Latest / Career Coaching with Fexingo: Professional Coaches, Career Counselors, and Guidance for Workers / How to Ask for a Raise Without Sounding Entitled
Transcript
- Lucas: So last week we talked about why the job search itself feels broken — the ghosting, the endless rounds, the sense that you're sending resumes into a void. But let's say you actually like your current job. You're doing good work, the team's solid, you just know — or at least strongly suspect — that you're underpaid. Luna: That's a really common spot to be in. And it's weirdly paralyzing, because you don't want to seem greedy or ungrateful. Lucas: Exactly. And the fear is real — nobody wants to be the person who asks for more money and then gets labelled difficult. But the data actually shows that people who don't ask for raises leave far more money on the table over a career than people who ask and occasionally get a no. Luna: There's a study from Payscale a couple of years back — 57% of employees who asked for a raise got one. That's better than even odds. Lucas: Yeah, and the ones who didn't ask? They just stayed at the same number, year after year, while inflation ate into it. So today I want to walk through a specific case — a junior analyst at a mid-size ad agency in Chicago who wanted to go from $52,000 to $60,000. She ended up at $59,800. Not quite the full ask, but close. And the process she used is replicable. Luna: Okay, so $52k to $60k — that's about a 15% bump. That's not a tiny ask. How did she frame it? Lucas: First, she waited for the right moment. She'd been in the role for 14 months, and the company had just closed a strong quarter — the CEO mentioned in the all-hands that revenue was up 18% year-over-year. That's a signal. You want to ask when the organization is in an expansionary mood, not during layoffs or a budget freeze. Luna: Right, timing really matters. I've heard people say the best day to ask is Tuesday morning — Monday is too chaotic, Friday people are checked out. Lucas: That matches what she did. She booked a 30-minute meeting with her manager for a Tuesday at 10am. And she came with three numbers. First, her own performance data — she had a folder of positive client emails and a tracker showing she'd completed 22% more deliverables than the previous analyst in the same role. Second, market data — she used Glassdoor and the Bureau of Labor Statistics to find that the median salary for an analyst with her experience in Chicago was $58,000. Third, her ask — $60,000. Luna: So she basically built a case that said 'I'm performing above average, and the market says I'm worth at least $58k, so $60k is reasonable.' Lucas: Exactly. And she didn't lead with emotion. She didn't say 'I feel underappreciated' or 'I really need the money'. She led with the data. Here's what I've done. Here's what the market pays. Here's what I'm asking. That's a conversation, not a demand. Luna: What did the manager say? Lucas: He said he'd need to check with HR, which is very common. That's usually code for 'I want to say yes but I need budget approval.' She didn't push for an answer on the spot. She said 'Of course, I understand. When should I follow up?' He said end of the week. She sent a polite email on Friday morning — no pressure, just a check-in. And by Monday she had the offer for $59,800. Luna: So she got basically what she asked for. But here's a question — what if the manager had said no? What's the right response? Lucas: If the answer is no, you want to know why. Is it a budget issue? A performance issue? A timing issue? If it's budget, you can ask 'Is there a timeframe when this might be possible — say, next quarter or at the annual review?' If it's performance, you need specifics — what exactly would you need to see to justify the increase? Turn it into a roadmap. Luna: And if they're just stonewalling — no data, no plan, just 'not right now' — that's a red flag. That's when you start looking externally. Lucas: Exactly. Which brings me to one of the strongest pieces of leverage you can have: an external offer. It sounds aggressive, but it's actually just smart positioning. If you're a strong performer, you should be talking to other companies periodically — not necessarily to leave, but to know your market value. That $58,000 median? That's a data point. A written offer for $63,000 from a competitor? That's proof. Luna: But with that, you have to be prepared to actually leave. If you bring an offer to your current employer and they match it, great. But if they call your bluff and you stay anyway, you've lost credibility. Lucas: Correct. So you never bring an offer you wouldn't accept. And you have to be ready for the relationship to change — some managers take it personally. But the data is clear: people who get external offers and present them internally see significantly larger raises than people who just ask without leverage. Luna: Let's talk about the phrase 'market rate' for a second. You mentioned it can backfire — why? Lucas: Because 'market rate' is a vague term that your manager can interpret however they want. If you say 'the market rate for this role is $75,000', they can say 'Well, our market data says $68,000' and now you're arguing about whose data is better. Instead, you want to say 'Based on Glassdoor data, the median salary for an analyst with my experience and location is $58,000. I'm asking for $60,000.' That's specific and verifiable. Luna: Yeah, it's harder to argue with a number that has a source attached. Also, I think a lot of people underestimate the power of just having the conversation. Even if you don't get the full amount, you've signaled that you're paying attention and that you value yourself. Lucas: Absolutely. And there's a psychological effect — once you've asked, your manager starts noticing your contributions more. It's like you've put a spotlight on your work. A study from the Journal of Organizational Behavior found that employees who negotiated their salaries received higher performance ratings in the following review cycle — probably because the manager was paying closer attention. Luna: So the takeaway is: do the homework, pick the right moment, lead with data, and don't be afraid to follow up. And if you get a no, get specifics. Lucas: Right. And one more thing — your tone matters. You're not demanding. You're collaborating. You're saying 'Here's what I've contributed, here's what the market looks like, let's figure out a path forward.' That's a conversation your manager can get behind. Luna: Yeah, that's the right framing. And if this episode was useful to you, we just want to mention — we don't run ads on this show, and that's a deliberate choice. If you want to support that, buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo is the place. Even a couple of dollars helps keep these conversations free and ad-free. Lucas: Absolutely. It's a small way to say this is worth your time, and we really appreciate it. So back to the raise conversation — let's say you've done all this prep, you go into the meeting, and your manager says 'I'd love to, but there's a hiring freeze.' What then? Luna: That's a tough one. What do you do? Lucas: You pivot to non-monetary compensation. If they can't give you more cash, ask for a title change — that sets you up for a higher salary later. Ask for a professional development budget — a conference, a certification. Ask for an extra week of vacation. Or ask for a commitment: 'Can we revisit this in three months when the freeze is expected to lift?' And get that in writing if you can. Luna: A title change is underrated. Going from 'Analyst' to 'Senior Analyst' can add $5,000 to $10,000 to your next job offer, even if your current salary doesn't budge. Lucas: Exactly. And if they refuse everything — no money, no title, no development, no future date — that's your signal. The company is telling you they don't value you. Start looking. Luna: So ultimately, asking for a raise is about preparation and positioning. It's not about being pushy. It's about making a clear, evidence-based case. Lucas: Yeah. And I think the biggest barrier for most people is just the fear of having the conversation. But once you've done it once, it gets easier. And the financial upside over a career is enormous. Luna: Alright, next episode we'll talk about something a little different — how to handle a counteroffer when you do decide to leave. That's a whole other minefield. Lucas: It really is. We'll break down when to take it and when to walk. See you then.