Latest / Quick Wins for ADHD Moms - Short Episodes, Real Solutions for Burnout and Overwhelm / Why Planners, Apps, and Systems Never Stick for Me Until This

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Why Planners, Apps, and Systems Never Stick for Me Until This · Quick Wins for ADHD Moms - Short Episodes, Real Solutions for Burnout and Overwhelm

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Well, hey, before we get in today's episode, I want to share something that genuinely caught my attention.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: If you've ever picked up your phone to start a timer and ended up distracted instead, you'll get why Focus OR stands out.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Focus OR is a physical focus companion that helps you start without opening another app.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: You twist and click to begin, and in deep focus mode, it creates a real pause between you and your phone.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: So just one quick check is easier to stop before it turns into a spiral.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: And when you finish a session, you get a visual reward that makes consistency feel encouraging instead of punishing.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: If that sounds more doable than trying to outwillpower your phone, it's on Kickstarter right now.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Tap the link in the show notes to back focus or an early bird price and be among the first to get one.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I want you to do a quick inventory in your head.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: How many planners do you own?
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Not have used, how many do you actually own?
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: How many apps have you downloaded, set up, used for a week, and then just quietly stopped opening?
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: How many YouTube tutorials have you watched about the perfect productivity system?
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: And how many notebooks have you bought with genuine hope that this one's going to be different?
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm not asking to shame you.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: We already have enough of that.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm asking because I want you to look at the graveyard and see it for what it actually is.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's evidence.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's evidence that you've tried hard over and over and over again, with real effort, real intention, and honestly real hope every single time.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now don't get down on yourself because this is not a behavior of someone who lacks discipline.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: This is the behavior of someone who's been maybe handed the wrong tools her entire life and keeps trying anyway.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's where we get our amazing resilience from.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: So today we talk about those tools and why they can be challenging to use, and we'll talk about maybe building something different.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I'm Jessica Lynn Lewis, and this is Quick Wins for ADHD moms.
• 2:15
  unknown: Just the little things, little things that keep us going.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Or just the one system.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: You really just need one place where decisions can live.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Something that's really low friction to put things in.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: And as much of the organization as possible happens automatically, not by you making more decisions.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's it, that's the system.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't really matter what the surface is.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: It can be a notebook and pen, it can be an app, it can be a whiteboard on your wall.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: The format is not the point.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: The principle behind it is one place, low friction, everything else is just noise.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: So let's dive into the science behind this.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: What is actually happening when a system fails?
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Years ago, I started creating my first bullet journal.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Got really into bullet journaling.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: I watched all the tutorials, I was on an email list, I learned the system properly, learned how to index future log, all the daily spreads, numbering, uh, the colored felt tip pens, those were my favorite part of the whole thing.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: I labeled everything and I was genuinely engaged, and it actually worked for a while.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then slowly, without me really even noticing, the novelty kind of faded.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: The projects I was tracking shifted, new things came in, another child was born.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: The system started feeling disorganized and confusing, and one day I probably just stopped opening it.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Or I was looking for a way to organize or optimize it better.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe it took me online and it became digital, so I had access to information faster.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Now I used to think of this as a failure, like, oh, well, guess it didn't work.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Guess I failed at that too.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't really think of it like that anymore.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's more about growth, learning what works and why, and just collecting that information and then pivoting to something else that resonates or works a little better.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: You don't know unless you try.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: So the neuroscience of what's happening here is ADHD brains do have a lower baseline dopamine.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: And one of dopamine's jobs is to fuel the novelty response, that rush of engagement that comes with something new or shiny or interesting or stimulating.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: So starting a new system absolutely triggers that response.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: The setup is actually really exciting.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Going on Amazon and finding the perfect pens that you're going to be using, finding that really, really pretty notebook and what color.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: That process is actually really fun.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then you get the stuff, and then you get to do color coding and create categories and make labels.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: And it's really the satisfying architecture of a brand new thing.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's the dopamine hit.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: And your brain got it from building the thing, but it had nothing left for actually using it.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Raise your hand if you've been there many times.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: And then this whole thing can get compounded by a second issue.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: ADHD working memory is impaired.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: The brain has a real difficulty holding and manipulating information that's not right in front of it.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: There's actually a term for this.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's called object permanence, basically out of sight, out of mind, right?
