Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Girls Are Funny Now with Sarah Silverman

Transcript

Girls Are Funny Now with Sarah Silverman · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Chelsea Handler. Welcome to Life Will Be the
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Death of Me A production of I Heart Radio. Oh,
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: good afternoon, Hello Brandon. How are you doing? I'm great.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: How are you? I'm well? Thank you? What would do
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: we have any updates? We've had a lot of updates. Actually,
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I got some new rugs installed this week. People just
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: need to check out your Instagram at Chelsea Handler to
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: keep up with everything going on in your life. Because
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: there's a lot happening at the house and I'm home.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: I've been in l A for a while, and that
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: I know irks you because you're ready for me to
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: go away. Luckily, I have a trip coming up this weekend.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Isn't that right? Feel like when you're on the road.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: This weekend, I had some friends over for mushroom Friday.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: We went swimming in my pool. We ordered food for ourselves,
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: we ordered Postmates pizza. We were there. I didn't hear
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: from you for two days, which can be concerning, right,
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: But I also try and remember no news is good news, right.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: But I cleaned up after everybody left, some people late state.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: I was in bed by midnight. Everyone came over around
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: six ish after we had our Bert's scare. We're gonna
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: have to get that dog tracking collar because he got
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: one for me to. We were so scared. We lost
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: Bert and we had workers at my house delivering the rugs.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: We couldn't find him. We couldn't find him. We raced
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: around the neighborhood. My bell was screaming bird, bird, birt
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: so many times it was overkill. And then finally Brandon
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: found him wedged between the property gate of our neighbors
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: and some cement block. Yeah, and and he dislikes me
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: so much that he wedged himself further through just to escape. Yeah,
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: to get away from you. And then yeah, so right
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: into mama's arms. We right, he went right into my
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: bell's arms. But we screamed and we screamed. And guess
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: who didn't bark once to let us know that he
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: was hearing our screams. Burt, because he's an idiot. So
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: this week's show is Sarah Silverman and Me in San Francisco.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: We talked about at Harvard singing Acapella group a little bit.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: We talked about stand up and my real zation that
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: I should probably start doing it again, which I now
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: am doing it again. And we talk about female comics
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: because girls aren't funny and that just has to keep
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: being spoken about. Well, girls are funny now, so everybody
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: needs to deal with it. I'm going to bring out
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: one of my very favorite people in the whole wide world,
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: and I know you're gonna be very, very very happy
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: to see her, So please show your appreciation as I
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: welcome my very dear friend, Sarah Silverman. Hi Chelsea, Hi,
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Hi Sarah. Thanks y'all. Mm hmm. We've been stoned together
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: on a number of occasions. The most recent one was
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: a very odd night we have if. I have a
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: friend named al and he went to Harvard and there
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: was an acapella group. What is it the Harvard Singing Group?
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: Do you remember what they're called. I know that the
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Yale Ones are the Whiffin poofs, right, and they're the
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: Harvard version of that. So it's like basically twenty year
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: old boys singing. And when he said he was seeing
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: a bunch of guys that went to Harvard, I was like, oh, Sarah,
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: we're saying, oh, there's Harvard guys there, and she's like
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: that sounds awful, and I said, let's brought in our horizons.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: It's could be cute, we'll be together, it'll be fine.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: And it was at some like store in Beverly Hills
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: that selled perfume and men's clothing or something. So the
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: lighting was it was tricky. So I go to our house,
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: we smoke a joint, We go and meet up with
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: my friend, and all of a sudden, there's just enough
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: people to be awkward for us to leave. Yeah, they're
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: like seventeen people, so we couldn't just be like, let's go.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: And then also it was like cocktails at first, and
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: then all of a sudden the show started and where
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: we happened to be standing became the front row because
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: it was like so we there was no escape, No,
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: it was the front row, and it was bright lights,
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: so the people who were singing were staring straight at
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: Sarah and me, probably wondering why are these two girls here.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: We felt like child molesters. I was like, we have
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: to get out of here. And then the singing is beautiful, right,
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: I mean, if you're like and I like tight harmonies,
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: I'm a sucker. First a nice tight harmony. And all
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: of a sudden she's standing next to me and she goes,
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: I go, what are you doing? Waiting to get underknees.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: What are you doing right now? And then and she's like,
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: we're gonna watch them sing like this, and I'm standing
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: next to her, so I get on mimies it. Chelsea goes,
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: but I'm just so, this is what can I explain
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: to you? When I get high, I love weed, and
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: I don't necessarily get paranoid. But the one paranoid element
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: is that when I'm high, I feel convinced that I'm
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: taking up too much space. And so I felt like
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: no one could see behind, like no one behind me
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: could see over my giant presence. So I try to
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: just make myself very small. And then what I realized
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: as soon as I got down was that it put
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: you in a very precarious position to be. So then
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: you got down, and by this point, my knees hurt
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: so much. And then I got down. She goes, I
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: gotta get back home, you know. I just my knees
