Latest / High n' Dry Podcast / Episode 26. The Herd Immunity of Zombies & Scorpion vs. Mario (Feat. Reece Merritt, Comedian)

Transcript

Episode 26. The Herd Immunity of Zombies & Scorpion vs. Mario (Feat. Reece Merritt, Comedian) · High n' Dry Podcast

• 0:15
  SPEAKER_02: I would have to say penis.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: Just a hot dog penis?
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, cuz 'cause I mean worst case scenario, I'm removed from carnal distractions.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_03: Not really.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_03: So I mean like still a it's still a penis.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_03: Will the penis work?
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_02: Best case scenario?
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_02: I imagine it's kind of like uh uh like you microwaved one of the cheese dogs, but uh does it fill with nitrites when you get hard and get bump up?
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: And if you don't put cuts in it, it'll just fucking tear.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_02: And and I think best case scenario is no one will know.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_02: Like on the screen.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you can like you can never have sex again.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like you can never have sex again.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_05: Well, that's not oh I mean, like you can put a hot dog in something.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: Well, no, but but not I'm talking like straight up, like this thing looks like a commercial ballpark, Frank.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_05: It's got grill marks.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_05: There'll be people who are into that.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_05: There's gonna be people who are into it.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_05: I guess you could find somebody, yeah.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_05: You can find a lot of people who would fuck a hot dog dick.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_03: I'm sure there are a ton of people out there.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_02: Would that be one of the things that the government like takes you away for to study, or did they just knit it in his glass hair?
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_05: That's a good point.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_05: I think hot dog arms would be more likely.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_05: Hot dog dick is like I could hide it from the government.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_05: Hot dog arms you can't hide.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: You got Biden going, capture him.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: I want to know what he has.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: I want hot dog arms.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: We need to give hot dog arms to our soldiers.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: Just could you imagine the whole first season of my show is just trying to hide my hot dog penis from the government?
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_02: But but they but the audience doesn't know that's what you're doing.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: You don't know why that's the reveal.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just the whole first season is I'm hiding from the government, and you're like, but why?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: And then finally at the end, I could reveal it because it's just a hot dog.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_06: It's just a hot dog.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_06: I got a hot dog neck.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_02: It's uh it would be a very strange take on Jason Bourne.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, so uh that's a thing.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, but I have the skill.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: Do I have the skills of Jason?
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like, so that's your power.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: The the hot dog penis floods your brain with Jason Bourne powers with sodium.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_03: Increases your blood pressure, makes you smarter.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_03: It's all that sodium.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, hold on, I'm going into a full lockdown sodium headache.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, Reese.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: I got a question first of course.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_02: Chase just lays down by a dumpster.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_02: Thirsty all the time.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: Are you guys ready?
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: I I'm ready.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to High and Dry Podcast, the only podcast where we do all our own stunts.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Ryan Barron North, drunk philosopher.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: With me as always, James Crosslin, Resident High Philosopher.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: James, what's going on?
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, hey, that's me.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_05: I I'm doing okay.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_05: Uh it's a it's a wonderful day.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_05: It's a wonderful day to talk about murder, like two people murdering each other.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_05: I'm excited.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: First of all, wait, the moral question?
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: Well, no, the other part.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: Is murder okay?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: Uh joining us today, guest high philosopher, coming back to the show, Reese Merritt, comedian.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: Reese, what's going on?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, it's not much, not much.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_02: I uh I'm about two edibles in about an hour and a half ago, so we're gonna see how this goes.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_05: You're gonna need to take another one soon.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_05: Yep.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's on top of the hits.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_02: I actually I actually have discovered uh James, you're a fellow high philosopher.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um you've you've heard of a resin joint, right?
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, for sure.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_05: So you so what you do is you you have the flour and you put some concentrate in it on top of the flour, right?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, no, I'm just talking about like uh your roach joints, sorry.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, sure.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so it's it's when you have no money, but your ashtray is full of paper, and so you assemble all of those good times.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_02: I have found a ten dollar edible roach joint.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: Just you empty your ashtray into the brownies.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: It no, no, no.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_02: It's um you uh you you go to Walgreens and get uh these ten dollar pills for a colon cleanse.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_02: And it turns out after hour four of sitting on the toilet googling which god to pray to to have this stop, um all the toxins that uh your body has registered, all the alcohol, the the cocaine, the uh the the edibles flies out of you.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_05: And then you recollect it and smoke it.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_02: And for a second, you think one of the prayers you made to a new god worked.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_02: Interesting.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_02: And you're gonna be doing that on the show.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah, yeah.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_04: We told you you gotta take a shit before we record.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_04: Just bring it in.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_04: Bring it in.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I'm set up in my bathroom right now.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, well, thanks for joining us.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: So no problem.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_02: Philosophy right there.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: And thank you again, audience, for joining us.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: If you like us, please like.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_02: Still vibe, thank you.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we're still here after all that.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but yeah, follow us, like us, subscribe to us.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: Share us with your friends.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: Share us with your friends.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: Run our episodes on repeat.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: Just put it on your cell phone and put the cell phone somewhere and just let our numbers run up.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: Appreciate it.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: Last week, we put it on replay at your mother's hospice.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_03: Make her last days worthwhile.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: Give her something.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_03: Give her the joy of high and dry.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: Just one time.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: All the time.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: Just one time.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: Just don't disappoint her.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: Just fucking once.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: You're listening to high and dry.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: We know who you are.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_02: And a sound body and mind say.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: So, on high and dry, we start our episode off with a moral dilemma, a fun little question, whatever it happens to be, and then we transfer into a fist fight.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: Before we do that, though, it's time to get a little drunk.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's time to get a little high.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: Those of you guys listening to this on your way to work, like, when the fuck are they gonna start doing this?
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: Hot dog dicks and my mother's hospice.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_04: This guy's taking a shit.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_06: So, James, no one's James, what are you smoking?
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_05: Uh, today, by uh by Reese's request, I presented him a few options.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_05: I am smoking blueberry cookies.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_05: It's a combination of the famous blueberry strain and the equally famous Girl Scout cookie strain.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_05: And it tastes a lot more like a pine tree than it does either of those.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: I will be smoking a pine tree.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: How fun.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it sounds delicious.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_02: Um Reese, what about you?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_02: Um currently I am uh doing a uh it's a purple I can't remember now.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_02: Purple cushion.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_02: Nice!
