Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / How To Be Too STRONG For a Narcissist

Transcript

How To Be Too STRONG For a Narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So how to be too strong for a narcissist?
• 0:05
  That's what we're talking about today, y'all.
• 0:07
  How to be too strong, how to take your power back, how to
• 0:11
  keep them at Bay, how to protect your emotional, physical,
• 0:15
  financial health when you're dealing with a toxic
• 0:17
  narcissistic person. That's what we talked about
• 0:20
  today, y'all. If you're new here, I'm Lee
• 0:21
  Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist, here
• 0:23
  to give you the perspective of a narcissist.
• 0:26
  So step one, or how to be too strong for a narcissist.
• 0:31
  Hit the gym. Increase your bench press,
• 0:34
  increase your squats, your hip thrust, your curls.
• 0:38
  Run. Run a mile.
• 0:39
  Look it. Decrease your mile.
• 0:41
  The time it takes you to run a mile.
• 0:43
  I'm just joking. Yeah, that's one way.
• 0:46
  There's one way to be too strong for a narcissist, right, Is to
• 0:49
  work on your physical health, which can help overall, right,
• 0:53
  to work on your physical fitness.
• 0:54
  It can absolutely help you overall.
• 0:56
  But in order to be too strong for a narcissist, there's going
• 0:59
  to be a few different things that you can do to protect
• 1:01
  yourself, to God, to heal, to thrive when you're dealing with
• 1:05
  a narcissistic person, regardless of what stage the
• 1:08
  relationship is in, right, regardless, regardless of
• 1:11
  whatever stage it's in. And what I mean by that, if
• 1:14
  you're still with them, if you've left them, if you're
• 1:16
  parent to leave, these are things that you need to know in
• 1:20
  order to be too strong to keep from going back or to be strong
• 1:24
  enough to leave if you so choose, right, to stay strong
• 1:27
  enough to leave and stay gone to protect your kids and whatnot.
• 1:31
  So the first thing I have written out right here is to
• 1:33
  learn how to set boundaries. And that could be before you
• 1:40
  even meet this person. It's helpful to learn how to.
• 1:42
  Yeah, it's helpful to learn how to set boundaries early on.
• 1:47
  It's absolutely helpful to learn how to set boundaries.
• 1:50
  Like before you even get into the relationship, if you have
• 1:52
  problems setting boundaries, you're going to have y'all.
• 1:55
  It's going to be you. You might be in for a rough ride
• 1:57
  dealing with a narcissist if you have trouble setting boundaries,
• 2:01
  but it's it's harder. Let me say this right here.
• 2:04
  It's more difficult to set boundaries later on than it is
• 2:09
  to set them in the beginning. So the more you set boundaries
• 2:12
  in the beginning, the more you learn how to set boundaries, the
• 2:14
  more you learn how to protect yourself in the beginning, the
• 2:16
  stronger you can and will be against a narcissist or a very
• 2:20
  toxic person. That's just the truth of the
• 2:23
  matter right there. The stronger you will be, the
• 2:26
  stronger you will become when you're dealing with a
• 2:29
  manipulative, abusive, narcissistic person.
• 2:32
  Like if you learn how to set boundaries.
• 2:34
  Boundaries are like a force field y'all.
• 2:36
  Boundaries are a fence that you build around yourself to only
• 2:39
  letting certain things in in your life.
• 2:43
  So it helps you see what I'm saying.
• 2:45
  You've had boundaries before. It's harder to let them in.
• 2:49
  You don't want to let yeah, you don't want to let them in in the
• 2:51
  1st place. But if they're already in, you
• 2:54
  can do it like a fence inside of a fence.
• 2:55
  You can set some inception boundaries, right?
• 2:58
  You have to learn how to set boundaries for narcissistic
• 3:00
  people. And the only way to and y'all
• 3:02
  know, narcissist absolutely cannot stand for you to have
• 3:06
  boundaries. So they're going to try to run
• 3:07
  over top of all your boundaries. They, they just are.
• 3:10
  You set a boundary, they're going to try to displace or run
• 3:13
  over top of your boundary just to show you that they can.
• 3:16
  So in order to protect yourself in this circumstance right here,
• 3:19
  you have to be able to enforce those boundaries, whatever that
• 3:23
  looks like. If you're already in a
• 3:25
  relationship with a narcissist or you work with them or
• 3:27
  whatever the case may be, it's your friend or whoever it is,
• 3:29
  right? You have to have some type of
• 3:31
  leverage or power to get them to move to be able to enforce your
• 3:35
  boundaries. If you want to set those
• 3:37
  boundaries, you see, you have to be able to do that because if
• 3:40
  you can't, hey, if you can't set those boundaries, you in for a
• 3:43
  bumpy, bumpy ride, bumpy, old bumpy ride, right?
• 3:47
  So you have to be able to set boundaries.
• 3:49
  The next thing that I have written down right here in my
• 3:51
  little handy dandy notebook is love yourself.
• 3:57
  You have to be able to love yourself to to, to empower
• 4:02
  yourself yo self love. It's so empower, it's so
• 4:07
  impactful in your life. The ability to love yourself and
• 4:10
  trust yourself and have compassion for yourself is so
• 4:13
  important. Y'all, it really, really is.