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Things that are out of sight genuinely stop existing in working memory.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: My youngest son was going over to a friend's house the other day, and I said, Oh, I need to make sure that you take your medicine with you.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: And he's grabbed it and he put it in his pocket.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Oh, no, no, no, no.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: You need to leave that out.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I remember to tell your friend's mom about it.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: He goes, No, no, I'll just all have it in my pocket.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, nope, hand it over.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: I need to like hold it in my hand until she gets here, or I will completely forget to tell her.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Out of sight, out of mind, object permanence.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Things that are out of sight genuinely stop existing.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: So a planner in a drawer is not really a planner that you're trying to ignore.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's just a planner that your brain has literally stopped registering it as being real, which is why there's lots of advice about keep your planner with you all the time, or checking your app every morning requires you first to remember that you need to check your planner.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: And that's an executive dysfunction.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's part of our brain that's impaired.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: So yes, that's challenging.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: And then the third piece of this is conventional planning tools assume consistent energy, predictable focus, and linear task execution.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Well, ADHD brains don't operate on any of those things.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: A system designed around daily reviews and weekly planning sessions requires the same executive function at the same time every single day from a brain whose defining feature is executive function is unreliable.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe the planner didn't fail because you have bad habits.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it failed because it was not designed for your brain.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you have bad habits too, and we can talk about that.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: But let's just assume we're trying really, really hard and we're just trying to figure out what's working with our brain.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: So, what does the one surface system actually look like in practice?
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: What does this one system look like?
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll tell you where I landed because it'll help you maybe find your own version.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: But I also want to be honest that my version is not simple.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's just one.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I've mentioned it before, but I went from bullet journaling to using Evernote.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: And right now I'm loving Notion.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: And Notion is where I learned Tiago Forte's second brain system.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't know what that is, the basic idea is it's one place where everything you need to think about, decide on, or remember, everything goes in that one place, the second brain.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not one file.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's not like one Google document with everything in it.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's one whole system with a lot of documents in it, but it's one system.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's still one.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have the Notion database and the notebook and sticky notes and whiteboard and an app.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: You just have Notion and everything goes into there.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: So from my computer, from my phone, from my live notes that I record, and it automatically transcribes.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: I dump all of that into Notion.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: And really the piece that finally worked for me is, and the thing that I never had before is AI.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: I pay for the AI feature in Notion because I can just dump all the stuff in Notion and then it will organize it for me.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: So everything in my head, even half-formed thoughts, every list that's been living on in my brain, any website that I run by, I can click it and it goes into Notion.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: And AI helps me structure it, helps me reorganize it.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: It pulls all the priorities out and it does the organizing work so my brain doesn't struggle to do it.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: I've created a Jessica's Day, which is just a home page that I created that reminds me of what I'm working on and why.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: I have to remind myself this.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: It sounds ridiculous, but I have to go, oh yeah.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's probably one of my biggest phrases that I say, oh yeah.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: So it reminds me of what I'm working on and why.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I've got like Q1 or Q2 goals.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: I've got my top three priority list for either this week or this month or just this quarter.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: I even have a self-care section that reminds me of here's quick dopamine hits that have worked for me that I really enjoy.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: I have another little section that lists out my smart goals that I'm working on.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I have to write this down and look at them to remember them.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the habits I have is in the morning checking the Jessica's Day page to go, oh yeah.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: So it's more of a snapshot of what the day, month, year basically looks like.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's just a reminder.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: And it's really easy to edit and change as things move and pivot.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, I talk a lot about Notion, and I'm not telling you to use Notion.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's very complicated.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: I've hyper focused and figured out.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: You could too, but I just took it on as a fun challenge and I've adjusted it to fit my brain because Tiago Forte and Thomas Frank is another person who uses like the ultimate brain.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: They talk about their system and they're very linear thinking.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm more of a thousand bubbles floating around kind of thinking.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm not telling you that complex is better.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: For a lot of ADHD brains, a complicated system is its own problem.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: But what I am saying is that think about the system that you're using right now.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: Is it working?
