Latest / Dear Son, / How Fathers Lose Their Sons Without Realizing It | Ep 188 | The Dear Son, Show

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How Fathers Lose Their Sons Without Realizing It | Ep 188 | The Dear Son, Show · Dear Son,

0:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, here's what we're going to try, since we've been talking about the time is now talking about AI and technology moving fast, I'm going to ask AI what we should talk about.
0:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's see how this goes, see what the way I think.
0:21
[SPEAKER_02]: What is a good topic for the dear Sun Park cast to discuss that many men are struggling with
0:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Y'all shut up already.
0:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
0:48
[SPEAKER_02]: These work particularly well for the this on network because they create emotional honesty, generational perspective, and strong audience engagement.
0:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Ready for?
1:00
[SPEAKER_02]: First topic is... How do I teach my son something I never learned?
1:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Another recommendation is, why men don't talk about loneliness?
1:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Hm, the third one was, I think we covered in a, in a, a myriad of episodes.
1:29
[SPEAKER_02]: The pressure to be strong all the time, right?
1:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, we, we covered that for me right up.
1:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Multiple angles.
1:36
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not gonna say everything.
1:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
1:39
[SPEAKER_02]: Here's an interesting twist on something we talked about.
1:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Boys raised without fathers, and fathers raised without fathers.
1:52
[SPEAKER_02]: The last one that I'll mention here because people might still.
1:57
[SPEAKER_02]: It's cool.
1:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Why sons stop talking to their fathers?
2:04
[SPEAKER_00]: The root of the show.
2:08
[SPEAKER_00]: The root of the show.
2:13
[SPEAKER_02]: What's one, what's one, you need me to go to him again?
2:16
[SPEAKER_02]: What's one of the resonates?
2:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Did he know I was one of the first one in the last hit?
2:19
[SPEAKER_02]: It is.
2:21
[SPEAKER_02]: It's obviously between the first and the last.
2:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Same for me.
2:23
[SPEAKER_02]: We read the first one again.
2:24
[SPEAKER_02]: How do I teach my son something I never learned?
2:32
[SPEAKER_00]: I think I a lot more of what I'm dealing with currently is that last one.
2:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Why son is not talking to their fathers?
2:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey.
2:41
[SPEAKER_02]: There it is.
2:43
[SPEAKER_02]: So y'all got some of how to say it, but let's formally, let's formally start the show.
2:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome to the next one show.
2:49
[SPEAKER_02]: We have meaningful conversations about light through the lens of Fatherhood.
2:52
[SPEAKER_02]: It is four fathers, those with fathers and the fatherless and nobody's left out.
2:58
[SPEAKER_02]: These are the conversations we want our sons to access is they grow through life in the manhoods and no topics are all for limits.
3:06
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm only one of your host, D. Johns.
3:07
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm your other host, Jay Black.
3:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Jay Black, would you think about that exercise we just did?
3:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I like it because it shows our growth.
3:15
[SPEAKER_00]: It shows that we aren't hypocrites, which we knew that already, because we're talking to our audience about actively embracing and engaging the current times.
3:30
[SPEAKER_00]: And we just did it in real time.
3:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so what we may not have come through, I want to make sure it's clear, especially for the audio.
3:37
[SPEAKER_02]: If you're watching the video, thank you.
3:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Watch me, like she's watch also.
3:41
[SPEAKER_02]: This is it actually watch.
3:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Let the whole thing play.
3:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Let me say that.
3:44
[SPEAKER_02]: I can't tell you how to run your life with do that part of your life.
3:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I said Share subscribe.
3:50
[SPEAKER_02]: We appreciate the the engagement engagement is all what engagement has consistently been great on social media I'm sending engagement pick up on YouTube and in emails like people are actually seeking out
4:04
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, so I I know there's something here.
4:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, not that I this didn't think, but sometimes remind us a good this.
4:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, but for those on the audio, we just consulted, uh, AI, and I used Chad GPT.
4:15
[SPEAKER_02]: I know that the pro Claude fans have tried Claude yet.
4:19
[SPEAKER_02]: And I asked, I was asking, um, what should this platform talk about?
4:25
[SPEAKER_02]: That's how it ends.
4:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
4:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Because I, I believe I said to this on podcast when I asked it,
4:32
[SPEAKER_02]: But it's learned me so anything any time that I reference it, it'll say that if I never responded with network, that's what that was going to be more of the point because I think I'm pretty sure I didn't say network, but it responded with that because I've been engaging from perspective on the network and it gave us some topics.
4:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes indeed, it gave several, I read the five that I read were the first five that it that identified, but the one that we selected is
5:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Why do sons stop talking to their fathers?
5:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, I guess the reframe did son.
5:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Why did you go quiet?
5:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Why did you go quiet?
5:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Man, uh, I don't want to omit the formalities, but, you know, we're going to definitely jump back into the bathroom.
5:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Up the feeling good, uh, today was the final day of school for the semester.
5:24
[SPEAKER_00]: the children are out for the summer.
5:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Everybody's home.
5:28
[SPEAKER_00]: The college kid is on the school aged children their home if that's how you say that.
5:34
[SPEAKER_00]: But everybody's home.
5:35
[SPEAKER_00]: My mother lost here.
5:37
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's officially summertime at my house and what grades are the boys?
5:41
[SPEAKER_00]: They're going to sit out when school starts back.
5:43
[SPEAKER_00]: They'll be in the third and the fifth.
5:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
5:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so you and that weird dynamic like we are with the, they won't see each other again in school to ask us if they stay on the current right.
5:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, they won't see each other's school on my to ask us a minor end.
6:02
[SPEAKER_02]: fifth and seven right now.
6:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, so that they're they all day and the keys is off.
6:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
6:08
[SPEAKER_02]: I might get back home from this and they said there, but I know I'm eating my my youngest daughter who's the seventh creator had exams and she already hit us with the first update from her exams.
6:19
[SPEAKER_01]: They're both doing well, man.
6:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I think I think I think
6:24
[SPEAKER_01]: at max.
6:26
[SPEAKER_02]: They had two bees.
6:27
[SPEAKER_02]: I think eat is going to end up with two bees in the rest of these things.
6:30
[SPEAKER_02]: I have one bee in the rest of these and I'm not as I'm not as much of a stickler like I'm not the report card day.
6:41
[SPEAKER_02]: date.
6:42
[SPEAKER_02]: No.
6:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Probably because there's so much information flowing in real time, like you can really get to a report card and it'd be a surprise in ID.
6:52
[SPEAKER_02]: At least the school high school was ran in Virginia.
6:55
[SPEAKER_02]: That's a fact.
6:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, we start.
