Latest / Citizen Frame / The Santa Clause

Transcript

The Santa Clause · Citizen Frame

• 0:00
  Music.
• 0:20
  Scott Calvin. I brought you some cocoa. Oh, thanks. My own recipe.
• 0:25
  Took me 1,200 years to get it right.
• 0:27
  1,200 years. That's right.
• 0:30
  You know, I must say, I look pretty good for your age.
• 0:33
  Thanks, but I'm seeing someone in rapping. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another
• 0:36
  sweet, sweet, citizen frame Christmas special podcast episode.
• 0:41
  Just made that up as I went. And what an episode it is, too.
• 0:45
  What a film. Yep. January. It's January.
• 0:49
  Fourth and we're recording the last of the christmas which is pretty good considering
• 0:53
  halloween month and a half went halloween month two and a half months.
• 0:58
  But we have to get it out because we said we do it and that is the santa claus yeah,
• 1:05
  fuck so yeah this is a classic this is uh directed by a man called john pasquin,
• 1:11
  no john pasquin gotta give him some street cred he's been around for years he's
• 1:17
  a tv guy from Family Ties to obviously Tim Allen stuff.
• 1:23
  The guy does everything. He's a working director and good on him.
• 1:26
  Rules on and stuff, I noticed on his credits.
• 1:29
  Yeah, he's got kudos to his career.
• 1:32
  Can't fault him. When it comes to his films, he can go fuck himself.
• 1:36
  They're terrible. And most of them were with Tim Allen, Jungle to Jungle.
• 1:40
  I did one called Joe Somebody, which was terrible.
• 1:44
  But he's literally Tim Allen's right-hand man when it comes to literally... Shit films. Right hand.
• 1:49
  Jerking them off. Get it. Okay, forget it. All right. Right.
• 1:52
  This is Tim Allen. Big hit for Tim Allen. $190 million, this piece of shit,
• 1:56
  babe. Oh. Yeah. What are you going to do there?
• 2:00
  Now, before we start this, this is the film where Disney didn't want to hire
• 2:04
  him because they had a strict policy of not hiring ex-cons. Yeah. Ate that time of jail.
• 2:10
  Yeah. So what Tim Allen did was he subsequently pleaded guilty to felony charge trafficking.
• 2:17
  Sorry, to felony drug trafficking charges and provided the names of other dealers
• 2:22
  in exchange for a sentence of three to seven years instead of a possible life. A pre-deal?
• 2:29
  A plea deal exactly now the reason i bring this up
• 2:32
  is not to throw the man under the bus kudos for him making a comeback i
• 2:35
  have nothing against that at all he did his time kudos
• 2:39
  and well done both that being
• 2:42
  said he's a fucking terrible actor and i'm going to tear this motherfucker to
• 2:46
  shreds well i'm going to back you up on that i actually decided because this
• 2:50
  is theoretically a comedy i decided to count the amount of times i laughed during
• 2:55
  it do you know what the figure was by the end, zero?
• 3:00
  I got a couple good ones. Right? A couple good ones.
• 3:03
  This is kind of like, oh, would you fuck me talk about this asshole a couple
• 3:07
  years ago, Christmas with the Cranks? Remember that piece of shit? Yeah, it was awful.
• 3:10
  Yeah. This is probably worse. It is.
• 3:14
  Because Christmas with the Cranks, at least what you're watching is so bad that you can't look away.
• 3:23
  Yeah, it's like watching a car crash. Yeah, yeah, exactly. This one, I wanted to walk away.
• 3:28
  Yeah. I mean, it's tedious, smug, contrived, unfunny horseshit.
• 3:36
  All right. So in this one, we got a good little cast.
• 3:40
  You know, well, I like Judge Reinhold, Tim Allen, Lenny Crewson, who I do like to see.
• 3:46
  Then we got, you know, so we got Scott, Neil, Laura, Charlie Bernard, Dr.
• 3:51
  Anunzian, Miss Daniels, Mr. Widow, which Peter Boyle is wasting in this.
• 3:56
  Yes. and a bunch of fucking elves.
• 3:59
  Although, to be honest, I think it's actually doing Peter Boyle a favor that he's underused in this.
• 4:07
  Without doubt. I'm sure he was relieved that he hasn't done it as much as he could have been.
• 4:16
  So...
• 4:17
  That's how creepy this part is. He works for a toy manufacturing company or
• 4:22
  a marketing toy exec. I don't care.
