what He wants for me?
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um about five years into my marriage, we were literally on the brink of divorce.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it was, you know, some issues had happened, and I was not happy.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_02: Um, he was not the husband that I wanted.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_02: He was not the kind of man that I wanted to be married to.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but what I learned um over time is that um I learned the secret of turning him into the kind of husband that I wanted.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that's what a lot of women miss.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_02: You know, we so many times we think, um, wow, what's the problem?
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_02: Why isn't he, why doesn't he want me?
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_02: You know, we all want to be wanted by our husbands.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not talking wanted in a sexual way.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_02: We just want to be wanted.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, noticed as well, desired.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, noticed, desired.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that so many um women um want that and they um, but we go about getting it in the wrong way.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, okay.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: So what are we doing?
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you know, we well, number one, we think if we nag, if we criticize, if we complain, we're really, really good about pointing out his faults and about pointing out his failures.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_02: And I have yet to come across the husband who has said, you know what, I had a fight with my wife last night.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_02: And she told me all the ways that I am an absolute failure.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_02: He told me all the ways that I am a jerk.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_02: She just criticized me and complained, and you know what?
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_02: It really helped.
• 11:24
  unknown: Right.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's not gonna happen.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: I think I see the lights.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, finally, I understood all my problem issues.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: I knew how to fix them suddenly.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, I get it, I get it, you know.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_02: But the key to turning him into the husband that you want is to treating him like he already is the husband that you want.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, so you're not really changing him, you're speaking into what it is that you want him to be.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_02: That's exactly right.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_02: You know, um, I used to think, you know what?
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I'm not gonna respect my husband.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, he's not doing anything that I feel is respectable.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but you know, the Bible calls us to respect our husbands.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_02: It doesn't say respect him if he's respectable, right?
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_02: Respect him when he does something respectable.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_02: It just says to respect him.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that is counter to everything that culture teaches us as women today.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_02: It is it is just the opposite of of what culture teaches us.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um so how does that practically look in the day-to-day?
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: You know, maybe give us some scenarios of how we can change our behavior to communicate better respect.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_02: And it's and you know, you touched on it just a uh um at the beginning of our time, you know, um we're not talking about abuse.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_02: If someone is abusing you physically, um there's verbal abuse, emotional abuse, if you are being abused, then you need to get help.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_02: If you're not safe, you need to get out of the relationship.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_02: So I don't want anyone to think that I am communicating, you know what, no matter what he does, you just need to stay there and you just need to be the wife that you need to be, because that is not what I'm talking about.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_02: You know, um, if someone is physically abusing you, um, mentally abusing you, abusing your children, that is not what we're talking about.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_02: Get out, get safe, get help.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_02: In that situation, you need to get you go to your pastor, um, go to a shelter, go to a friend, go someplace or speak to someone who can give you counsel on getting to a safe place because we're not talking about that.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we're talking about the kind of stuff um where basically he just gets on your nerves.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I think we can all think of a few things.
• 13:59
  unknown: Yeah.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_02: Or you know what?
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_02: If he is just not living up to what you think he should be living up in a relationship, you know, sometimes um, you know, we think our husbands should help us around the house, and we think that um, you know, they have a certain responsibility with the kids, and they just have certain things that they should do in a relationship.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_02: And all of that is true.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_02: There are things that they should do in a relationship, but you're not going to get him to do those things by nagging and complaining and telling him all of his faults and all of his failures.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_02: That is never going to work.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_02: What it actually does is it is counterproductive because you're wanting closeness in the relationship, right?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_02: But when we speak to him like that, what we're really doing is shutting him down and turning him away.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_02: Because he begins to feel like, you know what, I can't do anything right.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_02: So why should we even try?
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_02: What's the point?
