Latest / The You Project / #2162 It's Been a Rough Week - Harps & Tiff

Transcript

#2162 It's Been a Rough Week - Harps & Tiff · The You Project

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: I get a term. It's harps, it's TIFFs. It's just
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: us too, what a little treat? It's just us too.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: It's been a big day here. I'm not going to
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: lie at six o'clock. My body feels like it's midnight.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: That's all right, Cookie, How are you very good?
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: Alps? But yes, you've had a time, haven't you.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: It's been. It's been an interesting time on planet Craig.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: It's been one of those those times that happens to
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: people where normally I'm the one coaching and supporting or
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: doing my best too. So I've been coaching me, supporting me.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Come on, come on, you can do this. It's been
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: a very I don't want to be I don't want
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: to be at all self indulgent, but I guess to
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: a point I would like to share with people what's
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: been going on. Away from all the whiteboards and the
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: gags and the dick jokes and the fucks and the
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: cocks and the it's been I'm not gonna lie. It's
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: been hard. It's been really hard. So Mum and Dad
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: eighty six, eighty seven and there not too near future.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Dad's eighty seven in July, and yeah, it's just been.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: And let me say up front, I don't I'm not
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: looking for any sympathy to for anyone, but she's it's
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: been it's been a it's been a test. It's like,
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: it's been really interesting for me to have self awareness
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: in the middle of some really challenging things and trying
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: to figure out how to how I need to be well,
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: not manufacturing anything, but how I need to be energetically,
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: emotionally practically for my parents who are going through some
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: stuff so they're not very quick. Version is that, Yeah,
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: Dad's dad's pretty crook. He's he's got a bunch of complicated,
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: intersecting medical issues that mean he's been in hospital for
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: the last week. And you know, it's not great. It's
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: not great. So if any of you know, Ronald, Mary,
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: please don't mention this or you know, because I want
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: to be fully respectful. But yeah, it's things are tough,
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: and having conversations with them, they're cognitive functions not at
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: an all time high, so a lot of repetition, a
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: lot of trying to figure out how do I say this,
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: how do I you know, and a lot of the
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: same conversations and yeah, and when somebody's really physically unwell.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: You kind of part of you is like, oh, we'll
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: just treat this and give them appeal for that and
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: give an assessment on that. And there's all of the
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: medical stuff that's going on, and there's there's a lot
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: with him, but then there's the practical stuff and the
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: emotional stuff and then me, you know, Mum and Dad
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: are I would say codependent in that they just like
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: they've never really been apart. I don't know, you know,
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: since they got married, how many nights they've spent apart.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: And that they got married in sixty two, folks, so
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: think about that. So that's sixty four years ago. In
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: fact May twenty six, so in eight days from when
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: we're recording this, it's sixty four years of marriage. So
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: they are they're more one than they are two. And
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: so there's all the emotional and the psychological and the
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: sociological issues. But anyway, dad's in the hospital at the minute.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: So I've been up and back, and remember it's around
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: five hours driving around trip and I was up super
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: early this morning, went up there, spent time with him,
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: and spoke to all the medical team about all the
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: stuff with doctors and nurses and social workers about stuff
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: and just trying to organize a plan moving forward and
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: trying to be in the middle of all of that,
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: trying to be what is best for mom and dad,
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: you know, good energy up and about Yeah, and it's
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: just been, Yeah, it's been an exercise for me because
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: you have I have five hours in the car every
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: time I go up, and I've got to go back
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: up tomorrow morning to have a meeting with some medical
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: people and dad at nine point thirty. And yeah, it's
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: truly it's hard not to It's hard not to let
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: yourself go down the path that you don't want to
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: go down. So I'm constantly, while still being you know,
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: plugged into what's happening and realistic and practical about all
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: of the things we're dealing with and all of the
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: future things, trying to be trying to find a little
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: bit of light in the darkness and trying to not capitulate.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: And then, you know, because and people care, So I
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: get asked fifty times a day at the moment, you know,
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: and then you don't want to go I can't be
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: fuck talking about it, but I kind of can't. But
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: at the same time, lots of people love him and
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: them and then around dad. You know. So Mum's now
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: staying by herself, which she does not like. So I've
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: stayed there several nights and I try to stay there
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: when I can, but that means, you know, sometimes getting
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: up at stupid o'clock and getting back to Melbourne by
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: seven or six thirty because I've got appointments or stuff.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: And yeah, trying to look after her because she's a
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: little puppet. She weighs at the best forty kilos and
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: it's all like, there's a lot of overwhelm. There's a
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: lot of overwhelm and a lot of unknown and uncertainty,
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: and you know, we just moved them out of their
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: house about four months ago into basically an old people's
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: village where they're lovely, they're the people and there's a
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: there's a separate space for care and respite and stuff.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: So yeah, he's going to be going from hospital soon
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: into respite, so we'll see how that pans out. But yeah,
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: it's been it's been a test of me for me
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: and trying to be trying to walk my own talk.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: So it's been an interesting time.
