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Have You Ever Wondered Why You React the Way You Do | Healing Your Inner Child Begins Here · Rooted Thoughts

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Tiara, and this is Rud Thoughts Podcast.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: On today's episode, we are going to be discussing what is your inner child.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: This is actually the first episode of a four-part series that I'm going to be doing this month on healing the inner child.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: And this whole entire series is intended to help listeners to realize that childhood experiences do shape adult behavior.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that there are some people who are probably listening and saying, like, duh, who doesn't know that?
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: But even though there are a great bit of us who already know this, there are also a great bit of people who don't think so.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: They actually think that it's just an excuse that people use when they're talking about how their childhood shaped who they are today.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, I know that there are some people who are, of course, are going to use that for an excuse, but that's why I'm here today, so we can break it all down.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because whether you believe it or not, there is a reason why you react the way you do.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Healing is possible, and awareness is that first step in order for you to get to that healing place.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever wondered why rejection feels so unbearable to some people?
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Or why you overexplain yourself?
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Or why you struggle to rest?
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Or why you feel like you always have to prove your worth?
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of these answers have probably or can probably trace back to the younger version of yourself.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Many of those are walking around with wounded inner children and don't even realize it.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: The reason that I'm actually choosing to have this conversation right now is because with my line of work, of course, I do come into contact with so many different families and dynamics and things like that.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: And one thing that I have noticed throughout these past few years, but has also been coming up a really lot lately, is that there are so many adult children with feelings about how they were treated in childhood or what they didn't receive or what they did receive.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And now they're having to actually care for or be responsible for the adult who actually create that hurt for them.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of times I'm sitting on the phone listening and I'm hearing people talk about how, well, they always did this.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: They always do this.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: They've been like, this is my whole childhood.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: This is nothing new.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: And mind you, these are people who some of them are in their 40s, 50s, 60s.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And they're talking by their parents who are in their 80s, 90s, 70s, whatever it is.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm not saying that their feelings are not valid.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's just that I do realize and I can definitely tell that there is so much unhealed hurt and so much unhealed trauma from their childhood.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: And their inner child is calling out, is actually screaming out, is needing to and wanting to be healed.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: You are listening to Brilliant Thoughts Podcast with your host, Tiara.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Follow and leave me a review.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: So let's start by defining what is your inner child.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know a lot of people probably heard this word or this phrase, and some people probably think it's a buzz phrase.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: And there are some who probably don't even understand what it's talking about.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna first give you the Google definition, and then I will actually give you a more realistic definition in case you don't understand that one.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: So according to Google, your inner child is the subconscious part of the mind that holds a person's earliest memories, emotions, and formative experiences.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: It represents the playful, creative, and joyful parts of life, but it also stores early fears, unheld wounds, and unmet needs from childhood.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Down to explain it simply, your inner child is basically just a young version of yourself that still lives emotionally inside your nervous system, your beliefs, and your reactions and your relationships.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Some relatable examples of your inner child that may need some healing is if you have difficulty trusting others.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: If you feel like too much or not enough, if you have extreme people-pleasing behaviors, or if you feel the need to constantly seek validation.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: One way that this looked like for me is that anybody who knows me personally knows that I absolutely love to read.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: I love books.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: I can get lost in books and I can forget everything else that's going on around me.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I think one of the places that this originally stemmed from was during childhood, especially really, really early on, there was a lot of chaotic things kind of pretty much going on around me and in my family dynamics.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: So books is one of those things that gave me an escape from my reality.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not saying like that's just the only reason why I love books, but I do feel like this is where it pretty much started at.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I use books as a way to escape.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about I would read all day, every day.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Going to the library is my favorite thing to do.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that could also just mean that I love books, in which I do, but I also know that I was trying to escape.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And with me now being a part of different reading groups or pages and things like that, what I also found out was that I'm not the only one who actually used books as a way to escape.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Many people who love books said that that's how they got a start with reading, was that they use it as a form of escape in their childhood.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And that takes us right into how childhood survival becomes adult responsibility.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: There are many things that people think are just personality traits, or that's just the way that person is.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: But the truth is there are actually a lot of personality traits that people picked up in childhood as ways of surviving and adapting to the situation or what was going on around them.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Some examples of this would probably be you know that one strong friend you have?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Well, they may have actually learned that nobody's coming to save me, so therefore I'm gonna save myself.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why they present the way they do now in their adulthood.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Another example could be the people pleaser.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: They could have learned that I have to keep everyone happy in order for me to feel safe.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Then there's the overachiever, which they may have learned that my worth comes from performance.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: And then you have the emotionally distant person who may have learned that being vulnerable leads to pain.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a heavy one because there are actually so many people that I know I talk to, or I've just heard, have conversations, or you can look on social media and there are so many people who have that same thought process, especially when it comes to relationships.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: But that is why it is very important for us to know and also understand that children are incredibly, incredibly intelligent survivors.