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: They just feel like a failure in your eyes.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, yeah.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's yeah, we wouldn't feel, you know, if the shoe weren't on the other foot, we wouldn't feel that way or, you know, and in any sort of relationship, if we were always hearing the negative, we wouldn't want to hang out with those people or spend any time with them.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_02: That's exactly true.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but you know, but that is is counter to everything that our culture teaches us today.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I grew up um when the women's feminist movement was, I mean, it was it was just like coming into society like a roaring lion.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it was, you know, it wasn't new, but it was so I grew up my whole life hearing you don't need a man, you can make it on your own, he should do his half.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, there, you know, he should respect you.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_02: He should, you know, and if he doesn't, you know, these are the things that you should do.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_02: You don't have to take that off of any kind of a person off of a man.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_02: But that is so counter to what God tells us to do in his word.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_02: It is so counter.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_02: You know, the world takes everything that God says is good and it turns it into something bad.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but you know, Paul had it.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I have Ephesians 5 33.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_02: However, each one of you must also love his wife as he loves himself.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_02: We understand that part.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, absolutely.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_02: We can quote that one.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_02: We are really good with that part.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and the second part is the wife must respect her husband.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_02: And it, you know, and Paul has the key right there.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_02: He has the key to a happy marriage right there, and it comes in respecting our husbands.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, we feel so many times like, well, you know what?
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_02: I I got the short end of the stick here, you know.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_02: Sure, right.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_02: Why is it up to me to always have to be the one who does the right thing?
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_02: You know, well, you know what?
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um, when you do the right thing, and when you go in that direction, when you are, you don't have to be perfect, but when you start moving in that direction towards doing better, towards wanting to do better, yeah, he will follow.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I don't know a man who would not reciprocate in that type of a situation.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_02: Now, there are obviously there are a small, and I believe it is a very small percentage of men out there who are just not going to, you know, do right by their lives.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_02: But I think that the majority of men will respond in that type of a situation.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: I do.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because we the only people we can change is us ultimately.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's changing our perspective and therefore our thought life and the words that follow, which can really make or break the relationship, the power of words that we have in that.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: So for you, when you started calling out the things that you respected, what kind of what kind of stuff did you say?
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: What worked for your husband to hear?
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and I and I think my husband is probably um he is he is like um the average male in terms of what he responds to.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_02: Um, all men want to, number one, they want to be respected.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and we we think um telling them that I love you, um, you know, is and I love saying I love you is important.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_02: But saying I love you doesn't speak to him like it speaks to us.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_02: What he wants to hear from us is thank you.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much for even if it's getting the mail.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you just see a huge difference in your husband when you're thanking him.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for for bringing the mail.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for um picking up that, you know, um jar of peanut butter, you know, on your way home from work.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, um, if he's if it's Saturday morning and he's, you know, the last one out of bed, you know, and he makes the bed, you know, thank you.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for making the bed.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_02: It's you know, just telling him thank you, even for the things that he does, that is a huge, huge thing.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_02: And also saying that you appreciate him.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I appreciate that you go to work and that you work so hard for a family, yeah, and that you want to provide us this life.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_02: Um, whether even if he stays home, you know, and if you're the one who goes to work, right?
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_02: Um, because that happens in a lot of um families today.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, if he stays home and takes care of the house, you know, thanking him for taking care of the house.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_02: Thanking him for taking care of the children and cooking the meals and doing the things that he does, you know, and not instead of pointing out the failures, you know, um, or the things that he's doing wrong.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I think those are, you know, those are just two huge ways.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_02: I appreciate you.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_02: Um that's so good.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_02: And also letting him know that you believe in him.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's good.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_02: Letting him know you believe in him, um, encouraging him, you know.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, I'd say we're we're the CEOs, you know, of our family, we're the chief encouragement offerers.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's good.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: I like that.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: Chief encouragement offers.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's good.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_02: To our husbands, you know, because when we are telling him you believe in him, I believe in you, um, I know you can do this, um, it makes such a huge difference in the way they feel about themselves.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_02: And if you believe they can do it, then you know what?
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_02: He's gonna believe that he can do it too.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and men are um men are, and I don't mean this in a negative way, but you know, they're the the way that they think the thought process that that they use, it's very different than the way that we think as women, right?