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_03: It's a purple cushion.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_03: So it must be some good shit.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_03: Purple, I can't remember.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_02: I can't remember.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_02: It's not bad.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_02: It's uh it's by unicorn light.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_02: Ooh.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, alright.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: Very nice.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I will be joining you two is the drunk philosopher with my Espalone tequila Blancoff.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_03: You're gonna have to try to get in a different mindset.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_03: Should made him really aggressive last time.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_03: Try to take it, take it down.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: This is uh 80-proof, tequila.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing special, nothing fancy, just tequila.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: Uh because I've been cheating the audience with all my lemonades and what have you.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's time to get back to basics, you know, really rediscover myself as an alcoholic.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_02: And uh it's important to you know, uh go back to your old stomping grounds.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, to remember who you are.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, remember where you came from.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: So, this first shot right here, it's going out to our boy Carl Urban.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, he hit me up last night.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: We're already thank god, thank God, share.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_05: Please, yeah, please leave, Cher.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, as always to share, ma'am.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: And to our guest, Reese.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: Cheers.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_02: Cheers.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: My mind wasn't prepared for that.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_05: That sounds like a you problem.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, good.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: You see, and that's but that's been a weird thing, is that uh I've gotten so used to just shots in general that I'm just like, all right, let's have a drink of this.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm not used to the tequila yet.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: And so there's a there's a dissonance there.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like, whoa, whoa, you're really poisoning us right now.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: So I think uh next episode of this I'm on is gonna be the intervention episode.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_02: Um probably.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_05: You know, I've for every for anyone out there who's worried about Ryan, I have been checking in on him a lot, being like, you only drink it on high and dry days, right?
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like I, you know, and this so there's rules out there, audience.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: Three rules.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: All right, you never drink straight from the bottle, you never drink when you're alone, and you never drink when you're sad.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: As long as you kind of stay in that, you should be alright.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_02: None of those rules apply to smoking.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_02: In fact, do so if all three or one is present.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: Smoke straight from the bottle.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: Smoke all the time.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I'm saying.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: If you're not high all the time, what are you doing?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: Why are you living?
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, so the second one, this one, is gonna go out to two places.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: So, first off, there's a little commune over in Paris, France.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um what's the fucking name of this place?
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: Cliche.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: Cliche.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'm sure there's more of like a back-of-the-throat inflection that I have to do.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_05: But it's it's Cliche Ile de France.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_05: Wherever you you there sounds cliche.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, cliche, France.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_02: But I'm sorry, listeners, I understand if you don't follow me after that one.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: Well, this guy right here, this guy or woman, um, is on every episode, and it's about time that we thanked you for it.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: So uh, France, Paris, France, cliche, we see you out there, and we appreciate you.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_05: If if someone out there is using a VPN in this commune, like a server-based in this commune for proxy, let us know.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, let us know, man.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: Get with us.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: And then also, this is going to go out to our first Scottish listener from Johnstone, Scotland.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: This one's to you guys.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_04: Cheers.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_04: Cheers.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_05: I'm loving the international vibe that the podcast is having.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_05: We got a lot of people all over the world.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_05: We got Australia, we got just Reese.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: Reese, famed world traveler.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: Listen to podcasts on well, and so we're also doing a call out there to all of our audiences.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: If any of you happen to be Antarctic researchers, please listen to the podcast on Antarctica.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: Get us those all the contents.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_03: We want every continent.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_02: We want to be the number one podcast in Antarctica.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_05: We want to be worldwide.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_05: I I know that there, even if someone listens in Antarctica, we're not going to be the number one podcast in Antarctica.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_05: You know that if I if I was down there researching shit in Antarctica, I would bring a bunch of fucking podcast downloads because I got sh nothing to do all the time.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_05: I I actually don't listen to podcasts.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_02: I'm surprised.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_02: So, cool thing, I I was watching uh that that old uh no reservations with Anthony Bourdain, uh the late Anthony Bourdain, and uh he there's an episode where he actually goes to Antarctica to sample their local cuisine.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_05: And uh he has a penguin throw up into his mouth.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_02: There's apparently one restaurant on the entire continent, and uh as he he as they're talking with this guy, um he's like he's like, I didn't think I would wind up being the best chef on the continent.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um I've never been to culinary school, but uh yeah, all it takes is a change of location to be better.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: There you go.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: We could be the most popular podcast in Antarctica.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: Just head on down there.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: And so finally, we have our third shot.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: Reese, what's it to?
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: To weed in general.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_05: To weed to the general to all of marijuana.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_05: Cheers.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_05: Cheers.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, no salt, no nothing, just tequila.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: It brings so good.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: You've become a true white woman.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I feel that working through my fingers.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so let's get down to it.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: So now that we're a little drunk, we're a little high, it's time to get into the topic real quick here.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: This one should be easy, should be light, should be fun.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_03: I have a feeling it's not gonna be any of those.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: No, it actually will be.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, oh, thank God.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: So uh I've been we've been doing really well off of these kind of you know, more fun, more drunken topics, those sorts of things.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um so the question I have for you guys, you know, is a pregnant woman gets stuck in a cave, she's pregnant, of course, and you have a stick of dynamite, there's five survivors behind you.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_03: This is why I have trust issues.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: So my question for you guys is um, and Reese, I know you're not the biggest fan of the genre, um, so I do apologize, but this is the one that stuck out to me, and I couldn't get my head off of it.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_01: I couldn't ask another question until I asked this one.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: How long will you survive the zombie apocalypse?
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I'm talking uh I'm talking a Knight of the Living Dead, Romero, they're shambling towards you apocalypse.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_01: Reese, what do you think?
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: How long are you gonna last?
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_02: Uh I I would say about as long as a zombie apocalypse would.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_02: I'd say about three weeks.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_02: Go on.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_02: Because if you think about a zombie apocalypse, it's a virus.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's something coursing through a human body that's Are you about to do some like anti-vax herd immunity to the zombie apocalypse?
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, no, quite the quite the opposite.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um, no.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_04: Um, once 70% of us catch it, we'll be fine.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_02: Work for tuberculosis, um polio, you know, all those good stuff.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_02: Historically, yeah.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_01: So anyway, go on.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's a it's a bubonic kind of question, but uh um if you think it's it's a virus that's providing um automation and a goal and a desire, a rewrite, much like rabies.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_02: If it's a rat if it's a if it's a rabies-like disease, that comes with a insane fever.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um that would kill the person the host within three weeks.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_02: So I say wait a wait a month or two and then come out of whatever hole you're hiding in.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_02: So I'd say about a month or two.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: So but did you think you but you personally, you think you'd survive the whole time?
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, for those three weeks, let's let's use that as the basis of this.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: This is only gonna last three weeks.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna leave us just completely devastated as a race.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: But um how are you why are you gonna why are you, Reese, gonna survive those three weeks?
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_02: Uh I'd probably just go out somewhere into Lake Michigan, um, use uh and survive on a boat.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, if if uh if if if any Viking can do it, I would hope I can too.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_05: The new Dawn of the Dead ended, like the new Er one, like the remake of Dawn of the Dead ended that way with them going on a boat, and then where they landed were also zombies.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_01: So I mean I see that so Reese is out there for three weeks.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, the fever's killed them all, and then he then he uh disembarks and is immediately attacked by zombies.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_04: That's exactly what I was saying.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, we were right.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_02: Seeing as I'm not in a submarine, I I would be able to look at the dock and see who's greeting me.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_02: If they're wearing the same shit as when I stole the boat, I'm probably not gonna moor.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_03: You gotta get food.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you gotta eat sometime.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_02: There's fish.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_02: Well, all right.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_02: Well if it works for if it works for Hawaii, it'll work for me.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_05: Well, James, what do you think?