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: hurt so much. And then I you know, so we
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: made a scene by desperately trying to be inconspicuous. Anyway,
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: that was our most recent outing, and then also how
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: we met. We've said an interesting story, is it sure? Yeah,
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: I'm sure. I mean, I'm sure it is. I don't remember. Oh,
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: I remember at the Haiti fundraiser, right, Yes, I do.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: We were both in the industry and the same business
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: for so many years because you were for a crossed path,
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: never really and I just assumed you didn't like me,
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: because I always assume people don't like me, you know,
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: I just just I go with that and that way,
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: no one's disappointed, you know, like I remember. And then
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: we would see each other at functions and I was
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: too shy. Then finally at this thing, I just made
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: myself go up to you. Yeah you did. You came
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: up and you're like, hey, Chelsea, we should be friends.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: I said, what, it's crazy. We don't know each other.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: That's so weird. Comics always know each other. Yeah. It
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: was one of those moments where you have this protective guard,
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: which I definitely had for so many years, where I
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: was like, I don't need anybody to like me, and
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: I'm just gonna do my thing and just and you
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: have this protective thing and then you were successful before
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: I was. I was in the comedy clubs and I
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: saw you and you were somebody who was, you know,
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: a big stop Biddle. So when you said that, it's
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: just such a great example of to be fucking nicer
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: to everybody. We should all be reaching out and saying, hey,
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: do you want to be friends? You know, and as
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: since then we're great friends. It's just such a good reminder,
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: especially girls like we need each other, reach out to
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: each other, show up and be like especially friends that
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: you don't normally have, you know. As a matter of fact,
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: then we did a photo shoot together and she said,
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: she went like this to my bra. She goes, what
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: is that? I have the same bra, you know, And
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: then she goes, I wear the same bra, but mine's
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: not filthy, and um, I said, well, I have one
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: that's like Caucasian nude and one that's black, and but
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: the one that's black wasn't naturally black. It's just dirty.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: But we wear the exact same kind of like support
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: bra and were the exact same size boob. And by
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: the end of that shoot, like somebody just went with
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: that piece of information. Oh yeah, comes her assistant with
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: a bag of forty of these and every bra I
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: were of Now I have several we're given to me
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: by Chelsea handler. M Chelsea. She tries to hide it.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: But she is a caregiver beyond anything else. And you know,
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: I was trying to when I wrote caregiver and then
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: I go as a caretaker, the caregiver and caretaker mean
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: that is it like getting the check? But it's like
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: a bill. Right, Okay, We're gonna take a quick break
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: and we'll be right back. I'm deciding whether to like
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: go a little deeper, go or start. Oh, I'm sorry,
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: I wasn't asking you. I'm sorry, um, because I loved
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: your book and I learned so much about you and
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: that changed the way I think, and I love when
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: something changes me. And um, I just loved every part
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: of it, and I think it's so special and can
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: really not just let people learn your story? I mean
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: talk about like there isn't anyone you couldn't love once
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: you've heard their story. You can even love Chelsea Handler
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: once you've heard this story. But um, one thing that
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: I thought was interesting is that your brother died on
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: an adventure and that you are so adventurous. You're the
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: most adventurous person I know, And I wonder if that
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: has anything to do with that in some weird way. Yeah, yeah,
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: that's a great question. Sarah, I know. I'm sorry. It's
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: not no, it is question. You never thought about that.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: You know. I once went skydiving when I was nineteen
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: years old. I remember I came out to California. I
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: was like, yeah, this seems like a good place for
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: me to relocate. And I went skydiving and I had
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: all these pictures and I had hit them from my
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: father because we weren't allowed to do stuff. I mean,
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: we could do whatever we wanted obviously, but he you know,
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: because of my brother's accident. It was height and it
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: was you know, and I remember coming home one day
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: my dad had the pictures scattered all across the kitchen
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: island of me skydiving, and his face was just like,
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: you know, like he had been in a fight, and
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: he was like, how dare you jump out of a
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: plane after your brother fell off of a cliff. And
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: I was like, it's time for me to go to
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: l a like. But you know, the pain was so
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: raw for all of us. It's almost like we had
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: to get away from each other in order to heal
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: because it was so raw and it was so painful
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: to go home and be ignored over and over again
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: and be desperate for attention that you had your whole life,
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: and it totally explains my career and wanting to be
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: you know, I wanted attention, attention, attention. I thought what
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: I wanted was a connection. You know, you get confused
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: and you love the accolades and you love people. I
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: just wanted somebody to ask me where I had been
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: all day. Know that takes me. I'm getting to the angiogram.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: What you talked about in the book is just being
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: in motion and not being able to sit still. And
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: then you took this, did I say right? Any? Yeah?