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um very linear thinking, right?
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um, yeah, also much more um sensitive than we would think.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_02: And the way that they hear things, um a lot of times they hear things as criticism that we don't mean as criticism at all.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_02: And then he's all angry and upset and and mad, and we're going like, what's his what do we do?
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, all I'm doing is trying to have a conversation with him.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, oh my goodness, yes.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_02: You know, right, right.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_02: And and and he's acting like, you know, he lost his mind.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_02: But you know what?
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_02: What has happened is we have somehow, without knowing it, without realizing it, we have somehow disrespected him.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_02: Gotcha.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_02: We have somehow hurt his feelings, right?
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: We have somehow said to him, I don't think you're adequate in this area.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: called something into question and how you phrased it and yeah it should shows that we don't have trust respect or you know that we doubt his ability in some way yes and you know and that um and a lot of times we do that without recogn without even recognizing for sure I'm raising my hand I can think of a lot of arguments that started that way was going wait a minute I I don't I don't even know what I said and later as it unravels and trying to figure it out of like oh I said this and you know even though that's not what I meant it's what was heard which is really they they have a filter and stuff goes into that filter and it is just totally you know the what what we said and what he heard is something totally different.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah and we a lot of times um will think what a jerk why is he why is he getting so angry yeah and and we think you know we think the problem is his you know and instead of going you know what what what maybe there's something that I said that maybe I could have said it a little bit differently or you know and I know you know a lot of people are going to hear this and they're gonna go you know what I'm not responsible for the way he reacts he should learn how to just control himself and right you know yes right and there's true it's not condoning he does have to take responsibility but so do we that's exactly right we do need to take responsibility and just like if he um wasn't meeting your emotional needs and you responded by crying or being sad you know and he said to you what are you crying about you know totally yeah when you're just responding as a woman yeah what is natural a natural way for you to respond um so when we do something that's offensive to him he's responding in a way that is natural for him to respond like you said not condoning it not at all you know yelling screaming you know that is never okay but it's understanding that you know what um we've got to allow him to be him we've got to allow him that uh um to be to be a man you know in society we have basic we have defeminized men yeah we want them to emasculated men right absolutely feminized men yeah absolutely we want them to think like we do we want them to see things as we do um and they don't and they won't and they never will right right because they're not designed they're not designed that way yeah that's good okay so you're saying our man wants respect he wants appreciation and affirmation is that the other thing that you said what was the other um he well he he wants he wants to be respected yes and affirmation will will come as a result of these other things okay but he wants you to believe in him believe in him okay he wants you to believe in him he wants you to respect him um and he wants to know that you trust him that's okay right all of these things will affirm him okay you know as you speak them out and call them out yeah but also you know affirming him you know what um I think that you are a wonderful father I love to see you playing with the kids I love the way that they respond to you um you know I think that you're a a a good husband you know um I know that um when I um am having a hard day um and my husband will just listen to me when I just you know am just sitting there just telling him about the day and he's not trying to fix my problems he's not interjecting and believe me we're talking 32 years of marriage yeah yeah yeah he's learned a few things along the way that's great yeah so but when he does that you know and and I say to him you know what I really appreciate that you just listen to me and you just let me talk you know he feels like he's done something you know good and he has done something good yeah that he's one yeah yeah he feels like he has met a need for me that he has been there for me yeah and they all they want to be there for us they want to make us happy yeah um it for our happiness is very important to them yeah um that's good and they and they want to make us happy yeah so communicating when they do what are some of your tips for communicating either a need that needs to be met or something that needs to change you know course correction I think um two things that are really important um are timing that's good and tone those two things are are are really important um obviously you don't want to talk to him uh when he when he first walks in the door from work or the first time you guys see each other or you know um timing is everything um I know that I can't bring up anything important to my husband um after we're already in bed you know yes right that late at night there's not gonna right yeah nothing positive is gonna happen absolutely it's fine if I'm just talking to him about my day or you know what went on and just decompressing but not to bring up something that is an issue that you know um I an area that I would like to see change in.