Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Try Harder with Matteo Lane

Transcript

Try Harder with Matteo Lane · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Oh, Happy New Year everybody. It's in three. Happy twenty three.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Whoever thought we'd make it this far? Oh? My god,
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: I did. I did. I'm so excited about only because
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: of my hysterian astrologist. What are you looking forward to? Oh,
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: just life, you know, all of the things. What are
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: you looking forward to, Catherine? Oh? I am looking forward
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: to doing a lot of hiking this year. I'm very excited.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: We just moved. We're right at the base of the
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: mountains and I'm ready to get after it. Wow, hiking.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Good for you, Catherine. I am not looking forward to
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: hiking this year. That is not something that I am
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: thinking about at all, So I'm glad that you brought
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: that up. You like to go downhill very fast on
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: that Yeah, exactly, that's right. I like to go downhill.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: That's what I've discovered about myself. But speaking of it,
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: you've been in Whistler, which is your happy place? Yes, yes,
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: i am, but I am. I'm I'm home now because
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: I have to come home to do some press for
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: my Special Revolution, which is out on Netflix. Yeah, and
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: I'm doing press for that, and then I'm hosting the
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: Critics Choice Awards next week. So I'm here in town
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: for a while. I had to leave my happy place,
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: which I'm not normally accustomed to doing in the wintertime.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: I like to go for winter. But you know that's okay.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: I have to work because I want to work. Our
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: guest today is a really funny comedian and he is
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: going to make you laugh. And you can watch his
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: advice special on YouTube. It's called well, it's called the
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Advice Special and it's on YouTube and it's Matteo Lane
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: is the page. So he's got mad skills. He's got
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: tons of different skills. I mean, he speaks a bunch
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: of different languages. He's an artist, he's like a chef.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: He's hot, he's gay, and he sings opera. So suck
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: on that. Matteo Lane is here, everybody, And if you
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: don't know who he is, you need to find out
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: because you need to follow him on Instagram. This is
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: a very talented comedian. He's a flaming homosexual. And I
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: say that because, yeah, well you can't see him, but
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: you can't see what he's doing. But I say that
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: because he is one and he is so talented. Actually,
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: you know what he did for me recently, Katherine I
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: haven't told this story yet. It was Gwyneth Paltrow's fiftieth
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: birthday this year, so her assistant Kevin had reached out
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: to everyone asking for a sketch of how we see Gwyneth,
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: to draw something of how we see Quinneth. And I'm like,
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: that's like asking me to pump breast milk. You know, Like,
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: I was like what, And I remember that Matteo is
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: not a cartoonist. I was an oil painter and fashion
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: illustrator for years, like TV commercials and fashions and stuff.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: It was how I moved to New York. So I
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: didn't know that. Yeah, from the Midwest. Where are you from?
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: From Chicago? Yes, Chicago, you're from Arlington Heights specifically, my
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: husband is from Palatine. Is he what high school did
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: he go to? He went to Palatine High School? Okay work? Yeah,
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: And I'm from Uswego, Illinois. Us we Go I've heard
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: of us we Go? Is that from a movie Oswegoswego,
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: New York and then in Oswego, Illinois. Maybe it sounds
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: like a Greek food. Yeah, it sounds like a yeast infection.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: I was. I was based out of Chicago. Last week
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: a couple of weekends ago, because I had four shows
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: in like Rosamond, then Rockford, then Minneapolis, and then some
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: other cities. So I was just like, I'm so at
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: the end of my rope with my tour in terms
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: of energy sucks. So we just based ourselves out of
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: Chicago and just flew each time to wherever drove because
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: one place was like a half hour away, because I
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: had already done the city of Chicago. So we spent
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: four days in Chicago, and I was so fucking happy.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: I was so happy in my hotel room. I was
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: acting like a like a little big girl like I
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: had finally had because I just need compact things. So
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: I had this beautiful hotel room, but I was treating
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: it like I had just become an adult. And I
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: was organizing my underwear and my socks in the drawers.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: I was like, you're here for four nights, get comfortable.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: I packed your bags, and then I was organizing my
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: medications and my makeup, and I was like, oh my god,
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: You're like it's like you have a dollhouse and you're
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: playing home. And then I realized Amy Schumer was at
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: the Chicago Theater. The same night, because we were texting
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: one morning and she's like, oh, are you in Chicago, Mike,
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: are you in Chicago? And of course we were like
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: two ships in the night. So a lot of comedy
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: comes out of Chicago people, and we have the person
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: here to prove it, Matteo Lane. So I was introduced
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: to Matteo, I don't know, a year ago, maybe probably
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: a little bit more than a year ago. And I'm
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: in love with you, and everyone who meets you is
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: in love with you because you're just such a joy
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: and such a gift and I can't wait for the
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: whole world to find out about this person. But I
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: forgot to tell you, or maybe I had to tell
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: you that. Gwyneth texted me and she was like, yell
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: see that's what she calls me. She goes, I can't
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: believe that you drew this. This is amazing, and I
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: was like, I said, esther, that's what I call her.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: I go, esther. I have to be honest. I did
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: not draw that. I had a friend do it for me,
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: because this was a an assignment that was way outside
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: of my wheelhouse. But anyway, Matteo, tell us about yourself.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: I want to know Okay, so you moved here to
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: become what you said early or I don't want to
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: butcher it, he moved here to Well I wasn't. I mean,
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: I started doing comedy in Chicago probably like twelve years ago,
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: and actually the first show I did was in a
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: gay club. No, I'm sorry, Actually the firstide it was.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: It was in a bar and thirty or four members
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: of my family came to watch me do three minutes.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: He's from a big Italian family in mafia. My grandma's
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: family probably was, but not anymore, just like nice Italians. Yeah,
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: sometimes you outgrow the mafia, I think, right, I think
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: you have to otherwise you're all in prison. Yeah it was.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: I did three minutes on Marty to Rosa's show, He
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Ransom Show, where the whole point of the show was
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: like you would win like sex toys or something. But
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: I don't know, but it was a really fun show.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: I did three minutes, and I think I was just
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: impersonating Kathy Griffin because that's all I knew of stand
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: up at that time. And I had a great time.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: It was fun. You just I was addicted immediately. Yeah,
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: well you put out it's so much material. I mean
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: you love to go on stage, right, I do. I.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: I was just talking to a comic the other day
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: about this, where it's like when you start in comedy,
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: you feel like the community is huge, and then slowly
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: but surely, everyone sort of peels off into their own world,
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: like some writers or producers, and they eventually give up
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: comedy and you're just left with, oh God, it's just
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: me and three other people. I remember at open mics
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: still doing stand up in a weird way, you know,
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: and I enjoy I really love doing stand up like
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: I love being on stage. I love writing jokes. I
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: love the the lifestyle of the comedians. I love the
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: seller table, I love everything. I'm obsessed with it. I
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: love all of it. There's not a part of me
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: that's like, I'm doing this until I get a TV show.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: I'm very happy to be known as a comedian. Oh
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: that's interesting, because I would definitely say that I'm the opposite.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: When I was starting out, I was like, I'm doing
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: this till I get a TV show. And then and
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: then I was like, oh, I'll continue to do it.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: And then I burnt myself out so hard that I
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: had to take a break from it. Because I just
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: went so hard and like with the show, with writing books,
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: then being on tour. I don't even know how I
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: did it. When I think about that, I don't know
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: how you because I'm exhausted without having a TV show
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: And you had a TV show four days, five days?
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: We how many times you guys film? Well, yeah, four
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: nights a week. We had it, so you had I
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: was an open micro then, but my dream was to
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: be on a Chelsea Handler panel. Well I'm still going
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: to happen. We're gonna bring so we're gonna bring a
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: TV show back, and you're gonna be on the panel.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: Oh my god. Never. I don't want to like blow
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: smoke up your asked the whole time. But please don't
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: just give all right, don't don't. Nobody needs to hear
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: kipt let's blow if you were asked? Okay, great, and
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: many many others exactly, let's get your asshole fived and
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: many excuse me listeners. Okay, we're going to get graphic here.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: But how many languages do you speak out the way
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: I speak English? I speak Italian, Spanish really proficient. I mean,
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: if you don't speak Spanish, I'm fluent. If you speak Spanish.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: You're like, wow, he's really good. Even though I have
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: an Italian accent. I sound like Mario and Luigi and
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: French and then some German. Okay, some Germans. Five is
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: in that world. German is a tricky language for me
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: because I'm a Jew, so that hurts my ears a
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: little bit. I'm still not I'm still not down with
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: They were like, I was doing this citizen thing because
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: you can get citizenship, you know, like I have a
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: house in Spain, so I can get Spanish residency. But
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: because my mother was a German who fled from the war.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: After the war, I'm able to get German citizenship. So
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: we've been working, like my assistant has been working with this,
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: like customs attorney or immigration attorney for a couple of
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: years to get my German citizenship. And then when we
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: all came down to it, I was like, Okay, Canada, Spain.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: I just always want some exit strategy, just in case
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: Donald Trump Junior becomes elected one day, but by the way,
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: and then finally the other So the other day I'm
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: at the Spanish consulate with my assist and we're like,
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: he has to come with me to the appointment because
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: I'm so useless by myself and We're sitting there and
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: then he goes, okay, so for your German citizenship, and
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: I was like, do I really want a German citizenship?