• 4:26
  Actually, I don't know what the fuck he does, but it's something to do with
• 4:28
  toys. Yeah, it's a toy business and he is like on the board or something.
• 4:32
  It's not properly explained and I don't care. Yeah. Yeah, neither do I.
• 4:37
  But they open up in a kid's movie, Santa Claus. So we got to be fair like that, I suppose.
• 4:42
  But the toy that's been created here is do it all for you, Dolly. Yeah.
• 4:47
  It's kind of a creepy fucking name for a children's toy.
• 4:51
  Well, I sort of get that. It must be like, I don't know. I don't know. No, no, I get it in that.
• 4:59
  No, no, that's cool, man. Hey, it's a kid's doll.
• 5:03
  I have a young niece and these dolls, like they're very elaborate.
• 5:08
  They're not like the old dolls years ago that my sisters would have had.
• 5:11
  Know what I mean? I don't know, but I sort of get that. But it's a minor plot point anyway.
• 5:14
  Way but there's there's much more creepy shit coming up trust
• 5:17
  me you know we
• 5:20
  talked about i actually quite a few times in past christmas
• 5:24
  episodes where we talked about how chris
• 5:27
  i personally think christmas died with home alone it
• 5:30
  was the trifecta era christmas vacation you
• 5:33
  had scrooged and home alone those are the three best
• 5:36
  films that obviously had the classics it's wonderful life and so
• 5:39
  forth but it ended with home alone and this
• 5:43
  is the reason why this film and jiggle all the way both
• 5:46
  came out oh my god this is i mean and you watch the same rating is home alone
• 5:52
  and what they pulled off of course you had you had comic genius john hughes
• 5:56
  writing it and chris columbus on board to direct and a cast of pretty much young kids who i hate and,
• 6:05
  peppered in with the great Catherine O'Hara. Yeah.
• 6:08
  And they still made it to work. Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, do steal the movie. But, wow.
• 6:16
  It's quite a simple little tale. Yeah. That's it. The title gives it away. But this...
• 6:23
  I mean, it's almost like it's drivel. I don't mind Christmas films, guys. I don't.
• 6:31
  I'll watch them. What the fuck? I don't care. But put some effort into something.
• 6:35
  Put some fucking effort. Like a story would be great. And get rid of real.
• 6:40
  I know they're kids. I know they're fucking.
• 6:43
  There's this fucking little girl. God love Blue Bell. But this kid's fucking annoying.
• 6:47
  Oh, he rakes of kids in 90s sort of family comedies.
• 6:53
  I mean, he's even got the hard cut. There's the whole 90s aesthetic going on
• 6:57
  here. Yeah, the ball cut.
• 6:58
  Yeah, exactly. Kind of like the dripping ball cut or something.
• 7:01
  I hate the way that they give him lines of dialogue where they're trying to make him hip.
• 7:08
  And it's like middle-aged screenwriters writing for kids and trying to be down
• 7:13
  with the kids, but they haven't really a clue how kids really talk because he's
• 7:17
  using phrases like, yeah, it's neat, Dad.
• 7:19
  That's very cool and neat. And it's just cringe. and I absolutely hate shit like this.
• 7:26
  Don't get me wrong, it's to their own, you know, it's a family film.
• 7:29
  I was looking on reviews online. This is much loved by people.
• 7:33
  It is. It's not made for someone like me and that's okay, you know.
• 7:38
  But I'm not going to tear it apart because it's a Christmas film or and it's
• 7:42
  a kids film. I agree. I won't do that.
• 7:43
  I can sit here and talk Home Alone all day. Yeah. No problem.
• 7:46
  I haven't seen Home Alone, like I said.
• 7:48
  But I am going to compare with those two. Same rating and I mean,
• 7:54
  they could have adulted it up a bit there's something wrong with doing that
• 7:57
  I don't know why well first of all it's Disney so there you are right there
• 8:01
  I don't think Disney made this they just distributed it but yes it's no this was Disney,
• 8:07
  I mean it feels like a Disney film so it's sort of a moot point but yeah it
• 8:12
  was Disney he was in bed with Disney with,
• 8:16
  home improvement was Disney right I didn't know that they own the network that
• 8:21
  it's on ABC, I think it was.
• 8:23
  I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure Tim Allen's a Disney guy.
• 8:26
  See, I know very little about Tim Allen.
• 8:30
  I mean, I've obviously heard of him, but I never really get into Home Improvement.
• 8:34
  I think they showed it here on Channel 4 in the UK, but I never really watched it.