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah um so timing is huge um and tone is another you know the tone that we take is going to interpret how he hears what we're saying.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_02: Um and also you know when you approach him about something when I approach my husband about an area that needs to be that I'd like to see change yeah um approaching him with the positive first you know what I know you love me I know you want what is best for me and you want what is best for our family.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_02: And I appreciate that about you you know I admire that about you um in this area um I think I I know that you don't want to hurt me I know that you don't want to um um make me feel bad uh but when you do this you know this is how I feel you know so that he doesn't feel like you're coming down on him and you're not saying when you know you're yelling at me and why are you yelling at me or or why don't you help me with the kids or why do you come home from work and sit down in front of the TV or pick up the PlayStation or Xbox or whatever it is nowadays.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_02: Right you know instead of you know what I know that you have a la long day your days are long and they're hard and um I know you're tired when you come home and I know that you don't want to hurt me.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_02: And I know you want to help you know so and maybe just saying you know can you but when you come home from work and sit down in front of the Xbox um you know it really causes me um anxiety you know it increases my workload you know do you have a solution do you have some way that we can maybe come together and figure out a solution to this you know that's good um you know maybe um if you come home and you know you take 20 minutes to unwind and after that 20 minutes you know then you know you're good you've sat down in front of the TV for 20 minutes or just had your 20 minutes of quiet time or whatever it is that you need and then um you know maybe you can help me out if you just kind of um approach him in a way that where you're you are affirming him and whenever you you say to somebody you know what I know you want what is best for me I know you love me because a lot of times we approach them and we say you don't love me you know you possibly couldn't love me which calls their character into question and we totally erode trust from the beginning.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly um but just approach from a very very affirming way um you know and just just acknowledging that he loves you acknowledging that he wants what is best for you um and then just acknowledging that you need something um and it is and it's not his fault yeah you know you're not coming to him saying you know what it's your fault I'm tired all the time it's your fault you know and not coming from it um uh from the point of view that this is your fault and this is what I need you to do to fix it.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_00: You're giving him the benefit of the doubt that he had no idea.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely even though we always assume they're mind readers and they should just naturally know all the things maybe cooking dinner a kid hanging off my leg.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_02: You know the telephone is ringing and you would think a normal person would just go oh let me get the phone or let me get the kid or right right but they're not thinking that yeah yeah you know it it's it's true about you know multitasking and um men and women um honestly women can multitask yeah and I'm not saying that all men can I don't I don't want to sound like I'm generalizing yeah but instead of assuming he may not even realize that the kid is hanging on your leg right the pot is boiling over the telephone is you know but instead of saying hello get with it right saying hey you know what can I get some help here yeah um would you mind getting the phone or would you mind taking the baby or would you mind helping John with his math um nine times out of ten they're gonna say okay because they didn't even realize that you needed help.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: I also liked how you um kind of alluded to the idea of making it where it could really be a conversation talking with instead of just talking at where you invited them into the process of hey do you see a really you know easy solution that feels good to you while offering your ideas but also inviting in the process of hey you know if if this bothers me what's another option you know kind of like you said hey what in that situation where you have all the stuff instead of where I would naturally go get upset and just go I need some help here to say instead hey um what would you rather do take the kid help with the homework or finish dinner where there's you know options and it's a conversation and they also feel like oh well they got to they're choosing to help instead of I'm just here to you know finish her honeydew list or you know whatever I think that is a lot of times it can go a lot further to to get a happy helper because you also that's the thing too is when these conversations happen you don't want it to be like well did I just force them to make that change or were we willing participants in the process of towards change towards healthiness.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_02: And sometimes you know they won't help because um you know if he comes over and says okay well I'm gonna help her out by loading the dishwasher and he starts loading the dishwasher and you're like that is not how you load the dishwasher right yeah or if he picks up the baby and um you know starts to change his diaper and you're like that is not how you change the diaper I just changed it 20 minutes ago what are you doing?