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_05: Um I think I'd survive the whole time because I am a white man.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_05: Therefore, I am entitled to my survival.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: So let's say for a moment, in this fantasy situation, um that's not gonna happen.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's not gonna work.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_03: That's not gonna work.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_03: Damn it.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_03: I don't think I'm gonna last very long.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_03: That's how I've kind of coasted by so far.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: So let's so say that uh let's let's say that your privilege is completely nulled, then what do I have?
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_03: I have I have wasted 32 years of my life riding by on my white male privilege.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_02: You still are a 768 credit score.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_02: So your credit score is great.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_02: No, it's not.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, you're one of those kind of white guys.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: One of those white people.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_05: All right.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_05: So let me see.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_05: Let me take a second.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_05: That was my joke.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_05: That's as far ahead as I could think.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_05: When Reese was going, I was like, I got a joke for it.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_05: And then I didn't think about the actual answer.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_05: Um so I I don't uh I don't think I would survive very long.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_05: I think a lot of people overestimate their ability to do things.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_05: I think I think it's like a vast majority of people overestimate their ability to do things.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_05: Um, I think I am severely I think when I say I would survive, I think I'm severely overestimating my ability to survive a zombie apocalypse.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: I am glad I would do my best.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_01: You do your best.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_05: I've done a good job of like avoiding people being very um very meticulous about the current pandemic that sweet that has swept the world.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_05: You know, we just had a pandemic-like scenario and we saw how quickly it spreads.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_05: You know, I even tested positive for it.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know if that was a a false positive, um, but I was quarantined for 11 days.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_05: Um but at the same time, you know, I didn't have any symptoms.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know if I actually had the virus, I don't know if it was a false positive.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_05: Uh, but I have been incredibly meticulous this whole time.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_05: But on the other hand, I was forced to work a job during that.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_05: Where if I did catch COVID, that was where I caught COVID, was because I needed to continue to eat and I didn't have the privilege to stay at home because my credit score is bad.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_05: But but you know, I was working, I was working, and I was I had to encounter many people, um, and I wore a mask all the time, and I and I tested positive after doing that job.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_05: And if there was a zombie apocalypse, who knows how long I'd be allowed to to sequester myself.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_05: I just see you as an Uber driver going, hey, so where are you from?
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_05: And then he just bites you with the rope.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's cool.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_02: That's cool.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_02: This is only my part-time job.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_03: If you do that again, I'm gonna have to, and you're right, sir.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, oh, I'm losing.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so uh for me, yeah, like I I try and like be hard on myself, but like so you I think you have the skills necessary.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_01: I think I have the skills necessary to survive the zombie apocalypse.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um if anybody could make it of the three of us who could make it that like two like month or two, it would be like I'm I'm I'm military grade marksman on the M4.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: Uh huh.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: You tell me to run right now, and I could run for the next 26 miles.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, I I work out every day.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_01: I'm top percentile of military PT tests, um, physical training tests.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um I think I might have a shot.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_05: If I would drive a car the whole time, which would be a problem, I'd eventually blow a tire, and then I'd have to I'd have to be like, oh god, I hope I can change this fucking tire fast enough before some zombies wander up on me.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like if I'm dealing with shamblers, I I could run for miles and miles and miles.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I couldn't tell.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_02: No, the when the last time somebody told me to run, my response was fuck you.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_06: Right.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_06: I I do it for fun.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_06: Fuck you, zombies.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_03: Fuck you.
• 22:07
  unknown: I'm not moving.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_02: In gym class, I was like Jason Voorhees.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_02: My knees didn't move.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like I I would I would find a second story home.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_01: I would knock out the stairs with a sledgehammer.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um I'd tie a cinder block to a chain and just keep dropping it on the heads of zombies who are surrounding my house.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_02: Um and when I wanted to- I thought about that last week too.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_02: I mean and that exact thing.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_05: You know, I I could run and put a rope up and go down and up and down the rope.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_05: The zombies can't do a rope.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_05: No, I mean, and I think it's my exactly.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you see, I think I was bullied too much as a child because now as an adult, I I've tried to turn myself into a video game character.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, you know, I I I think I could pull it off.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: I I think honestly, I have a shot.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: You do have a shot, but then comes in just the problem that things are unpredictable.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: Or or there's that, uh, or there's the one there's the asymptomatic zombie.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we're in a survival situation.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: I wind up sleeping with them.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_05: Um definitely, for sure.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_05: Naturally.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_05: And then obviously.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_01: And then that's a wrap.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_01: Predictably almost.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_03: I got a zombie dick.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_04: Oh hell.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_03: It looks like a hot dog.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_04: If you sleep away with an asymptomatic zombie, your penis turns into a brow worst.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: So that looks delicious.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_01: I am fucked.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_03: Zombies are going to be clawing their way in here for sure for the zombie dick.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: Just put a little mustard on that, wrap that in blood, forget about it.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_02: So it's a constant and steady 126 degrees.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I I think as long as I don't encounter a asymptomatic survivor, I'll be fine.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_05: The problem is there's also, you know, when you when you think you've cleared you can't be 100% at clearing a sp- You know this.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_05: You can't be 100% at clearing a space every time.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_05: You don't always get the jump on whatever.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, of course, I will never be point man, so I will gather enough followers.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_01: Be like, all right, dude, your point, trust me, it's the safest place.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_01: They don't die every time.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, uh, for those of you out there, if you ever ask to be point, they're trying to kill you.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_01: Well, so uh yeah, I think I'm I I I do think I have a shot.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_01: I think I'm gonna make it the whole time.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_01: Reese, final thoughts.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_01: I all I need is a number.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_01: How long are you gonna survive?
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_02: Uh hypothetically, two to three months.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_02: Realistically, about 90 seconds.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_02: I might be you'll be you'll be part of the vanguard of zombies.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_03: One of the first zombies.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_03: I saw this really cool monkey outside the lab, and I was like, come here, monkey, but I want a monkey.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, what am I gonna do?
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_02: Not high-five it?
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_06: Oh shit, it may be this is the first zombie.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_04: It's the lunch list.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_01: Hypothetically, I got three months.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_03: Probably I'll be patient zero.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: Final answer.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_03: I'll be the one who tries to feed the escape experiment monkey.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_02: Uh James Who does that kind of shit?
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_02: Me.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_01: Me, definitely me.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, he's one of those snub-nosed fluffy ones.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_01: I had to grab him.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_02: I on I understand my my luck is basically the big brother from my name is Earl.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_04: So so so yeah, hypothetically three months, probably patient zero.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_05: Uh James.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_05: Well, so as long as I had access to water, like uncontaminated water, like Mountain Dew.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_05: I would say I probably have access to about like seven days of like contained movable water that doesn't have to come out of a faucet.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_05: That's probably what I have here for me and my wife and my dogs.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_05: And uh and then so however long it took for that to run out, I'd have to go get more of that.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_05: And if I ran out of weed, I'd have to go get more weed.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_05: Those would be the toughest things.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_05: Those would be the things I have to go out for most.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_05: Food, obviously, but I can get that with the water.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_05: I'd say probably like two or three weeks until I just fucked up and there was a zombie on the floor that I didn't notice.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you just missed that one.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_05: There's corpses everywhere.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_05: Who's cleaning up the corpses?
