Latest / Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell / 12 Unhelpful Things People Will Say About Your Divorce (And How to Respond)

Transcript

12 Unhelpful Things People Will Say About Your Divorce (And How to Respond) · Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate, a podcast covering all things relationships, separation, and divorce.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: How to create healthy, happy, fulfilling relationships without sacrificing any part of yourself.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Supporting anyone feeling challenged in their relationship or marriage.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: These are confidential conversations for you if you're navigating separation, divorce, or reorganising life afterwards.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Decide whether to stay or leave a relationship or marriage, divorce with less drama, and consciously choose what's next for you.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land on which this podcast is recorded, the Warrentry people of the Kulin Nation, and pay my respects to their elders, past, present, and emerging.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge them as the original storytellers of this land.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to this week's episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate, where I'm going to step you through 12 unhelpful things that people will say to you when you divorce and how to respond.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Going through a divorce is tough enough, hard enough without the added weight of people making thoughtless or unhelpful comments, offering their unsolicited opinions, even if they are well-meaning and even if they think they're being supportive, even if they have really good intentions.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Your story, your experience is exactly that, yours.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: And commentary from others, even people who love, respect, and perhaps have your best interests at heart can be destabilizing, invalidating, unhelpful, and sometimes actually even harmful.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: So in this episode, I'm going to share 12 common things people say to others when they're told someone's going through a divorce.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: 12 things that really aren't helpful.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Plus, I'm going to offer some ways that you can respond so that you can protect your heart, protect your energy, and stay focused on what truly matters, what's really important to you.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: So the first unhelpful thing that someone might say to you when you tell them you're separating, getting a divorce, I never like them anyway.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Now, why this is unhelpful is that it invalidates your past, it invalidates your past relationship and can make you feel like your judgment is being questioned.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Now, how to respond.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Just with something simple like, well, I did at one point, and this relationship has been a big part of my life.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Even if your marriage has ended, it doesn't erase the good times, it doesn't erase the reasons you chose to be with that person in the first place.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: You chose at one point to spend a chunk of your life with this person.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: And let's not make that wrong.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Alright?
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe with the wisdom that you've got now today, you would make a different choice, but back then you chose.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: So hearing that someone never liked this other person, this person that you chose to be with can feel like a dismissal of your entire relationship, even a judgment on your choices, your capacity to choose, right?
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: When what you really need is understanding, compassion, catching to feel seen, heard, held, and validated.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: The second unhelpful thing is something along the lines of, well, at least you're free now.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: And why it's unhelpful, even if your divorce was necessary, even if you chose it, even if all the signs are telling you it's the right decision, it's still a hard decision to make.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: And there's still loss and grief, right?
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: There might even be some feelings of being stuck or trapped if you're still in the messy part of disengaging, disentangling from your ex-partner, or having to co-parent with someone perhaps you'd rather never speak to or see again.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, sometimes divorce means freedom, and other times that comes across time, right?
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: In other experiences, the freedom comes a little bit down the track.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: How to respond to this one?
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Freedom isn't always easy, it's a big adjustment or something along those lines that feels right for you.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because sure, there may be a sense of relief, but freedom isn't automatically a given once you step out of a relationship.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: It comes with big life shifts, financial stresses, emotional ups and downs, and a whole lot of uncertainty, right?
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: That decision to divorce brings all of that down.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: So just because something is the right decision doesn't mean it's not incredibly hard and freedom isn't automatic, right?
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't come automatically.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: The third thing, you'll find someone new in no time, or time to get back out there, type messaging.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: This is really unhelpful because it assumes that moving on romantically, uh, being in partnership is the priority when you might just want time to heal.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: You might just want time to untangle, unravel, and just be with your be with yourself, right?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Divorce is raw and it rips you open in ways you might not expect.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: Healing takes time.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Being open and ready and brave enough to look at yourself, to look at your relationship history, to unravel and untangle your relationship patterns, heal your heart, to be even remotely close to opening yourself up to a new new relationship.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: That all takes time.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: And for some of my clients, they've actually actually actually and actively chosen to remain single, happily, fiercely, freely, solo, single, living their best life, an active, conscious decision not to go into another relationship just now, maybe not ever, right?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, how do you respond to that?