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah yeah you know instead of instead of saying thank you thank you very much for taking the baby thank you for changing his diaper thank you for loading the dishwasher you know what there's more than one way to load a dishwasher and there's more than one way to change a diaper that's right just because it's not the way that you would do it yeah doesn't mean it's the wrong way um but so many times we are so quick to criticize what they do and when they do help so when you've got the baby on your hip and you're loading the dishwasher and cooking you know he might be thinking well gee you know um I don't want to help because I don't want to get in the way or I don't want to do something wrong or you know and so then he's not gonna help because he thinks well what's the point of helping I I can't ever do anything right right we all might be capable but sometimes we come across a little too capable and just you know asking for help is often all we need to do because we're gonna portray sometimes that we've got it all together and we can handle all the five things happening at once.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_00: But really in the inside we're like I just could use a little help and we have to take time to communicate it.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_00: So that's good.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_00: So Sheila I heard you might be offering some wife coaching tell us more about that.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_02: One thing that people can do um and and this is something that I will be offering um on my site um you know what is to find um a coach you know that's good and that that coaching doesn't have to be you know someone that you pay it doesn't have to be you know um but so many times we think that um first of all we've never been a we've never been wives before yeah you know we've never been a wife before um this is something new and you know um and in the beginning you're working and you're striving and you're trying to get better um but what happens is there comes a point in time when you kind of plateau you know and you're not getting better and your marriage is not going the way that you think that it should go um it's always great to find a coach or an encourager yeah you know someone who can step back and look at things from an objective point of view and let you know what you know for lack of a better word let you know what you're doing wrong.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah that's good because so many times number one we don't even realize that we are doing something wrong.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah that's number one and number two if we do realize that we're doing something wrong we don't know how to fix it.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_02: Right right you know so it's just like um playing the piano or you know um being on a football team um it is having someone who can look at what you're doing and say and help you make course corrections.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_02: You know I I say that you know as a wife coach um it's just like with a football team you know a football team has a head coach and then it has you know coaches for each section of the team has a defensive coach and offensive coach um and then when the whole team comes back together after they've all had their individual coaching they come back together and they work better together as a team because they've all had their individual coaching.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_02: So that's what the function of a wife coach is because you can only control you you can only control your your half your part and so um when you learn ways and techniques to be the absolute best wife that you can be a coach also teaches you how to navigate situations unexpected situations um things that you you weren't expecting to come up then when you come back into that relationship then you are a better you so if it's kind of like um remember promise keepers I don't know my dad was very much involved yeah yeah so they get back you know when the man comes back into the relationship and the woman comes back into the relationship they're both better because they've had their individual coaching they're they're they're each each part is better yeah so that it makes the whole thing better.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah that's good that's awesome I love that you're gonna be offering wife coaching as you call it I think that'll be really really helpful I think you've got a ton of wisdom and you know just your story and what you've lived out I think can really really help.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_00: How do you in this season as you're launching kids and you're still you know momming and wife and all that sort of stuff what what's your secret for time management and soul care and you know what kind of things how do you kind of plan your day and what's working for you right now to help you live your most excellent or not so excellent wife life well you know actually um I use a coach.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_02: Oh that's great.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah one of the things that um I am actually working on with her right now is time management.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_02: And figuring out how you get everything into a day.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_02: And one of the biggest things you know a lot of times we think okay um I'm gonna I'm gonna manage my time and I'm just gonna put together this schedule and I'm gonna follow this schedule and this is what I'm gonna do.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_02: Well before we can do that we have to figure out where the time leaks are.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_02: Oh that's good.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_02: Where are where is time oozing out?
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_02: Where is it seeping away and we don't even recognize it.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah you know it could be going out to the mailbox checking the mail coming in and you've got this pile of junk mail right yeah so instead of just tossing it um you put it in a little pile over here and you think oh yeah I'll go through that at some point or another you know and then you might start looking through it and before you know it you've spent 30 minutes looking through a catalog.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_02: You know and that's 30 minutes that you've wasted.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely you know um or when you're at a task on your computer shutting down all the other tabs because if your Facebook tab is up and you can see you're getting messages or you're getting the little dinging notifications.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah then you are going to and before you know it you've spent 20 30 minutes on Facebook that you had not had planned into your day.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't that the truth?