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: Tiffany and Cook, what's like, what is it like? To
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: be you have you do you find have you been
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: too busy to check in? Because like, there's what they need,
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: and there's who you need to be, there's all of
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: that stuff. But then there's yeah, there's Craig Harper that
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: does he get a moment to pause and go in
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: the middle of the knowing that one day this stuff
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: will be on your doorstep and all of the preparation
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: you've done and all of the knowledge and expertise you
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: have and support, do you even know what you need
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: or what you're processing?
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a good question. I mean I try to
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: be really practical and realistic. And am I sad? Yep?
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: Am I worried? Yep? Is there ever a little bit
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: of There's not too much anxiety, but just like low
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: level sadness. But then I don't want to bring that
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: energy to others, so I and not because I want
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: to pretend to be something else. But it's like somebody
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: said to me when I got my coffee this morning,
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: how is your weekend? Well, the truth is my weekend
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: was fucking horrible, But you're not going to go I go, yeah, good,
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: thanks yours, And then they you know, and it's like
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: I think sometimes you just do what you need to
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: do in the moment to get through that twenty seconds,
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: because I don't want to turn it into a one
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: hour fucking monologue with me feeling sorry for me. But
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: to your question, yeah, I'm very aware. I'm okay with
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: feeling a bit sad. I'm okay with feeling a little anxious.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: I'm okay with feeling you know, like, uncertainty is not great.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty good in uncertainty. But it's when it's about
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: someone that you love, Like there's a little bit of
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: me that likes and I know I can't and I
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: know this is stupid, but I like fixing stuff. It's like, oh,
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: what's the problem, Okay, let me figure out how to
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: fix that. Whether or not that's an ego thing or
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: a Harper thing, or a man thing, or a or
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: a compassion thing. I think it's coming from compassion and
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: the That's what I tell myself anyway. Yeah, but trying
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: to and there's some stuff where you go, hey, guess what, Harps,
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: you can't fix this. You can support and love and
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: be there and you can help perhaps, but you can't
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: fix this. And so there's the you know, to a point,
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: the emotional letting go and going what will be will be?
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: And yeah, it's it's, yeah, it's and I'm I try
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: not to go down the rabbit hole, and I try
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: to get out of my mind as much as possible
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: as in into gratitude and into you know. The more
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: that I think or overthink it, it does not help,
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: right because there's no solution in that cognitive rabbit hole.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: There's no solution in there, but there is awareness of
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: how I need to be and who I need to
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: be and how I need to s go up for them.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: But at the same time, my head's not in the
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: sand personally, tiff Like, I'm not pretending it's all good.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: I'm not pretending I'm all good. At the same time,
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: I don't you know, I'm definitely not seeking anything from anyone,
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: but rather just being honest about where I'm at. And yeah,
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: it's to be vulnerable and to be completely honest about
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: all of it. Yeah, it's hard. It's like really fucking hard,
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: especially when there's other things that I can't just not do.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: I can't not do you know, I'm four weeks away
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: from finishing my PhD. I can't not do that, you know.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: I can't. You know, obviously Ron and Mary are absolutely
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: overwhelmingly my priority. So in a day, I'll do everything
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: that I can do. But then, you know, like even
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: this podcast we needed to, which I'm happy to do
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: and be going all right, So like I saw you
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: at the gym and said, can you do a podcast
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: because we didn't have a guest for today, and it's like, oh,
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: what am I gonna? What are we gonna? And I
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: just didn't feel tonight like banging on about some psychological
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: construct or some fucking topic. And you know, that's just
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: where I'm at. And I think sometimes I don't know,
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: I think sharing the reality of where you're at isn't
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: like I don't want to do this again next time,
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: but it's just it's just what's going on. So and
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: I think everybody goes through stuff like well, I know
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: everybody goes through this and worse. And you know, I
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: empathize with people I I you know, like I just
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: spoke to my dad's brother, his youngest brother and his
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: wife and he's very concerned. And then even that, I
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: part of me felt like getting off the all in
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: two minutes because that's you know, I'm just it's a
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: bit groundhog Day having the same conversation. But then I'm
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: very aware that this is his brother. This he knew
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: him before I knew him, and they have a connection.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: And his wife, Miami dies She's amazing, And so yeah,
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: it's trying to be what I need to be for everybody.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: And you know, and I know people go, you got
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: to look after you. I go, yep, I do. I do.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: But right now there's so much practical demand. There are
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: so many things that I need to do and appointments
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: I have to go to. In conversations, I would be
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: having ten conversations a day at the moment with somebody
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: a doctor, a nurse, a physio and ot, social worker,
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: the people from the rest bite, you know, just just
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: trying to get all of these things organized that need
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: to be organized. So yeah, it's a bit of a
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: juggling act. But here I am.