6:57
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't even remember what progress we put.
6:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't remember progress reports early or maybe they became more memorable when my
7:10
[SPEAKER_02]: But, but now the negativity of my life if if if if if you engage engage is a
7:19
[SPEAKER_02]: has given it way to my sauce if your email is on file with the school registration.
7:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Some role you get information.
7:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I did not say just reading emails and gays, so I didn't want to give it that much liberty, but it's hard not to know, it's hard to be surprised that the child is not doing great in school and today's time.
7:41
[SPEAKER_02]: My experience, I know right without the guys, hey, you got it right and saying like
7:48
[SPEAKER_00]: because it's a daily interaction with the little's, it's not even on my radar.
7:52
[SPEAKER_00]: I know where you at.
7:52
[SPEAKER_00]: I get daily progress.
7:54
[SPEAKER_00]: This, this, this, that.
7:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Mr. College, I'm, I'm tapping.
7:59
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll be tapping my fingers with the, what the gray is that brother?
8:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Right now, right now, did that other day?
8:09
[SPEAKER_00]: The beauty is on the school.
8:10
[SPEAKER_00]: So I know the school, the, the, the gray relates,
8:17
[SPEAKER_00]: My grades finalized Monday.
8:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
8:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, we live.
8:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, we live.
8:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Go get you get the laptop for me open that canvas up for me, right?
8:26
[SPEAKER_00]: But you're phone.
8:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me see.
8:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, let me see.
8:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so I haven't been that parent, but it's meaningful to them because the grandparents
8:33
[SPEAKER_02]: to the need to reward them for their grades, and yeah, that's not the point, because I'm going to grab it home, that's not the point, but good times, man.
8:43
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, so the kids would be out the day, my son got his last day in trade school is July 30th.
8:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Come on, but graduation isn't until October.
8:54
[SPEAKER_02]: There's certain one isn't until October, so it's need deep in my trade now.
8:58
[SPEAKER_00]: I might come back by the flower home, right?
9:02
[SPEAKER_00]: We have to flower.
9:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Right, right.
9:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
9:04
[SPEAKER_02]: He's finishing that nonetheless.
9:05
[SPEAKER_02]: I haven't been.
9:08
[SPEAKER_02]: I had him as a courtesy now to let him know when I can't take him to school.
9:10
[SPEAKER_02]: He's like, I'm good.
9:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Got him on the car.
9:13
[SPEAKER_02]: So they work and they bet, which is weird because he money is the most like me when it comes to like, hey, don't touch must.
9:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't.
9:20
[SPEAKER_02]: He might text to me before like, hey,
9:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't let Donovan drive my car like you night even here.
9:27
[SPEAKER_02]: You're not here, but in the car's registered to me Let's go deal me.
9:32
[SPEAKER_02]: I actually arrested me and her.
9:33
[SPEAKER_02]: She kind of smart and that would see she took it out Now, yeah, I'm doing a registration.
9:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, cuz she in the age Yeah, we're no no not now.
9:40
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm saying previously.
9:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, when she was gone I'll say wait.
9:43
[SPEAKER_02]: I ain't no the date next week next Sunday after next
9:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, medical, medical city, medical, uh, wall, uh, the, the, the, the mecca of Houston for, for medicine.
9:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, anybody from me with the city they know, like everything's there.
9:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
9:59
[SPEAKER_00]: The main campuses of the main hospitals for the specialty care as well.
10:04
[SPEAKER_00]: The stars, everybody they go to that same area.
10:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
10:07
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what you're going to be.
10:08
[SPEAKER_00]: That's where is it?
10:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
10:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Ooh, that's the confirmation.
10:10
[SPEAKER_02]: I need that.
10:11
[SPEAKER_02]: I found out the other day I never hit you about it.
10:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
10:13
[SPEAKER_00]: But you have, uh, I want to interrupt you.
10:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to insert this a little bit.
10:16
[SPEAKER_00]: We get this a lot, um, we are located in the DFW Dallas Fort Worth for those that don't know.
10:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Home base for the show, the network, Dallas Fort Worth, Arlington Man's Field, you name it, Irving, the Dallas area and it's surrounding areas, Fort Worth and it's surrounding areas.
10:40
[SPEAKER_00]: That's home base.
10:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Normally when people find that out or see us out or
10:46
[SPEAKER_00]: That's typically one of the first things that they speak on is, I didn't know y'all were in the Dallas area.
10:51
[SPEAKER_00]: So I want to be more intentional about letting that be known.
10:55
[SPEAKER_00]: That's as far as reaching out, getting a lot of reach out, about merch.
10:59
[SPEAKER_00]: The shirts that you see, the merchandise that you see, the logos that you see, they are absolutely talented, of course, and they are absolutely available for purchase.
11:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
11:07
[SPEAKER_00]: There'll be a link in the bio that always has been more emphasis on such.
11:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Link in the bio, the website.
11:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Please engage.
11:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.
11:15
[SPEAKER_00]: We want you to share these things.
11:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I appreciate it.
11:19
[SPEAKER_02]: I think it's some awesome book sales.
11:21
[SPEAKER_02]: This line's when they like crossed out of the sales.
11:23
[SPEAKER_02]: They affect the parenting.
11:24
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm seeing the trickling.
11:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Even the the ebook.
11:27
[SPEAKER_02]: So if if specifically how I think our resonates with you, you can get deep into my thoughts.
11:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, they black man may not have a book at some point.
11:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Y'all don't want a black book as well.
11:39
[SPEAKER_00]: It's going.
11:39
[SPEAKER_00]: It's going to come out on hands.
11:52
[SPEAKER_00]: real life agreement on campus with the audience that by the 31st of this month May yes we will have an episode for unheans not only recorded but released and outcirculating to the public is this is the problem that uh that I can't agree with yesterday yes when we had the snap food yes I ain't calling on names but Joe
12:21
[SPEAKER_02]: My level of committing to a thing is based on what I know I can do.
12:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
12:30
[SPEAKER_02]: So when I started and it was just me, if I needed the episode to come out on Thursday, I could record on Thursday, when they end and still meet my, you know, my quote and my name.
12:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
12:45
[SPEAKER_02]: So I got to be mindful of not allowing things to just be like,
12:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Not that I do that, but in my mind, I think like because everything is in house, it can, it can, it got me, yeah, but got me.
12:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes it's too, so I'd be drifting a little bit too far in that regard, like, yeah, yeah, oh, they may not want to pop it between them.
13:07
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a, I'm with it, yeah, I'm with it.
13:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, you know, FaceTime, the wife for the drive.
13:13
[SPEAKER_00]: So she's seen me walking in the studio, not that she insecure, nothing.
13:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I just like to make certain that we don't have flags where there shouldn't be flags.
13:22
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm transparent like that.
13:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Look baby, walking in this good studio.
13:26
[SPEAKER_02]: We ain't gonna let nothing from thing.
13:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Correct.
13:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't make it.
13:28
[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't, so for all of the getting right to the top of you.
13:29
[SPEAKER_02]: We, we, we, we, we back in Mansfield.
13:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
13:30
[SPEAKER_02]: We, uh, we, uh, we, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh
13:48
[SPEAKER_00]: And we, it just, this ain't no, one of us has been sitting with it to get the other thoughts, but I, I, I feel like it's a comfort accountability thing, and, and to, to me personally, it seems like to me, um, they, these young human beings, they're very in tune
14:18
[SPEAKER_00]: We will be sitting like, we'll be in our bedroom, my wife and I.
14:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe she'll get up and walk into the restaurant, go to the mirror, I don't know.
14:28
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm sitting to where if you come in our bedroom on the first person that you'll see, they'll come in and say, where's mom?
14:36
[SPEAKER_02]: What's mom?
14:38
[SPEAKER_00]: What's your need?
14:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Mom, where's mom?
14:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Hello?
14:40
[SPEAKER_00]: How are you doing?
14:41
[SPEAKER_00]: First off, how are you doing?
14:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Where's mom?
14:45
[SPEAKER_00]: What's your need?
14:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I got you.
14:47
[SPEAKER_00]: I went to mom who's available and I told her they go to am I opinion who's more likely to give them a yes the result they want you are more prone to giving a desired response than I am and she said why is that well because it has to make sense to me.
15:13
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going to just yes you for the not saying that you do, you're more lenient with like yourself out.
15:21
[SPEAKER_00]: I lean more towards purpose, probably more than I should, but I like to set that tone so that when we have purposeful conversations later, you already know that's my tone.
15:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, the downside, if you will, if you must say there's a downside, is dear son, why
15:42
[SPEAKER_00]: If your son feels like every time they talk to you or my son's feel like every time they talk to me, there's going to be a certain level of accountability or direction or thought process involved.
15:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Even when we're playing, I'm still trying to exercise your thought muscle if you will.
16:05
[SPEAKER_00]: I want you to think.
16:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I want you to focus.
16:08
[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes they just want to
16:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
16:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm the most laughing joking this person that a lot of people know until you're not until I'm not when I'm not And it's yeah, it's that time yeah time in place for everything.
16:37
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm the opposite I'm the most most direct series
16:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, don't face until he's not till I'm not and people be like he laugh and joke.
16:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, you don't know man I'll he don't know you he don't know you they and if you haven't seen that side of these ones He don't know you so I say that to say I Think it's because because they're so welcoming To where it is just a simple yes, yeah, and we may insert a lesson to every question of most questions
17:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I think in my personal opinion, they like, I don't know about it when they hear our live man, cannot go to the park or not.
17:22
[SPEAKER_00]: What you think about that?
17:23
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm, I'm a, um, kind of, I'm a kind of thought.
17:28
[SPEAKER_02]: No, I need to ask you now, because I lose it.
17:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Because you, you like I have sons at a different stages of life.
17:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
17:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Do both of them get the both.
17:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Do the young ones and your olders in the house get that from you or is it are you more serious with the old one is it blank it peanut butter spray more serious with the old is so he he's worse at talking to her about things didn't even the little Make sense.
17:59
[SPEAKER_02]: All right, and I'm not running from home
18:02
[SPEAKER_02]: As you were saying, and I started thinking about my experience, having both parents in the house, I definitely gravitated to what my mom, because that was the most.
18:14
[SPEAKER_02]: That was the least resistant path to yes.
18:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Not that she was a yes to everything, because with her, the nose were budget based.
18:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Like she do we have a coupon for it?
18:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Like it is it was that right not that she didn't want me to have fun And not that my dad did but it like fun fun is after When my father's like After like yeah, go go be outside and play basketball all day after this business after the the grasses kind of raked up bagged up
18:47
[SPEAKER_02]: like in in no short because then after that, he's fine with my mom is not that I guess the chosen house with will less labor intensive, but that's a very, I think that played a part into me creating that gap early, not going until and in my demeanor comes from
19:13
[SPEAKER_02]: We'll correct my, the few times that my behavior get to where it needed they look there because I never got and taken out of church and got beat like I never got that far like I don't I don't, I don't even understand that link dare you to get that bad that it needs.
19:29
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't even understand that in a lot of cases a lot.
19:32
[SPEAKER_02]: I never, I remember one time that told me he had to refrain from beat me in a store.
19:40
[SPEAKER_02]: One time, and I may have been somewhere between seven and nine because 10, I got it, I'm locked in, I understand the message for what the message is.
19:53
[SPEAKER_02]: But not developing that relationship and I'm talking as a kid through the lens of a father, how I responded to my kids and the very same way I get both sides of it now.
20:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes I get, I look at their approach with where's mom, where they don't want to talk to me, but how difficult have I, how difficult or how easy, how much easier has she made to talk to her?
20:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
20:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
20:25
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think there's a place for the the start, the tone, the this is serious, you know, I'm still a fan of after.
20:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
20:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Even though I found myself negotiating a little bit more, it this phase of life, well, okay, when is this going to be done?
20:42
[SPEAKER_02]: That wasn't the question with my pops.
20:45
[SPEAKER_02]: That was a really conversation until after the thing was done.
20:47
[SPEAKER_02]: That's because that's pre-pap.
20:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Generation.
20:50
[SPEAKER_02]: If he had to address me about why a thing was done, it had nothing to do with anything I wanted to do.
20:56
[SPEAKER_02]: I promise.
20:57
[SPEAKER_02]: That's, that's, those are, it can't.
20:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Very unrelated conversation.
21:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, I want to go out.
21:03
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to go do something I want to do.
21:04
[SPEAKER_02]: And something's not done.
21:06
[SPEAKER_02]: That's not even a negotiation anywhere.
21:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Those conversations don't happen on the same day.
21:11
[SPEAKER_02]: No, you want to lie with, you know what I'm saying?
21:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
21:14
[SPEAKER_02]: And while I'm not that far left, maybe I'm not sinner enough where they feel in those little moments, because there's so much in the repetition, right?
21:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Whether it's a matter of not wanting to talk to me about a thing, I always talk to mom about this.
21:31
[SPEAKER_02]: And part of,
21:34
[SPEAKER_02]: kind of turning that ocean line it was, hey, like you said, hey, you could send some of that to me.
21:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, let's, right, because the other piece of that it becomes, she would know so much in a song ID.
21:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, no, no, no, no, no, no, a song might know nothing, because when the thing is about to happen to
22:02
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to be part of a clearance process, just like right and walking out on the mall said I can't wait at this point.
22:12
[SPEAKER_02]: We're beyond the issue with me and you like that's something that we got to work out as adults and it's not control is just the matter of communication.
22:19
[SPEAKER_02]: But like as a father now going through this process of why the podcast started because I was, you know, giving them so much leeway of not having regular conversations.
22:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I have seen a change and I'm catching the change early with my youngest son to where it's like.
22:42
[SPEAKER_02]: He's more jovial, and my wife is like, they share that, the only child is really like music money.
22:49
[SPEAKER_02]: And I don't know if that's good or bad for her.
22:52
[SPEAKER_02]: She'll be successful for sure, right, right?
22:53
[SPEAKER_02]: All right, you know.
22:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, she has friends, I'm not putting it on her, but in terms of seeing my seriousness not as a block.
23:06
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
23:07
[SPEAKER_02]: I think the others will see a serious face, even to a degree will should get past a serious face.
23:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Cause it's not like I'm intentionally giving all don't talk to me.
23:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm working on my resting defense.
23:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Derek, that's, that's, that's Deja's.
23:24
[SPEAKER_02]: That's a, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Take that one out.
23:27
[SPEAKER_02]: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
23:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Levercase a follow to me, leave it, please.
23:32
[SPEAKER_02]: But my resting Derek face.
23:36
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, well, what, what tone have I said and we talked about that before like what conditions have you said before you need it a different condition for them to approach like you Now this is who he is.
23:48
[SPEAKER_02]: I understand that I respect that.
23:49
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going over there though, right there because now it's not a time and and The last portion of what you see a ties into another issue of How you receive the silence
24:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll help you with this, because I'm gonna say who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who
24:32
[SPEAKER_00]: My wife will bring a topic or an issue to me.
24:35
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's very important.
24:39
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm stalking to the boy and the boy told me that this isn't this going on.
24:46
[SPEAKER_00]: But I hadn't heard anything about it.
24:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, this may bring why you bring it to me.
24:54
[SPEAKER_00]: If he has that going on,
24:57
[SPEAKER_00]: And for you to bring it to me now, as I'm listening to the details, male perspective is needed for this issue.
25:04
[SPEAKER_00]: This, in my opinion, should have been introduced.
25:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, dad, let me talk to you about something.
25:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Your pride will get touched.
25:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And now you're handling one of two ways.
25:20
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a responsible way, and there's a reckless way.
25:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Go tell it to your mom, but that's what you've been doing.
25:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't come ask me now.
25:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Go ask your mom about that man question and see how that work out for you.
25:35
[SPEAKER_00]: She's reckless and irresponsible.
25:37
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a crash out.
25:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Let that go.
25:40
[SPEAKER_02]: I got it to a let.
25:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Let it go.
25:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I got to reckless adjacent.
25:46
[SPEAKER_00]: They're going to the so the responsible is to ask.
25:52
[SPEAKER_00]: And I hear my wife's voice.
25:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Why didn't he ask you?
25:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Why didn't he bring this to you?
25:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Why did Joe Sun just come ask me this instead of coming straight to you?
26:04
[SPEAKER_00]: What are you not doing, not saying?
26:06
[SPEAKER_00]: What is your approach?
26:07
[SPEAKER_00]: What is your typical reaction that he feels like?
26:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not even taking this today.
26:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I value his opinion.
26:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't like how this is gonna open up.
26:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
26:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I want his opinion.
26:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want the banter that's going to come with it.
26:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want the initial shock he's going to have.
26:30
[SPEAKER_00]: I want you to be my buffer because that's another phase.
26:35
[SPEAKER_00]: They either don't want nothing to do with you or they're sending a buffer.
26:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, go get the shock value I've dead with this right here that way by the time he sees me and we discuss it.
26:44
[SPEAKER_00]: The shock value is gone.
26:47
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a lesson in that.
26:48
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a lesson in that for me, but there's also a lesson in that for my son.
26:53
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a lesson in that for my wife.
26:55
[SPEAKER_02]: That's my right to say.
26:56
[SPEAKER_00]: If we're on the same page and you see, he comes to you with a, ooh, stop him right there.
27:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, I can't wait to hear this and discuss this with you.
27:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I just feel like you might wanna go and introduce this today.
27:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Like be that,
27:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Participant.
27:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's let's present that unified front that we've discussed.
27:18
[SPEAKER_00]: We typically unified.
27:20
[SPEAKER_00]: That's an extension of the unified front though.
27:22
[SPEAKER_00]: If I'm not there, don't be so in love with having the solutions and being a go to like, I'm so glad you comfortable and came to me with this.
27:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's attack it.
27:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
27:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Now let's go talk to that.
27:37
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't agree with
27:42
[SPEAKER_00]: But there are some things that absolutely is like you have to talk to data about that like swallowed that up, sucked that up, whatever you got to do, go talk to data.
27:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Because you can't, you have to know, I'm not, I'm not an ogre.
27:56
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going to explode and I don't do that.
28:00
[SPEAKER_00]: The accountability portion, though, it's uncomfortable as it should be.
28:07
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't have to be sweet and cuddle you up.
28:11
[SPEAKER_00]: You've made a mistake.
28:13
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not moving properly.
28:15
[SPEAKER_00]: It's affecting you and perhaps whoever is attached to you and those around you.
28:21
[SPEAKER_00]: As you get older and the seriousness of your decisions become detrimental to your survival, I rather you learn off these mistakes than you try to always take the comfortable route.
28:33
[SPEAKER_00]: It's comfortable to go talk to mom.
28:36
[SPEAKER_00]: But there's no adversity when I talk to mom, stop running from adversity.
28:46
[SPEAKER_00]: The deeper the roots of a tree.
28:49
[SPEAKER_00]: That tree has been through something.
28:51
[SPEAKER_00]: The wind tried to push it over and knock it down and stop it from existing.
28:56
[SPEAKER_00]: It dug down deeper into the soil.
28:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Roots got deeper and deeper and deeper.
29:01
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm rooted now.
29:02
[SPEAKER_00]: You came move me because I've been to things that made me say, my roots not deep enough.
29:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I hate how they felt, my roots not deep enough.
29:11
[SPEAKER_00]: All that bothered me, man, that almost took me out right there.
29:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm sad, I'm depressed, I'm angry.
29:20
[SPEAKER_00]: either going to sit there and soak in it or am I going to dig deeper with my roots, come talk to me, get that.
29:29
[SPEAKER_00]: But I'm also going to give you the tools to help you figure out what your roots digging deeper looks like.