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: So it's like this personality test that my doctor gave me.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: At first, I was like, is this astrology adjacent? And
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: he's like no, and he basically came up. There are
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: all these numbers that describe different personality types, and I'm
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: a number eight, which is a fixer, which is somebody
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: who goes in fixes everybody else's problems but never takes
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: a look at themselves, which is exactly what I do.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: You know, I'll fix anybody's problem. I'll sit on your
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: bed morning, noon and night, and I will have as
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: much sympathy as you need, and I will be the
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: best friend and fixer. I'll throw money at any problem,
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: I'll show up, I'll fly to Germany if I have to.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: I will be there for anyone. But as far as
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: empathy goes, you know I was lacking that. I was
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: lacking empathy. The difference between sympathy and empathy is feeling
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: sorry for somebody and actually thinking what it's like to
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: be that person in that period. And he was like,
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: you lack empathy, that's why you've had these issues. And
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: so that was a big aha moment. And the number eight,
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: which is the number I am an Instagram? Do you
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: know what number you are? Sarah? No, I don't, but
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: I just think it's interesting because you share number eight
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: with who else? Donald Trump and some other really big assholes.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: But luckily, through my meditation, because Donald Trump's obviously not
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: doing that, you can become self actualized. No matter what
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: number you are. There are people who are not self aware,
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: who are not present, who are not conscious, which is
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: what I was doing for ten years. And to be
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: able to go from that too, looking inward and realizing
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: everything that you realize is so incredible. But it is
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: interesting to look at your early life, where you came from,
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: and how you became this wildly successful kind of like
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: how Donald Trump became wildly successful, filling an unfillable hole
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: and constantly staying in motion. And it's you know, he's
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: never to look inward because I think if he Saul
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: really looked at himself, he'd probably kill himself. But um,
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: you just talked about how you didn't have empathy. But
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: I beg to differ because when your mom was in hospice,
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: you gave her the greatest gift you could give her,
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: which was pulling cots in and being with your siblings
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: and laughing and talking. And you say earlier in your book,
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: and I'm wondering if you made this connection. And I
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: guess it's not a question. It's just me pontificating about
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: how smart I am from reading your book that I
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: think that is empathy. You gave her her greatest joy,
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: which you say early in the book, was to be peripheral,
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: to like what's going on, to not contribute. She didn't
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: want to talk, but she wanted to just be around
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: the conversation and the happenings, and you gave her that.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: That wasn't a question, but just saying it was a statement.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: It's funny because you talk about completely falling out of
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: love with stand up, but is that really well? By
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: doing that and taking the time and being on this
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: tour and going around to these cities, I was like, Okay,
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: I do want to do stand up again, you know,
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: so I am going to do it again. And for
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: years I was like, never again, never again, because I
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: lost my joy. You know, I just was moving too fast.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: You know, there are too many huge moments I missed.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: But the answer to your question is yes, I needed
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: to rediscover my love for stand up and it had
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: to be my own idea. Yeah, yeah, and uh oh
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: right saying no, if someone told you ten years ago
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: that in ten years you'd be promoting a book about
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: politics and therapy, what would you have told? Though? Listen,
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: I don't know this bitch. Either anything is possible. I mean,
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: are you aren't you surprised? Or are you Maybe you're
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: the opposite of me because we are opposites in so
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: many ways. Are you surprised by the two changes that
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: you take in your career and the different things that
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: you do? I mean, does it feel natural? Is it intentional?