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: Any little jumbo jumbo, has anything.
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: Hit you in a way that is different or hit
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: you in a way that is unexpected, or a reminder
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: or a complete one eighty on how you think you'd
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: be or what you think you do or do you
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: know what I mean?
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think what it's sharpened. It's really sharpened my
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: my gratitude and my appreciation for them. And without trying
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: to sound too cheesy, love and family and connection, and
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: you think about all the things that we talk about here,
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: and I'm very lucky in my life. Like I've worked
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: really hard, and I'm definitely not the ultimate success story
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: by any standard. But you know, and I never say
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: stuff like this, but I've done quite well. You know,
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: I've done okay, I've had a pretty good career. I've
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: done some good things. I've I've helped some people, and
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: I still care about all the things that I do.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: But it's like, oh, when you have people, because clearly
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: I don't have brothers and sisters, I don't have a wife,
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: I don't have lots of friends that are amazing, but
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: ultimately it's me. It's it's like I'm the only kid.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: There are no other kids, there are no wives or
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: you know, there are no daughters in law or sons
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: in law or and so it's it's like, oh, this
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: is you, this is on You need to have these
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: conversations because there are conversations going on right now which
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: I'm and Dad can't really have. So then there's the
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: responsibility of that and I just think, you know, we
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: want to succeed. We want to do whatever. We want
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: to write a book or build a business, or have
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: less back pain, or have a good career or all that,
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: and they're all good things. Or we want to buy
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: a new car or we want to go on a holiday,
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: and all those things are great and normal and human
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: and people should not not want to do that. It's
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: not what I'm saying, but it's like, in the context
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: of all the stuff that I have and I've done
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: and I've achieved, you go, well, none of that really
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: is important because it's like and it's not that it
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: was bad, and I'm very grateful, And in certain context,
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: in certain situations where you're at you go, wow, this
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: is important, I've done great or I'm very fortunate. Oh
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: this is amazing. But when you go into a different room,
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: or when your mind is in a different place or
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: your emotional system is in different place. I think everyone,
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: you know, whether it's when they're at death's store or
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: in the proximity of death or illness or significant illness,
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: everybody has a paradigm shift. And that is Oh, what
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: what actually really matters is deep connection, like deep, deep,
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: deep connection. Which is why, like, I only like to
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: work with people that I really like. I only you know,
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: I don't have fifty friends, Like I have a bunch
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: of people that I know, but deep deep, you know,
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: people that I trust my life with, and I know
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: it's reciprocal, you know, there ain't that many. And so
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: I've always been aware of how important love and connection
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: and like the human stuff is. But this kind of
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: just shines a light on it. And also, you know,
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: like all that shit that I worry about, or everyone
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: worry you know, that typical and I'm not a big warrier,
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: but some of the things that I give energy to,
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: you know, some of the fires that I fan the
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: flames of those fires because of my ego or my
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: selfishness or my bullshit or my whatever. I'm like, yeah, yeah,
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: what are you doing. That's a waste of time. And
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: it doesn't mean you can't you can't be all of it.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: And you know, I still am going to do things,
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: and I'm still hopefully going to achieve a few more
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: things in my life and tick a few boxes and
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: help some people. And but yeah, it gives a level
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: of perspective that I don't think is really easy to
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: get without the experience. You know, it's like you can't
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: like you have to go through shit sometimes to understand
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: how good your life is. It's like when I put
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: up a post coincidentally this morning, it says something like,
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: you know, people want this and want that, and they
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: finally they get there, and sometimes they get there and
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: they're like, oh fuck, this wasn't it then, or something
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: happens and then all they want is the life that
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: they had before that they didn't appreciate in the first place.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: You know, So when something and you think, yeah, so
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: for me, I'm just I realize I'm blessed in my
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: life is a very easy and I've never not thought that.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: I've never thought I've had it hard, and I've never
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: been a winger and I've never been a complainer. But yeah,
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: it's you know, then then on top of all the
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: stuff with Dad, then I worry about Mum because you know,
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: there's there's two of them, and what's you know, Mom
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: doesn't even like being away from Dad much, and Dad's worse.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: So you know, yeah, sometimes it's like when Mum walks
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: out of the room, it's like Dad's like where she's going.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: You know, it's it's it's that it's so anyway, that's
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: been this week. So I've had to put on my
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: big boy PAIRTI, make decisions, have hard conversations, do hard things,
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: and you know when you think, ah, like sometimes you go, oh,
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: this is the last thing I whatever I feel like doing,
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: like I do not feel like getting up early tomorrow,
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: and you know, driving back to do this thing to
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: that it's literally a one hour meeting. Then I've got
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: to drive back, which is all cool, but in a
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: in an otherwise normal context, I'll be like, fuck that,
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: I'm not doing that. But with this You're like, oh, well,
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: of course I'm doing that. There's nothing else that matters.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: More So, in the context of certain things, your attitude
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: and your thinking totally changes or mine does.