29:35
[SPEAKER_00]: I hope that's what the outcome is going to be.
29:38
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't guarantee that.
29:39
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's highly likely.
29:42
[SPEAKER_00]: I can motivate you and up if you do this thing that
29:47
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm dealing with this.
29:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's talk about it, not everything should be met with jokes or ridicule or even pox.
29:54
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's no guarantee that that's gonna be my approach.
29:57
[SPEAKER_00]: You have to come talk about this in this serious.
30:00
[SPEAKER_00]: We had an incident like this.
30:02
[SPEAKER_00]: I think I surprised him and his mom with my reply to what was going on.
30:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, hey, man, this.
30:11
[SPEAKER_00]: This is how I see this.
30:12
[SPEAKER_00]: And they both kind of leaned into the conversation.
30:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I saw his posture.
30:16
[SPEAKER_00]: He postureed himself for the status quo.
30:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, ah.
30:23
[SPEAKER_00]: It was a good, it was a mistake.
30:25
[SPEAKER_00]: And it absolutely amounted, being warranted.
30:30
[SPEAKER_00]: What the heck are we doing?
30:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, why did you do that?
30:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Why did you say that?
30:36
[SPEAKER_00]: I saw.
30:38
[SPEAKER_00]: And he was in a state of, that's only going to do more harm than good.
30:43
[SPEAKER_00]: That's not even necessary right now.
30:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I recognized the mistake that was made, let me pour into you about the mistake and go this way.
30:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Like right now, that's another issue is we can, in our mind, I got to stand on business.
30:59
[SPEAKER_00]: I got to teach you this right now.
31:03
[SPEAKER_00]: There's more than one way to skin a cat.
31:05
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you are now's not the time, you could lose him forever.
31:09
[SPEAKER_00]: The stage that they're at right now, 19, 20, 17 to 21, be mindful and be careful because they're at the phase and stage of their lives now.
31:22
[SPEAKER_00]: They legit can walk away.
31:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I, I, I, I for real can go survive somewhere.
31:28
[SPEAKER_00]: It might be ugly.
31:29
[SPEAKER_00]: But I can say enough is enough I'm gone.
31:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And you may have lost your son for the rest of their lives or 20 years, 10 years.
31:39
[SPEAKER_00]: You know how much can go wrong in this young man's life in 10 years, all because he feels like you're unapproachable.
31:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't talk to data on how time fit it.
31:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Because you never met him with love.
31:50
[SPEAKER_00]: I never met you with love in a time of turmoil.
31:55
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't add to the chaos.
31:58
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm supposed to try to level it out sometimes.
32:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Balanced that thing out.
32:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Come here, son, let me talk to you.
32:04
[SPEAKER_00]: I've made that mistake.
32:05
[SPEAKER_00]: It happens.
32:08
[SPEAKER_00]: The shock of the adds human.
32:10
[SPEAKER_00]: If that's how you live in mind, no, I'm not perfect.
32:14
[SPEAKER_00]: But I have to meet you with that little and grace sometime.
32:18
[SPEAKER_00]: And just say what we're going to do now, let's do something different.
32:25
[SPEAKER_02]: It's still us.
32:25
[SPEAKER_02]: This was, baby, let's go.
32:27
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's the one important lesson that I recognize when I became a father that my father was trying to stop me from creating problems for me and him.
32:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, man.
32:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Because he wasn't going anywhere.
32:38
[SPEAKER_02]: If he was writing me off to, you know, go, go, go, figure it out like the world sees him.
32:43
[SPEAKER_02]: That's one thing, right?
32:44
[SPEAKER_02]: And maybe your conscience can survive that.
32:46
[SPEAKER_02]: But that wasn't his, that wasn't his approach.
32:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Couple of things you said, man, when I was talking about my reckless A reckless B
32:55
[SPEAKER_02]: The go talk to your mom up piece because I'm frustrated you come talk to me first.
32:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I had to catch myself being frustrated with my wife that he came and talked to her, like unleashing a bit of like, like, oh, y'all got it, y'all got it.
33:08
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
33:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you, you, you, you just started the conversation with him.
33:12
[SPEAKER_02]: You figured it out, right?
33:13
[SPEAKER_02]: And then that was done with, but ego talking and it really me having to look at the, or not looking at the, or why, why the he approached me first.
33:25
[SPEAKER_02]: It happened this morning, and in a very minor, I guess we call the microcosm, a small thing that represents the eating, took a test and didn't do as well as she does.
33:39
[SPEAKER_02]: So she texted both of us.
33:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
33:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Which I like, you know what I'm saying?
33:44
[SPEAKER_02]: And this is kind of not on the slun needs to come to dad, but just relate in terms of how we approach things.
33:55
[SPEAKER_01]: it's okay.
33:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And I get it.
33:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I had to not respond because my response is more so, well, let's understand why you didn't do it, right?
34:07
[SPEAKER_02]: This.
34:08
[SPEAKER_02]: And in the moment, that wasn't going to help anything because the test has been taken.
34:14
[SPEAKER_02]: And so what you're part of what you were saying is, it's not about abandoning the lesson.
34:19
[SPEAKER_02]: It's what how the lesson needs to
34:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe this is a slow delivery.
34:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe we piece this thing together.
34:27
[SPEAKER_02]: You don't abandon the lesson for the sake of them staying comfortable.
34:30
[SPEAKER_02]: But when I looked at it, I was like, and I didn't even think about that we were going to talk about this.
34:34
[SPEAKER_02]: But her immediate response is comfort for my sons, but I have a thought door to this too.
34:43
[SPEAKER_02]: I think they know that you're not going to get comfort immediately from me.
34:53
[SPEAKER_02]: If it's not, I'm not saying I'm looking at you bleeding and I'm asking you, why are you bleeding?
34:58
[SPEAKER_02]: If there's a clear fault, like you said, the ownership, we're not going to abandon the ownership for the sake of, especially as an adult, for the sake of you being comfortable with the conversation.
35:10
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm a big fan of uncomfortable conversations and I'm okay with you feeling how you feel right during the discomfort.
35:18
[SPEAKER_02]: I have to be consistent in me being the father through all phases of it.
35:24
[SPEAKER_02]: So on the other side of this comfort, I'm still here just as I was when it was uncomfortable for you, but I'm not gonna meet you with the break with the framing, it's okay.
35:40
[SPEAKER_02]: It's okay, it's not my automatic response.
35:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Right, right.
35:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Can we get through it?
35:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, but if you while in, I can't meet you with it's okay.
35:51
[SPEAKER_02]: No, no, no, that was absolutely off the rails what you did.
35:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Completely like completely off the rails what you did.