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: And he's like, well, I think you do, and I'm like,
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I just don't know. Well, Berlin is
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: a very cool international city. They they seemed to have
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: repented and you have definitely a bent it. Then they
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: take accountability for what the hell happened. When you go
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: to Berlin. On every corner there is a memorial talking
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: about what happened in the Holocaust, and there are terrible,
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: horrifying museums that everyone should have to go to to
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: understand exactly what did happen and those atrocities. Actually, I
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: had a girlfriend that just came back Jamie Makeup Jamie Greenberg.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: She came back from her Israel birthright trip and it
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: was so funny. She's like, you know, there's only fifteen
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: million Jews in the world, and I was like what,
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: I go, that's not right, fifteen million, and she's like yeah, Chelsea.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: And then I googled it and I was like, oh
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: my god, that is scary. I mean, that's why Jewish
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: people have to say to everybody anytime they say anything,
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: shut up. That is not a lot of people. That's
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: not a lot of people at all. I think the
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: population of Italy is like eighty million, and that's considered
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: a small country. And you just came back from Italy again?
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: Do you go there pretty often? Probably like four times
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: a year? How fun is that? It's great? I have
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: like a whole group of friends there that I hang
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: out with. We have three hour dinners and I roll
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: cigarettes even though don' how to and just do passato
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: and do I'll do shows in Italian with Francesco to
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: Carl It was like a great Italian comedian and I like,
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: you want to find a house in Rome? I want
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: to live in Italy. Oh you will? You totally will.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: That's so cool. And so how do you have to
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: switch it up? Do you have to switch it up
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: because it's a different language? I mean yeah, because one time,
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: the first time I went to Italy and I tried
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: to just translate without writing any new jokes. I was
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: an idiot. I had this joke that like an old
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: joke of mine about how I went to Starbucks and
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: they asked for my name, and I said it was mateo,
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: and she turned around and made my drink and she
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: literally wrote potato. And my thought process was like, Okay,
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: when you hear potato, you stopped writing on the car.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: That is when you say I'm sorry, it's been a
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: long day. What is your name? So I was like,
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: I'll just say that. So I started saying in Italian.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: I was in Florence, I think, and I was like,
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, they don't rhyme Anyian. Also, I
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: don't have Starbucks in Italy, so they don't even know
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: what I'm talking about. And just a bunch of stairs.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: And then I quickly turned into an eighties comic and
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: I was like, the difference between Americans and Italians are
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: like the most hackship in Italian. But I was just like, wow,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: I was not prepared for the fact that I can't
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: do any of my British bake off jokes, you know
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: what I mean, Like, I have to figure this out.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: But what I find interesting about Italian audiences is that
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: they all clap instead of laugh. Really, they just sort
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: of clap, and I'm like, I don't know if they're
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: being really polite or they're trying to acknowledge, they understand me.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: But there's a lot of clapping going on and I'm
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: going to need more laughing. So it sounds more like
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: the Olympics. It does it like holding up seven At
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: the end where they dismount off of the thing, they're
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: like like clapping, Yeah, Although if they were laughing at
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: the Olympics, that would be really fucked up, especially how
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: after how hard those people have worked. So you go
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: to Rome and you hang out, like what do you
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: go for? Two weeks? Three weeks? Like how long were you?
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: I was there for a week. I brought my guy Chris,
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: who does all chriskword is all my social media stuff,
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: and we did this whole beautiful documentary of my life
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: in Rome and where we put it up on my
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: YouTube page, and we're going to have different episodes like
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: cooked with this chef Luciano when he shows us how
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: to make carbonada and we have my friend and then
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: it shows how to make and all this fun cooking
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: stuff and I had a fucking blast. Oh my god,
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: what a life. You're totally going to have a place there,
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: I hope. So I need to find an Italian husband,
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: is what I would like. Well, what's the gay scene
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: in Italy. Do people get married there? Do they just date?
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: Like New York, the gay scene is I think l A. Yeah,
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: it's very chaot. I mean I feel like Midwestern. I mean,
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: I feel like it's true for all stereotypes for parts
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: of the country. Like it feels like Midwestern gays are
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: a lot calmer than either Coast of gays and l
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: A gays are just it's too much. It's it's too much.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: They're so not not too gay, they're too mean to
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: each other. There's a lot of it's all about the
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: way you look, it's all about what you have to offer,
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: and it's all about your standing in society. It's brutal.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: It would be like it would be like living in
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: a Lucky Charms box. That's judging you. I mean, that's
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: sort of how I view West Hollywood. But you know,
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: to tell you the truth, I don't know. I've been
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: so since doing stand up, I have been in a
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: way so removed from like gay night life, which is
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: not the only way gays go out obviously, but like
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: there I'm just saying, like stereotypically speaking, like gays would
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: go out and go to clubs and go all I
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: do is stand up and hang out with comics, And
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: I did find that my self esteems a little better
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: because I do find like if I walk into a club,
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: my first thought was how do I look? Do I
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: look good enough? And are they judging me? Who I'm like,
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: They're just it's a lot of my insecurities come up,
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: not that it's actually happening. But if I walk into
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: the comedy seller, I know they respect me for my
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: intellect and we're gonna sit down and we're gonna get
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: messy and we're gonna talk and me and Keith Robinson
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: are gonna scream at each other and like have a
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: fun time. So now to tell you the truth, like
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: I haven't I don't even know how to go out
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: in the gay scene anymore. Like I can't tell if
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: I'm feeling left out or if I've purposed. I don't
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: know what I'm like in this weird I live a
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: straight comic in a way, you know what I mean? Well,
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: I think that's I mean, it raised an interesting point
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: because I think stand up really calcifies a different set
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: of confidence, Like you have so much more to offer,
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: so you start identifying or when you're going to label yourself.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: That becomes like the first label instead of the second
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: or the third when you're stand up and that's your
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: whole life and that's what you're known for. I think
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: your identity. It's like I remember growing up, I didn't
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: want to ever be I just thought of as a
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: dumb blonde. You know. I wanted people to take me seriously.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: Like now people take me a little too seriously, you
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like I'm no, I'm cute too,
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: like that I'm not scary, it's scary, and I'm like, wait,
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: I want to be that blonde again. That wasn't that bright,
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: you know, like we're we're loud or whatever. But I
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: think that stand up cultivates. Yeah, you're just confident. I
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: mean it's badass to get up there and fucking buy
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: yourself with a microphone. It is. It's and now I'm
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: so comfortable with it. Do you ever get that feeling
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: where like you're walking out and there's thousands of people
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: waiting for you and you're like, what am I going
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: to have for dinner tonight? Like you know what I mean,
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: Like it's so normal now, which is good. I think
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: that's the best performance comes from it. Being completely normal
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: on stage. I don't think nervous energy. That always audiences
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: pick up on if the comic is nervous, so to speak.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I don't know, it's I think audiences pick
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: up and when a comic is nervous, I think so
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: for sure. It's like a owner who is carrying their
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: dog and they say the dog can feel if you're nervous,
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: or like they yeah, yeah, of course. It's hard to
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: see someone nervous, like it's not a pleasant feeling. Nobody
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: enjoys that. No. Matteo could also sing opera by the way,
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: he's an opera singer. He's I mean, what can't you do? Date? Um,
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: that's about it. We're gonna find you a date on
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: this podcast. We've hooked up a lot of people on
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: this podcast. Actually, oh you guys, we should set me
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: up then. I'm looking for and specifically people who wrote
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: in being like I loved his intellect when I heard
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: him on the podcast, because obviously they can't see anybody.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: They're just like, can you send my Instagram to him?
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: This was a previous previous guest, but we can definitely, Yeah,
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: I mean, if you're into Matteo. First of all d
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: m him right, that's a good way to be dating people.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: But also, yeah, if you're listening to this, because obviously
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: we have no straight men listening to this. If you have,
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: If you're listening to this and you think what kind
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: of guy, tell me about what kind of guy you
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: think you're looking for, because I've been around you, and
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: I've seen you with a couple of different guys, and
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: it's hard to pinpoint a type which I can recognize
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: in myself. I also don't have a type, right, I'm
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: they the older I get I'm sort of more interested
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: in someone who's going to make me laugh. Yeah. I mean,
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: I know that sounds so dumb, but it is true.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: I'm sort of over like my insecure twenties where I
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: think I need someone hot to validate me in any
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: kind of way, Like I'm really just sort of interested,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: like does this person have anything interesting to talk about? Yeah?