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_05: You don't know if corpse is a zombie or a fucking corpse.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_01: I would treat corpses like ordinance.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_05: What if you can't go anywhere?
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_05: What if there's nowhere to go because corpses are like where the food is?
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's why I have my point man.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_01: Who will die?
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'll I'll slice his Achilles.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_04: I'm good.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_04: The one area where you're slowed down is that you don't know how to grow food and shit.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_04: Um, well, what I so I I so for you.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_04: Don't make an excuse.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know how to grow food.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_04: I think I would survive.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_01: I've played Fallout.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um, however, I think the version of me that survives would be completely unrecognizable.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_01: Because I mean power corrupts, and the fact that, you know, I I can run all that distance, and I am, you know, I do have the ability to use weapons and things like that, and I've been trained for that sort of thing, is a type of power in this new thing.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_01: So I think the version of me that you find is a raider years down the line is a raider.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_05: Well, guess what?
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_05: You're gonna run into another raider, and they're gonna be with a sniper rifle, and they're just gonna be like this motherfucker.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_05: That's how you're gonna die.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's from another I will die from another human.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_01: No, not a zombie.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but I don't think the zombies will get me.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_01: I think it'll be another human who finally troubles.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_01: Who finally does?
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's why, but I've also stated many times that I will have a point man.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_01: And as soon as he's dead, you're gonna run out of point man.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_05: It's a zombie apocalypse, you're gonna run out.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_02: That's true.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_02: That's true.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_02: I I have known you for a very long time, Ryan, and I do agree that your life probably will end at a human hand.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yep, yeah.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_02: Everyone can change the background with whatever apocalypse or no apocalypse you want.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_02: I it's just it's just a skin that you spent money on.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_02: That's that's all it is.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_02: It takes as long until someone gets the better of you, and that can happen at any time.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but as far as the zombies go, I think I got it.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_01: So so moving on.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_01: So I die in a raider war, and that moves us on into the next portion.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_01: Or if you couldn't find food.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: Those are the only two things.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: But uh well, moving on to the next portion of our podcast.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's time to get into a fist fight.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_01: This week, we got a good fight for you.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_01: But before we do that, it's time we gotta get a little more drunk, we gotta get a little more high.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's normal to drink more tequila before the fight.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, and that's why we're here.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_01: And again, I'm drinking tequila, and my answer is that I become a bloodthirsty raider that you can't recognize.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_03: Twice in a row.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_03: I wonder.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_05: Interesting.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_05: It's uh it's almost a theory.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_02: I also agree.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_02: Uh uh that e if you're if you want to survive, you have to adapt to your surroundings.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_02: It's like that old English expression um, do what the clock does, just keep moving.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_02: Is that an old English expression?
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_02: When talking about Big Ben.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_01: We'll have to ask Nathan next week.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we'll ask Nathan.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_01: Because we're international.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_05: That's right.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_02: It's no big deal.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe I'm wrong and you just lost your British fans.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_01: Possibly, I don't know.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_01: Could be.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_01: Could be.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I'll just like everyone in Europe to know that wasn't us.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_01: That was the guest.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_01: That was Reese.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_01: If he's wrong, fuck that guy.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_01: We have no allegiances.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_01: That was Reese Merritt.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_01: You could find him.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_03: So um, we could go to war.
• 30:19
  unknown: I'll go to war.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_01: So before we get into it, it's time to do it.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, James, what's this one to?
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, it's to our two competitors this week.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_05: Uh oh shit.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_02: Every time it's like a damn gas leak.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_02: What was this?
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_05: Scorpion, right?
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, Scorpion from Mortal Kombat versus Mario from the Mario Super Mario franchise.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_05: I guess just the Mario franchise.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, at this point, yeah.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, if you include the Cheech one, the Cheech and Chong one.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_01: He's not really Super anymore.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_05: He's just Mario.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_05: He's just Mario.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_01: In this stage of capitalism, he's just Mario.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_01: He's mediocre Mario.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_01: Mediocre Mario.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_01: Don't want him getting ahead of himself.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_01: Declining Mario.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_01: We we can't have a plumber thinking he's all bad.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_02: So what is true?
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_02: Instead of Dr.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_02: Mario, would it be like dentist?
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_05: It'd be a homeopathic remedy, Mario.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_05: I have a crystal.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_06: What is happening right now?
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_06: Cheers, goddamn.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_03: I have this bottle of water with very little of a natural ingredient in it.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_03: So much so that it's non-existent, but it has the memory of the ingredient.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_02: Oh god.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_02: A few generous spoonfuls of LSD.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_03: I've diluted one nanogram of napalm into this bottle, and I'm gonna throw it at the enemy.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_04: Revolutionary Mario.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_01: So woo! All right, so for those of you who are just joining High and Dry and are still with us after this, um, good on you.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you're probably in that one commune in France.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_01: Or you're a VPN.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_01: Either way, get with us, man.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so how we do this in high and dry, it's a three-round method that is guaranteed to deliver results that are indisputable.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_01: What we do, round one, fight club style thing.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um we all get down into a basement of a dive bar, high and dry podcast crew, along with Carl Urban and Cher, of course, are up in the box seats while we watch these two characters just crunch each other to death.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_01: Round two zooms out into a city view where these characters have received a manila envelope under their apartment doors, and they now know that they have to go kill the other one.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_01: They got 24 hours to do it, and they can do it however they want.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_01: And then round three is the same thing as round two, except this time they get to bring a friend.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_01: So we've just jumped into round two.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_01: Cher has been ushered to her seat.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_01: We are ready to begin.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_01: We are seeing from her head nod that it's alright.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_01: Uh round one, Reese gets.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_02: He didn't quite understand what we meant by a toga party.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um I would have to say I would have to say Mario.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_02: Go on.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_02: I would have to say Mario, because uh the big thing that he has, the Scorpion has, is the chain, the teleportation, and hellish fire.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_02: And uh he's stacked up against a plumber who is about two feet tall.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_02: Most of the things.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_02: I give it three five.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_02: Three five.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_02: That that's fair.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_02: So about the s about the size of your average crouched human being.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_01: So you're saying that he's gonna duck the whole time and just low kick.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_01: He doesn't have to duck.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_02: He doesn't have to duck.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_02: Because every like 90% of everything that makes Scorpion not just a dude can be stopped by crouching.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_05: So he's also got a sword, though.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_05: He comes down with that sword.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_05: And the teleport from behind and teleport behind with a sword on a crouched enemy is totally scorpion.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_02: Think about it.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_02: First move everyone does a scorpion is come get over here.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_02: And he's gonna do that, suffer from the delay, and then uh speed bag uh mini me Mario comes in and the speed bags is nuts.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_05: We have to assume that Scorpion is not controlled by one of us, though.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_05: We have to assume that he's controlled by like the best player.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_05: That's his standard behavior even in the movies when he shows up and dodge a whip.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_05: They have to dodge it though.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_05: He he doesn't use it if it's not gonna be if they don't have to dodge it, I don't think.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_05: Well, uh, James, what are your thoughts?
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_01: Who's gonna take this one?