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: A really great way is right now I'm focusing on myself and what I need.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: And part of what I suggest that you do with some of these questions and responses, or comments, I should say, and responses that I'm gonna speak through on today's episode is to either write them down or have them in your phone, practice them.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Have these responses ready to trot out because you might be surprised who offers you commentary around your separation, your divorce, your decisions.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: It can come from yes, friends, family, um, people at work, people around the school, if you've got kids, but it can come from left field, like strangers, even.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: So have some of these responses kind of pre-prepped in your head.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: So how to respond right now?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm focusing on myself and what I need.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Jumping into another relationship is not always the answer, right?
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you just need to take the space and the time to heal, reflect, rebuild.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Plus, being single isn't actually a problem that needs fixing, right?
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Finding someone new might happen, might happen down the line, might happen in your future, but it's not the immediate goal when you have just finished a relationship or you are in the process of untangling yourself from one.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: The fourth unhelpful thing, it's actually probably one of my least favorite things that anybody can say in the world.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Everything happens for a reason.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: I actually don't believe that, but that's a whole other story, right?
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: Why it's unhelpful.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's a phrase that, while often said with every good intention, can feel invalidating, dismissive of all the things, the pain and the complexity of separation, divorce, right?
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: It suggests that your challenge, your suffering, your pain is some part, is part of some grand cosmic plan, which may not feel helpful when you're deep in the the mess of it, right?
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: Deep in grief, deep in anger, deep in uncertainty.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: It can also make you feel like you're supposed to find meaning in this, you're supposed to find meaning in your pain before you're ready, or even at all, right?
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: That there is some greater meaning or reason to what you're experiencing.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes shit just happens, right?
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes life life's around us, and we go, we have to go through hard stuff, and really there may be no greater reason.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: So, how to respond?
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe, but right now I'm just processing everything.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: This response acknowledges the possibility of growth and meaning in time, while also setting a boundary with the person who's offering your the comment, the commentary, setting a boundary with them that you're not there yet, and you might not ever get there, you might not ever see the greater reason or meaning in this.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: Divorce is messy, it's painful, it's complicated, it's layered, and you don't have to rush through, or you don't have to find a silver lining, or force yourself to see the lesson before you've had and taken the space and time you need to grieve, to heal, and make sense of things in your own way.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Number five, you should have just tried harder, or versions like, have you tried?
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Did you do?
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: This is so unhelpful.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: It assumes that divorce or successful relationship, happy, healthy, healed relationship is simply a matter of effort that if you had just tried harder, done this thing, done that thing, your relationship would have worked out.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: But life, humans, relationships are far more complex, layered, nuanced than that.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: Why it's also helpful is it places blame on you without having an understanding of the full picture.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: It ignores the emotional, logistic, or even safety-related reasons why ending this marriage, this relationship may have been your only or best option.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: It also overlooks the reality that in so many cases one person may well have been carrying the emotional labour for far too long, doing all the things, trying all the things, doing all the work, right?
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, you've called it.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: So it's really a dismissive comment that yeah, makes my blood boil.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: How to respond.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: It was not an easy decision, and trust me, I or we did and tried everything we could.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: You can also just tell people to F off, right?
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: None of your business, but if that's not quite the way you roll, it's good to have other options.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: So a response like, it wasn't easy, we did and tried everything we could, firmly establishes the ground rules that this divorce was not a choice made lightly, right?
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: People often assume they know what's best without having walked in your shoes, without having your lived experience.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And the reality is no one else knows the ins and outs, the intricacies of your relationship, what went on behind closed doors, how much effort you did or didn't put in, how long you wrestled with the decision, and actually it's none of anybody else's business, but people will feel compelled or free to comment.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: And it might surprise you who and how often it happens.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: No one, I believe, makes the decision to divorce lightly.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: No one that I work with has made that decision lightly, and letting go isn't giving up.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Leaving a relationship or a marriage isn't failure.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's actually the hardest, the bravest, and the most self-respecting choice or decision you can make.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: Number six, and there's two versions of this, at least you don't have kids, or oh my god, what about the kids?