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: And also I think when you're a comic and you're
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: already like innately funny person, I don't think that it
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: necessarily you don't need someone actually to make you laugh.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: You need somebody who gets the joke, Like you don't
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: have to make the joke, but you have to be
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: in on the joke and you can't not get the joke,
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: because that's a turn off, because it's the worst when
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: you're when you really do have something funny and you
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: say it to your partner and they stare at you
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: and you think, damn it, I wish I was with
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: other comics or my friends. Yeah. I I sometimes I
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: see relationships of people, gay couples, and they travel with
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: each other and they're with each other and they're best friends,
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: and it's so foreign to me. I've not had that
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: experience yet in terms of dating, where like the person
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: is legitimately my partner or best friends. So I do
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: feel quite independent that way, Like I don't know. I
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: also now I'm so independent, I don't know how I
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: would customize my life for somebody else. Yeah, but that
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: always works itself out when you wanted to. When you're
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: really into somebody, you may compromises. You know you're like
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: into them, and so that that isn't Why is this
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: bouncing up and down? It's like reverberating just from this.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: I have a screen over my microphone, you guys, and
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: it's just been vibrating the whole morning. And I'm not
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: even touching it. It's it's my mouth. My mouth is
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: so powerful that it's forceful. Such a forceful mouth. But also,
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: somebody who takes themselves too seriously is a hot is
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: such a turn off. I think that goes hand in
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: hand with lacking a sense of humor, as people who
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: take themselves too seriously, that's never hot. Being funny is
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: down on my list because of course, anyone could make
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: you laugh. It makes you laugh as sexy. You like
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: them immediately anytime somebody can evoke that feeling from you.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: He's laughing at my bouncing microphone. These are like my boobies.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: It's taking the place of my boobies my screen. I
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: do like guys that are more shy. I find myself
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: more attracted to those who are introverts. This last guy
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: I was sort of seeing who I really liked. It
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: unfortunately didn't work because of distance. He was just like,
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: I can't do long distance, which I understand, and I'm
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: not here to change anybody. But he was very shy,
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: and there was something about it that I kind of
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: loved because I I think I already get enough attention
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: that I don't want to be with someone who also
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: is see king a ton of attention, Like I'm also
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: not even seeking attention outside of the stage. Does that
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: make sense? I sit at home and play Fortnite. I'm
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: not trying to do anything, you know, So I I
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: like sort of shy your guys more quiet guys, Yeah,
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: but don't you find more quiet guys have less to say.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: But when they start to open up was when I
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: find adorable. Like this last guy was painfully shy, and
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: then as he opened up, I really got to see
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: his sense of humor. And then you almost feel more
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: special because you're like, oh, wow, he's opening up like
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: something I've I've done something to help him open up,
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: and now he feels comfortable with me, and I feel
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: I have an insight on how this person functions in
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: the world, and I like their sense of humor, like
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: I enjoy that. And how long did you guys date for? Well?
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: We talked. We dated and talked for like almost six months.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: He lived long distance. I met him when I was
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: doing shows and we just kept talking and then it
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: turned into facetiming Morning New night. Then we took vacations
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: with each other and finally got to a point after
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: like six months I was like, well, how do you
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: feel about long distance? And he was just honest. He
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: was like, I can't. I have too many in securities
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: about that and I can't have someone who's far from
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: me and it's just not going to work. And I
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: was like, well, that's disappointing. And so that's it. So
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: what if you wanted to continue just seeing each other
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: like on vacation, That's not a thing to me. It
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: probably wouldn't be great because it's like I really liked
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: him and I expressed that and he liked me too,
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: and if and he even said, like, we continue what
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: we have, and I'm like, well, if I'm I'm trying
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: to make an investment, I'm thirty six, I'm trying to
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: like make a foundation with somebody, and so if it
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: just then it feels like I'm just giving you entertainment
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: which will make me resent you, and you'll feel cheap
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: for that. I will feel cheap for that. Right. So
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: the answer was I want to bring up a good
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: point because I don't think gay men are getting enough
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: credit for nipping monkeypox in the bud. But but the
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: saying is in the bud, but I'm going to change
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: it to the button it started because when the government
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: came out. I was out to dinner with a few
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: gay guys last night, as one does, and they were like, yeah,
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: we all got vaccinated right away. When when we found
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: out about monkey box, and I was like, oh my god,
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: that's what happened. Because I'm like, where's monkey pox? I
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: thought this was going to take off. I was kind
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: of looking forward to seeing what a ship show that
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: was going to be, you know, in a real fucked
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: up way. Obviously, I'm glad it didn't take off. And
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: they're like, oh, it's us. Gay men are so responsible
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: that we all just nipped in the bud before it
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: became a thing. Yeah, like most gays, we love it
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: for something. It becomes really big and then it's done.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: There's my second monkey pox. You can still see my
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: second monkey pox shot. Oh wow, I can't see it.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: It was very interesting when that happened. You know. At first,
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: it was like someone's like monkey pox is coming, and
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: all the gays were like, girl, but not monkey pox.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: And then I met I had five people in my
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: life who had it, and I was like, okay, I'm
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: going to abstain from sex, or if I do, I
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: will have I'll be open and honest with my sexual
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: partners and wait till the vaccine is available. And then
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: he said it it is eight percent effective after four weeks,
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: and so I waited after four weeks. So basically July
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: and August, I just didn't have any sex, which might
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: not sound like a lot, but to gay men, and
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: that's like yeah, I mean no, I understand. Yeah, And
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: that's almost like seven years to a regular person, it's
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: a long time. And I'm getting real tired of jacking off.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: So you know, sometimes I jack. I just do it
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: like I'm going to the bank. I'm like, let's get
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: this over. I just I'll pretend to be my own wife.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, not tonight, honey, I just can't. I'm
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: so over jacking off. But yeah, we all we all
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: didn't put in the butt. We did. The rates have
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: gone down significantly. No one's talking about monkey pox. I
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: still I'm talking about it because I like, I just
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: I just can't believe how discriminatory that advisory was. You know,
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: like gay men are the only people that can, like
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: not the only people, but that's how you're gonna get
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: it by anal sex. And it's like first of all,
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: regular people are having anal sex, you know, not non
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: gay people are having sex like it's a trend. It's
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: odd and people are into it big time, and you'd
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: be surprised if you didn't think you like it. You
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: might surprise yourself and my like at all. I have
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: a lot of girlfriends in l I who casually are like,
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: have you tried an? I'm like, oh my god, really
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: this is our conversation now, like, yes, I've tried an
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: who has a tried? And my girlfriends like, oh my god,
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: I love it. I love it. I'm like, first, well
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: shut up. You sound like a fucking asshole. No pun
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: intended again, you guys, honestly, this is like possessed. Do
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: you see this thing? I'm not touching the table or anything,
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: so it must just be we're haunted. We're being haunted.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: Bringing a Ghost Adventures show in here. It's my favorite show,
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: by the way, Ghost Adventures they've been on for twenty
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: nine seasons. They have not found a single ghost. Is
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: my favorite show. Hosted by this asshole named Zach and
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: he says every episode money mus Zach and I'm a demonologist.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: And my joke is, you know, my parents were disappointment.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: I told him I was gay. I cannot imagine if
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: I had to sit them down and be like mom
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: and dad, I'm going into demonology, they'd be like, we
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: rather you suck a dick. At least it's there. I
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: mean it is. I will watch the Travel Channel is
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: now just ghost shows. That's it. Zach Osborne has a
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: ghost show. Everyone's got one, and I will watch it
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: when I'm on the road. I turn on the Travel
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: Channel and just watch these assholes walk around houses for hours.
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: I love it. It's so stupid, so stupid. When are
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: people and people love ghosts, love it, They love outer space,
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: they love UFOs, and they love aliens and ghosts and
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: the US. At least there's like a video of a
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: thing where like, well, what is that? That's a UFO?