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_00: That's good like where where's your time being sucked or leaking out that's a really good view.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah where is it going and I think that is um that is for me that has been a huge help in number one recognizing I don't really have as much time as I thought I had.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_02: You know um because after you get up if you have devotions if you exercise you shower you eat breakfast you know all of those things.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah once you do all of those things you know you don't really have as much time as you think.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_02: Right and plus interruptions from your children or phone calls or whatever you don't have as much time as you really think that you do.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah so I think that that is one thing that is huge just recognizing where it goes and that is um recognizing that oh wow I just spent 30 minutes going through junk mail you know looking at a catalog that I'm never gonna use or I'm never gonna act on right right that's good so I would say that that that's that's a huge huge help is to recognize um where time happening every day in your life.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_00: I was just I have a um small group of young moms and that was their assignment this week is to do like you would do a food diary, do a time diary where they really just evaluate and a lot of them have real littles and so their time is taken up in the mundane but I know that um some of the trick and art of motherhood is pairing mundane with meaningful moments for ourselves and with those that we love and so just kind of really looking at that and um I think that's good because you know even if and communicating that to others too because sometimes if my spouse will give me like a large chunk of time or think I have a large chunk of time you and I both know oh but it's interrupted by this, this and this and so being honest with ourselves and aware of it and then also communicating that sometimes is good of like well I I had two hours because the other two hours were spent doing this and this or you know whatever we're we're taking an honest evaluation of where our time goes and how we spend it.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_00: So that's really good.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_00: How about for you for soul care what's the thing that you do that just brings life to your soul that you think hey I think everyone should try this at least once um well you know what um currently I am actually um reading Oswald Chambers um uh my utmost for his highest yeah that's a great one and you know they've actually kind of redone it and they've um made the language a little bit easier to understand.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_02: And um you know I just think that um reading through that um I don't know it really just gives me perspective um or finding something that you that you personally enjoy um obviously and I'm not talking as a substitute for the Bible.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_02: Right yep I'm talking about something but there's plenty of other things that can really breathe life that goes oh absolutely um there's a the Proverbs 31 they have a um devotional that they that they send out every day which is really good.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_02: My husband and I are currently going through experiencing God.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_02: Oh that's a great one yeah yeah it it is really good um but you know those those little things that just put things on the forefront of your mind um one of the things that Chambers says um is that you know what most of our life is Lived in the drudgery, it's lived in the mundane, right?
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's the everyday things that we do in life.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_02: And how can we bring glory to God in the everyday things that we do in life?
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_02: So it's not doing these some spectacular, um, wonderful um thing, you know, that you're going to do every day.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_02: It's the little things you do every day.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_02: It's loving your husband, it's loving your children, it's um cleaning your house, talking to your neighbors, it's just those little bitty things, um, the very mundane.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_02: And the example he uses is um the um when Jesus washed the disciples' feet.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_02: That was the lowest of the low.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_02: You know, the slaves did that.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_02: But the way that you do that, when you do something and you're doing it um for the glory of God, it brings a whole new meaning to that task, no matter how boring, mundane, dirty, silly, aggravating, ridiculous it seems.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_02: When you are doing it for the glory of God, it just puts a whole new perspective on whatever it is that you do.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's making the ordinary extraordinary, right?
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Sheila, for joining us.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm excited to see how your coaching program rolls out.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I I just think it's a lot of us women are looking for help and advice and input.
• 45:27
  SPEAKER_00: And mentorship is not always easy to find, so it's great to know that you provide a lot of resource encouragement and wisdom for us to follow.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_02: Great.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_02: Well, thank you.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_02: And you can find me um on my website right now, it's called SheilaQalls.com.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it is currently being converted to the not so excellent wife.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um that's great.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well, either way, we'll type one of those in and we'll get you.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll put all the links in the show notes too.