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: Anyway, So in the middle of in the middle of
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: all of it, because you are the only son and
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: so independent, like, do you feel ever, do you feel
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: seen like you're going through something big? Do you feel
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: understood or do you feel like.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: There is a lacking in that?
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: Because I think I think you and I can be
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: very similar in we're independent. My parents live in Tazzy,
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: and I feel often like an only child. There's a
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: big gap between me and my brother. But he's there
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: and when I'm home and if something happens, well we
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: are the two children and we are in something together,
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: you know, and you don't have that.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I've never said this ever publicly, but I'm going
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: to say it. Sometimes I feel really lonely, you know,
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: like in a busy room full of people whatever. And
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: it's not that I want to I definitely don't want
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: to be unless I'm there to speak or something. But
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: there's nothing about me that if I'm in a room
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: of people, I want it to be about me. In fact,
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: quite the opposite. I'd like to be unnoticed, you know.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: But I have this. I don't think I'm better than anyone,
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: but I just don't, you know. I think everyone has
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: this feeling that I'm whatever, I'm inadequate, all those things
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: I've spoken about, and I realize that I'm not. I
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: realize I'm not inadequate. I'm not a bad human. But
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: I've felt my whole life to an extent like I
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: don't fit in. Right. I know that I can fit in.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: I have social skills, I can communicate, I can do
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: what I need to to make people laugh and do
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: the thing but I'm also you know, I've lived by
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: myself forever, and so I'm very good by myself, and
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: I think part of the problem is I've it's not
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: a problem, but part of the reality is because I
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: do what I do, and I like when I help people,
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: coach people, talk to audiences, I'm genuinely quite excited to
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: do it and be there. That's real, like there's no fakeness.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: But there's been many times where I've had to do
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: a speaking gig where I feel fucking terrible, even sad,
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: even anxious, even but you're there to do a job
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: and you can't get up and go, hey, everybody, I'm
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: having a bad day. This is going to be shit
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: because you're getting paid heaps of dough to do your job.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: So you get up and you do your job, and
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: you try to just compartmentalize that other stuff, which you
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: should in that situation. Even on this is true right
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: now on the podcast, in this moment, I feel somewhat
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: guilty because I feel like this is excessively self indulgent
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: and nobody signed up for me banging on about me.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: But I have an awareness that maybe this will be
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: of value to someone, Maybe someone will get something out
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: of it. So all of that, and I know people
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: would look at me who have experienced me, heard me,
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: seen me, live, watch my staff, and go I find
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: that hard to believe, and I get it. I get it,
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: and I try not to be the persona. You know,
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: there's the human but all of us have a public persona.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: Now that doesn't mean you're out there being fraudulent or
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: faking it. But like the Tiff Cook that Scott Douglas
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: sees the bloke that you love and loves you that Tiff,
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: nobody else sees that Tiff, right, even me and I've
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: known you for years and years and years, probably a
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: decade or more, and neither probably should they, right. So
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: there's layers to us, you know. There's, like I've always said,
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: there's like public you and then personal you, and private
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: you and secret you. And public you is the one
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: that everyone gets to see, and personal you is the
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: you that you know, your family and friends get to see.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: And then private you might be Scott and maybe one
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: or two others I don't know, but secret you. Nobody
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: meets secret you other than you, you know, And so
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: for me, I try to bring at the very least
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: private me to the surface, and whether or not people
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: connect or don't, I'm being authentic, whether or not people
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: like it or don't, I'm being authentic. I'm not trying to,
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: you know. One of the reasons I constantly talk to
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: people about, yes, you know, potential and doing what we
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: can do and optimizing who we are and what we've
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: got to work with and genetics and time and resources
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: and intelligence. That's all real and I'm fascinated with that.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: But at the same time, I am not gifted. And
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: that's not me being humble. Like people go, but you're
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: a fucking amazing communicator, I go. I didn't used to be.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: I used to be a clumsy, fat kid who fucking
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: couldn't fit in, you know. And but over time but
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: I was not bad at communicating, But I wasn't you know.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: But over time you build knowledge and skill and awareness,
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: and then you do the thing, and you do the thing.
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: You know, and two and a half thousand podcasts later,
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: and four thousand speaking gigs later, and a million personal
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: training sessions later. And however, you know all of that,
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: you you know, but underneath all of that, that skill
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: and that competence, there's still an insecure fat kid that
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: just sticks his head up on a regular basis, you know,
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: and it's that's not bad, that's just human. Like, of course,
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: do I get scared? Of course? Do I say dumb shit?