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: This ring light that's a ghost and that's a UFO. Yeah.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: I hate when anyone talks about anything like that. I've
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: I've felt the presence of what would probably be a ghost,
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: but I would never even focus on it for more
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: than thirty seconds. Like my friend I dated this guy
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: who had a house. I've been Shelter Island and it
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: was fucking haunted. It was definitely haunted. The vibe in there,
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: the energy. I was like, this is off. The doors
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: would shut all the time, slam all the time, You'd
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: hear footsteps creeping up the house, and I was like,
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: you're evil. I can tell that you're evil and that
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: your house is haunted, and that's why we're to break
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: up because you would have a ghost in your house.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: You're fucking weirdo. I definitely have felt that, but then
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: people really hyper focus on it. It's like, well, the
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: ghost isn't gonna get you, it's not gonna come and
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: stab you. And also we're never going to see them. No,
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: we're not. We're never going to My mom is Italian Mexicans,
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: so if anyone is Italian Mexican, immediately you have multiple
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: ants in the family who speak to dead people. So
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: you know, my mom has a sister that does. And
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: it's just so funny to me. I don't believe in ghosts,
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: like at all, not at all, I mean, but of
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: course I'm scared. Like if I watched Insidious the other
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: night with Nicole Buyer and I literally was walking home.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: I'm in New York. What's Insidious? I missed? That was
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: like fifteen years ago. But it is like the first
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: two acts of the movie are genuinely very scary. It's
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: about a kid who goes into a coma and basically
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: they find out when they get a psychic that he's
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: astral projecting and the demon wants his body and he
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: asked for projected too far and the demon captured his soul.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: Now his body is just laying there and they have
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: to go into that world and bring him back. Chills.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: It's so scary, you have to watch it. Astral projecting. Yeah,
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: Like you sleep and you see yourself when you're sleeping,
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: so basically your soul leaves your body and you kind
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: of walk around and your and the kid is four
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: or five, so we think, so I'm having all these dreams.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: Isn't that just sleepwalking? No, But like the body's there,
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: his spirits doing okay, sorry, it's like a meditation thing too.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: It's a meditation thing. You're absolutely right when you meditate,
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: because when you really get into deep meditation, you start
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: to see your body sitting down or lying down and
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: you can get away from it. That's happened to me
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: before for sure. Well make sure demons coming to steal you.
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: I'm a ghost. Okay, I'm a ghost that meditates. Okay,
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: so we've decided you like quiet guys. That's that's pretty
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: much it. That's all. We're looking for a funny quiet
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: You can't believe in ghosts. Sexually compatible? What does that mean? Though?
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: Sexually combatible? You know some of that turns you on.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: I guess chemistry. That chemistry, Yes, you're right, that's the
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: proper word, not the homosexual me being like sexual. They
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: have to like enjoy anal sex. I mean that's a
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: prerequisite for being gay. I said, don't that's true. I
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: have a friend who claims that he's never enjoyed anal sex.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: We actually have a caller today about that very issue. Amazingly,
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: Oh is it? Okay, okay, great, this is I guess this.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: I guess this episode was curtailed for somebody. Oh that's perfect.
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: I love us. Okay, Well, let's get started. We're going
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: to give advice. You know how this goes, right, we
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: give advice callers. People are fucking serious. So you have
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: to put on your medical cap okay, your psychiaty, psychiatry, psychologist, whatever.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: Have my aunt's number on speed dial. Should we need
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: to talk to ghosts. I'm a farm to table going
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: to collegist, so I'll take care of the female anatomy,
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: and you're going to take care of the male anatomy,
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: and then any emotional problems will just jump it together,
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: all three of us did. We'll take a quick break
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: and we'll be right back with Chelsea and MATEO. We're back.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: We're back well. Our first email comes from Rachel. For context,
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: g and her husband are about thirty five, and the
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: couple of friends in this email are late twenties. Dear Chelsea. Recently,
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: I had a friend and her husband over for what
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: was supposed to be a relaxing Sunday night dinner. I
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: prepared homemade lasagna and a delicious Tira messou from scratch.
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: I would love to see that homemade lasagna, but go on,
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: I'm believe he doesn't believe it. He's like, no, I'm
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: a good hostess and always go above and beyond to
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: make sure my house is spotless and my guests are comfortable.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: I asked my friend what time they'd like to eat
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: so that I could have dinner prepared accordingly. She replied
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: six pm. I worked for hours to shop, prepare, and
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: cook the meal for every one and had it ready
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: by six. Sounds annoying, by the way, this sounds like
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: someone who's already complaining about too much, but I'll stick
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: with you. Also, got to have people come earlier than
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: you plan to eat, so you're not like sitting and
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: eating right when they get there. But also, lasagna takes
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: four hours to make anyways, Usually lasagna, if people come late,
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: you throw back in the oven for fifteen minutes and
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: you serve. It's not like we're already mad at her. Yeah,
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: I hear you. I'm vegan and my guests are not,
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: so I prepared to Lasagna's and chopped for ingredients that
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: I normally wouldn't buy from my household. My friend texted
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: me at five fifty two saying they were just leaving
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: an event they attended earlier in the afternoon. At six thirty,
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: she texted me again to let me know she'd picked
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: up her baby from the sitters and was en route
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: to the house Chelsea. They arrived a whole hour later
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: than they said they would like to sit down and eat. Seven. No, six,
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: there was the call time and they showed up at seven. Yeah,
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: pay attention, you fucking too okay, oh, okay, fine. They
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: show up, apologize, and we get ready to eat. In
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: an unfortunate turn of events, her baby slipped and bumped
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: his head. He was completely fine and uninjured, but this
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: happened on her husband's watch. She freaked out and proceeded
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: to rate her husband in front of me and my
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: husband for the next twenty minutes. We decided to sit
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: down and start eating. They ended up leaving a little
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: over an hour after they arrived. I felt completely offended
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: that they were an hour late. I feel that if
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: they didn't have time to come to dinner, they shouldn't
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: have accepted the invitation. I also feel annoyed with my
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: friend for choosing to react to a simple accident so
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: negatively in my personal space. If she needed to take
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: a moment to collect herself, she could have gone outside
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: or into another room to do so instead of subjecting
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: everyone else to negativity like that. When they left, I
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: was angry with her. Should I confront her or just
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: never invite them over again? Thanks for listening, Rachel. You
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: go ahead. Look, this woman should never mix with Italians
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: because Italians will be an hourly and they will fight
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: in front of you. So make sure she never books
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: a ticket to Italy and if she does, to avoid
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: Italians at all costs, and Jewish people will also be
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: late and argue in front of you. I'm very comfortable.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: I have thirty four first cousins and we're all basically
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: the same age. So I grew up with lots of
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: yelling and screaming in the house and and food coming late.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: But we also laughed a lot and ate really well.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: I don't like people who are late, though, that is
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: a pet peep of mind, so I do back her
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: on that, Like if if you say you're gonna be
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: at six o'clock, get her at six o'clock, that ship
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: pisses me off. Okay, I have the opposite point of view.
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: I don't care about the lateness. I care about the
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: arguing in front of people. I feel like that's inappropriate.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: But I also feel like the way this letter was framed,
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: she's it's too much. It's just too judge, Like who
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: gives a ship? First of all, who's having dinner at six? Like? Why?
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: And if you're being a hostess, part of being a
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: hostess is being gracious to a degree, not to bend
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: over backwards. You know what, I mean, but someone being late, fine, whatever,
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: they had another situation, they had another event they were
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: coming from, and then fighting in front of you I
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: think is the worst, more offensive infraction. But also like, yeah,
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: don't be friends with them. Sounds like she rubs you
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: the wrong way. Like the whole tone of the letter
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: means that you're in a state of irritability. Yeah, you
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: could confront her, but to what avail? Is it that
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: important of a friendship If it's a really important friendship
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: to you, Yeah, you could say something. I would focus
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: on the fighting, not on the actual tardiness, unless that
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: happens again. They have a kid. You have to just
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: kind of make accommodations for people sometimes, And I just
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: don't like being so anally retentive that I have all
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: these rules about how you're supposed to behave as a guest.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: That kind of negates the friendship to begin with. Like
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: there's got to be room to move around, you know,
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: sometimes your friends are not going to do exactly what
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: you want them to do. So yeah, I mean, wise,
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: do not make two different lasagnas that is a whole
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: day operation. Makes something that takes the fresh ingredients you
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: can put together that takes a half hour, so you
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: can start cooking when they get there. Who says we're
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: gonna eat six and then expect them to get there
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: at six and then coming to sit down and start eating. Yeah,
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: you walked to the door and sit down at the table.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: I mean that sounds annoying to Also, being a vegan
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: is slightly annoying. Like, here's the thing. If they were vegan,
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: that would be one thing. But she's vegan. She could
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: have just cooked a vegan lasagna for everybody. Why not?