• 8:39
  Obviously, I'm aware of him, and he's one of, you know, he's apparently a comedian,
• 8:43
  but going by this, you know.
• 8:45
  Oh my God, he always says, oh, oh, oh, whatever the fucking caveman thing.
• 8:49
  I mean, yeah, I mean, so I know very little about Tim Mullen,
• 8:53
  and after watching this, I just don't care, you know.
• 8:57
  So, Neil is Judge Reinhold.
• 9:01
  Reinhold plays Reinhold. Well, see, Neil is actually the character I sympathized with the most.
• 9:07
  He's right throughout this. Sex in this fucking lunatic.
• 9:13
  Yeah, but there's a scene where they're dropping off the little bastard to the dad.
• 9:22
  And the dad seems like a decent guy.
• 9:25
  That's the other thing. They don't really plant the seed that he's a bad father.
• 9:29
  He actually seems like a decent guy. Well, I mean, he's just a bit sort of incompetent,
• 9:33
  but I much preferred him before he becomes Santa, let's just say.
• 9:37
  Whenever he starts becoming Santa, things take a turn for the weird and not
• 9:42
  in a good way. Yeah, yeah.
• 9:45
  You're right, exactly. It's spot on because he had the one-nighters going and
• 9:49
  making fun of Neil before this whole Santa chaos kicked in.
• 9:53
  And then he becomes fucking jolly old Saint fucking Nick. yeah and i was like
• 9:56
  okay now we're done but but but i don't i do like the scene where,
• 10:01
  now i can't relate because i've never been married i'm not a divorcee i
• 10:03
  do i ever have kids thank christ but so but
• 10:08
  there's a scene where he finds out neil told him told his kid that there's no
• 10:14
  such thing as santa yeah and i was like you know what that's none of your fucking
• 10:17
  business don't tell and he's right don't tell my kid that there's no such thing
• 10:20
  as santa yeah i like that I do like that kind of- But it's not elaborated upon, you know what I mean?
• 10:27
  It's just sort of thrown in there at the start to make me- Well, no, they have to.
• 10:31
  I get why they do that because of what's about to come that night. Yeah.
• 10:35
  So I understood that. And the mother, kind of played by Winnie Cruston,
• 10:40
  who I do like, she kind of holds the ground up. She's a good middleman for these two.
• 10:45
  And I do like the fact she's not a bitchy, I hate you, kind of angry divorcee.
• 10:52
  He's actually a fair well to be fair it is a children's film so they couldn't
• 10:56
  really get down the whole route of sort of you know like a bitter divorce thing
• 11:00
  it's a why not why not liar liar was it liar liar did it well I haven't seen liar liar either again.
• 11:08
  Children's films and especially children's Christmas films are not my forte
• 11:12
  I was to be honest I was looking Billy or Ricky from the Silent Night Deadly
• 11:17
  Night films to pop up you know what I mean that's a real Christmas film to me or even Bruce Willis.
• 11:23
  I'm glad you brought this up. We're going to take a moment now and pause.
• 11:27
  I'm going to create a helpline for Trevor. And you guys can certainly call and
• 11:32
  maybe give him some advice.
• 11:35
  Like George Reinhold, his psychiatrist character in the Santa Claus?
• 11:39
  No, it's just, if it's not 18 plus, if it's not graphic in any way,
• 11:46
  he doesn't want to see it. It's kind of sad.
• 11:48
  But so we're going to create a line, 1-800-Trevor-WTF.
• 11:57
  So well in my head and then we i've actually
• 12:00
  called a bunch of musicians and they were
• 12:03
  to get together and sing a song a charity single yeah yeah trevor
• 12:06
  wtf i even called bono who would do anything to help people in the world he
• 12:12
  says he says he go fuck himself mate he's a fucking no job that was that's like
• 12:19
  well i didn't know bono was um scottish or indian that was pretty India. What?
• 12:25
  That was Dublin. That was Dublin.
• 12:30
  Right? But you know what? I would say in my head, just to back up actually what
• 12:35
  you're saying, that Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 is a more entertaining film than this.
• 12:45
  Yeah, I'll leave my breath there.
• 12:48
  And that's like 20 minutes long. Well, exactly. It's a short film.
• 12:51
  You know what I mean? This is an hour and a half, or just over an hour and a
• 12:54
  half, and it feels like about 10 hours.
• 12:57
  So this is, he does a lot of movies. Why do the dead burns the turkey,
• 13:03
  but he makes this beautiful dinner set with roast potatoes, yams,
• 13:07
  this huge dinner set, but he fucks up the turkey?