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: Do you plan on it? Or is it I've never
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: planned anything, and I never have thought of the future
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: or like anything. I so I that's how I feel.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: I don't like to plan for the future. I just
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: I'm like, well, let's see which way the wind blows.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: You know, maybe I want to do that. I don't plan.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: I think it's more there's a different kind of energy
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: about it. You've got to get hopped up about something
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: and then you get really passionate about it. Yeah, for
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: like two days, and then you're like, oh no, I'm
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: not into that anywhere now. Sometimes I do. Somebody asked
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: me yesterday, They're like, are you are good? Like we're
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: having a silent retreat. I'm like, with no fucking silent retreats. Okay,
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: I'm not there yet. I'm not on the other side
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: of face. I'm like, I'm still normal. I don't want
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: to be silent for three days in the woods. We're
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: not so different, Like I remember it. We all got
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: awards or certificate for soccer in high school, and um,
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: everyone got positive things. And then they gave me least
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: popular on the van. But it was because I made
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: everyone's life hell when they were like trying to sleep
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: and everything specific at least popular, I have to say,
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: I loved it because it was so funny, it was
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: very creative and very true. You know, it's an interesting thing,
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: and it's kind of what you brought up just now
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: asking me. But the one time I had like an
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: identity crisis with comedy was the first time I had
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: my first special, because your first special is kind of
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: like the accumulation of everything you've done so far and
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: the best of it. And then that did well, and
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: then I didn't know who I was because I couldn't
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: do the same material anymore, so to write new material.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: But I wanted to please the audience and give them
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: what they're expecting, which is to be surprised, And then
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: how can you do that? And then I was so
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: paralyzed until I realized comedy dies in a second guessing,
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: and you just have to start over and bomb and
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: eat ship and lose fans and get new fans hopefully,
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: and just stay with reflecting who you are, and hopefully
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: who you are is always changing and growing. So how
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: have your fans reacted if you felt a difference in
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: your change and a change in them? Yeah, I mean
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: I'm sure some people are probably like, oh, folk, she's
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: got off the defend and some people know. You know,
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: this was an opportunity to share something good. I've spent
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: my career over sharing and been rewarded for bad behavior
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: my entire career. No, honestly, I mean drinking. And I
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: wrote a book about sleeping around Everyone's like, yeah, this
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: is great, you know, and I'm glad I did it.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: But you know, I didn't realize how easy it had
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: been for me, how easy my life had been, how
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: easy it is to be white and pretty and succeed.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: And yeah, you can claim you have talent, and anyone
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: can have talent, and there are plenty of untalented people
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: who are very famous and plenty of talented people who aren't.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: So it's really not about that. Another great thing from
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: what happened was the election was it made me get
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: out of my own ass. It made me look around
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: and say, wait, racism, What is the fucking deal here.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: I'm an idiot, I'm a white per I don't know
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: shit about racism. You know, I'm part of the problem
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: by not being educated about the problem. You know, I
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: am complicit unless I, you know, do something, And so
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: it made me really recalibrate the work I want to
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: do and the way I want to contribute and to
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: be aware of everybody that is outside of my lane,
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: and that other people's experiences are unlike my own, and
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: to get to know those experiences so we can make
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: change and we can stick our next out for people
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: that need us to support them and use our platforms
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: for powerful ship. Okay, well, this sounds like a good
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: time to take a break. Who do you look up
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: to in comedy and and is there anyone in particular
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: who's made you feel better about getting more personal? I mean,
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: let's just keep this from getting uncomfortable, not including me.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: I never really wanted to be a comedian. I didn't
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: know that's what I wanted. I didn't, you know, again,
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: it was about initially, and I know this is what
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: I'm supposed to be doing. I'm supposed to be communicating.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: I'm supposed to always just tell the story about what's
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: going on with me, because what it's going on with me.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: You know, I wrote this book. I thought I was
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: telling my story. You're telling so many people's stories. We're
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: all all of us. You know. You can't get through
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: the human experience without having trauma, without having grief, without
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: having lost It's just a matter of whether or not
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: you've dealt with it, and a lot of us have