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Let's not disgrace lasagna anymore than it
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: was probably hard to disgrace in that oven that day. Anyways,
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: either make a lasagna or you don't stop it. Once
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: she heard about LASAGNI he's like, yeah, I don't believe
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: this for one second. I know she used cottage cheese.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: I know she didn't make maschamel. I know the red
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: sauces from mccan. I know that she didn't. I don't
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: want to hear about it. My mother is men and
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: I and I'm from Illinois as well, and my husband
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: is half Italian. His mom is north side of the
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: Chicago Italian and that is one of the greatest arguments
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: of my marriage is cottage cheese versus ricotta cottage. Who
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: are what side are you on? She probably is on
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: the cottage. She's I'll tell you why, mateo, Because this
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: fucking bitch takes hard boiled eggs in a big zip
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: brock bag on a plane. How are you doing the
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: rest of the flight. No one wants to smell your
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: hard world on like four different airlines having I know,
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: I know, she said to me. She came to ma
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: Orca this summer. She and she revealed this like I
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: was going to have a reaction. I said, excuse me,
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: what do you We just had gone off about bare
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: feet on planes and her vial that is, and then
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: she reveals this and then sends me a photo to
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: you know, trigger me further of her holding a snip
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: blocked bag with twelve hard boils. I said, hey, what
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: are you doing? She goes, it's protein. I go, there's
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: protein bars all throughout the airport. You can get your
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: protein in a variety of different ways. Literally, you deserve
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: to get protein powder thrown in your face. And that's
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: her protein for the meal. The weirdest thing is all
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: of my friends, like I, you know, posted the picture,
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: and so many of my friends were like, oh, that
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: time you had hard boiled eggs just like saved my life.
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: So many of my friends have memories of me with
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: art boiled eggs. Now you're just remembering those, You're you're
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: choosing to specifically remember the positive outcomes of hard boiled
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: eggs instead of all of the negative domino effect instances
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: that you And that's the hell that you've put people through.
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: You know, it's selective memory. The fact that the T
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: s A Agents had to look on their scanner and
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: see twelve hard boiled eggs go through. I won't even
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: eat a hard boiled egg, like in a small space,
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: Like you have to get rid of the egg before
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: you interact with a person. And also you need like
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: a five minute window afterward, you know what I mean?
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: Where do you put the shell? Probably takes the shells
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: off before so that it all smells. Yeah, yeah, she does,
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: listen and she does. She she's not taking the shells
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: al they're peeled. It's quick, and then the bank gets
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: filled again. But again, apologies. You know what. That reminds
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: me of this scene an airplane where Leslie Nielsen is
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: it who keeps having a hard boiled eggs and it
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: keeps hatching eggs. And even when he was doing that scene,
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: I'm like, this is so disgusting. And those were shelled
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: because the cast and crew didn't want to smell hard
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: boiled eggs all day. Well, I guess because humans lay
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: shelled eggs. Also white cottage cheese. It's not it has
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: no taste because it's too wet, and it's just it's
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: it's a disgrace. That's how my my mom's mom made it.
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: So that's how your mom's mom is wrong. There's yeah,
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: you have no I mean men toite. What does that
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: have to do with being Italian? Well, we're not Italian,
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. Like, that's why you're cottage cheese though,
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: I mean you said we're Mennite, Like that's a backup
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: for the cottage cheese. None of this makes sense. Are
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: in the cottage cheese, eggs whatever you normally put into well, okay,
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: off from memory eggs, A ragonel lasagna. I fucking hate,
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: a regano I hate and you know what else I
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: don't like. While we're on the topic of things that
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: annoyed me, Rosemary, I don't like you know, I hate
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: when Oh yeah, a lot of people don't like rosemary
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: when it's on chicken or potatoes. That pisces me off
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: because I love potatoes. But when there's a rosemary, it's
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: like this. I used to work at this restaurant Roasty
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: in Santa Monica, and they had rosemary chicken and potatoes,
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: and I would always be like, who thought up this
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: dumb recipe? And there was the biggest hit on the menu.
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: People fucking loved it, and I was just like, rosemary
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: reminds me of Christmas. I guess it's that pine needle
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: kind of like it does look like you cut up
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: a Christmas tree and roasted it on some potatoes, and
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: smells a little bit like pine needles too. I do
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: like Greek potatoes all cooked and lemon and chicken fat. Yeah, well,
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: of course, what's what's What do you have to say
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: about that chicken fat is where it's at? What else
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: do you put in it? I'm sorry we were so
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: would be interrupted because no one respects you anymore if
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: I can interrupt. I want to also say that, as
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: I've known Catherine and her family, they have some questionable
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: variations on traditional food like Italian food. Obviously, why would
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: you put cottage cheese and alazon ya. That's ridiculous, it's
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: just flavored. Asked her about the nachos, though, what are
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: amish nachos? Catherine, Let's just attack all my ethnic backgrounds.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: So go on, We've we've destroyed the Italian side. Let's
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: move on to the Mexican side. What have you done
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: to them? And just know that obviously it includes cottage cheese.
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: So again, if my parents don't have like four tubs
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: of cottage cheese in the fridge at every moment, it's
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: like not enough. So we lovingly call these amish nachos.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: But in our family, we love to eat potato chips
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: with cottage cheese. That's That's how as a vehicle, I'm
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: getting nauseous. Honestly, this is so nauseating. Was it's delicious.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: I had a boyfriend once. I'm just gonna switch topics quickly.
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: My boyfriend used to eat potato chips dip them in salsa,
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: and that was in the front. I don't understand that.
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: I was like, whoa, whoa, what are you doing here?
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: It's either ranch or straight up you know what I mean?
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: You don't get to dip your potato chips and salsa,
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: but then he would put so much salsa on the
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: potato chip that that alone broke us up. I was
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: so disgusted after months and months of being exposed to
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: this behavior. I think we dated for years, but at
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: the end of it, I was like they were like,
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: what was the final straw, and like the potato chips
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: in the salsa, I was like, that's where I couldn't
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: take it anymore. It was so gross to see a
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: potato chip dunked holy in salsa, like the ratio didn't
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: add up and they get soggy. I broke up with
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: a guy in college. He was beautiful, bright green eyes,
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: like stunning, and I watched to make cold spaghetti, heat
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: it up and put sour cream all over it, and
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: oh no, literally called my cousin Megan. I said, I
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: can't do it. No, no, no, no, no, that's disgusting.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: Even now, I even though I can't cook, but I
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: know I can't cook. And even when I try and
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: make something basic, I know like there are rules not
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: to break in terms of what like even my scrambled
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: eggs is basically what I make, you know, on the
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: on the regular, and I know not to funk around
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: with that in a gross way, like not to put
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: too many things in, Like you can't put zucchini's and
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: scrambled eggs. If you want vegetables, you can't put broccoli
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: and scrambled eggs, and all of that is gross. You
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: could put onions, you could put cheese, you could put
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: tomatoes and spinach, and that's it, and then you have
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: to draw the line, put them in the bag and
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: bring them to the airport. Okay, who's our next color? Well,
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: our next color is Marco. Marco, says dear Chelsea end Gang.
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: I wanted to get your advice on a topic I
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: know is near and dear to your hearts, sex or
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: lack thereof. As a thirty year old gay man, I
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: have finally come to the conclusion that I don't like sex.
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: The thought of topping is a turn off for me,
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: and quite frankly, I really don't like the idea of
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: getting it from behind either. Ouch. Don't get me wrong,
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: I have sex occasionally to meet a partner's needs, but
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: so far it's not been enough to sustain any sort
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: of lasting relationship. Two months is the longest I've ever
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: dated a guy. This has made dating in the very
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: daunting gay world a challenge. In the past, dates or
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: short flings with guys always go well, but tend to
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: go downhill once we hit the bedroom. I'm shocked that
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: two months, I mean two months is like eight years
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: for gays. Right, We've talked about that's good for him,
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: it's a long time and gay. I get uncomfortable once
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: we start having sex because I'm scared I won't be
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: good at it, or because I just might not be
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: able to do it. Most recently, I really hit it
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: off with a guy. We hung out almost every day
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: for a few weeks straight, and he seemed to like
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: me just as much as I liked him. However, after
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: a few unsuccessful attempts in the bedroom, he lost interest,
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: and eventually he told me he didn't think he could
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: foresee a future with me. He didn't tell me why,
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: but I can take a hint. Typically, when dating, I'm
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: not very upfront with my dates about being uncomfortable with sex.
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: In a world where sex is put at the forefront
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: of all relationships, I'm very embarrassed about my lack of ability.
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: Please help yours in Christ, Just kidding Marco could save Marco. Okay, Marco,
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: how will you're thirty? Correct? Okay? And what so what
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: about blow jobs? Yeah, I'll wrote that. It's definitely different.
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: I think with youn know, like it's doubly more like
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: uncomfortable with it? Where's blow jobs? Not so much? Okay?