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: Do I get trapped in my own importance? Probably? Do
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: I ever operate in an ego? Definitely? Am I Do
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: I look for approval? Not as much as I did,
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: but do I yes? All that stuff? You know? And
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: I think being you know, authenticity is an overused word,
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: and I think it's really been watered down and devalued,
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: you know, be your authentic self, Like what does that
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: even fucking mean? Like you might not want to meet
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: my authentic self, like, you know, And it's not that
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: I'm out there being fraudulent, but it's like, well, you know,
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: it's that whole thing when people go how are you
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: and then they're talking about themselves four seconds later. The
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: truth is people don't really want to know how you are.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: It's just a social kind of thread where.
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: You know that really want to know how you are?
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, but most don't.
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: The challenge though, And the challenge I mean that I
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: talk about it from when I was twenty nine, and
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: I feel like you would fit the categories.
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: When you.
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: Have a level of independence and somewhat isolation in your
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: life that you don't have anyone viewing secret you, and
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: you adopt a persona or you develop a persona in
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: the world and you're in that because you love it,
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: Like you work a lot, you do lots of podcasts.
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: You know, I was that person and you started boxing
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: and saw a different version of me underneath and went, oh,
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: I didn't I don't know me. And so the fear
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: for me is when we don't have an opportunity to
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: be seen? Do we always know? Are we aware? Like
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: I would remember going home to Tazzy once and hearing
• 27:42
  Speaker 3: myself talk to my uncle, and I was like.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: Why do I do that? What's that? What's that all about?
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: What they're turning on on?
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: Why am I talking like that? Why am I so
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: rah rah?
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: That's weird that that just happens, And to a degree,
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: that was happening for years and years in various ways,
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: until you know, one day something falls over and you're
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: metaphorically on your knees going, sweet baby, Jesus, I don't.
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: Know who I am.
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: And but then that means no one does. Where does
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: this leave me? Like, I'm scared of that, and yeah, but.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: Here's the thing, Yes we all need connection. And I
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: know what you're saying, but I would I would argue
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: with you though, that even when you started boxing and
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: you discovered a new layer to you and you started
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: to exploit potential that you had, and that's still not you.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: That's just you doing a thing that's not you. Like
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: you're not a boxer. Sure you've boxed and you can box,
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: but that's not who you are. That's a thing that
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: you're real good at, and you exploit that in a
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: good way. You talk about that lessons learned all that,
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: But who I am as not a podcaster. Who I
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: am is not a body. Who I am as not
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: all the shit that I do. It's that where you go, okay,
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: when no one's looking, when I don't have to be
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: a certain way, that's when you kind of go to
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: the room and mirrors and go, fuck, now, what is this?
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: And I think there's a good, healthy, normal questions like
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: because I've even had to, you know, in the last
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: week or two kind of ask myself deep questions like
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: am I the guy that just is good at talking
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: about this shit and helping other people through it, but
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: I don't even do it for myself. Just quickly jumping
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: back to you, do you let other people in the
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: reality with me is that that there are not a
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: lots of people that I resonate with on a deep level.
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? It's like I like
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: lots of people. I can get on with them, but
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: me sitting down with someone that I know a bit
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: and then unpacking it doesn't work for me. It's got
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: to be the right setting and the right human And
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: it's like, I realize some people I'm a really good
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: sounding board, but for others I'm not. You know, I
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: know that I can do a talk and someone goes,
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: that's the best thing I've heard, and someone goes, you're
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: a count right, same presentation, Like I know that, I
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: know that, and that's not good or bad. Again, that's
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: the human experience, and that's like that's a subjective interpretation
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: or subjective need. For some people, I am the right
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: person to listen to. Sometimes for others I am not,
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: you know, which is why when people like a few
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: similar people like repeatedly only ever comment negatively, I'm like, well, firstly,
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: I'm okay with that. Secondly, you don't have to like me,
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: and that's cool, But why do you constantly listen to
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: me only to find things to complain about? I would
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: do a deep dive on you if I were you.
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: By the way, Am I flawed?
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: Do it?
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: I agree with you? I'm sometimes a piece of shit?
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: But what is your reason for doing this? Though? Like?
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: What are you hoping to achieve? You know?
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: Anyway, I digress, But just before you said, you asked yourself, like,
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: am I just the guy that teaches this and can't
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: do it for himself? What does doing this? Well, whatever
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: this is? What does that look like?