• 13:09
  This is another pet hate of mine with these family-type films,
• 13:12
  especially from the 1990s.
• 13:14
  Their houses are always very middle class, and you know what I mean?
• 13:18
  And everything's sort of laid out perfect in all this here. also the
• 13:21
  turkey whenever if you watch closely the turkey whenever it goes on fire the
• 13:25
  second time we don't see it the first time it just explodes are exploding turkeys
• 13:29
  a thing now you know what I mean it doesn't make sense why would a turkey set
• 13:33
  itself on fire exactly you know well maybe it's seen the script for this and
• 13:37
  you know yeah turkey's like you know I want to make sure I'm dead yeah exactly.
• 13:43
  So here's the funny part when you watch this is I haven't watched this in years,
• 13:49
  so they pretty much scare Santa, he falls and dies. Yes.
• 13:53
  And they pretty much just killed Santa Claus. Yep, yep.
• 13:57
  In a Disney film, Santa Claus is killed.
• 14:01
  And apparently, I was reading up on this, doing my research for this podcast,
• 14:04
  apparently Tim Allen always had a problem with this aspect of it.
• 14:09
  So, and by the way, there's a TV series that this made a couple of years ago,
• 14:13
  came out in like 2022 or 2023 or so.
• 14:16
  It was the same, it's the same cast. Yes, and they address this point.
• 14:21
  We're not reviewing that series for the, basically for this podcast on this
• 14:26
  film, Santa is bumped off. He falls off a roof.
• 14:30
  So he does. Yeah. And then who, whoever sees the car and it puts the suit on becomes Santa.
• 14:36
  And it's kind of creepy. And you know, trust me. Here's what,
• 14:41
  here's what pisses me off. Okay.
• 14:44
  I can't stand when you got a big budget film. Was it 19 million?
• 14:49
  That's big budget for this piece of shit. That's crazy.
• 14:52
  When Santa falls or when the SWAT team shows up near the end,
• 14:55
  you can tell that's not snow, which is fine. You can understand that,
• 14:59
  you snow machines, whatever.
• 15:00
  They don't even do that. Those are blankets. Yeah.
• 15:03
  White blankets that look like snow. Because when Santa falls,
• 15:07
  you can see the blanket coming down with them.
• 15:08
  Well, that's actually the least of my worries with this. No,
• 15:12
  no, it's not. It pisses me off.
• 15:14
  It's continuity. I mean, come on, people. Production designer and a script supervisor,
• 15:19
  fucking do your job. I was more. distracted by the terrible CGI, the very early 90s CGI.
• 15:27
  I can't blame it. You know what? I'm not going to blame it for that.
• 15:31
  I'm not, because it's early stages. But I will blame it for the terrible set design. Right.
• 15:38
  Okay. That doesn't actually, I mean, to be honest, that was probably the least of my worries.
• 15:43
  What? That was probably the least of my worries when watching this to be fair, you know? Yeah.
• 15:51
  So what the fuck he puts on the
• 15:54
  fucking suit and then we got this I do
• 15:57
  think it's funny how actual how calm Tim
• 16:02
  Allen and Little Bastard is yeah after killing a mythical being yeah not only
• 16:08
  that then becoming the mythical being and flying in the sky delivering presents
• 16:13
  and all the stupid nonsense with them like squeezing down chimneys and stuff
• 16:17
  and magical chimneys and stuff that would freak me right out.
• 16:20
  Sort of a dress to be fair where he thinks it's a bad dream and all this,
• 16:24
  but the kid believes it, obviously, because the kid believes in magic and,
• 16:28
  you know, and it's just, it's tiresome.
• 16:31
  So it is. So yeah, so Tim Allen doesn't believe in any of this crap and he's
• 16:34
  got the, and he's not going to put the suit on and the little fucker says.
• 16:40
  Dad, why is everything I tell you stupid? And he's like, oh, you know what?
• 16:46
  I will put on the Santa suit and jump down and fucking hit me.
• 16:50
  Because this kid says, you know, my kid comes up to me and goes,
• 16:53
  why do you think everything you say is stupid?
• 16:55
  I'd be going, because it is. You stupid little shit.
• 17:01
  What the fuck is wrong with you, kid? Yeah, go proper to a pesky and good fellas.
• 17:05
  I'm on them, you know, you dumb fuck.