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: But maybe your state of discomfort for it is because
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: you haven't done it the proper way or experienced it
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: the proper way because you're attracted to men, right, that's correct, yes,
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: and you don't like penetrating men. I'd prefer not to
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: know because why just you can be graphic if you
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: need to be as fun honestly, like I just don't
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: want to put my dick like where ship comes out,
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: you know, Like maybe that's what the Republicans say. Are
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: you a Republican? I'm not a Republican. I can understand that,
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: but well, I guess mente you should probably feel this line.
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: Question Do you have anxiety? Like do you deal with
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: anxiety generally speaking? Like, so you are full of anxiety? Right? Yeah,
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: definitely like an anxious person I've always been. Yeah. Okay,
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: So so is it the actual act that that repels
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: you or is it the anxiety of having to please
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: somebody else or be involved sexual with somebody else that
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: gives you so much anxiety you feel you can't perform.
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: I honestly, I feel like it's definitely a mix of both.
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: The cleanliness, like I said, aspect to it, well, the cleanliness,
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: it's like, just make sure that either you do or
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: someone else, which I hire a firehouse to come clean
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: up my asshole before I have sex. I mean, it's like,
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: you know those things that used to clean the sidewalk
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: in the morning in New York, they're my best friends.
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: But it's true. I've been to his place when he's
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: had an entire fire brigade there, including the Dalmatian. Yeah,
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: I think maybe are you expressing this to your partner
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: like partners you've been with, Like, look, I just want
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: to you know that I have a lot of anxiety
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: when it comes to anal and if we are going
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: to go there, I want to make sure that you
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: know that this is something that I'm having a hard
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: time with and then maybe just right off the bat,
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: being open about it will take some of the pressure away.
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: And that's probably part of the problem is that I'm
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: not open about it. I always like you're open to
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: a podcast where millions of people listen, but not partner
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: every Well, this is the first step. Yeah, yeah, this
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: is the first step. I think it's important. But I
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: think you know, when you're saying that your anxiety written
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: and that's a base of your personality, probably then that
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: is having a huge impact on your sexuality. Right. So
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: the thing that like what RelA X as you? What
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: do you do? What do you use as tools to
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: relax you? Not I'm not talking about sex in this moment,
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: but like in general, do you take anti anxiety medication?
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: Does smoking weed relax you? What do you do all
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: the above? I mean I actually I just started taking
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: some anti depressants anti anxiety medicine, and then marijuana also
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: helps alcohol exercise. I'm big on that. That always makes
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: me feel so much better. I think first and foremost
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: having more open conversations with people about it. I think
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: you're going to find you're that you're not alone. I
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: think other people probably feel that way, don't you think so, Mateo.
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: Like in the gay world, there's a whole spectrum of
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: ways that people are interested in having sex. Like some
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: people are highly sexualized, some people aren't. And I don't
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: think that you're not sexual. It sounds like you like
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: all of that. Yeah, yeah, I mean, so I think
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: you want to work towards having a more healthy kind
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: of sexual more sexual knowledge about yourself, worrying about what
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: since your asshole, Like everyone's thinking about that, but everyone's
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: still having anal sex, you know what I mean. I
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: don't want anyone to have sex with me in the
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: butt and then puld their penis out and be covered
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: in anything. Yeah, that's a fear of mind, but that's
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: not a reality, and there's a way to avoid that
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: from happening. Right. That's not something that necessarily happens, and
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: it's something that you can definitely make not happen, you
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: know what I mean, if you're taking care of the situation,
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: if that person is. But I think if you're more
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: vocal about it, like, oh god, you know, I mean,
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: this guy that just broke up with you or stopped
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: talking to you or whatever, clearly stopped because you guys,
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: it wasn't going anywhere sexually. I mean, that's obvious. And
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: so in order to prevent that from happening in the future,
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: I think you need to be a little bit more
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: open minded with people and with yourself, you know, because
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: you're not the only person that's felt this way. Okay, yeah,
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: I second that. I think there's relationships where gay men
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: don't have anal with each other. That's fine. I mean
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: that also just if you decide, hey, I don't like anal, great,
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: find another partner who doesn't either. But I'm also saying
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: that I think you might like it if you were
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: able to prevent your fears from coming true. I think
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: that you have this idea that anal sex equates to
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: one thing. You know, let's not have to repeat that
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: over and over because some people are eating breakfast. But
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: I don't want you know, I don't want you to
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: think that you don't like sex. I don't believe that's
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: true right now, Like, I don't think you've put it in.
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: How many times have you had anal sex Let's start there. Honestly,
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: probably only like on two hands, ten or less, okay, right,
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: and it's been done to you or you've done it
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: to someone else. I've never been the receiving end on it.
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: Movies topped. Okay, well, maybe you should also try that.
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: I think, yeah, you might like it up well, you know,
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: with enough fabrication, it can be a very enjoyable experience
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: and like, like, I want to like it, I really do.
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: I just then try harder. If you want to like it,
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: and you're attracted to men and you want to have
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: a relationship, whether sexual or more you know, serious, like
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: more than sexual and having a serious, like intimate relationship
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: with someone, I think you need to have a little
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: bit more experience, right And I don't think you should
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: just go out and have sex with a bunch of strangers,
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: but I think you should find people that are a
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: little bit more like minded, or somebody who has more
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: experience than you is going to be patient with you
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: as a teacher and say, oh, okay, this is how
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: we can prevent any of those things from happening. This
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: is how I get myself prepared for anal sex, and
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: this is and you can try it with different partners
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: to find your comfort level, because it's there somewhere. And
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: I think this is more anxiety written than anything else.
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: Just by talking to you and you know, looking at
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: you for sure, Yeah, no, absolutely, I know you're you're
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: probably spot on there, So can you do that? Can
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: you have more honest conversations like don't listen if someone says,
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: fuck it. You don't you're not comfortable having anal sex,
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: you don't haven't had that many good experiences with it,
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: then that's not the right person. But I bet you
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: you'll find somebody that's gonna be like, oh, okay, I
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: get it. I also used to feel that way, or
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: I also used to be intimidated or scared or thought
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: I didn't want to, you know, be a bottom or
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: a top or whatever it is. It doesn't matter. But
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: I just think you need to have a little bit
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: more experience and kind of put less pressure on yourself
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: and experiments. That's what sexuality is, finding different things that
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: you like with different people and being open to different things.
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: There's so many things that I thought when I was
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: growing up in high school that I was so judging about.
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: I would never do that, or I would never give
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: up low job. I'm not bullshit all these things that
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: are so silly. You start to become sexually aware, like
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: have more sexual exposure, and it empowers yeah, and then
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: you're and then you find out the things that you like.
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: Some of the things I thought I hated I really
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: do like now. Yeah, And I think a lot of
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: the focus is on what you're unable to do or
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: you're not enjoying, And I think if you can give
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: a spin on that and be like, you know what,
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: here's what turns me on. Here is what I'm into
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: you can drop into you're not into some other stuff.
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: But also like maybe with a new partner, you just
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: focus on, like, here's what really turns me on. It's
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: blow jobs, it's whatever else. Huddling can be a part
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: of you know what I mean, There's so much else
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: that you can do other than just like penetration. Okay,
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: so like re reframing, give it a spin, like, think
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: about what you're into, and I think it really good
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: at those things. So do you go out a lot?
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, I'm not too big into like the
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: gay scene or nothing, but yeah, occasionally I will go out.
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: Yet but you're out as a gay man, right, Yes,
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: it's correct? Okay? And do you did you date on apps?
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: And do you do that stuff? Yeah? I mostly on apps?
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: I'd say not grinder Okay, I mean there's nothing like
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: and maybe I should if that's what well, because grindles
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: you can be explicit. Hello homosexual who's not sure he
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: likes anal dot dot dot anyone question mark and you
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: can start surveying from there. So it's it's good. But
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: cinder bumble, How does it work on bumble? Because usually
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: with straight people it's the girl who writes first. So
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: in this case, is it like the bottom bottoms on? Now?
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: I think either way it works. Yeah, So many guys
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: are gonna get mad at me. They're gonna say I'm
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: bottom shaming and I'm a huge bottom, so I'm a bottom.
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: I'm a bottom too. I don't like him do anything.
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: They're excited. I just like to there, what do you
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: do for work? So I'm like a little bit of everywhere.
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: I work in a prison. So shifted, so good. You
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: know you've got a great example. That's like two comedians.
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: It's a race to get to that joke. Yeah. I
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: guess that's maybe that's why I don't like any right,
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: because you're seeing it at the most graphic plane. Yeah.