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's unhelpful because it either dismisses your pain and adds pressure and guilt.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: One of the key reasons parents, especially women and mothers, stay in unhealthy or unhappy relationships dynamics is because of and for their kids.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: Whether that's right or wrong, we can debate that another time.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: No parent leaves their children's other parent without deep internal turmoil and considering things from every angle.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: How to respond to this?
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Every divorce is hard, kids or no kids, or something along the lines of my kids have been top of mind in this decision.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't have kids, it doesn't mean your divorce is automatically easy or easier.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's still the end of a major chapter in your life with all that brings with it.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: All the unraveling, all the grieving, all the shifting, all the changing, all the letting go to create something new.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: And if you do have kids, the pressure and the worry about their well-being, the impact this decision will have on them and their lives can add, no, not can add, does add a whole different layer of emotional weight.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: There is no easy or easier way to go through divorce.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what I know from my own lived experience and from coaching so many through this: your kids will be okay if you are okay.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: And research suggests they only need one healthy functional parent to come out of this process okay.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: Number seven, you don't seem that upset.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is unhelpful because again, it makes an assumption, right?
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: It assumes that there's a right way to do this, there's a right way to respond emotionally to separation, divorce, there's a right way to present, there's a right way to grieve.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: It assumes that you are actually unhappy about the situation when in reality what you might be feeling is relief, relief, exhalation.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: It adds layers of overthinking and overanalysis on top of what you're probably already doing and holding and thinking about, right?
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: And you might then second guess or question yourself, am I doing this right?
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: Should I be feeling differently?
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: So a way to respond to this is everybody processes things differently.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: I have my moments.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: Just because somebody isn't openly sobbing, falling apart under the duna every moment of every day doesn't mean they're not struggling, finding this challenging, finding this massively emotional.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone processes all the big feelings that come up with separation and divorce in their own unique way.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: And keeping it together on the outside doesn't actually mean the inside isn't that whirlwind of emotions, right?
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: And the flip side of that is, as I said earlier, you might actually be feeling relief and freedom.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: You might have moved past or through any sadness or rage or upset while still in your marriage or in your relationship, and so its ending brings you to a much more peaceful space.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: So my advice is don't take that on.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: Don't make yourself wrong for the way you present and the way you're feeling and how you're showing up out in the world.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Number eight is an absolute classic, and I'm sure that almost everybody who tells someone else that they are navigating separation going through divorce has heard a version of this, and it goes like this Oh my god, my divorce was so bad, or so much worse than yours, or you know, this person, my friend's sister's brother's girlfriend, whatever, person X's divorce was such a disaster.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: This is so unhelpful, completely unhelpful, and something that I wish we could just strip out of all conversations about separation, divorce, right?
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone's situation is unique and comparison is seriously unhelpful.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: Also, what this does is make the conversation all about the other person rather than about you and what you've just disclosed to this person and what you need in this moment.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: And for some, that redirection is actually welcome because if someone reacts like this, says something along these lines, they're probably not your best, safest, healthiest choice in terms of sharing your experience, your feelings, seeking their support or their validation, right?
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: So, how to respond.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: Divorce is tough no matter what.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you're in a better place now.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: And turn and walk away.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: Pain isn't a competition.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: Comparing divorces doesn't actually help anyone, it just minimizes individual experiences and raises anxiety, right?
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: As soon as someone tips into the oh my god, so bad, your anxiety will be elevated unless you're in a really grounded, settled space.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: What matters is you being able to speak your truth and finding the people who will reflect back to you and hold space for you, not someone who will rank whose divorce is the worst or who will over-dramatize and make things feel and seem worse.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: Unhelpful thing number nine.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you're so strong.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: While this is often meant as a compliment and offered up as one, it actually adds pressure.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: It adds pressure on you to be strong, right?