• 17:09
  Okay, now I see. now I just can't see this is everybody 1-800-TREVOR-WTF,
• 17:16
  you know people can try to call that number and it'll probably use like a hotline
• 17:19
  I just made that yep don't call it 976-EVO no no oh my god,
• 17:29
  oh my god worst part of the film when he goes to fucking North Pole right and,
• 17:36
  Laura McKenna whatever her fucking name is
• 17:39
  she's singing the heels of christmas or something
• 17:42
  the bells of christmas is playing in the background as
• 17:45
  we're introduced to santa's lair i'm always little fuckers i
• 17:48
  why really and wanted to end my life yeah
• 17:51
  the stuff with the elves the child actors playing
• 17:54
  the elves get broke me as a person it's just it's absolutely awful and you were
• 17:59
  talking earlier on about not having children i don't have children but the only
• 18:03
  way in a million years i would have to sit through and suffer something like
• 18:08
  this would be either if I had kids or sadly for this podcast.
• 18:14
  So yeah, it's just so hard to sit through.
• 18:19
  It's cringe. It's just tedious and insufferable.
• 18:25
  So he's told by Bernard the head elf. I want to jump in there.
• 18:29
  I actually see the wee guy who plays Bernard the head elf.
• 18:33
  He's probably the best. He's the best thing in it. Yeah.
• 18:37
  He can actually, it appears that he can do sort of comedy and he,
• 18:40
  I mean, obviously he hasn't much to go on with a shit script like this,
• 18:43
  but you can see that there's talent there with him.
• 18:47
  No, he's had a very successful career. Yeah. Yeah, I know that.
• 18:50
  He started as a Disney kid. Yeah.
• 18:54
  But yeah, so his role is you do back next Thanksgiving, you don't have to hang
• 18:58
  out with us at all, so you have 11 months to prepare to be Santa.
• 19:02
  And Tim Allen doesn't really question, he's like, oh, All right,
• 19:05
  sounds good. And then he takes his trousers off in front of a kid.
• 19:10
  Oh, okay. Now you're just kidding. Well, he does. No.
• 19:15
  Stop. Now you're getting creepy. I didn't make the film.
• 19:20
  No, no, no. Yeah. Do you notice they never used the word killed or death?
• 19:25
  Because it's a Disney film. I know. Yeah. Yeah.
• 19:29
  He just tricked him off a rooftop. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh. Yeah.
• 19:33
  Oh, no, no, nobody gives a shit about the previous Santa. You know what I mean?
• 19:37
  It's just, yeah, whenever I, you know, did.
• 19:39
  I mean, they could even have a quick fix-it line where it was,
• 19:42
  you know, something like, oh, he was just like, you know, he goes back to being
• 19:46
  a human or something, or he's restored to his family or something. I don't know.
• 19:50
  Something. But for all intents and purposes, Santa has been bumped off. The first Santa.
• 19:57
  Yeah. Yeah, and his thing is he has to believe in order to be Santa.
• 20:00
  Yes. So he has 11 months to believe, and that's where his son kind of drags him to start believing.
• 20:06
  So we meet Elf Judy. You talk about lies that made me laugh. This was funny.
• 20:11
  She goes, yeah, well, what's your name, kid? He said, well, she made some hot
• 20:16
  cocoa, whatever the fuck she made. Yeah.
• 20:18
  But she goes, I'm 1,200 years old. He goes, you know, you look pretty good for your age.
• 20:23
  And she goes, no, thanks. I'm seeing someone in rapping. Yes,
• 20:27
  I know. but that's awkward as well.
• 20:30
  That's not awkward. You have a middle-aged mom and a child, a young girl.
• 20:35
  Oh, come on. She even says I'm 1,200. I'm 1,200 years old. Yes, I know what's a joke.
• 20:38
  And there's much worse in this. That's not meant to be. But it's just.
• 20:42
  You know what? You know what? For you to see that as such a harmless line is sick.
• 20:47
  Again, people, 1-800-TREVOR-WTF. No, no. There's just a general awkwardness
• 20:53
  about all of this that I find.
• 20:56
  And there's worse coming but yes I know I'm being cynical and all that there
• 21:01
  and I'm sort of joking myself but yeah I mean I don't know,
• 21:07
  there's another funny scene you know what all I'm saying I will go back to George
• 21:10
  Reinhold in this film is correct section this fucking lunatic.
• 21:18
  Then there's one scene that's pretty, well, one line is pretty good.
• 21:22
  And it's still everybody, somebody who's barely in the film, not even in it really.