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: I think the thing for you to focus on in
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: the immediate future is to be more communicative about what
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: you are interested in and just frontload that right, and
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: then you're gonna, i think, draw more people in that
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: maybe feel the same way with you, or have an
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: experience level where they'll have the patience to kind of
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: learn with you and grow with you. But always front
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: load because if you're because that's just going to add
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: to your anxiety. When you're keeping something from somebody and
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: then they get back to your house and they're expecting
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: something to happen and you're not about to deliver that,
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: then that's going to create anxiety for you. And you
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: already have anxiety. So we want to just like take
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: that out of the equation in any way we can.
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: And also based on your first and last name, do
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: you use cottage cheese in your lasagna? Yes, you do,
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: my shame. Do you take hard boiled eggs onto planes
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: with you? I would never do that. No, sorry, that
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: would that would put my anxiety like through the roof.
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: Not this being the most shameful part of the Internet.
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: I hope that you really leave today with a whole
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: new set of ideas. Okay, because he basically just served
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: you to make in my life. Yeah you do, okay,
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: So just to chill the funk out, okay, try to
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: chill out. Yeah, just work on your communication skills. There's
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: nothing to be ashamed of, you know what I mean.
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: Honesty is the best thing always always, always front foot,
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: with honesty, front load, front foot. I don't even know
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: what I'm talking about. And good luck with you and
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: your asshole. Thank you. I appreciate. Okay, keep was supposed
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: if things change, let us know, and I want to know,
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: Like you know, with the more experience, I think that
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: you might enjoy sex more than you think you might,
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: because it's a very human where animals most people want that,
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: you know, we want. Yeah, okay, okay, I think we
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: got up all right. Thanks so much, Marco, Thank you, guys.
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: I appreciate. Thank you. Good Catherine. I hope you have
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: some time to reflect late on this afternoon, because you
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: know what he just was like, Listen, I'm not I'm
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: down with cotta cheese. You thought you had someone on
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: your team and guess what he was off your team
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: two seconds he was like his face. It was the
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: first time I saw him like his face crunch. Oh.
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: He was cute. He was a high Yeah. I know,
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: he's sweet. I wish I could adopt somebody like that
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: and just lead them. He was so sweet. He's one
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: of my favorite colors that we've had. I was so
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: excited to Yeah, and honestly, the way he was talking
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: to us, just talk to your partner that way. He
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: was talking to Chelsea Handler about not wanting anal, Like,
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: you can't say that in a private conversation with somebody.
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: I know, this is pretty bold. Well, some people have
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: a lot more. Yeah, I think it's hard. So sometimes
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: people have a lot more a bigger issue with saying
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: it in the moment, especially when it's intimacy. People have
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: so many issues around intimacy. People are freaking weird, you know.
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: I mean I I've had experience with that too, where
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: I'm just like, you know, like you freeze or you
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: don't want to disappoint. You don't know what the person
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: is expecting, and that's it disappoint. You feel like you're
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: going to disappoint the other person. Yeah, and you're right.
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: Communicating that with somebody else takes away that shame and
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: you can just have honest conversations with somebody. Yeah. And
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: then you can conversely go too far in the opposite direction,
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: Like I've had several one night stands where I was
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: putting it out there right away, like just so you know,
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: I'm here to sex, and that's that's backfired on me too,
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: where guys like what do you mean you're just here
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: to sex. It's like, well, wait, I thought that was
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: gonna be the good thing for me to say, like
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: we'll be on the same page, and guys are like,
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: I mean, I've had guys surprised to my surprise be like, no,
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: that's too forward. I don't like that. I don't like
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: when a women talks like that and you're like, okay, well,
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: I find so like I always I always feel like,
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm a little too honest things sometimes, But whatever,
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to change that. No, I don't think
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: you should. Okay, So this is Chloe, Is it this
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: about Chris Jenner? I mean, we can only hope. By
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: the way, Chris Jenner sent me a satin pillow or
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: silk pillow or whatever the funk it is, and I
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: have to say it's magical. I've never had one of
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: those because I just always thought, like, I mean, I
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: do so much ship. We didn't get so many lasers
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: that I don't have to worry about not getting crinkles
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: on my face when I'm sleeping because I make up
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: for I supplemented in other ways. But this silk pillow
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: case or whatever her brand is I don't know what
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: it's called, but it's delicious. Oh wonderful. I love that
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: you call them crinkles. Also, I sleep on my side
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: and I wake up my face looks like I've been
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: sleeping a concrete all night. I know you can get
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: one of those pillows that have like the little pads
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: that come up so you put your head in it.
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: I have one of those at my house and so
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: you can't turn and they're really comfortable. I have so
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: many different pillow stipulations. In the middle of the night,
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: I have to change it up. Then at like three
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: I need a different pillow. So I still need to
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: meet your dogs. Oh, I know, hopefully before they cross over.
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: There are two additional pillows. You're gonna be there in
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: l A in February. I'll have them come to see
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: one of your shows. I would love that they'll clap
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: softly in the background. Oh, I'm miss bert Well, Chloe says,
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: dear Chelsea. I married the love of my life a
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: week ago today. Everything about our wedding day was so
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: perfect except one thing. His mother was so far beyond
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: disrespectful that I've cried almost every day since just thinking
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: about it. She showed up intoxicated and walked up to
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: us as we were taking pictures, right before having our
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: first look. She had a rotten attitude right off the bat.
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: Didn't compliment me or my dress, didn't say hi, and
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: when I complimented her on her outfit, she blew me off.
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: My sister complimented her as well, and she just walked away.
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: Even though we were ahead of schedule, the schedule that
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: my coordinator had made, she was trying to hurry pictures
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: along and do things on her own timeline. She released
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: her family to go get dinner before the DJ had
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: announced it was time to eat, and before my husband
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: and I had even dish up. She came up to
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: us as we were walking around, trying to say hello
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: to every table, clapping her hands at us and telling
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: us to move it along and get the music going,
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: even though the speeches hadn't even started and people were
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: still dishing up food. I was firm and told her
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: we were going by the schedule. The speeches were hilarious
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: and heartfelt, though you wouldn't know it by the look
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: on her face. She stared at us with a deadpan
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: look across her face the entire time they were happening.
• 58:35
  Speaker 1: It definitely took me out of what was supposed to
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: be a funny and touching moment. There's more, but this
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: email would be a college dissertation if I kept typing.
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: She made me feel like absolute shit, and I certainly
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: know her true feelings about me. Now my question is
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: how do I handle this. I honestly never want to
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: see her again, but obviously that's not an option. Though
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: my husband is a hundred percent on my side and
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: said we aren't going to her house for Thanksgiving. Thank
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: you for reading this, and I look forward to any
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: advice that you have with love Chloe. And Chloe did mention.
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: I said, you know, is the drinking a habitual thing
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: with her? And she says no, she hardly ever drinks.
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: So that's why this was very out of character. Oh
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: that's a twist, I thought for sure. Hi Chloe, Hi, Hi,
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: You show up at Thanksgiving to her house and when
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: I say wasted, I mean I don't even want you
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: to be able to walk through the front door. I
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: think that's a great strategy. Dontorry, I think Thanksgiving is
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: not going to be happening. Also, are you a nurse?
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: I am in dental hygiene school work. Yeah, so she's
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: not a drinker, and she just got ways. She must
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: have been nervous, right, I think. So she's just really
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: emotional about the whole thanks, Like that's her only child
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: getting married. I guess she should be happy that he's
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: getting married. That's what I thought. So I was like,
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: pretty honestly, like, I was pretty devastated when it just
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: was the opposite. I'm like, aren't you happy for us?
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: I am? Yeah, yeah, I think on see, you have
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: to really feel pity for her, because, I mean, that's
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: so sad that she ruined the wedding for herself and
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: for so many other people. But listen, she didn't ruin
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: your wedding. Don't let her ruin that day. I know
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: you don't, because you're in love and you just said
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: you married the love of your life. That's an unfortunate
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 1: thing to have had happen. It will be funny in
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 1: a certain amount of time. Yes, I was going to
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: say the same thing. It's a funny story. She's a
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 1: hot mess and her like complimenting your outfit and her
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: not receiving the compliment about hers. Of course she didn't.
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: She's fucking wasted. She can't even hear anything you're saying.
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: You know, she's in a she was in a blackout.
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: Probably does she have any recollection of the wedding? Do
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 1: you know from your husband? Has he spoken to her?
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: Oh there's a ghost in your house. Do you see
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: that ghost that just went through your door? I swear
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: we just saw a shutow. I'm sure it's the computer screen.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: So don't worry. Well, I love I love true crime
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: and all that. So okay, Well that ghosts are a
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: lot different than you cried. But whatever, it's true. Wow,
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: it's not dark it started dark story. Oh my god,
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: what did your husband say to her after the wedding?