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: and a lot of us haven't, and some may never
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: and that's all right too. But it's it's about wanting
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: to move forward in your life and take leaps and
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: you know, and be grounded. For me, when people talk
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: about spirituality, I was always like, oh, you know, stones
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: and chakras and massages and healing and whatever, um. But
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: for me, it's about being grounded. It's about being awake
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: and like, you know, being engaged with every fucking person
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: you make eye contact with every single day. And and
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: I had lost my way a little bit with that,
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: you know. I was just like taking everything for granted
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: and you know, not looking people in the eye and
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: being rushed and everything. And so so for that part
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: to sit still, to get ground and to be like, okay,
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: this is it. Every interaction is about all of us.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: It's not just about me and my fucking paycheck. It's
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: about us. And that was a wake up call for me.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: You know, I think a lot of us feed ourselves
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: and our families, and we want to take care of
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: our kids. Who wouldn't you want to take care of
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: your family and you want to take care of yourself,
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: and we lose our way with that because we're supposed
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: to all be taking care of each other, and we
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: now know it's a big fucking problem. So you know,
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: the world's getting browner and gayer. So you just gotta
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: hop on the fucking bus. Oh ship. Um so the
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: world around you when Me Too happened and everything, how
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: did that affect you? What? What kind of awareness did
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: you have that that was a reality in the world. None.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: I had no awareness. I did not know that. I mean,
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: I knew people we were sexually assaulted, but I had
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: never been sexually assaulted. My friend Mary claims that I have,
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: and I haven't remembered, but I don't recall that. She's
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: like everyone's been Chelsea. She's like, of course you've been raped.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: You were just probably drunk. I'm like, I don't think
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: I was raped, and then I'm like, okay, but um,
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: I was really alarmed. I did not know that it
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: was that rampant. I thought Harvey Weinstein slept with actresses.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: I didn't know that he was raping actresses. You know,
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: what did you think? Were you surprised? Uh? No, not really. Yeah,
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: the first penis I ever saw I mean I had.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: You know, it's funny because the first penis I ever
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: saw was my boss when I was a waitress in
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: New Hampshire called me in and and I was so nervous.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: I thought I was in trouble. And then he was
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: just like you having a good time here, you know,
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: just asking like dumb questions. And I'm eighteen and I
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: had never, you know, seen a penis at that point,
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: except for like my dad's when I was three by accident.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: But um, Adam Carolla has an excellent observation that everyone
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: thinks they're dead has a huge penis because they always
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: see it when they're three by accident. But um, so true.
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: That's about the right age you do see when you're three.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: I saw it again at six, and then that was
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: the last. But so this guy was just asking me
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: like these just nothing questions, and I didn't understand why.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: And then I looked and he was openly like jerking off,
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: and then you know, I just went, I have to
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: clean the popcorn machine. And I I was choked up,
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: and I was embarrassed, and I didn't tell my parents,
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: and you know, I didn't grow up like we grew
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: up with no taboos. We talked about everything, and it's
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: so if that happened to me and I never told
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: anyone in and like internalized, didn't kind of blame myself.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: Then I just thought, well, this must happen all the time,
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: And you know, it wasn't until I was much older
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: than I was like, wow, you know, I wish those
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: guys don't do that to us. Now they know their prey.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: They have an instinct of probably not consciously of like
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: who they can do that too. That won't say anything.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: You know, if he did it to me now, or
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: even like four years later, I would have been like,
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: oh my god, Bobby just showed me as Penis, you know,
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: like just like started jerking out, you know what I mean.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: I would have exposed it. But there's it is interesting
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: that they have a sixth sense, a sixth sixth six,
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: just like a sixth toe, they have a sixth sense.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: I guess it was another instance of me not being
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: aware of the other stories that were going you know
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: what I mean. It's another kind of rarefied existence where
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: I didn't fully grasp what was happening. I'm so disgusted,
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: you know, and alarmed by it, and I'm and also
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: embarrassed for myself for not knowing more are not being
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: more educated, not knowing what that women are dealing without
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: on a regular basis, And how rampant it was. Well,
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: when you started doing stand up, I'm sorry, did you
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: want to clap? Let me just stop that? All right?