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_05: Uh, this is tough.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_05: This is really tough.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_05: Mario's got a lot of powers, but he can't bring the things that activate his powers.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_05: He gets like different hats or feathers or like a doctor.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, right now he's just shirtless.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_05: He's just Mario.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_05: He doesn't have any of that other special stuff.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_05: And Mario comes from a world where he can't get touched by an enemy or he loses a life.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_05: If he simply gets touched by an enemy, he loses a life.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_01: And he doesn't have the mushroom that gives him an extra life.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_05: He doesn't have he can't get any more mushrooms.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_05: He also comes from a world where he only has to hit his enemy one time, or sometimes two times if he has to like pop off their shell or something.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_05: But he comes from from a world where enemies only take one hit to kill.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_03: And so I think that he's going to be super surprised when he jumps on Scorpion one time and then Scorpion slices him in half with a sword.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_05: But who knows he doesn't have a sword.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_05: He doesn't have a sword.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_01: He doesn't have a sword.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_05: But he does have hellfire.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_05: I think he's gonna get him with the hellfire because he has the hellfire innately, but Mario doesn't have that fucking fire or anything.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_02: No, um the completely forgot what I was going for, so continue.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, so and then for me, um, I'm so I'm gonna say what we what what I see happening in this basement is first Mario's immediately out of his element.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_01: This is you know, this is PG 13 already.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like he's a little concerned right now.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, like these guys look really drunk.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_05: Violent toxic masculinity.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there's a lot of Gen X violent masculinity going on in this basement right now.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I mean, he sees share, and that that already's freaking him the fuck out.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um and I I think I I think that he will get the first hit on Scorpion, so Scorpion won't get the perfect, yeah.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_01: But he's gonna jump on Scorpion and go, ha, I did it.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_01: And then Scorpion is just gonna fuck this man up.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_03: That's exactly what's gonna happen.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_03: He's gonna fuck Mario's world up.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I like I I mean, yeah, no, I I and I mean, especially if I mean like if Cher wound up telling Scorpion that it was Mario that killed his clan, there will be nothing that stops the ultraviolence.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um I mean I in rank in round one, they're nude, right?
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_05: They have pants on.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, just for the sake of we're saying they don't have anything external.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_05: They're down to standard boxing gear.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_02: Got it.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so he doesn't have his hat.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_02: No, he doesn't have shit.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_02: Nothing.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_05: He's an Italian plumber who has some cool moves sometimes.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_01: No, I see it getting to the point where Scorpion will utilize hellfire to prolong the pain.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, he's still got lives?
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_05: Blowing fire onto him.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, or just burning him a little at a time, like he's putting out cigarettes on him.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_01: Jeez.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_01: But I mean, all right, well, well, Reese, what what do you think?
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_01: Can you can you counter that at all?
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_01: Can you change our opinions for the vote?
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_01: Because we we need your we need your final thoughts and we need a vote.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_02: I think my my final like thought on it is does he come from a world where all it takes is one hit to kill anything?
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_02: Or is he just that strong that when he thunders down on them, he crushes it?
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_02: Because he flattens stuff.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_01: I mean that that that's a good point.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um but i if if he comes from anywhere that's not above, he dies.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um and then if he ever tries to take on Bowser, it doesn't work like that.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_01: So it's not the world that's making everyone.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_05: It it is it is the world.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_05: It's the world that makes everyone one hit or not.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_05: It's a one-hit is a one-life ratio in that world.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_05: If Mario gets hit, that's one life.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_05: If his enemy gets hit, that's one life.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_01: And as soon as he goes to the super, as soon as he goes to super smash, the world alters.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, fair enough.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 39:05
  SPEAKER_01: Well, well then Reese, final thoughts and a vote.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just I'm thinking of how Scorpion moves.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_02: He I don't think he'd see Mario coming.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_02: For how tiny he is.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_02: I'd I I uh I think Mario would uh would at least put up a fight, if not, if not take it.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_02: And your vocals.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_02: It's gotta it's gonna change a scorpion.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_05: So my own argument, I couldn't do it.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_05: So you know even with Super Smash Brothers, like Mario has some fucking sweet moves.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_05: I don't want to demean Mario here.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_05: Oh yeah, no, no.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_05: Mario is is a powerful fighter.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_02: If he doesn't have his towel or his water jet or his hat, or throwing fireballs, you don't have any of that shit.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_05: So he's he'll still have some sweet moves, he'll still be able to spin around and like juggle them and shit for a little while.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_05: But that but in that world, if we're talking about that world, the Super Smash Brothers, then Scorpion could take a shit ton of punishment and then just turn around and like fire him again until he flies off the screen, right?
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_05: It doesn't matter which world, because Mario doesn't have his fucking gear.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_05: So he's done.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_05: I think it's Scorpion.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, and then for me, I I think just so I I think that at first Mario's gonna get a couple hits in just because, like Reese said, he's so fucking small and he does.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_01: And he's two-dimensional.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_05: He can spin around real fast.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_05: Well, not since Mario 3D.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_05: Um He's got a lot of sweet moves.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but that's how I'm picturing this fight is a like a full, fully animated Scorpion and then a 2D Mario.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's like Game Boy Classic.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um but what I see is like this is where theme works towards the more vicious one.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I mean you're in a Gen X bar, um, and Scorpion, his story is about pain, yeah, learning from it, and then coming back and killing it.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_01: So I I see Mario jumps on him and Scorpion's like, you little mother, and then that's the end of it.
• 41:08
  unknown: Yeah.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_05: I was gonna spare you, child.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we're we're in uh yeah, this whole thing.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_01: No, we're in a basement.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_01: They were in a basement dive bar where we do a fight club.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I remember it was a Coliseum.
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_02: Oh no, no.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_05: It's a it's a it's a it's a blank space where there's where they don't get shit.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_05: Nothing.
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_02: When you said Gen X bar, I pictured an Applebee's.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_02: Pretty much.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_01: The last bastion of Applebees and all those things boomers love.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_05: So so yeah, I think I think you're right.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_05: I think it's a theme thing.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_01: I think you just take some.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, cool.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_01: So uh round one is going to Mario.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_01: So round two is Damn, and I was even saying to myself, like, hey, look at you, you're not that drunk.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um so round one has gone to Scorpion.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, give me the keys.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_01: Round one's got a scorpion moving us into round two.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_01: These characters have zoomed out.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um it's now in a city sort of view.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_01: Mario goes everywhere.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'm I'm assuming this is taking place at Luigi's mansion.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_01: This is where these guys too, these two dudes collide.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um Luigi's haunted mansion.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_01: And um they have we could go further than that.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it whatever.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_01: And it's time for him to fight.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_01: So Brees, guess first, who's gonna take it?
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, now I'm gonna have to say Mario.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_02: Because any projectile he has, he he's got his forward B move and smash, reflects anything back at him.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um he uh he's got the water cannon for the fire, he's got uh all the different costumes, his own fire attack.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I I think uh I think Scorpion he showed all of his cards in the first round.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_02: And now Mario's uh a stronger, better, faster plumber.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, alright.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_01: Uh James, thoughts?
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I'm actually having a really hard time with this one.