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah? I mean, and this is kind of counterintuitive and ironic,
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: isn't it that we're doing this on a podcast but
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: objective as I can be, which is not very because
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: I'm me. Other than medical specifics, there's nothing I'm not
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: saying now, Like there's nothing that I think, oh I'm
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: not saying, you know. And the only reason I'm not
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: giving away all the what's going on is because out
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: of respect to mom and dad, you know. But like, oh, yeah,
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: I'm very much a work in progress. People wouldn't believe
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: how ah, they would believe, I guess because we're all
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: kind of the same, but you know how much I
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: have to work on me to manage me. It's like,
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: even if I'm training you or training Scott or training
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: whoever I'm training at the gym or training Johnny or
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: I'm very aware of how I am to be around,
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: not from an ego point of view, but because I
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: want to be the best me for you guys. Yes,
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: and I'm not always that. I'm definitely not always that,
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: but like for example, you're in my relationship, right, I
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: want to be I want to be the person who's
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: always happy for you to achieve. Genuinely, I want to
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: be the person that, for the most part, is always
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: encouraging and supporting you. And this is not manufactured. That's
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: just genuinely who I want to be. But there are
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: times when, and there been times when I'm not that
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: for you, and I fucking hate myself because one of
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: the things I get with people sometimes is like, why
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: you when I help people that I don't need to,
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: or why you so nice? I go because I want
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: to see you succeed, But what's in it for you?
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: I go?
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: I genuinely don't want anything back, And yes, of course
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: giving is great for me. Giving is. I'm much better
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: when I'm putting out energy then i'm taking energy. That's
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: the way that I'm wired. But I find it hard
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: at times. Two. I guess, trying to be absolutely honest,
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: maybe I don't feel worthy of no I know what
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: it is. I've told you this before. I may have
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: mentioned because I've had so many people that I did
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: buy into emotionally that have done horrible shit. You know,
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: people that I trusted that have stolen money, people that
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: I've loved who have done anyway. It doesn't matter, probably
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: no more than anyone else, but I've been I've been
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: hurt by lots of people. As a totality, it's a
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: very small percentage, but if it's five and you love
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: those five, that's a fuck lot, do you know what
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: I mean? And so I'm very When I say trust,
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: I mean trust, trust, trust, like the deepest level of trust.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: I just don't do that very much. I trust people
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: day to day with just normal social expectations and all
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: of that. But there's just something in me because many
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: of the people that I did trust deeply fucking broke
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: my heart in some way, you know. So, and that's
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: a normal defense. I even understand intellectually why I do that.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: It's like, well, course, Harps, that's normal. You know, I'm
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: not talking about girls and romance. I'm talking about just
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: people that I know and loved and trusted and you know. So,
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: I guess that adds a layer to the fucking complexity
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: of the weirdo that hosts a you project. Fuck you hell,
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: this could be the last podcast we ever do. Everybody's like,
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: get the fuck out, I'll be emailing each other, do
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: not listen.
• 36:03
  Speaker 3: We just love to know that you're actually human, Habs.
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: I want one more question at least, and you don't
• 36:10
  Speaker 3: have to name it, But is there in the middle
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: of all of this, at this moment, is there anything
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: that you've gone, oh, I'm not good at that, or
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: I need to get better at that, or I don't
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: deal with that the way I wanted to or thought
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: I would or would tell someone else to, Like, is
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: there anything like that?
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: A million things? You know, I mean, letting people help me.
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: I'm shit at that.
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: You are pretty terrible at that.
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: I am pretty shit at that. Yeah, I don't know.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: It's my mind.
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: Is that what's underneath?
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: Well, part of it, Like this is very brave. He
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: says so humbly. I'm a control freak, but not in
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: the normal way. The only person I want to control
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: is me. I don't want to control anyone else. I'm
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: happy to influence people. I'm happy for people to listen
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: to me, and I say all the time, you know,
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: we're just sharing thoughts and stories and ideas and experiences.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: Definitely don't do exactly what I do, or you know,
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, so I think a lot of us
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: try to build a psychological and emotional safe room. You
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: know what a safe room is that people have in
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: their house. We try to build a psychological and emotional
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: safe room so nobody can fucking get to us when
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: the bad guys come. And I, yeah, I do that
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: a bit probably, And yeah, I'm also yeah, same time,
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: I don't. This is a tricky one because I like,
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: you want to be confident in your ability, but you
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: can't be arrogant. Of course, I don't want to be arrogant.
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: And especially in Australia, when you have any profile, if
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: you in any way make some kind of vague public
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: declaration that you're good at something that will get more
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: negativity than positivity, definitely you'll get way more hate than support.
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: So I'm very you know, there's a scripture in the Bible,
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: one of my favorites, that says he who elevates himself
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: will be humbled, right, And so I've always and I
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: learned that scripture when I was a kid, And I'm like, yeah,
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: don't don't try to make yourself look good, don't don't
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: brag ever, don't you know? And that's why you will
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: hear if I'm talking about myself, if you'll hear infinitely
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: more times when I'm critical of me than positive about me,
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: because I want to criticize me before someone else does,
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: which I know is dumb. I know that is dumb.
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: I feel like we're doing a terrible job at selling
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: the U project, no think.
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: You know what.