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: How about um? The word problem I love you. The
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: word problematic comedy is not evergreen. So I know I
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: have stuff in my life. Do you have stuff that
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: you've done that you would look at now and say
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: that's problematic? And how would you deal with that? How
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: do you? I think now we are in a period
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: of high red alert and overcorrection. But it's necessary because
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: people abuse their power and there's no evolution. We can
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: all change our jokes. They're still funny, shit happening. It's
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: not like the only funny stuff is to make fun
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: of people who are in marginalized communities. There's other funny
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: ship going on, and we can make fun of rich
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: white guys. Now, let's get that party started. And isn't
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: funny How horrified they are, how it's like, oh god,
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: you can't even be a white male. I was like, no,
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: you can't. It's just have a sense of you. You know,
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: it's so it's just so odd. Well, they say that
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: I read somewhere that was like equality feels like quality
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: feels like a loss because it feels like something is
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: being taken away from you. So people, white guys, old
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: white guys are like, whoa, whoa, the party's over. It's like, like,
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: I can't fail upward anymore. What the fuck? Yeah, I
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: can't just grab Pussey's when I need them. It's like, no, no,
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: that party is over. You find a new party, even
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: just like in the comedy world, you know, I think there.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: First of all, I just want to say I have
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: a lot of white male friends, and I like white males,
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: but there are some you know, writers and stuff who
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: are like, I can't even get a job anymore, And no,
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: yes you can. You might have to be undeniable like
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: the rest of us have had to be to succeed,
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: you know. And that's a good thing. I think that
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: uhould be thrilled about that. But it's hard for them.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: This divide and conquer thing that the man has put
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: on us and that we've believed for so many it's
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: ingrained in us. It's systemic, you know that, like the
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: success of one woman must come at the failure of another.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: It's just it's it's not true, you know. But when
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: we bond together, we're gonna do something the man's fears
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: very much will be a force, you know. And that's
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: I think you lead the way with that. You start
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: your book talking about infantilizing yourself, that your success has
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: made you into an infant where you have several had
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: made you into an infant where you of all these assistance,
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: you don't know how to work as fucking single thing
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: in your house. And it's interesting too now reading the
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: rest of your book, hearing the rest of your story
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: and going she didn't have the parenting she needed because
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: of tragedy and your family, and you had to become
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: the caregiver, caretaker, a late stage companion. And then you
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: become successful because you're filling this unfillable hall and you
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: get power and you get assistance, and you now know
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: don't have to do for yourself, and that makes you
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: atrophied in a whole new way. Yeah, it makes you atrophied.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: And I remember, you know, I know that feeling of
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: like you know, when I started Chelsea Lately and I
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: was thank you, thanks and I remember walking to the
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: stage one of the first shows and the EP and
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: my executive producers walking and then there's a guy on
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: a walkie, the stage manager, who was like, she's walking,
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: she's walking, And I was like, oh, this is good.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: I like this, you know, like everyone's paying attention to me.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: Now everyone has to know where I am. I have
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: to be here at a certain time, I have to
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: be in hair and makeup. It was like I created
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: a life where everything was done for me so that
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: I had finally parents in my mind. Everyone on the
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: show had to take care of me and so I
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: could be the boss and the baby at the same time.
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: And for me, that feeling was like I loved it,
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: you know. And then eventually, of course I got sick
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: of it because that's not what I was looking for.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: And it's not that I don't like to do what
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: I do. I do like to do it, but I again,
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: it was the connection that I was missing. And you know,
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: the attention, the attention, The attention gets you know where
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: fast unless you are connecting with other people while that
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: attention is happening. Yeah, because there's it's real, but it's
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: also not real. It's their survival is you, because you
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: know they have to take care of and so you
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: start to feel like a mama bear and you're like, oh,
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: and I'm a fixer. I'm a number eight. So that
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: all lined up. It was all making sense, and you know,
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: for a few years it was great and it was
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: wild and wonderful, and then eventually I got bored, because
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: I will grow bored with anything. When you are injured
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: like that, everything's a band aid everything, and it's not
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: that you're trying to fix that, but you're just trying
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: to ignore it and move on to the other fun stuff,
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: you know. And I had a lot of fun too,
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: so I always was like, well, I'm having a great time.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: There can't be anything wrong with this behavior. I mean,
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: look how happy I am. And it was nice to
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: say all the things that you're kind of thinking about yourself,
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: but you're scared to tell anyone. You know, You're like, hey,
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: I do some stuff that I'm kind of questioning. I
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: need to tell somebody about it, but you can't tell
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: anyone until we figure it out. And uh so it
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: was a great sort of awakening moment to learn about
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: myself and have somebody insult me that was like, I
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: was paying, you know, tell telling me, not insult me,
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: but somebody telling me negative things about my personality or
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: my shortcomings that I was paying. I was like, this
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: is a great exchange and trade of information. You know,
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: it's not an opinion, it's a professional So it felt
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: right and it felt right to share because this is great.