36:01
[SPEAKER_02]: If our relationship wasn't what it was, like if you met me with that outside of our relationship, you had a problem.
36:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Right, right.
36:10
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, as an example.
36:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
36:11
[SPEAKER_02]: So I don't,
36:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I, I try to temper my approach, but there's no way I can do my adult son, a disservice by suggesting that everything, every, missteps has the same response because it does not.
36:45
[SPEAKER_02]: got to say that because to keep context of of what I'm actually talking about.
36:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, they are absolutely big mistakes that they need to understand the magnitude of a meal.
36:59
[SPEAKER_02]: In like you know, why I was just hanging up, no, no.
37:08
[SPEAKER_02]: I told you about my pops and I was just he hate I would everything at the just hate it Yeah, you've already compromised you've already negotiated your mind that this thing is okay And you're just giving me words at this point minimize and it would be nice and that's that's another thing about you know the How tough it is to watch them
37:32
[SPEAKER_02]: make decisions that you have to let them make.
37:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
37:37
[SPEAKER_02]: I see characteristics of person that you can't see because you've never been in the position that actually see how this materializes what things go left.
37:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
37:50
[SPEAKER_02]: What things go left and things come out like it's all of y'all.
37:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Please understand that.
37:55
[SPEAKER_02]: It's all of y'all.
37:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
37:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Specifically for my sons who look
38:01
[SPEAKER_02]: you're in it.
38:02
[SPEAKER_02]: You are in it.
38:03
[SPEAKER_02]: If you're not, if you're not the, the, the, the main culprit, because then I mean, my, my, both my son had the verse, friend groups, which is, which is another thing that is, um, it's not that I didn't grow enough.
38:14
[SPEAKER_02]: When I was younger, I was in schools that were small, in mix.
38:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
38:20
[SPEAKER_02]: When I went to public school, it was, enjoyed us.
38:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
38:23
[SPEAKER_02]: That was a
38:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Another piece of that, uh, why did you start talking to me is, you know, it was something that you were making, the point came to mind was my father was also from the school of, uh, I'm not going to force the lesson on you.
38:49
[SPEAKER_02]: That's an adult.
38:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, he came from a relationship with him this father that talked a lot.
38:55
[SPEAKER_02]: He saw his father do.
38:57
[SPEAKER_02]: But like, he can tell you on one hand with things love to spare, I mean, times as dad said I love you on proudy.
39:02
[SPEAKER_02]: And he remembers those specific events.
39:05
[SPEAKER_02]: So...
39:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Like the one of the other topics that we that is some adjacent related is him being the father growing up without a father father fathering me right so I am a reflection of what he didn't have and what he's figuring out our sons are reflections of what we had to didn't have and what we're figuring out.
39:28
[SPEAKER_02]: And sometimes that looks like.
39:30
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know son.
39:33
[SPEAKER_02]: I got a finger in it out as is happening in the person that knows the least is the person I'm going to ask the least you know what I'm saying is that that's real though yes, yes, if if if if my answer is constantly I'm figuring out, but he never sees me sugar anything out Why is he gonna talk to me about figures on my what I'm asking I figured out the thing for three years ago, you know, I'm saying it's it's a
39:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Always in these conversations taking the accountability of the the our piece of it, but I know I know specifically that I'm trying to On a daily basis because it's about how I'm presenting how I'm What what moments of my not taking advantage of Because if you not talking I'm not talking I'm the king of that which I'm not proud of but also I do it with
40:25
[SPEAKER_02]: So it's wrong.
40:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Right, it was messed up.
40:27
[SPEAKER_00]: So now I'm missing steps because of, yeah, I'm letting it roll.
40:30
[SPEAKER_02]: And the ego piece of, well, I already told you that though I don't throw it in your face, I may gauge how I engage after that, based on your response to it.
40:42
[SPEAKER_02]: How many times I say I think, how many different ways can I say I think?
40:46
[SPEAKER_02]: And this is managing where that becomes ego, or where that's effective.
40:55
[SPEAKER_00]: and goes into a segment of behaviors.
40:58
[SPEAKER_00]: The behaviors of, because I also want to pick it back on something you see it about.
41:09
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm trying to be mindful of my words.
41:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to stick to behavior right now.
41:19
[SPEAKER_00]: We'll go back because I got to dress that because I don't want that to, I don't want to misrepresent the thought.
41:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
41:25
[SPEAKER_00]: But, um, behaviors.
41:30
[SPEAKER_00]: When you say something earlier about, say for instance, um, let's just say misstep A and B when it was like, no, no, no, no, no, go.
41:45
[SPEAKER_00]: That's more common than people probably would be willing to acknowledge publicly.
41:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's dysfunctional because I've done it.
41:54
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's now that's petty and spiteful in a role, in a time that should not be.
42:03
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's what,
42:06
[SPEAKER_00]: helps me when I catch it when I'm doing it because it's like it could sometimes be my knee jerk reaction to the situation.
42:14
[SPEAKER_00]: But then if I think about how this fit a play out, the way this is going to play out, I absolutely need to.
42:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I got engaged right now.
42:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Like this is a bad time for y'all to bring me in, but a great time for me to be brought in on the last saga because if I don't,
42:35
[SPEAKER_00]: is I read on a slipper slope, it's creation.
42:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey man, it's playing here to the ocean, you think you can, you think you can get the nose back up for us?
42:45
[SPEAKER_00]: No, no, no, I hope you can swim.
42:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Put your swimming suit on.
42:50
[SPEAKER_00]: No, I got so I did want to put that portion in there because behavioral as a child, I had uncle James.
43:00
[SPEAKER_00]: And when we went to Uncle Jane's house, if we were staying for the weekend, Uncle Jane's head all of these pine trees in his yard.
43:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Pine trees on the torius for dropping 300 million pine needles on the ground.
43:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Uncle Jane's yard was always immaculate.
43:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, just so happens, certain time of the year, when all the pine straws were all over the ground,
43:27
[SPEAKER_00]: I looked up in me, my brother and cousins were around.
43:33
[SPEAKER_00]: By nearly Saturday morning, feet on the ground, let's go.
43:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Raking, bagging, piling, you cleaning this up.
43:42
[SPEAKER_00]: This was going on the whole weekend.
43:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Somebody going to get up on the house, sweep these straws off the house, clean out the gutters, break the ground, bag them up.
43:51
[SPEAKER_00]: I hate it that as a child.
43:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Disposed it.
43:56
[SPEAKER_00]: I started trying to look for excuses with my mom to not go talk with James House for that weekend.
44:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Why should let me miss it one time.
44:09
[SPEAKER_00]: And when my uncle James saw me, he mentioned, missed it over the weekend.