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: If something repeatedly hurts you, your mind will find ways to protect you.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: But the problem is that survival strategies that once protected you as a child can be the same thing that hinders you or holds you back as an adult.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: So let's get into seven signs that may signify that your inner child does need healing.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: You are listening to Real Thoughts Podcast with your host, Tiara.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Follow and leave me a review.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, you fear rejection deeply.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Even small situations feel emotionally huge.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Think about how some people can receive a no and move on gracefully with no issues.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: But there are some people who receive a no and they get highly offended.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: They feel like it's the end of the world, like you just slap them in the face.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, you struggle with boundaries, meaning that you feel guilty saying no.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Number three, you crave validation.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: You constantly seek reassurance.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: You can see what this looked like just from being on the internet, especially on social media.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: You can tell the way people post, or that's photos, videos, or just statuses.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: You can tell the ones and point out the ones who are seeking validation.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Number four, you shut down emotionally.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: You disconnect instead of expressing needs.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: When things get too hot in the kitchen, it's time for you to get out of there.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Number five, you feel responsible for everyone, especially emotionally responsible.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: You literally feel like no one can do anything without you.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Number six, you are extremely hard on yourself.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Your inner voice, it sounds critical instead of nurturing.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: You tell yourself all kinds of crazy things about yourself.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: You too ugly, you too big, you too skinny, you too this, you too that.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: You can't do nothing right.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: And number seven, rest feels unsafe.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: You feel guilty when you're not being productive.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: You cannot sit down.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: You feel like every second of the day has to be filled with doing something.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm here to tell you that those behaviors are not proof that you're broken.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Many were forms of protection for yourself.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: They were necessary at the time.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: But there also comes a time when healing is also necessary.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: And when I speak of healing, healing is not about blaming parents.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Healing doesn't always mean demonizing your parents or whoever the role models or the parental figures were in your life at that time.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because the reality is that some parents, they did do the best with what they had.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: And when I say the best, I mean their best.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Not the best, not your best, not anybody else's best.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: It was probably only their best.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not saying that you deserve it.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying that that was your fault or you had to take what was given to you, because no, it was absolutely wrong.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: And if I'm being completely honest, there are some people who their best was a shit show.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: But two things can be true at the same time.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Someone can love you at the capacity that they are capable of loving.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: And we need to understand that part because there are some people who what they consider love is not love, but they didn't receive love to know what that actually was.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: So they may love you at their capacity, but they can still hurt you.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: But I also want you to know that acknowledging pain is not betrayal.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's not, it is not saying that you hate your parent figure or whoever that person was.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's not calling them a horrible person.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because there are parents who are capable, and you have to be emotionally capable of taking accountability as well as showing changed behavior going forward.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: And with situations like that, people are usually able to mend the relationship.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: They're usually able to step into an even more powerful relationship with their parent or their child or whoever it is.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: And y'all, I am speaking about this because it is so, so, so, so important to heal, to have the conversations.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: And it's necessary to reduce the amount of unhealed adults raising children.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because if we're being completely honest, there are so many unhealed adults raising children.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: And guess what usually happens with those children?
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of them actually continue to recreate that same cycle.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: Believe it or not, there are people who experience things that hurt them as a child.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: And then they had their own kids and they went into the exact same thing with their kids.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: Some feel like because I endured this, then you have to endure this too because this is the right way, even though if it hurts.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: But then on the flip side, there are some people who they receive or experience hurt in their childhood and they learn from that and they say, okay, I'm absolutely not gonna do this with my own kids.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: So now that we've talked about what healing is not, let's talk about what healing actually looks like.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: You are listening to Brilliant Thoughts Podcast with your host, Tiara.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Follow and leave me a review.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: Healing involves learning how to give yourself what you didn't receive consistently.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: That may look like speaking kindly to yourself, resting without guilt, setting boundaries, allowing emotions, choosing healthier relationships, and no longer abandoning yourself to keep others comfortable.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: Healing your inner child is not about staying stuck in the past.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's about finally understanding yourself with compassion instead of judgment.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: So as we close out, you guys know that I love to always try to get you guys to journal because I love journaling and it's so helpful.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: So if you can, please take out your journal.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, if you're not driving, do not take out your journal and journal while you're driving as crazy.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: So take out your journal, or if you don't have a journal, take out a paper, pen, whatever it is.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to write this one question and sit with it and answer this one question.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: What does the younger version of myself still need to hear?
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Again, that question was what does the younger version of myself still need to hear?
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Tiara, and this is Rude Thoughts Podcast.