• 43:16
  SPEAKER_05: Uh I'll say what I think and then I I don't know if I'll even have an answer.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_05: But I think Scorpion, Scorpion now has his access to his sword, which is pretty deadly.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_05: Um it gives him a real edge.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_05: We've seen him like knock away big attacks from big people with his sword.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_05: He's got a counter too, you know?
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_05: Scorpion's got a fucking counter move also.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_05: Um But I think that because Mario has access to Super Smash Brothers world, that uh I think I think Scorpion's gonna be walking into a situation that he did not anticipate where the environment where the environment and like the the structure of his environment where they fight is going to be so like insane compared to what he's used to.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_05: Um I think that that gives Mario a huge edge.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_02: Especially because he the dude eats something and then doubles his size.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_01: Well then then from my side of it, um I I would put out there that At first, all the Super Smash stuff is available to everyone on the field.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_01: So you're gonna three you're gonna see Scorpion throwing out a Charizard and shit like that.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but then I would also say, as far as like the level thing goes, yeah, Scorpion has level fatalities.
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_01: Not only he's used to platforms, um, he knows what a platform is, but then on top of that, he's used to platforms with fucking spikes and shit going.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um and he used to Mario.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_01: Well, he's used to him to a point where he can close the fight off with that.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_05: And then Mario comes from a world where that's the entire point is to avoid those.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_05: Hold on.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_01: I that I do want to say Mario has the S.
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_01: But then Scorpion also then has get over here.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_01: Get over here is back.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and Scorpion has a move that is iconic.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_01: You're saying Mario doesn't have iconic moves.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_01: He doesn't have a get over here.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_01: He isn't, it's a me, Mario.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like, okay, we know he's here.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_05: He throws a fireball iconically.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_05: He has to hold a flower.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_05: He also flies around as a raccoon pretty iconically.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_05: It's true.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_05: Um, so what else is it?
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_02: Uh Super Smash.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_01: My final thing then would be so this is kind of turned into a Super Smash Brothers brawl where Mario fights the guy and then he comes back and he just keeps fighting the guy.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_05: We did you did introduce the setting as Luigi's Mansion.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_05: If we had get if we had said like it takes place at an ancient, a feudal dojo in Japan, then I would say Scorpion probably has the what I'm saying is Mario keeps punching this guy until his health gets down and then punches him into the stars.
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_01: Scorpion comes back because he's a fucking ghost.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_01: But Scorpion has fatalities, which end it, cause it a day.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I just think that Scorpion will be able to end it where Mario won't be able to end it because the fun's gotta continue.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_01: There's a Mario Party tonight.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, eight players gotta go through a boring ass situation together.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_05: Dude, I fucking love Mario Party.
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_05: Don't don't shit on Mario Party.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_05: I love Mario Party.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_02: So you're doing the Rachel Ghoul argument.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_01: I I think that Scorpion has the ability to end it where Mario just does not have the ability to end it.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_05: End it immediately, dramatically.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_01: Sick shit happened to Mario.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, that's really that's interesting.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_02: But doesn't uh but um in Mario's world, which is the same as Luigi's Mansion, falling off the edge is death.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_01: Well, no, but with the we're we are it's turning into both their worlds where you know the it's not yeah, it's not Scorpion visiting Nintendo world and he just has to fight by Nintendo's rules.
• 47:03
  SPEAKER_01: His Mortal Kombat rules are slamming into it.
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_05: Also, Scorpion uh wouldn't fall.
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_05: Uh he's a ninja.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_05: Plus, he's got his he's got his uh he's got his arm spike.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he's got an arm spike.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_05: And teleports, yeah.
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_01: And he teleports.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Reese, um, we we've heard a lot of interesting things coming from all sides here.
• 47:20
  SPEAKER_01: This is a surprisingly difficult fight.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_01: Reese.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_01: Your thoughts and a vote.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_01: Your thoughts and a vote.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_02: So I do think that it would uh it's to the death, right?
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_01: Then then I think or until in the past it's been until the other characters simply cannot fight any longer.
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_02: Then I think it would go I think it would come down uh Scorpion would win it at first, but Mario's got extra lives.
• 47:56
  SPEAKER_02: He now knows what the rules of the game are and how far Scorpion's willing to go.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_02: And uh I th I think uh I think that would uh that would make it uh that or he would just take over take him over with Cappy.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I mean I that that might be a thing where Scorpions want he has an ability that shows up a lot in the fatalities where he can pull you out of your universe and he takes you to his.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, that happens.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_01: He literally he'll rip Mario out of Nintendo and bring him to hell.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_01: And then then he'll come back.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_01: He's got extra lives.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_01: In hell.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_01: And where Scorpion's got fatalities in hell and well, I will so well, Reese, where's your vote?
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_02: I I I think this one would be Mario.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_02: James?
• 48:47
  SPEAKER_02: I I I like it.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_05: This is one of the hardest ones I've ever done.
• 48:51
  SPEAKER_05: This really is a hard one.
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_05: This is one of the hardest ones I've ever done.
• 48:54
  SPEAKER_02: This one's true.
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you want me to you want me to go?
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 48:59
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, so for me, um I see like I see it being a crazy fight.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I see it being a really crazy fight.
• 49:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but for me, I think just what we see here is a very interesting theme where we we have uh because like other things that we do, you have a theme of like good eventually conquers overall, and or uh, you know, the the last uh the last female standing.
• 49:27
  SPEAKER_01: Uh the various themes pop up.
• 49:29
  SPEAKER_01: But what I like about Mortal Kombat, and I think what actually even freaked out the world about Mortal Kombat in the 90s was that this is a brand new theme of just straight up sadism.
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't matter if you're good, it doesn't matter if you're evil.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_01: Adults like this shit.
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_01: Fuck your Nintendo.
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna rip you in half.
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_01: Well, the good people are also sadists.
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, where everyone's a sadist.
• 49:52
  SPEAKER_01: Where everyone's a sadist, come see a fatality, we're gonna make them nastier every fucking time.
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't matter who it is.
• 49:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I think that in this particular case, where Mario and Nintendo's goal is to remain so family oriented, it'll be overcome by Mortal Kombat.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_01: The sheer the sheer brutality of Mortal Kombat.
• 50:13
  SPEAKER_01: I get it.
• 50:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um and then if you're just talking about and well, if you're just talking about the abilities of the characters, if Scorpion manages to rip Mario into hell as he does, it'll just be an onslaught, no matter how many times Mario comes back.
• 50:28
  SPEAKER_01: And eventually Mario's gonna run out of lives.
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_01: And eventually Scorpion will use a fatality, which is the final slice for a character.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_05: You know, I do wanna I do want to point out that Mario was brought into the adult real world at one point.
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_05: Do you remember when Bob Hoskins and John Legwizamo were fucking Mario and Luigi?
• 50:50
  SPEAKER_03: Do you remember that?
• 50:51
  SPEAKER_03: And then they fought wasn't that Dennis Hopper was like fucking Bowser or King King Koopa?
• 50:57
  SPEAKER_01: How can I remember that?
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_01: Are we about okay?
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_05: Go on.
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_05: I'm interested to hear your thoughts.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_05: So in that world, Bob Hoskins was like a really brutal, like like he lived like a brutal crushing life as a fucking plumber and shit.