44:15
[SPEAKER_00]: That's just some rest and left and walked off.
44:19
[SPEAKER_00]: He was old, so the preacher.
44:21
[SPEAKER_00]: So he walked away and my mom kind of looked at me.
44:26
[SPEAKER_00]: And I knew what she was thinking when she looked at me.
44:30
[SPEAKER_00]: So I didn't skip any more after that.
44:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I hated it, but it became part of an expectation.
44:37
[SPEAKER_00]: So now as an adult, people say to me, you always up and moving.
44:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a more than person.
44:46
[SPEAKER_00]: I tell anybody that I'm a more than person.
44:47
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't wait for the morning to get here.
44:49
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm up as a new friend's beautiful day.
44:51
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm loud, singing, drinking coffee and talking.
44:55
[SPEAKER_00]: and people be like, my God, turn it down.
44:58
[SPEAKER_00]: What are you doing on my side?
45:02
[SPEAKER_00]: I attribute that to those moments as a child.
45:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, there's an expectation.
45:10
[SPEAKER_00]: There's things that need to be done.
45:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Put your comforts on the back burner.
45:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Take care of this, get this done.
45:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you can go do whatever you want to do after.
45:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you, Mr. Jones.
45:26
[SPEAKER_00]: I call my sons right now.
45:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I wake them up.
45:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, hey, man, uh, it's nine o'clock, bro.
45:32
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't believe you're stealing the beer.
45:34
[SPEAKER_00]: This is disgraceful, despicable, believe it.
45:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Come on, man, get up and do something.
45:38
[SPEAKER_00]: He'd be like, what, we don't have anything planned.
45:40
[SPEAKER_00]: What are we going to do?
45:42
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't need me to plan your whole life in your day, son.
45:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Get up and find something.
45:45
[SPEAKER_00]: If I walk by you and I see you don't have anything, I'll come up with something for you.
45:49
[SPEAKER_00]: But do something, get your day roller.
45:52
[SPEAKER_00]: My wife looked at me a couple of weeks ago.
45:57
[SPEAKER_00]: If I was a young man, I would hate to see you coming.
46:02
[SPEAKER_00]: I laughed at it.
46:04
[SPEAKER_00]: I said, that's because you've never been raised as a young man going into manhood.
46:10
[SPEAKER_00]: It looks crazy to a woman, perhaps, not all women I want.
46:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Lord, it's not a blanket statement, but who cares?
46:16
[SPEAKER_00]: It looks crazy to a woman that I know and I'm connected to that I know wasn't raised that way and didn't have to go through those things.
46:24
[SPEAKER_02]: have the data, that went through the legal department.
46:27
[SPEAKER_00]: So no, it's my job to make sure all of the young men within my reach, nephews, cousins, gods, sons, son, I don't care.
46:41
[SPEAKER_00]: If you had Uncle James house, it's show time, baby.
46:45
[SPEAKER_00]: You got to get up and get to it because later
46:49
[SPEAKER_00]: when you become a man and I look at you and I can see that you understand that life has precious moments.
46:59
[SPEAKER_00]: There's only 24 hours in this day.
47:02
[SPEAKER_00]: I have to rest at some point.
47:05
[SPEAKER_00]: So that already, I don't want to say robes me of a portion of the day, but a portion of the day is allocated.
47:11
[SPEAKER_00]: It's spoken for.
47:12
[SPEAKER_00]: It's spoken for.
47:14
[SPEAKER_00]: all I have left is all I have left.
47:17
[SPEAKER_00]: So if that's what part of the day is left, if I am overallocating my day to a portion that doesn't need the amount of time that I'm giving it, what am I robbing?
47:31
[SPEAKER_00]: What am I holding back?
47:33
[SPEAKER_00]: What am I neglecting for that part?
47:36
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm borrowing some
47:41
[SPEAKER_00]: that's a no.
47:41
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm borrowing some of that you can't do that.
47:44
[SPEAKER_00]: That's that's that cannot be your approach and you'll be productive in the type of life that you want to leave.
47:51
[SPEAKER_00]: You want to live a life of freedom.
47:53
[SPEAKER_00]: You want to live a life of prosperity.
47:56
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to be productive in society.
47:59
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a goal.
48:01
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't be productive if I am spending 12 hours of my day.
48:08
[SPEAKER_00]: laid back comfortable with my feet crossed at the ankles, dilly, dally, and on the phone, pussyfooting around on my computer, or the games, or chitchatting with my homeboys, about what we would do if we were.
48:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Stop that bingo.
48:23
[SPEAKER_00]: That's my car.
48:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't care about that.
48:26
[SPEAKER_00]: You got it right here.
48:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's go.
48:29
[SPEAKER_00]: That drive me nuts.
48:30
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, yeah, it's it'll aggravate you.
48:35
[SPEAKER_00]: If you were goal in life, it's to be mediocre.
48:38
[SPEAKER_00]: I would drive you crazy.
48:39
[SPEAKER_00]: You would hate me.
48:40
[SPEAKER_00]: You would absolutely hate being around me.
48:42
[SPEAKER_00]: I would be annoying.
48:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Not that my wife wants to be that.
48:45
[SPEAKER_00]: She just feels like, hey, young, let them let them wet.
48:50
[SPEAKER_00]: because their habits are forming right now.
48:52
[SPEAKER_00]: You can't let him be laid back and comfortable and then think at 22 of Switch is gonna come on.
49:01
[SPEAKER_00]: The Switch starts at five.
49:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I know they don't wanna hit it, but it does.
49:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I share the video with you of social media.
49:12
[SPEAKER_00]: The guy who was teaching his son out of,
49:15
[SPEAKER_00]: right a bike.
49:15
[SPEAKER_00]: And they got to the portion with the boy.
49:18
[SPEAKER_00]: He simply was trying to get the young man to take the bike up on the porch.
49:22
[SPEAKER_00]: And the young man let the bike fall and had a mill down.
49:25
[SPEAKER_00]: And the mom, she's the person who shared the video.
49:29
[SPEAKER_00]: The young man, he's screaming and crying.
49:32
[SPEAKER_00]: He's probably 10 years old, 12 years old.
49:35
[SPEAKER_00]: He's screaming and crying.
49:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Because he's like, I'm gonna hurt myself if I try to get that bike up on that porch.
49:43
[SPEAKER_00]: The day I calmly sat down and said, when you're done with that, screaming and crying, we're still gonna tackle this task and get this done.
49:53
[SPEAKER_00]: The mom admitted, this was the hardest thing in the world for me to do this sit there and watch my son go through this lesson.
49:58
[SPEAKER_00]: She said, I cried watching this through the camera on the porch.