• 4:16
  It's, it's truly is like if you love yourself narc, you tend to
• 4:21
  leave narcissistic people sooner, right?
• 4:25
  Or it's harder for them to get into your life.
• 4:27
  Like the more you love yourself, the more difficult it is for
• 4:30
  that person to even get into your life in the 1st place.
• 4:32
  Because narcissistic people love dealing with people that have
• 4:36
  self love issues. They love dealing with people,
• 4:38
  they have trouble setting boundaries.
• 4:39
  They love dealing with people, they have low self esteem
• 4:42
  because it makes it harder for you to leave them later on
• 4:45
  because they get so deep in here, right?
• 4:51
  They get so deep into your mind, it makes it so much more
• 4:53
  difficult for you to decide, for you to leave this person once
• 4:57
  it's all said and done. That's how it happens.
• 5:00
  That's how it goes, right? There's so many narcissists or
• 5:03
  so many abusive, manipulative people out there that do exactly
• 5:07
  this right here. They do exactly this type of
• 5:09
  stuff. They will use you, they will
• 5:11
  abuse you, and they hope that you don't love yourself enough
• 5:14
  to just pack your stuff up and go.
• 5:16
  They hope you don't love yourself enough to just kick
• 5:19
  them the hell out, to say no to them, to, to, to know, to know
• 5:23
  that it's OK to be by yourself. You love yourself enough to be
• 5:27
  by yourself. You don't have to jump into
• 5:28
  another another relationship or you're not.
• 5:30
  You don't have to worry about finding someone else because you
• 5:33
  love yourself enough. When you love yourself enough,
• 5:36
  you don't worry about finding other people.
• 5:37
  Why would you do that? Why would you worry about
• 5:38
  finding other people when you love yourself enough?
• 5:40
  You already, you already love you enough, right?
• 5:43
  You love you enough, so why would you worry about them?
• 5:47
  That's something important for you to ask yourself right there.
• 5:49
  It really truly is. That's not that's how
• 5:52
  narcissistic people tend to operate.
• 5:54
  That's how they go about doing things.
• 5:55
  That's how they go about, you know, they hope you don't love
• 5:58
  yourself enough because they win in that instance right there.
• 6:00
  The next thing I have written now y'all is to forgive
• 6:03
  yourself. Self love accompanied together
• 6:12
  with self forgiveness is so powerful.
• 6:16
  So many people are afraid to forgive themselves for what
• 6:18
  happened to them in a relationship.
• 6:20
  It sucks. So many people just like I just
• 6:22
  struggle to forgive myself for what I allowed to happen.
• 6:24
  I struggle to forgive myself because I went back.
• 6:27
  I struggle to forgive myself because I kept my kids there
• 6:29
  longer than what I could do. I struggle to forgive myself for
• 6:32
  even choosing this person to have kids with.
• 6:35
  For even choosing this person to try to build a family with.
• 6:38
  For even choosing this person to try to build a life with.
• 6:40
  I struggle with. I struggle with that right now.
• 6:42
  Lee, help me and I'm here to help you that I'm here to do
• 6:48
  just that, y'all? But This is why so many people,
• 6:50
  when you're dealing with a narcissist or manipulative
• 6:52
  person or toxic person, This is why so many people struggle with
• 6:55
  that because that narcissist or toxic person is they're going to
• 6:58
  make it more difficult for you to forgive yourself.
• 7:00
  They're going to take you through the ringer.
• 7:01
  They're going to put you through so much stuff.
• 7:03
  There's going to be so many things that you feel like you
• 7:05
  have to forgive yourself for, but you have to that's going to
• 7:09
  be tough. I know I I talked to a lot of
• 7:10
  people who just like, well, I can't do it because I loud so
• 7:13
  many things have happened. I just can't do it, Lee.
• 7:15
  I can't do. I can't forgive myself.
• 7:18
  I'll be like, yes, the hell you can and yes, the hell you have
• 7:21
  to get to that point right there in order to be too strong for
• 7:23
  this person, in order to flex, you have to learn how to forgive
• 7:28
  yourself. You do.
• 7:29
  That's one of the things right there.
• 7:29
  Y'all another thing right here y'all in order to be too strong
• 7:32
  for narcissist is community y'all?
• 7:36
  Y'all understand the power of a a a support group or a community
• 7:40
  or support system? I have a support group right?
• 7:44
  I run a support group called the Mental Healers.
• 7:46
  It's you can find more information at
• 7:48
  mentalillness.net, right at my website, mentalillness.net.
• 7:52
  You can find more about my support group there or my
• 7:54
  coaching and my courses there. But support groups help you
• 7:57
  heal, Y'all? Support systems help you heal.
• 8:00
  A community can help you heal because it helps you understand
• 8:03
  that you are not alone. You're not alone.
• 8:08
  I am here for you, though we're far apart.
• 8:11
  It's Michael Jackson right there.
• 8:13
  But seriously, you're not alone. It helps you to understand that
• 8:16
  there are other people that have came before you that have went
• 8:19
  through this and there's so many people that have thrived through
• 8:22
  this, so many people that have survived through this and lived
• 8:26
  to tell the tale. They live to tell the tale.