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: It's the second recent conversation I've had on a topic
• 39:25
  Speaker 3: for me that feels like this is a guru of mine,
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: someone who I turn to understand and to process life
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: and to safeguard ourselves and to find healing or find
• 39:38
  Speaker 3: answers or find something right and then find them in
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: the middle of the hard stuff. You know, one of
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: my podcast guests who I love, I've had twice and
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: he recently had a big diagnosis and it rocks me
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: to I guess to witness that the guru, the guy
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: that worked in the death trade, the guy that was
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: the you know, was struggling with the fragility of his
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: mind with a diagnosis that and I just you just go, oh.
• 40:14
  Speaker 3: In the people of this life where we're seeking and
• 40:16
  Speaker 3: learning and elevating our minds, we are human and at
• 40:21
  Speaker 3: the mercy of emotion and the hard stuff, and there's
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: no escaping that. There's only I think we give ourselves
• 40:32
  Speaker 3: this beautiful opportunity to sit in the middle of it
• 40:35
  Speaker 3: with more resources and a better perspective.
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: But it doesn't make it any easier.
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: And yeah, that's very insightful. And but the beauty of
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: it is, you know, these things can coexist. I can
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: feel like shit, but know that I'm not shit. You know,
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: I intellectually know you know that I'm I'm not without talent,
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: I'm not without intelligence, I'm not unlovable, I'm not you know,
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: all of those things. I know, But I don't always
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: feel that knowledge, Like that knowledge doesn't always show up
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: in my emotional system or my nervous system. At the
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: same time, I'm fascinated with what I at sixty two
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: can learn and do and achieve and have fun with
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: over the next ten years. I'm setting up new businesses,
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: I'm doing new things. I'm excited about the future. I'm
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: one of my weird little things is I feel like
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: I have more faith in people's ability, most people's ability
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: and potential to do more, achieve more, be more. And
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: by that I don't necessarily mean stuff or money. It
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: could be more calm, more content, more fulfilled, more purpose driven,
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: whatever it is. But you know, I'm fascinated in the
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: middle of all of this. I'm still fascinated with what
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: humans can do. And I feel like part of my
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: purpose is to love and support people in whatever way
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: is needed. But also part of my purpose is to
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: help you become whatever it is you want to become,
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: whoever you want to become. And if that's a world
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: famous speaker, that's it. Or if it's a chick that's
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: happily married to an awesome human, that's it. Or if
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: it's a chick that's sorry for me using the word chick,
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: everybody tips okay with it, or somebody that's just more
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: content and less anxious and you know, or find some
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: form of nirvana or whatever it is, Like, I feel
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: like that is because I think I understand human potential
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: and possibilities quite well. You know, it's possible that these
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: things can coexist in the same human where. Yeah, I
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: feel all this stuff that's not hugely positive or empowering.
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: But also, and I don't feel that all the time.
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: By the way, there are times when I feel quite
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: proud of what I've done, in times where I think,
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: you know, like I'm actually quite a good writer, you know,
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: it's like I'm actually quite a good speaker. I'm probably
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: not the best, but I'm reasonably fucking good. But you
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: can't I would not say that, you know, even now
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: saying that, I'm like, ah, you know, but I know that,
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: and I've known that. I've I don't know many people
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: and this is going to sound braggy, but that have
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: worked harder than me since I was eighteen, you know,
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: and that's forty four years.
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: When I was eighteen, I was working in Wa on
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: a construction site. I work four nights a week or
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: three nights a week doing security, and I work five
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: days a week in a gym. So I had three jobs.
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: And I was eighteen, and I've kind of not really
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: slowed down a lot since then. You know. Now that's
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: not necessarily a good thing, by the way, but like,
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: I'm definitely not lazy, and I'm definitely not scared of
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: hard stuff, and I'm definitely I know that I'm only
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: going to succeed with resilience and work and efforts and
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: a level of humility.
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: I think like, even with this show, the first six
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: hundred shows, and I've said this too many times, but
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: just cost us money, cost me money, and most I know,
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: most people would not lose money for two years, for
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: six hundred episodes and keep plowing on. And then eventually
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: we got partnered with Nova, which is a great business
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: partner and all that. But I know that if I
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: had a given up when I wanted to give up,
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: then there would have been no relative success. If I
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: first six months of my PhD because I wanted to.
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: I was trying to think of creative ways every day
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: where I could quit and not get publicly aumiliated. You know.
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: But you just go, well, how do I get good? Well,
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: I need to just endure being bad. I just suck
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: on a white belt. But I can't get good without
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: I can't develop and learn and evolve and become the
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: best version of whatever that means for me. If I'm
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: constantly choosing comfort.
• 45:22
  Speaker 3: When's the last time what success meant to you changed
• 45:28
  Speaker 3: for you.