50:05
[SPEAKER_00]: He cried, and the more my son cried, the more I cried.
50:08
[SPEAKER_00]: But I knew his dad was equipping him for life.
50:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I did not interject.
50:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't bother it.
50:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't acknowledge it.
50:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I stayed inside and watched.
50:19
[SPEAKER_00]: And at the end of his video, the young man got that bike up on that porch and stopped crying immediately.
50:25
[SPEAKER_00]: His fears went out of the window.
50:27
[SPEAKER_00]: He said he was afraid.
50:28
[SPEAKER_00]: He was going to hurt himself.
50:30
[SPEAKER_00]: As ugly as it is, as uncomfortable as it is,
50:35
[SPEAKER_00]: it's necessary.
50:37
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't say it's okay if it's not okay.
50:40
[SPEAKER_00]: I applaud you though, acknowledge him because I agree.
50:43
[SPEAKER_00]: In the time about Eden,
50:45
[SPEAKER_00]: That, yep, that lesson, it's coming now's not the time though, but I can't give you a blanket template because sometimes, man, I just roll this call off the bridge because we was doing a trick and I stuck my hand out the one and it flipped over and it turned upside down, but everybody's okay.
51:05
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't leave this conversation with, it's okay, son.
51:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I got to go in.
51:10
[SPEAKER_02]: That's holding up.
51:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
51:11
[SPEAKER_02]: That's the good night, man.
51:12
[SPEAKER_02]: I think this was when A.I.
51:14
[SPEAKER_02]: goes right.
51:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, because this is, yeah, yeah, that's it.
51:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
51:19
[SPEAKER_02]: And now I'm nervous about what else is learning about me.
51:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, he's proud of what I gave him.
51:25
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to end it with a, with a charge or call the action, man.
51:29
[SPEAKER_02]: I think for, for, for, for dads and, you know, moms or
51:38
[SPEAKER_02]: The silence is a result of doing the right thing.
51:42
[SPEAKER_02]: They may be in their children's, they may not like the version of you.
51:50
[SPEAKER_02]: You had to be at that moment or the version of you that they need at any moment in their life.
51:56
[SPEAKER_01]: What I would caution for this specifically is to ensure or ask yourself,
52:07
[SPEAKER_01]: is the silence worth it right now is the silence worth it and how much of that is your lens being cloudy versus a versus this I want to I want to double down on
52:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Does your son only hear your voice when something's wrong?
52:43
[SPEAKER_00]: How often are you talking to your son to talk?
52:50
[SPEAKER_00]: How often are you initiating a conversation?
52:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you only talk when he comes to you?
52:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you ever just walk up on your son and say, boy, I had a funny day today, a funny mom do that.
53:02
[SPEAKER_00]: I just want to tell you about it.
53:03
[SPEAKER_00]: And then just walk off.
53:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Tell the to him laugh.
53:06
[SPEAKER_00]: He may not laugh who cares laugh, walk off.
53:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Normalize that.
53:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Normalize random trivial, frivolous even.
53:16
[SPEAKER_00]: seemingly meaningless meaningless conversation, normalized that because now that's what if you would look sit back and watch your son talk to you to treat your wife your their mother A lot of times you think to yourself why I'll even talk in the butt that I won't even waste my time with that call as I said that foolishly But that's the that that's a connection That's a bond correct everything doesn't have to be a strategic
53:46
[SPEAKER_00]: calculated informative conversation man, you put peanut butter on that sandwich and walk off I don't know by y'all, but my favorite syrup is steam syrup and walk off.
54:02
[SPEAKER_02]: That's questionable I know I know it means some where you from but that's question you don't like steam syrup We went and bought it y'all said that we went and bought it y'all what we went and bought it did you have it?
54:17
[SPEAKER_00]: because we had it.
54:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you like it?
54:20
[SPEAKER_02]: I made it.
54:21
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, did you put it on?
54:22
[SPEAKER_00]: You're gonna be a little sauce.
54:24
[SPEAKER_00]: What you put it on?
54:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I gave it a, a proudly pancake, so no.
54:28
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not built for that.
54:29
[SPEAKER_00]: I knew it.
54:30
[SPEAKER_00]: I got to finish the lesson there.
54:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
54:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
54:34
[SPEAKER_00]: I made some homemade biscuits last week.
54:36
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the only thing I used there for.
54:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Stayed, okay.
54:39
[SPEAKER_00]: You only put that on a, a, a, a stout biscuit.
54:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
54:47
[SPEAKER_02]: It's too much for anything else.
54:50
[SPEAKER_02]: So, not that it was clearly communicated that that was the only application.
54:57
[SPEAKER_02]: We had the conversation because of biscuits.
54:59
[SPEAKER_00]: We was at the fix and I shame on me because you're not communicating that portion.
55:07
[SPEAKER_00]: You asked them, stay out late.
55:08
[SPEAKER_02]: We were homes late.
55:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, that's what we got to get some biscuits only.
55:13
[SPEAKER_00]: There are people out there that are you me on that okay if it's not and it can't be that Peels bears stuff out the can and that pop biscuit It's too.
55:21
[SPEAKER_02]: I freeze my blood.
55:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I freeze my butter make my So, yes, yes, I'm afraid it's on my cubes I thought when it I thought I'd change it up after so much I did to y'all, but to the point of Go talk to yourself another food this person
55:43
[SPEAKER_02]: the buy you the buy you five or four the buy you spot that I said to you what yeah what that fool because we didn't get a relation that that fool said yeah we put eggs in all this and yes y'all can make it called a y'all can make no it's y'all can make no it's y'all can make no it's y'all can with the hours it's it's not that's that's that's y'all can y'all can y'all can that's what you y'all know y'all can if we know let's do a video y'all can you know he's in it
56:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'll make a Yaka Jr. No, sir.
56:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Yaka, make a Yaka Jr. That's what originated.
56:13
[SPEAKER_00]: We're not going to sad, Craig.
56:14
[SPEAKER_00]: So try the people home.
56:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Man, this is your drive.
56:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Bye, bye, man.
56:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Try the people home.
56:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh.
56:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Good grief.
56:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Man, make sure the silence is working.
56:21
[SPEAKER_02]: And this is probably not.
56:22
[SPEAKER_02]: That's my deal for this episode.
56:23
[SPEAKER_00]: We appreciate you guys.
56:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Have a best of peace.
56:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Peace.
56:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, man, you got to put a egg in the Yaka and I ain't y'all.
56:29
[SPEAKER_00]: You're my way ramen noodles.
56:31
[SPEAKER_00]: But if you just put the sauce, the broth and the noodles,
56:38
[SPEAKER_02]: you eat wrong