• 51:11
  SPEAKER_05: And like he he has experienced the adult world and had and was like really had a chip on his fucking shoulder about the adult world.
• 51:19
  SPEAKER_05: I don't totally remember what happened in that fucking movie though.
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_01: Mario eventually you know eventually it turned back into Mario, and then the whole world said this is terrible.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_02: And then we try it again with Street Fighter.
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_01: No, I mean, I mean, it very well may be credited with the end of John Liguizamo um until John Wick.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_05: And Chef.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_05: So okay.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_05: So maybe that wasn't my best pull.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_05: I just remembered that movie, though.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_05: Oh no, we we we remembered.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_05: You're just the asshole who brought it up.
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_02: We were trying not to discuss that.
• 51:56
  SPEAKER_05: Does he beat people to death with a crowbar in that movie?
• 51:59
  SPEAKER_05: I don't think so.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_05: No.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_05: I was kind of hoping it was R-rated and I remembered it wrong, but no, it's PG.
• 52:06
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_05: Still not ready for Scorpion.
• 52:09
  SPEAKER_05: An R-rated Super Mario with Bob with Bob Hoskins and John Liguizamo.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, I'd watch it.
• 52:17
  SPEAKER_02: An R-rated one.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_02: Not many people know this because he didn't do a cameo, but Tarantino actually had a lot of hand in that.
• 52:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um Well, that's why there was so much feet.
• 52:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there are feet everywhere.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's why he that's why they jump.
• 52:33
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, do you remember that scene where John Luguizamo was just licking feet?
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I remember that.
• 52:38
  SPEAKER_02: The whole whipped cream and and uh when he ran out of used the queso from 7-Eleven.
• 52:43
  SPEAKER_01: I remember Yeah, and just squeezed it.
• 52:45
  SPEAKER_05: What are we talking about?
• 52:47
  SPEAKER_05: All right, so James, you're up.
• 52:48
  SPEAKER_05: Thoughts and a vote.
• 52:49
  SPEAKER_05: Wait, I have the decisive vote.
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_05: Um I think that your point I think you had some really great, both of you had really great points.
• 52:59
  SPEAKER_05: I think Mario has, God, just a vast fucking arsenal of like incredibly utilitarian things at his disposal.
• 53:06
  SPEAKER_05: And as you know, I'm an incredible I I really favor utilitarianism.
• 53:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 53:10
  SPEAKER_05: I'm sorry, not utilitarianism.
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_05: Just being like, I don't like utilitarianism.
• 53:14
  SPEAKER_05: Please don't tell, please don't at me.
• 53:15
  SPEAKER_05: I didn't I'm high.
• 53:17
  SPEAKER_05: I don't like utilitarianism.
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_05: Uh I like I like having utility powers because I think using them creatively enables you to do so much more than someone who is just straight up strong.
• 53:27
  SPEAKER_05: Um But I think that the fact the fact that Scorpion exists in those hyper violent, he's he's like Cher.
• 53:36
  SPEAKER_05: Cher's like sitting over your fucking coming in her pants over seeing scorpion seeing Scorpion just be a monster.
• 53:42
  SPEAKER_01: So I thought of everything he knows.
• 53:45
  SPEAKER_02: And when you turn back time, she would go to the ancient days of Rome.
• 53:49
  SPEAKER_03: She's she's the one who fucking turn.
• 53:54
  SPEAKER_05: She's the one who sent who sent Scorpion to hell.
• 53:57
  SPEAKER_05: Oh yeah, easily.
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_02: I could I could see her using I I the the Centauris, I think I can't remember.
• 54:03
  SPEAKER_02: The ones with the the net and pitchfork.
• 54:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 54:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I can slow motion jumping while stabbing somebody to turn back time.
• 54:12
  SPEAKER_02: I get it.
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, it's Sher Taro, yeah.
• 54:15
  SPEAKER_01: The secret character in Mortal Kombat 4, yeah.
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_05: So I think that I I think that Scorpion's ability to decisively kill Mario uh is the power.
• 54:24
  SPEAKER_05: I think that's the power that wins this one.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I there it is.
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, so then uh so round one goes to Scorpion, round two goes a scorpion, scorpion has officially won it.
• 54:35
  SPEAKER_01: The only thing I'm gonna ask before we move on and close this one out is who would they have brought?
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_01: Reese, who would they have brought?
• 54:42
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, Luigi for the win.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_01: Luigi and sub?
• 54:46
  SPEAKER_01: I disagree.
• 54:47
  SPEAKER_05: I think that he has access to the Super Smash Brothers list, and when he has access to the Super Smash Brothers list, he has a lot of great fucking people.
• 54:54
  SPEAKER_05: He has uh he has solid snake.
• 54:56
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, he could bring solid snake to fucking.
• 54:59
  SPEAKER_02: He has access, but he would ask his brother like he has on every other adventure.
• 55:04
  SPEAKER_05: He doesn't.
• 55:04
  SPEAKER_05: He doesn't always ask.
• 55:05
  SPEAKER_05: Luigi sometimes fucking comes along when he's not asked, and a lot of times they are not friends, they are against each other.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_05: They're pit against each other all the time.
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_01: But out of the entire list, I mean, is he gonna go to solid?
• 55:18
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, is Snake gonna be?
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_05: I think you bring Captain Falcon.
• 55:22
  SPEAKER_01: Alright.
• 55:24
  SPEAKER_02: Nah, I I I would say Luigi and once we get if are we gonna do the round or no?
• 55:31
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, no, we're not.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, so you bring master hand.
• 55:35
  SPEAKER_02: My thought with why Luigi.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_02: Scorpion is a spirit.
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_02: We just fought in Luigi's mansion.
• 55:43
  SPEAKER_02: Luigi's able to fight ghosts.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_02: And Luigi's a ghost fighter.
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_02: And Mario, who has a water cannon, would kill Sub-Zero in the similar fashion to how he was killed in the 1992 movie.
• 55:57
  SPEAKER_02: It's true.
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_01: Interesting.
• 55:59
  SPEAKER_02: With a bucket of water, Sub Zero was defeated, and we have a fucking Ghostbuster.
• 56:06
  SPEAKER_05: So we have someone who literally stops ghosts.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_01: No, and there has been legitimate reg regret about what they had done to their characters in that movie, and they're looking to kind of solve that in a new movie coming out this month why we're doing this episode.
• 56:18
  SPEAKER_05: Um I didn't hate their characters in that movie.
• 56:21
  SPEAKER_01: It was what it was.
• 56:22
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it was awesome when I was, you know, 10 years old.
• 56:24
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I didn't I didn't need depth from it.
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_05: I got to see some cool shit.
• 56:28
  SPEAKER_01: I want to see them fight.
• 56:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I enjoyed it when I was in the demographic.
• 56:32
  SPEAKER_05: I would still I still enjoy it.
• 56:33
  SPEAKER_05: I've watched it.
• 56:34
  SPEAKER_05: Well, I mean, it's I've watched it in the last couple years, still enjoy it.
• 56:36
  SPEAKER_01: Song did it right.
• 56:37
  SPEAKER_01: Sure did.
• 56:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um so alright, uh James.