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I had a big paradigm shift, and I've told
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: this story, so i'll be quick. When I was about
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: thirty one or two, and I think I've heard this.
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: At the time, I owned three gyms and two other
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: we'll call them allied health businesses, but I had five
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: different premises and I had one hundred staff. All Right,
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you. I'm going to tell. I'm going to
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: tell because they're like, what does that mean? So I
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: feel this is just the fuck. So I owned, I
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: owned it, well, you know one of them, I don't know.
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: I owned a beauty salon with an ex client of mine.
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: She was amazing, so obviously I didn't work in there,
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: and clearly it didn't fucking help my looks. But anyway,
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: so I owned that, which had quite a few staff,
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: and then all of my gym's lots of stuff. That's
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: three gyms, and then I owned believe it or not,
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: back in the I don't know, eighties, late eighties, maybe
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: a solarium center when they were all the rage before
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: we found out they fucking killed everybody. Anyway. So I
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: was young and had five successful businesses, and I had
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: all this stuff going on, and I was writing for
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: the Herald Son and I was I just started writing
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: a book.
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: And.
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: You know, stuff I could go on, but it sound braggy, bragster.
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: But things were going great practically and from the outside
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: looking in, especially for a not very talented kid from
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: the country who got called jumbo most of his childhood,
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: I had clearly overachieved by what I expected in a
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: million years. I never thought I would achieve the things
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: that I did and have the money I had and
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: all that. But the irony is in the middle of
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: all of that. I realized how unimportant that was to
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: my actual happiness, because it was maybe the saddest and
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: the lowest I've ever been. But that was in part
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: because I don't know like a lot of people. You think, well,
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: when I have that, known that and do that and
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: get there, when I've got this, or when I've got that,
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: or when there's less of that or more of that,
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: I will be fill in the blank. And usually the
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: blank is an emotional state or a cyclogt I will
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: be fulfilled. I will be content, I will be calm,
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: I will be happy, I will be joyful, I will
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: be all of these things that I thought, all of
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: that external success outside looking in would bring me. So
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: not for a long time have I personally correlated with
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: more dough with more success. I know right now I
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: could make more money doing things, but I don't want
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: to do those things, you know, so like, truly, if
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: I'm without trying to sound ridiculous, one of the biggest
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: achievements in my life, with all the things that I've done,
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: is not let my training partner die. There's nothing that
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: I could do. You couldn't give me any money that obviously,
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: if they said here's one hundred million dollars, he's a
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: billion dollars. Like, there's nothing that you could replace that
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: outcome with as your best mate or one of your
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: best mates dies and you integral in him coming back
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: to life, right, you know, And there's that, and then
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: there's much closer to home for you is working with John,
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: who I've spoken about too much, who was told he
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: would be a quadriplegic, and you know, years training him
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: three sessions a week. He's definitely not a quadriplegic and
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: he's you know, he's still got challenge. But to me,
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: that is success. You couldn't you know, He's never paid
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: one cent and I would never charge him one cent.
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: And I can promise you he's given me more mentally
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: and emotionally and spiritually that I than I could ever
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: give him. And people go, oh, you're so good doing that.
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: I go, you don't get it. I know what it
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: looks like, but it's a joy for me, you know,
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: and that like him and I have a level of
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: connection because of that, because of that one hundred percent
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: trust between both of us, like he you know, like
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: the things that we do together and the things that
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: you know, like I'm man handling him around the gym
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: sometimes I'm literally lifting his leg into spot I'm doing
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: and I love it, and I love being of service
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: to him, and I love that. Yeah, all that, all
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: the myriad of great things that come out of that
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: that have got nothing to do with money or stuff. Yeah,
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: that that's for me. For me, that is success. So
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: that's part of it, you know, recognizing that, you know,
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: I still got to pay the bills and I've got
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: to put petrol in the car, and I've got to
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: be able to eat some food and all of that.
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: But and which is not to say that anybody's values
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: or definition of success should be mine. You know, if
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: I was a dad with three kids and a mortgage
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: and a partner and life was shit and I was struggling,
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: then very much money would be on my radar. But
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: I'm very fortunate that that's not the case. So anyway,
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: have we bought everyone enough?
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: Thanks Harbs, Thanks TIV for actually being real.
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, very very real.
• 51:18
  Speaker 3: Well you're always real, but I just think I didn't
• 51:21
  Speaker 3: expect you would talk very deeply about everything in the
• 51:25
  Speaker 3: warrior in the middle of it.
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: Well, thank you, and thank you everyone. Thanks for the
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: love and sending love to all of you who having
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: a shit time having a shit time, sending you love
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: and whatever I can send your energy, good vibes, all
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: of that your way. And if it's possible to love
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: people you've never met, I do. I do so, so
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: there so fucking their world, So fucking there your loved
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: if you like it or don't fuck you loving you anyway,
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: tier HAPs