• 8:29
  They live to shine the light on the shine the light back like
• 8:32
  it's a dark ass path, like leaving a toxic relationship is
• 8:35
  like a dark, dark ass path, right?
• 8:38
  It's a dark tunnel. You can't see.
• 8:40
  Only thing you can do is reach out and fill the walls.
• 8:42
  It's scary as hell, right? It's scary as hell.
• 8:45
  But luckily for you, there's other people that have been
• 8:48
  through it. They shine in a flash like
• 8:49
  before you like, hey, can you going right?
• 8:51
  You going straight? Keep keep coming.
• 8:54
  Don't look back. They right behind you.
• 8:56
  They trying to Hoover you. They right behind you.
• 8:59
  So it helps to be a part of a community.
• 9:01
  And so many people who have joined my group who will say the
• 9:03
  same thing, They join my group. They leave the group later on
• 9:06
  because they they helps them heal.
• 9:08
  Like the support groups are not supposed to be forever.
• 9:09
  It's sad, but support groups are not supposed to be be forever.
• 9:13
  They make friends. They take their friends with
• 9:14
  them. It's cool.
• 9:15
  I love it. But mental illness.net for my
• 9:18
  support group. Yeah.
• 9:18
  The next thing that I've written down here, y'all, where'd it
• 9:21
  even go? I had two phones in my hand,
• 9:23
  y'all. Sorry.
• 9:24
  The next thing that I have written out here in order to be
• 9:27
  too strong for a narcissist is to heal out loud.
• 9:30
  That's the last thing I have written.
• 9:31
  Now learn how to heal out loud. You suffered in silence long
• 9:36
  enough, y'all. You absolutely did.
• 9:37
  You've been through enough with this person.
• 9:39
  You suffered in silence long enough.
• 9:41
  You couldn't speak your mind, You couldn't speak your peace.
• 9:44
  You couldn't say or do whatever you wanted to say or do with
• 9:46
  this person. But now it's time.
• 9:49
  That was time to do it. Now it's time.
• 9:50
  Look, they held you back long enough.
• 9:51
  You've been bottled up long enough.
• 9:53
  You about to pop out of this bottle and you about to heal and
• 9:56
  you about to grow. You about to empower yourself
• 9:58
  right now, this is what happens. This is what so many people are
• 10:02
  going through. This is what so many people
• 10:03
  battle with. You have to.
• 10:04
  It's OK right now. Like he's OK to heal out loud.
• 10:08
  I'm not telling you to expose the person, right?
• 10:10
  I'm not telling you to go through and just like Lee
• 10:13
  Hammock beat me, I'm not saying do that right, But it's OK to
• 10:18
  tell, to Share your story with people within your circle that
• 10:21
  you can trust. It's OK to write this type of
• 10:23
  stuff down. Healing out loud doesn't mean
• 10:25
  screaming. Healing out loud could mean
• 10:27
  something as simple as journaling, getting it out of
• 10:29
  your system. When you bottle it up it go, it
• 10:32
  dies and it when it dies inside of you, it creates a mess.
• 10:36
  You see what I'm saying? It's like you could have a
• 10:38
  beautiful butterfly inside of a bottle, but you put the top on
• 10:42
  the bottle is going to die eventually because it can't
• 10:43
  breathe. You have to let it out.
• 10:46
  You have to let that beautiful butterfly out so it can fly you
• 10:49
  or that you or that beautiful butterfly and it's toxic
• 10:51
  relationship is your bottle. So you have to learn how to
• 10:54
  escape it and get out of there and Share your story with the
• 10:57
  world. If it so tells it again, I'm not
• 10:59
  telling you to post a TikTok about it.
• 11:01
  You can have a video diary inside of your phone.
• 11:03
  This is this is what we talked about in the support group.
• 11:05
  Have a video diary where you record yourself talking to
• 11:08
  yourself. Like, hey, look, this is what's
• 11:09
  been going on in my life. Today's been a tough day.
• 11:11
  Today's been hard. I went through this.
• 11:14
  Healing out loud means you can just talk to yourself, recording
• 11:16
  a video for yourself that you don't even have to.
• 11:18
  Yeah, you don't have to post it online.
• 11:20
  I need to reiterate that not everybody is meant to be a
• 11:22
  social media content creator right now.
• 11:24
  Everybody is built for that. You might not be built for that
• 11:27
  lifestyle right there, but anyway y'all thank you for
• 11:30
  making it this far. Make sure you hit that subscribe
• 11:32
  button if you haven't already again, mental illness.net for
• 11:35
  all things Lee hammock and click one of these on the screen right
• 11:37
  here to watch another video on the channel supporting the
• 11:40
  channel. I thank you all so much for the
• 11:41
  Super sticker, the Super chats. I see them all.
• 11:44
  I try to respond to all the comments.
• 11:45
  Thank you all so much for my channel memberships, the channel
• 11:47
  members. I see all your comments too.
• 11:49
  I try to respond to them all behind the scenes stuff and I'm
• 11:51
  out please.