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: What is the biggest challenge that you're having with your system?
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: And how can you fix it?
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: How can you take away the friction?
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm encouraging you to find your one surface and then apply these two tests.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: Test one, again, is the input low friction.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Can you get the things out of your head and into that surface in under 30 seconds with no organizing required at the point of entry?
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: If you have to decide where something goes before you can put it down or put it in the system, the friction is too high and your brain's gonna skip it every single time.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: So test two is does the tool do as much of the organizing as possible for you?
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: The more the system can handle the sorting, the prioritizing, the structuring, the less executive function you need to maintain it.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: So this is the design goal.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: Begin removing the ADHD task from the maintenance part of everything.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: So one surface to collect all the information and data, low friction, maximum organizing is handled by the tool.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's the goal.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: One surface, low friction, the organization is handled by something else.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the whole system.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now, your surface might be a notebook where everything goes in order and you never have to organize it at all.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you have someone else who's really good.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe your best friend is really good at organizing and she can help you start organizing it.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I loved about the Bullet Journal.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: It was hands-on and handwriting helped me remember things better.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: I could flip to different pages and download all my thoughts into different sections.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: But maybe your service might be a voice memo app where you just dump your thoughts out loud.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: Or it could be a whiteboard in your kitchen wall where all of the day's decisions live in plain sight, and your schedule knows like this is what's going on, and your brain can't miss them.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: So, really, the format doesn't really matter.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's more about the principle.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: One place, low friction, invisible.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because if it's out of sight, it's out of mind.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then you never have to remember it exists because it's always right there in front of you.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to say something to the version of you that's already tried everything.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: I know you're probably a little tired about hearing about new systems because you bought every single planner and downloaded every app and you tried every method, and you're still here, still struggling, still convinced that maybe the problem is you.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just say maybe it's not.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's a system that failed because they were built for a brain consistent with dopamine and reliable working memory and steady executive function.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: You might not have those things in that configuration.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: And rather than anyone handing you a different design, you've spent years being handed a design in different colors and being told this time with enough discipline this should work.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: But with enough discipline, it's probably not going to work.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not because of you, it's because the way it's designed.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: So here's what I think about all of those abandoned planners that I have now.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: The bullet journal I labeled so carefully, the Evernote notebooks, every system I built that's that I just eventually stopped using.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: I don't look at them as failures.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: I see them as a very long research process.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: I was just running tiny experiments for years, and none of them had all the data that I needed.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: And eventually I found one that actually does.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, AI to help me organize my thoughts is a game changer.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: So think about it this way.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're not bad at systems.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've just been using the wrong system or the right system that needs to be tweaked a little bit more to get rid of that friction.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: So get curious as to what works and what doesn't.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: Figure out how to make it less friction.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: So here's five questions to check for friction.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: Can I put something in this system in under 30 seconds?
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: Do I have to decide where it goes before I capture it?
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: I hope not.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: Can you see it without opening a drawer, app, or extra tab?
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: Does this system help me organize?
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: Or am I having to do all the organizing myself?
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: Do I actually keep using it when the novelty wears off?
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: So these questions are gonna help you build what's next.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: So here's your quick win one more time.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: The one surface system, or just the one system, one place where decisions live.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: Low friction input.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: You can get things out of your head and into the capture system without having to organize first.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: And as much of the sorting, structuring, and prioritizing as possible is handled by the tool or AI or someone else rather than you.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: The format is yours to choose.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: Notebook, app, whiteboard, voice memo, it does not matter as long as it's in one place, it's always accessible.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: And putting things in doesn't require more executive function than you have.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: You probably don't need more discipline.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: You just need a different design.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: Well, if you want a full list of practical ways to work with your brain instead of against it, go grab the free dopamine hit list at theadhdmom.com.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: Built for your brain, no elaborate setup required.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: And if you like this show, the best thing you can do is I'd love for you to leave a review and share it with a friend.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's the best way to help get this information out there to them.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I hope you have a beautiful week.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: I will see you next time.
• 17:13
  unknown: It's the little thing, little things that keep us going.
• 17:18
  unknown: It's the little thing, little things that keep us going.