• 56:39
  SPEAKER_05: That's some camp right there.
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_05: Uh so I think wow, that was a great point, Reese.
• 56:45
  SPEAKER_05: He does bust ghosts.
• 56:46
  SPEAKER_05: I think I think that I think that he would totally cancel out Scorpion.
• 56:51
  SPEAKER_05: I think Luigi would totally cancel out Scorpion.
• 56:54
  SPEAKER_05: And who Scorpion could bring along a lot of people.
• 56:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um but he's not he only really has story through the years with Sub Zero.
• 57:03
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, no, no.
• 57:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um there there's been there we're on eleven of these fucking games, and they get more and more convoluted.
• 57:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and the more and more they try and turn Scorpion into a good guy just because he's the And the zero.
• 57:16
  SPEAKER_02: Isn't he like babysitting Johnny Cage's daughter for a while?
• 57:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there it was a whole so much weird shit.
• 57:21
  SPEAKER_01: But what I think so for me, I think that so Luigi's definitely coming in to help fight this ghost man that has slaughtered his brother twice now in the most violent of ways.
• 57:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but then I think he's gonna be walking by a statue, right?
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like a statue he doesn't recognize a lot, but it's a you know, it's a linear level, and he just walks by it.
• 57:40
  SPEAKER_01: And that was Reptile.
• 57:41
  SPEAKER_05: And Reptile will rip his fucking head off.
• 57:44
  SPEAKER_05: Reptile's a great choice.
• 57:46
  SPEAKER_05: Um, but I think I think he would choose sub.
• 57:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 57:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you gotta go through like I mean, if Mario is stuck with Luigi, but well, the only thing I would say about that is subserver and scorpion are natural enemies of the game.
• 57:59
  SPEAKER_05: But they also reconciled, and they're always featured together.
• 58:03
  SPEAKER_01: They're always featured.
• 58:04
  SPEAKER_01: So they're they're different so if Scorpion could one win by his theme, he can lose by his marketing.
• 58:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he can lose by his theme also.
• 58:11
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so round one goes to Scorpion, round two goes to Scorpion, round three.
• 58:15
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out it's going to Mario.
• 58:18
  SPEAKER_01: But that still gives it over to Scorpion.
• 58:20
  SPEAKER_01: Scorpion has defeated Mario.
• 58:23
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for tuning in this week.
• 58:24
  SPEAKER_01: Uh Reese, where can we find you?
• 58:26
  SPEAKER_02: Um, well, if uh if you're in the Valpo area June 11th, um, I'm gonna be headlining.
• 58:31
  SPEAKER_05: Valparaiso, Indiana, people.
• 58:33
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, so Valparaiso, Indiana.
• 58:35
  SPEAKER_02: Valparaiso, Indiana, Market Lounge, June 11th.
• 58:38
  SPEAKER_02: Uh uh, it's gonna be a double feature show, 8 and 11, and uh 8 and 10 30, my mistake.
• 58:45
  SPEAKER_02: And um other than that, you can see me all over Chicago, Zany's, uh in South of Bend, you can see me in uh at the drop DIY and uh Gary, Indiana.
• 58:57
  SPEAKER_02: You can also check me out at D's.
• 58:59
  SPEAKER_02: Awesome.
• 59:00
  SPEAKER_01: Nice sounds good, sounds good.
• 59:01
  SPEAKER_01: And James, where can you find us?
• 59:03
  unknown: I don't remember.
• 59:04
  SPEAKER_05: Uh I never remember.
• 59:06
  SPEAKER_05: Uh so you can find uh Ryan.
• 59:10
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, wait, no, I should do the podcast first.
• 59:11
  SPEAKER_05: So you can find High and Dry Podcast on Twitter at Ryan Drypod.
• 59:17
  SPEAKER_05: You can find us on Instagram at high and dry podcast.
• 59:21
  SPEAKER_05: You can find Ryan at Ryan Barron North.
• 59:23
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, I'm sorry, no, yeah, Ryan Barron North.com.
• 59:26
  SPEAKER_05: God, I always fuck it up.
• 59:27
  SPEAKER_05: Ryan Barron North.com is his whole fucking name.
• 59:30
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know why.
• 59:31
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know why I need your script.
• 59:34
  SPEAKER_02: I need a script.
• 59:35
  SPEAKER_02: I need another one.
• 59:37
  SPEAKER_02: It's supposed to be your Polaris, your North fucking star, man.
• 59:41
  SPEAKER_05: You can find us on Twitter, you can find Ryan of Barron underscore North.
• 59:45
  SPEAKER_05: You can find me at the Diabolical on Twitter and Twitch.
• 59:48
  SPEAKER_05: On Twitch, I host a uh stream where I teach people how to program full stack JavaScript.
• 59:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 59:53
  SPEAKER_01: Answer questions.
• 59:54
  SPEAKER_01: And then finally, you can also just Google this shit.
• 59:56
  SPEAKER_01: High and dry podcast.
• 59:58
  SPEAKER_01: Not to be confused with high and dry.
• 1:00:00
  SPEAKER_01: High and dry.
• 1:00:01
  SPEAKER_01: We're high and dry.
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_01: You can Google James.
• 1:00:03
  SPEAKER_01: Right now he's competing for his front page with a sex offender.
• 1:00:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's true.
• 1:00:06
  SPEAKER_01: And fuck that guy.
• 1:00:08
  SPEAKER_01: And then you can just Google my name also.
• 1:00:10
  SPEAKER_01: We're out there.
• 1:00:11
  SPEAKER_01: We're excited to hear from you.
• 1:00:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, dude in France.
• 1:00:14
  SPEAKER_02: What was that raise?
• 1:00:15
  SPEAKER_02: James, I have to ask.
• 1:00:17
  SPEAKER_02: Are you going to raise the bet or fold?
• 1:00:22
  SPEAKER_05: What do you mean?
• 1:00:24
  SPEAKER_05: On your page.
• 1:00:25
  SPEAKER_05: Try to try to get more with try to get more famous than a pedophile?
• 1:00:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:00:29
  SPEAKER_05: Try to out-pedophile him.
• 1:00:31
  SPEAKER_02: Are you gonna see you're gonna see his bet or let him let him have it?
• 1:00:35
  SPEAKER_02: Is that an arena you're prepared to enter?
• 1:00:37
  unknown: No.
• 1:00:38
  SPEAKER_02: Round one.
• 1:00:40
  SPEAKER_05: If he moves off one more rank, I might.
• 1:00:45
  SPEAKER_05: You just whatever you do has to be bigger than him.
• 1:00:48
  SPEAKER_05: You're fighting themes here.
• 1:00:49
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know why this very why this crossland is a very famous pedophile in his area.
• 1:00:55
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, if if you're gonna do something, give uh give it a hundred percent.
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_02: 110%.
• 1:01:01
  SPEAKER_02: Jesus Christ.
• 1:01:03
  SPEAKER_01: Uh thanks for listening, everybody.
• 1:01:05
  SPEAKER_01: You've been great.
• 1:01:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we'll see you next week if you could tolerate what we were just talking about.
• 1:01:10
  SPEAKER_01: Take it easy.