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: To hide your struggles or your challenges, to hide the full spectrum of what you're experiencing, of your emotions, or even asking for help when you need it.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: So how to respond.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate that some days I'm strong, other days I have a hard time.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: Something like that.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate that comment, but I do have hard days as well.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: Strength in this space is not about being unaffected.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually about showing up for yourself and your kids if you've got kids, but showing up for yourself even when everything feels too much, overwhelming, too hard.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's about getting yourself through the hard stuff even when you don't feel strong, even when you're exhausted, even when you're not sure how you'll make it through this to the other side.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: Being called strong, while sure it might be meant as a compliment, can also add to create more pressure, that you have to keep it all together, that you're not allowed to break down, fall apart, or admit when you're having a hard time and you're struggling.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: The real strength in this process, this journey through divorce and beyond isn't about not having wobbly moments or never wavering, it's about allowing yourself to feel it all, to process it, and to ask for, seek out support when you need it.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: Strength isn't about putting on a brave face, pretending, it's about continuing, even when it's messy, moving through that and calling in your support team when you need to.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: Unhelpful thing number 10.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: Don't you worry you'll regret this one day?
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: Do you think you've made the right decision?
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: Aren't you worried you'll regret this?
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's unhelpful because it's a question or series of questions that assume someone else knows what's best for you better than you know yourself.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: And these questions can plant seeds of doubt at a time when you're already in the weeds, right?
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: You're already navigating massive emotional and practical upheaval.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: And the comment like this can really tip you off balance, pull you off center, and make what's already a really difficult transition just that little bit harder.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of offering support, it feels like an attack on your ability to make decisions for your own life.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: It feels like judgment, it feels like questioning your capacity, right?
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: So, how to respond?
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: I've thought this through and I know it's the right choice for me.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: Divorce isn't, as we've said, as I've said earlier in this episode, and I've said many times, it's not a spontaneous, sudden, impulsive kind of decision.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: Most people don't walk away from a marriage or a long-term relationship lightly.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's something we wrestle with, it's something we agonize over and analyze from every possible angle, sometimes for years, definitely for months, sometimes for years.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: By the time someone has decided to leave, they've already carried all of that, all of that doubt, all of that fear, all of that uncertainty, right?
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: They've moved through some of it to make a call.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: So telling someone or questioning whether someone might regret this decision dismisses all of the deep thinking, all of the emotional labour, all of the heartache that went into making the choice.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: Regret is also.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: A really deeply personal thing.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's about who we are at our core and our values, right?
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I think there are moments for everybody who navigates this where we question it, we doubt, we worry that we might regret.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: So but having that almost thrown in our face by someone who's not in it with us can be really unhelpful, destabilizing.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: So even if challenging moments rise up, even if you doubt or question your decision at times, even if you worry that you might regret this, none of that means that your choice or your decision was wrong.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: It just means you're human.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: Healing takes time and trusting yourself and your choices and your ability to make good, solid, empowered choices from a grounded space that are in your best interest.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's all part of the process.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: Unhelpful thing number 11.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I could never leave.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: I would never get divorced, or they would never forgive me, or they drag me through the courts.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't survive on my own.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: Comments like this don't just make divorce sound harder and more terrifying than it already is.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: They also pass judgment, intentionally or not, on the person who is in the middle of separation, divorce, who has made the decision to leave.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: They suggest a comment like this suggests that staying is the better or only option and can make someone feel like they have to justify what's a deeply personal individual choice and a choice and a decision that's no one else's business, right?
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: Worse, they actually comments like this actually dismiss the reality of what the person has already lived through, as if their experiences, their challenges, their emotions aren't valid enough.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't bad enough to warrant leaving.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever bad is, right?
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: Bad in inverticommas.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_00: So how do you respond?