• 21:25
  And it's the firefighter and they're doing daddy's day or career day,
• 21:29
  whatever it is, at the school.
• 21:31
  And he goes, the fireman goes, so remember kids, there's nothing more painful
• 21:37
  than third degree burns.
• 21:40
  And the kids were, the kids had the look of shock on their face.
• 21:44
  And then Miss Danny goes, well, thank you. and we're certainly sorry to hear about your partner.
• 21:52
  See, that's funny shit. But yeah, you needed more of that kind of adult content.
• 21:56
  I thought it was kind of funny.
• 21:58
  And that's where the film loses me because you need, people got to write you
• 22:05
  should make these kind of films that if you're smart at what you're writing,
• 22:10
  clearly these guys aren't,
• 22:11
  you should cater to the adults as well because they got to sit through their shit.
• 22:15
  So having small little moments like the fireman scene was quite funny,
• 22:20
  but you need a couple more of those to keep the adult audience,
• 22:24
  you know, stop them from sleeping.
• 22:28
  Yeah, well with me I was more like trying to sort of, you know,
• 22:31
  all of the sort of supporting sort of actors that pop up, I was sort of,
• 22:35
  distracting myself with saying what had seen such and such in,
• 22:39
  you know, you have Peter Boyle, you have the guy who plays the detective who
• 22:42
  was in Fargo and stuff, so yeah,
• 22:45
  because there was no real jokes for people like me or you you know so i had
• 22:50
  to distract myself in other ways like whenever he starts you know doing tim
• 22:53
  allen which is coming up the physical change i thought it would have worked
• 22:56
  a lot better with some sort of um cronenberg body horror aspects but i didn't get that,
• 23:02
  yeah of course you would sicko.
• 23:06
  54 minutes in this fucking film and he's now he's beginning to change with the weight and the beard,
• 23:13
  I do like another moment where he's in the marketing table and he's eating all
• 23:17
  this food, and they have this new line of tank,
• 23:24
  this tank toy, and they want Santa Claus, it be his new ride for delivering gifts to kids.
• 23:29
  And Tim Allen is right. I mean, he makes a line. He goes, hey,
• 23:35
  kids, I hope you've been good this year.
• 23:37
  Santa just blew out the neighbors.
• 23:41
  Yeah. I mean, yeah. I mean, that stuff, again, these are far and few between,
• 23:46
  and I'm probably stretching to find something in it.
• 23:49
  Yeah, you are. It's not a bad scene.
• 23:52
  It's just all of it was annoying, but yeah, go ahead.
• 23:55
  At least I found something nice, you hateful bastard.
• 24:00
  Well, I wanted, as I say, Cronenbergian body horror, whenever he starts,
• 24:05
  you know, putting on the weight and becoming like Santa and stuff, you know.
• 24:08
  Maybe something like The Substance, but... man.
• 24:13
  Yeah. You know what they should have done? What?
• 24:17
  There's a film that came out around the same time, and the only radio film I
• 24:19
  actually really like. It's called Thinner, Stephen King's Thinner. Yes, I remember.
• 24:23
  I know it. Yeah, yeah. It'd be great if a gypsy from the Thinner showed up and goes, Thinner.
• 24:28
  Yeah. He starts getting thinner, and he's like, what the hell?
• 24:32
  Don't you? Don't you? And the kids start screaming, Daddy, Daddy,
• 24:34
  don't you believe in Santa? I do, but I don't know why I'm getting so fucking thin. Yeah, exactly.
• 24:39
  Yeah. Because actually, he kills the gypsy with a slayer or something. Yeah.
• 24:45
  That would be awesome. It would have been a lot better than what we got,
• 24:48
  to put it like that. Definitely.
• 24:52
  Then, of course, he's going to the park and he's sort of, I don't know,
• 24:55
  he's sort of accepting that he's becoming Santa.
• 24:58
  So, I don't know, his kid, he's been a whiny little brat as always and sort
• 25:04
  of telling everyone that he's Santa, but then he tells the kid not to tell anyone or something.
• 25:10
  Well, he's at the park and the girl comes up to him, sits on his lap,
• 25:13
  And first of all, as a father, he'd probably go, you can't do that, kid. Yeah. But...
• 25:19
  No kid would do that because he's not Santa yet. You've got to have the whole
• 25:22
  full outfit to really see.
• 25:25
  Just because a guy has a beard, no kid's going to run up to you and say Santa. Well, yeah, exactly.
• 25:29
  I mean, they might make fun of you. Kids of Belfast would be making fun of them
• 25:35
  saying, there's fucking Santa.