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: And then I was like, oh, fuck, this is gonna
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: be like on a my apology tour, Like am I
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: gonna have to make amends? Like people go to a
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: A And I was like, you know, because I ended
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: so many friendships or relationships because people did me wrong
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: or they did something I found upsetting and I would
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: just scorch earth. And he said, no, that's your blueprint
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: for a breakup. That's how you think relationships end, because
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: that's how the first relationship ended. And now that you
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: know that, you don't ever have to do it again,
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: and I never will. But it's not an apology. I mean, listen,
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: you grow in your change, and you've shared every step
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: of it with people. And even though you go, I
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: know you're not belittling your old books or your old work,
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: but you go, oh, it's just easy. But what you
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: might not realize is like that gave so many women
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: keys to their own freedom, you know, and something that
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: felt easy for you. And talk about what this guy said,
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: I means you also, while you were scorching Earth, were
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: illuminating so many female voices. I mean, there are so
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: many women comics I know from your show, you know,
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: and that some any people are aware of from your
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: show You Champion, you produced, you know, and it's you
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: really have lived by example. So this may be an
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: apology chore, but people have a lot to be thankful
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: for for you to be sucking your And I'm sorry
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: you had to look at my back all night. That's
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: so terrible. We have to wrap it up. We're almost
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: out of time, but I wanted to just read something
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: from my book before I go. All right, These bracelets
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: are called I Decide bracelets, and the T shirts are outside.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: All the proceeds, all the proceeds go to l g
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: B t Q I a youth. So pick one up,
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: give it away. It's going to a good cause. And
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: it's I Decide. Is from a part of the book
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: that I'm gonna read to you, guys. I didn't know
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: then that my brother's death was defining me. I didn't
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: know that I had the ability to say no to
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: being defined by death. Now I was with a person Dan,
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: who could help me process what hap be and turn
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: the parts of me that acted like a nine year
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: old into a self actualized adult who had come to
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: a better understanding of what it means to dig deep
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: and admit that you're in pain, thereby beginning the process
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: of relinquishing that pain. I was in a place where
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: my brother dying no longer had to define my existence.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: It's part of who I am, perhaps the biggest part,
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: and it may have helped steer me in a certain direction,
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: but it is not all of me. I define me.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: No event or person does this. I define me. I
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: decide who I am and how I'm going to behave
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: and I choose to be better to look more carefully,
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: to trudge deeper, to think about other people's past, and
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: not judge someone for doing or handling something differently than
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: I would. To understand my limitations, my shortcomings. That is
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: my growth edge. To know I'm going through something and
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: not try to keep circling around it hoping to avoid it,
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: Go through it, sit experiencing and feeling it, not running
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: to understand that things take time and to be okay
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: sitting with my pain, not to rush through life, hop
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: scotching over or around it. No one is fully cooked,
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: no person is complete. I decide to be better. You
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: can decide to thank you San Francisco, and thank you
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: Sarah sober of It. That was a fun show because
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: my sister and my niece were there. How did that
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: show differ having comedian on stage with you? It was
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: so nice actually, because Sarah knows how to command an audience,
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: so it was nice to be up there with somebody
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: who felt as comfortable as I did being in front
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: of that many people. And it felt like she was
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: going to take You know, when you're on stage with
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: another person and it's your show, you feel responsible for everybody.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: With her up there, I felt like sharing responsibility. She
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: could keep yes yes, even though it wasn't her responsibility.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: It felt like we were sharing responsibilities. And um, I
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: always you know how I feel about Sarah Silverman. I
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: respect her a lot. I added new stand up dates.
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: I added some places I've never been before, but I
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: added so right now. I start touring again on October
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: four in Brisbane, Australia, Sydney, Melbourne, Auckland, New Zealand, and
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: then on November eleven, I come to Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Grand Rapids, Vancouver, Milwaukee, Indianapolis,
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: Kansas City, Salt Lake City, Go Mormons, Oklahoma City. I've
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: never performed there, but Karen's from there, and Toronto. I'm coming.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: I added more dates. I have fourteen new stand up dates. Everybody,
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: so come and see me. My book is called Life
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: Will Be the Death of Me. I'm on my stand
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: up tour and I have accountable dot Us page for
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: anybody who wants to be more socially or politically active.
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: I have lots of things on there that can kind
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: of lead you in the right way to take action. Okay, branded,
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: what are you doing this weekend? Whatever you're up to, girl,
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: one Big circle jerk by Life will Be the Death
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: than Me as a production of I Heart Radio. For
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit the I heart
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  Speaker 1: favorite shows.