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: Every situation's different is different, and trust me, this hasn't been an easy choice.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: Comments like this can feel really dismissive, as if leaving should only be an option if the alternative is so bad, an absolute disaster.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: But the reality is that choosing to leave or coming to the decision together to leave is sometimes the bravest and absolute best choice that anyone can make.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it's an ending, but it's also an opportunity to step into something different, build something new.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: So you can respond with something like, I might not have all the answers yet, but I'm figuring it out.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: No divorce is easy, and when you're right in the messy parts, you don't need a reminder of how much worse it could be or what somebody else will do.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: What you need is understanding, support, and a recognition that your lived experience, your reasons, your choices, your challenges are real, are valid, even if they don't align with somebody else's perspective, and really they are exactly that yours, your experiences, your reasons, your choices, your decisions, and no one else's opinion or perspective really matters.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: And the final one, the final unhelpful thing that people often say to you when you tell them you're separated, divorced, or going through separation divorce is oh my god, how much will this cost you?
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: Or how will you live on one income?
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: I can't even imagine how you would live financially after this or manage financially after this.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: Won't this break you financially?
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_00: Aren't you worried about blah blah blah, divorce lawyers cost a fortune, all that stuff about money and scarcity, right?
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: The question, while sometimes coming from a place of curiosity or concern, it really often isn't, it's just drama, but it adds unnecessary stress and panic to what is already a challenging, overwhelming, stressful, frightening, let's face it, frightening experience, right?
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody's worried about the money when we separate, when we divorce.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's top of mind, right?
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: We don't need someone else waving it like a flag in front of us.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: Divorce isn't just emotionally draining, it is also, let's face it, let's be real, a massive financial adjustment.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: Most people going through it are painfully aware of what is involved financially.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_00: From legal phase to dividing assets to reclaiming financial empowerment for some, rebuilding an asset base from I was gonna say from scratch, but from a lower, lower base.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: So it doesn't matter if you're dividing$50 or$50 million, everyone gets tipped into a bit of scarcity mentality at some point when they're considering or actually navigating divorce and being faced with or actually dividing their assets.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_00: Being reminded of the financial implications of divorce is not helpful, it's not supportive, doesn't offer any solutions, it just amplifies anxiety.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: An easy way to respond is it's definitely a big financial shift, but I'll figure it out like I do everything else.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: Definitely a big adjustment, but I'm sure I'll be able to figure it out.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_00: As I said, the financial impact of divorce is one of the biggest concerns that anyone faces.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, it's scary.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: But what we don't need is more panic or horror stories.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_00: What helps is support, practical encouragement, reassurance that you can handle it, maybe even a reminder that financial stability can be rebuilt.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: You can reclaim your financial situation, your financial status, right?
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because divorce does bring financial change, but it also brings opportunity, opportunity to create a future that aligns with your values, your priorities, your long-term goals for yourself and your well-being, right?
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_00: So while there's less, there's also more.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: There's less money perhaps in the short to medium term, there's also more.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: More freedom to choose on your terms.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_00: And that includes freedom to generate income, freedom to spend how you want to spend.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: So yes, there's more, but there's also, I'm sorry, yes, there's less, but there's also more.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: And in closing, I would love to hear from you.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_00: What's the most unhelpful thing someone has said to you, whether it's about your separation, your divorce, or just a really challenging life moment, right?
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: What's the most unhelpful thing someone has said to you?
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_00: Or let's flip it, what's the best, most supportive response you've received when you shared about your separation or your divorce?
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_00: So this is an invitation to share your experience directly with me.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_00: You can leave me a message via the link in the show notes or pop on over to Instagram, LinkedIn, and message me.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll absolutely honour your privacy and protect your anonymity.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: Won't share it, but I'd love to continue this conversation with you.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are navigating separation, divorce, if you are thinking about leaving a long-term partnership or relationship or marriage, and you want my support, you can always book a free intro call, complimentary via the link in the show notes, and we can discuss how my support looks and feels and whether that is aligned with what you're seeking.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: As always, thank you for being here.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: If you know someone who this episode would help support and serve, please, please share it with them.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: Until next week, bye for now.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sally Ann Hartnell, divorce coach and strategist, and you've been listening to Reflect, Reclaim, and Liberate.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: You can follow me on Instagram at Reflect Coaching, and if you can think of anyone who would love or benefit from listening to this episode, please share it with them.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also be so grateful if you would follow and review the podcast so we can get it in the ears of a whole lot more people just like you who are ready to reclaim and liberate themselves in life and love.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you'll join me next week for another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: Until then.