• 25:37
  But not in a sort of cutie way, trust me. Again, random kids coming up to middle-aged
• 25:43
  men and sitting on their lap in a park is not a good look.
• 25:47
  By any stretch of the imagination. Well, that's why mom's in panic mode and pretty much has him.
• 25:54
  Well, you talked about how he's sectioned and stuff like that.
• 25:58
  They kind of do that. He loses custody of the kid.
• 26:00
  Yes, and the judge was right. Who makes that decision. They do play on that. Yep, I agree with them.
• 26:09
  So now the cops are on the case because now they think he's been kidnapped.
• 26:13
  Yeah, he kidnaps a fucking child here. Well, it's his kid.
• 26:17
  I know it's his kid, but I mean, so there's like all the creepy shit in the
• 26:22
  park and then kidnapping children, you know?
• 26:25
  Come on. I think now you're stretching. You're just trying to find something wrong.
• 26:30
  If this was, no, no, if this was real life, this would be serious shit.
• 26:35
  Know what I mean? And it wouldn't be some Coochie Disney fucking story.
• 26:38
  Yeah, but this is a children's story. You go with that. This isn't Coen Brothers, you sick fuck.
• 26:47
  You know what I mean? You're taking a children's story and you're turning it
• 26:52
  into a Tarantino fiasco.
• 26:55
  That's not what we're here for.
• 26:57
  You're comparing it way, way, way. That's something you see if Tarantino was
• 27:02
  terrifying doing a Christmas film.
• 27:05
  This isn't Tarantino doing a Christmas film.
• 27:08
  This is the guys who do home improvement.
• 27:12
  Well, there's definitely improvement needed, but... I'll give you that one. It's pretty good.
• 27:19
  But so the cops are on him. The cops arrest him.
• 27:23
  I love when he's, I love when they bring the mom to the lineup and they're all
• 27:27
  Santas with fake beards. Well, he has a real beard. Why would you bring these guys to the lineup?
• 27:31
  I know. And why would you bring up, there's a couple of short people.
• 27:34
  There's a black man in there. There's a woman in there. And it's like,
• 27:37
  well, you know what my husband looks like. Why?
• 27:40
  You know what I mean? That to me. It's done for the purposes of a contrived joke.
• 27:44
  One of many contrived jokes that don't land here, you know, but the worst one.
• 27:49
  The worst joke, well, there's a couple of them coming up very soon with the
• 27:53
  elf kid who's supposed to be Q from James Bond. Excuse me.
• 27:59
  That's the best part of the film. No way. The whole is going to send the elves.
• 28:02
  That's right. The Effective Liberating Flight Squad.
• 28:05
  Oh, that's horrendous. It's pure cringe.
• 28:10
  Terrible. Oh, terrible. I mean,
• 28:13
  like I say, I know I'm being a bit of a bastard towards it and stuff,
• 28:17
  but you know and obviously you know there's a lot of people love this and like
• 28:21
  I say it's a children's film I've no doubt children love this and I'm sure if
• 28:26
  you were like 7 or 8 years old you might find it mildly entertaining but it
• 28:30
  really isn't for me that's all I'll say to be fair.
• 28:35
  Especially this nonsense with the elves flying and stuff that's your review
• 28:39
  then no no no you just gave your review so let me finish the film that we're talking about.
• 28:47
  Go ahead. But you can't talk about the review anymore now. Okay,
• 28:50
  fair enough. That's your punishment.
• 28:52
  Okay, fair enough. Punish. I shouldn't have said that word. Fuck that. Naughty.
• 28:59
  Go ahead. Yeah, so he brings Charlie back,
• 29:05
  and all of a sudden the mother believes because the conversation that the child
• 29:10
  has with the father, he says something about, now that you believe, it's time.
• 29:15
  It's a powerful words book. It's about not being selfish.
• 29:19
  No, when Tim Allen says this to the kid, I can't have you being selfish now. I got to help other kids.
• 29:25
  And there the mother knows that's not, that's kind of creepy actually. That is not my husband.
• 29:32
  Who the fuck is this fucker? Yeah, exactly.
• 29:34
  It's a complete character contrivance where for the entirety of the film,
• 29:40
  she doesn't believe that he's not done rightly so, but then all of a sudden
• 29:44
  on a whim, She does believe, but even worse than that, for a moment, Neil believes,
• 29:50
  you know, and he goes, Santa, you know, and then he gets his, yeah. He does though.