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: That's my thing is, like, we haven't there's been no communication. Really.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 1: All we had was just a text from her to
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: my husband saying like I should probably apologize for some
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: things I don't really remember. And that was it. Yeah,
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: she doesn't know what happened. She doesn't know what happened.
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: I would say, listen, as a bigger person, which you
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: obviously are, just try to not take it so seriously.
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 1: What happened. It's an incident, and you don't want to
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 1: just hold all this anger and resentment towards her because
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: she clearly obviously has issues. She probably had a really
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: hard time with the day, losing her son in her mind,
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: and she tried to, you know, help that situation by
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: over stimulating herself. And I'm sure she regrets it. I'm
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: sure she's in a very deep shame spiral. There's no
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 1: way that you can act like that and not feel
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: like an asshole afterward, you know what I mean, especially
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: when you're not a drinker. She's not a normal drunk,
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 1: so she's going to have shame about it. Obviously, give
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: it some time, but try to forgive her, you know,
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 1: let her apologize to you in due time, and if
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: she doesn't, just go. You know, that was really unfortunate.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: It was a really unfortunate part of the day. Luckily
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 1: it didn't ruin my day. But when I think back
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 1: on that day, I do remember that, and that's that's
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: always going to be with me and now you have
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: to live with that. But don't hold this against her
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 1: for the rest of her life, you know what I mean.
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 1: Not going there for Thanksgiving, you're setting enough of a
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: signal that's going to be devastating for her if that's
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: her only son. And I do think you should find
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 1: a way to make it funny. I know that sounds
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 1: hard to do right now, but you either get like
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: a caricature artist to draw like your wedding with her
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: just like creeping in the background, drunk, clapping at birds,
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 1: drinking like pist off every picture, just because there is
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 1: something funny about being Nope, not like going back to
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 1: the ghost, but you literally being haunted by a drunk
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: woman the whole wedding, and it's kind of hysterical. I mean, yeah,
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: I guess you're right. It's everything really like rolls off
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: my back and I like laugh everything off honestly. So yeah,
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: I just had to really considered doing that with this.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: Give it, give it some in forgiveness. Yeah, it's funny.
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: We both started laughing as soon as we've heard you
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 1: they're your letter, not like in a way that we
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: know it's going to be funny, because all things like
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 1: this end up being hilarious, you know. So just you're
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: you're gonna be fine. Don't don't harbor all this resentment
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: towards her. I know it's going to take a little
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 1: bit of time for you to get past it. You
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: can be upset, but you know, try and understand where
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: she's coming from. It's not an excuse, but you know,
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 1: then you're the bigger person, and then there's really nothing
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: to argue with and it might make you closer. Yeah,
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: that's true. Yeah, especially if she does apologize. It is
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: really kind of more sad than anything else. You know,
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 1: it's just kind of pathetic, like that's the father or
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 1: the mother of the groom. Yeah, the new mother in
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: law of the ghost. The way you feel about it,
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: it will loom less large in your mind. And I
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: love this idea of like turning it into a joke.
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: But when I got married, we had a situation where
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 1: like it was the most rain in a hundred and
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: fifty years. The person who was going to do the
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 1: videography couldn't make it, and so it was like a
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 1: cousin of somebody who wound up doing it. And for
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: some reason, they decided after I walked down the aisle
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 1: they should turn off the camera for a little while,
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 1: and so they did, and then missed most of our
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 1: ceremony and finally turned it back on like in the
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: middle of the vows sort of thing. And I was
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 1: so hurt and crushed by that that for years I
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 1: didn't watch my wedding video, and then a couple of
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 1: years ago I finally watched it back and realized there
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 1: was so much more of the ceremony, which was only
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 1: like twenty minutes long, but there was so much more
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 1: than I remembered that was there, and it's such a happy,
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 1: wonderful memory now. So like your feelings around it will
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: change and you you'll feel better about it. The most
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 1: mature thing you can do is to know that you're
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: going to feel differently about this in a little bit. Yeah. Yeah,
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: I guess I was pretty recent, so maybe just some
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: time I would be grateful. Listen, you have a great
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 1: life ahead of you. You're with you the love of
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 1: your life. You don't have time to Harvard resentment towards
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 1: his idiot mother who cares. Yeah, and now you get
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 1: to be married to him. Yeah, yeah, it's very exciting. Yeah.
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: And hopefully you're the daughter that you are son that
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 1: you guys create together, won't be an alcoholic like her grandmother.
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: And for Christmas, center a bottle of vodka and say
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: I thought of you. On every wedding anniversary, you can
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 1: center a bottle of vodka and go happy anniversary. We
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 1: know this is your favorite day. Okay, yeah, this already
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 1: is funny to me. So thank you. Okay, take care,
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 1: We love you. Thanks Chloe. Oh that was I'm glad
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 1: we took that call. Good call. And I know it's
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 1: like someone calls in with a serious problem that the
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 1: two people are who sitting here and fucking laughing laughing
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 1: at the very first sentence. But that is kind of
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 1: what you need it Like, where when has anyone been
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: to a wedding where there wasn't a drunk asshole. That's
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 1: the thing. My mom always says, something goes wrong at
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 1: every single wedding, whether somebody puts the cake in the
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 1: sun and it falls over or whatever. My sister in law,
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: the pastor, brought out a laser pointer in the middle
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 1: of it. Like, something goes wrong and weird at every wedding.
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 1: So this is just her thing. You know, what do
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 1: you think went wrong at Tiffany Trump's wedding? Oh my god,
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: I saw the funniest thing. I have to show you, Matteo.
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 1: You guys, I'll read this to you. Catherine, my friend
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: just posted something so fucking funny. It's a picture of
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 1: all of that picture of Tiffany Trump. Okay, she is
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 1: my favorite of the Trump family. It's hard to have
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: a favorite because it's like it's really it's Lana Trump,
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: Marla Maples, Tiffany Trump in the middle, then Milania and
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 1: then Ivanka. So they're all standing together and it says
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 1: traditional family values standing between your mom and the chick
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 1: you're dad cheated on your mom with who was standing
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 1: next to your half sister, whose mom your tent sheeted
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 1: on with your This is so solid, so solid. All Okay,
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 1: well I figure on that note, we're gonna have to
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 1: take a break and wrap it up. Yeah, okay, let's
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 1: take a break. I'm gonna put poteto in the bubble
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 1: bath and we're back, and we're back. Well, Matteo, we're
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 1: going to wrap up. But is there any advice you'd
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 1: like from Chelsea? There is advice i'd like from you.
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 1: How do you handle criticism about your act? I mean,
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 1: there's more evidence that points to your own success than
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: there is that points to your own detriment. For me,
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 1: I have enough experience to know that I have what
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: I've got it. I've got the goods, and you know
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 1: that you've got the goods. So for all those like
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: little people who want to be in your ear or
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 1: on your Instagram. Those aren't the voices that you have
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 1: to care about, because you could look at like three
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 1: hundred comments and you see one out of three hundred,
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: and then we focus on that. No, you're focusing on
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 1: the other two, right, But also what you're really focusing
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 1: on is not ever paying attention to any of those
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: comments either way, and focusing on the trust that you
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 1: have in yourself as a performer. And I think that
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 1: just gets louder and louder over time. You know, the
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 1: more experience you have, the more you know that you
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 1: know what's up and that you've got the goods. And
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 1: that's all you have to say to yourself is I've
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 1: got the goods. Yeah. Yeah, everyone should say that to themselves,
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 1: regardless of what you do. Yeah, that's awesome, even if
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 1: you're at a wedding drunk. Yeah, I've good. I just
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 1: lost him. Okay, Well, Mattello, I love you so much.
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 1: I thank you. What an entertaining, fun episode. Yeah, we're
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 1: gonna have to have Matteo come back as a regular. Yes,
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 1: it was really it really lightened things up. Yes, and Matteo,
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 1: I do following you on Instagram and I think you're perfect.
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 1: Thank you. Yeah. You want to see somebody who is
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 1: multitalented and multifaceted. You can follow him on Instagram, TikTok
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 1: where else? YouTube? Go to YouTube. He's putting out a
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 1: special on YouTube soon. That's already out my YouTube page.
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 1: Mataito Lane, Mattel Lane. Oh yeah, yeah, you guys go
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 1: watch his special on YouTube. It's gonna you're gonna fucking
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 1: thank us. And you can find him on Netflix's comedy specials,
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 1: stand Out and the Comedy Lineup. Okay, have a great day.
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 1: Thank you. Hi, don't forget to watch my special on Netflix.
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 1: You guys revolution, It's a revolution. So if you'd like
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 1: advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at Dear
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 1: Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 1: production of I Heart Radio. Executive produced by Nick Stuff,
• 1:09:47
  Speaker 1: produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 1: Dick Hurt.