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_02: Great, thank you.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_00: Awesome, Sheila.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_00: Have a wonderful day.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_00: Appreciate it.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_00: Bye-bye.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I know I'm personally convicted to put Sheila's advice into practice, especially the tone thing.
• 46:09
  SPEAKER_00: Aikes.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm pretty sure I don't always sound the way I do on my podcast to my kids and husband, unfortunately.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_00: And again, I can't stress this enough, but if you are in a relationship that is in any way abusive, please reach out to a trusted friend, to a counselor or spiritual leader to get some help and direction.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_00: God loves you more than the institution of marriage.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_00: But if your marriage has just grown stale and lost some of its joy, we would strongly recommend great counsel, maybe some coaching and further reading because we believe the Lord is in the business of restoring broken things.
• 46:46
  SPEAKER_00: In just a few weeks, Sheila will be opening up her wife coaching options, so follow her on Instagram and get on the wait list on her blog.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_00: For today's meaningful minutes, I have a free list of prompts to help you look for ways to affirm your spouse or those who are closest to you.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_00: Since experts say it takes 21 days to form a habit, I've given you 20 ideas to spark the right words to encourage and speak life to others.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_00: Today's Aneagram question is going to cover areas of growth and stress.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_00: This one is a deep dive, so if you're just beginning your Aneagram journey, be sure and listen with Simply Wholehearted episodes number 37 and 38.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_00: And then our resource list, which is still available in the show notes, can give you a great roadmap for your Aneagram journey.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_00: Now, growth and stress indicators can be incredibly powerful, but it could also create some minor confusion.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_00: This understanding is best to learn after you're fairly confident of your core Aneagram number.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_00: We've talked about how wings can impact your core, but so can your lines of stress and growth.
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_00: As the Enneagram reflects our core desires, remember, desire is both our greatest frailty and the mark of our highest beauty.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_00: Desire can be life, but it can also bring death.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_00: But it's the core to our honest story.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_00: When we look to our growth and stress numbers, it can warn us that we are acting out in stress and it can give us the intrinsic tools for us to manage our stress better.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_00: Some experts say the lines go only in one direction.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_00: One goes to stress and one goes to growth.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_00: But others, which I tend to agree with, believe it can go both ways.
• 48:22
  SPEAKER_00: If we take into account our healthiness, the kind of stress, and the knowledge that we are actually created to be able to marginally adapt to all nine types, I think our lines can go to both growth and stress, to both numbers that we're connected to.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_00: So, for example, as a three, my lines of growth and stress are to six and nine.
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_00: I can adapt to the high side of six or the low side of six, and the same for nine.
• 48:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oftentimes in stress, I'll end up adapting to the low side of any of those numbers, and in growth, it'll represent the fact that I'm adopting or becoming more like the high side of those numbers.
• 48:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'll give more details like this next week, but for today I've created another download with charts to show you the lines of growth and stress.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, and I know we already talked about this, but I've gotta say again, can you believe it's November?
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_00: Where has the time gone?
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_00: This means it's almost time for our holiday season episodes.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yay! I'm excited to kick those off.
• 49:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm especially thrilled that we're gonna get to share and use Christmas music from the lovely Christy Knuckles to both open and close our show.
• 49:28
  SPEAKER_00: We'll have guests like Russ Ramsey, Miss Shaley, and a week dedicated to doing Avent with Kids.
• 49:35
  SPEAKER_00: Plus, lots of helpful tips along the way to keep your celebration simple.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_00: We sure do love it when you share our guests and their episodes with your friends and family.
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_00: We really appreciate it too when you leave those reviews and rate our podcasts.
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_00: It helps others find some of these amazing stories and inspire them to living wholeheartedly.
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_00: Be sure and invite your friends and family along for our special advent season as we begin again in 2019 with more amazing inspiration.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_00: So until next week, join us on the socials as we continue on our journey to living simply wholehearted.