• 29:54
  He went, yeah, he kind of, I didn't get what he would use. First he believed,
• 29:57
  then he didn't, then he does again or something for like, within like a half second.
• 30:01
  If it's in our torment, it's in our turmoil. Yeah.
• 30:05
  But the creepy moment has yet to come.
• 30:08
  Because Neil does believe what she got is Oscar Mayer weenie whistle.
• 30:12
  Yeah, I know that. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah.
• 30:17
  Oscar Mayer weenie whistle. I don't even know what an Oscar Mayer weenie whistle is.
• 30:23
  No, an Oscar Mayer weenie is
• 30:24
  a hot dog. Yes, I know that. But I don't know what the spinoff whistle is.
• 30:30
  I never heard of a child wanting one of these. I never heard of it. Yeah, yeah.
• 30:34
  Just, I don't know. I was sort of checked out. my
• 30:37
  brain had checked out at that point you know what i mean i do like
• 30:40
  judge reinhold and again before this up to
• 30:43
  this point i was i know he's a dick and i think
• 30:45
  he's portrayed as a dick but he plays a dick well actually but i was sort of
• 30:50
  siding with him you know up to this point you know and that yeah yeah you know
• 30:54
  this guy needs sectioned you know take him away you know um straitjacket stuff
• 30:59
  but you know you don't have been a good twist but this is pretty good i think I just thought of it.
• 31:05
  Yep. So he gives Neil his Oscar Mayer weenie whistle. Yes.
• 31:16
  And then as he does that, SWAT's still there. So SWAT thinks he's giving him
• 31:20
  like a weapon or something.
• 31:21
  They shoot his head off, right? So Tim Allen's dead now, right? Yeah.
• 31:27
  And then Neil becomes Santa.
• 31:31
  Yeah. Well, actually, that would have been a good twist. sort of ironic twist
• 31:36
  especially for the character but to be honest at this point I'm rooting for
• 31:41
  Ricky from Silent Night,
• 31:44
  Deadly Night who'd pop up and go Darby's Day.
• 31:50
  Maybe we could combine the two and that's how Santa could be shot dead with
• 31:56
  your sort of take on it and then that's how then Neil is forced to become ironically Santa,
• 32:03
  see you know,
• 32:08
  uh yeah we're gonna wrap this one up it's over 30 minutes I think that's way too long,
• 32:16
  but uh yeah you know it is what it is it's
• 32:19
  a kids film so it's not for me so I'm not gonna
• 32:21
  judge it based on I'll just judge it as an adult and it's
• 32:25
  just yeah it's just not for me even for kids films there's better out there
• 32:28
  guys Home Alone there you go if I watched this as
• 32:31
  a kid I wouldn't like it but you know
• 32:34
  each to their own whatever yeah you know but uh
• 32:37
  there you go all right guys we're back to normal we'll be
• 32:40
  up next with nas for atu and the child's play retrospective yes be a fun should
• 32:46
  be a fun one and we'll be back then give us a shout at citizen frame underscore
• 32:51
  podcast on instagram and of course on facebook well this is technically our
• 32:56
  farewell for christmas Yes, we're a little late,
• 32:59
  but got final numbers out for the year.
• 33:03
  We have skyrocketed again up...
• 33:07
  I think 86% from the year following that.
• 33:10
  Yesterday, we had a massive surge from the U.S., especially around the Virginia, Pennsylvania arena.
• 33:20
  Thank you, guys. I know there's a lot of you starting to follow us in that area.
• 33:24
  Not to mention, I know there's an active listener going on in Iowa and California
• 33:29
  and Florida, and they're building.
• 33:34
  And we're going to start giving people shout-outs. you do start
• 33:37
  or states or countries that start downloading us mass research
• 33:41
  in uh in china there you are thank
• 33:44
  you guys much appreciated and there you are guys this has been an awesome time
• 33:51
  i put out a newsletter on facebook and on instagram please read it it's my holiday
• 33:55
  wrap up for the year well the yearly wrap up and again it's greatly appreciated
• 34:00
  we're growing every day.
• 34:02
  And that is only because of you guys. What would really be great?
• 34:06
  If you guys ever sent us some feedback, it'd be incredibly appreciated because
• 34:09
  we need to build on that. We need to know what's not working.
• 34:14
  And so that just drives us to do better. That's all I got.
• 34:19
  Good stuff. All right. Guys, take care of yourselves. We'll be back.
• 34:23
  All the best. Ciao. Fantastic!
• 34:26
  Music.